#or like - maybe i just did stuff and asked for forgiveness instead of permission lol

[mlobsters]

supernatural s9e21 king of the damned (w. eugenie ross-leming, brad buckner)

LOL cas you can let go now

dear lord i'm tired after just the recap. angels, metatron/gadreel, abaddon, crowley and his addiction, hellhounds, etc etc

angel handcuffed, slow clompy walk, "is that him??" cas appears. i giggled, not gonna lie

CASTIEL That brings me to why you're here. We have a prisoner. It's an angel from Metatron's inner circle. I need to know what they're planning, but so far, he's revealed nothing. DEAN So, you're done with the rough stuff, and you want us to be your goons? CASTIEL Well, you've had success at these situations before. If you don't want to do it, I understand. DEAN Who says I don't want to do it?

blegh. you know how i feel about the torture stuff, especially in relation to dean. and cas calling them in specifically just to torture information out of this angel. for a just cause though, of course, that makes it okay :|

truly enjoying sam's hair this season combined with very proportionately sized sideburns and now that we're finally less orange looking consistently. lookin good mister padalecki. dean looks like a slight wreck and like he's dissociating

wow show and boys, solving a problem without torture???? i am impressed! (seriously thank you eugenie and brad)

so much smiling and getting to put on this manipulative little show for the dude, fun to watch

cute cute (ignoring this whole abaddon bringing his son from the 1700s thing to force his hand is.... whatever this is)

GAVIN You sold your soul?! Sold it?! For an extra three inches of willy?!

did we know this? i feel like maybe but i can't remeber lol

so i wonder how much was shaved, he has enough hair i think he could have an undercut there and still have more than enough. wonder if that's part of why i like it so much more. i know i've seen him with it up in a bun a couple times so i could go see when that was but that's waaaay too much effort

oh, dean and his slice and dice mark of cain flashback. again, fic gave me the impression the mark was going to be central to goings on but there's just so many subplots nothing really is central

maybe they should just keep a couple pairs of nitrile gloves on hand so, for example, they don't have to raw dog rifling through a corpse. a very slimy corpse

okay so crowley used sam and dean's go word and dean isn't telling sam because? (because he's not making good decisions either) and being all shifty

CASTIEL Just as poor judgement undid you all those centuries ago, your mistaken trust in Metatron will bring you down again.

rich coming from you, cas 😂

okay weird fake solid blue birds. twitter product placement?? LOL

CROWLEY Hello, Dean. Love the crazy bloodlust in your eyes.

must be really smitten now. bye abaddon, you were moderately fun and very beautiful to look at

CROWLEY You owe me. Do I get no credit for warning you this was a trap? [SAM looks perplexed.] CROWLEY "Poughkeepsie" ring a bell? I sense drama.

his gleeful little laugh was cute

DEAN Well, I don't know what to tell you. Them's the rules. He goes back. SAM The lore all says the same thing -- you change any one thing in the past, the ripple effect impacts everything that follows. CROWLEY Please. No one bends the rules like you two bend the rules.

made me laugh, points being made!

CROWLEY I'll cheer the day when the last trace of humanity leaves me. Feelings.

relatable

DEAN First time I touched that Blade...I knew. I knew that I wouldn't be stopped. I knew I would take down Abaddon and anything else if I had to. And it wasn't a hero thing. You know, it wasn't... It was just calm. I knew. And I had to go it alone, Sammy. SAM Oh. Of course. So it was just another time where you had to protect me. DEAN You could've gotten nabbed by Abaddon, and she could've bargained her way out. We couldn't afford to screw this up.

okay but dean how about you have that conversation beforehand instead. asking for permission/begging for forgiveness

also can't remember sam turning in his seat like that before in one of these feelings-laden chats, really means business. so... effusive in his concern and everything lately

sam's soaking up all the empathy leaking out of dean

SAM Look...I'm glad it worked out, okay? I am. And I'm glad the Blade gives you strength or calm or whatever, but, Dean, I got to say... I'm starting to think the Blade is doing something else, too. DEAN Yeah? Like what? SAM I don't know. Like, something to you. Look... I'm thinking until we know for sure that we're gonna kill off Crowley, why don't we store the Blade somewhere distant? Lock it up somewhere safe? Okay? DEAN No.

well i'm glad we get to hear about the effects of the mark/blade combo finally. it's really been the backburner plotline. again i know what it leads to, but not how we get there

this episode made the angel politics about as tolerable/interesting as i think they can get, so woo for that (missing the days of cas popping in and getting irritated because he's in the middle of an offscreen war)

#supernatural #spnwatch #spn 9x21 #eugenie ross leming #brad buckner

[whumpzone]

Tomas and Rowe - Part 12

thank you all so much for your patience! and for all the lovely birthday wishes <3 i hope this was worth the wait! also I know fuck all about medical stuff, please forgive me lol

Masterpost

taglist: @sola-whumping @just-another-whumper @misspelledwitch @looptheloup @briars7 @black-polarf @zipadeedooda-drabbles @just-a-whumping-racoon-with-wifi @rosesareviolentlyread @thingsthatgo-whump-inthenight @jazz-0307 @kestrelsparverius @whumpsy-daisies @whumpersworld @memoriesneverforget @sky-or-something-idfk @ghostcomit @cupcakes-and-pain @frankieswhump @ihaventwritteninsolong @mybrokenlittletoy @kiretto-laorentze @morelikepainsley @lave-e @tears-and-lilies @whump-me-all-night-long @newbornwhumperfly @itaina-anta @whump-it 

CW: dehumanisation, pet whumpee, self-harm mentions, very negative thoughts towards not being able to walk (please note: Rowe’s negativity towards not being able to walk comes entirely from the fact he was trained to kneel & doesn’t feel that he’s ‘earned’ the right to rest, and nothing else)

-

“The hospital says your leg should be fine to walk on in like a week,” Master said, holding the letter out for Rowe to see. Rowe breathed a sigh of relief. “But that’s obviously complete bullshit. They’re only saying that because you’re a Pet. You’ll need to rest for at least a month.”

“A month, Master?”

“Oh good, your ears work,” he replied, ruffling Rowe’s hair. “Now, I’d better make you something to eat.”

And before Rowe could protest (he shouldn’t protest, Pets don’t argue back), Master had gone, leaving Rowe with the ever-deepening knot in his stomach.

This was bad.

He couldn’t even walk. How on earth was he going to be useful now? He had tried to get up today, wanting to show Master Tomas that he was good, he knew a splint was no excuse, he could still get up and serve. But all that had happened was he put an ounce of weight on the stupid thing and immediately cried out in pain, bringing Master to force him back to bed.

So he couldn’t walk. He certainly couldn’t kneel. How would he beg properly? The knot twisted so horrifically at that thought that he felt nauseous. What would he do if he couldn’t beg? How would he get food, or sleep? How would he show Master that he was sorry after he broke a rule? How would he even be properly submissive if he was just fucking sitting there with his stupid, stupid, stupid broken leg?

His fist flew down towards it, but he stopped himself just in time. It’d only make him scream again, and Master had already given him a warning about that. Instead he stared at the letter from the hospital. Tomas G…Grz…. something… 12 h-a-r-t… Hartland Road… your Pet… s-p-l-i-n-t…. bed rest for up to one week…

He turned his head away. It just said what Master had told him. Master doesn’t lie, Rowe thought absently.

When Master returned some time later with a gently steaming mug and a plate of food, Rowe decided to beg in the only other way he knew how.

“M-Master,” he began, bowing his head and holding his curled up hands together, “Please, I can walk, I’ll be fine. Please let me try.”

“No, Rowe,” Master replied immediately, making Rowe’s heart sink.

“Please- I have to kneel-”

“You don’t. You need to rest. Walking will only make your leg worse. You’re delicate.”

“Th-then, please, Master, how will I- how will I beg for food, an-and sleep, and be good…”

Master set the tray down on Rowe’s -no, Master’s, nothing here was his possession, you know that Rowe- bedside table, and perched on the end of the bed. He was wearing a thin knitted cardigan that had slid down his shoulders to gather in the crook of his elbows. His rings, three of them today, clinked together as he took Rowe’s hand. Rowe had learnt that this meant a stern order was coming.

“You don’t need to kneel, pal. You don’t need to earn food or sleep, okay? You can take them freely.”

“N-no, I have to earn it, it’s a privilege, Master.”

“Okay,” he sighed. “If I give you permission to eat and sleep every day, will you do it?”

“Of course, Master.” An order was an order.

“Then that’s what I’ll do. You can eat this lunch. It’s just some spag bol.”

“Thank you, thank you, I’m very grateful, Master.” Rowe said, bowing his head submissively. Master rubbed his thumb along Rowe’s knuckles.

“But before you eat, I do have something else I need to say to you.”

Rowe tensed, nodding. Master stood, leaving Rowe’s hand feeling cold.

“I know what’s going on, okay? With all your mystery injuries. I know you didn’t trip when you broke your nose, I know you have new cuts along your shoulders, and I don’t even know how you were planning on hiding your legs from me. Jesus Christ, Rowe,” his voice faltered, trembling ever so slightly, with something that didn’t seem like anger, “it was fucking scary. I know you’re- look, I know you’ve been hurting yourself. Okay? That’s what this is about. I know you’ve done these things to yourself and it has to stop now.”

He sank to his haunches, bringing himself down to eye level, and took Rowe’s hands- both of them. Maybe he thought Rowe might lash out and hurt him too. Rowe wanted to protest, but Master hadn’t finished speaking.

“It has to stop, love. I care about you so, so much, and I know that you have had a scary fucking life. I- well, I don’t know, I couldn’t know what it’s been like for you, and what you’ve gone through. But I know you’re often very scared, and living with me has been very new and weird, yeah? And I know that when I got you, you were expecting something very different. I’m not…trying to put words in your mouth. B-but if you’re trying to, uh, make up for a lack of punishments, this isn’t how to do that, okay. We can work something out. Right now, I have to be firm with you. If you hurt yourself again, you will be in trouble. I don’t want to frighten you, and I will do everything I can to help you with this, but what matters most is you stopping. You’ve been escalating too, starting off with your nose, then knives, and now a hammer? It isn’t safe, Rowe. Do you understand? Oh, honey-”

Master wiped away the tears that had started to run down Rowe’s cheeks. He sniffed and meekly told Master that yes, he did understand.

“Alright. Is there anything you want to say? Do you want to talk about it? Anything you want me to do differently?”

Rowe wished he wasn’t crying. Crying made him look guilty. What could he say? He wanted to kneel so much.

“…I’m sorry, Master.”

“Don’t be sorry, Rowe. Everything is going to be fine. Things will be a bit different while your leg heals…but you will get used to it. We will get used to it.”

Master’s thumb, wet with Rowe’s tears, moved to cup his face as he planted a small kiss on Rowe’s forehead. A kiss- that was new. He quite liked it.

-

thirty days until I’m useful again

The clock showed quarter past two in the morning. Master thought Rowe was hurting himself. Which did make sense -why would Master doubt his friend?- but it was wrong, and Rowe had always been taught that his owner was never wrong. Your owner doesn’t make mistakes, what they say goes, and their Pet shuts up and accepts it. But- but-

His head felt close to bursting with the conflicting information. And even worse, when Kasia next came and used him as a punching bag, Master was going to get angry. He would think Rowe had deliberately disobeyed him, and he would be so furious that after everything he had done for him, Rowe had had the nerve to ignore an order like that? After all his consideration, and patience, and, and, kindness.

He sank back against the bedframe and stared at his leg, propped up by a tower of cushions. He tried to wiggle his toes. It hurt. Was this Kasia’s plan all along? Make Rowe so pitiful that Master finally threw him out, for Kasia to snap up? The walls were caving in and here he was, helpless, watching it happen.

-

twenty-eight days until I’m useful again

“It’s getting cold,” Master said. Rowe mumbled an agreement, although he couldn’t say he felt cold, wrapped up as he was in a blanket on the sofa, his splinted leg poking out delicately. Master seemed to realise this and smiled softly. “I suppose you’re quite snug right now, aren’t you?”

“Th-thank you, Master.”

“No, no, I didn’t say it just to get a thank you. Being cold is the worst. Which reminds me, I have to take my pill. I’m a fiend for forgetting.”

“What’s your pill for, Master?”

There was a time Rowe would never have dared ask such a silly, invasive question, but Master had made it clear that he didn’t mind. He seemed to like it when Rowe talked and, as Master put it, ‘made conversation’. Besides, Rowe had never seen him take any sort of medication.

“Folic acid. For my sins. Or, well, mainly for my anemia.”

“What’s… what’s that?”

Although, maybe he was still pushing it. Old master would have laughed at Rowe’s ignorance, before punishing him for asking.

“It’s a deficiency,” Master replied casually. “Makes me cold, and grumpy, and if I stand up too fast I go blind for a few seconds. Sometimes I faint! But this little top-up keeps me in order.”

Rowe watched Master chase the pill down with some water. Something about this felt… odd. Rowe had always been taught that a Pet’s owner was perfect. But now that he thought about it, Master did always seem to be wrapped up warm, or clutching a mug of tea.

“Do- do you- do you want this blanket?” Rowe ventured nervously. Master smiled and his eyes twinkled softly.

“Aw, Rowe, that is so kind. But I’m fine, honestly. You’re the one with the splint! You need to be wrapped up. I will come and sit with you, if that’s alright. Want to put the telly on?”

-

twenty-five days until I’m useful again

TV was a new and strange phenomenon for Rowe. Master rarely put it on before, but with Rowe spending most of his days confined to the sofa, wanting for nothing, being treated far better than he deserved, he had started watching some with his Pet- a routine that didn’t last long.

“I’m remembering why I don’t watch TV much,” remarked Master, filling up the kettle and eyeing the millionth episode of some dreadful home makeover show. “Bloody daytime shite.”

Rowe agreed, but he wouldn’t dare sound ungrateful. Until-

“What do you think, pal?”

That question again. “It’s- uh- n-not that great.”

“Thank fuck. Well done on telling the truth, love. I’ll try and find something a bit more exciting.”

Telling the truth. Rowe stared at his leg, and the cuts under his shirt ached.

-

twenty-two days until I’m useful again

Rowe could hardly focus on the book he was reading. It was called James and the Giant Peach, and it was charming (and he was reading!), but he couldn’t stop his skin from crawling.

Master was sat beside him, typing away on the laptop balanced on his knees, (complaining because ever since Adam had come over everyone at work had started being weirdly polite in their emails) but for some reason his closeness wasn’t the issue. It should be, Rowe knew. He should be far more scared of his Master than he was.

“You alright, pal? Haven’t turned a page in a while. Is there a word you’re struggling with?”

Rowe flinched as Master leant in. “I really- really want to be useful, Master, please,” he admitted.

“Ahh, you’re feeling a bit restless? That’s totally normal. Happens to all people.”

But I’m not a person, Rowe thought. Maybe Master was just trying to relate.

“I know what you can do. You want a chore, right?”

Rowe nodded enthusiastically. “Yes please, Master.”

“Righty. Two secs.”

The basket of freshly dried laundry dropped onto the sofa with a thunk, and a few seconds later Master sat next to it with a ‘’here you go, pal, fancy doing some folding?’’

The itchiness went away in a heartbeat. He had barely stammered out a thank you before he had seized the first item and got to work.

When his hands brushed against Master Tomas’s he looked up in confusion. Master simply smiled at him while neatly folding a pair of trousers.

What? Was Rowe not being fast enough? Was he being clumsy? Was Master showing him how, because Rowe was doing such a terrible job? Was he- was he in trouble?

“Hey, don’t worry,” said Master, seeing the look on Rowe’s face. “Just thought I’d do my share. We both live here after all, don’t we?”

“But- but- this is what I’m for, Master?”

“You’re doing this because you wanted to. I haven’t asked. These last few days you’ve just been resting and I’ve been perfectly happy with you.”

Rowe never understood when Master spoke in riddles like that. Why couldn’t he just be direct in what he wanted from Rowe?

“O-okay, Master.”

-

nineteen days until I can kneel

“This is for you,” Master said, opening up the parcel that had clattered through the letterbox earlier and made Rowe jump. He watched as Master Tomas ran a pair of scissors through the tape, and his chest felt… fine? Like even though Master could hurt him, and he probably should, it wasn’t a scary thought. Before Rowe had a chance to think about that further, Master brought out a pair of very fluffy socks.

“For me?” he asked, even though that was exactly what he’d just been told. He just couldn’t quite believe it, even after everything Master had given him.

“Yeah! Got to keep your feet warm, pal. Want to try them on?”

Rowe nodded and slipped them on. They were patterned with red and white stripes, and they came up almost to his knee on his free leg. Master Tomas helped him fold the other down to sit underneath the splint.

“Thank you so much, they’re lovely,” Rowe said earnestly, and- even better- actually smiled. Master Tomas smiled straight back at him.

-

seventeen days left until I can use my leg

“Have you always been a Pet?” Master asked suddenly. Rowe looked up from his book, his fingers curling in at the memory of his training.

“Yes, Master.”

“You didn’t have a life before it?”

“No. I was trained to be a Pet… that’s all I know.”

This seemed to be the wrong answer. Master frowned deeply.

“Don’t you have anyone missing you? Is there someone you care about, somewhere out there?”

“Only you, Master.”

And it was the utmost truth, and Rowe hoped Master believed him, because Rowe didn’t want him to worry.

 fourteen days until I’m healed

eleven days left of resting

nine days left- because it’s good for me

five days left and I feel so much better already

three days left-

“Hey, Kas,” Master said, his voice floating down the stairs. Rowe went stiff. He had almost forgotten- Master had been so kind that he, he, he had got complacent. How did he let himself forget? “The hospital told me I didn’t ever properly sign the forms for Rowe. Call me back when you get this, and we can sort it out? Cheers, mate. See you.”

A beep. Rowe could barely breathe. He pressed a hand to his face to calm himself. It was a voicemail, Kasia didn’t pick up, there was still time-

Master’s soft footsteps padded towards him-

Rowe tried in vain not to cry. He was so weak, crying at the mere mention of his tormentor. Master was seconds from rounding the corner into the living room. Kasia would come soon. And then what? What would he do to Rowe this time? And what would Master say?

Rowe’s chest heaved with his panicked breaths.

What could he do?

#tomas and rowe #pet whump #pet whumpee #master/pet #whump #whump fic #dehumanisation #also hey! a chapter wholly from rowes perspective! #i enjoyed it a lot #tw self harm

[purplesurveys]

1156

survey by ehxsnos

First lets get the basics out of the way...

What's your name? Robyn.

How old are you? 22.

Where are you from? Philippines.

What color are your eyes and hair? Eyes are dark brown, hair is black.

When were you born? April 21.

Now for the fun stuff!

Do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed? Closed. Some people can fall asleep with their closet doors open (and this is a thing in the first place??)? I could imagine that would irritate me to death, and I wouldn’t be able to fall asleep until I got up and closed it.

How many people have you slept with this week? Zero.

What size is your bed? Just a twin size. It’s all I need for now.

What do you drink with dinner? Cold water, always. We also usually have other drinks served at the dinner table - Coke, buko juice, and iced tea - but I never drink anything else.

What do you dip a chicken nugget in? Barbecue sauce.

Last person you kissed/kissed you? You know who it was, I don’t feel like continuing to mention them on surveys as often as I used to any more.

What movies could you watch over and over and still love? Two for the Road, The Proposal, and Toy Story.

What is your usual bedtime? From Monday to Friday I’m usually passed out anytime between 10 PM–12 AM. It’s a different story on weekends; revenge bedtime procrastination is my thing now, so I go to bed anywhere from 2–5 AM.

When you were a kid, what did you dress up as for Halloween? I always had different outfits on per year, but they were always the generic ones that we could buy costumes of at the mall – pirate, Tinkerbell, mermaid, etc. I didn’t start getting resourceful and/or witty with my Halloween choices until I was about 14 or 15 when I first went as AJ Lee.

Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer? February last year when I had my grad photo taken.

Take a vitamin daily? I am guilty of skipping my vitamins lol.

What do you wear to bed? I answer this all the tiiiiiime but I like wearing super-thin clothes so it’d feel airy while I sleep. I don’t exactly live in the chilliest country in the world.

Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart? Can’t relate.

Ever have plastic surgery? No.

Do you want kids? I would love to have kids, yeah.

Where did your last kiss take place? Outside of that person’s car, just right before they got inside.

Four words to explain why you last threw up? I had a fever coming in and was starting to feel nauseous.

Last thing you ate? Adobo.

Do you get your nails done? Nope.

When did your last relationship end? September.

So tell us, what room ARE you in? I’m in my bedroom.

How many stories does your home have? Three if you count the rooftop.

Do you own headphones? No. The one I have in my room is my dad’s; he just lets me borrow it.

Have you ever...

Gotten a Brazillian wax? No, never tried having that yet. Being waxed looks like it hurts, so I’ve stayed away from it to this day lol.

Gotten so drunk you couldn’t remember wtf you did? Only a handful of times as I try not to get to that point, but yes, it’s happened before.

Been called a bitch? Sure.

Slut? No.

Pierced anything? I have a couple of piercings, but nothing I pierced myself.

Had a tattoo? Not yet.

Smoked a cigarette? Yes, but I actively try to make it a point not to form it into a habit.

Smoked weed? Nope.

Missed someone so bad you couldn’t eat or sleep? Sure, this has happened back when I still felt this way about the person. 

Worked out at a gym? No, never at a gym. I’d feel too self-conscious to get a gym membership altogether haha. In the brief time I worked out, I only did it at home. 

Snuck out of the house? No. With my parents, it’s much safer to ask permission than attempt to be sneaky since they always say yes anyway.

What’s the nearest furry object? That would be Kimi.

Is the room you are in messy? I would say it’s messy in my mom’s eyes but relatively neater than the average bedroom I would see at my friends’s and relatives’ houses. My mom just has ridiculous sky-high expectations when it comes to neatness and I’ve stopped bothering to meet them years ago.

What is the single largest item in your house? Either the living room couch or my parents’ bed, not sure which would ultimately take up more space.

When did you first become interested in sex? I mean I remember starting to explore porn when I was maybe 13 or 14, so those ages would be safe guesses.

How much money did you spend today? Zero and I plan on making it remain at zero. Payday is taking so long though :((((

What is the biggest amount of money you have ever had at one time? I think I had to hold around ₱7,000 in bills at one point in high school when my mom asked me to pay for something tuition-related.

What kind of cell phone do you have? iPhone 8. It sounds more and more ancient with each year that passes lmaooo.

Have you ever been under anesthesia? Never, and I hope I never have to? I’m scared of the things that could come out of my mouth.

Which Disney parks have you been to? None of them.

What does your bed comforter look like? Blue.

When did you last cry? Yesterday, from watching an emotional clip.

When is the last time you took medicine? Start of June.

What was the medicine for? It was to treat my UTI. I was already feeling so much better by the time I had to take that last pill, but I was instructed to take it for a certain period of time so I was just following the schedule.

What kind of health insurance do you have? I’ve actually never tried looking into the specifics of it. I know health insurance is part of my job, but I don’t even fully understand insurance yet HAHA and the thought of it makes me anxious so I haven’t read too much into the kind of insurance I have and the inclusions I can avail from it.

What is your birth control method of choice? I don’t have a preferred one. I’ve only been with a girl, so I haven’t had the chance to explore methods I could gravitate towards.

How much do you spend on your parents for Christmas? Several thousands of pesos, usually.

If you were given $1k and had to use it on 1 purchase, what would you buy? Like, I was challenged to finish it off on one thing? I’d get an iPhone 12.

Have your parents ever caught you drinking? They never caught me drinking when I was not yet allowed to drink. Now that they know I do drink, there’s no ‘catching’ that happens; they don’t mind me downing a bottle of soju from time to time.

Have you ever crawled through a window? I may have as a kid.

What do you spend most of your money on? Food delivery, heh. :)))))))) It’s my favorite way to spoil myself.

Is there a secret you've never told your parents? Yup.

Do you still have pictures of you & your ex? Yes. I’m definitely a photo hoarder regardless of the person, so she’s not an isolated case; I also still have photos of people who aren’t in my life anymore, like Athenna and Sofie. I just don’t look at photos of me and Gab anymore, but they are definitely still around. Deleting them would be like deleting the last six years of my life and that sounds a little unfair.

Has someone ever spread a nasty rumor about you? Someone spread a rumor that I was bi and dating Andi back in 6th grade but I wouldn’t call that nasty.

How many rooms does your house have? It originally had three, but we had the balcony renovated into another bedroom, for my brother; so now we technically have four.

Would you sex tape with you in it for 3 million dollars? As long as I felt safe in the environment and with the person/people, sure.

Are you happier single or in a relationship? There are different kinds of happiness you can get from either; I don’t believe this is something that should be compared.

Do you have curly hair? No.

What is a compliment you receive often? That I write well.

How tall are you?: 5′1″.

Who was the last person to say they loved you and when? Not sure, maybe one of my parents or one of my best friends.

What is the last thing you said aloud? “Already?” Cooper was nipping at my hoodie and he was able to destroy a part of the underside in like three minutes.

What was the last thing you had to drink? Coffee.

What is one thing that can ALWAYS be found in your freezer? At least one type of frozen goods, like tocino or hotdogs.

How many pets do you own? Two.

How old will you be turning on your next birthday? I’ll be 23.

Last time you went out of town? January.

First thing you wash in the shower? My hair, then I work my way down.

What kind of shampoo & conditioner do you use? I use a Dove shampoo and a Pantene conditioner.

Do you own something from Hot Topic? No.

Have you ever bought anything from Pac Sun? I don’t think so. We don’t have that here so there’s no reason for me to own anything from there.

How often do you hold hands with someone? Never. That’s a sensation I miss, for sure. But I’m fine – this is just my period talking HAHAHA

What was the most recent thing you bought? I got a Zinger from KFC because I was craving for fast food at 1 AM yesterday.

Could you ever forgive a cheater? Considering how stupid I can get when it comes to love, probably yes in certain situations.

Do you have Verizon? No.

Would you consider yourself to be spoiled? To a very, very tiny extent, especially compared to my siblings. I’m nowhere close to being a brat, though. 

Have you ever been pregnant? No.

What is your average cell phone bill? I’m on prepaid, so I load up my phone every week with a certain amount instead of paying for a consolidated bill every month.

How many piercings do you have? Two.

Do you start the water before you get in the shower or when you get in? I turn it on only once I’ve gotten in.

Have you ever had stitches? Nope and I’m terrified of the thought. I hope I’ll never have to need any.

Do you think it’s right for straight guys to get their tongue pierced? Eugh, outdated question. Next.

Are you more of a coffee or alcohol drinker? Coffee.

Do you have a wireless keyboard and mouse? No. I don’t use a mouse and my keyboard is already built into my laptop.

How many songs are on your iPod or MP3 player? I don’t regularly use either anymore.

Where did you get that shirt you're wearing? I’m pretty certain this is a hand-me-down from my mom.

What are your pet’s names? Kimi and Cooper.

Honestly, are you in love right now? Nope.

Honestly, what color is your underwear? Blue.

Honestly, do you think you are attractive? Some days.

Honestly, do your wrists hurt? Haha no, but my back and shoulders do.

Honestly, wouldn't you rather be having sex right now? Sure.

What would you do if the doctor told you that you were pregnant? Continued from this morning. Figure out a way to tell my parents without getting hit.

Was there anyone who "made your day"? Today? Not really.

Are you vegeterian? Nope.

How many windows are open in your computer? Two of Chrome, one of Spotify.

Do you read Perez Hilton? Ew, no. Does that guy still do stuff???

Is there a baby in the room with you right now? No.

Do you plan on moving within the next year? It’s nice to daydream about but likely not gonna happen.

Have you been to a baby shower? No.

What brand is your computer? Apple.

How many cars can fit in your driveway? 4-5 if we really want to make the most out of the available space, but at present it only has 2.

Are you taller than your mom? Nah. Everyone thought I would be, but then I just stopped growing. I am now the shortest member in the family hahaha.

Are you a cuddler? Only with significant others. I would feel uncomfortable if a non-SO cuddled me as I am not a touchy person to begin with, except when it comes to hugs.

Sleep on your back or stomach? Stomach. I could never sleep on my back; I feel too exposed.

Do you go to the bathroom with the door open or closed? I always close the bathroom doors. Kimi has the tendency to pee on the bathroom floor so I make sure he doesn’t follow me in there.

Do you dress for style or comfort? More for style. I do take comfort into account, but looking nice and feeling confident in my outfit honestly takes precedence for me.

Think of the last time you were angry. Why were you angry? 15,000 cases today.

Would you marry someone if they were unable to have sex? Yeah. It would even be a bit of a relief, honestly, because it means less pressure for me to have sex to please my partner.

Have you ever made a boyfriend or girlfriend cry? Yes, both happy and sad tears.

Does heartbreak really feel as bad as it sounds? It depends on the person, I guess. Some can handle breakups well, and I’m not one of them.

How long has it been since you had sex? It would be 7 months this April.

Who was the last person to call you babe? My ex probably.

Last reason you went to the ER? I’ve never been to.

Were you a planned pregnancy for your parents? Yeah. They were having trouble conceiving at first, but my mom eventually found out she was pregnant with me on her 27th birthday.

How old was your mom when she gave birth to you? ^ 27.

Have you ever taken pictures in a photo booth? Yes, many times.

When was the last time you shaved your legs? A couple of weeks ago. I’ve been meaning to shave again but I’ve just been sooooooo lazy.

What facial cleanser do you use? I don’t use any products on my skin.

Do you use a blowdryer? Nope.

How many purses do you own?: 3 – I now have more than one! Haha. A month ago I had to buy bayongs from this small business for these PR kits we needed to send out and they included a couple of purses as freebies. Since we’re all working from home, I got to keep them since I was the one who placed the order heheh.

What are your top five favorite stores to shop for clothes? I really just stop by stalls of small businesses I see at the mall and see what trendy pieces I can get from them.

What kind of clothes do you mostly wear? I like halter and tank tops, paired with denim jeans.

What about shoes? Sneakers. You’ll rarely see me wearing anything else.

Have you ever cheated on the significant other that you have now?

For that one week a month, do you hate being a woman? I’ll feel icky about it every now and then, especially if my flow happens to be heavy; but for the most part I don’t have any complaints. I think bleeding out every month is actually kind of fucking hardcore.

What are your first thoughts when your visitor visits? Be relieved. I’ve never had irregularity issues with my period, so every time it comes it usually serves as a reassurance that there continues to be no problem.

Favorite underwear brand? Don’t have any.

Last thing you bought at the mall? Three new pods for my vape.

Do your parents like your boyfriend/girlfriend?

What color are your pillows? They’re the same style as my current bedsheet, so they’re also blue.

What if an ex asked to be back in your life? I think it would be nice if we would at least have lunch somewhere to catch up, then ask her what led her to that point.

Don’t you just love DVR? We didn’t use it often.

If you're on a laptop, how much charge does it have left? 93%.

Last gift you recieved? I got lunch from Bea after our virtual event with the media for one of our clients. Later that day, Kata also had banana bread delivered to my place :)

Lesson you recently learned? What to do when my candle starts tunneling, which I had looked up literally no more than 5 minutes ago because it started happening to my scented candle :(

#survey #surveys

[punkscowardschampions]

Zelda & Zach

ihatemyguts: Good thing you told me how bubble boy posi Robyn’s ‘rents are

ihatemyguts: ‘cos that felt like such a brush-off

ihatemyguts: I feel kinda bad, it’s low-key just upset her with no shopping trip pay-off 😬

inandout: your first date was today

inandout: the insane jealousy must have forced me to forget

ihatemyguts: Obviously

ihatemyguts: moping and staring out of open windows would be bad for your health

ihatemyguts: probably

ihatemyguts: can’t have that

inandout: mope hard enough and fling myself all over the house, they’ll call it exercise

ihatemyguts: I’d let Rob know but her parents would probably sue me

ihatemyguts: I did some research

ihatemyguts: and yeah, flare-ups fucking suck, but if she was struggling that bad rn she’d be in hospital getting her 💉 on

ihatemyguts: makes me ⁉️ if the meetup will happen

inandout: makes me wonder if her brothers are allowed out

inandout: if they are maybe they can help us smuggle her to the meetup

ihatemyguts: not just a pretty face

ihatemyguts: that’s a damn good idea

ihatemyguts: I can slide in their DMs

inandout: Cranking up the jealousy metre to give me a full work out, I see, are you gonna be a PE teacher when you grow up?

ihatemyguts: *prays they aren’t like 12*

ihatemyguts: imagine if that was my life’s ambition

ihatemyguts: wear unflattering sportswear and give kids complexes

ihatemyguts: even without the potential life-shortening illness, I’d reconsider that

inandout: it tracks that you’d wanna make them 💩 and bringing back the bleep test could work

ihatemyguts: okay I’m not 🦹‍♀️ or 🐯 levels of sweet but is that what you really think of me? 😏

inandout: I think there’s only one rebel teacher coming to mind and I haven’t watched that film so all I know is they stand on desks

inandout: probably not a perfect fit for you

ihatemyguts: I could force you to watch it for our first date

ihatemyguts: and ask you, what your dream job would be

inandout: Netflix and chill or cinema screening of the ‘classics’?

inandout: we could do a drive-thru

ihatemyguts: hmm 🤔

ihatemyguts: there are pluses to ‘em all

ihatemyguts: cinema, we could laugh at all the snobs and 🤓s

inandout: Cool, reach out to me with the time + date when it’s showing

inandout: Are you allowed 🍿?

ihatemyguts: oh hell no

ihatemyguts: have to find another way to hold my hand

inandout: 🦸‍♀️ said she was gonna look up ice breakers and stuff, hopefully it was a fruitful search and she won’t mind sharing the info

ihatemyguts: do you think she legit didn’t realize how thirsty that boy was for her

ihatemyguts: or is it all uwu coy-ness

inandout: It’s hard to tell

inandout: but if I remember my glasses I’ll do my best to decode her body language from 6 ft away

ihatemyguts: aside from hospital, have you ever met someone else with cf?

inandout: Nope

inandout: jokes aside, it really is discouraged

ihatemyguts: that’s a hard one to get your head around

ihatemyguts: far as adjustments go

inandout: getting Robbie at this meetup won’t be easy

inandout: separate ones mean we might not have her there

ihatemyguts: I reckon we can trust you and Kara to keep the teen love story fictional

ihatemyguts: for all our sake’s

inandout: She’ll get her man

inandout: it’s not like bad advice and dating pitfalls are just a click away

ihatemyguts: cosmos never steered ANYONE wrong

inandout: Yahoo answers neither

ihatemyguts: might be confused as to why they’re not related

inandout: [I like to think he’s just sending his fave yahoo answer answers now for the lols]

ihatemyguts: [meme back and forth lads]

ihatemyguts: if she gets her date we could go into the matchmaker business

ihatemyguts: start at home

ihatemyguts: 🤖 don’t last forever

inandout: Rob’ll need to be next or she won’t forgive us

inandout: and we’ll soon get tired/guilty of seeing the amount of 😿💔 spam the chat

ihatemyguts: we’ll have to liberate her first

ihatemyguts: in a literal way

ihatemyguts: not the pretentious, free your 🧠 type of vibe

inandout: Kidnap’s playing into her parents’ fears but we don’t have a better option

ihatemyguts: now it’s my turn for a potential 💡

ihatemyguts: what if that is exactly what she should do

inandout: jump scare them?

ihatemyguts: if she did some actual wild shit to show them they’re being suffocating, ‘scuse the mention, then they’ll have to compromise and let her do normal kid things and everyone will win

ihatemyguts: I realize getting her to wild out might be a problem

ihatemyguts: catfish it though?

inandout: 💡⭐️

inandout: getting her to agree to do it for real would take longer than we have but you’re right, faking it wouldn’t take any time at all

ihatemyguts: get Lauren to picture whatever the hell she’s up to

ihatemyguts: sorted

inandout: + there’s your next photo challenge ready to be accepted, dressing as if you were going on a date with 👵🌈✨ instead

ihatemyguts: hold my neon

ihatemyguts: and think, do we clue Rob in on this plan now or do it on her behalf first, ‘cos we could hit up her house phone with some madness to get ‘em sus now and when she’s like wuuuuut it’ll sound even more

ihatemyguts: or is that a bit evil genius instead of 🦹‍♀️

inandout: Does she even have a house phone? We don’t

inandout: you’ll have to find another way to trick my parents into believing I’m a badass

ihatemyguts: I bet they do

ihatemyguts: can’t trust a mobile

ihatemyguts: and I bet they don’t have a microwave, they’re that sort

ihatemyguts: obvs I’ll just direct them to Lauren on your friends list with a 🤔

inandout: We should probably warn her, in case she takes it the wrong way

inandout: or decides to stand up to them for her YA movie moment

ihatemyguts: yeah, you’re right

ihatemyguts: if she doesn’t go for it, her brothers might be of use still

ihatemyguts: have to focus my evil energy elsewhere

ihatemyguts: such as…

ihatemyguts: 🥁

ihatemyguts: [one of the crazier lewks from babyteeth for the photo challenge]

inandout: 🤞🏻 one of them is old enough to drive the people carrier

inandout: Uhh… that was a suspiciously fast transformation

ihatemyguts: didn’t know you was challenging a pro?

ihatemyguts: and someone with a lot of time on her hands

inandout: I do now

inandout: and I’m guessing it’s not every day you get stood up based on what else I know about you

ihatemyguts: it’s a first

ihatemyguts: not that I constantly ask people out

ihatemyguts: but that is what I’ve put across so fair enough

ihatemyguts: what am I interrupting for you?

inandout: I’m waiting on friends

inandout: this could end in both of us being stood up

ihatemyguts: am I a drag you down with me type?

ihatemyguts: hmm

ihatemyguts: nah, I’ll cross my fingers that your friends aren’t flaky

inandout: Late, but I’d be too if it wasn’t my house

inandout: What are you gonna do now shopping’s off?

ihatemyguts: life is one big photo challenge, right

ihatemyguts: yours is ‘whatever will make your friends double-take when they open the door’

ihatemyguts: it’s a good question

ihatemyguts: we’re going to virtual shop tomorrow but she wasn’t up for it today

inandout: Wait for it and their faces

inandout: + you’re virtually invited to watch movies and play games, you won’t be the only one who isn’t here in person

ihatemyguts: 👍

ihatemyguts: cool

ihatemyguts: meeting new people is my new thing, as long as your mates are down/not the level of nerd that they might get a nosebleed if a girl is about

inandout: Some of them are girls if that helps

inandout: and my brother won’t be there to bring down the cool

ihatemyguts: low-key a shame

ihatemyguts: have to meet him before the first date though

inandout: I’ve got a father you can ask for permission if you’re feeling old-fashioned

ihatemyguts: full set

ihatemyguts: fun

ihatemyguts: mines in scotland so we’ll let you off that trek

inandout: But a road trip is a coming of age movie staple! 😫 Has Netflix aired any YA without one + are you willing to take that risk?

inandout: mine’s a workaholic but we’ve got years to catch him

ihatemyguts: forget the meds, see who gets fucked up first

ihatemyguts: it’d be a journey, for sure

ihatemyguts: do you know what he does? ‘cos so’s mine and I couldn’t tell you, tbh

inandout: Or mix them up and see what happens when you take the ones for my 💩

inandout: He’s a sales manager, he says, but why so vague?

ihatemyguts: sounds like something they’d do at cool parties

ihatemyguts: and that sounds suspish

ihatemyguts: they should have this 🤓 but with a moustache instead of the buckteeth

ihatemyguts: dads are elusive creatures… conspiracy time, what are they all up to

inandout: Not sure that’s the topic Rich has been watching vids on but I’ll ask

ihatemyguts: he can always tactfully ignore you if he’s 😳

ihatemyguts: like he does with 👵🌈✨ when she’s extra

ihatemyguts: more than usual

inandout: Be harder to do that in person

ihatemyguts: I think everyone will still get on

ihatemyguts: unless fibrofog shows, then that’ll be teen show worthy drama, of course

inandout: I think he’s genuinely blocked, he’d need a 2nd account to find out about it

ihatemyguts: hope he’s seen catfish too

inandout: He’d be a fan of the one where the man refused to believe it wasn’t Katy Perry

ihatemyguts: it does seem like the sort of thing she’d do

ihatemyguts: poor bastard

inandout: 😂

ihatemyguts: ultimate photo challenge, catfishing everyone and then going for the ruveal

ihatemyguts: might need more than just a wig 🤔😏

inandout: Dressing like her would make my friends do a double-take

inandout: [pics of some of her outrageous lewks with his head put on]

ihatemyguts: 😂😂😂

ihatemyguts: you suit the 🍦🧁🍭🍩✨

inandout: We’ve probably got a can of squirty cream lying around for hot chocolate

ihatemyguts: inhaler but make it ~sExxxIii~

inandout: [a lil video of his failed attempt to re-create that in her insta DMs or wherever because idk if they can send stuff like that here]

ihatemyguts: Katy dat you 😍😍

inandout: I’ve agreed to only string you along for 4 years not 6 and I don’t have any savings to spend 25% of on a 💍

inandout: looks like the comparison starts and stops with our black curls

ihatemyguts: not much of an orlando bloom clone myself so it’s alright

ihatemyguts: pirate is always an excellent disabled-friendly costume though so add that to the ideas board we should start

inandout: If we decide the next meetup is fancy dress, Lauren will never go back home

ihatemyguts: that’s the mood

inandout: [sends her whatever he did for the photo challenge and his friends reaction to it because why not say they’ve arrived and there’s a similar feral mood here]

[larryrickard]

lets get personal.

i know this is supposed to be an ask meme but i’m fucking bored & no one ever sends me them, so.  also i’m kinda pissy rn unfortunately so forgive pls some of my answers lol

01: 6 of the songs you listen to most?:  idk.  mostly i listen to everything on random anymore, and only in my car.  the only song i’ve listened to on repeat recently has been ‘stupid love’ by lady gaga. 02: If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?:  speaking of which, lady gaga. 03: Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.:  the only book near me would be all the books, as in my bookshelf.  unless you count my kindle, in which case there would be no line 17 because of the font size.  sorry. 04: What do you think about most?:  idk.  whatever my current obsession is i guess. 05: What does your latest text message from someone else say?:  “And you don't have to cook it”. 06: Do you sleep with or without clothes on?:  with.  i don’t like being naked and don’t understand those who do.  also i get cold. 07: What’s your strangest talent?:  i don’t have talents. 08: Girls… (finish the sentence); Boys… (finish the sentence):  are soft and beautiful.  meh, have to earn my trust. 09: Ever had a poem or song written about you?:  a song, yes. 10: When is the last time you played the air guitar?:  a very long time.  it’s not a thing i ever do lol. 11: Do you have any strange phobias?:  i don’t think so.  my phobias are pretty standard. 12: Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose?:  when i was a kid, yeah.  plenty.  once my parents had to hold me down and tweeze a chewed up wad of juicy fruit out of my nose.  i fucking love the smell of that gum.  three year old me may have been stupid but, hey.  i was being economical.  also i blame it on my parents for, you know, giving a fucking toddler some gum. 13: What’s your religion?:  don’t have one.  former christian, which is gross.  don’t indoctrinate children, please and thanks. 14: If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?:  walking to or from my car.  that’s about it.  :/ 15: Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?:  behind.  no one deserves to see my face.  rip to everyone who sees me in person on a regular basis. 16: Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?:  jars of clay, jimmy eat world, the elms. 17: What was the last lie you told?:  that i’m not in debt lmao.  the only time i’ve lied to my psychiatrist :/ 18: Do you believe in karma?:  no but sometimes i wish i did.  so many people deserve their comeuppance. 19: What does your URL mean?:  doesn’t really mean anything, he’s a character from the flash. 20: What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?:  all sorts of things?  and idk. 21: Who is your celebrity crush?:  lady gaga, angelina jolie, carlos valdes, idk if shane madej is a ‘celebrity’ but him, brie larson, michael sheen... idk, i don’t really have “crushes” but those are the first ppl to come to mind. 22: Have you ever gone skinny dipping?:  nope.  and no thank you. 23: How do you vent your anger?:  lol. 24: Do you have a collection of anything?:  funko pops?  but not seriously.  i mean.  i have a lot of them bc i love a lot of characters and there are some pretty fuckin dope funkos.  but it’s not my goal in life to have a huge collection or anything.  at least i can say i have less than a hundred of them lol.  (less than 75.) 25: Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?:  ew, neither.  but if i had to choose, phone.  bc, you know.  my face. 26: Are you happy with the person you’ve become?:  lmfao no.  i mean, i’m better than the person i used to be, that’s for sure.  (see:  indoctrinated as a child, including your typical conservative bullshit like racism for starters.) 27: What’s a sound you hate; sound you love?:  so many.  i have misophonia.  and people chewing + mouth sounds is definitely a big one.  love?  idk???  music?  rain?  my cat’s cute lil meow? 28: What’s your biggest “what if”?:  what if my thyroid issues were discovered earlier on instead of a year or more after they started.  my childhood doctor was Not Great.  it took her two weeks to figure out i had a sinus infection.  i was in the fourth grade.  still bitter about both of those. 29: Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?:  no, ghosts aren’t real.  aliens yes.  not the stereotypical ones, but in a “given the size of the universe it’s literally impossible that we’re the only life out there” way. 30: Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm.:  right, the cat.  left, air. 31: Smell the air. What do you smell?:  nothing?  it’s my house/room, so to me it smells like nothing. 32: What’s the worst place you have ever been to?:  uh... i’ve no idea? 33: Choose: East Coast or West Coast?:  west, obviously. 34: Most attractive singer of your opposite gender?:  no such thing as ‘opposite’ gender.  of a different gender, though?  lady gaga. 35: To you, what is the meaning of life?:  who the fucking fuck knows.  literally know one knows, though tbh.  they just think they do. 36: Define Art.:  lmfao how would i know.  i don’t have a creative bone in my body so i should be the last person to comment on the subject. 37: Do you believe in luck?:  nope.  i hope it’s obvious by now that i don’t believe in fictional things. 38: What’s the weather like right now?:  cool.  cloudy.  typical oregon winter weather.  i want rain tho :( 39: What time is it?:  3:04am. 40: Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?:  yes.  and yes, several times.  three.  two totaled cars.  the last one is the only one that was actually my fault, though.  driving too close after it rained.  don’t do it, folks. 41: What was the last book you read?:  the diviners by libba bray.  currently reading a short history of nuclear folly by rudolph herzog.  fascinating, but kind of  depressing af. 42: Do you like the smell of gasoline?:  no. 43: Do you have any nicknames?:  hal (to a very select few bc 99% of the time i hate it, so fuck you if you call me this without permission), hals, hallie bird, hallie strawberry. 44: What was the last film you saw?:  i honestly don’t know.  haven’t done a whole lot of movie watching lately.  maybe the fall (2006).  (please watch this movie, it’s so gorgeous and lovely.) 45: What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had?:  i’ve never had a serious injury.  well.  i take that back, i guess.  in my first car accident i was stopped and rear-ended at like, 40mph.  so i’ve had back issues since i was 18.  usually it’s fine but sometimes it’s bad and sometimes i can set it off really easily.  idk if that counts as “serious”, though.  lots of people have back problems. 46: Have you ever caught a butterfly?:  i don’t think so? 47: Do you have any obsessions right now?:  i guess buzzfeed unsolved and watcher.  and ‘stupid love’ by lady gaga lol.  good omens, as usual. 48: What’s your sexual orientation?:  asexual. 49: Ever had a rumour spread about you?:  yes.  thankfully only a few (that i know of, anyway). 50: Do you believe in magic?:  no. 51: Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?:  yuuup.  they deserve it. 52: What is your astrological sign?:  taurus. 53: Do you save money or spend it?:  spend it :||  every paycheck i tell myself i’ll be better at saving it, but............ 54: What’s the last thing you purchased?:  preordered chromatica by lady gaga. 55: Love or lust?:  if i had to choose, love.  lust and all that stuff is gross. 56: In a relationship?:  nope.  shocker, i know.  (this is sarcasm.  it is no shocker to anyone as to why i’m single.) 57: How many relationships have you had?:  just the one. 58: Can you touch your nose with your tongue?:  nope. 59: Where were you yesterday?:  work on my day off for a staff meeting, and then my psychiatrists’ office. 60: Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?:  a few things, yes. 61: Are you wearing socks right now?:  yes.  almost always. 62: What’s your favourite animal?:  cats, then birds.  mice are p adorable, too.  i miss having them.  i haven’t had mice since middle school or early high school i think :(  i’d love more but my current cat would definitely try to eat them... same with a bird.  i’ll probably never have a bird :( 63: What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you?:  be sarcastic and love stupid puns and bad jokes? 64: Where is your best friend?:  one is in ohio and the other is in massachusetts. 65: Give me your top 5 favourite blogs on Tumblr.:  no idea lol.  i haven’t been on here much recently, and i’m never caught up anyway.  and i don’t usually pay attention to who is posting/reblogging. 66: What is your heritage?:  mostly german.  the rest is other typical white stuff that i can’t remember.  some irish?  either way idc. 67: What were you doing last night at 12AM?:  uh, rewatching some buzzfeed unsolved for the 100th time?  and playing with my tamagotchi? 68: What do you think is Satan’s last name?:  he doesn’t exist so idc. 69: Be honest. Ever gotten yourself off?:  nope.  also, Nice™. 70: Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend?:  incredibly doubtful. 71: You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?:  go to work.  i love my job way too much.  i’d probably try to get someone’s attention if there was anyone around, and/or call animal services.  (there are no canals around here anyway and i don’t walk to work and ain’t gonna.) 72: You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?:  who tf knows, i hate this shit.  i’d really rather not think about it bc it stresses me out.  i probably wouldn’t tell very many people tho.  try to find someone to take my cat :(  i sure as shit wouldn’t leave her to my parents :(  and i wouldn’t want to leave her in a shelter.  she’s already done that once and it makes me too sad. 73: You can only have one of these things; trust or love.:  trust.  you can’t have love without trust, though... 74: What’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?:  ‘sweetness’ by jimmy eat world, ‘fade to grey’ by jars of clay, ‘thunderhead’ by the elms, ‘bad romance’ and ‘g*psy’ by lady gaga (latter is... i hate the name but the song is so fucking catchy, ugh), ‘torn’ by natalie imbruglia, ‘bring it all back’ by s club 7, ‘... baby one more time’ by britney spears, ‘where’s the love’ by hanson, ‘who do you think you are’ by the spice girls, ‘as long as you love me’ and ‘everybody (backstreet’s back)’ by the backstreet boys, ‘black balloon’ by goo goo dolls, ‘spark’ by tori amos, ‘last beautiful girl’ by matchbox twenty, ‘push it’ by garbage, ‘i want you’ by savage garden, ‘minority’ and ‘she’ and ‘basket case’ and ‘macy’s day parade’ by green day... how’s that lol. 75: What are the last four digits in your cell phone number?:  not giving out that kind of personal information lmao. 76: In your opinion, what makes a great relationship?:  i wouldn’t know. 77: How can I win your heart?:  you probably can’t.  idk anyway. 78: Can insanity bring on more creativity?:  sure, but lack of insanity is a better way to go.  don’t perpetuate the bullshit notion that you need to be suffering to create Great Art™. 79: What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far?:  idk.  i haven’t made very many. 80: What size shoes do you wear?:  10 in women’s. 81: What would you want to be written on your tombstone?:  i’m going to be cremated and you probably should be, too.  just don’t get embalmed, k? 82: What is your favourite word?:  fuck. 83: Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart.:  ‘alone’ by heart. 84: What is a saying you say a lot?:  idk.  someone who spends time around me irl would have to tell me. 85: What’s the last song you listened to?:  ‘stupid love’ by lady gaga on repeat. 86: Basic question; what’s your favourite colour/colours?:  blue.  then green, and in no particular order, black, grey, purple. 87: What is your current desktop picture?:  it’s boring, just the default mac catalina background lol.  i was having issues choosing a background and was getting way too fucking picky, so i just said ‘fuck it’ and have been using this one for months. 88: If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be?:  donald trump. 89: What would be a question you’d be afraid to tell the truth on?:  idk?  how much in debt i am?  lmao. 90: One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren’t really doing anything, they’re just standing around your bed. What do you do?:  assume i’m having a night terror or am hallucinating.  and be scared. 91: You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power?:  hopefully teleportation. 92: You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?:  maybe when i met carlos valdes & got a picture with him.  he’s super sweet, is living sunshine, and gives amazing hugs. 93: You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?:  so many :/  idek where to start tbh. 94: You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be?:  i’m sex-repulsed so no thank you.  also, gross question.  get a life. 95: You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?:  new zealand. 96: Do you have any relatives in jail?:  yes, my cousin bc he murdered my dad ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 97: Have you ever thrown up in the car?:  no. 98: Ever been on a plane?:  many times. 99: If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say?:  indigenous people aren’t history, they still exist.  shut the fuck up and listen to them.  build a time machine to go back in time and prevent colonisers.  just straight-up kill them, we deserve it.

#me

[kinosternon]

(CW: abstract discussions of abuse, several heaping spoonfuls of new-adult angst. Also, length—this is like 2,000 words lol)

This particular story, such as it is, starts with me chatting with a very close friend of mine over Skype, and looking through my email at the same time. (Me and this friend are the type of close where we Skype once a week and they play video games or code while I browse the Internet and watch whatever they’re up to, so a certain amount of multitasking is par for the course.) I’m a big fan of StoryBundle and related stuff, so when I came across their Write Stuff 2017 bundle (https://storybundle.com/writing), I remember that I’d bought a similar bundle of theirs last year, and went to check it out.

It actually wasn’t the first time I’d looked it over. I’ve been trying to give up writing for the past several months, and been through a similar cycle several times: get fed up with the pressure of writing, decide to give up on writing altogether, feel a lot better, start thinking about writing again—without so much as opening a document or a notebook. Reading the descriptions for the bundle got me thinking about the whole pattern, and I said out loud to my friend, “Reading about writing feels like looking through an ex’s Facebook.”

Then I stopped and thought about what I’d said, because it did. That was exactly what it felt like. So I started to wonder why.

~

As a white, male, able-bodied 20-something in the United States who attended a liberal arts college and tries to be at least politically aware, if not politically active, I find the narrative of abuse survival to be one that’s ineffectual to apply to myself. Have I been in some shitty situations with people? 

…Yeah. I have. 

Have I caused some shitty situations? Without a shadow of a doubt, though I’m pretty hopeful about the idea that I’ve never been outright abusive. Certainly I’ve never been so intentionally, but intention can only get a person so far.  

I struggled for a long time with the idea that I may have experienced abusive situations in my childhood and beyond, and now I’m more or less at peace with the idea that abuse is a narrative that I don’t feel comfortable applying to my life experiences so far. I heard a lot about abuse growing up—which is good, it’s absolutely vital to spread that knowledge—but not a lot about what to do and how to go forward when a relationship is just shit, and that left me stuck for a while. It really wasn’t fun.

Still, eventually, I figured out an answer to the latter question I’m comfortable with. I don’t need to be able to prove, to myself or anyone else, that a relationship is abusive for me to want to leave it. I think more people out there need to remember that, especially because the myth of needing proof is often used by abusers themselves.

To believe and be properly sympathetic to people who had undergone abuse, I had to understand that their concerns were not my concerns—that I am not, in my head, part of the “survivors of abuse” identity group. Anything else was harmful to me, and both disrespectful and detrimental to the people I might encounter during my attempts to be a good ally.

Abuse, at the moment, isn’t a helpful way for me to frame my relationships. Negativity and toxicity, on the other hand, absolutely are. I started feeling a lot less anxious when I started applying more shades of subtlety to my emotions and experiences.

~

Time and circumstance can change relationship dynamics a lot. Lately, I’ve reconnected with a friend whom I’d labeled “toxic” pretty vibrantly in my head, and whom I’ve got a complicated history with. I turned the idea over in my head for months, dismissing it as a bad idea with more and more reluctance each time. In the end, fairly sure of the reasonableness of the idea, I followed through on the impulse to contact them online. Turns out the friend was not only still happy to hear from me, they were in a much better place than they’d been back when I cut off contact. And I’m in a better place now, too. They don’t test my boundaries anymore, and even if they did, I’d feel much more sure about enforcing them.

Having this friend back in my life has been enjoyable and enriching. Another source of support in life is always welcome.

I’ve made some new friends, too, and both reconnecting with sour friendships and making new ones that I’m okay with require a certain amount of emotional resilience. I’ve been trying to cultivate a strong sense of self-worth, agency, and self-reliability independent of those friendships, and it’s been helping.  

I’m not quite sure what to call the more welcoming side of those efforts, though. Tolerance, forgiveness, and patience all have different undertones. I think it’s somewhere between the three, and I’m still testing out the way those nuances shift depending on the specific circumstance. And they all start with an awareness of my own limits, and the feeling that I’m always allowed to stop and walk away.

~

Anyway, this was a story about writing. Setting boundaries for yourself is important, I thought, as I considered where the thought of “writing as shitty ex” had come from. If I kept shying away from writing all this time, then maybe it really was a toxic relationship.

The problem is, writing isn’t a person. I don’t ascribe very hard to any one particular class of thought or pedagogy when it comes to writing, either, so as far as I can tell that isn’t the difficulty. It’s still possible that outside influences are building up and forming an unpleasant imagined persona, like an unwelcoming audience. But for a little while now, I’ve been trying to curtail instances of random exposure to the displeasure of strangers, and by now that influence has noticeably lessened. So what was going on?

When I thought about it in those terms, it wasn’t too hard to reach a perplexing conclusion: I’m in a bad relationship with writing, and I’m the only person in that relationship.

I’m all the moving parts. Just me. Which led me to wonder, what am I doing to myself that I haven’t consciously realized?

~

I recently started tutoring a couple of kids in creative writing through Skype call. (Someone thought it was a good idea to put an advertisement on a freelancing website, instead of a tutoring-specific one, but that’s another story, and one that I know very little about.) The first couple of lessons were a little bit awkward, until one of the parents clued me in to the idea of working through prompts in class, instead of assigning things and providing feedback. Then a couple of online resources mentioned the idea of working along with the kids on exercises, so I tried that, too.

I would’ve figured it was a bad idea, putting them on the spot or accidentally showing off, but so far both strategies seem to be working. It’s been good to show that even a teacher can’t think of everything on a tight schedule, that what I come up with is imperfect or incomplete. And better still, I’ve gotten into the habit of waiting a little longer for answers, continuing to ask prompt past the first, dubious or hesitant response. I’ve been asking a lot of “Why?”, and making games out of brainstorming. It’s been fun, and I’d like to think I’m not the only one learning.

I think I’ve forgotten how important patience is in writing, as in many other things.

~

One summer, between semesters of college, I tried living with friends. It was a lot of fun, but there were parts that were very stressful—specifically, the coming-up-with-rent part. I managed to land a decent ghostwriting job, but it wasn’t enough to keep up with bills, not by a long shot. (I was extremely privileged to have parents that were willing to come up with some of the difference, without which I would have been very ill-advised even to try.) So I tried to balance an internship or two alongside it, which ultimately led to me keeping abreast of chores and stressing instead of working on everything else.

Near the end of the summer, desperately trying to make up a huge word deficit on a ghostwriting project, I set myself a goal: 24,000 words in 24 hours. A quota of 1,000 words an hour, with permission to do whatever I wanted each hour, after hitting that point.

I managed it, almost getting to the end of the piece. I don’t think I so much as opened the document for eight weeks afterward. I blew far past the intended deadline, and in the meantime, my client moved on to greener writing pastures. I was never paid for that project.

I didn’t realize until years later that ever since then, something related to the writing part of me has felt injured—that it feels like something got sprained inside.

~

People talk about their inner editors. Whatever that particular force in my head is, I’m not sure it counts as just an editor anymore.

My editorial sense is just fine when it comes to other people. I like providing developmental edits. I’m good at line-editing and formatting. I’ve interned at a literary agency, and, as mentioned above, worked as a ghostwriter before that. I occasionally beta-read fanfic and/or critique friends’ work for fun. I like fixing other people’s writing, and I like meeting them where they are in their efforts to improve their technique.

Moreover, I’m pretty confident of my technical writing ability. I know how to put together a sentence. I’m as susceptible to typos as the next person, but otherwise my error rate is pretty low. I’ve got a working sense of structure, pacing, and style. I actually know how to format dialogue correctly, how to use a long dash and a semicolon, and the difference between a too-long sentence and a run-on.

That doesn’t mean I don’t still have a long way to go—that’s the nature of writing. (See: I write long sentences even when I shouldn’t, and I’m far too fond of italics.) But I’m not all that self-conscious about any of that, really. It doesn’t bug me.

No, I’m just completely certain of my inability to have ideas. Or, having miraculously had an idea that I didn’t immediately tear to pieces, to actually sit down and start. Or, having started, to muddle through the middle, let alone finish. Or, having somehow finished, to have the self-discipline to do any revision whatsoever.

I “know” these things just won’t ever happen—that I “can,” but that I won’t. And I “know” that I shouldn’t give up on one of my most-developed skills. But when I finally gave myself permission to give up—to move on to something I haven’t built up to be so utterly wraught—I felt a lot better. And thus the cycle began.

Even getting to that point—feeling like I deserved a chance to walk away—was in itself a kind of growth. But I think I’m ready to try moving beyond it. I’m just not sure what direction “beyond” will be in.

~

I’m slowly circling around a choice. Like water spiraling around a drain, or one of those pennies in a black-hole model at the mall. (Anyone else remember those?) I could try to break free—I’m fairly certain that I can, to whatever degree I want, though there would be parts of it that would hurt. But I don’t think I want to.

I’m not going to let writer-me take over my life again anytime soon. I don’t want to give him any power, because or the past few years he’s done the opposite of earn it. But I might be willing to get back together with him, for a bit of a trial run. The equivalent of a re-friending on Facebook and maybe catching up over coffee.

I find myself curious as to how it might go.

#abuse cw #physical injury cw #(mild metaphorical mention) #rambling about writing #but I guess it counts as #my nonfiction

[warnerbro]

NOTHING mEANs EVERything

Boo: [What was she doing there? What in the world was she--- Cilla Dodgeson's blonde hair whipped around the corner, once more, as Boo stuck like glue to the wall. It was the ghost of ex girlfriend past, and of course Donnie's arm was around her. There they were, haunting Boo, as any ghost would; tormenting him. As if supporting Donnie at soccer games wasn't enough. As if kissing that stupid guy in front of him wasn't enough. No, she was haunting him, and making sure he'd remember her and see her face every chance he'd get. Especially at that stupid party. So he took one look at her and scRUNCHED HIS NOSE, AND SCOFFED BEfORE TAKING A NICE GULP OF SOME MIXED DRINK]

Cilla: [Cilla's honestly thinking to herself, why am I at a college party? I don't even like high school parties that much. Maybe these are better? Eh. Anyway, she was just here because Donnie wanted her to come with him. Something about it being important for her to come with him? Whatever. But yikes. She notices Boo is there too, and of course, why wouldn't he be? Wasn't this a soccer team sort of party? Heck. She grimaces so hard. But she huddles further into Donnie, like, keep me away from these drunk people. I'm tiny.]

Boo: [Melissa, of course, sees his discomfort. She walked right up to him and suggested they should leave, right there but no. Not tonight. He wouldn't be running away from that girl anymore, so he took one more drink and shook his head.] No, I'm spectacular. Just get me trashed. [So she nodded and disappeared for a minute and returned with libations. He tried not to stare. Boy, Willy, did he try not to stare, but of course he did, as even when he felt like he should hate her, he really didn't, and couldn't.]*

Cilla: [As Cilla is probably unable to keep her peripheral vision off of Boo, she sees that snake in the grass approach Boo, and that only serves to make her grimace even harder and tense even more. Donnie notices this. He raises an eyebrow at her, asking what was wrong.] Just not used to this... I guess. [She gave an awkward laugh, and Donnie gave her this smile, told her how adorable she was, and handed her a cup with what she guessed was alcohol in it. Oh, cool. Though, in her state of 'kill me now' she took a laRGE sip of it, and then coughed because wtf is this stuff he just gave me it is strong stuff. Donnie patted her back, and told her to slow down to which she just nodded. Yikey.]

Boo: [he wasn't quite seeing double yet. Moments had passed. Beer pong match after pong match. There were some quarters involved with a shot glass, and Melissa had even pulled him away to play a round of flip cup. She was great at distracting him. It worked, but Boo couldn't forget about that blonde-haired girl. Nope. She stayed in the back of hIS mind, and Boo had assumed to the side of a certain Rocket boy. His stomach tied in drunken knots he felt sick at that notion. He was still in control of most of his functions and though he swore he wasn't intoxicated, he could feel his inhibitions escaping to freedom. His eyes scanned the room once more. Melissa was nowhere to be found, and he was on his way to find somewhere to sit down, alone. To think. To escape the embarrassment of how he felt-- ashamed that Cilla wasn't with him and instead with that assclown of a person. He found the perfect place up the stairs and down the hallway.]

Cilla: [The room. It was spinning. Yup. The lights were merging together. How much did she have, exactly, in her quest to not pay attention to her boyfriend's sister and her ex-whatever? Too much for someone that drank maybe half a beer for the two parties she'd been too in her life. Awesome. She swayed a little, into Donnie. He stopped his conversation with his soccer pal to ask his gf if she was alright.] Yeah. I'm fine. I just-- I think I need to go to the bathroom, and... I don't know, splash some water in my face. Nope, you can stay here. I'm a big girl, thanks. [So, on her way she goes. Up the stairs???? Down the hallway????? And oop, there's a door. Oop. This room is occupied by... ohboy. She freezes y'all. But the grimace from earlier is back now. She says nothing because BOY WHY.]*

Boo: [Boo's sitting in an armchair, his head in his hands and the room is spinning for him as well, but he's not drunk. No. Don't ask him because he'd drive himself home right now, just to prove 'em wrong. It was only a couple of beers. A couple of drinking games. Whatever. He just needed time to himself. Which was interrupted. He looked up at the door, and his eyes fell upon a silent Cilla and he could throw himself out the window right now because why?! So he's going to address her with a real condescending tone. ] You lost, Princess?

Cilla: [And yup. Was she an angry drunk? Because, boy, that condescending tone just got her PISSED.] Yeah. You know what? I guess I am. Because I'd rather be anywhere else than standing right here. Believe me. [but is she even making an attempt to move? Probably not. Maybe a sway towards the door.]*

Boo: Good job leaving. Congrats. A+ feet you have there. [He claps.] So while I've got you here, you can't just bring yourself to my soccer games, I told you to not to feel obliged to come. Remember?

Cilla: Fuck off, Boo. [iF SHE COULD LEAVE SHE WOULD BUT HER FEET AREN'T WORKING.] You said don't feel obliged to come /for you/. And I'm not.

Boo: You'RE THE ONE STILL HERE. [ SO HE SHOOTs RIGH T UP bECAUSE LET"S GET ANGREY LETS. walking towards her all angry like] You're the one still fucking here. And Cilla, for the first time in ever, I really don't want you around anymore. So go. Leave. [he points to the door. because gdi go away.]

Cilla: YES, YES, GO AHEAD AND ACT LIKE YOU CAN KICK ME OUT OF A PLACE THAT ISN'T YOURS??? [she roLLS HER EYES.] If you don't want to be around me, which, trust me, I feel the same, you're welcome to walk away. Because, yeah, not everything is on me.

Boo: You're the one who walked away from me, and THEN you walked right back around with that STUPID GUY ON YOUR ARM SO.... [he points back towards the door, agAIN. LIKE FUCK YA I WAS HERE FIRST GET OUT, he sways of course. Alcohol soz.] I don't think I can forgive for this anymore, and I don't want you in my life anymore. Stay away.[his eye twitches tho, lol bcs he doesnt MEAN IT]

Cilla: [NOT EVEN GONNA REPLY TO THAT BS BECAUSE HE'S ACTUALLY BEEN WITH MELISSA ALL NIGHT? AND TO THE REST OF THIS, THE STUBBORN PRINCESS, WHO ALWAYS GETS HER WAY, just plants her drunken feet, crosses her arms, gets this defiant look, and stays silent.]

Boo: [HE IS GONNA PULL ALL OF HIS HAIR OUT BECAUSE GDI GO AWAY. He opens his mouth to sCREAM AT HER. BECAUSE FRUSTRATION. But it takes a step back. He pauses and takes a deep breath. He looks to the floor, and seriously seriously puts on his apology face.] You're breaking my heart all over again, and I understand why. You're mad at me because what I did with Mel, it was unfair. But what you're doing--[ hE FINALLY LOOKS BACK UP AT HER.] Showing up here, and everywhere else--it's not fair to me.

Cilla: [She does nothing but scoff. Really.] Do you think I keep visiting to hurt you? Really? [clo eyebrow raise.]

Boo: Don't you even pretend this isn't about us. [SCOFF RIGHT BACk.]

Cilla: Crazy enough, I come to visit Donnie. You know, that guy. My boyfriend. [she makes a face that says 'duh you idiot'.

Boo: Yeah. He just so happens to play on the same tEAM as me. He JUST SO HAPPENS TO BE MELISSA'S brother. Makes sense, why you'd pick him. [HE GIVES HER A SARCASTIC SHRUG.] Right?! Make REAL sure I know about. See it. [He claps again.] GREAT.

Cilla: I didn't even /know/ he was Melissa brother the first time I met him. It's not all about /you/, Boo. And just... [she shakes her head. She wants to break his hands.] No. You know what? I don't need to explain a n y t h i n g to you.

Boo: Yeah. You were LEAVING anyways. [ eye roll]

Cilla: Nope, that was you. [the face of pure sass.]

Boo: I was here first. [crossing his arms over his chest.]

Cilla: Don't care~. [she does the same.]

Boo: You know what? I can't stand you right now. Really, REALLY hate you right now. [STANDIN THERE ]

Cilla: Now you know how I've felt for months. Congratulations. [SAME.]

Boo: Thanks. REALLY appreCIAte THAT. [YELLIN,]

Cilla: COOL~~~~. YOU'RE WELCOME TO LEAVE NOW. [S C R E A M I N]*

Boo: [He doesn't leave. He doesn't move. He takes one look at her, and the sneer he was sure to have worn softened as he let out a low fit of laughter.] I'm not going anywhere, Cil. I'm still here. And, you know what, when you're done being stubborn, I'm sure I"ll still be mad at you, but I'll be here. [so he walks right up to her, because let's push her buttons, right?] Because, yeah, I hate you so much right now, but you're still the same girl I'm head over heels for. So, you go on. Go on with your life, parade your stupid boyfriend around and you keep telling yourself that it's not about me. Because we both know it is. Otherwise we wouldn't have even had this conversation. Otherwise you still wouldn't be here.

Cilla: [She freezes again, because now he's closer. Much closer, and her alcohol-addled brain is somehow even more jarred by the lack of distance. But, his words still manage to fuel the fire of anger within her, because what right does he have to say all of those things? She managed to pull herself back enough to throw a look of annoyance his way.] Keep telling yourself that it /is/ about you, then, you arrogant asshole. If that's what gets you through, go ahead. But, you know what? It doesn't make you right. Because I feel nothing for you. Not anymore.*

Boo: Nothing? Just like that? Nothing? [So that would have hurt Boo a lot. A whole lot, a couple of months ago, and maybe without the alcohol it would have reverberated within him, but he knew that girl was lying. So he looked at her, and understood her words as a challemge. He let out an irratated sigh, before taking one step closer to her, and without any permission he tested her words. A hand on her waist, he kissed her, just as he had wanted to for the past couple of months--just like he did those months ago in his car-- just as he did under that mistletoe. He kissed her, like it would have been his last kiss on earth, K. Because well, it might as well have been, right?]

Cilla: [She was poised to answer-- ready to tell him, yes, without a doubt, I feel nothing but absolute hatred for you now. You're nothing but a piece of shit, and I didn't deserve what you did. But there was no opportunity for the words to leave her mouth. Because, as soon as she began, his lips were on hers, and her ~inebriated~ legs practically buckled underneath her. And no, she didn't try in any way to push the boy off of her. Nope. She kissed him like she hadn't kissed anybody since... well, the last time she kissed Boo. One might say she's kind of all over him right now.]

Boo: [A fist in the air in his mind, just like the breakfast club, yep, everything she had said, well this proved it completely wrong. So he pulled her closer because why stop? After all this time, after everything, he could still lose himself in that stubborn girl. So arms wrapped tightly around her holding her in place and lips pressed all too close. it happened. Even, with what he had just said to her. Even after all the hurt they had caused each other. It fell all on this really real moment. No matter how drunk she tasted-- it was real. So no, he didn't mind how all over she was on him. Nope, he invited it.]

Cilla: [In the back of her mind, someplace where her logic was still slightly working, something was telling her that her boyfriend was downstairs, and she should stop now, while she was ahead, and she could pass this... lapse of judgement on alcohol and Boo starting it, but... no, that voice was too far away. Why listen to that voice when there was a louder voice telling her to continue. So, what does she do? She listens to the loud voice, and she's got him by the collar, and she's pushing him towards the chair he was sitting in when she came in. Oop, they're down. Oop, she's on top of him. Yikes.]*

Boo: [ So lips on lips, he fell towards the chair, with his hands surely crawling up places they weren't supposed to like, for instance probably under hER SKIRT, he pulled Cilla with him. There was no breaking his hold on her now. There was no stopping him. There was no stopping her, he was sure. And screw the party, screw her boyfriend. screw Melissa. It was just him and Cilla now. And if he had it his way, it would be that way forever. But all things would come to an end he was sure. For the time being however, he would continue to kiss her, even after the door was opened and someone eNTERED THE ROOM.]

Cilla: [For the better part of being in this chair, Cilla's brain actually ceased to function. Like, she was certain there was no activity happening up there, because she literally couldn't think. The only things occupying that space were lips and, whoa HANDS. And, boy did she not mind it at aLL. But then, the sound of a door opening behind her kicked that silent part of her brain into gear, and she realized OH BOY, and she was practically army rolling off of Boo, her face towards the wall so the interruption didn't see her, stayin quiet bc oh geez.]*

Boo: [Before he even had a chance to react to the absence of Cilla, he opened his eyes, and Melissa Thornberry Rocket stared at him from the doorway. He had to catch his breath from, well, Cilla literally taking his breath away and before he was able to take calming inhale, the other girl had her hands across her chest. That look in her face-- that anger shook Boo a little too sober, and he didn't know whether to explain himself, or accept the fact that, yeah, he was walking home that night. So he ran his hands through the hair on his head, because gFDi why didn't he lock the door. He looked up at Cilla, her back facing him, and he had no words.]

Cilla: [Cilla still has no idea of what fate could besET HER SHOULD SHE TURN AROUND RIGHT NOW. SHE IS UNAWARE OF THE DANGER THAT SURROUNDS HER. So, she just keeps herself pointed towards the wall. Practically everyone in this house knew her boyfriend, and therefore, they knew she was DATING him. No matter who it was, if they saw it was her she was s c r e w e d. So, she stayed silent in her little corner, probably burying her face in her knees. Like, nope, you won't see me today sis.]*

Boo: [Before he could even explain what was happening, Miss Rocket had literally stomped out of the room. And what had recently transpired as the most awkward silence in his whole life, the door slammed behind her. He looked up to the ceiling and closed his eyes, got up from his spot, and before taking his leave, he placed a hand on Cilla's shoulder, just lightly as if to ask if she was okay.]*

Cilla: [When she heard the door shut, she didn't get up immediately. But then she felt a hand on her shoulder, and that sprung her to action. Without another word, literally, she was up and out the door (the opposite direction that Melly went in). Because. Nope. Not facing this. Not in this drunken state. Not today. Bye Boo. She's probably ACTUALLY going to the bathroom now.]*

Boo: [So that's when Boo walked out too. Yep, out to find Melissa, because low and behold she was his ride home, and without her, he was going to walk his ass home lol. And avoiding everyone else, he probably never found her so he did.]

#locked