#personalmythfic
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Smaugust 2023 day 22. They're married.
8/25/2023. Pencil underdrawing. Inked/drawn in Pilot Petit fountain pen using Monteverde "Charoite" ink. Colored with Copic markers and ShinHan Art Touch markers.
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馃懟馃鈿帮笍鈿憋笍
That last reblog---hypotheticals about reuniting with your dead dog in heaven---reminded me.
In my Personal Myth, my protagonist had all this power, but too many emotional/mental hang-ups to fully use them. And one of the problems was that she could totally resurrect people and/or go to any underworld to visit anyone dead, so it kind of took away the stakes for the characters she cared about dying.
But the thing was that I used her reluctance to visit the dead or hesitation to simply resurrect people, as a reflection of my own mental problems...But because I've been in isolation, recovering for so many years, I kind of forgot a lot of my more painful feelings. Especially the ones that were so seemingly irrational, yet instinctually intense, that they felt the need to express themselves in my Personal Myth.
But that last reblog reminded me: Re-bonding with anyone is frightening, even in real life, with living people. It is also wholly within my power, at any time...from an objective, outsider's point of view. But only when I am considered like anyone else, someone who doesn't have social anxiety. My social anxiety goes beyond being afraid while socializing is happening. I'm afraid of having relationships...or reviving previous ones. There's that Hopeless belief that continuing a relationship is just providing more opportunities to continue screwing it up, to continue hurting the other person, and generally be something to be feared, especially with someone cared about. Even with all the power in existence, not everyone can just reunite with the dead or bring the dead back to life. Why does everyone assume that doing so would always result in only good things?
On the face of it, people will call my character a "Mary Sue", or "underutilization of established powers", or my character just not making any sense. But I think this quirk of hers was meant to express this real feeling of mine. And maybe the fact that it doesn't make sense---Why would an all-powerful being act like there are certain things she "can't" do?---is kind of the point. It points to the issue that is the real conflict. Death isn't the conflict.
(see journal file 2:12 AM 3/2/2024)
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Figuring out some costume designs for an OC.
7/26/2023. Sketched in Platinum Preppy fountain pen, using Noodler's Ink and Pilot Petit fountain pen, using Monteverde "Charoite" ink. Colored with Crayola Super Tips markers, Koh-i-noor Woodless Colour Pencils, and Eberhard Faber Col-erase colored pencils. Referencing Figma Archetype She for all besides 1st sketch, posted last here.
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Smaugust 2023 day 26.
My OCs with their dragon forms in the background.
8/26/2023. Drawn in Platinum Preppy fountain pen using Noodler's Ink. Chibi colored with Copic markers and ShinHan Art Touch markers. Dragons colored with Daiso Water Colours. Some digital fixes and assembly with Krita.
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Smaugust 2023 day 24. Practicing my OC's hair.
8/25/2023. Drawn in Pilot Petit fountain pen using Monteverde "Charoite" ink. Colored with Copic markers and ShinHan Art Touch markers. Some clean-up with white-out, Copic 0, and Krita.
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Smaugust 2023 day 23. Still trying to figure out my OC's hair.
8/25/2023. Drawn in Pilot Petit fountain pen using Monteverde "Charoite" ink. Colored with Copic markers and ShinHan Art Touch markers. Some digital clean-up in Krita.
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Smaugust 2023 day 20.
8/21/2023. Drawn in Pilot Petit fountain pen using Monteverde "Charoite" ink. Colored with Copic markers and ShinHan Art Touch markers. Digital clean-up in Kirta.
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Smaugust 2023 day 13.
Some OCs that I don't think I've drawn in chibi form before.
8/14/2023. Drawn in Pilot Petit fountain pen using Monteverde "Charoite" ink. Colored with Copic markers and ShinHan Art Touch markers. Some digital clean-up in Kirta.
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All this time I've been stuck on my adalia story because i wanted to use it to explore feelings i didn't fully understand. But maybe i should leave such exploration for journaling writing. Maybe for me, telling a story is about expressing a feeling or idea that i had already solidified into a claim. That's how i used to write, back when i wrote fics often. Maybe i should use Narrative writing for expressing ideas that I've already decided on.
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...ok. let me give this premise idea a try.
youtube
When a degenerating goddess is summoned to help win a war, she suspects that she could be on the wrong side.
...stakes, huh?...
When a degenerating goddess is summoned to help win a war, she suspects that she could be on the wrong side. Can she end the war before the continent is reduced to cinders?
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...
So now that ive figured out that the thing that bothers me about el, is how her following reminds me of the blind following of "strong men", from people around me in real life, on an almost daily basis, I've finally figured out what the theme of my nanowrimo 2023 fic ahould be:
getting people to question given narratives.
Adalia's narrative of self-righteousness and her claims of liberating the land, when she's clearly conquering it---and no, just because she says and feels bad about them not surrendering before they get hurt, doesn't excuse her lack of imagination in finding less black and white solutions besides warfare.
Vs
Ryu narrative, claiming she can't change/Grow anymore.
In the first scene, i want to foreshadow a summary of the entire story. Ryu will repeat what the drs say. Their narratives about her. Then raid will imply that that story needs to be questioned. "Wow, sounds like a shitty story to keep." She will repeatedly regurgitate what other people TELL her about her story/narrative. The narratives that reinforce/validate her own futility narrative. Maybe throughout the tory, she willl repeat narratives that other people have told hwr about her, including herself, most of all. But the moment she realizes she can question that narrative, she starts speaking in different terms. She'll cite a diffwrwnt story, or that her atory isn't written yet, that the static narrative she's been telling about herself doesnt have to be right or go unquestioned. Maybe ryu will outright start speaking more in questions vs static past tense statements.
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Reminder for myself: Try treating act2s as a series of "slice of life" short stories. It's one of my favorite things to write anyway. That way, the act2 "sag" might work to my advantage?
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Smaugust 2023 day 30.
Needed a quick dragon for today, and I tend to give this OC more leeway in drawing consistency.
8/30/2023. Doodled in Pilot Petit fountain pen using Monteverde "Charoite" ink. Colored with Copic markers and ShinHan Art Touch markers. Some digital clean-up in Krita.
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Smaugust 2023 day 25.
Practicing my OC's hair.
8/25/2023. Drawn in Pilot Petit fountain pen using Monteverde "Charoite" ink. Colored with Copic markers and ShinHan Art Touch markers. Some clean-up with white-out and Krita.
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