#or whatever it is i am. it’s really making things hard. i feel like i suck except i don’t actually suck it’s just that i feel like i do and

[funhouse-mirror-barbie]

I’ll be writing a critique of the way Blitzø and Stolas’ relationship was handled more at length, but I wanted to stop and take a moment to look at this scene from the new episode, “Full Moon”:

This is the sort of power and control that Stolas has always had over Blitzø.

It does not matter that Stolas has never threatened to take away the Grimoire before, or that they were “friends” as kids, or that he offered Blitzø a few months off, or that he’s been nice to Blitzø in the past, or that Blitzø actually does have feelings for Stolas.

When you are in a situation where you cannot say no at the risk of losing your livelihood, you cannot give true consent.

This is the very BASIS of their relationship. It has always been the basis of their relationship—a quid pro quo relationship where Stolas holds all of the power.

I have seen countless people go over and explain in great detail why the full moon deal was not truly coercive, or a quid pro quo situation, or how it was completely consensual.

And it’s just not. It is sexual coercion where Blitzø cannot give meaningful consent. Because if he refuses Stolas, he’s at risk of losing everything.

I want to clarify that my criticism here isn’t with this writing decision. I’m not trying to say anything along those the lines of “because this fictional character did a bad thing the story is bad and people who like the character support sexual coercion!!” That’s not what I’m saying at all.

I am bringing all of this up because my criticism is not of this writing decision, but because of the framing of the Full Moon deal and of Stolas and Blitzø’s relationship.

The narrative often frames Blitzo as if he is the one who has wronged Stolas by not prioritizing Stolas’ feelings and needs above all else. Or, it frames both Stolas and Blitzo as being equally in the wrong for the conflicts in their “relationship”.

This framing, and the extent to which fans try to justify it as being ANYTHING other than what it actually is—Stolas coercing Blitzø into a relationship where he has no power and is at the risk of losing his livelihood—is baffling to me.

This framing, coupled with the writer’s absolute refusal to ever have Stolas held accountable for his actions (including Stolas still not actually apologizing for the situation he put Blitzø into—he acknowledges that the relationship being transactional is wrong, but does not acknowledge that he was wrong to coerce Blitzø into that relationship. He says “…it isn’t right…it never was”, not “What I did wasn’t right, and never was”) is why I can’t consider St0litz to be just a “complex” or “messy” relationship.

It don’t think it can be, because it’s not a relationship. Not a real one. It’s a transaction, where Stolas treats Blitzø like a sex object. And whether that was the intent or not, Blitzø’s reaction above and saying that he would do anything to keep the grimoire makes it really hard for me to see St0litz in any other light.

As a final note, I’m not saying that you can’t write dark relationships, or have complex and unsympathetic protagonists. You can ship whatever you want! You can have characters that sexually coerce and abuse others, you can write every dark and twisted thing your mind can come up with.

But it’s very clear that Helluva Boss’s writers want to frame Stolas as being the wronged party, and the one who we are supposed to sympathize with—and you just can’t have it both ways.

You can’t act like you’re writing a complex love story between two very complicated and real people, when the relationship that you’re describing is so utterly one-sided and unbalanced.

#funhouse convo #media criticism #media critique #helluva boss critical #helluva boss critique #helluva boss criticism #media conversation #I feel like if hardcore fans of St0litz see this #they will say that blitz wasn’t afraid of losing the book but afraid of losing Stolas #and like. that’s a fine interpretation if that’s what you want to believe #and I’m sure they’ll say I’m ‘media illiterate’ for my interpretation #but media literacy isn’t looking at the writers intent first and making that intent fit into what’s been written #it’s analyzing everything that’s been written and portrayed in the context of a story #and coming to your own conclusions from that #and it’s about a whole bunch of other shit man idk #i’m just very tired #stolitz critical

[gazeofseer]

Soul Connection💙

'*•.¸♡ ♡¸.•*''*•.¸♡ ♡¸.•*''*•.¸♡ ♡¸.•*''*•.¸♡ ♡¸.•*'

'Love is too much glorified to ones dream

And quite petrified to savor it in life.........

Before you give up I want you to give in..

To your soul and find the other end of the

String that aches, arches, and embeds

you every night wondering i

If there is no one for me what is this

love mourning for then..?'

'*•.¸♡ ♡¸.•*''*•.¸♡ ♡¸.•*''*•.¸♡ ♡¸.•*''*•.¸♡ ♡¸.•*'

Pick A Image

And let your heart guide you allow that feeling to stir out and take you in the message calling upon you ;

Image.1

Best Friends, Platonic, Caring, Values, Spouse, Wrong Place with the Right Person

Message : The soul of yours is on a journey, of self discovery be it understanding what you truly want and need as an soul through life of human, to knowing it later after many lessons down the line that makes you see all the wrong things first and then things awaits on you to be corrected,

The connection you have is a Platonic one in this lifetime above mentioned are the forms you might have already met them or they are quite close but there is a wall of strangeness in between or a veil of unknown who is yet to arrive they are important part of your journey this makes you sad to not love like others, settle like others, but you are not one of them right? You are here for different things..they would be one of your greatest chapters that makes you worth the go towards the next.

Even if there is a separation it will be quite endearing and worth it. Because they would still wish the best from afar for you.

'Maybe love was about a moment of relief for the one who was on a quest of the living'

- S ✍🏽☘️

'*•.¸♡ ♡¸.•*''*•.¸♡ ♡¸.•*''*•.¸♡ ♡¸.•*''*•.¸♡ ♡¸.•*'

Image.2

Karmic Bond, Purpose, Intent, Contract, Redemption, Salvation

Message : The dreams can weigh at times to, even if things seems enraging you hold it well behind a smile that a moment of ignorance and you would disappear amidst of the crowd to find your corner, comfort, of space where you shed all your emotions into a flow of thoughts that keeps you under greys before it rains.

There is a ache in your abdominal or chest, or a heavy guilt of feeling sorry towards something I am not able to see what exactly as I see you even feel hard to speak up like two Gulps down you take and sigh of eye rolls you go after doing any kinds of talk, your soul has a karmic bond it can be anyone in your family, but I see more in your social and friends group maybe even a colleague or romantic person, there is so much gloom, blues, and black here, a contract of hurt has begun that needs to be redeemed by the one who did to set the other person free with that state of feeling.

It will be really quite peaceful, refreshing yet painful as this heaviness will set both of your souls to move ahead in your life journey without holding anything back that can drown you at any time.

Timeline is near to 2-3 years it seems to be near the end by this year or next year's july.. monsoon is prominent and winter too.

The beauty of life is, there can be an end to whatever happens within it, but beautiful things hurt too badly like love

- S ♥️

'*•.¸♡ ♡¸.•*''*•.¸♡ ♡¸.•*''*•.¸♡ ♡¸.•*''*•.¸♡ ♡¸.•*'

Image.3

Twin flame, Reflection, Transcend, Frequency, Attune, Trance, Mirror

Message : The idea or myth has a say that karma mirrors when it comes to twin flame but the reality has always been different and distinctive, You imbibe each other's nature timely..if you drink coffee now they might be having tea..

But the very same evening there will be a swap and you would wonder why did chose this when I am a specific this person; is how mirroring situations occurs in between you and your twin flame, I see you don't like to be too stereotypically girl but you have your own way to carry femininity same goes for masculinity,

To find a balance between the frequency of your energy will bring the space of mirrors into existence your twin flame is also seeking you the dreams you had about someone's safe touch but you have never been touched a dagger slashing something into two, all this is a sign of confirmation.

You will meet them when everything is balanced and attuned like a manifestation this entirely depends on how is your energy, divine timing, purpose, frequency, and attuning of your souls.

We exist under the same sky sharing the same breath, the day we will meet what exchanges is the trance of our being till date gets seen, heard and felt a dream come true.

- S🌊

'*•.¸♡ ♡¸.•*''*•.¸♡ ♡¸.•*''*•.¸♡ ♡¸.•*''*•.¸♡ ♡¸.•*'

Image.4

Soulmates, Inner Knowing, Fidelity, Longing

Message : Everything speaks to you about love, hope and light no matter how much dark and cold things around may get there is warmth within, it is the longing towards your soulmate every songs remind you of the visions that you could possibly have with them not the delusions but the kisses on cheeks leaves a smile on your face by now for real as if you felt it happen for real but it is yet to.

I see you are quite pure at heart to see shades and imposters which makes you get influenced at a flinch but god's grace you deal with things very well that even through a mishap you come out like a boon.

It is a part and parcel of the growth towards enlightenment but just be cautious in case things can snap at you anytime even if you are ready for a war no need to invite one to prove everytime that you can do it. trust me this is from your soul mate you keep hurting yourself and they feel really helpless right now to not be able to help you through, so just let go of conflicts if it is around ignore..dodge deal it with grace or address it collectively instead of going and reacting rashly on your own.

To look feel and experience one's soul all you need is love inside your heart's core to connect beyond all the veils of falls and lows, that elevates you heightens you through grounding your roots of existence deeply in each other's heart through foot imprints.

- S🩷

'*•.¸♡ ♡¸.•*''*•.¸♡ ♡¸.•*''*•.¸♡ ♡¸.•*''*•.¸♡ ♡¸.•*'

Paid Readings are Open Check my Pinned Post !!

#love reading #wisdom #divination #pyschic reading #divine guidance #intutive reading #pick a image #channeled reading #pick a pile #free tarot reading #gratitude #future spouse reading #soulmates #twin flame #feeling #seer #paid readings

[desertfangs]

“ am i not good enough? ”  Armand/Daniel :)

The pressure builds in his chest as he watches Armand doting on Sybelle and Benji as he speaks to Rose and Viktor. He ruffles Benji’s hair affectionately, and pats Sybelle on the shoulder softly, planting a kiss on her cheek. They both beam at him, so much love in their eyes.

Daniel’s stomach churns. All he can think of is Armand’s book, of the way he dismissed Daniel as a demented, morbid romantic who could not stand him, who had never really known or loved him. 

He’s trying so hard not to think of those words and to instead understand Armand’s love for these two beings, but it’s so damn weird to stand here in Armand’s house, watching him with his new family whom he’s only just met. He and Armand used to be inseparable and now he’s just a guest watching him from across the room. 

He’s been here over a week and he still feels wholly out of place, unable to sit and relax anywhere, so he stands against a wall, trying not to take up space. Marius is in a conference room with Lestat and some of the others, making plans to go to France. Daniel was hoping to catch Armand alone, but no luck. 

Benji of all people glances up and looks at Daniel curiously, titling his head in a way that reminds Daniel of Armand. Maybe Daniel forgot to guard his thoughts. It’s hard, with all the immortals here, to keep the walls up. 

Benji says something to Armand, who looks over at Daniel. And suddenly Daniel wishes vampires could turn into smoke and he could just vaporize on the spot. 

His breath catches as Armand breaks away from the group and heads toward him. He’s stunning, as usual. He’s wearing an ivory sweater and dark denim jeans. His russet hair hangs long and loose around his pale face and rings adorn his fingers. He’s so beautiful Daniel could weep and as he comes closer, Daniel can’t breathe. No air wants to enter his dead lungs. 

Armand’s amber eyes rake over Daniel who suddenly feels lacking in his worn jeans and t-shirt. “Are you all right?” 

Daniel nods. Fine, yeah, just dandy. He struggles not to laugh and Armand can’t hear his thoughts. Before he can verbalize the sentiment, Armand speaks again: “Good. I want all my guests to feel at home.”

Daniel’s heart sinks. He’s just another guest. Of course. What else would he be?

“Thanks,” Daniel says, the word coming out short and terse. Armand stares at him, and Daniel shifts uncomfortably. He points to the ceiling. “Nice crown moulding.” 

Armand frowns slightly. He glances back at Sybelle and Benji, eager to return to that conversation and escape this awkwardness. Why the hell did he come over, anyhow? What did Benji tell him? 

“Every inch of Trinity Gate was meticulously designed,” Armand says. “No detail spared.” 

“So I see,” Daniel says. It really is an impressive house, more intricate and detailed than their Villa in on Night Island, though Daniel prefers the latter. 

Armand reaches out and tears a loose thread from the sleeve of Daniel’s t-shirt. He doesn’t say so but Daniel can practically hear him wondering why Marius allows him to dress like a vagrant. Instead, Armand pockets the thread and says nothing. He wishes he would. At least if they could argue—

Sybelle laughs across the room and the others all join in. Daniel’s stomach churns as Armand turns and smiles appreciatively at them. 

“Am I not good enough?” Daniel asks, the question tumbling out before he can think about what he’s saying. 

Armand turns back to him suddenly. “Whatever do you mean, Daniel?” 

Anger roars up at the way he plays dumb, the way he acts like it’s an absurd thing to ask. And maybe it is. Maybe there’s really nothing left to say between them. Except that when he looks at Armand, all he wants to do is pull him close and hold him there, and he can’t. There’s this weird glass wall between them now and he hates it. 

“As a fledgling,” Daniel says. 

Armand’s brow furrows briefly and then his expression smooths out, becoming impassive stone. “You have strong blood.” 

Daniel laughs scornfully. “Yeah, yours,” he says. “That’s not what I meant.” 

Armand looks back at his beloved children with Rose and Viktor, people he adores and whose company he can stand. Daniel turns to leave. Armand grabs his wrist. 

“Of course you are. What a thing to ask,” Armand says, as if he’s a fool. And he is. He’s here, blurting out questions he doesn’t want the answers to.

“Yeah, sure,” Daniel says. He pulls away and heads for the foyer. He’ll go for a walk, go kill some evil bastard and slake his thirst and maybe then he’ll feel better. 

Armand follows him to the door. 

“I just need to hunt,” Daniel tells him. He opens the coat closet and digs out his jacket. It’s too light for the climate and it’s raining out, but it will do. Armand is still watching him wordlessly, infuriatingly still and silent. Daniel wants to shake him and demand to know what he wants. What he feels. If he still loves him at all. But he doesn’t dare ask. “Do you want to come?” he asks instead.

Armand tilts his head, a gesture that always makes Daniel feel like he’s trying to get inside his mind. Then Armand pulls a wool coat out of the closet and shrugs it on.

“Lead the way,” Armand says. 

Relief washes over him. It’s not enough. Not by a mile. But it’s a start. 

#armand/daniel #some prince lestat era angst for you #daniel molloy #armand #daniel/armand #devil's minion #prince lestat era #vc fanfic #vc fic #thank you for the prompt!!! #vc #vampire chronicles #tvc #my fic #prompted fic #prompt meme

[graendoll]

I finally watched the finale of 911 season 7 and my thoughts are below the break.

I have a lot of feelings about what they did and some of them are pretty "oof". Anyway, I realize I swept into Buddie fandom like two months ago and fell deeply in love with Buck and Eddie but after everything that is happening in fandom and in the show, I may slip back out as quickly as I came in because I'm not sure I can deal with the ship wars between now and season 8.

So yeah, if you want to hear what I think about where everything ended up, keep reading. Also...still a Buddie shipper in case it needs to be said 😅

SPOILERS UNDER THE CUT PROCEED W/CAUTION

First, Eddie's story has me absolutely heartbroken even if I suspected a lot of it. Chris calling his grandparents, him leaving even if temporary. I knew it was coming and it still hit me really hard. I know Gavin was considering pulling back so I get it. And Chris will obviously still be a part of Eddie's narrative but ouch that hurt.

Next, the scene between Buck and Tommy was just icky to me. Daddy kink is one of those things I filter out of fic because it's a major fucking squick so the fact that Tim Minear put that on my screen against my will nearly had me throwing hands. Any positive I was trying to find in their date interaction was quickly vomited out all over my coffee table.

I'm not optimistic about Tommy leaving quickly in season 8 for any reason. The date was very much a get to know you situation and while I thought Tommy was being a bit harsh about Bobby, I can guarantee the BT's are probably drooling over the implications of that scene.

(This is one of the things seriously impacting my desire not to watch this show anymore.)

On to Hen and Mara - I am very glad we have a mostly resolved situation with Mara going in to season 8. Honestly this whole story line felt unnecessary and written for the sake of drama. The show is feeling very soapy and while I was giving it the benefit of the doubt because of how much the writers were trying to do in 10 episodes, they better knock that shit off. It's a far cry from the writing of episodes like Buck Begins. (The second reason I may not watch anymore.)

Also, every once in a while Athena does something that makes me absolutely despise her character and this episode was one of those situations. Her jumping to conclusions and threatening Amil was just, rushed, overly dramatic and felt unnecessary

If you needed to get her to Amils house for the cartel arrival, maybe have her go without homicidal tendencies?

Honestly the only storyline that got any room to breath in this episode was Eddie's.

Which brings me to my final thoughts, specific to Buddie and the future of that ship in canon.

First, that will is never going to come up again. It belongs to us now. The writers have elected to ignore it for three seasons and it's never going to come up again, unless Eddie actually dies.

Second, the continuation of BT and the loss of Christopher is like a fucking death knell for Buddie in canon imo. I hate it, but without Chris, they are no longer a little family. Whatever magic was happening with Buddie up to the shooting scene has not been recaptured, and I'm not sure it's ever going to be at this rate, especially I'd the writers don't fix their soapy garbage.

Am I old and cynical? Yes. Does that make me wrong? Maybe...but right now what we have is Buck happily engaged in a weird Daddy kink relationship, Chris, one of the main points of connection between Eddie and Buck, out of the picture, and Eddie probably finding God and repenting for his sins.

Okay I made that last part up but it's a real fear!

In either case, I feel like we were horribly ship bated all season, and it was done only to create buzz for the show on a new network with a new queer character.

I miss when fandom didn't have access to creators and didn't feel like a place you could win because the BTs are going to be A NIGHTMARE for the rest of the hiatus and frankly I don't want to deal with toxic ship wars while we all wait for season 8.

So yeah, happy season 7 finale? 🤣

#eddie diaz #evan buckley #911 season 7 #911 season finale #anti bucktommy #911 #911 show #911 abc #athena grant #hen wilson #christopher diaz #buddie

[doverstar]

actually I love Tentoo and he is the Doctor and it was the only ending for Rose that worked and it is a huge gift to be able to have the man she loves grow old with her, they were always heading for that, y'all be quiet. I 100% understand the angst but it's okay, they're okay, good ending-

#did you want her to...not end up with the doctor? #she ended up with the doctor. she ended up with the doctor and they get to AGE together #they get to have a real honest relationship the way they both always genuinely wanted #it's hard that the full time lord version has to carry on without her but that is the way that character's story ALWAYS goes #the doctor does not get to keep ANYONE. it would be a different show if he did #meanwhile there is a version of that same face of his - the one that was MADE for love? particularly born out of love for ROSE? the one 1/2 #2/2 that always wanted a FAMILY? and stability? and a normal life? the tenth doctor longed for that specifically because of rose #now he gets to have it AND be part-human so he doesn't have to watch her get old. he gets old WITH HER #and they're canonically growing their own Tardis so you don't even have to be sad that they're not adventuring in time and space as usual #because they ARE. it's the kindest ending for either character. and if the full time lord hadn't left without either of them- #-he would have had to lose them eventually. lose Rose because she's human? hello? painful? but instead he was selfless and left her- #-with a proper happy ending. which she CHOSE to have so you can't be like “he tricked her!” she chose to kiss one of them and it was Tentoo #they are the same man. Rose won in this scenario. #and I GET IT I am with Billie Piper I think it will always feel a little off that she was left with Tentoo and not the full time lord #I understand. it still makes me a little sad. but I know it's a good ending writing-wise. really the ONLY ending. #yes I know about the popular idea of Immortal!Rose or Bad Wolf Rose or whatever and that's cute and all BUT - it's not a GOOD thing #it's not PREFERABLE to be immortal. Rose doesn't want to live forever. she wants to be with the man she LOVES forever. #she doesn't want to not die or adventure for all time. she wants to be there to hold his hand. and when Tentoo is born she gets THAT! #Immortal!Rose is tragic. the Doctor would not wish the burden of immortality on the woman he loves HELLO #anyway #I ship timepetals. that includes Tentoo/Rose. because he is the doctor #so there #I have more thoughts on Tentoo specifically but I digress #maybe if provoked in an Ask or something idk #doctorrose #timepetals #opinion piece #tenrose #tentoo #handy

[lemongogo]

can i ask.how u guys practice ur creativity <3 how u practice ur imagination or like.. how u experiment with ur art, how u come to ideas and how u develop them.<3 pretty please <3

#smthing i have always struggled w.is feeling like i can only draw things that r handed 2 me. #as in.an idea or concept that already exists #chara or conflict that already exists.Scene that alr exists. #and i think it can be soo limiting bc when i have that sort of creative desire but nothing 2 reflect off of it #i feel like im unable to do anything/get anywhere bc im unable to do that mental legwork myself ykwim #like comic artists r SOOO JAW DROP INSPIRING TO MEE bc not only are u envisioning ur own sequences/situations #but u are able to imagine even the most MUNDANE interactions within those scenarios u know #like the transitory panels and the quiet moments and the every day stillness #and i feel like.its not even a poor attempt on my behalf its like.i cant Even attempt it.like my brain is soo empty #and soo static and noiseless that i am like gauhh...... #i can practice lines all day long and practice colors and practice anatomy or Whatever bc its something concrete #and its in front of me and i can pry apart the physical technicalities until i understand it better #but my MIND???ABSTRACTION>? THOUGHTS .ough its so hard #and i really want to push past that but i dont know how and its so .. demoralizing to think that ill get there One Day but i feel #one million and two days away.and not making active process towards it. #i know the first step is to build ur visual library and i feel liek. idk i FEEL LIKEEE theres more 2 it that im missing #but also im depressed as hell n my job is killing my creative drive and the seasonal stuff isnt helping #so maybe i just need 2 give it time (true) but i also like.man i dont know. i want 2 do something w my hands #but everything ive been doing so far has felt soo .hard and fruitless and i definitely dont want 2 turn art into such a stressful thing #fruitless as in like.i dont get any personal satisfaction w it.idgaf abt monetization or algorithms or any of tht #but smtimes thats just what happens and i have 2 weather through and know ill be more equipped 4 this some other time #SAWRYYY IM ALWAYS GOING ON AND ONNN im nromal im normal<3 i just rly like art and it sucks balls whn it feels out of reach #sigh cry fart scroll.(:salute:)

[kelocitta]

Tangentially related to some of the discussion i posted earlier but quiet literally the first RW Art Month i participated I did it completely on whim like, one day before it started. And I mostly did it because I hadn't drawn a ton of rain world and wanted to draw more. Fandom presence was a lot smaller than and I was one of a handful of artists who did the entire thing. Fast forward and I still do Art Month and I've gotten to work with VC directly. But it was quite literally something I decided to do completely on whim that set the ball rolling, and for something a lil more niche and certainly with a lot more dev/fandom art involvement than most. It's really random how and why you might get noticed more than usual, especially with the "toss it into the search and hope it pays out' mechanism of Socmed

#t.extpost #and im hardly the fanciest art month artist out there so it wasnt even about being a jaw droppingly talented artist or whatever #and while artmonth for rw is still given a huge focus its also a much much bigger thing now with a much bigger number of participants #which is cool! its awesome how many people i saw do most if not all of last art month! and VC is really good about not just repping the #most popular artists or fanciest pieces #but theres So Much More there now and while its great for finding artists its also impossible to get Everyone in there you know? #Although they absolutely try #And this is like. one of the most fanartist involved devs ive ever seen in terms of both celebrating the art their fans make and actively #bringing those fans in to contribute #and its /still/ hard to get going just because thats how Posting is #i used to be more of a hk artist which is both a huge fandom and riddled with stunning artists but theres So Many #and niche fandoms are niche so youre more likely to connect with people but less likely to see a ton of engagement regularly - #probably best example i have for that was being briefly fixated on patapon. #Its just messy to try and find the hack that sets you up #just have fun and jump around and make what you like #get a sense of feeling for your style and some people will stick around for that vs. strictly the subject matter #others will look up the thing you switched too and some wont engage #you cant really control it #so have fun and draw that thing you randomly thought about at 2 am that doesnt match your blog #draw for that forgotten rpg you liked when you were 15 or draw for the 70 player max steam game you played for this week #you never really know what will happen #but its not really worth worrying about what will happen either

[icewindandboringhorror]

recent lounging babey images

#he's so floppy recently and I hope it's just the heat. I think wamr weather makes everyone floppy and loungy #a beauntifulle boye... #cats #STILL working on posting some drafts. finishing new poll adventure.. other things... It's just hard with the weather and other things going #on. I've had a few more doctors appointments and other things to do recently that have to be done in a time limit #so I hvae to use my extremely limited energy working on that instead of doing the things I'd really rather do. :T #Main focuses though are keeping up better with doing and posting costumes + sculptures as main creative things. at least finishing the #main poll adventure story. Reworking the game I kind of abandoned for a few years. keeping up with game videos and a few other side things. #Especially the game though. I've been in a really worldbuildy mood recently. I just wish that was easier to manifest into something. I've #now put the worldbuilding slideshow reading video on pause for a while because it's SOOO long to do #and I think I should prioritize making games and stuff instead. but still other things. IT's just kind of like.. I have a whole world and #everything very built and planned out but now.. what do I do with it? what's the best way to share that? factual slideshows just going over #the information like a dictionary? make it into a game? write short stories? do art attached to the world? etc. etc. ?? There are so many #potential avenues I end up kind of flip flopping between them a lot because none really seem more beneficial than the others and they all #seem equally enjoyable and also equally hard so. It's like?? I guess just do what the hell ever and hope I made the right choice in terms o #cost benefit and reward for my time lol. ANYWAY.. Also why I'm in my 'trying to make friends' era still because I think having other creat #ive friends can help you find direction like.. people will meet each other and then go 'hey lol just for fun lets start a project together! #and then like 5 years later it's genuinely become something. etc. having other people to help weed out ideas and start small creative teams #together and etc. I feel is a very beneficial part of networking or whatever but also I have the social capacity of a stale bread roll and #am also inherently unrelatable to seemingly a majority of people due to my hermit wizard swag (detachment from general society and hyper #focus on fantasy worlds in my head gjhghj) so trying to meet people as a grown adult with social issues is Very easy and fun (it is not) #even very basic things like my core communication style is so incompatible with a lot of people it's like.. hhhh... People in this modern #age have GOT to stop being afraid of phone calls and/or text that is longer than 6 paragraphs. Work with me here. I WANT to talk to you. bu #I do not know what your emojis mean and it's physically impossible for me to type less than 85 sentences. please.. hhjgjgb #AAANYWAY!! I am working on things when I can given the circumstances (SUMMER).. hopefully some costume pictures and stuff soon. :'3 #I've not forgotten about my art and etc. - as usual I just am bad at social media and also functioning if it's above 65F lol

[front-facing-pokemon]

#this one's like a fucking mystery. who's that pokémon?? what pokémon is this?? you can't fucking tell unless you open the cut or read below #where i tag what pokémon it is. i think i'm gonna put this one's tags above the actual name of the pokémon just to throw y'all for a loop #because this one? i don't even KNOW what counts as front-facing. i'm ASSUMING it's the top one?? but the prey eyes are just #unbelievable so i included that one under the cut. i don't even know if i can consider that “prey eyes” at this point. what is this thing?? #what's the thing protruding?? a mouth?? it doesn't lend itself to making it look any more like a moon! it just— it just protrudes!! #i really just don't understand. what or why this pokémon is or exists. what type is it? pure psychic? #nnnNNAURP rock/psychic. can't believe i forgot about the rock typing considering the way that guy with the solrock in swsh #raid battles used it. whatever i think i've successfully revealed what pokémon this is by now #lunatone #and yes‚ i know now that zangoose walks on all fours in pmd. THANK YOU!!! FOR TELLING ME. EVERYONE ON TUMBLR #i got it when the first person told me. i looked them up. i saw them. with my eyes. i feel like i've talked about pmd enough in these tags #and in asks that i've answered that you all should know how much of a pmd fan i am by now but i guess it's GOOD TO CONFIRM #perhaps no one really does read these tags. unless they have an opportunity to correct me. lasered in on that #i'm not like mad i'm just like WOW everyone told me. that is SO many people telling me after the first one did and i know SO hard #anyway. i'm gonna go remove these tags from the dusclops post. pphhhheew

[5w6]

i actually do feel like ive been doing slightly better at this lately though.. like replying to peoples posts and trying to initiate conversations and dms and stuff... so i am winning a bit

#🎇 #and i mean. i actually do know how to socialise. i am fine at it #i just experience the horrors constantly & dont like to burden people with my existence when its unwanted & say things uninvited & etc #i do want more people in my life im comfortable with so i dont feel these things talking to people all the time but man #ig it's hard because i don't blame people for not being that interested in talking to me when i don't make it easy to talk to me #and i struggle so much with like. when i bring up a topic and they dont really show interest & im like o. ok. and then i just never want to #bring up anything because it keeps happening and it's easier to just talk about things they like #but then that makes me boring and hard to talk to because i dont offer anything to the conversation but its because i feel like my existenc #is pointless to the conversations we have because nothing i say going to get a response so we may as well just talk about what u want #idk. i know its a personal problem of mine and i should be fine just saying whatever i want etc and i might be misinterpreting the signs #because im hypersensitive to it after the shit ive been through #but its something im conscious of at least and i do try to continue to bring things up and offer things to talk about and stuff anyway #ive been trying to do it more lately. and starting conversations even if i feel unwanted because i know its likely just me being #overly sensitive . and continuing to reply to peoples post even if they never reply because im probably oversensitive about that too. etc #i want to make friends arg

[lorephobic]

this is the funniest thing that sits and rots in my drafts because its been four months atp and i still have not thought of a single headcanon for these two

#idk what it is in my brain that makes it so hard to engage w media that way but i really cannot do it to save my life #and it becomes harder and harder the more i care about something #i think. when i love something a lot and see it as perfect (in my eyes) as it is #it’s hard to justify changing it or adding to it at all because theres always the possibility that i am making it worse #it also (personally) feels like. a selfish pursuit to change and add onto canon #(which is an argument that falls apart entirely when you dismantle the idea of canon altogether) #BUT!!! at least FOR ME i am terrified of ruining something by making it more about me and less about the thing that it is #analysis is my way of getting around this #engaging with my own interpretation of media is so much easief than engaging with and altering the media itself #and even then #my analysis needs to be important or it’ll rot in my head (or drafts) for all of eternity #its. whatever that quote is thats like. #everything i create needs to be perfect to make up for the fact that its me #thats how i approach anything #unfortunately LOL

[torosdottir]

wish someone would hurry up and come up with a quick and easy definition of the word "love" and solve so many of my problems

#i feel like i love so many people but i struggle BAD to express it bc. i dont know what that means to them #it feels often like people take it to mean some deeper thing that i never mean at the same time they do #maybe i am simple in many definitions of the word. ive had entire fallings-out with people about it. #people say love is hard love is work people will say they can love someone but not even like them at times #i dont understand it. it leads me to believe i am lacking in this mystical 'love' they describe #but i feel full of love. #i AM simple i feel like i love people the way i love music and food and drink and. idk colours and warmth and. simple things!! #i think it means when something makes you happy!! when you enjoy it when u want it around! #but many people equate it with. things that i would describe differently. #whjatever i just want to tell a million people i love them but i want them to know what i mean. #i mean sure i care for u sure i dont want anything bad to happen to u but i feel that way about almost every human! #what i really mean is u bring me joy and i ENJOY being around u its not hard it doesnt make me feel bad or guilty its good!!! #anyway whatever anthony green just wants me to set myself alight on a fucking pyre. friends in my phone i love u..

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#its sort of funny. i think my medication is working pretty well. i feel stable in a way i never really have before #is it the dopamine stablizer or is it my ion channels? whos to say. it doesn't matter. but it also doesnt change some things #the ways i think and react negativly to change. but it makes it easier to deal with. i still experience this strange dispaire on the #weekends or anytime im not working. i think the oddest thing is thst i dont think ive ever been this consistenly sad #not in a depressed sort of way. just a passing thoughts make me tear up sort of way. it doesnt feel out of control. it just feels like a #prelude to grief i guess. bc my mum is still in the hospital and its so hard to kno what that means from halfway across the country #my sisters are both home right now. they both live within 3hrs of where we grew up. one sister lives in the city my mom goes to for #treatment. so they have the opportunity to see her more than me. i dunno if they do tho. we dont really talk. i dont kno if they're as sad #as i am. if im overreacting bc i cant physically see what's happening. what the feeling is in the room. not that she would probably complain #shes the suffer in silence type. my dad keeps texting us pics of our shitty lil sunroom that hes redoing #to make my mum a lil sanctuary. he must be sad too. its his wife. hes staying with her in the hospital rn. i dunno its so weird #when i talk to my counselor she assumes i find out info thru calls or talk to my sisters abt it and i gotta b like nah we dont really talk #i get my info thru text. i havent talked to my parents on the phone in like a month. i dunno we just dont talk. so i dont kno how to reach #out and be like yo so whats up? shoulf i plan on coming home this summer for a bit?? like??? #this is the disadvantage of leaving thr place where you grew up. probably when i finish my phd i should move closer to home #somewhere in the Appalachian mountains maybe. somewere in the eastern deciduous forrest. somewhere with thunderstorms. #but thats years from now. who knows what ill b doing. for now im just sad and tired and i dont quite kno what to do in the short or long #term bc im feeling the weight of my mental limitations rather intensely. but maybe im just being self limiting #whatever. i dont have a dead mum yet. shes not even on hospice care. things are just uncertain and dont look so hot #i just dont see how it can get better from here when chemo gave her secondary blood cancer and shes still full of tumors #i dont think im being that dramatic. it just objectively seems not great for survival #unrelated

[swinging-stars-from-satellites]

I think I'm really gonna try to back off Tumblr for a few days. I'll still very much be around, particularly for conversations and stuff I've been involved with with people, but I'm not gonna be scrolling my dash

#anyway @party @robin I will still be here chatting it up I just feel like I'm doomscrolling too much #and am ruining my enjoyment of things as well as. life. in general #for reasons that I can't really explain other than just. other people being down makes me feel like I have a hard time being Not Down #even if I'm not actually Down as much. or whatever #idk sometimes I just need to pull back from the dash/fandoms/constant input I guess??? #but especially @party if you see this I am LIVING for our conversation this week I'm still very much here for that!!!!! #Lu rambles

[churchydragon]

I already knew I had no interest in Palworld when they showed the guns and slavery of the Pals in the first trailer but hearing that not only has the company dabbled in NFTs and AI but there's also HUMAN slavery AND the farms are called plantations has just totally turned me off. why did the devs think that was even slightly appropriate in this fucking day and age?

like I DO think we need an open world survival Pokemon-esq game, we really do. but not Palworld. hopefully Kindred Fates will fill that void properly, in a responsible, not overly and poorly thought out edgy way.

#granted if they make it clear in the game that the slavery is Bad and there are better ways to do the things you need to do #then that's slightly better. Morrowind has slavery in it too but it makes it very clear that it's Bad #and in quests involving them they give you options to help the slaves out and allow you to free them (two Telvanni quests come to mind) #it's not great but it's slightly better. but like. if it's like the guns then I suspect it's in there just to be edgy and “cool” #which isn't okay and shouldn't be defended. that's not okay. that's not ever okay. #and it sucks cuz again we do need a game like Palworld but without all the terrible things! Nintendo has been slacking hard and also #they been playing it way too safe and I feel like anything they make will kinda fall short #I enjoyed Scarlet and Violet but I feel like they could have done a little more if they were braver #and also. you know. payed their workers and didn't push out a new Pokemon every year. #give it time to sit so new ideas can develop properly. come on now. #anyways I have no idea if any of this is really coherent or just a rapid flow of thoughts. whatever #I'm excited for Kindred Fates. it comes out this year supposedly so I'm gonna grab that when I can #also there's nothing wrong with edgy concepts in video games. Palworld just does it badly to me #and as always people are allowed to like the game but. use some critical thinking #I've seen little bits of the game that look really fun. I've just been totally disillusioned to it lmao #I am gonna be sus of anyone accusing people of being moral crusaders for calling the game out for the slavery tho. that's sus as fuck #churchy talks #churchy tag rambles

[icewindandboringhorror]

Hrmm... Revising my game and I feel like there's still sooo much writing left to do, for something that probably won't even amount to much, so.. I do want to narrow my focus more (especially given my health problems seeming to get worse/less energy the past few years), but I'm not sure how would be best to...

I currently have 5 characters as the Main ones with full planned questlines and such, with each character having 6 quests you can do for them. But I haven't really started the writing for the 5th main character. So then I was thinking, if I were going to write 6 full quests worth of content anyway... is it better to allocate that time on just doing a Complete 6 Quests for ONE single character, OR would it be better to do something like.. choose THREE side characters and do 2 quests for each of them? So that people have a wider variety to interact with and sort of sample around (of course with the idea that, once the first version of the game is released, IF people actually care about it enough to make it worth the effort, I would then add additional content to complete those 3 characters stories as well)

-

SO... If you were playing an interactive fiction sort of game centered around talking to & doing quests for a cast of characters (like there's no larger plot, more it's just about interacting with people, every character kind of has a self contained story, the focus is just learning about them and the world and exploring the area) --- Which would you rather have?

(and of course it would be stated up front which characters have only partial questlines, so people don't expect them to have full quests like the others and then get disappointed, or etc. etc.)

Basically, is it better to just focus in specifically on having one fully complete questline? Or for there to be a few stories that are not complete yet, but have more initial options available?

#I guess I just feel weird about investing too much into characters if possibly nobody will like them. so the idea of being able to sample #around a wider variety opens up the option of like 'hey even if neither of these 4 are your favorite - you have 3 other options soon too!' #or whatever. BUT I also am very anti-the trend of releasing half finished games or shit like that where people preorder and then #the game sucks on actual release and isn't fully playable or good until 5 updates later #HOWEVER.. those are giant companies with hundreds of employees and millions in funding. I feel like it's different for someone #if they're just like ''hey I am getting zero money for this and doing it entirely on my own in my free time and before I do like 50+ hours #of work on top of the 100+ hours of work that I already did - I would like maybe to at least see some proof #people are interested in this - so I'm releasing the game with like a small amount of the originally intended content removed #that I still have planned out and hope to add later and the game is still entirely done and completely functional #except for just a few quests I might add later.. sorry'' etc. etc. ??? like I think that's different. but maybe some people dont see #it that way and would still be like 'grrr.. how dare there be unfinished options..>:V" idk #And the nature of the quests is such that it's not weird to have it be partial like.. again.there's no major plot. it's not like the quests #are leading up to some dramatic thing and having them half done would make it feel like a cliffhanger. It's meant to be very casual just #chilling and doing little tasks and such. And last thing to clarify I guess - by 'side character' I don't mean taking some unimportant bac #ground character and forcing them to have quests. I mean like.. originally the game had 8 full characters and I thought that was #too much so I cut it down to 5. So I still had everything planned for all the side characters too. Id' just be like.. re-giving them #quests and focuses that were already planned from the beginning but that I got rid of.. former main characters banished to the side lol.. #ANYWAY... hrmm... hard to decide... It's just so niche I think. I feel more and more like I should just get it to a 'proof #of concept' state and get it out there to interest check rather than invest in it soooo much for nothing. Because I really do not have the #tastes other people do or interact with games or have interest in things in the same way. A lot of the stuff that I love (slow. character #focused things with basicaly no action or plot where its' just about getting to explore a world and learn about #people in a casual low stakes setting but ALSO not romance) I think people find very boring so... lol... #This year as I try to pick the project back up again after abandoning it for like 3 years I keep looking at stuff and going.. ough... #yeah... cut this maybe.. I should cut that too.. I should make them a side character.. remove this.. blah blah.. #Though I did ADD a journal and inventory system and other things that like People Expect Games To Have so.. maybe #that will count for something.. hey..you can collect items.. it's not just 'talking to elves for 600 hours simulator'.. are you #entertained yet? lol.... When I was making my other tiny game for that pet website and I gave it to the play testers and someone was like #''it should have achievements so I feel I'm working towards something concrete'' I was literally so blindsided like..??... people WANT that #in games..? is the goal not simply to wander aimlessly &fixate on world/character lore& make your own silly pointless personal goals? I did #do them though because it IS fun to make up little achievement names and such but.. i fear i am out of touch so bad lol..