#like im not totally inhibited by making X thing perfect. but i am extremely rigit it basically all of my behaviors to the point of self

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#so the other day i learned what obsessive Compulsive personality disorder is. which id known abt for a while but the online definitions #dont sound like me so i was like idk whatever. but i listened to a podcast deepdive from a psychologist and the way he broke it down and #the accounts from other ppl sound extremely like me. like i dont quite fit the online definition of pathological perfectionism #like im not totally inhibited by making X thing perfect. but i am extremely rigit it basically all of my behaviors to the point of self #destruction. like my obsessive Compulsive behaviors are sinisterly webbed into every aspect of my being. almost like its part of my #personally. so yeah. i think that might b my issue. bc i dont quite fit ocd. like i sometimes have intrusive thoughts but it feels #different than ocd stuff most of the time. and ocpd can look v much like mild autism so idk. i might still b autistic but idk. but i do #think i might have found my issue. bc it sounds like me. it sounds like my dad. it sounds like my nana. so what will i do with this info? #idk maybe nothing. bc changing is hard but i feel like i have a better vocabulary for articulating my struggles now #its hard to make ppl understand sometimes bc its like oh boohoo ur good at saving money. and its like no u dont understand. if i go away #for a conference i cant buy food. its extremely pathetic #stuff like that where on its face it seems like a good thing but its causing me a lot of pain #unrelated