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#like life just continues to punish him for having any kind of feelings
jeonginsleftcheek · 2 days
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Cupid's Shot🩷
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pairing: lee felix x reader
genre: fluff, angst, slow burn
word count: 10.4k
description: what happens when Cupid breaks the rules and falls in love with a mortal?
warning/s: there are suggestive parts so mdni! not proofread!
a/n: here i go again with another felix fic and i'm really proud of it, except i feel like the ending is rushed but i had to write it twice cause i accidentally didn't save it the first time jddkdll
but anyways there will be a second part to this, with smut. it will be a continuation on this main fic but could also be read as its own thing.
please reblog if you like it!🩷
Their purpose is simple: bring two destined souls together by helping them get rid of their fears and insecurities, assist them to find the happiness they deserve, the love they would nurture with their soul mate.
Contrary to popular belief and the information in many books, there isn't only one Cupid, there is a whole nation of them, living in another realm, invisible to the eyes of the mortals, but they can see everything. Including the mortals auras, souls and their destined lovers.
The only rule they have to abide by is to not fall in love with a mortal. None of them really questioned it, they're just beings of light, existing to fulfill their purpose, until they disperse into little particles of shiny dust, disappearing into The Great Source Of Light.
They would get their assigned charges and do everything they can to cross them off the list after they manage to finally match them with their loved one.
Felix often wondered about a lot of things, like why was he born a Cupid, was he even born and where he actually came from if he wasn't. He wondered what The Great Source Of Light actually is and where it would take him after he fulfilled his duties. He wondered why wasn't he allowed to fall in love when love was so soft, warm and fuzzy. Wasn't love the ultimate goal? Was this some kind of punishment because of what he did in a past life; to be a mere messenger of love but never be able to experience it?
Ofcourse, he never dared to say anything like that out loud for the fear of what would happen if he did. He's never actually seen any punishments or violence happening in his little world, everything was cheerful and perfect, the Cupids worked and flew around with blushing cheeks and smiles painted on their faces; never complaining, never tiring. But he didn't want to risk it, or seem like he is defying the natural order of things, he is only curious.
Felix gets a scroll with names of his new charges, and he opens up the paper. Scanning over the names as they shine in a white-ish glow off the paper, something calls to him. His eyes flick around until they land on your name. Something inside him blooms, chimes and explodes in little fireworks. He chants your name in his head. It's time to find you. His eyes close and he focuses on your aura. Mixes of purples and blues swirl behind his closed eyelids and he can feel it closer, smell the sweet flowery scent with a hint of petrichor in it.
He opens his eyes and he's transported, his eyes meeting yours but ofcourse you don't see him. Your chin is resting on your palms, elbows perched on the table as you stare a hole into the computer screen in front of you. Felix quickly takes note of the surroundings, the clacking sounds, telephones ringing and chatter in the distance. He's in an office building, and you're sitting in your cubicle, your hair neatly tied and face devoid of any emotions. But he can see your aura, it's swirling and wilding around your frame, painting pretty designs around you. He thinks he's never seen something as beautiful as you are.
"Y/n!"- someone slams a stack of papers on your desk, startling both you and your Cupid, making him float back a little as he observes you.
"These papers need to be finished today."- the woman says, a malicious undertone in her voice.
"B-but it's almost six. I've worked overtime and-"
"It's not my fault you're slow. Next time work during lunch."- the woman turns around, leaving like it's none of her business.
Felix sees you immediately slump in your chair, the pretty blues and purples of your aura dimming down a little as you grip the papers and start going through them. Cupids weren't supposed to feel bad feelings like anger or envy or anything of that sort but Felix somehow felt annoyed at the woman, and moreover he felt bad for you. He wished he could help you get home faster somehow, but he knows he shouldn't meddle into anything except your soul mate.
Speaking of soul mates, as soon as Felix came down from his realm to yours, he couldn't feel another soul that's supposed to be binded to you. That was unusual but not impossible, sometimes charges had their hearts closed off and the Cupids had to try and open up their hearts first before actually connecting them with love.
He dismissed it for now and focused on you, trying to send you a lovely boost of energy so you don't feel too bad. You were tired and stressed, sick od being mistreated at work, seen as less than. There is a lump forming in your throat and tears threating to spill down your cheeks as you keep working. Suddenly, you feel relief, like someone untied the knot inside your chest and you take a deep breath in and somehow feel more energetic to keep working.
It's already past 9pm when you're done and you're beyond exhausted. All you want right now is a nice shower, a warm bowl of noodles and your bed. Felix observes as you tidy your desk and he follows you when you leave the building to your car. The walk through the empty dark parking lot is eerie and Felix can sense the fear creeping up inside you so he floats a little closer to you, his pink soft wings almost touching you. Not that you would feel it even if they did.
Your apartment is small, but it's cozy and clean and it smells like you, like your aura. It makes Felix's senses fuzzy, something he never experienced before. He looks around the living room full of plants you obviously love taking care of, pictures of you and your friends and family, little knick knacks you collect. He does a full turn and comes face to face with you, in your bra and he panics and scrambles away, almost flying into your lamp. The lamp swings ever so slightly and Felix is not sure how his wings have effect on anything physical in this world because they usually don't. He turns away from you giving you your privacy, waiting for you to leave to the bathroom.
When you do, he slowly flies back closer to the lamp and tries to touch it but his hand goes right through it. It was nothing, he sighs, relief washing over him. He keeps looking around, gathering information about his charge so he knows how to help you open up your heart and find love. Some kind of weird feeling washes over him shortly but he shakes it off. You come out of the bathroom, thankfully in your pjs which look adorable on you, Felix thinks as he smiles and watches you.
After your quiet dinner, you get ready for sleep and crawl into your bed, finally relieved to be in your safe space where no one can harm you. Felix ofcourse doesn't want to intrude and be around while you sleep, at least not yet, not when it's to early to enter your dreams. He turns around to fly out, back to his realm but a sniffle stops him. He stays still and listens, another sniffle coming from under your blanket.
A pang hits his chest when he realizes you're crying. He turns back to you and floats closer, the closer he gets, the more pain in his chest he feels. Why is it like this? Felix has always felt emotions of his charges to a certain degree but never this intense. It's almost unbearable to him and he struggles to come closer to you. He tries anyways, shining a little light he made inside his palms to look at you, but you're in the dark and can't see it. But he sees you and you look completely shattered as tears stream down your cheeks, eyes already red from crying. Your lips quiver, your aura fades more into gray and Felix feels what you feel.
He feels used and abandoned, ridiculed and lonely, unloveable. The feelings are so strong that they force him back away from you, tossing him into the wardrobe behind him, making the door rattle. You gasp and scramble into a sitting position, turning on the lamp beside your bed as fast as you can. You swallow in sudden fear as you look around but nothing's there. Felix is still, he's looking at you and he feels so bad that he scared you, especially while you were in a vunerable state. He still has no idea how he managed to make the door rattle or the lamp swing but that scares him too even though he didn't even feel any pain from the impact.
You shake your head and lay back down, turning the lamp off and wiping your tears away. Felix slowly floats towards the window, cautious not to touch or knock anything down. He looks at you one more time before he shimmers himself back into his realm.
"Have you ever moved a physical item in the earth realm?"- Felix whispers to his coworker and friend, Hyunjin, one of the Cupids he was close to.
"What?"- Hyunjin looks at him, his pink lips pouty and eyebrows furrowed in thought.
"Like... like have you ever accidentally made a lamp swing or a door rattle?"- he tries again and Hyunjin chuckles at his friend.
"Did you hit your head somewhere, Lix? We literally can't touch anything, we're not made from the same stuff earth beings and their things are made of."- Hyunjin says, closing his scroll and looking at Felix again.
"Yeah, yeah I know. It was just a stupid question."- Felix says quickly.
"Are you sure?"- Hyunjin squints his eyes at him.
"Yeah, positive. Don't worry about it."- Felix smiles in hopes to get the other Cupid to not ask any further questions since Cupids weren't really capable of lying.
"Eh, alright."- Hyunjin shrugs, opening up his scroll again and Felix sighs in relief. His friend was never one to pry information out of someone or ask incessant questions, which in this moment Felix is thankful for.
He's more than excited to see you again today, hoping you feel better than you did yesterday. He concentrates on your soul and aura, seeking you amongst the 8 billion souls on earth. As soon as he senses you he's transported into... the office bathroom? He's about to fly out because this is a breach of privacy but then he hears a familiar sniffle. There's no way you're crying in the office bathroom stall, is there? Felix slowly floats, looking for the source of the sound until he stops in front of the last door. He inhales and pushes himself through it, his eyes shut tightly. He slowly opens his eyes and squints, praying that you're not in some kind of compromising position.
You're not, you're just sitting on the closed toilet, your face in your hands and you're crying. Felix feels it again, the negative feelings drowning you in sorrow, one especially prominent. You feel excluded, invisible. Unimportant. Cupids don't really have a reason to cry usually, but Felix can feel your pain deeply with all of his being and his eyes water, golden sparkly tears sliding down his freckled cheeks. He reaches his hand towards you, trying to channel anything good through it, simultaneously fighting the bad feelings pushing him away. He knows he's not supposed to touch you or transfer any kind of light into you unless it's a dire soulmate situation but at this moment he doesn't care. He just doesn't want you to feel so sad and hurt so much. He places his palm on the top of your head, gently sliding it towards the back of your head and your head snaps up, your hand touching your hair where he just touched you.
Felix backs away immediately, pulling his hand to his chest as he panics, his big doe eyes wide as you look around in confusion. How did you feel that? You were only supposed to feel the light energy, but you actually felt his touch. Felix panics more when you reach towards him and he floats back out of the stall. Turns out you were just reaching for the door as you swung them open and hurried towards the sink.
Felix's heart beats hard in his chest, a strong fuzzy feeling shimmering in his insides, so dizzying to him that he doesn't even realize he floated right next to you. He gasps and looks at you but luckily you don't see him, you just splashed your face with water and you're looking at your reflection. He wonders what's happening to him, because a charge never made him feel like this nor did they feel him as you apparently did. He didn't even know who to ask about these things, and his friend Hyunjin seemed to know as much if not less than he does.
Felix throws that in the back of his mind for now, his main concern being; what or who made you cry at work? He follows you back to your cubicle and notices a few people gathered around another woman in the office, they're talking and throwing glances at you. Felix floats closer to listen in, even though he shouldn't really be doing that.
"Wow, Natasha, that ring really is beautiful."- one of the woman gushes as she speaks to the so called Natasha.
"I'm glad you're doing a bachelorette party."- one of them squeals.
"And I'm glad you didn't invite that weirdo. She seriously gives me the creeps."- another woman says, and Felix quickly realizes they're talking about you.
"Ugh, who cares about her. Let's talk about the party."- Natasha waves her hand and Felix feels something boiling in his blood, something he never felt before. Something that scares him and makes him wish he could do bad things to anyone who hurts you or makes you cry, but it quickly dissipates when he looks at your face. You look so dejected and he doesn't want you to think you're alone. He flies back to your cubicle and settles right next to you. And you're boiling. With sadness, anger and hurt, you're on the verge of exploding. Felix feels the push you're involuntarily making, pushing him and essentially pushing love away from you. Your aura is in the darker hues of blue and purple, swirling angrily. You stand up and as much as Felix wants you to stand up for yourself, he feels that you're not in the right state of mind and you might get yourself in trouble.
He quickly stands behind you, his hands hovering above your shoulders, scared now to actually touch you so you don't get spooked. He only hovers his hands above, as close to your skin as he can and sends some soothing light energy into your tense muscles. You relax visibly, the feelings of anger subsiding a little. You shake your head and sit down, deciding to ignore the bitches in your office because who really gives a damn about Natasha's wedding? You for sure don't so you go back to your work and Felix sighs behind you.
As you did yesterday, you continue working late into the night, leaving the building last again, crossing the creepy parking lot to your car and Felix follows closely like he did the day before. There's something different about your aura after that bout of anger you had in the office, something wilder brewing inside you. Felix can feel it and for some reason he doesn't recognize the feeling and he's left confused the whole way home as you drive, your hands gripping the wheel harshly.
You're calmer when you walk into your apartment and you do your nightly routine just like you did yesterday while Felix observes you patiently. You take a shower, he waits in the living room, he joins you for dinner and waits for you again in your room while you get ready for bed.
You lay down in your bed and the unfamiliar feeling that floated through you earlier is back. Felix struggles with it, he can't really comprehend the swirling he feels in his gut and he can't wrap his head around it being either a good or a bad feeling. He should leave but his curiosity gets the best of him, especially when you start making noises. Are you crying again?, Felix thinks and floats closer to you slowly only to realize in shock and horror that you're touching yourself.
He gasps, that feeling deep inside him stronger the closer he is to you and he feels like his insides are throbbing. Cupids don't exactly have a body they can touch but they know what sex is, after all that's part of relationships and love. And they also know they shouldn't be intruding on a private moment like this so Felix floats away towards the door, ignoring the fuzziness blurring his senses and vision. He tries to float through the door, the physical barriers never stopping him before, but his forehead collides hard with the door causing him to fall down on his butt, and he groans in pain. Pain? Since when do Cupids feel physical pain from impact like that?, he panics, his hand coming up to rub at his forehead.
"What the hell?"- he hears you say as you sit up and turn your lamp on, your eyes trained on the door. Felix guesses he made a lot of noise, again, and startled you, again.
"If there's a ghost in here now, you're sick!"- you yell out into the room and Felix looks up at you but luckily you don't seem to see him.
"Ugh, ghosts are scary."- he shivers, muttering to himself. You don't hear him, you sigh and lay back down, leaving the lamp on and opting to grab your phone. You open up Instagram, the mood you were in gone now.
Felix lifts up, dusting off the imaginary speckles of dust and glances at you again, feeling embarassed about this whole situation. He's confused about the door and how you managed to hear him smack into it. There's only one person he could ask about these happenings, and he's beyond nervous because of that.
"Hey Lix, how's it going?"- Changbin, one of the more experienced Cupids greets Felix as he makes his way to the Elders. Specifically, one he wants to talk to. Minho. For some reason, everyone is scared of him and there are rumours going around, rumours Felix doesn't even wanna think about because he gets scared easily.
"I- I need to talk to Minho."- Felix gulps and Changbin's smile falters.
"Oh? What for?"- he asks.
"It's personal. About my charge."- Felix answers.
"Ah, you got a tough one? Probably doesn't want to open their heart up for love, hm?"- Changbin wears a small smirk on his face as he plays around with the scroll he holds in his hands.
"Something like that, yeah."- Felix answers.
"You summoned me?"- there's a voice behind Felix and he shivers and turns around quickly, only to be greeted by a very pretty being, one that has sharp eyes and facial features but somehow there is softness underneath all that.
"Y-yes I did. I'm Felix."
"I know who you are. Tell me what you need."- the Elder called Minho talks calmly.
Felix turns to Changbin and he understands and shimmers away from them.
"Well, something weird is happening with my charge."- Felix says, clearing his throat.
"Weird how?"- Minho asks, the white light shining around him almost blinding Felix.
"I can feel her feelings, emotional and physical ones very strongly. So strongly that they managed to hurl me into her wardrobe and... and the door made noise. And then last night... I tried to float through her bedroom door and I banged my head into it."- Felix explains and he gets quieter and quieter as he talks, looking at Minho's face. The expressions Minho made during Felix's speech looked like he went through the five stages of grief in a few seconds.
"Has she heard you or seen you yet?"- Minho asks sternly and Felix is now scared for real.
"Yet? No, I mean no, she didn't. But she felt my touch. At least I think she did."- he mutters the last part.
Minho pinches the bridge of his nose, a long sigh coming out of his mouth.
"Someone screwed up. Again."- he says, annoyed.
"W-what do you mean?"- Felix feels like he's about to cry.
"Okay listen, just keep watching over your charge like you normally would. Create a link with her and infiltrate her dreams, fill them up with love. I'll talk to the others and we'll see what we can do. You just keep doing what you're doing. And don't be scared."- Minho places his hand on Felix's shoulder gently, in hopes of calming the young Cupid down. But nothing about Felix is calm in this moment.
It must be something big if Minho didn't tell him what's happening and he's asking to meet the other Elders. Something seriously bad is happening and Felix can't help but panic. In that moment of distress, he suddenly yearns to be by your side, the sweet scent of your aura, of you enveloping him and caressing him from the inside out. Felix opens his eyes and he's transported into your room. He didn't mean to do that and it startles him, he merely had a thought about you and he was suddenly there.
It's morning in the earth realm, way past your time to go to work but you're still in bed. It must be your day off or the weekend, Felix reckons. He hovers over your sleeping form and looks at you. Your aura is peaceful right now, the blues and purples leaning more to the pastel hues, and a slight silver shimmer between them swirling and dancing slowly. You must be having a good dream, Felix thinks as he smiles and reaches his hand towards you. He knows he shouldn't but he can't help himself. His palm rests on your cheek, and a buzzing feeling goes through him. A feeling he knows too well.
He gasps, retracting his hand as you stir in your sleep. Did you feel it too? His touch? The buzzing, the one that Felix always feels when a charges soulmate is near by. He couldn't believe it, he suddenly felt the other soul binded to you. But it was weird, like it's so close, almost like it's part of him. Something washes over him, a kind of melancholy and he doesn't know what to do with it. Sparkly tears brim at his eyes for a reason unknown to him and you're finally awake.
Your eyes flutter open and you stare straight at Felix, your sleep covered eyes boring into his wide ones. You freeze and he freezes too, his brain short-circuiting at the moment.
"What in the-" - you start and he shimmers away as fast as he can. There's no way. There's no freaking way you just saw him. He hopes he was fast enough so you'd think you were still dreaming. He shimmers back into his realm and accidentally bumps into Hyunjin hard, throwing him off balance.
"Woah! Felix?"- Hyunjin looks at him wide-eyed. "How did you do that?"- he asks.
"Do what?"- Felix's panic spreads wider inside him.
"You pushed me. How did you push me?"- Hyunjin looks confused.
"I- I don't know. I can't explain it right now, I just need to talk to Minho."
"You can't. The Elders are having a meeting. It's something serious by the look of it. Even The Great Source Of Light is attending the meeting. You know it's something bad when they're there."- his fellow Cupid explains.
"Oh my god!"- Felix cries, tears streaming down his cheeks and his friend gasps.
"Oh! You're crying! Why are you crying?"- Hyunjin flails both his arms and wings. He's never seen his fellow Cupids cry like this, especially not the always smiling Felix.
"I can't tell you. I need to go!"- Felix shuts his eyes tightly, concentrating on you again. He hears Hyunjin shouting his name, but it's too late, Felix is transported into your apartment again.
Only this time, it's the living room and you're sitting on the couch, talking to someone on the phone.
"I'm telling you it looked real. He was like some kind of angel. But like Barbie pink version."- you say and Felix accidentally chuckles. He covers his mouth fast but you didn't seem to hear him behind you. He slowly circles the couch to stand in front of you but you look through him.
"Well alright then my dreams are vivid as always. He was kinda cute tho."- you giggle and Felix feels warmness spreading in his face and chest.
"Sure, sure I need to get laid. According to you."- you laugh into the speaker, playing with the hem of your shirt, your legs tucked under one of the decorative pillows on your couch.
"Okay, let me know when you find a normal one."- you chuckle again. "I'll see you soon then. Bye!"
You hang up and shake your head, thinking to yourself that you've really gone mad if you started hallucinating like that. You get up and make your way to your room and Felix follows behind you silently, his senses buzzing again. You open up your closet and start sifting through your dresses. Felix heats up when he realizes you're about to undress. He turns around fast, closing his eyes, trying to be respectful even though there's a strong pull inside him telling him to just turn back around to face you. But he fights it and stays with his back turned to you.
When he's sure you're dressed he whips back around and his eyes land on you, dressed in a pretty dress and checking yourself in the mirror.
"Oh."- Felix gasps, his chest fluttering. He's never seen you dressed like that and his senses start buzzing even more. He's dizzy suddenly so he moves away from you, into the living room. He doesn't want to risk bumping into something or you seeing him again even though he has no idea what actually triggered that.
You finish getting ready and head out, Felix floating behind you. It's a beautiful sunny day and you walk to the park near your house, where your best friend waits for you.
"Y/n!"- Jisung waves at you, getting up from the bench he was sitting on and opening up his arms.
"Sungie!"- you yell back and close the distance, returning the hug.
Felix's lips fall open, and he feels something stirring inside him, something kind of uncomfortable at the sight of you hugging another man like that. You and Jisung part and start walking down the path together. Felix hurries up behind you, trying to put his hand on Jisung's shoulder so he can feel his soul. Jisung's aura is invisible to Felix, since he's not his charge but he can still 'read' his soul only if he manages to make the connection.
"So, how did your date go?"- you ask your friend.
"Which date? The one on Wednesday or the one last night?"- he smirks and you chuckle, smacking his arm and unkowingly startling your Cupid.
"Which ever one was better... or more eventful."- you wiggle your eyebrows.
"Honestly, they were both a snooze. This guy last night almost bored me to death. I'm beginning to think I'll never find my soulmate."- Jisung sighs. Felix's hand is almost on his shoulder.
"Aww, don't say that. I believe that you of all people will actually find your soulmate."- you say.
"I don't see it, unless Cupid personally comes down to earth and finds someone for me."- Jisung jokes and Felix freezes and retracts his hand.
Why did he say that? Did he actually believe in Cupid? Or was he just saying it?
You reach your favorite diner, and Felix manages to float through the door this time while following you. He stands behind your friend's chair as you chat and order, his hands hovering above Jisung's shoulder. He finally places them down, little lights forming from them as he tries to feel around for that familiar buzz and warmness.
But, nothing happens. Jisung doesn't flinch, you keep talking and laughing, and there is no buzz or warmness or love. At least not that kind, Felix can feel that Jisung cares about you as a friend but he isn't your soulmate and Felix feels relieved. Why is he relieved?! He's supposed to find your soulmate, that's his only purpose! He feels confused suddenly, thoughts swirling inside him and he decides - tonight will be the night he will try to infiltrate your dreams.
Felix waits for you to fall asleep instead of shimmering away this evening. When he's sure you're entering deeper into your dreams, he floats closer to you and hovers over you. He places his hands above your head and closes his eyes, concentrating on your energy. Little particles of light shine out of his hands onto your face, warming you up and creating the link your Cupid needs to basically transport himself into your mind.
You're dreaming, at least you think you are but it feels real. More real than any other dream you had before. You're in a field that seems to stretch forever, it's warm and sunny, you're surrounded by beautiful flowers but there's something different about them, different than flowers you see in real life. They're glowing, you realize. The light on their petals glimmers into million different colors, you've never seen anything like it.
"Pretty, isn't it?"- you hear a deep voice behind you and you whip around fast, but you're met with more flowers and grass.
"Who's there? Show yourself!"- you say.
"Not yet."- the voice says. "I don't want to spook you."
"Who are you?"- you ask.
"I'm... someone who's trying to help you open up your heart to love."- the voice reckons.
"Oh? I don't think my heart's closed though."
"Then why do you feel so lonely?"
"Ouch! That's none of your business!"- you feel slightly annoyed at the voice, but this is also just a dream so it must be your subconscious.
"Actually, that is exactly my business-"
"Honestly, I feel crazy talking to a void. Just come out from wherever you're hiding."- you hear a deep sigh and then you see a blinding light. Your arms come up to shield your eyes as you wait for the flickering to subside. When you put your arms down, you come face to face with a beautiful creature. You've never seen anyone as pretty as this creature is, they're practically glowing, their pretty pink wings shimmering and moving lightly as they hover over the ground.
"Hey, I know you!"- you say suddenly, pointing at him and waving your finger. "I saw you this morning when I opened my eyes. Oh my god, I am going crazy. I've conjured up some kind of pretty man in my dreams! You are a man, right?"
"Ugh, well, I'm not technically human. But for humans I am male presenting. I'm actually-" - Felix doesn't get to finish his sentence, he's suddenly forcefully thrown out of your mind.
The link is broken, why? Felix opens his eyes and you're awake. It's still night so why did you wake up? He floats away from you, giving you space as he sees you fumbling for your night lamp.
You turn the light on, your hand coming up to rest on your forehead. The connection must've been too much for you that it caused you a headache and that's why you woke up. Your Cupid feels bad that he caused you pain so he comes closer to you again, lifting his hands up over your hair to take the pain away. His light heals you and the pressure that was throbbing inside your head and behind your eyelids is suddenly gone. You go back to sleep feeling exhausted and confused about your dream even though you couldn't remember the details of it. Felix decides to stay next to you tonight.
It's been a few weeks, and the Elders haven't said a word about their meeting or Felix's 'situation' to him. He was still scared and panicky but he tried to stay calm for the sake of his charge - you, who he had to help find love. He tried to ignore the constant buzzing he felt whenever he got closer to you, but it was consuming him and making him feel weaker. Like his powers were harder to call upon, and he had no idea how you or the soul binded to you were doing that. Speaking of that soul, he had yet to find them and he tried to 'read' every single person interacting with you, but every time the reading came up blank.
Tonight, Felix decided to appear in your dreams again and try to make the dream longer so you could have a proper conversation.
You find yourself on the pretty field again, those wondrous flowers glowing beautifully around you.
"Hello?"- you say, looking around the now familiar place.
"I'm here."- the deep voice says and you turn around towards it.
"Indeed you are."- you chuckle. "I must be crazy."
"I assure you, you're not. Let me properly introduce myself. My name is Felix, and I am... well I'm your Cupid."- he says and you look at him in disbelief before you burst out into laughter, startling the poor creature.
"Okay, this is just a dream."- you shake your head.
"Yes, it is."
"At least I'm not hallucinating in real life."- you say.
"I've come to talk to you. I'm having some problems in finding the soul binded to you. I feel them close but I can't find them. It must mean that your heart is closed off to love."
"Is that like a soulmate?"- you play along this illusion you created in your head, when in fact you know you're just talking to yourself.
The glowing creature nods.
"What if I don't have one?"- you ask.
"Nonsense! Everyone has a soulmate."
"Even you?"
"I am just a messenger of love."- Felix shakes his head.
"Maybe I'm not meant for love. Maybe I'm an exception and I don't have a soulmate or whatever."- you sigh and Cupid floats closer to you.
"Is that how you feel? Undeserving of love?"
"Are you going all psychological on me?"- you chuckle, he's now closer to you and you feel warmth radiating from the light around him.
"Well, I need to know what's stopping you from finding love."
"I don't want to talk about this anymore."- you say, your mood sour suddenly and Felix feels it.
"Okay, we can talk about anything else."- he smiles at you.
"Don't you have somewhere else to be? Aren't you supposed to help people find love?"
"I am one of many."- Felix chuckles. "I'm supposed to be right here now. With you."
You're about to talk but your alarm blasts next to your ear and you realize you're waking up. The pretty field, flowers, sunshine and Cupid disappear into oblivion and you wake up in your room. The clock is showing 6:30am and you have to get ready for work. You have a warm feeling inside you and you feel like you just came from somewhere, some happy place and you're trying to grasp it again. You hate when you forget your dreams like that, but it must've been a good one because you're feeling more positive than you usually do.
Jisung calls you that evening, all excited about finding you the perfect date. He's been yapping about his coworker, Chan, for days, trying to get you to go out with him.
"Just take a risk. It's one date, what do you have to lose? If you don't like him just ghost him or something."
"Because that's very nice to do, Jisung."- you roll your eyes even though he can't see you over the phone and he laughs.
"Look, maybe it will just be some nice dick, but god knows you need that anyways."
"Oh my god!"- you laugh. "Alright then, I'll go out with him."
"Yes!"- you can imagine Jisung jumping up and down in excitement. "Wear that pretty black dress you have!"
And you do, you wear the dress, you put your heels on, you even put a little more makeup than you usually do and Felix watches.
He seethes in jelaousy, he recognizes it now, it's something Cupids aren't supposed to feel but he does. He wants you to make yourself this pretty for him, only for him. He knows it's the highest rule he's breaking but he can't help it, he's fallen in love with you.
You really don't have high expectations out of tonight, having been disappointed in people again and again. So you're surprised when Chan turns out not only handsome and funny but a real gentleman and someone you can actually have an intelligent conversation with. But you're cautious and don't want to jump to conclusions, or start anything serious.
That's why you decide to let go for the night, after a few encouraging drinks in your system, you invite Chan over to your place. You haven't been touched in so long, you forgot how good it feels to have someone kiss you as passionately as he does. You forgot how it feels to have gentle hands on your skin, worshipping you, laying you down on your bed.
Glowing golden tears slide down Felix's cheeks as he watches from the corner of the room. He knows Chan's not your soulmate, he linked to his soul back at the restaurant you had dinner at. And while he sensed that Chan was a good man, he still didn't want him anywhere near you. Felix still wants to give you privacy, but the buzzing and fuzziness clouding his senses don't let him move his wings or shimmer. He feels paralyzed and all he can do is turn his back to the bed, forced to listen to your pleasure, your strained moans, short breaths, your wetness caused by the man touching you and kissing you, the way you kept chanting his name.
Felix wishes to disappear, but at the same time his gut is stirring and he feels shame wash over him. He shuts his eyes tight, ignoring all the feelings brewing inside him, and suddenly he feels like he's being pulled up. He almost screams in fear but when he opens his eyes, he realizes he's back in his realm. Minho is glowing as he stands in front of him and Felix, still out of breath, slightly bows to his Elder.
"Felix."- Minho says and the Cupid gulps.
"Your powers are weakening fast, even as we speak."
"What's happening to me?"- Felix asks, fresh sparkly tears spilling out his eyes, lips quivering.
"You're losing your powers. You're becoming human, Felix."- Minho announces and Felix gasps.
"H-how is that possible?"- he's shivering now.
"I can't tell you yet. You need to find out on your own. Go back to your charge."
"B-but she's-"
"Go to her. Don't be afraid. Everything will be fine, Cupid."- Minho waves his hands towards Felix, little sparkly clouds coming out of them, soothing the Cupid's pain as much as he can.
"I can't shimmer."- Felix shakes his head, shaking a little.
"Just try to focus on your charge's energy and you'll be transported."- Minho says and Felix tries again, he senses you but he can't move.
"Hyunjin!"- Minho summons the other Cupid and he appears next to them. He takes in the state of his friend, shaking and tears still streaming down his cheeks. He's never seen him this weak or this sad.
"What's wrong?"- Hyunjin's brows furrow.
"He can't shimmer. Help him, just bring him to his charge, he'll show you the way."- Minho explains.
Hyunjin grabs Felix's hands gently and they both close their eyes, communicating with their minds, Felix sending his emotions and your soul's energy to Hyunjin. They manage to shimmer into your living room and Felix looks around. It's obviously the next day after that date, since time goes by differently in different realms.
"Hey, whatever happens, everything will be okay in the end, you know?"- Hyunjin smiles sympathetically at Felix, gently putting his hand on his friend's cheek.
"How do you know that?"- Felix's bottom lip quivers. "Do you know something I don't?"- he asks, vision blurry from tears. Hyunjin wipes them off.
"I don't. But I trust the Elders know what they're doing. And so does The Great Source Of Light. They would never harm us or anyone else for that matter."- Hyunjin reassures him.
"You really think that?"- Felix sniffles.
"I do. You'll be fine, my friend."- Hyunjin pats his head and shimmers away. Felix looks around again and you're not in the living room. He hears rummaging in your kitchen and he hopes and prays that Chan isn't still here. He wipes his tears away, trying to come to his senses, and you walk out of the kitchen towards your sofa.
You look up and freeze.
"What the fuck?!"- you squeal, grabbing the nearest object to you, which was just a decorative pillow in the shape of a flower and hurl it into the intruder standing next to your tv. Felix gasps, lifting his arms up to cover his face and the pillow flies right through him, a few particles of light dispersing around him as the pillow hits the wall with a thud.
"Okay, what the hell is this?!"- you say, obviously panicked and trying to pinch yourself so you wake up cause there's no way this is real.
"Don't hurt me!"- the 'intruder' speaks in a deep voice that's somehow familiar to you.
"What are you? What is happening?!"- you panic, half hiding behind your sofa. "Are you a ghost?"
"Ghosts are scary."- the creature shakes his head and comes closer. You squint your eyes, moving back a little, before realization dawns on you.
"I know you!"- you wave your finger at him and Felix feels a sense of deja vu. "You appear in my dreams. You talk to me. In some field with weird flowers."
"How do you remember that?"- he gasps. His powers must be really weakening.
"I remember a lot of my dreams. I don't remember what we talk about though. Am I going crazy and hallucinating right now? Talking to myself?"- you ask.
"No, I'm real."- the creature says.
You don't feel threatened for some reason so you come closer to him. Warmth radiates off of him and he looks ethereally beautiful up close. His hair is long and blonde, eyes dark but sparkles swim inside them, eyelashes long, freckles adorning his face, some of them in the shape of little hearts, even his upper lip is shaped like a heart. He glows, his pink shiny wings moving ever so slightly as he hovers above the ground just a little, before he plants his feet down on your carpet.
You reach your hand towards him, something pulling you closer to him and Felix stays completely still as he feels that buzzing again. His soul vibrates as your fingertips touch his ever so slightly and his eyes flutter. You gasp, only feeling electrifying warmness when you touch him, not actual skin like you would if you were touching a human.
"W-what are you?"- you whisper.
"I'm a Cupid. One of many. I was sent to help you find your soulmate."- he says and you laugh in disbelief, much like you did in your dream.
"I should call a doctor and get my head checked."- you sigh, sitting down on your sofa. Felix joins you reluctantly, almost shyly, and you eye him.
"I'm telling you, you're not crazy, this is real. It's just that you're not supposed to see me. But somehow you can."- he says.
"And why's that?"- you ask.
"I don't know. The Elders do. But they never told me anything, they said I should find out on my own."- the Cupid explains.
"The Elders?"- you play along to the madness.
"Yeah. Ugh, they're like beings of light like us, but like upper level. They take care of everything, keep the balance of Good in the world. All the positive feelings and such."- the Cupid explains.
"So is your name Cupid or?"- you say, trying to wrap your head around what's happening right now.
"No, my name's Felix."- he says.
"Okay then, Felix."- you emphasize his name and his chest flutters, some kind of vibrating wave washing over him. "How are you supposed to help me find my soulmate?"
"Well, I watched you and got to know you... and I'm supposed to feel the soul-"
"Wait, wait. You watch me? Isn't that kinda creepy?"- you stop him.
"N-no, it's literally what I'm supposed to do! Or it was, at least. I never intruded on your personal moments. I mean, not on purpose."- Felix says, looking away from you.
"What do you mean not on purpose?"
"I couldn't shimmer while you were here with your date last night. But I was summoned by the Elders anyways."
"Shimmer?"
"It's how Cupids transport through realms."- he explains, and you shake your head, your brows lifting up in disbelief.
"So you just watched me have sex?"
Felix cringes, the feelings stirring inside him last night threatening to resurface again.
"No, I didn't! I turned away. And just so you know, Chan is not your soulmate."
You scoff at him and grab your phone.
"Okay, I've had enough of this craziness. I'm gonna call the only person I trust, and if he can see you then you're real."- you nod to yourself.
"Jisung?"- Felix asks and you roll your eyes at him.
"You know eeeeverything about me, now do you?"- you say before Jisung picks up. You tell him it's an emergency and to come over asap.
And he does, just 10 minutes later, he's walking through your door.
"Come, I need to show you something."- you say grabbing his arm and pulling him into your living room.
"Where is the damn emergency?"- Jisung whines.
"There."- you point at Felix, who's standing next to the sofa now. "Do you see him?"
"You mean the pretty man with pink wings that's floating in your living room? Yeah I do and what the actual fuck?"- Jisung asks, his eyes widdened in shock.
"This is Cupid. One of many, as he says. His name is Felix and he's here to help me find love."- you sigh and Jisung laughs, shaking his head. "And since you can see him, either he's real or we're sharing a hallucination."
"I can't believe your ass was so lonely that you got your own personal Cupid to help you date."- Jisung jokes and you smack his head.
"Not funny!"- you say.
"Actually, you have your own personal Cupid too."- Felix chimes in.
"I do?"- Jisung's eyes widden again, his hand still rubbing where you smacked him.
"Everyone does."- Felix nods.
"So why can we see you?"- Jisung asks.
"I don't know. I don't know why any of this is happening. It all started when I accidentally swung the lamp and hit the wardrobe door-"
"That was you?"
"Yeah, and I'm not supposed to be able to influence physical stuff in the earth realm like that. I'm only made of light."- Felix explains.
"Okay then, you obviously need help. Since you can't shimmer or whatever, and people can see you, you have to stay here while I'm out. I mean people would probably be weirded out if they saw a guy with wings floating around me all day."- you chuckle and Felix nods, some kind of turmoil swirling in his chest.
"Shimmer?"- Jisung asks.
"Don't ask."- you say and Felix suddenly feels dizzy, he grabs at his chest, vibration going through his body.
"Felix?"- you tilt your head as you turn back to him.
He's buzzing even more now, little particles of light dispersing constantly around him.
"What's happening to him?!"- Jisung panics getting up and trying to get closer to the Cupid, only to be blinded by light.
Both of you lift your hands up to shield your eyes, and you hear some kind of little explosions like fireworks all around you.
The lights are so bright that you can see them under your closed eyelids.
You hear a thud and the lights disappear so you finally open your eyes. Felix is laying on the floor, seemingly unconscious and both you and Jisung rush to him.
You place your hand on Felix's shoulder and try to shake him only to realize you can actually feel him like he was made of flesh, not only the warmness and electricity that went through your palm earlier.
Felix is slowly waking up and he can hear Minho summoning him, at the same time he feels your hand on him, he feels the floor beneath him and he panics. He's pulled up suddenly, the action hurting him, his now human body screaming with pain.
"Felix."- he hears Minho's warm voice.
"What happened?"- Felix asks, slowly opening his eyes, all the light and swirling clouds that he was surrounded by every day of his existence suddenly making him naseous, intensifying the headache behind his eyelids.
"You're almost completely human. Have you realized why you're turning human?"- Minho asks and Felix shakes his head no.
Minho pinches the bridge of his nose, sighing in annoyance.
"Think about it. The buzzing you feel when you're close to your charge."
Felix thinks, despite the horrible aches going through his body, he tries hard to think about everything he knows. He gasps as realization dawns on him.
"I'm- I'm her soulmate?"- he says, his chest beating now and he clutches at it, realizing he now has a heart pumping blood through him.
"Finally!"- Minho chuckles.
"But how is that possible? Cupids aren't supposed to fall in love, especially not with mortals."- Felix recites the rule he learned the first day he opened his eyes.
"Well, someone screwed up. As you know, us Elders deal with good souls too, we help them reincarnate or pass on into different existences. Cupids souls are the souls of people who are done with their life on earthly realms, promoting them to a higher state of being. I mean, not only Cupids, but also Muses for inspiration, Sandman for dreams and many other light beings. The point is, your soul was supposed to be reincarnated as your charge's soulmate. But instead someone accidentally reincarnated you into a Cupid. Still, the pull of love is stronger than anything, travelling through realms and your soulmate ended up as your charge just so you can find love in each other. Weird how destiny works, but that is yours."- Minho explains and Felix just stares at him, the overwhelming amount of information seemingly suffocating him.
"Wh-what about my powers... My other charges..."
"Your charges have been divided between different Cupids, so don't worry about that. Your powers are actually what I wanted to talk to you about. They were one with you since the day you started existing, connected to your emotions so it will take some time for them to completely disappear. The transition will be hard but it will be worth it."
"B-but... what if she doesn't love me?"- Felix asks weakly.
"Oh, she already does. After all, she's your soulmate too."- Minho smiles, seemingly glowing even brighter than before.
"So what do I do now?"
"I will send you back to the earth realm. This is goodbye, former-Cupid. You did a great job helping people find love. It's your turn now to find yours."- Minho says beckoning Felix's friends to come closer. Hyunjin and Changbin float closer to Felix, both of them with golden tears sparkling in their eyes, threatening to spill out.
"You'll be fine, Felix. You deserve to feel love."- Hyunjin smiles at his friend and Changbin agrees.
Felix tries to hug them, but all he feels is the warmness of the light particles they're made of as they embrace him. It's enough for him to feel the love they hold.
"Shimmer him to his love."- is the last thing Felix hears before everything goes black.
It has been three weeks exactly since Felix disappeared and appeared again in your living room, without his wings, unconscious and running a high fever.
You and Jisung carried him to your bed when he appeared, unsure if you should call an ambulance or not. Jisung remembered that Chan's close to a doctor who's really good at what he does but you felt awkward since you never contacted him again after that night. He was still happy to help, holding no grudges against you and his doctor friend welcomes you to his ordination the same day.
You can't really explain the whole situation to the doctor lest he deems you crazy, but even with the little information you give to him, he takes care of Felix.
"Hm."- doctor Yang muses, staring at the papers in his hands. "He just has a fever, while all his other vitals are fine. It's just like he's burning up from the inside, like there's some kind of light or fire inside him."
Even after running all the possible tests, the doctor couldn't find the source of Felix's state, but you know it's gonna take more than any kind of human medicine to make him better.
And now it's been three weeks, Felix is falling in and out of consciousness, and you've tried everything and anything you could think of. Jisung's been helping you take care of him, and you've had time to think. Your heart ached for Felix, seeing him on the brink between life and death, holding on by a thread.
In the mean time, you decide to say fuck it and quit your job. It's not what you wanted to do originally anyways, you just had to pay bills like everyone else so you settled. But, after finding out about Cupids, Elders and whatnot, your earthly problems and concerns seemed kind of nonsensical. Life is so much greater than you thought it was, there is meaning in it, there is love and destiny and soulmates.
That's why you feel connected to Felix, in a way, he was excluded too, something you felt every single day of your life, especially at work. He was cut off from the only life he knew, he had no family or friends, no past on Earth, at least not in this life. You feel like you want to protect him in any way you can.
"Sungie, I'm worried. His breathing is really shallow."- you say, placing your hand on Felix's forehead.
Jisung is silent for a few moments, deep in thought.
"Jisung?"- you tilt your head at him.
"You know what I've been thinking? Since he is - well was Cupid, and he's made of light and love... wouldn't a true love's kiss make him better?"- Jisung suggests.
"Have you been reading fairytales?"- you chuckle.
"Cupid is kind of a fairytale though, isn't he? Or a myth, rather. I don't know, just think about it."
"That's so cliché though."- you shake your head in disbelief.
"Cliché or not, it could be the only way to help him."
That evening, you're alone with Felix and thinking about what your friend said earlier. It couldn't hurt to try, right? You got nothing to lose.
You get up from the couch that you've been sleeping on ever since Felix fell ill, and make your way to your room. He's laying on his back, his breathing fast and shallow, beads of sweat running down his forehead. You sit on the bed, nervousness suddenly washing over you and making your heart beat faster in your chest.
"Felix?"- you try like many times before, but to no avail. Your eyes water and you're afraid. If this doesn't work, he may not have much more time. The thought of that creates an empty hole in your stomach.
You lean in closer to his face and slowly press your lips on his. They're chapped but still soft and you feel something hit you, leaving you out of breath. Thousands of years of love, his soul that was binded to you since the beginning, stretching into forever, taking different shapes, nationalities, species. You may have even been two rocks on a shore when Earth first came into existence. You know him, you know his lips, you know his love.
You hear fireworks much like that day in the living room and you quickly pull back. Little lights are exploding around Felix and he opens his eyes.
"Y-y/n?"- he says weakly, his voice deep and raspy as he squints his eyes at you. The little lights from the fireworks disperse around you both.
"Felix?!"- you gasp. You can't believe it actually worked! Jisung is a damn genius, you think, smiling at Felix.
"W-what-"
"It's okay."- you touch his forehead and his fever seems to be subsiding quickly. "You have to drink some water."
Felix just nods, feeling completely confused and out of it. You grab a water bottle and help him drink.
"Oh, that's better."- he says. "What happened?"
"You were kind of unconscious for three weeks. Jisung and I took care of you. I thought you... I thought you wouldn't make it."- you say, your stomach swirling with many different emotions.
"How did you make me better then?"- he asks and your face warms up.
"I- ugh- I kissed you."- you declare and Felix's eyes widden, his cheeks rosy.
"Oh."- he looks away and awkwardness settles between you both as you have no idea what to do or say.
Felix's stomach suddenly grumbles making you chuckle as he gasps and grabs at it.
"I guess you're fully human now."- you say. "Let's go eat something."- you reach your hands towards him.
He grabs them, wobbling on his feet and you help him steady himself. After not using his legs for 3 weeks, he still feels weak and fuzzy even though your kiss basically healed him.
"My wings!"- he realizes suddenly. "They're gone!"
"Actually, they were gone as soon as you were brought back from your realm."- you tell him and he doesn't answer, seemingly deep in thought.
You decide not to pry with any questions as you both settle in the kitchen, he'll tell you what's on his mind when he's ready.
You whip up some instant noodles and bring two bowls to the table. Felix doesn't wait, he starts digging in with his chopsticks right away.
"Woah, woah, wait a little or you'll get burned."- you warn him, gently grabbing his hand.
His face flushes as he looks at you sheepishly.
"Sorry."- he mumbles.
"It's okay."- you smile at him. "You have lots of things to get used to."
When he does try the food, his eyes widden comically, lips falling open.
"Oh wow, this is so good! Must be food for gods."- he gasps.
"Thank you, but it's just instant noodles."- you chuckle. He smiles a little and continues eating as thoughts swirl around his head.
Now that he's completely human, everything he knew before and everyone he cared about was gone. Everything he ever was just evaporated, his powers, his wings, his duties. And even though he knows you're his soulmate, and you're bound to fall in love with him like he fell in love with you, he was still scared. If you didn't want him, he'd have nowhere to go.
"What's on your mind?"- you ask Felix after dinner, as you both sit on your couch.
"Well... I basically don't exist in this realm. I don't have a family, not even a last name. No one, but you I guess."- he sighs shyly.
"I know it's not the same, but I kind of of have no one except Jisung and well you either. I'm not really close to my family anymore."
"But the pictures-"
"Are old. They didn't agree with my choices and they didn't care for me when I was down. Jisung was there for me at my lowest so he's more like family to me than my actual one."- you say.
"I understand. It's just that... I'm scared."- Felix looks away from you.
"Of what?"
"I know we're soulmates but I'm afraid you wont see me the way I see you and then I'll truly have no one."- he says quietly. You chuckle, making him look up at you.
"You know what I felt when I kissed you?"- you ask and he shakes his head.
"I felt like I've known you for a thousand years. Like I loved you for a thousand years."- his lips tremble. "I've always been kind of a dreamer when it comes to love. But after being with wrong people I stopped believing. In soulmates, destiny, Cupids and whatnot. But kissing you tonight changed everything."
"Do you maybe want to try that again?"
Instead of answering verbally you start leaning in towards him slowly, your eyes travelling to his plump lips. Felix's heart starts beating hard against his chest as he leans in too. Your heart matches the beating of his as his breath hits your lips. He meets you halfway, your lips pressing together and you place your hands on his cheeks gently. You start moving your lips and he's stunned for a moment before he follows your lead. And suddenly, he feels all of it. All the precious moments of love you shared in your past lives. The purpose of his existence, he realizes as his soul buzzes is to love you. You smile into the kiss and he knows everything will be just fine.
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jenning-fcb · 3 days
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a clegan au where John love Gale so much that he doesn't want to live anymore, because Gale would never be his.
the realization hit him like a punch in the stomach, making him lose all air. ''I don't want to live'', John thought, ''I don't want to be alive'', he realized as tears gathered in his eyes. and now that he had realized it he couldn't stop thinking about it.
''I don't see any reason to be alive'', he kept thinking. it hurt, not having hope of getting better, how that hurt. it was the kind of pain that made his chest burn, physically burn. it was such a strong emotional pain that he felt it throughout his trembling body. His pain was reflected in his stomach that refused to feel hungry, in his eyes that continued to burn with repressed tears, in his throat that tried to suppress the urge to vomit that was growing.
he never thought he could feel so much pain. but every time he closed his eyes, he saw blue. the blue that reminded him so much of the sea. the sea that made him wish he had never learned how to swim, so he could drown in it. he would enter its blue immensity where he would waste his breath until his bitter lungs cried out for air. an air he would not receive. he didn't want to breathe anymore. he just wanted to get lost in that blue, he just wanted to drown in that blue.
every night, the blue of Gale's eyes haunted him, even though he closed his own eyes, he still saw it. if he slept, he dreamed with this blue, and while awake, that was all he saw.
loving Gale made John want to die, because he could never have him. and every day john cursed the God who put him in this world, just to make him love another man. why would God do this to him? he didn't understand. why make him love another man in a world that didn't allow that? it was unfair. was it a punishment? he didn't think he deserved it, despite all his sins.
what hurt most was his own desires, how he couldn't help but think what it would be like to live in a world that allowed him to say out loud that he loved Gale, a world in which he could feel gale's lips on his. sometimes he dreamed about it, and when he woke up it seemed so real that he could have sworn the kiss had been real.
it was horrible to think of a world where things could be different, because no matter how many times he thought about it, how many times he imagined it, no matter how many times he screamed to the sky begging, shouting ''please'', nothing would change and he could still be happy only in his head, only in his dreams. and each day that passed made it even less worth waking up. it was just to difficult to live knowing that he could only be truly happy in his fantasies.
and because of that most days he tried to sleep early even though he wasn't tired or sleepy, he just couldn't stay awake another second in a world where Gale wasn't his, while his eyes were open all he felt was pain. it was so much pain, much more than he could handle.
every time he opened his eyes and reality hit him, he was reminded that he could never have what he wanted. he could never be the love of his life. he just couldn't take it anymore.
it was so despairing and every time the air went in and out of his lungs, his despair increased, so he didn't want to breathe anymore.
if John could define living in just one word he would say that living is disappointing. he just didn't want it anymore.
sometimes Gale seemed to notice his sadness and at random moments of the day he would ask how John was.
''i'm between wanting to take your clothes off, or wanting to take my life.'' John would respond if he was honest, instead he said ''I'm fine.''
he just wanted to close his eyes, dream about Gale one last time, and never wake up.
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miabrown007 · 3 months
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going crazy about kaz brekker hours
#HE'S JUST *screams into a pillow*#Inej wants him to be better she NEEDS him to be better and shed his armour and be emotionall vulnerable and honest to her#and every time he tries it life delivers a right hook into his solar plexus and knocks him to hell and back#and time and time again he is made to come to the incorrect conclusion that being vulnerable and soft and caring about anyone ever#is a mistake and a weakness that he isn't allowed that he doesn't deserve#and his only way of getting what he wants and keeping the people he loves safe is if he becomes something that can't love them#like life just continues to punish him for having any kind of feelings#and he can only love them if he kills the part of himself that loves them. like COME ON MAN#i'm literally unwell about this kid (KID HE'S FUCKING 17 LET HIM LIVE)#someone sedate me (well actually don't i need to start reading CK tonight)#Kaz I Am Ruin And Ruination Brekker#and it's so tragic because he has come such a long way during SoC and when Inej asks him to be hers you know he can't do it. he would like#to but he's unable of it like his walls are still built up so high.#and it's fair of her to ask because she needs that and keeping her always at arms length is not viable of Kaz but also that's all he can#currently give her. that's his all and it's not enough and my heart is breaking for them ohmygod#they make me think so much of felonies love square I'LL EAT GLASS#okay. anyway. finished six of crows. i'm normal about them.#mia's reading
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tiyoin · 4 months
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what if alastor’s darling went to heaven 😧
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cw: heavy manipulation, heavy gaslight, alastor being alastor (whom is a shit stirrer,) poor charlie is getting caught up in alastor's schemes again
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he’s yandere (platonic or romantic, up to you idc, but I hc him as ace) ofc he’s gonna want you by his side for all of eternity!
maybe that’s why he wants to involve himself with the hotel. so he can get close enough to heaven, just so he can tear your wings off and drag you down to hell with him.
of course he tells charlie about you once she gets the go ahead for the meeting. he asks her to give you this letter if she has the chance.
vaggie strongly opposes this once she see’s husk’s reactions to the mentioning of you. husk, the brute stand-offish bar tender stilled. the bar counter he was busy wiping down left forgotten as his head snapped to alastor’s.
yet his eyes met vaggie’s
“don’t let her get that letter. don’t let alastor near her”
she got the message loud and clear.
about to take the letter from alastor, he flicked his fingers away as his head snapped to hers. her eyes widened.
charlie was too busy gushing about ‘alastor long lost ‘lover’’ that she didn’t notice the hotel’s atmosphere change. the sudden dip in temperature, and the distant sounds of horses.
his eyes stopped boring into hers and snapped to husk, who started cleaning with stupor.
“miss vaggie..” charlie had stopped her bit and joined back to the conversation. off handedly noting how cold it was as alastor handed her the letter.
“i do appreciate your eagerness” his eyes squinted “in delivering this letter, but charlie here” he pats charlie’s head “is the only one i trust to do the job.” he smirked. fully aware of the silent conversation the two employees had.
vaggie gulped, backing away with her hands in faux surrender as charlie once again told him that she wouldn’t let him down!
vaggie didn’t have a good feeling about this. you two were separated for a reason.
he was in hell for a reason
plus it was illegal for believers and sinners to have any kind of contact, as that would violate heaven..
vaggie knew she shouldn’t talk. let alone question alastor. but he was planning on committing a carinal sin.
clipping an angels wings and watching them fall was the worst sin of all.
vaggie couldn’t wrap her head around it. did he really love you? or was he bored and wanted to take being an ‘overlord’ to the next level. to do one thing a sinner, let alone a citizen of hell could ever do.
cause a fallen angel.
“shouldn’t you let her be? you could get her- us into serious trouble by giving her that letter. who knows what might happen. we could get punished and she could”
“fall?“ he finished for her, eyebrow quirked with that same cocky grin on his face.
“what better way to help our group of sinners than to have an angel to lead us to salvation!” his grin widened, yet she never once met his piercing eyes. he squeezed his fist to show emphasis; determination, if you would.
“my y/n is nothing but a saint who devoted themselves to helping people in their life. she was even kind to give dear ol’ me special attention-“
“gross” vaggie cut in, alastor eyes snapped to her for the briefest moment, his facade cracking the tiniest bit before he continued; “this establishment is certainly in need of their expertise if we want the hotel to successfully reform sinners!”
charlie’s smile faltered, “but… she’d be kicked out of heaven…”
forever
that word rang through everyone’s minds. like how lucifer gave the apple to eve, alastor snaked around charlie.
“it’s a necessary evil, is it not?” he questioned, one by one his claws fanned onto her shoulders, his head next to hers as he whispered: “think about all the people we could help, they could help. they should know better than anyone how people in heaven are, what they act like, how they get there-“ he leered at vaggie
“from their own personal experience of course! and it’s so cold and lonely at night without my precious” he sniffles, grabbing a handkerchief from one of sir penticols egg boi’s.
“but we want people to get into heaven… not kicked out” she trails off, suddenly thinking about her father.
alastor rubbed her shoulders before sighing. he detached himself from charlie as stopped in front of her, next to vaggie.
“very well then” he extends his hand mournfully to charlie, eyes locked into hers.
“then there’s no point in having you deliver my love letter anyway” charlie looks at his hand, then his face, before looking at the slightly crumpled letter.
“please, charlie, don’t make this harder for me” alastor continues, empathizing his hand.
charlie looks at vaggie, then to the letter, then to the door and finally at alastor.
“…i’ll think about it” she mutters quietly, tucking the letter into her jacket as alastor’s sad demeanor changes like a mask falling off.
“wonderful!” he grabs charlie and vaggie by the shoulders and starts hearding them towards the portal. yapping their ears off about how they’ll do amazing, and that heaven ‘won’t know what to do once they see you both.’
but vaggie continued to look back, husk’s slightly turned up face didn’t betray the emotion on it. one she never thought she’d see on him.
pity.
charlie left first, tugging vaggie in as she met alastor’s twinkling eyes, and shit eating grin as he waved.
alastor had won, and vaggie knows he’s going to get ready to celebrate his spoils.
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i edited it and added some more… things 🤭
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alexiethymia · 7 months
Text
MaoMao's Way of Affection
[spoilers up until LN 12 and WN 10 so read at your own risk]
After such a long time, we finally get a hint of reciprocation when even without orders or prompting, it's MaoMao herself who seeks out Jinshi after the harrowing ordeal she went through.
I'm not sure how the WN will differ from the LN but her words with how she describes Jinshi's arms around her, "heavy but not immoveable" and Jinshi asking her to make him let her go and eventually opting not such that she ends up falling asleep in his arms actually perfectly describes their relationship.
Despite their problems, I do adore this relationship. On the one hand, you have Jinshi who ends up falling for someone who cares not a whit for his appearance. MaoMao is actually the perfect person for Jinshi to fall in love with because of his complex. Should he succeed, he can be assured that his looks had nothing to do with it. For the first time in his life, Jinshi can fight for something with his own above average, but not excellent capabilities.
And tropey as it is, I think MaoMao does have a soft spot for that slightly pathetic part of Jinshi. Honestly, to compare him to the person she respects most in the whole world? A daddy's girl through and through. In other words, MaoMao, even as she denies it, is not impenetrable to that earnest side of Jinshi and because of that, even as she might snark and say she's just following orders, she can't help but be his support - a useful tool rather than a useless burden.
I love how the both of them mature and progress and how the relationship reflects that. As compared to that forceful scene back in LN5, it's actually this innocent scene that cements the progress they've made and that they're slowly meeting each other halfway. Jinshi tries to restrain himself, and MaoMao, thanks to Chue, slowly stops trying to hide behind that convenient excuse.
Because the thing is, MaoMao is a hypocrite. In the same way, she rebukes Jinshi for not being clear, she also gets to hide behind vague half-truths. Why not say no once and for all? "I don't want to be your wife." Is it just because he's the Imperial Brother? Compare and contrast how she treats Grand Marshall Kan for example. And even if he is the Imperial Brother, MaoMao knows in her heart of hearts that Jinshi wouldn't ever punish her for rejecting him. She knows, after everything, that he just isn't that kind of person (the certainty that he wouldn't ever be involved in any assassination plots, the almost unconscious instinct to prevent something she knows Jinshi wouldn't want even if it might be for the good of the country or for her own safety as long as she plays dumb). I really do love how like Suiren, MaoMao is his ally. (No wonder mother-in-law Suiren approves.)
Isn't it more painful - for Jinshi - and more troublesome - for her - to continue to have this hanging between them? But MaoMao is only human. There are things she knows would be the best course of action as long as she operated solely on rationality, but unexpectedly, Jinshi - despite not knowing it - brings out that irrational part of her. She knows it would have been in her best interest (if her best interest truly was to escape the marriage) to just let Jinshi continue being vague, to not put a name to his intentions, she later realizes that this is Jinshi's own consideration for her, but her true emotions push forth. She knows it - what Jinshi feels for her, compares it to a lovestruck patron, so what gain does she get from hearing it verbalized out loud?
She struggles with his special consideration for her, the proof of deeper feelings, in his words and actions. I think she would be able to justify it in her mind and accept being his wife if she knew it was only because she was a useful tool. Because if so, then she could also justify it to herself that she was staying with him only because he was useful, that it was solely on the basis of reciprocity.
I mean the reality of the world they live in is that it's not a place to cultivate love. Marriages are political more often than not. Within MaoMao's way of looking at things, a marriage of convenience might have been more palatable. For Jinshi's part, I can see him being ready to accept that even if MaoMao does accept his proposal, she would marry him while not being in love with him. On the flip side, I think part of his strong motivation to break away from the Imperial family would be to remove, without a doubt, from MaoMao's mind that she would be punished for rejecting him since he would no longer have that power. In other words, part of Jinshi is ready for MaoMao to reject him but he wants it to be solely her choice. In other words, he would also want her to give it to him straight just like she demanded he do for her.
Speaking of special consideration, it is hard to say whether MaoMao's actions towards Jinshi are those she would do for any other patient (since she's actually softer than she gives herself credit for), but the things she does without orders are telling - like stroking his hair while putting him to sleep, kissing his cheek, ingesting something she knows she's allergic to without his knowledge for a plan to sniff out his enemies (pity this didn't make it to the LN), getting mad that his accomplishments were getting stolen from him despite him not caring about it, and glaringly - attempting to break a taboo the person she respects most in the world imposed on her, just so she can better take care of Jinshi. For all that MaoMao is comfortable in her place in the world and doesn't want to venture out of her comfort zone, calling it too troublesome, she does exceed a lot of her limits - true because of that unexpectedly strong sense of duty - but also because of or for Jinshi.
MaoMao acknowledges to herself at this point that no other person besides Jinshi can give her the same comfort. She does want to have a child someday, if only for the experience of giving birth. It may not be a burning passion, this may not be enough for her to call it love, but I can also see a scenario where she accepts Jinshi because he's the only one she would be comfortable with so that she can give birth. In other words, another convenient excuse. But conversely, even after succeeding in having MaoMao for a wife, I can see Jinshi still pushing because for once in his life he can fight his hardest and win or fail on his own merits and no one else's, and also simply put, he loves her and so he would want her to love him back. Even if it isn't the norm in the world they live in. He'd still want to continue fighting for that elusive flower. A perfect push and pull. In other words, it's up to them how they decide to meet each other half way. And I'm excited to see what the future holds for them.
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harrysonlylover · 1 month
Text
Ride Along*
Summary: Y/n is feeling bored alone at her apartment, so Harry takes her for a ride.
A continuation to Discipline.
Trope: Agent Harry
WC: 6.3k
Warnings: mentions of speeding, a pinch of meanrry, smut, degradation, choking, face spitting, unprotected sex, implications of somnophilia, after care.
A/n: The writing is a bit rusty because it’s been a while since I wrote smut😬
Main Masterlist | Agent Harry Masterlist
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Y/n was placed on house arrest by Harry for a week, and it was torturous.
Perhaps “house arrest” is a bit dramatic but she felt suffocated. She could leave her apartment whenever she wanted. Harry’s insistence on her relaxation was clear, and he only meant for her to avoid any activities that require physical exertion.
Anyone would be thrilled to have a week off from work, but it was rather confusing for Y/n. Although she hadn’t been an agent for long, she adapted quickly to the agent lifestyle which was hard to suddenly pause.
Even with Harry’s confirmation and reassurance that he wasn’t disappointed, she still felt the need to occupy her time with something useful.
There was absolutely nothing in her apartment that could pass away time. At least nothing that interested her. 
She cleaned up a bit, reorganized the living room, and stuck to the meals that Harry sent for her daily. They weren’t bad actually, except for the spinach soup that made her want to puke.
With no one accompanying her but Tim Tim and her thoughts, she realized how nice and caring it is to send someone customized meals. If someone heard her say it out loud, they’d snort in her face but—they just don’t know Harry and his personality.
He texted her every day at least twice. At first, she thought he only did so to make sure she ate the meals and took her supplement (which would be considered too kind coming from him), but slowly he began diverting from those topics asking her about her day and chatting with her.
He gave her updates on the agency and promised to pass by her apartment only to bail on her because of an emergency that required his presence.
On day 4 she was fully annoyed. She couldn’t handle being away from the agency for long, and even if she could go out and enjoy her time away—she didn’t know where to go.
She didn’t lead a normal life, no agent did and she was completely okay with it. She had no one to check up on or call to hang out with. The idea of going out somewhere alone felt weird. She would feel like an imposter amongst a sea of normal people.
She buried the eerie feelings and decided to spam Harry with texts to annoy him a bit. 
Y/n: I’m gonna pass by the agency :)
She pressed the send button and waited for his reply as she heated her lunch for the day.
His reply was almost automatic as if he didn’t have a load of responsibilities.
Harry: No.
Y/n: Yes.
Harry: I said no Y/n.
She huffed in frustration before remembering that if she could be a menace at the agency, then she could be a menace over text too.
Y/n: Too bad I’m already on my way.
Harry: Don’t test me.
Y/n: 😜
Harry: Are you disobeying me?
She choked on a piece of meat when she read his reply, and immediately reached for a cup of water. She wiped her mouth, staring at his text in confusion. It wasn’t strictly sexual, but it was a phrase that he always used during sex, because one thing that he combined between his professional and sex life was discipline, and Y/n adored it.
She loved his attitude, how he dared her to go against his orders or defy him. It wasn’t that she liked getting punished or sought pain—it was more of a need to observe him being dominant. The way he manhandled her and treated her like nothing but a toy, only for him to hold her to his chest right after.
Another text from Harry pulled her out of her fantasies and daydreams.
Harry: You’re well aware of how I feel about you disobeying me, right?
Y/n: Yes. I do.
Her response was automatic as if it was generated and not typed quickly by her. She wouldn’t want to keep him waiting.
Harry: Good Girl.
Motherfucker. He knew what he was doing. After all, he had her memorized by heart, and he probably was aware of how close she was to drooling. The meal in front of her didn’t appeal to her anymore because she had a different type of meal on her mind.
It had been a while since they hooked up and it was a rushed quickie behind closed doors at the agency. He kneeled on the ground to eat her out in no longer than five minutes before having to return to the training. He knew her body like the palm of his hand and had her panting and biting on her bottom lip in no time.
She adored it, really, but she craved the feeling of his cock driving into her as she held onto his body or while his hand wrapped itself around her neck with his mouth spewing the dirtiest sentences into her ear.
She sighed deeply reminiscing her adventurous sex life before he banished her to her apartment so she could rest. Was it a bit dramatic? Maybe. But she might be addicted to sex with him.
She glanced at his text knowing that he was probably smirking at his replies. He always knows how to get to her. She grabbed her phone and typed her reply because she was so fucking bored at the apartment and needed some fresh air.
Y/n: I’m still bored.
This time his reply wasn’t as quick as the previous one. It took him about five minutes to respond which was still fast considering how busy he was.
Harry: Okay. Go out.
Y/n: Wow! I didn’t think of that.
She scoffed at his dumb reply because who said that she was waiting for his approval?
Harry: Why didn’t you go out?
Y/n: I’m not sure…it feels weird…?
She could see the little dots that indicate that he was typing appearing only to disappear a few seconds later.
Harry: I’ll pick you up at 9. Dress comfortably.
When she complained about her boredom she thought that he would recommend her places to visit or give suggestions, not take her out. Her eyes nearly bulged out of her head when she read his text. She wasn’t hallucinating, right?
Y/n: Where are we going?
Harry: Eat your lunch and take your supplement.
Y/n: Damn grumpy pants.
He didn’t reply to her after that but if he did she’s sure he would have sent a thumbs-up emoji even if it was out of context. She continued her meal just like he instructed her. The hold he had on her was unreal, and she was okay with it.
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Harry was knocking on her door at exactly 9 PM. Not a minute later.
This time she didn’t welcome him in with a tear-stained face, and grumpy attitude. It was the entire opposite of it. The only thing that was similar to the previous time was her shock. Harry was dressed in all black and a leather jacket. His hair looked so fucking soft, and a hair strand fell on his forehead as he leaned against the door with his hands in his pockets. He was a sight for sore eyes, especially Y/n’s whose jaw almost dropped.
“Hello, little minx.” He grinned devilishly as he entered her apartment. His cologne had her knees buckling, reminding her of when she’d bury her face in his neck.
Black shirt, black pants, black boots, and a black leather shirt. He’s going to be the death of her, surely. He strolled in like he owned the place while she shamelessly stared at his body.
“Little minx…” He tutted, cornering her against the kitchen counter. “… sent me message after message today as if I don’t have a workload.” His tone made her feel like she was in trouble, but the good kind of trouble.
“But you still answered, no?” She replied confidently with a smirk to remind him of the hold that she also had on him, even if they never spoke about it directly.
He remained silent, offering her his cheesy smirk as his eyes raked over her face and neck like he was trying to come up with sinful scenarios. She was more addictive than any type of drug.
“Ready to hit the road?” He deviated from the topic skilfully while checking out her attire to make sure that she’d be comfortable during the ride.
“Hmm. Let’s go.” She walked in front of him like a princess, going down the stairs excitedly.
She stepped out to the street and looked around with a hint of a smile painted across her face. She could hear Harry’s boots behind her and smell his cologne that seemed to have stuck to her clothes.
“So…are we going to walk there?” She asked with confusion evident on her face.
“We’re riding there.” His response held a sense of pride as he grabbed her hand and walked down to the end of the street before taking a left and stopping.
A large black sports bike was parked in its glory itching for someone to take it for a ride. Y/n stood still in her place with her mouth wide open in shock. Harry was a motorcycle guy?
“Oh…wow.”
“Scared little minx?” He mused like it was so fun to see her reaction. He approached her from behind, bumping his body with hers and trapping her physically. She could feel him breathing against her neck as she swallowed down his throat. One touch from him and she’s paralysed.
He pressed a soft peck behind her ear before whispering. “Don’t worry… you’ll hold on to me.” She barely processed what he said as he immediately urged her forward and gave her a helmet to put on. She wore it as soon as he gave it to her to cover her facial expression from him. He helped her tie it up before placing his helmet on.
“C'mon hop on behind me.” He situated himself on the bike, and the more Y/n stared, the more the wetness between her thighs increased. Seeing him in all black was something but with a biker helmet on? She wanted to drop on her knees right there and then, but she didn’t.
Instead, she hopped on behind him and wrapped her arms around his torso. Her grip was weak making him urge her to get closer and glue herself to him. It wasn’t that she didn’t want to, it just made her ridiculously horny.
The feeling of hugging his muscular body with her core touching his lower back had her feeling some sort of way. She could feel his abs under her touch, and his cologne drifting in the air was not helping.
“I can’t even see anything because of your back!” While she joked about it, deep down she found it fucking hot. His broad back and shoulders blocked her view, and the only thing she could do was rest her head against it.
“I don’t hear you complaining when you’re scratching on it.” Even with his helmet on, she could feel him smirking.
She gave in to the feeling of his warm body against her as if he were shielding her from everything. It was not an ideal timing for her size kink to get activated, but she genuinely couldn’t help it.
“Hold on tight little minx.” The engine roared to life and Harry fixed his position before taking a turn and heading straight for the highway.
This was her first time on a motorcycle surprisingly. At first, her body was tense, and it didn’t feel nice. Despite having a helmet on, it felt like the wind was slapping her. Harry turned out to be a skilled biker who speeds for fun—still he was careful.
She eventually regulated her breathing and unclenched her jaw as she adapted to the adrenaline rush that she felt. It was an otherworldly feeling. She couldn’t tell what made her feel this way. Harry’s body against her, the evening breeze, or the rush of speeding.
No matter what it was, she felt amazing.
Harry wanted to taunt her in some way, preferably verbally—but she seemed like she was having fun, and her arms around him were a distraction. The feeling of her body clinging to him was priceless.
He tried to avoid speeding on the highway for her sake despite loving to do so. It was one of the things he resorted to when he needed a break from everything. Nothing could compare to the adrenaline rush he felt…maybe just Y/n’s lips.
He slowed down and took an exit on the highway that led them to a deserted road and ultimately a hill. He stopped and turned off the ignition before stepping off the bike.
“Fucking hell. Do you want to kidnap me?” Y/n joked as she looked around the dark and deserted space.
“If I want to kidnap you, little minx, I’ll simply carry you.” He chuckled as he took off his helmet and fixed his messy hair. She swallowed down her throat as she stared at him. Why did he have to look this good?
“C'mon.” He gestured for her to follow him, and she jogged to catch up. He placed his hand on her lower back to urge her forward. His body was dangerously close to her, and she could smell his cologne again. Harry’s hand itched to hold hers, but he wasn’t sure if she’d like that, so her lower back should suffice.
They took a small turn to the left as rocks crunched under their shoes. Harry wondered whether he should tell her to close her eyes or not. But if he does, then it’d sound romantic which crosses the boundaries of their physical relationship.
“It’s right…here.” They were met with a gorgeous view of the city. They could see almost all the lit buildings as if they were in the sky. It felt as if they were spying on the city with its lights and secrets. No one but them on the deserted hill.
“Wow..this is so beautiful”. Y/n gasped in shock at the view in front of her. She never expected Harry to take her to this spot-she didn’t even know it existed.
“I know.” If she wasn’t too occupied with the scenery, she would’ve noticed that Harry was in fact, staring at her with a smile on his face.
“How do you know this spot?” Y/n still couldn’t take her eyes off the shimmering buildings.
“I discovered it once by mistake, and I come here often.” He didn’t mention how this place was his escape from the world, or that he came here before heading to her apartment that day.
“It’s so nice.” Despite the darkness filling the space, Harry could still see and feel her smile.
He quickly got the bike so they could sit on it, and left it turned on for the light.
“Oh, it’s so big I could sleep on it.” Y/n remarked.
Perhaps he was feeling extra chill or it was just from being around her but a weird sound came out of his mouth as he tried to suppress a laugh. Y/n usually gets sleepy after sex, and his dick isn’t the average size. So did he think of her sentence sexually and almost burst out laughing? Yes.
“Did you just try to laugh at me?” She asked in an annoyed tone.
“Me? Never.” He covered up his chuckle with coughing.
“Whatever…” She mumbled a few other words under her breath as she attempted to climb the bike, but it was gigantic. She can’t even recall how she climbed it previously and she’s not even short!
She gasped suddenly as Harry’s hands lifted her body like she weighed nothing and placed her on the seat before she could blink. She was glad that he couldn’t see her face clearly because she could feel her cheeks burning. Was she that touch deprived?
“I was handling it just fine.” She huffed in confidence.
“Mhmm.”
The bike was indeed huge, but Harry took most of the space making their bodies glued on the seat.
The tension between them could be cut with a knife. Y/n would usually be the first to break the silence, but she just couldn’t. She felt paralyzed next to him, and he didn’t even touch her yet. His presence and cologne were enough to weaken her.
“Are you still mad at me?” He cleared his throat.
“What?” She couldn’t mask the shock in her tone as her face turned around to meet his.
“About last week.” It sounded as if something was holding him back, almost like he was afraid of asking.
She took a few seconds to process his question, mostly because she was shocked at the gesture. She knew deep down that it meant a lot. No one would believe her if she said that Agent Harry Styles was checking up on her and apologized. They’d probably laugh in her face.
She couldn’t decode what it meant. Was he just feeling guilty, or did he share the same feelings? The need for more than just physical boundaries haunted her but she wouldn’t dare to bring it up. Even if he was feeling guilty, it still had to be something. He’s literally merciless to other agents.
“I—I—“
“You don’t have to give me an answer.” He reassured her in a low whisper.
“No, I do—I’m just confused.”
“About?” Harry was itching to know her answer. He even rehearsed his question for the past week.
“Well… why did my lack of performance anger you in the first place?” She had a lot to ponder about in her free time. Questions that popped into her head about Harry.
He took a deep breath and clasped his hands together before exhaling. “I didn’t want you to get hurt on the field. Most of the time when agents slack, they end up getting injured in the field…”
“Wanted you to be strong for when I’m not there.” He whispered as if the city was able to hear him confessing his secrets.
“Oh.” Y/n’s head was swirling with thoughts and questions-none that came out of her mouth. She could even feel Harry’s stress radiating off him. She simply allowed her Pinky finger to touch his as they continued staring at the city.
It wasn’t until a few minutes later that she broke the silence.
“I’m not mad anymore. I was just surprised. Just—don’t do it again.”
“Never.”
They stayed in the same position with their fingers touching for almost two hours, as they chatted about important and mundane things. His heart fluttered when she laughed her ass off after he told her how an agent peed his pants because he was caught smoking.
He even told her about his mother briefly. That’s how whipped he was. She shared a few details about growing up as an orphan, but they both decided to close the topic knowing how heavy was.
“Your cologne is suffocating me.” Her remark was innocent, it really was—but his mind wasn’t.
“Thought you liked it when you buried your face in my neck?” Cheeky Harry was back in full force. He inched his face closer to her and he could hear her swallow down her throat.
“Harry…”
“Tell me…did you think about me knocking on your door and fucking you against the wall?” Lust dripped from his voice and Y/n’s chest was rising. Goosebumps spread all over her skin as their noses bumped.
“I—yes.”
“Good. Cause I stopped myself from doing that every single day.” He was needy for her, and only her.
“What are you waiting for then?”
In a few seconds, he had her straddling his lap with his hand supporting her lower back as his lips devoured hers. Their kiss was sloppy, wet, and lustful. Harry counted the minutes that led to this moment so he could taste the sweetest fruit.
He was fucking obsessed with everything about her. Her lips, eyes, body, mind, and pussy.
“Fuck!” He moaned into her mouth when she grinded over his clothed cock. He might as well cum right there in his pants if she kept doing that.
“Behave. “He slapped her ass causing her to whine sweetly. His large hand rested on her cheeks trying to knead them over her leggings.
Their breaths were labored as their tongues clashed like lovers who hadn’t had sex in ages. His mouth was fucking devouring her and she could already feel her lips getting sore. He kept urging her body closer as if he could morph them into one body.
“Ne—need you.” Her whimpers made the blood rush to his cock.
“Yeah? Where do you need me, my baby?”
She ignored his question and continued kissing all over his face, brushing over his stubble and chin. She was hungry and he adored it. But she also didn’t answer him.
He pulled her away by wrapping his hand around her throat. She gasped, secretly loving the feeling of his veiny hands choking her.
“I asked you a question, little minx. Where do you need me?” His voice was so deep and lustful that she wanted to get down on her knees and suck him.
“Uh—In my pussy.” She breathed out, feeling the wetness increase between her thighs just from his hand around her neck. “Here, baby?” He cupped his other hand over her pussy making her feel tingly.
“Y—yes.”
“Yes what?”
“Yes sir.”
“Attagirl.” He felt her wetness on his hand and if it wasn’t so dark he’d bend her over the bike and fuck her into the next day. Besides, his little minx gets sleepy.
“C’mon, I need to get us to your apartment.” He spanked her cheeks again, earning a squeal from her. He pulled her off his lap and winced at his painful hard on before fixing his pants as much as he could and seating himself on the bike. His hand reached out for her and pulled her onto his lap again.
“Whoa! What are you doing? I should be behind you.”
“No. Since my cologne makes you horny, you’re gonna have your face buried into my neck the whole ride.” His smirk was sick but fuck her if she didn’t like it.
Her nose bumped over his neck and she fought a moan. This had to be the best punishment.
“Don’t worry, I’ll protect you with my body.” His arm tightened around her waist as he took the route they came from.
It was going to be a torturous ride.
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Y/n could barely open the door properly with Harry kissing on the back of her neck. His hard on was pressing into her ass as she tried to insert the key. Her soft whines only made him hornier and needier.
As soon as they were inside, the keys dropped to the ground followed by the loud shut of the door. Harry grabbed Y/n by the throat pushing her to the wall where he kissed her deeply. The kiss was rushed and erotic, he could never get enough of her lips or sweet whimpers every time he pushed his tongue inside her mouth.
“My minx…” The warmth between her thighs was torturous. His deep voice rumbled from his chest sending vibrations straight to her pussy.
“Uhh..” She tried to push her core against his crotch for any sort of friction.
He caught on immediately as he smirked against the kiss and tapped on her ass to lift her on his waist. He had her placed lower than usual so she could feel him against the fabric.
“Is that what you wanted sweet girl? To feel how hard I am for you?” He panted, cradling her jaw with his hand as he deepened the kiss.
“Y—yes." She didn’t want to respond or part from his lips for a millisecond. She could feel her pussy pulsating just from the feeling of his cock pressing into her core.
She pulled away reluctantly, glancing at his neck like it was her next meal. He may have been teasing her, but he was right. She loved burying her face in his neck and sucking on it. She prided herself in knowing that the hickeys she’d give him would be on show for all girls at the agency.
His scent always played with her pheromones and messed with her brain. His cologne had a hold on her, and she knew that she looked like a puppy in heat when she clung to him. “Dirty girl…” His hand rested on her hair as his head rolled backward giving her access to his skin. He was a sight for sore eyes with his face scrunched in ecstasy and lips slightly parted. She didn’t have to speak for him to understand her possessiveness and boy did he like it.
His little minx was obsessed with him just like he was.
“Bedroom please.” She laid her forehead against his having had her fill from giving him love bites. Their noses bumped as they looked into each other’s eyes that shared the same desire.
She didn’t need to tell him twice. He supported her body with one hand around her waist as she directed him to the room. He didn’t waste any time and kept his mouth busy with her neck.
He placed her down on the bed gently before taking off his clothes quickly while she stared at his toned body and tattoos, holding in her drool.
“You could stare at me all night darling, but now I need you to be a good girl and take off your clothes so I could relieve that needy cunt of yours.” Harry barely finished his sentence, and her clothes were off in a few seconds.
The light in the room was dim, supported by a small bedside lamp. If she thought that staring at his body was a delight, then she should read his mind as he stared down at hers.
She looked so fucking pretty for him. Only him.
It was like an erotic scene out of a movie or a wet dream. Y/n on her back with her legs spread showcasing her glistening pussy and hardened nipples, and Harry standing tall in front of her with his cock erect to his stomach begging to sink itself inside her warm walls.
The sight of him standing like that nude and horny will never leave her mind. Almost as if he were a Greek god.
She squealed as he pulled her by her legs to the edge of the bed. Harry suddenly lowered his body till his face was at the same level as her pussy. His teasing game was strong, she was crumbling underneath him.
“My favorite scent.” He buried his face in her cunt and inhaled. A tiny whine left her mouth as his nose bumped into her swollen clit. Y/n felt like she could cry if he didn’t fuck her, and he was taking his sweet time in savoring the scent of her wetness.
“H—Harry.”
“Mhm?” He turned his attention to her, hovering over her body and taking delight in her needy face.
“Please—it hurts.” If he waited any longer, Harry was sure that a tear would’ve fallen from her eye.
“Oh poor baby…” He cooed as he caressed her cheek gently. “…you just need me inside, don’t you?” She was quick to nod while slightly squirming beneath him.
He pulled her closer, situating her core right under his cock, and stroked it giving her a show of his moans before tapping it against her wet cunt.
“Is that where you need it? Just have to slide in.” His sick grin with the feeling of his cock sliding over her cunt back and forth made her eyes roll back.
“Please.” She dug her nails into his back followed by a set of pleas.
“Shhh.” He whispered softly, pressing a peck to her cheek before pulling away from her and fixing their position.
He placed her legs on his shoulder and gave her his twisted smirk as he stroked his shaft and bit his bottom lip. “Gonna be my good girl as usual? Hmm?”. He lowered his body again, allowing his cock to rest on her stomach.
“Uh—huh.” She nodded mindlessly immediately. She was already cockdrunk and he wasn’t inside her yet.
“Ready baby?” His hand rubbed her legs softly as she gave him the cue. He glanced quickly at his cock resting on her skin and he almost got dizzy from the size difference. It got to him every damn time.
His eyes were focused on her facial expression as he slowly pushed himself inside of her. A wave of relief washed over her face with a sweet moan making him still his hips to avoid cumming.
There was nothing like sinking inside her warm walls that begged him to go deeper. Wet squelching sounds filled the room the more he pushed inside her—his baby was made for him.
“That’s it little minx—so fucking warm for daddy.”
Y/n’s brain felt mushy. Harry was so fucking good to her, and his cock scratched the itch just right. He never referred to himself as daddy before, only sir but she liked it so bad.
She pulled at his arms with soft whimpers signalling for him to get closer to her—which he did without hesitation. She clung to him, digging her nails into his back and tugging at his hair. His cock drove deep into her cunt, massaging her hot walls with its veins and thickness.
“Use me d—daddy”. Y/n shed tears from pleasure that stained his face since he was glued to her, pressing pecks to her cheeks and nose.
“Yeah? Want daddy to use you like a fuckdoll?” He increased his pace, going deeper and moaning into her ear at the feeling of her bare cunt.
They both adored raw sex and went for it almost every time. Y/n was on birth control, and Harry tested regularly (despite only fucking her). He was pussy whipped.
“Uhh—be rough daddy.” He stilled his hips at her words, leaving them glued to hers. He lifted his body and took in her fucked sight. Messy hair, tear stains, and a needy face.
“Wanted to be gentle with you but I forgot that you’re a whore deep down.” He chuckled before spitting on her face, and watching her chest rise and fall as she breathed heavily.
His little minx was insatiable and provoked him further by trying to fuck herself on his cock as she bit her bottom lip. He could faintly hear her whimpering ‘Daddy’ under her breath.
He wanted to slap her knowing how much she liked it but something else distracted him. He looked down to where they were connected noticing the mix of her wetness with his precum. He pulled out slowly, moaning at the loss of contact and his cock that is painted in white.
Harry tried to breathe in and out to avoid cumming. Not only did she cream on his cock, but her cunt was pulsating as if she was asking for his cock to slide in again.
“Pathetic. Creamed all over me.” Her inner thighs were coated with wetness, and she didn’t close her legs—not even a bit. She knew that she should always keep them spread for him.
He flipped her on her stomach effortlessly and she immediately arched her back, presenting her ass to him. “What a good fuckdoll.” He slapped her cheeks and placed his tip at her entrance before sinking into her warmth again.
Her walls pulled him back in as if she were some sort of seductress that made him addicted to her. Harry balanced himself and focused on the fast thrusts instead of her extremely warm cunt.
“Fucking insatiable aren’t you?” He grunted with his eyes fixed on his cock entering her pussy and coming out all creamy as her ass jiggled.
Y/n’s muffled moans were all she could offer. With her face smushed in the pillow and brain turned off, she was in fucking heaven.
The arch of her back had him rolling his head backward as his hips rotated forward, going deeper and harder.
“That’s it slut. Take my fucking cock.” He gritted his teeth, grabbing a fistful of her hair, and pulling it backward before wrapping a hand around her neck and lifting her body to his chest. 
She was completely gone. She could only look at him with teary eyes that begged him to claim her.
Deeper, harder, faster.
“D—d…” 
“Good fuckdolls keep their mouth shut.” He tightened his grip on her jaw, tapping on her mouth to open it up before spitting inside.
“Swallow.” If the warmth of her cunt didn’t kill him, it was going to be her face. So needy, compliant, and dizzy from pleasure.
Their bodies were glued to each other, skin to skin with her back to his chest as he thrusted inside her while panting in her ear. 
He was supporting both of their bodies seeing as she could do nothing but whine. His arm was secured around her torso with her hand clinging to his bicep. The clenching of her walls around his cock was always the hardest for him. She’d rile him on trying to milk his cum, taking every drop.
“You wanna cum?” He panted against the back of her neck knowing how her body acts when she’s reaching her orgasm.
She gave him a weak nod, clinging harder to his bicep as she laid her head on his shoulder. They didn’t always cum together, but when they did, the euphoria was unmatched. Harry had been holding himself back ever since he sunk into her, just to feel her shake and pulsate around him as he spilled his cum into her.
“C’mon minx, give it to me.” His tongue left a broad lick on her neck with a harsh bite. It wasn’t her clit that got her off—her sensitive spot was her neck, whether Harry choked her or sucked on her skin—she was a goner.
“H—Harry” Her nails dug into his skin as she looked up at him with sweet eyes and shaky legs.
How could he resist laying his lips on hers as he stilled his hips to empty himself inside her?
She was shuddering—even with their skin glued together. Her sweet moans made his cock twitch inside her, already hungry for more. Her orgasm hit her hard, clouding her vision and thoughts. The feeling of his cum spiling inside her with her pussy clenching to take it inside was the only thing she felt and wanted to feel.
“Fuck. That’s it, take every drop my lo—minx.”  His eyes fluttered open at his word slip up.
His eyes furrowed in confusion and immediately glanced at her face which seemed to be too occupied with cumming. His chest heaved as he swiped his hand across her face, moving her sweaty hair strands away before kissing her temple.
“Talk to me, are you okay?” He angled her face towards him to examine her expression.
“Yes.” A hazy smile was planted across her face making him chuckle.
“Mhmm. I’m going to pull out now and carry you to the bathroom so you can pee.” He gave her a heads up while rubbing her cheeks.
Once she nodded at him, he began pulling out slowly, wincing at being separated from her warmth—something that she reciprocated. Harry tried to avoid looking down—he really did, but it was too tempting.
His creamy load dripped out of her pussy, sliding down her legs, and the more she clenched, the more came out.
“Fucking hell.” He muttered under his breath, swiping his finger across her pussy and gathering his cum before tasting it.
Y/n’s whine echoed in his ear. She sported an angry look on her face that disappeared once he signalled for her to open her mouth. He spat the residue of what he tasted inside of her mouth, enjoying the faint moans that spilled from her.
“C’mon let’s clean you up.” He carried her effortlessly to the bathroom before giving her privacy and heading back to the room to change the sheets.
Who knew that changing bed sheets would make him irritated? He let out a huff, finishing the last touch right as she came out of the bathroom.
She was dressed in nothing but a plain white shirt that barely reached her thighs.
“Hm I love my bed.” She smiled as she climbed the mattress, giving Harry a show.
“Y/n.” He spoke rigidly.
“Yeah?” She glanced up innocently at him as she relaxed under the duvet.
“I was supposed to clean you up…and where are your panties?” He questioned her as he joined her on the bed—nude.
“You can wake me up at night, make a mess then clean me.” She taunted him, switching to the side and giving him a view of the shirt riding up her ass.
He got under the covers, situating himself properly so that he was attached to her.
“Is that what you want little minx? Hmm?” His fingers caressed her skin slowly starting from her arm, down to her legs.
“Yes.”
“Then we’ll see.” He nibbled on before earlobe as she dosed off to sleep. She loved sleeping after sex and Harry knew that, but it was almost 1 in the morning and she needed rest.
Harry dared to let his hand dip in her hair, giving her head scratches as she slept peacefully. He didn’t realize what he was doing until she stirred in her sleep making him pull his hand away.
His eyes furrowed in confusion as he stared at her sleeping face. First the word slip up and now he’s playing with her hair.
What the fuck was going on with him?
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etheries1015 · 3 months
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As requested by @mellowwillowy who asked me to do some dark Yandere content. I'm gonna try my best, but be prepared to probably be incredibly disappointed since I've never written Yandere stuff and it's not my forte. Really went out of my comfort zone for this one LMAO.
Featuring: Yandere!Jade, Yandere! General Lilia, Yandere! crowley
TW: DARK CONTENT. Non-consensual, Stalking and obsessive behavior, Sexual assault, hair pulling, mentions of cannibalism, reader locked up, toxic relationships, toxic behavior, degradation, manipulation, hair pulling, abuse, forced "pregnancy" Although only mentioned as being pregnant not describing gender or sex.
anybody experiencing such things in real life, please reach out for help <3
WARNING: I don't typically write stuff like this on my blog, so I will say this now: Any hateful comments WILL IMMEDIATELY BE BLOCKED. If you decide to read from here on out, that is ON YOU. I will NOT tolerate any bullying, harassment, or negativity. These are EXTREMELY sensitive and triggering topics and you have been thoroughly warned.
Yandere! General Lilia
♡ Yandere! General Lilia who found you at your most vulnerable. You were on the ground after being left behind by your comrades, frail and barely moving. He looked down at you with pity in his eyes, using the tip of his foot to lift your head to look up at him. While you sneered at him with distaste, a dark idea flooded his mind. Lilia smirked down at your body before stepping on the top of your head, pushing it into the mud.
♡ "Poor, pathetic human...Look how they left you behind..." He removed his foot and bent down to your level, using his hand to grab you by the hair and lift your bloodied face. "Ohh..if we clean up this blood, I'm sure you're not a horrible sight to look at. How about I take you in? As my little human 'pet'?"
♡ You didn't have a choice. Lilia was eager to knock you out and drag you to a misshapen house that was obviously thrown together on a whim, throwing you inside. He cleaned you up while you were passed out, noting all your properties. You were unaware of this, though. He convinced you that you had simply passed out and he had kindly lay you to rest upon the bed. What a liar.
♡ the first week while you were too weak to move, Lilia would keep you in a warm bed and spoon-feed you food. Although he often seemed cold, you would describe him as warm at the time. It was shocking how kind this fae could be, too kind, really.
♡ He practically nursed you back to health and you completely forgot about the fact he had dragged you there in the first place. A fae helping a human seemed out of bounds, but he was just so...different. So you thought.
♡ Although, he thought you were escaping once when you stepped outside of the home for the first time simply for some fresh air. He quickly let down the facade he had held and gave you a reminder of why you shouldn't trust him.
♡ He'd punish you by pulling you by the hair and dragging you back into the house kicking and screaming, placing you in front the mirror nearby. He would force you to look up while he degraded you.
♡ "See this?" He grabbed you by the cheeks roughly, pressing hard, "Who would want a pathetic and ugly human such as yourself? what do you think will happen when you go out? You will be left behind just like they did before." He let go, a smile replacing his anger, "But not me...I told you if you stayed here nothing bad would happen, but you were trying to leave me, weren't you?"
♡ No matter how much you cried and told him that wasn't your intention, Lilia tsked and refused to believe you.
♡ As a continued punishment for your defiance and retorts, General Lilia would roughly tear your clothes off and force you to look in the mirror as he violated you. Your hands were bound with magic and your mouth gagged, Lilia pulling your legs apart roughly and unzipping his pants.
♡ "How does it feel to be filled to the brim by a fae? It must feel better than any human could ever make you feel. If you stay, You get to feel like this all the time...any human would be elated, wouldn't you agree?"
♡ "We would make such beautiful mixed children, wouldn't we?" He groaned as he came into you for the 6th time that night of your punishment pressing his hand against your stomach, "right here. Swollen with bastard children..."
♡ After your attempted "escape", you were chained up and typically naked. He would feed you, cleanse you, and bring you random gifts and food...Truly keeping his word on treating you as if you were his pet. It was debilitating.
♡ If you were good, he would let you sleep in that warm bed that you first got to sleep in upon arriving. He'd even sleep with you...not without his hands wandering around your body and having his way with you a time or two.
♡ He makes a point to frequently shower you with gifts and affection, even bringing you clothing and allowing you to walk around the house.
♡ On other days he reminds you of how useless you are as a human, reminding you how he found you and kindly took you in when you were abandoned
♡ Tells you how much he loves you and going back would never do you any good... you could never leave his side.
not like he'd let you any time soon, anyway.
Yandere! Jade
♡ He starts out by watching you from afar, admiring you. You always felt his stare at times, but you could never quite see him or put your finger on it.
♡ You will find random things inside your locker. They started out innocent enough, cards professing love for you, flowers, random things he would find in the mountains. You thought it was rather cute, even if you couldn't tell who was leaving it behind for you to find.
♡ Then soon it progressed to photos he took of you with notes on the back. The first time you pulled out a photo of yourself anticipating a letter, your smile quickly dropped. Jade, however, was smiling in the corner watching you unravel his plan.
♡ One was a picture of you changing through a window of Ramshackle, behind the letter is said "Every part of you is my favorite, but I'm particularly fond of your bare legs."
♡ This becomes incredibly worrying to you. You still weren't sure who this mystery person was, and of course you went to someone you were close to for advice. That person was Jade, as he predicted enough.
♡ He's your white knight. He acts all worried and panicked on your behalf, stating he would "take care of it." After about a week when the letters and pictures stopped, you thanked him with a hug.
♡ that single hug sent shivers down Jade's spine. Just being in close contact with you in terms of an embrace wasn't enough...he found himself quickly rushing to the bathroom to release himself, pulling out his phone using the same filthy pictures he took of you to pump his cock dry.
♡ His behavior only worsened from there. That single hug gave him this itchy feeling that wouldn't leave him about being close to you- soon noticing other items of yours going missing. Your underwear, specifically.
♡ You thought it was only a little bit weird when he gifted you a set of new underwear, but you talked it up to just being super close with Jade and he was trying to be helpful with your missing hosiery and was sympathetic to your issue.
♡ Upon visiting his dorm room, you took notice of a specific notebook. He had walked out per Azuls request for assistance, and you took this opportunity to snoop around. Inside this notebook, you found a bunch of pictures of you- ranging from the ones you saw in your locker, to other more disturbing photos such as your sleeping form in revealing night clothing and one in which you were preparing for a bath.
♡ The dread truly set in once you read all sorts of insane things Jade had put, but one that stood out to you the most was an entry in which he detailed how if he couldn't have you, he would have to chop you up and put you in his favorite dishes to fully make you one with him.
♡ "I've never felt more connected with someone before. I know we must truly be fated for one another, and I can't bear this burning in my heart to have them nearby. Perhaps in order to fully reach a level of togetherness, the only way to become truly one with one another is if I were to cut them up and consume-"
♡ You wanted to throw up. You had to stop reading, but before you even had the chance to react, the unexpected occurred.
♡ "I see you've found my little secret," A voice from behind you startled you, dropping the notebook and stared up at the tall male with a deadly pale face and dreaded wide eyes. His expression was difficult to read with an uneasy smile spreading cheek to cheek
♡ "What happens from this moment on," He said, grabbing you by the chin and leaning into your face, "Is entirely up to you."
Yandere! Crowley
♡ You had always been seen as Crowleys favorite. It wasn't like he made it particularly difficult to tell, the way the students would spot his crows anywhere you were.
♡ He was constantly monitoring your every move. If you were with someone else, he'd always inquire to you about your conversations and why you were so engaged in talking with someone other than himself.
♡ "Don't you think you're getting too close to my students?" He pouted, "I think this was a bad idea. How about I allow you to stay with me? Oh, how kind I am to invite you open arms into my home!"
♡ It really wouldn't be much different than now. You were always aware that he watched your every move- the crows in your window while you were stripping for bed were an obvious sign that you were never alone or away from his prying eyes.
♡ Crowley is incredibly coy and risky. He doesn't care what anybody else says or thinks when it comes to you, he wanted to make it painfully obvious specifically to the staff that you were his prey and his alone.
♡ This includes having his way with you anytime, anywhere. If you were just bringing papers to him, he'd have you on his desk with your legs spread at a moment's notice without as much as locking the door.
♡ This wasn't uncommon. He was always testing your patience, a hand crawling up your skirt in the middle of a meeting or taking you in a classroom after hours. But he's never done anything this extreme before...
♡ While you're completely bare and naked on his desk for anyone to walk in and see you in all of your glory, Crowley only unzipped his pants to free his cock from his confines. He's quick to push himself inside of you without prepping you first, leaving you to yelp out in pain.
♡ "Hush, now...we wouldn't want anyone else coming in and seeing you in such a state, would we? If you aren't quiet and another teacher comes in..." He tsked, smirking and swallowing your whimpers with his mouth.
♡ It was as if he was purposefully trying to make you fail, as if he had some sort of plan. Pressing his cock into the deepest parts of you practically slamming his hips against yours. It hurt more than felt pleasurable, you felt tears prick your eyes and a loud yelp of pain escape your lips.
♡ It wasn't a surprise when Crewel walked in to see what was going on. Upon this sight, Crowley tsked once more and looked at you with distaste, not even phased at Crewel's appearance. As if he was practically expecting it.
♡ "Look what you've done...I suppose it's time for your punishment now, isn't it?"
♡ You were soon gagged and hands tied in front of you, Crewel now having his way with you as if it were the most natural thing to occur while Crowley watched. Tears were pouring down your eyes, looking over to Crowley unable to tell what he was thinking behind that mask of his.
♡ When your body stopped resisting and you went limp in giving up, Crowley walked over and instructed Crewel to stop. Crowley untied you and ungagged you, holding you in his arms and petting your hair.
♡ "I recall you saying you found Crewel handsome. Was it everything you ever wished for? Are you satisfied with him? or have you learned your lesson?" although he was gently stroking your hair, the frown on his lips was enough to tell you this punishment was for that purpose. Your answer would determine his mood, that much you knew.
♡ You nodded in response, choking out a feeble cry "I'm sorry, I won't say it again. You're the only one that can pleasure me, I'm sorry, I'm sorry..." As you babbled your apologies, Crowley smiled and kissed the top of your head, and carrassed your body.
♡ "Good...I'm sorry I had to punish you like that, my little crow. I promise to make it up to you. How about a fancy meal tonight? Hmm? I'll take you to the expensive one you like. Kind of me, isn't it?"
♡ It was twisted and messed up, you knew this. You knew it was just a way to ensnare you, another way to keep you bound to him. You've convinced yourself that he had your best interests in mind, for although he would subject you to ridiculous punishments... He would also treat you like you were the most precious cut of an expensive gem.
A vicious cycle, indeed.
♡ You nodded feebly, Crowley smiling and lifting you in his arms. Gone in a puff of smoke, he took you to bathe in warm water and give you that sly smile and gentle facade that always draws you back in.
~~
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gay-dorito-dust · 4 months
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for soft!Jason: a Jason who caresses you like you're precious, hands cradling your face, sweet forehead kisses whenever he can, and his thumb rubbing against the back of your hand whenever he's holding it
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I’m adding onto this because it’s just utter perfection 🦦
Jason -once becoming accommodated to touch- will always want to be touching you as much as possible because he finds that to be an simple but effective way of showing you that he cared about you. Jason believed that words can only go so far and while he does verbally let you know how he felt about you with sweet words and cute nicknames but just generally prefers the lingering touches and featherlight caresses of the cheek even more.
Whenever he needed to get something Jason would hold onto your waist as he passed you by, squeezing your waist and or caressing it, but once he has what he needed -like a mug- his hand will remain on your waist; sometimes pulling you along with him as he goes about making himself a drink with his free hand. Yet he hesitates in pulling his hand away from you as though the thought of being away from you for prolonged periods of time was its own form of punishment, and in the end he had to force himself to pull away.
Even if you’re in a room with loads of space for the pair of you to indulge in your own thing without being in each others way, Jason will a hundred percent of the time choose to sit next to you on the couch, book in hand, but would sit close enough where you were practically pressed up against the side of him. His thigh would needily push against your own now and then as he continues to read, and he would even smile softly whenever he felt you respond to his silent request to feel you in kind by pushing your knee against his own, keeping it there for the remainder of the day.
It wouldn’t be too far of a reach to say that Jason would even place his hand on your thigh when given the chance, running his thumb against it along with the occasional reassuring squeeze here and there, a gentle reminder that he was always going to be there for you whenever you may need him. You’ve been a reassuring figurehead in his current life up till now and he feels as though it was time he payed that forward.
You are a once in a lifetime for Jason, like lightning in a bottle if you will, and he didn’t want to ever fuck that up. Ever. And he’s afraid that one day he would inevitably loose you, whether it be because of himself or outside forces taking you away from him; So he’s clinging onto you tightly for as long as he was allowed to do so.
He needed to have you within his vicinity, not just out of protection, but also out of his need to get it through his head that you were in fact real, that you just as much made of flesh and bone as he was. Gotham didn’t produce upstanding citizens or anyone with as much light as you but he thanked whoever sent you his way because he wasn’t about to ruin everything and scare you away in the end.
You were all he needed for a happy life.
So imagine his face when upon waking from a nightmare and drenched in sweat, Jason’s first reaction was to reach for you for comfort in knowing that you were there, only for his hand to hit thin air; He’s in a panic now and his thoughts weren’t doing him any favours as he tore through the apartment, looking for signs that you were okay and not been taken away from under him.
Now imagine his surprise and relief upon seeing you in the kitchen as you make yourself a midnight snack. Jason apparently felt so much relief that he just takes you by surprise as he tightly hugs you from behind, his head quickly burrowed into your neck as he inhaled your scent and his arms tightened on your waist, squeezing you as though you’d disappear if he were to ever let go; He’s already been through too much but for some reason the thought of loosing you entirely would’ve only proven to push poor Jason over the edge.
‘Jaybirdie?’ You asked while holding onto his arms, ‘are you okay? Did something happen?’
‘You weren’t there when I woke up.’ Was all he said and it was more than enough for your heart to break in two. So you raised one of his hands and pressed a kiss against the back of it before allowing it to latch back onto your waist.
‘I’m sorry baby. I was just making myself a snack, had I known I wouldn’t have thought of leavening the bed.’ You replied, moving your hand so that you could run your fingers through his hair in hopes of reminding him that you were still here, still by his side and most importantly; alive.
‘It’s fine, just as long as I know you’re okay I’ll be fine.’ Jason replied. ‘I just thought- no, never mind like you said, you’re here and that’s all that matters.’ He quickly adds on but you moved to look at him and held his face in your hands, thumbs stroking his cheeks with care as you leant your forehead against his as you closed your eyes. ‘You thought I’d left…didn’t you?’
Jason let out on uneven sigh, his arms tightened at your waist as he tried to press himself even further against you as though how close you were wasn’t enough. ‘Yes.’ He whispered his response. ‘For the first time in my life I have never felt so fucking scared of something so dear to me.’ You pressed a couple of comforting kisses across his nose, forehead, cheeks and lips before reassuming your previous position. ‘I’m okay, you’re okay, we’re okay and that should be enough.’ You told him, rubbing your nose softly against his.
Jason sighed, finally somewhat calm from before. ‘You’re right. I’m sorry I just-‘
‘Don’t apologise for having a nightmare. I’m not going to hold it against you for being human.’ You cut him off, looking deep into his eyes as he stared back, looking a little lost and defeated. ‘Would you like to go back to bed or stay like this for a little while longer?’ You asked, wanting Jason to make the choice rather then choose one for him.
Jason grunts as he burrowed his head into your shoulder, his form practically being slumped over you as your body acted as his sole form of support. ‘Staying here with you sounds nice.’ He murmurs as he pressed a few kisses against your neck. You smiled fondly and stroked his disheveled hair, midnight snack long forgotten as something much more important took precedence; keeping Jason safe.
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strawberrystepmom · 5 months
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gojo x f!reader. very self ship coded. fluffy, a little hurt comfort-y. cw for light misogyny from higher ups. wc 1.5k
divider thanks to @/cafekitsune like usual
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“Anything in those bags for me?”
You snort, bare feet padding across the shiny wooden floors of Satoru’s apartment that is also technically your apartment despite the fact you keep your apartment across town in case he’s really on your nerves, dropping them on the floor in front of you. He looks over the edge of the sofa, one arm slung over the back carelessly, and you can’t help but smile at him looking so relaxed despite the fact you lack the same ease.
“Nah, these are for me,” you retort, not mentioning the small box with the delicately wrapped lingerie at the bottom of the largest bag. He’ll have to wait until later to find out about that one. You leave the bags behind and walk toward the couch, leaning over the edge to give him a kiss.
“What’s the occasion then?”
Reaching down to wipe your gloss from his bottom lip, he nips at the tip of your thumb and you smile. He’s good at disarming you, something both of you have learned over the years spent side by side, and you climb over the edge of the couch and plop down on top of him.
“Higher ups.”
He hums, the sound laced with disbelief.
“I don’t think you’ve ever broken a rule in your life. What do they want?”
Giggling, you roll your eyes. Sometimes he behaves as if he forgets you’re milder now than you used to be, the fury of your youth something that became unimportant entering into your twenties.
“You know very well I’ve broken many rules in my life, especially theirs.”
“That still doesn’t answer my question.”
Sighing, you snuggle into his chest and press your cheek to the area right above his heart, the steady beating comforting your anxious nature. He wraps one arm around your back and traces lazy circles over the back of your arm.
“They think I’ve given my students too much freedom, Maki especially. It’s a scolding.”
Admitting your anger aloud would feel like a loss so you simply sigh, pressing your face against Satoru’s chest and closing your eyes. He continues rubbing circles into your skin, watching the tension slowly melt out of your limbs, but now he is wound up.
How dare they question your methods? None of them have any clue what it’s like to be in the role the two of you both are, strength removed from the equation, and it feels like yet another overreach of their power.
“They’ve been on my ass for months, this is just the latest thing they’re mad about.”
Satoru scoffs, shifting and sitting up. He pulls you with him, keeping you pressed to his torso while getting comfortable. His face gives away every ounce of his concern, brows furrowed and eyes narrowed.
“What do you mean months? How often have you been seeing them?”
Your face doesn’t hide your surprise that he has somehow missed out on the last five times you’ve been summoned to address what would otherwise be very routine issues to be handled between yourself and your immediate supervisor Yaga.
“This is like the sixth time they’ve asked me in to talk…” you trail off and he reaches up to cup your cheek.
“There’s more you want to say.”
You nod and half shrug.
“Feels kind of pointless to say it though.”
He pinches your cheek and you smile, trying to shake him off of you but giving up and after a moment, giving in.
“They’re mad at me because we’re together. This is a punishment for distracting you and everyone else I’ve mentioned the situation to agrees with me.”
Despite being a tiny bit annoyed you’ve seemed to discuss these meetings with everyone but him, he understands. The mythical heads of the sorcerer community have always tried to keep his leash just loose enough to let him roam but tight enough to keep him controlled and now that is extending to you in the form of bureaucracy and bullshit.
Gojo Satoru, head of the Gojo clan and the strongest sorcerer, won’t allow it.
“What have the other meetings been about?”
A serious Satoru is a beautiful and terrifying sight, his jaw ticking and his face set in a hard glare. It isn’t often he gets this fired up and you’ve intentionally kept the situation quiet to avoid giving him something else to worry about. Selfishly, it makes your heart beat faster knowing that he’s so willing to jump to your defense.
“First one was about my technique and the logs I’ve been keeping of exorcisms performed in my domain, three of them were about my students, the most recent one was about, well, you.”
He frowns and you know he’s asking you to elaborate although you’re embarrassed to even be discussing the most recent meeting. You cried the moment you left the meeting, tucking into a corner long enough to compose yourself to keep Nitta from worrying about you the drive back to the campus.
“They reminded me we aren’t allowed to go on missions together.”
A humorless chuckle is all he can manage. The gall of these people shouldn’t surprise him the way that it does after all these years yet they still manage to pull one over every now and then.
“What exactly was said?”
He sees the shift in your face and knows immediately their words must have been full of bluster and cruelty disguised as tradition. Of course they aimed them at his partner, his girlfriend, rather than the man they have so many issues with. Satoru softens, pulling your head toward his lips and pressing them against your forehead.
“They said they won’t pay for us to go on “little lover’s vacations” just because we are unprofessional.”
The mocking serious tone you use to mimic these powerful men makes him laugh and he kisses your forehead again. He knows you well enough to know that you are still holding back everything that was said to you but he understands why.
“Well, fuck them.”
Laughing and shaking your head, you lean into Satoru’s big body with a contented sigh.
“We’ll see how tomorrow goes. Maybe I’ll tell them just that.”
You both know that you would never but he laughs at you anyway.
“If you don’t I will.”
You were happy to let the conversation die there, instead mentioning that there may be one thing in your shopping bags for your spoiled boyfriend. It served as distraction enough that you didn’t have to discuss the heavy stuff and the evening was spent focusing on more pressing matters.
This morning, though, Satoru isn’t willing to focus on other matters.
Riding the elevator to the bottom floor where these meetings take place, you straighten out your new blouse and ensure your skirt is acceptably pressed above the knee. Anxiety runs wild through your body but you breathe through it, sweaty palms clutching the handle of your purse.
The elevator doors slide open and you step out, jumping and shrieking in terror at the sight of a blindfolded Gojo standing in front of you.
“Holy shit, what are you doing here?”
He grins and you swear it lights up the dim surroundings.
“I’m not going to let them treat you that way.”
The support means the world but the notion of him saving you makes you uncomfortable, shifting your weight from foot to foot where you stand.
“You don’t have to stand up for me, Satoru…”
He shakes his head and puts one hand on your shoulder, burying the other in his pocket nonchalantly.
“Oh I’m only going to be supporting you from the outside. I know you’re more than capable of telling them to stick their old man opinions up their asses, isn’t that what got you in trouble your third year?”
Smiling at the memory, you nod. That was indeed what got seventeen year old you in enough trouble you were off missions and in detention for a month.
Yaga let you watch TV and tap away on your handheld game device the entire time in lieu of actual punishment.
Satoru’s grin softens into something sweeter and just for you.
“Don’t forget who you are. You aren’t just my girlfriend.”
His emphasis and both just and my make you laugh but you quickly compose yourself, straightening your shoulders and spine and letting Satoru pluck a bit of lint off of your top. He claps your shoulder and shakes you just enough that you strangely feel steadier, ready to face whatever opposition lies down the flight of stairs a few feet away.
“Thank you, Satoru.”
He shrugs.
“I’m just looking forward to listening to someone else handling you while you’re mad.”
Another nod is exchanged between the two of you and he squeezes your shoulder one last time before turning you in the direction of the staircase. He pats your ass once and you slap at his hand but confidence is all you feel heading down lower.
Gojo has never been more certain he picked the right one in his life.
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gojos-thot-patrol · 10 months
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HII!!! and happy birthday to you ♡♡ i love ur works sm, for ur special birthday event, could i request — ryomen sukuna, mean, " i love you, and you don't deserve that " ?? AGAIN, HAPPY BIRTHDAY AND HAVE THE BEST YEAR!! (。>﹏<。) feel free to change it up! you're the birthday author afterall<3
AHH these are late, but in my defense I got very drunk then had to work off the hang over lol.
that being said, thank you so much Nonny!! This is so sweet and I feel kinda bad because this one got pretty dark. Trigger warnings for Domestic abuse, non con/dub con implied, emotional abuse and manipulation, and yandere themes. you have been warned, Dead Dove, Do Not Eat.
Now Presenting...
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Starring: An cold complicated Ryomen Sukuna, taking it out on a Reader that doesn't deserve it.
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There were few things on this earth Sukuna found more vile than humans. Maggots, maybe, but at least maggots served a purpose- they were important to the nutrient cycling of many ecosystems. But what the fuck did human do? They destroyed with reckless abandon, conquered without a second thought, and bread like roaches to continue the destruction long after they were gone. They were creatures of hate. And maybe that’s why Sukuna couldn’t stand them. They were just a little too much like him.
That was all with one exception. Y/n was a human that challenged every thought he had about humans. She was kind and generous, but still not afraid to get her hands dirty for what she believed. She proved that much when she ran out to stop him from destroying some elders home of all fucking things. He didn’t know what was funnier, that she thought she could challenge him, with her meek frame and zero battle experience, or the look on her face when he threw her over his shoulder. 
He had planned to throw her to his hoard of underling curses and let them tear her limb from limb. A fitting punishment he thought, she wasn’t really worth his effort. When he got to the throne room, he looked down at the writhing mass of curses below the tall platform his throne sat upon. He watched them all move as one, entangled together in a breathing wet sea of shit and hunger. They needed to eat.
And then he looked at her. The way she clung to his arm, the genuine terror in her eyes. She didn’t look like she had before on the battlefield, so willing to give her life to save another. Now she looked as if her entire being was made of ice and terror, as if she’d shatter if the breeze blew the wrong way. He felt a tightness in his chest, like some otherworldly being was pulling the sinew that laid there apart, cord by cord. And he threw her into his sleeping quarters instead. 
And ever since that day all those months ago, Sukuna had been complicated. A fucking human complicated him, it was almost comical. He caught himself being vulnerable around her, and he coludn’t fucking stand it. For every quiet sweet moment they had, he had to double down with two or more acts of brutality to make himself feel better. Except, it never made him feel any fucking better, in fact it made him feel actively fucking worse. The betrayal and hurt behind your eyes always made him feel minuscule, and it only made his hate of you burn even brighter. 
It was moments like these that made his skin crawl. When your head was resting on his chest, arms wrapped around your body as best as they could be, legs still trembling in the aftermath of your shared sin. When he realized his heart was calm, and his claws didn’t crave blood in your presence. His reaction to comfort was always visceral anger. 
“Get off of me wench.” He growled, jerking his shoulder up and launching you out of your near sleep state. You looked so hurt.
“Oh, this again?” You muttered.
“And what the fuck is that supposed to mean, Whore?” Sukuna scoffed, unable to believe you felt comfortable enough to talk to him with such a tongue.
“Nothing.” You sighed, shaking your head and trying to turn away from him. You didn’t get very far before his talons were digging into your shoulder, forcing you to face him again.
“No no, If you’re going to say something, say it. Don’t try to take the cowardly way out now.” He warned. You shook your head, knowing better than to make eye contact right now.
“I just don’t want to fight-”
“Oh, you think this is a fight?” He laughed, “that would almost be cute if it wasn’t so pathetic.We don't fight Y/n. You forget your place, and I remind you of it. Fighting implies you to be my equal, which you never will be.” he said, his voice dripping in condescension and laced with contempt. His poison shot straight into your heart, coursing through your blood and to your tongue. You were so tired of his bull shit. 
“Oh, really?! Is that what happens?!” You laughed back to keep from crying, “Because from my view, You realize you have a heart and get so scared of it, you have to hurt someone smaller than you to feel like a man aga-!” Yea, you weren’t shocked when he struck you. You held your face, knowing there would be a bruise you could take fingerprints off of forming. You’d long since become used to his treatment. He grabbed you by your hair, yanking you to look at him. You could feel individual follicles being pulled from their roots as he raised you off the bed, as he drank in your scream as if it was the finest of wine. 
“Listen here Brat,” Ryomen always had a way of making even the most mundane words cut into your soul, “You’d do well to remember who the fuck you are talking to when you speak to me. I am not your friend, I am not your lover, you are fucking nothing to me. You’re less than nothing to me. Wrong me a-fucking-gain and your villiage won’t stop finding pieces of your body.” He snarled, throwing you off the bed. 
You braced for impact, but that still didn’t stop the collision from sending sharp waves of anguish through your already bruised ribs. You took in a sharp breath and tried to keep the tears swelling in your eyes from spilling over. He wanted you to cry. You wouldn't give him that satisfaction. You got to your hands and knees as quickly as your body would let you, then sat up as best as you could.
“Do you know what your problem is Sukuna?” You mumbled from the floor. He raised an eyebrow at you, genuinely shocked you had more to say after that. Normally, physical violence shut you up pretty quick. 
“And what is that Y/n?” He asked. You took an edge breath in.
“Your problem is that you don’t want to keep being a warlord. You’re tired of it, it bores you, you want to do something else. You found something that only makes that feeling stronger. And you can’t stand it! Because you don’t know who you are. You have no idea who Ryomen Sukuna is without the power and the blood thirst, and that fucking terrifies you.” Sukuna didn’t even argue, and he wasn’t surprised you read him so clearly. You had always seen through him as if he was nothing more than a fragile bubble. 
“And do you know what my problem is?” You growled. You waited all of 3 seconds before responding to his silence, “My problem is that I love you. And you don’t deserve that.” A chuckle left Sukuna, but it was humorless. His eyes didn’t hold any anger or angst, he looked as if he was made of stone. He finally got up from the bed, and moved to you. He crouched down to be at your level. 
“Things are only going to get worse for you from here on out. I hope you're prepared.” he said, zero emotion making its way to his voice or eyes. He pushed you onto your back before standing up again and leaving the room. Once he was back in his own sleeping quarters, he punched a hole in his wall.
How fucking dare you tell him you loved him! Who the fuck did you think you were?! And why the fuck would you confess that after he threw you to the fucking ground? As if you were nothing more than a used cum rag! He roared as he ripped some random piece of art off the wall and smashed it against the floor, splintering the wooden frame. Your words kept echoing in his head, phantoms that wouldn’t let him rest. I love you, and you don’t deserve it.It made him sick. Because he didn’t deserve it. And because he loved you too, and you truly didn’t deserve that.
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forbidden-sunlight · 8 months
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yandere! luo binghe with shixiong!male!reader headcanons
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Warnings: obsessive behavior, mentions of violence, physical abuse, and blood.
There may also be possible triggers in this story.
If you do not feel comfortable venturing any further, please hit the 'back' button on your device or computer and read something much more pleasant than a possible series of unfortunate events.
I would like to thank @berrypuddingpwease for helping me expand a concept to full-fledged headcanons featuring one of my favorite characters from MXTX's danmei series, Scum Villian's Self-Saving System, aka SVSSS. This is dedicated to you, my friend :)
So without being said, sit back, relax, and enjoy!
Luo Binghe had suffered one tragedy after another in his life, and being a disciple of Cang Qiong Mountain Sect with a scummy master would later serve as the foundation of his twisted personality in the future. You know it will happen because you have read it. This world you had woken up in, is none other than the famous stallion novel, Proud Immortal Demon Way. Your current incarnation wasn’t a member of Luo Binghe’s three digit harem nor the villain Shen Quingqui, but an extra, a senior disciple in Qing Ding Peak. 
Since you weren’t equipped with a system, at least that you were currently aware of at the moment, it wouldn’t be considered OOC for canon fodder to try and be a good mentor to the current white lotus that is Luo Binghe, or try to improve your own cultivation so there was a chance you would survive the sect’s demise when the protagonist emerged from the Endless Abyss as an awakened Heavenly Demon. 
It started off with the small things; greeting Luo Binghe  with a smile whenever you saw him, sneaking an extra bit of food or medicine into the woodshed when you were sure no one was watching you, especially Shen Qingqiu. He might be a good teacher, but his temper was a legend in this peak. 
The only way you could help Luo Binghe improve himself was to purposely compare your cultivation manual with the one he had, the false one written by the peak lord in an attempt to thwart the protagonist’s growth. By doing this, it would add another reason for Luo Binghe to hate his shizun. 
You allowed him to borrow your book to copy any information he needed, as long as he was discreet. Lup Binghe swore to take good care of the manual, holding it close to his chest with sparkling eyes as he stared at you with a smile. It was cute, this white lotus version of Binghe. 
Seeing positive changes in how behavior had been worth withstanding Shen Qingqiu’s anger, especially when he found out just the other day that you were the culprit who had been sneaking an extra portion of food to the protagonist. Good things the sleeves of the cultivation uniform were long enough to hide the bruises starting to form on your arms. There’s no doubt that the sect leader will start dishing out punishment to you from now on, even for the smallest mistake. 
Oh, well. You’ll just have to be more careful in behaving around the rest of the sect and Binghe from now on. Still, how could he continue to grow without triggering the events that would lead to his blackening?
As you contemplated these thoughts, you could not have realized nor believed just how much of your presence in this world the plot of Proud Immortal Demon Way in very unexpected ways until it was too late to revert the damage that had already been done. 
Luo Binghe is a  very sticky, lovesick puppy for the shixiong who has treated him with so much kindness and respect and it scares him. He’s afraid he’ll wake up one morning….and realize that it had been a sweet, sweet dream. But he wakes up early every morning, and he sees his shixiong teaching the others alongside Ming Fan….and when his shixiong sees him, he smiles. And it is a warm, friendly smile that Binghe secretly wishes would belong only to him and no one else. 
With his shixiong, Binghe’s life in the peak is so much better. He hasn’t been this happy in a long, long time…so why was his shizun continuing to punish his shixiong so unfairly? His shixiong didn’t do anything wrong! He is training him and the other disciples in preparation for the Immoral Alliance Conference, and doing more than his fair share of the chores around the peak! 
But no matter what his shixiong did or did not do, their shizun would pull him away from him or the others, and his shixiong would not return to the bamboo house until it was past dinner-time. 
Shixiong tried to brush off his concerns with a smile, but Binghe wasn’t blind! He sees the angry whip marks on his senior’s arms, his head and robes soaked with tea, the pained look in his eyes! Shixiong….Shixiong doesn’t deserve to be treated like this!
He needed to get stronger. Not just to protect himself but to make sure Shen Quingqui wouldn’t hurt his shixiong ever again! And if the sect didn’t accept them being together, then they will find happiness elsewhere. Rogue cultivators did exist beyond these mountains, although the other disciples believed they were wholly evil. But Binghe has come to realize that this world isn’t just black and white. 
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chvoswxtch · 1 year
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just started the punisher & absolutely in love with how you write frank castle. i’m already a huge simp and NEED a bodyguard!frank x reader fic where the reader gets a lil tipsy & likes to run away from him? ofc she runs into trouble with other guys at the bar and immediately regrets losing frank but he comes in at the right time?
if not i totally understand and will continue to binge all of your fics!!
-thor ✨🥰
thor!!! my sweet sparkly angel baby god of thunder!!! ✨
you're so PRECIOUS. thank you so much, and thank you so much for the request. I can't believe I hadn't thought of bodyguard!frank before like...you're a genius. I left this one kinda open ended bc I wasn't sure exactly what kind of relationship we were going for between frankie & reader, so I kept it subtle BUT as always, if you want more just let me know. 😏 ❤️
warning: contains violence and mentions of blood (frankie is the punisher after all), swearing, mentions of alcohol, & mentions of harassment (if this makes you uncomfortable, please feel free to skip!) word count: 3k
it's my job.
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[next chapter] | [series masterlist]
You should’ve listened. He told you to stay close. He told you not to have that sixth drink. He told you to stay where he could see you. But you didn’t listen.
Why hadn’t you fucking listened?
Because he frustrated you. Because he was all stone cold gazes and silence. Because he ignored you like he was paid to do that instead of protecting you. Because his eyes were always over you or around you, but never on you.
Because you had a school girl crush on your body guard and you couldn’t figure out why. 
Well, you knew part of that why. He was incredibly handsome in a rugged way. He was big and broad and looked like he could snap you in half with his bare hands if he wanted. You’d seen him crack a smile once, not at you of course, but another one of the guys that was assigned to you, and God was it beautiful. It softened his face in a way that made you stupid, and that was probably why you had made the dumbass decision that you had.
You weren’t a damsel in distress by any means, but you’d certainly play the part if it meant Frank Castle was coming to your rescue. 
The plan was simple. Slip away from Frank at the bar, find a random guy to flirt with, wait for Frank to find you, and finally be his center of attention. Simple, right?
Wrong. Very wrong.
Everything seemed to be going smoothly. Frank had turned his head for one second, and you were gone, giggling to yourself as you pictured the pissed off look on his face. Were you being a brat? Absolutely. But as pretty as Frank was, he was also a huge dick most of the time. It was only fair to return the favor considering he had been driving you crazy for months now. Tipsy you had completely justified your actions, and you agreed with her. 
It didn’t take long to find an unsuspecting player in your little game. He had a godawful smirk on his face that definitely wasn’t as attractive as he thought it was, and clearly screamed ‘no one’s ever told me no in my entire life’. That should’ve been red flag number one. His overconfidence was as nauseating as the sound of his voice, but you reminded yourself you had a game to win. You subtly kept glancing around for Frank, wondering what the hell was taking so long. All of a sudden, Jason…Jake…whatever the hell his name was-decided to invite his entire frat house apparently to crash your little party. 
That was when the chaos started.
They all crowded around you in a corner in the back, completely blocking your view from the rest of the bar. You started to feel a little nervous, realizing that if you couldn’t see Frank, he couldn’t see you. That thought, along with the ravenous gaze in each of the men’s eyes, completely sobered you up. You didn’t like their lingering stares. You didn’t like how close they all were. This wasn’t fun anymore. It wasn’t a game. It was a mistake. 
“I-I think I should go find my friend. Excuse me.”
“Whoa, where you going, princess? I thought we were your friends?”
The ringleader didn’t hide the path of his eyes as they traveled down your body, and it made you feel sick. His friends snickered as they moved in closer towards you, not bothering to hide their shameless gazes either.
“What, you don’t like us anymore?”
Think. Think. Think.
Don’t piss them off. 
Play along.
Be smart.
You attempted your best polite smile, shaking your head slowly as you tried to find a gap between their bodies.
“Just wanna make sure no one sends a search party and ruins the fun. I’ll be right back.”
You tried not to move too quickly as you went to step between two of them, but a tight grip on your wrist yanked you backwards against an uncomfortable chest.
“Why don’t you just text them later. C’mon, don’t be difficult.”
There was a fear bubbling up in your chest and your throat felt tight. God why hadn’t you just fucking listened to Frank? Where the hell was he? You just wanted to go home. You sent a silent prayer up to whoever was listening that you’d never do anything stupid like this again if you could just go home.
“You’re hurting me.”
You winced, not from the weakness in your own voice, but from the harsh orchestra of laughter at your words. You felt like a lamb trapped in a circle of wolves. The horrid feeling of the man’s hand caressing your face caused your fingers to tremble, whimpering slightly as his hand gripped your jaw tightly when you tried to turn away from his touch.
“What’s the matter, princess? Don’t like it rough?”
“Frank?!”
If he couldn’t see you, maybe he could at least hear you.
“That’s not my name, baby. Don’t worry, we can practice you screaming it later. I promise, it’ll be the only one you remember after I-”
A high pitched yelp rang loudly in your ears and it took a couple of seconds to realize that it came from the man that was grabbing you. Blinking a few times, you stared dumbfounded as you realized Frank had pinned his arm behind his back in a very painful looking position and had slammed his face into the closest wall.
“You put this fuckin’ hand where it don’t belong again, and I’m gonna break it. You got that?”
Frank must have done something to prove his point, because the man cried out as he furiously tried to nod his head that was trapped against the wall.
“Fuck…y-yeah, yeah I got it! Just fucking let go!”
As Frank released him and took a step backwards, the man fervently turned around, ready to strike until he took in the look on Frank’s face. There was pure fear in that man’s eyes, and you could’ve sworn you saw him gulp as he quickly took a step backwards. He looked comically small compared to Frank. It fueled something within you to see him look so small and fragile. Frank turned his head slightly to shoot a warning look to the others, one they quickly responded to by taking a step back and holding their hands up in surrender.
Shooting one last glare to the ring leader, Frank finally turned around to face you. A shiver tumbled down your spine at the fury burning in his eyes. He was pissed. 
“You alright?”
The tone of his voice was so harsh and gruff it almost hurt your ears, having the complete opposite effect it normally did. You brought your trembling hand up and held your wrist against your chest, trying to ignore the sting of pain you felt as you cast your eyes downward and nodded.
You jumped slightly when you felt the warm weight of Frank’s palm on your arm, noticing the way his face fell ever so slightly as he recognized the terror in your eyes. He gave your arm a gentle squeeze, nodding his head towards your wrist.
“Lemme see.”
If Frank was pissed before, he was fucking enraged now. Allowing him to hold out your wrist to inspect it, his jaw immediately hardened when he saw the faint outline of fingerprints blooming on your skin in light shades of maroon. 
“Fuckin’ piece of shit.”
Before you had a chance to stop him, Frank’s fist was colliding with the man’s jaw, causing you to wince as you heard it crack like thunder across the sky in a violent storm. You could hear one of his ribs shattering like glass as Frank landed a powerful blow to his chest, grunting as he dragged him back up by his collar.
“Thought you liked it rough, huh? You pussyin’ out on me now?”
The man feebly tried to push at Frank’s chest to create some distance. He would’ve had better luck trying to knock down a brick wall with his bare hands. His friends stood stunned in place by Frank’s wrath, paralyzed with horror as their fearless leader sobbed and pleaded for mercy. 
“You like putin’ your hands on women, yeah? That make you feel big? Make you feel like a man?”
Frank’s voice boomed in your ears the louder he got. There was a frenzied look in his eyes, and you’d lost count of how many times his fist had collided with various parts of the man’s body. 
“Frank, please.”
Frank’s unrelenting fist paused midair at the sound of your voice, head snapping in your direction. He wasn’t going to stop unless you begged him to. You could see it in his eyes.
“I wanna go home. Please, Frank. Please take me home.”
A muscle feathered in his jaw as he glanced between you and the man whose bloodied face was now unrecognizable. Grabbing onto his jaw roughly, the man whimpered as a fresh stream of blood leaked from his mouth. Frank leaned in close, staring directly into the eye that wasn’t swollen shut as he growled lowly.
“You ever come near her again, or I hear anythin' ‘bout you putin’ your hands on another woman, I’ll fuckin’ make you scream. And it’ll be the last goddamn thing you do. You got that?”
Frank didn’t wait for an answer. He swiftly guided you out with his hand on your lower back, ignoring the horrified looks from everyone as they parted for him like the red sea. The slam of the passenger door caused you to jump, buckling yourself in with trembling hands as Frank sped out of the parking lot like a madman. 
You couldn’t look at him. You couldn’t face the rage on his face and the disappointment in his eyes. One glance in his direction had you immediately turning away. His fist was coated in the man’s blood as it gripped onto the steering wheel, crimson almost gleaming under the moonlight as it dripped down his wrist. You pushed it too far. You pushed him too far.
The entire drive home was silent. You desperately wanted to get out and get away from him. How were you ever supposed to look at him again? He was probably going to quit after what you did. How could you have been so reckless? So stupid? You stared at your reflection in the side mirror.
Well, you got what you wanted.
As soon as his truck pulled into the driveway you were unbuckling yourself and dashing out towards the front door. Your fingers trembled as you struggled with the lock, heart thrashing in your ribcage hearing Frank’s heavy boots pounding angrily against the concrete. He silently reached around you to grab the keys, turning the lock and shoving the door open angrily as you rushed through the threshold. 
His large hand caught your arm before you could disappear into your bedroom, spinning you around quickly as he stared down at you furiously.
“Why do you gotta always be so goddamn difficult? Why can’t you just do what the fuck I ask, when I ask it?”
“Frank-”
“You are a fuckin’ relentless pain in my ass, you know that? You got any idea what coulda happened to you? What they woulda done? Is that what you want?”
“No, I-”
“Because that woulda been on me. Somethin’ happens to you, it’s on me. It don’t matter that you’re a goddamn spoiled brat that can’t fuckin’ listen to save her fuckin’ life, it’s my ass. You get that? Or are you so goddamn selfish, you can’t see past yourself?”
He was right. You knew he was right. You had been selfish. You could’ve gotten yourself seriously hurt, or worse. You could’ve gotten Frank hurt or worse. And for what? Because he did his job too well? Because he wouldn’t entertain your bullshit? A lump of regret caught in your throat and you could feel guilt brimming along your waterline. You were a selfish, spoiled brat to him. That’s all he saw you as, and would ever see you as, because that was all you had proven to him. He probably hated you, and that thought alone is what finally broke you.
“I’m sorry, Frank. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to-I wasn’t thinking. I was being stupid. I…I was being selfish. If you hadn’t been there…I don’t…I can’t…”
You shuddered as you thought about how that sentence would end. You didn’t even wanna think about it. You realized in that moment how complacent you had gotten because of Frank. He was always there. The thought of someone getting past him never even occurred to you. There was never a chance for anyone to get too close to you until you created one.
Frank paused his irritated pacing, his face softening as he heard the remorse that cracked through your voice. Your hands were trembling as you choked words out through your heavy tears, and for the first time that night he thought about how scared you must have been. He glanced at the bruises that marked your wrist and let out a deep exhale through his nose. You were a pain in the ass, but he knew you hadn’t intended for tonight to happen. You could be careless sometimes, but not enough to put yourself in that situation.
Frank took a few cautious steps forward, placing his hands delicately on your shoulders.
“Hey, breathe. Everythin’s alright, yeah? You’re home. You’re alright. Just…breathe for me, sweetheart.”
“I’m so sorry, Frank-”
Frank let out another deep sigh as he pulled you in close, hugging your head against his chest as he gently rubbed your back.
“Hey…hey, I know. I know you didn’t mean for it to happen. Look, it’s over, yeah? Don’t matter anymore. Just focus on breathin’ for me.”
“You could’ve gotten hurt, and I-”
Frank pulled back slightly as he cupped your jaw delicately, searching your eyes with confusion knit between his dark brows. It felt drastically different than when that man had grabbed your face earlier. Frank’s fingers were rough, but they were soft as they touched you. Frank would never hurt you. His full lips were pursed in almost a pout as he searched your eyes, and it was the first time you were able to look at them so closely. They were a breathtaking shade of chocolate brown, and looked so different when he wasn’t angry. His entire face was different when he let that brooding mask slip. 
After a beat of silence, the edge of his mouth curved in the tiniest of smirks as his eyes lit up with mischief.
“The hell you worryin’ ‘bout me for? I’m the one protectin’ you, ya’know.”
“I don’t make that easy.”
“No, you don’t.”
There was a somewhat playful tone to the normal edge of his voice. He was trying to make you feel better, but you didn’t feel like you deserved it.
“And I could’ve gotten us both hurt because of it.”
Frank had expected you to banter back with him. You always had some smartass comeback ready to fire, and he secretly enjoyed it. But the dejection in your voice made him worry he’d been too hard on you earlier. A bigger part of him was nervous that he’d scared you in the bar, and that gnawed at the pit of his stomach.
“Have I ever let a single thing happen to you?”
“No, but-”
“Do you think I ever would?”
“No, but Frank-”
“Good. My job is to protect you. I don’t need you worryin’ ‘bout me, sweetheart. I can take a lot more than you give me credit for. What I do need is you to worry ‘bout yourself, and listen. I don’t tell you shit to be a hardass or try to control you. It’s to keep you safe. You got that?”
“Yes, Frank.”
“So, we understand each other now? You gonna start listenin’?”
“I will, I promise.”
“Attagirl.”
Frank granted you a miniscule smile as he wiped a stray tear away from your cheek, and a tiny surge of pride flowed through you at his praise. You wanted more of that. You gently wrapped your hand around his wrist, finding yourself unable to break his mesmerizing gaze.
“I don’t ever want anything like tonight to happen again.”
“That makes two of us.”
“I was really scared, Frank.”
“Did I scare you?”
Frank’s voice was quieter as he voiced his inquisition, and you could hear the vulnerability laced in it. You quickly shook your head, holding onto his wrist a little tighter.
“I wasn’t scared of you, Frank. I never have been. I was scared I wouldn’t be able to find you. That you wouldn’t be able to find me. That I…might never see you again.”
“I’ll always find you, sweetheart. I promise.”
You thought you liked how your name sounded coming from Frank’s mouth, and God you did, but sweetheart…yeah you liked that much better.
“Frank-”
“Go get some sleep. We’ll talk in the mornin’.”
“Are you leaving?”
Frank quirked one of his brows as he looked at you, a smile ghosting over his mouth so fast you had to convince yourself you hadn’t imagined it.
“Kinda defeats the purpose of body guardin’ if I ain’t here to guard your body, yeah? And since someone can’t manage to keep herself outta trouble, can’t really take any chances.”
Something about that sentence had heat violently spreading across your cheeks, and traveled very far downwards. You nodded your head quickly, trying to will your brain to remember how to speak as you cleared your throat.
“Right…um…guest room is-”
“Across from yours, I remember.”
“Um…goodnight, Frank.”
“Night, sweetheart.”
You flashed him a tight lipped smile, trying to gather yourself as you turned around and headed towards your bedroom. What a fucking night. As you opened your bedroom door, you paused for a second and turned around, only to find Frank still in the same spot you had left him, watching you closely. He turned his body to face you expectantly, cocking his head slightly to the side in question.
“Thank you.”
Frank’s hand twitched slightly as his side, giving you a slight nod.
“It’s my job, sweetheart.”
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vulpisnocturna · 8 months
Text
Binding Vow - Part III
This is the last part of Binding Vow 🤍
Part I
Part II
Read on AO3
I do not condone this behaviour. This is purely fictional. Please read warnings and avoid if you find any of them triggering.
Warnings: Stockholm Syndrome, Chrollo being a pretentious bastard, Chrollo mansplains, Emotional Manipulation, Controlling behaviour, Yandere Chrollo, Kidnapping, Captivity, Reader is struggling, dubcon, NSFW
Word Count: 7.6k
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You were insane. You were deranged, and spineless and pathetic. Waking up with Chrollo’s arm holding you to him, possessive and stifling as always, you had actually felt good about it. You, the captive, the prisoner, the trophy possession he had decided to steal for himself. You had liked his touch, and had felt comforted by it. You had wanted the moment to last forever, that feeling of being in Chrollo’s good books and not having to fear for his next move. If you just accepted it, liked the physical reaction of your body, did what he wanted, it was so much easier.
The past two weeks after your escape had almost been... peaceful. Chrollo hadn’t punished you, and so long as you sat on his lap, made out with him and spoke to him, he was gentle, kind and lenient. He was waiting for you to sleep with him, not forcing himself on you, even though you weren’t sure you would even push him away. After all, kissing him felt so disgustingly good. Human contact felt so comforting, and you deserved to feel good, right? You had lived in torment for months now, and now that you had a modicum of normalcy, of happiness, it was normal to want to keep it. It was normal to want Chrollo to be happy. If Chrollo was happy, or whatever the comparable emotion was for someone like him, you were safe, comforted, treated kindly.
But this was Chrollo. Did you really want Chrollo to be happy, to show you that shit-eating smug smirk of his? To get what he wanted?
No. This wasn’t about Chrollo at all. This was about you. You were just looking out for yourself. Escape was impossible, and you would not get any mercy from him a second time even if you tried a second attempt. This was about self-preservation. This was about building a life for yourself with what you had. In that way, wasn’t this also brave?
‘Good morning, my love’ his husky voice reverberated in the crook of your neck, and he placed a gentle kiss on your shoulder, holding you closer, fingertips stroking your stomach. You tensed up a little, but did not attempt to push him away. Good mood. He was still in a good mood. You had learnt to tell his moods apart even though most of the time his face was blank or smug.
He turned you, stroking your hair and smiling at you, his eyes gleaming with some kind of emotion you were unable to name.
‘I was thinking that you have been so good for me lately, darling. I am willing to put behind the whole mistake of your escape if you continue to be so lovely and sweet. And, I was thinking I could take you on a date today. How does that sound?’ he asked, and you tried to contain the way your chest felt light with gratitude. He was willing to take you outside? Apart from your botched plan of escape, you hadn’t been outside for more than two months. You wanted it so badly. You needed it. Needed to see the outside world, needed to stretch your legs, to breathe in the clean air.
‘Uhm- where?’ you asked, still reticent about sounding too enthusiastic. This was still Chrollo, you reminded yourself. Still your kidnapper.
But... he was willing to take you outside. Even if you had tried to escape.
‘If you don’t feel up to it, we’ll stay home, of course. Don’t push yourself’ he said, stroking your cheek. Your breath faltered. No, you needed it.
‘No- I want to!’ you stammered, scared he might just be taunting you. It would destroy you if that was true. But Chrollo simply gave a soft laugh.
‘Relax, darling. I knew it would make you happy. We can go to an art gallery, and then, have some dinner before we come back’ he said, fiddling with the strap of your silk tank top, one of the many flimsy clothes he had bought for you, ‘however, there are some guidelines. They’re non-negotiable. But, if you follow them, you can expect to go on many more outings in the future’
Rules. He was giving you rules. You already had a feel for what he’d say, but you honestly did not care. So long as you got to see the outside world, you would do anything. Besides, trying to escape under his watchful eye would be impossible, especially since escaping when he was supposed to be away for hours had proven itself to be a complete disaster.
‘First, do not try to run from me. You know what would happen if you did. Do not ruin your streak, darling. Second, make no attempts to ask anyone to help you run from me. If you did, I’m afraid I would have to dispose of them, and you do not want that to happen, do you? Third, you must tell me if you are uncomfortable at any point. Do not force yourself to endure discomfort just to be outside. If you wish to go home at any point, we will, no questions asked. Fourth, I want to choose your clothes. It’s only fair, since I know the dress requirements of the place I plan to choose. Alright?’ he said, scanning your face.
You had expected the first two rules, and you did not even question them in your mind. Of course he would say that. But the third? Why would you feel distressed about being outside? It was all you ever needed or wanted. But you supposed you could accept, since it wasn’t going to happen. Chrollo had a nasty habit of picking your outfits anyway, it wouldn’t change anything. As revealing as he could make them, you could put up with it, if it meant you got to go. You doubted his nasty jealousy would allow him to make you go naked outside.
‘Okay’ you only said, and he smiled.
‘Good’ he smiled, kissing your forehead. Again, the fact that you did not flinch surprised you. He had kissed you so much in the past week that now, you saw it as normal. It shouldn’t be. But it was. And it meant you were going outside.
‘We’ll have breakfast outside. I’ll shave and have a shower in the main bathroom. If you wish to have one too, you can use this one. Unless you wish to join me’ he said, voice roguish and tempting, despite the fact that it only brought a grimace and a burning feeling on your face.
‘I’ll take this bathroom’ you muttered sourly. Chrollo did not seem fazed in the slightest as he stretched like a cat and lifted himself off the bed.
‘As you wish, darling’ he said, heading towards the wardrobe. You didn’t even want to see him leer at all the outfits he’d bought you, you didn’t want the anxiety of wondering if he’d pick one of those skimpy skirts that barely covered your ass. So you turned away again, facing the curtains of the wide window that offered a view of the whole city.
‘There. That’s perfect’ you heard, and curiosity (or maybe it was dread?) made you turn again, staring at the sage green dress he’d picked. It was fairly modest for his tastes, you thought. The length was a respectable one, possibly reaching the middle of your thighs, and the top had a cowl neckline that would expose some of your cleavage, but not too much. You were impressed. But perhaps you should have sniffed out the trap, because his other hand was holding matching black bra and panties, both obscene, all lace and barely concealing fabric. You tensed up, your cheeks heating up, mortified rage building up inside you as you glowered at him.
‘Consider this my payment for this date, darling. It’s only my imagination that will benefit from you wearing this, anyway. Unless you plan to seduce me’ he said slyly, smirking at you. You sneered. Of course not. All your physical contact was initiated or brought on by him. You didn’t want Chrollo. You didn’t like him. He was... a prick. He just happened to be unfairly hot. And good at sex.
‘I’m planning no such thing’ you snarled, and he tilted his head, folding the clothes and placing them on the bed.
‘Then I do not see an issue. Of course, you could go without wearing any. Or we could stay home. Your decision’ he said simply, nonchalantly.
Ah. Your decision. The mockery of one, at most.
‘Whatever’ you said, averting your eyes. Chrollo shot you one last look full of yearning before he grabbed a black suit from the wardrobe along with a white shirt and a black tie, exiting the bedroom.
You buried your face in the pillow, unwilling to look too much at the lingerie. Was he genuine when he said it would only be for his imagination? Or did he want you to wear it because he planned to fuck you that night? You hated the tightening of your lower stomach at the thought.
No, you didn’t want it to happen. It was dread, not longing.
You decided to act with the impression that he would not and stood up, snatching the clothes and locking yourself in the bathroom. Chrollo had never walked in on you in the bathroom, for which you were grateful. It was a minimal respect of your privacy, but for someone who crossed almost all of your boundaries with no regard for your say in the matter, it was astounding that he hadn’t picked the bathroom lock to get to you. And perhaps because it was your safest space from him, you had never tried to prolong your time in there or hide in that room, because you did not want him to take away what little privacy you had if he was under the impression you were using it to avoid him.
Perhaps it had to do with his gentlemanly façade, the front he put on, acting as though he was in any way chivalrous. It would ruin that image if he picked the lock of the bathroom to spy on a lady. But coercing her to wear slutty lingerie and keeping her captive were perfectly gallant things to do in his fucked up brain.
Regardless, you were glad to feel somewhat safe as you took off your tank top and shorts, turning the tap and stepping under the shower head. You sighed, trying to make it quick. You found yourself scrubbing and taking extra care in making sure you were pristine, and you hoped you were doing it in some kind of performative ritual because you were going outside and seeing people for the first time in two months and a half, and not because you thought Chrollo was going to see you naked. Although he had already seen you once, and his wandering hands were greedy when he had you on his lap, wearing flimsy silky nightgowns or his shirts. He was like a centipede when he got his hands on you. It felt like he had dozens of them.
When you got out and reluctantly put on the strapless bra and the lacy excuse for underwear he’d chosen, you were both impressed and revolted by the way they both fit you like a glove. How the hell could he know your exact measurements? Though all the clothes he’d ever gotten you always fit perfectly, even though you had never tried any of them before, the fact that he knew the precise measurements of your tits was disconcerting.
And despite how much you might hate him for making you wear that lewd set, you had to admit it was undeniably sexy on you. Which only made you angrier.
You ground your teeth, slipping on the dress he’d chosen, finding that one also fit you perfectly. You even put on mascara and nude lipstick. You got out after drying your hair and putting on the ridiculously expensive perfume he’d bought for you, finding him casually lounging on the armchair by the window, perfectly groomed and dressed. The suit was much classier than his cross-riddled fur coat, and he might even seem a gentleman in it. Well, except for the stupid cloth on his forehead. As out of place and ridiculous as it should have looked, it did nothing to make him look any worse. He only stood out more.
His covetous eyes raked your figure, his lips parting slightly as he stood up, making you feel like prey under his hungry gaze.
‘You look... truly stunning, darling’ he murmured, his fingers tracing the curve of your waist and hips, his lips seeking out yours. You were engulfed by the minty scent of his aftershave and the heady, expensive cologne he always wore, creating a mix that had you squirming in his hold as he kissed you, tongue greedily tracing your lower lip. His mouth traced a feverish line to your throat, and he breathed in, groaning softly, making your thighs press together instinctively.
Was he...?
‘Don’t fear, sweetheart. I won’t trap you beneath me and rip this pretty dress off you... though you are so tempting right now’ he whispered seductively against your ear, teeth nipping at your lobe, and you bit your lip hard, swallowing a whimper.
‘You’re a pretty little thing, you know that? Part of me wants to keep you home and taste your lips again and again’ he continued, hand cupping your ass, squeezing possessively. You swallowed, your eyes widening, pulse shooting up.
‘No- want to go outside- you said-‘ you started, but was shushed by his finger on your lips.
‘I am a man of my word, darling. I said I’d take you on a date, and that is what I’m going to do’ he said, giving you one last heated kiss before he released you.
‘Now, for the finishing touches’ he said, heading to the dresser and opening a box. Gold gleamed between his fingers as he approached you, and you stared at the emerald pendant and matching dangling earrings he had picked up.
‘Did you steal those?’ you murmured, and he let out a soft scoff.
‘Does it matter? Which one would make you feel better?’ he asked, gathering your hair and holding it, his head dipping as you stood in front of the mirror, frozen in place as his lips grazed your nape, sending shivers down your spine with the way his stormy eyes were fixed on you.
‘I guess not’ you breathed, and he smirked, putting the necklace on you and straightening it up on your sternum. Next, he released your hair and put on the earrings. You had to begrudgingly admit they were stunning. But that was to be expected. Chrollo liked to steal beautiful things. According to him, you were one of them.
‘Ready, my love?’ he asked, and you nodded. The shoes that were waiting for you at the door were heels, but luckily, they weren’t too high, and did not look too uncomfortable. Chrollo started to get on his knees, and you grimaced, picking up the heels and sitting on the sofa, putting them on yourself. You also took the dark coat he handed you yourself instead of letting him hold it for you. You refused to be a doll he could just dress up. He nonchalantly smoothed his jacket, seemingly unfazed by your rejection as his aura focused around his hand and his blasted book appeared between his fingers.
You stood next to him, and his hand snaked around your waist, holding you possessively as the lock clicked. The book disappeared, and he guided you outside and towards the lift.
Your fingers were trembling at your sides, and your gaze was greedy as it took in the outside world, the people walking by, your lungs filling with the clean air, your skin basking in the pale sunlight.
Chrollo led you to his car, or at least, the one he was currently using, opening the door for you and insisting on holding your hand as you sat down. He closed it behind you, circling the car and sitting down, immediately locking the door. As tempting as the thought of throwing yourself out of the moving car was, you had no intention of trying to escape, but you knew he would always take precautions anyway. Perhaps it was part of the reason why escaping him was impossible.
He drove through the city centre with a hand steady on your thigh except for when he had to change gear, but you could hardly care. Your gaze was fixed on the window, drinking in the buildings, the shops fleeting by, the statues and houses and the people walking on the pavement.
He parked in an underground parking space next to the gallery, once again feigning chivalry as he opened your door and helped you outside. You let him, because you did not want to cut your time short. You wanted to make the most of this day.
There were a lot of people in line, and to your surprise, Chrollo calmly walked to the end of it and stood there, patiently waiting. You stood next to him, feeling oddly breathless, as though your ribcage had tightened. So many people. You hadn’t seen so many people for so long. Their chattering was loud, they moved around you and you couldn’t keep an eye on all of them. Had being a captive ingrained in you the need to keep a watchful gaze on everyone around you?
You felt slightly nauseous.
‘Everything alright, darling?’ Chrollo’s voice came to you slightly muffled, and you swallowed, nodding quickly, terrified he would take you back home if you showed any sign of discomfort.
‘Too many people?’ he offered, and you focused on a spot far away under the stone arcades.
‘No. I’m fine’ you said much too quickly, your legs feeling slightly weak, to the point you had to lean on Chrollo. Was this why he’d chosen to stay in the line whilst he could have paid to skip it? Just to show you that you needed him in the crowd? To take you back home? You forced yourself to stand tall and by yourself, but Chrollo had already tightened his hold on you, trapping your side to his.
‘I wouldn’t want you to fall, dearest. We can still go home, you know’ he said, a hint of amusement in his voice. You gritted your teeth.
‘No’ you hissed, your throat tightening when you heard how hostile your tone sounded, ‘please. I want to stay, Chrollo’ you added, sweetening your voice, knowing his ego always adored the sound of your begging.
‘Hmh... you’ll need to stay close to me, dear. You seem quite fragile at the moment, so I will need you to hold onto me’ he said, his eyes smug and his smirk self-satisfied.
You pressed your lips together, wishing you could debate with him, tell him no, but his rule and the fact that he had the last say were vivid in your mind. It was his fleeting satisfaction over a day of joy for you.
You leaned against him again, closing your eyes and taking a deep breath.
He kissed the top of your head, rubbing your upper arm, moving along the line. Minutes passed, and Chrollo did not seem to want to let you go, and you did not seem to want to admit to yourself that his closeness, his stable presence holding you in the swarming crowd was reassuring.
You breathed a sigh of relief when you reached the ticket box. Chrollo bought two tickets for the exhibit, leading you towards the first room. You lost yourself reading the brochure, flicking through the different exhibits, your eyes nearly popping out of your skull as they set on Van Gogh. One of your favourite painters, and apparently, most of his artworks were now here for a short time. Had Chrollo known?
‘That is the first smile you’ve shown me that reaches your pretty eyes’ he said, his eyes glinting with some kind of genuine fondness as he stared at you.
‘You knew?’ you whispered, struggling to believe he would do something genuinely nice for you. Not something Chrollo liked, something you liked.
‘That you have a predilection for Van Gogh, or that his paintings would be here? Of course, to both’ he said, and you stared at him, suspicion extending its tendrils in your mind.
‘Are you... planning to steal them?’ you asked, eyes narrowed. Chrollo smirked, tilting his chin up and glancing at you with a sardonic look in his grey eyes.
‘Why? Would you like a specific one? I could arrange that’ he said easily, and you shook your head, disbelieving.
‘No- of course not’ you muttered.
‘A pity. If it gifted me another pretty smile, I would steal all of his paintings’ he said with something akin to reverence, stopping in the middle of the empty room to stroke your cheek, staring intently at you.
‘That’s- wrong’ you stammered, trying to vanquish his stupidly romantic display of affection. He was completely without morals nor did he have any sane conceptions of what was acceptable to do for something as trivial as a smile.
‘Why? Numerous museums have stolen artwork throughout the centuries, and somehow, that is moral? None of these museums paid Van Gogh for his artistry. They are fair game’ he said smoothly, and you stared at him, blinking in disbelief.
‘To you, everything is fair game’ you said. Chrollo smiled, fingers curling on your waist, under your unbuttoned coat.
‘Darling, you are so straitlaced. When you can appreciate something more than the masses, you are entitled to take it for yourself. Beautiful things deserve the right amount of appreciation, which most people cannot provide’ he said, and you had a vague idea of what he was really talking about in more detailed terms as he leaned over you, eyes gleaming with self-assurance.
‘Do you think any of these inane, mediocre individuals could truly love you? See your beauty, appreciate you, know you like I do? I am the only one who can truly give you what you deserve. I can give you anything’ he said in a soft, fervent voice, kissing your cheek, making your head spin with his delusional world views and the headiness of his tone.
‘Do you remember when I fucked you, darling? Of course you do. You were begging and whining for me, for my fingers, my tongue, my cock. Do you think any of these people would know how to fuck you like I do? How to make you scream and sob with need? Or maybe you don’t remember too well. But I will remind you soon. It might be tomorrow, in a few days, a week from now, but you will see. There is so much I want to do to you’ he was practically purring in your ear, voice low and inebriating, full of sinful promises that made your heart drum in your ears and your lower stomach hot with want.
Tomorrow? A few days? Then- he was going to fuck you soon. You felt dizzy, and you were not wholly convinced it was from dread.
‘You’re a creep’ you mouthed, terrified of his effect on you. If you’d been religious, you’d have thought he really was Lucifer incarnate. The temptation of the most beautiful of God’s angels really did feel real when Chrollo made it known what he wanted to do to you.
‘Oh? You think I can’t hear you mewl in your sleep, darling? God, if you knew how much control I need to exert to keep from burying my head between your thighs. Do you dream of me, my love?’ he continued, and your eyes widened, your heart skipping a beat as ferocious shame gripped your throat. No, he was bluffing. You couldn’t have... if he knew-
‘Of my ex’ you said, because he was humiliating you and you couldn’t bear his smug grin and the satisfaction and hunger you could hear in his voice.
Chrollo’s grip on you tightened, and he straightened up, his eyes burning with jealousy, but his lips curled in a nasty smirk.
‘Little liar. We’ll see’ he said, voice thick as honey, and you shivered, hugging your body as you went to look at the paintings. Chrollo followed you leisurely, like a shadow. It was as though there was a string connecting the two of you. Where you went, he was right behind you, if not already touching you.
The paintings in the first five rooms were the oldest, with gold painted on religious imagery, ugly infants and static anatomy. Still, your eyes drank the paintings in like you were dying of thirst, looking for the beauty in a world where Chrollo was the dealer of what you were allowed to see.
When you stopped for more than half a minute to stare at a painting, you had already walked through ten rooms, ignoring Chrollo’s pretentious chiming in with random historical facts and art lessons.
It was beautiful. No. That wasn’t right. It was petrifying. “Judith beheads Holofernes”, the silver plate read next to it. Artemisia Gentileschi. A woman.
There were two women and a man in the painting. One of the women was holding down the man onto a bed, whilst the other one was in the middle of slicing his head with a sword.
The world seemed to stand still as your eyes wandered around the canvas, taking in the colours, the skill, the beauty of it. But it wasn’t the artistic skills of that painting that mesmerised you. No, it was the rage. It was the sheer disgust, revulsion and fury that seeped through the blood trickling down the mattress and spurting in the air, spattering her dress. Punishment. Vengeance.
‘How macabre’ chimed in Chrollo, obviously unperturbed by the gore of the painting, ‘I did not know you had a bloodthirsty side to you, darling’
You ignored him. You’d felt that rage. That need for retribution. You knew what it was for.
‘I hope you’re not picturing doing that to me’ he said, and then sighed, stroking your hair, ‘Artemisia Gentileschi. She was raped by her father’s friend, and though she was tortured, she maintained her story throughout the trial that followed, which resulted in the conviction of her rapist. Her paintings do seem to reflect her exacting vengeance on him’
You looked at the woman in the painting, silently recognising her strength, standing in awe of it.
‘I could steal it for you if you like it so. Though I would not want you to get fanciful ideas’ he said. You couldn’t help but scoff. You could not say you were in the same position as Artemisia had been, but you understood the sentiment well. At times, you had wanted to behead Chrollo with a broadsword and bathe in his blood.
Who would have guessed that now, he was your only source of solace. That you did not shy away from his touch, that you dreamt of it.
‘I’d rather you stole me a broadsword’
‘As captivating as the sight of you brandishing one would be, I’m afraid I cannot do that’ he said, and you nodded absentmindedly. Obviously.
Chrollo bought breakfast at the art café, and you resumed the visit after that.
But nothing else captured your mind like that one painting. Well, until you got to the room where Van Gogh’s painting were displayed. If Artemisia’s paintings had filled you with respect and petrified you with their rage, Van Gogh rooted you to the spot with the sheer emotion of his art.
You could not stop yourself from smiling, and your eyes shone bright. You didn’t even care that Chrollo was staring at you like a hawk.
Again he offered to steal them for you. You denied wanting that, telling him that you wanted as many people as possible to bask in the beauty of them, and that you wanted them to acknowledge a painter who had never been appreciated in his lifetime.
‘You are so sweet, my love’ he said, holding you to him.
You weren’t sure you would not find Van Gogh’s sunflowers staring at you the next morning.
By the time you were finished with the visit, you were ecstatic. Yes, you had had to endure Chrollo’s centipede hands throughout the day, but you had seen so much, and felt alive. And he hadn’t even been too stifling.
‘I- thank you, Chrollo’ you said once you were back in the car, hoping this would happen again. He turned to you, staring at you, his usually cold grey eyes shining with warmth, his smile, for once, genuine.
‘It was my pleasure, darling’ he said, capturing your lips in a soft kiss, devoid of the hunger that usually seeped through them. One that, if you ignored the past two months and a half, would have you swooning.
He smiled against your lips, planting a kiss on your forehead and pulling out of the parking spot.
The restaurant he’d chosen was just as luxurious as you had expected from someone like him. He sat in front of you in the secluded booth, reading the menu. You did the same, tempted to get the most expensive thing just to put an indent in his wallet. Though it probably would be pocket change to him. And if not, he could always arrange stealing something to make up for the loss.
He ordered Cabernet, and you considered getting drunk to make the date with your kidnapper less awkward. But you didn’t think he’d let you down too many glasses of wine.
Still, you sipped it avidly, glaring at him when he scoffed.
‘Darling, am I such bad company that you have to drown your sorrows in wine?’ he asked, clearly a rhetorical question.
‘Yes’ you said, and he let out a soft laugh.
‘Are you sure you want to inhibit your senses around me? Considering I’m such bad company?’ he mused, sipping his wine, his pretty lips stained blood red. You put the glass down, scowling and going back to deciding what you wanted to eat.
You settled for steak, surprised to see he ordered the same. You had expected him to get something pompous like lobster.
The meal was undeniably amazing, even though Chrollo had taken it upon himself to interview you about what you’d thought of all the paintings, clearly trying to exhibit his own knowledge, which turned into you trying to one-up him. That might also have been a ploy from his part to get you to argue with him.
‘Interesting. When you’re not so nervous, you’re quite self-assured, darling. Perhaps the thought of being seen as less knowledgeable than I am is unbearable in your mind. Is it to do with sexism? I assure you, the fact that you’re a woman makes no difference to me in terms of your intelligence. Which is, of course, of the highest degree’ he said, and you groaned, staring at him and taking another gulp of Cabernet, even though no amount of wine could save you from him dissecting your brain and being pretentious.
‘Don’t psychoanalyse me. And stop trying to be a feminist icon to impress me. It rings hollow after what you have done’ you said, thinking yourself bold with your quips. Perhaps you should settle down. After all, this was still your mass murdering captor.
‘Ah. I treat you with the highest regard, my love. It wounds me to hear you be so bitter when this day made you so happy. Have I not earned some affection from your part by spoiling you today? Perhaps you need more from me’ his eyes took a lustful light, and you squirmed, shutting up. Which only earned you a smirk.
Once the bottle of wine had been finished, Chrollo got you water, claiming he did not want you to get drunk. You eyed the price on the bill, astonished that one meal could cost so much. But he merely swiped his card and closed the leather case that hid it from view, standing up and offering you his hand. You got up, walking with him outside.
The ride home was fairly silent, because you did not look forward to be back not knowing when you would get another chance at seeing the outside world, and Chrollo was focused on driving and palming your lower thigh. You looked at the sunset, lost in the orange and purple hues, completely enraptured by the beauty of it. It would be nice to stay out for a while longer, but you knew not to push the buttons. He had said art gallery and dinner, and that was what you had done. Now it was time to go home.
You wondered if he would make you sit on his lap and kiss him again tonight, as he’d done since your escape attempt. Somehow, the thought made you hot all over. Well, he had certainly seemed keen enough at the gallery, you thought, your cheeks hot.
Chrollo parked the car, leading you to the lift and back to the flat, where he locked the door with his stupid book and discarded his coat, taking yours off. You slipped off your heels, your feet sore from a day of wearing them, and started to head to the bathroom to change. If he wanted to make out with you, he could wait for you to get comfortable, as loosely as that word could be used in such a situation.
You had made it to the bedroom when Chrollo caged you in his arms, pulling you into him from behind you, getting your hair out of the way to leave languid kisses on your neck, his hands splayed on your stomach. You stopped dead in your tracks, giggling nervously, already feeling the effects of the wine and Chrollo’s touch getting to you.
‘Uhm- let me change-‘ you muttered, your eyes fluttering close when he started sucking on the junction of your clavicle.
‘There’s no need. I’ll peel it off you soon enough, darling’ he breathed against your ear, voice intoxicating, deep and sultry, and you squirmed, your heart rate going through the roof with the realisation that he wanted to sleep with you now. God.
No, you had to push him away. That was the right thing to do, right? He was... Chrollo, and his tongue was following your artery, and it felt like hell and heaven had combined, and you couldn’t think...
‘I’m tired of waiting. I am going to show you just what I can make you feel, darling. I’ll be so good to you’ he said breathily, hands cupping your breasts, fingers grazing your stiffening nipples. You choked a whimper, torn between the overwhelming pleasure and the equally crushing shame.
He groaned against you, pushing himself against your ass, earning another strangled yelp from you when you felt the hard bulge of his erection against it.
He whispered your name like a prayer, turning your head and kissing you hungrily, teeth sinking in your bottom lip, sucking, licking while he fisted your hair and turned you around, pulling you more into him.
Your mind seemed to shut off completely, taken over by the desire that had accumulated in weeks of torturing make-out sessions with no reprieve, to the point where your body was burning and aching for his touch, and nothing else mattered except the taste of wine in his mouth and the grip he had on you.
He pulled back, pupils dilated and eyes dark with lust, gaze lingering on your lips as he pulled down the zipper on your ribcage, greedily devouring you with a mere stare as you stood there, rapt and consumed by desire, your mind a blur.
He lowered the straps of your dress, pulling it down until it pooled at your feet. You burnt as his eyes trailed down your body, shameless and ravenous.
‘That’s even better than what I had imagined. Oh, darling, if you knew...’ he groaned, his hands immediately splaying on the expanse of your back, trailing down to squeeze and knead your ass harshly while his mouth was busy sucking on your neck, making you whimper as you clung to his shoulders.
He pushed you towards the bed, pulling you on his lap. You straddled him, utterly deranged with pleasure as he licked the valley of your breasts, grinding you on his lap. You let out a moan, pulling at his hair, which only made him rougher as he slapped your ass and gripped it, sending a surge of pleasure to your clit.
‘Get on your knees for me, darling. I want those pretty lips wrapped around my cock’ he groaned against your ear, and you swallowed, shame making your face burn. It was one thing to go with the flow and let him do things to you, quite another to actively pleasure him. But you would be a liar if you said the thought did not make you wet. And it was all unfair and humiliating and yet, and yet...
You pressed your lips together, yelping when your bra ripped under his hands and he threw it away.
‘I’ll buy you another one’ he groaned, pinching your nipples and sucking one into his feverish mouth, grazing it with his teeth until you were rutting against him, your hands cradling his head.
‘On your knees now, sweetheart’ he pressed, and you breathed in shakily, lowering yourself from his lap onto the floor, swallowing your shame as Chrollo stared down at you, taking off his jacket and shirt, unbuttoning his trousers and pulling his cock out, stroking it in his hand. Degrading as it was, infuriating as it was, he was so unfairly attractive. From the expanse of his toned stomach to the thick cock in front of you to the unruly hair that framed his face and the lust-laden grey eyes boring into you.
He let go of his cock to gather your hair into his fist, stroking your cheek and your bottom lip, pushing his thumb inside. You hesitantly sucked it, pressing your tongue against it, and he smirked, eyes gleaming with ravenous lust as he pulled it away and you wrapped your much smaller hand around the base of his cock, unable to touch your fingers with your thumb.
You stroked him, looking up at him as you tentatively licked the slit at the tip, and he let out a soft moan, his lips parting as his fingers tightened around your hair.
Emboldened by his reaction, you wrapped your lips around the reddened tip, tongue twirling around it.
‘Good girl, keep your eyes on me’ he breathed, looking dishevelled for the first time as you sank further in, licking the underside of his cock, hollowing your cheeks.
‘Fuck’ he groaned, his hips twitching, to the point where he reached the back of your throat and you choked a little, breathing hard through your nose. You weren’t even two thirds of the way in.
‘You can take it, darling. You’re doing so well. You look ravishing’ he praised, and you pushed a little more, tears starting to sting in your eyes, your lips wet with saliva as you struggled to keep your eyes on him.
You got a little more used to his size, and you managed to take a little more. What you couldn’t take with your mouth you made up for with your hand, rotating it slightly as you pulled back and forth on him, watching him start to breathe more unevenly, his eyes narrowed, the skin of his neck slightly flushed.
‘That’s my girl. You’re such a pretty little slut for me. I knew it’ he taunted, and despite yourself, you couldn’t help but moan, continuing to pleasure him though it killed your pride.
He started to guide your head, not too forcefully, but he was definitely getting more eager as you picked up the pace and sank to his pelvis, tearing a breathless moan from him that made your panties even more soaked than they already were.
‘Oh, darling. My good girl. Fuck- I’m close. Keep going, and swallow, m’kay? Going to make you feel so good after, I promise’ he huffed out, and you hollowed your cheeks, struggling to breathe, tears running down your face as you kept going, until he stilled, his eyes closing, head facing the ceiling as he came in your mouth with a soft moan.
You swallowed heavily, panting as he slipped out of your mouth. He stared at you for a few seconds, his lips parted, his eyes narrowed with pleasure, before he pulled you up by your arm and threw you underneath him on the bed, kissing you, his hands roving down your body.
‘Such a good girl- let me return the favour, my dear’ he breathed, sucking on your nipples, straying down your stomach and spreading your thighs. You stared at him, panting and hot all over as he pressed his nose against your clit, licking a wet stripe along your labia over the wet lace of your panties. You let out a breathless moan, hips jerking against him, and he let out a soft groan, smirking at you.
‘How I missed this’ he murmured, pulling on your panties until they ripped, clearly unfamiliar with just slipping them off. But your quips were soon forgotten when he flung one leg on his shoulder and dipped his tongue inside you, kneading your ass as he flicked your clit and rolled it in his tongue.
You pulled at his hair, your hands catching onto the cloth of his forehead, which fell on you. He tossed it away, sucking on your clit, his hand snaking between your thighs, two fingers dipping inside you and curling, making you arch your back and let out a loud moan.
He started thrusting his fingers in and out, dragging them along your walls, his mouth keenly occupied with your clit, until you couldn’t take it anymore and started convulsing underneath him, trembling as he pinned you down and forced you through the most intense orgasm of your life.
He switched his mouth and fingers, his tongue slipping inside you, tasting you, his fingers rubbing and rolling your clit through the comedown of your orgasm, until you pushed him away when you started feeling too sensitive.
He wiped his chin with his mouth, sucking his fingers clean and smirking at you, the picture of debauchery as he gave you a sultry look.
He took off the remainder of his clothes, turning you on your stomach and lifting your hips.
‘Does my pet want a rough fucking? You deserve it, after all. You’ve been so patient, squirming on my lap for weeks’ he said against your ear, gripping your hip, his free hand wrapped around your throat.
You only moaned, and he must have been satisfied, because he pushed inside you, tearing a loud whine from you and a grunt from him.
‘Fuck, darling. You’re just made for me, aren’t you? Look at how you’re taking my cock, sucking it in, throbbing around it’ he murmured, immediately bottoming out and thrusting back in unrelentingly, making you tremble underneath him, your head dizzy, your face pressed against the mattress as he pounded into you, pressing into your g-spot straightaway, making you whine and keen for him. It was too much, all at once. You felt him everywhere, consuming you, making you see stars.
‘Chrollo- fuck- too much’ you sobbed, but he did not relent. He slammed against you with reckless abandon, long fingers still wrapped around your throat, his pants and groans echoing your louder cries.
‘You can take it, little slut. You’re my little slut, mh? Your pretty little cunt’s squeezing around me... could it be that you like that, darling? How filthy’ he taunted, but he sounded breathless and full of desire, and it made you feel obscene, yes, but also so so wanted. You had secretly longed for this for weeks, and now, you needed to feel him, needed to cum so badly.
But he slipped out of you and turned you on your back, slipping back into your sopping cunt and lifting your knees to your chest, pressing his body over you.
‘Fuck- Ahh- gonna cum!’ you sobbed, the new position rendering you completely helpless to his rough fucking that pressed against your g-spot and grazed your cervix, making you quiver underneath him.
‘Cum for me, darling. Show me how much you need me to fuck you’ he breathed, and you thrashed your head side to side, tears disappearing on either side of your hair, your mouth open in a silent scream as you came undone, seeing white, sounds fading completely around you, leaving you feeling only pleasure for a moment that felt like several minutes.
Chrollo grunted, cursing loudly, pressing his lips to yours in a sloppy kiss and drowning your moans as his hips stuttered, his rhythm breaking, his fingers curling on your flesh, sure to leave bruises as you felt warmth flood inside you.
He continued to push for a few seconds, head buried in the crook of your neck before he stopped moving. Your legs collapsed on the bed, and you struggled to calm your breathing, your throat dry, your arms loose around his back.
He rolled over to his back next to you, his breath starting to come out evenly even though you were still panting.
‘You were perfect, darling’ he murmured, stroking your hair, pulling you into his arms. You stared at the open window, the night skyline staring back at you with its blue lights and orangey glow from the windows of the buildings on the other side of the street.
Was this a life you could live? You did not know. The only thing you knew was that Chrollo had won.
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6lostgirl6 · 1 year
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Yandere Alphabet - Billy Loomis
TW: toxic relationship, stalking, hints of physical abuse, kidnapping, mentions of murder, threats of self-harm in order to escape (not detailed), isolation as punishment.
A/N: Please inform me if I did not tag something correctly. Please know the difference between fictional and reality. While fictional, these types of relationships are extremely toxic, especially in real-life. If your relationship is showcasing these toxic behaviors, please seek help from someone to get out safely. Reblogs are heavily appreciated!!
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Affection: How do they show their love and affection? How intense would it get?
Similarly to the movie, Billy would play the role of a perfect boyfriend. Sweet and protective, you would never expect just how dark his intentions for you truly are. He's more reserved when it comes to his affection in public, yet it switches off when someone bothers you or wants your attention. His grip on your hands tightens and stare hardens. In private, he would be a lot more touchy. very touchy.
Blood: How messy are they willing to get when it comes to their darling?
He is willing to be very messy, even more so when he starts killing people as Ghostface. In the beginning of the relationship, he wouldn't hesitate to spill some blood during fights with other guys to protect you. Now, as Ghostface, he's willing to gut them and hang them with their intestines.
Cruelty: How would they treat their darling once abducted? Would they mock them?
Once taken, billy would be extremely controlling and would treat you the same as before just more intense since he can finally display his hidden desires. Yes, when he kidnapped you, he mock you when you started crying and begging him to let you go.
Darling: Aside from abduction, would they do anything against their darling’s will?
He's very touchy. He'll continue to make you treat him like your boyfriend still after your kidnapping and constantly make you tell him how much you love him. If you genuinely still love him, then it will be easier on you.
Exposed: How much of their heart do they bare to their darling? How vulnerable are they when it comes to their darling?
It is very rare that Billy will open up to you. He doesn't regret kidnapping you and he would do it a million times if it meant he could keep you at his side. However, there are times where he will crack. In a fit of rage, he would screaming and demanding why you continue to be scared of him.
Fight: How would they feel if their darling fought back?
It depends on his mood. If he's in a good mood, he loves the chase, it sets off his basic instincts of making you submit. On the other hand, if he was in a bad mood, he would be pissed and might leave a couple bruises on you if you refuse him.
Game: Is this a game to them? How much would they enjoy watching their darling try to escape?
Initially, it's a game to Billy. Having to fight against you and make you submit absolutely thrills him. Chasing you down as Ghostface as you try to escape his attempted kidnapping makes his heart race. However, after a while, he will get bored of it and want you to submit completely.
Hell: What would be their darling’s worst experience with them?
Your kidnapping and he went completely all out. You didn't know he was ghostface, the one that killed off your friends and he would give you a call. Calling you as he would with any of his victims, he toyed with you for a while, threatening that he was going to take you, tie you to his bed, and never let you go. After breaking into your house and chasing you throughout the rooms, he would pin you down and reveal himself, your boyfriend as the town's serial killer. He would knock you out and take you to your new home.
Ideals: What kind of future do they have in mind for/with their darling?
Billy would never kill you, not unless you severely screw up by successfully escaping and trying to get him arrested. His love for you would dissappear. If that's not the case, he wants to have a future where you both live together forever until death separates you.
Jealousy: Do they get jealous? Do they lash out or find a way to cope?
He is extremely jealous and it was more common before your abduction. He wouldnt lash out against you if it wasn't your fault. If someone was harassing you or bothering you, Billy wouldn't hesitate in killing them in the most brutal way, a message for anyone that you were off-limits. He's not against picking fights with others wanting your attention. He's very confrontational.
Kisses: How do they act around or with their darling?
Before kidnapping you, he's the same loving boyfriend that takes care of you, holding your hand or waist in public and confronting those that bother you. Wonderful listener and he shows innocent hints of his obsession with you. The constant need to touch you and keep you close.
Love letters: How would they go about courting or approaching their darling?
He's not above stalking you as a way of getting to know you. The type of guy that stares at you in class and gives you a charming smile when your gaze locks with your own. He'll approach your friends and ask about you. After getting to know you more, he would be more forward and actually approach you, flirting with you and asking for your number. He's totally never stalked your house.
Mask: Are their true colors drastically different from the way they act around everyone else?
According to everyone else, he's seen as unapproachable. Sure, he's not mean but people tend to shy away from him, mostly if they're not part of his friend group, which includes Stu. However, when it comes to you, he's the sweetest person you've ever met.
Naughty: How would they punish their darling?
Isolation. If you're fighting against him and you scream "I wish I never met you" or "leave me alone!" He will obey your wishes and isolate you in a dark room until you were begging for his attention. Worst he's done is kept you locked in a room for a few days.
Oppression: How many rights would they take away from their darling?
He's not heartless, but he would take away some of your rights. You weren't allowed access to the phone or internet, go outside and you had to obey everything he said. He simply wants to protect you, why would you want to disobey him? He knows what's best for you.
Patience: How patient are they with their darling?
Billy has a short temper that he tries to keep in check. Yet, there are times where he will snap if you continued to cry and cry despite his many attempts to soothe you. Previously mentioned, he would mock you and call you ungrateful for acting like he was a terrible boyfriend.
Quit: If their darling dies, leaves, or successfully escapes, would they ever be able to move on?
He would never be able to move on. If you died, he would simply wish he could join you but his pride would never allow him. He would continue living life extremely depressed and his short temper becomes even shorter. If you left and successfully escape, he would simply try to find you as quick as he can and punish you when you both returned home. However, if you successfully got the police involved, he's going to kill you.
Regret: Would they ever feel guilty about abducting their darling? Would they ever let their darling go?
Fuck no, you're stuck with him.
Stigma: What brought about this side of them (childhood, curiosity, etc)?
I would say childhood would be the cause of this side to him. His father's affair, his mother leaving, it simply caused him to spiral. He craves having stability and being in control since he lacked it during that stressful situation. Since he's met you, he felt like he had both.
Tears: How do they feel about seeing their darling scream, cry, and/or isolate themselves?
He would be really upset and confused, genuinely. During the first few weeks of you crying and isolating, he was more understanding and tried giving you some space. However, he would get a little pissed and demand you talk to him and tell him why you're crying so much.
Unique: Would they do anything different from the classic yandere?
He doesn't like hurting you and there have been a few occasions where he grabbed your arms too roughly when he was pissed at you. Seeing you hurt, especially because of him, he would be more pissed at himself for not being in control.
Vice: What weakness can their darling exploit in order to escape?
It is very hard to discover any weaknesses in Billy, however you will come to find out that you are his weakness. If you threaten to harm yourself, he would become very scared and try to calm you down, giving you the upper-hand.
Wit’s end: Would they ever hurt their darling?
In short, yes he absolutely would. The worst he would do is during the time he kidnaps you. Dressed as ghostface, he wouldn't limit himself from tossing you around and knocking you down and out. After that, the worst he does is make threats that he wouldn't actually make into reality. It's just a way to keep you in line.
Xoanon: How much would they revere or worship their darling? To what length would they go to win their darling over?
Before kidnapping you, he would do anything to have you fall for him. Everything he does isn't pretend, but he does hold back his true desires when trying to court you. He'll hold back his obsessive need for you in order to make you feel like you're safe with him.
Yearn: How long do they pine after their darling before they snap?
He will pine after you for months, around half a year. Courting you will placate him for a while, however holding back his yandere urges will take a toll on him. He'll abduct you not even a year later.
Zenith: Would they ever break their darling?
Yes, he would.
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emissaire · 1 year
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the one - jake sully x reader
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꒰꒰. WARNINGS/INCLUDES: fem na'vi!reader, jake being whipped, fluff, smut, mentions of size difference, breeding kink, mating press, tail pulling, jake and reader just hissing at each other bcs why not, implied choking (?) (lmk if i missed anything!)
꒰꒰. SYNOPSIS: just a bunch of headcanons and blurbs abt having jake as your mate— from sfw to n.sfw
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↻ jake is an attentive lover, he never misses any aspect in your life and literally knows you in and out, top to bottom. he always makes sure to celebrate with you when you achieve another milestone. literally so proud to be your mate and gushes about you to other people.
there's a goofy smile present on his face, nodding along to what the elders are saying about you. "i believe she's a perfect match for you, jake sully."
"yes, i know. she's just so— bright? and beautiful, kind! she's all mine." he stutters, his smile only widening when he sees your figure from outside the tent. "there's my mate over there. it's best i get going."
if the elders noticed how the man emphasized how he said the word "my", they didn't comment on it.
↻ he's so in tune with your feelings like, if you're upset about something, he would know without having you tell him. along with that, he always knows what to do to cheer you up— there is no such thing as impossible to him when it comes to making you happy.
↻ he LOVES. spoiling. the. fuck. out of you and is always willing to go the extra smile just to impress you. the different set of ores in your collection and the set of jewelries multiplies in amount every time he comes home from a hunt.
↻ if jake's not spoiling you with presents, he gives you all the attention you want. that is, when he's not being a tease. if you're feeling extra needy, he would have that knowing smile decorating his face, cooing at you and just lathering you with endless kisses.
↻ he can be a meanie sometimes though and will deny you of his touches before giving in. he just adores seeing you all whiny and pouty, all because of him. he thinks you're so cute. gets so offended when you hiss at him and ignore him anyway.
"what are you hissing at me for, kid? ya' wanna get punished, that it?" he says with an eyebrow arched in a challenging manner, the pointy ends of his teeth baring themselves when he hisses back.
he laughs lightheartedly when you immediately fold, crawling up his lap and burrowing yourself in his arms. "you're such a meanie, ma'jake!"
↻ adores the difference in size between you and him— you just look so small and pretty compared to his strong built. when in public, he likes having his arms around your waist or if he's feeling possessive, the thick of his tail would curl around your thigh, tickling your skin.
↻ he's so addicted to the way your body fits perfectly against him. it drives him crazy every time he's got you under him, writhing and moaning his name like he's the only one you feel, the only one you hear, the only one you see. he loses it when you cry out how much you want him to make you pregnant, maneuvering your legs up and pressing them beside your ears in a mating press so he can pound into you with no problem.
"fuckin' hell, sweetheart. ease up, you're squeezing my cock." he laughs in between heavy breaths, eyeing your red rimmed eyes from crying tears of pleasure. he doesn't wait for you to relax entirely though because as soon as you lay your head back, he's thrusting in and out without so much as a strain. he's determined, a man on a mission to breed you— just like you had asked him a few moments prior.
"'m gonna knock you up. give you my babies, make your tummy swell with my brats," he pauses to bring a hand between your bodies, large palm splayed over the expanse of your stomach before continuing, "my pretty little wife. you'd like that, huh?"
↻ he fucking WHIMPERS when you ride him, squeezing his lengthy cock for all its worth while he gazes up at you, eyes twinkling in lust and very much swooning— so taken by the way your hips roll and meet his thrusts to reach your orgasms together.
"ooh shit— baby, you're so beautiful." jake whines into the skin of your neck where his lips are pressed. his large hands find purchase on your hips, helping you bounce on his shaft. "are you gon' cum, kid? make a mess on my cock?" and when you do nod your head, a moan of his name falling from your lips, a guttural sound emits from the back of his throat— feral and deep before one of his hands wraps around your neck. "then cum for me, baby. you know you want to."
↻ loves giving more than receiving head but he enjoys it when you try to fit his entire girth in your warm mouth. he told you before that he eats your pussy for his own pleasure, and good gracious, this man wouldn't stop until you're nothing but a moaning mess under his ministrations. he likes it when you're pliant, when all you can do is sing his name in pleasure, when all of your senses are filled with nothing but him while he do whatever he wants with your body.
↻ he has a thing for tail pulling— he does it, paired with his intimidating hiss, when you're acting like a brat and disobeys him. almost always, it's an occurrence when he's hitting it from behind though. he just loves hearing you keen when he wraps a strong hand around the length of your tail, teetering between pleasure and pain. 
↻ he's so whipped, very much so. just one smile his way and his heart is fluttering, his mind blanking and his cock is hardening. he would fuck you unwarranted— he just loves being so close to you, intimate in the way only mates do. aND WHEN YOU TWO PERFORM TSAHEYLU, HE SWEARS EVERY TIME, HE'S IN HEAVEN.
↻ jake is not shy of showing affection in public. as a matter of fact, he is the one initiating the contact and you're just there, basking in his warmth and his doting. the entire clan is so sick of you two, get a room.
↻ to wrap this all up, jake is very loving and always horny. the end! lmao.
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꒰꒰. NOTE: honestly, i don't even know anymore. i've never written anything as fast as i have here in a while. ig this is what happens when you're so down bad 🥹 anyway i love jake sully sm. i need him w/ me and in me dhskajddjjsk
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Can I get more bg3 yandere, maybe what starts the obsession with the reader? Punishments?
A/N: Yes, more yandere coming up! (Wasn’t sure if you were referring to just the baddies list I posted or the companions, so I went with the main companions this time.)
And apologies for the wait… This was one hell of a week.
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Yandere!BG3: What Triggers Their Obsession 
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Astarion: 
Astarion is drawn to your innocence. 
At first, he thinks it must be an act, for someone to be so kind and open around a vagrant group of misfits they just met. 
But once he understands that’s just who you are, he feels he must protect that innocence by taking it all for himself. 
After all, he deserves it, doesn’t he? After two hundred years of slavery, he finally gets to possess some kindness of his own. 
Because that’s what you’d show him, isn’t it? You’d love him, understand him, and treat him the way he so longs to be treated. And all he has to do… is make you his to get it. 
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Ascended! Astarion: 
Ascended Astarion is drawn to your inner fire, the way you don’t submit when he demands you ‘bow’. 
Initially, he finds it rather amusing that such a helpless thing like you dare defy him. Then he becomes irritated before being overcome with righteous anger. How dare you continue to thwart his plans? You shall pay, indeed. 
He wants you begging, pleading on your knees for his mercy. He wants to be the only one with the power to grant such benevolence to you.  
You will know his name, you will know his power. Your insolence will not last long.
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Gale: 
Gale is drawn to your inquisitive nature, how you always seem so fascinated by any knowledge he has to share. 
No one, not even his students, has ever looked up at him with those big doe eyes the way you do. 
You appreciate him, in a way no one’s ever appreciated him before. 
He’s always played second fiddle, to greater wizards, to his goddess, but not to you. Never to you. 
He needs you to need him. He wants your awe but should push come to shove, he’ll settle for your fear. 
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Godhood! Gale: 
Godhood Gale finds you so impressively driven. Your bold choices and lack of apprehension call him to you. 
On one hand, he wants to empower you, to help you soar even further than your wildest dreams. On the other hand, he wants dominion over your confidence- he should be the one to grant it to you. You couldn’t possibly command your own destiny. He’s a God, after all, he should have reign of it. 
Just let him take control, he swears it’s only for your good. Gale would never overstep your boundaries. He swears on Mystra’s honor. 
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Wyll: 
Wyll wants to protect and cherish you like he believes he’s always been destined to do. 
For him, he was always burdened with this great privilege of being a hero. And you, you are the thing that makes everything he’s ever endured or sacrificed all worth it. 
You need him to save you. Sure, you’re capable, and yes, you could make it on your own, but why make it harder than necessary? Why not just let the man who would lay down his life for you, honor you and take care of you for the rest of your days?
You’re so sweet. You’re such a light in these dark, dangerous times. Wyll will ensure you’re safely hidden away from all the danger that lurks beyond. 
If that means Wyll is all you know of the outside world, then so be it. 
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Karlach: 
Karlach is drawn to your spunk, the conviction you must possess to keep on fighting.  
You remind her so much of her younger self, always eager, always ready for the next challenge. But alas, that’s what she fears. 
Her eagerness blindsided her to the truth about Gortash. She didn’t see what was coming until it was too late. She can’t let that happen to you. She won’t. 
Don’t you understand? No one else out there in the cruel, cruel world would tell you the truth. They are all self-serving and undeserving of your intentions. 
Karlach knows her conditions aren’t ideal, living in hell never is. But please, try to understand. 
A lifetime spent in hell at Karlach’s side is much, much safer than a world spent alone on the surface. 
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Shadowheart: 
Shadowheart is drawn to your inexperience, your childlike innocence in which you believe all that she tells you. 
She was always being taught that obedience mattered over intelligence. She thought such a statement was wrong but then, you came waltzing into her life. 
You exemplify compliance. Every word, every thought she has you take to heart like gospel. 
For you, there shall be no gods, no goddesses, no Shar or Selune to worship. 
There will only be you and her. 
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La’zel: 
La’zel, despite herself, is drawn to your kindness, your simplicity. 
She thinks you are weak, and undeserving of her affections, yet she feels the need to seize you and shield you all the same.  
Your flesh is soft, your heart is malleable, and your mind is guileless. Without her intervention, you would surely perish an otherwise avoidable fate. 
No. She must keep you away from the others, away from their grasp. 
It would be futile to try and navigate the world without her. 
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