Tumgik
About
Privacy Policy
Removal Request
Visit Blog
Explore Tumblr blogs with no restrictions, modern design and the best experience.
Fun Fact
Tumblr Inc. is using 66 technologies for its website.
#its part of what maked it so hard to tell if i had 0cd or not. bc im just so fucking rigid and structured abt literally everything without
opens-up-4-nobody
·
7 months
Text
...
#so thinking abt my inability to do things in thr context of my 0cd is interesting. bc i would say my primary problem is my obsessive
#compulsive behavior and inflexibility. idk if thr inflexibility is inherent to me bc its part of the reason i got stamped with aut1sm or but
#its part of what maked it so hard to tell if i had 0cd or not. bc im just so fucking rigid and structured abt literally everything without
#any reason. y do i have to do X thing and i cant do Y thing? idk my brain just says i cant. which kinda does align with 0cd more or just
#like something compulsive. and its sorta weird bc i think im a lot more aligned with purely obsessional 0cd. so i dont do a lot of external
#ritual. its more abstract. like constantly i have to work or b perfect or else i start getting intrusive thoughts. always thr same ones. and
#to make them go away i have to physically suffer usually thru overworking to my mental breaking point or sometimes more direct ways
#when its really bad. and then i have to keep working. and i do a lot of fucking ruminating. fucking constand catogorizing and pathological
#self reflection. again i have high standards and high affinity for self punishment which is a lot to deal with. its exhausting and misery
#making. and the annoying thing is that im like this for a reason. i mean it makes sense. having a learning disability plus bad short term
#working memory plus some mood weirdness. ive created a structure that makes me productive but also creates so much pressure thst i cant
#function at all sometimes. and whats worse is that even then even with the amount of checking i do i am still a master of fucking up the lil
#things. i forgot to write my name in the autoclave list and caused problems for ppl bc i forgot when i went up there Even tho i new i needed
#to. i also forgot to put thr foam cap on a liquid nitrogen tank which would have been SO FUCKING BAD if it all evaporated. so many samples
#woulf have been lost bc i just fucking forgot to put it back. that was just this week. idk i just forget things like that. i left a freezer
#door open in hs and we lost everything in the freezer. i also fucked up an whole experiment by not reading a schedule right. and its really
#frustrating not being able to trust that youve done the right thing in the past. not to mention all the bullshit i mislabel but thats more
#dys1exia realated. alas. i check and check and get anxious spikes of: FUCK DID I DO X? for a reason. but also its no fun
#unrelated
4 notes
·
View notes
Last Seen Blogs
jiora
Jiora
absolutemiddleearth
Welcome to Middle-Earth
mansinghkasevasadan
mansinghkasevasadan
vaserlipo-blog1
Untitled
w3bgirl
I live in the interw3b