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archiveofidentityconstellations · 6 years

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this isn’t ready and it’s only the roughest of drafts hngggh but who cares not me maybe folks can see it and whatever idk it’s made but not done and needs to be changed idk frick im tired

the room is freezing.

the hotel room overlooks the water. she keeps the window open.

(she remembers burning.

he was a star, big and bright and powerful that it hurt to look at him and it ached to be near him

and she would stand stand stand beside him,

forever)

(she winds her hand in his, fingers streaming in his spaces, and he. he jolts)

he took what he wanted and she let him.

anything, anything, she whispered

day in, day in

she’d give him anything

(he was hungry for everything, hungry and aching and starving and—)

(this isn’t—this was—

this isn’t what she wanted. she wanted him)

“i just…” the phone line keeps blinking. she closes her eyes. they’re dry. dry because it’s 3 in the morning and she’s spent all her tears for tonight. “it’s been six months. please, Anakin.”

“please!”

this was too much, oh god, this was too much—

“Anakin, you’re breaking my heart!”

and he turns to look at her, look without seeing her, eyes glowing ember red

she can’t swallow—

they’re sitting on the porch step and her lips are stained cherry red

(her teeth still white, never red. she was too padme for that)

and he’s staring at her mouth, her mouth kissing the popsicle, and the syrup drips and suddenly—

“you shouldn’t have done that” she tells him, eyes wide.

he shrugs, unabashed and glowing. “i wanted to.”

(ferocious sunlight at the back of his neck and cracked lips on his forehead

“i love you, no matter what they do, i love you, i do i do i do”)

“Ben won’t like it.”

“when i was with mom,” he says, pale eyes glaring out into the street, “there were certain ways of showing someone you loved them. that was one.”

“i don’t think you understand how you love me, Ani.”

(long shadows that call themselves saviors,

whispers in his ear—

“i love you, i do i do i do”)

he looks at her. dark eyes still wide.

“i think i do.”

(“it hurts.”

“then stop touching it.”

“ben, it hurts—”

“what did i just say.”

but he puts his hand underneath the faucet, and Ben pretends not to see Anakin’s look in the corner of his eye.

(“he can be great,” the professor says, voice taking up the small office. he peers closely at Ben. “provided he’s given the tools to succeed.

Ben understands.)

Anakin doesn’t get it. Anakin lays his head against Ben’s hip, because he’s nine and it hurts and—

Ben moves away.)

(she doesn’t know what he’s on. she’s dragging him into the shower, so different from an earlier point in their marriage. he keeps slipping because he’s not cognizant and so she holds him up. he towers over her and she’s not strong enough to keep him standing but she holds him up. the water is beating against his skin, she’s still in her jeans. he’s slipping, the shower is steaming hot but she feels cold and the water is on her face is—it’s—

“oh Ani.”

she’s crying.)

“What did you do to him?!” she screams. and this isn’t the calm representative he knows, serene and immovable. she barely knows herself right now, all she knows is that she is here and Anakin isn’t

Ben blinks at the crack in her voice, façade shattering for a brief instant and oh—

(s tu tt e r)

—he is hurt.

“nothing,” he says after a moment, voice too thick to be diplomatic. “i—” he cuts himself off.

(“do you think Watto will let my mom go?”

a high pitched voice, young. annoying. a frown mars his brow, he doesn’t like kids, he said no kids—)

(dashing down the sidewalk, concrete burning his feet—

“shit, shit!”

why did he have to get ice cream, of all things? and why did he agree to it?

“wait, i think i can—” and Anakin is off in a burst of speed, moments before Ben’s protest can rise and die in his throat.

Anakin was so far, so ahead of him.)

(“I HATE YOU!”

“NO, YOU DON’T! YOU HATE YOURSELF!”

Anakin screams and throws the last trinket the professor had given him. it shatters behind Ben and he doesn’t move. the ten year old sobs openly now, hands flailing out in fists one instant and the next curling into his chest.

Ben swallows.

he still throws the college packet onto the desk, and the action snaps through the room. “And you can keep hating yourself until you sit down and FINISH IT!”)

(“he will be the best. he has an unparalleled mind. don’t let him stop.”)

(“this entire world just wants to use me! Ben, LOOK AT ME!”)

(“he has me.”

“people don’t fix other people, Padme.”

“yes, they do. people can have compassion and compassion makes anything possible!”)

(“i love you, no matter what they do, i do i do i do”)

“Ani, please!”

he pushes her away. it feels like a limb has been wrenched from the both of them. he pushes her away and he begins to cry at the same time.

(“go with them, Ani. they’ll keep you safe.”

“wait! mom!”

“go. please.”)

(do you suppose he ever forgave himself for that?

i don’t. i don’t think he ever has. i don’t think he ever will.)

padme hits the door. the lock chain bites into her head, whipping around. she sees stars and it snakes down her neck.

and she’s reminded of the necklace he bought her on her seventeenth birthday—

(sunlight and shrieks and anakin’s lips on her cheek)

“i love you, angel”)

(love, love, love)

from the look in his eyes, she knows he can remember it too.

he took what he wanted and she let him.

anything, anything, she whispered

day in, day in

she’d give him anything

(he was hungry for everything, hungry and aching and starving and—)

(padme had never known what it was like to be hungry

but he made her feel filled, like she never knew was empty for something until he was there and he burned but she felt alive, alive for one goddamn moment and she would laugh with the burning, burn alive for all she cared, she had him, him him him)

the room is freezing.

“please. i just…i want to know you’re okay.”

the sun peeks over the horizon.

the phone line goes dead.

#Star Wars AU #my writing #prose #or some shit idk #this is like the Gifted AU of Star Wars lol

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han-jumins · 7 years

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Hey! I loved your Drunk RFA headcanon so maybe I can ask a similar headcanon? How about RFA + Saeran had a fight with MC and she break up with them. And one day they are so sad and drink a LOT and call her in the phone apologizing and ask her to come back? Sorry if this is confusing, my english isn't so good. Thank u

Aw thank you for liking my work!! also your english is fantastic don’t worry ^^

RFA + Saeran Breakup

YOOSUNG

“You know what Yoosung I’m fed up with you comparing me to Rika all the time, it hurts you know, do you even know that?! You probably don’t care. I love you.. but I guess you only need Rika. Y-you know what I’m done, we’re over”

The words echo through Yoosung’s mind as he chugs another beer down

He loves her, he hell is sure of it but he made a grave mistake

He knows she loathed being compared to Rika but he still is a fool to keep doing it

Yoosung remembers all the times she made him happy, all the times they laughed, cooked together, held hands, held her waist as she sits on his lap while he plays LOLOL

He misses it all

Wet tears burned his eyes and he didn’t even try to stop them, he was too tired

He felt his phone around his pocket and absentmindedly called MC, wanting to hear her voice, wanting to feel her presence even if it was just her voice

“Hello?”

“Oh God you picked up, I’m- I’m so sorry MC! I love you I really do, I was stupid I was so so stupid MC I need you. I need you, my princess please MC I love you”

“Yoosung are you drunk right now”

Her voice made him smile but the reality of what he’s doing right now made him feel embarassed

“I’m sorry…”

MC sighed

“I’m sorry for hurting your feelings yoosung, tell you what get yourself sobered, come over here and let’s have a talk, I-I miss you”

“Y-yes! yes MC i’ll do just that! I’ll do everything just to have you in my arms again, I love you so much”

ZEN

Zen did it, he knows the weight of the situation and he blew it, god was he really this stupid?

“Zen I know you have a career to take care of and you know I support you but can’t you atleast give me some of your time! You barely even look at me nowadays and you’ve been smoking and drinking nonstop. Take care of yourself!”

“Look MC I’m tired, can’t you just sleep already”

“No! Zen I love you, if you keep being like this to me and to yourself you’ll break us apart”

“I’m the one breaking us apart? You’re the one here being all clingy and shit. If you truly do support me then do me a favor and just not talk to me for a while”

“And for how long? a day? a month? Why don’t we just call this off. You don’t even care about me”

Zen punched the wall as he felt something red and dripping running along his knuckles

He couldn’t even feel it, he was just so numb

How could he treat his girl this way??

How could he be such an awful man to her when all she ever done was support him and give him all the love she can give to anyone

He was a person of mistakes, an ugly, horrible person and he knows it, his parents know it

Situations like this makes him remember the way she complimets him and cheers him on, telling him that he’s the most beautiful guy in the world, both in and out

God did he miss her

It wasn’t a surprise that by the next minute he’s ringing her

“Zen look I don’t really feel like talki-”

“Please MC hear me out..”

“I love you okay? I love you so godamn much and I know what I did was wrong. I know you only wanted the best for me and I know my career has been taking its toll on you. You’ve made that sacrifice for me from the beginning and I was stupid to take it for granted! I-I’m so stupid MC….. I promise I will be the best for you, i promise to give you the attention you deserve. I’ll even quit my career for you! I can work it out with my director, I’ll tell them that it’s time for me to stop and-”

“NO” MC shouted through the phone

“Zen you don’t have to, acting is your life. Let’s talk this out in person and when you’re sober okay?”

“How do you know i’m drunk?”

“I know my love enough, let’s meet tomorrow”

“Yes please”

JAEHEE

“Are you kidding me? are you actually kidding me right now Jaehee? You’re disgusting! I never would beliieve you’d do something like this. i thought you were different!”

Jahee also honestly couldnt believe she would do such a thing

She had just cheated on MC.

A coworker of hers, her lips locked around her own and MC stepped right straight into the scene

she tried to cover it up but it was too late, she had been caught

“MC I-”

“Save it Jaehee, we’re over”

God what have I done

Jaehee felt so disgusted with herself, so mad that she submitted a full resignation

Even Jumin was surprised and disappointed of her actions

Jaehee then decided to drink, trying to reminisce the last remaining laughter she and MC sharing, sobbing really really loudly

She then decided to call MC, wanting her back even though she knows the answer

She atleast need to her an apology, Mc deserved an apology and she deserved someone better for her

“Jaehee?”

“MC I’m so sorry. I’m so disgusting and you were right. I love you so much and I just need you back MC”

“Jaehee you know what you’ve done”

“I know and ugh im stupid to even ask for you to be mine again but I tried didnt I? You always told me to try. I just wanted to say that I’m sorry, you deserved an apology”

“Yes and I forgive you, just know that I can’t anymore, not after what you did”

“I understand…. I hope you find someone who will treat you right, MC. Just know that i will always love you”

Goodbye

JUMIN

Jumin was currently at the restaurant MC was working at

A wine bottle or five strewn across his table

But MC didn’t see him, she was quite far to be honest

And Jumin requested that he be seated the farthest where he can only observe

“Ugh MC why are you this clumsy? You ruined a deal with my business partner”

“I’m so sorry Jumin I was only trying to help”

“Help? By spilling coffee all over my suit? Outrageous!”

“I’m so sorry”

“Why am I with someone who turns me into a fool infront of work”

“Jumin I am so so sorry”

“Sorry won’t cut it, I need to be alone”

MC had only been giving Jumin his coffee when she accidentally spilled it on him, landing him a decline in his proposal

He was enraged but not as much as MC left the next day, leaving his penhouse dark and empty, MC had taken all of her belongings with her

Something in Jumin broke as he began to shout at himself that echoes throughout his home, or what used to be. MC was his home

He was feeling lonely yet numb at the same time, he was feeling a whirl of bad emotions as he observes MC laughing with a male co-worker of hers

mine

He brought out his phone as he shamelessly dialed MC’s number

“Hello?”

Jumin’s word caught in his throat as he found it completely foolish to be scolding her at this time

His hard gaze turned sad as he felt his tears against his cheeks

“I’m sorry”

“Jumin..”

Their eyes locked and MC gasped at the sight before her

“What are you doing here? How much did you drink”

“It doesn’t matter, I’m sorry”

“Your intentions were pure, instead, I took it harshly and I have never felt so much hatred for myself. You are my light MC and without you I am nothing. Without you I am just this emotionless shell of a corporate heir. You brought out these feelings in me and I have never treasured anyone as I have treasured you. You are my home, you are my family and I will forever hold this in my guilt. I love you”

“Jumin I’m sorry too”

“Now if you would be willing to come in my arms again you would make me the happiest man”

“Of course”

MC ran straight at him and gave him the tightest hug

“I am still correct though. You do turn me into a fool”

“Hm?”

“A fool in love with you”

SEVEN

Seven couldn’t concentrate, he couldn’t at all

Why would he, when he had just cheated on his most precious girl

But he was under a powerful drug

His agency thought it would be a good punishment to have him aroused towards a different girl for making a mistake in his work

But he felt so so guilty. It made him hate himself more

So when MC found out, she left and he couldn’t utter the words he wanted to say

He wanted to say he loves her and that it was a mistake. A horrible horrible mistake

And that it wasn’t his fault, he wanted to tell her that he was sorry but he couldn’t

No words came out of his mouth, only silent pleas to stay that never really caught MC’s ears

Maybe at that time he was thinking of how much he didn’t deserve MC and that it was a good opportunity for her to leave him. To be free so that she wouldn’t experience the pain of being with him

But Seven regrets it

He regrets it all

He needed MC back. She was the one who brought him life, happiness. She was all he needed and he let her slip away from his fingers

He felt his growing stupidity as he clutched at his chest, trying to make the pain go away as he watched a CCTV footage of MC at her home.

He had installed a camera in her living room for safety purposes and he didn’t want to barge in her privacy but he needed her. He needed to see that she was safe. He needed to see an evidence of her existing

With shaky hands, Saeyoung reached for his phone and called MC

Seeing MC grab hers, his heart was already at his throat

And when she answered the call, the first thing she heard were professions of love

“MC I love you I love you I love you I love you”

“I… don’t know Saeyoung, after what you’ve done I don’t think I can believe that anymore”

He can see her shivering as she silently cried

“No no you don’t understand it was because of the agency! I was forced! please hear me out I… i don’t want to lose you. I will fight. I will fight for your love and I will do whatever it takes for you to come back to me please I love you too much. My heart is just about to burst from all this love so please.. please hear me out”

“Only just about?”

“Huh?”

“Your heart is only just about to burst? Mine already did for you”

MC chuckled

She fricking chuckled

Saeyoung could feel tears or relief as he felt his chest unclogging

“I’ll head over straight there and we’ll talk okay?”

“I’ll be waiting, Saeyoung”

He kissed his computer with her footage as he readied his car

SAERAN

Saeran had said some hurtful things

Very hurtful things

He was so mad, so so mad at himself

MC, the girl who’s always by his side, the girl who was willing to go through his recovery now left him

He felt so broken and was shaking

Saeyoung was trying to calm him down but he couldn’t, not when he just felt the light being sucked out of his life

And his comforting didn’t feel like MC’s, not at all

Hers was gentle and delicate and her scent was intoxicating, enough to put him into a calm oblivion

But she’s not here anymore, there was no one to calm him through the rage of his night terrors, no one to hold him close as she whispers soothing words into his ear

No body to grasp unto when he couldn’t breathe and couldn’t stop the tears from flowing

Her hugs were the best, so kind, so comforting, so loving

But she’s gone

“I messed up Saeyoung, I messed up this one thing that keeps me going”

“Call her, go to her. I can’t stand seeing you like this”

“She wouldn’t want to be with me anymore, I messed up I messed up”

Saeran was now rocking back and forth as he hugs his body closer

Feel her warmth, feel her warmth

“Yes hello MC, yes he’s here. Alright I’ll give the phone to him”

Saeran’s eyes snapped to his brother as he gave him the hardest look he could muster.

But he still took the phone anyways

“I’ll be right there Saeran wait for me! I’ll be there”

He heard MC panting and he was dumbfounded

She’ll come back? Doesn’t she hate him?

“MC… I love you”

“I love you too… so so much. Wait for me a little longer okay?”

The twins heard the door open as they found MC on her phone, still panting

She went straight into Saeran’s arms as she stroked his hair and kissed his forehead

“I’m so sorry MC”

“I”m sorry too Saeran

“Don’t ever leave me”

“I’ll always be with you”

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