#maybe they'll get wiser with age

[hirakiyois]

madney proposal, bathena four year anniversary, henren staycation you will always be famous

buck, eddie, go sit in the corner and reflect on your actions

#911 fox #911 #buddie #bathena #madney #henren #maybe they'll get wiser with age #i love when the established couples roast the hell out of buck and eddie #deserved imo

[transmasc-rose]

I like Rose, and I think they should have done more with the Bad Wolf event. So here's a small list of related AUs that have been rattling around in my head.

Feel free to use them for whatever, I'd love to see if you write something tho!

Becoming Bad Wolf, absorbing the Time Vortex and using its powers effects Rose beyond that one moment. Merely absorbing it long enough to expel the power was enough to cause Nine to regenerate, and Rose used its power for an extended period. Time travelling on its own is enough to change the body, the cells, the aging process. Being around enough Time Lords effects the aging process. So when you absorb the vortex into yourself, become it for an extended moment, make someone else immortal in a way no one else is, who's to say it doesn't effect you too? And when you leave with Tentoo, the human Doctor, the mortal Doctor, and you think--we're going to live together, we're going to die together. And the original Doctor thinks--this is for the best. I won't get more attached, I will lose her on my terms, they'll live what I can't have. But the Doctor ages. And Rose doesn't, whether she can regenerate, or lives in a single timeless body. Not like Jack, she can die, but her Doctor dies first. The Doctor lives the life of the Companion, and Rose lives the tragedy of the Doctor. There's no evidence of Time Lords in Pete's World. Rose and Tentoo have a child in the comics. Does her child die before her too, or does she inherit her "gift"? Does she find her way back home? Is she angry? Is she scared? Is she alone?

Or maybe she's still immortal, but she doesn't leave--either she makes it out of Doomsday in her home dimension, or she refuses to make a choice in Journey's End and insists the original Doctor keep her and Tentoo. What matters is, she's there when Ten regenerates into Eleven. She's there when the TARDIS malfunctions, and decides to crash. And through some happenstance, whether separation while the TARDIS was crashing, splitting up for one reason or another, Prisoner Zero plot devices, or simply breaking the age old rule of "don't wander off", they get separated. And the Doctor leaves for "five minutes". Rose returns to the TARDIS, or thinks she's found the TARDIS, and its not there. At best she sees it leave, or it leaves some signature behind she can track with a device from Pete's World. She knows it was there. So she waits, as Amy waits, because if a universe apart wasn't enough to break her spirit then time travel isn't either. Learns the year, gets a job, maybe goes and does her A levels like she said she wanted to do that one time. Years pass. Does she keep in touch with Amelia, the only lead she has to the Doctor? Rose says she doesn't really like children in Fear Her, but she's tolerated them before. Another strange figure in Amy's life. A connection to her "Raggedy Doctor". And almost as strange, too. Because as the years pass, the five between Doomsday and The Eleventh Hour, and the 12-14 years Amy waits, she doesn't age a day over 19/20. Did she ever get an explanation from the Doctor about Jack, in this vague extra time she's been with him? About how he left him without warning or explanation? Does Jack tell her? Does she worry he left her too? As the days pass, does she worry that he could sense what she was becoming, and abandoned her like he abandoned him? Or did she never know, not even have that context, left hoping that the doctor would one day come back until she has to accept that this time, this might be it. Left to deal with this curse on her own. She was worried Ten would leave her when he got that face. Maybe Eleven did. ...and of course, Eleven returns, none the wiser, and Rose's face only "confirms" he'd barely been gone at all! Nothing to worry about! Right?

#rose tyler #eleventh doctor #tenth doctor #11th doctor #10th doctor #doctor who #tentoo #metacrisis doctor #time petals #tenrose #elevenrose #Yippee! #I will probably reblog this later with more #with varying levels of canon compliance and angst #maybe one day I'll actually write about Rose in Torchwood

[merakiui]

I’ve been reading about the lifecycle of Eels and, if you want, what whacky headcanons do you have about Floyd and Jades kids. (I learnt that Eels don’t have sex organs for most of their life and that they’re transparent when their teenagers but idk - for one it’s really interesting but I’m kinda baffled of the stages of life for some animals)

With a mer darling, it's a lot of kids (and very few survive). But with a human I think it would be one or two at a time. If you give birth to twins, Jade and Floyd are so pleased.

It would be funny if their kids were the complete opposites of their fathers. Jade's child is energetic, a good-natured troublemaker, and an avid disliker of mushrooms (rip Jade hopefully your darling likes mushrooms...). And Floyd's child is more quiet, reserved, and observational. And yet the two of them get along very well. Maybe it's because they see how nicely Jade and Floyd interact with each other and how close their bond is as siblings and that rubs off on the children.

Jade and Floyd teach them that it's bad whenever you try to run (or swim) away and that you must stay with them at all times. They'll tell the kids that you're just too curious and that the world can be dangerous to fragile things like you. And at such young, impressionable ages the kids are none the wiser. Whenever they catch you trying to escape, the kids look so heartbroken and you have no choice but to stay just so they'll stop crying for Jade or Floyd.

#twisted chit chat #yandere twst

[aggravateddurian]

Clara Martinez: Owner of a Lonely Heart

Introducing Clara Martinez, a Night City native, childhood friend of Valerie, and occasional pain in Barghest's ass.

"Truly impressive. I fuck with Hansen's shipments, disrupt his convoys, steal shit from under his nose, and his dogs just walk past none the wiser. I drive in and out that gate every other day, and they're just standin' there, cocks limp in hand. Makes you wonder whether or not these gonks'd know if someone crashed a plane in their backyard."

Clara Martinez

FIA Operations Officer

Date of Birth: June 16, 2053 (age 24) Place of Birth: Rancho Coronado, Night City Allegiance: NUSA Height: 1.72m

Clara Martinez grew up in Santo Domingo, the daughter of a former NUS Marine, Staff Sergeant Carlos Martinez, and his wife Maria, a public servant who worked for the city. From a young age, Clara began to hang around with Valerie Ocampo-Gonzalez. From P to 12th Grade, Val and Clara were in the same class, and went to the same schools, and they were very close.

Surprisingly, given Val's very forward nature, it was Clara that made the first move, asking her out in 8th Grade. From that point, until 2071, when Val took a gig in Atlanta and left Night City for six years, the pair were inseparable. This was such the case that both Val's and Clara's parents were fully expecting the couple to marry after high school, and in the words of Val's father, Zanjoe, "I had a suit specially set aside."

Val's decision to move to Atlanta affected Clara. She never started dating after Val left, whereas Val, believing that Clara's decision not to follow her to Atlanta was the final statement on their relationship, began dating again, eventually meeting Trey Marshall in mid-2072. Clara thought of a couple of ways that the pair might reunify, and among the most gonk ideas she had was to join the NUS Government.

Rather than being whisked away to Atlanta as she was hoping, she instead was recruited into the FIA, owing to her school grades and aptitude tests, and joined a network of officers operating in NC under the auspices of a senior officer known as 'Nexus.' Clara's primary task was to ensure that NUS officials and officers were not visiting Night City to sell NUS secrets or technology to corps or rival powers, as well as to keep an eye on the situation in Dogtown, and ensure that arms and financial support to Kurt Hansen were minimised as much as possible.

It should be important to note that Val and Clara never officially broke up, and Clara has been hoping that maybe Val will come back and they'll finally get married. A girl can dream, I guess...

2077 - Reunion and Fallout

In 2077, Val returned to Night City. While Clara was aware of this, as Val had connections to Militech at the time, and the FIA was monitoring the actions of two important Militech officers: Dorian Bautista and Aaron Donoghue, Clara's priority was instead to intercept and deny shipments of arms and resources to Dogtown, a job that had limited success, owing to Hansen's ingenuity.

In May 2077, mere days before the shocking events that begun V's journey in Dogtown, Trey Marshall was kidnapped by a scav group that originated in Dogtown, and the attack appeared to be a targeted hit, rather than an opportunistic one. Less than an hour after Clara was made aware of the scavs' attack, Clara immediately suspected that someone was holding Trey inside Dogtown.

She contacted Val as soon as she could...

and the rest of the story will be revealed in Val Goes to Dogtown. Parts of which can be seen in my ongoing series of Val doing stuff in Dogtown.

#cyberpunk #cyberpunk 2077 #cyberpunk 2077 oc #cp2077 #cp2077 oc #new oc #oc: clara martinez

[terrence-silver]

How about Terry kidnapping his beloved bc of their hate to love kinda situation..doing it by himself every step if the way (I doubt he'd hide his face from her,wanting her to know exactly who her kidnapper is...). Beloved getting a sense if his darker tendencies. Beloved would have come along easily but Terry's cocky and arrogant personality made her do otherwise..

You know, I almost imagine, lets say, old man Terry, a taking a near dignified and elegant approach to abduction, if such a thing can even exist, because while his younger self, say, in the 80's, might enjoy the cat and mouse chase in the traditional sense, giddily exhausting his prey, cornering them, giving them a brief, fleeting hope that they could get away and then cruelly squashing it in the last minute as he corners then and getting a sadistic thrill out of that game which he elongates to cruel degrees, an older Terry could be more tactical at times. He is entirely capable of pulling up in public, in broad daylight, entirely unfettered, cutting of beloved's way with a parked car, stepping out, dressed to the nines and calmly asking them to step inside and doing it with such charm, outward sweetness and poise that whoever witnesses this scene, even accidentally, might think beloved's the one who is difficult here and that this poor, old man is so endlessly patient with whatever shanenigans these are, affectively, never realizing they're being insidiously gaslit by their own wrongful perceptions and that the villain here isn't who they actually think it is. Eventually, beloved will be worn down, realizing they've no choice, and they'll step into that car and be driven off, and nobody who saw this brief exchange will realize what they effectively witnessed was a kidnapping.

Done right in font of them.

Shocking what one can get away with if they're only confident enough.

Terry Silver never ceased enjoying the cat and mouse game well into his more mature years, except how he plays said game has evolved with his own age and changed to benefit his needs --- changing with the world and environment around him --- thing is, everyone can flip out a camera and record him dragging beloved off into the darkness, compromising him and his reputation, and as much as it would be an utter pleasure to do that, he needed to become smarter, wiser, even more cunning than he already was --- some would say cocky and arrogant, yes, but he tends to see it as resourceful; nowadays, old man that he is, he doesn't waste his time with filler if he doesn't need to and if it doesn't serve any purpose. He's going to kidnap beloved by quite literally politely and with all the poise in the world telling them that they're coming with him and that they should cooperate. He almost sounds mature and authoritative doing so. Like he is giving sound advice. Maybe, if he plays his cards smooth enough not even beloved themselves will realize that they were effectively taken until it is far too late and they're locked inside of his mansion with no ability to leave. Whatever force he applies will come later, behind closed doors.

#tw; kidnapping #tw; abduction #terry silver #old man terry #80's terry silver #kk3 #cobra kai #terry silver x reader #terry silver x beloved #yandere

[luckybyler]

I know Noah's coming out isn't supposed to be about Byler, but I will take the liberty to make a comparison re: coming out.

Noah just came out now in 2023, at the age of 18 and in college, after spending his late childhood and teenhood playing a gay character (which means his family and manager(s) were fine with it), when he's rich and famous, living in progressive cities, surrounded by plenty of LGBTQ people (real and fictional), and still described himself as being scared in the closet. Judging by many reactions from the public, as well as the general situation in many parts of the U.S. and the world, it's safe to say that, while he found widespread support from his fans and those close to him, his fears are founded and his coming out is relevant today.

Now imagine how hard and scary it would be for 15-year-old Will to come out of the closet in a small town in Indiana in the '80s, at the height of the AIDS epidemic, with no sex ed or positive LGBT role models to speak of (for him or anyone else), in an environment where he was bullied by his peers at school and by his own dad for even seeming gay before he was old enough to experience sexual attraction, where homosexuality is seen as satanic and wrong, and where, upon his disappearance, him being the victim of a hate crime at the age of 12 was the first reasonable hypothesis. What can we expect from his situation?

Having a grand coming out scene and having people be all "yeah we know!" and exchanging $5 bills from their bets while many others come out as well would be wildly unrealistic. Even merely having him come out voluntarily without the influence of a substance or extraordinary circumstances, or without being yanked out of the closet (for example, by Vecna), before having left Hawkins, would be pushing it by a lot. Will will be terrified to confess to Mike (and vice versa), and they both are probably terrified by the prospect of anyone else knowing, even if they are their friends and they're good people. And with the AIDS issue, things get more complicated.

Having all the non-villain characters be some flavor of supportive or at least non-homophobic (still worried for them tho) might be realistic and doable because this story is about outcasts facing supernatural horrors and knowing truths that regular people ignore. Their minds are probably more open and their bonds stronger, in part thanks to trauma. What's having your male friends be in love with each other when you just faced real-life Satan? What is NOT realistic is that they're familiar enough with anything other than heteronormativity. This means that 1. they (especially the younger ones) wouldn't know how to spot the signs of homosexuality other than stereotypes, let alone see when someone is in love with someone else of the same sex, or when two people of the same sex are in love with one another; and 2. when they see something like two boys or two girls making out or having public displays of affection, it will shock them. If, for example, Dustin or Lucas sees Will and Mike kissing, it will form a core memory. They'll remember when and where they were when they saw it. They'll have lots of questions or assumptions, some of them insensitive (for example, "who's the man and who's the woman in the relationship?").

If I were to predict Will's coming out, barring Vecna or something else forcing him out of the closet, I'd say by the end of the show he and Mike will be explicitly out to each other after some emotionally charged scene (and Byler will be canon), and to Jonathan, Joyce, and Karen. And that "coming out" might just be like the scene between Jonathan and WIll in season 4. I'd say El finds out about Mike's feelings for Will and that causes her breakup with Mike, and there will be an implied understanding with Hopper (who tells El to not mention a word of it to anyone), Nancy and Ted (Holly's just a child). Maybe Murray will sense it or find out by himself. Mike and Will will leave town in the end, and the rest of the Party, as well as Steve and Robin (yes, Robin) and the rest of the town, will be none the wiser. It will probably be implied that they will find over the years because they're their friends and not dumb, but not by the time the show ends. I say Robin can tell that Will is gay, but she doesn't necessarily know about Mike, let alone their relationship, and/or she'll suspect but choose to not dig further.

Obviously, the Duffers can do whatever they want with their narrative, they can make Will come out and have everyone throw him a coming out party while the entire town sings Kumbaya together. I'm just talking about what would be realistic and faithful to the time period (since that's what they have been trying to do).

#byler #stranger things #will byers #mike wheeler #noah schnapp

[dragonheart1330]

I genuinely forgot that some people don't have anxiety all the time. I've lived with it daily since I was quite young, so to me, it's just a part of life. But yesterday, my coworker, who is twice my age, told me that they've been struggling recently because they're experiencing anxiety. As in minor panic attacks and major catastrophic thinking, among a few other things. And it hit me then, that this person had only started experiencing these things a few weeks ago. This wasn't a normal thing to them, it was new and scary. To me it's familiar and bothersome, still scary obviously because anxiety can be quite terrifying, but I know how to deal with it. This person does not. So I teach them. I tell them all the things I've tried, including the things that failed for me because maybe they'll work for them. I tell them that it doesn't get better but it does get familiar. Like working at a fast food place: the days don't get less terrible and chaotic, you just get more comfortable with all of the machines and you learn how to handle everything properly.

This isn't really going anywhere, I just...everything is new to someone, even to people who seem so much wiser than you. It doesn't matter how long you've been here, there will always be someone who has experience with something you don't. And there will always be someone who can teach you how to handle this new experience.

#anxiety #not really anxiety help #no tips or tricks #just me getting emotional over being able to help someone #and remembering that some people #really don't feel like i do every day #tw: anxiety #just mentioned really

[ilovefandoms]

Alastember free for all week

My Alastair playlist

and the lyrics of each song that remind me of him:

seven - taylor swift

And I've been meaning to tell you I think your house is haunted Your dad is always mad and that must be why And I think you should come live with me And we can be pirates Then you won't have to cry Or hide in the closet

dollhouse - melanie martinez

Places, places Get in your places Throw on your dress and put on your doll faces Everyone thinks that we're perfect Please don't let them look through the curtains

for the love of a daughter - demi lovato

Oh, father Please, father Put the bottle down for the love of a daughter son

broken home - 5sos

Hey, mum, hey, dad, when did this end? When did you lose your happiness? I'm here alone inside of this broken home

family line - conan gray

(I know this song is already a popular opinion within the fandom)

Scattered 'cross my family line I'm so good at telling lies That came from my mother's side Told a million to survive

[...]

All that I did to try to undo it All of my pain and all your excuses I was a kid, but I wasn't clueless (Someone who loves you wouldn't do this) All of my past, I tried to erase it But now I see, would I even change it? Might share a face and share a last name but (We are not the same, same)

matilda - harry styles

you talk of the pain like it's all alright But I know that you feel like a piece of you's dead insidе You showed me a power that is strong еnough to bring sun to the darkest days

devil in me - halsey

You said I should eat my feelings Head held high I won't take anyone down if I crawl tonight But I still let everyone down when I change in size And I went tumbling down tryna reach your high But I scream too loud if I speak my mind I don't wanna wake it up (x3) The devil in me

perfect - simple plan

I'm never gonna be good enough for you Can't pretend that I'm alright And you can't change me […] Nothing's gonna change the things that you said And nothing's gonna make this right again (Right again)

i’m not okay (i promise) - mcr

(this one's here just because I can picture Alastair screaming the chorus)

But I'm okay, I'm okay! I'm okay now, "I'm okay now," but you really need to Listen to me, because I'm telling you the truth! I mean this, I'm okay! "Trust me…" I'm not okay I'm not okay, well, I'm not okay, I'm not o-fucking-kay!

I HATE EVERYBODY - halsey

I'm my own biggest enemy Yeah, all my empathy's a disaster Feelin' somethin' like a scaly thing Wrapped too tightly 'round my own master [..] So I just keep sayin' I hate everybody But maybe I, maybe I don't

jet black heart - 5sos

The blood in my veins is made up of mistakes Let's forget who we are and dive into the dark As we burst into color, returning to life 'Cause I've got a jet black heart And there's a hurricane underneath it Trying to keep us apart I write with a poison pen But these chemicals moving between us Are the reason to start again

tolerate it - taylor swift

(the fact that this song fits for both Alastair's relationship with his father and Charles says it all)

You're so much older and wiser, and I I wait by the door like I'm just a kid Use my best colors for your portrait Lay the table with the fancy shit And watch you tolerate it […] I know my love should be celebrated But you tolerate it

29 - demi lovato

(just change the ages to fit Charles and Alastair)

Finally twenty-nine Funny, just like you were at the time Thought it was a teenage dream, just a fantasy But was it yours or was it mine? Seventeen, twenty-nine

paris - the chainsmokers

(remember when Cassie put this in her ChoI playlist and we clowned thinking this was about thomastair?)

If we go down then we go down together They'll say you could do anything They'll say that I was clever If we go down then we go down together We'll get away with everything Let's show them we are better

this is me trying - taylor swift

(another popular fandom opinion)

They told me all of my cages were mental So I got wasted like all my potential And my words shoot to kill when I'm mad I have a lot of regrets about that […] I just wanted you to know that this is me trying

be kind - marshmello & halsey

I know you need, I know you need The upper hand even when we aren't fighting 'Cause in the past, you had to prepare every time, yeah Don't wanna leave, don't wanna leave But if you're gonna fight, then do it for me I know you're built to love, but broken down, so just try, yeah

still learning - halsey

And you wouldn't believe Everything that I seen, no Comin' apart at the seams And no one around me knows Who I am, what I'm on Who I've hurt and where they've gone I know that I've done some wrong But I'm tryna make it right

only the brave - louis tomlinson

Pour mercy, mercy on me, set fire to history I'm breakin' my own rules, I'm cryin' like a fool

Charles/Alastair playlist

Thomastair playlist

#personal post #alastair carstairs #alastair appreciation month #spotify

[marvellouslymadmim]

Rereading "Monstrous"... Loving it! Don't want to bother you but I've got some werewolf🐺 related questions: who is supposed to be the second werewolf, why didn't it attack after Eist is on the ground and where is it gone after they left the village? Have a nice day😊

First: sorry, it's been ages and I'm just now getting around to asks 🙃

Second: YESSSSSS I will gladly answer Monstrous questions!!!!!

Originally, there wasn't a second werewolf, and the original werewolf was going to be Belo Gethe, who owns the apothecary. But I ended up loving him too much and didn't want to hurt him. So the first werewolf is most likely someone who lived in the mountains, whose family was attacked in the winter prior.

I added a second werewolf because at that point, I actually wanted the attacks to keep happening and the villagers to accuse Cal and Eist of making the attacks themselves to get more money out of the villagers--originally, the night Eist transforms would have happened while they were still in Kovir, but then I realized the plot needed to move faster, and our intrepid little idiots in love needed to be farther along, both emotionally and geographically.

The second werewolf was Stelen, most likely. Maybe I'm cruel, but I like the irony of people punishing Cal for doing what they would have gladly paid her to do, had they known the truth about Stelen prior to his murder. After we leave them, the villagers will notice there are no more attacks. But they'll always assume it was because there was only one werewolf, not two--and certainly not Stelen. I think Belo Gethe will know, on some level. After all, he knew Stelen's history and was rather relieved to know he was gone. But I don't think Belo will say anything to anyone other than his wife. It's a small village and emotions run high.

I think the second werewolf didn't attack because it was aware of potentially being outnumbered and chose a wiser path. We see when Eist is in werewolf form that he is still capable of connecting things to his human life, even if only briefly, so it stands to reason that Stelen might have also recognized the hunters and been briefly confused as to why he knew them. It also explains why he was so adamant that Cal didn't kill the werewolf--because from what he saw, before he ran off, was Eist pushing Cal out of the way and taking on the werewolf himself. So from Stelen's POV, Eist did actually kill the werewolf and Cal is taking credit.

#thanks dearest! #asks #atomicmiracletheorist #monstrous #calanthe x eist

[corruptaxpoliticus]

@ofcongress

On the kitchen counter sits a bottle of wine tied with a bow and a small envelope containing a card with a cat that looks nearly identical to Holly wearing a party hat. The card reads:

HAVE A PURRFECT BIRTHDAY!

Happy Birthday, Mycroft - Let's celebrate with cake and champagne on the beach of your choice. Pick a resort and I'll treat. Bonus points if you pick a week where snow's in the forecast back home(s).

You're another year older (and perhaps wiser, but the jury's out on that one). You're getting sexier with age, as one does. I'm a prime example, of course. I'm proud of you and all you've accomplished in the last year.

I love you very much and I'm looking forward to spending the day with you.

Sincerely yours forever, John

mycroft can't help but chuckle at the card. leave it to john to not only find a card like that but to give it to him for his birthday. it's sweet and it causes a warm feeling to flood his stomach. god, he does love that man a lot.

he wrinkles his nose at the mention of cake on a beach. the champagne sounds lovely though. maybe they'll find a private one again. those are always lovely for... various reasons. completely... normal reasons.

out of the corner of his eyes, he notices john poke his head out from around a corner. he doesn't acknowledge him. not yet, at least. he hums at the rest of the card, both in agreement ( yes, john is sexy ) and also disagreement ( he is very wise. he doesn't know what he's talking about ).

mycroft closes the card and looks back at john, a soft smile on his face. "i love you too, dove. and thank you for the lovely gift."

#ofcongress #MYC'S (belated) BIRTHDAY

[bread-gobgob]

god im gonna regret this in the morning.

i made this playlist the week leading up to your birthday. i'm going to make another one this year. here is how my night is going.

my best friend who i usually call when i'm this upset is out on the town having fun. he always calls me when he's down. he calls me to tell me about batman and jesus christ superstar and lord of the rings. he was going to bring me along to the fun as a plus one, but i'm not eighteen so i can't go clubbing. i'm still just seventeen. I'm the same age you were when we met, Eni.

I'm seventeen and I'm gonna be eighteen soon. Are you proud of me?

I have a million emotional triggers. Some are much more severe than others. tonight, i can't place what exactly has set me off. maybe it's that once again i'm too young for something. maybe its the fact i've been locked up in this god-forsaken room all day. maybe its the fact that i left my phone in my boss' car and haven't had it all day and won't have it again until monday.

do you miss me? i miss you. i miss having something constant in my life. there is venom behind my feelings for you, but there is also so much hurt. i think the only real reason i'm mad is because you left me and didn't say a word. i had to get my girlfriend at the time to message you about it.

i miss you. i miss you and i am so vulnerable right now. it is late at night, my room is pitch black. i don't use discord the way i used to anymore. im not fifteen anymore. i'm not fifteen anymore, oblivion.

can you believe it? i'm not fifteen. i'm not fifteen! it's been so long since I was fifteen. oh god how wonderful it is to no longer be fifteen. oh god how horrible it is to still be seventeen.

i've been drinking a lot lately. i work a bar. i have adult friends. vodka is my best friend but i haven't had it in a while. i went to a party, and at it i drank something that tasted like mentholated spirits. i pulled all my friends aside and apologised for being so bitter. i told my best friend i loved him. i kissed a boy i know so many times he giggled and held me tight and god, i don't know who i am anymore, oblivion.

i try to throw myself into my writing - my most recent chapter is about Gadina, who's been repurposed, and who I was originally going to write as aromantic but there's this girl, Ivy, who she's the knight of and they're in love. They can't be in love because they're girls, but they also can't be in love because Gadina's brother was murdered and Gadina is seeking revenge on all who live in the castle.

I think maybe you would like it.

I try and throw myself into my friends - i talk to them about their interests and their past experiences, and i tell them i love them because I do, but I feel as though i'm not enough for them. i fear that one day they'll see me, this broken thing you couldn't love anymore, and they'll leave the same way you did. without a goodbye. begging me to let go.

i think maybe you would like them, too.

im trying to rediscover myself, oblivion. im trying to map out what exactly i am. my whole identity was you, and that's my fault. i was obsessed with you - you were older, wiser, had more experience than me. i thought you were so cool and I remember thinking, in the earliest days, that I wanted to be your friend so bad. Now you're not here, so I have to find another identity.

alcohol isn't an identity.

do you miss me too? sometimes i hear running out of roses or everything or stuff we did or hero, oh raven, my love is sick, forever drunk, all the songs on that playlist, really. and I think, this isn't possible. how do you recover from a bond so insanely important.

I hope you never see this message. Your Honey Bee.

[margridarnauds]

💘 🦋 🎀 💞 💝 please!!

Thank you!

💘Is there any posted fic you want to rework/re-edit/re-write?

There are times when I've considered rewriting some of my older fics to bring them in line with my current style, possibly make the dialogue smoother in a few places (Pour la Peine is probably the most obvious offender, since it's been ongoing for so many years), especially with Lazare because I feel like, in the early days, I really pushed the idea of him using No Contractions Ever to make him seem super formal VS Ronan, while these days, I feel like I still keep him fairly formal but still try to make him talk in a way that isn't stilted. Honestly, though, I'm not sure I have the heart to. They're a sort of monument to who I used to be, occasionally melodramatic writing style included.

One thing that I have wanted to do for YEARS is to...fix aspects of Le Cri de ma Naissance -- I don't think it's bad, absolutely not, it's probably still the fic I'm most excited to actually finish, one day (Five years later), but I've never found Young!Ronan particularly convincing, even while writing him, mainly because I have no idea how to convincingly write a non-depressed child. (Young!Lazare is easy, since he's basically...well. Me as a child in many ways. I exaggerate some of my own traits from how I was back then, tone down some of the others, add those little bits of foreshadowing to who he'll become, and I'm fine. Young Ronan? I feel like I make him a little too young, even though, since we're getting him from Lazare's perspective, and Lazare thinks that the ~1-2 year age gap between them means that he's Older and Wiser than Ronan, it makes some amount of sense.) So I'd love to do research on normal children and then write him from there.

🦋what are you most insecure about when you post a fic?

One thing is always people reading a fic and going "Well, that's it. She's lost it. She's gone dry." Like, there's always this fear as a writer that I'm getting worse, that I'm not where I used to be, that my writing style's weaker, and people giving up.

Another thing, and the thing that probably haunts me more these days than anything else is...people finding it. Like, unfortunately, these days, I don't have the benefit of anonymity that I used to have as an undergrad, and I've seen people in the field who have a grudge against another grad student finding their social media in order to laugh at it (I didn't and still don't approve of that, for whatever that's worth.) I've seen people in the field harassed on *here* by other grad students. And I know that people from the field *have* found my social media, including this account and my AO3 (you could ask why I don't just remake it, but...they'll...always find me, I'm afraid, and if not them, someone else, so better to just take things as they are.) And between that and other things, there's always this...kind of nagging feeling that someone is always looking over my shoulder, judging whatever I write, especially if it's something related to the field. I...don't really enjoy writing Irish Mythology stuff like I used to. Maybe one day! But...not now. And it isn't because I don't want to write it, even, it's just very hard to write when you're putting your heart and soul into it and you feel like someone is going to find it and make fun of it just for existing, or judge you in your professional life for it, and I find that when I'm writing for it, I'm constantly trying to write at 100% -- the prose has to be my most beautiful prose, the dialogue has to be my best dialogue, the historical accuracy has to be perfect (Frev stuff I can be a little bit ridiculous about, since it isn't my field, but Irish and Welsh stuff...despite knowing more about it, I'm more confined in some ways), there can't be any room for crack, there can't be any room for self indulgence, there absolutely can't be anything too romantic or too sexual or anything to indicate that I'm not being an absolute professional about it, etc. And that's honestly an exhausting place to be in as a writer, especially when writing is often what I do to relax, and even when I can relax, then there's the concern that people will think that I'm...wasting time I should spend doing my "real" work. Even with my retelling of a medieval Irish text that I've been working on for ten years, it's been shelved for the moment, because I just...can't. When I'm in a place when I can do it again, I will, but...not now.

🎀give yourself a compliment about your own writing

I think that...I put a lot of effort into things; if I don't feel relatively grounded in the characters or their world, I don't write it, I think my characters through, I put a lot of research into things (I would say, roughly, by my estimate, I probably put as much or more research into a given chapter of a fic as I do with a twenty minute conference paper), and it shows.

💞what's the most important part of a story for you? the plot, the characters, the worldbuilding, the technical stuff (grammar etc), the figurative language

I would say the characters -- Plot isn't really all that important to me, either as a writer or a reader, I'm much more character driven. If the characters aren't right, I'm not really likely to enjoy it fully. I might stay on if I'm desperate enough for content, but there'll always be that feeling of "they would NOT!" And, likewise, with my own writing, if the characters aren't behaving, that's usually my #1 sign to take a break from something while, when they're doing great, when I can hear them in my head while I'm typing, that's when I know I'm writing well.

💝what is a fic that got a different response than you were expecting?

Probably Fowl Play? There are a few fics of mine that tend to do really good numbers, but, with most of them, there's usually an excuse. Like, I wrote Door #2 shortly after the game came out, it's for a relatively popular pairing. I'm *happy* it got attention, I'm *happy* people like it, and I'm surprised it did as well as it did, but I'm not shocked. Likewise for something like "A Sea of Wonders" where its popularity SKYROCKETED doing Dracula Daily.

But Fowl Play? It's for a musical that very few people care about, using a crackfic premise that involves an 18th century French count getting chased around by a semi-demonic goose, and it's gotten two pieces of fanart, 311 hits, and 20 kudos, and I still sometimes get comments saying things like "I don't know this fandom, but I like this!"

[shaymariff]

I used to think that my life falling apart means I'm failing at it and that I don't deserve good things in my life. Though, with age and time, I grew not only in my intellectual maturity but my wisdom as well. To me, wisdom comes with experience and that is something I truly cherish.

Back when I was in my late teens to early twenties, I used to beg friends to stay after a huge fight and sometimes it works out, sometimes it doesn't. It took me a couple of years to realise that begging for people to stay in life in unnatural. If there is one thing that I've learned with relationships (that includes friendships, yes) is that while we cannot force people to stay in our lives, that doesn't mean that we don't try to apologise and make amends for the arguments that ensued or the pain that we inflicted on them. Some people are slightly more forgiving than others and are willing to give second chances, but many others... they see second chances as a jarring opportunity for regrets and would rather put their walls up and shut the world out. A minority, however, are skeptical. They're the in-betweeners. They see second chances as a risk but depending on how a person plays their cards and slowly earn their trust again, they'll be open to the idea of second chances.

But that's the thing, though. Why are we so quick (or in some circumstances, quite gradual) to give people second chances when we don't give ourselves a second chance at life? Remember that at the beginning, I implied that I must have failed life when my life starts falling apart?

What if... falling apart means it was meant to happen? Falling apart means getting your heart broken, going through life circumstances, losing a job etc... what if all of that happened is because it's allowing us to find ourselves? To improve not only our well-being but our mindsets as well? Falling apart doesn't mean you haven't failed in life. You only failed if you haven't fulfilled to your greatest potential. Fulfilling your life means taking risks and failing. Knowing failures as lessons and not burdens is what strengthens our minds, emotions and souls. It teaches us to persevere and have a broader perspectives. Though, I also learned that while it is inspiring to persevere, sometimes we need to know when to stop too. Know where our potential lies and pursue it.

I know I have better chances at living a fulfilling life achieving my goals in the creative arts industry, I just haven't found my common grounds yet. Maybe I am just making excuses for myself, or maybe I am just overwhelmed and confused and unsure on how to take the next best step forward. I have so many passion and ambitions burning in my body, coursing through my veins, I just don't know how to achieve them. Hours ago, I told my mum that I am a planner/designer/creative director, someone with ideas and scenarios, but I am not good at executing them. She is. I have plans to have a business and with each passing day, the desire grows. While my mind reels with ideas on what I can do for a business, I just don't have the luxury of executing them because I don't have the business foundation nor the capital to start off. I had attempted to have a small "business" doing a Kpop group order sale, but I actually do lose more money than I earn them because of not only inflations but also because of miscalculations and non-accountable items like tapes, bubble wraps etc. I gave it up. But recently, it gave me an idea to start a business something similar to that, I just haven't quite figured out what I want to sell.

I know where my strengths and weaknesses are and I'm not afraid of acknowledging my weaknesses and work on weaknesses. Life is rough because it's teaching us to be tough, stronger and wiser. Yes, I still make the same mistakes, especially when it comes to men, but as of lately, I've learned that I can't be too nice nor sweet to anyone because they're just going to take advantage of you. There are so many habits to unlearn, and so many new healthy habits to pick up... if there's one thing I want to change with my life, it's discipline.

It's a game-changer.

Sincerely

Shay

[charles-edwin]

Throw me in the garbage for constantly having conflicted thoughts but I get it now...why they broke up, and yeah it does have everything to do with pran and his mom.

You are definitely right about pran's mom caring about her reputation and how societal views shape one's upbringing, but she does care about pran, just in a way SHE thinks is right. It has been emphasized over and over how much pran looks up to his mom even when he knows that she's the reason for so much grief and pain that he spent most of his life engulfed in. And that perfectly sums up the whole idea of being an asian kid, not to mention a queer one as well, and just how much our families can affect us.

And there are so many factors affecting their decision to just fuck it all and stay at the beach town forever, but they know they can't. And even if they aren't unable to forgive their families, they're sort of, idk, expected to (because "family is always right and knows what's best for you"), and there's that underlying guilt that your parents have done so much for you, been through so much, made many sacrifices, so you can't put them through all that, you have to be a "good" child is also clawing away at both so in the end they picked what was the necessary choice. Maybe not the right one, but the inevitable one. Because our parents, believe it or not, have so much trouble accepting the fact that they are in the wrong, and even more so admitting it, because that's the way they were raised - the older, the wiser and there can be absolutely no exceptions. It's hard to break that chain, those years and generations of deeply rooted trauma, but remember how uncle yod (is that is name? i don't remember really) mentioned how he won't falter and it's okay if the whole world doesn't change, but he'll remain firmly planted. Yeah, that applies to these two as well, we just need to look deeper. Their families might not change, all the years spent pleasing them, trying to live up to their name, all of that won't change, but patpran's love for each other will stay strong, won't falter as easily.

So yeah, I do think they separate temporarily (I might be proven wrong, but again these are just my thoughts), and when we do see them again in the future, they'll definitely be much more stronger and independent, so it's gonna be a happy ending for sure, but it'll take a while.

That was long omg but I felt I needed to get that out because as much as I felt disappointed at first, I truly understand now, just needed to look at it a bit more closely.

- awa ❤

no one is allowed to throw you in the garbage for having conflicted thoughts. it’s a complex situation and we don’t always wrap our minds around things as soon as we learn them. sometimes it takes time to digest information, to understand cultural differences and what something or someone is trying to say.

i’ve changed my mind about thirty times today. and i’m doing my best to be comprehensive despite the denial and sadness in my heart. i’m not ashamed of that.

anyways! i just think we should allow people to change their minds more often, helps us grow. contradiction is just a side effect, not a monster or a fatal flaw.

and yes. i agree with you about everything. my mom is very similar to pran’s mom. she also has a hard time letting go of the things she was taught from young age. and most of the time i think she’ll never change. but that’s just how she is. and like pran, i live with it and i’m still very grateful for all that she’s done for me.

reality isn’t black or white, it’s all kinds of colors. and there’s just so much baggage in our lives. context is important after all.

yes!! uncle tong’s line definitely reflects patpran too. patpran’s love may not change their families or the world but neither their families or the world will change their love too. and it’ll definitely stay strong for life.

it’s okay, love. proud of you for thinking it through and learning. i’m doing my best too 🥰❤️💙

#this blog is a safe space for conflicted minds as long as we’re striving to understand better the media we consume #awa tag #mj got mail!

[celestialblushxoxo]

Merry Christmas! I hope you are doing good. I am here for the FS game. My detail-

Initial: DS

Pronoun: She/her

Sexuality: Straight

Hey babie, Happy New Year, hope you have a beautiful year ahead and enjoy your reading💗✨

Ok your fs may live in a chilly place or may love winter or something which is cold, breezy. Ok so you meeting them will be a complete surprise, you won't know what hit you lmao. Like it will be so random. Everything about them is surprising. They maybe like an onion each time you discover a new layer, a new thing about them and you'll be like wait you love that as well, I never knew that. They are someone very quick and good at communicating. They are an ambivert but a little more on the introvert side tho like they'll be free and comfortable only in front of people who they feel they can open up to. They are Intuitive and sensitive. Empath vibes as well. Maybe very simple, they don't like to show off or be dramatic or over the top and over confident, they are very to themselves kinda person. A good observer and speak when they are spoken to, only when needed. They are good at judgements and are always open to constrictive criticism. Very mature energy. Wiser than their age. Maybe good in academics as well. Could be moody at times. May have gone through transformations. May look intimidating or emotionless but they feel deeply, it's just that they don't show that to others. People may misunderstand them as someone who they aren't, they are a really good person inside out. They maybe in a good place financially. May have to travel for work or just love travelling or both. I heard this line from a song ' I wanna ruin our friendship, we should be lovers instead'. So maybe y'all will be friends and then lovers kinda situation. They come from a good family who have good Morales and traditions. Very light hearted and healthy family. Look wise they maybe athletic, may go to the gym so body isn't bulky but is toned. Brod shoulders and long arms and legs. Might be able to do headstand. Very flexible. May wear something gold like chain or ring or something like that. Fair to tan skin. Tall. Vans shoes!? May know how to juggle. Skipping. Cricket. Little longer hair. Man bun!? Curly hair. Hair colour maybe a bit lighter than you. They are very generous and financially are doing very well. It's all their hardwork, even tho they come from a good family, they put in their own efforts to reach where they are. They may come out as detached or like a lone wolf, cause they family is very extroverted and them being a little introverted, they feel misunderstood and that people care less about their feelings so they stay in their room and on their own many times. They love their family but sometimes they do feel this way. Others/their close ones see them as someone shy but talkative, intelligent, active, sporty, simple, decent, mature, careful, honest, hardworking, not that confident about their intelligence, reserved, good voice!? Sweet, family orientated, loving and protective. Right now they crave someone with them, someone who gets them, someone who they are waiting to show their real side too. They are working on their career/academics as well. They are doing pretty good tho. They may shift to abroad or y'all may travel a lot. They love to take you to things like hiking and camping etc. Your relationship will be very balanced and they'd be like a guide to you and very supportive towards your ambitions as well. May not be that expressive but they'll try their best to make sure you know they love you and you're their world.

Possible Placements: May have water and Earth placements a small but fire as well

Possible fashion aesthetic:

Hope you enjoyed your reading and moodboard love, do let me know if you like it or not, it helps me improvise! Thank you so much for being patient, have a beautiful day ahead💗✨