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#it's good i can finally read fics without feeling disgustingly overwhelmingly lonely
siriuslynephilim
·
2 years
Text
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#my dad: how did u do so well in the first exam and so bad in all the rest
#and then he thought about it for a minute
#and said
#oh i know what happened
#him: accha so 15-18 ke beech mein ghar pe ladai chal rahi thi na bc of anniversary on 18th
#me (internally) : OMG when did u become so smart and so correct im impressed and shocked
#him: so party ka haan na ho raha tha na that's why ghar walo ki nazar lag gayi
#me: 😐
#like sure i mean whatever u say dude
#it's good only for me it's taking the blame off me so i won't complain
#tho i understand ig why parents are like this
#adulting is already so hard at 19 so imagine what it would be like at like 48
#maybe it's nice to think that i failed bc of some external unknowable force wishing bad upon me
#takes off some of the suffocating responsibility
#these days i feel amazed like wow how tf did i waste 9+ months aise hi like wtf was that
#and yes they were def a waste study pov but like ive def learned few things abt myself
#1. talking to new people isn't hard at all actually it's the part that comes after the first meeting
#it's the how do i make them stay how do i keep them interested
#which ive realised is not a skill i possess so like idk ive made peace with the fact that im not gonna date someone for a long time now
#it's good i can finally read fics without feeling disgustingly overwhelmingly lonely
#2. healing requires a ridiculous amount of consistency and determination like u can't heal unless you aren't doing something to heal yourse
#every fucking day
#and that u need to put yourself out there and be in crowds even if it makes u feel lonely to see happy deep friendships
#bc that's the only way to form them
#3. time doesn't heal it just makes u forget and u learn to distract yourself better as time passes
#cause tbh i simultaneously feel at the same place that i was last year and also so far away from it all
#mes
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