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#ok rambling over wdeehd
bl-inkstone · 1 year
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thinking soft childe thoughts again. this man truly does live rent free in my brain
falling in love with him, i think, would feel a lot like learning to walk with the knowledge that the space beside you is no longer empty.
there aren't any grand signs when you first meet: there is no moment of déjà vu, no sudden flurry of butterflies in your gut when you lock eyes for the first time, no hushed internal whispers of "have we met before?". there is no higher power guiding him when he approaches you and introduces himself, bright eyes and boyish grin on full display. there is no higher power guiding you when you test the feel of his name on your tongue and introduce yourself right back, cautious but curious of who and what he is. you're just two people who happened to be in the same space, at the same time, and that's how your story starts.
the days pass by like a warm reel of laughter with childe at your side. he's a wonderful friend; funny, charming, with a tendency to spoil you and insist even when you refuse because "this is what friends do! besides, i'm gonna eat your food anyway, so at least let me pay—". he's thoughtful and courteous, but he keeps your life exciting with all the mischief and stark joy he brings along with him. you know what he is, and though you don't completely know what his job entails, neither of you bring it up in the times you spend together. in the comfort of your company, he is not childe the harbinger or tartaglia, the waker of the deep. when he walks and fills the space beside you, he's just childe, your friend who raids your cupboards when he's feeling snacky and slips mora into your wallet when you're not looking. who wakes you up in the morning by knocking on the window right by your bed (instead of knocking on your door, you know, like a normal person). who goes on walks with you around the harbor to admire the sights and maybe work on his liyueren accent and vocabulary by conversing with you about anything and everything under the sun. who holds your hand like it's second nature, and matches the length of his strides to your own like he doesn't want either of you to ever be too far apart.
when your days pass like this, gradually getting to know the familiarity of his touch and presence in your life, falling in love isn't as daunting as it should be. the realization comes slowly to you though. it's when you find yourself tilting your head to whisper to the waiting ear beside you, when you stand and wait in an ever-moving crowd once you recognize the sound of his approach. it's when you set out two bowls instead of one at night and attach an assistive band to one pair of chopsticks because even after all this time, he still doesn't know how to use them.
falling in love with childe feels a lot like a gradual shift of colors in the ginkgo leaves of your homeland as the seasons pass by. he walks with you through the harbor often now, like a routine he can't give up. and while he admires the sights of liyue in the beauty of fall, you admire him.
it's in the glint of those golden leaves framing his fiery hair and blue eyes that you realize: "i've loved him for a while now, haven't i?"
i think that's how it all starts, honestly. you fall first, before you even realize, and your life suddenly becomes all the more colorful with the feelings you couldn't recognize before suddenly intermingling with the casual comfort he brings with him. it could open the door to something angsty, where you think your feelings are unreturned and try to cope, or maybe something soft and silly, where everyone can see just how much you like childe while he remains oblivious to your affections, but still sweet all the same.
in the end though, it wouldn't really matter if you really were the one who fell first. because childe, who saw you in that moment and took the first step to something bigger than he could've ever expected, would definitely be the one who fell harder.
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