#these days i feel amazed like wow how tf did i waste 9+ months aise hi like wtf was that

[siriuslynephilim]

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#my dad: how did u do so well in the first exam and so bad in all the rest #and then he thought about it for a minute #and said #oh i know what happened #him: accha so 15-18 ke beech mein ghar pe ladai chal rahi thi na bc of anniversary on 18th #me (internally) : OMG when did u become so smart and so correct im impressed and shocked #him: so party ka haan na ho raha tha na that's why ghar walo ki nazar lag gayi #me: 😐 #like sure i mean whatever u say dude #it's good only for me it's taking the blame off me so i won't complain #tho i understand ig why parents are like this #adulting is already so hard at 19 so imagine what it would be like at like 48 #maybe it's nice to think that i failed bc of some external unknowable force wishing bad upon me #takes off some of the suffocating responsibility #these days i feel amazed like wow how tf did i waste 9+ months aise hi like wtf was that #and yes they were def a waste study pov but like ive def learned few things abt myself #1. talking to new people isn't hard at all actually it's the part that comes after the first meeting #it's the how do i make them stay how do i keep them interested #which ive realised is not a skill i possess so like idk ive made peace with the fact that im not gonna date someone for a long time now #it's good i can finally read fics without feeling disgustingly overwhelmingly lonely #2. healing requires a ridiculous amount of consistency and determination like u can't heal unless you aren't doing something to heal yourse #every fucking day #and that u need to put yourself out there and be in crowds even if it makes u feel lonely to see happy deep friendships #bc that's the only way to form them #3. time doesn't heal it just makes u forget and u learn to distract yourself better as time passes #cause tbh i simultaneously feel at the same place that i was last year and also so far away from it all #mes