#like i.e. I feel like she genuinely thought killing the squirrels for her team was a kind gesture

[tellie-vision-art]

I’m gonna be honest I lowkey want to draw Axel or maybe her with Priya but I don’t normally draw fanart and I am scared 😭

And also I would hate if people followed me explicitly for that BC I don’t normally draw fanart and I know it would be disappointing to see my OCs all the time. Like would any attention I receive from it be worth it if no one’s interested in my actual art rather than just the characters in it. Like there’s no demand for my art would anyone who follows me even care if I drew fanart 😭 it’s a double-edged sword

And like interacting with fandoms always ends poorly for me (Scream Queens bc harassment, Squid Game bc lots of gross people) what if I draw it and post it and the TD fandom gets ruined for me too somehow, I would die 😩 I fear interaction outside my target audience (followers and my friends) I suppose

#total drama was my first hyperfixation fun fact for you #but I was too small and bad at art to make content at the time lmao #but like damn what if I draw them and they look like shit in my style I would off myself #also tbh I headcanon Axel probably doesn’t care about shaving bc she’s too busy… surviving #and I don’t want to get roasted for drawing a woman with body hair 😩 #I feel like also I want to give her a tooth gap I think her design would look aesthetically pleasing to me with it #I love her so much she was ROBBED #also she is trans and a lesbian she told me personally #if she told me to jump off a bridge I would with no questions asked #anyway random ship headcanon also: I feel like Axel is the one with the crush first #however her ways of showing affection are not necessarily seen as affectionate by other people bc she’s so intense #like i.e. I feel like she genuinely thought killing the squirrels for her team was a kind gesture #she just does not show things like kindness traditionally if that any of that even makes sense #THE POINT IS SHE’S SHOWING AFFECTION BUT PRIYA’S NOT PICKING UP ON IT BC SHE SHOWS IT WEIRDLY 😭 #lmao I’m imagining her trying to gift her a knife (or saw!) bc she’s baffled at the idea of someone not having one for self-defense #SHE BRINGS HER (cooked obviously) DEAD THINGS LIKE A CAT 😭 #she won’t get you flowers she will bring you military rations so you’ll have food when the apocalypse comes #maybe Priya even gets irritated by everything bc she’s capable of defending/doing things herself and she’s like #misinterpreting Axel’s shows of affection as her thinking she’s weak/incapable #and poor Axel wouldn’t understand what she’s doing wrong bc she is ensuring her survival! why is that not working! #Someone needs to help her but I can’t see her accepting help #but it would be funny to see someone suggest giving Priya flowers or smth and Axel’s like #why would I do that flowers just die wouldn’t you rather have a weapon for when the apocalypse comes #a strange way of showing affection but I think it would be CUTE #and it would be funny bc Priya would eventually show affection the normal way and Axel would not pick up on it at all #she would tell her she looks pretty today but what she REALLY wants to hear is I would trust you with my life during the apocalypse #the way to her heart is the apocalypse! she just tragically thinks it’s the way to everyone else’s as well #lmao I’m talking so much but it’s so funny to me #a disaster lesbian in her natural environment #they mean so much to me I saw them interact once and my brain was like yes this is it

[kalinara]

So I've now made it through season 4 of the Walking Dead (and the first few episodes of season 5) with @copperfire, and I have lots of scattered observations and opinion.

The "can we come back from this" is a pretty heavy theme throughout the season.  Terminus says no.  But I think Team Family says yes.  Or yes with one major exception.

Characters like Michonne, Daryl, Glenn and Maggie would indicate that yes, they can.  Michonne is a breath of fresh air in season 4.  She's so warm and open.  She talks honestly about her losses with Carl (the Carl-Michonne dynamic is a thing of beauty).  She just seems so happy at the prison.  And then when she meets up with Rick and Carl again, she settles in so comfortably that it feels like she was never not there.

Tangentially: I will never understand anyone who says Richonne "came out of nowhere".  Because Michonne and Rick were pretty much acting like a couple from day one.  That razor was a fucking courtship gift.

It was also fun to see Daryl learning to interact with ugh, people.  Though I have learned from his excursion with Beth that he should never be trusted to make any kind of actual decision, because it will apparently end in booze and arson.  Those two needed a fucking adult.

And Glenn and Maggie are still the highlight.  I also liked Tara a lot, though I resented the Governor getting two whole episodes, when I really just wanted to see our Prison folk get a chance to be happy before the Governor destroyed everything.

I might have shouted at the screen when the tank smashed Rick's farm.  I'm not proud of that.

And then there's Carol who pretty much embodies the "can we come back from this" question.  She broke pretty hard somewhere along the way, to the point where she's willing to murder innocent people to protect the group as a whole.  But she did come back from that, earning Tyreese's forgiveness and being able to be the cavalry to save the group at the end.

I don't really know how I feel about Rick exiling her to begin with.  I remember seeing someone call it hypocritical, because other members of the team had done worse.  But honestly, I'm not sure who had done worse at that point.  There's a difference between not helping someone (i.e. the hitchhiker in season 3) and murdering two people in cold blood.

I don't feel like exiling Carol was the right option, because I think she needed help, but I also think there was no way she could have gotten that help at the prison.  I think maybe it was the best option Rick had at the time though.  At that time, Carol was so far gone that she didn't even seem to see a problem with what she'd done.  And that's pretty scary.

I think maybe that's the point of Lizzie, the girl who thought the zombies were humans and killed her sister to prove it.  Lizzie wasn't evil, just sick, but there wasn't any way to help her when she couldn't even comprehend what she'd done wrong.  But thankfully Carol wasn't as far gone as Lizzie, and it was clear that by Season 4B at least, Carol did come to regret her choice and came back from it.

Carl's arc in season 4 hits the theme too.  When he shot that kid in season 3, he also seemed like he was pretty far gone.  His justifications were sad and kind of terrifying.  

But it's interesting how, after the whole Claimer incident, Carl says that he finally understands what his father was trying to do.  But that he worries he's a monster.  It's a sad little monologue, but in a way it's kind of uplifting too.  Because while Carl, like many others, seriously needs a counselor or therapist who can help him deal with this shit, he's now in a position where he can recognize and fight his darker impulses.

Carl, by the end of season 4/beginning of season 5, is a boy who will run to save a stranger calling for help.  And that's wonderful to see.  Whatever else you can say about Rick in season 4, he succeeded there.

Of course then there's Rick's own arc which is something else entirely.  It was a little alarming to see farmer Rick at the start of the season.  And honestly, I'm not sure that I think that he seemed in a much better place mentally than he was when he was actively hallucinating.  He seemed more based in reality at least, but the blithe farming in front of the zombies, burying the gun, needing to be talked into TAKING his gun when he goes outside...  Those were all pretty disturbing signs that all is not well.

He does however seem much happier when he's not in charge.  And I said this in my last post, but I really don't agree with the interpretations of Rick's character as a "natural leader" or someone who "has to be in charge."

I think early season 4 shows us the opposite.  Rick is someone who genuinely hates to lead.  He doesn't even unconsciously take the lead during the plague disaster like most former leader types.  It's only when he's put back into a position of authority, when they want him to look into Karen and David's death, that he ends up in a position to have to make a command decision again.  And he seems utterly miserable.

I also have a deep resentment for anyone who claims that Rick was "taking a break" during this time.  Because:

a)  Dude wasn't just loafing on his ass, he was trying to un-murderer his son!  That's a pretty fucking big job.

b)  Dude was growing food!  Food is important.  Humans can't live off squirrel and deer and expired canned goods forever.  They need actual vegetables!

c)  Dude had a fucking psychotic break.  He STILL looks like he's a stiff wind away from utter collapse.  (And somehow that bandage from when he fought Tyreese just makes him look even MORE fragile.)  Let him rest!

I realize c isn't really a counter argument, but fuck you.  If it were a break, he would have earned it.

But of course, Rick’s general equilibrium ended with the season finale, which caused a lot of very inappropriate laughter from me.  Just the juxtaposition of the entire Claimer confrontation, and the flashback where Hershel's like "what are you teaching your boy?!"

Apparently, Hershel, it's to bite people's throats out.  Oh god, that was the single greatest moment on the show for me.  That whole mess of a scene, the throat biting, the completely shocked and horrified stares, poor Carl's little FACE when it happened.  I haven't been this delighted with a tv show for so long.  HE BIT HIS THROAT OUT.

It is a fascinating turning point in Rick's character evolution though, because I honestly feel like Rick, after this point, isn't even HUMAN anymore.

He's not evil.  He's certainly not fucking Shane.  (That comparison annoys the shit out of me.  When he tries to rape someone or murders one of Team Family, then we can talk.)  But it seems pretty clear that Rick has broke from any idea of "going back".  His entire focus is on his family, on the group, their safety, their well-being.  He will do anything he has to to be sure of that.  (Shane might have talked big about this, but somehow we never saw him actually make any sacrifice or take on any personal inconvenience to make sure it happened.  I suppose, the closest direct comparison, is that Rick has now become the being that Shane CLAIMED he was.)

I joked about Rick being a feral cat in one of my tags in an earlier post, but I genuinely think that's where we are now.  I could practically SEE a tail lashing when Rick and Abraham were arguing over the bus.  He practically SNIFFED Father Gabriel when they met him.  I am honestly wondering if the stage direction for Andrew Lincoln in these episodes is "you are literally a cat."  Because he's selling it.  You know that sound an angry cat makes, that mmmrrr sort of growl that gets higher pitched as it goes?  I hear that every time Rick talks now.

At least he doesn't seem fragile anymore.  Feral and slightly rabid, sure, but not fragile.  Don’t fuck with his kittens.

I think that it's not a coincidence that Rick's own fall comes about after biting someone's throat out, and then we meet the Terminus residents who are so fanatic about "not going back" that they've transformed themselves into the ultimate predators.  On their own, the Terminus residents are a pretty cartoonish set of villains (though it was very satisfying to see Rick and Carol destroy them), but I think they're more intended as a set piece for Rick's season 5 arc.  The others came back, can he?  Can Rick find his humanity again?  Does he want to?

Poor Rick, he did succeed in saving his son's humanity in the end, but only at the cost of his own.  Still, I feel like that's a choice he would have happily made.  

But apparently Morgan is/will be back!  And he seems saner!  So maybe he can help Rick too!

#walking dead #season 4 spoilers #rick grimes