#or just go for a short walk outside

[random-jot]

kinda feel like the hopeless:romantic ratio's been a little too skewed on the side of hopeless lately

#misc #rambling jot #yearning on main #I know it's not the be-all-end-all but sometimes a little more romantic and a little less hopeless would be nice #i truly believe you can live a happy and fulfilling life while single dgmw #but sometimes. man i just wanna fall in love with someone. and them fall in love with me. and we cook inthe kitchen together. and it's nic #*sigh* #welp. better go write a pop-punk song about it i guess #or just go for a short walk outside #or both #emo #pop-punk #hopeless romantic

[clotpolesonly]

Dream Thieves ch 42 // Dream Thieves ch 42 // Blue Lily, Lily Blue ch 38

#adamedit #trcedit #Adam Parrish #TRC #quote posts #he really do be going through it #i feel like there's debate sometimes about the nature of his dc hike and if cabeswater played a part in it but like #honestly i don't think there was anything supernatural about it #he's already so prone to dissociation #it's not surprising for him to reach a new peak of stress and just peace tf OUT for a day #critical mass reached #and he's one step short of it when he's going into court to face his father #walking walking walking #no thought outside the immediate moment #that's the only way to survive it #until his friends come to be in that moment with him 🥺

[icewindandboringhorror]

While I don't know much about it, I would probably bet there are tons of issues with the cruise industry that would make me not actually appreciate it broadly speaking - HOWEVER, I do really love a lot of the interior design of some cruise ships.. How it's almost like a miniature city crammed into one area. Multiple sections with all different aesthetic designs, a variety of shops, restaurants, activity centers, community seating areas, communal use spaces (like gyms, laundry, pools, cafeteria/buffet (which I always love anywhere)), etc. etc. but then also everyone has a little nice clean comfortable looking space of their own to retreat back to if they'd like to be alone. Maybe it's something akin to the idea of 'walkable cities', where everything you could ever want to do is kind of right there just a short walk away? I also especially love how so much stuff is stacked on top of other stuff, a layered cluster of spaces, bright open atriums, and when they're set up with little walkways down the center between a bunch of rooms so it's almost like a mini city street with apartments lining it, etc.. They often seem like they'd be SUCH a cool place to live permanently, IF only something identical was just built on solid land instead lol

#currently watching a channel on youtube where some person is reviews/tours cruise ships or something #and I'm just like wow the whole traveling part would be miserable hell and I would hate trying to get off of the stupid ship everyday #and see seomthing and make it back in time or etc. but OOOOO THE BEDROOMS! love the TINY minifrige!! eeee .. lol #perhaps just an extension of of my obsession with communal spaces. also love hospitals. nursing homes. hotels. AIRPORTS!!! #thats just how humans are meant to live for me. my ideal situation is that sot of thing like big beautiful bright communal places #but i also hate socializing i just like the idea of like. the entire communal world is in front of me but i also have my own little space t #retreat back to. youre not forced to participate. but the world is right outside your window if you WANT to go. ALSO people watching is fun #Plus i think part of what i hate most about Going Places and Doing Things is the commitment of it and traveling #especially in america where its like to get ANYWHERE it's a 3 hour drive or 15 min drive #or 20 min drive or 1 hr bus ride or blah blah. the idea of having plenty of fun little things to do that are all solidified #in ONE single complex that is also where your room is would actually encourage me to do things more because if #my health issues start flaring up or i get overwhelmed or etc. i can literally just... retreat back to my room that is a reasonably short #walk away. instead of like ''UGH now not only do i feel too bad to finish my excursion but ALSO i have a 40 min car ride ahead of me'' #etc. Not saying that even in that situation I would become Super Extravert Thing Doer like i still LOOVE a quiet lifestyle mostly alone do #ing the same 5 repetitive tasks over & over again working on specific hobbies. but just that i WOULD go out SLIGHTLY more and do Activities #if the activities were already brought to ME. like a cruise ship layout where you have your little room private space but when you feel #like it on your own terms you could venture out and go to a little cafe or a swimming pool or etc. WITHOUT even having to leave #or get in a car and travel. just walk form your room to The thing. amazing.. ground breaking.. BUT especially the layers are important. I #dont mean just 'have the same features but in a way that theyre on land' I mean LITERALLY translate the EXACT layout of the cruise ship but #on ground instead. Like I want a full community cafeteria on the middle floor of my apartment complex. there should be a pool & waterslide #on the roof. A community games room on the 4th floor. a library right under my bedroom. etc. etc. Though maybe ideally I would say #add a little extra space like most people couldn't live their entire lives in a cruise ship room layout. But maybe just have the rooms expa #nded to the average size of like a 3 bedroom apartment. and then still stack them on top of each other.. More spacious decks so people can #have some plants (but also a community garden somewhere too). ANYWAY... Idk I just always love the aesthetics. I would love to tour a cruis #ship but like NOT go on a cruise EVER lol.. but just.. SEE the space. I love interiors so much. Also makes me think of worldbuilding like. #I think cruise ships could also be good inspiration for underground stacked cities in layers. things like that. OR just actually the fant #asy world version of a cruise ship lol. Though Nanyevimi's oceans are all so treacherous that non-inland water travel is avoided as much as #possible (even if it's more tedious to travel on the land) and would rarely be done for leisure. still.. river cruises could exist.. >:3c #In Nanyevimi the oceans are akin to how Outer Space is on earth (seen as a mysterious unexplored dangerous area etc).. a cruise ship of #rich elves setting out on a Groundbreaking First Ever Ocean Cruise & it just goes Wrong like a sci-fi 'trapped in space' type thriller LOL

[dirt-str1der]

just wanna say im obsessed with your mind and i read your posts about kiryu like the morning paper. thank you for your service

(Sweats) e-even the ones about him laying eggs ?

#Thanks for the ask ! #HIIIIII thank you for reading my posts im really a serial rambler so that is no easy feat. i just had a lowkey nightmare that was insect #based so its nice to think about different kinds of eggs once in a while. sorry for the eggs i just learned the word gravid and i cant stop #saying it !!! i literally opened tumblr to make another post about kiryu i was gonna say he was probably antisocial in his childhood which #is really a miracle any girls managed to notice him at all. and i believe that he was very dismissive of his clothing and appearance because #you know when youre young and trans and havent realised it but you just randomly hate everything about your appearance and dont even knowwhy #i think his hair was always too long and too shaggy and he would let nishiki comb it sometimes because he really could not stand his mane #and sometimes when it gets wayy too long and shitty the sunflower caretaker would drag him outside and just cut a chunk of it off with a #knife and kiryu would have shoulder length hair for a little while... anyway i need to give him a little girlfriend like how rikiya had one #when he was in school because all trans guys need a little girlfriend or an all girl group of friends to be his girlfriends when hes a kid #so he can carry their shopping bags and wait for them outside the changing room etc and kiryu cant resist a girl so he gets a letter from #nishiki and he tells him yeah this is probably a prank to have you wait there for hours or there might be guys waiting to ambush you and #beat the crap out of you. and kiryus like Nobody beats the crap out of me except our dad. and goes to meet this girl and he actually agrees #to go out with her and this is the thing that keeps him in school because otherwise he would literally not go. like hed walk with yumi and #nishiki and the rest of the kids at sunflower that he doesnt care about to remember the names of. and he would just wave them off at the #gate and wander the town in his school uniform and then after school he’ll meet nishiki and possibly yumi at the gate (yumi probably makes #other friends but its a Must to walk nishiki home because he’ll get lonely) and when kiryu starts going out with this girl hes obligated to #walk her home so he already broke rule one but nishikis like happy for him But he has to walk home with some other random guys now and #eventually theyll broach the topic of ‘his psycho sister’ and nishiki literally has to beat a few guys up to defend kiryus honour and when #he comes back with news of how unpopular kiryu is with the rest of the guys because he looks better with short hair than they do and has a #girlfriend whos super cute. kiryu is just like damn did you commit social suicide to protect my honour? youre my best friend. but whatever #kids get over it fast. but parents dont!! and kiryu walks his girlfriend right to her front door and soon enough her parents are going to #find out that the boyfriend she keeps gushing about is a girl and straight up take her out of school to make her stop being gay and kiryus #like but ... im a boy ... punches the ground and screams to the sky. anyway enough about dysphoria simulator im here to talk about this guy #when hes a bit older because im salivating and shaking over the thought of his bootyass rip kiryu you woulda loved thongs. i think hed hate #ripped jeans but only because he thinks theyre a waste of manufacturing. its literally better for the world that kiryu decided 2 transition #because can you imagine if she was a girl and needed to wear a bra? like she would literally have an itchy back all the time which would #give her a hair trigger temper which means kamurocho a&e room will be very healthily plush indeed. god my battery is dying i need to take a #shower noww anyway really thank you for the nice message you are so sweet ... hi ...

[izzy-b-hands]

Or maybe I redownload gta v and take myself on a drive in there while I work on formatting fics to post, to try and distract myself from the fact that it physically hurts. How the fuck can emotional things do that, I ask every time I feel this way, as if somehow it's a surprise lmao

#text post #im okay just. processing and feeling and wishing she could better meet me where I am #that she would go to therapy and try to put in the work too #but she won't and that is what it is #if I felt more confident I might take a short night walk actually outside but I do not feel that confident in my knowledge of the area yet #that's ok bc i can pop on music and drive in gta and just. let things settle and try to learn how to sit with them

[screambirdscreaming]

ok this is a long fucking shot but does anyone out here know anything about. Allergies but rather than having itchy runny-nose symptoms you just feel systemically like shit. Like fatigue, nausea, vague headache, moderate-to-severe excercise intolerance, that sort of thing. But correlated to like, pollen exposure. Or just air quality in general?

The best ballpark diagnosis I have is asthma, but I've never actually had An Asthma Attack so I don't know if that's.... right. And even if it is, I can't really find good research or resources on managing systematic effects of asthma at this like... non-acute, non life-threatening severity.

Sometimes with weird medical shit like this, there's information that exists if only you can find the right keyword to search.... maybe somebody's got something?

Or even just, it'd be nice to hear if anyone elae deals with this and I'm not, like, completely insane*

*for this. other insanity unspecified.

#every day for the last week I've woken up and my immediate first thought has been #Ugh i wanna take a nap #Not even like “i didn't sleep enough I want to sleep longer” #But like. I need a completely different kind of sleep. That makes me rested. #In a way that neither sleeping or any type of restful activity or non-activity I've tried has accomplished. #fatigue is stupid!! It sucks!! #And every time I have had a bit of energy I've immediately totally overdone it and fucked myself up #Because I'm BORED I'm TIRED of being too fucking tired to do anything!! #Finally just put together today that it might be the same goddamn allergies that always get me #At this time of year. #After going outside to walk around in the sun and look at plants (always good for my brain) #And getting lightheaded and short of breath #So that's super cool and completely unhelpful. I already take daily allergy meds #And they help! But only so much #I've tried an inhaler and corticosteroid spray but the side effects suck #So it's just. Untreatable unless it gets bad enough for the side effects to be worth it I guess? #I feel like I should be more grateful it's not more severe. #I know a lot of people have it worse. #But it's frustrating also to be stuck in a place where it's not bad enough to *do* anything about #Ugh sorry this is very long and self-involved #And i will possibly delete it in a minute #I just gotta yell into the void here

[nellectronic]

being forever anxious about literally everything will have you engaging in the most questionable behaviors

#this post is about me walking through the sludge in the dark to break into the lab and sneak a peek at someone else’s thesis from some years #ago #to check the title page to make extra sure i am formatting mine right even though there is already an example on the online submission form #(i say ‘break in’ like i don’t have keycard access) #for a minute i thought i heard my adviser’s voice from around the corner where her office is #contemplated checking if she was there and being like. hey what’s up what are you doing here at this hour (she almost always leaves early) #and also asking her my question which i just emailed her about the other form that’s due tomorrow #but ultimately the appeal of immedaite answers (which. low probability even if she was there tbh) was not worth the risk #of not only having to explain why i was also at the devil’s sacrament (lab at 8pm) #but why i was there wearing only shorts and a tshirt under my cloak when it’s 37°F outside and raining #because i don’t really have a good answer for that #screams into the void #i guess this can also go into the #me writing my thesis #tag. it’s not really about writing but close enough

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#yesterday i was wandering around the campus where ive resided these last 4 years bc ive banned myself from running until my leg heals #and i was thinking like. what am i gonna miss about this place when i leave? bc im always thinking abt the things i cant wait to get away #from. and its a real short list. ill miss the palm trees bc i never get sick of seeing thrm. theyre so weird #ill miss the yucca. again bc theyre so weird looking. ill miss the way u can see where all the ants r bc in the non human populated areas #there isnt grass everywhere bc desert. ill miss that there r so many birds of prey hanging around. and the road runners and all the lil #lizards. and maybe in an abstract way ill miss being so close to the boarder bc when u live near a boarder boarders feel like bullshit #like staring down the road into another country. idk theres something i like abt that. ill probably also miss being able to run outside #all year long bc in the winter during the day all u need is a light jacket lol. where im going it gets real cold 🥶 #maybe ill even miss the constant blue skies. but idk ive always liked a cloudy sky better. makes me think of home haha #ill def miss how convenient my apartment rn is. the loft bed. the low cost. the 5min walk to campus. sigh. but thats pretty much it. i #dont think ill miss anything else. im not really close with anyone. my boss was the reason i came here and she left this school in January #so thats it i guess. i think i stayed a year too long and was not well for a lot of my time here but so it goes #just gotta move to the next place. just gotta pray pray pray that i find an apartment soon. i dont even wanna say anything abt it bc im #afraid to jinx things. even tho thats irrational. like. i just gotta somehow project how good a tenant i am. im so quiet u will never see #me and i never complain abt anything bc i have brain problems. sigh. i cant wait for this transition to b over #im so so so ready to be in a new place doing new things. but at least my energy is back. im back to high energy on little sleep lol #i dont understand how my body functions lmao. somehow when i get a normal amount of sleep it's a sign that i feel awful #unrelated

[fridaynight--saturdaymorning]

How do I even begin to feel normal again. Wtf even happened in the last two days

#I threw off my routine and now I’m sad :( #And I can’t make myself feel better because I did the thing :( #This would actually sound so stupid with full context not that I actually care #In short some fucker bought biscuits even though I say not to buy biscuits that are vegan cause I’ll just eat them all #And now I’ve fucking eaten them all and I feel like shit so I can’t have my bath because I feel like shit #And I’m not gonna have any room for self improvement because self care day isn’t until fucking Thursday #I’m hoping to feel better tomorrow at least because I have a late start so chill morning and such #But then still working so I feel good because I’ve been outside and done something to my brain #If I charge my batteries in my CD player and pick out some music that’ll make me feel better tho :) I’m gonna do that #And I’m gonna try and buy some easy peelers and prepare myself for Wednesday!!!!!!! #I’m going to start trying to do more walks too even though it gets too dark to go after college now which is sad. I need my goddamn walks!!

[squirmydonnie]

Free will experiment failed!

#cheeseburgerboy #from putting up the bunny poster i made to walking outside the house to sing. in the dark for some reason #my dad was talking to me so long it got dark outside #after the conversation was over i realized going back upstairs to me room would cause me break down #i thought it would be good to just go outside and think #i walked back inside and started to make apples and honey #i didn't tell them i was going outside so they were worried #. my dad talking anyone in this house for 30 minutes causes them to short circuit in so many different ways #but also apple #apple fail

[thinkingnot]

i wake up every day wondering what life would be as a tall man

#like id probably just put on a shirt and shorts and go on with my day #like i could walk outside alone and no imminent death paranoia will haunt me #actually it’ll probably still haunt me and i will he anxious but less so #and i could loom over people and see the top of their heads very silly #and i could breathe freshes of air in the elevator #i could lean down walking through doors acting like its a struggle while being smug as hell in my head #i could reach the high shelf and get stuffs like that big dictionary up there

[geoffrey]

hot weather hater posts are always so funny to me because theyre like. summer lovers LOVE when their ass is swampy sweaty and their hair is a helmet and bugs fly in their eyes and theyre lobster red from sunburn and passing out from heat exhaustion. and its like well. that doesn’t happen to me.

#i just go outside and go ahhhh warm :) #and theres so much greenery and life and happiness and events are happening and farmers markets and delicious fresh produce #and my car ac doesnt even work #and i take walks in the woods every day in shorts and so far i only have 2 mosquito bites #i think you guys are just trapped in pavement hell…

[daughterofsarenrae]

Everyone, meet Leo!

#3 months after i got him and ive finally named him #this is leo! short for leoril :) #bc compdual brainrot real #hes my baby boy i love him #finally cleaned the outside of his glass and got some ok pics too #the shade of blue that he is varies DRASTICALLY in light #ranges from teal to royal blue #he loves to sit on his leaf <3 #hes really pretty and really stupid and i love him #he also has 3 otocinclus buddies in the tank with him but theyre camera shy lmao #leo is NOT #leo is all up in my business every time i walk by #kisses him #baby: leo #bel speaks #lmao i am not tagging this with all of the b etta tags that side of tumblr scares me <3 #im gonna buy him some more plants in like...2 weeks? he has a big fern in there thats been going strong for 6 months and then just. died #so i gotta replace that #need more low level plants all of mine r Tall #maybe some grass #im rambling now #ik no one is up when im posting this lmao ill prob rb this tomorrow too #so just be ready to see him Again

[patrice-bergerons]

One benefit of therapy is that it gives you the tools to recognise why you are feeling rotten, measures you can take to remediate it a bit as well as the acknowledgement that they won't be perfect and that's ok.

#for ex. im feeling positively murderous rn #and im ready to blow at everything and everyone #but no wonder! im stir crazy bc ive been cooped up at home with little social interaction for over a week #and haven't even been able to go on long walks to clear my head #so i made myself put on outside clothes #went on a short walj #and have been forcing myself to find small things to appreciate (colourful bird! pretty flowers etc) #ive also banned myself from making any further discourse posts LOL #it's ok it will be okay #just gotta ride this out

[milo-is-rambling]

Staring at the jackets on hooks over my bedroom door bc it’s shaped like a person

#I don’t have my glasses on and I’m high and I looked up after hearing my mother randomly doing something in the living room (shared wall #with my room) and thinking she was in the hall outside my door and then looking up and seeing my jackets #when I say I jumped. staring at my door like 👁️👁️ #it’s literally 2 in the morning I should be the only one awake my mom needs to go to bed #I’m tempted to go to the gas station and get a slushee and smoke a cig but I just showered and shouldn’t smoke now #can’t wait til I move out and can smoke whenever #a post shower cigarette is life changing #clean. soft. oversized hoodie. high waisted underwear or teeny tiny pajama shorts. something that covers just ur ass and up #comfy socks. walking around outside smoking with moon above you at two in the morning #that sounds so good wahhhh #maybe I will go outside and smoke real quick. or maybe I’ll just roll and joint and put the inside of a cig in with it and hope my mother #can’t smell it in her room #I want to time travel to me being 21 and on my own and smoking cigarettes on my porch or next to my car in a parking lot

[thestarmaker]

My cool aunt from louisiana is visiting and she gave me some equally cool boots bc they're moving back to the south (she and my uncle have lived in rhode island for a long time) and she knew she wouldn't wear black knee-high boots in the heat and we have the same shoe size :)

#I've been craving a pair of black knee high boots lol #they're a bit snug in the foot but they're already stretching out a bit #but oughhh the calves are stretchy and already a bit wide so they actually feel good on my legs #time to go walk around outside a bit to continue breaking them in #i love those relatives they're lovely #they're a shih tzu family™️ (they always have one or two) and they're always the sweetest most well-behaved little dogs #their current dog is named Mr. Beans (just bean for short) bc their last one was named franklin.... like frank n beans :)