Nate had so much pressure put on him and he went out in the world looking for what he never got from his dad and he was bullied at worst and infantilized at best by the people that were supposed to be his team.. He was trying so hard and had so many talents but didn't believe in himself enough to let them show... He would spit on his reflection for confidence because deep down he couldn't let go of the idea that he wasn't good enough... The superiority/inferiority complex of it all... He snapped and tried to take Ted down and betrayed the team and went to West Ham... Just to look for his father's love in Rupert... And tried so hard to give him the benefit of the doubt because if the one person who would take him seriously turned out to be terrible, what did that say about him??? And because he needed that validation so bad!!! Even if he saw the error of his ways. But when he had to choose between it and someone he loved he couldn't do it. He quit his job and the field he's been into for several years at least, the one who brought him success, and felt as if he lost part of himself. He didn't get that validation at home and getting it professionally would mean compromising himself even more and sinking deeper and deeper. Feeling like there was no place in the world for him.... The depression naps, not shaving,just sleeping in his bed. He didn't know if there was anything else for him out there to cling to. But he re-discovered a version of him that was just for himself by playing the violin... Because he didn't care about being good, he just wanted to play. Finally getting that love and support from his father, who made mistakes but only wanted the best for him... and being able to let go of his resentment, his hatred of himself and the boxes he put himself in... Realizing that he's always been everything he ever needed