once again coming back to apologize for my inactivity, I've not only been depressed but also burnt out of tumblr 🫠 I haven't been motivated to check tumblr and haven't really cared (as much as I love it here) to just reblog and wtv. Today was a really hot day (for me) and if the rest of the week or month looks like this, then definitely do not expect anything from me (especially as we ease into spring and eventually enter summer), hot weather is my mortal enemy and it's like im fighting demons nonstop whenever summer/late spring rolls around so... yea.
on top of that I just haven't used my laptop in a couple of days LMAO after the play on Saturday, I was absolutely knocked out for all of Sunday and the last two days I've been playing red dead redemption 2, which I've really been enjoying 🙃🙃 which means eventually when I get back to tumblr will probably be rbing rdr2 stuff lmao
cut is just me rambling about the next two games I'm planning on playing after rdr2
also I currently have a line of games (and by line, I mean 2 games LMAO) I'm seriously looking forward to playing on my Xbox/Laptop-
First game is skyrim, I LOVEDDDD playing it on my switch, but I haven't played it properly for sooo long, but I recently saw that skyrim is free on gamepass and will definitely be installing it on my laptop 🥹 Granted, my character in skyrim is veryyyy op and it'll be upsetting to have to restart but whatevs! I just have to do what I always do and power thru battles that are intended for higher levels- and also grind pickpocketing cuz I can NOT live without that skill LMAO
Second game is a well-loved game of mine, ARK, I've played well over 500 hours on my phone and well over 250 hours on my switch (which ofc I enjoyed infinitely more, but nothing beats the nostalgia of mobile ARK LMAO), and when I TELL you I was elated to see it for free on gamepass, I mean it cuz I was SOO giddy, of course I know rdr2 will take bloody forever to finish (at the rate I'm going) but I'm just so excited to play it, especially since I think all the expansions are free as well, which means I can play genesis without paying for it (since I bought the other expansions on my switch- aberration FTW btw)
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Tsukimi festival and the music box of chapter 91
A couple people have pointed out that the boy and girl rabbits in Nene’s music box represent Hanako and Nene. I think this is actually a very important symbol and could actually offer a lot of insight into Nene’s mentality when she said she would stay here.
In the timeline of the story, Obon passed a little while ago. That means the next big festival in Japan, Tsukimi, is fast approaching. And this has a lot of thematic implications. One, Tsukimi has origins in the Japanese nobility writing poetry while gazing at the moon’s reflection on the surface of the water. Two, it is a gratitude festival. And three, one of the main legends associated with Tsukimi is that there are two rabbits kneading mochi on the moon. Maybe you can see where I’m going with this:
Nene has made it clear that, before she described living a long life, that she wanted to go to the moon together with Hanako. Throughout the manga, be it the severance or this scene, there is a constant underlying wish of Hanako living with her. She's not really sure how this would work, but she declares these things boldly and Nene-ly. Yet, it seems this option is becoming more and more unrealistic. And he also keeps trying to send her off alone with that hat of a brain he has.
So she looks down firmly at the reflection of the moon they’ll dance on– the music box. It's melancholy, but it's an ending she will settle with. If the moon is living a long life with Hanako, then its reflection is this after-life situation. She wants to be on the moon making mochi and dancing with the boy she loves, and she’ll settle with its reflection. It’s so romantic, so silly, so Nene— and it must be so, so dissatisfying to her.
Because she so eagerly suggested to him of living 90 years, of experiencing all those ephemeral, simple things that a human life has to offer. She described it with such wonder and shimmer that it even transferred to him. The strength to dare to dream of the impossible. These two not only fell in love with each other, but with life itself. And that’s something beautiful.
But, as the title of chapter 91 suggests, she wants them to fix their mistakes, the two of them. She doesn’t want to continue being selfish and risk more things, even if she loves that moon-dream dearly. And thus, she decides she’s staying here and not going anywhere. No longer pursuing that moon. She’s letting the music box, her cruel fate, unwind. She’ll be grateful for the nothings she has been given and accept that she can no longer live.
-but she’s under the illusion that this after-life would be something similar to life, when it’s not. He already made this choice– to abandon life and stop dreaming. And he’s looking at the girl he loves refusing to look up, becoming more like how he was before her. The last thing he wants is for her to stay here and never leave. Because that is reminiscent of what he did for Tsukasa.
Amane let himself die and stay here. Amane thought it was an act of love. Tsukasa thought it was an act of love. When really, it just made them miserable. (this Amane’s death=love idea is brilliant and not talked about enough imo, the original place I found this idea is mokkemusic's home-bound tsukasa post). And now Nene is thinking this. More than any fate before her, this is the last thing he wants to happen to her. We saw his fear when she mentioned staying locked in a place in the PP arc.
The idea of her being locked and following the horrible path he went down frightens him to no end. She needs to quickly see what becoming a supernatural entails and he has to be honest for once.
So let’s return to the moment and track Nene’s gaze and the music box in the following panels.
The way he tells her this is unsettling (I think he wants it to be, he wants her to recognize that ‘death for a lover’ is unsettling and unromantic). He’s not interlocking their fingers in their usual close and tender manner. Her eyes leave the music box briefly, but then immediately trail back to the music box, as she tries to make the decision seem as pretty as it was before Hanako became all chirpy and unfamiliar (similar to how he was during the severance).
And as he finishes explaining it (in the most horrifying way he can put it), her eyes become blank and unreflective. The “why would you say such a thing” is reminiscent of the picture perfect arc, when he first told her about her death.
And this is usually why he doesn't want her to fully understand these things. Because they're horrifying. Because sweet Nene doesn’t want to die die. She thought she could stay in the after-life with Hanako in a sort of happy pseudo-living in her mochi-making moongazing fix-up plan™. But the options actually before her in that path are so bleak. And- and as much as I love to tease Nene about this, it’s fucking tragic. These poor fucking kids. None of their plans are working, and the world just wants her to settle on her death like a falling leaf. Hell, even so much of the fandom does.
And she lets go of the music box and breaks down, struggles and pulls his hair. Her music box falls uselessly to the ground in the process (off-screen, we see it in the later panel shown above). He captures her hands, and how Hanako treats her henceforth is so tender.
Like how he did in PP arc, he cups her cheeks and affectionately tilts her face back up. And he explains the things that he adores about her that most would consider purely flaws— those playful, human, silly, Nene things that inspired him and filled him with life despite his death. That made him see everything differently. Those things she was trying to abandon right now. He wants her to be selfish. He wants him to be a little selfish. Why should they be grateful when this is what they’re given? What harvest have they been given? Why shouldn’t they fight back a little? Nene showed him her strength and fragility and revived those traits in him from his indifference. As tiny light says, she gave him the strength to simply wish wholeheartedly.
So damn it, they deserve to wish a little more. Because despite the mess they’re making, they don’t want to give up just yet. So I just just can’t be angry at them if they start following whatever trail Tsukasa is leading them down. And, speaking of that boy, Tsukasa showing up and reminding Amane of how he gave up is so painful. Because now Amane has the will to hope and not give up, not wanting Nene to either. And Tsukasa is going to exploit that. I truly can’t wait to see how this plays.
I have a lot more to add but this is getting long and I'm a bit snoozy so I’ll shut up now.
…..
….........
SOME EXTRA FOOD FOR THOUGHT☆ ~('▽^人) (I’m too snoozy for full sentences and picture linking now but I need to talk more)
❤the famous tsukimi story involves the rabbit offering to throw itself into the fire as food for the old man who came.
❤in the Chinese version of the tradition, the elixir of immortality is what the rabbit is preparing, often accompanied by Chang’e, the Chinese Moon Goddess.
❤the alice in wonderland art released a little before this chapter is very evocative of the music box (mechanical themes, similar toys). Except only Hanako is the rabbit. Along w furthering the music box arg, in the themes of alice in wonderland, Hanako could’ve been leading her to fall down the hole (she’s the kannagi). But of course we know our boy fell in love.
❤A lot of people are pointing out the Karuto and Hanako comparison. I think it’s valid, and my two cents on it is that, yes, Iro does want us to recall that. And they're trying to contrast the two narratives right now. I doubt they’re going to end tbhk the same way (I’m risking looking like an idiot in the future but I’m stupidly confident). Because
1) short stories tend to have more shocking endings, because they have less time to develop a well-constructed narrative and rely on the ending to leave the reader
2) Aidairo is very self-aware, and will not repeat a storyline twice.
3) Hanako and Karuto are so different. Karuto sounded like he was trying to convince himself why Lily and him shouldn’t die though it’s clearly the first thing he wants to do (almost brushing off those reasons). Hanako is just stating facts and sounds so darn genuine in how the last thing he wants is for Nene to die. [insert his imagination of Nene’s life proceeding happily panel ch 86] More than anything he wants her to experience those things she can't experience with him. It’s part of his whole arc in how he’s learning to love life
4) Nene and Lily are so different. Lily wanted to stay with Karuto and only Karuto. Nene has expressed time and time again that she loves life as well as Hanako, and the stubborn little thing doesn’t truly want to just settle for one of them
❤[the Nene and Kou apple eating picture, nene more hesitant] See her hesitance here. Kou is far more willing to become a supernatural than Nene. Because Nene loves life.
❤I’m pretty sure in the original japanese, Nene uses ‘together language’ when describing their plan (we need to change how we’re thinking about this, begin our happy after-life). Because she’s trying to get them to do this together.
❤I wonder if maybe the tears in Tsu’s eyes are because Hanako swung his knife.
Okay I’ll shut up this time fr fr
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do you have any bug game stories that are more romantic than platonic? (not sexual ofc) safe noms with lovey-dovey nonsense is peak fiction for me
hmmmmge, in terms of ones I've already written, I've got like 2 or 3:
Where Ash Drifts Like Snow - C/rimson N/ails (so M/arkoth/X/ero), pre-relationship, they're both crushing hard, definitely fluff
Tender Moments - Q/uirrell/emm (or L/emmq/uirrel, whichever we call it), the definition of lovey-dovey nonsense, there's hardly any plot to it it's just 2.6k words of fluff
Bug Bites 3 - Chipped, the first ficlet there, has some fluffy Q/uirrell/emm again, and the one after that, Stealth Nap, has that pairing + T/iso, but any romance is maybe just sorta implied? A little?
Oh and there's This 2-part Thing - Not bug game, but notable in that the couple there is technically a romantic pairing, lot of angst with a touch of hurt/comfort at the end. if it helps I was picturing it with X/ero as the pred and M/arkoth as the prey while writing it lmao
aaaaaand because of my usual bs, here's a couple tidbits of stuff I have in the idea doc and outlines of unwritten fics that happen to involve romance below the cut (so many pheckin images)
gonna start off with the complete outlines, for which I have three that basically set up Quirreloro and that's about it for romance:
Interlude. not vore, but vore gets referenced at the end.
Storytime. Oro is enlisted to share an anecdote from his and Quirrel's shared history. Can't remember if it's pre-relationship or established.
Research Project. Let's just say you're bound to figure out where you stand with someone when you're that close for that long ;)
next up, future Bug Bites:
Tisoquirrel fluff (and Ghost is also there). Shenanigans ensue.
Crimson Nails. Those two are still crushing super hard on each other but may or may not get slightly less useless about it.
Tisoquirreloro. Or Tisoquirrel at least, Oro isn't too involved yet. More shenanigans ensue.
...Ogrisma? I don't know how people tend to write out the ship name but yeh. Fluffy fluff. Finally, a semi-functional couple
Crimson Nails again. They may or may not be aware of how useless they are and may or may not work towards fixing that.
Clothmyla. Seriously I don't know what the ship names are for a lot of these. Anyway, uhhh. Attempt at lessbeans. Gotta start somewhere!
Aaaaand finally, an Assortment of Other Ideas. hh.
Crimson Nails, Xero moves into with his boyfriend. Hurt/comfort.
Cold Night 2, electric boogaloo, and this time it's Tisoquirreloro. Many much cuddols.
Oh wait I guess that's about it for the romance fic ideas without going into things that are more plot than noms/fluff. and I've already gotten way ahead of myself anyway, so. e ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ enjoy the patches of content ! probably gonna ramble in the tags again
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