#it even haunts me in my sleep

[astrobei]

season 5 better have pride and prejudice levels of yearning or i’m going to revolt (based on this)

#things my brain didn’t let me go to sleep without doing #this could have been executed better but whatever #u get my point #i need stolen glances i need longing stares (even more than before that is.) #i need the lightest brush of fingers i need PINING i need YEARNING i need TENDERNESS !!!!!! #god this is going to haunt me. #byler #will byers #mike wheeler #byler fanart

[batsplat]

Casey Stoner, Pushing the Limits

GP11:

GP12:

x

#casey stoner #valentino rossi #// #cs27 #vr46 #i realised i had one important take about the casey/vale rivalry that isn't linked to my actual thesis about them because. listen #i think about this line like. once a week. it haunts me in my sleep. i cannot carry this burden on my own any longer #casey. casey. is it really cOVERED?? with luminous yellow?? COVERED???? #i'm not massively fond of the shade of red either but i don't think valentino was involved in making it more orange #my man saw the tiniest hint of yellow and was like 'what the fuck is this' #like valentino's LEATHERS are a wee bit yellow but that's!! not!! the bike!! also casey YOU had the aussie flag on your bloody bike number #the green is also on nicky hayden's gp12 btw like it's LITERALLY JUST THE NUMBER that's yellow #YOU DON'T EVEN SEE THE SEAT WHEN HE'S SITTING ON THE GP11 CASEY IT'S A RED BIKE #i don't have a coherent point about this but it is a LITTLE fascinating! like this made it into his autobiography!! #it's such an interesting thing to even notice no? like you're thinking about their stunning blood red being contaminated? #Does He View Valentino Rossi As An Infection? this is some symbolically potent shit when u think about it #do u think all valentino's victims have like. some kind of deeply ingrained aversion to the colour yellow. pavlovian response and all that #to be clear i find this very funny and i support casey in being a bit demented about valentino. who amongst us

[fisheito]

a wretched spectre upon my existence

#because you're correct . i AM being haunted every minute of waking life #sometimes even my sleeping life #i'm just trying to read my library books in peace. and not think of him #contemplating my nonexistent fireplace and the stormy sounds all around me #but noooOOOoooOOoOOOOooOOooOOoOoOoO #i can't appreciate the wonders of the natural elements and the nostalgic smells of old paper #BECAUSE I HAVE TO WRING THAT SNAKE #replies

[blinkpen]

i can feel myself detethering from reality to avoid crashing into the danger zone ditch again, both paths against my desire. upside, the audio hallucinations could definitely be worse? i'm used to it being all kinds of awful morbid shit but today, for some reason that i do not know, and dare not jinx by questioning, i'm hearing that one radio broadcast of a beyonce song that only released in another timeline (so it doesn't actually exist) i heard that one time before in a previous state like this, but i hear it again just far away in a car parked above me (i'm underground) and to the right with its speakers on too loud (it's not really there)

#sporadic warbling #that's coherent enough right #yeah post it just in case it gets weirder so the people have context #i will probably just log off n take sleep meds bc insomnia haunted me all through the night Again anyway #oh that's probably also another reason my brain's being weird huh #insomnia fucks with your perception of time enough you forget you even have the insomnia here n there oop

[dj-wayback]

[PRIVATE BROADCAST: 1 Anonymous participant (BC, NS)]

BC: With all the talk about your work on finding the solution NS, I would want to ask-

BC: What research do you conduct? What recent iterations have you completed?

BC: I seem to find another that still has not given up on the problem. I am one of those too.

BC: Personally, I specialize more in simulations. How about you?

I’ve always tried to partake in a little bit of everything. I create programs, run simulations…and yet, my main area of expertise have always been calculations. Not objective, tangible ones, no—theoretical. Math that exists in a hypothetical state. While it might sound…paradoxical, I suppose, considering my stance on such subjects, calculating the statistical possibilities of certain events happening has always been my biggest focus.

…I understand that might not be fully getting the point across. Now, allow me to try and reimagine this in clearer terms: my research centers around alternate universes. Around their possible existence, of course, along with if it is plausible to somehow travel to said universes; along with the nature of the Cycle—if it is, perhaps, a pocket dimension of its own, duplicating in on itself, and particularly if it even exists as a concept in other universes. If it doesn’t, perhaps that might’ve been the Answer this whole time—if, somehow, there was a feasible way to transmit oneself to a universe such as that…well. That would’ve been it.

...But, as you can clearly see, I am still just standing here, unable to provide you with a proper answer—despite all my time and effort, as much as I loathe to admit it, my research has been rather futile. It has lead me nowhere—universes, the Cycle…it’s just dead-end after dead-end. Perhaps it is because I’ve never been one for entertaining pointless mind exercises such as these, but once upon a time even I had some hope for a project like this to—

…

Apologies. I shouldn’t bring my own personal feelings into this, even if the lack of concrete results is very frustrating. However, has left me no choice but to continue my endeavors, no matter how tired of this back-and-forth I’ve become.

#diversity win! the overworked bitch of an iterator is a disillusioned quantum physicist who doesn’t even enjoy their job anymore #anyway. hopefully most of this makes sense but if it doesn’t Pls pretend it does. it is 1am and also i am not smart #my understanding of quantum multiverse type shit hinges on undertale fanfiction and spiderverse #junji ito was right btw artists should go to sleep so they can get good ideas #it’s just so good to me. a character constantly haunted by what-ifs and hypotheticals and what-could-have-beens #being forced to center his work around these concepts. but it never lead him anywhere #it never saved him #(closes my eyes forever) #needless separation is here

[crowlipso]

Help me.

#its 2am here #i woke up by accident my cat jumped on my chest #gotta make some meme bc i cant stop thinking about these two #they haunted me even in my dream #😢 #btw im going back to sleep #goodnight yall #hphl mc #hphl oc #agatha crowley #sebastian sallow #sebastian sallow x mc

[skitskatdacat63]

Seb with the red bull hat post-AD/Brazil 2010 is something that can actually be so personal

Bonus:

(these pics have such horribly filthy, degenerate, obscene vibes that it felt wrong to casually include them with such otherwise cute pics sdjkhka. That last one literally haunts my brain, every time I see it when I scroll through my f1 folder, I just have to stare at it for like a full minute. It's so horrendously depraved, it looks like he's getting bu-*gets shot*)

#if anyone else has pics of him in this hat pls send them to me its literally my fav thing ever #HIS SCRUNCHED UP FERAL GRIN IN MOST OF THESE ARE JUST SO CUTE TO ME AHHHHHHHHH HE LOOKS LIKE A CAT #I really really love the pic where he's doing his finger and the hat is on the top of his helmet #it was my first sighting of it and i've loved it ever since #the reasoning for this post is that I was looking at podium pics from AD 2010 and remembered this hat suddenly and then went on a mad searc #(I love that ive gained the habit of only posting right before I sleep so I dont feel compelled to keep checking my phone 100x times) #sebastian vettel #sv5 #red bull racing #abu dhabi 2010 #but seriously that last photo...I dont even remember saving it all ik is that its haunted my f1 folder ever since #f1 #formula 1 #we do a little bit of f1

[thelightningstreak]

Can I ask about Tortuga part 2? 👀

Hello, and omg thanks for your interest! This WIP is a sequel to the story Tortuga, originally posted as part of the Dark Gray Deliverance collection on FFN (soon to be fully available on AO3). Here's a sneak peek!

---

Valerie stared out the window in a daze, still sitting in a wheelchair. On occasion, her nerves seized with phantom pains from the GIW’s experiments to replicate her suit and end her life. In her lap was Dan Phantom’s folded cape, the edges of which flickered against her skin.

It was almost a comfort. A stabilizing presence and proof that Phantom had rescued her, even if he had not done so out of altruism or love. The Red Huntress was simply a devil he knew compared to the super soldiers being bred by the GIW.

She still felt his cool fingers against her skin—the gentleness of his touch—and she chilled in the warm sunlight, swallowing down hard emotion. Every part of her body felt raw.

“The fact is, we need to end our soldiers if they go…out of line.”

“The organization thanks you for your service—”

Movement flickered in the corner of Valerie’s eye, and she flinched, nearly activating her armor as she grabbed for a blaster at her side.

“Whoa, whoa,” Paulina said, raising up her hands, eyes wide. “Easy. I’m just here to check on you.”

Valerie’s fingers trembled against the blaster, her expression crumpling as her muddied image of a GIW man blurred into the image of her frightened best friend. She lowered the weapon to her lap, resting it upon Phantom’s cape. The flickering edges kissed against her wrist, where the bruises from restraints had faded but reddened scrapes still remained. The cool power of the cape felt like a spring breeze compared to the heat that radiated from her healing wounds.

As if Dan Phantom were still watching over her. A strange and stoic knight. 

#danny phantom #Dan Phantom #Valerie Gray #DanVal #Dark Gray #Paulina Sanchez #Tortuga #Slowly working on this one!! #this WIP haunts me even in my sleep guh

[astranauticus]

not sure if this counts as an AU but.. thinking about the Per Aspera crew as horror game bosses like.. you are wandering through a forested mountain range and you know somethings wrong because the forest shouldn't be this eerily silent, this devoid of life, and then you hear the crash of falling trees and there is a hand that is half your size glowing golden in the night and it is grabbing you and its claws are digging into your flesh and you see the spines running down the golden arm that is far too long as it lifts you over a crater in mountain, over a coiled, serpentine thing with a visage that is not of this world, and if you look closely you can see the shape of a child curled at the centre of the thing, golden hair reflecting the glow of the creature and if you listen closely you can hear her sobbing, 'Don't hurt me, I don't want to do this'. you are sailing through the astral sea when you see an ephemeral, resplendent spelljammer cutting through the starry waters and you rejoice because you have been lost on the seas for so so long, so you board the ship looking for help, supplies, anything, and you are greeted by a blue fire genasi (you wonder, do those even exist? but you can't get off the ship now because where else will you go?) and she tells you she is the captain of this ship but as far as you can tell there is no crew on board, and if she is not appearing right behind you from a trapdoor you've never noticed she is always in the engine room 'fixing the ship' even though the ship seems to be sailing perfectly fine ('Where are we going?' you ask her once and she doesn't even turn to look at you, 'Don't worry about it') and if you are ever so unlucky as to damage the ship in any way, you begin to catch flashes of red and orange out of the corner of your eye, a fire genasi wearing the woman's face who whispers at you with hollow, angry eyes 'Don't you fucking dare hurt my ship'. you are sailing through the astral sea when you see a rotting, decaying spelljammer, so badly damaged it's barely moving although you have to wonder how it's even staying afloat at all, and out of some morbid curiosity you climb on board and the deck of the ship is in no better shape than the hull, the marks of hard-fought battle - scars in the wood from sharp blades and arcane energies, stains of blood and oil splattered about - still fresh but you know time doesn't pass on the astral sea so who knows how long ago this all took place, and as you climb below decks you start to notice the writings on the walls, pieces of parchment nailed to every surface and connected with fraying, rotting threads, or words etched directly into the wood, the deep gouges barely readable, and you start to hear the creaking and clanking of rusted machinery slowly moving about and you turn a corner to see a figure standing in a room facing the wall, slowly scratching yet more of that unintelligible writing into the bones of the ship, and it turns as the rusted dented mechanite stares at you with eyes ablaze and he asks 'Who are you? Where is my crew?' as sparks of arcane lightning begins to arc through the room. you are running through a feywild forest and you know, even without the figure chasing you, that you have made a horrible mistake, you should have known better, should have been more careful, should have kept your impulses in check, and now you are being chased through an unfamiliar forest and the figure, the Hunter pursuing you knows this realm like the back of his hand, knows every tree and shrub and vine that is slithering up to grasp at your ankles, and you glance back desperately to catch any glimpse of your pursuer but there is no pursuer, he has hidden himself with some arcane trick or some innate power or just the knowledge that this realm is his home, and you hear his voice even though you cannot see him as he cries out 'You should not have hurt my family. Prepare to face the Hunter of Hundkiln'

sorry no Vhas yet maybe I'll update with one for him once we get more of his whole deal

#rolling with difficulty #asto speaks #well i lied only kyana's and finbar's really work as video game bossfights #dani's is more... horror short story? vr-la's is horror comic #bc dani's much more psychological and the environmental storytelling of vr-la's one would be pretty interesting.. probably #in hindsight vr-la's reads like it could be a magnus archive entry LMAO #contrary to whatever you may think (especially if youre in the discord) i dont actually like most horror #like i've only listened to abt ~10 episodes of tma bc it started fucking up my sleep thats how much of a wuss i am #like i dont actually *enjoy* horror but idk i had so much fun writing this. for some reason #hell i dont even enjoy *writing* most of the time #all the others are kinda based on a specific scenario like kyana's is if she never left the cenobium and suvi snapped before she did #(if you've watched/read jjk0 video game bossfight suvi is very much just orimoto rika) #vr-la's and finbar's are pretty self evident #dani's is kinda.. inspired by alfonso of the stultifera navis making this my second rwd brainworm that's just an arknights reference #captains that are cursed to haunt their empty ships plagued with has beens and could have beens #(her one is the only one absolutely not meant to be read as literal btw its a very 'that house has been empty for 40 years' kinda vibe) #found it kinda funny that dani's and vrla's start in very similar ways bc they both kinda have that i am the ship and the ship is me thing #dani's vibe in this is just more illusions and delusions and vrla's is more decaying forgotten grief #a ghost of a mechanite haunting a corpse of a ship

[heartshattering]

5 AM

Just me and my overactive mind facing the nighttime again 🙃

#hopefully the meds work but while waiting for them to kick in I get so damn nervous #and sometimes I do get nights where even on my full dose my anxiety is too overpowering and I just. Do Not Sleep #I mean I do eventually but not without spiraling first :') #way before I was prescribed sleep meds my longest was 3 nights without sleep while on a VERY stressful trip #I felt like I was gonna die and I did not sleep until I got off the plane and was back at home #(this was like 15 years ago already but it still haunts me fhfgsgdh) #my best friend and I were having a conversation today #and she was like 'not sleeping can make you hallucinate right?' #and I was like :') I get the hallucinations in other scenarios too #BUT I also get what she meant #not sleeping is really bad for me mentally which is why I can't do 'sleep restriction therapy' #and fun fact #a lot of my OCD obsessions revolve around sleep!!! #which is 'awesome' because laying in bed with insomnia makes my OCD flare up so like #the two get to feed off each other and make my life a living hell!!! #and don't even get me started on my sleep paralysis episodes #(which I like to think of as just my brain misfiring but that my aunt tells me is saints or demons trying to talk to me) #'cause she hallucinates too but hers are like 'spiritual' or whatever #same with my mom's hallucinations as well #and to add fuel to the dumpster fire of my mind and body is the fact I've been overcaffeinating again #which I've known not to do ever since I was in middle school and saw the pediatric cardiologist who specifically said 'hey don't do that' #fast-forward to adulthood and I still haven't learned how to handle anything #like. I have heart meds and sleep meds and migraine meds and IBS meds #and yes meds are good but like. I know you need to incorporate lifestyle changes as well #which I do for like 2 weeks until the next time I fuck up #I've been so irresponsible lately but like. ESPECIALLY today #didn't eat #took some meds on an empty stomach and forgot to take my other ones at all #had too much caffeine #stressed out over some stupid situations thanks to overthinking

[bumblingbabooshka]

write to me

#I drew this when I was VERY stressed (days ago) #bee doodles #Tuvok/Janeway #Janeway/Tuvok #st voyager #st voyager art #letter writing and the preparation of warm beverages #Janeway & Tuvok seem like they'd call each other things like 'my other half' and 'my moral center' and 'my dearest companion' but then you #ask if they're dating and they're like Noooo. Absolutely not. and they're not but they are coming into each other's rooms at night #because neither of them can sleep well and talking about Mark & T'Pel while they lean against one another (holding the warm mugs instead of #hands - that comes later when they can pretend that maybe they were asleep) #because they're the only ones who know Mark & T'Pel - you're the only part of my old life that's here and that's a comfort and that's a #tragedy (because I care about you too much to want you here but I need you too much to wish you were anywhere else - and maybe I'm too #selfish too and too afraid to be alone) and when they're talking about Mark & T'Pel they can ignore the fact that they're leaning against #each other and how good the weight feels and how much their chests ache and how much they want more. Not even sex or a kiss but something #steady that lasts. (hold me close even if you can't tell me it'll be alright) #two people who're loyal to everything - too loyal to ask for what they want. They aren't dating because they're married to ghosts now and #to leave that haunted house would be to admit that there's nothing left there - that the grieving's done - and if the grieving's done then #the loving is too. It has to matter - it has to be present to be real (follow Starfleet rules follow Social rules follow the rules we make #up on the fly and honor as if they've been longstanding. Build a little life with me. Define strong lines we cannot cross. Look into my eyes #to make sure I'm not longing. Double check. Triple check. Don't look away. Please.) #When I want to hear your voice I'll read the words you've written - but I won't ask you to stay #Kathryn Janeway #Tuvok

[some-teeth-in-a-trench-coat]

Can't sleep brain too full of death

#sfw #personal #ok to reblog #so uh Fiona and Cake spoilers but #there's a lot of death and almost all of it always happened and never unhappened and I'm not ok actually #the universe where the Lich succeeded... if you don't blink you can see it happen #and then there was nothing nothing in the universe Everything Died #and then BMO... even without thinking about how horrifying it would be happening to flesh that's gonna haunt me... #Vampire world introduces itself with Simon's rotting corpse which remains even in present time #The Star... whose servants TEAR THEIR OWN HEADS OFF IN FEAR OF HER #and everyone died like it was nothing #I love this show so much but the death... all the meaningless death... #I'm too far removed from the idea of the narrative I'm too deep in the universe I can't see it as plot I see it as though I lived it myself #“so don't watch things you know will be upsetting you” unfortunately I love these characters and it was worth the pain of watching #I need to sleep please let me leave these thoughts and process my feelings later when I'm not alone and eating my own sleep time #please #Fiona and Cake spoilers #spoilers #cw death #tw death

[xawkward-ariesx]

Stop writing so I won't be tired for my first day back to classes tomorrow -> stay awake thinking about the fic unable to write it and unable to sleep

#ace writes sometimes #writing thoughts #IL #pray for me lads #i have a 9am lecture tomorrow and i want to be well rested but im turning that fic over in my head like its stuck on a roundabout #you guys havent even seen intrinsically linked but i love her #this is the first decent chunk of writing ive done in a minute i dont want to sleep and break that progress but alas #edit: i stayed awake until after half 5 thinking about the fic #i read an entire fic to distract me and still couldnt go to sleep or stop thinking about it after that #and then my alarm went off at 7 and ive never been so mad at getting what i want i want motivation to write so bad and now its haunting me

[sorrowsaint]

im going to bed

heres a song i like goodnight

#...................... #............................................. #.............................................................................. #thats probably enough of a buffer. #last night i dreamed i was in the hollow below the tree that my body was in. when i woke up in the morgue all i wanted to do was curl up #my bones remember i think. even if i dont. sometimes i feel a phantom emptiness on my chest #like the arrows. like the knives. #its scary. its so scary. #im just a kid #will i remember it forever? how long will it haunt me? #people die all the time. people die and come back. people die and come back and they remember but it doesnt haunt them #i was trapped in death and i think thats... its not gone. maybe it is magically but i still feel it. #all i had for so many months was the vague knowledge that i was dead and this overwhelming sense of sharp coldness #my body remembers. i remember. how does anyone forget things like this? i dont want this. i dont want to remember. #i like it under my bed. ive put pillows and blankets down here. the vent that blows in cold air is here too so it feels comfy #and maybe it reminds me of being under the tree. and i dont know why but thats something im actually okay with #my body was under something for so long. the soil was cursed but i loved those woods. i miss the woods. my body hurts. #my mom is missing a leg and sometimes she talks about phantom pains. like her leg realizes it isnt there and screams #can you feel that way about a hole in your chest and your neck. can you feel that way about a tree above you. #can you feel that way about death #maybe i should get angry. but alone. so so alone so i dont hurt anyone. #i cant prove him right. because he was wrong and everything he ever said was wrong and he sucks and i hate him #im not like him. #im like gertie and my parents. #im so tired. im so tired. i want to sleep in dirt for a few more months. maybe sort myself out somewhere dark and quiet.

[murder-incarnate]

gortash and pre-amnesia abaddon are dominating my brain rn. horrible people in love is so fucking good

technically not in love at this point, i picture this happening closer to the beginning of their alliance. nowhere near trusting each other yet but at least secure enough in each other's dedication to the cause. a playful moment where abaddon refers to gortash as My Lord, putting on airs to act as one of the fancy ladies of the courts he's more accustomed to lately, and him playing right along. coincidentally, the first time they ever actually touched.

something i couldn't include here with how messy this is: i picture abaddon as having some aasimar-like traits, being the child/aspect of a god, and one of their personal quirks is having their skin briefly turn pitch black at the touch of others before slowly fading. so gortash noticing how his lips leave a mark on the back of their hand as he's pulling away and filing that little detail away for later.

(there shouldn't have been a mark, because formal hand kisses typically don't actually involve lip-to-hand contact, but he was being cheeky)

((quickly glanced at one of these pose assets for a general reference))

bonus: i haven't drawn gortash before and i needed to practice, so some quick doodles of the power couple i did before the bigger piece

tyrant-slaver-jackass and his cannibalistic-antichrist-serial killer girlfriend

#bg3 #bg3 gortash #bg3 dark urge #abaddon tag #durge tag #gortash tag #art tag #(she/they for abaddon btw) #time to ramble in the tags about the art part #my biggest nitpick here would be that gortash should be taller #either bending down further or having to raise abaddon's hand further up to reach it comfortably #abaddon isn't very tall. i'd say like. hm. around 5'7“? #but their hips are even in height here which implies same/similar height #how tall is gortash. taller than 5'7" in my head at least #BUT that's a nitpick. this was relatively quick and fun and i'm happy with it :) #this image has been in my head for a bit now. haunting me. it finally possessed me #woke up after like four hours of sleep and went into a fugue state #also my style is usually pretty messy/sketchy and that works in my favor here #so many fucking little details in gortash's design #don't gotta worry about those if it's sketchy as hell #hashtag lifehacks #the colors on this are different between my tablet and my one monitor and my second monitor #looks darker on the main monitor #haven't been able to synchronize between the screens #i think it looks fine on all of them but deffo different #hm #if it's goin in the main tag i feel like maybe i should use spoiler tags #bg3 spoilers #there

[anonbinaryweirdo]

eepy

#hate half-asleep dreams they're so real and make me question everything 😭 #for example vi deactivated (i cried) and mika came back #i shot awake and saw that my phone wasnt even in my hands #sleep debt is really haunting me :mane: #anyways hi now goodbye i need to bother vi #i was up like two hours ago too but now for some reason its 08:50?? what