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anachronistic-falsehood · 4 months

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i. don’t really know what to think about the whole forever situation. because i have seen people say “he’s addressed this a long time ago so why are we bringing it up” but i haven’t seen WHERE he’s addressed it in the past. nary a tweet or clip of anywhere he may have talked about it, but i would love to see an older clip of him talking about this if possible

I’ve seen people say “his tweets and messages were translated in bad faith to give english speakers a bad perception” which. ok yeah understandable but if that’s the case i still don’t know what exactly the situation is or how serious it is

“she was 13” “she was 15” OK WHICH IS IT!!! both are bad but one is still significantly grosser than the other and i don’t know which is true!! or are there multiple girls!!! i don’t know!!!

“he met a fan for flirtatious/sexual reasons” “he met a fan for normal content creator reasons” WHICH IS IT!!!! I DON’T KNOW!!! i guess only he and the fan would know what the intent was when they met, and even then i don’t know if they met alone or if it was a normal ass fan meetup with multiple other people there

“it’s been 7-8 years, he’s changed” ok. now we are making some sense. he has not exhibited this kind of behaviour in years it seems and he appears to be the kind of person who would not say or do these things now. no one is irredeemable and no one is beyond change. still, it is important for some people to know. many fans would rather know this and make the educated choice on whether to support him or not than continue to support him in blind blissful ignorance. even though it’s stressing me out and i’m still clueless about a lot of it, i’m glad i know anyway.

“what about the past transphobia and the ableism and the and the and the-” That Is Not Relevant To This Conversation. this is a different situation. he has apologized for his past opinions and everyone has had ample time to come to terms with them and make peace with supporting him despite his past beliefs.

“he’s deleting past tweets” i mean if someone was digging around my account for things i’ve said that i no longer stand by, i would delete shit too. sure as hell doesn’t make him look innocent but i would do the same. i HAVE done the same, albeit for much more minor and trivial reasons for posts i made when i was like 15, but still

“he apologized and said he’s getting a lawyer!! no guilty person would do that!!” your content creator is not an angel. guilty people take their accusers to court all the time and get away with it. also, it is up to everyone individually to decide whether to believe him or not. you cannot push others to believe your side but you can give context to some things

there’s nuance to this like there is with everything, and people are jumping to conclusions saying either “he’s an innocent little lamb how dare you!” or “he should be deplatformed and we should never speak of him again!” i will never fault anyone for supporting the alleged victim. if your decision is to stop watching him immediately or even stop supporting the qsmp itself, no one should ever fault you for that. it is ultimately up to you to make that decision. the situation is not clear enough for me to make a decision, so i will withhold judgement for now. i will not doompost about it, and i will not call out people for defending or dropping him.

but for the love of god, just. everybody keep your cool. especially english speakers, we may not have full proper translations for the messages and tweets. take a deep breath. if you want to find more info to form an opinion now and spread information that people don’t already have, go ahead. if you want to step back and not think about it for now, go ahead. there is no shame in taking a step back and thinking about other things. you are not morally obligated to be invested in this situation. you are not morally obligated to drop him immediately and you are also not morally obligated to keep supporting him just because he’s friends with your favs. stick to your gut and do what you feel is right. you will be okay. this is not the end of the world.

#qsmp #forever situation

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ryndicate · 1 year

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Double Down ⨳ Yoshida, Denji

“Didn’t know you were into that stuff.”

warnings: fem body/pronouns, nudes posted without permission, drug use, exhibition, creampie, videos taken with permission, stepcest, infidelity, masturbation, handjob, some spit mentions, premature ejac, implied fuckery, implied theft, if there's more i am just too wacked out to see it so lemme know!

event: @bastardblvd 's slimeball alley collab !! my first submission of who knows how many to come, im gonna try to not go crazy with it, promise

notes: didn't realize until it was done that I could've made it much more slimy but its okay. We'll get 'em next time babes 😩 this idea is expanding on a little blurb I put in cassie's inbox once, i included it in the fic itself with some itty bitty changes

By expanding, you are consenting to viewing adult/dark content, and all warnings listed above. 18+ Minors DNI

Blog Rules/DNI

Your fist slams on the bathroom door. “I swear to god, Denji! Where the fuck did you get those! Delete them now!”

“I already told you, Power found them online!” Your stepbrother yells back through the door, keeping his weight against the handle so that you can’t force your way in.

“You’re full of shit you fucking perv! You took them off my phone or something.”

“Wanna fucking bet? The real perv is that prettyboy bastard you call baby,” Denji sneers back, yelping as you get a good shove in on the creaking wood.

Your efforts to break the bathroom door pause. “The hell’re you talking about?”

“I told you he was trouble the day you two met. What—you think I was lying?”

You growl under your breath at the barenecked taunt in Denji’s voice. Yeah he told you, one time before he got high out of his mind. The only reason you even met Yoshida Hirofumi was because he hooked your stepbrother up a couple times, and you begged to tag along once. That situation ended with your brother counting stars on his buddy’s ceiling while you saw them on the backs of your eyelids with the guy’s lips wrapped around your clit.

One thing led to another, and that “prettyboy bastard” became your boyfriend. He’s a bit of an ass, but Yoshida’s also sweet and funny, doesn’t roll his eyes at your music choices, doesn’t bat an eye when you want to go out with your friends, and is full of sexy, smirky sass that makes him so fun to be around. Sure, you sent him some photos, but he wouldn’t have put them out anywhere.

Your anger deflates, but your indignance does not. You step away from the bathroom door. “He’s got nothing to do with this.”

Denji throws the door open with a toothy grin, repeating himself. “You wanna bet?”

“You know what, yeah!” you snap at him, crossing your arms as he leans in the doorway, still looking smug.

“Your boyfriend put your pics up on OnlyFans, and he’s using the money to pay for his xanny. If I’m right, you two gotta upload a video. Together,” Denji states, his eyebrows furrowed in twisted delight that makes you sneer at him.

“You’re disgusting!”

“Yeah? Tell me what you get if you win.”

Caught up in his childish bullshit, you push at his shoulder. “You gotta start an OnlyFans if you’re wrong, which you are. And you gotta wear lingerie.”

His smirk full drops at that, and he glares at you, cheeks darkerning. “Now who’s a perv.”

“This whole shit was your idea!”

“Lingerie?”

“How is wearing lingerie worse than telling your stepsister to fuck and post a video about it?!”

“Shut up!”

“And since we’re on the topic, I swear to god if you don’t stop taking my shit out of the laundry I’m gonna tell that redheaded lady at the DMV that she’s at the very top of your fap list.”

His blush deepens and he palms your face backwards in a light push. “The fuck she is. Shut up.”

“Yeah well, me and the thin fucking walls in this apartment would have to disagree.”

“Go find your boyfriend.”

“‘M gonna.”

“Fuck you.”

“Fuck him,” you hiss in barely supressed rage, gripping your boyfriend’s phone so tight you’re disappointed when it doesn’t crack.

You’d waited for his high to hit him and let him drift off before going through his phone—what’s the point of asking him outright if it’s not true, right? No reason to stir the pot. But your stomach had dropped with unease when the account site was in his search history; you tried to brush it off as maybe he gets off to a set of camgirls, but the moment you saw the login info presaved—as in frequent entry—you began to forget the bet altogether.

Now your jaw is clenched, seething as you scroll through every racy picture you ever sent him. Each have thousands of views, hundreds of comments and jeez—so many subscribers. The heat of betrayal simmers through you. Your jaw drops at the total that’s set to drop into his account at the end of the week and resist the urge to slap Yoshida awake, but instead you set about trying to change the banking and login info, only to get halted by an infowall. Frustrated, you slip off the bed and call your stepbrother, edging into Yoshida’s bathroom so you don’t wake him up.

“You were right, and you fucking knew it, didn’t you? You set me up.” you hiss into the device as soon as he picks up with a mumbled ‘sup. You can hear voices and music in the background, paired with light explosions. You assume he’s out with his friends, probably gaming like usual.

“You didn’t have to agree. Wait—” there’s the sound of the phone moving around and suddenly the music is gone. “Does that mean you’re gonna do it?”

“That’s besides the point, Denji!”

“Oh fuck, you are!”

“Chill your boner,” you snap, “‘m not gonna do it unless you help me!”

“Help you? What, like you want me to hold the camera or something?”

“Denji, I swear to god—”

“I’m kidding, jeez.”

“I can’t change the account info. They’re my pictures, and they’re already out there! He shouldn’t get to make money off of me.”

“Wait, so you want to keep the account?” He asks curiously. You hear a door slamming and wonder if he’s still moving, or if his friends are.

“Dude, we’ll have rent and anything else covered for the whole month with a single week’s drop from this thing. I don’t see a reason not to. I can quit Mcdonald’s!”

“Shit, for real? Lemme talk to Denki, ‘m pretty sure he knows a guy.”

“Thank you,” you coo into the phone.

“Yeah, yeah, just make sure you pay up.” You can hear his pervy smile, and you grumble a sulky fine at him.

“Ok. But he’s gotta do it soon. It pays out in a couple of days.”

“I’ll give him some cash to see if he can do it tonight. Don’t see why he’d say no—" Denji sounds a lot further away from the phone now, "—Oi! Don't bro! Give it back."

A familiar voice purrs into the receiver and you roll your eyes. "Heyyy, princess. You with that Yoshida guy still or are we allowed to hang now?"

"Byeee, Kiri. Tell Kat hi f'me." You hang up with a smile and leave the bathroom, glaring at your supposed boyfriend still sleeping. You never heard him say he was working and you always kinda wondered where he was getting his cash, but you always just thought he was dealing or something. Not the kind of think you ask about. You obviously should’ve asked.

You crawl into his lap and begin sucking on his exposed throat, admiring the sharp lines, the bob of his adam’s apple as thick lashes flutter open.

“Mmm,” Yoshida moans. “Damn, was I out long?”

“Nah,” you hum, slipping your fingers up his shirt, smoothing over his waistline. “Got bored without you, that’s all.”

“Yeah, baby?” He grins up at you, dark eyes fuzzed out and sultry, and his hands come up to settle on your hips, easing you into a slow grind. “Wanna do something?”

“Mm. Maybe,” you tease softly, pushing his shirt up his chest and leaning down to wrap your lips around his nipples. He groans at the warm, slick suction, arching into your touch.

“Fuck, baby,” he breathes out, his cock swelling beneath you.

“Maybe I wanna do something…different.”

Yoshida grins up at you, half-lidded. “Yeah? Like what?”

Your nails make pink lines down his chest as you lean in to whisper in his ear. “What if you fucked me, and we let some people watch?”

His fingers dig into the fat of your waist, his dick thumping beneath you. “Anyone I know?”

Yoshida’s pupils have overtaken his coal irises, and you give him an inviting smile. “No one specific. I was thinking more like…a video or something. I wanna be able to see it later.”

“Holy fuck, baby. That’s sexy,” Yoshida grins up at you. “Didn’t know you were into that stuff.”

“Me either,” you breath softly, rocking yourself over his covered erection.

You’re left to yelp as he displaces you from your seat on his lap and pulls you out of the bed by your wrist with a wide smirk. “Come on.”

“Wait, where are we going?”

“Don’t worry baby, I just wanna pick something up at the Malmart first.”

“Fine, I guess,” you pout at him and his smirk only grows.

“‘S okay, baby. I’ll give you something too.”

“This is not what I meant when I said video, Hirofumi!” you gasp out. Your fingers are splayed out on the hood of his car as you try to stay upright. “Someone could actually see us!”

"If you don't wanna be seen, you gotta cum. Cause I'm not stopping til you cum."

"Fuck, fuck please, just hurry up!" You plead, half your words caught between whines and whimpers as he pounds into you from behind, your skirt flipped over your back.

"You think I'm not fucking you like I mean it?" There's so much smile in his voice that you want to call him on his bullshit for once, but the solid smacking of his hips into yours, the head of his dick pressing as deep as it can go with every thrust quickly makes you forget what you're snapping at him for.

"Just‐just, fucking make cum– ‘fumi!" You're desperately telling yourself you don't want to be seen. It's the middle of the night, so even here, parked under the one of the many lightposts that don’t work in grimetown's 24-hour walmart parking lot, the risk of anyone seeing is slim.

But not zero. Especially with the light from his phone camera shining down on your exposed lower half. You’re like a slutty beacon for whoever might be looking this way.

"I'm working on it baby, you gotta relax." His fingers slide around your waist, brushing past your clit and forcing a frustrated whimper past your lips at the neglect, to drag them through the slick dripping obscenely from your pussy lips. It's dripping to the rusted black hood, making it glisten. He aims the camera down at them before moving it back to the way your pussy clings to his cock. "You're so fucking wet for this, you'd think the whole thing was your idea. Well, most of it was."

You don't answer him, trying to work yourself back on him, chasing that fluttering heat twisting itself tighter and tigher with each passing second.

"Good girl, look at you. Fuck, look how bad you want—"

"Oi! Get the fuck out of here before I—"

Your whole body locks up at the tired but authoritative voice that rings across the lot.

Your boyfriend calls back. "C'mon man, have a heart. Let me finish her off and I'll give you a look." Except his last syllable staggers off with a groan, broken with a laugh as his grip on your hips tightens to a bruising pressure. The vice grip of your cunt has him looking down to sees your juices gush around the girth of his cock, dripping down your thighs to dirty the hood of his car even more. The sight pushes pushes him over and he calls out again, his voice tight but smug.

"Nevermind, we're done here."

He gets one last shot of his cum dripping out of you before closing out the livefeed.

“It’s like four in the morning,” Denji grumbles, rubbing one of his eyes as he cracks his bedroom open further at the sight of you. “Thought you were Power or somethin’, jeez.”

Denji blinks the blur from his eyes, zeroing in on your screen, and you just about hear his pupils expanding. He pulls a shaky inhale and you roll your eyes.

“Done. Bet over, and here’s your damn proof,” you grumble right back, slamming your phone against his chest and shoving your way into his bedroom to flop down into his bed. It had taken over an hour to convince Yoshida back to his place and get him to fool around enough for him to pass out and you to sneak back home.

"Also Kiri wants you to call him back. He's mad you hung up on him."

A small grin curls your lips but you don't respond, wiggling deeper into his mattress until you're comfortable.

He throws himself down in the bed next to you. “Turn on my speakers.”

“Or you could just wear headphones, you freak.”

“Nah. Turn ‘em on.”

With an exaggerated sigh, you stretch out to reach up to his desk, turning on the bluetooth speakers that he usually uses to be a nuisance when he’s smoking. “If your dad was home, I’d kill you for this.”

“You’re not even breaking up with him, are you?” Denji chortles, ignoring your bickering. His eyes are glued to the screen as he shoves a hand into his loosened shorts. “What the fuck, you guys were outside?”

You shrug. The video’s only been up for a couple hours and it already has triple the views and donations of all the photos Yoshida has put up so far. “Looks like he’s gonna be making me lots of money, so why not? It’s the least he could do to pay me back.”

Your stepbrother doesn’t answer you, his breathing getting heavier. You close your eyes and sigh as the sounds wet sounds and your own whiny moaning starts bouncing off the walls of his room, wondering to yourself if you really sound like that or if part of you was exaggerating because of the camera. The mattress creaks every now and then as his hips jump, his arm brushing your side as he grinds into his own fist.

You roll to face him, taking in the sound of his stuttered breaths, the muted slick sound of his fist pumping in his shorts. “So what about this gets you so riled up?”

Denji groans, stomach rippling where his shirt is pulled up around his midsection. “I’nno, it’s hot, isn’t it?”

You keep prodding, “What is? Yoshida? Or me?”

He gives a small whine that has your pulse picking up in sick interest, so you continue. “Was Power really the one to find it? Or…you were subbed to the account, weren’t you Denji?”

“Mm- maybe?”

“Shit,” you whisper to yourself, listening to your own voice begging to cum, shifting your weight onto your arm so you can look at him. A strange curiosity has taken over your body. He looks wrecked but his eyes are still on the screen. “Denji, look at me.”

Your body tingles as his eyes tear towards you, but he’s still got a hand around himself, hidden from your eyes. “Can I touch it?”

“You wanna what?” he moans, just barely, teeth digging into his lip.

“Can I jerk you off?”

You’re a little surprised when he actually hesitates. You’ve tolerated it all this time; as much as he pervs out on you, and your stuff, yet somehow he’s got a little crumb of morality left in there somewhere. And right now…you wanna kill it.

“My panties, my pictures…is this really any different?” you ask softly, sweetly, as you run with this electric current, placing your hand over his covered groin. You grin as his hand immediately goes slack at your touch and slips out of his shorts, and you get to feel for the first time how hard he is, rubbing over the smooth fabric, feeling out the shape of him.

“I mean…I guess not.” He sucks in a breath as you grip him over his shorts and give a couple experimental strokes. “B-but what about—?”

Denji’s head drops back to the pillows with a groan, phone in a death grip as you tug his waistband down, his dick slapping free. It’s pretty and slender, flushed deep red.

“What about what?”

“What about prettyboy, huh?” He finally gets it out as you spit in your hand and take him up again, stroking him steadily from base to tip, squeezing at the top with a gentle twist of your wrist. Yoshida always seemed to like it, seems like he does too.

“That’s what you’re worried about? Not the whole stepsister thing?” You shrug. You’re still stung about Yoshida’s betrayal, so this feels like a little bit of retribution. A little bit. You still need to find more ways to make him pay first, but this is a good start. “Yeah, he’s my boyfriend, but ‘s not like you and me are dating, Denji. It’s a handjob. What’re you gonna do, marry me?”

Denji splutters and his dick throbs in your hand. “Don- Don’t say stupid shit!”

You coo at him and his lips part, panting hard as you work him faster.

“What– haa, what if it wasn’t just a handjob? What then?” Denji gives a low moan as you settle over his lower thighs so you can gently cup his balls. They seem to tighten under your touch, before he relaxes and he tries to look at you.

“What, like my mouth or something?” you ask playfully, leaning over and showing him your tongue, letting a strand of spit drip down to his dick.

A litany of curses tumblr from his mouth as Denji squeezes his eyes shut, fingers twisting into the pillow beneath his head as his cock jerks and shoots a load of hot sticky white into your palm, getting smeared down his throbbing shaft as you slowly work him through his high until only a couple dribbles get pressed out by a final pass of your thumb over his slit.

“Wasn’t expecting you to finish already.” You wipe your hand off on his comforter and try to ignore the throbbing in your panties. You feel like you can still imagine the slick from earlier tonight seeping out of you, but it’s as if it’s no longer enough.

“Holy fuck,” he mumbles under his breath, digging the heels of his palms into his eyes as he calms his breathing enough to raise himself up on his forearms. He watches you as you take your phone and flop down next to him. “I didn’t even get to see the rest of the video.”

“It’s online now, freak. You can watch it whenever.”

“Yeah...”

You’re too busy trying to go through the account settings to notice the way he’s eyeing up your thighs; he hasn’t even put his dick away yet.

“Hey,” he mutters softly, ignoring your glare when he puts a hand on your thighs and pulls them open. “If you can touch me, does that mean I get to touch you?”

Your pulse jumps and you try to keep your true thoughts hidden as you hide back behind your phone. “I guess that’s fair. If you wanted to.”

You can hear the click of Denji’s throat as he swallows, and you can’t stop the low whimper as his calloused fingers brush your inner thigh, right at the edge of your panties.

They’re warm as they brush over the seat of your panties, timid but curious as they explore the surface, stroking over the tempting warmth and wet seeping through the thin fabric. A bolt of pleasure bursts and has your gut clenching as he swirls over your clothed clit

“H-hey, wait,” you say suddenly, nerves getting the better of you as you try to make sense of Denji taking control of your body. “It got switch but this isn’t my banking info. Is it yours?” You flip the screen towards him, and his brown eyes squint in the pale blue light.

“Uh, nah, that’s not mine.”

You mewl as he pulls your panties to the side and traces a finger through your folds, delicate, hungry. “Who did you say– mm, h-hacked the account for me?”

“I told you. M’friend Denki, his buddy did it. That purple-haired guy who works at the smoke shop.”

“The one wi—” you suck in a breath as he sinks his index finger into you. “With the tattoos?”

“Yeah him,” Denji mumbles, hardly paying attention to your words. He’s grinding against the bed as he pushes his middle in alongside it, imagining the tight squeeze around his dick instead.

Your groan is part pleasure, part dismay as you realize just who he’s talking about. “Oh fuck me.”

Denji bullies his way between your thighs in an instant.

“N-no, Den– that’s not what I meant!”

#csm x reader #yoshida x reader #denji x reader #yoshida hirofumi x reader #denji smut #yoshida smut #csm smut #chainsaw man smut #chainsaw man x reader #tw::stepcest

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ashironie · 2 months

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I don’t have a good feeling about Celia

I tried to post this earlier but it got deleted so fuck

But from so many standpoints she just irks me

-She has the same character archetype as Alice. Many have pointed out their similarities and while this by itself isn’t much (as is everything on this list) with everything else it makes me weirded out

-She just came out of the blue. We had no warning in the episodes before no build up. We were introduced to the concept she was coming and then she came with little fanfare.

-Her introduction to the rest of the cast is a lot different than Sam’s. A lot understated. Maybe Jonny and Alex just didn’t want to do the same thing again but it felt really rushed and weird.

-I cannot see how she can possibly contribute to the plot in any meaningful way if she is just another victim coworker. She was introduced too late to have her death feel like anything but fridging (when you make a character just to kill them for momentary character drama), once again she shares a character archetype with Alice so the only thing that they could give Celia could be given to Alice perfectly fine, and she once again feels forced

-Celia was also too comfortable too quick for me. She just instantly trusted none of her coworkers would report her for talking shit about their boss. She seemed too genuine about everything even though she was in a completely new environment. And she was just so laid back with everything, like sure she might not know the full scale of things but she seems like she’s been their for as long as anyone can remember (something that might be due to the fact I associate this trait with Alice who has been there a long time)

-idk if I’m reaching or going crazy with this one but Alice seemed off. She moreso just said “I’m Alice” and and Aliced all over the place. But as soon as Celia left she said ‘yeah’ sorta suspiciously? Maybe I’m crazy. Then she’s back to herself replying to Gwen, who we can assume is only less interested in what Celia has to say due to the situation she’s found herself in during ep 4 was it? with Lena. The only time we really get to know her thoughts about Celia when she isn’t in front of her is when she’s bugging Sam about his crush on her, and also literally all conversation she has with Celia she also has with Sam and shifts the conversation (aside from just meeting Celia) to Sam (imo). The only time we get her opinions on Celia away from other characters is the little ‘yeah’.

-We don’t see Colin’s reaction to Celia either, which would mark the third episode in a row where Colin is only mentioned (to my knowledge). Though we don’t have any mention that he’s been hostile to her. The only characters that truly talk to her and that we can see their reactions to her are Alice and Sam. One who I’m convinced is suspicious of her and the other who’s ’in love’ with her (I was completely caught off guard by this due to not even thinking about any of that in the very beginnings of a horror podcast, I’m autistic and demiromantic, and because I was half listening the first time I listened. I sense it more but it still feels like a stretch to me before Alice mentions it though makes a lot of sense due to Sam’s reaction to her mentioning it)

-I feel like I’d be amiss to not mention the fact this is the episode we truly have an Avatar in it. Needles is the first avatar we tma enjoyers know as an avatar (in Norris’s statement in ep1 we have the maybe scammer but it’s unclear weather that’s an Avatar, someone being possessed, or something else entirely). Thematically, this would be a great way to establish a connection with Avatar and Celia. She was introduced exactly when Avatars were. Also the episode name could also be a reference to the fact we are having our “introductions” to Avatars thought this episode, but that’s unrelated.

-People has also pointed out Celia is in Tma, same name and same voice actress (so no Michael situation or helen and Mel’s therapist situation [I think I remember them having the same voice actress and that being a problem] here). Although I don’t know what the could mean but that’s actually the reason I decided to rewrite this mini-notsomini-rant.

I could be wrong about all of this and am prepared to be wrong but still, needed to get this out there.

#the magnus archives #tma #the magnus protocol #tmagp #celia ripley #I personally think she’s an Avatar #but I may have just connected dots that aren’t there

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 1 month

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AITA - me and my bestfriend (bsf) of six years recently got into a 2 week long argument and at this point have stopped talking. First i need to provide some back ground of the situation. Last November i became friends with “J”. This itself caused some arguments because they have similar names and sometimes i’d slip and call bsf, J, on accident and would immediately apologize. After a couple times of this happening she got really upset but i explained i’d been doing the same to J and she seemed to be less upset about it.

In the beginning of January, J and her bestfriend “E” got into some pretty serious drama where information from both sides never matched up but i’d known and used to be friends with E for a while. He is not a great guy speaking from past experience. (he constantly talks about how he’s a narcissist very proudly) He was claiming they had slept together and was telling all of his friends about it. She was saying they hadn’t. These rumors had been going around for months about them but had died down until this. the problem is i believed J but bsf was close with E and sided with him. I’d like to make a note through this entire situation neither me or bsf played any roll in it to my knowledge. this was just between E and J. Later on i found out they had slept together from J and asked why she had said they hadnt she said it was an agreement between the two of them that they wouldn’t say anything to anyone else because of the rumors people were already spreading about them being together. But once she found out it was definitely him telling people this time she told me the truth. yeah they had slept together then he forced her to take a plan B even though he knew she was on birth control and they’d used a condom. then ghosted her and pretended not to know her when asked by Js twins sisters best-friend.

Now it’s about 3 weeks ago where i posted two separate story’s saying how much i loved J and her sister and the other about how much i love bsf. about 10 minutes later bsf texted me “just delete this.” i of course asked why but she never responded so i took it down like she asked. later that day she reply’s to a text i had sent her the day before saying “nothing much just wishing i was hanging out with you” she replied “right.” at this point i’m genuinely confused what’s happening i had a feeling it was about J somehow because every time i posted about J it would be the one thing she didn’t like or comment on and she would get annoyed when i’d mention some thing me and J had done recently. i immediately replied with “of course, i love hanging out with you. your my best friend” A couple hours later she send me a three paragraph message saying how she didn’t think that anymore because i was ignoring everything she was telling me about what E was saying. That i was only taking J’s side and always talking about what J was saying about her side. She said I was using her as a separate option that if J couldn’t hang out i would call her. etc at the end of the message she told me she would never make me choose but that she will never trust anything J says. (they’ve literally never met or talked the only thing she hears about J is through E or me) she ends it with do whatever you want to do but don’t do anything for me. keep being friends with her idk i’m keeping my distance from all that. I replied with a message basically saying that she wasn’t the second option, i wasn’t sure who to trust, and that i try to avoid talking about the situation with J. we go back and forth with her apologizing for how she’s acting then getting mad about me not just believing her over everything else i’m being told. Then she tried to claim she never said J was wrong but that she knows she’s lied to me (the thing i mentioned in the first paragraph is the only time she’s lied to me) that she never picked a side and that she can’t believe how hurt she feels when “i’m supposed to be her bestfriend” i brought up the fact that i had asked her more than once if me being friends with her bothered her and she always said no. That this wouldn’t have exploded like this if we could have talked it out before. she took that as me saying this was all her fault.

A couple days later she messages me asking to talk in person i say when and where but she just send me a message about her feelings anyways again apologizing for how she’s acting and that she felt i wasn’t listening to her but it hurt more to lose me etc but continuing to say she doesn’t think i should be friends with J but it’s my choice. I reply i was listening but i think we were both just trying to find the facts in a situation we will never really know who was lying 100%. but i made a point in the massage to say i wasn’t going to stop being friends with J and that i didn’t understand why me and bsf relationship was so affected by me and J’s. She gets mad again bringing up a hate account that was made claiming J had made it but J had shown me that she hadn’t and it was investigated by our school who also said she didn’t do it. that it was my choice to be friends with her but that i don’t understand how it’s affecting her and that it wasn’t fair. at this point i was really mad because it really felt like she was trying to force me to choose between them two in a way. i replied saying she hadn’t made the account and said i don’t think J is the reason we stopped talking and that i feel like she was making me choose even though she was saying she wasn’t. she then replied saying she didn’t make me choose but that i had chose J over her and “that i guess you though she needed more attention” (yeah maybe because J is not mentally handling this well at all and your fine because your not actually involved with this drama) i didn’t reply to her but about another week later i texted her “i just want to be friends with both of you. why can’t i do that” she replied i understand but i don’t think you should be friends with she’s not a good person but hope your having fun it’s all i wanted for you. that’s the end of the messages at this point.

TLDR : (do we do those here??) bestfriend of three years stopped talking to me because i became friends with another girl who later got into drama with best friends close friend E (A PROUDLY SELF PROCLAIMED NARCISSIST I MIGHT ADD)

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

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sophieinwonderland · 1 month

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A transphobic "journalist" visited a plural conference and claimed to get possessed by a demon! 🤣

Due to a request from the system in the video, I've deleted the link to the video and identifying information, and would ask that anyone who reblogged the old version of the post delete their reblogs to protect that system's anonymity. Thank you.

Let me summarize the bullet points:

The so-called "journalist" goes "undercover" at a gender conference. (It was free and public for everyone, but she likes roleplaying as a journalist so she says she was "undercover".)

While listening to a conference about plurality and transness, her body starts "vibrating."

After her and her witch friend go eat, "'crazy' people start becoming attracted" to her and her "crazy chaotic energy."

Her witch friend then did a "witchy thing" where she would shoot a "burst of energy" at the crazy people to chase them away.

Her witch friend then had the "journalist" bend over and hold onto a rock while she pushed the "demon" out through her's feet.

Yeah, that should be a huge red flag in itself.

Oh, and this is all crowd-funded and the "journalist" claims her trip cost $3000 dollars!

Yes, people paid $3,000 for this "journalist" to visit a free conference and report about getting possessed by a demon who made her attractive to "crazy" people, forcing her witch friend to ward the "crazy" people away by shooting bursts of energy at them.

...

Yeah... do I even need to say more?

...

I do wonder about this story. Like, mundane explanation is that she had some sort of panic attack she confused with demonic possession in the conference for some reason. Another possibility is that she... just made it up. Her transphobic talking points are already dishonest. So I wouldn't put it past her to lie and make up this event altogether.

Although the most interesting possibility to me is that she was a closeted system all along, and the talk of plurality triggered a dormant headmate to try to reach out to her.

Whatever the case, I kind of hope it wasn't a lie.

It's way funnier to imagine that she really did believe she was possessed, and her witch friend really did wave her arms around in the air to "shoot bursts of energy" at bystanders. And it worked because... well... would you go near the weird lady who looks like she's angrily pretending to launch fireballs at you?

It's way funnier if you imagine that this was a real thing that actually happened! (The actions they took that is, not the demonic possession. No, a plurality conference did not cause you to become possessed by a demon.)

...

Anyway, here is your reminder that plurality isn't a mental disorder, nor is it demonic possession, and the gender identities of headmates deserve to be respected as much as anyone else's.

Edit:

One more thing, in the video, the "journalist" acts absolutely shocked to hear all these systems around her standing up and talking about being a system. Even when the talk was listed on the website as being about plurality!

Seems like a so-called "journalist" should have already known about what she was attending, and expected there to be other plurals in attendance!

Complete side note, it's so awesome that plurality is becoming more visible and normalized, to the point where events like these are happening around the country! Never doubt that progress is being made, however slow it seems at times!

The future is plural!!! 😁

#syscourse #pro endogenic #pro endo #multiplicity #sysblr #system stuff #plural #plurality #systems #system #actually plural #actually a system #Youtube

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coexistentialism · 3 months

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TW for C S A, nothing graphic, just the topic - I am spacing that out and not putting tags because the last time I put C S A tags on a post, I got an anon telling me I deserved to be SA'd, so no thanks. Nothing in here is graphic.

[Before anyone says it, and before you read, no, this is not about shipping discourse. I am not touching that shit with a 10 foot pole. Do not ask me about that shit, I barely know what it fuckin' means, I'm not talking about that, and if you think I am, no I am not.]

It really does baffle me that people seem to only be okay with vent art, so long as it's not extremely graphic. Especially, particularly, if it's extremely sexually graphic in terms of sexual abuse survivors. Like most people are in agreement that things like traumacore (which is a broad category of just overall trauma vent art in my own opinion and perception) and like general art to vent about other abuse and trauma, but suddenly because it's about extreme, graphic abuse and trauma, it's "STOP ROMANTICIZNG IT, IT'S UNHEALTHY!!!", "IT'S A BAD COPING SKILL, YOU'RE JUST AESTHETIZING IT AND ROMANTICIZING IT!!!" when people literally said, and still say, the exact same thing about self-harm vent art, depression vent art, anything like that. Like I have lived through those years of Tumblr era and online in general where people saw any kind of vent art that depicted self-harm, depression, abuse, etc. and people would get dogpiled and harassed and shamed for it and treated like they were romanticizing abuse, self-harm, etc. when they. Literally are just venting about their feelings, their trauma, their struggles??

Oh, and it's not just if it's C S A related, it's not just if it's related to more extreme abuse - it's just if the artwork/writing itself is extremely graphic and doesn't sugar coat anything. Like I'm not saying you have to enjoy looking at someone's extremely graphic vent art, but surely you see the hypocrisy here? Vent art is only okay if it is sanitized.

Once again, it always goes back to trauma survivors having to sanitize ourselves and sugar coat everything so that it doesn't make others violently and viscerally uncomfortable. And like, yeah, it is uncomfortable lmfao. Imagine how we feel.

Not to mention. Once again. Art therapy is a thing? That exists? That literally helps people? There are plenty of studies that talk about this. There are plenty of studies that even show that oftentimes drawings by children are some of the only ways they can tell what happened. Same for adults, especially if you have DID.

And even if that random stranger on the internet is somehow making artwork that is in some way only worsening their trauma or whatever, that's not your business. 🤷 Like maybe don't shame people for having maladaptive coping mechanisms that aren't to your tastes.

I've drawn extremely vile things. I've written extremely vile things. I have no idea what they mean, I have no idea if they are hinting at any kind of actual events I have actually experienced or anything, but you know what didn't help me? The amount of people who say you are a pedophile for even daring to make art that depicts such horrific, graphic, and vile sexually abusive things. I constantly feel terrified that I am secretly a pedophile and don't know it, don't realize it. I am constantly terrified that my artwork is just me being a sick, disgusting, vile freak, instead of. Y'know. The possibility that it really is just a manifestation of extreme fucking abuse.

This is where it gets a bit more graphic, but I am NOT describing specific C S A acts or anything, but it is graphic in a way.

I am going to speak about this as if I know for a fact that I experienced these things, even thought I don't know, just keep that in mind before I say this. I'm being extremely bold sharing all of this and I might edit this out later or delete this post altogether, but I have experienced C S A under the lens of believing it as a healthy, consensual, pleasurable experience. Most of my vent art and things I have written depicts this. They depict C S A as if it was normal, healthy, consensual sex. As a result, a lot of the artwork and things I've written could even be mistaken as literal erotica or "romanticizing sexual abuse." Other stuff I've drawn/written is just straight-up graphic and violent C S A, it's just not sugar-coated or sanitized and is extremely graphic.

Like are you sure that person is "romanticizing" or "aestheticizing" their trauma/abuse? Are you sure that person is exploring their trauma in an "unhealthy" way, or is their artwork/writing the only way they can express deep, personal feelings that you could not possibly understand? And in the case that one out of every whatever number of people IS just making art and writing things that is only making it worse for them, do you only think that about people who make artwork/writing that you find gross/vile/uncomfortable/too graphic/etc., or does that apply to other vent art as well? Because if not, you should rethink that thought process. And again, do you really think it would be okay to shame people for having maladaptive coping mechanisms?

#my posts

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yfm-confessions · 8 months

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I'll be completely honest, I think telescope was good but there's just something about YFM as a whole now that...I am just gonna rant about here.

So, first of all we should address the elephant in the room: the AI art that was used. Honestly, It was a terrible decision because indifferently from your views, it cheapened the music video; it was still, there wasn't any kind of action and I think that the fundamental issue is that it could have worked if they did something like what they did for a section in "damn I am ugly" (I believe) aka change their art style and animation style.

And it would have been MILES better AND it would have given actual artists/animators work, thus making for a much more compelling work with actual human contribution which would have given YFM more positive press, expecially counting how the other videos were of very varing qualities and the fanbase has been dissolving with the time (which also happened in gen 1.5 so history repeating itself ha ha (pain)). Because there are some actually decent visuals that could have been improved (like the stars in Deejay's hair) that I think are really cool but lack... humanity in them.

So now there is the other (baby) elephant in the room that are the new voices, and while I like Ben's voice replacement (I am the minority ig) Axel's is too...ooc??

It doesn't fit him at all, and I think that someone with an higher voice would be better in the role because it feels like RWJ just went "Well Axel is a strong, big guy so he must have a deep voice" and like no Ray. Not at all. He sounds more pop??? Jazzy??? Idk just one of those guys who do song covers on the clock app and that's not a bad thing, but it's AXEL!!! His whole personality is liking metal and he should have an higher voice, like Billie Joe ig??? I know that there are metal singers with deep voices, but his voice is not deep in YFMTS, and even if it was lower when singing, like Ben's, it would be THIS low.

Anyway sorry for ranting so hard about Axel, I just have really strong feelings about him and his impact on the song. But moving on, the rest was pretty alright and actually enjoyable; like yeah it's a pretty standard rap beat I suppose but it scratches your brain, the hook might be repeatable, but it's a hook that's kinda it's point. Steve saved this song honestly, if Axel was the only one singing the chorus or all of the guys togheter/separately, I would have like it WAY less.

I am so sorry for making this a confession but I honestly did it because I wanted to talk about how YFM I'd tiktok-fing itself and I got lost ranting (you have every right to delete this ask for it lol), but I think that the whole AI art and hook and lyrics and everything is more because YFM is kinda losing it's identity. I already touched in another ask about how YT shorts (which is Ray's main platform now) is full of AI art content, and while I think that it was actually used because Ray was actually trying to experiment, I can't but think that there is a deeper reason that is ingrained in the amount of AI art there is on the site. And I think that the reason is how yfm is becoming way less Ray's music project and more Ray's vtuber account; with the few releases and the yt shorts etc.

And I think that that's also represented in how the songs are becoming more pop sounding or catchy or smth, idk how to explain it but they feel more corporate? Which it's dumb, I know, but bear with me. When you listen to something like my balls, you can still feel the silliness that yfm was born from, just dumb meme rap. But it's kinda getting lost, the song aren't really that jokingly anymore I suppose, they take themselves more seriously and that doesn't really jive with YFM presentation imo.

I am gonna make an actual post with organised thoughts on my blog after I realise what's bugging me, but yeah I wanted to make a small ask and it turned into a long ass rant. Sorry I promise I won't do it anymore, I got carried away <3 /p.

i was actually gonna mention the whole corporate feel too. like there’s little humor in it, telescope is a prime example of that. it’s not like they’re trying to be more serious and have passion like some songs in gen 1.5. and they’re not trying to be silly either. it feels fake as hell a lot of the time, but usually the visuals make up for that. like in everyone clapped even though the songs kinda meh (BESIDES JESSES PART HE COOKED.) the animation is very silly?? so it makes up for it. but with telescope it’s just lifeless. but i hope it gets better. like i’m praying. i’m also hoping they stop making the ugliest merch ever holy shit it’s bad. what even are those hoodies.

#i still love you gen 2 puff 😘😘#you’re my bookie malewife #yfm #your favorite martian #confession #🎤🛐 mod

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lexsnotdead · 8 months

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Sometimes i forget that Delilah/Breanna aren't 100% canon to everyone bc of "ambiguous relationship" part and some people not wanting to see them as bi & lesbian

And it drives me insane

Everytime i see fic where Delilah or Breanna call each other friends while being alone (or in their own thoughts) I want to bite 😭😭 Something or someone

I sit here and think "Breanna sacrificing 10+ years or her life to save Delilah from her death AND falling on her knees for her is so friendly fr"

I'm okay with people who think that they're way too toxic or something/"Delilah can't love" but Breanna is a walking fruit basket. She radiates "gay".

~~~~~~~~

Sorry for whole essay about Bree and Del but my anonymous ass trusts that you'd understand me at least to some degree bc you ship them

Hope ur doing well, sending best wishes for the week lol

HI ANON YOU CANNOT IMAGINE THE AMOUNT OF SEARCHING I DID FOR THIS. anyway. okay... deep breath... yeah, i know, it drives me insane as well. although i haven't come across a Hot Take like that in ages, most likely because i was blocking on sight for this. "not 100% canon to everyone" have we played the same game? maybe it's easy for me to say because i myself am a wlw and i KNOW yuri when i see one. it is really hard for me to imagine how can one look at the way breanna and delilah talk to each other and fail to spot the profound pinning.

• delilah saying "murderer! you can't understand what she meant to me", when you kill breanna in front of her. • delilah saying "you're the only one i trust". • delilah swinging her sword at you with "this is for what you did to breanna", in the last mission. • a with in the royal conservatory saying "breanna was with delilah when you were sucking on your mother's tit. it's not a joke to them" • breanna's surprise when she spots corvo "a man? here?!" is truly a Peak Lesbian Moment. - i could go on and on.

OHHH AND THE LETTER. THE LETTER!! it makes me lose my mind every time i read it!! whatever breanna had going on in there is more lesbian than eating pussy.

"When we can't talk, I write. There are things only you will understand. (...) If we were together, I could say more! It is as if I can see beyond the air, into another time or place. (...) Oh, Delilah, strange and beautiful whispers are carried on the breeze. I am forever grateful of being your instrument." >>> i'm madly in love with you.

how can you read this and go hmm yeah they were definitely besties! MUST EVERYTHING BE DIRECT FOR YOU PEOPLE?? sorry to disappoint, but that's not how sapphics express attraction. learn to read between the lines. because this, too, is yuri.

and the wiki page is to blame for the "ambiguous" part. BECAUSE HARVEY SMITH DIDN'T SAY "AMBIGUOUS". HE DID NOT. harvey confirmed their relationship some time back in 2016, but since then he deleted all of his tweets and we were left with no elaboration. and as for now it is almost impossible to find sources. "almost". he-he. wink. i saved that from a tumblr post god knows how long ago and couldn't find the op. if anyone knows who to credit for this, i'd be grateful.

does "i totally assumed that" equal uncertainty? maybe my non-native ass is missing something, but it all seems very clear to me.

which makes "some people not wanting to see them as bi & lesbian" part even more frustrating. they are both indisputably queer! and that being stated by the dev and not in the game itself is not an excuse to deny their sexuality and ship breanna with men.

harvey's tweet and in-game lines combined should be enough evidence to prove that delilah and breanna were, in fact, lovers, and if anyone says otherwise, it's a conscious choice to deny/ignore it for whatever reasons, not because there isn't enough evidence for their relationship. believe me, anon, i share every drop of irritation you have in double.

and "delilah can't love" is another very big topic where i could talk for hours and i would rather not make this reply any longer than it has to be. i already ranted quite a lot here haha. anyway, ty for the ask! :] i'm always happy to write mini-essays about delilah and breanna. i hope you have a great day as well!!

#historians will say that they were best friends #lex.txt

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transienttheologyproject · 8 months

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i hope my followers & others keeping up & supporting this project know that whenever you leave a kind message on my post — whether it be something as simple as a tagging your reblog of my posts with ‘!!!’ or as personal as sending me a message to the effect of ‘this type of work means so much to me thank you for doing it,’ you are helping me keep my momentum going.

bit of a whole big rant below, sorry for the length, but tl;dr i’m just immensely grateful for what support this project has received because the backlash it has gotten has taken way more of a toll on me & my mental health than i anticipated, and your kindness has helped in motivating me to not just completely wipe this whole thing from the internet.

today yesterday kinda sucked. a lot of the past couple weeks have sucked, especially since pushing more of an online presence with this zine, because of course, with something like this you’re naturally gonna attract a range of Christians, from those ‘gender-criticals’ (whatever that means) who think I’m misguided, to those who begin their messages by calling me & my work perverted, to those whose vitriolic transphobia manifests in sending me Gospel verses weaponized as straight-up death threats. and obviously i knew this was going to happen, and it did, even from as early on as when i was posting the calls-for-art.

and at first i handled it well — i deleted whatever i felt wasn’t worth my time responding to, and if i could meme a hate-comment into a promotional tiktok, then i kept it around to do exactly that. and that worked. i told myself i wasn’t going to get defensive and bound up in keyboard wars because the purpose of this specific project, this specific platform isn’t for debating or dialoguing with Christians who don’t affirm trans+ identities — it’s to serve those who are trans+ and Christian, and I didn’t want this intra-community effort to become an inter-community debate forum. dialogue is a perfectly necessary thing, don’t get me wrong, but there’s a time & a place for everything and this project wasn’t meant to be it.

as the weeks went on, however, the negative attention this project was receiving began to take a toll on me. it didn’t help that in addition to the anticipated pushback from Christian peers, some of the trans+ folks i knew gave me a hard time for ‘bootlicking the oppressor.’ i was, and still definitely am, having the most intense experience i’ve had to this day of the exact type of ostracization that inspired me to pursue this project in the first place — too trans for the Christians, too Christian for the trans folks.

receiving comments calling an academic research project i dedicated my entire summer to “perverted” made me doubt everything i had worked so hard on. accusations of “heresy” and “blasphemy” i had expected and received plenty of, but perversion was not something i had anticipated. comments like “you make me sick” made me second-guess everything i had done leading up to that moment — am i sickening? i was falling for the false narrative that exists as the backbone of much of today’s transphobia — that trans+ people are inherently groomers, monstrous predators. i was perverting my body, they said, and scripture, too — and i began to wonder if they were right.

receiving comments like “enjoy your insanity! I hope the boot still tastes good when they've taken away all our rights so you could feel like ‘one of the good ones’” made me doubt my identity as a Christian. yeah, it’s no secret that the anti-trans legislation running rampant and scaffolding an era of fascism in the United States is the result of neoconservative Christians who represent more the Rome that Jesus mocked & condemned than Christ’s mission itself. i began to worry if calling myself Christian identified me with the oppressor and if talking about transness from a Christian perspective was really a helpful endeavor or if i was essentially stabbing my trans+ community in the back.

you’d think that given the nature of this project, i would be better about not letting those sorts of interactions wear me out. because i’m conducting a project that’ll say “hey, trans+ Christians, you don’t have to choose between those two facets of your identity because they’re not mutually exclusive,” you’d think i would’ve had that mindset confidently internalized. or maybe you wouldn’t think that, but i guess i thought so myself. and i guess i thought that expecting the petty backlash & having done enough research to dismiss it was enough to be prepared for it. not really.

from the beginning, i told myself, “don’t let the mean ones get to you, you’re smart and have done your research and know what you’re talking about.” but there was such a separation between myself and my work this summer that i never truly internalized what i was writing about — i believed it, but i didn’t necessarily believe it for myself.

this project has been a labor of love. and i definitely think the labor part got the best of me this whole summer. the literary review was a drag. writing up the annotated bibliography was immensely frustrating and took me way longer than i would have liked. same with the zine’s section prefaces. and i had planned and hoped to meet with and interview several professionals in the various fields examined in the zine — and i totally dropped the ball because of… something that felt like burnout, which actually made me feel like i had committed the biggest blunder of my professional career before it had even begun. I’m still recovering from that.

the mental and emotional toll this has caused me, the academic, spiritual, psychological, and physical strife this whole endeavor has proven to have been has resulted in me sort of dissociating from the project; i talked about it as though it was a passion project of mine — which it is — but as i was working on it, i felt so disconnected from the material. as if it were akin to a homework assignment in a class i couldn’t care less about.

i’ve been in a tough spot regarding mental health for a long while now (for various other reasons besides this), and i’ve reached the point where i’ve wanted to pull the plug on something to just try and break whatever vicious cycle im trapped in, whether that something be as large-scale as dropping out of university, or as low-scale as shaving all my hair off, or maybe…well, maybe since i can pinpoint these online interactions and this research pursuit as a whole as contributing substantially to my poor mental state, maybe i should pull the plug on the zine. screw it, delete the social media pages & the website, make sure artists get their copies & be done with it.

but i have folks who have been legitimately looking forward to this — not even just people of the intended audience! i have cis Christian friends on my college campus who had never met a(n openly) trans+ person, let alone a trans Christian, before they had met me who have demonstrated such a genuine eagerness to learn from the expressions of faith and gender from myself & others like me. i know a Catholic mother — the sweetest woman — who is ordering a physical copy of the zine so she can try to understand and support her two trans+ daughters, and any other trans+ people she meets, better. i’ve had countless people — strangers — message me “this work you are doing is incredible and incredibly needed. thank you for doing it.” i’ve seen several people, folks just scrolling through their tiktok for you page who don’t even usually follow after leaving me comments to the effect of “yknow, this is a strange crossover episode, but i’m here for it, this is cool!”

there are people who want this work out there. and what’s more is that there are people who need this work out there. and i guess every time someone goes out of their way to extend some kindness towards me and gratitude for this project, i am reminded that i am among those who need this work. those little moments ground me in the purpose and mission of this project — to serve my trans+ Christian community, particularly those who may be having trouble reconciling their intersection within those identities especially within the current socio-political climate. and like, that’s me!!! i am a member of my community, i am a part of the people i am hoping to serve.

everything i was (and truthfully, still am) anxious about, everything that was (and is) weighing on my heart is everything that this project hopes to challenge. all the doubt i’ve been experiencing as of late is exactly what inspired me to do this work in the first place.

and the kindness and gratitude so many of you have extended towards me in the past few weeks, especially within the past few days, have truly helped ground me. i’m still struggling to get back on my emotional feet per se, which is why i will ask that if you find a moment, you keep me in your prayers — but i genuinely mean it when i say that every positive tag on a reblog, every share on one’s story and every kind comment serves as a reminder to me that a.) there are people will be genuinely served by a project like this, and not only that, but b.) i am one of those people. you all remind me to take a look at what i’ve done from the perspective of a trans Christian, not of a student researcher or a graphic designer or a social media moderator or any of the other practical roles i had to take on this summer. you remind me to look at this project as the type of person it’s meant to serve. you remind me of my initial hopes and goals with this endeavor.

you remind me to allow myself to be transformed by the work i have done.

when you share with me how inspirational this project is to you, you remind me to let myself be inspired by the work i’ve done. when you share how much this zine means to you, you remind me to let myself take meaning in it.

and i think it’s sort of ironic in a very beautiful way — so much of this zine focuses on the idea of entanglement and the interdependence of many facets of our lives, and it wasn’t until this project became entangled with you all so much that your experience with the zine is no longer just dependent on mine, but that ours are interdependent on each other. the positivity you feel at learning about this project is poured back into my cup, giving me the breathing room to finally allow myself to feel positively about it, too.

so truly, from the bottom of my soul, thank you. thank you for your kindness and your support, and for making it this far in my ramblings if you have. i know it was quite disorganized and probably very repetitive but this is my first time sort of articulating what i’ve been feeling so heavily recently. so, thank you again — i hold each and every one of you always in my heart, mind, and prayers!

<3 - Soup

(the man behind the curtain)

#tw transphobia #wow this is a lot #thanks for reading #i love yall #transgender christian #trans christian #trans and religious #trans and christian

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horizon-verizon · 1 year

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Honestly it's not just writing that it's bad in this show . it's also costumes , wigs -my god ugliest wigs ever- and the design choices of dragons , crowns -specially the conqueror's crown- everything in this show is done without an ounce of creativity and is so soulless. Makes me wonder , why they even think this show is "best show in 2022"??

*EDITED POST* 9/23/23

.........................................................................................................

The Clothing

I talk about the costuming of not only HotD but also GoT HERE. And I agree that the costumes were not good, but I say they weren't good because they don't make sense for the context instead of just how it looks and whether it is good design.

Though there are a few costumes I actually hate the design of, just aesthetically:

Alicent’s wedding dress [the scene was thankfully deleted; this one was actually just bad in of itself, the personal taste comes in with me hating the sleeves in of themselves...3/4 sleeves are not my thing]

epi 1 Rhaenyra’s first dress’ frill collar (yeah collars like these existed, this is not about period accuracy, it's about personal likes/dislikes, as already stated)

epi 4 Alicent’s red and black dress (Halloween costume and the sleeves make no sense/lack of consistency)

epi 9 Alicent’s sheer shoulder(?)/panel over the chest connecting the sleeves to the shoulders and neck -- too modern as well

Valyrian Appearance & the Wigs

I am a very selective person when it comes to adapting distinctive visual features from fantasy/scifi novels into TV. (As I’m sure you all will be able to tell.)

That the Targs always have bleach-white hair in HotD and there being no variances from “white” to pale blonde twists my nerves. And yes, there were only a few wigs that were in mid-to-good condition: Young & Older Rhaenyra, Daemon’s episodes 3 & 4.

The worst ones (condition and design) were for the black characters/the Velaryons. For our black characters, where are our braiding that’s afforded to the white characters?!

If you’re going to have black actors, modify wigs better to how actual black people would want them presented. And introduce Afro-braiding!

I also -- no matter what the obstacle to the show production/post-production/overall budget -- need the purple eyes, again with all variances. Again, with variances of shades and types of purple.

The Crowns

Disliked Viserys/Rhaenyra’s crown....excuse me, Jaehaerys I’s crown was a crown with the 7 Seven/7 Westerosi regions-symbolized gems placed into it. Something like this:

🎨: amok

In a different vein, as long as the live-crown both looks simple in the context of crowns AND has the gems, I would have been satisfied. Like these:

🎨: naomimakesart; 2nd & 3rd - chillyravenart; last - elenastripe

And it’s pretty symbolic and ironic that Rhaenyra, a woman, gets to crown herself the same crown that Jaehaerys both wore himself and would never have wanted her to wear. He had a history of trying to assimilate more into the Andal patriarchy more than the kings before him, as well.

But having just a generic and applicable-to-all and having no context crown with engravings of dragons and geometric patterns? Where is the original story, the personality?!!!

Finally, Aegon’s crown....honestly how do get this:

from any of these?:

🎨: 1st & 2nd amok ; Magali Villeneuve (AWoIaF)

Where are the rubies?!

#asoiaf asks to me #hotd costume #hotd comment #hotd critical #asoiaf costume #valyrian appearance #asoiaf #hotd

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themysticsword · 9 months

Text

Quitting RoR2 Modding

(posting this in case anyone who plays my RoR2 mods isn't in any of the discord servers lol)

So, basically, yeah, I'm done with Risk of Rain 2 for good. Don't wanna associate myself with the game. Just really want it gone from my life. I don't want to think about it.

All of the mods I made out of my personal interest are now marked as deprecated, and potentially will even be deleted later. The only things that will stay are projects that were either made for friends, had contributions from more than just me, or are funny enough that I feel like they should stay.

Why? For a lot of reasons.

The Community Manager

So, SeventeenUncles (or Suncles, as we all call him). The guy may seem like a chill person on the twitch streams, but god. He's Bad at server moderation. Everybody in the server knows it. And if somebody has any kind of complaint about that moderation, he silences all the critique and tells to open a ticket via Modmail, which will not result in anything because why would he care lmao he's the community manager and he makes all the rules.

Like this one. I wrote a proper, consise ticket about my mute (which was unfair, by the way!), expecting to either get unmuted or at least get a response or have a conversation as to why they think it was fair. Guess what I got.

you're welcome suncles.

There's a lot of problems with how he's running the server, which I'm not gonna talk about, because, luckily, someone else has already done it, in detail! https://www.tumblr.com/gabrielultrakill-bigboobs/723312859455651840/the-official-risk-of-rain-discord-and-its-hellish?source=share

A lot of nasty stuff. In the official server, mind you.

But yeah. He represents the company Hopoo Games, and who am I to support a company with a prick as their representative :)

The Community Itself

Now, I know this is a dumb reason to quit over, but it's not the reason. It's just one of them.

It's toxic. Elitist. And, most importantly, way too controllable. We have, like, 4-5 mainstream content creators, and almost all of them manage to give the worst tips to newbies despite sinking hours into the game and, supposedly, having a lot of experience and knowledge.

It's so bad to the point where some youtubers call out the wiki for giving "false information", so their fans go on the wiki and make edits while parroting whatever Mr. Youtuber said.

Picture this: you're a new player, and you have unlocked a hard character. You struggle with them, so you go to the wiki, and the first thing you're told is that you actually need to unlock a different ability for them to make them playable. And only 7-8 paragraphs below, the wiki tells you how to use the base abilities properly. You know. The ones that you have right now, as a new player. While also making them sound weaker than they are in reality. Doesn't this sound like imposing someone specific's preferred playstyle onto everybody else?

Constant arguments. You open the discord server, or the subreddit, or a youtube video, just about anything, and you'll see people disrespecting each other over a video game. These arguments usually stem from someone being incorrect, them getting corrected by others, and that person fighting until the end of times just to prove that they're actually right, because, for some reason, they can't accept being wrong.

And I kept seeing these arguments. Engaging in them. When you want to interact with the community of a game on this scale of popularity, you just can't not encounter the bad parts. Statistically impossible.

Oh, and you know why the community partially is like that? Because the devs and the moderators are fine with that behaviour. The devs are known to be all mean and like "massive trolls" or whatever. Meanwhile, you don't see this shit happening in the A Hat in Time or Celeste servers.

Other Projects

Lastly, I've been meaning to quit RoR2 for a long time now. I want to move on and do something else. I've been making RoR2 mods for 4 years now, I think? It's a shame I have to leave like this, but eh, whatever.

If you're reading this, I hope you're doing well! I'm doing well, because I got rid of the part of my life that's been bothering me for way too long :3 See ya in other games that I'll mod!

#modding #text post

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hbmmaster · 1 year

Note

Sry if this feels like overstepping, feel free to delete this ask/not respond

but the telemed rules seem to not be changing As Dramatically as that post thread was making it seem in my opinion. in the article there was a proposed rules summary chart here: (theres also a link to it in the article near the bottom and its called proposed rules summary)

so basically to my understanding the restriction is you have to have an in person examination by the prescriber, but as far as im aware many states already have made simmilar restrictions (for example in MA, you have to have one in person visit per year in order to be able to get certain controlled substances like adderall)

so i dont think you need to worry As Much, as long as your state is not adding restrictions you should only need to worry about getting to the prescriber office a couple times, and usually infrequently.

Im not super sure about why the people in the thread are acting like it is taking away all the telehealth prescribing abilities when it very much is not, it is just restricting it a little. like i do understand it is a pain in the butt to get to prescribing office for some people but it is definitely not the end of the world, since the (current) proposed rule says in person at least once or get referred by someone who has seen you in person. (the latter is probably already true since most people's insurance plans say they need to be reffered by a pcp anyways)

okay one you should probably say this in a reblog of the post itself, because as you pointed out The Notes are not talking about it like this.

and two okay yeah after reading more carefully this isn't as bad as the post made it seem. thanks for clearing that up! this is definitely going to cause some problems for a lot of people but at least it's not "you need to physically go to your doctor every time you run out of your already-in-person-prescribed opioid"

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justanechoflower-ddlc · 1 month

Text

(I’d say it’s fair to do some posts where it’s just writing. Really, we’d actually expect things to display in DDLC’s style, so things already look a bit different than how they actually are anyway. So sure, some things can be text. Besides, my Monika posts are just text, so there’s no reason why the Flowey responses can’t also be text. I would suggest Doki Doki Dialogue Generator as a middle ground, but I haven’t found a simple way to make custom characters there yet… If anyone more in the know about that program can give a simple way of making a custom character (Like human Flowey?), they can share. That’d trim things down to a few sprites that can just be re-used so Nat doesn’t have to re-draw Flowey every single panel, while still being able to do a few visuals. And the excuse for re-used sprites is that it’s literally how it’d actually work in the game!)

(But text-based responses work too. They’re what I do, after all.)

(Oh, and Faysal, the order of the plan was left, right, middle. Yeah, I know it might be a bit confusing for them to be in that order, that’s why I’m clarifying. Of course the concept of the game has to come before the revelation of what Monika, and later Sayori, did TO the game! Those flashback sequences he’s talking about are just the events of the game, by the way. If you’ve played or seen someone play DDLC, it happened just like that (presuming they got the normal ending and not the special one). He means Act 3 and Act 4. They just don’t call it that because those are meta terms that we use, and aren’t said in-game.)

(As for the recap, I suppose what Flowey said is good enough for what’s currently going on. Sure, there’s also this subplot going on with Flowey setting up a baking show-off against Natsuki that he’ll probably cheat at and also say he’ll get rich from the things he’ll bake and sell (when he’s actually taking gold from the Underground), and we did learn a bit more about the things leading up to this, but most of that isn’t that relevant for the time being. Maybe we’ll come back to it eventually, though.)

(My own take was basically going to be that Monika came to Flowey’s world some time after she was deleted, mostly because she saw much of herself in him, both knowing their worlds were a game, abusing that, and are trying to be better now, but also that unlike Monika, Flowey didn’t go insane from that knowledge, so there was faint hope he might have some idea to help lessen the existential problems such knowledge would bring.)

(Monika thought it was a good idea to stay in Flowey’s world, mostly because she still didn’t want to come back to the club after everything she did (like we see in Act 4 of the game), then Flowey pointed out a bunch of reasons why that‘s a bad idea. He also wanted to see her world, so Monika took him there. That’s how this blog started and why Monika was dropped from the main blog…

(After that, I’d probably have just said what Flowey said. Though there was a step before the three he mentioned, but that wasn’t Monika’s plan. It was Flowey (and also Sayori) convincing Monika to stick around in the club in the first place. They‘ve managed to at least get her to give it another chance. They’re hoping she’ll find herself choosing to stick around for real. And Sayori’s planning to make Monika the club’s vice president soon, as a part of a transition that’d end with Monika becoming club president once again.

(Oh, also, nice rendition of the events of Act 3 there, Nat!)

(I think that’s everything. The rest either aren’t that relevant anymore, or are things that can be derived from the game itself (for example, of course the club writes and shares poems still!))

(As for the other post… what you said there makes sense. About what parts of their own code they’ve edited in the past editing probably how it worked then. And with Sayori, maybe how it’s like now too. She’s less prone to the same kind of thing Monika is. Maybe it’s because she did a lot less than Monika did, since Monika stopped her mid-way, or because Sayori didn’t make the other characters worse, but just skipped straight to going Just Sayori, or maybe it’s just due to her more aloof personality. I don’t see her shying away from the code as much as Monika does. She definitely doesn’t tamper with anyone else’s code though, that would be too far for her at this point (at least after we account for the fact she wouldn’t want to make Monika uncomfortable.) She’s way more likely than Monika to use the console for stuff though. There’s a reasonable possible world where there’s a dynamic of Monika having to stop Sayori from doing anything too big with it so things aren’t given away too soon, though I already explained before why I didn’t actually do that here, despite how in-character for Sayori that’d be.)

(As for the non-existent NPCs, I’ve been thinking of them of them as sheer environmental factors that the game sort of tricks the characters into thinking exist. Natsuki and Yuri would have had the illusion of having gone to class with a teacher, when really the game doesn’t render any of it. Kind of like what you see in the actual game, you never see any teachers or the classes, but MC describes the school day as your average, usual day. Monika and Sayori right now see it for how it really is, and how there’s no such thing.)

(It’s also like when MC narrated “As we draw near, the streets become increasingly speckled with other students making their daily commute.” The only other characters at the time were Monika, Sayori (who was with MC), Yuri, and Natsuki. But the game had a general narrative that there were other students, and MC described these non-existent students. They’re sort of formless “characters” that are implied to exist, yet don’t. Same for the teachers. They’re implied to exist, but they’re really just the game doing things and attributing it to a non-existent character, and so don’t really exist. But people unaware of this like Natsuki and Yuri would recall seeing them. Monika and Sayori, with the full epiphany, don’t see them at all, since they see the game how it really is. Which also means illusory interactions with them don’t work that well, since they couldn’t directly see or hear them, due to them, you know, not existing..)

(This is what I was going for with this interaction:

“>#Well yes, we could… except that I told everyone if we DID find a way for that to happen, I’d have one of the school’s admin faculty people tell all of this himself, so that way we know it’s for real… and, well, they don’t actually EXIST, because it’s just us, so… I wouldn’t be able to actually talk to them… ehehe…

>#Sayori, seriously?! You should have known that anything involving direct interactions with background entities doesn’t work well, and not even SAID that to the others!)

(Also, if you asked Natsuki and Yuri to try describe what the “teachers” are like, they’d probably give totally generic answers, because said “teachers” are not real entities with actual properties. And of course, they probably wouldn’t notice anything off with that unless someone in the know points this out.)

(Oh, and should I make a submission on the main blog (or maybe this one?) that more goes into how the blog runs? Like how it technically takes place between the end of the human Flowey arc on the main blog and Flowey turning back into a flower, or explaining the fact the blog is currently in a cycle of two “phases”, the meeting phase, and the void phase, and how they work?)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(Good idea! I looked into ddlc text boxes and I found a generator where I can put in my own sprite. The only thing I need to do is draw the main form in ddlc style- may be difficult but I'll try- make some expressions, and I'll be good for awhile!

(For the confusing panel sequence I didn't mean for it to be that hard to read! I figured it would be fine to understand since the middle panel had its text low in the image so therefore it would be read last. I'm not an expert on comic style. I just thought it'd look cool!

(If Monika and Sayori flatout told the other girls the world was a game (without a full explanation and proof) they would probably think it's a joke and say they're hallucinating or something like that. And I find that so ironic because Yuri and Natsuki are the ones who see people that do not exist!!!

(I'd really appreciate the help if you could write that clarification of what happened and how things work! Thank you for the offer. I suggest to submit it on the main blog so more people will see it. Also make sure to keep it concise as possible!

(Thanks for adding to my rundown of events! @faysal1232 I highlighted the summary of what's happened so far in red so you can find it easily.

#submission #ask flowey #doki doki literature club #crossover #ask blog #mun #nat

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