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#my beloved colleague whose desk is next to mine has cancer
ialwaysknewyouwerepunk
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1 month
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#these past two weeks have been so intense that ive just.. not spoken about it once i got home from work
#blocked it all out
#my beloved colleague whose desk is next to mine has cancer
#breast and uterus. she needs two major surgeries
#they just diagnosed her two weeks ago
#so we've been trying to deal with that as colleagues and friends
#because we love and miss her and i am so deeply sad as well
#but i feel like i couldn't process that at all bc two days after the news of her diagnosis i was asked to take on half of her work
#on top of my fulltime
#which i agreed to do bc i like her tasks and i want to help her and i also know i can do it
#but it does feel very off bc i know i don't earn enough money for this workload to be long term and it is def like this
#for the coming four months at least
#so i did tell my manager that i would like a raise and. that bitch told me to BUY MORE SECOND HAND SHIT.
#i seriously thought i saw my life flash before my eyes
#then the day after she asked one of my colleagues who's been with the firm for over 30 years whether she was looking for another job maybe?
#which caused that colleague to instantly go home in tears and be home from basically a nervous breakdown the past 1.5 week
#which is her full right and i support her with all my heart but bc my management sucks it meant that we had to also carry her tasks ofc
#i felt soooo spread thin and super super angry actually but i didn't even realise how angry i was until last thursday my colleague w cancer
#came by the office. and talked about all of it. and i suddenly realised how sad i was but then also how angry
#but i was just blocking it all out trying to stay afloat
#bc we told her about what the manager had said and she said “i hope that i get the chance to really tell her how it is someday.”
#“because the stress she causes with people can actually kill you. just look at me.”
#and the rest of the day i felt so ready to be done with everything actually
#but seeing her anger made me see my own anger
#and released me of my own pent up emotions bc i had actual leg pains this week and it was purely psychosomatic
#i then managed to tell some friends yesterday about what was going on and their outrage spurred me on even more
#so today i emailed hr. demanding a raise
#doing this amount of work while constantly feeling like the house is on fire while also struggling financially seriously makes me suicidal
#and i am not joking
#so.. if nothing comes of that im leaving that job and not looking back
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