#when its really bad. and then i have to keep working. and i do a lot of fucking ruminating. fucking constand catogorizing and pathological

[snowyh2o]

Just a random thought about how Alastor and Vox must’ve been really good friends before everything fell apart. Because Alastor knows how to make a video ad, he knows how to set things up for a movie/video shoot, things that had nothing to do with his medium, that he probably learned how to do because of Vox, because he was willing to try and learn from or for Vox. And Vox literally welcomes Alastor back home when he finds out he’s returned, has literally counted the years Alastor’s been missing when no one else seemed to know, and fashioned his clothing style to match Alastor’s (assuming it’s not just a case of everyone gets a pinstripe suit!), uses the same techniques Alastor taught Charlie about how smiling can be a tool to keep you ahead of the game.

And how it all fell apart and it wasn’t just Vox that was hurt in the process. Because you can’t tell me the man who hates TVs and modern tech due to its association with Vox doesn’t feel anything for what friendship they had and lost. Who snarls at the mere sight of him on a screen (admittedly while also dissing Alastor), who went straight back to his radio tower to diss Vox right back (and absolutely crush him lol), before threatening him against taking action, privately, twice. Alastor’s just better at hiding how much it’s affected him, and doesn’t let the bitterness of what used to be consume his every waking thought.

And maybe that’s the difference between how they view their old relationship and how the fandom seems to view it. Alastor’s upset about it, sure. He’s bitter now about Vox and everything Vox represents because he’s a past friendship that failed, but he’s also moved on with his life. Vox hasn’t. Vox still obsesses over Alastor, in the way he dresses, the way he talks, how he presents himself. It’s all reminiscent of Alastor. And when he finds out Alastor’s returned, the first thing he does is draw attention to how Alastor’s back! Talk in a roundabout way about how much he’s missed him! Has wondered where he’s been? Sends a spy into the hotel to, well, spy on Alastor! And when that doesn’t work, Vox continues to stalk Alastor through his drones instead. (And then gets off on seeing Alastor get beat up.)

Vox very much has not moved on from whatever friendship they’d had before. He hasn’t moved on from Alastor. (Or from his heavily implied obsessive crush).

We don’t know what happened between them, aside that it’s complicated and sad, that they were friends, and now they’re very much not, and that maybe part of the reason why is because Alastor rejected Vox’s request to join his team (upend his entire life to partner with Vox, assuming Alastor always worked solo and what the Vees currently have is what Vox had wanted with Alastor with his request). We can assume maybe part of why they fell apart was because Vox wanted something more from his relationship with Alastor, something Alastor could not and did not want to give him. Or maybe they just grew apart, grew distant. Vox constantly upgrading and changing and keeping up with the newest trends, chasing whatever new Thing that’ll keep him relevant, while Alastor remained set in his ways because he’s not looking for the approval of the masses.

Anyways, all this to say: when I, and I assume most other OneWayBroadcast fans talk about one-sided radiostatic, it is specifically about how Vox has a one-sided romantic/sexual attraction/crush on Alastor, that Alastor does not return, that has now turned into a one-sided obsession over Alastor. Not that their entire friendship was completely one-sided. I think saying that Vox was the only one who was ever invested in their relationship is a rather bad faith interpretation of Alastor’s character, but also does not do their relationship justice at all. It minimizes Vox’s responsibility in the fallout of their friendship, and puts the blame only on Alastor. It takes away all the juicy complexities of Vox’s character, how he’s bad person who’s done and is doing bad things, and paints him as an innocent victim to “Alastor’s manipulation”.

That’s not to say Alastor was completely innocent in the fallout either. But I hear a lot more about how the fandom woobifies Vox in their relationship than I do Alastor.

#hazbin hotel #alastor hazbin hotel #alastor #Vox #vox hazbin hotel #Alastor analysis #Alastor meta #hazbin hotel analysis #hazbin hotel meta #radiostatic #onesided radiostatic #onewaybroadcast #<- tagging those because it’s mentioned though the post isn’t about the ship #Aroace alastor #aromantic alastor #asexual Alastor #<- mentioned #am I vagueing something I saw in the Aroace Alastor tag? maybe #but this is something I’ve seen and heard from other people elsewhere #about how only Vox cared and Alastor was just ‘manipulating’ him #and other bad faith interpretations of Alastor’s character #I’m sorry if someone moving on from past relationships makes them an irredeemable monster to you #but Vox’s feelings are not Alastor’s responsibility #it’s on Vox and Vox alone to deal with it #that he’s chosen to obsess over it instead of moving on and getting together with Val #is alllllll Vox

[acroagoraphobe]

Headcannons for living with Joshua Graham mordern AU?

Oooo.. I already have agood few so ima put em all together!

And a good few new ones too!

Ungodly amount of decorative pillows in his house, all over the couches, on the beds.

Its literally the worst, All the beds have uncomfy decorative comforters.

He doesn't really get out of the house except for church, so he just sits in his room reading most of the time.

Probably goes to book club on the weekends with the church ladies though.

Lots and lots of potted plants. So many potted plants. inside and outside the house.

Does not cook. Since even in a modern AU.. bad history with fires (His last house got burnt down at the last legion cookout.) So you have to cook for him.

He also doesn't have a microwave because he doesn't trust them.

Divorced Dad. Need I say more?

Sits on the porch reading when not at book club, church, or in his room. Sometimes he stares menacingly at passerby.

Pet Gecko he keeps in his room in a gecko tank? enclosure? whatever the hell you call the lizard storage.

You will probably hear him complain passive agressively that the dishes aren't done, yet he also doesn't do them.

Laundry though, that shit is done, dried, ironed, and folded perfectly and put up. As much as he complains about doing laundry he sure likes doing it.

there's so many crosses hung up in his house. (Reminds me of that one thing where a guy's grandma hung up a foam Minecraft sword because she thought it was a cross.)

The king of horrendous, Live laugh love things. Utensil holder, front door sign. DOORMAT.

Will constantly complain about people in the park Larping if he ever does go outside and be grumpy in the park (He used to be a larper, he's just a bitchy old man)

Can't work a computer to save his life. Somehow gets it to blue screen by opening a single tab in google. Do not let him near your computer.

He has a flip phone. No you cannot argue this. And he leaves it in the worst places and he has like the worst ringtone option possible. It's so annoying. Dear god is it annoying.

This man does not own a single pair of non-cargo shorts, or sweatpants. it's either formal or 80's dad. Yes he wears Newbalances.

The wallpaper in his house is like all like floral print and its super ugly but Joshua genuinely really likes it so you don't wanna point it out that it's ugly as fuck. But he knows deep down that its absolutely hideous snd refuses to acknowledge it like how he refuses to acknowledge his mistakes and when he's wrong in an argument and then just silently sits there and says nothing angrily.

The most inconvenient locks are broken. bathroom lock? broken when he bought the house. Bedroom lock? Broke because he slammed the door too hard and then it didn't latch and he slammed it again over snd over and he got more pissed at the door so he punched it really hard.

He gets realllyyyy pissy sometimes. Like i mean hella pissy. Like for no reason either. best to leave him to his own devices.

Just does random lore drops like "I used to be on a bowling team. and once almost killed a man with a bowling ball." then walks off back to his room.

#I KNOW A LOT OF THESE SOUND LIKE IVE EXPERIENCED THEM PERSONALLY BUT I HAVEN'T. IM JUST GOOD AT MAKJNG THINGS SOUND SPECIFIC AND PERSONAL. #// #fallout #fallout new vegas #fallout nv #fnv #joshua graham #honest hearts #ace rambles #ask

[youremyheaven]

female (yin)-centric exercises and movement practices

i am personally all for the burgeoning popularity of somatics and i think the rise of pilates is wonderful.

for a long time, "exercise" meant hitting the gym and painfully enduring sessions that felt like physical torture. unless you're a high performance athlete, i dont really see the merit in resistance training tbh. obviously everybody has different tastes and preferences and some people probably find somatics and pilates too boring and slow and want something more high intensity which is 👍🏼

however, for many of us who struggle to keep up with these and repeatedly admonish ourselves for being "lazy" due to our inability to thrive or be consistent or enjoy these workouts, there are manyyyy other forms of practices that are wonderful and fun to do and are perhaps better suited for our bodies, temperaments, lifestyles etc

first of all, the concept of "exercise" has become synonymous with either losing weight or making gains. we are told that we have to "exercise" to stay fit. but exercise can mean manyyy different things, its not just cardio and weights. and this means a lot of people think if you're not trying to gain or lose anything, you dont "need" to "exercise".

but this is not true, i think "movement" is a better word and everybody regardless of their weight, age, gender or whatever else needs to move their bodies. we were not meant to just sit, stand and lay down, we need to move. not to serve some moral purpose of "fitness" (another flawed concept) but because its spiritually, physically and emotionally bad for us to not move. we feel more alive when we move. our culture has become so dopamine fried, sex addicted, toxic eating and drug abusing in large part because our lifestyles are so sedentary and we crave stimulation. we wouldnt depend on external substances to feel "alive" if we felt that aliveness within us every day.

you dont need to "exercise" but you def need to move!!! when we dont, we feel lethargic, stagnant, our joints (from years of inactivity) become more sensitive, our body hurts, our immunity suffers and aging can bring aches of all kinds but this does not have to be anybody's reality. we change this!!

you're not lazy for not exercising, if you liked how doing an activity made you feel, you would do it all the time. dont punish yourself!!!

i personally think strength training works for many people. this can mean, swimming, cycling, hiking, dancing, pilates, yoga, barre etc

now about somatic movement practices,

somatics is all about the mind-body connection and intentional movement. pilates (which was basically developed from yoga) and yoga are examples of somatic practice

but there are other methods as well:

Rolfing

Alexander method

Feldenkrais method

Laban movement analysis

Fascia training (myofascial release)

and somatic practices also include things like progressive muscle relaxation, emotional freedom technique, body scanning etc

i know it can all be a little overwhelming but tbh there is a lot of overlap between all of these practices so dont feel like you're missing out by not trying them all,, stick to what feels right for you and focus on that.

yin yoga and restorative yoga (very similar but also different) are also helpful

the reason i put "female centric" in the title is bc i feel like the world of diet and exercise is dominated by a masculine worldview of doing things the hard way/aggressive way and by acting with resistance/restraint instead of a more open/whole approach and valuing "slow" progress over quick and easy ones. the reason why ppl hit the gym make quick progress and then relapse is bc its genuinely difficult to put up with a gym routine for most people who aren't physically immune to pain. movement does not have to "hurt", be "draining" or a proof of your willpower as a human being. its fun, easy, natural, fulfilling and a part of life<333 you can proceed more slowly and make progress over time but tbh you'll be lost in the flow so you wont bother checking to see if you have and life is long so there's no rush!! what we gain slowly will last us forever!! bc we alter our body's alignment and our own relationship with it + our lifestyle/routine to truly embody it instead of a "crash and burn" style that leads to burnout.

remember, the river wears out the rocks not through force but simply by flowing<3

anybody can do these exercises btw, not just women lol

if you have doubts or questions, feel free to ask me <333

#somatics #yoga #pilates #yin exercises

[fallout-lou-begas]

okay so the thing about @ikroah. and the thing about agnes. the thing about agnes is that after waking up from her coma, there truthfully wasn't really anything stopping her from just going back to work. and like, everything probably would have been fine. not particular great, but fine, at least familiar. but the carefully cultivated and already very fragile sense of security that she had constructed since escaping new reno, and had more or less disassociatively been clinging to for years as she traveled up and down the mojave delivering packages, had been obliterated; for forcing her to confront not only the honest to god impossibility of ever being truly "safe" in a random world but also the harsh reality of how bad things really do just seem to keep happening to her (what's the name of this comic again?), agnes decided that the man who shot her had to die. and the moral of @ikroah isn't necessarily "revenge is bad." it's more like "when when you pursue revenge so single-mindedly, because that white-hot fury is the only thing keeping you from collapsing to the ground in a sobbing heap, because it's the only thing distracting you enough to hide how helpless things are and it's so agonizing that you can't acknowledge it for even a second, your actions may end up drawing a lot of unwanted attention to yourself. and if you're just a dog chasing a car, and not actually prepared for what happens when you catch it, and its gasoline blood burns your tongue, you may be forced into an even worse realization: you were never cut out to be the kind of person that you've just become. getting where you are was a fluke. everyone is looking at you. what do you do now." and this is why i do like @ikroah so much as a fanwork specifically, because fundamentally, it's a deconstruction of the power fantasy of the hyper-capable open world video game RPG protagonist, and just how hard the ceiling is on the limits of "unlikely heroism"

#was talking to my partner about this this morning and so i'm putting into words here #ikroah meta #agnes sands

[themoonking]

finally finished the priory of the orange tree after putting it off for like a year, and putting aside the fact that it's insanely boring, way too long, and the romance is lackluster, it certainly was a choice to, in a book at least in part about finding common ground and coming together, basically go "religion a is correct and good and its believers can continue on their merry lives, but religion b is a 100% incorrect wrong bad lie founded by a wrong bad misogynistic lying liar, and everyone who believes in it should convert and in fact we're going to end the book by heavily implying that the recently-converted queen is going to slowly but surely pressure the entire country to convert because their faith is wrong and bad". like that was certainly a decision that samantha shannon made.

#idk i don't love an entire religion being painted as objectively inherently bad and wrong #especially since none of the six virtue's actual teachings are that bad like #and also esp since the only other thing we learn about galian berethnet is that he was fucking r/ped by his own mother #and was so distraught upon learning this that he killed himself #the fact that aside from that its just like 'he was a lying liar who lies and hated women' just didn't sit right with me... #the priory of the orange tree #priory of the orange tree #the roots of chaos #anti booktok #samantha shannon #like the entire time before this was revealed i was like #'ah its so obvious - both faiths are going to end up being a little bit wrong and a little bit right' #'of course it will be revealed that cleolind and galian actually worked together to defeat the nameless one' #'and learning this will really press into the characters that they themselves need to work together to defeat him again' #but instead like???? #and like even with the kalyba stuff it would have been so easy you can say like: #cleolind and galian worked together but kalyba (canonically posessive and jealous and willing to do horrible things to keep galian w/ her) #uses her magic to make cleolind believe that galian betrayed her which she then goes and tells her priory #+ in an effort to keep as low a profile as possible for herself while disguised as cleolind she makes galian believe that he did everything #and when her disguise falls he's so distraught that he kills himself and so the only one who knows the truth is kalyba #who certainly has no motivation to reveal the truth

[terrorbirb]

Also I am VINDICATED that literally all bosses and p.e.s at my new job has said to me "wow you're good at this. This is the fastest anyone has picked this up. You'll advance fast if you actually stay here" Because I can spot design flaws that take like idk engineering sense? I just know what kinds of things are important in design.

So vindicated that I'm a good engineer. Vindicated that I held that company together. They can keep it going (because I set them up to be able to do that) but there is nothing to hold them together. I told the principals that what they'll lose with me is someone to make sure all the parts of the business work together and someone who can make holistic solutions, and that's what they're seeing.

The implication was always that I wasnt a talented engineer. That's what they thought from literally week two (which I know from sources). I wonder what about me made them think in two weeks I was bad at engineering 🤔 I wonder what about me made them think that when I was still learning things like who our customers were and being introduced to people 🤔 literally before I ever took on an engineering project 🤔 not sure! A mystery!

As I was saying in the 'think of things no one has thought of' business class: I have come up with industry standard systems. Is it small? Yes. But it was 100% my design with no co-designers.

#totes bro #is this me not being humble? maybe #but I legitimately think im good at engineering. like i really think im not bad at it #now that everyone around me keeps telling me im good at engineering at the new job (lol) #working in an over 50% female (over 50% nonwhite too) office is great because people dont automatically assume im an idiot #the misogyny in engineering is unbearable #apparently all of the contractors my coworkers work with commit misogyny crimes regularly so its not my imagination #also our whole kind of thing is men make us do their work for them for free because we check for the publics interest #and they dont even try to work inline with what is best. they just try to get away with shit. #EXCEPT for the female PEs! they try to do a good job! so we dont have to pick up their slack #anyway women are simply better engineers. having everyone assume youre bad at engineering makes you better imo #will anyone ever tell you youre better? no. #OH. ALSO. at my last job if the fraud engineer sales guy presented my solutions and products as his own he would get praise from customers #so i eventually stopped saying things were my designs because at least i could get credit that they were good when he presented them #this isnt engineering ethics this is me bitching about misogyny #also with the last post all fields are subject to the military industrial complex. let mech e (and aerospace but you should have known) is #a specific hell because its such a conservative engineering still

[gifti3]

why do the worst people be having kids

#i feel like a lot of people geniuenly dont like children #but they keep popping them out!! #like....whats wrong with you?? #i really hate yall and wish ur reproductive organs would stop working omg #sorry im watching this video and its making my so mad oml #and u know what makes this all worse #when the child acts out because theyre being abused #theres no accountability to be found #its only ever the kids fault #theyre just bad #has nothing to do with them at all #gifti3 rants #gif rants #ik theres a lot of social pressure and i hope it lessens with time #not having children is always an option #dont be tricked into something u dont want to do

[positivityjediprince]

Late at night on Mandalore:

Luke, who is spooning Din: *starts gently shifting around and making random wooshing noises*

Din, who had just fallen asleep: "hu?"

Luke: *continues making wooshing noises, now interrupted by giggles*

Din, resigned to fall asleep despite his husband's shenangians: "sleep riduur"

Luke, stops moving, leans close and whispers: "I'm a jet pack nyoom"

Din:

Luke:

Din:

Both: *Uncontrollable giggling that goes on for far too long cause they're both overtired and keep setting eachother off*

#you know when you really need to sleep and suddenly everything is so funny #its even worse when theres two of you #theyre such a good couple and have so much pressure and work etc that when its just them sometimes theyre very silly #as is their right #it just bubbles out at the worst time and theyre trying so hard to sleep but Din keeps doing bad animal impressions #also this fluff exists cause i miss my boyfriend im just a lil sad gayboy without my boyf #luke skywalker #dinluke #din djarin

[dorkicon]

bitching abt my job again

tags contain frank mentions of transphobia and homophobia

#this happened like. i dont know. a month ago or something but i still keep playing it in my mind #for those unawares: theres been a fucking community outrage over the pride display at the library i work at #and have been working/volunteering at for 5 years #only it never went up. it never went up. bc the mayor came in as a quote unquote private citizen and demanded it taken down #despite the fact that patrons are required to fill out complaint sheets and even then it isnt ensured a display will be taken down #so obviously its a misuse of power that hes spinning into him being a concerned citizen #and i made a whole post bitching abt it and im doing so again (hi) bc i didnt like how our director responded to it #and yeah. so there was a board meeting after that right. well i set up for them as i usually do and let me tell you. that was the first #--time more than like 6 people came to spectate. it was insane. #and i guarantee that this months meeting wont have half as many people that fucking crammed themselves in there to complain abt gay ppl #bc of course they dont give a shit about the library #they just care about how scary the queers are #and yeah it was a shit show. i learned we have a far right organization in our town #and i was sat right in front of her husband the whole time #(standing actually. i was standing between him and my moms chair and he was sighing and grumbling the whole time bc he couldnt muster the #--balls to ask the 5 foot 2 fag in front of him to please move lol. small victories right) #when i say her i mean the leader of the freaks. idk. chairman? anyway she had a whole speech about how like queers are bad and cutting #the penises off little babies or whatever and she pulled up this passage from a book that was part of the display #its some book by the youtuber rowan ellis-- here and queer i think was the title. it was cataloged in our ya section and contained passages #talking about like having safe sex and what dildoes are and all that kind of shit. just really clinical descriptions imo. im not familiar w #--the youtuber really but im assuming they wrote it as informational bc shocker: teens be having sex. unsafe sex. especially queer teens #sourse: i was one of tgose #and...think for a moment. remember when you were a teen. youd rather fucking DIE than listen to your parents give you the sex talk #and chances are if youre gay your parents arent even going to know WHAT gay sex is (hugging without shirts on) so youre going to look #--elsewhere #bc if youre a hormonal fucking teen youre going to figure it out one way or another! especially if youre from (cough) a podunk shitwater #--town like mine that ran on abstinence by way of sex education #i think teens deserve to have access to that sort of information through trusted means. and i do mean het teens too #but no these fucking morons put on airs like everyones waiting till marriage--no! not my becky sue! as if they werent fucking around in #--holy shit i reached taglimit. i didnt ecen know there was one. hold on

[orcelito]

Salty bitch in me sooooo satisfied by the fact that I probably make more money than the person who made my life hell last year lmfaooooo

#speculation nation #chatting with a coworker about how they ended up seeing her by chance #and she Asked about me. she seemed so preoccupied with me Specifically it seems! #and she apparently mentioned how shed consider coming back here and im just loke #lmfaoooooo girl im in charge of the hiring now and there is no WAY id hire her back #even without the personal grievances. she just caused some Real problems. like hell id accept her back. #but also she was a total BITCH to me. like really fucking nasty. and yeah maybe im still holding a grudge about it! #im a chill person but when someone makes me cry that hard for that long TWICE #yeah fuckin right id hire you back. keep dreaming. #anyways ive just been hanging out at work and chatting Whoops hfkshfj #my shift ended an hour and a half ago. i really should be going home soon. #the good news is i should be able to secure the lease renewal for only $40 more than the original renewal offer #the bad news is they havent replied since sending that which means its not in writing yet #WHICH MEANS the showing is still on for tomorrow. ugh. #which means i need to clean. blegh. #i guess having the pressure to clean isnt the worst but i really dont wanna lmaooo #at least i do have tomorrow off. i can make it work... #but yea my anxiety is a lot more manageable now. tempered by the satisfaction of being better paid than an old enemy #IT'S KIND OF FUNNY to call her that but she kind of is. it was mostly 1 sided bc she took issue with Me #i was fine being friendly work acquaintances but noooo she had to go and make my life fucking hell for several months #the social atmosphere has changed man. im not letting a snake back in. #im a nice person but i am a Resentful person. if youve wronged me i am never fucking forgetting. #but yeah i make more money than her ❤️ yay ❤️

[villalunae]

stop 👏 telling 👏 lesbians 👏 to be 👏 attracted 👏 to 👏 MEN

stop 👏 telling 👏 lesbians 👏 to be 👏 attracted 👏 to 👏 MEN

stop 👏 telling 👏 lesbians 👏 to be 👏 attracted 👏 to 👏 MEN

stop 👏 telling 👏 lesbians 👏 to be 👏 attracted 👏 to 👏 MEN

stop 👏 telling 👏 lesbians 👏 to be 👏 attracted 👏 to 👏 MEN

stop 👏 telling 👏 lesbians 👏 to be 👏 attracted 👏 to 👏 MEN

#personal #SAW A POST. LOST MY MIND #''nothing changed u mistook a man for a butch and were attracted to them so really youre just small minded and should be okay with that #attraction bc clearly you hate yourself <3'' #This Is The Lesbophobia We Are Talking About When You Guys Pretend We Cant Have Boundaries #like ohhh ishould just love a man instead <3 i should change my sexuality for you <3 i should just fuck guys huh <3 #how fucking dismissive of our experiences. how deeply sick and disgusting of you. i hope ur an adult so i wont feel bad ripping ur hair out #like how dare you! how dare you tell me NOTHING changed. how dare you look me in the eye and tell me that its the same #its not! its not. sorry some people are comfortable with labels that assert boundaries xoxo to you but im a lesbian bc i like women. not bc #i have an aesthetic attraction to a person. if i see a butch i think oh! a butch! a fellow lesbian! and am attracted #turns out to be a guy? oh! not a butch! not a fellow lesbian! nevermind :) and omg i am so normal for that <333 #like god. GOD. what a fucking piece of shit to tell lesbians we should just Let ourselves be attracted to men bc we secretly do anyway #top ten reasons i hate associating with ppl who flout no labels like it works for you im glad but you keep shoving that down my throat #and im going to commit vehicular manslaughter #i have boundaries for a reason! i am attracted to women! i dont like men! WHAT IS SO HARD TO GET THROUGH YOUR HEAD #stop TELLING every lesbian theyre secretly bi but theyre repressing and too attached to the label i will FUCKING kill you #ANYWAY. IGNORE ME LMFAO

[13eyond13]

.

#so far in my sporadic picking away at various manga series i feel i have the weirdest reader relationships with JJBA and Attack on Titan #when reading JJBA i am not really that invested in the characters or even whats happening to them and yet i still never decide to dnf it #and i dont even know what it is that keeps me reading except that its just very unique i suppose? #such an odd combo of different things that somehow manages to eventually have its own sorta cohesive logic and charm #also the art is just fun. its ornate and goofy and macho and flamboyant and gross #but as soon as i put it down i stop thinking about it too #and dont feel like picking it up again for at least several more days #with attack on titan i found the art style mostly really bad at first ngl #it reminded me of awkward drawings a high schooler would make like the inconsistentness #of like there are good action poses here but the people also look weird ugly bland and stiff and the backgrounds are often so empty #idk i was feeling pretty blah about it but something about how starkly straight-forward the story is was interesting to me #where its literally exactly what you heard its just #theres a bunch of humanoid giants attacking our city #and we have to stop them. that's it #and also the awkwardness of the art style i find works extremely well when it comes to the titans #like they are genuinely creepy to me. and they do actually feel massive the way theyre drawn. and the mystery around them interests me too #anyways im like 60% through part 1 of jojo(also read most of part 4 a few years ago) and only on vol 3 of AoT #but yeah those are the 2 series i have the most mixed feelings about so far #wouldnt say i love or hate either of them but still also continue to want to find out more #13readsmanga #p

[voulezloux]

.

#idk how to tag this but it’s about my dad who i just went NC with bc he’s abusive and hasn’t changed #so if you don’t want to read keep scrolling i don’t care i just need to fucking do something #i’ve passed rage and now i’m just sad #and i feel bad about being sad bc i don’t want to be sad bc being sad SUCKS #i feel like i’m burdening my friends by telling them the shit my dad did to me #ik realistically im probably not but i just #only three people would truly understand the situation #my mom my sister and my childhood best friend #my sister is off limits bc i’m not putting her in the middle of this again #my mom was also abused by my dad and i don’t want to trigger her or make her feel bad so i don’t feel like #i can always go to her about this shit #and i don’t want to take advantage of my best friend’s listening ear even though she is being supportive of me and everything #like i just feel guilty and i feel like im burdening others with my burden #i want it to all stop i just want to stop being sad #i want to stop feeling like im 7 year old me hiding in the pantry from my dad #i don’t want to go to work i don’t want to do anything really #and it’s not like i want to die i just want to stop feeling like this #i want to stop feeling like i somehow fucked everything up when it was my dad’s fault #ik i should book another therapy appointment but i can’t with the way my week is next week #and idk i’m just #im not having a good time #i’ve taken an ativan every night this week bc of all this #previous to this idk when the last time i took an ativan even was #and i’m not trying to read into it too much but its hard not to when ive gone literal months without taking it #and now i’m taking it every night so i don’t stay up half the night bc my brain won’t shut up

[penisbilt]

the bittersweet but absolute flood of relief that comes from admitting defeat at living independently, to have to move back in with parents. we tried! we gave it our best shot for almost 3 years! but living like this (being on our own) is just not possible for us at this time of our lives. we've finally proved it to ourselves that we can't do it. it'll be okay to let ourselves rest now

#latimers parents not mine!!!! i am NOT moving back to florida LOL #really hope that the changes will be good for my mental health. this apartment is toxic to us #ive been on the verge of meltdowns Kind Of A Lot lately. imnot doing great #extremely dependent on substances. just to reach a baseline level of functioning. but even that isnt working as much anymore #the only things i do on my phone or tablet these days is like. 2 mobile games. and skirting past my dms to check latimers blog #its too overwhelming to even open discord these days yknow. everything on earth is too much for me right meow #i havent been drawing i havent been social online OR irl i havent been cooking or creating #i havent been keeping up with personal hygiene like at all im particularly ashamed about that one #i've been really bad about doing my T the past few months which is a HUGE shame because im SO fucking hyped to be on it #theres just. too many obstacles in getting it done half the time. and the other half of the time i just forget #anyway. anyway. #our lease ends in july so between now and then we're just gonna try our best to tolerate our living situation enough to get by #there's a light at the end of the tunnel. and its called 'i only have to be in charge of like 2 rooms at most. and not a household!' #we're gonna try to slowly comb through all our things between now and then so the process of moving wont suck as bad #cuz listen. its pretty fucking bad right now #maybe not for other people. but it is for me. and its okay to let myself come to terms with that #im just. so relieved. still very stressed! but theres at least light at the end of the tunnel and its only like 2 months away #ill be able to draw guilt-free again. ill be able to just EXIST guilt-free #i dont think ive felt guilt-free for just existing the way i do since like. turning 20 #i know my mom wouldve loved if i stayed home forever. and im sad i cant be there for her #but ever since i had a fight with my dad at 15 or 16 it just really felt like he didnt want me there more and more #maybe as the youngest he was resenting that i was preventing him from becoming an empty nester or something. i dont know #because all the other kids had been moved out and on their own at least once but i had never left home before #i dont know if he'd be heartbroken or not to hear that i feeling like he was resenting me. but thats the energy i was picking up for years #i dunno. i dont know #anyway. back to housing. for now im going to try to relax and store energy for the moving process #the huge pile of things by the kitchen? i dont have to worry about that becoming permanent because we're leaving in 2 months #the general discord of the state of our possessions? we have to go through everything to pack it all anyway. we can move in RIGHT this time #when we moved in here we didnt have a car or license so we were dependent on latimers 3-hr-drive-away parents to help us move #just /across town/. and we had a whole month between leases! but it still had to be done in a weekend

[the-acid-pear]

I never tried the option myself bc it'd probably mean skipping the Reason You Suck speech at the end (fire for speedrunners though) but I Love that you can frame your Phoneys in 3, especially so if you've already killed the previous two. Like yeah couldn't send you off to die so i'll let the goverment do it for me 🧸 like its just Peak evil imo.

#luly talks #i do relinquish in the pain and the agony but dont get me wrong the thought of any of them 3 getting jailed makes me SO sad #rog esp since he's the one im writing about and the biggest nerve wreck #gingi voice they'll be the last one to pick the board game for prison-game-night.......... #actually yknow i wonder if rog would end up almost believing it after all when you try to gaslight him for the shits and giggles #(as in: telling HE was victim of the bite of 87 and the like) he tells you to not do that bc his brain is already scrambled or something #so there's a chance perhaps he'd believe it if he had everyone constantly accussing him of it? #not like it'd matter much i have no hopes for the dsaf justice system i know its been 35 years since jack got framed but still #i just remembered when the option popped up i said ''god im really becoming steven 😭'' #first time i made the joke too was when i said ''imagine your boss sucks so bad you turn suicidal'' no clue what the context was #OH YEAH JAKE SAYING HE'D RATHER FUCKING DIE THAN KEEP WORKING HERE yeah. poor guy. #anyway im derailing my own post again uhhh. yeah. yeah i dont trust any phoney is avoiding the death sentence #dsaf #roger jones #dsaf roger #btw just for the sake of yapping longer i truly cant decide whether harry or jake would survive better in the enviroment #probably jake to be honest. I mean Harry has a lot of experience inside freddy's but he didnt really live outside it muhc #jake is so confrontational though #hey did you guys watch the hit movie felon? sure that guy wasn't framed but. i feel like jake would end up w that attitude #except for. you know. everything else that happens in the hit movie felon. #hey actually forget about this game go watch the 10/10 movie Felon from 2008 starring Val Kilmer and Stephen Dorff #because its one of my all time fave movies and probably the saddest i've seen #not bc there arent movies that are more tragic but bc no movie was able to break thru my walls of idgaf and make me cry anyway #yeah you thought i couldnt bring up my movie fixations on my different fandom posts well you were WRONG in fact #im gonna go tag my other post i left untagged yesterday bc my ass was Cooking

[terrorbirb]

Nothing against low level jobs really, but one of our engineering techs was only a food service worker before this. Like an associates does something for you (don't know if that's what he has even he may be a student) I guess, but no wonder these guys aren't ready for engineering.

#totes bro #its.......a long term investment #i now know that these guys are techs because he said he was an engineer #what i do isnt hard and i guess theyre only supposed to assist but i havent seen any of them assist so idk what they do #i dont think we had engineering techs before i think it is just desperation #they're also not young #so schooling has left the brain a little #i know this sounds bad but they keep asking for me to teach them a thing and they stay at my desk for an hour #and god knows they like .....dont understand really basic technical concepts #and tbqh i do not have time for this #so now i know why I'm the favorite and the only one working. the other engineers have also complained about the new recruits #like you say 'lipids' and they dont know what you mean its just like extremely frustrating when theyre supposed to be #doing exactly what you do on more simple projects #but they absolutely cannot do that. like i get not being able to understand a super large system but they cant get like what fittings used #its frustrating because engineering isnt always low stakes #its not high stakes but a mistake can shut down a highway (happened recently) #ALSO the least qualified people always call themselves engineers #also i just changed from mechanical to civil engineering it is new for me #its still fluids somewhat which is what i was doing