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vicioussickle · 2 days

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ok hi welcome to a very long and image heavy post about the toxic yaoi story of astor the shitty wizard and skooga the wretched footsoldier...

come and ponder this wretched orb...

(this ended up so damn chaotic and messy but very on brand for tumblr infodumping i guess... this started off as just pasting a thread but it became a lot longer and informative because i realized i haven't really shared backstory here... im always yappin on twt they can never truly silence me.)

ok, also, this isnt a "ship" for the sake of romance, really, its very toxic intentionally... I feel I have implied throughout my drawings that he and skooga have something depraved going on too…. It’s skooga that initiated the pursuit, ironically too.. he wants to piss off his mom…

Wretched mommy does NOT like Astor at all due to her own history with the shitty wizard cult… she does not want her wretched son getting involved with that stuff either and it scares her that he’s pulled the wool over master kohga’s eyes… deep in her orb she has a bad feeling…

skooga hates hates his mommy as he gets older… he doesn’t remember her involvement with that cult (intentionally) but he does remember her in a way he internalized as abusive… her grief…

lamented on here:

He resents having to be raised by his brother too, he truly hates everyone and everything so ofc a freak who wants to bring forth the end of days is appealing to him, and his mommy don’t like it so he likes it even more…

i always imagined that it was due to the yiga's lack of allies otherwise that they even accepted the cult to integrate with them... (i DO have my own wack theory that the cult ARE sheikah but thats for another post. im trying really hard to make this just on toxic yaoi.)

my fanfiction is something of an au i suppose because i combine the events of aoc and make them become botw, the calamity does still happen, its just prolonged a bit... what will be will be!

skooga found the goddess harp in the woods as a child while following around his sister and link... and he's once again reminded of it while following along with astor. like. its fucking real:

skooga also has his own sort of.. political agenda? too big for his tiny shorts... he wants to run around unmasked, they all should. they shouldn't have to hide who they are, the lives they end should very well see their faces as the last thing they see. he doesnt want to be covert and anonymous... so he brings up the harp and working undercover in the castle... (shay tags along as well on the research team, she loves digging up the guardians and playing in dirt... in totk shes a depths researcher)

so he gets his wish~

he becomes the court poet, all while his songs are passed back to the yiga clan and astor as intel... i think astor knows something about that harp tho... it IS a relic of the goddess, much like the master sword... it has been passed down through her hands herself... it's been known to control time, open portals to hell -

why IS there no shadow temple in the hyrule of botwera? could it be because of the kings prior refusing to accept the bloody history of greed and hatred that comes with the land...? perhaps it lies in wait and just needs that sacred melody again... or maybe their sage is taking A NAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!

so the harp is a valuable asset... i like to imagine that the cult practiced bizzare tantric-adjacent rituals, and it gets weird... most likely how they all ended up being killed by the very thing they were worshipping... all but astor, he is bound to the calamity and probably has it's insentient voice in his head at all times too, astor was chosen as it's conduit to feed the beast... (as is his own demise...) it doesn't bother him tho, he enjoys the servitude.

he also enjoys toying with skooga in the same way a lunatic would torture an animal too... because skooga is kind of naive and trusting when he isn't running his mouth... and i feel like it's also a weird.. chain of command thing... he gets off on watching him do what he says, all of them, while knowing he is going to kill them all... skooga is good for milking little bits of malice.

side note: blahblah sexuality blahblah skooga never found himself attracted to women. i'd say he's quite content and comfortable being a man also, but often thinks of himself and behaves as very effeminate... hes a gay boy. A BISHONEN. ok, alright. he still worked for his mother as well... to be honest, as he became an older teen-young adult he just enjoyed gossiping with the women, especially when they had raunchy stories to tell about the royal guards who he saw regularly now as the court poet... even link's father perhaps... i wonder why the court poet doesn't think link comes from "nobility"... hm... perhaps his father liked banging whores. maybe he really liked to drink...

(more things for another post. the kids' mother grew up during the time when the sheikah were totally banished from the kingdom... as it wasn't until zelda was born, canonically, that king rhoam set out to repair that allyship... long story short for this post - the father was murdered by a royal guard because it was technically ok by the law)

Now and for context.. this takes place right after skooga’s failure flop attack… he never wanted to hurt zelda either… he was hoping to scare her and link and drive them away out of the desert… he needs to make it look like he ain’t gone soft for her too… (hes a big star, hes the court poet AND the asshole in the yiga memory!)

It works out not great, it turns out link is actually terrifying with that cursed blade… Astor also urged this attack because it would serve as a distraction while he prepares to reap the orbs of the others… he would also be delighted seeing the yiga kill their own for treason...

Then ofc zelda knows what’s going on too… she’s always sort of sensed something in her ~court poet… he’s always been on edge and hateful towards link… she can’t blame the wretched guy tho. At this point she doesn’t even value her own life. She can’t do what she’s “meant to”… this is why he sympathizes and relates to her... out of everything he's got going on, he actually enjoys the court poet gig... he wants to learn more about ancient history too... the ancient history of his people... the reason why they divided... it really hits him that his father was murdered for simply being. he never really thought about those things until venturing out among others. his sister talked about it but he called her a annoying. He doesn't want any more wars, he doesn't want to be divided, he think's zelda's father is trustworthy... he truly believes in his people's ingenuity, and has faith in their allyship... he isn't using them...

it then very suddenly hits him that that is what exactly astor is doing.... he has an existential crisis with impa:

it is all much too late, tho...

skooga worked as an excellent distraction and many were killed...

i never really thought about it until now, but he probably carries a certain grief with him as well... he was as close as one could be with astor and he went along with it. his own grief blinded him too... he was just like his mommy 💔 so that's that on that, got a little off topic in some spots but i tried... if i think of anything else that i should write a deep dive on i will... or if any of u here want to ask about anything specific always feel free. tldr; its really just. naive young man gets bamboozled by an old creep. is that a trope? idk. its toxic yaoi.

#the legend of zelda #age of calamity #breath of the wild #botw #astor #oc #skooga #fanfiction

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kelocitta · 16 days

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Tangentially related to some of the discussion i posted earlier but quiet literally the first RW Art Month i participated I did it completely on whim like, one day before it started. And I mostly did it because I hadn't drawn a ton of rain world and wanted to draw more. Fandom presence was a lot smaller than and I was one of a handful of artists who did the entire thing. Fast forward and I still do Art Month and I've gotten to work with VC directly. But it was quite literally something I decided to do completely on whim that set the ball rolling, and for something a lil more niche and certainly with a lot more dev/fandom art involvement than most. It's really random how and why you might get noticed more than usual, especially with the "toss it into the search and hope it pays out' mechanism of Socmed

#t.extpost #and im hardly the fanciest art month artist out there so it wasnt even about being a jaw droppingly talented artist or whatever #and while artmonth for rw is still given a huge focus its also a much much bigger thing now with a much bigger number of participants #which is cool! its awesome how many people i saw do most if not all of last art month! and VC is really good about not just repping the #most popular artists or fanciest pieces #but theres So Much More there now and while its great for finding artists its also impossible to get Everyone in there you know?#Although they absolutely try #And this is like. one of the most fanartist involved devs ive ever seen in terms of both celebrating the art their fans make and actively #bringing those fans in to contribute #and its /still/ hard to get going just because thats how Posting is #i used to be more of a hk artist which is both a huge fandom and riddled with stunning artists but theres So Many #and niche fandoms are niche so youre more likely to connect with people but less likely to see a ton of engagement regularly -#probably best example i have for that was being briefly fixated on patapon.#Its just messy to try and find the hack that sets you up #just have fun and jump around and make what you like #get a sense of feeling for your style and some people will stick around for that vs. strictly the subject matter #others will look up the thing you switched too and some wont engage #you cant really control it #so have fun and draw that thing you randomly thought about at 2 am that doesnt match your blog #draw for that forgotten rpg you liked when you were 15 or draw for the 70 player max steam game you played for this week #you never really know what will happen #but its not really worth worrying about what will happen either

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thatstroubling · 1 year

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when your favorite character makes it to the finale

As a fellow Danganronpa fan, I'd like to imagine that if Pre-game Shuichi wasn't, you know, gone forever because he'd given up his life to become an anime character like a dumbass and could somehow witness our Shuichi kick So Much Ass in Trial 6, he would be the one cheering him on the loudest. After all, Shuichi is his perfect little detective guy and the person he once hoped he could become. That's why I can hear the "You tell them!" in his voice in my head so very clearly. And in spite of being responsible for ending Pre-game Shuichi's favorite TV show in the world, at the core of it, Shuichi was ultimately fighting on behalf of his friends for what was right all the way to the end.

And who wouldn't want to get behind that?

#I drew this so I would have a visual reference for writing about him because man there is so much to go over /#/ if we take tsumugi on her word that Shuichi signed up for that madness himself #but its not the same person right? ingame shuichi has a writing credit!#Id like to think that OUR Shuichi is an sort of like an OC created partially by Shuichi himself #like team danganronpa would exploit people and get them on the show by allowing them to become the characters theyve always wanted to be #and I dont know how common this is but I hold my OCs very dear to my heart even if I make them go through Hard Stuff #tbh if my own character got to be in my favorite show and they would totally SLAYED it in the finale while also killing the franchise #I dont think I would be mad you know #even if that character is fictional its still real in a way that matters #thats what the ending is ultimately about anyway #but for now Im just glad I finished this little thing oh my god I CANT DRAW this was a loong struggggle but Im glad I have a visual aid now #shuichi saihara #pre game shuichi #post game shuichi #drv3 #ndrv3 #danganronpa #danganronpa v3 #💜#and yes I gave him an identical dr pin to the one I have as well hank you for asking #drv3 spoilers #ndrv3 spoilers #art

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todayisafridaynight · 7 months

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time a flat circle why the hell am i usin the same loafers i bought for one cosplay of my fave antagonist for another fave antagonist

#snap chats #can i even call it cosplay. why are police sirens going off in the bg oh my god shut UP #anyway yeah ill elaborate. Super Snap Stalkers will remember my p4 era and will remember the time i did in fact do an adachi cosplay #i deleted the og post like an hour later. plus that blog's gone. but im sure some freak can find it if they dig hard enough #ew i think i was 17/18 in that pic (not at all that long ago) ok anyway.#i use the same loafers for my aoki outfit. and yeah i do Regularly wear my rgg outfits i TOLD YOU its functional cosplay i QUIT #just funny that like.... damn everything always goes back to square one LOL #these busted ass old ass loafers still rockin with me years later #if im feeling cheeky i think i will post all my rgg outfits actually. for halloween #hang on gotta be depressed and cringe for a moment #cause ive always liked cosplay but whenever i did it it never felt. Good Looking #like i always just felt like my face never worked for the charas i wanted to portray and so thats why i say with a heavy heart #that aoki's round-ass square-ass head is perfect LOL it makes me wanna throw up looking in the mirror #i got the same weird lips. ok not that squished Similar but Its Awful that he makes me feel comfortable with my face now #at least my eyebags arent double deckered... i at least look like i get sleep.. some days.#breaking !!!! objectively one of the most vile bitches in this franchise makes you feel comfortable with your body and existence #NAW to continue from last post if i had a webcam i prob coulda done a cosplay y7 stream LOL thatd be funny #anyway since this tag ramble is just pure cringe let me round it off with a final bit of cringe #the Forbidden Mention of my trans masato hc cause one reason why i have a Teehee over the thought is how raspy his voice is #and i only really now realized how right i was tonight because my prof called on me to speak and when i tried speaking DAWG.#the forbidden acknowledgement of Myself GROSS #BUT DAWG MY THROAT WAS FUCKIN CRUSTY it felt like sandpaper EW?? WATER FOR YOU?? christ. i hope that was just a one-time thing #ok im leaving now BYE

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ddanmeissu · 2 years

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i need someone i can yell at about my very niche tma au ;w;

(see me playing fast and loose between tma lore and mdzs canon under the cut wheeee~)

this is part headcanon, part drabble, all-around mess. just dont think too hard about it please

the classification of each entity isn’t fully documented yet, smirke’s 14 doesn’t exist, but each major clan has a specific fear that called their founders. there are also some entities haven’t been identified yet so a lot of fears bleed into each other

they’re still cultivators here. they’re cultivating fear.

golden cores are the physical manifestation of your connection with your god within your body. the more you feed it, the more connected you are to your patron, the more powerful you become.

each clan is a powerhouse to a specific entity but their disciples can be touched by multiple entities (and honestly, i cant make everyone a slaughter avatar) only the sect leader needs to be fully devoted to their fear god

Gusu Lan = Beholding, Qinghe Nie = Slaughter, Yunmeng Jiang = Hunt, Lanling Jin = Stranger, and Qishan Wen = Desolation

wei wuxian was once heavily touched by the hunt. his mother a famous Huntress and rogue cultivator and his father a servant and close friend to the sect of The Everchase

jiang cheng’s Hunt core is slightly weaker but its fine because they are of the same pack. they are partners, brothers in everything but blood, and will hunt down anyone who dares to hurt the other.

jiang yanli isn’t an avatar, not marked by the hunt but touched by the Hive, manifesting more on the love/belonging and family aspect rather than the filth aspect

i have more Thots about the family aspects between hive/hunt and how they are both very possessive on who they call their Persons but expresses it different ways that mirror jyl and jc but that’s for a different post

during their time in the cloud recesses they meet a quiet watcher who wwx immediately zones in on him as his new “prey”.

lan wangji is silent and knowledgeable as is expected from a disciple of the beholding, but there is a certain chill around him that other eye avatars do not have

wwx stalks the poor boy, pounces on him whenever he manages to catch him alone, and is just a general disturbance all-around.

he does not feel the Eyes that sometimes watch him when he is alone.

lan xichen does not need the beholding’s power to see the way his brother looks at the young hunter disciple. he is pleased to feel the cold surrounding the jingshi has lessened. shufu seems perplexed and torn.

wwx’s also has his eye on jin zixuan, the pompous plastic peacock that’s engaged to his shijie. he isn’t actually allowed to hunt him down so he settles on dismembering the lifeless mannequins that he uses as servants.

(playing with the timeline here) they get kicked out when a text is destroyed within the Library Pavilion even though it was just a pornography book (any kind of knowledge is still knowledge) and even though it was lwj who destroyed it (the eye had punished him severely for that).

the desolation!wen are attempting to bring The Scourged Earth into the world. they burn down the cloud recesses “in the name of ‘cleaning up the place’ so that it would be ‘reborn from the firelight.’” ( - directly from the mdzs wiki)

the xuanwu of slaughter is an ancient manifestation of, well, the slaughter and cannot be reasoned with.

(”Lan Zhan, can you See anything?” “No. My connection with The Beholding has been greatly severed.” “Oh. well.. Uh, it’s kinda foggy in here huh? Here have my outer robe, you look kinda cold.” “…Mn.”)

lotus pier burns and jiang cheng loses his core. wwx asks flesh!wen qing for help because only an avatar of the flesh (the boneturner, though that isn’t its name yet) is able to carve open another avatar long enough to take something out and place it somewhere else.

jiang cheng immediately becomes a fully-fledged avatar using wwx’s hunt-influenced core. it manifests as strong bloodlust against the wens, fear of being seen as weak prey by the other clans, (and later, hunting down wwx and other end-aligned cultivators.)

wwx gets thrown in the burial mounds. he is dead for three whole months. and then he wakes up.

his hunter core is gone but that’s fine. he is alive not because he wants to but because he has to. when he is awake, he calls upon the dead to exact his revenge. the wens are defeated and everyone is in frightened awe of the new being that he has unwillingly become. when he is asleep, black tendrils of death plague his dreams. He relives the horrible memories of his own and others’ deaths. sometimes he can feel someone watching him but cannot see them in return.

wei wuxian is alive but he is not part of jiang cheng’s pack anymore. he does not follow them out on hunts anymore, doesn’t even bother to stay within the residences. he isn’t part of their pack anymore, abandoned their patron for something else more powerful, and for what? he feels resentment brewing inside him. resentment and fear.

wwx knew not to trust the polished and waxed faces of the jins. all the wen remnants are non-avatars, barely touched by anything other than the fear the jins had instilled by themselves. they do not deserve this cruelty, to be both entertainment and livestock for the rest of the cultivation world. it is true that death comes for everyone, but wwx will not let these people die at the hands of these strangers.

the wens become touched by the End during their stay in the burial mounds. wen ning, with flute music playing in his head, wins an archery game against Death and finally wakes.

one day a cold mist surrounds yilling when wwx takes a-yuan out on a stroll. He loses him but finds him again clinging to a man in white robes that looks like he wants to disappear. wwx feels himself smile brightly at the sight. (”lan zhan! it’s so nice to see you again! It’s been so cold out today but luckily it’s warmer now!” “Mn.” “You really blend in with the fog with those white robes of yours. it’s okay though because i’m sure i can find you wherever you disappear to!” “Mn.”)

qiongqi path becomes a massacre of plastic mannequins and not!beings. the smell of death and manufactured flesh fill the air like an offering to his unwanted patron, and black tendrils surround wwx and his assailants. It blinds him and he can’t see it, can’t control it, can’t stop it as jin zixuan is pierced through his chest and falls to the ground, dead.

the clans are outraged. they speak in fear of him, they hear of his power over life and death and that he, like the wen fugitives by his side, is trying to bring about his patron into the world. they call for an attack, a bloodbath to take him down once and for all.

and a bloodbath it is. the entire cultivation world against a one-man army. fear rings high in the air and all the Entities are well fed in the aftermath, the most satisfied: Slaughter and (paradoxical to their intent) The End.

later, much later, when the siege is over and nothing is left of his anchor other than a small child marked by death, lwj accepts the punishment lashes and then goes into cold seclusion. the jingshi is completely covered by clouds of fog. no one can See him, the elders only get a debilitating headache when they try to pry too hard. not even lxc, who has become the Eye’s most devoted avatar, can know his brother’s whereabouts. only lan yuan seems to able to navigate through the dense gloom.

the world moves on

jin guangyao’s wide smiles are not conspicuous within the plastic faces and painted lips within lanling jin. If his limbs are too long or if his smile a bit distorted or if he disappears through a bright yellow door and doesnt come back then no one makes mention of it.

No one also notices the webs above them hidden in the high ceilings of lanling jin nor the tiny spiders that skitter around the gossiping servants, spinning and weaving threads of thick silk around them.

it takes years for his brother to come out from the fog and lxc nearly weeps at the knowledge that The Lonely had not forsaken another member of his family. still, lwj has changed. there is a certain chill around him now that persists wherever he goes. though he has always been silent since childhood, his silence now is cold and unfeeling, eyes faraway as if not seeing those around him and only floating through the days. He is not completely alone though and that is enough to alleviate some of xichen’s worries.

time abates some wounds but certainly not all. there is still an empty cold pit in lwj’s chest but it does not bleed as freely as it did 10 years before. Before, he would have readily disappeared into the fog when the elders comes to look for him, now he chooses to disappear from the cloud recesses and absconds into night hunts. he goes wherever the chaos is, seeking (but not willing to hope) that he might find something that can stir the deadness in his heart.

tbc ?

#rotating this au hard and fast in my mind's eye #i actually dont know the overlap between the mdzs and tma fandoms but im just assuming there isnt much ???#i kinda got too into it at the end there i didnt know where to stop lmao im sorry im pulling all of this outta my ass dskfjhkdhfk #i still have so many Thoughts for this au and cute lil scenes between these avatar fledgelings #i promise its not all Angst its just that lonely!lwj is a very good source of inspo #is this a fix it? maybe. maybe not.#on one hand i want everyone (except jgs and zixun) to love and be happy #on the other hand lonely!lwj is the entire reason why i thought of this au in the first place #according to the wiki the chinese name for cloud recesses means 'somewhere unknown deep in the clouds'#which is Peak Lonely vibes but i didnt find that out until after i wrote this oops #beholding!gusu lan is staying tho bc i love lonelyeyes!lwj hehe #i almost wrote an entire backstory in the tags about madame lan and how wangji inherited her Loneliness dhsdfkhd #i'll write that on a different post this one is long enough #LANLING JIN IS STRANGER ALIGNED BECAUSE THEY'RE ALL CLOWNS #i was thinking of jzx being replaced by a not!them after qiongqi ambush but hmmm maybe thats for another au hmmmm many thoughts #funfact! in MAG113 decker mentions that only a Hunter can kill an avatar of the End so. do what you will with that knowledge :)#OH HEY I JUST REMEMBERED WWX TOLD LWJ TO 'GET LOST' WHEN LWJ TRIED TO SAVE HIM DURING THE FIRST SEIGE JUST BEFORE HE DIED SO :))))#MY LONELY!LWJ HEADCANON IS GOING STRONG #mdzs #mo dao zu shi #should i tag this as tma? nah #anyways here just take this

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strwbrymlkshake · 1 year

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Why can't I be satisfied with everything? It needs to be perfect to me and I can't accept anything otherwise :(

#mine #oh boy here we go. guy last post was about has been pretty cool and i got flustered around him a few times #but i feel bad bc. i need m o r e he isnt insane enough he isnt making me go absolutely crazy i want to be satisfied but im NOT im sorry #like its quite honestly the most attention acceptance etc ive gotten but its not ENOUGH he doesnt die whenever i send a selfie #im never satisfied WHY i have unrealistic expectations !!!! i hate my brain killing and violence and death etc #i get crushes on guys who want nothing to do with me but then when one actually wants me its not enough? what is wrong with me #thrill of the chase? i cant accept being loved? what is it brain. christ almighty. im not doing anything like deliberately yandere related #anymore im just being generally incomprehensibly mentally ill 🙄 still trying to find a therapist but idk how on earth ill explain that #ill update this post tomorrow with more insanity but for now i am the sleepy tired #// ok its now 3 days later i dont feel like making another post. i think i was just having a mental illness moment as always #because he does make me insane. hashtag girl. im trying to be the smartest and calculated i have ever been with a relationship in my life #like im thinkin about it so hard bro. the future n shit. how would this relationship go. im so scared ill do something wrong its preventing #me from doing things RIGHT. im sad becaude i flipped out today over even imagining him being upset with me a little #so i was really embarrassed and it put me in a weird mood for the rest of the night but he reassured me he doesnt hate me or want me to die #every one aaalways says theyre different. i can only hope this one is telling the truth. i dont know what ill do if he isnt.#well i need to stop whining about fictional scenarios and focus on the good stuff in reality. i get along with him very well and he #is very niceys to me :3 he doesnt think im fucking insane or stupid for overreacting. i feel very comfortable gossiping and talking w him #every long time blog viewer of mine reading this like ah shit here we go again #but thats what im here for. i guess. just have to keep doing this shit until something good finally happens to me romantically hngh #i feel so strange because i have wanted and yearned for a relationship but now that i actually could have one im like WAIT #I DIDNT THINK ID GET THIS FAR 💀💀💀 bruh. and he doesnt even think im stupid hes respectful to me he checks in on me all the time #like perhaps the only person to ever actually almost match my energy in a romantic sense. there was [redacted] i guess but he didnt love me #he listens to me talk about my problems he doesnt think i complain or overreact too much. all the ridiculous cringe shit i do #he doesnt mind it. its nice to be able to be myself. and im really proud of myself for not rushing into a relationship right away

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ms-all-sunday · 4 months

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a year ago, today, was the day i first watched arlong park. it was the day i admitted to myself that one piece could be my new special interest. it was also the day i wanted to show my childhood friend one piece and then thought that would never happen. (it happened and she reacted exactly the way i wanted her to. it was so perfect! you have her back in your life now and shes so perfect. you can literally feel her love you.)

i think the guy who experienced arlong park for the first time would be so fucking happy with where we ended up. he would be so happy we have her tattoo, she's apart of us not only our identity but our body, too. he would be so proud, jealous, and in shock that any story- any shonen- lived up to our expectations.

he'd be in shock i like m/f pairings, he'd be in shock i like romance in one piece, he'd be in shock that i like sanami. he'd be in shock that we are now in love with a story in a way we never could've imagined or never even experienced ever. he'd be in shock that we have a blog about one piece that people i think respect the opinions of- he'd be in shock that now generally id say my preference romantically is towards women. and we are attracted to women and are normal about it, now. he'd be in shock that we now trust creators of stories and we trust oda to write a good one, that one piece as a story can in fact love it's audience in the deeply intimate way any story can love it's audience. that it loves us. that we are no longer scared of that trust being broken.

he would be in shock, but he would've said "i told you so", because today was the say he said "if one piece isn't the story to be my new special interest, there's nothing else it could be. this has to be it." -an author capable of arlong park is capable of anything. an author capable of giving me nami is capable of giving me my new special interest.

#modposts #yeah nami is what made me crack what about it #of course it was her! everything is always about her!! she is my everything!#she is my everything and i love her #i can be bought and sold as an audience member you just have to give me nami and ill be sold on whatever youre selling!#anniversary post #“oh its so hard to get this guy to like stuff” NOT true. give me nami #i struggled very hard with feeling unwanted as an audience member for stories #so id say “oh im picky” or “i have high standards” and i still think thats true but it hurt me that i felt so unwanted.#it was extremely comical how easily one piece bought me. it said hey buddy you feel unwanted? you're gonna get what you want immediately #and youre going to trust a story again #and its going to be a fucking shonen. and youre going to like it. and youre going to heal.#listening to anges and hilda because that was the album i was listening to at this time last year #its a very fitting album to listen to when youre getting into op i think #i remember Overijssel getting stuck in my head during the zoro and nami scene

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mugirmu · 2 years

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in honor of the one-year anniversary of episode 141's airing (yesterday but its 3am so hush) it's DEEPLY missing the mighty nein hours

#im a MESS #and absolute MESS #im not gonna put it all here but i just did a lot of introspection on my... difficulty to move on? from campaign 2 and how that might be a #reason why i am/have been struggling so hard to get into exu and campaign 3 #i really want to give c3 another shot as ive only watched the first few episodes and i REALLY want to watch exu calamity #its just. hard. for grief suffering reasons (yes thats the right word for my stuff for additional personal reasons)#but i dont want to just have current critical role not be a part of my life anymore. i cant fucking stand it #i adored vox machina when i was watching it before c2 came out and i still do #and c2 and the mighty nein literally was a core pillar of my life. for Years. and theyre so important to me and idk what i wouldve done #without them in my life when they were here #and i miss them really bad and a part of me wants to go back to the time when c2 was still airing #but i can manage and catch up with the rest of the fandom and have fun again with all these new characters #i dont doubt that i'll love the bells hells when i just give them a chance and i think now's that time #i want thursdays to be exciting again. i want to liveblog with mutuals again and nonstop share amazing fanart and meta and fanfic #fuck im crying again aaagh #ill always carry the mighty nein and their story in my heart because they were and are so so important to me literally changed my life #maybe i should make a true appreciation post soon but not rn #idk i guess i needed to put these thoughts somewhere #thanks cr for being amazing and beloved #thanks mighty nein

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spade-club · 2 years

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Was it really leading you on if I also let you down? Or do you really just hate the idea of me being happy without you? /not at you

#im getting angery about things from almost two years ago again haha oops #but honestly. you cant just fucking traumatize me and expect me not to be pissed???#just tell me I'm a monster and you hate everything I am.#like. do you know how hard it is to be going through someone sexualizing you constantly no matter how much you ask them to stop #and have your best fucking friend yelling at you because you're such a monster who's going to ruin this poor boy #and have her tell you she tied her self worth to your capacity to like men??#like. cool. okay. fuck you I guess.#its so bullshit #like. I'll admit I didnt treat her great. i let her believe she had a chance with dating me #when ultimately that was probably never going to happen again #but also like. I just like having close friends I flirt with. thats how I do relationships. and I made that clear.#and I even toned it down and we talked about it all the time #so maybe actually I didnt??? idk #point is its still fucked up that she would honestly tell me how much I suck as a hostile way of attacking me for not dating her #and THEN a few months later managed to get mad at me again for.... being triggered by something she said #so anyway uh. when you have someone in your life and you know how mean they can be #dont tell yourself its okay because they arent hostile to you. they could just as easily be hurting you the moment their rose glasses fall #if you dont want to be on their bad side. do you really want to be on their good side?#sad posting #<- not really but its personal and I'm scatterbrain thinking #soz if it doesnt make a lot of sense I'm. strugglebus #I might try to explain better later because those moments have really lodged their way in my brain and it sucks

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falsementor · 2 years

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macaque is definitely the type of antihero who will use his evil, intimidating reputation as a force of good. just... in a very apeshit way.

#✘ — i was good but then i quit. ( headcanons. )#✘ — forget everything you used to know. ( study / rambles. )#just thinking about how he motivated mk to get his powers back in season 3 #just 'oh? you don't have your powers?? guess you cant stop me from crushing your friends. some hero you are :)))'#its the juxtaposition of the winning side and the king the prince and the shadow where in that episode ---#he's NOT fucking around anymore. he takes mk down in 3 hits. thats how you know he's been holding back on the kid #its like... macaque doesn't believe himself to be good - or capable of doing good things... but he still WANTS to help #so his answer to that is 'well if nobody is going to trust me. if people are only going to expect the worst from me -#- then i guess i may as well use that to my advantage '#thats what i mean by he's very subtle with showing he cares / helping out #its very easy to overlook him and just think he's being a shifty bastard as per usual #does it make the way he goes ABOUT 'helping' good?? no! him traumatizing and smacking mk around is definitely #not okay. and while i don't think he's gonna be doing that AS much post season 3 - i still think he's not redeemed yet #so he's gonna still be doing shifty bastard things #he's still a manipulative jerk saying awful things to ppl. and sometimes i dont think he's actually trying to help #he doesn't really.. care if he hurts ppl's feelings. UNLESS he actually cares about them #which is far and few in-between considering he's mainly out for himself #its HARD to pin down this fucker's intentions because it really just depends on the circumstance and the person in question

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arolesbianism · 1 month

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Thinking abt how much I love oni's writing again... In particular, "a seed is planted" continues to be one of if not my favorite logs because despite the troubling details and implications that come with it, it's the one thing in the entirety of the decaying corpse of gravitas that genuinely leaves us with a grain of hope (a seed if you will) and makes oni as a whole a lot more bitter sweet as while earth may not have survived, the dupes did, and after their horrible origins and the shit that many of them went through, in due time they'll finally get to just live, they're free now, and even if Olivia's sleep is end of a tragedy, the world will keep moving forward with or without those who've been lost

#rat rambles #oni posting #like I guess I just rly love that oni both manages to commit to being a tragedy while also leaving a world still in motion #like Im glad that olivia didnt get a bittersweet ending and instead got a fucking miserable one #while at the same time the dupes are still left there to keep moving forward #well ok more so I like how the narrative shifts into smth quite beautiful when seen from the dupes perspectives #which is also why I like that the dupes are rarely talked abt directly in the lore logs #idk I just feel like a seed is planted wouldnt hit as hard to me if the dupes were talked abt more #its the same sort of incedental storytelling that I like abt the rest of oni's writing ig #also I just think them being a major part of the lore logs would rly take away from the greater horrors and tragedies of gravitas #like idk I think it would have been a lot more boring if a third of the logs were just jackie going so yeah I tortured dupes some more #it makes the pre end of the world world feel so much bigger while still mostly remaining within gravitas itself #enhances the feeling of glimpsing into a past world #like every now and then I think abt what oni story could have looked like and am filled with joy at what it is now #I fucking love being into fiction thats good god it feels so good to like shit thats just like actually good #it honestly makes me almost wish there wouldnt be new lore but I do think theres room for more #as in theres plenty of room to make shit up and also we need to see more of the scientists pls #as for actual quote unquote plot stuff idk just give me like one jackie and olivia college year video transcript or smth and we're good #theres other stuff that make me lose my mind but for narrative consistency I think itd be best to not touch those two too much #especially olivia I rly think she doesnt need almost any new content the only stuff Id want with her is if it expanded upon jackie #because rly jackie is the only character I think would super heavily benefit from elaboration even if I stand by her not needing much #as Ive said a billion times just smth small to show us her in a more casual setting and we're golden I think #show me that woman being genuinely happy so I can fill in the blanks as she slowly gets crushed by the consequences of her actions #shes a part of this tragedy too and god damnit I want to see the life she ruined along the way of ruining many others #I want to see a woman whos eyes once shined and then when the lights have dulled I want her to say it was worth it with no conviction #metaphorically ofc I dont actually want to see most of it because thatd go against the narrative philosophy already established #rly all this means is I wanna see jackie and olivia doing laundry together or smth #oh also I hope they specifically give otto a whole other log just to clear up my pronoun woes #idc what its abt just have them talk abt their gender offhand or smth #just mi-ma being like how do you do young man and otto is like they and mi-ma is like ah yes young they

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talkorsomething · 1 month

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Too [insert adjective here] for guard ...................

Well, it's only half related.

We "hit a pothole", "had a slipup", whatever you want to call it — sunday. Aka: for the sake of my sanity we are not labeling it a relapse but good god does it feel as though I have invited the demons back in.

I know why, but I don't really know why. Because, I mean... I never have, to begin with. So: when I decided i was doing it sunday, i accepted it. "Let it happen", as someone would probably say to me. It's not...

I've been thinking about it for a while now. It's like anything - it comes and goes, a few times a year, and no matter what, I always ignore it.

Except, maybe there's something I'm not paying attention to? Or, ignoring, is the better word for it?

Of course it would be the one thing I have happening in my life.

November, I was burnt out for unrelated reasons. It was a lot to take in. That made sense. Now? ... why now?

There's not really any pressure on me. Yes, I have to do things, yes, it will be noticed if they're bad, but ...... it's not important. We don't spend time on it. I'm coming back next year, but it might be at the cost of ... all of this. I think it's progress. I haven't touched my guitar in any serious capacity in over a year. I think it's progress.

I don't take compliments well. I can't tell if that's why I don't get them, but I'm not being corrected much either. Only when I drift too far from what the work is supposed to be, only after weeks of it going, I can only assume, unnoticed. I keep getting stuck.

...push it back down.

Telling me I'm doing good isn't telling me what I know I have to be getting wrong. I could take it, at the cost of... all of this. I'm anticipating, and I know it can come. This is not where I was when I started.

It's been said, I haven't been told, that not starting it means you're more of a burden, by making the other person have to do it first. I know that. I do. And still it doesn't help. I'm not drowning. It wasn't an accident, but it wasn't planned, either. I don't know you.

I don't know you.

I'm not a good person. I'm not a nice person. Every week I tell myself this is really it, and every week I come back, and ... what? Forget I ever said anything? Forget we're not friends?

Well, we're not, huh? Nobody is, with me. What you see I swear you misunderstand. You don't ask. If you do, well, I can't answer. We're at an impasse.

It's not even my fault we didn't make it. I shouldn't feel like this over nothing. I don't do anything. You will, correctly, not let me do anything, because potential doesn't matter if you can't back it up. If you won't back it up. I let things happen to me.

I don't even feel better. And, actually, ironically, i think i know what would let me feel better. If I can't be upset with anyone else, at least I can be with myself.

... but, well, not even that. Your heart in my hands, but I mean it diegetically. And metaphorically. I hate putting myself out there, I hate having to actually perform, and yet every time, no matter what, I do it. I'm fine. I only cared at the start, and even then not very.

I don't feel anything. Not a lot, anyways. I don't let it happen. I can't. I don't know what it'll mean if I start being honest with myself.

...

I've pulled myself out of this before. A few times, now. Different circumstances, but I've done it all the same. Seasonal depression notwithstanding.

I'm only here because I did things I was scared to. And still, I'm the same. No progress made. The only way out is to do it again but I feel like I can't. I can't.

Will someone just let me say that?

Will someone just fucking help for once?

#sh tw #(implied - i know i didnt actually say it in the post but yes i did c** myself sunday)#100% секретный дневник левы НЕ ЧИТАЙ #im cursed with being a bit too self aware so #i think its compounded by my nepotism hire ... not letting me do my nepotism hire things #(for legal reasons i cannot say)#and then to add to that not letting me do anything I probably COULD actually do given slightly more instruction (at guard)#its just ... im a very angry person actually . except right now thats because im not EATING RIGHT EITHER #BECAUSE ALL OF MY PROBLEMS ARE COMBINING INTO ONE BIG INTERCONNECTED PROBLEM #back to my point.#guard instructors decided that for my first year i will not do anything cool because i'm not able to learn in about 2 seconds flat #[read: get very upset very quickly when i get things wrong and then . cant do them because im trying not to have a breakdown over]#[something REALLY STUPID like NOT BEING ABLE TO DO A SIMPLE TURN WHILE MOVING WITH THE FLAG]#so like okay. i get it okay. i'm not good at this. could you at least TELL ME i suck so i can feel justified about feeling bad about it.#could you just fucking tell me this isn't a guard where you can show up with no experience. could you do me a real solid and tell me that.#i dont know maybe the real sign it wasnt for me was when i was seriously considering not turning up for the second 'audition'#really i just hate how much he yells at us. not even at ME because i do so little there is no room to fuck it up. just at everyone else .#it doesn't motivate me to come back but i NEED 'friends' so bad and i love performing so now i just get anxious enough that i cant eat ..#.. before going to rehearsal. which is stupid. because i've done it a million times before.#......#i'm just.... everyone says he isn't actually that bad. & he used to be worse. so it really is just me.#it's just me being oversensitive. because i've never had any REAL experience in ... just about anything #so; yes. it IS on me how I feel and obviously how I react. and I keep pushing it down because it's stupid; really; to still feel this way.#anyways. our last weekend without a competition is this very weekend #so you'll never guess who's having a REALLY FUCKING HARD TIME trying to practice #i'm like this close to going to bed early and without having done the dance warmup for the third day in a row.#лёва there is no TIME why are you STILL NOT PRACTICING for the love of god get it together #(oh also when i say 'friends' in quotes it is because i desparately want to believe we're friends but they dont even talk to me really)#(and because im not even IN most of the show theres not much to bond over. literally like i have everything down Decent enough (apparently)#so theres not even any 'i will help u with this toss' team bonding. no shared moment of we are all out of breath because i DONT DO ANYTHING

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gibbearish · 4 months

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inside you are two wolves. one is deeply paranoid about accidentally getting parasocial at people and also about trusting any internet personality anyways because so many of them turn out to be shitbags. the other is deeply paranoid about supressing its interests when it don't need to because it might have ocd and can't tell if its behavior is actually parasocial and it's just noticing it now or if this is just normal looking-up-to-someone-who-inspires-you behavior and it's just obsessing the compulsings, and furthermore thinks that with every shitbag it can think of, there's always been a trail of signs leading up to the breaking point that either got ignored or justified or forgotten, and it has yet to see a single sign or red flag despite being on high alert for them the whole time its been watching. you are a mentally ill hbomberguy fan.

#i blame hbomb himself for this bc of the joke he made in the internet historian section saying 'if i wanted to #distract people from me reuploading a video because of plagiarism‚ thats how id do it' bc now im like '........i wonder if ...... nah he #couldnt have...... right?'#this is /j i rewatch all his videos pretty regularly and to my memory at least none of them have changed #except the bits of the sherlock video bbc copyright claimed but given that he like. openly says it on screen‚ its VERY clearly #transformative use‚ and the bbc is a big corporation so fuck em #i daresay that may just be a different case #however i also cant turn the cynicism off so i will be saving a screenshot of this post #that way if he does turn out to suck we can all point and laugh at past me for tripping face first into the joke #but idk i feel optimistic and am trying to remind myself im . allowed to do that #thats another reason i think i have ocd is i feel like. the universe really likes to spring ironic shit like that on me a lot #so it gets hard not to feel like letting myself feel positive things abt a thing i like will make the universe go 'haha get fucked idiot'#and take it away yknow?#and i get the feeling thats uh. a bit irrational. mayhaps even the magical thinking ive heard tell of #cause even tho i dont /believe it/ believe it. i can still like. feel it there trying to get me to yknow? jwbrksbfmsmw

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omgeto · 8 months

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☆ WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH YOUR EX — GOJO, GETO, TOJI

summary: you have sex with your ex. thats it.

cw: afab!reader, smutty smut smut so mdni. unprotected sex with all of them (since I forget that condoms exist) you sit on geto face, kinda finger fucking & mild hate fucking with toji but its fun, and gojo is just lovely.

an: i was meant to post this last night but I fell asleep writing geto's part so slay. anyways I hope you enjoy lmk what you think!! not proofread so ignore any mistakes please.

☆ GOJO

“this doesn’t mean we’re back together y’know,” you remind gojo, panting as he thrusts into you.

“you’re really saying that with my dick deep in your cunt,” he taunts, admiring the deep arch of your back, the way your ass ripples every time his hips drive into you. “i’ve missed this.”

“f-fuck keep going,” you moan out, as his dick hits your spot – just how you like it.

“so you don’t miss me?” he pesters, and you roll your eyes, as although you couldn’t see him, you just knew he had a pout on his face. “you really don’t miss me?” he continues his thumb making way to your clit, swiftly flicking at it.

“i don’t miss you.”

gojo pulls out of you almost defiantly, pushing you down – turning you around your back. he stares at you with something you couldn’t quite place, and re enters you just as quickly. he smirks at the way your mouth gapes as his hands roughly grab at your tits, pinching and pulling on your nipples.

“s-someone’s mad,” you egg on, loving the way that his strokes become harder.

“y’know the reason i always loved fucking you this way when we were together?” he asks with a mischievous glint in his eyes.

“what’s with the trip down memory lane?,” you complain, your arms come around his neck as you take him in deeper, “i called you to fuck me, not for whatever you’re tryna do here.”

“because i always got to see all the faces you make,” he continues, completely ignoring your comment, his tongue drags up the side of your jaw, before pressing a quick kiss just under your ear. “and the face your making right now, tells me, that you're lying.”

you scoff, but didn’t say anything because you knew he was right. you did miss the way he’d plough into you, the way he knew the ins and outs of your body – how to please you. “im gonna cum,” you whine out, “satoru please i need yo–”

“you can cum when you admit the truth babe,” he teases, his strokes purposefully shift speed, still keeping you writhing underneath him but just not quite enough to get you there. “just say you miss me.”

“fine,” you force out, exasperated, “i m-miss you i do.”

“see wasn’t so hard, was it?” he kisses you deeply, driving deep into you, and you cum with a cry, you did miss being this close with your ex boyfriend. gojo is quick to finish after you, filling you up with all his cum.

he eventually pulls out of you, collapsing down on the bed next to you pulling you into his hold. you, against your better judgement, relaxing into his arms – which goes against all the rules of sleeping with your ex. “this still doesn’t mean we’re back together,” you add, knowing there was very little truth to that.

“yeah, yeah, whatever you say babe,” he smirks, his lips coming down to your forehead, placing a soft kiss, “so what did you miss about me?”

☆ TOJI

“i thought you didn’t spin the block, princess,” toji asks with a shit-eating grin, as his fingers slip inside of you “what happened to, ‘once an ex always an ex huh?”

“i’ve always hated that nickname,” you mumble, hissing at the contact of toji’s fingers toying with your pussy, “and there are some exceptions to my rule.”

“so you’re little boyfriends not hitting it right then,” toji grins, pleased at hearing that he was the ‘exception,’ “if you’re here, slutting yourself out on my fingers.”

“no he’s hitting it greatly,” you smirk, not rising to toji’s comments since you know what he was trying to get at, “i just missed you, that's all.”

“oh so you really have a boyfriend then?” he snapped, his fingers curling up in you.

“no i don't,” a smug smile appears on your face as you see toji’s smirk drop, “but it’s cute that you care though. are you jealous, toji?”

“shut up,” he says moodily, swiftly removing his fingers out of you, pulling you onto his lap.

you straddle him, your face inches from his, “aww are you mad toji?” you taunt with a mock pout. you’ve always loved getting a rise out of toji, you know your ex boyfriend very well, the more pissed off he was, the harder he fucked.

“sit on it,” he commands, the ‘it’ in question being his hard dick that he was furiously stroking at the sight of you. there was something about you that got on toji’s nerves – hence why you didn’t last long as a couple – but that special something was good for times like this. where you could both unleash any pent up energy you have, on eachother.

you welcome his dick eagerly, practically jumping on it, the wetness of your pussy was inviting. his dick slotted in perfectly, making you both curse at the contact. “fuck, you always feel so good,” he praises, loving the feeling of you clenching around his dick whilst you ride him.

there was a forcefulness coming from the both of you, as you were fucking each other as if you had something to prove, as if there was some unspoken competition to see who could get the other to cum first.

“f-fuck,” you mutter, the feeling of toji’s dick pistoning into you becoming too much.

“whats that princess?” toji mocks, grinning seeing your eyes gloss over, he could tell that your dick-stuffed cunt was about to release all over him, “y’gonna cum for me?”

you ignore him, continuing your mission to get toji to fold first. you manoeuvre your lips to his neck, kissing and sucking on his exposed flesh, and he takes a sharp inhale – bingo. you knew toji’s body as well as he knew yours, and he was always was weak for the way you’d nibble and bite on his neck as he fucked you dumb.

“are you gonna cum for me?” you mock mirroring his question, his strokes was getting sloppier, you could tell he was close. but you were not far behind, squirming in his lap about to reach your climax.there were no words that needed to be spoken as you and toji both cum together, your cunt too overloaded with both of your cum, making it drip out all over his dick.

“we should do this again sometime princess,” toji suggests, as you eventually hop off his dick and start putting back on your clothes, “you always know to fuck me right.”

“i’ll think about it,” you conclude, knowing that you’ll probably be back in less than a week, “and stop calling me that fucking nick name,” you say as you leave the room, the only response you hear being toji’s howling laughter.

☆ GETO

if there was one thing that you couldn’t deny your ex boyfriend had, it was his head skills. everytime without fail, he could have you sprawled out on any surface as his tongue laps your pussy.

“s-shit, you’ve always been way too good at this,”

“only, to please you,” he hums, pressing a soft kiss to your thigh, before going back to sucking on your clit. your hands knot his hair, pulling and tugging as he works on your folds. he loves it when you play in his hair, showing that he’s getting what he’s aiming for – giving you pleasure.

your moans only encourage him to toy with your pussy harder, nipping and biting as your thighs clench around his head. he’s been at this for ages, tonguing your cunt for as long as possible, as if to see how long he’d be able to go.

“sugu ‘m gonna cum,” you cry, pressure building up inside of you, “please let me cum.”

but he doesn't. ignoring your request completely, geto removes his mouth off of you. his lips were practically shining, coated in all the juices from your pussy. “you know there was one thing we never got to do when we were together,” he starts to say, eyeing with a mischievous smile,

“which is…” you prompt, slightly upset at the lack of stimulation you were getting at your, now throbbing, pussy.

“you never sat on my face,” he utters just above a whisper, licking his lips at the thought of it.

“but what if I—“

“don’t worry about any of that,” he murmurs, pushing himself further back on the bed, his eyes still focused on you, “come sit.”

you slowly work your way up his body, the mischief in his eyes making you feel excited. you pause, straddling his chest, your hands rest on his shoulders, “are you sure about this?”

“girl if you don’t–” he starts to say, but the rest of his sentence is muffled as he pulls you onto his face, his mouth enveloping your pussy. your hands immediately grip onto the headboard in front of you, as his tongue gives long strokes to your wet pussy, lapping up all the juices spilling from you.

you were riding his face, your hips moving back and forth against his mouth with his head sandwiched between your thighs. “f-fuck sugu, it’s too much,” you moan out, throwing your head back.

he grins in response, his hands gripping your ass pushing you onto his mouth deeper. he couldn’t get enough of you, the way you taste, the sweet scent of your pussy that he practically inhales, burying his nose in it.

“s-shit,” you curse, as your cunt explodes onto your ex’s face. you pause, catching your breath, still feeling the pleasurable high he just gave you. he still had his mouth on your pussy, eating up all the cum that was dripping out of you.

“hey suguru, wanna go and–” you turn to see gojo burst into the room, “oh shit, yn? are you two back together?” you scramble off of geto’s face, giving gojo the hardest glare for interrupting.

“satoru, can’t you see that im busy,” geto chuckles, his mouth still covered with your cum, “im eating here.”

“right…” gojo nods, “i’ll leave you two too it,” but just before he leaves the room you here him yell, “im gonna tell everyone you’re back together.” you both chuckle at your friends antics, and geto pulls you back into him.

“get back on,” he smirks, “who said i was done?”

AN: so there we go. I love geto's part so much but maybe im biased idk. but yeahhh hope you enjoy the thoughts that I had at like 7 am. DIVIDERS BY @/CAFEKITSUNE

#stampedwithanE★#jjk x reader #jjk smut #jujutsu kaisen smut #toji x reader #gojo x reader #geto x reader #toji smut #gojo smut #geto smut #jujutsu kaisen x reader #geto suguru x reader #gojo satoru x reader #toji fushiguro x reader

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