#im not writing meta this is just me rambling thoughts specifically born from trying to figure out allyns uhh problems lol

[amatres]

I know you have to choose the option but the farewell conversation that sticks most in my head in the Gallows is with Carver where Hawke can say something along the lines of 'This is how we're supposed to be, side by side' and he tells them they know it can't be like that forever.

Like, my Hawke at least spent so much of her life building her identity in service of her family. Hawke most resembles their father no matter what, and the family is shaped around them narratively (if you're a mage or not deciding which sibling you lose first and how that class effects how those siblings feel about themselves and their place in the family) and they shape themselves around their family in turn, exist for them, takes up the role of leader after Malcolm has passed. The answers of where Hawke considers home when they're asked never felt right, because they lived on the run for so many of their formative years, the true answer feels like to me to be their home is their family, the place never mattered beyond being allowed to rest and not look over their shoulder every day.

What happens to that identity when everyone you built it around is gone? Where would they consider home when it's all said and done? The Amell estate was something they got for their mother, one of the answers they can give to Varric in Act 2 on what they plan to do now is watch over their mother, Carver tells Hawke to look after her when the expedition separates them. Then their mother is gone too.

There's no final statement for this since it's just me rambling, but it's hm, sad to think about. Who is Hawke if they aren't living for the sake of another, when all those they lived for are gone and they never felt at home anywhere but in the people they surrounded themselves with?

#ama mumbles #dragon age #dragon age 2 #hawke #allyn hawke (oc) #im not writing meta this is just me rambling thoughts specifically born from trying to figure out allyns uhh problems lol #by act 3 the answers is probably their companions but eventually everyone leaves their side besides their possible li #so what do they consider home who are they when they are truly alone #my hawke is a mage which also shapes this perspective i dont know how it affects nonmage hawke #anyway carver was right and valid to want to find an identity separate from the family #bc like look how his sibling destroys themself trying to shape themselves around it #as for my own hawke id say she felt most content in lothering she briefly was feeling the same in kirkwall in act 2 but when leandra dies #part of her dies with her i suppose. shes the champion of kirkwall and its a death sentence bc shes a mage so she decides #to try and help at least make the world a bit more comfortable for any mage that comes after her #allyn and anders in act 3 shaking hands over being suicidal and throwing themselves into at least making it mean something #by helping ppl like them maybe having a better life #on that point the chantry explosion didnt feel like a axe to allyn it felt like a release. finally the hold of this place has lifted #if that makes sense lol. kirkwall was only for her mother now that shes gone allyn was waiting for an end to her stay there and it came #back to being on the run. something that felt more natural to her. maybe one day she will have a small farm again #or maybe she will live in a city with a garden if the people she surrounded herself wanted to live there #just somewhere that the noose of her family's ghosts were no longer strangling her