#park jay angst

[haknom]

STARS AND RAINDROPS — PARK JAY

꒰ PLAY’S SCRIPT ꒱ ⪩ Park Jay was well aware of the rivalry between his basketball team and the drama club, yet he couldn’t bring himself to hate them. He loved drama, and of course, he couldn’t express that to anyone. Upon hearing about the auditions for their new play, he only felt thrilled. He was good at hiding secrets, so signing up wouldn’t be that hard, right? Well, it wouldn't be if you, the club leader, weren’t practically everywhere.

꒰ CASTING ꒱ ⪩ bball-team-leader!jay x drama-club-leader-fem!reader (ft. k from &team, sohee and seunghan from riize, eric, younghoon, sangyeon, and juyeon from the boyz, danielle from newjeans, kazuha and eunchae from le sserafim, jisung and mark from nct, ricky from zb1, enha’s jungwon, heeseung, jay, and jake, songyee from woo!ah!)

꒰ GENRES ꒱ ⪩ highschool au, performing arts au, sports au, highschool musical inspired, strangers to lovers, love at first sight, fluff, angst, crack, (kinda) self discovery, and nonidol au.

꒰ WARNINGS ꒱ ⪩ profanity, lotsss of arguing, jay has a nightmare, club/team rivalry, lying, k is like really mean, crying, kissing, y/n gets injured for a bit, mentions of possibly being sick, lmk if i missed anything!

꒰ SOUNDTRACK ꒱ ⪩ CLICK HERE!

꒰ PLAY’S DURATION ꒱ ⪩ 23717 words

꒰ AUTHOR NOTE ꒱ ⪩ first fic of the year!! honestly, this fic has existed for the last three years and went through the most craziest revamps in history... So recently I've been rewatching hsm with my older sister and forgot the plot of the old 'mansae' fic so here comes the new and improved mansae fic yall!!! — ps, thank sona for FIGHTING for this fic 😭 and ty to hana for proofreading!!

PERM TAGLIST — @soov @ox1-lovesick @urszn @hanniluvi @dakkisz @dimplewonie @xiaoderrrr @ja4hyvn @mmaplepastries @essmarye @w3bqrl @jennaissantes @yenqa @yeokii @yyunari @wvnkoi @isoobie @strwberrydinosaur @gibbysupremeacyisreal @rikizm @teddywonss @simp4jongseong @100203s @yizhoutv @yuviqik @itsactuallylina @i-yeseo @y6qiso @flwoie @shinrjj @rikibun

ACT ONE.

“So, practice is still on tomorrow?” K asked while throwing his blazer over his shoulder. 

“Yeah, I’m down.” Eric said with a smile, wrapping his arm around Jay’s shoulder. 

“What about you? I’m sure everyone else is okay with it.” Eric asked the exhausted boy beside him, tightening his arm around Jay’s shoulder.

Jay hummed in response, a yawn breaking through midway. They arrived at K’s locker as he unlocked his own, and Jay pressed his back into the locker beside K’s. Today’s practice was enough for him. 

He was ready to fall asleep and wake up the next day, discarding all his assigned work. His eyes fell shut at the sounds of K’s locker interior clashing with his personal belongings.

“Excuse me.” someone said, gaining the attention of the three boys. Jay slightly opened one eye, glancing at the sight before him. Nakamura Kazuha, a member of the drama club, looked annoyed more than ever. 

Eric scoffed at the sight, alongside him, Jay pushed himself off the locker he was resting on and moved out of her way. She proceeded to tape up a flyer that promoted their club’s newest attraction—a play.

“Wizard of Oz? Really?” K retorted, shutting his locker at the same time. 

“What’s it to you?” Kazuha said with a raised brow.

“Nobody’s going to watch that.” 

“It’s optional. Either they watch the live action or the play.” Kazuha said, leaving K confused. 

“Aren’t those the same thing?” K asked. 

“One needs effort, and one doesn’t. For example, you look identical to an Oompa Loompa, so therefore, no costume will be needed.” She insulted him as K’s brows furrowed.

Eric snorted at the sudden insult, immediately clearing his throat once he felt K’s glare. Jay cracked a smile at her words, his gaze shifting to the poster beside him. His attention was drawn away from the conversation and onto the colourful poster before him. It was quite eye-catching.

Everyone in Decelis was aware of the rivalry between the two groups. It wasn’t anything new and stayed every school year, to the point where even newcomers heard about it. 

It all started with a misunderstanding. Back in sophomore year, the drama club had just finished designing one of their new set pieces, only for a group of rowdy boys to ruin it right after. A basketball came flying into the center of their backdrop, breaking it immediately. 

Of course, your first instinct would be to confront the basketball team. The basketball had a signature on it. One that anyone could recognize immediately; ‘DECELIS BBALL TEAM’ in bolded letters, slightly smudged from the number of sweaty hands that held the ball in many games. 

The gym doors busted open, revealing a group of furious students who caught the team’s attention. “That’s where the ball went!” Sohee exclaimed while jogging towards the group of students. 

He reached out for the basketball with a smile. 

“Thank you—”

“You guys broke our set,” Danielle said, moving the ball out of his reach. 

“What?” Sohee questioned, turning to look at his team members and then back at the students in front of him. His team members were just as confused as him. What did they mean by breaking their set?

“Is this your way of sabotaging us? We understand that your game is on the same day as our play, but that wouldn’t differentiate the number of viewers for both events.” Jungwon explained, leaving the group of boys even more confused.

K approached Sohee’s side with furrowed brows. “Why are you guys accusing us of something we didn’t do?” He asked as Eunchae sighed. 

“How are we the ones accusing you when your team’s ball is enough to prove our point?” She said, taking the ball from Danielle’s hold. 

“It came flying into our set pieces. Everyone in our school knows about the rules with your team’s ball, which is only reserved for tournament and practice services. Nothing else.” She explained. She wasn’t wrong about that. Definitely not. But still, the basketball team did nothing. 

“If you guys don’t want to answer truthfully, then that’s fine. Keep whatever reputation you have to uphold, I guess. Stay away from the drama club room, or we will inform the principal.” Juyeon said, glaring into K’s eyes. 

K felt furious. He had a history of bad anger management, and his teammates knew. He lurched at the group of students, but Sohee put an arm in front of him, halting his movements. K looked at Sohee as he shook his head. 

“Let them be.” He mumbled as the group of students walked away, dropping the ball on the ground and leaving it to dribble as it rolled toward the two boys.

The changing room doors opened, revealing a confused Jay. 

“What was all that commotion?” He asked the boys, taking in the scene before him. All the boys turned around to stare at their captain, including K, who was still mad.

He stormed off into the changing room, pushing past Jay, who blocked the entrance slightly. 

“What’s up with him?” He asked, pointing behind him with his thumb. 

“The drama club accused us of ruining their set pieces and trying to sabotage their play all because of our missing basketball. I don’t even know how it ended up in the halls in the first place.” Sohee explained while walking over to pick up the ball.

“That’s weird…” Jay mumbled, running his fingers through his hair. 

“Whatever, let’s continue with the practice.” He changed the topic as everyone went back to what they were doing.

“Jay, what are you doing?” Eric asked as Jay’s attention shifted away from the poster from earlier. 

“What? Oh, nothing…” He mumbled, trying to play it off yet failed completely. 

Jay looked around, registering that Kazuha had left to put up more posters around their school hallways a while ago and it was only the three of them together.

“Aren’t you coming?” K asked, leaving Jay unsure of what he was referring to. 

“Yeah, of course.” He said, hoping it was the right answer. 

“Sweet, let’s go!” Eric cheered as the two walked ahead with Jay trailing behind.

Jay didn’t know if he should regret agreeing or be glad that he agreed. He had no clue where they were and was even more confused once he realized they were standing in front of the doors to the drama club room. 

“What are we doing here?” Jay asked nervously. 

“You weren’t listening were you…” Eric said with a sigh. 

“We’re here to get revenge.” He explained as Jay’s eyes widened. 

“Don’t worry, it won’t be bad. Just a little warning.” He teased and reached for the doorknob. 

“I’m aware of our so-called hatred for their club but isn’t this too much? I mean, what if we get caught? We can’t be benched for our upcoming game. Plus, the season’s almost done. We can’t risk any silly behaviour.” Jay sternly said as he held onto Eric’s arm. 

“You’re worrying too much. There’s no way Coach would bench any of us, we have to be the starters no matter what.” He reassured Jay and removed his hand from his arm.

“Follow through with the plan. If we get caught, one of us goes and tries to drive the person out of the room. I’d say, Eric, you’re a good sweet talker.” K said as Eric nodded. 

“Alright…” Jay mumbled, still nervous. He didn’t want to bother the club anymore. Plus, what if this ruined his chances of ever joining one of their plays?

Auditions were in less than a week, he couldn’t blow them now.

They checked the halls before opening the door silently. The coast was clear, it was nearing the end of lunch anyway. Usually, nobody’s in the clubrooms during lunchtime. After a few weeks of observing, it was something Jay realized. He wouldn’t get caught signing up at this rate. 

They walked into the club room, closing the door behind them. “What should we take? A camera?” K asked while holding one of their cameras in his hands. He examined the other options, including their lens as well. 

“I doubt they’d care, it’s a drama club, not a photography club,” Eric said while approaching their other belongings. Jay’s grip tightened on the coat in his hands and gulped. Although he was sure they wouldn’t get caught, he was still nervous about it. 

What if it really did happen? Then what?

“A play script sounds better. I heard they’re handwritten too, then proofread to make more copies.” Eric said with a smirk. 

“The Wizard of Oz…what a silly name,” Eric said while thumbing the stapled stack of papers he held. 

“I doubt they printed any of this. It looks freshly written.” He said and looked at Jay and K.

“Yeah—” K silenced himself at the sound of footsteps. 

They quickly looked around the room, trying to find a place to hide. Eric passed K the script as he quietly walked towards the door. K pulled Jay into a nearby room that stored some of their smaller set pieces, shutting it slowly. 

“Shh,” K whispered to Jay as his harsh breathing grew quiet. There was a silence between them as they tried listening to what was happening on the other side of the door.

“Hello?” A voice called, catching their attention. Jay’s brows furrowed as he tried to pinpoint whom the voice belonged to. 

“Oh, hi.” Eric turned around, smiling at the person. 

“Y/N, I was wondering about something, so I decided to wait for one of you to return.” He lied.

“It’s their club leader,” K whispered to Jay as he nodded. Why did their name sound so familiar if that was their club leader whom he never met? 

“What is it?” You asked as Eric tried to think of an excuse. 

“I know I’m on the basketball team and whatnot, but that doesn’t mean I’m not interested in drama.” He said, trying to stall more time. 

“Here, why don’t we walk outside and talk?” Eric suggested. “I’m feeling a little cramped in here due to the amount of items your club has…” He said while looking around the room. 

“Okay…” You said as he smiled and led you two out of the clubroom. 

Once the door shut, Jay and K let out a heavy sigh. They opened the storage room door and exited. 

“It’s like 50°C in there!” K exclaimed while wiping the sweat that dribbled down his face. 

“I know,” Jay mumbled in agreement while trying to catch his breath. 

“I’m surprised he managed to convince her to leave. I told you he’s a sweet talker.” K said as the two left the clubroom in silence. 

They walked away from the doors as if they weren’t just in there as K held the script under his arm. 

“Hopefully, we can last a few days.” He said as they approached his locker. He unlocked his locker as Jay examined the empty halls. 

“Wait…” Jay mumbled while pulling out his phone immediately. 

“K, we’re late.” He said and looked at the boy in front of him. 

“Shit,” K muttered, placing the script in his locker hastily. 

“Go, I’ll catch up later. Make a believable excuse for Mrs. Jang. I’m sure she’ll believe you out of all her students.” 

Jay nodded and hurried to their English class. It’s true that he’s one of Mrs. Jang’s favourite students and was rarely ever late to class. Of course, she’d believe anything he’d say. 

ACT TWO. 

P.E. has always been one of Jay’s favourite classes. It was almost like a break from his other boring classes. He loved it and also loved being active.

The voices that cheered his name throughout the gym sounded like distant cries. His only focus was the ball that bounced in front of him and those he was opposing. He caught the ball in his hands as he searched around the gymnasium for his teammate. 

“Chenle!” Jay called out, alerting the dark-haired boy. He passed the ball to Chenle who stood only a few meters away from him and ran closer to the net.

“He’s quite good,” your classmate whispered to her friend. 

“Who? Chenle?” The friend whispered back with raised brows. 

“No, silly! I’m talking about Jay." Her chin rested in her palm as she watched Jay with narrowed eyes. 

“It’s not like it’s the first time you’re seeing him play… But I agree, no wonder the team made him their captain.” 

You looked away from the two classmates, who continued to converse with each other. The floor everyone sat on was pretty uncomfortable. If it were the bleachers, that would be way better. 

It was well-known how serious Jay became once he was on the court with an orange ball in his hands. He was way different from his normal calm aura. 

Your eyes trailed over Jay’s figure; his eyes were focused on the ball and the court, sweat droplets visible on his body as his blue hair strands stuck to his damped forehead, and he was breathing heavily. Even with how far you were seated, you could still see quite a lot. 

But not the ball that headed your way. 

“Look out!” The voices of the boys on the court yelled in unison, scattering all your old thoughts and replacing them with new ones. You prepared yourself to be hit since there was no other spot for you to move, but instead, nothing came your way aside from the tall figure that overshadowed yours. 

“Watch your surroundings, if I wasn’t able to catch that you would’ve gotten—hurt…” His harsh tone changed into a shocked one as his voice lowered in volume. His eyes were stuck on you, and he wouldn’t move, despite the number of times his teammates called his name. 

“Y/N, are you okay?” Your friend from beside you called out. 

“I’m fine,” you reassured her as she glared at the boy in front of you two. 

“We get it, you guys hate the drama club but that doesn’t mean you have to injure their club leader too.” She said as both you and Jay stayed silent.

“Jay, dude? We need the ball, focus!” Sangyeon shouted from across the gym but Jay didn’t move. 

“Thank you.” You muttered. 

“Right, no problem.” He responded awkwardly as his hand hit the basketball again.

He ran back to the court, throwing the ball into play. “My fault, whose ball is it?” He questioned while jogging into place.

“It was ours, idiot!” Sohee exclaimed while chasing after the ball. 

“Why’d you even throw it here? There’s nobody there!” He said, standing at the other end of the court. 

Jay apologized with an embarrassed smile. “Oh, sorry. That was my fault!” 

“Jeez, what’s up with him now?” Sohee mumbled as he picked up the basketball, passing it towards their other teammate, Taehyun. 

Instead of focusing on the ball and the match in front of him, his thoughts were clouded with you. So, that’s where he’s heard your name, in his P.E. class. 

The only thing is, how come he’s never noticed someone as pretty as you?

Waking up on weekdays felt natural to Jay. It meant he would go through his same old everyday routine; wake up, get dressed, eat breakfast with his family, and then go to school. 

But today was different. 

His alarm rang like usual, he got out of bed, proceeded with his morning routine, and even made himself a quick breakfast. It was something he did every day, but as said before, today was different. 

You wouldn’t leave his mind and it was bothering him. 

He ran his fingers through his blue strands as he walked down the halls of Decelis. They had an upcoming game, he couldn’t let you distract him. His schedule for today was busier than usual; he had double basketball practice, a test in English, and a test review first period. It was terrible.

He mentally prepared himself for whatever he was about to go through, hoping that’ll all be over soon. 

“Hey,” Jay’s friend greeted. 

“Hey, Younghoon.” He’d greet back as Younghoon moved beside him. 

“Woah, you look exhausted… Did you sleep at all last night?” Younghoon said, worry laced in his voice. 

“I’m fine, I just didn’t get enough as usual,” Jay explained, which wasn’t a lie.

He was bothered by the same constant dream—which was more of a nightmare, to him at least—his arms around you as you stared up at him with eyes filled with adoration. If this wasn’t him going crazy then what was?

“I’m sure you’ll be able to sleep for a bit after the test review in Chem today.” 

Jay at his words and nodded with a smile. “Hopefully.” He said, a yawn completing his sentence. He’d stretch out his arms as the two walked to Jay’s locker in a comfortable silence. 

His eyes glanced at the freshly taped-up poster that advertised the drama club’s new play. That wasn’t there previously. 

“Gross, now they’re using our belongings as canvas space?” A familiar voice said while reaching out for the taped-up paper. 

Jay looked behind the door of his locker, eyes slightly widening at the sight before him. K was ripping their poster off of Jay’s locker.

“What do you think you’re doing?” Jay began but was interrupted by another voice who finished his sentence for him. The three boys turned their attention toward the girl before them. 

“Great,” K muttered. The drama club’s leader was practically everywhere. He couldn’t get away with anything.

You’d approach K, grabbing the now crumpled-up piece of paper in his hand with an unsatisfied look. “Why are you wrecking the properties of others?” You said, earning a scoff from K. 

“Why are you ‘claiming’ the properties of others by taping up useless posters?” He retorted with a raised brow as you furrowed yours.

“Fine then.” You’d say as you moved to the nearest trash can, throwing out the balled-up poster. 

“If you don’t want us to put things on your lockers, maybe invest in some name tags. Nobody would want to waste their time and remember every irrelevant member of the basketball team’s locker number anyway.” You walked away from the three boys, leaving Jay and Younghoon stunned. Although Jay was supposed to be offended by your words, he was impressed. 

K gritted his teeth in annoyance, knowing he couldn’t do anything to you. He looked at Jay with narrowed eyes. “She’s really annoying.” He muttered in pure annoyance as Jay shut his locker. 

As much as he wanted to tell K that he was in the wrong, he couldn’t bring himself to do it. 

Instead, he looked at the time on his watch and then back at the friends beside him. “Period one starts in 5 minutes. We should get going.” He’d suggest as the two boys nodded in agreement. All Jay had to do was get through his first two periods and then he could rest during lunch practice. 

That’s all he had to do.

Yet that didn’t explain the thrilled feeling he was currently experiencing in his seat. Chemistry never had him feeling thrilled—and never will. 

“I repeat,” the student’s voice on the PA system said, catching Jay’s attention. 

“Auditions for Decelis’ drama club’s The Wizard of Oz play will begin in a week! Please, sign up on the signup sheet near the school’s entrance.” She’d continue. 

“For more information, please ask the drama club members if needed!” The mic was handed over to someone else, causing quite a commotion over the PA system. 

“You heard them, sign up now before it’s too late!” Another student said before beginning their own set of announcements. 

“Eunchae has a real warming voice.” One of Jay’s classmates complimented her. 

“I agree. I understand why she’s always on the PA system.” Another said. 

The rest of their conversation went through one of Jay’s ears and out the other. He was too distracted in trying to think of ways to sign up for their auditions secretly. He’d never done this before and never planned on doing so, but it was their last year of high school. He needed to have the so-called high school experience. 

He already had enough things to worry about. He still had time to continue this after his whole day of school. Delaying his plan-making wouldn’t hurt.

But they sure did become more difficult. Jay cautiously approached the signup sheet that was located near the school’s entrance, acting as casually as possible. He had only 10 minutes to figure out something before he had to be at the gymnasium for practice.

There was a whole crowd that surrounded the signup sheet which made his attempt to approach impossible. He sighed, trying to peek over the crowd of students who rushed to write their names down on the sheet of paper. 

“Hey, Jay!” Ricky exclaimed while swinging an arm over his team captain. 

“Hey.” He said, startled by his sudden appearance. Ricky looked ahead of him, grimacing at the sight. 

“There’s no way this many people actually like drama… It’s so boring! I hated that class last year.” He whispered. 

“Anyways, practice begins in five. How come you’re not early like always?” He’d ask, catching Jay off guard. 

5 minutes of him struggling had already gone by within a blink of an eye. “Oh, uh, I was trying but the crowd blocked off my shortcut.” Jay lied, mentally scolding himself for how bad it was. 

“No worries, I got you covered.” Ricky winked and clicked his tongue while pointing a finger gun at Jay with his free hand.

The two began to walk towards the gymnasium together as Jay felt his soul leaving his body. He definitely wasn’t going to succeed with signing up today. But he had a week to do so, eventually, he should succeed, right?

Maybe?

“Alright, gather around!” Their coach said while clapping his hands together. The 10 sweaty boys made their way towards their coach, all breathing heavily. 

“I know you’re tired, but let’s do a quick practice match.” He suggested, earning disappointed sighs from every single one of them.

“Hey, hey. It’ll be beneficial. Your game is in 2 days, don’t forget.” He said, reminding them all. They nodded and proceeded to split themselves into two teams. Both teams sent their tallest members on both sides to the center for the tip–off. 

“First team to score 10 wins.” Said their coach. He’d blow his whistle, throwing the ball up in the air as both team members rushed up to grab it, but eventually, the red team had the ball in possession. 

“It’s okay, you’ll get it next time!” Jay reassured Ricky as he jogged back out in the open. 

The ball dribbling echoed through the quiet gymnasium that only picked up on the sounds of their shoes squeaking against the polished floors and whistle-blowing. 

“Get open!” Heeseung said to his team members as they spread out across the court.

He searched for an open teammate, sending the ball straight to Mark’s hands. He’d take this opportunity to dribble the ball, trying to get free from Ricky’s defence but kept failing. His eyes shifted to K’s free figure as he attempted a bouncing ball pass to only be blocked by Ricky. 

Ricky caught the ball once Mark threw it to the ground and began to dribble it once more while sprinting to the opposing team’s key. 

“Nice one!” Their coach cheered as Ricky passed the ball to Jake immediately who took the opportunity to shoot a 2-pointer, making it in, flawlessly. 

Jake smiled in satisfaction while high-fiving his team members.

“Keep it up, Ricky. That was a good steal.” Heeseung said. 

“Woah! Isn’t this cross-teaming?” Jisung was quick to address it in a teasing manner as they all laughed and waved it off.

“Okay, 2 points for the blue team! Red team, inbound.” Their coach instructed as they all followed through. They got into their positions, Jay guarding Heeseung, Eric guarding K, Jake guarding Jisung, and Ricky guarding Mark. Sohee stood outside of the out-of-bounds line while figuring out the many outcomes if he inbounded the basketball to a certain team member. 

Eventually, the whistle blew as he threw it to Mark who managed to get free from Ricky’s guarding this time. He dribbled the ball to the other side of the court, stopping when needed. He then proceeded to turn without moving his pivot foot in an attempt to see who was free and who wasn’t. 

His plan didn’t go as well as he’d thought it would due to the difference in their heights, causing him to sigh in frustration. 

“Dude, I can’t see anything. You’re too tall.” He mumbled, making Ricky chuckle at his sudden confession. 

“I get that a lot, actually,” Ricky said back as Mark rolled his eyes and passed the ball to his nearest teammate, Heeseung, who managed to run up towards him, leaving Jay behind. 

Jay followed through and immediately began guarding Heeseung, there was no way he’d let his opponents get a point like that. 

His eyes focused on the ball in Heeseung’s hand, watching its every movement. It kept a constant routine; dribble, hit Heeseung’s hand, and dribble again. 

Jay then looked up at Heeseung, making eye contact with him. Heeseung looked away in search of his teammates as Jay followed his eyes. He’d grit his teeth in frustration, realizing that none of his team members were able to get free.

So, instead of passing the ball around, he went in. He’d dribble the ball while sprinting toward the opposing team’s net, performing a layup shot as Jay jumped up in hopes of blocking him and did so with force. 

The ball goes dashing down to the ground, alerting the others who rushed to the ball. Ricky caught the ball, running his fastest to the opposite side of the court while Sohee chased after him. The two rose to the top of the net as Ricky reached up to tip the ball into the net but was abruptly interrupted by the sudden stinging of his wrist.

The whistle blew, gaining their attention as the two landed back onto the court, the ball dribbling away from them. 

“Sohee, try to avoid fouling, okay?” Their coach said as Sohee nodded. They were all exhausted, breathing heavily as sweat droplets dribbled down their temples. 3 more points were needed.

Only three and the blue team would win. It shouldn’t be that hard, right?

Gladly, it wasn’t. The boys sighed out of exhaustion while taking their seats on the benches of their changing room. 

“Nice play, guys. I’m sure we’ll do even better when we’re on the actual court.” Jay reassured them as they all smiled.

He got up from the bench and headed towards his assigned locker. He was ready to go home, especially after his long day of school. In a hurry, he removed the towel that rested around his neck, followed by his sweat-drenched t-shirt. 

He then picked up the towel, dapping away at the sweat droplets that trickled from his jawline to his neck and around his collarbone, releasing a relaxed sigh. 

“Yo, Jay,” called Mark as Jay looked over at the said boy. 

“Hm?” He hummed, looking away afterwards. 

“Are you free after school tomorrow?” Mark asked. 

“I believe so. Why?” Jay replied while rummaging through his backpack for his necessities. 

“I was wondering if you wanted to study together, then go out and play some video games. It's been a while since we last did so.” Mark explained while putting on his shoes. 

"Sure, why not—”

“Which one of you did it?" 

ACT THREE.

The sudden commotion made all their heads turn to its location. Most of them sighed and rolled their eyes at the sight as Jay stayed quiet. What was going on? 

“Don’t you just love barging into our own private spaces?" K teased, approaching the doorway while buttoning up the last few buttons of his undershirt. 

“I wonder if you guys also rehearse these moments in your drama meetings,” he started. 

“Well, I mean, you are the club’s leader, right? I’m sure you’d know.” He said, but you remained silent and furious.

You never understand why your club members hated the basketball team in the first place. Yes, they were quite rowdy, but the same day your set pieces were broken, they lost their basketball. Which truly meant they couldn’t have been the cause of the incident, right?

Of course, that's what you believed, but the more you searched for the script for your club’s play, the more you doubted yourself. You felt enraged. There wasn’t anyone else who’d try to sabotage your club except for the basketball team. So you went to ask them for yourself. 

You were already in a bad mood and didn’t want to put up with any of K’s antics, but he wasn’t helping. You didn’t care that you were currently facing a group of boys; some were shirtless while others sat on the benches, switching shoes or calming themselves down.

“What is it now?” K asked, resting on a row of lockers. 

“Our script for our play is missing. Which one of you took it?” You’d ask again as Jay’s eyes slightly widened. 

“Why would we take your club’s script? We have better things to focus on.” K said while crossing his arms.

He was a good liar—quite amazing, actually. Jay was surprised that K was able to lie easily without hesitating when it came to you. Maybe that was Jay’s own problem…

Eric minded his own business and continued to pack things into his backpack. He knew he’d slip up if he were to join in the argument, blowing their cover away.

Jay grabbed his tank top, slipping it on before his undershirt in an attempt to distract himself and drown out the conversation nearby. He gulped nervously and slipped his arms through the designated holes of his undershirt, glancing over at the two who argued. 

“Once again, we didn’t steal anything. You guys are always accusing us of this.” K sighed, looking over at Jay, who looked away immediately. 

“Right, Jay? We didn’t take anything.” K asked, causing Jay to stiffen. 

He looked over at the two, making eye contact with you, then K. He signalled a look to Jay, hoping he understood its meaning. Jay was good at lying and could lie without hesitation, but how come he couldn’t do it with you?

“Yeah, we didn’t.” He managed to let out after hesitating many times before. Normally, after he told a lie, he didn’t feel any sort of way. He always found them as a way to save himself in certain situations, but he felt tremendously guilty telling a lie to you. 

The two of you only exchanged a few words and a few moments of eye contact with each other, yet he felt like he was committing a crime. It was weird and confusing to him, at least. 

“See, even proof from our captain. If that’s all you need, please shoo—or whatever you drama freaks say during your plays.” K said while pushing himself off the lockers and heading towards his backpack. You looked around the changing room, making eye contact with Jay once more, before leaving, still as enraged as when you first arrived. 

Once you were out of the gymnasium, Jay rushed over to K with no hesitation. 

“Dude? You know you took the script, so why did you lie?” He asked as K looked up at him. 

“What do you mean, I took the script? You were with Eric and I, so it wasn’t only my doing.” He said back, making Jay frustrated. 

He was so frustrated over nothing. 

The other boys in the changing room turned their heads to look at where the voices were coming from.

“I tried to say no, but you guys made me go either way. I knew we’d get caught, yet you both insisted on doing so.” Jay’s words caused K’s eyebrows to rise slightly. 

“Why the fuck are you so mad? You’re acting as if this is anything new. Plus, I’m not even the only one who lied, you did too.” He said, still confused as to why Jay was so mad, but began getting a little irritated at Jay’s sudden anger. 

“Because you made me! Why would you put me in a spot like that in the first place? Like you said before, it wasn’t just me who was with you. Eric was there too, and still, you only called on me?” Jay asked while pointing at Eric and then at K. 

K furrowed his brows. Jay was practically arguing with him for no reason, and it wasn’t making K feel any calmer. 

“Bro, did someone piss in your cereal this morning or something? Why are you so mad over a simple incident that happens almost all the time?" K asked, as mad as Jay. 

K stared into Jay’s eyes as he remained silent. Ricky took out an earbud, looking up at the sight of his team captain and one of their star players staring at each other in rage. He looked around the room, noticing that nobody said anything as all eyes were on the two from earlier. 

“Woah, Jay, what’s up with you today?” Ricky asked while walking over to the two arguing boys. Jay was never one to pick arguments with friends, teammates, opponents, teachers, you name it. So, seeing this was not a regular sight. 

Jay ignored Ricky, walked back to his locker to grab his belongings, and left the changing room while pushing past Ricky and K. 

“What’s up with him? It’s almost like he’s against us and stands with the drama club.” K said while calming down. 

“I doubt it,” Sohee said while tying his laces.

“It probably was pent-up stress from everything he had going on today. His schedule was pretty packed, so…” Heeseung added as the other boys nodded in agreement. 

“Probably,” K said under his breath. 

Even Jay hoped that was the reason. Ever since he laid eyes on you, he’s seen you practically everywhere; in the halls, the school’s garden, his dreams at night, during the day, and much more. At this rate, he couldn’t escape you at all. 

As he made his way to the school entrance, the signup sheet caught his attention. School was out, and there was no one but his team members and you in the school. It wouldn’t hurt to at least attempt signing up before it was too late, right?

He approached the sign-up sheet while looking around the empty halls for any bystanders. There were already names written down on the sheet, and space was almost gone. He picked up the pen, going in to write his name in a tiny font, but was then startled by a distressed scream.

The scream didn’t scare Jay. What scared Jay was the fact that he was almost caught. He backed away from the signup sheet and looked down the hallway, revealing an angry you in the process. You looked up from your shoes, making eye contact with him as you glared.

He looked away, unsure of what to do or say, and speed-walked out of the school doors. There was no way their club leader, who was already mad enough, was going to catch Jay doing the unthinkable.

You rolled your eyes and made your way back to the clubroom to clean up the mess you made in search of the script. What were you going to tell your club members? You were supposed to proofread it today. Everything was planned, but the script suddenly missing ruined it all.

You’d sigh while running your fingers through your hair in frustration. Maybe you misplaced it somewhere, and maybe the basketball team was just misunderstood. It couldn’t be that hard to find.

You pulled out your phone and opened your reminders app. “Make an announcement about the missing script,” you mumbled as you typed away at your phone’s keyboard. You turned off your phone, slipping it back into your blazer’s pocket. 

Hopefully, you can sleep this stress away.

Jay woke up in a sweat. His heart was racing as ragged breaths exited his lips. He sat up in an attempt to calm his breathing and racing heart. He’d glance at the bright light his phone emitted due to a new notification. The clock read 6:02 AM, way earlier than he normally wakes up. 

He rubbed his eyes, knowing he wouldn’t be able to fall asleep after that ‘dream’ of his. He got out of bed, slipped into his slippers, and approached the door to his bathroom. It was still quite dark outside, which felt off. 

Normally, Jay would be awake by 7:40 AM, around the time the sun would rise. He also rarely had nightmares, but last night was weird. He doesn’t know why he even considered this a nightmare. You two weren’t even close, yet seeing you fall for someone else scared him.

He felt jealous even when he had no reason to feel so. The bathroom light was brighter than usual, causing his eyes to have a harder time adjusting to the sudden brightness. He squinted while looking at himself in the mirror. 

He sure looked like a mess.

He picked up his toothbrush, followed by his toothpaste, and squeezed a bit onto the rough bristles. He’d place his toothbrush in his mouth with a sigh as he continued to stare at himself through the mirror.

What has gotten into him? Even throughout his crushes at the start of his high school years, he didn’t feel like this at all. He’s only laid eyes on you a few times and barely exchanged words with you to be able to develop a crush. So, what were all these dreams—and nightmares—all about? He spat into the sink, staring at the running faucet as his grip tightened on the edge of the sink. 

Maybe shooting some hoops would get his mind off of this, which explains why he was at school an hour earlier than usual.

He slipped off his backpack, placed it beside the net pole, and went to crack open a window to get rid of the humid feeling. He then grabbed the nearest basketball in the process. He made his way towards the free-throw line, dribbling the basketball on his way there. 

Once he arrived, he spun the ball in his hands to get a better grip and focused his attention on the net before him. He positioned his arms, getting comfortable with the ball and the distance between him and the basketball hoop. 

Suddenly, as he let the ball slip from his fingertips, his thoughts became filled with you. The sound of the basketball ricocheting off of the net’s rim brought him back to reality. For some reason, he couldn’t escape you. 

Luckily, the ball made its way back to Jay’s feet, making his job way easier. He picked up the ball, discarding the thoughts from earlier as he prepared to shoot again. This time, he dribbled the ball a few times before letting it slip from his grip. 

He watched as the ball bounced off the backboard and back into his hands. Usually, he doesn’t miss his shots like this, even if his mind is filled with many distracting things. Immediately after catching the ball, he let it loose again, missing completely. 

Again, he immediately shot the ball after picking it up, but of course, he missed. And again, and again, and again, and again… He even tried doing different types of shots; a layup, a three-pointer, another free throw, a 1-pointer, and missed every single one of them.

He paused, holding the ball in his hands. He was exhausted. Panting from all the previous shots he attempted to only end up missing every 14 throws. He took a seat, sighing in disappointment. He was frustrated, very frustrated.

He pulled out his cell phone from his pocket, checking the time in the process. Only 20 minutes had gone by since he first arrived at the school’s gym meaning he had another 40 minutes to pass. 

Well, that would be hard. He might as well try practicing again.

In all honesty, you didn’t mean to arrive at school this early. You woke up, panicking. Your alarm didn’t go off, and the clock on your wall read 8:05 AM. You were late—very late.

Or so you thought. 

Once you hopped onto the bus, wondering if it could drive any faster, you pulled out your phone, checking the time once more, only to be disappointed. 

It was 7:20 AM, not 8:20 AM. Screw you for not checking your phone when you first woke up. 

You sighed and facepalmed in an attempt to contain your frustration. As the bus pulled up to your stop, you mentally scolded yourself while walking off, after thanking the bus driver, of course. In your defence, you were too busy worrying about the missing script for your club, distracting yourself from taking care of your own mind.

The more you thought about the script incident, the more you began to feel bad for your outburst on the basketball team. Your grip tightened on the straps of your backpack as you walked down the school’s halls in silence.

You had no clue where your feet were taking you, but with every step, you finally reached the gym doors. You hesitated. What if they weren’t in there? There could be a possibility that they had a morning practice, but there was a high chance they wouldn’t want to see you even more after yesterday’s incident. 

You were ready to walk away, but your feet weren’t. You looked down at your shoes, waiting for one of them to take the first steps, because, for some reason, you couldn’t do it on your own. The sound of a basketball bouncing off the polished wooden floors echoed on your side of the door. You looked over at the blue doors in silence, debating if you should take the chance.

Suddenly, one thing happened and then another, leaving your mind confused. Your mind had no time to register what was happening, leaving your body to move on its own. 

The sound of the basketball bouncing off the gym floor came to a stop as you realized what had just happened; you opened the doors to the gym without your knowledge.

You stared at the person who stood in the middle of the court, trying to pinpoint who it was. It was dark in the gymnasium, the only light being the rising sun that slightly seeped through the blocked windows. 

ACT FOUR. 

Jay looked at the entrance, just as confused as they were. He had no clue who was standing at the entrance and couldn’t see much due to the limited access to lighting. 

“I…” You mumbled, removing your hand from the doorknob immediately. 

“I, um, I’m sorry if I interrupted something.” You said, looking away. 

“No, it’s fine…” Jay replied, clearly out of breath. 

You looked back, genuinely curious to find out who it was and why they were alone, unaware that you were approaching the court. Their voice sounded familiar to you. It was as if you heard it quite a lot throughout an average school day.

“Did you need something?” Jay asked, dribbling the ball as they got closer to him.

 “Not really,” you said as you began to walk around the court, trying your best to avoid the person before you.

He repositioned the ball in his hold, throwing it into the hoop once more. 

“You seem like you do,” Jay said, causing their brows to furrow. 

“How? You can’t even see me.” You joked, earning a small laugh from them. 

“You know what I meant,” Jay replied, holding a smile while making his way to the rolling basketball. You two became silent; the only sound that filled the gymnasium was their shoes rubbing against the floor with the bouncing basketball noises to back it up.

You fiddled with your fingers as you watched their silhouette run up to the net, letting the ball roll off their fingers as it found its way into the hoop. Although you couldn’t see much, you were still impressed. The sunlight that seeped through the blinds shined on their features, flashing the vibrant blue hair colour and their fit build. 

From this observation, you couldn’t hold back the question that slipped through your lips, “Do you play basketball?” You asked as they stopped moving.

“Yeah, I came early to shoot some hoops. I had to get my mind off of things.” Jay replied, dribbling the ball as he approached the three-point line.

He was satisfied with the shot he just took—he finally made it in. After the last 30 minutes he was there for, he finally got one of his many shots in. He smiled as he looked up from the line and turned around. 

He faced the net, positioning the ball in his hands, hoping that whatever miracle happened a moment ago would happen again.

You watched from the bleachers, taking in every detail of their movements; they bent their knees and moved their arms as well as the ball in the process, eyes were focused on the net’s backboard, arms pulled back slightly, and suddenly, the ball was in the air. 

The ball successfully went inside the hoop another time, and you began to clap in excitement. They turned around with what you hoped was a smile (and was) as you returned it. A sudden breeze from the slightly cracked opened window blew the blinds around, revealing the sunlight that was previously seeping through them as it shined on both of you.

“I’m sorry.” You blurted after realizing who you were speaking to. The leader of the basketball team—the main reason you came here. 

The ball rolled to his feet as he stared back at you with wide eyes. 

“What?” He asked, confused. 

“I’m sorry. That’s what I originally came here for—to apologize.” You explained. You looked around and then checked the time on your phone. 

“I have to go prepare for the club today, but I’m sorry for yesterday’s outburst.” You said, grabbing your stuff to leave. 

Jay stood in silence, the ball still at his feet, and you were now gone. He was unsure as to what you were apologizing for but didn’t ask many questions. Yesterday’s outburst… That was all he needed to know.

He picked up the basketball, threw it into the hoop, and of course, it didn’t go in. 

Why?

Because you still haven’t left his mind.

ACT FIVE. 

Jay stared at the locker before him. It read the number 734. 

K’s locker. 

He gulped nervously, wondering if he’d regret doing this later. 

If he got caught, would that continue to ruin the relationship between him and his teammates, or would doing this be beneficial and help him get into The Wizard of Oz? 

Maybe the first option.

He looked around the empty halls, double-checking that he was alone. He gripped the hall pass in his left hand as he reached out for the lock with his right. He had to hurry. The excuse of ‘using the bathroom’ wouldn’t work for long until others started to think he had the runs. 

Honestly, he didn’t know why he cared so much about your club. Yes, he liked drama, but he never cared for the club, mainly before he found out about their club leader—you. 

Jay turned the wheel on the lock, following the same pattern K executed when unlocking his locker; pass 0 three times, then turn the wheel to your first number, 16. Spin counter-clockwise, passing the previous number twice, and arrive at your next number, 34. Lastly, turn the wheel to your final number, 4, and yank on the lock with the hope that you made no mistakes.

The code had all even numbers, and as weird as it was, the code suited K very well. On the court, he was very persistent and strategic, his plans always included all the teammates since all the roles evened out perfectly.

Jay opened the locker, scanning the hallways once more before reaching for in what he came here for, the play script. He shut the locker, and a loud slam echoed through the empty hallways, startling Jay at the same time. 

Either he was just really nervous or the locker was truly loud.

He held the script close to his chest, letting his feet take him wherever. His plan only focused on retrieving the script, not what came after. Suddenly, he stood in front of the Drama clubroom, a wave of nostalgia washing over him. 

He crouched down, unsure of what he should do next. Should he slip the script from underneath or between the cracks of the door? Jay looked at the thickness of the script and shook his head. There was no way it’d fit in between. 

So, he went with plan A, slipping it from underneath the door. He used his index fingers to slip the script in slowly, hoping it wouldn’t disturb anyone on the other side—not that he wanted anyone there. He’d hate that.

He was so focused on being quiet that he didn’t take note of the footsteps behind him. 

“Park Jongseong.” The voice was deep and very familiar. A hall monitor—Seungcheol. He was the only person who called Jay by his government name, the one on his student files. Jay froze in panic and slowly turned around.

“Hey…” He greeted, cautiously. Luckily for him, Seungcheol stood quite far from his spot on the ground. Jay rose, hiding the script behind him. 

“What are you doing out of class?” He asked, searching his hidden hands for a hall pass. 

“I was excused,” Jay began but paused. 

“For?” Seungcheol asked, but Jay remained silent. His mouth opened and closed, like a fish out of water, as he thought of his next words. He couldn’t lie and say he was excused to use the bathroom, right? How would that explain why he was currently standing in front of the Drama clubroom anyway?

He stared at Seungcheol as Seungcheol stared back. “Jongseong, what are you doing out of class?” He asked once again, but Jay still didn’t have an answer. How could he lie in a situation like this? 

Yes, he was good at lying, but not under pressure.

In silence, Jay’s eyes shifted over to a spot behind Seungcheol. 

“What is that?” He asked with genuinely concerned eyes. Seungcheol turned around, worried, while Jay took it as a sign to proceed with his plan. 

He let go of the script, letting it fall to the floor and kicked it with his heel, causing it to slide under the door completely from the impact. Perfect. 

“What are we looking at?” Seungcheol asked, turning around to face Jay who smiled at him. 

“Ah, I must’ve been mistaken.” He apologized, rubbing at the back of his neck sheepishly. 

“I’m sorry.” He added, completing the apology. “I should head back to class now, shouldn’t I?” Jay said to a confused Seungcheol.

“See you later.” Jay waved goodbye, walking past the hall monitor and in the opposite direction his class was located. 

Seungcheol was suspicious of him, but there wasn’t much he could do. He was aware of Jay’s reputation as the boys’ basketball team leader. But he was also aware of the rivalry between the team and the Drama club. 

Maybe he shouldn’t question much of it, right? 

Seungcheol sighed and rubbed at his temples in an attempt to soothe away these useless thoughts, which, spoiler alert, did work. 

Jay quickly turned into a random corridor in the hallway he walked in, exhaling a heavy breath. One he held in and wasn’t aware of. His hand rested on the wall beside him as his eyes closed. Why was he nervous? He never was when lying. 

It was scary knowing how much of an effect you had on him. 

“Excuse me.” A voice called. He opened one of his eyes, glancing at the figure before him, and flinched once he recognized them. He straightened up immediately and cleared his throat. He stared into their eyes as they stared back into his eyes in silence. 

“You’re in my way…” You said, hoping that would help his clueless self. 

“Oh, right.” He blurted and moved out of your way. Before leaving, you gave him an awkward smile, still not over this morning’s incident. 

Both of you weren’t. It wasn’t something to worry about too, but for some reason, you both did. It was weird. 

Jay’s thoughts were clouded with the conversations from this morning. If only he had known you were the one talking to him, just maybe he would’ve purposely tried harder on his shots. And if you were lucky enough, you could’ve seen his trick shots. But instead, he held back. It was only a warmup, after all. 

“Jay,” you called, making his stomach twist and turn. Why did your voice saying his name have such an effect on him? He had no clue either. 

“Jay.” You called again, turning around to stare at him.

Either he was dreaming or going crazy, there was no way you’d say his name a second time while staring into his eyes. What was going to happen next? Perhaps something more?

“Could you let go?” You asked, shaking your hand to avert his attention from the movement. 

“Oh,” Jay whispered. 

Oh. 

Jay let go of your hand, looking away while doing so. He was embarrassed. Very embarrassed. He glanced at you for a split moment, catching the same awkward smile you sent him before. 

Great, he embarrassed himself badly. 

You walked away, continuing your route from before, leaving Jay behind. Once you were out of his sight, he gripped at his scalp, pulling at his blue strands. Why did he do that? He had no clue. He wasn’t even aware of his sudden action.

Was it because of his so-called nightmare from last night? None of this made sense. 

Especially the way Jay’s heart raced while butterflies danced in his stomach.

What the hell was happening to him?

“Is he okay?” Sohee asked from the other side of the court. 

“I have no clue,” Mark replied, staring at their team captain alongside Sohee.

“Our game is tomorrow, how the hell is he going to play in this condition?” K exclaimed to the two boys. 

“Hey, Jay!” K shouted, heading the boy's way. Mark and Sohee’s eyes widened at the sight, already imagining what would go down.

The two argued only a day ago and never made up—or at least that’s what their teammates thought—this would only escalate to something worse than the locker room incident. 

Mark and Sohee ran after K in hopes of stopping him, but instead, K pushed them off of him. They failed miserably. 

Jay looked up at K in silence. His fingers pinched at the palm of his right hand out of habit. His mind was elsewhere, not focused on the practice he attended. 

He missed all his practice shots and game shots, constantly fouled, and played terribly overall. It was hard to watch. 

“What’s wrong with you today—fuck that, what’s wrong with you lately?” K asked, staring down at Jay. 

“What are you on about?” Jay asked cluelessly. 

He knew exactly what K was referring to. But he couldn’t answer because he had no clue himself. His mind was so full of you that he couldn’t even comprehend what their coach was explaining today. 

“What am I on about? Dude, you’re missing all your shots, fouling us like crazy, and even tripping over the ball! This is basketball, not soccer!” K explained, his anger slowly getting to him. He was frustrated. 

Very frustrated. 

“I don’t know either,” Jay said. He wasn’t lying, it was the full truth. 

“Well, figure it out and straighten up. Our game is tomorrow, we can’t lose the second last game of the season.” K warned in a stern tone. It was almost as if he was the team leader instead of Jay.

“I’ll try,” Jay mumbled, turning away to the locker room. “You’ll try?” K asked, even more frustrated at his response. 

“How are you going to try on the court if you can’t even try at practice?!” K exclaimed. 

“I don’t know. I’ll figure it out,” Jay said with a sigh. He was tired, so tired. He went through enough today, and dealing with K’s frustration wasn’t on his to-do list.

He walked away, making his way to the locker room. K’s footsteps approached him from behind. They were harsh and loud. Every single one almost sounded like a full stop in a sentence. 

“Hey!” K shouted, forcefully turning Jay around by his shoulder. They stared into each other’s eyes, K searching Jay’s for whatever he yearned for while Jay just stared. 

He wasn’t looking for anything, all of K’s emotions were prominent on their own; anger, frustration, and a hint of sadness. 

“You’ve been acting weird lately. First, you get all defensive about the script stealing, then you get all mad that we lied to Y/N about stealing the script.” K paused. 

“Are you betraying us right now?” He asked, causing Jay’s brows to furrow. At this point, all eyes were on them. Their coach went to grab some cleaning supplies for the basketballs from his office but hasn’t returned since. He always misses arguments.

“Betraying you?” Jay was confused. “What does any of that have to do with me ‘betraying’ you guys?” Jay asked the boy in front of him. 

“Why do you care for the Drama club so much? You’re aware of our hatred for them, aren’t you?” K’s words hit like an arrow. 

“Jay, be honest, have you ever hated them?” K asked, causing Jay to stiffen. It was obvious he stiffened, even K noticed it. K scoffed at the sight, looking away for a moment. 

“You can’t be serious. Those stuck-up brats blamed us for something we didn’t even do, yet you’re fine with them?” K said, and Jay opened his mouth to reply but was silenced by K’s voice.

"Kazuha, that annoying little girl and Y/N’s snotty little attitude—”

“Her attitude isn’t snotty.” Jay sternly interrupted K’s sentence. 

“Why should you care if it is or not? She and her minions know how to do nothing but accuse and insult.” K insulted, rolling his eyes at the memories. 

“They’re terrible people, especially Jungwon and Y/N—”

Jay’s hand bunched up K’s collar, silencing him immediately. K was shocked by Jay’s sudden movements but regained his composure soon after. 

The two stared into each other’s eyes again, Jay’s showcasing his anger as K’s did the same. Eric rushed over before things could escalate, forcing Jay’s hand off of K’s collar. 

“You need to chill out. Honestly, I don’t know what has gotten into you or what you’re going through right now, but please, talk it out with someone. Or even better, talk it out with us.” Eric suggested, but Jay ignored him and walked off into the locker room as K fixed his top. 

K’s eyes narrowed while his brows furrowed. He hated the look in Jay’s eyes just now. It was something he had never seen before.

Truly, what the hell was wrong with him? Jay still couldn’t answer.

ACT SIX.

The sound of the tap water running echoed throughout Jay’s washroom. He stood there in silence, watching how it pooled up in the sink and then disappeared as his grip tightened on the ledge.

“Mom says if you’re going to use the water, use it. It’s been running for the last 20 minutes. It can’t possibly take you that long to wash up.” A knock and a voice emitted from the doorway, causing Jay to look over, revealing the sight of his younger sister, Songyee. 

“Okay,” Jay said, turning off the tap water as Songyee left. He grabbed a towel nearby to dry his drenched face, water droplets dripping down from his chin and onto the marble counters. 

The footsteps on the staircase caught his attention as he looked over at the door once more. “Songyee!” He exclaimed, calling her back to the washroom. She sighed and made her way over, resting on the doorframe once she arrived.

“What?” She asked, waiting for Jay to speak. 

“Would you do something your friends wouldn’t be happy with?” He asked, hoping she would give a proper answer, but instead, her brows furrowed. She relaxed after a few moments of silence and crossed her arms.

“Depends,” she said, her words slipping out as a sigh. Jay looked at her, confused, waiting for her to elaborate. 

Depends? That was not what he wanted to hear.

“I would, of course, tell them. They should be mad after you tell them, instead of them being mad after finding out you kept it a secret.” She emphasized, causing Jay to pause his movements. 

He brought the towel away from his face and stared at himself in the mirror. His sister’s words replayed in his head, with a bigger emphasis on the word secret. He was good at keeping secrets. Maybe that was a problem.

“Songyee,” he started as she hummed in response. 

“What if I quit the team?” He asked, his words startling her. 

“Are you crazy?! Jongseong, this is literally an opportunity for your scholarship. It’s an easier way out than Mom and Dad paying for your tuition fee.” She shouted while Jay hung up the towel again, slightly tensing at the use of his government name.

“There’s two more games and the season’s done. All you have to do is win them both. Why are you thinking about this? What has gotten into you?” She asked, genuinely concerned. 

“I don’t know. Okay? I don’t know!” He said in a harsh tone. Songyee was taken aback by his sudden harsh tone. What did she say to trigger something within him? 

“Everyone keeps asking me the same question. How am I supposed to answer if I don’t know myself?” He asked with the same harsh tone, looking straight at her.

His eyes stared into her wide ones as he came back to his senses. He cursed under his breath, looking away. 

“I’m sorry,” he said. “I didn’t mean to take it out on you.” He added, running his fingers through his blue strands.

“It’s okay,” Songyee whispered. “Sleep well, okay? Whatever you’re stressing over, don’t think about it too much. Take my advice when you can.” She said, followed by a quiet goodnight, and left the doorway. 

Jay was tired. He was tired of how he reacted to K’s words, your presence, and his sister’s question. He had a game tomorrow, that’s truly all he had to focus on. 

The second last game of the season. All he had to do was quickly sign up for the play and rush over to the gymnasium to prepare for his game. 

Easy, right?

He turned off the bathroom light and headed to his room. He could finalize his plan in the morning because he was too tired to think logically right now. He turned off the lights in his bedroom and made his way to his bed. 

His eyes fell shut as he drifted off to dreamland. Hopefully, he can have a good rest. 

His alarm woke him up, the bright light read 6:45 AM. He rubbed his eyes while turning it off. You could say he had a somewhat good sleep. 

The whole time, while Jay got ready, he recited his plan; arrive at school on time, during lunch he’ll sign up for the play and take note of the audition day, then head to his basketball match after school. Those were only the main points of his day, even if attending class was always included in his plans, it was never mentioned.

He got off the bus after thanking the driver and walked towards the entrance of Decelis. 

If he was being honest, there was a slight awkward tension between him and Songyee during breakfast, but he didn’t pay much attention to it as she did the same, focusing on eating their meal.

He adjusted the straps of his backpack, blending in with the many other students who walked into the school. His eyes glanced at the pillar the audition sheet hung on, smiling. His plan would definitely work.

He’d look back in front of him, pausing abruptly. “Oh, sorry,” he apologized at the sudden collision. 

“It’s okay,” you replied, causing Jay’s eyes to widen. 

“Also, I apologize to your team once again. We found the play script, I guess someone returned it.” You said, smiling at the memory. 

“Other than that, good luck on your game today.” Your smile grew as you waved at him and walked away.

To be honest, his heart was racing. He had no clue why. You were just doing the bare minimum, yet he was going crazy. He shook his head, inhaling and exhaling to calm his racing heart. 

In the process, he looked down the crowded halls, making eye contact with a familiar boy, K. Usually, they’d be alongside him while walking down the hallways, but their group chat was quiet all evening and morning. They couldn’t plan their daily meetup in this condition. 

K rested his back on his locker with his backpack swung over one shoulder—his signature look. Eric’s lips moved while staring at K. He was most likely rambling about an incident in the video game he played the night before. It was something he did often. The morning wouldn’t feel complete if he didn’t. 

K rolled his eyes, scoffing, once Jay looked over at the two. 

“Let’s go,” K said as Eric nodded, confused, but didn’t think much about it. He continued rambling about the video game as they made their way to class. 

Jay sighed, regretting yesterday’s argument. It was obvious K was still mad at him for it. Was Jay really betraying his teammates over a play? He had no clue. 

He shrugged it off, making his way to his first-period class that he shared with the two boys. English. Good luck to him, for sure.

Throughout all of his morning classes, Jay anxiously bounced his leg. He was impatient, wanting lunch to arrive faster. 

English was quite awkward, mainly due to the seating plans; K sat behind Jay, who sat in the middle, and Eric sat in front of him. It was something they begged their teacher to do so they could talk whenever, but today wasn’t the case.

Eric even got up from his seat, sitting beside K, to chat with him and him alone. There were even moments when K would call Eric’s name from behind Jay, causing them to talk with Jay sitting in the middle. 

It was very awkward, but he managed to deal with it for a whole hour and 15 minutes. 

He waited until the end of lunch so the hallways could clear up a bit more before cautiously making his way to the signup sheet. He threw on his hood from the hoodie under his blazer, tying the strings to shield his blue hair. 

Nobody could notice him at this rate.

He slowly reached out for the pen that hung on a thread, ready to write his name as small as possible in the corner. 

“Jay?” Someone called from behind him as he stiffened. Their voice sounded too familiar.

Fuck. This wasn’t supposed to happen. How did they even recognize him with his hood like this? 

“Oh, it is you.” Their voice said, their head peeking around his shoulder. Jay looked away, quickly dropping his hand to his side. 

“What are you doing here?” They asked, but Jay stayed silent. What the hell was he supposed to say?

“I was just wondering who signed up…” He whispered, still loud enough for them to hear. 

“Why? Doesn’t your team hate us?” They asked.

Us?

“Don’t tell me they sent you here to scribble all over the names or something.” Their tone was quite harsh as Jay shook his head. He turned his head to look at the person beside him, regretting his choice immediately. 

It was you. No wonder your voice sounded familiar to him.

“Then what are you doing here?” You asked. 

“I said I was just wondering who signed up.” 

You hummed in response, reaching out your arms to the list of names. Jay backed up slightly, giving you more space.

“Wait, how did you even know it was me?” He asked, words coming out of his mouth without him knowing. 

“Your blazer has your initials on it on the back... The whole basketball team has that feature, did you forget?” You said while skimming through the list of names.

Right, he did. He removed his hood, embarrassed. 

The disguise was useless. She still could’ve thought he was Jisung, but that wouldn’t have worked. They purposely made Jay’s blazer read ‘PJY’ so they could tell each other apart.

Jay sighed, ruffling his messy hair with his hand. The bell went, catching both of your attention. 

“Oh. I gotta go.” You said, waving goodbye at him as he did the same. He walked away from the pillar, heading to his next class. 

His plan failed, but there was still another chance after school. Yes, it’ll mess up the plan he made this morning, but it should work. 

Hopefully.

It was 2:45 PM. Jay was finally excused from class for his game in the gymnasium, but that’s not where he headed. He rushed over to the pillar upfront, hoping that the signup sheet was still there. It should be.

He watched you place it back before leaving, right? Or was that a hallucination? He couldn’t remember. 

Once he arrived, his questions were answered. It was definitely a hallucination because the list of names wasn’t there. 

Shit, what should he do? Either he headed to the gymnasium for his warmup and was on time, or he rushed over to the auditorium with the hope he could still participate.

Of course, he went with the second option. The school’s gymnasium was the last place he wanted to be. He rushed over to the auditorium, his duffel bag moving with his rushed footsteps. He pushed open the doors, walking through the hallway. 

It was quiet. Too quiet. How late was he? 

He caught his breath, scanning the auditorium for any signs.

“What are you doing here?” Jay turned around at the sound of a voice. Nakamura Kazuha, but this time she was disgusted. 

“Are you here to sabotage our auditions now? Too bad, you’re too late.” She said, her words hitting Jay like a bullet.

Does he know how that feels? Nope, but it was a good word to use. 

“Leave him alone, Zuha.” Another voice spoke, causing the two to face the entrance as you walked in. 

“What are you doing here?” You asked Jay in a much nicer tone, a smile making its way to your face.

His face felt warm as the butterflies in his stomach moved to the beat of his heart—fast. 

“Are you here to audition?” You asked as Kazuha’s eyes widened. 

“Don’t you dare say yes, you fool—"

“Zuha.” You sternly called her name, silencing her.

“Well,” Jay started. This was his only chance, he couldn’t miss out on it. If he chickened out on admitting his true feelings once again, he knew he would regret it the moment he went home.

You never know what could happen after he admitted his true emotions. The words that were normally caught in his throat making it almost impossible to breathe finally escaped his lips.

"Yeah," Jay said, straightening up. 

The heavy weight on his shoulders was lifted as Kazuha’s eyes widened, and yours did too, but you regained your composure quickly. 

“I mean, there’s nothing wrong with that. But auditions are over.” You explained, searching Jay’s eyes for any change in emotion.

Was he being genuine, or was this a dare from his teammates? 

“Oh,” Jay mumbled. 

Great. His plan was ruined, and he was going to be late for his game. 

Was God ever on his side at this point? 

He gave the two girls a slight smile, saying his goodbyes. 

"Good luck on your game,” you whispered, and he nodded. He left the auditorium, checking his watch while doing so.

It was 2:55 PM. Their game started at 3:00 PM. His teammates would definitely be mad at him. He rushed over to the gymnasium, out of breath once again. He was lucky the auditorium and gymnasium were near each other, leaving him with 3 minutes to change. 

He didn’t even get to warm up. 

He rushed into the locker room, being met with his angered teammates, especially K. 

“Where were you? Weren’t you excused at 2:45 PM? Why didn’t you come here like everyone else?” K asked, following Jay to his locker. 

“I’m sorry,” Jay apologized, placing his duffel bag on the bench in front of his locker. He removed his shirt, throwing it into his locker while rummaging around in his bag for his uniform. 

“The fuck is an apology going to do? There’s 2 minutes left until our game starts. Hell, it would’ve been worse if everyone had to wait even longer for you.” K said as Jay slipped on his jersey.  

Luckily for him, he wore his shorts underneath his uniform pants, slipping them off in haste. 

“Well, I’m here now, aren’t I? Stop complaining,” Jay replied, annoyed at K’s words. 

“You’re a terrible leader.” K spat, walking out of the locker room and pushing past the teammates who blocked the doorway, leaving the awkward and intense atmosphere behind.

He made his way to the team’s bench, taking his seat immediately. 

“Is Jay here?” Their coach asked K. 

“That asshole excuse of a leader? Yeah, he is.” K insulted, eyes still on the court. 

“Watch your mouth.” Their coach warned as K rolled his eyes. 

Right now, he didn’t care how harsh his words might’ve been. It felt like Jay was neglecting the team even while being their leader. He should be someone the team could rely on, and he was. But recently, he wasn’t. The team was all over the place, it was obvious they weren’t ready for today’s game. 

The rest of the team members made their way out of the locker room, joining K on the bench. 

“Starters for today’s match are K, Jay, Heeseung, Mark, and Eric.” Their coach explained, flipping through the sheets in his hand. 

“You all know your positions, right?” 

The group of boys nodded, some stretching in the process.

“Okay, go out there. Play hard.” He said with a smile. 

The five boys made their way onto the court, taking their places, with K in the center like always. 

“Focus,” K said to everyone, turning his head to Jay, who stood beside him.

“Especially you.” He said, glaring at him. 

That was Jay’s line. He usually told the team to focus, then turned his head at one of their teammates, saying those exact words in a teasing manner. But the only difference with K’s words was that he wasn’t teasing Jay. 

He was being serious.

As much as Jay wanted to respond to his words, he kept quiet, looking away from K. 

“One member from each time, please step forward for tip-off.” One of the referees said, holding a ball with his unstretched arm in the middle of the court. K made his way to the center, meeting the opposing team member who was sent for tip-off as well. 

They both glared at each other, getting into their defensive positions. The referee stretched his arm up, catching K and the opponent’s attention as they both looked up. He blew his whistle, throwing up the ball as the two boys jumped up towards it. 

K tipped it over towards his teammates as Mark went after the ball. He dribbled, scoping the scenery while his guard made his way over. He’d pass the ball over to Heeseung, who ran across the court to the opposing team’s net. 

Heeseung paused after catching the ball, shooting it into the net, and of course, he made it in, erupting cheers from the crowd. 

2 down, and many more to go. 

ACT SEVEN. 

It’s honestly been a while since the match started. Decelis was doing great at the beginning until Jay touched the ball.

As much as it hurt to admit, he was ruining the momentum of the team. He fumbled with his dribbles, making it easier to steal the ball from him, missed his shots terribly, and even threw the ball at the referee.

He was embarrassing himself so badly.

The whistle blew, catching the players' attention. Jay was out of breath, using the bottom of his jersey to dab at the sweat line on his forehead. 

“Time,” their coach said, calling the boys over. 

“Dude, can you focus?” K said, walking beside Jay. 

“I’m focusing,” Jay replied, lying straight through his teeth.

He’s been seeing you too much lately. You two were on proper terms to at least talk with each other, but that was worse for Jay. 

Whatever he was feeling only got worse.

“You and I both know you’re not,” K said as they reached the team bench. Jay picked up a clean, folded towel, using it to dab at the rest of his sweat.

“What’s up with you and the Drama club leader?” K asked, wanting an answer. 

“Nothing is going on between us,” Jay said, hesitating for a few moments. 

“Yeah right,” K scoffed, looking away. 

“Stop arguing.” Their coach said as the two stopped talking. 

“Jay, I don't think you’re in a good condition to play.” He said, gaining Jay’s attention.

Those on the bench and those around him knew what was coming next, yet they were still shocked. They couldn’t believe their team leader and one of their star players were about to go through this.

“I’m sitting you out for the rest of the match.” He said, causing Jay’s eyes to widen. 

“What?” He asked, confused. Genuinely confused. 

“You’re messing up the team’s chemistry. We can’t have that happening right now.” Their coach explained and turned to call over the referee. 

He explained to the referee that he was subbing out #1, Jay, for #19, Jisung. Switching out one PJ for another PJ.

What a classic move.

If the school’s newspaper club saw this, he only wondered what their headline would be; Decelis boys basketball team leader Park Jay, who’s also known as one of their star players, was benched during the second last game of the season? 

He’d take that to his grave. 

Jay took his seat on the bench in shame. This may be for the better. Who knows? Hell, he did.

Watching the team play without him was something he hated. And as much as he didn’t want to admit it, they were doing way better with Jisung.

There was no awkward tension between the members, they all got along while smiling if someone stole some points and comforting each other if one of them made a mistake.

Just by the looks of it, this was definitely for the better. Maybe he was right. Maybe the team is better without him. 

They don’t need a silly little captain like him to lead them around to do well, it was obvious they were good on their own.

What if his thought from last night was more than a thought? What if it was the truth? Should he really quit the team for the better? They probably all hated him at this point, especially K. 

Someone who used to always be by his side hated the thought of having to stand in the same room as him—Jay’s words, not K’s. 

His eyes became a light shade of red, he wanted to cry. Could he cry? Of course not, that was too embarrassing, especially with how many people were near him at the moment.

However, he did it. Warm tears fell onto his hand, which rested on his knee. He was good at holding them in for the whole week, so why did he fail to do so just now? 

How come something so stupid like this happened to be what triggered his tears? Why didn’t any of the arguments with K do anything either? 

It was so obvious that he had no clue. He had too many questions to find answers to, yet he couldn’t.

He couldn’t do anything recently, it was terrible. He couldn’t play basketball properly, he couldn’t sign up for the play, he couldn’t express his feelings, he couldn’t hang out with those he loved most, and he couldn’t understand why he cared so much for you.

He couldn’t understand why you were always on his mind 24/7. He couldn’t understand why his heart raced while the butterflies in his stomach swayed at the sound of your name. 

Nothing made sense to him, and he hated that. He raised his hand, wiping at the tears before they became too much for him. 

Jay sat at the edge of the team bench, far away from his teammates. Did he even have the right to call them teammates in the first place? Did they see him as a teammate? 

He felt as though he didn’t deserve to be in the same room as them at all. He was a terrible person. Someone who was afraid to admit a stupid secret to his friends because he was afraid they’d turn their backs on him.

If he told them at the start that he didn’t hate the Drama Club and actually found them cool, then he wouldn’t have been here. It was his fault for worrying about what people would think of him. 

It was his biggest flaw. 

He wiped at his tears, now using the towel from earlier, hoping it was enough, and luckily, it was. The thing is, was he really crying over the incident with the team, or was he crying over you? 

He still had no clue.

ACT EIGHT. 

After yesterday’s game, Jay went straight into the locker room to grab his stuff and leave. He didn’t stay for the celebration portion nor did he congratulate the team. 

He just left.

Even during P.E. class, Jay didn’t talk to Sohee. He felt like he had no right to, even if Sohee didn’t hate him. He still felt guilty. They almost lost the first quarter because of him. 

Once he arrived in P.E. class, their teacher announced that they would be going on a hike for marks—something about getting a chance to boost your grade if you were failing. 

He had a 97 in this class, what was the point of him participating? He shrugged it off, deciding it would be a good way to ease his mind for a bit. 

A great distraction.

As he climbed the hill, he thought to himself. Did he really change like everyone said he did? Was he a terrible leader? Did he still have his normal calm aura? Was he still serious when he was on the court? Did he possibly fall in love with you? Were you the cause of his problems?

He exhaled and continued his walk up the hill, wondering if he’d ever find an answer. 

“Jay!” 

He turned around to the sound of his name, revealing the crowd before him. All his classmates, including Sohee, stood in a circle as their teacher faced Jay’s way. 

He motioned for Jay to come over, and he did. His eyes widened at the scene, worry washing over him almost immediately.

“You’re passing the class the most. So, don’t worry about this mark. But, can you take her to a nearby bench?” His teacher asked, signalling at your injured figure. 

Jay looked down at you as you looked up, making eye contact with him. Your hands gripped onto your ankle, questioning why it hurt so much. 

���Okay.” That was all Jay said before walking through the crowd and crouching down in front of you. 

He wondered if he truly had the highest grade in his class. So many other students could’ve done his job, but his teacher picked him.

He was thankful that he did. It gives him more of an excuse to be close to you.

In silence, you got on his back, wrapping your arms loosely around his neck. He stood up, pushing you up to adjust your position on his back.

“Alright, thank you, Jay.” His teacher said as Jay smiled. 

“Everyone else, let’s continue.” Their teacher led the other students to the route. 

Jay watched them all walk past, making eye contact with Sohee, Jay’s smile faltering. Sohee looked like he wanted to say something, but he remained silent. Sohee looked away, jogging after the group of students, as Jay sighed.

He pushed the scene back in his mind, proceeding with his more important task, bringing you to a nearby bench. 

He followed his class, hoping one was ahead because he didn’t want to go downhill. 

“You can grip tighter, you know?” He said, hinting at your loose arms. 

“I don’t want to choke you or anything.” You replied, refusing to do so. 

“You won’t though, don’t worry.” He said while stepping over a tree branch. Is this how you injured yourself?

“Are you sure?”

“I’m sure.”

You followed through with his request, tightening your arms a bit more around his neck. You were quite embarrassed to be in a position like this one, hiding your face in his neck.

For some reason, you suddenly forgot about the aching pain in your ankle. All you cared about was the warmth of Jay’s back, how he delicately held onto your legs and the strong but easing scent of his detergent and cologne.

Due to how close you two are currently, you prayed that he couldn’t hear your racing heart. It raced just like that time you saw him in the gymnasium. 

You weren’t sure what caught your attention—his blue hair or the way his eyes glistened in the distance due to the sunrise. 

Or was the first time you felt this way when you met him on the first day of school in sophomore year? You doubt he would remember your first interaction with each other—just a quick collision that caused you to drop your belongings. 

He was with his teammates, K and Eric who sent you glares, but was still nice enough to help you pick up the fallen items. It was the bare minimum, so how come you felt that way?

“We’re here,” Jay said, bringing you out of your thoughts. He turned around, crouching down in front of the bench. You took it as a sign to slip off his back, taking a seat on the wooden park bench behind you.

“What happened?” Jay asked, wondering how you injured yourself. You looked down at him, grip tightening on the edge of the bench. After a questionable amount of silence went by, he looked up at you, questioning your silence. 

“Oh,” you said.

“I rolled my ankle on a root in the ground. I couldn’t walk afterwards because it hurt so bad, but I didn’t know why.” You explained, hoping it was enough. 

He tapped on your shoe, silently asking for consent as you nodded. He looked back down at your shoe, removing it gently.

“Either you sprained your ankle or you just needed a break.” He said as he put your shoe to the side. He took your covered foot into his hold, slowly moving it around. 

“Does this hurt?”

“No.”

“That’s good.” He said, chuckling softly with a smile. Once again, butterflies spawned in your stomach, your face became warm, and your heart began to race.

You could listen to him laugh and watch him smile for days. 

“Jay,” you called as he hummed in response. You hesitated to ask your question. He looked up, questioning your silence. 

“What’s wrong?” He asked with worried eyes. 

“Do you really want to audition? It wasn’t a dare from your teammates, right?” You asked, staring straight into his eyes, searching them for any emotions they might’ve held. Jay’s movements paused on your foot as he stared back at you in silence.

“I do,” Jay began. 

“I really do, seriously.” He said, looking back down at your foot. 

“I just, can’t bring myself to do so…you know, my team hates you guys and your club hates us. It’ll feel like I’m betraying my team and our bond is already as broken as it is…” He explained, still softly toying with your foot.

You were distracted by his words, unprepared for the sudden shock of pain, causing you to wince quite loudly. Jay abruptly stopped his movements, looking straight at you with worried eyes. 

“Did that hurt? I’m sorry.” He said worriedly, removing his hands from your foot and you raised your hand, waving it off immediately. 

“It wasn’t your fault. I was just unprepared, sorry.” You apologized in an attempt to calm him down. 

“But, what do you mean your bond is already broken as it is?” You quoted him, hoping it wasn’t invading his privacy.

“Oh,” he whispered, placing his hands back on your foot. He didn’t know how he should explain it, a lot happened anyway. 

“Well, K and I have been arguing a lot recently… I also feel really guilty about making them almost lose the first quarter of yesterday’s game.” He explained, looking at the dirt on the ground. 

“I even thought about leaving the team at some point. Everything is too much for me to handle right now. My mind isn’t in its right state, you know?” He said with a soft chuckle and smile.

You were very much aware of how serious this conversation was, truly. But, god you couldn’t stop looking at the way his dimple appeared once he smiled, the way his soft and gentle hands held your foot as if it was a piece of glass that would break at any sudden movements, the way he softly chuckled, and the sincerity behind all his words.

You knew exactly what he was talking about, you’ve been there before too. Losing a play’s script was something that you feared most. It would prove how irresponsible you were as the club leader—a title you thought you didn’t deserve in that moment. 

You were thrilled after finding it once again but still worried for a moment like that to repeat. You had to be prepared, you couldn’t let your guard down. 

“Me too.” You said, biting your bottom lip in hesitation. Should you be admitting to one of your most embarrassing flaws right now? Not to mention it was to someone you only spoke with recently. 

It was weird.

You felt oddly close to Jay. Even if you had a few—many accidental encounters with each other, they only proceeded to build a bond you didn’t know you two had. You hoped he felt the same. 

“I’ve second-guessed myself being the club leader many times. Whenever I was stressed about something and couldn’t get the club’s tasks done on time, couldn’t keep the smiles on my club members bright, and when I lost the play’s script.” You explained, causing Jay to stiffen.

It was almost like hearing the words ‘play’s script’ could flip off a switch in his body, making him malfunction. He knew he wasn’t fully in the wrong for that situation but still felt guilty. 

“It was something I feared most. I hate making mistakes and losing the only copy of the play’s script made me realize how unorganized I can be. It was my fault, really, I should’ve kept it somewhere I would remember.” You elaborated. 

He nodded, tight-lipped and stiffer than ever. Of course, eventually, he would have to come clean. He didn’t know how you would react to the news though, not wanting to ruin whatever bond you two had built so far. Maybe it was better this way. He was good at keeping secrets anyway, right?

“I think you should be good for a bit. Try and see if you can walk on it now.” He said while slowly slipping on your shoe. 

“If it still hurts, don’t worry, I can carry you down the whole way.” He reassured you as you nodded.

Hey, if this was his only chance to be this close to you, of course, he was going to take it and use it to his extent.

Surely, you might’ve been on the same page as him, staggering over your feet after rising from your seat on the bench. Your ankle was perfectly fine, but your heart wasn’t. You didn’t want this moment to end. It was obvious you wouldn’t get another chance like this one, so, why not put up a lie to keep it going?

“I don’t think I can…” You winced, putting your acting skills to use. You weren’t the Drama Club leader for nothing. You ‘attempted’ another step, stumbling over your feet once again. Jay was quick to grab you by your arm before you had the chance to ‘fall’. 

“That’s okay,” he said, secretly cheering internally. He guided you back to the bench, letting you take a seat before crouching in front of you, silently signalling for you to hop on. You bit back your smile, also cheering internally. 

You were very glad that your acting worked.

You got onto his back, wrapping your arms around him the same as before. The warmth of his back engulfed your slightly cold figure as the comforting tang of detergent and his cologne filled your nostrils. You smiled, placing your chin on Jay’s shoulder. You wanted this moment to last forever and he did too.

“Hey,” you said, gaining his attention. He hummed in response, too focused on climbing the hill to catch up to the rest of your classmates. 

“You said you wanted to audition, right? I don’t think you’ll be able to get a major role since it’s quite late. But, I’m sure you can become a substitute in case someone can't make it.” You explained, hoping it wasn’t too much information for him to comprehend.

He nodded, unsure of what you really said. All he could focus on was the bumpy trail ahead of him and how close your voice was to his ear. He felt his face warm up as he cleared his throat, trying to forget about the feeling.

“If you want, we could—I mean, I could help you rehearse before the final play?” You asked. An odd silence fell between you two as you bit your bottom lips out of embarrassment. You weren’t sure whether or not that was the right move.

“Sure,” he began, catching your attention. 

“I’d like that.” He smiled as you smiled, fighting back the sigh of relief. 

You were glad you didn’t make things awkward between you two. Jay pushed you up, adjusting his hold on you, and continuing the walk in a comfortable silence, both of your hearts beating in sync.

ACT NINE.

Jay constantly stared at his phone all practice. He had given you his number the other day, just so you two could plan out a meetup, but you haven’t texted him at all. He thought maybe you were busy or you were too nervous to do so. 

This wouldn’t be the first time he had been told he was unapproachable.

Due to his calm yet serious demeanour, there were many incidents where people told him they were too scared to talk to him—his blue hair did not make it any better—even during class. Many students were afraid to be paired up with him, unaware of how sweet of a person he really was. Once they got to know him better, they stopped fearing him, but that didn’t go for students who hadn’t gotten to know him.

He sighed deeply and grabbed his packed duffle bag. It would be best to leave it alone for now. Maybe yesterday’s interaction was a fluke. He couldn’t get his hopes up in case you never texted. 

“Jay,” Sohee called. Jay looked over at the boy who leaned against the pole of a net. He motioned for him to come over as Jay followed through. 

“What’s up with you and Y/N?” He asked, crossing his arms in the process. 

What did he mean? Nothing was up, judging by how you weren’t texting him like you said you would. 

“Nothing, why?” Jay replied, more disappointed than ever. He didn’t want to say those words but had no choice. 

“It’s just, that you two were all buddy-buddy with each other for the rest of P.E. class,” Sohee explained. Jay’s mouth opened and closed a few times. No response. It was true that you were pretty close yesterday, but today? Not much.

“Ah, I was just worried, that’s all…” Jay said, regretting his words right after. He was supposed to be nonchalant about it. He couldn’t let his teammates know anything about his little ‘thing’ for you. 

Was it even a ‘little thing’ at this point? He didn’t know himself. 

“What about her asking about an audition?” Sohee asked, causing Jay to freeze. His arm dropped to his side, grip loosening on his phone but not enough for it to fall out completely. 

What did Sohee mean? Did he overhear them? Jay tried so hard to keep this a secret but was still caught in the end.

“Don’t tell me…” Sohee paused. “You were thinking of signing up weren’t you?” He asked still Jay remained silent. 

He couldn’t blow his cover. Especially after all how much he tried to keep it a secret, from you, his teammates, your club members. Everyone.

“So, it is true! No wonder you’ve been acting so out of place lately.” Sohee said, pushing himself off the pole as realization hit him. Jay looked around, hoping nobody overheard whatever he was saying. 

Luckily, there wasn’t anyone around—or so he thought there wasn’t. 

K emerged from the storage room, making his way over to the two boys. Jay looked over, eyes slightly widening. K was the last person that Jay wanted to overhear this conversation. 

“You’ve been ditching us, giving us cold shoulders, and everything for that club of freaks?” K asked, baffled. 

“Fair play, leader. So much for being there for us 24/7.” He said, rolling his eyes and scoffing. 

Jay gulped. Although he was mad, he was unsure of what right words to use at this moment. 

“They aren’t that bad,” Jay said, hoping those words were okay.

“Yeah, because they’re terrible! Did they brainwash you or something?” K’s eyes narrowed. Jay couldn’t hold back anymore. He didn’t want things to get physical, but they could’ve.

“See, this is why I didn’t tell you guys anything. Of course, I felt terrible for taking an interest in it. I didn’t want to ‘betray’ you guys, and K only made those thoughts worse.” Jay blamed, staring at K whose jaw dropped while he pointed at himself in disbelief. 

“Me?” K asked, walking towards Jay. 

“I’m the one who made your thoughts worse? I was just telling you the truth and how I felt about everything.” He admitted, but his words meant nothing to Jay.

“Exactly why I couldn’t tell you guys anything, especially you, K. I’m aware I haven’t been in the right state of mind, but do I know why? Not at all.” Jay said, adjusting his backpack.

“Nothing is making sense to me anymore, do I know why? Nope. I’m just as confused as you two.” Jay’s tone was quite harsh and irritating. He was frustrated and annoyed at what K had to say, causing his own words to flow out with no hesitation.

“Whatever. Go ahead, spread the word for all I care.” Jay said with an eye roll that was mainly directed at K.

K swore he felt his eye twitch as Jay turned around, walking away. How could he end his sentence that way?

“K, loosen up,” Sohee said, placing his hand on his shoulder. 

“If Jay wants to do something he can, you don’t have any say in it. You have to calm down, you’re so controlling over him. No wonder he couldn’t tell us about it.” Sohee ranted and K stood still.

He was shocked that even Sohee took Jay’s side. Of course, they were all mad at him and how he distanced himself away from the team, especially K. 

Still, was he really in the wrong? K sighed, letting out a deep breath he didn’t know he had in him. 

Jay walked through the school’s courtyard, eyes focused on his phone. There was still no message or call from you. Normally, you were everywhere around the school. He always managed to run into you, but today, you were nowhere to be found.

He had no clue where to look either.

He sighed, looking up from his phone, eyes meeting a sight he didn’t expect—your back facing him. He put his phone into his pocket, jogging towards you. He couldn’t lose you. It took him almost the whole day to find you anyway.

“Y/N.” Jay called, hand reaching out to yours. You stiffened at the familiar voice, pausing in your tracks. The soft gentle hold on your hand made you turn around, being met with a face you didn’t want to see.

Well, you would’ve if you didn’t find out about the news earlier.

“Finally, I found you. Is the plan from yesterday still up?” He asked, a slight smile making its way to his features. You couldn’t fall for it, especially with the way his dimple slowly appeared, you couldn’t fall for it. 

“What’s wrong?” He asked, brows furrowing. You stared at Jay’s face, he seemed worried. As if he had a reason to be, he was the cause of it all. You reached for the hand that held onto yours, removing it yourself, making his furrowed brows deepen. 

You turned away, taking your leave in his silence. As you walked away, the distance between you and Jay didn’t change. His constant footsteps that increased in sound as he chased after you was all that you needed to stop. 

“What?” You asked, abruptly stopping and turning around, causing him to stumble over his feet. 

“What do you mean,  what? What’s wrong with you?” He asked, confused. Why were you suddenly giving him attitude after ignoring his concerns and leaving him hanging? Shouldn’t it be the other way around?

You stayed silent. As much as you didn’t want to face him right now, he wasn’t giving you a choice not to. So, you might as well pop the question.

“Did you really do it?”

ACT TEN.

Jay’s pencil tapped against the surface of his desk as he stared out the window. He sneezed, attracting all the attention to him. 

“Bless you,” Mrs. Jang said as he sent her a sheepish smile. He whispered a soft thanks before returning his attention to the notes in front of him. He couldn’t come down with a cold, not before the team’s next game. The sudden downpour yesterday must’ve caused his little sneeze attacks. Although it was a bad rainstorm, it wasn’t as bad as his argument with you.

“Did you do it?” You asked, grip tightening on the straps of your backpack. 

“Do what?” He asked, becoming more confused. You bit your bottom lips, hesitating. You didn’t want to believe whatever you were told before, but it would still be best to hear it directly from him.

“Did you take the play’s script?” You asked, looking at your shoes and then at him. He stiffened at the question. This wasn’t the first time it happened. He also stiffened during the time you mentioned your fear of losing the play script on the park bench. 

The sun that shined on the two of you before, disappeared behind dark grey clouds. It was almost as if this conversation took place in a play due to the perfect timing of the rain. Jay’s eyes were wide. The thing he was afraid of most happened. He knew he should’ve told you sooner.

“So, you did? Wow—”

“I didn’t.” He interrupted you, his words coming out so suddenly. “Well, I was there, but I tried to stop them.” He explained, brows raising slightly. 

“You were still part of it,” you started, brows furrowing. “Weren’t you?” You asked as he gulped.

“What’s next? Did you purposely get close to me with the hope that I wouldn’t find out about this? And if I did, did you think I would have mercy on you?” You asked, hurt at the thought. 

“To be honest, I trusted you and told you about how I would feel if the play’s script ever went missing, yet you didn’t bother to speak up during that moment.” You explained, now looking at him. His mouth opened and closed constantly, but nothing came out. 

“Y/N,” Jay called, softly. It was almost like he was trying to swoon you over instead of addressing your accusations. If the situation was different, it might’ve worked. 

“Listen, I was going to tell you, but I couldn’t.” He said, searching your eyes for any change of emotion. 

“Why didn’t you?” You asked, raising a brow at him. 

“Because I didn’t want you to hate me.” Jay began. 

“Plus, I already felt bad enough when you told me about the fear and stuff, I didn’t want to make anything worse.” 

“You didn’t want me to hate you?” You asked, scoffing. 

“You made me doubt myself as a leader for a moment, Jay. As childish as it might be, losing the script made me feel terrible. And you knew about it but didn’t bother to tell me? Do you know what spot you put yourself in?” You ranted, leaving Jay no time to answer any questions.

“Y/N,” Jay paused. He didn’t know if the words he would say next would make matters worse or better.

“I don’t know what’s happening to me. Truly, I never really cared about the Drama club or took in my team’s hatred for them. They were just… there. But once you came along, I swear my life did a whole 180.” He said, hands clenching into fists at his sides.

“Do you want me to pity you?” You asked and he shook his head fervently. 

“Of course not. I’m just saying you’re always on my mind for whatever reason and I can’t even function because of that. As we grew ‘closer’ I always wanted to admit that incident, but I knew what the possible outcomes were. I never felt this way about anything, but ruining whatever we had between us made me feel as if the world was ending.” He continued as you listened.

“So, instead of speaking up. I returned the script in silence. Remember the day we ran into each other in the corridor? Yeah, I was running from Seungcheol. I know that was the wrong move and I should’ve told you instead of keeping quiet, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it.” As Jay finished his sentence, droplets of rain began falling down from the grey clouds.

You stayed quiet, remembering back to the time you ran into Jay in the corridor. The way he held your hand made your heart race. You couldn’t bear with the increase in speed, so, you asked him to let go. 

You knew if he didn’t, your face would’ve definitely changed shades, making your supposed crush on him quite obvious. 

“Still not a smart choice.” You said before walking away as the rain became more heavier. Jay stood there in silence, staring at your back, his blue strands sticking onto his skin. 

He breathed in and out, eyes slowly opening and closing as he watched you leave. He couldn’t do anything about this. It was as if everything he took an interest in or did, ruined the relationships between him and those he was close to, including you and his teammates. 

You held your hand up to your chest, unsure if the racing in your heart was caused by Jay’s words or how fast you walked down the steps. You were mad at him, that was for sure, but he seemed genuine with his words and due to being the weak person you were, you would be lying if you said you didn’t fall for him even more.

Jay stood up, eyes wide, and his hands on his desk. Once again, all the attention was on him, including their teacher’s. His chair scraping on the floor was definitely the cause of that.

“Are you okay, Jay?” Mrs. Jang asked, catching him off guard. 

“Huh? Oh, yeah…” He mumbled while taking his seat. 

He couldn’t believe he uttered those words yesterday. He practically confessed to you and you made no reaction. Great, he embarrassed himself. Why was he so in love with you to the point where he couldn’t function straight?

“Jay,” a voice called gaining his attention. He looked up, noticing the many students who packed up their belongings and the two boys in front of him.

“Are you coming?” Eric asked, gesturing behind him with his thumb. Jay raised a brow at him, genuinely confused as to what he meant.

“...For lunch? We always eat together on the day of our games. Remember?” He elaborated, causing Jay to ‘ah’ in realization. It would be a lie if said he didn’t forget about today’s game. It was the last one of the season. He couldn’t play as sloppily as before.

He began to pack up his belongings, glancing at the two boys while doing so.

K stood beside Eric, a scowl present on his features. Clearly, he was forced to face him. The intense tension engulfed Jay as he cleared his throat, hoping it would clear the tension too. Sadly, it didn’t, but it did gain Eric’s attention.

“You’re done?” He asked and Jay nodded while swinging his backpack over a shoulder. 

“Do you think Coach will let you play today?” Eric asked Jay as the three walked down the halls. 

“Probably not. But, we will have to see.” Jay said with his words coming out as a sigh. K tensed beside him, quieter than ever. Usually, he would chat with them, but it was too awkward to do so.

Did he feel awkward because of yesterday’s chat? What if Jay and Sohee’s words really got to him? 

“K!” Eric shouted, startling K out of his thoughts. K turned around, noticing he missed the whole entrance to the cafeteria due to his distracted thoughts. 

“My bad,” he mumbled, making his way back to the two boys and then into the cafeteria without giving them another glance. Eric and Jay looked at each other and then shrugged, but before walking in, Jay spoke up.

“Wait,” he began, causing Eric to pause. “I thought you hated me? Why are you talking to me as if nothing happened?” He asked. 

“Not sure, but I never hated you. Yeah, there was a moment of disappointment, but we can’t decide your choices.” Eric flashed Jay a smile before walking into the cafeteria and making his way to the team’s table. The one Jay picked out back in freshman year. Although most were mad at him, at least they didn’t switch tables.

Jay caught up with Eric as they both took their seats at the filled table. The mood wasn’t as bad as Jay intended it to be. At practice, it was awkward and heavy, but right now, it was light and comforting. Truly, he missed days like these and his best friends, especially K. 

But clearly, it would take at least 1 light-year to build their previous bond again. 

“So, Jay,” Sohee called, causing Jay’s eyes to shift over to the male. Jay wasn’t even aware that he was staring at K who sat opposite Jay at the table. Sohee took a bite of his food before continuing his sentence.

“Did things escalate with Y/N?” He asked. Jay’s gaze briefly shifted over to K, his tensing figure not going unnoticed by the blue-haired boy. “What do you mean?” Jay asked, his eyes now on Sohee. 

“I heard she found out about the script issue…” He explained as everyone at the table looked at the two, excluding K.

“Shit, really?” Mark asked while stabbing his fork into today’s meal—pork chops. Sohee nodded at Mark’s question as K abruptly stood up, silencing Jay before he had the chance to reply. He grabbed his belongings and his untouched tray of food. 

“I’m not hungry. See you guys at the game.” He said before leaving them behind. Jay watched as K walked away, not sparing a glance at the team as he exited the cafeteria.

“Ignore him. He’s been like that ever since we all found out about you and Y/N.” Heeseung reassured Jay, causing him to look back in front of him. Jay nodded, smiling awkwardly before taking another bite of his bowl of rice.

The atmosphere became quite awkward as Jay tried to avoid the question as much as possible by staying silent. It worked but ruined the comforting mood that was present earlier. 

He wondered if you were still mad at him. Of course, he messed up, but he tried to stop them and still returned the script in the end. Although it took him a week to do so, he understood he should’ve confronted you about it once you two became close.

But for some reason, he couldn’t bring himself to do it. He hated confrontation.

His last period wasn’t anything fun. It was just as boring as his other classes. Many classmates wished him good luck on his game while teachers excused him from their homework assignments. 

“Land a big one on them!” Mr. Lee exclaimed as Jay laughed awkwardly. He left his classroom at the same time as before—2:45 PM—and made his way to his locker. He promised his teammates he wouldn’t be late this time. There was nothing to distract him from doing so too. You were absent today. 

Or so he thought. 

Right when he shut his locker, he saw your figure a few meters away from his. His eyes widened as you rummaged through your locker. If that was your locker, how come he’s never seen you there? 

“Y/N?” Jay called, biting his lip right after. He didn’t mean for it to slip out.

You froze at the voice, pausing your movements as well. You then hurriedly grabbed your books and shut your locker while swiftly slipping on your lock before rushing away. You were avoiding him for a reason, so, why did you see him in the most unnecessary spot possible?

“Wait!” Jay exclaimed, jogging after you. You must be a fool if you thought you could escape an athlete like him. You stopped running and turned around, exhausted while Jay looked as if he didn’t move an inch.

Wow, he was lucky.

“What?” You asked in a bitter tone. Jay looked at his phone, the clock reading 2:47 PM. 

“I have three minutes to do this, so please don’t interrupt me” He pleaded as you stared at him. Although you showcased that you were unamused, you secretly were. 

“I’m sorry.” Jay began with a sigh. 

“I understand what I’ve done wrong. Even if I tried to stop them and returned the script, it can’t excuse my mistake, okay? I’m sorry if you felt as if I was taking advantage of you. I swear I wasn’t.” He explained as every word that escaped his mouth lingered with sympathy. 

“I believe you’re an amazing leader and that you should never doubt yourself, especially over a mistake like that one. It happens to the best of us.”

“Don’t forgive me, it’s fine. We can restart whenever you’re ready.” He finished off with a slight smile, checking his phone once more. There was only a minute left to hear your response. 

“So, what do you say?” He asked, a little panicky. You sighed while shaking your head. 

“You make it really hard to stay mad at you, you know? Why do your words have to be so heartfelt and picked out oh so carefully?” You said as a smile made its way to his face again. 

“I forgive you, but that doesn’t mean I won’t hold that mistake against you. One more mistake and whatever this is will end.” You warned while motioning between you both. He nodded and chuckled. 

You were well aware of his feelings for you. Yesterday’s argument was enough to confirm that he supposedly felt the same way you did. The only difference was, he didn’t know you felt the same way. Hopefully, he could find out before another mistake was made.

“You’re going to be late, go to your match. You need to at least warm up.” You ushered him down the hallway towards the gymnasium and waved him goodbye as he did the same. 

Now that everything was cleared up between you two, he would definitely do better in this match.

ACT ELEVEN.

“Starters for today, Ricky, Mark, Sohee, Jisung, and Jake.” Their coach said, causing the team to gasp. 

“What about K, Jay, and Eric?” Asked Jisung. He looked at the three who sat on the bench quieter than ever. This was the first time their coach had ever done this, of course, everyone was shocked.

“You guys will be fine. Today’s team isn’t that difficult, so let’s preserve their energy until it is needed.” He explained while marking something off on his clipboard. 

“Jay, are you in proper condition to play today?” He asked while making his way over to the boy. Jay looked up from his shoes and nodded at their coach's words. Their coach smiled, checking something off once again. 

“Perfect,” he began. 

“Okay, go out there and play well.” He said to the teammates who were said to play first. They followed through with his instructions and made their way to the court. Although there wasn’t any backup with their three-star players, they still had hope they could win.

Chemistry was all their team needed to win. So, K and Jay better make up before they had to step foot on the court.

Jay held out his fist that hid a wrapped-up peppermint in front of K’s view. K looked up from the ground at Jay’s hand and then his eyes shifted over to Jay who sat beside him. Jay opened his hand, revealing the peppermint to K.

“What?” K asked, staring at the sweet confused. Jay ushered him to take it as he followed through. 

“Good, now eat it,” Jay ordered as K’s brows furrowed. “Did you poison it or something? I wouldn’t be shocked if you did, I’ve been an ass lately.” K said while hesitating to unravel the sweet. 

Jay chuckled while looking at the players on the court getting into position. “At least you’re self-aware, but I have been one too. Still, I wouldn’t poison anything.” He said, rubbing his hands together.

“Listen, when we go on the court, we need to at least work together,” Jay explained, gaining K’s attention. 

“Just because we had multiple arguments and not the best friendship lately doesn’t mean we can let our team lose, and that doesn’t mean I fully forgive you.”

“I would take your advice for yourself if I were you,” K said, referring to the last time Jay played on the court. Jay sent him a glare.

“I’m in a good mood right now, do not blow it,” Jay warned while pointing at him which only made K burst out laughing. 

“Anyways, I wouldn’t dare to let our team lose. Glad, you’re finally acting like the team’s captain.” K teased as Jay softly punched him in the gut. K winced in pain as Jay playfully rolled his eyes and continued watching the game. 

Jisung had the ball, tossing it up in the air as it made its way into the net. An easy 3-pointer only a minute into the game was all they needed to kickstart their desire to win.

Perfect.

Eventually, Jay, K, and Eric were subbed in for the last two quarters. The new lineup included the three boys and Mark who seemed to be in great shape even after 24 minutes of playing. 

His stamina was insane.

“Focus,” Jay said from his spot in the key, turning his head to Mark across from him. 

“Don’t beat yourself up if you’re tired. Just ask Coach to sub you off, okay?” He reassured the boy as Mark nodded. 

The referee blew his whistle, passing the ball to the opposing team’s side. It was their ball when the second quarter ended anyway. 

Decelis’ boys were now spaced out on the court, guarding their opponents. The points were at a good distance with Jay’s team being at 36 and the other team being at 24. Still, there was no knowing when they’d catch up.

It could happen at any time.

The referee blew his whistle again as the opposing team inbounded their ball. Mark failed to block his opponent as they ran down the court to their goal, it was obvious he was soon going to reach his limit. 

Mark’s opponent passed the ball toward the player K was guarding—a rookie mistake. Never pass the ball if K was around. 

With that said, K caught the ball, shocking the opponent behind him. He dribbled the ball, dashing to the other side of the court as his teammates followed behind him. 

He paused at the three-point line, looking around for an open teammate. Mark was busy trying to get free from his defender and Jay did the same. 

Eric sprinted towards K’s spot with his blocker trailing behind him. Once Eric was practically beside K, they did a quick handoff, leaving Eric with no other option but to dribble toward the net and perform a neat lay-up. 

“Nice!” K exclaimed, high-fiving Eric as they both jogged towards the half point of the court. The boys were all beaming with satisfaction as all of their eyes held an intense desire to win. 

A few points into the third quarter, Mark asked their coach to sub him out for Heeseung. It was obvious how exhausted he was, but nobody blamed him. 

He played amazingly anyway.

The current score read 54-40. Clearly, they were catching up, but Decelis was still far ahead.

“I can’t believe you managed to convince me to come watch,” Kazuha said with her arm interlocked with yours as you guys walked through the bleachers. 

“It’ll be fun. Maybe you’ll learn not to hate them as much.” You explained as you both took a seat in front. 

“I hate being surrounded by basketball fans. They’re all sweaty and smelly, especially that one.” Kazuha said while pointing at K. You swatted at her hand, forcing her to lower it from the impact as K sent you guys a glare. Kazuha raised her fist and mouthed a curse word at his angry face as you laughed.

Was she really loud or was his hearing just really good?

Your eyes attentively watched Jay who wiped at the sweat that dribbled down his jawline. The gaze he held was the same gaze from the day you two finally spoke after two years. You will never forget that P.E. class.

He was very different than how he was off the court. Off the court, he’s a cold guy who is really clumsy while on the court, he seems unapproachable. It would be like having a death wish if you wanted to talk to him.

“Y/N,” Kazuha started while watching your eyes beam at the sight of Jay playing. 

“You like him, don’t you?”

“What?” You asked, chuckling nervously. 

“Do you like their team captain? You won’t take your eyes off of him even while talking to me.” Kazuha explained as you turned to look at her. 

“Here, I’m looking.” You said as she smirked and pointed at you. “You’re blushing. You do like him!” She exclaimed as your eyes widened. You covered your cheeks with your hands while swatting at her teasing finger.

“Enough!” You whisper-shouted not wanting to attract any more attention to you two, but failed. Jay’s eyes were already on you as a silly smile made its way to his face.

The sight he saw answered all his questions. It was an obvious one, yet he denied it continuously. There was only one reason why you were always on his mind.

He was definitely in love with you.

The next day, the game was all everyone spoke about. The winning shot performed by K and Jay would definitely go down in Decelis's history. Jay threw the ball into the air as K came out of nowhere, dunking it into the hoop, the buzzer going off right after.

Everyone including their opposing team was shocked. No wonder they were part of the ‘star-players lineup’.

Slowly, K and Jay’s friendship began to be restored. Even if they were becoming friends again, the incidents from before weren’t forgotten, and K was very aware of that. It’ll take quite a while to make up for the things he has said and done.

“Wow, they weren’t playing,” Eric joked while eyeing K’s decorated locker. 

“Ours must be worse…” Eric mumbled internally filled with excitement. He wondered what his locker looked like.

“They got you too,” K said pointing at Jay’s locker down the hall, “And Jisung.” K chuckled. 

Their school must love them a lot to take time out of their day to decorate. It did make sense to do so, they won the whole season.

Eric boasted about a game he played when they got home yesterday. Even after the exhausting match, he still had enough energy to check out his favourite game’s new update. 

To Jay, it felt nice to be included in things like this again. There were no more nasty glares being sent his way as he watched from afar. Things were slowly starting to go back to normal.

“Jay, your phone’s ringing,” Eric said, pausing his conversation topic. Jay looked at the boy confused then down at his vibrating pocket. 

He removed his phone from his pocket, eyeing the contact name with wide eyes. “I’ll be back,” Jay said before walking away from his friends and picking up the phone.

He stood in front of his locker, leaning against the decorations. 

“Hey.” Jay greeted, waiting for a response back. He slowly became anxious at the quietness. Did you 

“Hey.” You greeted on the other line, causing Jay’s heart to flutter. He mentally cursed at his heart, hoping the beating would slow, but it didn’t. 

“So… I was wondering if that deal was still up?”

“Yeah, of course,” he said, “I mean, as long as you’re free!” Jay exclaimed. He didn’t want his words to sound forceful. 

You smiled at his words, writing down some words in your notebook. “Anything is fine with me. I’m free tomorrow… How about 12 PM?” You asked while clicking your pen shut. 

It was a Saturday after all. What plans did Jay really have on a Saturday?

He hummed in agreement, turning around to unlock his locker with a smile. K and Eric grimaced at the sight as K shut his locker closed. 

“Who has him smiling like a dork…?” K asked, brows furrowing. He’s never seen their captain like this before.

“I wonder…” Eric muttered, mirroring the exact expression as K. 

They both paused, looking over at each other with slightly wide eyes, “Y/N.”

ACT TWELVE.

Jay rocked back and forth on the soles of his feet anxiously. The clock read 11:55 AM, 5 minutes before the two were supposed to meet. He was a punctual person, of course, he wasn’t early on purpose…

“Jay!” Your voice brought him out of his thoughts as his eyes looked in your direction quickly. You were smiling at him.

At him.

“Wow, you look happy.” He teased while making his way towards you. You were smiling from ear to ear because you were finally able to hang out with him, of course, you were happy.

“I received great news.” You cheered, clasping your hands together. He stared at you a slight smile on his own features with his hands stuffed in the pockets of his sweater as he teasingly raised a brow.

“Which is?” He asked.

“I was chosen to be this year’s valedictorian!” You said, your smile growing even more. Jay’s eyes widened in shock. 

That was truly great news.

“Really? That’s great, Y/N.” He smiled with that dimple you hated oh so much showing. You hated how it made your face warm and butterflies in your stomach swarm. 

But wait… Valedictorian? 

“Wait, graduation is in a month, right?” He asked, the thought of this being his final year completely forgotten. You nodded at his question, confused yourself.

“Did you forget?”

“...Yeah.” He mumbled in embarrassment. You laughed at his sheepishness, waving your hand in the air.

“That’s fine. It happens, honestly. Anyway, our play is in a week. Everyone has been practicing like crazy, I don’t think anyone won’t be able to make it, but we can still practice if you want.” You said, playing with the felt of your clothes. 

Jay nodded. Anything was fine with him. Although he really wanted to participate in your club’s play previously, due to all the commotion that happened within these two months, he wasn’t sure if he felt the same way. 

He was still glad he met you at least. 

You two strolled through the garden you suggested as the meeting place. This was a good way to clear your mind and prepare yourselves for the script reading. 

The garden was a very pretty sight. You pulled out your phone, positioning your camera in front of any pretty flower you crouched before. 

“It’s pretty, right?” You asked, eyeing the pink flower in front of you. 

A Hibiscus. 

“Yes, it’s very pretty,” Jay replied, crouching behind you, “Just like you.” He whispered, startling you. 

Immediately, you turned around, flinching and falling backwards due to how close he was. His arm wrapped around your waist, pulling you back up before you could fall into the field of flowers.

You both stared into each other’s eyes as the wind rustled through the pedals on every flower in the field. You cleared your throat as Jay’s arm unravelled from your waist, but you caught your balance before you could fall over.

“My bad, I didn’t mean to scare you.” He apologized while standing up. You shook your head, trying to shake away the butterflies as well. 

“It’s okay.” You muttered, eyes going back to your phone. The photo you took by accident was blurry and was most likely taken when you were falling. You couldn’t recognize anything aside from the vibrant pink blur. 

You swiped backwards, satisfied with this photo instead. It showed the flowers, picking up the different shades of pink and the fading droplets of water. Jay looked around in an attempt to distract himself from the encounter from earlier. 

It was a mistake, he swore it was, yet part of him wanted it to happen again.

“Do you want to get something to eat? I’m pretty sure there’s a cafe nearby. We can read over the script there.” You suggested, pulling him out of his thoughts. 

“Ah, sure, why not.” He said, giving you an awkward smile. You stood up, dusting off your pants as Jay did the same. He stuffed his hands back in his pockets and followed you out of the field of flowers. 

The walkout was silent. A little too silent for Jay’s liking.

“To be honest,” he started, gaining your attention. You hummed in response, eyes examining any flowers in your sight.

“You’re as beautiful as an orange flower,” he said, “If you were in a garden, I would definitely choose you first.”

You laughed at his words, thinking they were silly even if they made you flustered.

“I’m serious.”

You paused and turned around to face him, causing him to stop in his tracks.

“Why an orange flower? What about blue flowers?” You asked, genuinely curious. Was orange his favourite colour or something? If it was… wouldn’t he have dyed his hair orange instead of blue?

“Because,” he began, “It’s scientifically proven that orange is an eye-catching colour. To prove my point, you caught my eye that same day in P.E. class.” 

Your eyes slightly widened at his sudden confession, but you then regained your composure. A sly smile made its way onto your features as you looked at Jay with narrowed eyes.

“Are you confessing to me again?” You asked and he nodded. Without hesitation, he nodded. 

“You didn’t say anything to the first one…” He explained as you shook your head. It’s not that you didn’t say anything. You just didn’t know how to formulate words at that exact moment. You grabbed his hand, interlocking it with yours and dragged him towards the entrance at a faster pace.

“Let’s make a deal.” You said once you reached the arched entry. “Can you wait an extra month?” You asked as his brows furrowed.

“A month? What for?” He asked, leaving your question unanswered. 

“Yes or no?” You asked, this time leaving his question unanswered. 

Jay hesitated. He didn’t want to choose the wrong answer. This only reminded him of the time K and Eric dragged him to the club room—the start of everything. Back then, he regretted agreeing with the boys and he worried if that would happen with you. Still, it wouldn’t hurt to take a risk, right?

“Yes.” He said as you smiled in return. 

“Good.” 

ACT THIRTEEN.

The final month of being a senior went by faster than Jay expected. Ever since that day you and Jay hung out, you never brought up your question. He still had no clue what you meant by waiting a month, but he did it anyway.

There were many moments where he uttered the words ‘I love you’ or complimented you numerous times. He didn’t have anything to hide anymore, right? You knew he loved you and he made sure you did almost every single day.

That didn’t mean you said the three words back to him. You never did. Although it bothered him a little bit and caused him to doubt if what he was doing was right, you always managed to make him fall head over heels for you all over again.

Here he was, standing on stage with his coach and principal who presented him with the scholarship he waited his whole life for. He didn’t start playing basketball at the age of 7 for nothing.

As he listened to the principal speak, he was reminded of his freshman days. It felt like he was filling out that scholarship form just yesterday. It was still shocking that this was his last day in Decelis.

“Thank you,” he said while bowing and smiling at his principal as he took the envelope in hand. He then turned to look at his coach who seemed more emotional than ever, leaving Jay baffled. 

“Shouldn’t I be the emotional one?” Jay asked while walking off the stage with his coach.

“There’s just something in my eye.” He said. 

What a lie. Nobody would believe that one. 

Jay scoffed and shook his head as he made his way back to his seat. He was congratulated by a few classmates on his way there, stopping a few times to high-five some of them. There was a bright smile on his face, feeling satisfied that he finally accomplished his dream. 

Younghoon gave Jay a proud pat on the back from his seat behind Jay, feeling like a proud dad. It was something he always did when he felt proud of Jay.

“Now, please welcome this year’s valedictorian, L/N Y/N.” The school’s principal announced through the mic as you rose from your seat, making your way to the stage. 

As you walked past Jay’s seat, you glanced over at him flashing him a smile as he did the same. 

You adjusted the mic, levelling it to your desire, and turning it on in the process. You flipped through the script on the podium, finding your speech that you’ve practiced a ton of times.

“Good evening, staff, my fellow seniors, and most importantly, family members.” You began, gripping the sides of the podium as a smile made its way to your face. 

“I’m L/N Y/N, your valedictorian for this ceremony. First, I want to start by congratulating this year’s graduating class. Time flew by faster than we all expected, right? To me, it still feels like I was preparing for my first day as a freshman in Decelis just yesterday, worrying about what I should wear even if this is a uniform school.” You joked, making a few students hum in agreement and laugh at your words as Jay watched with an adoring smile. 

“I know how much it may hurt to say goodbye to those you adored, but take this as an opportunity to branch out and explore new things. I had an amazing time with this school’s Drama Club and enjoyed being the leader. It taught me a lot more than I intended to learn.” You said, gaze shifting to Jay.

“It taught me how fun taking risks and stepping out of your comfort zone can be. How fun exploring the personalities of others can be even while going against the established yet unconfirmed rule that says you must hate each other.” 

It was obvious that you were referring to the Drama club and Basketball team rivalry and the unsaid person was obviously Jay. Who else broke that unconfirmed rule with you?

“The events that occurred this year really brought me an enjoyable and exciting final year of high school, so I’m very grateful for it.” You finished off your speech with a closing sentence that thanked everyone for coming and wished all the graduating students the best of luck for their future. 

Soon after your speech, all students received their diplomas and medals, meaning they were no longer high school students.

You and Jay were no longer the leaders of the Drama club and Basketball team or classmates from P.E. class. 

“You were great.” Jay complimented you after finding you in the school’s courtyard. You turned around, smiling at his words. 

“Congrats on the scholarship!” You cheered, a smile appearing on his face. Before he could reply, you were already dragging him by the hand through the crowds of people, and running towards the steps you guys last argued on.

“What are we doing here?” He asked, looking around, noticing how nobody was there. They were all taking pictures to reminisce about the moment a few years later.

“So—”

He was silenced by the sudden kiss planted on his cheek, causing him to look at you faster than ever. His eyes were wide open and his mouth was slightly agape at the sudden movement. You looked into his wide eyes with your curious ones.

“What was that about?” He asked in utter shock.

“I love you,” you confessed, his wide eyes becoming even wider. He blinked continuously, thinking this was all a dream.

“What?” You asked, tilting your head to the side. 

“Am I going crazy, or did you really say I love you?” He asked as your eyes widened. 

“You must be going crazy. I said no such thing.” You lied, putting on your best poker face. Your hand removed his cap, feeling his forehead temperature to complete the act. 

“Your temperature is fine though… Did you not sleep enough?” You asked, concerned. You loved being able to pull these types of tricks on him. His reactions were always cute to you.

“I’m kidding, I did.” You said, smiling. You couldn’t keep up the lie anymore, especially with this way his brows furrowed in disappointment. 

“It has been a month. I waited it out until today. I didn’t want to interrupt our studies if we ever started anything, you know,” you said while letting go of his hand, “And it would’ve been a mistake if I didn’t confess the same place you first did.” You said while looking around the area you stood in.

It really was your last time walking down these steps.

Out of nowhere, your face was cupped by slightly rough hands that brought warmth to your cheek, turning your head to face Jay’s direction. You had no time to register anything, his soft lips on yours.

Although you weren’t prepared, you still sunk into the kiss, but Jay pulled away before anything could escalate. His hands still cupped your face as you both looked into each other’s eyes, ‘sneaking’ small glances at each other’s lips.

“I love you too.” He said, his words filled with genuine adoration. 

“Cool,” you muttered in disappointment. It was too short for your liking. Jay was shocked, wondering why you didn’t say it back. He waited so long just for you to say it once?

“I love you too, okay? Stop overthinking it.” You said, playfully rolling your eyes. His facial expression made it quite obvious as to what he was thinking.

“Now, come here.” You said, pulling him into another kiss while dropping his cap on the concrete ground beside him. Luckily, this one lasted much longer than before. 

Even if he didn’t participate in anything related to the Drama club, he still got himself involved with one of their members, right?

That should at least count.

Ξ © HAKNOM, 2024

#⭐️ — s&r #k-films #k-labels #kpop fluff #enhypen x reader #enhypen #jay enhypen #enhypen jay #park jay x reader #kpop x reader #jay x reader #enha jay #jay enha #park jay fluff #jay fluff #jay angst #park jay angst #park jongseong x reader #park jongseong #enha x reader #enha fluff #enha angst #enha #jongseong x reader #jongseong fluff #enha jongseong #jongseong enhypen #enhypen jongseong #jongseong angst #kpop angst

[jongseongsnudes]

delusional hours

pov: although you and jay love each other, you come to realise that you’re just not right for each other at this point in your lives...

but hey, at least you’ll always have the good memories you and him shared.

#jongseongsnudes random bs #fake subs #enhypen edit #enhypen jay #enhypen fic #enhypen x reader #enhypen scenario #enhypen imagines #park jay #park jay scenario #park jay angst #Jay angst #jay fanfic #jay fic #jay scenario #jay imagine #enhypen angst #jay x reader #delusional hours

[minhosimthings]

A La Folie ft. Jay || Part 2

Synopsis: Wounds came and went. All in the circle of life am I right? The greatest warrior among all the kings, Park Jay. For him, seeing blood was like seeing the sky. It was a daily routine which he could not escape. Yes sometimes he had grave injuries, which he wouldn't stop to take care of, with him being a workaholic. But sometimes healers do more than heal physical wounds, and for Jay, you did exactly that.

Pairings: King!Jay × healer!fem!reader

Warnings: fluff, angst, suggestive at the end, SMUT IN THE NEXT CHAPTER MY BABIES, mentions of food, mentions of abuse, reader has scars, mention of blood and violence, hurt/comfort, reader has a panic attack, Heeseung suffering a shit ton lmao I'm sorry hee

A/N: I am legit so sorry for the long wait my babies I wanted to make this as perfect as possible! Thank you for the notes on the first part YAY!!! And the next chapter has smut hehe 😏😏

Part 1 || Part 2 || Part 3

The French Quotes Series Masterlist

Memories are said to be core parts of a person's life, no matter good or bad.

The only memories you had were of blood, broken glass, and destroyed homes.

Laughter had always seemed so frightening to you, it reminded you terribly of your mother and father's drunken laughter, as they put the belt to their daughter, just because she was a daughter.

Laughter was no longer how your older brother used to comb your hair, how he used to engulf you in his arms everytime the house was filled with things that a seven year old shouldn't be hearing.

Laughter and love, no longer seemed to exist, as you looked down on the bruises on your skin, and wondered when the last time someone had noticed it under all your setting powder was.

Oh right.

Just over an hour ago by the goddamn king of the place you lived in. The possibility of something going wrong was approximately zero, and yet your powder just had to melt off.

Now you were slumped against your bed, almost about to tear your hair out at how much you were regretting even signing up for an apprentice's position in the palace. At the time, when you were fifteen, it seemed the only possible solution, to get away from your home.

To get away from Jooyeon, atleast.

Knock knock knock.

You let out a loud groan at the sound of tapping on the door. Who on earth was calling for you now?

Checking the clock on the wall, you seethed. Begrudgingly getting up, you dragged yourself to the door, and opened it only to find-

"Your Highness!" You gasped, quickly bending into a curtsey at the light footed man standing before you, "Um..am I of any requirance?"

Heeseung chuckled, and pressed his hand to his chest, returning the respect but bowing to you and sweeping away a stray hair from his forehead.

"Jay just sent me over to you to find out if you were alright, Miss Y/N." He said, with the air of a holy messenger, "You seemed to have rushed out the door on his saying something. Did he offend you perhaps?"

"Oh." You breathed a sigh of relief, not realising your facial expression until you saw Heeseung's amused face looking at you, "Oh no! No absolutely not! No, it's um—its really my fault, sort of. Um—is-is he quite mad?"

Heeseung mused over the question for a bit, quietly laughing to himself at how flustered you were.

"Well I wouldn't say mad." Heeseung finally answered after what seemed like an eternity, "But I would say extremely confused and possibly bleeding out his bandages again."

"Fuck." You cursed under your breath, hoping Heeseung didn't hear what you said, "I'll see it to the matter straight away, Your Highness."

"Oh please, Miss Y/N, call me Heeseung." He winked flirtatiously at you, to which you wanted to slightly gag.

"Is it a custom for all Paradoxica kings to allow their nurses to call them by their names?" You chuckled, remembering how Jay so magnificently told you to call him by his name.

"Maybe just for the handsome ones." Heeseung jested, throwing you another wink, which you tried hard not to frown at.

As Heeseung's footsteps faded away, you turned to the door in front of you. Taking a deep breath, you strode forward and slowly opened the door, having the scent of musk hit your nostrils with a bang again, as your eyes fell upon Jay, sitting calmly against the bedframe with his bandages drenched in red.

"May I come in, Your Majesty?" You forced the sentence out, not daring to meet Jay's eyes. You heard a slight hum of approval, to which you sighed a breath of relief and strode in, immediately going to the tiny table you had set up in the corner of the room and getting your supplies to change Jay's bandages, not noticing how Jay's eyes were following your every movement.

Silence filled the room for many minutes as you went on with your routine of pressing the ointment against his wounds and wrapping them up in clean linen. You hadn't dared to lift your lids up to Jay, all the while you were touching his stomach.

"Who did that to you?"

The air stilled drastically, at Jay's cold question, which he offered in a bittersweet voice, and you knew he could see how you visibly froze, from the hair on top of your head down to your little toe finger.

"Pardon me, Your Majesty?" You said, pretending not to hear the question and quickly wrapping up your tools. But Jay was quicker.

"I said—" he leaned forward, to your figure sitting on the stool and he whispered dangerously in your ear,

"Who gave you that mark on your shoulder?"

Jay's suspicions proved true at your flinch at his tone. Leaning back to look at your face, he saw nothing but pure fear and a few tears. His thoughts immediately started to run wild.

"Forgive me." He sighed, "That was too far."

"It was." The words ran out before you could stop them, and a bit harsher than you had wanted.

"May I be please be excused?" You asked him, trying hard to ignore the pit in your stomach and the urge to throw yourself onto a bed and sob.

That night, you tried everything to fall asleep. Empty packets of chamomile were all strewn over the floor, the heavy scent of lavender candles floated in the air, and yet nothing was knocking you out.

Sleep came very late into the darkness and sleep came disturbed. You had no idea how many times your eyes cracked open and stared at the ceiling above because the nightmare just seemed too damn real to be a figment of your imagination. You wondered how it would have been like if you had stayed with Jay all night in his chambers, you had heard that Mrs.Chun often stayed with him when he was injured.

Secrets and secrets never to be untold, you started to write in your diary again, to kill your time, and hopefully drowse off as soon as your poem was completed.

Little did you know, a certain king was doing the same thing next door.

"So let me get this straight-" Sunghoon ran his fingers through his hair, "You have a very attractive woman your age tending to you, almost touching your abs, talking to you like you want to be talked to, smells like lavender, and an apparently suspicious bruise on her shoulder and you want to find out where that thing came from but she won't tell you?"

"Well when you say it that way." Jay glared at his fellow king, "And anyways I'm pretty sure she's upset with me right now, she practically ran out on me yesterday."

Sunghoon snickered and ran a hand through his hair again. "How are you holding up? With the injury and all?"

"It's much better than Y/N expects me to rest for." Jay scoffed, "Have you seen her out of her chambers when you were coming here?"

"I think she's in the infirmary." Sunghoon scratched his head, "One of the maids told me that she was busy."

If you were in the infirmary, the infirmary was where Jay would go. With a heavy breath, he lunged himself off of the bed and onto his feet, to the concerned brow raise of Sunghoon.

"Alright you should return to your palace now, doesn't the kingdom need you and all?"

"I don't think so." Sunghoon threaded his fingers into his locks, "It's a bright sunny day, Jongsoeng brighten up a bit!"

"If you touch your hair one more time Park Sunghoon, I will brighten up your funeral."

The infirmary was a place of healing. For both physical and mental wounds. For most of your teenage years, Mrs Chun had set about trying heal the latter, by immersing you into the art of healing others. It had been fascinating, you thought, the quiet of the stone walls and the cold air brushing against your skin with kisses you preferred. It made you forget your home.

So it wasn't a surprise that this was the place you came to early in the morning when the king had ordered your presence. You were currently working on a nightmare potion for yourself, trying to mix in some additionalities to make you dream about something else.

Your carefully measured out drops of cranberry juice caught your attention as the vibration from the sound of heavy steps coming from outside made it quiver ever so slightly.

Sighing to yourself when you heard the door knob's knock, you abandoned your chemicals and went towards the door, thankful for your infirmary outfit of trousers because they didn't drag behind you. Why couldn't you have worn this when you were tending to-

"Your Majesty!" You all but screamed, quickly bowing to the man in front of you, "uh....hi." you added awkwardly at the end.

"Hi." Jay replied back, "And I told you not to call me that. Just call me Jay it's fine."

"You're the goddamn king, I can't just call you by your first name." You retorted as Jay walked in and dropped into the chair by the table where your nightmare potion lay, "Do you need anything?"

"Entertainment." Jay replied promptly, curiously poking at some herbs, "Why don't you wear that often?"

"Pardon?" You said before looking down and realising what you were wearing. You quickly grabbed a blanket and covered your lower portion, "That wasn't meant for anyone's eyes."

"You look good." Jay winked, nibbling on the cilantro you had saved for the potion, "Is that a nightmare potion?"

"Mrs Chun told me you were horrible at potions." You laughed, letting do of the blanket and striding over to Jay, plopping down on the chair opposite to him, "Kudos to recognising the potion."

"She's exaggerating, you know how old women are these days."

"How old do you suspect I am?" You asked, curious as to the king's opinions on women's ages. Jay thought for a moment before speaking.

"Depends." He leaned forward and smiled, "How old do you think I am?"

"45." You answered with an air of pride to your voice, to which Jay gasped dramatically and put a hand to his chest.

"You wound me Y/N." He chuckled, "Healers are supposed to heal aren't they?"

"Well depending on how you take your tea with a jar full of honey, you're certainly an old man." You were uncontrollably laughing now, "We're the same age, 22."

There was a moment of silence, in which you silently took the potion away from his radius and into your hands, your eyes widening dangerously at the bubbling liquid.

"Damn it!" You said, wincing at the hot touch. You looked around frantically for something, anything, which could calm the potion down, while Jay looked on, confused at your doings. Nevertheless, he got up and started to look for whatever you wanted.

"What are we looking for?" Jay asked as you ripped open the cupboards, the potion was bubbling aggressively by now.

"Something that can calm the potion down!" You cried, trying to get your mind to think, something to neutralize liquid, "like a lemon, alkali something."

Jay knew nightmare potion was dangerous when it wasn't neutralized, poisoning the skin of those whose grasp it reached. He racked his brain, trying to remember what Mrs Chun had taught him.

"Oh how about that baking soda there!" Jay pointed, wincing slightly as he felt pressure against his wounds but he tried not to show it, "It's alkali is it not?"

You had no time to respond as you grabbed thd baking soda at the speed of lightning and poured it all into the potion. The aggravated liquid seemed to calm down, as the bubbles slowly faded away and the colour changes from green to its normal azure.

"Thank the fucking heavens." You sighed, plopping down on the table much to Jay's amusement, "Thank you, Jay."

"I don't think Mrs Chun would like the state of this room right now." Jay motioned to the floor, where powders and cupboards lay ripped open from your frantic try to find an alkali. He was right of course, Mrs Chun would have killed you. The baking soda was also finished.

"Ah damn." You said, not realising the amount of times you swore in front of the kind today, you had to go out and get new ones now. You started to pick up the bigger jars which were thankfully not broken and arrange them back, not noticing Jay doing the same thing behind you. When you did notice however you were horrified.

"Your Majesty sit down!" You commanded, forcing Jay down onto the chair, "You'll worsen the injury."

"But I want to help." Jay visibly pouted, adorable, you thought, "Please?"

"Absolutely not." You responded, five minutes away from tying him to the chair, "If you're that bored, we can talk, but under no circumstance am I allowing you to bend and work."

Jay considered his options and came to the conclusion that talking was the better option. He wanted to find out more about your mysterious ways of enchanting him so well, about that scar too....

"Shall I start then?" Jay asked, as you nodded and started on the mess again, "Favourite food?"

"That's the best question you could think of?" You scoffed playfully, nevertheless smiling at him, "Apricots. Alright my turn. Hm..allergies?"

"Peaches, which is a pity because I love peaches. Hobbies?"

"Most of the time, reading, but I like experimenting here in the infirmary." You said. You liked this conversation, it was peaceful, bouncing back on each other with questions of all kinds. There was laughter, teasing and perhaps the most happiness you had felt in a lot of time.

"Birds can take over the world, you can fight me on that."

"If I fought you over it, I'd probably lose." Jay laughed, holding his stomach from the amount of bird jokes you both had made in the past fifteen minutes.

"So any siblings?"

Jay's question made you freeze again into that familiar pose Jay had grown to hate now. He wondered whether it was something related to your family that you were making the nightmare potion for.

"I'm sorry, you clearly aren't comfortable with discussing it I won't bring it up agai-"

"No it's alright." You sighed, letting out a breath that felt like it had been caged forever somewhere, "I-Well I don't speak with my family anymore they weren't exactly the loving type, a-and I ran away when I was 14."

14. That was the age when Jay lost everything.

"Well I guess we have a lot in common then." Jay sent you a comforting smile. God he had a gorgeous smile, you wished you could see it on his face at all times of the day.

"That would be a horrible similarly wouldn't it?" You forced a kindred smile. Jay nodded at your statement, and picked up the cilantro again, bringing the smaller leaves to his mouth to chew.

"Well I'll leave you to your work." Jay slumped off of his chair, the pain in his bandages had decreased now, "Good day Y/N."

"Good day Your- I mean Jay."

Jay had no idea how he managed to reach his chambers, his feet managed to trace the path back, all that was on his mind was how much if a mystery you still were.

That night, he opened the glass case in his room for the first time in seven years, taking out the ruby dagger and admiring how much it felt like your touch.

"Hyung are you serious?" Jay's fingers massaged his temple, as Heeseung smirked.

Both of them were sitting outside, in the warm afternoon Sun after you had allowed Jay to go outside on making sure his bandages were healed. It had been a few days since the infirmary incident, and Jay had constantly sneaked up so many times and messed with your potions that you had to threaten to rip apart the infirmary and blame it on him when Mrs Chun returned. Jay had heard worse threats in his life, but never before had he actually listened to them than now.

Plus it was the only thing that could allow him to see you in your shirt and trousers fit which he adores so much, even if you glared at him while he made suggestions for a potion while sitting next to you. Granted, he had been useful sometimes, particularly the time, he carefully bandaged your hand when you got a nasty burn from some dragon scales.

Unbeknownst to him, you though he looked adorable, with his tongue stuck out in pure concentration, as he carefully pressed his fingers across yours. It bought a blush to your face.

"It's the only favour I ask of you Jay" Heeseung tried to put on his best boba eye impression, to manipulate Jay into asking you out on a date. To Heeseung's wedding.

"Why can't you ask?" Jay sighed, talking a sip of his lemonade.

"Because Y/N isn't making my heart beat at the pace of a cheetah, she's making yours." Heeseung smirked, "Wait isn't that her?"

Jay's head whipped around to look behind him, making a crack sound as it went. His eyes landed on someone in the distance, wearing an olive dress and a straw hat, carrying a wickerwork basket, possibly to pick some on the daffodils growing in the garden. Royal healers were always allowed to pick herbs in the garden, so that's what you were probably doing.

God you looked beautiful, Jay thought. It reminded him of earlier, happier days, of days when laughter echoed high through the walls and flowers bloomed. Especially lavender. Lavender, like his mother....

"Jay, you're staring." Heeseung coughed loudly, snapping Jay out of his euphoria.

In the distance, you were willing away your time by plucking out tiny bristles of daffodils, they would do you good in makin the nightmare potions again. It wad a pleasant day today and you hadn't expected Jay to come out, but there he was, sitting alongside Heeseung in a loose white shirt, open slightly at neck. You hoped fervently that there weren't any mind readers present at the scene, lest they read all your extremely unholy thoughts.

The last few days, were fun, happy even. You liked Jay making conversation with you at the infirmary. Sure he annoyed you sometimes, but you didn't think you had laughed this much in ages now. It felt like home, true home, which you hadn't ever known the feeling of.

The sound of loud coughing made you flinch as you turned around to see both the royals snap their heads into the distance from staring at you. Giggling to yourself, you began to walk towards them, basket full of daffodils in hand.

"Fuck she's coming here." Jay whispered, pretending to look busy in fishing the cilantro pieces out from his glass.

"And I thought I was the lovesick one." Heeseung rolled his eyes, quickly putting on his brightest smile, as he saw you approaching.

"Miss Y/N!" Heeseung bowed to you, trying to sound like he wasn't about to possibly ruin Jay's love life, "Are you doing well?"

"Perfect, Your Highness." You curtsied, noticing Jay still hiding his face, "Congratulations on the betrothal, Your Highness, or should I call you Heeseung?"

"You remember?" He shot you a cheeky smile, sitting down on his chair agin, as you sat down on the one a servant brought you, "Well I assume you are coming to the ball? I would be devastated if my darling Queen didn't meet you."

You chuckled and quietly shook your head. "I don't believe I was invited. Plus, i have no family or friend to go with."

"Oh what a coincidence! Jay doesn't either!" Heeseung said, in a fake cheery voice, as Jay groaned silently to himself and fervently wished to disappear from this moment. This was by far the weakest he had ever felt in all his life.

"Oh...um... That's sad?" You were uncertain on what to say. Heeseung took a deep breath, and reminded himself that he had to play Cupid properly.

"Yes it's so sad, don't you think it would so nice if you two went together?"

Perhaps the most frightening thing the birds heard that day was the sound of Jay's cough at Heeseung's sentence.

"Jay! Oh my god-" you panicked, bit Heeseung merely rolled his eyes and harshly patted Jay's back.

"Calm down idiot." Heeseung grumbled, and then turned back to you with a bright smile on his face, "Anyways, as we were saying, how about it Miss Y/N?"

"Well, for starters-" you said, with the air of a true healer, "I have to go out to town and get some supplies, the infirmary is nearly out. And secondly, it is a royal ball. I don't believe I have anything royal to wear."

"Oh pity, I think Jay knows a really good seamstress in town don't you Jay?" Heeseung smirked at a red eared Jay who was doing everything in his power to appear not flustered, "Plus weren't you going to go on your undercover rounds tomorrow Jay? Oh that's perfect! You and Y/N can go get the supplies in town, and get some measurements for her dress and voila! A perfect date to my wedding!"

That night, both you and Jay went to sleep peacefully, without scented candles or chamomile teas.

That night, a healer and a king couldn't wait for tomorrow's gift.

(And Heeseung slept, giggling next to his annoyed but loving wife)

"You look rather dashing." You giggled, clutching a basket tightly in your hand, and leaning against the door, admiring the figure of the man in front of you. Jay was clad in simple clothes today, a workman's attire. And he still looked more handsome that the devil himself.

"Oh shut up." Jay rolled his eyes, "You definetly look prettier."

"Where did you learn to impress a lady like that hmm?" You questioned, as Jay tried everything to adjust his collar and failed, "That's not how you press the fabric down idiot."

"First of all-" Jay glared playfully at you, "I didn't learn it just comes to me naturally" you scoffed at that, "Second of all you just called the king of tis kingdom an idiot. And third of all-" his eyes went round like the ones he used when he wanted something, "Can you adjust this collar please?"

"Idiot." You laughed, putting your basket down and walking over to him, your hands going up towards his unruly collar, "My idiot, unfortunately."

"Since when do healers get to own people?" Jay jested, feeling his entire world freeze at the soft touch of your hands. God you smelled like lavender and love.

Love? That four lettered word? Please, Jay mentally scoffed, it didn't exist.

But as Jay watched you, felt your fingers touching his neck, and your waist pressing against his, as you carefully adjusted the collar, in that very moment, he saw the most beautiful aspects of his life, and he knew he was helplessly in love. He craved your touch, your presence, your eyes stuck to his, anything with you. Was this the love his mother always spoke of?

"And I'm done!" You breathed a sigh of relief, the collar was hard to pull down, and you were relieved when it finally flattened. What you weren't expecting however, was Jay staring at you with widened eyes when you looked up from his neck.

"Um...Jay?" You said, waving your hand in front of him, "Earth to The great King Park Jongsoeng."

Your voice seemed to break Jay out of his temporary trance, as he quickly blinked his eyes and popped his lips together. "We should go." He said, much to your relief.

"Hey wait a second." You stopped him from exiting. Your fingers went up to his hair and quickly ruffled it, making it look messy and unruly

"There." You presented proudly, "now you look like a true town person."

Something in Jay told him that this day would go in a second as all good days went.

Jay had never before gone on his monthly undercover trip to the town, accompanied by anyone else. He feared it would blow his cover to the people. The trip always benefited him, he would get some delicious food, a day without guards, a day with peace, and a free survey of the citizens' wellbeing.

Today was different. He had no interest in looking at the wellbeing of the people, nor on the food. All he cared about was you.

You, with your head held high, easily chatting up the store owners, bargaining for the price of powdered dragon scales and smiling wide at the tiny child who had run up to you and have you a tiny sunflower blossom.

His heart was weak, fragile around you, it contained lovesick blood which he hadn't ever held before. Your hearty laughter, your hair moving in harmony with you and the contagious joy you spread to the people in the bustling market, it made Jay's knees buckle.

"Jongsoeng come on!" You cried, walking perhaps fifteen steps ahead of Jay. He had to jog to keep up. You were calling him by his actual name, since most people outside of royalty didn't know his real name.

"Did you get everything?" Jay panted, peering into your full basket. You nodded.

"Yep! I even got the cilantro you like chewing so much like a cow." You giggled, holding up a few leaves to his mouth, "Say ahh" you teased him as if you were feeding a child.

"Ahhh" Jay opened up his mouth and pushed the cilantro into his mouth, much to your surprise. You flinched slightly at his cold touch.

"Delicious." Jay smacked his lips together dramatically, "Anyways shall we get going?"

"Please don't tell me we're going to some shoe shop, I detest the smell of leather." You groaned, earning a look from Jay.

"That is by far the weirdest thing I've ever heard." Jay chuckled, "And we're going to the best seamstress of this kingdom darling, so keep your socks on."

Your heart fluttered uncontrollably at his nickname.

"Ah my King. Welcome!" A well dressed woman, with her hair tied into a fishtail greeted Jay and you. You assumed she was the Chaeryoung from "Chaeryoung's Seams", signboard outside which indicated her grand castle of a shop. This, according to Jay, was where all the aristocrats obtained their clothes.

"Chaeryoung, I assume you are well?" Jay pressed a kiss to her hand, a custom for most unmarried men, but delivering a pang of jealousy to your heart.

"I do not care about my wellbeing right now, Your Majesty. All I care about-" she shifted her pretty, cat-like eyes to you, "-is this beauty standing before me."

You felt your cheeks heat up at Chaeryoung's complement. You? A beauty? Impossible it seemed, especially next to a pretty woman like Chaeryoung.

"I am Y/N." You curtsied, "You are quite gorgeous yourself, Miss Chaeryoung."

Chaeryoung let out a giggle and blushed red in her ears, turning to Jay. "You found someone quite like yourself, Your Majesty."

"Oh please." You scoffed playfully, "I am much more handsome than him, don't you think?"

To Jay, that was more of a complement than an insult, especially when it came from your mouth.

You stayed in Chaeryoung's shop until the sky darkened. She wouldn't let you go until you tried on every combination she asked you to.

Jay was quite useful in this, you thought, giving Chaeryoung recommendations on necklines and earings and whatnot.

A memory which stayed particularly on your mind, was when you stepped out in a beautiful dress, which hugged your body perfectly, with a neckline that could send any man to heaven if he looked at it.

Any man meant Jay too, who thought he would combust if he saw you on any more dresses. He swore he could have seen pixies sparkling their magic dust over you.

"How does this look?" You stood in front of Jay with a big smile on your face.

"Spin for me." Jay said, standing up, to assess the dress more properly, as you spun, the fabric seemingly obeying your every command and spinning with you like a Scottish Fold's tail. Could you get any prettier?

"I swear to god if you don't get this dress, I will open my bandages." Jay said dramatically, much to Chaeryoung's pleasure who nodded and rushed out of the room, to get your measurements.

"Do I look good?" You asked again, a bit uncertainly this time.

"Good?" Jay scoffed, "You look like the prettiest person on earth."

"You sure know how to make a girl blush, are you sure you haven't had practice?" You giggled, spinning one more time in the dress to admire yourself. You loved the way the fabric felt against your skin, it hugged it in a way that all your scars didn't hurt too much. A perfect dress, you thought.

Perfect. Until you looked down at your collarbone.

Fate has its ways, dear reader. And it has many ways for misfortune.

"Oh no-no no no." You swore under your breath. Well that is, if you were even breathing. You were panicking, and panic attacks weren't exactly cotton candy flavoured for you. You could feel your throat tighten up and your peripheral vision blend out.

You felt cold all around, you felt the harsh words of little girls and the screams of your parents. You felt Jooyeon too....

"Hey hey Y/N, calm down." You could hear Jay's voice faintly behind you, but you couldn't bring yourself to focus on anything.

Jay was worried, extremely worried. He hadn't ever seen you panic like this before. Sure you had a few stressful mishaps in the infirmary, but this? Never before. Jay was confused as to why you were currently supporting your entire weight on him but he took one look down at your collarbone and he knew.

"Y/N, darling, I need you to breathe for me." Jay whispered in your ear, unsure of what to do. His hands trailed down to your waist, while one supported your shoulder.

"Shh, I'm right here, I'm right here calm down." Jay coached you, tracing shapes along your neck, which worked effectively.

"I-" you kept your sob in your throat, "I need something to c-cover..."

You felt a warm sort of cloth wrap around your shouder, Jay's jacket.

"Calm down now." Jay whispered again, hearing faint footsteps in the distance, "I'll distract Chaeryoung, you run."

"Your bandages aren't bleeding much, I think they're healed.." You clicked your tongue, pressing against Jay's wounds.

"You sound worried though, darling." Jay said, his eyes never leaving you even as you got up and settled your supplies down.

"You know I won't ever stop worrying about you." You chuckled, sitting opposite him on the bed, with two cups of chamomile. Drinking tea with Jay at night seemed to relax your nerves.

"So..."

"So?"

"Would you like to talk about what happened?"

You bit your lip at his question, savouring the taste of the chamomile for a while.

"Would you really like to know?" You sighed, putting your tea down, "You've been curious over it for a lot of days."

"I would like to know whether you want Jooyeon killed or tortured." Jay calmly sipped his tea.

Jooyeon.

How did he know?!

"How-" you raised your eyes to him, "Do you know about Jooyeon?"

"I'm a King, darling." Jay chuckled, his eyes seemed more dangerous than ever, "I know everything."

"If you knew everything, then why did you ask me?" You said, your tone laced with venom.

Jay's eyes softened. "I know who he is but I don't know what he did to you, darling." He toyed with his empty cup, "and I wanted to know why you hide that scar."

"Because it's ugly!" You cried out, slamming your teacup onto the table next to you, you were surprised it didn't break, "Because everyone I've ever met in my life recoils from it whenever they see it and for some fucking reason you didn't and it's just so weird!"

The air stilled again in that familiar manner, and flashes of memories came into Jay's mind.

'Mum why do you hide your shoulder?'

'its not as beautiful as the rest of me, Jay. Why do you ask?'

'You're still pretty to me mum!'

Your memories on the other hand, were entirely different.

The sound of glass....

The smell of blood....

Jooyeon's grip on your thigh.....

"Y/N, love-"

"I'm sorry, I-I shouldn't have-"

Jay's hand buried you into his chest, as your sob ripped through the air like a siren. He could feel his shirt become damp but he didn't give a single damn. All he cared about was how you were practically shaking apart in his arms.

Your shattered words of 'Im sorry!' broke his heart into tatters and he felt like he was 13 again, listening to his mother son and him not being able to do anything.

Except this time, he could.

In the quiet moments of vulnerability, you shared your fear with him, trusting him with your deepest secrets. And as Jay held you in his arms, he realized that he had become your safe haven, and his love for you blossomed in that tender embrace.

"Y/N, love, look at me?" Jay tilted your head up to him, grabbing your chin with his finger. Your tear stained eyes looked up at him with nothing but calm trust. You did trust him. And love him too.

As your eyes met, a sense of familiarity washed over you. It was as if your souls had known each other in a different time and place. In that profound connection, you realized that the fates had pulled their strings again love unfurled within you.

"I-I want to-"

"Do it."

That's all Jay needed, for him to crash into you and create a magnificent firework display, maybe only he could see all the sparkles and colours. Jay could taste sweet moonlight and honey on your lips. Blood rushed to his heart, which pumped it ever so fastly, it was about to explode out of his chest.

He craved this, he craved it as a battlefield craved blood or as a nightmare potion craved alkali. Ribbons of love and hope rushed out of his neck, where your arms wrapped, sinking into him, with pure trust and love.

Was this the love the poets spoke of?

Maybe not, Jay thought, but he didn't care anymore. This was the love he now wanted, he never wanted to let go of it.

Perhaps he never would.

Silence fell like darkness, as you pulled away slowly, still keeping your eyes close for a second. You couldn't believe what on earth had just happened. Jay couldn't either.

“That felt like a crime against humanity.” you broke the silence, with your serious statement.

The seriousness didn't last long, when Jay looked into your eyes, you looked into his, and the both of you burst out laughing.

"Was that your first kiss?" Jay teased, his fingers were threading through your hair, relaxing you.

"Yours too?" You retorted.

Amidst the moonlight, no one would have suspected that a healer and a king would be laughing raucously, looking at each other with nothing but love, something they never experienced before.

“I mean, I could do with some more of that.” you said shyly, feeling a blush creep up to your face.

"Why don't we then, darling?"

Next chapter coming soon!

Tags: @amazzwon @heeseungshim @kvmariii @mwahvvis @hottiewifeyyyy @sacrificeatmeup @perfectnighttt @yawnzzhoon @yunabi436 + send an ask to be tagged!

#jay park smut #jay park fic #enhypen jay #jay x reader #enha jay #jay fluff #park jay #park jay fluff #park jay angst #park jongseong #enha jay fics #enha jay fluff #enhypen fluff #enhypen angst #enha smut #enhypen smut imagines #enhypen smut #enhypen smut reactions #enhypen hard hours #enhypen hard thoughts #enhypen soft thoughts #enhypen soft hours #enha soft hours #enha soft thoughts #enha hard hours #enha hard thoughts #jay soft thoughts #jay soft hours #jay hard hours

[parkjayist]

SERIES IN PROGRESS!: ESSENCE OF ROMANCE (pjs)

sum park jongseong is in denial, but the truth is undeniable: he's hit a dead end. how can he maintain his title as a world renowned chemist if he can't even advance his own research? meanwhile, you, an aspiring chemist, have faced constant belittlement from your male colleagues as you pursue your own groundbreaking research in isolation. when jongseong finds you conducting experiments in HIS own lab, he's enraged. he's enveloped in fury when he realizes that you two are trying to research the same topic. yet, buried beneath his rage lies a deep sense of desperation, and he's willing to do anything to finally finish his research he's been putting off for so many years. perhaps you're the missing piece in his research (and life).

pairing chemist!park jongseong x female chemist!reader

genre written series, slowburn, angst, fluff, " enemies " to lovers, coworkers au, 1960s au, smarty pants x smarty pants

warnings misogyny, a lot of angst, kissing, swearing, chemistry terms, ( more will be included in each chapter ! )

wc 4k (updated: 3/22/24)

notes sooo i watched lessons in chemistry a while ago and i liked it a lot. i'm also really into chemistry so i thought of implementing it into my writing! this is inspired by the show/book lessons in chemistry !! if you watched the show or read the book, you'll probably find some scenes in this series that may seem familiar :)

want to be tagged when each fic comes out? send me a dm / reply below!

masterlist for this series

prologue.

i. flour(sour) start

ii. that old feeling

iii.

iv.

vi.

vii.

to be added...

#parkjayist #enhypen imagines #enhypen x reader #enhypen fanfic #enhypen fluff #park jongseong x reader #enhypen scenarios #jay x reader #park jay fluff #enhypen angst #enhypen series #written series #enhypen fic #enhypen fanfiction #park jay x reader #park jay imagines #park jay angst

[sageryuri]

TIGHTLY, PARK JONGSEONG.

pairing park jongseong + reader.

genre angst.

summary he’s there for you when you need him most.

word count 0.3k.

warnings sad jay, sad everyone.

an it takes me yonks to finish my main projects so a few little drabbles won’t hurt :))

You apologise profusely to your friend as he holds you against his body, trying his best to calm down your shallow breaths now that the tears are beginning to stop dripping from your eyes and onto his knitted sweater.

"Don't say sorry, you've got nothing to be sorry for. I'm always going to be here to take care of you, you know that." He lifts his hand to soothe you, placing a barely noticeable kiss onto your forehead, "Deep breaths. It's all going to be okay."

Jay's heart aches when he realises this moment won't last forever, that he can't keep living the dream that you're his. Not even the way you grip onto his other hand can help him get his hopes up, because that hand has touched another man who he wishes the worst upon every waking moment.

Your boyfriend may have been the most insufferable person Jay had ever had the displeasure of meeting. He was rude, selfish and overall Jay's least favourite person to exist. It was no surprise he found it so difficult to comprehend why you were so infatuated with him.

"I should leave him shouldn't I? Be honest with me Jongie." You manage to mutter out against his chest, reaching to rub away the drying tears on your face. The way you look up at him with a pout and wet doe eyes makes him take in a breath.

"He isn't good for you. It's your decision to make but no one likes seeing you so distraught because of him. I don't like seeing you like this." He replies, finally bringing himself to be honest with you after all this time — at least as honest as he could be in the moment.

“I know, I know. It’s just so difficult. I feel like I’m stuck in a constant loop with him and I can’t get out of it. I’m sorry you have to deal with me every time this happens, you’re a good friend.” Jay is happy your face is still shoved into his sweater because he’s crying too.

He hates when you cry, he hates when you come running to him, he hates that he’ll never be the one you want.

#enhypen x reader #enha x reader #jay park x reader #park jeongseong x reader #enhypen angst #enha angst #jay park angst #park jongseong angst #park jay x reader #park jay angst #enhypen drabble #enha drabble #park jongseong drabble #park jay drabble #jay park drabble

[heeliopheelia]

𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐓𝐀𝐊𝐄 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐄𝐍𝐆𝐀𝐆𝐄𝐌𝐄𝐍𝐓 𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐎𝐅𝐅 𝐃𝐔𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐀𝐍 𝐀𝐑𝐆𝐔𝐌𝐄𝐍𝐓

genre: hurt/comfort, angst, fluff

word count: 4.3k

warnings: cursing, crying, neglect, tiny mention of bleeding

a/n: i think i win the contest of overusing commas with this one 🤍 tbh this fic is just yapping so pls deal with me... it's good to write some proper angst again tho, i missed it :(( hope you guys like it and don't find them too repetetive!!

masterlist

LEE HEESEUNG

It's been two weeks since you got the opportunity to take a proper look at Heeseung. And now as you do, you find it hard to recognize your fiancé who looks like he's about to collapse from exhaustion, to say the least. 

“I never asked you to mother me or worry about me so much. Stop getting into my business so much. I’m not a child, YN.”

It’s like he was blind to how hurt his words and actions were making you feel. It’s so unusual for him, so out of character and unfamiliar to you, that you can’t help but think that maybe it really is your fault for riling him up this much.

“I worry about you because I’m your fiancé and I love you, you jerk!” You scoff at his careless words and take a step back, the aching in your heart only increasing. “I only want to look after you because you clearly don't know how to do it yourself. I mean, look at yourself! You look as if you haven’t slept in a week and I know you haven’t been eating either. How can I not worry about you when all you do is neglect yourself?”

“Dunno, maybe find yourself something to keep you busy enough. You stay at home all day, do as much as nothing, no wonder you’re so damn nosy. I would be too with this much time on my hands.”

He’s so indifferent to everything you say, you try to recall where it all started going so wrong. All you did was ask whether he’s eaten at work or not, and now the two of you are snapping at each other as if you weren’t lovers, and trying not to hurt each other was a long forgotten thought by now. 

“If you’re so unhappy with our relationship – with me, maybe it’s best we take a break,” you say as you feel your throat tighten painfully. 

“Agreed. I never even wanted this marriage in the first place,” he scowls, silencing you, words rolling out of his mouth way quicker than his brain is able to process it. 

He bites his words back quickly when he watches your face dropping along with your shoulders, and fuck, you look as if you’ve given up on him right then and there. 

You walk away then, tears streaming down your face, muttering something about how ungrateful he was being, and all Heeseung could do was stand still as if plastered to the floor, in utter disbelief of his own, untrue, words.

After his cruel statement echoes through his head for the fourth time, he finally snaps out of the self pity and rushes after you to the kitchen where you’re leaned over the counter, head buried in your hands as you cry.

“Baby, I’m sorry,” he apologizes quickly. He walks up from behind you and wraps his arms around your waist, resting his forehead on your shoulder blade. “I didn’t mean it. I’m sorry for everything I said, sweetheart.”

He turns you around gently and feels his chest tighten at how fucking sad you look. He never wants to see you like this. He never wants to be the cause of this ever again.

And when he looks to the side, his throat closes and dries completely at the sight of your engagement ring laying on the counter right behind you. 

“Are you sure you didn’t mean it?” You ask, wiping the tears away with your hand pointlessly as another stream follows right after. “Things like that don’t come out of nowhere.”

“I didn’t, love, I swear I didn’t. I’m so fucking sorry,” he breathes out, pulling you closer to him by your neck again. 

Never again. Never fucking again. He keeps telling himself in his head as he lifts your hand to his lips and presses a kiss to your knuckles, just where your ring was supposed to be sitting snugly. Then he lowers it and places your palm against his chest, right above his heart, and covers your smaller hand with his.

That was too close to losing you, and himself, for that matter. Because he would never recover if you were gone from his life and all because of him. 

“Then why did you even say it?” You sob pitifully as you feel the warm tears dripping down the tip of your nose.

“I don’t know,” he shushes you gently, trying his best to not break you any further. 

You pull away once you feel calm enough, hands clutching his t-shirt. “It's not too late to call off the wedding, Seung,” you manage out breathily, raising your palm to cup his cheek. “I'd rather not take the step further than have you unhappy.”

“Darling, no.” Heeseung bends down to minimize the distance between the two of you and peppers your face with loving, warm kisses. He just wants to erase those atrocious thoughts out of your mind as quickly as possible. “Please, there's nothing I'd ever want more than to make you my wife. That was stupid of me to say. I'll never be happy if I'm not with you, my love.”

“I just don’t want to force this marriage on you. You need to want it as much as I do, otherwise it’s pointless.”

Heeseung almost chokes on air when he rushes out his answer even before you can properly finish your sentence. “I do want it. Please, you have to believe me.” 

“Really?”

Heeseung smiles at you softly as he wipes your wet cheeks with his thumbs. “Really. Scout’s honour.”

You breathe out, feeling relief, and look up at him with squinted, puffy eyes. “Sometimes I just wanna strangle you to death, Lee Heeseung.”

He chuckles lightly before pressing one last kiss to your cheek. “Aren't you just so adorable? You should add this to your wedding vows.”

“Maybe I’ll add this to your eulogy instead if you pull shit like that again.”

Heeseung clicks his tongue with a grin pulling on his lips. “Touché.”

PARK JAY

The atmosphere in the living room is so heavy that your chest starts to hurt. You’re standing barely two steps away from the man you love the most, yet you’ve never felt more far away from him than in this moment. 

His eyes – cold but still undoubtedly full of love, drill holes in the side of your head as you turn your face away from him to try and gather your thoughts.

Arguments with Jay were rare. You always tried to work things out immediately, keeping your heads cool. But something has broken over the last month and you can’t see each other eye to eye anymore. At the very beginning of your relationship you made a promise to never go to bed angry. To never leave things unresolved. Yet now Jay’s been sleeping on the couch for the past week, and you fail to understand what the fuck has happened to the two of you. 

And you can’t help but think that, maybe, sometimes love is just not enough. 

“You’re not even trying to find the middle ground anymore. All you do is snap at me the second I come home. I’m fucking tired of it! Would it hurt to give it a rest for a day?” 

The tension is almost palpable. You hate how you can’t seem to back away from any argument but only keep hurting him instead. 

“Put effort into our relationship first, then we’ll talk,” you spit out instead, against your better judgment.

“It’s funny coming from you who’s done nothing but put a fucking distance between us!”

“This doesn’t make any sense anymore, Jay. We need some time apart,” you finally speak into the dull silence, eyes casted downwards at the floor as your hand keeps twitching, only to finally grab for your ring finger and slip the silver band off of it. You didn’t think much of your action, hell, you didn’t even process it properly. 

Well, not until you hear the shaky exhale leave Jay’s lips. 

Silently, he presses his lips together and nods his head before turning on his heel and leaving the room. You listen intently to the shuffling, then ringing of the keys and eventually the door being shut. 

A moment of silence turns into minutes of you staring at the ring on your palm with tears burning your eyes mercilessly. 

With your heart falling low to your stomach, you drop down on the couch and tug on your hair slightly, cursing yourself for acting so mindlessly. 

You wallow in self pity in the dead quiet room. The shiny ring feels so heavy and burning in your clenched fist. You take in a deep breath, then quickly slide the band back onto your finger, feeling instantly shielded with it being on its righteous place again.

And just like that, you spend the next three hours on the verge of losing your sanity. With no word from Jay. He’s left your messages unread. He’s left your calls unanswered. 

You don’t know whether he’s okay or hurt or simply gone. All that combined is enough to leave you panicked and terrified, unable to have a second of peace. 

You never meant to take it this far. This – your words and rapid actions, that will forever remain as one of your biggest regrets. You don’t like the idea that you made your other half feel like you’ve taken him for granted. Or for what’s worse, like a person that you can use for unloading your frustration. 

There’s this throbbing pain in your chest as you realize that maybe he’s not coming back because why would he if you can’t even love him properly?

Your fingers are bleeding from how hard you’ve been picking on your cuticles. 

And then you hear the jingle of keys and soon the front door opens quietly. You know that even after all of this he’s still being careful to not wake you up. It’s killing you how he thinks you’d ever be able to get a wink of sleep without knowing he’s safe. 

You’re quick to drop your phone on the couch and shoot up on your legs, rushing over to the door and throwing yourself on Jay’s neck. 

“I was so worried about you!” You gasp out, clinging onto your fiancé desperately as tears unknowingly make their way down your cheeks. “Please, don’t ever do that again!”

“Sorry, my phone died,” he replies after a second or two, bringing his arm up to wrap around your waist and keep you close to him. 

He’s still upset but he understands where you’re coming from, knowing well that if it was you instead of him he’d probably go insane from worry. 

He can feel your heart hammering against his chest, so he lifts his hand and strokes your hair to help you calm down. But then you start crying, feeling his gentle touch even after everything you said, that was enough to push you over the edge. You clench your trembling hands on his sweater as you burst out with choked sobs, slouching against his warm and comforting body. 

“I’m sorry, ‘m sorry, ‘m sorry,” you weep into his chest like a mantra and Jay can quite literally feel his heart cracking at your miserable state. 

“It’s okay,” he whispers, hot air hitting your ear before he presses a soft kiss to its tip. “Don’t cry anymore, honey. We’re okay.”

“I don’t deserve that. I don’t deserve you,” you whimper quietly. “Please, don’t leave me.”

“Don’t say that,” he scolds you with a frown. Your whimpers twist his guts even more than your harsh words from before. “It’s not the first nor the last time we’ll have an argument. It’s not worth losing your pretty head over it, okay?” 

“I’m sorry,” you repeat one last time. “I promise I'll never take it off again. I’ll never lash out on you like that ever again too.”

Jay grabs your hand and runs his thumb over the thin silver band, the same one he was picking so carefully for weeks, and a small smile tugs on the corners of his mouth. He hates how shameful you sound. 

He’ll never tell you how the sight of you pulling your ring off your finger made him physically sick to his stomach. He can't have you feeling even worse than you already do. So instead he brings you close to him and rests his forehead on yours. 

“I’m so stupid,” you whisper quietly as you close your eyes, your heavy eyelashes letting go of another few drops of crystal tears which Jay’s lips soak up instantly. “I don’t know what I’d do if you actually left.”

“You know me better than to think I’d let us break it off over such a petty fight.” And, yes, you do. But your lip wobbles with silent agony at the sole thought of that. “Hey,” he tries again as he presses a loving kiss to your red nose. “I’m not leaving, okay? How could I ever?” 

“I love you.”

With his thumb caressing your burning cheek so tenderly, you feel at peace again.

“I love you too,” he replies without skipping a beat. “No one can handle you as well as I do. And no one sees me for me like you do. We complete each other. We belong together.”

He kisses you silly then, until there’s no more tears left in your body and you’re barely able to breathe anymore. He kisses you until your legs give in and he swoops you up to carry you into your shared bed for the first time in what seems like forever.

He kisses you until it engraves in your mind that there’s no other person for him in this world but you.

SIM JAKE

“Baby, I already apologized.” A groan lingers at the back of his throat but for his own sake he stifles it inside. “I don’t know what else you want me to do.”

You sit on the verge of your shared bed and clench your fingers on the silky duvet. “How about you start showing up to things we both agreed on attending?”

He runs his hand down his face. “I know. It just slipped my mind, that’s all. You know how busy I’ve been this week.”

“This shouldn’t be my business only, though. I mean, for christ’s sake, it’s our wedding! I would really appreciate it if you participated in something for once!”

Flowers and cake. That’s literally all you’ve asked of him to go and pick with you for the wedding reception. Knowing his tight schedule, you picked the date carefully so that it wouldn’t meddle with his work and you could even go grab some dinner afterwards. But your plans all went out the window when he didn’t even bother showing up or giving you a heads up text, standing you up yet another time when it comes to your wedding preparations.

You’re honestly getting tired of it.

“I’ll be there next time,” he assures you quickly as he nervously taps his fingers on the doorway of your bedroom. 

“You said you wouldn’t do that,” your voice wavers as your shoulders drop with resignation. With the back of your hand, you wipe off the tears that made their way down your cheeks. “You promised to help, Jake. But you left me alone with everything, as usual.”

“It’s not even that big of a deal. This can be rescheduled any time. Baby, stop stressin’ so much.”

“But it is a big deal to me!” You cry out, palm reaching up to pinch the bridge of your nose. You breathe out heavily. “I don’t want to do everything by myself! We’re supposed to be in this together! If getting married means that I’m gonna be alone with all the responsibilities that you don’t consider important enough, I’m not even sure if I still want it.”

To back up your words, your hand moves half-consciously to your ring finger and you twist the cool piece of jewelry in between your fingers. 

“No, no, no, no.” Jake moves quickly, nearly tripping over himself as he rushes towards you to desperately clasp your hand in his two and stop you from whatever the hell you were about to do. He drops to his knees in front of the bed, right at your feet. “Baby, you promised you’d never take it off.”

You’re at a loss of words as you look into his wide eyes, the seriousness of your actions only catching up to you now. You gasp quietly, eyes watering just like his, quickly relaxing your tensed hand in his and letting him slide the ring back down your finger, just where it belongs.

Silence envelopes the two of you, besides the sound of your sniffles. 

You feel awful. 

Jake feels even worse. 

Leaning forward, you press your face to his shoulder and melt instantly when he brings a hand to caress your hair. 

“I'm sorry,” you whisper, clenching your hand to feel the cool ring against your skin. “I don't know why I did that. I didn't mean to.”

“I know,” he soothes you just as softly. He stands up from the floor and carefully maneuvers the two of you so that you’re placed on his lap as he sits with his back against the headboard. “It's my fault. I'm sorry. I never meant to disregard your feelings like that.”

At the end of the day, both of you would rather set themselves ablaze than watch the other one hurting. 

You nod silently, heart pounding in your chest before you bring your arms up and throw them over his neck.

“I’m sorry I was so impulsive.”

“No. You did nothing wrong.” His soothing voice carries over the room, enveloping you with warmth. “I promise I'll be here whenever you want me to from now on. I don’t want you to feel neglected by me, especially now when you’re this stressed over the wedding. I won’t let you down, again.” 

“I just need a little help, that’s all,” you mumble tiredly into his skin.

“I know.” His warm lips press to your forehead lovingly. “I’m sorry for being an insensitive douche. It won’t happen again. I’ll take some days off next week, hm?”

The tears on your face dry slowly as your hold on him tightens. “I’d like that a lot.”

“Then it’s done. I'll be all yours and you’ll be all mine then,” he hums and noses at your cheek, finally bringing out a small giggle out of you. After all these years, he still melts at the sound. “I won’t let things get this out of hand again, YN. I promise.”

“Okay,” you whisper. Tilting your head up and bringing his down towards you, you join your lips in a kiss that you’ve been longing for for days. His movements are slow and careful as he tries to soak up as much of the moment as possible. 

His kisses slowly put your broken pieces back together. He never knew how much seeing you cry like this would hurt him. And he’ll make damn sure he won’t ever have to experience again that for as long as you're with him.

“If I have a life to spend, it'll only be with you, sweetheart,” he lowers his voice to match yours, cradling your cheek in the palm of his hand. “You're it for me. I'll never give you a chance to doubt that ever again.”

PARK SUNGHOON

“You’re never home! There’s always a hundred things more important to you than spending an hour of your time with me. Your fucking fiance! Are we really about to get married when you’re clearly so tired of me already?”

Your heart pounds in your chest as you finally voice out everything that’s been sitting on your chest for the past month. Things have not been working out well with the two of you, much to your despair. He’s been neglectful, always too busy to help you with anything – even the wedding related things that you should’ve gotten done weeks ago. 

And you know that he’s swamped with work and it's not his fault. You understand everything. But to ask him to spare you an hour or two of his day shouldn’t be too much. It shouldn’t make him snap at you unlike what he just did the second he came back home. You slowly begin to lose your hope.

“God, have you always been this needy? Why can’t you accept that I can’t always put you first? No matter how much I’d want to, sometimes I just can’t! Deal with this!”

“Fucking- Fine.”

Your hand moves quicker than your brain, and the next thing you know, your shiny ring is being pulled off your finger and resting in the palm of your other hand. 

You can see the disbelief flashing through his face briefly before it completely morphs into a scowl. 

“You really think that this will solve the problem?” He asks, eyebrows narrowed as he glowers at you from across the room. “Really? Does that ring mean so little to you that you go and throw it away with any minor inconvenience?” 

You try to blink away the frustrated tears, hand raking up to brush your hair away from your face. “No, fuck, I just- I don’t know what to do anymore, Sunghoon. I feel like I’m the only one in this relationship. I need you to give me something more because whatever you’re doing now is not enough for me.”

“Well, I’m putting out everything I have, YN! I love you! If that’s still not good enough for you, then maybe it’s not meant to be.”

The silence that falls in the room doesn’t last long as your sudden sob pierces Sunghoon’s ears quickly, making his stomach drop to the soles of his feet. His heart wrenches and twists as the anger simmers down and evaporates from his body within a second, and he’s quickly coming back to his senses at the sight of you breaking down right in front of him. 

“Can’t you just try?” You cry into your hands, shielding your face away from your fiance. “That’s all I’m asking of you. Is it really so hard to try?”

No, it’s not. Sunghoon knows it without a second of thinking. It’s not too hard to try, never if it’s for you. And his throat dries so quickly when he basks in the weight of his words that finally made you break as well. 

“You don’t know how much it hurts to feel like you’re too much for your partner,” you wail with a small voice, shoulders trembling and hands quickly getting damp with tears. “You’ll never know how it is to feel unwanted, because you’ll never have to when you're with me. Because I love you, asshole, but now I’m doubting if you’re saying it back just for the sake of it.”

With air getting stuck in his throat, Sunghoon looks at you wide-eyed before quickly crossing the living room and enveloping you in his arms. His warmth wraps around you in what you've always considered to be safety, but now it just makes you cry more. 

He finds it hard to breathe. The hesitation in your eyes feels like a stab to his chest.

“Of course I still love you,” he says, voice muffled by your hair. 

He hates how he made you feel the opposite. He hates how you’re right and he never had to worry about any reassurement of such kind from your side because you’re just that good to him. And his heart breaks with the realization of how much of a lousy partner he’s been to you when all you ever were was nothing less than perfect.

So he places his hand on the back of your head and presses you even closer to his shoulder as you cry, his own eyes burning with tears at the sound of your sobs and sniffles. 

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, my darling,” he apologizes with a heavy heart, fearful of what’s about to come next. “I didn’t mean to neglect you this much. I could say that I’m tired and the work has been a lot lately, but I know these excuses are not enough to make up for my actions.”

You’re mad and hurt, but you love him and would never want to give up on him, so you wrap your arms around his middle and hold him almost as tight as he holds you, burying your wet face in his chest. 

“I love you more than anything, YN.” He pulls away from you only to cup your face and make you look at him. His long fingers wipe away the tears with gentle touch, soothing your stinging skin instantly. “You could never be too much for me. I want all of you. I promise I’ll do better. I’ll love you better.”

And when you’re looking up at him with these shiny eyes of yours, he closes the distance and presses a loving kiss to your swollen lips, hoping to take at least some of the pain away. He doesn’t think he can hold you any tighter. He can’t love you any stronger than right now, and it messes with his head how easily he could’ve had it all ruined only minutes ago. 

He’ll never take your love for granted ever again. Because if he did, he’d never be able to pick up the parts of whatever was left of him, and put himself back together ever again. 

You can feel his warm hand opening your closed palm before he takes the ring you've been clutching so tightly and holds it in between his fingers. 

“Can I put it back on, baby? Please.”

You nod wordlessly while you try to tame your tears. You hold your slightly trembling hand up to him. He takes it, gently, and watches as your bottom lip wobbles while he slides the ring on your finger just like he did months ago. 

“I'll never screw up like that again. You have my word for it.”

You sniffle quietly when he kisses you right on the cool band adorning your skin. “You better not, Park Sunghoon.”

His long fingers caress your cheek, wiping the remains of the tears away. “Can you forgive me, darling?”

You don't need to think long of an answer. “You know I can never stay mad at you. Even if you're a idiot, I'll never stop loving you. You have my whole heart, Hoon. Please, don't ever make me regret trusting you with it.”

permanent taglist + taglist: @bambisgirl @arizejkt19 @luvmura @milisabunny @cathy-1997 @satoruskitchenrag @ramenoil @jenjnk @jaylaxies @yoongspi @nichoswag @s00buwu @dazzlingligth @goreconsumer @i4kt @heehoonsnemo @seongslutt @seongclb @iamnotalicia

© heeliopheelia 2024 // ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. DO NOT copy, translate or repost any of my works on any other social platforms.

#enhypen x reader #enhypen #enhypen imagines #enhypen angst #enhypen fluff #heeseung imagines #heeseung x reader #lee heeseung x reader #lee heeseung imagines #park jay x reader #park jay imagines #enhypen jay imagines #jay x reader #sim jake x reader #jake x reader #sim jake imagines #jake imagines #park sunghoon x reader #sunghoon x reader #park sunghoon imagines #sunghoon imagines

[chaconnenha]

⌇ WANNA BE A WINNER 𓄹

❪ ꕤ ❫───엔하이픈 𝗐𝗁𝖾𝗇 𝗒𝗈𝗎 𝗉𝗅𝖺𝗒 𝗁𝖺𝗋𝖽 𝗍𝗈 𝗀𝖾𝗍

OR. he is used to you chasing after him . . . so what happens when the tables are turned ? && crush!en- x f!reader % hc format ( jealousy, pet names, mention of food, kissing )

𝐇𝐄𝐄𝐒𝐄𝐔𝐍𝐆 doesn't think twice when he sees you on the bleachers at his basketball game, because he's gotten so used to seeing you there, cheering him on whenever he scores and waving enthusiastically when he looks your way... only to find himself doing a double take when he notices you talking to the members of the opposition's team. stands there for a while with a tilted head as he wonders why it is you're giggling and twirling your hair, batting your eyelashes at whatever it was the guy was saying. and he really shouldn't have been so annoyed, seeing as you're free to talk to whoever you like... but for some reason, he finds himself purposely missing a shot and causing the ball to roll over to where you and your friends are sitting, just so he has an excuse to walk over there after your pick up the ball, before kissing you on the cheek as he takes ball back. "thanks, baby," he says, before walking away again.... but of course, not without one last cocky smirk to the other guy when he sees your flustered expression, and a promise to ask you out properly after he wins this game.

more under the cut !

𝐉𝐀𝐘, who has gotten used to seeing snacks on his desk along with little notes whenever he wakes up from his nap, feels like he's been thrown into an alternate universe when he looks up one day to find that his desk his completely empty. looks around, and asks his deskmate if you came by today, only for them to shake their head and say that they haven't seen you all day. doesn't think too much about it at first, thinking that you may be busy... only to notice that it continues a few days straight. decides to walk to your class one day, completely forgoing his usual nap, just to see if you're okay, because as much as he wouldn't admit it, anyone could tell he was worried about you. so imagine his surprise when he walks up behind you while you're talking to your friends, just to learn you've been doing it on purpose to make him miss you. crosses his arms and leans down to your ear with a smirk, causing your heart to fly out of your chest when you realise he was there all along. "okay, you win." because he really did miss you... maybe even more than you had planned.

𝐉𝐀𝐊𝐄 probably takes a while to figure out that you're avoiding him, but only because he genuinely believes you when you say you're busy when he asks why you can't make it to his soccer game. he knows that you have a life outside of school, so he can't feel upset... but everyone (his teammates, his friends, his coach, his neighbour, his dog...) notices that he is walking around the field like a depressed puppy whose owner doesn't want to play with him, and it's all because you're not in your usual seat, cheering him on while wearing his number like you usually do. and it makes him realise just how much you were becoming his lucky charm, just as you had boldly proclaimed you would be. and so that's how he finds himself waiting for you after you're finished your classes for the day, before wrapping his arms around you in a hug, not caring about the wolf whistles and the cheers coming from all the students and teachers who stood watching around you, or the way you stuttered his name in protest because of how he was acting in public... all he could think about was how he was a fool for not making you his to begin with.

𝐒𝐔𝐍𝐆𝐇𝐎𝐎𝐍 can't remember when you haven't been next to him. from the first day of school, you were the one beside him, helping him in class whenever he had to catch up on work that he missed because of his figure skating career, saving him a seat on the bus because you knew he would always end up being five minutes late out of class. so when he comes back from a week off from school, he is visibly taken aback when you walk in and take a seat at the front of the classroom, next to some other guy who he didn't even know existed until now. doesn't buy it for a second when his new seatmate explains that you had to switch because you had trouble seeing, and burns holes into the back of your head for the entire lesson, intensifying his glare when you and your new seatmate are a tad too close for comfort, heads bumping against each other as you whisper about the answers to the questions, like you used to do with sunghoon. can't seem to catch you alone for the rest of the day, so he waits for the end of the day, when you guys catch the bus together, and makes sure that he gets there before you do... so that when you try and sit next to someone else, he pulls you down in the seat he saved next to him, before leaning his head on your shoulder, his hand wrapped around your smaller one. "stay here, please..." because you’re the only one he wants beside him, and he wants to be the only one next to you.

𝐒𝐔𝐍𝐎𝐎 knows immediately that something isn't right when you don't ask for his help with your club projects. being in the photography club, you love to remind him how he is your favourite model, and you make it painfully obvious whenever you beg him to let you take his pictures. imagine his surprise and offense when you no longer seek him out first, but some other guy in a different class, who you keep positing pictures of on the school newsletter, where you used to post his pictures instead. he instantly makes a plan to win you back and become your favourite once again, even going as far as to rock up to school the next day with blonde hair that makes everyone stop and stare... except you, the person who is usually the first to jump on the train of people to praise him. he realises at that moment that this goes beyond just his pride; he genuinely just wants to be able to make you smile like before. so imagine your surprise when you open the newsletter for the next week, to find a candid photo of you looking at your camera, hair blowing in the wind and a smile on your face, with the caption "prettiest girl in our grade" followed by, "taken by kim sunoo".

𝐉𝐔𝐍𝐆𝐖𝐎𝐍 does not beat around the bush. so the first time you walk by him in the hallway without so much as uttering a "hi," he immediately knows he needs to confront you about it, because not a single day has passed in the time that you've known each other where you haven't jumped on him (figuratively, of course) whenever the chance arises so you can chat his ear off about something or other. and he doesn't like the feeling he gets seeing you give him the cold shoulder for reasons he has no idea about. so the next time you pass him by without saying anything, he's grabbing your wrist and tugging you down the hallway, ignoring the squeals from your friends as he pulls you into the janitor's closet. "why are you avoiding me?" he demands, frowning. but then the two of you are rendered blushing incoherent messes when you try to escape the room... only to trip on your own two feet and fall into his arms, your lips bumping against each other in the process. (but even though it's an accident, jungwon thinks that he really likes this feeling alot.)

𝐍𝐈-𝐊𝐈 is an absolute menace, and you are probably one of the only people in the world other than his mother that can put up with him. it really surprises people to see you follow him around, cooking him bentos and fixing his tie for him because he always fails at doing it himself, only to find out that you're not his girlfriend. ni-ki himself probably doesn't even realise how much you've been taking care of him until you stop showing your face around his classroom at lunch, and no longer nag him about his uniform or his hair being messy. instead, he's left to watch as you turn around whenever you see him, purposely changing paths so you don't bump into each other. no one is surprised when he jumps over a fence just so he can catch up to you after you try to run away after making eye contact with him for the hundredth time. you end up blurting your feelings for him before he can ask, and while you brace yourself for rejection, he's already kissing you like he hasn't seen you for months... and wondering why he never did it sooner.

© CHACONNENHA / dividers by v6que

#enhypen scenarios #enhypen fanfiction #enhypen fanfic #enhypen au #enhypen x reader #enhypen imagines #enhypen angst #enhypen fluff #heeseung x reader #lee heeseung x reader #park jongseong x reader #jay x reader #sim jaeyun x reader #jake x reader #park sunghoon x reader #sunghoon x reader #kim sunoo x reader #sunoo x reader #yang jungwon x reader #jungwon x reader #nishimura riki x reader #ni-ki x reader

[moon7jay]

ㄴ CHERRY🍒 ㄱ : Lee Heeseung

pairing : pervert!heeseung x virgin!reader

cheeries to pop this semester : Y/N (Heeseung's pick)

Warnings : toxic heeseung, manipulation, coercion, morally gray characters, dub con, infidelity, angst, filthy smut, masturbation, voyeurism, exhibitionism, body image issues, body shaming, family issues (it gets heavy), unprotected sex, cum eating, violence, dacryphilia.

Wc : 23k+

a/n : IT'S FINALLY HERE OMG, this is my first full length fic on here and I really put my all into it, please reblog and leave feedbacks, it's really really important for me, I cherish all of your words so much<3

!!!!!!! READ PREVIEW FIRST !!!!!!!!

You're quite literally the most stuck up thing Heeseung has ever laid his eyes on. It’s the way you stick out like a sore thumb; Your ponytail is meticulously braided, the grandma skirt that you chose to wear cascades down, stopping just beneath your knees in a habitual fashion and your pressed pink silk blouse is impeccably buttoned up to the collar, not one inch of extra skin in sight.

The book clutched tightly against your chest ties your entire look of “austere sophistication” together.

"Microprocessors", the title reads. Pfft. Typical of you. Only you can clutch onto such a demonic book like it is some quality literature. Heeseung nearly fights the urge to scoff.

You're peak virgin demonstration if Heeseung’s ever seen one. Your embodiment of purity is unparalleled, and it feels like a personal attack on his masculinity that he hasn't been able to get you under him yet. Keyword : yet. 

As he backs you up against the wall, your eyes downcast and your free hand nervously fiddling with the button of your blouse, he thinks you look pathetic. You exude an air of pitiful vulnerability, and it ignites a primal desire within him to consume you entirely.

You're nervous and it’s palpable. He can see it in the way you don't even meet his eyes, refusing to face him at all. The blush adorning the apple of your cheeks is adorable; fuck, you're cute. And Heeseung doesn't like cute things. But something about you makes you the exception to his usual preferences. Your innocence only provokes him more, acting as a catalyst, intensifying his desire to unleash all his darkest fantasies on your inexperienced body. He wants to explore you, peel off your layers and dive in deep like no one has ever done before. This need, this innate urge to taint you; it drives him absolutely feral.

"Did you watch the video I sent you last night?" he asks, unable to stop himself from leaning into your space, taking a deep whiff of your vanilla perfume. You even smell like a virgin. Fresh and untainted.  And, oh so tempting. 

Your head shakes meekly, but the discreet way you bite your lower lip tells him that you did watch it. Fuck yeah. He was high and horny when he recorded that nut video. Pressing send wasn’t on his agenda but his head was filled with the sinful thoughts of you and your pretty pink lips, and what better way to testify his desire to you than making you see how he looks in throes of pleasure, chanting your name like a literal dog in heat.

You yelp when his hand grabs your waist to pull you closer to himself. God, you feel good against him.

He nuzzles his nose into your warm cheek while your tiny fist makes contact with his chest "let-let go" you squeak out and it only makes him chuckle in amusement. You're so fucking cute. 

"you liked it baby? Bet you liked how I stroked my dick nice and slow, just for you" He watches in glee as the red in your cheeks spreads all the way down to your neck. He loves how responsive you are, loves how even the littlest of words make you falter in front of him, like a frail flower caught in a sudden gust of wind. Then you look up, and Heeseung feels his breath leaving his chest, as if the air has been vacuumed from his lungs .Your big, captivating eyes meet his dark ones and he can't help but let his perverse curiosity take over his sick mind. He wonders how your pretty orbs look when you cry. 

Scratch that. He wants to see you cry. 

What makes this thought more unsettling is that fact that Heeseung isn't apposed to seeing you cry in pain. As long he gets to see your eyes brimming with tears , he cannot give less of a fuck about their source. He'll fuck you missionary, Heeseung decides, staring deep into your eyes while he slides deep inside your tight little pussy. His cock chubs up at the thought alone. 

"you c-can''t send me stuff like that, it's inappropriate" you mumble shyly. He snickers and squeezes the fat of your waist, making another pathetic squeak to leave your mouth. 

"What can I do darling, there's not one appropriate thought in my head when it comes to you. wanna do so many inappropriate things to you, you’ll let me won’t you?" He whisper asks, and watches how your eyes struggle to maintain eye contact before you succumb to your shyness, choosing to look down instead.

 

"Heeseung, man, it’s time to go " Jake's panicked voice interrupts the filthy words he was about to mutter in your ears again. He turns his head slightly towards the entrance of the hall and sees Jake's brown mop of hair, rustling right outside. Heeseung sighs and turns back to face you. 

"Looks like we'll have to cut our fun short, you'll wait for my call tonight won't you baby? wanna hear your voice when I cum" He tells you, reveling in the way you only curl into yourself at his words, chewing your bottom lip raw. Fuck he wants to kiss the fuck out of you. But he can't. Not yet. Heeseung is aware of the boundaries he’s been crossing by touching you and sending you intimate stuff without your consent, and he doesn't want to push it, not so fast.He lets go of your body reluctantly and winks at you before making his way out of the hall. Jake's frantic eyes meet his once he's outside, and he rolls his eyes, already sensing an incoming lecture about morals and respect. 

"I'm never gonna be your guard dog again, it's risky fucking business" Jake spits,brows furrowed in distress. Heeseung merely shakes his head at him "you won't get it" he mumbles as he walks ahead, leaving Jake to run to catch up to him

"Yeah, I don't see the fun in being suspended, but hey, maybe that's just me" Jake replies sarcastically ,making Heeseung give him “the” look. "Dramatic much?" He asks, rounding the corner to the cafeteria and making his way inside. 

"I'm being dramatic? You're the one risking your reputation for some pussy, we can both be in jail for sexual harassment". Heeseung tunes out his friend's baseless rant and plops onto his designated seat. Jake slumps down right next to him. 

"Man I'm just saying, that if she ever decides to go to the dean about this, your messages will be proof enough to land you in big trouble" Jake explains. “and me too because you drag me into every unethical thing like the good friend that you are” he adds, sarcasm dripping from his tone, and Heeseung wonders when Jake fell victim to the sassy men apocalypse. 

But you won't, you love the chase as much as he does, he can see it in your eyes, Heeseung wants to say, but he doesn’t, choosing to stare at you instead. His eyes trace the movement of your figure when you enter the cafeteria sometime later. You're still hugging the book to your chest, making your way to the seat that's the farthest away from everyone else, as always. Your skirt makes his hands itch, he wants to know what lies underneath so fucking badly. He wonders if you know the effect that your modesty has on him, wonders if you know that your body being covered from head to toe gives more space for fantasy and yearning than any naked girl ever could.

"Stare any longer and your eyeballs might fall out of their sockets" Sunghoon’s berating voice brings his attention back to the table. He was so lost in you that he didn't notice sunghoon flopping down in the seat right across from him, shrugging his jacket off and throwing it unceremoniously on the table. 

"She's gonna be the death of me" Heeseung bemoans, running an exasperated hand over his face. Sunghoon laughs and kicks his leg under the table. 

"She already saw her name in that list that day, she knows what you want, and I don't think she'll let you anywhere near her anytime soon". Jake snorts, masking it with a cough when Heeseung shoots a glare in his direction.

He looks over at you again, finding the way you fiddle with your pen oddly erotic. He thinks he might be losing his goddamn mind, because the way he jerked off right after you angrily threw the “cherries to pop this semester” list on his face and stormed off , was shameful to say the least. That was the first time he had seen pure heat and raw emotion in your eyes, and damn you looked sexy as hell when you were angry. 

"She won't be a virgin by the end of this semester, write it down" Heeseung challenges, meeting Sunghoon's eyes. His friend only shrugs in response and turns around to look at you over his shoulder. 

"Sure, but by the looks of it, you won't be the one doing the honors" Jake snorts again , but Heeseung doesn't spare him a glance this time, his entire attention pivoted to the raven haired boy making his way over to your table. Heeseung doesn't like the way your eyes light up and you instantly sit up straighter in your seat, fixing your hair as if looking to impress. He scoffs. Loudly. Fucking park jongseong. 

"Does she really find that dweeb attractive?" He can't help but ask, jaw clenching when he sees you blushing, genuinely blushing and smiling at someone who's not him. 

"I dunno man, girls love that whole nerdy gentleman thing jay's got going on, some bullshit about being a green flag and all" Sunghoon supplies.

"They're friends too, lover boy's got game" Jake adds, smiling cheekily when Heeseung shoots him a dark look, yet again. 

◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇

You're in a trance like state when you walk back home. With the whole hall incident with Heeseung, and jay approaching you at lunch, today doesn’t seem real, as if belonging to a different reality altogether.

What you feel for Heeseung isn't something that you can describe in words. He.. He harasses you. He touches you and grabs you and gropes you, but within limits. His actions lie in a murky territory, perplexing the norms of acceptability, and yet, you only yearn more. does that make sense? Maybe it doesn't to normal people, but in your touch starved brain, it perfectly makes sense. Some days you hate him and some days you crave him, always oscillating between the extremes of loathing and longing. You suppose that's because he's been the only source of thrill amidst the barren landscape of your existence for a very long time. He excites you, he flusters you, but ignites flames beneath your breastbone with mere words. His gaze unnerves you and yet, you can't bring yourself to push him away. Some would call you crazy, and you won't have any convincing arguments to defend yourself.

You have been a little desperate all your life, desperate for someone to want you, desperate for someone to see you, a ceaseless yearning for recognition, for acknowledgement of your existence and you're not ashamed to admit it. After all, how far can you lie about the very thing etched into your bones and skin? And to what end?

More, more, more, the intense craving, an insatiable hunger for it defined your very being. You were an unattractive child and grew up into an even more unappealing adult , at least that's what your mother used to tell you before she eventually passed away. Her echoes of criticism resonated through your subconscious, shaping you as a mirror of her own insecurities.

That would explain why you can't meet your own eyes in the mirror, and crave attention like a drug, seeking solace in the fleeting attention Heeseung bestows upon you. He's akin to a drug that leaves you high and delusional for a while, intoxicating you with fleeting moments of desirability.

You aren't stupid though, you harbor no illusions regarding his intentions . You know what he wants from you, you are aware that you as a person don't mean a thing to him, he just wants to take your virginity and flaunt it around like a badge of peak male prowess or something, you're just another challenge to him, reduced to a mere conquest for his vanity. But you haven't felt like a person in so long, you don't think you are in any position to make demands.

When you've been parched long enough, when the thirst reaches fever pitch, threatening to push you over the verge of insanity; the yearning for satisfaction eclipses the rationality of self preservation. The moment of brief satiation held such a twisted appeal, that you were willing to embrace pain and self destruction if it came along with a fleeting sense of fulfillment. The need for validation clouds your judgement, and you become nothing but a mindless puppet of your desires.

That might also explain why your crush on park jongseong is still alive after being brutally rejected in the first semester. Jay and you had developed a friendship really quickly at the very beginning of college, but both of you had never really talked outside of the university hackathons and coding competitions. His knowledge was what drew you to him, and the way he was able to come up with solutions to the most complex problems while you were fighting for your life, it just left you with no choice but to watch him with heart eyes. He was always polite to you too, and what were you if not a sucker for gentle and soft spoken men. 

He stopped talking to you after you confessed though, not completely because you still had to work on projects together, but conversations became more one sided and short, and so eventually, you just grew apart.

But ever since you got grouped together for the Cp techathon, he has started acting different; there’s so many lingering touches and subtle flirty glances that sometimes you’re sure you’re imagining everything in your head. Maybe you should get checked out for maladaptive daydreaming. Just a suggestion.

You're pulled out of your thoughts when you reach the curb of your house and don't see your dad's car parked inside. You breathe out a sigh of relief at the sight and proceed to make your way to your neighbor’s house. Suzy, your 60 year old neighbor, might be the only good thing going on for you. As you ring her door bell, you can't help but feel excited at the prospect of seeing your brother after an entirety of 2 whole weeks. Pitter patter of slippers approaches the door , and Suzy's wrinkled face greets you with a warm smile, as if she was already expecting you. 

"Hi" you smile, and she motions behind her, at the loud chatter of your brother. 

"Jihoon has not stopped asking for you for a second" She says , and you can't help but laugh as you make your way inside. 

The four year old stops talking to his toys as soon as he sees you, his blue orbs staring at you for a whole minute in amazement, and then , as if snapping out of a trance, he sprints towards you at the speed of lightening. "Y/n! " he squeals.

You giggle when he tackles you with a hug, sighing in contentment at finally feeling him so close. You're hit with a sudden urge to cry, feeling his tiny arms wrap around your neck, being away from him never gets easy no matter how many times you have done it. You coo as he tells you how much he missed you, burying his tiny frame further into your chest. You press several kisses to his face and tell him you missed him just as much. 

"Will you be taking him home today?" Suzy asks, coming over to sit down on the couch in front of you. You caress the back of jihoon's head, rocking him back and forth in your embrace, and meet her eyes, nodding a little. "Dad won't be home for a few weeks, hopefully, his car isn't there" you tell her. She nods in understanding and pats your arm, letting you know with her eyes, that she'll be here if you need her. 

You're grateful for her, she's the only person you can entrust your little brother with when things start to get bad at home. On the days your dad decides to get shit faced and break everything in the house, succumbing to bouts of inebriation, you're grateful that you can keep jihoon away from the violence. You honestly don't know what you would do without Suzy, the only steadfast refuge from the chaos that is your life. In some way, you are aware that having jihoon over alleviates her loneliness too, fulfilling her own needs of companionship that she deeply craves in her old age.

 

Occasionally, you're hit with a wave of inevitable jealousy at jihoon’s sheltered innocence, wishing that someone had kept you away too; from the violence and the pain. But you guess you were meant to be the protector instead of the protected, healing your inner child every time you see jihoon smiling brighter than the sun. If you had to live through all the suffering again , just to preserve and shelter his infectious smile, you would do it in a heartbeat. 

Suzy hands you a box of home made food when you make your way outside. "I promise to be back for you in a few hours sweetie, you will behave right?" you coo at jihoon's snotty, red nose as he clings onto your leg, begging you to take him with you. You sigh and watch in helplessness as Suzy picks him up in her arms, shushing him down so you can leave. It never gets easier.

Returning home, you dodge the broken pieces of glass and frames, quickly get out of your college attire, throwing on a pair of worn out jeans and a discolored top. There's still an hour for you to be at your part time job , and so you start cleaning the house instead. You don't know why you bother, to be honest, but there's an innate need that craves normalcy. When the house is clean, that means everything is going to be okay. Cleaning serves as a ritual of order amidst chaos, offering a sense of control amidst uncertainty.

Your shift at the cafe ends in a daze, countless customers come in and go out, some rude, some decent but you have learnt to take everything in a stride now. First month you had started working this job, you were a crying mess after the end of almost every shift, your sensitive little heart unable to comprehend why people were so rude. However, just like everything else in your life, you adapted to the demands of the job pretty quickly. As you stare at the now almost deserted cafe, save for a handful of students engrossed in their laptops, you pray that no one else comes in. Fatigue weighs heavily upon you, you’re exhausted out of your mind and just want to get out of here as soon as you can. Yet, as the familiar chime of the entrance bell resounds, signaling the arrival of yet another customer, you resign yourself to another interaction.

Your head snaps towards the door and your jaw quite literally falls to the floor. For as long as you have worked here, you've never run into any of your classmates. However, today out of all days, when you look like the wall mart version of the walking dead, park fucking jongseong is here. Because of course he is, your life has to be a social experiment. 

You pull yourself together when you realize that he's smiling at you, and you aren't smiling back. "Hi" you squeak out, fairly sure that you sounded pathetic. He grins at your flustered state, and leans closer to you on the counter. 

"Hi" He whispers back, your heart beating faster at the look he's giving you. You stare at his perfectly parted raven hairs and mentally pass out when he fiddles with his lip ring. 

"Um-so- what can i get you?" You stutter out, finally coming to your senses and realizing that you have a job. His eyes travel down to your chest , and he leans further into your personal space, his expensive cologne filling up your senses. 

"I'll take you" He replies smoothly.

"I-, what-you huh" you splutter, not quite trusting your own ears. There's no way Jay is flirting with you right now. The crush that you've harbored for the boy blooms in full glory as he continues to smile at you, a suggestive glint in his eyes. His smile is so damn pretty.

 

"I'm kidding pretty girl, I just saw you from across the street and thought I'd say hi, and ask if you need a ride back home" He explains. Your lips tug into a shy smile at the nickname, and you peek outside to see his gray Volkswagen parked across the street. Oh wow, Jay thinks you're pretty AND he wants to give you a ride back home. Why does that sound so familiar? You’re pretty sure you saw this same scenario playing out in one of your lovesick dreams last week.

"Oh-um- i don't wanna cause you any trouble" you mumble , hoping that he doesn't see the way your back is ramrod straight all of a sudden. You never really prepared yourself for the possibility of him , or anyone for that matter, wanting to drop you at your house. You're not ashamed of your neighborhood or the life that you live, but you despise the looks of judgement and pity more. You have managed to maintain this facade of a properly put together person for so long in college, and it has saved you so much mental torture that you know would ensue once everyone gets to know about your humble abode, and how your scholarship is the only reason you’re able to afford your college. 

"come on sweetheart, would I really walk all the way across the street if I really didn't wanna see you?" He asks, fiddling with his lip ring again. If you didn't know any better, you would say he looks sort of nervous. But why would anyone be nervous of you. Of all people. 

You nod meekly and mumble a quick "my shift gets over in 5 minutes", trying to wrap your head around the fact that Jay wanted to see you. HE wanted to see YOU. Jay winks at you and makes his way outside. You follow him with your eyes as he crosses the street and goes back inside his car, waiting for you. 

HE'S WAITING FOR YOU. What on god’s green earth. 

Seeing that there's only one customer left, you hurriedly make your way to the ladies toilet and wash your face, trying to get rid of the tiredness and grime off of it. What if he kisses you? Your own delusion makes you laugh. You do have some nerve at coming up with such insane scenarios in your head. He's just being nice, and here you are, hearing wedding bells. 

You reapply your lip balm and take off the apron you were adorning over your tee. You look okay. Well. There's not much you can do in the current situation anyway. You do hope that he overlooks how unkempt you look compared to your college appearance. Should you untie your hairs? But, wouldn't that be too much? He just saw you with a ponytail... fuck it, it's like a once in a lifetime opportunity anyway. You untie your hairs and let them fall in cascades over your shoulders. This is better.

 

You clean up behind you and inform the remaining customer that it's closing time. Handing the keys to Ralph, the security guard, you quickly run across the street, not wanting to make him wait any longer. Jay opens the car door for you from the inside even before you can reach it.

 

"Hop in" He says, a grin in his voice and he doesn't have to ask you twice.

 

This might be the most expensive car you've ever had the opportunity to sit in. The leather is soft against your skin, and it smells of fresh citrus. Even his car smells good. 

"So, Where to darling?" He asks, running his eyes all over you. You feel a little self conscious under his gaze but manage to utter your address nonetheless.

The entire ride is mostly silent with little conversation that he makes, asking you for directions. It isn't awkward, and you're so grateful for that. 

"Is this it?" He asks, stopping his car in front of the building whose name you blurted instead of your real address. 

You nod and thank him, ready to get out of the car when he grabs your wrist, pulling you into him. The middle console digs into your stomach but you honestly couldn't care less with the way his hot breath falls on your face. 

Your cheeks are warm and you are sure that you represent a tomato with the way the heat only increases when he tucks your hairs behind your ear with his other hand. 

And oh god, he's leaning in, his eyes fixed onto your lips as he inches closer and closer and- 

As if on autopilot, You push him away. Your cheeks burn in embarrassment at how taken aback he looks by your sudden reaction. 

"I-im sorry i- i don't-

"I thought you liked me" He says in a hostile tone, and you can hear the annoyance in his voice, can see the indignation in his eyes. 

You can't believe you just pissed off your longtime crush because of your inability to be normal. How could you have fucked up so badly? 

"I-i do, I do like you" You mumble quickly, trying to hold your tears at bay when he scoffs at your words. The shame weighs heavy on your chest as he stares at you a bit longer before looking forward towards the road. 

"Goodnight y/n" He replies sharply, in the most coldest voice you have ever seen him use towards you. 

Your lips quiver as you wrack your brain for something to say but you don't think you can say anything to fix this now. You've made a fool of yourself and embarrassed Jay all because you can't be fucking normal about anything. 

He presses the horn aggressively, and you jump, mumbling apologies and scurrying out of his car hurriedly. Your ears burn in humiliation when he drives off without sparing a single glance towards you. 

Well done y/n. Your habit of being self sabotaging never really will go away. You cry all the way back to your house, not understanding the abrupt downturn of promising events. It was going so well. He was going to kiss you. You were so close to having your first kiss. 

You wipe your tears dry when you get close to your house. Jihoon is fast asleep in Suzy's arms when she hands him over to you. You thank her for her kindness and make your way to your house, cradling jihoon's sleeping form. When he cuddles into your neck, his innocent embrace evokes a flood of pent up tears; all that you've been pushing back today, comes flooding out. You can't help but wonder if you'll ever be able to sleep this carefree in someone's arms. If there's love meant for you,then you have never felt it once in your life, and you wonder if it's too late now.

You're crying when you tuck him tenderly into bed, crying when you leave a wet kiss on his forehead, caressing his soft cheeks. You're crying when you try to eat the food Suzy gave you in the afternoon, and you're crying when you rub off all the evidence of today from your body inside the shower. At one point, you aren’t even sure what you’re crying about.

Thankfully, when you come out of the shower, the tears have ceased. You embrace the numbness which spreads all over your body after a soul crushing sob session. It’s funny really, how quickly you seem to turn your emotions on and off like a flip switch, like they aren’t even real at all.

Once your emotions are out of the way, and jihoon is asleep, you can't help but relish in the feeling of your skin under your fingertips. You aren't particularly horny, you just want to feel better and sleep with an empty mind. Masturbation always seems to work.

 

You throw off your towel and crawl onto the bed, spreading your legs and rubbing small circles on your clit, trying to get yourself wet. You rub and rub, and whine when it starts to feel somewhat good. Still, it isn't good enough to get you soaked thoroughly, so that you can cum again and again to your heart's content.

You groan frustratedly and reach for your phone, feeling extremely ashamed when your finger hovers over heeseung's chats. Your pussy tingles in excitement when you read his lewd words, attached to the video he sent you yesterday. 

"Gonna fuck you so good if you give me a chance baby, look how hard you make this dick"

You bite your lower lip and press play, rubbing your thighs together at the wet sounds coming from the video. His dick is so thick and girthy, curving upwards in excitement. His fingers look so long wrapped around his cock, you can’t help but squeeze your thighs at the thought of feeling them inside of you.

The way he moves his palm, up and down, up and down, moaning and groaning your name in pleasure, it has you writhing in no time. You will never admit it to heeseung, but he's the only person you ever think of while touching yourself. He turns you on beyond belief. He turns you on in a way that feels wrong. Almost Taboo. 

You continue to rub your clit to the sight of him jerking off, hoping that you could see his face in the video too. You wonder what he looks like when he's feeling good. The thought alone is enough to have you dripping in no time. You throw your phone onto the bed, but before you can start fingering your leaking pussy, your phone rings, making you groan in annoyance. 

You reach beside your head to pick it up and almost drop it on your face when you see heeseung's name flashing on your screen.

Fuck. What the fuck.

When he told you in college that he was gonna call, you really didn't think he actually will. But the phone is ringing and your body lights up in excitement. Is he really going to jerk off on call? Is he really that perverse?

Curiosity gets the better of you, and you swipe right, chewing on your lower lip as you press the phone against your ear. 

"Hey baby, I didn't think you would pick up, missed me didn't ya? " His cocky voice blares through the speaker and you blush. How was he making you blush over the phone, get a fucking grip y/n.

He chuckles when you don't say anything, finding your silence cute. 

"At least say a hi for me baby, so I can know that I'm not about to jerk off for your dad" His words make you wince, why was he so vulgar? 

"Heeseung!" You whisper shout, trying to convey through your voice how scandalized you are.

 

"There she is, fuck pretty, you're gonna stay with me on call while I beat my meat for you yeah?" He grunts and you gasp, feeling violated by his language alone. 

You rub your thighs and fiddle with your pebbled nipples "c-can you not use such words? " you ask quietly, hoping that he doesn't pick up on the silent whine that leaves your mouth right after. 

You hear a little shuffling on the line and your face feels hot. So he really is getting ready to jerk off? What will he say if you tell him how wet you are for him right now?

Heeseung can't believe you haven't hung up on him yet. His dick getting harder and harder the more that he hears your cute fucking voice. 

"Nah baby, I'm a nasty motherfucker, you should know that. If you ever let me fuck your cunt, I'll show you what real nasty sex feels like" He says, groaning when he hears you whimper at his words. Fuck. Why the fuck are you so fucking cute. 

He hisses when he wraps his rough palm around his leaking prick, he hasn't even started jerking off yet and he's already leaking so much precum.

Heeseung doesn't like cute things, but fuck does he want to fuck into one, wants to pound your cute little pussy while you make those cute little sounds for him. 

His ears perk up when he hears the wet squelching sounds coming through the speaker. Fuck. Fuck are you--? 

"baby, are you touching yourself? I can hear your wet little cunt through the phone" He grunts, as if in pain.

The moan that you let out tells him all that he needs to know. And damn he's never been so fucking hard before. 

"fuck yeah baby, fuck yourself with your tiny little fingers, make yourself feel real good for me" He groans, stroking his cock at a rapid pace, unable to stop himself from going feral. This is the first time that you have given him the taste of what it really could be like if he was buried in your wet snatch. It's driving him batshit crazy. 

"H-heeseung" you mewl, making him fuck into his fist faster. God, you sound so sexy. The heat spreads all over his body, making him feel so damn good that he starts bucking up his hips into his hands. 

"Y-yeah? Feels so good yeah , baby? Fuck, I wish It was my cock buried in you right now, I would pound you all fucking night -ugh fuckk" he grunts, panting as he feels the knot in his stomach tighten. He wants to cum so bad. 

Your whines reach a fever pitch and the intensity of the wet squelch increases. God, the filthy sounds of your wetness as you play with your pussy, make his tongue loll out of his mouth. He needs to bury his face in your juices before he dies.

"g-gonna c-um im-ah" you moan, whining and panting as your orgasm gets closer.

Heeseung curses under his breath and jerks off furiously, squeezing his engorged dick head and hissing in pure pleasure. 

"Oh yeah, cum all over my fucking cock baby, make a fucking mess, I'm gonna give you my cum too" He moans, thrusting up into his fist, again and again and again, chasing his high desperately. His palm is a wet, sticky mess of precum while he strokes his shaft to your whiny voice. You make him so fucking horny, the brutal way he's fisting his dick is a testament to that. 

A loud moan on your end makes him cuss, his own eyes rolling back as he hears you cumming. So fucking cute, god you sound heavenly. His hips buck up into his fist a few more times before he's spurting thick strings of his cum all over his chest and palm. He plants his feet onto the bed, and thrusts up into his fist over and over to drain himself of all that he has to give.

Fucking hell, that was probably the best jerk off session of his life. Before he can tell you that, however, you hang up on him. 

Heeseung chuckles in exhaustion and doesn't even bother cleaning his body, laying on the bed in pure sexual satiation. 

You're so cute. 

The events of yesterday hit you hard in the morning. Your eyes are swollen and red because of the crying session you had after masturbation. When the high of the orgasm wore off, everything else came back and it hurt like a bitch. 

You can't believe you let heeseung talk you through your orgasm, you can't believe that he made you cum without touching you, and what you can't believe the most is how much you liked it. 

Your mind drifts off to Jay, and a sudden shame fills you up again. No matter how hard you try, you're unable to forget the look of disappointment on his face, looking at you with so much annoyance etched onto the creases of his face, it almost reminded you of your mother.

Your gaze goes to the clock and you can't help but heave yourself out of the bed. As much as you'd like to stay and rot in extreme self pity, you don't have the option. Jihoon will be up soon, and you have a limited one hour stretch to make his lunch and get ready for college. You're not ready for the walk of shame to college, but being an academic weapon is your only achievement in life. You wonder what you would be if they take that away from you. Have you ever done anything else? Gone out, made friends? Got drunk at parties, had sleepovers? You haven't, you realize with a throbbing pain at the back of your head. It never was an option for you. 

You take a shower and fix a quick breakfast for your brother and yourself, getting ready in your prim and proper attire, reverting back to your put together front. 

Waking up jihoon is a work of lost art that you've mastered over the years, and so it's easy work. What isn't easy, however, is to convince him to let you go. 

"Why can't you stayy" He whines, tears already filling up his big, brown eyes as he clings to your leg like always. 

You kneel down to come face to face with him and quickly wipe his tears away "I'm going to bring back chocolates, you like them right?" you ask, cooing when he nods, his brows still furrowed in defiance. 

"Then someone will have to go and bring them right? so be a good boy and let y/n go" 

His little brows furrow further and he shakes his head again "suzy can go" He declares, and you can't help but be endeared. All the time that you stay away from him, you'd started to believe that he'll develop more of an attachment with suzy and eventually forget you. But these little things, these are the things that keep you going. 

You plant a big kiss on his puffy cheeks and he's back to grinning in no time, giggling as you tackle him in your arms. 

"Just a few more hours baby, I'll be back and we'll play together, I promise" you assure the little boy and his eyes shine at your words, "swings! at the park!" He exclaims, as if remembering the most important treasure of his life. You nuzzle his nose with your own and intertwine your pinky with his tiny one in a promise. It's so easy to make him happy, your perfect little baby. 

You pepper jihoon with a few more kisses before dropping him off at Suzy's.

Your heart tugs when he starts to cry for you again, but this is your life, you suppose. 

You keep your head down the entire way to class, lest you run into Jay and embarrass yourself again. Luckily for you, Jay isn't in his designated seat in the automata class, and you can’t help but breath a sigh of relief.

The relief is tremendously short lived tho, because Lee Heeseung is sprawled on the seat right next to yours in his full glory. 

Your cheeks turn red when your eyes meet his cocky ones. He smirks and raises a suggestive brow when you don't make a move to come any closer. 

"Do you plan to stand for the entirety of this two hour lecture baby?" He asks, suckling on the pop sickle that he always seems to have somehow. You quickly scan the seats around you, deciding fuck it, and plop onto jay's seat instead. There's no way you will be able to spend two whole hours under Heeseung's lecherous gaze. After last night, you have no idea how to face him. Even on normal days he leaves you extremely flustered and a clumsy mess. 

You can feel his gaze burning holes at the back of your head for the entire duration of the lecture. Sometime in the middle of the lesson, a crumpled paper hits the back of your head. You turn around, shooting heeseung an annoyed look. At least you try to look annoyed. The blush is still prominent on your cheekbones so you can only imagine what you look like to him. 

He motions his head towards the ball of paper lying near your feet. As much as you want to ignore his shenanigans and focus on the lecture, curiosity always gets the best of you. 

You unfold it quickly, tucking it inside your book so that nobody else can catch the words scribbled on it. 

"Wait for me in the janitor's closet"  

You shoot a defying look towards heeseung and crumple the paper back to land it near his jordans. It's equivalent to you saying "I won't" 

Heeseung only grins at you, shooting a wink in your direction, as if to reply

"I know you will"

He has some audacity, you think, as you make your way to the janitor's closet after class. A slave to your desires, you suppose.

A part of you is nervous and ashamed when his 6 feet tall figure enters the limited space of the closet, caging you against the wall. However, the other part of you, the desperate part of you , preens in the attention, almost feeling a sick pride in the fact that you made him cum too. And maybe even harder, if the way he was moaning last night was anything to go by.

 

His large hands circle your waist , and your breath hitches in your throat when he pulls you closer to himself, his nose touching yours while his hot breaths warm your mouth. 

"have sex with me" He says, leaving you speechless, yet again. It's not that he hasn't said those exact same words and even worse things to you before. It's the bluntness that never fails to take you by surprise. 

You shake your head, trying to push yourself out of his grasp. He's stubborn tho, and so damn strong, his hold like an iron grip around your body. 

"Cmon- he groans in frustration- you can have sex with me on the phone but not in person, how is that fucking fair? "

You whimper when he squeezes the fat of your waist harshly, as if branding your body in his hold. You aren't used to being touched so wantonly, and it makes a sick shiver run down the length of your spine.

"W-we did not have s-sex" you splutter, staring right back into his orbs. His heavy lidded eyes travel down to your lips and he leans in, making you gasp loudly when his pink tongue comes out to taste your lower lip, licking it tentatively. Almost experimental in how he runs it all over your lower plump lip. He pulls away before he can steal your first kiss, and you'd be lying if you said you didn't feel somewhat disappointed. 

"Yes we did have sex. Your tight little pussy came for my fucking cock while you were moaning my name" He supplies cockily, his words sending a wave of heat rushing down between your legs. 

He buries his nose in the crook of your neck and presses his body flush into yours, grinding the proof of his desire against your leg.

"Look what you do to me, fuck baby, if you won't let me fuck your cunt, at least take responsibility for your own actions" He grunts into your skin and you can't help the pathetic moan that leaves your mouth. 

"H-how" you ask, feeling yourself getting wetter the more that he humps your leg. 

Heeseung doesn't reply to you, instead, takes your hand that's clutching his shoulder and presses it against his hard on instead. 

"fuck yeahhh" He hisses, apparently craving your touch like a drug. 

you're sure your face can't get any redder than this. If it wasn't for his tight hold on your body, your knees would have buckled and given up a while ago. The feeling of a dick underneath your palm is foreign but so arousing, the fact that you did this to him. He’s hard for You. 

"Come on baby, squeeze it like you mean it, make me feel fucking good" He hisses, groaning into your neck when you squeeze him softly. The hardness in his jeans seems to get thicker and thicker, it fascinates you. 

He ruts his hips into your palm, desperately,trying to chase the delicious friction while he pants into your soft flesh.

"Fuck, it's not enough" He curses, pulling back from you to unbuckle himself.

You bite into your lower lip in arousal and squeeze your thighs to alleviate some of the pressure you feel between your legs. 

He looks up into your eyes, licking on his lips as he plays with the band of his boxer briefs. He watches in amusement, the way that your eyes can't seem to focus on one single thing, jumping from here to there, so nervous,so pretty and . God, you're cute. 

He takes your hand in his own again and slips it inside his boxers, covering your palm with his own while he uses your soft hand to jerk himself off. 

The hot and heavy feel of his leaking length has you whining. That only makes him chuckle and groan. "Mhmmn baby that feels so good"

The wet and messy way in which he uses your palm to stroke his length up and down, it's addicting, your palm feels soft and his whole body shivers when he sees how desperately you're squirming, your eyes wide and glossy. He wants to fucking ruin you. 

He presses his body further into yours, taking your earlobe into his mouth, small whimpers falling from his mouth while his movements get faster. Your palm is slick with his precum, it should gross you out but everything is so hot and heavy in the small space. 

"Are you wet? Just from feeling my dick? Desperate little thing aren't you? " He muses. You shake your head meekly, averting your gaze from his sweaty face and looking down to observe the rapid movements of your combined hands inside his boxers. 

"M'not wet" you mewl, eliciting a mocking laugh from the boy. He trails his kisses down the tempting length of your neck, the touch so sensual, it leaves you gasping. 

"I can feel your pretty little body squirming against me you know, makes me wanna force my dick inside you, where will you run if I do? " he asks, biting your collarbone when the slide of his dick gets wetter and squelchier. 

His words, instead of scaring you, make an inexplicable heat to ignite your insides. You want him to, you can't believe how bad you want him to act on his desires because you know you don't have the courage to act on your own. 

"f-fuck, pretty, moan for me baby, wanna hear you when I cum" He sighs into your neck, nipping at your skin and planting kisses in between his moans.

Hearing his words make you keen and he curses under his breath. The hold of his palm is brutal, your hand hurts but God does it feel good to hear him so desperate and needy, whining so hotly in your ear.

"fuck I'm so close so -ugh god-" His voice fades into a delicious moan and you can feel yourself dripping, your juices running down the length your thighs. 

You don't hold back on your sounds, letting small whimpers leave your mouth when he digs his teeth into your skin again. 

"Why won't you let me fuck you baby, wanna be the first to get inside your virgin little pussy so bad" He pants, supporting himself with a hand planted beside your head on the wall while he continues to masturbate using your flesh. 

It's exhilarating, it's hot, and it's so scandalous. 

"H-heeseung! " You moan when he lathers the skin of your neck with his saliva, tasting your skin like his life depends on it. 

"Sh-shit" He stutters, the lewd way you cry out his name make his eyes roll back to the back of his head. You gasp when you feel his hot length twitching repeatedly, warm, thick liquid covering your entire palm along with his own. 

His hips stutter a few more times inside your hold before stilling, a large sigh of satisfaction leaving his lips.

"Fucking hell baby, you always make me cum so hard" He whispers, chuckling to himself. 

He pulls your hand out of his boxers and wipes his hand off on his jeans, while you watch in silence with face turning crimson. He dresses himself and winks at you before walking out of the closet, leaving you standing there with your palm covered in his sticky, gooey cum. 

You feel used, but at least you’re useful for something. 

To say that you are sick of yourself would be an understatement. You feel violated, but some sick part of you enjoys being desired so wantonly. It turns you on. Heeseung doesn't love you, scratch that, he doesn't even like you but here you are, letting him use your body like some mindless sex toy anytime he damn well pleases. You wonder what that says about you. Sure, he's a jerk, but what are you?

You're lost in thoughts, walking home when a loud honk makes you jump on the sidewalk. You turn towards the car honking at you and come to a halt, facing the very familiar Volkswagen. 

There’s no way.

"Come on sweetheart, get inside" Jay grins at you from the inside of his car. You blink at a him a couple of time to really make sure that he's here. After the complete fiasco last night, you really weren't expecting to hear from him so fast. Or at all for that matter.

Nonetheless, he is here, and he's asking you to get inside his car. With your eyes downcast, you crawl towards it and slip inside the passenger seat, playing with your fingers while you avoid looking at him at all costs. He doesn't start the car, but you can feel the weight of his gaze on the side of your face. 

"I'm sorry about last night" He begins, and you can't help but look up at him astonished. Why was he sorry? You were the one who royally fucked up. 

He smiles at you apologetically and reaches out a hand to caresses your cheek by the back of it. If you weren't mentally screaming, you're sure you would have said something, and assured him that he has nothing to be sorry about. 

"I just, I shouldn't have tried to kiss you so fast, at least not without taking you on a date first. it's just that we've been friends for so long, and we both like each other, so it just seemed like the right thing to do" He explains, remorse dripping from his tone. You start to node your head in support of his sentiments when his words click inside your brain. 

Wait. 

"Y-you like me?" You blurt, cheeks flaming when his gaze falls to your mouth and he traces your bottom lip with his thumb. 

"So much that i forgot how to behave" He mutters in a trance, all his attention focused on fiddling with your plump and fleshy lower lip.

 

You blush at his words and avert your gaze back down to your lap, and he pulls his hand back. You want to whine at the loss of contact, enjoying too much being caressed so softly. When was the last time you were touched so gently?

"Before I try to kiss you again, because I will, you're too pretty to resist- he chuckles, and you try to bite back the smile that's threatening to break free on your face- would you like to go on an aquarium date with me? A little birdy told me that is your dream date" He grins at you, wiggling his eyebrows when you look into his kind eyes, and you let your giggles take over your body. The fact that he remembers your random rant from months ago shoots a giddy feeling through your heart. It feels good being remembered. 

"How about tomorrow? Skip college and let me take you out? " He suggests and you nod rapidly, almost detaching your neck from its socket. Jay only laughs at you endearingly, and it makes you blush even more. 

He drops you off at the same building as last night again, and both of you are grinning from ear to ear when he drives off. You're sure you catch a few stray looks from the passerbys when they see you beaming and giggling like an idiot as you walk back home with an obvious skip in your step. It’s ridiculous, really, but it feels good to have something to look forward to in a very long time.

You sigh loudly when you remember the promise you made to jihoon this morning. You're mentally calculating the time you have prior to when you need to be at the cafe, when Suzy's door opens before you can even knock on it, and out comes your little brother, bounding, and giggling in a high pitched scream.

You squat down to catch him in your arms before he can collide with your legs. 

"Looks like someone missed me" You giggle, hugging the little life close to your body, sighing upon inhaling the familiar scent of his baby powder. 

"Missed yew" He mumbles into your throat, his little hands wrapped around your neck, and you can’t help but coo at him in adoration. "Missed you too my baby, y/n loves you so much"

"He has been so excited the entire day, he wouldn't even eat until I told him you'll be mad if he didn't" Suzy tells you, coming out of her house with jihoon's water bottle in her hand. You laugh at her words, and pick your brother up in your arms while he continues to nuzzle into you. 

"I'll take him to the park for a bit, I have about an hour before my shift starts" You inform her and she nods at you, running her experienced warm eyes over your face.

 

"You look happy darling" She notes and you can't help the blush that dusts your cheeks at her words. She apparently notices , cooing at how shy you are all of a sudden.

"is it a boy y/n, yes or no?" She asks, a teasing lilt in her voice and you bite your lower lip, nodding in a giddy manner. 

"It is, I have a date tomorrow" you admit, unable to conceal the excitement in your voice. She gasps and pats your head "what a fortunate man he'll be to have someone as amazing as you darling" She whispers, pure emotion shining in her eyes.

 

You swallow the lump forming in your throat at her words, averting your gaze and mumbling a small thank you. No, you refuse to cry today, you had your fill of indulging in your emotions yesterday.

So, you push her words to the recess of your mind, where you securely encase them in a metaphorical box, stacking it up on a bunch of age old boxes. Emotions that you adamantly refused to confront and deal with, a stance that you still maintain.

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As you sit staring at your wardrobe, a sense of urgency washes over you and you come to two stark realizations. 

Firstly, you need to buy more clothes. The sparse collection of garments hanging before you testified to this necessity.

 

Secondly, and perhaps more pressing, was the acute awareness that none of what you have is remotely suitable for a date.

Jay is supposed to pick you up in a mere hour and you don't have anything to wear. Well, there's a blue halter neck dress that you wore for freshmen party in your first year, which you're sure doesn't fit you now. There's 3 silk pressed shirts which you alternate at your college, a handful of skirts and a scattering of sweaters. 

And that's it. 

You're about to cry when you feel a wave of panic rising within you. You’re o utterly unprepared for this moment.

As the crushing clarity threatens to overwhelm you, a pang of longing sweeps through you. You wish you had a girlfriend. It's not like you don't have friends, you talk to several people in school, be it for work or just casual chatting , but that's about it. Your relations with other people end as soon as you step out of your university building. Of course, you know that it's your own fault that you don't have anyone in your life, you never really put in the effort to keep up with someone, a casualty of your own reluctance to invest in deeper connections.

Whenever someone tries to delve deeper into your life, you just push back, and you push back hard. You are too consumed with your own life, you suppose. It's not that you have never had any friends either, you have had quite a lot, in fact, you even had a best friend in middle school. Time really changed you as a person though, its not to say that she didn't change either, time changes everyone, but your change had been tangible. You just let everyone go, choosing to stay in your own miserable bubble, blocking all attempts of reaching out or any support that you so desperately needed. Each flicker of friendship extinguished, each bond severed, bore the weight of your own self imposed isolation. You did this to yourself, you weren't a victim of circumstances no matter how much self pity you reserve for yourself. You were the architect of your own solitude, barricading yourself within the confines of your melancholic safety. You tell yourself that it’s better this way, that you don’t need anyone, but how long can you fool yourself?

The halter dress is the only option left for you it seems. 

The dress is not tight, but anyone looking at it can tell that it's not made to fit your body either. It's not revealing, but you can't call it modest either, at least by your standards, you don't think you've ever shown so much skin before. The blue one piece ends smack in the middle of your thighs, your chest is covered for the most part, and the long sleeves cover up your arms. If it's not for the unfamiliar sight of your bare legs, everything looks quite normal, you don't look hideous so that's a relief. 

You opt for leaving your hairs open, because last time you did that, Jay tried to kiss you. 

You wait for Jay at the entrance of your false residence. If he finds it odd that you're already outside, he doesn't comment on it, and you're grateful for that. 

"Wow" Jay says as soon as you enter his car “ you look so hot”, making your ears turn bright red. 

"T-thank you" you mumble, trying not to be bothered by how blatantly he is ogling at your exposed thighs, or how his eyes linger due to your dress riding upwards when you sit down. 

You both make casual conversation during the drive, and it's comfortable, the casual back and forth just like old friends. You can get used to this, you tell yourself.

The aquarium that he takes you to is bigger than your entire university building, so pretty and so enchanting, you almost lose track of time. Ever since you were little, you have dreamed of visiting one, you remember writing the same in one of your introductory papers in second semester, a paper that was discussed in class as well. How jay managed to remember that is beyond you tho. Throughout the date, he keeps you updated on every thing that you come across, and it feels good to have his attention completely focused on you. You almost combust when he takes you to a restaurant after the aquarium date, thoroughly flabbergasted because you've never been on a date before. 

The experience is something you will never forget, your first date, the thought makes you feel ecstatic, the wide smile on your face which refuses to go away is a testament to that. 

Turns out, your first kiss happens in the same night as well. As soon as Jay parks his car outside your trademark building, he's all over you. He doesn't ask you, he just leans over to you and smashes his lips against yours, tasting your hot mouth eagerly. You don't know what you're doing, your hands are placed awkwardly over his chest while you try to move your lips against his, mimicking his movements to the best of your ability. He doesn't seem bothered by your lack of skills tho, just diving into your mouth with his tongue, one hand cupping your face while with the other, he gropes your thighs. 

You push back your discomfort and revel in the feeling of his touch, gasping when he bites into your lower lip. He tastes like the wine you drank at the restaurant and you wonder if you taste the same to him. 

The kiss ends too soon for your liking, but, the feeling of his dark eyes and rough hands running all over the length of your body shamelessly, follows you back home. 

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You ignore heeseung's calls for the next few days, almost contemplating blocking his number once and for all, but for some reason, you can’t bring yourself to do it.

Your dates with Jay continue, and you do manage to buy yourself a new dress. You’re doing well for your first relationship, if you can even call it that.

Even though Jay does seem to love kissing you, never in a million did you ever think that you'd find yourself in such a compromising position. However, here you are, sitting on Jay's lap in the middle of class while he eats your face. Yes, he's actually devouring your mouth, tongue buried so deep into your throat that the feeling has you arching your body into him. 

What makes the experience more thrilling is the audience you have. Your classmates had collectively gasped when Jay pulled you onto his lap seemingly out of nowhere. But, it isn't them that you are worried about. It's the boy at the back of the class with a perfect scowl etched onto his handsome face as he watches you make out with someone that's not him. 

Heeseung looks livid and you wonder why. Is he upset because he thinks you aren't a virgin anymore? 

Jay lets you go with a smirk when the professor announces his presence, and you rush to your seat that's right in front of the scowling boy, in a daze. It's actually amazing how he ignores you the entire lecture, something that has never happened before. what's more unsettling is the fact that you are mildly disappointed by that. 

You want to ask him what he's upset about, but you aren't able to gather the courage to. As much as heeseung's a constant itch at the back of your head, you remind yourself that you're dating Jay now, so you can't be thinking about other men. 

You're dating Jay now. You're dating Jay. You're dating. 

None of those sentences sound real to you. 

However, the giddy feeling inside your chest dwindles as Jay gets more and more touchy throughout the entire day. You can't tell if it's normal to grope your chest just a few days after you had your first kiss, but you don't want to make him upset again. You don’t like seeing him angry. Besides, isn't this what you always wanted? Someone to want you, someone to love you? 

And haven't you let Heeseung do worse things to you anyway? Why haven't you ever felt such discomfort when Heeseung used your body to get himself off? . But the truth is, has Heeseung ever touched you this way? Sure he sends you inappropriate messages that are borderline harassment, sure he used your hand to jerk himself off once, sure he wants your virginity and he has made his intentions clear, but has he ever ventured beneath your clothes before? 

He has never groped your body before, not like Jay is doing. Now that you think about it, heeseung has never even kissed you before. Your mind makes countless comparisons between Heeseung and Jay, and you wonder why you do that to yourself. Were you really comparing the guy whose whole purpose of pursuing you was to pop your cherry and wear it like a symbol of achievement, to the boy that likes you and took you to your dream date? 

A gasp leaves your throat when jay grabs your ass, smacking it and making you yelp between harsh kisses. You're glad you're in his car and not outside, glad that people aren't there to witness you being touched like this.

"You're so pretty" He whispers in your ear, and so you latch onto his words and overlook his actions.

 

Now that you have someone who likes you back, do you really want to push him away? Do you want to let your useless self doubt and trust issues stop you from living your life yet again? No. 

Thus, you push your discomfort to the back of your mind when his hand travels under your skirt at one point. 

"It's normal y/n, don't make a fool of yourself" you chant in your head, trying to enjoy the feeling of being wanted. 

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“We never really talk.... There's so much we still don't know about each other" your voice is meek, feeling hesitant to say your thoughts out loud in case you end up upsetting jay; which you seem to be doing a lot, to be honest. 

The said boy groans from the seat in front of you where he's busy on his phone, completely facing away from you. 

"We know plenty" He quips, not even sparing you a glance, and you bite your lower lip to stop yourself from thinking too much about it. Maybe he just isn't in the mood today? But again, when is he ever in a mood? 

All you do is make out, and when things get heated, you always pull away. Then he gets agitated, and doesn't talk to you for days. It fucks with your head, but you go along, and even though you don't feel comfortable, you start letting him touch you more, and even though your body is taut with tension, he never seems to care. 

You want to tell him about your brother, want to share the little things you do together and the things that make you happy. You want to ask what his favorite color is.

However, the opportunity never seems to come. 

Your mind drifts off to heeseung, and the little notes he used to throw at the back of your head during last semester. 

"Do you like roses or lilies?"

"Do you sleep on your stomach or side? "

"Are you going to the town fair?"

You remember ignoring him back then, but now your heart constricts. Even if he was just trying to bother you, those questions were probably the only time someone had tried to get to know you. You don't know what it is about heeseung, but everybody just looks at you, he's the only one who has ever made you feel seen. Maybe in another universe you would push aside your shyness and answer those notes. Maybe in another universe you would throw some notes back at him, asking things that you wanna know. 

"I like tulips... But lilies are good too"

"I sleep on my back, sleeping in any other position makes me sore, I don't know why tho"

"I'm not going to the town fair, I have to stay home with my brother, he's really small"

But it's too late now, and you swallow down your words, squash the need to talk to someone, and resort to the heavy silence that is your life. 

Heeseung is about to fly off the handle. The sight of you in another man's arms shouldn't bother him this much and yet, it does. The fact that you're ignoring his calls and messages makes him feel slightly insane. It shouldn't be like this. You are just a bet. A pick. Just another name on the list. 

Then why the fuck is he this close to smashing jay's annoying face in. It isn't even about your virginity anymore, and that's what bothers him the most. 

He hates it, hates that he's so affected by you, but he should have seen it coming,to be honest. With the way he stays up late just to jerk off to your pretty face, no girl has ever drove him this close to insanity before. The lust he feels for you is blinding and all consuming. It burns him, the desire he feels for you scorches him from the inside. It unsettles him how badly you’ve managed to turn him into a slave to your big, doe eyes.

Therefore, when he catches you alone in the classroom after three whole weeks of you ignoring his presence, he just can't help himself. It’s unfair how fucking pretty you look standing near the white board, scribbling something down onto your notebook while trying to setup the projector for your presentation later.

The sound of the classroom door being shut makes you jump, but the reason makes cold dread run inside your chest. Heeseung looks like a predator as he advances on your figure, eyes dark in lust and the vein in his neck throbbing with anger. His hands itch with the desire to touch you, it's been way too long for his liking since he last felt you close. 

Before you can say anything or do anything, he's on you. The feeling of his lips against yours is electrifying,it feels like your entire body comes alive at the contact. His kiss is surprisingly slow and more bruising than you've ever been kissed before. His hands wrap around your waist and he pulls you closer to himself, tilting his head to trace your lower lip with his tongue, waiting for you to let him in. 

You should push him away but you don't. You can't. Your head is dizzy with a passion you've only ever felt with him, your arms wrapping around his neck as you push yourself closer to his firm body, opening your mouth and letting him tangle his tongue with yours. The moan that leaves your mouth at the feeling makes his slacks tighten, his dick hard and throbbing inside his trousers. 

You taste so fucking addicting, Heeseung doesn't wanna stop kissing and tasting your warm mouth. 

When he pulls away to breathe, you're both panting heavily, his forehead resting against yours, dark eyes staring into your soul. 

"I don't like when someone ignores me y/n" He growls, his voice sharp and hoarse from desire. The feeling of his hard on digging into your stomach makes you squirm. 

"I - I have a boyfriend, I shouldn't be talking to you" You manage to let out, biting back another moan when he grinds a bit into you. 

Heeseung feels hot rage flash across his chest at your words. 

"Oh yeah? He got his dick inside you yet?" He asks, his words making you blanch. How was he always so vulgar?

 

"That's, that's none of your business" You splutter, looking anywhere but his eyes. 

His hold tightens around your waist and he continues to grind his hard on against your soft flesh.

 

"I'll take that as a no, fuck, still a virgin aren't you baby?" he guesses.

You avoid looking at him and it only spurs him on further, his hold tightens around your body the more that you try to maintain some space.

"What a loser, if I was him, I would have buried myself into that tight little cunt of yours on the first night of our date" He whispers, and for some reason, his words excite you instead of disgusting you. A sick tingle runs down your spine and throbs between your legs.

"H-he's not like you" You quip, looking up into his eyes to get your point across "he doesn't want me for my body, he loves me for me"

Your words seem to make him angry, if the slight clench of his jaw is anything to go by. 

He stops moving against you and scoffs. 

"Loves you? What do you know about being loved y/n? " 

His tone is mocking, and eyes full of unfiltered rage, the words spoken with an intention to hurt. And hurt, they do. You wonder how he knows the exact place to strike to make pain ricochet so wildly inside your ribs. 

What do you know about being loved? Nothing, you suppose. How do you recognize love if you have never seen it before? or do you just accept everything that comes to you as love because you don't have any option to? do you just cling onto every act of kindness because of how much you want it to be love? 

What do you know about being loved indeed. 

Seeing your face fall makes heeseung regret his words almost instantly, the sight of your big eyes blinking up at him so solemnly makes his heart twist uncomfortably. What the fuck? 

Before he can apologize, however, your small hands slide down to push against his chest, and he lets you go. He doesn't stop you when you collect your assignment that you'd been working on when he barged in, your gaze downcast and shoulders slumped as if heavy from the weight of his words. 

The urge to pull you into his arms hits him as he watches you leave, but he's too much of a coward for that.

Because no matter how much he wants himself to believe it, 

You aren't just a name on the list, you never have been.

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The atmosphere feels different today. You took a day off from college just to spend time with Jay, and although it makes you feel guilty that you left jihoon with suzy for the entire day, you can't help but be selfish for once. 

All of this feels like a fever dream and you want to enjoy it before your alarm rings and you’re thrust back into the harsh reality once again.

Jay took you back to the aquarium, then you both went to the beach that his dad owned, and you were having so much fun that you just couldn't say no when he asked you to stay the night at his place. "No funny business" He assured. 

But that didn't last long. 

You whined into his mouth as his rough palms travelled beneath your silky sundress, sundress that he bought for you. "The yellow really suits your skin, wanna kiss you stupid" He had said, leaving you a flustered mess. 

"I'm gonna take this off baby" Jay whispers into your mouth, sitting back up and sliding your dress up your legs without waiting for your answer. 

You squirm in anxiety and embarrassment when he exposes your panties to his curious eyes. You want to cover yourself, you want to hide, but his firm hold on your waist keeps you down and under his mercy. 

He slides your dress further up your stomach and then it happens. Your worst nightmare comes true. His eye brows furrow and you watch in dread as his entire face shuts down. 

"Let's turn the lights off" He says, and you don't know what's worse, the way he eyes your body in distaste , or the way he pulls your dress down to cover you up. 

"Why? " You manage to ask, swallowing the lump forming in your throat. You know why, you just want to hear it. You want to hear him say it so that your illusion can shatter once and for all. 

Jay looks away and sighs, his jaw ticking in frustration "because that's how I like to have sex" He replies, his tone smooth, but you are anything but stupid. 

You sit up and bite on your wobbly lower lip, smoothing down your dress on your thighs with shaky hands.

 

"You don’t like what you saw" You whisper, barely audible, but he hears you alright. His nostrils flare as he finally turns to face you, looking angry and terrifying. 

"Do you have to be so damn difficult all the fucking time you stupid bitch? I'm trying not to be mean but you wanna hear how much your body's turning me off to your face? " He grits, hands coming down to grab your thighs and spreading your legs open. A sob escapes your lips at his words and you hit his chest to push him away

"I w-want to go home" You cry, sobbing more when he grunts in anger and slaps your face, pinning you down by your throat while he pushes you down onto your back, and straddles your thighs. 

"Wasted so much of my fucking time on you, and now you want to go home? Right when I'm this close to being the first one who's gonna scratch your name off the list? "

Your heart stops at the implication of his words, pure disgust and terror runs through your veins.Your eyes fill up with more tears and you start using your full body strength, squirming and flailing, somehow managing to hit him in the shins with your knee. He howls in pain and rolls off of you , cussing you out.

"Fucking bitch" He growls, but you don't stay or look back, grabbing your phone and running as fast as you can. You hear his footsteps chasing you, but the adrenaline pushes you forward even though your vision is blurry with how much you're crying.

How you managed to open his house's main gate is beyond you, but once you are out in the open, the night air hitting your wet cheeks, that's when you come to a halt. You don't know how far or how long you ran, you don't see any people around, just luxurious houses standing tall, and it makes you sob more. You don't see Jay chasing you down the road so that calms your heart a little, but soon, the gravity of your situation sinks in. You almost got raped. 

The thought makes your knees wobble and you unceremoniously collapse onto the sidewalk, your back resting against a cold metal pole. Your hands shake and sobs wrack your entire body, feeling intense pain coursing through your bones. 

You were jay's pick too. How could you have been so blind to the signs? Him approaching you out of the blue, just a few weeks after the list got released . if you weren't blinded by your stupid feelings, you would have seen it as clear as day. He wanted your virginity. Just like Heeseung. 

He didn't like you as you had deluded yourself into thinking.

The disgust on his face when he saw the stretch marks littering the lining of your stomach, it was so palpable it made you flinch.

 

Was he going to fuck you just for the sake of winning the game? Is your virginity really all that? But who are you kidding, all this time, you have held onto your virginity so desperately because you know that it's the only thing that makes you desirable, doesn't it? It's the only reason Heeseung wants you, it's the only reason Jay pursued you, what even are you without your virginity? Once you lose it, you'll fade into the background again. 

No more delusions. Just plain, cruel reality. 

The hurt you feel is something that you brought upon yourself. Did you not know yourself? How could you ever, even for a second, expect someone to love this version of you? When even you can't look at your body without disgust, why did you expect Jay to? 

As your sobs quite down and turn into small sniffles, you dial Heeseung's number and let your phone ring. This is it, you think to yourself, heart oddly calm when he picks up on the second ring. 

"Hey sweetheart, this is the first time you have called me on y-

"Do you still want to fuck me? " You ask, your voice hoarse and monotonous. 

You hear a sudden clatter of something falling down on the other end of the line, like he dropped something, taken off guard by the suddenness of your question. 

"I-yeah-i mean what? are you okay baby? " He splutters, and your head throbs, you look around yourself and don't even recognize where you are.

 

"can you pick me up? I know it's late, but i think I'm lost, you can fuck me as payment, I'm still a virgin" You explain. And somehow, hearing you talk about yourself like a commodity rubs Heeseung the wrong way. What's going on with you? You don't even sound like the y/n he knows.

 

"Where are you baby? " He asks, and if you didn't know any better, you would say that he sounds concerned. 

"I don't know.. there's a beach nearby.... and the area looks expensive, but i can't tell what street-

"send me your location from the maps baby, I'll be right there, just stay where you are " He warns before hanging up. 

You want to smack your head against concrete, so much for being an academic weapon, why didn't you think about sharing your location before. 

You rub your bare arms to keep yourself warm. Apparently, the dress isn't as warm against the night cold as it seemed to be inside the warmth of the house. 

Somehow, this decision feels right. Heeseung has been the only person who has been honest about his intentions with you from the very beginning. Although it was the exact same thing that Jay wanted, but still, it feels right to let Heeseung take your virginity instead of anybody else. You want this miserable fallacy of want and desire to end. And for that, you are going to give away the only thing that makes you special. Sounds like a perfect plan to you. 

After what seems like an eternity, a blue Toyota stops right in front of you. 

You don't even glance at it twice, just staring blankly at your feet, until you hear the driver's door open, and shoes come into your line of vision. You don't even have a chance to look up before heeseung's gathering you into his arms

"Holy fuck you're freezing baby" He exclaims, picking up your numb body as you cling onto him for life, you can barely feel your legs. Heeseung lays you down in the back seat, and instantly turns the heater on. A cold shiver runs up your spine at the sudden temperature change, your eyes falling shut on their own, and everything around you fades into darkness. You want to sleep a very long sleep. 

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Heeseung looks at your body in his back seat, anxiety coiling in his stomach at the sight of you being curled up into a fetus position. Even as he drives, he can't concentrate on anything else, because he's pretty sure he saw a red mark on your left cheek, like someone hit you. Hard. 

He's hoping he's wrong, because the rage building up in his chest is inexplicable.

There's dry mascara tracks running down your cheeks so he figures that you must have been crying, and he can't help the sick jolt he feels in his cock at the thought. 

The yellow dress you're wearing is riding all the way upto your thighs, and Heeseung can feel his throat getting parched. So much skin. He's never seen you this exposed before. He wants to touch you, wants to run his palm over your smooth skin and kiss you till you're moaning into his mouth , and he wants to take you up on that offer you made on the phone, he wants to see for himself how pretty you look while crying. 

He curses himself for having such thoughts when you're clearly not okay, but Heeseung's no saint. He’s never claimed to be one either. 

He knows that if you asked him to take your virginity to his face, he will ravage you on the spot, it won't matter that you seem to be in pain. He'll make you forget everything and fill you with pure pleasure the entire night. 

He's not a man of morals, and he's never pretended to be one. 

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You wake up with a start, breathing heavily while your eyes adjust to the view around you. The unfamiliar soft sheets, the tasteful and expensive decor of the room, it all intimidated you somehow. You called heeseung, that's all that you remember, everything after that is a blur. Is this jay's room? Did he find you again? 

Your heart's beating really fast, threatening to give up on you as you look down and see yourself in a white linen shirt instead of the dress that you were wearing instead. What the fuck happened. 

You instinctively reach between your legs and it doesn't hurt, your panties are dry and intact. So, this isn't jay's house or clothes. The familiar cologne fills up your senses once you take a whiff of the shirt you're wearing, and it all makes sense. Heeseung. 

This is heeseung's house, and his room probably, definitely his shirt. Did he change you out of your dress? Was he as disgusted as jay when he saw the mess that you were underneath your clothes?

You look around yourself and sigh in relief at finding your phone on the bedside table, exhaling the breath that you didn't know you have been holding. 

Before you can reach for it tho, the door to the room opens. You pull the sheets closer to your chest when Heeseung peeks in. He seems a little taken aback at seeing you awake and sitting up , looking like he caught you in the middle of doing something. 

"Thank god you're up baby, thought you’d die on me" He grins, coming inside and closing the door behind him. Suddenly, the room feels small for just the two of you, your fingers wringing nervously when he takes a seat next to you, his hands coming up to cup your cheeks. 

You bite back a pained whimper at the pressure against your left cheek, Jay must have hit you really hard, the skin still sensitive and stinging at the slightest of touch. Heeseung seems to notice your discomfort and removes that hand instantly, choosing to caress the other side of your face instead. 

"I need to know that you're okay sweetheart" He says, urging you to speak. But you don't know what you're supposed to say, you aren't okay, obviously, but this is better than everything else so you suppose you are. You choose to nod instead. 

He hums and slides more closer to you, forcing you to look into his eyes, his face so close that if you leaned forward just a bit, your lips would collide. 

"Do you want to tell me what happened? Who did this to you?" He asks, and you are taken aback by the softness in his touch and words. But you'd be a fool if you fall for that again. 

Hence, you take hold of his free hand instead, watching how his eyes immediately fall to your tight grip, watching in rapt attention as you guide his hand under your shirt, and between your legs. Heeseung's eyes instantly darken when his hand comes into contact with your panty clad pussy, a few choice words leaving his mouth when you gasp at his touch. 

Fuck. He likes this bold version of you. 

His eyes meet yours, and hot arousal pools in his lower stomach at the way you're looking at him, eyes blown out in lust and desperation.

"It doesn't matter" You whisper, inching closer to his face, and planting a quick kiss to the corner of his mouth "just want you to fuck me and show me how good sex can feel" 

A deep grunt leaves his chest at your words, and the next thing you know, his hungry mouth is latched on yours, the force of his actions making you hit your back against the bed sheets while he mounts your body, his palm still cupping the centre of your legs. He kisses you like he's been deprived of you for so long. All thoughts of your well being leave his mind, focus locked onto the sinful words you just whispered into his ear. His tongue dives into your mouth and you give him free access, both of you exchanging spit messily. You mewl into his kiss, your body squirming pathetically when he starts rubbing your clit from above your panties, applying just the right amount of pleasure to leave you gasping. 

You're just about to thread your fingers in his silky strands when the familiar ringtone of your phone makes you jolt. He ignores the sound like he can't even hear it, tongue too busy sucking yours, the movement of his thumb getting faster and harder. 

You can't ignore the sound tho, there aren't many people who call you. So, when your phone rings for the second time, you know it's important. You push against his chest, and he pulls away, panting heavily while he stares at you, brows furrowed in confusion. 

You swallow the spit pooling in your mouth as you watch him gathering your saliva coating his lips and sucking it into his own. How does he make everything seem so hot and nasty?

"Sorry, i- i have to take that" you whisper, motioning towards your blaring phone. Heeseung grabs it from the nightstand and hands it over to you instantly "make it fast baby" He grunts, retreating his hand from between your legs and settling on groping the soft flesh of your thighs instead. 

You nod, and curse when you see Suzy's name. Fuck. Fuck. You never thought about informing her of your whereabouts. She must have been waiting for you. Jihoon must be waiting for you. With an apology on the top of your tongue, you swipe right.

"Hey suzy, I'm sorr-

"Y/n, your dad is back and you need to come back right now" Her terrified voice cuts you off. Panic takes hold of your spine, and you instinctively get out of the bed, standing up to calm down your heart. You can feel heeseung's inquisitive gaze on you, but you can't be bothered with keeping up appearances right now. 

"What do u mean? Why do u sound scared?" You ask her, tears gathering at your waterline, because as much as you want to stay calm, the terror grips hold of your heart. It’s never good when your dad is back.

There's some shuffling on the other side, and your heart drops when you recognize jihoon's sobs, and Suzy's coos trying to shush him down. 

"What's going on?!" you can't help but raise your voice, even though it quivers. 

"Listen y/n, I think he came back a few hours ago, but when he didn't find you at home he came banging on my door, asking me where you were. And he was drunk out of his mind, but he heard jihoon's voice and now he is not leaving. He keeps banging on the windows, and asking for his son, I don't know what to do. I kept calling you, and you didn't pick up. I'm going to call the police, but jihoon is not my child y/n, you have to come back right now" More shuffling, and a loud thudding sound cuts the call off, making your heart beat out of your chest. 

"Suzy??, suzy?!" No response. You look around in panic, meeting Heeseung's worried eyes. 

"Pants, can you lend me some pants please" you ask him, tears dripping down your face. You're panicking so hard right now, your fingers feel numb. Heeseung scrambles to his feet immediately, and noticing your shaking hands, he helps you inside them himself, folding them so they don’t restrict your movement. 

"Thank you, can you- you fret- can you please, please drop me to my house. I know I promised I'd let you fuck me but I really need-

His soft lips interrupt your rant while he kisses you tenderly and cups your face, wiping your tears with the pads of his thumbs "address, baby" 

And this time, you tell him your real one. 

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You keep dialing Suzy's number the entire ride home but she doesn't pick up. If Heeseung hears you quietly sobbing, he doesn't mention it. You guide him to your house, and are thankful for the distraction his fingers provide as he draws random patterns on your thigh with his free hand.

You don't believe in God, you never have, but somehow , in this moment, you pray to whatever power is out there, if there is any, to keep your brother safe. You don't care about anything else. Just keep your little love safe.

Heeseung doesn't make small talk, doesn't ask questions, and you find that so comforting, it makes you wanna sob your heart out in his car. 

The way he doesn’t look even slightly disgruntled by the state of your house or your neighborhood makes you want to tell him all about that you've been going through while he says nothing at all. It's been so long since someone listened to you, you know, just for the sake of listening, to take some burden off of your heavy heart. 

You don't question it when heeseung gets out of his car with you, letting him follow you to Suzy's house. You don't even trust heeseung like that, but knowing that he's right behind gives you a silent strength.

Your dad's slumped on the front porch, one baseball bat clutched in one hand, and rubbing his face with the other. To say that he disgusts you, would be an understatement. How could you have ever loved this man? You haven't seen your father in so long, he got lost behind the violent person with red raging eyes a very long time ago. This man in front of you isn't your dad. 

His bleary eyes fall on you, and he instantly stumbles onto his feet, pointing the bat at you. 

"Where have you been you little whore" He hisses, his red eyes looking at you in pure hatred. 

"What do you want dad?" You ask, fighting away any shakiness that manages to creeps into your words. Your heart is beating fast, you need to make sure that jihoon is safe, but the lack of noise from inside the house scares you. 

"Where's my money?" He demands gruffly, taking a few steps towards you. You don't stumble back like you usually do, trying to hold your ground. 

"There's no money dad, there's nothing for you here" You quip. Your words seem to anger him more, his nostrils flare, and he points the bat at the house "bring that little bitch out, I know you're hiding him inside, if you won't make me money, he will" He spits, and you can't believe your ears, hot tears dribble down your cheeks, blurring your vision of him.

 

"What the fuck is wrong with you?? Have you got no amount of shame left in you? "

A yelp resounds from your throat when your father grabs hold of your wrist all of a sudden, pulling you close, boring his threatening eyes into yours. You wince at the smell of alcohol on his breath. 

"The fuck did you just say to me you little slut- he twists your arm, making you cry out in pain, you try pulling yourself away but he only tightens his hold on your arm- do u want me to break your ribs like I did with your whore moth- it all happens so fast, the grip on your arm loosens, a scream rips through the air, your dad falls to the ground. And then there's silence. 

You stare in disbelief at the boy straddling over your dad's unconscious body, wiping his bloody knuckles on his jeans. He punches your dad's face twice more, then kicks him to roll him over while he stands back up. 

At that point he turns to you, and you start sobbing. Heeseung is about to open his mouth to apologize for punching your dad unconscious, panicking that he did something wrong when you're pulling him into you, smashing your lips against his, kissing him with all that you've got. 

Heeseung is taken aback, his eyes widening when your taste invades his mouth, but he recovers almost instantly and pulls you close to his body, kissing you back just as hard. The kiss is wet and salty because of how much you're crying, but he couldn't care less.

 

You're both breathing heavily when you pull apart, eyes widening when you hear Suzy's door click open. Jihoon! 

You leave Heeseung standing on the porch, running to suzy when she comes outside "jihoon?" you question, your voice out of breath. 

She glances at Heeseung, and then at your dad, before looking back at you.

"He fell asleep while crying, I think he got one of his seizures y/n, all the shouting really scared him" she explains, and you cup your mouth, more tears prick your eyes, feeling your heart break all over again. 

It's been years since your brother got his last seizure attack because of trauma triggers. You have managed to keep him away from all his triggers, except this time. All because you were selfish, and wanted to stay the night away. Your life has to be one long, never ending sick joke. 

"where's he?" you ask, your voice feeble, you're afraid you'll start screaming if you aren't careful. 

"In the spare bedroom, go, I'll take care of him" She says, motioning towards your dad. 

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The time span between carrying your brother home to tuck his sleeping figure inside his buzz Light year sheets, while suzy takes care of informing the police and calling the ambulance for your unconscious, and injured dad is a blur for you. 

Heeseung doesn't get in trouble because you vouch for the attack being in self defense, your dad's history of abuse and drinking helps your case. 

After all cars are gone, and you finally breathe a sigh of relief, you realize that Heeseung is still here. Your heart feels full when you look at his unruly appearance, and you don't want to admit the yearning you feel for him right at this moment. He's the first person besides suzy to witness the shit show that is your life, and you wonder why isn't gone yet. 

And then you remember. Right, your virginity. How can you forget. 

You find him leaning against your kitchen counter, hands in pocket as he waits for you. He looks so out of place standing in your small kitchen, the light bulb swinging above his head makes his skin glow, and you can't help but be attracted towards him like a moth drawn to the flame. His eyes find yours as soon as you round the corner to your kitchen, and they stay. This look is different.

He's looking at you like he's seeing you for the first time. 

You take tentative steps towards his figure, fiddling with the long sleeves of his shirt that you're wearing. You don't even get to open your mouth before he's pulling you closer to him, his one hand wrapping around your waist while he cups your cheek with the other, swallowing the gasp that escapes your lips at the sudden touch. 

He kisses you like you're the air that he breathes, his tongue dipping and tasting all crevices of your warm mouth. You fist the shirt on his chest, and tilt your head to deepen the kiss, whining into his famished mouth. 

The kiss is everything you've ever wanted. It's not rushed, but it's needy. The passion dripping from his lips renders you boneless, and you lean further into him. The exhaustion seeping inside your bones seems to get heavy with each languid stroke of his tongue, and you don't realize when the tears start falling down your cheeks. He doesn't pull back tho, just trails his kisses upto your face, swallowing your tears as he pulls you flush to his body, dissipating any ounce of space that was left between you two. 

When you pull apart, your mouths are connected by a string of saliva, hot pants escaping your chests. He rests his forehead against yours, and caresses your face by the back of his hand, cooing when you bite your lower lip to stop the tears from falling again. 

You're exhausted. You're dead tired and his touch seems to be your undoing, setting all your emotions free, the severity of all the events that happened in the last twelve hours hitting you all at once. 

"Let me fuck your pain away, baby" He whispers, and in that moment, you can't seem to resist falling into the familiar comfort of delusion. You know that once you let him fuck you, he'll lose interest, but you need it now. You want to bask in his affection and call it love. You want to experience feeling loved and wanted before it's inevitably snatched away from you. 

"fuck me" you whisper back, wrapping your arms around his shoulders when he groans and leans into your mouth again. Heeseung feels like a fucking jerk, but seeing you so helpless, and in dire need of his touch makes him delirious.

 

This is a new feeling. This desire to be needed by you.

He would not admit it to you, but he relishes in the fact that you're alone, and in so much pain. It makes it easier for him to show you how much you need him. He wants you to keep him, crave him like he does you. 

You gasp into his mouth when he hoists you up into his arms, your tiny figure melting into his touch. He loves it, loves how easy you are. 

He might be taking advantage of your pain and vulnerability, but he only wants you to want him just as badly as every bone in his body wants you. 

Your back hits the couch, and you stare up at him with wide eyes as he hovers over you, a lustful glint in them that drives him nuts. Your hands bunch up the shirt on his chest, and you pull him back into you again, not getting enough of his lips on yours. 

You love how dizzy his touches are making you, your body arching into him when he gropes your curves, his hands all over you.

"Wanna see you naked" He whispers, and your heart plummets into your stomach. A sinking feeling beginning to form a pit inside your chest. No, it can't be happening again. 

He must see the hesitance on your face, because he's caressing your cheek again, so softly and so gently, you almost mistake it for genuine care, but you know better. 

"What is it?" He asks, planting few pecks on your pouty and swollen lips. 

You twiddle with the button of his shirt, and avoid eye contact. 

"C-can we turn the lights off? looking at me might turn you off" you manage to mumble, the words burning your throat on their way out .However, you're done lying to yourself. 

Heeseung doesn't say anything, and you peek up to see his face. He is looking at you like you've grown two heads. It makes you feel self conscious, your ears burning in humiliation, feeling like you ruined the mood already. 

"You're beautiful" He blurts, eyes still fixed on you in disbelief, he can't fathom you thinking such a thing about yourself. Him? Getting turned off by you? He has not heard a more ridiculous thing in his life before.

Your eyes snap up to him at his words and you furrow your brows in irritation.

"You don't have to lie to get inside my pants I al-"

"I've jerked off to your face" He cuts you off. Your mouth splutters like a fish as you blink up at him, trying to process his words. 

He's still staring at you, eyes dark and deep.

"Jerked off just to your face. Not even your body. you're so beautiful I get hard by the mere thought of you" 

You don't know whether to laugh or cry. Only Heeseung can say such things and make them feel like a compliment. You can't help the giggle that escapes your lips, and you hide your face into your hands.

"God, you're unbelievable" you groan between your giggles, unknown to the fact that heeseung's currently losing his damn mind on top of you. In that moment he realises, that he's never made you laugh before. You have never looked up at him and giggled before. The sound shoots straight to his hardening cock and spreads a warm feeling inside of his chest. He can't believe how overwhelming this sudden emotion is, and he isn’t sure where this sudden influx of affection for you is coming from. However, there’s one thing heeseung’s sure about, and it’s the fact that he loves this sight more than he loves to see you crying. And that's saying a lot. 

He swallows thickly when you remove your hands from in front of your face, and smile up at him, chewing on your lower lip as the blush on your cheeks darkens

"This might be most romantic thing someone has ever said to me" you whisper, wrapping your arms around his neck again. 

Heeseung leans down to press soft kisses to your jaw, preventing you from seeing the softness in his eyes. He trails his kisses down towards your neck, loving the way your breath hitches. 

"Do you wanna hear the other romantic things I have to say about you?" He asks, mouthing at your collarbone, and you whine when he digs his teeth into your soft skin. 

"Y-yeah" you mewl, your body squirming as he squeezes your ass in one hand while he supports himself over you with the other. 

His hand travels inside your (his) shirt, touching your skin, caressing it. You bite on your lower lip, eyes fluttering when he reaches your bra covered breasts. Your nipples are already hard and pebbled, and you moan loudly when he pinches them. 

"fuck" He groans, your erotic sounds making him leak inside his jeans. 

He mouths hotly at the hollow of your neck, and squeezes your boobs harshly, making you cry out again. Fuck, he loves playing with your body like this. 

You tangle your fingers inside his hairs, your toes curling at the attention he's giving to your chest. 

Heeseung sits up to unbutton your shirt, manhandling your body to take it off of you in a lust driven frenzy. As soon as it’s off of your body, he instantly goes back to squeezing your soft flesh again, watching with dark eyes how your soft skin turns red in his hold.

"Ah-heeseung" you whimper, feeling exposed at how he greedily drinks in your uncovered skin. 

He unbuttons your (his) jeans, and slides them off of your legs in one go, discarding them on the floor. He bites his lower lip, his eyes running across your uncovered body, and he can feel how hard and heavy he is inside his jeans. He fights the urge to squeeze his junk when you bite on your finger, doe eyes staring up at him, your body squirming as he gropes you. 

You're so naively sexy, your innocence drives him batshit insane. 

"I almost jerked off to you while changing your clothes you know? you just looked too fucking sexy to resist" He grunts, his fingers running over your stretch marks. Before you have a chance to feel self conscious about the fact that he's seen your body before, or feel apprehensive about his touch on your stretch marks, he leans down to kiss them. You gasp when he runs his hot tongue over them, kissing and licking like he can't help it. He traces your panty line with the tip of his tongue, hands groping your thighs mercilessly.

He's so close to your pussy, and your face burns.

 

"H-heeseung" You squeak out, and the boy instantly climbs up your body to come face to face with you, pecking you softly as he hums. 

"I-i haven't shaved" you tell him shyly, your ears heating up in embarrassment. But you need to tell him now before he recoils in disgust later. 

What you don't expect is the way he chuckles, leaning down to nibble on your cheek while his hand cups your breast again, squeezing and groping. 

"you worry about the things that don't even cross my mind baby- he pecks your nose and stares into your eyes- you think I'll care about some hairs when your warm pussy is right there? that I'll be able to think about anything other than sucking and fucking when my dick's about to fall off?"

Your face is so hot you can feel the heat radiating off of you. Though his words are vulgar, and so obscene, they do placate your worries for a bit. 

Keyword : a bit.

You're still apprehensive about him being down there. What if you smell bad? and taste even worse? 

You gasp when he roughly pulls your boobs out of your bra cups, and takes one in his wet mouth. You tug on his hairs, and moan when he bites your nipple too harshly, the sensation making you arch your back into his mouth. 

You don't notice when his hand travels between your legs, but a deep whine falls from your lips when he runs a finger over your panty clad slit. 

"you're fucking dripping baby" He groans into your flesh that he still has in his mouth, sucking and biting both of your boobs till they sting. 

You try to close your thighs around his hand but he tsks in faux disappointment, and parts them again, trailing his kisses down towards your centre, leaving no portion of your skin unmarked. 

He kisses your pussy from above your panties, slurpimg your wetness through the sheer material, burying his nose into your slit.

"fuck baby, taste so good" he groans, rubbing his nose in your wetness, tracing the outline of your pussy with his mouth. You bite your finger, and squirm in his touch, feeling yourself dripping more. 

He trails his kisses down to your inner thighs, making you squeal when he digs his teeth into your sensitive flesh. He chuckles into your skin, and does the same to your other thigh. He seems to be enjoying this more than you are. He leaves more bites marks up your leg before burying his face between your legs again, making your thighs close around his head. 

The action makes something in him snap, and heeseung sits up on his hunches, stares straight into your eyes while he licks his lips for your juices, and starts sliding your panties down your smooth legs.

“want you in my mouth before we fuck”

Your breath hitches when his heavy lidded eyes snap down to your nakedness, and he closes his eyes to groan. 

"shit" He curses, parts your legs open, and dives straight between your legs, not even bothering to take off your panties all the way off as it hangs on your ankle obscenely. He sucks your sensitive clit into his mouth,and you moan so loudly it has you slapping your palm over your own. The overwhelming sensation makes your eyes roll back, only ever feeling your own fingers down there, it's a heady feeling to feel someone else.

 

You tangle your fingers in his hairs, tugging harshly when he slurps your wetness, parting your pussy open with his fingers,and thrusting his tongue inside your virgin hole,running it all over your vulva like a starved man.

 

You thrash in his hold, a shiver running down your spine when his nose bumps your clit, and he starts applying pressure, rubbing it back and forth. The obscene squelch that you can hear from between your legs has your face burning, you can't believe how wet you are. You aren't ready for the sudden feeling of his finger sliding inside your pussy, and you scream. Heeseung looks up at you from between your legs, and increases his movement, eyes dark as they watch you lose yourself to pleasure. 

"How does that feel? " He asks, voice so deep it makes your pussy throb. 

You moan, and nod your head rapidly "s-so good" you whimper when he dives down to suck on your clit again. The combined feeling of his fingers and mouth pushes you closer to your orgasm. 

"Yeah baby? Your pussy's so tight, can't wait to get in there, wanna feel good too" He groans, thrusting a second finger inside your warm cavity, and probing inside your gummy walls in come hither motion that makes you mewl. 

"So wet" He mumbles, licking into your pussy again. And God do you taste addicting, heeseung can spend the whole day buried in between your legs if you would give him a chance. The way your walls flutter around his fingers has him leaking copious amount of precum in his jeans, and he has never been so turned on before. 

"pleasee" You moan, and he's crawling up to you again, his lips capturing yours and you can taste yourself on his tongue. He fucks you with his fingers rapidly, lust filled eyes watching in rapt attention at how your eyes flutter shut, and your body arches into him, so ready to getting lost in pleasure. 

He curses under his breath as he watches how you grind your hips on his fingers, trying to chase the pleasure they’re giving you

"yeah? Gonna cum and make a mess baby? " He asks into your mouth, swallowing your moan, and licking the drool escaping your lips. 

You nod your head and dig your nails into his neck, holding onto him for your life. Heeseung ruts his hard on against your thigh as he watches you come undone on his fingers alone, moaning his name unintelligibly. Watching you cum is the hottest thing he’s ever seen, he decides.

"Cum on me, make yourself feel good" he sighs, the pleasure filled expression on your face has him close to cumming untouched. You gyrate your hips while his fingers get covered in your juices, drenching his palm as he helps you ride out your orgasm. You sigh out in relief, coming down from your high, your hold loosens on his neck and you squirm while you watch him sucking his fingers, tasting your juices. It's so hot, you don't even realize when you lean in. His lips meet yours and you moan upon tasting your cum, sucking on his tongue like he sucks yours. 

"Made you feel so good yeah?" He asks, his voice hoarse in desire, and you nod, pushing yourself into him again. He wraps his arms around your body, and unhooks your bra, finally taking it off of your body, and discarding it somewhere. 

"My turn" He grunts. 

You rub your thighs together while he unbuckles his belt, ogling your naked body like a pervert. Your eyes widen when he pulls his boxers down unceremoniously, just enough to let his dick flop out. 

It's bigger in person,even bigger than you remember while touching him and you whine. There's no way that can fit inside you. His eyes darken as he strokes his cock, fisting it to the sight of your naked body lying so helplessly, ready for the taking. And God does he want to take you. 

If you weren't a virgin, he would have been pounding your hole by now, but as much as he's impatient, he wants to make this experience good for you too.

You're sucking on your finger again, your eyes fixed on how he moves his palm up and down his shaft, the real life version makes you drip more than the video he sent did. 

Heeseung hovers over your body again, and grabs your hand, pulling out your finger from your mouth. "No hiding your sounds from me, wanna hear you loud and clear while I fuck you stupid" He growls, and you squirm under his gaze. 

You yelp when you feel him running his dickhead against your slick pussy, wetting it in your juices for a smooth slide. You dig your nails into his shoulders, staring up at him with your big doe eyes as you utter the words which make Heeseung finally snap.

"p-please don't make it hurt" your voice is the sweetest thing he's ever heard, and God, does he want to hurt you. He wants to roughly push himself inside till there's nothing but tears of pain and pleasure running down your pretty face. He wants to make you scream, and show you how pain only heightens the pleasure. 

You're so naive, looking up at him, trusting him, but heeseung is lost in his dark desires and pushes in without a warning. You turn him on so badly.  You scream at the way his length bullies itself inside your tight hole, scraping against your walls and your body feels like it's being split in half. Tears blur your vision and you push against his chest, sobbing through the pain that makes you want to run away. It's too much. 

"h-hurts please-oh-" his hips push inside and then he's balls deep into you, groaning in satisfaction while you scream again. The feeling of your hymen tearing apart makes you sob uncontrollably, and you try to angle your hips away from him. He doesn’t fit, he’s gonna tear you apart.

Heeseung holds your hips in his bruising grip, and starts moving in and out. He's too damn turned on to think about anything else other than how good your virgin pussy feels around his dick.  "Stay still baby, let me feel good" He grunts, pulling out of your hole to the hilt, and then pushing inside again. In and out. In and out. His hot pants fall onto your wet cheeks. Heeseung reaches down to rub on your clit, relishing in the wet warmth of your pussy. It feels more pleasurable for him when you start getting impossibly wet.   Soon enough, Your pain filled sobs start to subside, and pleasure filled sobs start to leave your lips instead. 

That's when he starts fucking in earnest. Once he hears you moan in pleasure, heeseung lets go of all his inhibitions, and straight up pounds into you. 

"Fuck yeah baby, so fucking tight for me" he groans, snapping his hips against you at a rapid pace. His balls smack against your ass every time he pushes in, and the skin slapping sounds make your head throb in pleasure.

You didn't know sex could feel so good.   "Heeseung please, oh my god" You moan when his dick rubs against your sweet spot, his hot pants fall on your mouth while he slots his lips against yours in imitation of a kiss

"Yeah? Just like that?" He asks, his own eyes rolling back when you clench around him. So deliciously tight.

The slide inside is so deep and so wet, it makes his hips pick up speed. 

"Warm little cunt, waited so long to get inside" he groans, biting on your lower lip, and grinding his pelvis against yours. 

The sheer ecstasy running through your veins at the way his cock makes out with your cervix, makes you thrust up your hips against him. You buck into his hold, pressing your body closer, rubbing your chest against his clothed one. It's then that you realize that he's still wearing clothes. 

Heeseung curses under his breath when you whine and tug at his shirt.

"You wanna feel me naked baby?" he asks, running his hands over your curves as he pounds into your warm hole. It's too good to stop. 

You nod and tug on his shirt again, trying to get closer to him.

"Fuck" Heeseung mutters, and sits back on his hunches, his hips still grind into you while he strips himself off of his clothes. He pulls himself out of you for a split second to discard his jeans and boxers on the floor, then he's thrusting into you again. 

"This is so much fucking better" He moans, loving how your naked body arches into his own, rubbing yourself against him so desperately. The delicious friction of your grinding sexes makes you both delirious in pleasure. Heeseung digs his fingers into the fat of your waist, and buries his face inside the crook of your neck, kissing and moaning along it while his thrusts become merciless. You dig your nails into his shoulders, and throw your head back, exposing more skin for him to dig his teeth into.  The obscene way your naked bodies buck and thrust against each other to reach pleasure high is a sight to behold. The skin slapping, and wet squelching sounds fill up the space between your heated bodies, and you never want this feeling to stop. 

"tight fucking cunt, so good, wanna keep fucking till my dick aches" His filthy words travel deep inside your core, and warmth spreads inside your womb, the knot starting to form in your stomach. 

"oh my god" You moan when he slows his hips into a slow grind, hitting all the right spots inside your swollen pussy. 

"Yeah? fuck yourself on my dick like a slut, grind your virgin little pussy on my meat" He growls, coming up to capture your lips in his own, groaning into your mouth when you dig your nails painfully inside his flesh, enough to draw blood. 

The sweat drips down your bodies, as you rut against each other in pure pleasure. You moan into heeseungs mouth as he languidly licks against your open cavity, sucking on your tongue, and exchanging spit. 

The pace of his thrusts fasten, and he pounds you into the couch, fucking into you like his life depends on it. Your words are reduced to mere moans and babbles, your tongue lolling out at how good he feels.

"gonna cum inside this cunt baby, gonna let me fill you up right? flood your insides with my fuck cream?" You nod in a lust filled haze, and heeseung licks the saliva that pools in the corner of your mouth.

" Yeah? Real deep baby? Fuck-so fucking good Jesus" He growls, his spit and sweat falling into your mouth as he starts rutting into you like an animal. He can feel himself getting closer. the knot in your stomach snaps when he presses his palm into your lower stomach to trace his outline. You gasp into his mouth, and your body convulses uncontrollably.

"Fuck yeah, god you're gonna make me cum, god im- his hips grind a few times inside your pussy, and then he's stilling inside of you, the tight clench of your pussy pushing him over the edge, shooting his thick cum inside your womb. 

It feels so good that Heeseung keeps moving inside you till you whine and cry out in overstimulation. You're grateful when he listens, and pulls out, but the very next second, he's getting down there and burying his face between your legs again, slurping your combined juices from your pussy. Your toes curl at the feeling, and you can't help but open your mouth when he comes up to slot his cum filled one against yours. It's nasty, but you can't stop licking into him, tasting your mixed release together. 

"Fuck, you're nasty" He chuckles, finally turning your body around, and wrapping you into his embrace. 

For the first time in your life, you fall asleep nuzzled into a warm and comforting body against you.

 ◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇

Heeseung has always prided himself in the fact that he doesn’t get attached to people easily, doesn’t feel certain emotions until he allows himself to. He’s not a good person, he’s always known this, that’s the reason why he has always kept himself at a distance.

Watching. Observing.

Nothing in his life is unpredictable, heeseung works according to the plan, always predicting and preparing himself for situations that can happen. That’s just how he operates.

Watching. Observing. Executing.

You, however, caught him off guard. Heeseung was never ready for you to barge in his life the way that you did.

You think you know him from third semester but heeseung knows you from way before that. The first time he’d seen you was on the very first day of college, waiting right outside the registrar office, chewing on your bottom lip nervously as you stepped aside for people to pass.

There was something about you that stuck with Heeseung. He couldn't figure out what it was no matter how much he thought about it but you soon became a constant itch at the back of his mind.

It wasn't like you were strikingly pretty. Heeseung had been surrounded by beautiful women all his life. Almost desensitized to extravagant beauty. It all seemed vague to him.

You were not extraordinarily pretty, no.

But you were enchanting. it was the type of pretty that stuck with you, that stayed with you, the type of pretty that might not capture your attention in the first glance but the second or third glance might have you hooked; the type of pretty that was made up of hesitant smiles and solemn gazes and fidgeting hands.

Heeseung watched you from afar for a long time, observing, learning. That was until he saw an opportunity to be in the same lecture as you. That’s when he started executing.

And then you made him fail. At his own game.

Heeseung’s sickness identified and craved yours, rendering him powerless when he realized that maybe,you were even sicker than him, a thousand times more depraved. You just didn’t know it yet.

He didn’t realize when you became the very thing he breathes, carving yourself a home inside the darkest parts of his heart.

Ever since he fucked you into your sheets, his craving for you has increased tenfold. He is way past pretending that you are some stupid bet, or a mere name on the list. Seeing you vulnerable, and yet so strong , made something shift in him. He's always been sick in desire for you, but over the past few months, you have managed to infiltrate your way inside his brain. 

"How's the mission " Cherries to pop" going for you man?" Jake's voice interrupts his thoughts, and he doesn't have to think twice about his answer, eyes fixated on your slumped figure as he replies

"Take her off the list, I won" 

Numerous gasps are heard around him, sunghoon laughs in shock, eyes meeting Jake's in disbelief "you can't be serious, was she any good? " He asks, nervousness creeping in his voice, because heeseung does look serious. 

Heeseung turns his eyes towards sunghoon, face void of any recognizable emotion

"the bet's over. I don't want to talk about it, but if I see any of you fuckers around her after this, it's going to get bloody " He warns, sweeping his eyes over the shocked faces of the boys around him. And with that, you are taken off the list forever. 

◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇

You hear the whispers, you aren't deaf, but something inside you disassociated when you woke up in the evening after losing your virginity. Cold and alone. 

Heeseung had cleaned your body and clothed it before he left, but not having him near stung more than you ever thought it would. It was to be expected tho, wasn’t it? He got what he wanted, there was no reason to stay.

"can't believe heeseung really did it"

"Man, she doesn't look like she must have been a good fuck"

"A win is a win"

You don't dare look up the entire day, ignoring all the folded papers that fall beside your leg. Curiosity doesn't get the better of you, and you don't pick them up to read what's inside. It just doesn't seem to matter anymore. All this buzz will die down in a week, and you will finally resort back to the dark corners, and shadows where people will no longer look at you, just past you. 

You don't dread the reality of your situation anymore, a small sigh leaving your lips as you gather your stuff, and walk past the inquisitive stares. 

Settling down at the farthest seat in the cafeteria gives you a sense of relief. This seat has been your safe space through all ups and down. The only constant in the chaos of your existence.

You're busy swirling your food around the plate when a sudden quiet falls over the cafeteria. All the chitter chatter and noise dies down. It's almost eerie. Eerie enough to finally make you look up to see what's wrong. Your eyes turn towards the entrance as you follow everyone's collective gaze, and what you see makes your heart plummet in your stomach.

It's Jay. But he's wearing a cap, his head slumped down as he makes his way towards his seat with an obvious limp, but it doesn't hide the black and blue wound blossoming around his left eye, several deep cuts on his lower lip, and scratches on his cheek. The high neck he's wearing sticks out like a sore thumb in mid July, and you wonder if there's more that he's trying to hide. You don't have to worry about facing him, looks like he's not going to be looking up anytime soon. 

Realization sets inside your throat like a lump, and you instinctively snap your gaze towards heeseung's table. His eyes are already on you when you find him. They're dark, and tender, if that's even possible. You feel like you're drowning in them. Your throat feels full, and your eyes burn the more that you look at him, and you can't help but follow your instinct to get out of here as soon as possible. It's too much. This sudden influx of emotion is too much for you. 

Murmurs follow your leave, but you don't stay behind to hear or care. Your steps are heavy and purposeful as you stride forward, away from everyone and everything. This feels like a fever dream. Why the fuck would Heeseung do that? Scratch that, how the fuck did he even find out?

But you know exactly how he found out. The location that you shared. It isn’t rocket science to figure out who lives nearby. Of course he knows. What confuses you is the fact that he cared enough to look it up and avenge you in his own sick way.Why does he even care?

You can feel a breakdown coming, and so without wasting time, you rush home in a frenzy. By the time you reach your threshold, your throat hurts, the tonsils burning in pain. Your body is begging for you to let it out, but you're a slave to your habits. Holding everything inside until it chokes your airway. 

You're tapping your leg frantically as you stir a spoon haphazardly in your coffee cup, swallowing down copious amounts of caffeine to push back the inevitable. You hate breakdowns, hate feeling so out of control and vulnerable. It shatters your facade, makes you come face to face with the pretty lies that you tell yourself. 

"It's going to be fine, you're fine"

But are you? 

A loud honking in your front yard makes you drop your cup, spilling all of its contents on your shoes, jumping back as you get startled out of your mind. 

Who the fuck?

You step over the mess and make your way to your front door, watching in disbelief as Heeseung's car idles in front of you. He's looking right at you from his window, and you wonder what is it about his eyes. There's something about his eyes and the way he looks at you. It makes you feel naked. Body and soul. It seems like he looks right through you, and you don't know if you like that. 

Your feet move on their own and he doesn’t even have to say anything. In no time, you find yourself sitting inside his car, your back against the expensive leather seats, while you play with the stray threads of your blouse. 

"What do you want now?" you ask, deciding to break the silence. It's only fair to stop beating around the bush and get this over with. Whatever this is.

"You" He answers almost immediately, making you scoff. You don't look at him but you can feel his gaze burning into you. 

"I'm not a virgin anymore Heeseung, you won, there’s nothing more that I can offer you" Your voice feels scratchy against your throat, and you wonder if it's because of the tears you keep pushing back. 

There's a heavy pause of silence, and then you hear him chuckle, almost in pity and contempt. 

"You don't get it do you?" He asks, voice laced with disbelief. 

When you don't look up, and don't respond, he laughs hollowly. 

"Ask me why I did that" He says, his tone a tad bit deeper now. It's a demand. "Ask me why I smashed pretty boy's face in" 

You swallow the lump in your throat, and close your eyes. Not now please. 

"Why" you whisper ask, almost inaudible if it wasn't for the pin drop silence in the car.

"because it gave me a sick satisfaction to see him in pain. I'm not sorry about how your old man ended up either. If I could, I would shoot both of their skulls open for putting their hands on you"

The anger and pure hatred in his voice makes a sob to rip through your chest, eyes finally snapping up to meet his. They're dark in anger, and disdain, and you wonder why he cares so much. You look over to his wounded knuckles which are turning white due to how tightly he’s gripping onto the steering wheel. The sight of his anger mirroring your own ignites a spark of recognition deep within you. The raw intensity of emotion emanating from Heeseung stirs something inside your vacant soul. For the first time in what feels like an eternity, you feel seen. Validated. All this time, you had told yourself that you got what you deserve. You were fundamentally flawed, and all of this pain was your own fault.You never allowed yourself to be angry, burying the rage beneath your stoic facade, but seeing Heeseung angry for you makes your own walls crumble one by one.

"I want to cut open anyone who's ever hurt you baby, I want to be the only one who gets to hurt you" He declares.

You gape at him while tears run down the slope of your cheeks

"that's-that's not normal" you whisper, but his expressions don't crack, eyes wide and pupils dilated. In this moment, he looks insane, and it scares you how much you want to get lost in him.

"You don't need normal" he replies. 

His words hit heavy and get stuck inside your throat. You look away and wipe your tears, swallowing another bout of sobs threatening to escape your chest. The walls are cracking, the sound of them breaking and destructing can be heard as you let his words sink in. 

"Quit your part time job and let me take care of you. Your every need, I'll satisfy it. You won't even have to ask me for it and it will be done" He says, leaning forward, as if trying to make you see the reason in what he's saying.

You shake your head, eyes brimming with anger and tears as you stare right into his own.

"I don't need you to take care of me. I've always done it myself and I have managed to do it just fine, I don’t need you" you seethe, feeling rage at his implication that you can't hold your own. 

His expressions soften as he runs his eyes over your angry tears, his hand coming up to wipe them with his thumb. It’s pathetic how this small caress makes you lean into his touch. 

"No you don't. But I need you. I need to take care of you. I won’t be able to live with myself if I don't" He confesses. 

More tears run down your cheeks as sobs rip through your chest, and he continues to caress your face. 

"Is this a declaration of love?" you grouch through your physical grief, watching how his eyes gaze into yours, as if he wasn't expecting you to ask him that. 

"Does it have to be? I promise to keep you happy and protect you from all harm, should that not be enough?" 

You stare into his orbs and your heart skips a beat at the raw vulnerability you find there. He's just as scared as you, if not more. Turns out, you aren't the only one who is bad at confronting feelings. 

You crawl your way onto his lap, and he instantly wraps his arms around you, like you belong there. You take his hand into your own and press tender kisses onto his knuckles, and he watches you do it. Then you look up, and smile. That smile seems to be his undoing. Heeseung instantly leans down to kiss you fervently. You tangle your fingers in his hairs, kissing back just as deeply, and he groans into the kiss. The collision of your mouths is desperate, as if trying to convey all that's left unsaid. 

"It's enough" You mumble into his mouth, and he swallows your words greedily. 

#enhypen smut #enhypen hard thoughts #enhypen hard hours #enhypen hard headcanons #enhypen #heeseung smut #lee heesung x reader #lee heeseung smut #lee heeseung #heeseung x reader #heeseung angst #enhypen angst #jay x reader #park jongseong

[tempted-byhyuka]

| enhypen when… |

they snap at you

╚══ஓ๑♡๑ஓ══╝

inc: request, angst, hurt/comfort, yelling, flinching (jay, jake, jungwon, ni-ki), physical contact (heeseung, sunghoon), small fall (jay), jealousy (jake, sunoo), food (sunoo)

ೃ⁀➷ lee heeseung

ੈ♡˳ heeseung was typically a levelheaded guy, and he always treated you like a glass doll that would break at the slightest tremor. never before had he raised his voice at you, even when he was visibly agitated. it stayed that way for a long time, even through his toughest schedules and most irritating setbacks.

ੈ♡˳ one night when he came home, you could tell he was deep in thought, but also exhausted and agitated. in an attempt to get him to feel better, you hugged him from behind and kissed the back of his neck over and over. when that didn’t exactly work, you repeated his name, again and again. “hey, heeseungie.. heeseung!”

ੈ♡˳ “what?! what do you want?!” he roared and spun around in his chair so fast it pushed you back and made you stumble in suprise. you were so startled you didn’t know what to say.. he had never done this before! “i-i was just..” you tried but backed away when he stood up. “what?! helping?! what kind of help is that?!”

ੈ♡˳ heeseung stared at you with an irate expression, his chest shaking as he breathed deeply, like he was about to unload his struggles on you. the silence was sickening but eventually, he lets out a sigh.. an exhausted one as he closes his eyes and lowers his head. “i’m sorry…. i’m sorry.” he repeated.

ੈ♡˳ he takes your hands in his and lifts them up, “are you hurt…? did i hurt you?” heeseung’s voice trembled. sensing his regret, you place your hands on his cheeks and begin rubbing circles onto the skin. you can feel the half smile he mustered, and lean in your press a kiss to his nose, “i’m okay, i promise..”

ೃ⁀➷ park jongseong

ੈ♡˳ as much as it seemed like jay was quick to anger, he never reflected that behavior on you, he was always patient and respectful towards you, a proper gentleman. even when you almost damaged an expensive pan in the dishwasher, he gave you a smile, patted your head and promised it was all okay.

ੈ♡˳ it was always easy for you to tell when he was at him limit though, and when he came home and dropped his backpack aggressively onto a chair, you knew that he must have had a rough day. “jay? is everything alright?” you inquired and stepped into the kitchen. “i don’t want to talk about it..” he mumbled.

ੈ♡˳ “are you sure? you’ll feel better if you do.” you said and reached out to try and rub his shoulders, only for jay to shrug them off. “i said no.” he grumbled, sounding more upset than before. you feel a deep tension in your chest and, “do you want me too..” “i want you to stop talking!” he shouted.

ੈ♡˳ your heart dropped, and you step away from jay to give him space, only to stumble and fall to the floor. hearing the thud, jay turns around and finds you on the floor, furrowing his brow. he reaches down to offer you a hand, but it feels like his heart shatters when he sees you flinch, and it hits him that he’s the reason you did.

ੈ♡˳ he kneels down in front of you, his hands held up in a gesture of peace as his gaze becomes softer, and more despaired as he places his hands on your knees. you caught a glimpse of the tears forming on his waterline before he bows his head, his shoulders starting to shake. he felt like a failure… a complete failure.

ೃ⁀➷ sim jaeyun

ੈ♡˳ it wasn’t easy to set jake off, not at all. he is a textbook boyfriend, kind, sweet, handsome, well communicated, and he has a cute puppy to boot. he’s everyone’s dream man… everyone’s dream, even the strangers on the street, the strangers on the screen and even his own staff.

ੈ♡˳ that’s why it really rubbed you the wrong way when jake responded to one stylist’s comment on his nice face with his handsome smile and a laugh that you thought was flirting. to make it worse, he didn’t even notice you were upset until you were both already home. “baby? hey talk to me… are you mad?”

ੈ♡˳ that’s when you unload, you snapped and told jake what you were feeling. maybe you should have waited until you were calmer however, because to your shock, jake began arguing with you. “oh come on! am i not allowed to accept compliments anymore because of your jealousy?!”

ੈ♡˳ the argument went on and on until Jake was so frustrated he went to pinch the bridge of his nose, making you step back at the sight of his hand flying up so quickly. jake stopped in his tracks, his expression switching up completely into concern, “baby..? oh no, did you think i would…?” his face breaks your heart.

ੈ♡˳ you break down into tears and shake your head, stepping forward until your chest to chest with him and hiding your face in his neck. jake wraps his arms around you lovingly, shushing you and running a hand over your hair, “i would never, baby… i’m so sorry i made you feel that way…”

ೃ⁀➷ park sunghoon

ੈ♡˳ you knew that dating park sunghoon wasn’t exactly going to be a walk in the park (haha), whether it was due to his busy schedule or the fact that when you did get time to spend with him, he was often sleeping or burnt out. regardless, you cherished every moment you got to hold his head on your lap and listen to him.

ੈ♡˳ occasionally though, sunghoon would return home in complete silence, giving you a small peck on the cheek, showering and falling right to sleep without saying more than a simple ‘hey babe’. one of those nights, all you wanted was his attention, he had been gone for about 2 weeks filming after all.

ੈ♡˳ when you crawled into bed behind him, you start pressing your lips to his jaw, his cheek and the corner of his eye. this made him groan and turn his head, “babe, i’m trying to sleep…” he mutters. unsatisfied, you try again to drape an arm over his body, but sunghoon’s reaction takes you by surprise.

ੈ♡˳ he forcibly pushed your arm away and turned around, “stop it…!” he yelled, and you sit up so quickly you get lightheaded. you watch his face change in an instant as he realized what he did, sitting up with you and grabbing your shoulders, “wait.. baby i’m sorry, i didn’t mean it.. i’m just so tired.” he shakes his head.

ੈ♡˳ “no, i should have stopped first, im sorry!” you take his hands and move them so you can give him a proper embrace. “i shouldn’t have put my hands on you though… come on baby, i’m sorry.” he pulled you to lay down with him, hugging you against his firm chest and pulling the blanket over your body.

ೃ⁀➷ kim seonwoo

ੈ♡˳ every couple had the occasional argument, you and sunoo were no exception. though your fights would typically end in playful jabs and making amends over mint chocolate ice cream, it never got too serious. that is until sunoo seemed to get genuinely upset over you talking to your ex after crossing paths in public.

ੈ♡˳ you didn’t think it was such a big deal, but sunoo gave you the silent treatment until you both got home where he finally let loose, “i can’t believe you just let him flirt with you like that! you’re still hooked up on him, aren’t you?” he scoffed, tossing his jacket onto the coat rack carelessly.

ੈ♡˳ “sunoo that’s ridiculous, i was being friendly!” you argued back, not exactly appreciating the sentiment that you were still attracted to your ex. “oh yeah, sure! i totally believe you. if you’re so friendly, go hang out with him then.” he replied before storming off, slamming the bedroom door behind him.

ੈ♡˳ after some time apart cooled you both off, you caved first, realizing that maybe chatting with your ex and barely acknowledging your current lover wasn’t the best idea. you knew just the thing to cheer him up as you opened the delivery app, picking out every snack you knew he enjoyed and adding it to the cart.

ੈ♡˳ 30 minutes later, you knock softly on the bedroom door, only to hear rapid shuffling and a thump before sunoo opened the door, “you’re still here! oh sweetheart i’m so sorry i-!” you cut him off by holding the back in front of him, “me too… let’s eat.” you smiled, following him to your bed and opening the bag.

ೃ⁀➷ yang jungwon

ੈ♡˳ being the leader of a group is stressful enough, but leading a globally popular group at the age of 16 added more weight on jungwon’s shoulders. jungwon thought he had developed a healthy way to cope with the stress but even he had his moments where he couldn’t contain his emotions.

ੈ♡˳ when he arrived home from a long, frustrating and stressful recording session, the last thing he wanted was to be bombarded with questions by you. unfortunately for you, jungwon wasn’t in a state of mind to communicate that to you without being aggressive as he yanked his arm out of your grasp.

ੈ♡˳ “why are you so clingy, huh?! don’t you have anything else to do other than nag my ear off?!” he yelled in an unrecognizable manner, his eyes filled with anger. you couldn’t get a word out, backing into a wall as it looked like he wouldn’t calm down any time soon. you’ve never seen him so frustrated.

ੈ♡˳ he cursed and reached his hands up to his face to rub his eyes, but you were so nervous you backed into the wall fully, a dull thud resonating through the hallway. jungwon opened his eyes at the sound, now looking confused, “y/n..? did you…?” the dots seem to connect in his head as his eyes soften.

ੈ♡˳ slowly, he extended his hand to you, waiting for you to take it before pulling you close. jungwon placed his hand on the center of your back, lowering his head so that he could speak into your ear. “i’m sorry, i shouldn’t have said those things… please forgive me.” he says, smiling when he felt you return the affection.

ೃ⁀➷ nishimura riki

ੈ♡˳ ni-ki wasn’t at all an angry person, especially not with you. he was always so quiet and calm, his silence was comfortable rather than intimidating; and that’s why its so easy to tell whenever he was stressed or upset. his jaw clenches and he has a dead eyed look, a telltale sign that he’s overthinking.

ੈ♡˳ and you didn’t expect him to start yelling at you when you pried him for answers, which was, admittedly, probably not the best choice. “i said i don’t want to talk about it! what part of that is so hard for you to understand?!” you were not at all used to riki raising his voice and it was enough to silence you.

ੈ♡˳ he raised his hand up after a beat of silence, intending on pushing his bangs out of his face, only for you to back away with a fearful sound. both of you froze, staring at eachother with bewildered looks on both of your faces. the tension in the air was so thick you could cut it with a knife.

ੈ♡˳ “y/n…” riki finally spoke after what felt like an eternity of silence, his expression softening into a worried one. you could see tears begin to well up in his eyes, and riki never cried in front of you before… all tension left your body as you moved towards him, embracing him and burying your face into his chest.

ੈ♡˳ he didn’t waste a second returning the gesture, squeezing you tight enough that it made your ribs hurt. no more words were spoken as you sat down on the couch, and with your ear pressed to his chest, you could hear his rapid heart beat along with the whispered apologies he uttered into your ear.

thank you for reading! i haven’t proofread this yet, i will soon but thank you to the requester for giving me a prompt i could work with, i hope you enjoy it 🫶

#enhypen imagines #enhypen scenarios #enhypen fanfic #enhypen x reader #enhypen angst #heeseung imagines #jay park imagines #jake sim imagines #sunghoon imagines #sunoo imagines #jungwon imagines #ni ki imagines

[ja3yun]

please be real | p.js

ex!jay x fem!reader warnings: angst, heartache, smut (mdni), fingering, unprotected sex, cream pie, teasing, pet names (princess, baby), crying, mentions of alcohol, drunk jay, pure heartbreak in the beginning, not proofread, anything else lmk synopsis: after a six-year relationship, you and jongseong part ways due to different needs for the future. when jongseong's first birthday post-breakup arrives, his struggle with your absence reaches a breaking point, prompting a late-night call from his friend that consequently reignites emotions and unresolved feelings. wc: 9.4k a/n: hi! it's me and it's jay's birthday so i wrote him a little something something. i didn't initially intend to rip my heart out as i wrote this yet here i am. this was oddly a healing one to write but i must warn you it does mention the reader not wanting to have children so if that doesn't appeal to you then this probs isn't the fic for you! as always, like, comments, feedback, etc. is all appreciated! ilysm and happy bday jay <3

A sharp, jarring noise pierces your ears, the peaceful sleep you were in rudely disrupted. You groan out loud, covering your face with your covers but it does nothing to stop the ringing from your phone, it doesn’t even dull it a little, the little black device only echoing around the room louder.

Disoriented and groggy, you fumble for your phone on the bedside table, clumsily searching for it in the darkness. It isn’t your alarm, the usual peaceful tones of the birds chirping would be a welcomed sound, one that eases you into the day; no this was a phone call.

Finally grasping your phone, your eyes fight themselves open as you blink away any remnants of sleep, trying to find any sort of centre from your dizzy awakening. You look at the name on your phone but your vision is so blurred you can’t make it out but answer it anyway, knowing that whoever is phoning at this ungodly hour is clearly in need of your help.

“Hello?” you ask quietly, as if you don’t want to disturb the quiet of the night, unlike the person on the other end of the call.

“Uh, Y/N? It’s Jake.” His soft Australian accent drifts from your phone speaker into your ears. He sounds unsure whether he is supposed to be making the call, which to be fair, you understand because you haven’t heard from him in months, not after…

Letting out a sigh, you rub your forehead with the base of your palm tiredly, “Jake, why the fuck are you calling me at…” you pull the phone away, inspecting the time now that you’re more alert, “3.36am?” you ask with a hint of disdain. Normally, you would welcome the boy’s surprise call, after all, you did miss him. But considering he woke you up from a good dream involving you, Jeongin from Stray Kids, and a happily ever after; he wasn’t exactly your favourite person right now.

You can faintly hear some music in the background as he stays silent and you swear to yourself if this is to give him a ride home from a concert turned party, you’ll have his head.

“Listen, I hate to ask you this but can you come to Haven?”

“The nightclub? Why?” Your earlier suspicions are proving to be right, he does want a lift home. That would be an acceptable request if you guys were actively talking every day and the best of buddies but he isn’t even your friend, not really. 

You can hear him shuffling around on the other end of the line, his voice can be heard trying to calm someone down but his words are obscured as if the phone is wrested away from his mouth, leaving only disjointed fragments of speech drifting through the receiver. 

This sounds like more than just a simple ride home and it causes you to snap to attention, your senses heightened with concern. 

Jake finally brings his attention back to you, letting out a sigh of discontentment, “It’s Jay, he’s a mess and he’s calling out for you.”

Jay. Park Jongseong.

It’s been so long since anyone has dared to mention his name to you that it almost sounds like a foreign word.

Seven months ago, you and Jongseong had decided to call off your 6-year relationship, both of you reaching the understanding that it was for the best considering your battling differences and needs within the relationship.

It wasn’t easy, the furthest thing from it actually. You and him had been inseparable since high school and once you both got together in year 12, it was always you and him against the world. He was the love of your life, that once in a lifetime kind of love that only happens in fairytales. Your souls were both painted from the same brush stroke.

But he wanted a peaceful, routine life - a classic white picket fence dream. Evenings would be spent with friends, savouring white wine and casual conversations over dinner. His heart was set on imagining the echoes of your future children's laughter filling your home, family trips to the seaside, and comforting them with kisses and band-aids when they got hurt.

And you craved spontaneity, to embrace life with vigour, travelling the world together was your dream, free from the responsibilities of parenting, cherishing moments just for yourselves. You longed for random midnight trips to Tesco for birthday cake simply because you could. All you wished for was to be with him, just the two of you.

Suddenly, your brain clicks into an important detail and you hurriedly check the calendar on your phone and the date makes you slump in your bed.

Today is Jongseong’s birthday, well technically not anymore given the time, but that means he has lived his first birthday without you by his side in so long. You would always celebrate his big day by doing something from his handwritten bucket list he has had since he was a child. Over the years he has added more to the list, each birthday scoring one out to add another.

The list wasn't extravagant; it was filled with simple yet heartfelt desires. You bought him a bundle of guitar lessons and a Taylor 114e electric guitar to fulfil his wish of learning to play. When you noticed the Download Festival marked with gold stars on his list, you surprised him with tickets for the year Metallica was headlining. And when he expressed a desire to cook a meal from scratch for his mum, you gifted him a kitchen knife engraved with his name and took the time to teach him how to prepare her favourite dish.

His birthdays were the most precious when you were in them, and you weren’t there with him.

“Y/N?” Jake’s sweet voice draws you back to his attention and out of the memory lane swirl your brain has put you in. He knows this is a tough call for you to take considering you and Jongseong said to cut ties completely; it’s better to act like you both didn’t exist than keep a thread tethered to one another that would only hurt you more.

As Jake and Sunghoon whisked Jay away for his birthday celebration, their intention was simple: to help him let loose and have a good time. Jay had been buried in overtime work lately, leaving little room for socialising. Since the breakup, the idea of going out without you - dancing together, stealing kisses in the taxi ride home - seemed unappealing.

Waking up that morning, Jay realised it marked the first birthday in six years without ticking something off his bucket list. The familiar, worn paper lay dormant on his desk, a stark reminder of your absence. He had no desire to celebrate today without you by his side. If he could fast-forward through the day to escape the weight of his birthday, he would eagerly do so.

Yet, with two very persuading friends and a whole lot of whiskey later, here he was, curled up outside Haven, yearning out for you.

“Y/N please, at least come and convince him to get up and come home with us,” Jake pleads. You can hear the cries of your ex-lover more clearly now as Jake kneels beside his friend, checking in on him.

With a resigned sigh, you nod, “Okay. Keep him warm, I’ll be there in 20 minutes.”

Hanging up the phone, you quickly put a brush through your hair and change into a baggy top, one you bought for Jongseong before breaking up, and a pair of grey sweatpants. This is a bad idea, you know it is, but you also can’t leave him to wallow in the middle of the street. You don’t think you could live with yourself if you didn’t help and Jake wouldn’t call unless it was something he couldn’t handle. 

You don’t want to see the state Jongseong is in, his wailing cries that you could slightly hear over the phone already made your heart clench in hurt.

As you drive to Haven, your heart races in anticipation with each mile that passes. Is your heart ready to face him after all these months? Staring into the love of your life’s eyes once again might break you even more. You’ve done a good job in keeping yourself together, at putting on a facade that everything is okay, when deep down you know that if one person asked you about Jongseong you would crumble and fall apart. 

He wasn’t the only one throwing himself into work to forget. You’ve worked hours and hours trying to keep your mind off the heartbreak, you thought that if you just focused and kept your head down, the phrase time heals all wounds would kick in and you’d be free of the torment of losing your first love. But it hasn’t worked out that way, you know that now as you speed down the empty roads to console the one person you are trying to forget.

As you reach Haven, you can vaguely see three boys under the illuminating sign, almost as if shining a spotlight on them to add to the spectacle that Jongseong is making. Onlookers are watching as your ex-boyfriend cries on the pavement, wishing you would come home.

With a quick exhale, you step out of the car before doubts can creep in, determined to be there for him. Jake and Sunghoon's voices float to you, attempting to soothe him and inject some sense into the moment. Bracing yourself, you approach, ready to offer whatever comfort you can, despite the storm of emotions swirling within you.

Sinking onto the balls of your feet, you lower yourself to Jongseong's level, meeting his strained figure. Instantly, the sight of his distress instantly shatters your heart into a million pieces.

An abundance of tears cascades down Jongseong's reddened face, obscuring his features like a relentless waterfall. His clenched jaw and the prominent vein on his forehead portray the intensity of his distress as he struggles to draw each laboured breath. Curled into himself, his body seems to contort with the weight of physical agony, mirroring the emotional pain that ripples through his trembling form. He’s been keeping this in for so long that his body doesn’t know how to cope with it.

Reaching out to grab his clenched fist, you shuffle forward, “Jjongie? It’s me, baby, look at me,” you say calmly, trying to reassure him with your soft voice.

As your fingers gently encircle his clenched fist, Jongseong's body tenses at the touch. Slowly, he turns his gaze towards you, his eyes bloodshot and filled with an overwhelming mixture of sorrow and longing. For a moment, there's a flicker of recognition in his eyes before they cloud over again with anguish.

He doesn’t believe you’re actually here, considering the long nights where he has conjured up the idea of you, clinging to his imagination on the lonely nights he wishes for your touch. But as you squeeze his hand, he realises this isn’t a dream-induced sighting, you’re really here in front of him.

"Y/N..." he murmurs, his voice choked with emotion. Tears stream down his face in torrents, some landing on your hand that holds his. His cries reverberate through the air, each wail a sharp stab to your chest.

Cupping his cheek, you settle yourself between his legs, ignoring the discomfort of the rocks beneath your knees, your focus solely on him. With a sad smile, you attempt to mask your own anguish, your touch a gentle reassurance amidst his storm of emotions.

"Hey, hey, enough of that now," you hush him softly, your voice a soothing melody in the tumultuous night. Using your thumb, you tenderly wipe away his tears, though they continue to flow unabated.

He leans into your touch, “I miss you so much, Y/N, please. Please,” he pleads as you feel his warm breath against your skin as he nuzzles into your palm, seeking solace in the familiar sensation he's been yearning for.

It’s hurting you just seeing him like this, the man you once knew to be strong-willed and resilient, keeping his emotions under control unless he’s sharing sweet vulnerable moments with you under the covers, is now a shell of himself, stripped bare by the weight of grief.

Turning your face to look at Jake, you offer him a small smile, “I’ll take him home.”

“You sure?” Jake asks, knowing that it’s a dangerous game for you both if you do.

“Yeah, I don’t think he’s going to move unless I do,” you chuckle sympathetically but there’s a bubble in your throat as Jongseong’s whimpers flow into your ear from beside you.

Nodding, Jake gestures to Sunghoon, silently enlisting his help in the task of ferrying the drunk man to your car. The weight of Jongseong's limp form proves cumbersome as you all struggle to navigate his dead weight, his limbs hanging heavily without offering any assistance.

"Let's get you home," you murmur softly, your hands pressing gently against Jongseong's chest to steady him, aided by his friends who lift him onto their shoulders.

His eyes lock onto yours, an intensity burning within them. "Please be real," he whispers, his voice trembling with desperation. Despite feeling your touch and catching hints of your scent, doubt gnaws at him. If this is merely a figment of his imagination, he knows he'll never forgive himself. You're so close, so tangible - it has to be you.

With much struggle, the three of you get him to your car, putting him gently in the backseat so he can lie down, but he wraps his arms around your waist as his legs stay situated outside of the vehicle, holding you close to him.

"Come on, Jjongie, lie down for a minute," you coax gently, guiding him to stretch out along the seats. But he remains unmoving, clutching onto you as if fearing you'll slip away if he lets go. With a soft sigh, you stroke the back of his head, your hands moving in a soothing rhythm. "I promise, I am not going anywhere," you whisper, your words a tender vow to him.

Yet, your attempts to reassure him seem to go unheard. His face burrows deeper into your stomach, his words muffled by the fabric of your t-shirt and the weight of his tears.

You exchange a worried glance with Jake and Sunghoon, “How much did he have to drink?” you ask, scared of the answer they will give. Your ex-boyfriend has always been so good at holding his liquor that it must have been a hefty amount he consumed.

“Like two weeks' wage worth,” Sunghoon winces, his neck tightening as he looks at his best friend.

"Oh, baby..." you sigh softly, feeling a wave of empathy wash over you. Returning your attention to Jongseong, you press a tender kiss to the crown of his head, hoping to offer some comfort amidst his distress. His response is to cling to you even tighter, his sobs echoing against your chest as he seeks solace in your embrace.

You need to get him home, he’s a mess and the longer he stays like this, the more his body is going to wear out. 

With a gentle hand, you stroke his hair, your touch a soothing caress against his trembling form. Despite the chaos swirling around you, you find a semblance of peace in this intimate moment, anchored by the bond that still lingers between you.

"I've got you, Jjongie," you whisper softly, drawing back as he eases up his grip on you. His friends go to help you but you halt them with a firm gesture, "You guys can go, I've got it from here."

Sunghoon shakes his head, concern etched on his face. "He's too heavy, Y/N. You won't be able to manage him into the flat without us," he protests.

But you stand your ground. This is your and Jongseong's mess, and you can’t let others help you clean it up, "It's okay. You guys have done your shift for tonight. Go home," you insist, your voice resolute.

Reluctantly, Sunghoon and Jake nod and bid you goodnight before going their separate ways home, leaving you alone with Jongseong and the weight of your shared history.

Taking a deep breath, you hoist him in, his body listening to you a little more now that you’ve reassured him you aren’t leaving him. He sprawls over the backseats and lays still, the alcohol consuming him into some form of comatose now that he has relaxed slightly.

You slide into the driver's seat, the engine humming to life beneath you. Glancing at Jongseong's slumbering form in the rearview mirror, you steel yourself for the journey ahead.

_____

Arriving at his house makes you more nervous than before. This wasn’t just his flat, it used to be your shared home, the place you lived for 2 and half years and made countless memories in.

You were the one to move out and find your own place, thinking it was best since your work was further away and you could find an apartment closer to it. But the truth is, you just couldn’t face being reminded of him in each room and in the pieces of furnishings.

It was selfish of you to leave him with the remnants of your relationship surrounding him, all you thought about was you and your needs, neglecting to think about how he might feel being surrounded by nothing but memories.

Lugging him into the flat, his legs are working in tandem with you now unlike before but he still isn’t proving to be the easiest person to carry. The last time you had to hold his weight like this was when he got drunk at your prom after taking sneaky shots in the hotel garden with his friends. It was funny but you blame him for some of your back pain that you’ve endured in your early twenties.

As you push open the door and step into the living room, a wave of nostalgia washes over you like a tsunami. Though only seven months have passed, it feels like a lifetime since you last stood in this space with him by your side. Everything remains unchanged, frozen in time since the day you left. The same couch sits in its familiar spot, adorned with throw pillows and blankets you bought for last season. Photographs of you both, captured during Christmases and holidays, adorn the walls, each one a snapshot of happier times. Even the vase that his mum had gotten you both for your housewarming gift, one that you loved and he hated, remains in its pride of place on the mantlepiece.

You push your thoughts down and make your way to your once-shared bedroom, walking through the memories and heaving your ex-boyfriend along slowly. His nose nudges into your hair, sweeping in your scent as he loses himself in the feeling of you.

As you reach the familiar threshold, you can't help but feel a pang of bittersweet longing. This room, once a sanctuary where you both shared your laughter and bodies, now serves as a poignant reminder of the love you've lost.

Gently, you ease Jongseong onto the bed, sitting him up, “I’m going to get you some clean boxers okay?” you ask him but he’s not here, not really, so you make your way to the drawers on the other side of the room.

Walking over, you spot a familiar t-shirt lying crumpled on your old side of the bed. You make a b-line to investigate it and as you pick up the crumpled t-shirt, a flood of memories washes over you, transporting you back to simpler times. Your fingers trace the familiar fabric, still faintly carrying the scent of you, now mingled with his cologne. You piece it all together pretty quickly, the way it still smells faintly of you but is not starting to be overpowered by his cologne. He hugs it at night to find peace of mind.

“Oh, Jjongie,” you sigh, heart reaching out to him. You’re no better, you have one of his hoodies that you snuck into your luggage as you packed and wear it when you’re at home. Just like your t-shirt, his hoodie is starting to lose its scent from the amount of times you’ve hugged yourself to sleep in it.

Jongseong has always been reserved, his emotions carefully guarded behind a facade of reason and rationale. To see him like this, vulnerable and raw, strikes a chord deep within you. If he had always worn his heart on his sleeve, perhaps it would be easier to understand. But the complexity of his emotions only serves to deepen the ache in your chest.

You place the t-shirt back on the pillow before opening the dresser drawer and retrieve a clean pair of boxers, his favourite ones with the faded Hellow Kitty print that you've always teased him about.

Gently, you begin to undress him while he rambles incoherent nonsense that you can’t understand between the mix of tears and drunk slurring. The top half is easy but the bottom half proves difficult as he only looks up at you, whispering pleas as he stares at you, keeping his bum firmly sat on the edge of the bed.

As you finally manage to remove Jongseong's jeans and boxers, leaving him naked, a new layer of vulnerability settles over the room. He sits before you bathed in the soft glow of the hallway light, his silhouette outlined in the darkness.

His beauty, illuminated by the faint light, is both captivating and heartbreaking. The familiarity of his form, once etched in your memory, now lays before you in the flesh, a tangible reminder of the love you still harbour for him. How could you not still love him? He was perfect in every way possible.

"Stay with me," he whispers, his voice a gentle plea as his hands begin to roam your sides, tracing the contours of your body beneath your shirt. Each touch ignites a flurry of sensations within you, sending butterflies fluttering in your stomach.

He pulls you onto his lap, your sweatpants becoming the barrier between his cock and your pussy. Yet, none of you are really thinking about that right now, all you both want is to hold one another again.

“Jongseong, we broke up, and for good reason,” you rationalise with not only him but yourself as you find yourself sinking into his touch as his hands roam your back.

Nuzzling his nose against yours, he begins to cry softly again, his face rubbing itself against yours as his tears transfer from his cheeks to yours, “Please, baby, don’t leave me,” he mumbles as his lips ghost over yours. 

He doesn’t just mean tonight, he means forever. A tear from your eye cascades down your face, getting lost in the mixture of his, your empathy for him overwhelming you because you feel the same way he does. You need him in every way, you need to be close to him, to feel his heart beating in synch with yours once again.

But you know better than this. You’re both just prolonging heartache if you succumb to being with him again. You can’t give each other what you need.

“Baby, don’t do this,” you beg him, knowing that he has the power to pull you back into his life with the click of his fingers, that resolve you have worked so hard to build up now hangs in the balance, “Let me get you changed and then into bed, yeah?”

Reasoning with him is a lost cause, his arms now hugging you tightly like before as he ignores your suggestion. The last thing he wants is to put on those boxers because he knows when he does that you’ll leave. 

"Please, Princess," his voice is raw with emotion, his desperation palpable in the air between you. And as you look into his eyes, you see the depth of his longing mirrored in your own. 

His plea hangs in the air, a heavy weight pressing down on your already burdened heart. You feel torn between the overwhelming desire to give in to his request and the harsh reality of the situation.

With a deep breath, you summon the strength to gently extricate yourself from his embrace, feeling the weight of his disappointment lingering in the air. His hurt expression tugs at your heartstrings, but you shake your head firmly, "Just tonight, okay?" you assure him, your voice soft but resolute.

Curse you and your heart that caves into his pleas so easily.

You disregard getting him dressed and instead, remove your sweatpants and replace them with those very boxers you planned to adorn him with and swap out your t-shirt for the one on your old pillow. Jongseong clumsily climbs into his covers, getting comfortable and finding some happiness in the fact that you’ll be in his arms at least for a little while. 

Once you climb into your side of the bed, he instinctively hugs you from behind, the comfort of your body pressed against his. He spoons you, tucking his face in your neck as he exhales in contentment. This is all he has been craving since that night you left and he couldn’t be happier. All the turmoil and anguish from earlier slowly depletes as he finds himself sinking into a much-needed sleep.

You can’t deny you feel the same, his arms wrapped around you feel like home, like you’ve been on a seven-month business trip and you’re now finally back where you belong. You sink into him further, relishing his skin against yours.

“Happy birthday, Jjongie,” you whisper, bringing his hand up to kiss it before intertwining your fingers with his.

_____

Waking up, Jongseong feels like his whole body has crashed into a brick wall. His bones ache and his head feels tight, but there is a weight that feels so familiar yet foreign, his legs tangled around something and his arms holding it close. This feels different from the t-shirt of yours he clings to every night, this has more substance.

Please don’t be some random girl he thinks to himself, scared to open his eyes. 

Even if he did want to open them he couldn’t because they are being held together so tight by something. Was he crying last night? Actually, what even happened last night?

He replays the fragments of the evening in his mind, a few scattered images begin to surface - Jake and Sunghoon dragging him to Haven, the raucous atmosphere of the bar, and the ill-advised decision to ride the mechanical bull. And then nothing.

As he tries to recounter the night, you see him attempt to pry his eyes open and decide to help him out. Swiping your thumb over his eyes, you wipe away the mix of his dried-in tears and sleep. He looks so confused when you touch him and his body tenses.

Either he is having a severe case of hallucinations to the point where he is starting to physically feel you or the girl that he took home last night resembles your touch. God, how he hoped it was the first one. 

Opening his eyes with your help, he blinks away the blur and sets his eyes on your face, his expression reading one of relief that quickly turns into astonishment.

“Y/N? Baby?” he whispers, his hands instinctively reaching for your cheek, “Please be real.” The same words he pleaded out last night leave his lips again. Jongseong has spent so many nights dreaming of you, wishing in an alternative universe that he can hold you again, so much so that this doesn’t feel real.

You don’t know what to say but obviously, you have to say something. It was one thing to confront drunk Jongseong who didn’t have a wit about him but now it feels like there’s a boulder on your chest as you try to conjure up the courage to speak to a sober, semi-alert Jongseong. 

All you can do is nod, no words escaping your dried lips. You look down to see you and his limbs mangled together just like they used to be, the feeling of his body pressed so tightly against yours almost feels like heaven.

He takes in the sight of you, the lines of disbelief on his features soften, replaced by a glimmer of hope. Slowly, almost tentatively, he reaches out to you, his fingers brushing against your cheek as if to confirm your presence.

The touch sends a jolt of electricity coursing through you, he’s caressing your cheek so tenderly it reminds you of the time you had the shift from hell and Jongseong held you the whole night, whispering sweet words into your ear and stroking your tears away, just like this.

Except there are no tears this time, you’re all cried out - months of mourning the loss of your relationship will do that to you.

As Jongseong's eyes meet yours, a flicker of recognition passes through them, followed by a wave of embarrassment. His voice is soft as he speaks, a hint of uncertainty lacing his words, "What are you doing here?" he asks, his tone laden with confusion.

"You got pretty drunk last night," understatement "And Jake asked me to come pick you up."

You can feel the tension in the air as Jongseong processes your words, his expression a mixture of shame and regret, "Sorry, I don't usually drink that much," he murmurs, his voice tinged with remorse.

The explanation stings, not because Jongseong has been drinking more, but because of the distance it creates between you. It's as if he's explaining himself to a stranger, rather than to the person who once knew him better than anyone else. The past six years you’ve known how he knows his limit and that he doesn’t tend to breach it, not subconsciously. 

All you do is nod, accepting his explanation as you slowly start to detangle yourself from him, “I better get going.”

“Y/N, please let's talk,” he pleads as his voice wavers, his grip tightening around your waist, and his desperation palpable as he pleads for your attention. But you've made up your mind, and no amount of persuasion can sway you from the path you've chosen.

"Jongseong, please, let's not do this," you implore, your voice tinged with a mixture of sorrow and resolve, "We're only going to hurt ourselves again."

You both know the reasons behind your breakup are deeply rooted, immutable truths that cannot be changed. It's not a matter of cheating or petty disagreements—this is about fundamental differences in desires and aspirations for the future.

But Jongseong refuses to accept defeat, his forehead coming to rest against yours as he breathes his love out, "Princess, we can work it out, I know we can," he insists, his words heavy with sincerity.

You steel yourself against the onslaught of his love, knowing that to give in would only prolong the inevitable pain, "We want different things, Jjongie," you remind him gently, your voice tinged with regret.

“I can do without them. It’s you I can’t live without…I can’t breathe without you here by my side.” His words are sincere and you know it, but you can’t accept it. When you both discussed your future, he looked so excited at the prospect of kids that your heart broke instantly. You knew right away that you couldn’t give him what he wanted most.

Closing your eyes and sucking in the bottom of your cheeks, you steady yourself to have this conversation yet again, “You can’t give up the idea of having kids. Having the life you want is much more important than me. You can find someone who can give you that.”

It hurts to say but you need to rip the bandaid off quickly. 

“You think I want that life with anyone but you?” His voice raises lightly, hinting at the anger rising into his chest. He needs you to listen to him, to understand him, “Y/N, if it’s not with you then I don’t want that life.”

Shaking your head determinedly, you sit up, “But I can’t give you that life, it’s not what I want.” You feel like you’re reliving the argument that ended it all those months ago.

“That’s okay.”

“No, It’s not,” It’s your turn to get angry, your eyebrows lacing together as you try to read him. How can he say all of this so easily? Like he wasn’t trying to promise you that he would change his entire life plan just to be with you. Is it romantic? Sure, but it’s also fucking stupid. No one should change just to keep someone they love because if they were meant to be, then their values would align…right?

"It's not that simple, Jongseong," you argue through the silence, your voice tinged with frustration, "You can't just sweep aside your dreams for the sake of our relationship. What about what you want? What about your own happiness?"

Jongseong sits up, the covers hiding his naked lower half; he hadn’t realised he was naked and it only adds a new layer to his vulnerability. He is laying himself bare to you.

But Jongseong's gaze remains unwavering, his determination evident in the set of his jaw, "Since we broke up, I've realised that you are the life I want," he declares, his words carrying the weight of his conviction, "Whatever that looks like for you, I want it."

You feel his words like a pickaxe, slowly breaking away at the wall you’ve spent months building around your heart and reason. A whirlwind of conflicting emotions sweeps over you. On one hand, his declaration of love sparks a glimmer of hope amidst the ruins of your fractured relationship. Yet, on the other hand, doubt claws at your insides, gnawing away at any semblance of certainty, the pure love that you have for him only wishes to make sure he’s happy and gets everything he wants in life.

"Jongseong, I..." you start, your voice wavering as you grapple with the turmoil inside. How do you express the depth of your feelings?

Grabbing your face with his large hands, he kisses you, his soft lips now coating yours. You’ve missed him so much that you become overwhelmed by his actions, a soft tear leaking from your ducts.

So much for being all cried out, you think to yourself.

"It's you, Y/N, I only need you," Jongseong whispers against your lips, his urgency evident as he seeks solace in the warmth of your embrace, stealing kisses with a hunger born from longing.

In spite of yourself, you find your lips responding to his touch, drawn in by the familiar sensation of his mouth against yours. Your arms instinctively wrap around him, fingers grazing lightly over the muscles of his back as you hold him close; your brain is telling you to push him away but your heart is pulling him tighter to you. 

"It's not fair to you, Jjongie," you murmur, the words weighted with a sense of guilt and remorse.

"I'd rather be with you happily than with kids and someone else miserably," Jongseong confesses, his words carrying the weight of his heart's deepest desires.

Jongseong wishes you could see it from his point of view; of course, he has wanted kids and a comfortable life for so long but the idea of achieving that when you are not his wife seems fucking ridiculous. There is no one in this world he wants to be with other than you and if that means he has to be an uncle rather than a dad, so be it.

You are all he has ever wanted. To grow old with you, to experience each of your accomplishments together and have you close to him. He wants to protect you and look after you the way he knows he should and that is his new life goal. This isn’t a decision he has made lightly but a decision he wanted to make.

His hands glide down your sides, trailing over your thighs as his kisses continue, each touch a manifestation of the craving that has consumed him. His need for you is overwhelming, every fibre of his being yearning for you in every possible way. Another moment without you feels unbearable, as if he might die.

You surrender to his touch, sinking back onto the bed as he hovers above you, his grip on your thighs firm yet tender. The intensity of his desire leaves marks, but in this moment, you welcome anything he offers.

It's astonishing how the feel of his lips on yours dismantles your resolve, scattering your apprehensions like leaves in the wind.

Slowly, he removes from you the t-shirt that has absorbed his tears on countless nights and the boxers you borrowed from him, leaving you exposed beneath him. As he looks upon your naked figure, his eyes drink in every curve and contour, offering silent gratitude to the heavens for letting him have you like this. You are everything he wants and more.

“You’re so fucking beautiful, Y/N,” he whispers into your mouth as he presses his body hard against yours, his member rubbing itself against your folds. 

The feeling of him rubbing against you is enough to elicit a moan. No amount of toys was enough to satisfy you, not the way Jongseong could. Over the years you learned about one another’s bodies so intimately that no one could ever know you the way he does, not even yourself. 

You couldn’t bear the thought of sleeping with someone else, even if you and Jongseong had broken up, your heart couldn’t do it. You never even considered a one night stand because deep down you knew that your body belonged to Jongseong and no one else.

He moves his hips, slowly rubbing himself against you, the bell of his cock grazing your clit teasingly. It feels like a dream for him to touch you this way again, and the fact that you were coating his cock with your wetness was enough to tell him that you need this too.

Kissing you desperately, his tongue darts into your mouth and swirls with yours as he seeks to taste you, his buds dancing along with yours. He moans into your mouth and acts as an echo of his love for you.

“I missed you so much,” he whispers as his hips continue to move slowly, teasing your hole with his tip each time he draws back. It’s becoming increasingly obvious how much it’s starting to irritate you, your need to have him inside you is evident in your whines of frustration.

"I missed you too, baby. More than anything," you confess, your hand finding his cock as you press against him, seeking to create greater friction between you. With each movement, the pressure builds, sending waves of pleasure coursing through both of you.

With each synchronised movement, the tension between you mounts, the desire for one another lingering in the warm air. His hips continue their slow, teasing rhythm, each brush against your core sending sparks of want up your heat and into your chest.

Feeling the urgency building within you, you guide his cock with precision, pressing it against your eager entrance. A soft gasp escapes your lips as you feel the head of his length dip into you only slightly, the anticipation of being filled with him heightening your senses.

"Please," you whisper, your voice laden with need and longing, a plea for him to take you.

With a teasing grin, Jongseong relents to your plea, but not in the way you expected. Instead of thrusting into you the way you want him to, he trails his fingertips along the curves of your body, igniting a trail of fire in his wake. His touch is light and tantalising, tracing patterns across your skin as he savours every moment. He wants to take his time with you, no matter how much his dick longs to be surrounded by your walls.

You like to be teased even for a little bit, the payoff at the end always hits the right spot.

You squirm beneath his touch, aching for more, but he continues with deliberate slowness. His fingers dance over your heated flesh, exploring every inch of your body with an intimacy that leaves you breathless. Each caress sends shivers down your spine, building the anticipation to unbearable heights. God, you missed his hands all over you.

As his right hand dips lower, he begins tracing circles around your sensitive clit and you can't help but arch your back in pleasure, a soft moan escaping your lips. The sensation is electrifying, sending waves coursing through your body as he expertly teases you.

Feeling your body tremble with anticipation, his touch becomes more urgent as he presses his fingers against your throbbing clit h and with practised skill, he begins to move faster, applying just the right amount of pressure to have you writhing beneath him.

“You look so fucking perfect, all desperate and whiney like this, Princess,” he says as he leans down to kiss you, breathing in deeply through his nose as he tries to fill each of his senses with you. It wasn’t just enough to feel you, he wanted to taste you, to inhale your scent, to hear you cry out for him, to see you unravel beneath him.

Your breath catches in your throat as the intensity of his touch sends you spiralling towards the edge of bliss. Each stroke of his fingers drives you closer to the brink, your body humming with the need to let go.

But just as you feel yourself teetering on the edge, Jongseong suddenly slows his movements, drawing out the pleasure with agonising slowness. It's a torturous tease, the brief moments of intensity followed by long, drawn-out strokes that leave you gasping for more.

“Please, please, please, Jjongie,” you whimper in frustration, your body aching for release as Jongseong continues to play you like a symphony, alternating between fast and slow, building the tension to unbearable levels. Just when you think you can't take it anymore, he finally gives in, his fingers dipping into your heat and thrusting into you at a rough pace, your pussy soaking his digits as he coaxes out your orgasm.

“You’re clamping down on my fingers so hard, Baby, you gonna cum?” he asks arrogantly, knowing that with each curl of his finger, he is watching your body lose control and surrender to him.

Nodding quickly, you pull him down for a long, searing kiss as his thumb joins the party and flicks your clit rapidly, “Oh my god,” you moan out into his mouth through bated breaths, “I’m gonna cum, Jongseong, please can I cum?”

“You never have to ask baby,” he moves his mouth to your ear and lightly nibbles your lobe, “Cum for me, Princess,” he gently commands.

Jongseong continues to work his magic, his fingers moving with expert precision as he guides you through the throes of ecstasy. Your vision blurs and every nerve in your body hums with pleasure as you reach the pinnacle of bliss.

With a final, desperate cry, you let go, your orgasm crashing over you like a tidal wave. You arch your back and cry out his name as pleasure consumes you, your body trembling with the intensity of it all.

His fingers remain still inside you, but his thumb maintains its relentless pace, each swipe sending jolts of pleasure coursing through your body. Your hips instinctively twitch in response, your nub throbbing with sensitivity and yearning for a respite. Yet, Jongseong shows no signs of letting up, his determined flicking only intensifying.

"You like that, baby?" Jongseong's voice is hoarse with desire as he intently watches your reactions. His eyes are dark with need as he continues to work you with wild desire. 

Your senses are overwhelmed by sensations pouring through you, so you can only respond with a gasping nod. Every single nerve in your body is buzzing with ecstasy, and all you can think of is the delicious agony of his thumb against your delicate clit.

"Tell me what you want, Princess," he asks, his voice a seductive whisper in your ear, "Do you want more?"

You can only make a frantic plea, your words barely comprehensible in the middle of intense pleasure. "Yes, please, Jongseong... More..."

Jongseong's lips curl into a wicked grin as he hears your plea, his confidence growing with each breathless gasp that escapes your lips. With a teasing twinkle in his eye, he moves his fingers again, pressing them against your contracting walls, his hot breath ghosting over your ear as he speaks.

"What do you want, Y/N?" he whispers, his voice dripping with anticipation, "Tell me, and I'll give it to you."

Your mind is a haze of desire, but amidst the fog, one thought stands out clear and demanding. You need him inside you, filling you completely with his presence. With trembling hands, you reach for him, your fingers curling around his cock, guiding him to where you need him most, pushing his hand out of the way.

"I want you," you whisper, your voice trembling with need. "I want all of you, Jongseong." When you utter the words, there’s a deeper meaning to them, a meaning that Jongseong is clinging to.

The way your fingers wrap around his rock-hard member elicits a hiss from him, your touch mixed with your words only fuels him to give you everything you need. 

Jongseong lets out a guttural groan, entirely surrendering to your touch and words. His eyes darken with want as he watches you take control, and his breath quickens with anticipation as you guide him inside you. His breath coming in ragged gasps, he looks into your eyes with a mixture of desire and adoration, "God, Y/N," he murmurs, his voice rough with need, “You feel so fucking incredible. I’ve missed how you just suck me in like this.”

You look down and watch as his entire length gets lost in your heat, his cock’s head hitting deep within you. You’ve missed how he fills you up so much but you hadn’t realised just how badly until right now as he shallowly thrusts into you.

You respond with a low moan of pleasure, your nails digging into his skin as you pull him closer, urging him to go deeper. "Yes, Jongseong," you whisper, your voice laced with longing, "just like that. I need this so much, I need you."

With each thrust, he grunts in response, his movements becoming more desperate as he seeks to satisfy your every desire, "I'm yours, Y/N," he declares, his voice filled with raw emotion, "completely and utterly yours."

As he lifts your legs and closes them, gently draping them over his left shoulder, your warmth envelops his shaft, drawing him in closer. Jongseong relishes the sensation of your tightness, revelling in the snug embrace of your canal around him. And you too find delight in the pressure of his girth, relishing the way he stretches you further with every powerful thrust.

Each movement of his hips is deliberate, each one designed to bring you both closer to the edge of ecstasy. As his hands stroke your legs tenderly, contrasting with the intensity of his thrusts, you find yourself lost in the intoxicating rhythm of your bodies moving as one.

His jerks grow more intense, the pace quickening as he drives deeper into you, each stroke bringing you closer to the edge, "You feel so good," he groans, his voice filled with unrestrained passion, "so fucking perfect for me, Princess."

In response, you curve your back and meet his thrusts with equal conviction, the heat between you building to an almost euphoric level. "Jongseong," you exclaim, your voice a symphony of fulfilment, "don't stop, please don't stop."

Jongseong intensifies his efforts with a wild growl, each movement driven by a burning need to push you to the edge of satisfaction and beyond. At this moment, there is only you and him, burned by the fires of passion.

With a swift motion, your lover bends you in half, positioning your legs by your head as he quickens his already rapid pace. Lost in a whirlwind of desire, your eyes roll back and your hands instinctively grip his shoulders, your chest heaving with each forceful thrust of his cock. Your nails dig into his skin, leaving marks on his shoulder blades as you cling to him, lost in the intensity of the moment.

Feeling the sting of your nails, he grits his teeth and strains his neck, the veins in his temples pulsating as he fights the overwhelming urge to release inside you right then and there.

“Fuck, claw my back, Baby,” he growls, his voice thick with desire, “make me yours again.” With determination, he continues to pound into you, each movement bringing you closer to your shared orgasm.

After hearing Jongseong’s go-ahead, you dig into his back, dragging your nails across his skin, leaving fiery red lines in their wake, just like he wants. It burns him in the most delectable way, making his cock throb inside of you.

Your breaths combine in the air, creating an ensemble of desire as you both reach the edge. The tension between you grows with each thrust, a crescendo of want reaching its peak.

As he slams into you furiously, his voice fills the room with urgency, "You gonna cum again, Princess? You want it?" His words are a mixture of want and domination, starting a fire inside you that threatens to consume everything in its path.

With a firm nod, you meet his gaze, your eyes brimming with want. "Yes, Jongseong, please," you beg, your voice a frantic appeal for release once again.

In response, he increases his efforts, his motions growing more frenzied as he propels you both to your orgasms. And then, with a final, strong thrust, you shatter, your body convulsing from the ferocity of your release. Jongseong follows closely behind, his own climax mirroring yours as he finds release within you, “Fuck!” 

His body stills as he shoots his seed into you, the tremble of both your bodies vibrates the bed beneath you. Finding it hard to keep himself up, he falls onto you, moving his cock into you further, only drawing out a final moan from your lips.

After a couple of minutes, Jongseong rolls over, his chest heaving up and down rapidly. God, he missed the way you feel under him, he could go another ten rounds if you asked. 

But that would mean you would stay, and is that even something you want? He doesn’t want to ask, your answer being the deciding factor of whether he goes on his life with misery or happiness.

He knows he can’t force you into this relationship but he hopes he has done enough to convince you that you are all he wants.

“Please be with me again, Y/N. I can’t live without you,” he whispers into the air, not daring to look at you.

You on the other hand only want to look at him, to see if you can really try this again, “Even if it means no kids? No playdates with other parents? No family trips to Jeju?”

“Even without all that.” He does look sincere, his eyes now burning into yours with a new lease of determination.

The truth is, you’ve missed him so much that it hurts. Behind the strong facade is just a girl who misses her lover. Being without him is like being in a fire with no escape, constantly fighting your way out of a blaze while your lungs collapse. He’s the clear path to fresh air you desperately need, there is no denying it. And clearly, he thinks the same about you. 

Seeing him last night so fragile and broken engulfed you in the flames, burning you alive because you know that you feel every ounce of hurt that he is. It was a mirror to how you were feeling and you don’t think you knew how badly you needed him until that moment. You were trying to be so strong about it all, giving yourself only a short amount of time to grieve that as you looked at Jongseong last night, you know he has done the same.

You need one another to extinguish the fire.

“Jongseong, truly think about this, this isn’t me saying no to letting you go on a lads holiday, I’m denying you the opportunity to be a father,” you plead with him one last time, giving him an out to all of this as you lay it all on the table.

“Princess, I have had seven months to think about it. I am not compromising or altering my needs for you, this is a decision that I have made on my own. If I truly wanted the life I thought I did, I wouldn’t be begging you to be with me right now. I know this isn’t an easy choice but I have never been more sure about anything in my life.” 

Jongseong kisses all over your face, each one a receipt of his sincerity.

His words strike straight into your heart. He’s serious. A part of you wants to still feel guilty like you’re forcing him into this but on the other hand, he’s right. You’ve given him a multitude of opportunities to leave and find a girl who will cater to him, but he hasn’t. 

He doesn’t need to because all he needs is you and your love, to Jongseong, that is all he needs in his life.

“Okay, but if you ever change your min-”

He interjects with a kiss, one filled with so much happiness and love that it’s almost intoxicating; either that or all the booze in his system has transferred its way into your bloodstream. 

You giggle as he rolls over on top of you again, peppering loud and wet kisses all over your face and neck akin to a dog licking you from utter joy. Your hands try to fight him off playfully, your laugh growing louder as he nuzzles into your neck.

“Oh, wait!” Your lover's sudden pause catches your attention, his eyes sparkling with excitement as he swiftly rolls off the bed and rushes over to the messy pile on the chair by his dresser.

Curious, you crane your neck to see what he's up to, watching as he retrieves something from the floor.

“What is it?” you inquire, intrigued by his enthusiasm.

Turning back to you, Jongseong holds up the familiar torn sheet of paper that you recognise instantly, his smile lighting up his face. He grabs a pen from the desk and returns to your side, handing you both items.

“Tick it off,” he urges, pointing to the bottom of the page where a new addition was made yesterday morning. Despite his internal conflict about the list, he couldn't bring himself to tear it up. If he never saw you again, this would be a precious memory to hold onto.

So he added a new aspiration at the bottom.

Taking the pen from his hand, you read it slowly, “Make Y/N mine again..”

You gaze up at him in awe, understanding the significance of this gesture and how much the list means to him, “You wished for this?” you ask, to which he simply nods at your question, “Then you need to tick it off.” You push the pen and paper back to him but he stops you.

“No, you made the wish come true, so you need to tick it off,” he replies, the corners of his lips upturning slightly.

So with the pen, you draw a line over the words, scoring it off once and for all as you beam proudly, happy that both of your souls are now joined together again. You pull him in for a long, deep kiss, the bucket list discarded as you lose yourselves in the moment once again.

#enhypen smut #enha smut #enhypen x reader #enhypen angst #jay smut #park jongseong smut #aj writes #jay x reader #park jongseong x reader

[cjayius]

INTO IT — LEE HEESEUNG

SYNOPSIS. you have always hated heeseung. unfortunately, he's a world famous racer, and you're his team manager. but when he crashes during a race, you're met with feelings for him that you don't quite recognize.

pairing. racer!heeseung x f!reader wc. 0.52k tw. mentions of hee crashing , hugging genre. fluff , e2l (?) ( CATALOGUE )

as you both step out into the bustling racing area, you can feel the tension in the air. the pitwall is abuzz with activity as you and heeseung stand among the important figures of the racing team.

arguments aren't uncommon between the two of you, and today is no exception.

heeseung's frustration is palpable, his jaw set firmly as he glares at you, hands clenched into fists at his sides. " you can't be serious about this, " you retort, your voice edged with exasperation, arms defiantly crossed over your chest.

" you're taking unnecessary risks out there, heeseung. " his response is sharp, a scoff escaping his lips as he steps closer, his face mere inches from yours.

" i know what i'm doing, okay ? stop treating me like i'm some rookie driver who needs babysitting. "

your eyes narrow at him, anger flashing through them. " you're being reckless, heeseung. i won't stand by and watch you put yourself in danger. you're not doing it. "

with a dismissive wave of his hand, heeseung turns away, stomping toward his car, jaw clenched. you watch him go, a knot of anger only tightening in your chest as he climbs into the vehicle, movements tense and aggressive.

as heeseung's car speeds around the track, you can't help but feel a sense of anxiety. despite your frustration with him, you can't shake the worry that gnaws at you as you watch him twist around the course.

suddenly, a collective gasp ripples through the crowd as his car swerves abruptly, crashing into the barriers with a sickening thud.

your heart leaps into your throat as panic courses through you, hands gripping the edge of the pitwall with a force so strong you could have broken it. frantically, you reach for the radio, voice trembling as you call out, " heeseung, are you okay ? answer me, please ! "

no response.

" heeseung, please ! " but there's no response, and dread settles heavily in the pit of your stomach and you watch, helpless, as the race officials rush to the scene. time seems to stand still as you wait for any sign of movement from his car.

your mind was already racing with the worst-case scenarios.

finally, relief floods through you as you see him emerge from the wreckage, seemingly unscathed. but any relief is quickly replaced by anger as you realize he's smirking, reveling in the worry he's caused you.

storming towards him, your frustration boils over as you slap his chest. " what the hell were you thinking ? do you have any idea how worried i was ? you could've gotten seriously hurt ! "

his smirk falters, but before he can respond, your anger melts away, and without thinking, you wrap your arms tightly around him, pulling him into a hug.

for a moment, there's a stunned silence between you, the weight of the moment hanging in the air. heeseung's surprise quickly gives way to a soft chuckle as he returns the embrace, his arms enveloping you.

" i'm okay, stop worrying so much. " he hums into the crook of your neck as he wraps his arms tighter around your figure.

for a moment, the world falls away, but then reality comes crashing back, and you hastily pull away, cheeks burning with embarrassment as you remember that you're supposed to hate each other.

clearing your throat awkwardly, you take a step back, avoiding heeseung's gaze as you try to compose yourself. " well, um, i'm glad you're okay, " you mutter, voice betraying you as you let out a shaky breath.

he watches with amusement, as you rush away from him, cheeks flushed. he was going to get you to say it.

taglist : @so-lychee @mellowdyverse @bambisnc

#enhypen #enhypen fluff #enhypen angst #enhypen x reader #heeseung #lee heeseung #heeseung x reader #park jongseong #nishimura riki #park sunghoon #park jay #kim sunoo #enhypen smau #sim jaeyun #yang jungwon #heeseung smau #enhypen imagines

[jongseongsnudes]

four.

warning; 😳??? 0.9k words.

masterlist.

“it was a pleasure meeting you here tonight, mr park jongseong,” an older gentleman says as he shakes your boss’ hands a little too eagerly, “i hope we can keep in contact after this to discuss more on future projects.”

finally, it was almost time to leave.

as exciting as it was to have dinner on such an exclusive cruise for the first time, you wanted nothing more than to snuggle into your heaven of pillows back at the hotel. not only were you becoming restless but the three glasses of champagne you had earlier was starting to kick in, slowly overtaking your very lightweight ass. 

and finally, after going through practically every guest on this cruise, it was time to leave. you’re not sure how mr park could converse with so many people about the exact same thing over and over but you respected him for it. he was definitely a hard worker for someone with so much money and power.

quickly gathering your things into your clutch, you follow mr park towards the cruise’s exit in complete silence. perhaps it’s the alcohol in you that had you daring enough to gawk over your boss’ physique from behind. it’s a no brainer that he was good looking, smart and rich but it was almost unfair just how perfect he was, everywhere else as well. the view of his broad shoulders and obviously sturdy arms covered by his white button up had you internally screaming, the piece of thin material doing no justice to him at all. but it’s his height that always catches you off guard because after all, the man did tower over you.

swoon.

as much as you wanted to stay staring at mr park’s back, you actually had other things to worry about. your feet, to be specific. you were evidently struggling, the gravel and uneven ground beneath making it a hundred times harder for you to walk in these fifty inch killer high heels you had on. you wanted to curse at this point, annoyed at the fact that you chose to wear them because pain was all you could feel now.

“oh shit-” as if right on cue, you step on what must’ve been a small rock and feel your ankle give out, causing your entire body to fall forwards. your hand instinctively reaches out to clutch onto whatever there was to keep you up... which happened to be your boss. of course. the poor man almost topples over with how harsh you knocked into him but he immediately stables himself and quickly grabs onto you as well.

oh shit indeed.

“are you okay, miss park?”

“ye- yeah i’m fine. i’m so sorry sir,” you attempt to stabilise yourself but with how much your ankle was hurting, you almost fall over again. “maybe not... my ankle hurts a little.”

a frown immediately appears on mr park’s face as he glances down at your feet, annoyed at something you’re not entirely sure about. but you assume it’s because you’re embarrassing him in front of so many prominent figures.

“i can walk! just slowly though...” your words trail off awkwardly as you muster all your strength to stand by yourself but the man’s clutch around you doesn’t loosen at all. “how about you go to the car first and i’ll be right there! OR you can go back to the hotel first and i’ll take a taxi- AH MR PARK-”

your boss doesn’t even wait for you to finish your sentence before swiftly lifting you (bridal style) into his arms with such ease. how he could look so relaxed and be so unbothered by everyone’s stares really amazed you because you know for a fact that you must’ve looked like a burning tomato sitting in his embrace.

“sir- sir put me down! i can walk, i really can!” you whisper-yell, fully intending to keep the conversation between you and him, “people are staring at you...”

“i don’t want to keep repeating myself, miss park, but am i your boss-”

“i know you’re my boss sir, that’s why you should put me down,” your attempts to convince your stubborn boss don’t seem to phase him at all. “oh my god... i’m wrinkling your shirt too. it must be really expensive!”

instead of the threatening glare you were expecting to see from you interrupting him, the man begins to chuckle, leaving you completely lost for words. the last thing you expected your cold boss to do was... well... chuckle. you don’t think you’ve ever even seen him in such a mood before and it was definitely a sight to see.

“sir... are you okay?”

the smile on his face while looking down at you, though very small, was enough to have your heart picking up the pace. this was something you were afraid of since day one on the job... because having a one sided crush on your boss would not only be disastrous for your job itself... but also for your poor heart.  

end.

taglist; @i-dalso @wony6ung @jeonjungkookkk @j4yluvr​ @soobsbby @astra-line​ @drunkanddazedalways @shine-your-light​ ​@02zprotector @yabukkura ​@sonmil @byunhoebaek @artgukkx @nowrosesaredead ​@lhsng @abdiitcryy @hwasatiny @uuvjungwon @dehydratedami @enhasengene @enhacolor @my5colors @kyutiepeachy @miiiwaa @miixsh @vantxx95 @1115phile @outrologist @9900z @axartia @yuakagi @bunhoons @3nh4luvr @duckieanon @manaswi-madhusudan @skylaryoung2002 @lix-freckle3 @uuwonnie @emoworu @kyoyangwon @sunshine-skz @paolennenicole @cherryblushtzy @carateum1 @ahnneyong @hhganyu @duolingofanaccount @hseungi @omgjwon @jays-blue @jaykedpotato @gobighee @jiawji @taekbokki @wonwon-ie @mavlogist @thedemonundernikisbed @rosie-is-everywhere @kuleo26   @ii4enha-jwn @thejjrl @taytaymuse @cococake @sunooslover @inlovewsimjaeyun @muffinminnie @sashamifasolla @yoonjin96 @choibeomgogi @flower-lise @princesjy @she-is-dreaming ​​@n-wjns @simksl @love-enhaa  

2022 © jongseongsnudes. please do not copy, translate or repost.

#jongseongsnudes #the enha universe #jay; the boss #enhypen #enhypen drabble #enhypen fanfic #enhypen fic #enhypen scenario #enhypen imagine #enhypen reaction #enhypen smut #enhypen x reader #enhypen fluff #enhypen jay #jay #park jay fluff #park jay x reader #park jay imagine #park jay angst #park jay smut #park jongseong #jay drabble #jay smut #jay fic #jay fanfic #jay scenario #park jongseong fluff #jongseong imagine #park jongseong imagine #jongseong

[minhosimthings]

Hold Me Without Hurting Me: A Jay Fic

A/N: In which an old friend fills your life with flowers again, along a bumpy sided road.

Pairings: Ceo!Jay × Ceo!fem!reader, includes rest of Enhypen and certain other groups

Story prompt: If I had a flower for every time I fell in love with you, I would walk in my garden forever. (This story is based on the language of flowers.)

A/N: got obsessed with flowers one day and boom this came out of it.

Chapter 1: Crocuses and Kindred Meetings

Chapter 2: Germanium and Gin

Chapter 3: Carnations and Cold Winds

Chapter 4: Wattles and Wills

Chapter 5: Marigold and Maladies

Chapter 6: A trip to the Past

Chapter 7: Violets and Violins

Chapter 8: Crab blossoms and Curt kisses

Chapter 9: Nettleseed and Next steps

Chapter 10: Gladiolus and Gemstone Memoirs

Chapter 11: Hyssop and Hidden Feelings

Chapter 12: Deflowering

Chapter 13: Tulips and Tough luck

Chapter 14: Hibiscus and Holding on

Chapter 15 (finale): Yarrow and Yesterday's Love

#jay #park jay #enhypen park jongseong #enhypen #enha #enha jay #enha jay park #enhypen jay park #enha jay fic #enhypen jay fic #jay fic #jay angst #jay fluff #jay hurt comfort #park jay angst #park jay fluff #jay fluff fic #jay angst fic #enhypen jay #enhypen park jay #enhypen jay fluff #bye bye now

[parkjayist]

ESSENCE OF ROMANCE: PROLOGUE

sum park jongseong is in denial, but the truth is undeniable: he's hit a dead end. how can he maintain his title as a world renowned chemist if he can't even advance his own research? meanwhile, you, an aspiring chemist, have faced constant belittlement from your male colleagues as you pursue your own groundbreaking research in isolation. when jongseong finds you conducting experiments in HIS own lab, he's enraged. he's enveloped in fury when he realizes that you two are trying to research the same topic. yet, buried beneath his rage lies a deep sense of desperation, and he's willing to do anything to finally finish his research he's been putting off for so many years. perhaps you're the missing piece in his research (and life).

pairing chemist!park jongseong x female chemist!reader

genre written series, slowburn, angst, fluff, " enemies " to lovers, coworkers au, 1960s au, smarty pants x smarty pants

warnings misogyny, swearing

an okayy here's the (short) prologue! i decided to write it separately from chapter 1 because i want to build the personality for yn first. expect the first chapter soon! here's a PLAYLIST you can listen to while reading! notes would be greatly appreciated ^^

wc 870 (0.8k) SERIES MASTERLIST

abiogenesis – the basis of life. you were always fascinated by the concept of life from the moment your teacher talked about it in your highschool chemistry class. how could one element hold such power, such significance in the grand scheme of existence? how are we, mere compositions of atoms and strands of DNA, capable of achieving feats that transcend the limits of our imagination?

in the bustling chemistry lab of darkwood laboratories, you find yourself cast in the role of a humble lab assistant. you’re definitely not satisfied with your title, but it’s the best you can get for now. once you publish your research, no one will ever look down on you again, and you’re determined to embarrass every man who has ever doubted you with the newfound research you hope to conduct. 

but for now, your days are spent in a whirlwind of activity, as you juggle the demands of fetching coffee, replenishing supplies, and assisting the male chemists in their experiments. their commands are curt, their expectations high, and their acknowledgement of your presence fleeting. you often find yourself biting your tongue as you witness the male chemists make mistakes in their experiments. when you try to point out their errors, they brush you off with a dismissive wave, their voices dripping with condescension. 

miss (___), let me remind you that you’re just a lab technician, they sneer. let the real chemists handle the hard stuff. they would laugh, pouting at you condescendingly. 

with a tight smile and a resigned nod, you comply, masking the frustration that simmers beneath the surface. it's a routine you've grown accustomed to – the sidelining of your aspirations in favor of catering to the needs of your male colleagues.

every day, as the sun begins its descent beyond the horizon, casting long shadows across the laboratory benches, the energy of the lab shifts. as your coworkers leave one by one, you finally have the opportunity to pursue your true calling: researching abiogenesis, the very essence of life's origins. tonight, however, as you begin to immerse yourself in your research, a nagging realization dawns upon you – you're running dangerously low on essential materials. 

“shit,” you groaned in frustration.

you hated when you were interrupted in your work. whether it was someone else, yourself or nature, it was one of your worst pet peeves. every interruption felt like a disruption of the delicate balance you had worked so hard to maintain. whether it was the incessant chatter of your colleagues, the nagging doubts that crept into your own mind, or the unexpected intrusion of nature's stupid whims, each interruption grated on your nerves like sandpaper against skin. there was a rhythm to your work, a flow that you slipped into effortlessly as you delved deeper into your research. every moment lost to distraction felt like a step backward, a missed opportunity to uncover the secrets of life that lay just beyond your grasp. and yet, despite your best efforts to shut out the noise and focus on your work, interruptions seemed to come at the most inopportune moments. the clatter of footsteps in the hallway, the incessant ringing of the telephone, the sudden flicker of the broken lights – each disturbance pulled you away from your work, leaving you frustrated and irritable. 

navigating the dark corridors of the lab, you can’t help but feel a sense of uneasiness. as if something was going to pop out and chase you. however you shove these feelings at the back of your head, and you find yourself at an unlocked lab. the faded name of the door reads “J. Park” with a sign below it stating in bold red, “DO NOT COME IN.” 

well, he was the one who left it open, you thought. plus, you were only going to in there for a minute ... just to get the materials you needed. 

with cautious steps, you enter the dimly lit space. jongseong's lab is, simply put, a chaos of clutter and disarray. test tubes and beakers litter the countertops, their contents long forgotten or left to evaporate into a sticky residue. papers and notebooks are strewn haphazardly across the desks, their pages crumpled and stained with mysterious substances. the air is thick with the scent of chemicals, mingling with the faint aroma of stale coffee. empty coffee cups and half-eaten sandwiches dot the landscape, and random pieces of clothing are placed randomly around the lab. 

you brush some crumbs off the table. “what a careless scientist,” you murmur to yourself. “he can’t even follow basic science procedures … i wonder how much money he paid to get his own lab.”

while trying to find the materials you needed, you suddenly felt yourself drawn to the chalkboard at the back of the lab. although the drawing was messy, you could make out the equations and drawings that you assumed the owner of this lab did. just as you were about to piece together what it was about, a voice shatters the silence, sharp and unexpected. you turn around at the sudden intrusion and you find a man standing at the door – his expression mixed with irritation and confusion.

“what the hell do you think you’re doing in my lab?” 

next.

-----------------------------------

tagged: @sophiko22 @minseongsworld

#- ESSENCE OF ROMANCE #enhypen imagines #enhypen x reader #enhypen fanfic #enhypen fluff #park jongseong x reader #enhypen scenarios #jay x reader #park jay fluff #park jay x reader #parkjayist #enhypen angst #enhypen au #park jay angst

[all4yoi]

was it just a game to you?

𝑒nhypen x fem!reader ⚹ cw. hyung line , 2nd pov , ︎ poor attempt on angst , lowercase intended , hand holding ( not w u! xd ) , karina mentioned on heeseung's & wonyoung on sunghoon's , not proofread ! part two here !

catching them holding hands with another girl after they accepted your confession 

confessing to them was already on your monthly bucket list, but them accepting it and liking you back certainly wasn't. feeling ecstatic, you walk towards your university's glass doors only to find him holding hands with a female that certainly isn't you.

★ LEE HEESEUNG

eyes trained on their hands clutched tightly on to one another, you watch silently as the girl smiled up at him shyly, tucking a strand of her hair with her empty hand.

doubt began overtaking you. right, who would choose someone like you over someone like karina? she was everything you weren't. perfect face, perfect body, she's kind, and absolutely beautiful. if you were heeseung, you would choose her too.

you flinched as you made eye contact with the girl holding hands with someone who should be yours. she sent you a smile, a genuine one. not mocking, nor insulting. she didn't have any idea about the conversation last night you shared with the man she's holding hands with.

she didn't know about how he smiled at you brightly, didn't know about the hug you two shared, and absolutely didn't know about how he said he liked you too. so how could you hate and blame her?

before you could even send a smile back at her, heeseung turned around and instantly took his hand back when his gaze landed on your stiff body.

instead of making a scene, you showed them the best smile you could muster despite the quiver on your lips before quickly walking away towards your first class.

heeseung panicked, turning to karina.

"you're a great friend karina, but i don't feel the same. i'm sorry."

with that, he ran after you hoping you would hear him out and let him explain.

other members utc!

★ PARK JONGSEONG

you felt your mood instantly drop. yesterday he promised he would prove to you how much he liked you back too, now he's holding hands with a pretty girl.

your eyes quickly met his and the way he quickly took his hand back from the girl made you even more upset. you watched as the female said something incoherent to him before he approached you hastily.

he stood infront of you, worry written all over his face. your frowned deepened, betrayal making your chess heavy.

"it's not what it looked like, i promise." jay whispered that only you could hear. he didn't want you doubting his feelings for you, he was merely helping the girl up after he had bumped into her. she insisted on shaking his hand after telling him her name, it was such wrong timing that you saw.

he didn't mean to hurt you.

"it's okay. i'll see you later jay." was all you said before walking away with a small smile. he watched your figure become smaller and smaller until he lost your figure to the students crowding the halls.

despite the smile on your pretty face, jay knew he had hurt you badly and he intended on fixing that. for now, he'd give you space.

★  SIM JAEYUN

his hand was instantly removed from hers as soon as you saw it. you didn't know what to feel. were you supposed to be glad that he immediately let her go as soon as your eyes met his? still, you don't know for how long he has been holding her hand before you even saw.

but then again, you two weren't together. so who were you to be mad? he liked you back sure, but he wasn't your boyfriend. he could hold hands with anyone he'd like. but was it bad to hope that he'd only do those things with you?

you couldn't help the tears falling down your cheeks. immediately, you felt ashamed. ashamed for crying about something so stupid like this, so you did what everyone would've done.

you ran, ignoring his desperate calls for you. and even when he caught up with you and brought you to his chest, the tears didn't stop. you mentally cursed yourself for being so sensitive.

pushing yourself away from him, you wiped away the tears.

"i can explain, please."

"it's fine jake, really. i just wish you would've been more honest with me." lips wobbly as you attempted a small smile, jake's heart broke as he watched you walk away from him again.

★  PARK SUNGHOON

you didn't know what to do. there he was, holding hands with the prettiest girl in campus with other students fawning over them. exclaims on how good they looked together echoed through your ears.

maybe he only said he liked you back to make fun of your reaction with his friends. maybe it was a lousy bet between him and his friends to make you believe he actually liked you back.

"don't they look absolutely good together? seriously, sunghoon and wonyoung, literally everyone here expected them to get together at some point" a random student told you, her smile wide as she observed the two, who were still holding hands.

the way he stiffened and dropped her hand as soon as your eyes met his brought you back to reality. blending in with the crowd in the halls, you attempted to escape his line of sight, desperate to leave before the tears in your tear ducts escape.

you were forced to halt when you felt a strong grip on your forearm. sunghoon turned you around to face him, his brows furrowed whilst he bit his bottom

"y/n.." he gulped as he saw how your eyes got teary immediately. "i'm sorry, it's not like that at all."

"so why were you holding her hand? with the biggest smile on your face?" he kept his mouth shut, unable to form an answer. this only made you frustrated even more.

pulling your arm back, you cleared your throat and looked down on your shoe. "you could've turned me down instead of making me hope- nevermind.. see you around."

sunghoon watched you walk away from him helplessly, mentally beating himself up for not clearing things up.

#enhypen x reader #enha x reader #enhypen #enhypen angst #jake x reader #heeseung x reader #sunghoon x reader #park jay x you #jay x reader #enhypen jay #enhypen fanfiction #enhypen imagines #heeseung angst #jake angst #jay angst #sunghoon angst #heeseung imagines #jake imagines #jay imagines #sunghoon imagines #enhypen x y/n #enhypen x female reader

[luviestarz]

lee heeseung fic recs!

♥︎ "mind saying that again?" (heeseung x reader) - @heeliopheelia

♥︎ — RACING, BEATING. - @wonlovie (You didn’t mean to show up to one of the most important meetings of your year completely hungover. No, in reality you would have preferred being sober when you met the man your father was marrying you off to. But how could you resist those dark eyes and plump lips that tempted you on your final night of freedom?)

♥︎ VERBOTEN - LEE HEESEUNG [complete] - @heesbaby (a bad stroke of luck saw lee heeseung, your dads coworker, moving into your small apartment until he found his feet again. emotionally unavailable and a workaholic, you were going to try your absolute hardest to make him loosen up. even if it meant breaking a few of the house rules he'd set out.)

♥︎ last time - @hees-mine (After giving into temptation, there was no end. The guilt was slowly started to fade, and you felt yourself falling deeper and deeper into the pit of lust for your best friend's father.)

♥︎ boring, draining, tedious, company party- lee heeseung - @boydepartment

♥︎ 𝐋𝐄𝐄 𝐇𝐄𝐄𝐒𝐄𝐔𝐍𝐆 — SURPRISE 이희승 - @karinasbaby (jaeyun pitched you one of his “genius” plans to celebrate heeseung’s birthday— but how will heeseung take it?)

♥︎ rude | lhs - @4wkjun (heeseung has never loved anyone as much as he loves y/n. y/n’s father has never hated someone as much as he hates heeseung. but it doesn’t matter, heeseung’s gonna marry y/n anyway.)

♥︎ EX-BOYFRIEND TEXTS W/ HEESEUNG - @fakeuwus

♥︎ WIN ONE WIN ME — L.HS - @jaylver (who knew being angry and impulsive can get the captain of the hockey team to notice you? cussing them out when they were losing wasn't the best idea, but it definitely made lee heeseung's head turn, leading to him making a deal with you to win a game in order to get your number. but that wasn't enough for him, he was determined to make you his.)

♥︎ TASTE ⎯⎯ l. heeseung - @goldenhypen

♥︎ BLOODBAG - @myonos (IN WHICH you are a princess betrothed to the vampire prince of the most feared kingdom in the world.)

♥︎ hee seeing you wear another members hoodie - @delcakoo

♥︎ chapstick challenge - @jaeyunverse (the chapstick challenge is just an excuse for you to get heeseung to kiss you. thankfully, he’s more than happy to oblige.)

♥︎ HIS CHEERLEADER - @nishions (You and Heeseung are friends with benefits. But, why did you have such an effect on him?)

♥︎ 𐙚 NECESSARY LOVE - LHS - @lilacnini (you realized you were in love with heeseung the whole time)

♥︎ golden boy - @jayflrt (in the summer between high school and college, lee heeseung is determined to make you fall in love with the city of los angeles after your vacation plans in the bahamas fall through. somewhere between the lines, though, you end up falling for your childhood best friend.)

♥︎ won't let you go (this time) - @zreamy (back home for good after a semi-unsuccessful first year at university in a new city, you’re looking forward to getting back into the routines of your old life in the town you grew up in but the one person you’d been desperate to see doesn’t seem too pleased about your return :()

♥︎ hopeless ☆ heeseung lee - @star-sim (absolutely no one would have expected the dark, brooding, and rough heeseung lee to be hopelessly head over heels in love with the sweet, oblivious you. especially you. even with the help of practically the entire year, it's almost pathetic the way heeseung struggles to utter three, simple words to you, let alone look you in the eye.)

♥︎🔖 、FOUND HOME - @kyrjnie

#enhypen #enhypen heeseung #heeseung fluff #heeseung angst #heeseung smut #lee heeseung #heeseung fic #heeseung fic recs #heeseung scenarios #heeseung imagines #heeseung x reader #enhypen fic #enhypen fic recs #enhypen masterlist #enhypen x reader #enhypen fluff #enhypen fics #enhypen recs #park jongseong #jay park #park sunghoon #sim jaeyun #kim sunoo #yang jungwon #nishimura riki #enhypen fic rec #heeseung fic rec