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saturnscode · 9 months

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PART 2: Too old to be a kid, too young to be an adult.

“Fuck,” he says under his breath.

Porchay is not a lucky person. Good things don’t happen to him, ever, and even though his brother had a rough time for most of their lives – to be more precise: the entirety of Chay’s life –, things were getting better. Not improving but slowly starting to take place.

He doesn’t call ‘being-raised-by-his-brother-because-their-parents-died-at-a-very-young-age’ bad luck, it was just hard. His hia never got to live his own life and Porchay felt guilty about it until he was old enough to understand.

So, when P’Kinn appear in his brother’s life it was a like a breath of fresh air, for both of them. Finally, someone cared for him and was able to protect him, finally, someone loved him the way his hia deserve and Porchay thought he could loosen up a bit, he could do things he would never dare in the past in order to not make things harder for Porsche.

But now his hia had P’Kinn, who would always remind him to eat and take vitamins, he would rush to him if he was sick so Porchay didn’t have to, he would take them to dinner and show real interest in the younger brother. He would also buy his brother expensive gifts that Porchay only dreamt to get him. And Porsche was happy, so incredibly happy Porchay felt like he could finally breathe.

And he did. He let loose a little bit.

He would sneak out with Macau to go to parties and drink, he would dance with strangers and have his first kiss under neon lights with some random guy for a dare. And it was fun just acting without thinking not worrying about things, dancing and screaming without being anxious about tomorrow because he knows no one will barge into his house looking for money, he knows he can go to school and eat tasty food without feeling guilty.

And even when he had this new freedom his brother wasn’t aware of, Porchay wasn’t stupid. He knew his limits and so does Macau who was his designated caretaker for night outs.

Porchay also discovered that he was attractive. He caught people’s attention. He would get free drinks and compliments without doing much. That makes him feel good, it gives him some type of power he never really got growing up. So he took advantage of it, he kissed cute boys and danced until his feet hurt, he would let people chase him and maybe he would make fun of them, but they wouldn’t mind because they only wanted one thing, and so did Chay.

And it was all fun and games until he decided to be stupid enough to play around at his brother’s birthday. It was selfish and thoughtless of him. Everything since that night has felt like his bad luck has come back.

His brother was upset, but not with him, with poor P’Kinn who had nothing to do with anything. And Porchay tried to talk to him, to explain to an extent that wouldn’t affect him, but it didn’t work. His hia wouldn’t pick up calls or meet with his boyfriend and that terrified Chay, not because he could lose what they had now but because he didn’t want his brother to fall back into the void he was before he met P’Kinn.

Porchay didn’t think things could get worse, until this very moment.

His day has been uneventful, same boring classes with the same boring faces. Hand homework and eat plain food at the cafeteria with his best friend. Nothing out of the ordinary happened until they step outside at the end of the day and he saw him, waiting for him outside his faculty. Arms crossed over his chest, leaning on his motorcycle, looking at every face coming out of the building through his sunglasses was his bad luck back. Stronger than ever.

Kim Theerapanyakul.

Damn him and his ridiculously good-looking face and slim body that made him lose focus two weeks ago and sent everything to hell. Damn Chay for being so stupid to give in to his advances and guide him directly into a trap that backfired for everyone.

But he refuses to make the same mistake, so he took Macau by his shoulders and hides behind his back, slightly turning him over to face Kimhan so he couldn’t see him.

“Chay?” he struggles as he tries to turn around to look at the boy.

“Where’s your bike?” Porchay whispers behind him, peaking over his shoulder.

“Parking lot. Why?” Macau asks, giving up completely and just standing there.

Porchay was probably the best thing that could’ve happened to Macau since P’Pete, he made his days brighter and he’d made him softer, he was truly grateful to have met him but there were times, like this moment, when Chay would just exude trouble, like a ticking time bomb waiting to explode and this was one of those times.

“Take me home,” he says firmly.

“What?” Macau turns around and Chay ducks down avoiding his gaze. “P’Porsche hates when you ride my bike.”

“It doesn’t matter right now!” he whispers, exasperated.

Oh no, trouble.

“What did you do?” Macau asks, slowly crossing his arms on his chest.

“More like who…” Porchay is already turning his back as if he pretends to crawl to the parking lot.

“What?!” he yells this time, grabbing the collar of Chay’s shirt.

“I’m kidding!” he raises his hands as he stands up, “I’ll tell you everything but first, we need to get home.”

Macau nods and Chay lets out a relieved sigh but before he could even give his best friend a smile he notices the dark-haired man is no longer at sigh. The car is still there, almost mocking him like it’s waiting for Chay to get inside but no one is around and for a second, Porchay thinks Kim is inside just about to drive off.

But then, again, Chay is not a lucky person. So it doesn’t surprise him when Kimhan appears behind Macau out of nowhere. It’s almost like it was expected and he took too long to pull off the magic trick.

“Porchay Kittisawasd,” he says behind him with the deepest tone Chay has ever heard.

A chill runs down his spine and he can feel his cheeks getting warmer. He’s doomed. But just as he’s about to say something, Macau turns around recognizing the voice if the frown on his face says something.

“Kimhan?!” he exclaims, tilting his head to the side as if seeing him there wouldn’t make any sense. And it doesn’t, he shouldn’t be here. “What are you doing here?”

Kim looks at his cousin and then back to Porchay but he decides to ignore it just as he’s been doing with the rest of the family. He starts approaching the boy that has caused his headaches for the last few days but Macau stops him, extending one hand and pushing his chest.

“I have something to talk about with your little friend here, move.” He’s not even looking at him, his eyes are fixed on Chay and the younger feels like he can’t breathe or even move.

“What do you have to do with him?” Macau faces him and that makes Kim look at him, giving Chay time enough to try run out of there.

It doesn’t take him far. Chay is not a very athletic person, he’s a musician, an artist. So it takes Kim two steps and one extended arm to catch him and hold him close to him, his arm over his shoulders holding his back close to his chest. He was caged. Porchay squirms and pushes his arms but the grab is tight and he gives up when Macau is about to intervene.

“What are you doing? Let him go.” He sounds mad and Porchay knows what will happen if he doesn’t stop this.

He always knew about Macau, they were in the same high school but they never talked to each other, there wasn’t a reason for it, Chay and Macau were very different at the surface. It wasn’t until P’Pete – his hia’s best friend – decided to finally introduce his boyfriend that hell broke loose. Apparently, the Theerapanyakuls weren’t too fond of each other so the cousins weren’t happy when they found out they were dating a set of best friends.

It took time to keep things civil, to make the reunions friendly and chatty even when they were all pretending – Hia said that eventually they’d stop and they’d be genuinely glad to be in each other’s company – so to make this go smoothly, P’Pete thought it would be a good idea for Macau and Chay to meet. Porsche was against it at first, but after meeting Macau and seeing that he was just a kid – a ruder and more aggressive –, he could find a resemblance with his younger brother.

So he let them be. Macau was reluctant at the beginning but Chay was good with people, he was charming and warm and he tore down Macau’s walls. They became confidants, they would exchange stories and between those stories were the Theerapanyakul cousins. After everything that happened on his hia’s birthday, Chay could finally place a face in those stories and he knows this will end badly if he doesn’t know anything about it, so he gives up and accepts his destiny.

“It’s okay, Cau,” Porchay says, stopping struggling and just resting his back on Kim’s chest. “I’ll go with him.”

“What?!” Macau is confused and it’s understandable, Porchay never told him what happen two weeks ago. “Why?”

“I’ll tell you everything later!” Kim huffs over his head and turns around, walking towards his car. “Promise!” he yells as he’s being dragged. “Don’t call Hia!”

“He doesn’t need to,” Kimhan whispers as he pushes Porchay inside his car and turns around to open the door on the driver’s sit.

The car ride is quiet. No one dares to make a sound, Chay doesn’t even dare to look at him properly.

Porchay used to be shy. He would stutter and move around when people would stare at him intensely. He would play with his hands and his voice would get higher. But that had changed eight months ago after he found this new ability in him that he didn’t know he had. He could get people nervous too and he loved it.

But right now, he couldn’t even move from his sit. Kimhan Theerapanyakul is mad. He could tell by the way he’s holding the steering wheel so hard his knuckles are white and how he’s clenching his jaw, so Chay decides to stay quiet, at least until they reach whatever place the guy beside him has in mind.

Which appears to be Yok’s bar. Porchay feels his stomach drop when he parks right outside his brother’s former place of work. Why are they there? Chay needs to think fast because he doesn’t have an idea of what’s waiting for him inside. Why come back?

Kimhan is not a patient person. It comes with the privilege of being born with a silver spoon in the mouth. He has never had to wait for anyone or anything and people can tell. Porchay can tell just by looking at him, standing next to the door and tapping the street with his foot as he looks intensely at Porchay still inside the car. So, before he would come to get him himself, Chay decides to step out.

The older leads the way and Porchay walks in as if it’s the first time he has come here. Behind the bar, Yok waits for them with an open laptop. Chay swallows.

The place is empty, obviously, it opens at 7 and it’s barely 5 in the afternoon. The sunlight still manages to fill the place from the open windows at the sides of the room, it feels warm inside but having Kimhan walk next to him at a hasty pace with a look on his face it’s cold as ice, the muscles of back contracted under his brown jacket, making him look a little taller than Porchay, so he decides to check him out.

He still has the sunglasses on when they walk in but Chay stays behind, looking at the back of his head, his hair in a failed intent of a ponytail, his shoulders looking wide and stiff, his arms at his sides, and his hands turned into fists. Kimhan is hot, that’s common knowledge. People still talk about him even when he finished his studies a year ago, he has seen pictures of him in panels and promotional posters but he never really cared enough to learn his last name, maybe he should have, if he did he could have saved them all of this mess.

That night, two weeks ago, he didn’t recognize him at first, not until he was right in front of him. No one really talked about‘P’Kim’wearing glasses so, at a distance, he just looked like a hot college student. When Chay laid eyes on him, when he saw him face to face, he couldn’t believe it. What was he doing in Yok’s bar? He’s known for clubbing in the richest part of the city but he didn’t question it, he just wanted a taste of what everyone fantasizes about.

Which turned out to be a little bit of hell for both of them.

But he has to admit that their kiss has been replaying in his mind since then, even when he has tried so hard not to. He can still taste him on his lips, feel his hands on his waist and hear his breath in his ear. He hates the fact that he lives up to his reputation and Porchay thought that he could play along. Maybe he can, he approached him first after all.

He shouldn’t be thinking all of this, not if he’s trying to make hia forget about the whole matter without having to admit some things about himself that he would rather keep to himself.

Porchay shakes his head. This is not the place nor the time to be remembering what happened at the back of that alley, especially not with Kim near at hand and Yok eyeing them both the second they stepped into the place.

“Mr. Theerapanyakul,” she says with her joyful voice. Porchay smiles just looking at her. “I presume you’re Nong Kinn’s little brother?”

Kim’s jaw clenches. That seems to bother him.

“I called you earlier for something.” He says with a deep tone and threatening eyes. “I will reward you for it, don’t have to worry”

Yok doesn’t flinch.

Oh, poor Kimhan.

Chay bites off his smile before Yok pushes the laptop aside and crosses her arms over the bar looking directly at him. Her expression has changed entirely. She looks irked like she’s dealing with a rebellious teenager and not an intimidating young man.

In all the years Porchay has gotten to know her, he has never seen her scared. Chay is not dumb, he knows how dangerous this part of the city is, he knows what his brother used to do before meeting P’Kinn, and he also knows that fights break all the time in the business when you deal with criminals and alcohol. He also knows that Yok always keeps a bat under the bar.

“I agreed to do you this favor because you’re Kinn’s little brother and because you’re bringing my baby with you but let me tell you something pretty boy, I already saw the video and I don’t think it will do much for you.”

With that, Yok walks to Porchay and holds his face before kissing both of his cheeks and asking him with her eyes if everything is okay at which Chay nods, because it is, so she nods in return, telling them she’d be at her office at the back. Porchay agrees to call her if he needs anything and watches her walk to the back of the back.

Kimhan huff and takes the open laptop, turning it over to have it displayed in front of him. A video file is open and Porchay feels his heart drop to his stomach when he recognizes the back of the alley on the screen.

Since when did the bar install cameras?

Kim smirks as he playfully takes off his sunglasses and plays the video. Porchay can feel his cheeks warming up as he waits for something to happen. It takes the longest two minutes of Chay’s life for the scenery to change and the door finally opens, Porchay can see himself walking out and Kimhan holding the door for him before coming to stand in front of Chay and hiding him in his frame after that one can only tell they’re kissing by Chay’s arms on Kim’s shoulders but nothing more.

The video it’s taken far away and there’s no audio. Whatever Kim was hoping to find with this video, he obviously didn’t get it. Porchay wants to laugh but he stops the video the second he sees his brother open the door, and turns to look at Kimhan.

“Fuck me, then.” He says to himself but Porchay can’t help but feel a shiver running down his spine.

Kimhan walks behind the bar and picks up a bottle of whiskey and pours himself a drink. Porchay frown as he sees him walking back and sitting in one of those tall chairs and drinking the whiskey at once. Before he could grab the bottle again, Porchay makes him turn around in the chair and struggles as he positions himself on his lap.

“What are you doing?!” he sounds mad but his hands help him stabilize holding his waist, “get off.”

Porchay should be scared. The tone of his voice and his gaze would be enough to scare anyone but he decides to put the strands of hair that falls on his face behind his ear and grab his waist with his legs. Something by the way he swallows tells him he wouldn’t dare to do anything to him. It could be because of his brother or maybe even Porsche, but something in his eyes tells Chay that it could also be for him.

“I already explain to Hia and P’Kinn.” He says slowly as if he’s talking with a kid, one that has his hands on his tights. “Why are you so worked up about this, P’Kim?” Chay asks, “P’Kinn said you’re always getting yourself in trouble.”

Porchay looks at him genuinely curious as his fingers wander on his face, making Kim close his eyes and let out a breathless sigh, “What is it this time, huh?” the younger scoffs, “Did P’Kinn take your credit cards?” he laughs and Kimhan tries to take him off of him, but Porchay hugs his shoulders and he tights up the grip on his waist with his legs.

“If Kinn already knows but he’s still mad at him that means this time, he is truly…”

Kimhan stops himself as if the mere idea of saying it out loud is worse than the thing itself, he avoids Chay’s eyes but he doesn’t need to look at him to know exactly what he’s thinking, what he feels because it has been his greatest fear too.

P’Kim fears he has disappointed his brother.

“You wouldn’t understand,” he decides to say and tries to push him away once more. “Get off.”

“But I do,” Porchay says in a whisper, gently touching Kim’s cheek to make him turn to look at him, “I don’t know what P’Kinn told you about us, but my hia took the role of raising me when he was a kid himself and I’ve been trying so hard to not do anything that would upset him, anything that woulddisappointhim.”

When their eyes meet again, Chay knows that’s exactly how Kim feels, his eyes have softened up and his lips are partly open like an invitation and Porchay decides to take it, slowly diving in.

“Kinn, what the fuck am I looking at?”

Before Porchay could even recognize his brother’s voice, his butt hits the floor and Kimhan is standing next to him.

“This is not-,” Kim hurries to speak only to be cut off by his brother

“Did you call us to meet you here because you wanted to show us what exactly?”

P’Kinn is wearing a grey suit with a white shirt with two buttons open under it, he has his hands in his pockets, and a tired look as he approaches Kim, and Porchay hurries to stand up but Porsche is already grabbing him by his side.

“Stop!” Porchay yells because he has lost control of the situation and he can’t let this go any further. “I have something to tell you, Hia.”

Before Porsche’s hand reaches his cheek, before he could even ask if he’s okay, Porchay starts talking. He tells him about the nights out and this new power he has discovered; he tells him about knowing Kim from rumors and photos but not knowing anything about his relationship with P’Kinn, he tells him about dragging Kim outside that night and how dumb it was. He tells Porsche no one seduced him, no one tricked him to follow him, and he tells him he was not at disadvantage.

And when it finally sinks in and Porsche looks at him again, Porchay feels like a piece of him is broken because his hia is looking at him in a way he has never done before. As if he doesn’t know him.

“I’m an adult, Hia.” Porchay whispers, tears filling his eyes.

“Yeah,” he says avoiding his glance, “you’re barely eighteen but you’re an adult now.” He turns to Kim, then and Chay holds his breath. “Sorry for all that-”

“You don’t have to apologize,” Kinn says grabbing his arm.

“No, we were antagonizing him when he was trying to show me that my little brother is not who I think he was,” he says looking at Kimhan before turning to his boyfriend. “Your brother is a spoiled asshole and my brother has been lying to me all along.”

“Hia,” Porchay cries out extending his arms to grab his brother’s wrist, making him turn to look at him.

“Are you really crying? Or are you putting up another show?”

“Porsche-” Kim tries to step in but stops when he sees the way older Kittisawasd looks at him.

“That’s enough, you’ve proven your point, you don’t need to come anywhere near my brother if it’s not necessary.”

And with that, Porsche drags Chay out of the bar. Porchay tries to hush his whimpers as his brother opens the back door of his boyfriend’s car and waits for him sited next to the driver’s seat. Ten minutes later, he finally comes out and starts driving to their house. No one says a thing and Chay feels like suffocating.

He finally did it. He made his worst nightmare come true.

It takes a month for things to go back to normal or the closest that they could get to that. They talked after the third day Porchay spent crying locked in his room because his hia refused to talk to him. Porsche told him then that he wasn’t upset that he was partying and meeting people, he was upset because he lied to him, he never told him he wanted to do those things, and because he was afraid of everything and everyone because no one loved Chay as much as he does and he didn’t want him to get hurt, because he couldn’t protect him.

Porchay apologized and cried until he had no more energy or voice in him, and slowly, it got better.

Kimhan has been feeling uneasy.

It’s new to him, he doesn’t think he has felt like this before. It’s strange, he can go on about his day completely normal, and then, out of the blue, he would feel like a heavy weight fell on his shoulders or he would feel this pressure on his chest that would make breathing a little hard. Maybe it was anxiety or the fact that he has been so busy lately that he couldn’t even take a couple of minutes to smoke a cigarette.

He also finds himself worrying in the middle of the night, keeping him from sleeping, it didn’t matter how tired he was. Kim couldn’t find a reason, mainly because he chose to ignore every time the same pair of doe eyes that appear when he closes his eyes, or that cheeky smile and rosy cheeks that make his fingertips itch.

Everything was settled. He didn’t need to go around shaking things up with whatever was going on inside his mind. Kinn called it an unfortunate event that everyone was so desperate to put behind and act as if never happened. And Kim should be doing the same, but it’s almost like it’s out of his control, his face would randomly pop up in his mind and he would force himself to think of anything else.

So he did as the rest of the family did.

The younger brothers were caught up in a make-out session at the back of an alley? Yeah, never happened.

Kim certainly never tasted Porchay’s lips and found them incredibly sweet, his fingers never touched his soft cheeks and he never wanted to bite them, his hands never held his waist and his ears never caught him panting. And over all those things, he never heard Porchay consoling him, he never saw him genuinely cry in front of his brother because he didn’t want Kinn to be disappointed by the spoiled brat of a brother he has.

He just has to forget everything, there’s no point in reliving an incident everyone wants to leave in the past. Kim knows exactly why; he knows his older brother well enough to know he’s building a life with Porsche in the center of it all. This is not just a relationship, this is his future and Kim should not mess with it.

So he ignores it, his thoughts, his craving, and the eagerness he refuses to acknowledge. But everything goes to hell when Tankhun barges into the big salon one of the days he decides to visit the family house and announces the Kittisawasd will be joining them for dinner at Kinn’s birthday in three days.

Kimhan clears his throat and tries to not show interest the moment the last name leaves his brother’s lips but his neck turned to him before he could even register the information.

Kinn’s birthday dinners were excruciatingly tiresome. They were more of business meetings in some salon at one of their hotels, a lot of important people would attend and Kim would have to wear a very uncomfortable suit for around two hours before he flees. But this time, the dinner will be held in the main house and it will family only.

Maybe now his father would realize how serious Kinn is about Porsche, not like he looks for his approval but it’s more like recognition. Kim just hopes the evening goes well, seeing Porchay again has nothing to do with the way his heart starts to beat a bit faster.

It’s kind of ridiculous the way Kimhan keeps staring at the door waiting for people to come in from the dark corner in the salon that he has chosen to hide for the rest of the night when almost everyone is already there. He even sees his cousins walk in and he rolls his eyes before sipping his drink.

“Cousin,” he doesn’t see Macau approaching him until it’s too late to avoid him.

“I thought this was a family-only event,” Kim says without even looking at him, fixing his glasses over his nose.

“Your sense of humor is as nonexistent as the reason you wear those glasses.” The youngest of the Theerapanyakul caste says with a smile on his face and Kim has never wanted to punch him more than at this moment.

Maybe Macau knows that he can’t misbehave tonight.

“Get lost,” he whispers back with a smile on his lips.

“You know it’s your fault P’Porsche doesn’t want me to hang out with Chay alone anymore,” he whispers back and Kim can tell he’s mad.

“They never should’ve let you hang out with him in the first place,” Kim tilts his head to the side and then, something incredible happens in the room.

The door opens again and Kinn walks in with the biggest smile he has seen on his face until now. He’s holding Porsche’s hand and guiding him inside with Porchay following close behind. Vegas and his boyfriend walk to meet them in the middle and Tankhun run to them, hugging Chay tight enough to steal all the air in his lungs. Macau has disappeared from his side and now he’s grabbing Chay’s arm and dragging him to the other corner of the room.

Kim watches the scene play out and he realizes that for the first time since their mother died, the big salon of the main house feels warm and content.

Kimhan and Porchay are sited at opposite sits of the table and he doesn’t know if it was intentional or just happened that way. Their father is at the head of the table and strangely enough, he’s smiling, making questions, and even laughing at something Porchay said but Kim couldn’t catch. If a stranger would walk in, they would appear to be the perfect family, all in sweaters and easy smiles, eating dessert and drinking white wine.

After everyone finished eating and left the dining room to return to the big salon, Kim started to receive curious looks from the guests, both his family members and Kinn’s friends. He pretends he doesn’t notice as he plays with the drink in his hand but he knows what all of them are thinking. Why is he still here? By this time, Kimhan would have already bailed from his brother’s celebration, especially if it was held in the main house.

But he couldn’t leave, not just yet at least.

Macau has been stuck by Chay’s side the whole night and Porsche steals glances at his brother from time to time, making it almost impossible for Kim to approach him. But then Porchay looks in his direction and then avoids his glance when he realizes Kimhan is already looking at him so he finally decides to finish his drink and walk to where his cousin and the youngest Kittisawasd are standing.

Kimhan rests his arm over Macau’s shoulder and he turns to him with a disgusted look on his face which he chooses to ignore. He’s not even looking at him, his eyes are fixed on Porchay’s face and if he didn’t know better he would think the blush on his cheeks is because of him and not the four glasses of wine that he’s been drinking. Not that Kim has been counting.

“How’ve you been…Macau?” Kim asks without even sparing a glance at his cousin.

“Huh?” he answers.

“Did I tell you, Macau, that everything is fine with Hia now? Not like before but we’re getting there. Rebuilding trust and all that.” Porchay says, touching Macau’s arm, making him turn to look at the youngest.

“Yes, you did.” He answers almost like he’s making a question, “after crying for like a week and then being grounded for like a month.” He can’t say another word because Chay hits his stomach with his elbow making him lean in holding his waist.

“It was only three days.” Porchay smiles patting Macau in the back.

“I’m sure Macau is glad that everything worked out in the end,” Kim says, softly, fixing his glasses again as he looks down at Chay, ignoring his cousin coughing, almost gasping for air.

“It’s not like you’re not allowed to talk to each other, jeez!”

And now everyone is looking at them. Porchay has his eyes wide open and Kim feels that maybe it’s time to leave, so he does. He nods at Chay and then to his brother before walking to him and wishing him a good rest of the night. Kimhan avoids Porsche’s eyes as he exits the room and goes to the garage for his car.

He doesn’t notice the smile on his face until he arrives at his apartment.

It wasn’t Porchay’s intention to go out tonight. It wasn’t his plan when he told his hia he was going to Macau’s to spend the night watching movies and playing games, it kind of came out of nowhere and now they were in this underground exclusive club Macau got access, something that won’t be repeating itself in at least the next two years, so they had to go. And there they are, drinks in hand trying to walk in between the sweaty and intoxicated bodies before the artist of the night performs.

“This is like a whole show,” Macau screams in his ear so Porchay can hear him over the music. “Even celebrities perform here.”

Porchay is excited, maybe sneaking out from Macau’s room on the second floor will be worth it. People start screaming when someone walks up on stage with a microphone on hand and a charismatic smile. Chay doubts him to be the artist of the night but cheers with everyone else nevertheless.

“And now…” The announcer says loudly into the microphone with a smirk on his face, “to make all your little fantasies come true, the house’s favorite rockstar… WIK!” and then, he steps down the stage.

“You have to be kidding me,” Macau huffs. “All the trouble for this?”

The lights go off and everyone holds their breath.

“Why?” Porchay whispers to Macau, “you don’t like him?”

His best friend turns to look at him in shock. “You don’t know who WIK is?”

“I don’t think I have heard him yet,” Chay says, shaking his head in confusion.

“Oh, Chay,” Macau puts an arm over Porchay’s shoulders, “We both know who he is.”

The lights go on with a strident noise and then, in the middle of the stage, Kimhan Theerapanyakul stands tall and proud. His hair is down and his glasses are gone. He looks majestic, unreachable and now Porchay can understand why people in his university keep talking about him, why they haven’t moved on. Looking at him in that colorful tank top and that silky black shirt over it, he’s breathtaking and his brain may have stopped working because he can’t really tell what’s happening in his surroundings, he doesn’t feel a thing, he doesn’t hear a thing until Kim lifts the microphone to his lips.

When he starts singing, Porchay thinks he could lose his mind. If he turns around and tells anyone that he has kissed this man, that he has sat on his lap and played with his hair, no one would believe him. Right now, he doesn’t even believe it himself.

He knew Kimhan graduated from the music department but seeing him like this on a stage moving around, dancing to the beat, and singing the words almost like whispers is making things to Chay’s body. He feels tingling from his toes to his ears, his throat is dry and his hands are itching. This WIK persona is intoxicating and Porchay feels drunk without even haven’t taken two sips of his drink.

Chay can’t take his eyes off the stage in front of him, so he doesn’t really know when Macau disappear or if he even let him know where he was going but now he’s surrounded by strangers and one of them has his hand on his hip and they are moving to the beat of Kim’s song, one he hasn’t heard before. Well, he hasn’t heard any of WIK’s songs before, and for some reason, he feels grateful for that because now he’s lost in the music, in Kim’s words and the melody that makes him feel like floating.

His knees feel like giving up when Kim screams‘Baby, it’s you’in a high pitch, making Chay feel warm everywhere. The stranger's hand wanders over his chest and his waist but Porchay doesn’t seem to care, he leans into his body and holds his weight by the back of this man’s neck and feels heavy breathing on the crack of his neck where it meets his shoulder and then sloppy lips at the back of his ear. For a second, Porchay can swear he locks eyes with Kim.

Porchay closes his eyes and Kim’s voice fills up his mind as this stranger turns him around and catches his lips in a rough kiss. Chay lets him have his way for a few seconds before slightly punching him away and turning around, to look at Kim. The stranger hugs his waist and sings Kim’s songs back to his ear, but his voice almost insults the man they have in front of their eyes.

The next couple of songs passes in a blur. Chay feels like a fifteen-year-old in a concert and he even pouts when Kimhan leaves the stage, letting the air in his lungs out as if he was holding it the whole time. The colorful lights are gone and the generic club music plays on but Porchay is still on a high, too much energy in his feet and his fingertips to do something other than jump around with everyone else.

The stranger positions himself in front of Chay with a grin. He’s not bad looking but after seeing people like the Theerapanyakul, no one else can compare. He does looks around his brother’s age, he's muscular and tall, his back is big enough to cover all of Chay’s frame and, somehow, that excites Porchay so he keeps jumping, singing whatever song it’s playing right now.

The guy entertains Chay for a couple of minutes before grabbing his wrist and dragging him away from the crowd and around the club. Porchay is still a little dizzy from the sudden movement but he can recognize any hall that leads to the restrooms, so he pulls the guy into a kiss, leaning his back against the wall. He is not thinking of going further tonight.

Porchay feels his hands trying to go under his shirt and his tongue trying to break the barrier of his teeth and he starts to feel uncomfortable. He pushes him away but he doesn’t catch a hint, instead, he kisses his cheeks, leaving a trace of saliva and scrapping the skin of his cheek and neck with his stubble.

Before he could put his hands on the man’s shoulders to get him off of him, he’s been pulled away and smacked into the wall in front of him.

Kimhan is shorter than the nameless man but he manages to lift him from the collar of his shirt. Porchay is still trying to catch his breath to make any sense of what’s happening at the moment. He cannot see Kim’s face but he can see the grip on the green shirt, he can see his messy hair and his muscles through his silky shirt and Chay doesn’t know what he’s feeling right now.

“What the fuck, man?” he struggles but can’t break apart Kim’s grip, “this won’t look good on you if I go online to tell everyone about it.”

“And you making out with a minor, does?” the man open his eyes wide and looks at Chay in surprise.

Kimhan drops him to the floor and gets up going back to the club.

“I’m an adult,” Porchay says under his breath.

Yes, he did want the man off of him, but that doesn’t mean he wanted Kim’s help, much less if he was going to act like Porchay is a defenseless kid that has no idea where he is.

“Huh,” he scuffs, “Yeah, barely.” He laughs, dusting off his hands as if they got dirty from touching that man, “does Porsche know you’re here?”

He turns around and Chay wants to smack himself in the head for gasping. Kimhan looks gorgeous all shiny from the light coat of sweat on his face, his red lips, and his hair all over the place. Porchay can see his silhouette under his clothes and he wants totouch. But he swallows to keep his mouth busy and doesn’t spit out gibberish.

“You’re just like Hia,” Chay accuses and Kimhan frowns, “but you’re not my brother, so leave me alone!”

For the first time since he has met Kim, he’s scared. The way he’s looking at him, the way he’s approaching him, Porchay wants to step back but his back already touches the wall. When his hands cover the whole of the back of his neck, lifting his head to look at him, Chay feels a shiver run down his spine and suddenly, all of his body is warm.

“What are you doing here, huh?” he asks, his thumb pulling his abused lower lips. “Are you trying to make me lose my mind?”

Porchay frowns because he doesn’t understand.How could he possibly do that?But he does the only thing he can do when Kim gets so close that their chests touch. He shakes his head as he squirms between Kim and the wall but he doesn’t move an inch.

Then, Kimhan’s glance changes, the anger slowly leaves turning into something else, and if Porchay didn’t know better, he would’ve thought it was longing. But his grip loses enough to caress his cheek and Chay’s heart starts beating too fast for him to catch up, so his brain doesn’t register what comes out of his mouth.

“You were amazing up there,” is a whisper and it’s delivered right on Kim’s lips making him smirk.

Of course, he knows he is.

“Yeah?” he smiles, “Did you like it?”

Porchay nods fervently, biting his lips and Kim rests his head on his shoulders letting out a quivering sigh.

“I didn’t know,” he says shivering when he feels Kimhan’s breath over his neck, his jawline, his lips. “You were WIK.” Chay closes his eyes the moment Kim hugs his waist, pulling him impossibly closer.

“Did you know about WIK?” Kim asks and his lips finally touch his cheek. Porchay shakes his head and grabs Kim’s silky shirt into his fist. “Which was your favorite song, Chay?”

“The first one,” he answers and maybe he’s dreaming just like all the other nights he has found himself dreaming about Kimhan. Perhaps none of this is real and he has free will to do as he pleases.

Kim stops the butterfly kisses all over his face and Chay opens his eyes, he doesn’t realize he’s pouting until Kimhan chuckles and pulls his lips apart with his thumb.

“And why is that,baby?”

Porchay whimpers and they both freeze before Kimhan gives up completely, grabbing Chay’s head and bringing it closer until their lips collide. Porchay opens his mouth and welcomes all of Kim in, he intertwines his fingers in his hair and pulls. Kim’s hands are warm on his back and Porchay leans closer craving everything that Kimhan allows him to have.

It’s embarrassing the way he’s behaving right now, he’s all crying and messy, pulling clothes and hair but wanting Kim closer, he whimpers and squirms and calls his name when Kimhan starts kissing his neck and his shoulders. Porchay feels small and soft even when Kim is not that much taller than him. He grabs his face and pulls him closer to kiss again.

“Oh, shit.” But then, he hears Macau’s voice and pushes him away with every bit of force he has left in his body.

“This is not what you think,” Porchay rushes to say, all swallowed lips and shaky hands.

“This is exactly what you think,” Kimhan says beside him, hoarse voice and deathly stare. “Now get the fuck lost.”

And Macau reconsiders but the screen of his phone lights up and a worried look takes over his face, he turns his phone to Chay.

“P’Porsche has been calling me for the last forty minutes,” Chay feels his heart sinking. “He called P’Pete because you weren’t answering and he went to look for us in my room.”

Porchay holds his breath. “We’re fucked.” Macau nods taking Chay’s wrists and pulling him but they’re stopped by Kim.

“Wait,” he breathes out, his eyes looking at every corner of Porchay’s face.

Chay smiles at him, softly, secretly before pulling him in for a last kiss.

“Later,” he says and then he lets Macau drag him out of the club.

#KIMCHAY #kimchay fic #kimchay fanfic #kimchay au #kim theerapanyakul #porchay kittisawasd #my writing

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