#or being productive‚ because there's going to be an exam someday and if you don't study now...

[wilddogsdivorce]

no one said it would be easy, but is this thing is just harder to me than everyone else or am i a pussy.

#the thing being life in general. #please. i am so tired. there's always something fucking happening or waiting to happen. #i just want to stop living in constant education-induced stress hell. i haven't had a good night sleep since august. #i haven't been able to finish anything that feels meaningful because of it. there's a constant feeling of something needing to be done #or being productive‚ because there's going to be an exam someday and if you don't study now... #and my drawings or writing is never 'productive'. because it's unprofessional: it's genuine #i just want to be able to do things like everyone else.......

[disengaged]

hello! i'm here from elliott's post about film class, you replied to her and i found out that you have a double major of film studies and psych. anyway, i scrolled through your blog and i think you are quite passionate and really knowledgeable about your major, and i'm not lmao (i'm a multimedia arts student, but i want to be like a film director someday). hence, i'm here to get inspiration and advices from. i actually already saved the books you recommended though!

i'm going to take a film language class this coming sem, and i feel anxious about it (+ the fact that i'm a beginner in every medium of art/media makes me feel out of place and undeserving of being in this major lol). i started advanced studying with Crash Course's free film history course, but i just feel lost, i don't know what to do. i feel like i should be studying 60mph because i can't keep up with anyone.

my school does not really do examinations right after every semester, even quizzes are non-existent. i don't have a classmate or friend that i can ask these questions because they have other interests that do not interest me. that's why i find it hard to understand anything. i'm currently at the burnt-out stage so perhaps the reason why i am so naive. but any advice will really help. thank you :((

DUUUUDE omg .... okay first things first, take a deep breath, it's gonna be okay

i really respect your dedication/the fact that you're trying to study before the class even starts, but like . if it's an intro-level course, you're gonna be ok !! TONS of people take FS courses as optional arts credits/"for interest", it's typically expected that you're not going to know everything. as long as you have the right prerequisites for the course, you should be doing ok! if it turns out your prof sucks (like elliott's) you can brush up on the rest as you go ♥️ :-0

like ...... if you're already dealing with burnout, studying super hard ahead of time is gonna make you feel even worse. & yknow ....... if it's really bad in the first week, just drop out tbh 🤷 some courses ain't worth it

in terms of exams: i'd say about half of my film studies classes have been essay-based rather than quiz/midterm/final exam-based, idk how your school works though

as for feeling 'undeserving' of your major ...... i can't really help you there, but you should know that imposter syndrome is super common in every single discipline and at any college/uni, especially in the fine arts side of things — but you're ok !! like !!! if you were a pro at everything already, school would suck ass. i hope u can get over this fear and better enjoy learning new things, cuz that's really what postsecondary is all about ♥️ it's ok to be naive, especially in subjects the average person knows jack shit about.

the path to becoming a director is ....arduous.... and typically requires training within the industry and/or a degree specifically in film production (which is different than the 'scholarly' branch of film studies) but if it's what you really want, go for it. put your heart into it, yknow, do whatever it is that makes you feel like you're doing something important. YOLO

it can be tough when your friends don't Get your interests, i'm here to chat anytime if you like tho !! film studies is basically my favourite thing on earth :'-)

also i saw u asked elliott abt notetaking ...... i use OneNote & i love it, it's great cause it puts your notes in The Cloud and you can access them from any device. super user-friendly and has drawing, highlighting, font changing functions, you can insert PDFs as printouts ....... i hate carrying my 5lb laptop to campus (and it doesn't fit on the little desk trays in my lecture halls anyways. fml) so i just have an iPad loaded up w OneNote and i'm set :-) i take some of my notes by hand but only for English/Writing/CMPUT classes lol, my FS and Psych classes go way too fast to keep up

#long post - #asks #anon #this was really long sorry let me know if i missed anything. i think you're 100% on the right track tho like #don't worry too much before the class even starts !!!!!! and then just try to make a friend or 2 in the class to share notes w/ask question #*questions #and you'll be fine !! ♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️

[giuliabuilds]

I understand completely your post about your veterinary exam. Overwhelmed, guilty, anxious. I had a big exam for my career that in the end destroyed my mental health and put me in a very bad place, after several years trying to study with a concentration mental disorder. I am doing better now, but it has taken years to recover and I am still not fully okay.

Some people think it sounds silly to feel so upset about an exam, but it isn't silly at all. When you try to let yourself take a break, but you feel guilty for not studying/being productive towards your exam, then you are never able to truly rest. You are always "on," there's no relaxation. Either you're feeling bad about wanting to feel good for a while, or you're feeling bad because you're trying to look at your study material but your whole brain keeps sliding away and it won't let you think. No matter what you do, you're feeling bad! And trying to study is like trying to bite through your own tongue: you know you have the strength, but you just can't do it. Your brain will not cooperate. And it is always hanging over you like an ugly haunted cloud, and you can't let it go and you can't get away and no matter what you're doing, you feel bad. It sucks! It's the worst!

And this year! This year! I cannot imagine trying to study for an exam like that, this year. I would be such a mess. I am so impressed that you keep trying (you are still trying; even if you put the exam off you're still "on" it), but I also worry, because I think I was once where you are now, and it was very very bad for me. I understand completely feeling anxious and guilty, feeling like you should be able to do this, but please try to know it is really okay to take time. Take care of yourself, take care of your mind. Your exam will be there later. Maybe it is harder if you wait, maybe you feel like you're letting people down, but they love you and they will forgive you. You will be such a good veterinarian someday, but it's really okay if "someday" isn't next month.

So many people are struggling this year, so much harder than they would in a different time. And even in other years, without COVID, I struggled so hard with my exam. I don't know you personally, but I do know your pain, and I am sending a big hug. You aren't alone.

I am just extremely grateful for you, whoever you are ❤️ thank you for reaching out to me and for opening yourself. I appreciate you more than you can imagine! I'm sure we'll get through this. We will ❤️

[konpithepuppy]

[TRANSLATION: POTATO 01.2021]

7 MEN SAMURAI CROSSTALK AND SOLO INTERVIEW

Scans not mine

May not be 100% accurate

Feel free to correct me, thanks

Konno Taiki x Sugeta Rinne x Sasaki Taiko

I don't like the cold clothes I wear during winter mornings

Sugeta: Winter things like kotatsu and oranges...the number of times nabe is on the dinner table has increased, right?

Konno: In our home, we either have kimchi nabe or curry nabe.

Sugeta: In our house, my younger brother is bad with spicy food so we don't have kimchi. Even though kimchi is not that spicy. The staple in our house is the nabe where you eat the meat with ponzu.

Sasaki: That's mizutaki. Oyster nabe is delicious too. But, our family is on the oden side.

Konno: This is a winter thing that is personal, during winter, since I wear long trousers when I sleep, I feel hot after. Once in a while, I unconsciously take it off.

Sugeta: Why don't you just wear shorts from the start?

Konno: That's bad. I always insert my legs into the comforter when I sleep. In doing so, half of my body is under the comforter, and the other half is out of the comforter.

Sasaki: I understand, I understand! LOL in doing that, you'll get just the right temperature.

Konno: I feel at ease with that position.

Sugeta: I also have a thing that I do in winter. Until around 2 years ago, I go to sleep wearing my everyday clothes.

Sasaki: Then you're gonna wear that the next day too?

Sugeta: I will wear the washed clothes after taking a bath and I'll go out with those clothes the next day. In winter, the clothes we wear feels cold, right? Like jeans and such. I don't like wearing those for that period.

Konno: I don't like it too. I heat my pants in the dryer first before wearing it.

Sasaki: I also remembered something. During my elementary days, I go to sleep wearing a warm innerwear and tights the day before my morning training. It's a situation where you just have to wear a t-shirt and pants on top LOL.

Sugeta: Everyone is sensitive to cold LOL. Thinking of being compatible like kotatsu and orange, who do we think are best combinations in Johnny's?

Sasaki: This is a victory of Kishi Yuta-kun and Sato Shori-kun. I think they are really good friends. Their conversations are interesting too.

Sugeta: Tsukada (Ryoichi)-kun and Goseki (Koichi)-kun who do "cafe au lait brothers" in radio. The coffee is Tsukada-kun and the milk is Goseki-kun. They tried letting them do that and it trended in SNS.

Konno: Rinne is wandering looking for a partner for combination, right? LOL Your combi (combination/partner) right now is (Takahashi) Yuuto, am I right?

Sugeta: Yuutorin. I have other combinations too, but now this is my combi.

Konno: I give my support to Yuutorin. Since I want you to go for it LOL.

Sugeta: Thank you. Well then, I will desperately get involved with Yuuto LOL. (Desperately following/talking/hanging out with Yuuto)

Konno: Which reminds me of the Johnny's Island last 2019, (Iwasaki) Taisho and Taiko keep following Nagase-kun. His face looked so heavy.

Sasaki: We asked for favors and also got clothes from him! He treated us to yakiniku too.

Sugeta: Because if he didn't do those, he will be followed!

Sasaki: Because that's what Nagase-kun wanted.

Sugeta: He totally didn't want that! LOL

Sasaki: The people who we are following, they all want to be followed LOL. This has a strategy the same with love. First, we will bother that person, then we will do nothing next. In doing that, everyone will end up wanting to be followed. They will be happy when we follow them!

Konno: You mean you two exhaust those people who like to be followed LOL.

Motodaka Katsuki x Nakamura Reia x Yabana Rei

We walk alone in the middle of illumination LOL

Nakamura: Before sleeping during winter, I stay first under the kotatsu before lying down on my bed. Since it is cold to enter the comforter at once. But I cannot get out from the kotatsu since it is so warm so I end up sluggishly staying there.

Motodaka: I understand. In winter, we can't leave from a cozy place.

Yabana: And when you lie down on the bed and fall asleep, you cannot get out from it in the morning LOL. You'll say like "I want to sleep in this warm place forever"

Motodaka: It is a thing in winter.

Nakamura: I think the feeling of wanting to have a heart warming love is also a thing in winter.

Yabana: I understand~ there are now more love songs in the songs that [I] listen to. Also, the illuminations in streets are pretty around this time, right? That also accelerates the feeling of wanting to fall in love, right? LOL

Motodaka: The vicinity of places like Imperial Theatre is pretty. But it is full of couples.

Nakamura: Meanwhile, we are trudging going back and forth to Imperial Theatre LOL.

Yabana: Yeah yeah. I am thinking "why are you flirting out there" and I am learning the dirt in my heart LOL...let's change the topic because I'm becoming sad LOL.

Motodaka: I wonder if nabe is a winter staple, I had a burishabu which I made yesterday too.

Nakamura: Nabe, that sounds good. I like motsunabe. Tripe and guts portions of various types of meat make good impact that makes me want to eat it.

Yabana: As for me, what I want to eat right now is tsuufuu (gout) nabe.

Motodaka: You'll only put ingredients rich in what we call "purines", right?

Yabana: Yeah. Since I have woken up to the tastiness of shirako recently, I'm thinking of dropping those [to the pot] in large quantity then I want to eat those.

Nakamura: But that might be kinda difficult to eat during a date LOL.

Yabana: But on the contrary, I will be happy if we could together say "this is delicious" and have them.

Motodaka: A person who matches with your fave food. Certainly, that is important.

Nakamura: ...ha~ I want to fall in love LOL.

Yabana: In the end, that's the conclusion you came up with LOL. Other than food, what do you think are the other important things for compatibility?

Nakamaru: I'll be happy if our hobbies match to an extent. Or perhaps I should say that a person who won't get mad at me even if all I do is playing games would be nice LOL.

Yabana: For me, of course I will be happy if our hobby in music match, but I am not thinking that I want to force things to her. Rather, my partner being my partner, I want her to do the things she like.

Nakamura: Ah, that's nice. Having a partner who you both can spend your own pace might have the best compatibility [lit. most compatible] after all.

Motodaka: It's nice to share the same hobby but we don't want to force things, right? By the way, who would you label as the best combination that has the same level as the combination of kotatsu and oranges?

Yabana: I would give it to Uchi (Hiroko)-kun and Ishigaki (Daisuke)-kun. They have really good vibes.

Nakamura: They give the feeling of being "adult companions," combination, right? I, after all, like the combination of Nakajima Kento-kun and Kikuchi Fuma-kun.

Motodaka: I will say "I like that combination too" but I think everyone in our generation loves that combination.

Nakamura: "fumaken" is the strongest theory!

Motodaka: No objections!

Q. What do you want to ask from Santa?

Konno: I like accessories and clothes so I want for Santa to buy me those. I also want a bag. The clothes are in range of black color. Please understand my preferences and give me set of outfits that would last for a lifetime.

Sugeta: Ueda (Tatsuya)-Santa-san, I want a wallet. When I told about this to him the other day, I have been rejected by him replying "Are you a girl!?" LOL but I am waiting ❤ A new one or a hand me down from Ueda-kun is fine with me.

Sasaki: Please give me a lot. I ask for this every year but a lot with a wide space where you can build a mansion (condominium building) would be nice. With that, I want to study economics. If you like, shall I ask a land with a mansion (condominium building)? LOL.

Yabana: I want to be B'z-san's support member. I am going pratice like hell! When I watch B'z-san's live streaming, I once again thought that bass is cool. I am okay with recording only one song too!

Motodaka: I want a huge tuna LOL. Please leave it on my bedside on Christmas morning LOL. I think it is going to be fishy but my happiness wins so I will use it as a body pillow.

Nakamura: Since I buy that I like on my own, I don't need a thing. Because our stage play is starting so we are going to be busy everyday, I ask for a time in day where all of us [7 MEN 侍 members] can go to onsen to have fun ⭐

Recent Happening

Konno: Talking about the recent stage play 「The Happy Prince」where you only express using words, I challenged a performance that is more difficult than what I normally do. I think I was able to grow and it became a big experience for me. Since it has ended, I want to not neglect my body for it not to collapse. For that sake, I am sleeping a lot! LOL

Sugeta: I went to eat beef cutlets with Ukisho (Hidaka)-kun and Taisho. It was delicious and I had fun 🎶 Acutally on that day, Konpi also planned to go with us, when reached until the front of the restaurant, he suddenly went home for some reason. That is a mystery! LOL

Sasaki: I am attending driving school. I even passed the exam for temporary license. Since I am bad with travelling by train, it would be nice if I can travel by private car. Once I get my license, I have already decided which car to buy someday. Since I heard that that car looks cool and easy to ride.

Yabana: In this time's live of Uchi-kun, I was able to take part in the production more than the usual. The production reflected in my suggestion "How about doing stronger phrase in in the intro?" I could think "I did a band!"

Motodaka: In the dressing room for the stage play 「The Happy Prince 」(the play ended), Konpi (Konno) was watching many times the video of a person who is talking on the phone while riding on the vibrating diet machine and he laughed over the video. I was laughing everytime [he was watching the video] because Konpi's reaction was funny LOL.

Reia: Since I suddenly had a free time, I unexpectedly went to a dinosaur museum. I have always liked dinosaurs, I got excited just by seeing the bones that are displayed. Dinosaurs are dreamy after all. I want to find time to go there again.

[mdnghthoughts]

some time in college, i had an essay writing exam where in we were supposed to choose five topics and write an essay for each. so here's one.

Something A Robot Could Could Never Do

We've known robots since we were kids. Most boys had at least one for every birthday they had. The older they are, the more their robots can do; maybe when they were celebrating their second birthday, they got a robot that walks aimlessly with all the music it emits. Then on their fifth, maybe a robot that walks but this time, stops to bust a move! On the seventh, a little boy gets his own robot taht walks, talks, and dances.

I grew up at the age of technology so maybe I can say that I grew with robots? As I grew up, so did technology. Now some robots can be found in some workplaces to help humans do more work and be more productive. In some TV shows, they even work in restaurants wherein you order from, and the cooking is done right in their bodies. They make the job easier and faster. Plus, they don't need to get paid! So a lot of companies are seeking for their own robot employees.

As one robot can lift something two men can't, both can get tired. A robot either needs to recharge batteries or needs to get plugged in. While humans need to sleep and eat to recover from the hard labor. But unlike robots, we aren't programmed to so specific tasks: robots were built to perform specific tasks, to function in specific ways — a robot cleaner cannot be commanded to print your paperworks. As humans designed and created robots, robots' abilities and knowledge are limited to what their Pepito's gave them, just like Pinocchio was not a real boy because he's made of wood.

Of all the things a robot can, I pity them for not having a choice and making decisions. Although I, for instance, don't make the best decisions in life, I'd rather make the wrong ones than not have one at all. Imagine: you're an airplane and you don't have a say on where to go because the pilot has one in mind. Unlike us, they also don't get to choose the field they wnat to work in. Robots won't even experience the struggle of choosing between having pasta or your Friday night hangout. Even a simple "yes or no" wasn't given to them: they don't get to choose when to stop doing what they are told to. Then imagine this: you have a robot for a best friend, and you would get help for almost anything work-related, right? However, your best friend wouldn't be able to help you figure out which would be the best dress for your first date! Too bad, isn't it?

Although a robot can live longer since it doesn't get sick the way humans so, I don't want to be one even if you tell me that my brain could be replaced and I can serve a different purpose now, and later, another. I'd still not take it even if I'm offered a reboot after a terrible experience. Because not having the liberty to choose is like being able to live for more than a hundred years with all the wrong people. So despite having the fear of not knowing what happens at life after death, I'd rather choose to die someday, than not have a choice at all.

— 22 July '16

#072216 #random #thoughts

[noviceaoiryusei]

「 Dance Square vol. 36 」 Johnny's Jr. Tettei Kaibou file 23 - Daichi Imae

I won't loose to my friends, I want to live a life that's not ashamed (with others)

I liked the dance rehearsal more with Yara Tomoyuki!

I don't remember too much of my memories as a kid. When I started to dance, I remembered it's during my second year of middle school when I unwillingly joined Johnny's. (laughs) When I've heard it from my parents, until then I'm always playing soccer. When I was in sixth grade, I saw people dancing on the tv, I suddenly said "I want to do something like this". So I started learning the dance (because) I wanted to dance at tv but, I thought it was impossible. At that time, my relative's grandmother has been hospitalized, to liven up (the mood) I danced in the hospital room. My relative's grandmother said "join Johnny's", so that I won't give up, my parents seemed to have applied for an audition. I felt it and said "it's impossible", it seems like I had received my intention. (laughs) At that moment, I joined Johnny's, it was around after I've finished first grade of middle school.

The audition was at Hey! Say! JUMP's Osaka Jo Hall concert. On that day, I was called that I passed the choreography and stand on the stage as it is. How many people we're there but they will reduce the persons during the three day production.... The choreography increases gradually as you pass. The third day's song was very difficult, I somehow remembered that I couldn't dance at all. But because I love dancing, (I'm) glad that I danced Gamushara. Johnny-san said "you're liveliness is good" and so, I survived the three days. (laughs)

Then I started working as (part of) Kansai Johnny's Jr. but honestly, I just remembered what choreography was taught just by standing on the stage. I remembered my consciousness had clearly changed when Yara (Tomoyuki)-kun chose me in the audition for Yuma-kun's concert (Nakayama Yuma Chapter 1 "Utaoze! Odoroze! YOLOze! Tour" / 2015). Yara-kun is accurate, it's not yet over if you remembered the choreography, you need to pursue more and more from there. Understanding the points that you're not good alone I said, "I'll do it until I can"; I'm that kind of person. And because the rehearsal was hard, I thought that I'll properly look at it. (laughs) I'm so happy that I became to like dancing more. I thought I've met a good person, that's why it's called a turning point; that's where you've come up the most.

The pleasure awakened in the play "Takizawa Kabuki ZERO"

We often worked together at Yuma-kun's concert but we're not an official group. Because it was also divided into a tour group and a stage group, everyone somewhat felt that these members are not good enough to do it together. With my personality, I originally thought "let's do our best at a given place". When Naniwa Danshi and Ae! group was formed, I didn't particularly thought that it's regrettable. During that time at Kyocera (Kanju Yume no Kansai Island 2020 in Kyocera Dome Osaka / 2020), it made me feel a little frustrated for the first time. For persons like me, the feeling of wanting to do you best was greater.

I think I'll do my best in (this) place because the play is getting a lot of fun. Earlier (days) I had experienced to work on stage during "Shounentachi", the role is something like a "square frame" because there's an image, I have to act properly. But during the time of "Takizawa Kabuki ZERO" (2019), I was told to do things freely so, even though everyone is standing, I just sat down. (laughs) I acted selfishly. Then, Suezawa said "I saw Imae's eyes" well, it might be noticeable (eyes) but it's a national (thing). (laughs) Aah, such freedom in the play is nice. Because of the experience, I was able to try lots of things while consulting with Kong Kuwata-san who is the chief warden during the stage "Shounentachi (Seishun no Hikari ni)" / 2019. The first external work for me is "Boukenshatachi Hotel (~Dragon Quest X ni Tsudoishi Nakamatachi~) / 2019, it's a very fun play! Takizawa Kabuki is I think my another turning point.

Dancing and doing play are fun so, I have decided that I'm going to do this work but, I said I wanted to quit. When I entered university, I was going to quit. It'll be long when I tell the story. First, I became interested in space when I was in third year of high school so I said "I want to be an astronaut!". After consulting it in school I did a literary but the teachers gave me individual classes for math and science. A teacher who supports people was a great existence. Aiming to be an astronaut is impossible for now even if I study on my own so, I thought I also wanted to be a teacher. The subject that I'm really good at is physical education so, I have decided to get a teacher's license for health and physical education. The university was drawn based on that (exam). So, when I have received it, I really wanted to leave Johnny's and become a teacher.

But during that time, my friends had stopped me, I've decided to try it for 1-2 times. Everyday from 1 to 4, sometimes until 5 I have classes before I went out in a performance. I think I'm honest and worked really hard. (laughs) When I became third year, I can always become (a teacher) if there's a teacher's license so, I thought that it'll be fine by now. Now, I'm not yet thinking of becoming a teacher someday but I've thought that it's good to have a teacher's license. There are lots of people who have became a Jr., I felt that it's also a proof.

The time that I was active with my friends is an important memory of a lifetime.

Until now I have been working with the feeling of "I'll do my best at a given place". It may sound as positive but, that's why there's no individuality. (laughs) From now, I want to have an appetite, I thought I should be aggressive in believing what I can not (do). I think what I want to do right now is (being in a) play. I have been sent and during the practice of "Ponkotsu Bushou Retsuden ~Tonari no Shiro no Aitsu~, Sano (Mizuki)-san said "the one who's growing the most is Imae". That's of course because I don't have valued experience/s. (laughs) That's why I thought I should absorb more and it's also fun. I said "it's also important to study" but I honestly don't know much. After all, I think it won't work if I doesn't stand on the stage. Right now, I want to accumulate experiences.

If that's the nearest goal, then the next big goal is to establish a new path in Johnny's. An idol has an image of singing and dancing, there's also a path to plays just like (Ikuta) Toma-kun. "______ Imae", I also want to find something like that to say. Because I'm still obscure, I'm (being) honest now. I'm doing my best on the rails that has been laid by Toma-kun. (laughs) Because I have lots of hobbies, it's making me lively so, it's going to be interesting. Ramen, anime, universe, soccer, fishing, marathon, there's also a teacher's license, it could be a weapon someday.

Let's say that it's an alley by ourselves. (laughs) Because there were many fans who have supported the members who were together at Yuma-kun's concert, I think there are people who have felt uneasy about being separated. But for us, that time is an important treasure of our lives. I've always had a sense of friendship, in fact, the reputation of my stage play was made by everyone. This time, I went to watch the play "Aoki-san Chi no Okusan" / 2020 starring (Ohashi) Kazuya, Jo (Fujiwara Joichiro), Suezawa and Richa (Kusama Richard Keita). The following day, I went to the theme park with Suezawa and Richard. (laughs) We are connected, we're facing each other now. From now on, I don't want to loose! I want to live my life not being ashamed (with others)

I would like to establish a new path with my hobbies as my weapon

#magazine translation #今江大地