#more than half my life lmao

[pussymasterdooku]

.

#told my mom about the Bombshell my dad dropped on me & my brother 16 years ago tonight #only for him to call us shortly after to be like Um You MUST Be Misremembering. I Have a Good Memory And I Would KNOW If I Told You That #but. he has a terrible memory. he has memory problems that he refuses to acknowledge and gets VERY defensive about but like #my brother was there and we’ve talked about it…it’s also True Information that nobody else has EVER mentioned to me #(one Allusion from my mom’s stepbrother but he made it clear he would not tell us anything we didn’t already know. #but that was my first Genuine Outside Confirmation and that was only in 2021 lol) #huge weight off my chest it was not something he should have handled the way he did and then i just had to Know #but he DID NOT FUCKING REMEMBER!!!!!!!!! one of the defining moments of my adolescence him turning around in the fucking driveway saying #you kids know that [redacted] right? that’s why i sold the business #and then getting out of the car. like that Changed Me #anyway now that my mom knows we know she’s going to finally give us the further information i have desperately wanted for uh #more than half my life lmao #god bless #i’ve been working up to telling her for a few months since i finally worked through my anger @ him but it just suddenly. Was Time #nerve wracking but then nobody could get mad at me because he DIDNT EVEN REMEMBER TELLING US!!!! it was about his memory problems instead!! #alhpd

[gordon-freeman-phd]

An almost Valentine

#gordon freeman #barney calhoun #freehoun #half life #half life 2 #ponderingradioactivedecay #idoindeeddraw #damn near missed valentines day #i fuckign didnt realize it was today until the day was more than half way over smhhhhh #had to rush this shit out man lmao #i missed a whoel ass event for today as well so i gotta make it tmr and post it late which mega sucks.. #so damn bad at remembering dates bruh major skill issue on my part

[snazum]

Here ya go @wolfsniper23 ^v^ (I had to go digging for this piece, thought I lost it omg ToT)

Text-less version under the cut

#snazum draws #i drew this months ago n never posted it cause idk im silly like that #theres so much art i make that I dont post lmao #seriously though I did spend an hour digging through my files in panic #cause sometimes i make like 30 pieces in the same file with a million folders and layers unnamed. it's not good lmao #freehoun #barney calhoun #gordon freeman #half life #pre canon half life #black mesa #more proud of the barney than i am gordon... whoopsies did him dirty XD

[starculler]

strap in for this week's fic flavor: the failsafe episode of season one of the young justice cartoon except the simulation just won't. fuckin. end.

(fics that inspired this at the end)

If I ever did sit down to make my own fic, I'd split it in 3 parts:

The Simulation: bits and pieces of the 40 years Dick lives after most everyone he knows has died

The Return: the immediate aftermath and healing from the trauma of having not-quite-actually lived a whole life only to wake up and find out it was all fake. nothing traumatizing about that whatsoever.

The Unintended Consequence: aka the twist I'd love to add and would hint to in the second part - finding out the simulation, through martian mind fuckery, pulled from the real world (and in many cases, from real minds). Dick meets a bunch of people he didn't think were real outside the confines of his simulated life. A bunch of rowdy, heroism-inclined teens across the years get to meet the sibling/friend/mentor figure they all dreamed up one night.

(actual idea snippets under the cut)

.

Dick Grayson is 14 and most of the world's heroes have died. He planned a suicide mission that left him the sole survivor of a doomed team he helped found. The invasion may have been stopped, but is this really the price he wanted to pay?

The first face he sees in the infirmary is Roy's, and he has to close his eyes and just breathe for a few minutes because for one painful moment he'd thought it was Wally. But this isn't the world where his best friend miraculously survived alongside him. This is the one where he got his best friend killed and didn't even give him the courtesy of following behind him. Behind them.

.

Dick Grayson is 27 and has lived longer without Bruce than with him. The invasion's anniversary is always a tough day for him, but that morning seems especially harrowing. He'll get shit for it later, but can't resist stepping out onto the balcony of the manor's master bedroom (Bruce's old bedroom) for a smoke -- his first since he'd promised to quit if Jason, just 15 then, did too.

"Bad habits tend to pile up," he'd said, a rueful quirk to his tired grin. He'd tapped the cigarette twice on the railing and added, lower, "and this one's especially nasty, huh."

He inhales, watches the sun creep across the horizon, and lets acrid smoke burn through his lungs for a long moment before blowing it out in a small cloud. His eyes water, but he doesn't cough. It tastes just as bad as it did the first time he smoked one, not even a year after the invasion and treading water as Robin proved insufficient.

There hadn't been enough heroes to go around then, and Dick had been trained by one of the best. It hadn't been fair, but it had been his plan that had ultimately stopped the invasion. His shoulders everyone's expectations fell on.

He takes another drag, then smudges the lit end against the rail he's leaned on when he hears a boot scuff purposefully against the roofing above him.

"Todd and Pennyworth will be upset with you."

He doesn't turn around. Damian doesn't jump down to join him.

.

Dick Grayson is 54 and wakes up in a room full of ghosts. He hears his long-dead father-figure tell his long-dead team about a simulation they weren't meant to win. A training exercise gone wrong and only half a day spent under their mentors' careful, if slightly panicked, supervision.

He looks at his hands, watching the way his gloves crease when he flexes them in and out of tight fists. He looks at his team, their eyes a little haunted but shoulders slumped with relief even as they grumble. Batman's heavy, gloved hand settles on his shoulder and the weight of it is a nauseating mix of foreign-familiar.

He opens his mouth. Closes it.

Tears prick his eyes behind his domino mask, and he tells himself the suffocating, acidic void building in his chest is just some leftover side effect of the ordeal and not the grief-guilt of outliving yet another family (no matter that they hadn't been real in the end).

.

Dick Grayson is 16-going-on-56 and well used to the coincidences piling up between his simulated life and the real thing. Some of it -- missions and villains he remembers cropping up -- he's marked for Bruce to review and sort as he pleases. Some -- security for the cave, team building anecdotes, and training regimens -- he's shared with the team. And some he keeps only for himself.

Tim is one of those. He knows it's not fair to the kid (so much smaller now than he ever was when Dick lived his simulated life), but he can't help being selfish just for this. Tim is the one kid he's sure he didn't make up, and if Dick's taken to babysitting the kid just to be near at least one member of the family he built for himself in the wake of the worst days of his life .... Well, anyone who says shit about it can happily stand in line to have their teeth kicked in.

Despite this, it still catches him off-guard when he sees a familiar face pop up in one of Bruce's reports.

Jason Todd, caught boosting tires off the batmobile, is nearly the same age now as he was when Dick met him. He stares at the words, but none of them really sink in beyond the kid's name and address. He's moving before he's even made the decision.

He's used to the world kicking him when he's down - lived it for 40 frustrating years. But he has Bruce again. And things with Tim have been so good. And he's always been selfish when it comes to family. If he could just see Jason. If he could just meet him. If he could talk to him.

If if if if if--

.

Inspirations:

Circles in Shattered Mirrors by InfinityIllusion

Fine (But Not Okay) by CharlotteDaBookworm

Verisimilitude by mutemelody

#young justice #young justice cartoon #batfam #batman #dick grayson #thoughts and headcanons #the heart wrenching inability to cope with the fact that you've lived a fully realized life #you've loved and lost and loved again in the face of every unending tragedy #until you've forcefully carved out this one little safe haven for yourself #only to be thrust back to the beginning of one of your greatest traumas - esp one you're partly responsible for! #gotta love it #anyway i am and always have been obsessed with dick grayson and no one can stop me #the simulation was fake but some psychic bs means real world elements filtered in #cue several children with weird dream-memories of half-lived experiences and a massive sense of deja-vu #when they wade into the superhero world #all i can picture is the spiderman pointing meme but it's the batkids at dick lol #my favorite idea is that once Dick gets his grubby hands on Jason and Tim it's all over from there #he's pulling late nights and researching and scouring facial recognition databases until he finds his kids #(he blurs the lines a lot when it comes to considering them his siblings vs kids #on the one hand they're not super far apart in age bar Damian #on the other he hasn't been a kid in any meaningful way since he was 14 and he very nearly raised half of them in some way #(plus side to an au is that i can space the ages out more as needed compared to the show haha) #jason and cass are firmly siblings close as they are to his age #steph tim and duke fluctuate depending on how in trouble or injured they are #i will die by dick being damian's dad tho lmao #babs is more platonic life partner than sibling but very firmly family regardless #this is the dick grabs on to any shred of family he can with both hands and drags them in kicking and screaming if he has to au

[ihateornithologists]

i have So Many Issues i can literally start crying when i see that people really like my art or something h3rfjkwbdrifv it's still too hard to believe

#i've spent nearly half of my life trying to impress certain people by drawing them 1500 pictures because that's my form of communication ig #and their response was either “yeah thx” or none at all #one girl who i really liked was constantly asking me to draw stuff for her and sometimes responded with #“ok but couldn't you do it earlier” or “uhh ugly” hu2iehiowejkjdjjk #i still regret that i spent more time learning how to draw than how to talk to people LMAO

[buttercup-barf]

Under the cut are mostly self-insert doodles of decreasing quality. Again, not much directly tied to Team Fortress 2. Might as well toss these out while I have no access to my puter. Much yapping under the cut and in the tags incoming.

Another self-insert, this time less of a "here's me as a tenth class" and more of a "here's my game experiences translated into the class I would take the place of". The Cleaner. Although I guess they could still be wearing either suit. It doesn't matter that much.

That one Convict's Case taunt with Backup would be extremely funny, because the man would be on the verge of a breakdown (he does not want to go to jail so bad you have no idea). The second image- I owe no explanation. You know what I am. You see the pattern with my favourites.

The duality of the man. Resting face versus "just heard you express interest in religion/Russian folklore" face. He's not that hard to make friends with, when you pull him away from all the explosions.

Some doodles of trying to figure his face out. Unfortunately, the more I stare at him, the more I worry that he looks like A Certain Guy With The Last Name "Kazarin", and the fear of never being original in my life caught up to me.

Don't look at me, don't perceive me, I refuse to explain any of my actions to you.

#team fortress 2 #tf2 #that's it that's the only tags i am putting this in. maybe someday i will have the balls to do more but for now that's about it #while i have the chance - and since posts with more of my yapping in the tags don't pop in people's feeds much - i might as well ramble- #-about these guys here. self-inserts or not i'm projecting only half of my bullshit on each one of them. creativity 👍 #backup is tall and pale and has sharp canines and more of a dull brown hair colour with tired grey eyes. no amount of babyface or soft- #-hands can really help a motherfucker when he's grimacing so much because he just Hates being around half the people on the team. #cleaner meanwhile is on the shorter side and has constantly flushed skin and brighter colours and whatnot. you can't see it because of the- #-mask most of the time but they do smile a lot more and have a more cheery disposition towards life and see the whole team as their friends! #backup transitioned fully (albeit not very legally lmao) and is scared shitless of not being seen as a man although the last time that ever- #-came up was years ago. he holds onto his last name as part of the heritage he loves and loathes at the same time - attached to his culture- #-and religion and bloodline while also resentful of his family and the regime he knows someone else on the team suffered under. #cleaner just kinda binds and calls it a day. he only does it to confuse the team because while he doesn't identify with being a girl he- #-loves the confused looks his epic gender reveal moment gets. they do not remember their family name or where they grew up or what even got- #-them to this kind of mental state. and he's chill with it he values the here and now way more than some dark edgy backstory. #backup despite trying to be an honest man is afraid of vulnerability as well. he stubbornly refuses to express love towards certain people- #-lest they feel disgusted and turn away. he's afraid of consequences afraid of losing the people he loves afraid of his ''interests'' being- #-what drives them away. it doesn't by the way and he just wasted time being a cold indecisive loser for several months lmao #cleaner wears a suit that hides all of them yes but they pretty much never lie. he is always his truest self and he can always just burn- #-people who don't like him enough to make it a problem. they are a lot more comfortable indulging in their interests - be they innocent- #-and juvenile or violent and dangerous. he is quite open with his affection and his fascinations that backup would rather keep secret. #i want to establish that these two can only exist in separate universes because they both have feelings towards the funny assistant lady- #-and the funny inventor guy (selfshipping for the winnn) and would fight over those two. cleaner would win by the way #it's also a really funny point of comparison. cleaner is objectively more fucked up than backup and still managed to be more normal about- #-their feelings and live as a healthier and happier person than that guy. comedic gold honestly #OKAY I'M DONE if you read up to here you get uhhh a cookie :-)

[the-rogue-mockingjay]

okay halloween is over but all saints' wake is NOT!! so please enjoy this gpose of O'ravi and Aymeric as Vex'ahlia and Percy de Rolo from Critical Role/Legend of Vox Machina! Bonus closeups under the cut!

Apparently you can actually pose the bangs of this hairstyle independently, and there are like 4 separate pieces to it

Aymeric is absurdly cute with the glasses, actually????

#ignoring the fact that aymeric couldn't use a firearm to save his life lmao #he is a pld main through and through. tho archery seems to be what he preferred back when he was a rookie temple knight #o'ravi's shirt isn't as accurate as i would've liked but my top 2 choices were literally impossible to pose so i went with this instead #i actually have 2 more costume ideas for them. but it remains to be seen if i'll have time to gpose them #and i know percy doesn't actually have earrings like these but yolo lmao these looked pretty #i half thought that i should have o'ravi be percy and aymeric be vex since o'ravi is the one who actually can use a gun #the thought cracks me up so i just might do it if i have time lol #o'ravi WOULD be the one to make a deal with a demon in pursuit of revenge. she does exactly that in stormblood #luckily the reaper's voidsent pact is more equitable than percy's deal with orthax lol #o'ravi soltholia #aymeric de borel #ffxiv #gpose #o'ravmeric

[aeons-domain]

#creator speaks #a funny i saw on my twitter thought i should insert my ship into it 👍👍👍 #WHICH IS FUNNY BECAUSE THE ORIGINAL *IS* A TUMBLR POST but oh well #man the thoughts that simmered in my head in the past year and a half over them and how her inclusion kinda changes the story... #lol ik i always “speak” of it and discord besties would know a little more than those who aren't but i digress #i love it i love the thought of just...Madison putting so much of her faith and trust and love in them that she just becomes loyal to them #helping their cause and personal issues wanting to be a reliable friend and loved one to them #(probably the abandonment issues that's operating in that brain of hers lmao but) she just wants to stay by their side !! #and hope that they let her stay there in the years of them growing up together #somewhere in the messy notes in my brain and in my laptop's notepad did i think far in changing their overall fate to make the ending happy #but i just feel like that's just gonna stay there or be discussed in really tight circles IF i feel like sharing it hehu #i feel like madison and me inserting her into the jojo universe as a sort of “fix-it” tool is one that araki and many others wld surely hat #HAHAHAHAHA #when my notes and lore try to go against the biggest theme of fate in the series and how we're destined to go through it- #-that it can't be changed. how the joestars are cursed yadda yadda #i'm so normcore domestic life happy ending mary sue fix it canon divergence pilled okay !!! #i want both jotaro and kakyoin to be happy and alive !!! and making that possible by inserting my lame ass op oc 😎😎😎 #HAHAHAH whatever i'll stop yapping <33

[bbqhooligan]

love that its canon Kazuma can lust after his god, subjugate people, hurt anyone, kill people and not blight his master. dudes compertmentalizing game is unmatched. you post "normalize killing and torturing" on tumblr dot com and kazuma just gets a chill out of nowhere as he has the masters doctorate on exactly that. bro normalized sinning

#mypost #kazuma #noragami #im so interested in his insanity its a tad like me but much more Goals than anything rlse #''i can do anything ensure the safety of my god and itll be right btw'' <- thought process of a man you HAVE TO avoid at all cost #he literally left yato in the mud the second he was safosfied enemy was dead. NOT EVEN A PEACE OUT #he got touched by gods greatest secret. got torn in half. and killed the worst man alive all in a minute #BEAST motherfuckin BEAST #nora whining she GOT him she g o t him and hes sexily bleeding like ''lmao what of it'' #LOVE how stressed out and uncomposed she looks in their battle she was fighting for her life out there #Kazuma is just like:👞👔👖👓 #one thing abt him is he WILL be wearing a suit and tie. lookin like hes at a meeting. yeah. meeting of murder and death #jesus god hes my man. batshit man my beloved

[eebie]

m oving to spend the week in fagsville All is well

#it was really nice there #i got scared driving over bc i saw trump flags #but then i saw more pride flags in one place Than i have over my entire life time And so many cool people #the mayor of the place is literally a “gay lesbian with purple hair” <- words of my bro #i guess i shouldve known he wouldn't move somewhere crazy. he said he raised his gay sister there too. which is a funny sentence LMAO #but so sweet #my dad n i are gonna stay there together bc driving an hour both ways isn't smn they didnt want me to have to do #they kinda freake dme out bc they wanted me to decide right away #we're gonna have to move my computer and stuff though which is a bitch and a half #my dad's buff though so whatever #it's gonna be great i'm excited very grateful

[famewolf]

im punching and punching and punching my anxiety today

#[static] #man i need a new job but im gonna try my best to stick it out for the next year and a half so that im 'vested' - #- or whatever its called for my little tiny 401k money lmao #im starting to get anxiety about work on my days off more than usual #they just changed it from 5 years to 6 years fjgkdlghd #and im nearly at 5 years #also i think im gonna try and stick it out with the full time up until October and i'm going back to 4 days a week for my sanity #and also theyve been cracking down on ppl missing work and the winter time i have to call out a couple times a month for snow #they used to be understanding about it but it sounds like they arent anymore :) #in one breath they'll be like 'yeah it's no worries we work at a grocery store who cares! we're stacking cans this isn't life or death' #but the moment you gotta leave early due to snow so you can actually make it home in one piece they get butthurt lmao #mind you I have put my car in a ditch BECAUSE of work doing this to me and i ended up missing a week + covering repairs because of it #like ... would you rather i go home 2 hours early or miss 4-6 days of work and be in debt :) #and the answer is the 2nd one for them lmao i fucking hate them

[babyfairy]

i hate that i can’t even ride the high from my concert because my life is so consistently depressing and hellish lmao 🙃 it’s depressing to come back down to reality after such a good day. like it really makes me realize how joyless my life has become. everything just blurs together

#and i’m just tired of like everything around me feeling like it’s drifting away and becoming more unreachable #like i never even get to finish a conversation with half of my friends because they just forget to respond to me #thank god for sushi and asant consistently replying even when they’re busy lmao #no one else even bothers to really check in now unless i’m in like ACTIVE crisis it really sucks #not even in like a ‘i need people to hear me vent’ way #i just don’t feel important to the majority of the people in my life. at all #or maybe it’s just i feel like i care about and prioritize them a lot more than they do me #like? i had more coworkers text me on my birthday than actual friends #and i fucking hate my birthday so i get it to some degree #but it just hurts my feelings? idk? i feel like such an afterthought all the time to people. like a ghost #and i feel like i’m not interesting or good enough to keep anyone around or hold their attention #my own brother didn’t even wish me a happy birthday. at all lol #are my expectations just too high? #it’s just lonely. i wish i didn’t feel so alone

[acerikus]

Imagine being so obsessed w defending your misgendering of Kris that you claim toby doesn't include any queer rep in his games 😭

(the funny thing is nobody even said anything to this person in the thread, they just HAD to jump in lmao)

#utdr 'fans' who can't comprehend that Kris isn't a player insert are so fucking embarrassing. i understand thinking this at first but #surely playing the game for more than half an hour would have got realising how embarrassing this take is #like before i played undertale i thought frisk was a girl based on their looks in fanart I'd seen #and bc my expectations weren't high enough to expect such a big popular game to have a canon nonbinary character #but it doesn't take long watching it to see them consistently have they/them used lmao #people just genuinely not knowing about nonbinary people due to lack of life experience/experience w queer ppl is understandable too #but once you build yourself a makeshift hill to die on like this it becomes something else entirely. embarrassing behaviour from this person

[graysongraysoff]

anyway terrified that the reason my posts don't get as much engagement on here as they used to isn't because tumblr is dabbling in algorithmic shenanigans or because there just aren't as many people using the platform anymore but because everyone has gotten tired of me individually

#not to be weird about it but it used to be that i almost never made a post that netted 0 notes #like u kno. there was always The Handful of Mutuals to leave a smattering of likes on my more like. personal life bloggy blog posts. #but on days like today it's like. half the posts i make just end up with 0 notes. no acknowledgement. #like i really am just screaming into the void over here #and i'm not trying to like guilt anyone into liking my stupid posts lmao it is just something i have noticed that makes me feel #if possible #Even More Isolated Than I Already Did #which is great

[bigcats-birds-and-books]

Book Haul: Consolation Prizes Edition.

So I did Not make it to the finalist round for that first page contest I submitted to last month, but I did get boba and two (2) books about it, so who's the real winner here?? These both came VERY highly recommended, and I'm excited to read them one day that's not any time soon!

#books #book haul #book photography #my photography #how to sell a haunted house #grady hendrix #godkiller #hannah kaner #delighted to report that these were buy one get one half off #but they definitely charged me half price for both of them?? so maybe i didn't read the sticker right lmao #anyway spent less than $20 at the bookstore thanks :) #i'm doing SUCH A BAD JOB at sticking to my ban #but i spose there are worse things to impulse buy when my life is in shambles #HAUNTED HOUSE is for nano prep so that'll be a fall read #and ez beloved i am excited to read godkiller but i didn't realize it was a series thing and i'll probably wait til more/all books are out. #i'm lowkey surprised by how small it is actually #just a little guy

[saintadeline]

Ive been so busy lately I have barely been checking on here ngl but anyway a few days ago in the train i had really smart thoughts about a facet of bb and i really would like to expand on it a little bit at some point. Now if only i could remember how i worded it in my mind. The eternal lore fan struggle

#im happier than ive ever been and its awesome. but i also havent been thinking about much i think. #so that flash of genius was welcome but i already forgot half of it. you know how it is #but ive been reading parasite rex and its got me thinking about some things wrt our beloved yharnam #the city. but also the queen too i suppose because well they are more interchangeable than youd think #anyway im in a state of Busy where i dont know how long it will last so this is also an apology to people i owe art to #bc i havent been drawing like At All LMAO but im hoping i can get back to that soon #lifes a little bit hectic but in a good way im happy. but stay assured im always thinking of the things that matter #(my wife. and kin of the cosmos.)