#like fhdksl idk sorry. im just fhfkdl

[piplupod]

,

#sorry to make yet another post tonight fhdksl im just having many emotions and thoughts abt everything lately and the group tonight- #-messed me up pretty bad i think RIP dhdjdl alas #anyways i am just... wishing i could be online less. but i dont have anything irl for social system (no ability to get one either sorry) #(i have... tried. so much. for years. it just isn't happening in my current situation dhdksl) #but like. if i take away social media then i go back to just..spending all my time daydreaming and making art #which sounds great on the surface but uhh its lonely. its very very very lonely fhfkdl #i also dont have the energy i used to so i would mainly be daydreaming and thats not healthy (never was #but yknow. survival techniques fhfksl.) but im just hhhh #i feel like i make myself a fool on here #my pinned post is stupidly big and i feel like i look like a ''chronically online'' goofass (maybe i am tbh) but dbdjdl #i just want ppl to see me and Understand what im saying and where im coming from #i also want ppl to feel safe here !! if u have issues w smth i posted i want it to be clear that u can tell me so i can make this safer !! #like fhdksl idk sorry. im just fhfkdl #i dont want to isolate myself but i dont want to be online so much fhdksl it is hard when my life has been reduced to this though #i wish i had more going on but i cant physically afford to get sick again. my body is incredibly fucked up from covid still! #so i cant go out and do things #and i could go for more walks around but paranoia from trauma makes that hard (plus i need to buy bear spray but thats scary fhdkdl) #(theres an influx of bears the past few years dhfkdl i uhhh am terrified of having a bad encounter w one) #but yeah im just fhdkls idk what to do! #pippen needs 2nd breakfast

[piplupod]

becoming more and more apparent to me that i am well and truly fucked so. that's cool. doing great

#i cannot catch up on schoolwork lmao i cannot make myself work any faster than my admittedly slow pace #so like. i cannot catch up. im going to fucking fail out of this program lmao #maybe its for the best idk maybe it'll lower everyones expectations of me and they can see how fucking useless i actually am #i cant even keep up with this shitty course that shouldn't be this difficult #im just so incredibly stupid and useless. im tired. im too tired!! #i hate that i isolated myself away from a good portion of my social group too bc i was scared I'd have a blowup in there #i dont want to freak ppl out fhfkdl and i dont trust me or the others in this head #im trying to just get my shit together before i go slinking back but my shit is not coming together fjfkld its only falling apart more #idk what to do anymore dhdksl i am behind on literally everything rn #schoolwork and cleaning and dishes and keeping myself fed and letting myself rest and DMs and creative projects #the only thing im keeping up with somehow is my medication refills which i NEVER keep up with so idk what's up with that fhdksl #anyways self pity post lmao wah wah my life is so hard and i want to kill myself like always boohoo sorry for doing this every fucking day #i am just so... idk. no words for how much i loathe myself and my situation rn #i dont know how much longer i can keep doing all this shit fhfkdl im so constantly distressed #pippen needs 2nd breakfast #suicide mention