#projecting displaced aggression and scapegoating in spn

[scoobydoodean]

You really just can't unsee it once you see it though, can you?

Sam starts blaming Dean for what he's going to do (work with Ruby) way back in 3.09 because Dean isn't going to be around to be Sam's mommy, which is going to force Sam's hand.

After Dean comes back, Sam actually blames Dean for him working with Ruby by saying Dean wasn't there to protect him (4.04).

Dean repeatedly begs Sam not to work with Ruby and is ignored repeatedly (3.03, 3.04, 3.09, 3.16, 4.01-4.04, 4.12-4.22).

After telling Dean to open up to him and trust him (4.08), Sam calls Dean weak and pathetic for being traumatized by hell and says Dean is holding him back and therefore deserves to be lied to because he can't be of use (4.14) Sam says it's not what he really thinks when they both know it is (and Sam repeats it to other characters in 4.16, and 4.18) and then he admits it's the truth again to Dean's face in 4.21.

Sam accuses Dean of not trusting him enough (4.21).

Bobby blows up at Dean for not supporting Sam enough and calls him a pansy after Sam strangled Dean near unconscious, and tells him family is supposed to make you miserable (4.22).

Dean tries to reach out to Sam and Zachariah and Cas actively prevent him from doing so (Cas only at first) (4.22)

Zachariah (5.01) and Cas (5.02) both tell Dean the apocalypse is his fault because Dean didn't reach Sam in time to stop him from killing Lilith.

Dean says Sam hurt him, Sam is the one Dean depended on the most and Sam hurt him in ways he can't even voice (5.01). Sam apologizes, but then in the very next episode, shoves Dean into a wall for not trusting him like Dean is crazy and irrational when Sam doesn't even trust himself (5.02).

Sam says he thinks they should go their separate ways and is shocked when Dean agrees easily. Dean says that he spends more time worrying about Sam than he does doing the job right and time apart would be good. Sam reiterates that he's sorry and Dean gently says he knows Sam is (5.02).

Cas asks Dean if he's okay even without his brother, and Dean says "Especially without my brother. I mean, I spent so much time worrying about the son of a bitch. I mean, I’ve had more fun with you in the past twenty-four hours than I’ve had with Sam in years, and you’re not that much fun. It’s funny, you know, I’ve been so chained to my family, but now that I’m alone, hell, I’m happy." (5.03)

Sam says he wants back in. Dean objects, on the basis that he thinks they're stronger apart. Dean says they're each other's weaknesses and it's being used against them (5.04, but the weakness line is repeated from 3.03 and 3.16).

Zachariah pushes Dean into a future 2014 where Dean never met up with Sam again, and as a result, Sam said "Yes" to Lucifer, and billions of people died. All because Dean didn't want to be around Sam after being hurt and never reconnected with him (5.04).

Dean reconnects with Sam (5.04) even though he clearly doesn't want to, because the first case we see them on again, Dean struggles to trust Sam and leaves to go drink alone because he doesn't want to be around Sam (5.05).

Sam says part of the reason he went off with Ruby was to get away from Dean, because Dean is smothering. Dean is the problem in the relationship, because Sam feels inferior compared to him. Dean apologizes for being too smothering (5.05).

What does all of this tell you? Dean can't win. Dean will always be the bad guy in the family. He loves too much, or he isn't loving enough. Sam needs him and Dean wasn't there for him and so Sam went down the wrong path, but also Dean is smothering and Dean being smothering is the reason Sam went down the wrong path. Sam is not a trustworthy person, but Dean doesn't trust him enough. Sam not being trustworthy is Dean's fault. Dean doesn't deserve trust, but Sam deserves Dean's trust no matter what and not giving Sam his trust is the worst possible thing in the entire world and also again makes him smothering. The apocalypse is Dean's fault. Every single thing Sam does every single mistake he might ever make in his life is always at least partly Dean's fault and Dean's responsibility.

#parentification #season 5 #season 4 #multiseason #projecting displaced aggression and scapegoating in spn #3.03 #3.16 #3.09 #4.04 #4.22 #5.01 #5.02 #5.03 #5.04 #5.05 #family chains

[scoobydoodean]

And is "Dean looking at Sam like he's some kind of sideshow freak" in the room with us now? | 3.16, 1.06, 1.14, 2.05, 2.10, 2.11, 2.14

#pk rewatches spn number ? #good gifs with free tools challenge #projecting displaced aggression and scapegoating in spn #spn revisionisms #3.16 #1.06 #1.14 #2.05 #2.10 #2.11 #2.14 #compilation #season 1 #season 2 #season 3 #multiseason #the flannel business #ruby #that little fallen angel on your shoulder #sam and isolation

[scoobydoodean]

The 13.04 fake family therapy scene may be regarded as the Dean lashes out in his pain scene, but it also shows Sam lashing out in his pain in a far less overt but genuinely very not okay way that will feel very familiar if you remember 2.02 "Everybody Loves A Clown".

It's the same Projecting My Unprocessed Grief Over Our Dead Parents™️ schtick from 2.02 when John died, but uglier, because Sam (granted in the spur of the moment) decides to try and involve third parties in his desperation to force Dean's reaction to their losses to take a certain shape—a shape Sam isn't afraid to fall into himself—something comforting—something that isn't painful to the point of the suicidal ideation Dean is experiencing. Something Sam can live with—live through.

Sam is afraid to feel all that raw grief because he sees what it looks like embodied in Dean, and it's terrifying to think he could fall into that kind of pain too... and a part of him wonders, if he let go and felt it, if he'd look even worse, because yet again he's the son with regrets.

2.02 Everybody Loves A Clown:

SAM You were right. DEAN About what? SAM About me and Dad. I'm sorry that the last time I was with him I tried to pick a fight. I'm sorry that I spent most of my life angry at him. I mean, for all I know he died thinking that I hate him. So you're right. What I'm doing right now, it's too little. It's too late.

13.04 The Big Empty:

SAM Yeah, but at least you had a relationship with Mom. I mean, who would she always call? Who did she look to for everything? DEAN Okay. SAM You had something with her I never had! And now I’m just supposed to accept that I never will have it?

#13.04 #projecting displaced aggression and scapegoating in spn #2.02

[scoobydoodean]

DEAN You hate me that much? You think you could kill your own brother? Then go ahead. Pull the trigger. Do it! SAM pulls the trigger. The chamber is empty. He tries again, and once more.

Bad Liar Sam Winchester 2/? | 1.10 Asylum + Transcript

#parallels #pk rewatches spn number ? #good gifs with free tools challenge #1.10 #projecting displaced aggression and scapegoating in spn #bad liar sam winchester #season 1 #the flannel business #sams follower/leader false dichotomy #taurus sam in the flesh #badliarsamwinchesterseries

[scoobydoodean]

"These are your issues, quit dumping them on me!" | Season 1, Assorted

#1.01 #1.03 #1.16 #1.13 #1.10 #1.06 #1.19 #1.22 #good gifs with free tools challenge #pk rewatches spn number ? #compilation #projecting displaced aggression and scapegoating in spn #the flannel business #season 1 #sam and isolation #youre such a control freak #sams envy

[scoobydoodean]

WHY SHOULD HE

#posting these separate because they didn't make it into my other set #i mean i could do a whole other set of other lying moments besides the hell thing but eh #pk rewatches spn number ? #4.21 #4.14 #season 4 #projecting displaced aggression and scapegoating in spn #ruby #the flannel business #bad liar sam winchester #sams moral compass #good gifs with free tools challenge

[scoobydoodean]

1.08 Bugs

#vic i figured out why no one ever gifs the whole thing it's because it's really long. isudgfjhsbjhfbjhsdef #projecting displaced aggression and scapegoating in spn #<- simply for “why didn't YOU tell me any of that” #tho i'll be real it def thought at first he said “he” (john) #but transcript and multiple listens at high volume... yeah. #john #1.08 #season 1 #good gifs with free tools challenge #pk rewatches spn number ? #we probably have a lot more in common than just about anyone #i dont deserve what he put on me #sams envy

[scoobydoodean]

Okay later when I actually get to this episode I'll probably discuss it more formally, but I can't stop thinking about 4.14 "Sex and Violence" (the siren episode) and how Sam says:

SAM OK, fine. You know why I didn't tell you about Ruby, and how we're hunting down Lilith? Because you're too weak to go after her, Dean. You're holding me back. I'm a better hunter than you are. Stronger, smarter. I can take out demons you're too scared to go near.

And I've said before that usually when Sam hurls things like this... he's really projecting his own feelings about himself, and one of the ways Sam projects here is with this narrative that Dean is scared to fight demons and Sam isn't.

I've been making gifs, so 3.09 "Malleus Maleficarum" is on my mind, and in this episode, Ruby tries to scare Sam into leaving town.

RUBY Sam, listen to me, there's no time. SAM For what? What are you talking about? RUBY You have to get out of town.

She goes onto explain that there's a demon in town with its eyes set on Sam:

RUBY Sam, it knows you're in town and it's gonna come after you and its way more than you can handle.

Sam's reaction to this shows a lot of fear and uncertainty—Ruby's warning definitely sets him on edge and makes him question whether they should ditch the case.

Ruby sets Sam further on edge by bringing Dean's approaching demise into the situation—reminding Sam that he's going to be all alone in the world—no Dean to protect him—to save him—should a demon set its sights on Sam in the future.

RUBY Oh, right, right. You care about your brother so much. That's why you're checking out in a few months, leaving him all alone? DEAN Shut up. RUBY At least let me try and save him, since you won't be here to do it any more.

Dean, meanwhile, doesn't believe Ruby, and has no qualms about sticking around. Ruby isn't lying about a demon being in town, but well... Dean still doesn't exactly quake in his boots when it comes to that demon.

And even though Ruby was telling the truth about a demon being in town, Dean wasn't wrong about Ruby messing with Sam's head during that whole warning. Ruby's primary strategy in season 3 is to convince Sam that he is hopelessly unprepared for life without Dean—that he is weak, and that if he wants to save Dean or even just survive himself, he needs to become stronger. And of course, her ultimate suggestion on how Sam becomes strong will be to drink demon blood... and that demon blood is what Sam boasts about in 4.14 "Sex and Violence"—how it's made him strong. He isn't scared of demons anymore. He doesn't want to leave town hearing they're after him. He gets excited at the prospect of crushing them. He doesn't need Dean's protection. Dean is the one who's weak. Dean is the one who's scared. Sam is powerful.

#3.09 #4.14 #pk rewatches spn number ? #projecting displaced aggression and scapegoating in spn

[scoobydoodean]

There are a lot of posts about how to “fix” Sam and Dean's relationship that entirely focus on how Dean needs to change how he relates to Sam. Dean needs to stop conflating parenthood and being a brother in his relationship with Sam and just be his brother, and then boom. The relationship is fixed. This framing misses an incredibly crucial detail:

Dean is not the only one who perpetuates Dean's parentification.

Sam and even the larger narrative also participates in conflating Dean's roles and parentifying him, and Dean can rebel against his own parentification all he wants, but as long as others continue to demand he fill these roles, he will be guilted back into the cycle.

I think there is a tendency to see Dean as constantly seeing himself in the parenting role. I think Dean normally just sees himself as Sam's brother actually. He shoves himself into the parenting role when Sam is facing potential harm. It triggers that instinct to care for and protect his brother in a way that feels more parental than brotherly, and might also be overbearing, partly because those instincts and moving into that state of mind was a state informed by and originating from childhood necessity and abuse and the guilt and blame that would be applied to Dean (like John's co-parent) if Sam was harmed. Simultaneously, and crucially however, Dean can also be seen rebelling against the notion that he should have to parent Sam at key points.

There are multiple points where Dean is implicitly or even explicitly guilted and/or shamed into taking on the parenting role in Sam's life (or someone else's life), or is shamed for setting boundaries. In fact, fandom also loves to criticize Dean for not embracing a parenting role then turn around and criticize him for being in one, but they get the idea from the actual show. Take for example 4.22, where Bobby's response to Dean saying he doesn't want to see Sam anymore and is done with him, is to tell Dean to be a better parent to Sam (his 26 year old brother) than John was. "The End" is another example of an episode very crucially tied to the idea that Dean is not allowed to set boundaries, that he has to be there for Sam, being his guardian and supporting him, or else the world will quite literally burn.

That's the narrative and other characters, then there's Sam:

When things are going well in Sam's life, Dean is Sam's brother. When Sam's decisions have backfired, or Sam feels bad about himself, he often shifts Dean into the role of a parent so that he has a figure he can project responsibility for his actions onto or who he can accuse of thought crimes (Sam is going to fail, Sam can't be trusted, Sam is a freak) that come off like a child terrified that they're a disappointment to their parents. As an example of Sam shifting Dean into the parenting role to project responsibility for his own actions, take "Fallen Idols", where Sam shifts some of the blame for him going off with Ruby and drinking demon blood onto Dean (a person who was dead when Sam began doing those things) being bossy. If you go back and actually watch what happens in season 4 honestly (I might point you especially to "Criss Angel Is A Douchebag", but there are multiple things here) Sam was motivated by a desperation to secure his future and Dean's, by the belief that only he could save them and the world and get revenge on Lilith, that he needed to toughen up and be the strong one doing what's necessary, and that he had to do it all on his own in secrecy because Dean was weak. However, Sam begins experiencing consequences from the demon blood arc in 5.01, in the form of Dean saying that he is hurt, and asking for space and time that Sam isn't actually willing to afford him, as shown by the jump from

"I will earn your trust back" in 5.01 ->

Shoving Dean into a wall in 5.02 for not trusting him, which is explicitly stated to be a projection of Sam's own inability to trust himself at the end of the episode and is very clear regardless from Sam's temptation to drink blood (that isn't even actually demon blood!) inside the convenience store ->

"Actually you're part of the reason this happened in the first place" in 5.05

Dean can rebel against the parentification dynamic or he can embrace it, and either way, he'll be the bad guy in the narrative who is either 1) not feeding Sam enough fatherly love and pride thus signaling his destruction and causing him pain, or 2) stifling Sam, leading him to rebel like a child according to Sam's rewritten ordering of events and motivations.

In other words, no—you absolutely cannot "fix" the part of Sam and Dean's relationship that was broken by parentification by getting Dean to stop parentifying himself. Other characters actually have to stop doing it too—especially Sam.

#projecting displaced aggression and scapegoating in spn #parentification #season 5 #5.01 #5.02 #5.05 #4.22 #the flannel business #season 4

[scoobydoodean]

In the season 3 DVD extra Scene Specifics: Dream a Little Dream of Me, Kripke revealed that Dean's confrontation with himself in his dream was initially supposed to be a confrontation with his father where John would "browbeat" him. However, this had to be changed due to the fact that Jeffrey Dean Morgan was busy filming the movie Watchmen at the time.

SPN Wiki for 3.10 Dream A Little Dream of Me

#parallels #good gifs with free tools challenge #2.09 #3.10 #john #projecting displaced aggression and scapegoating in spn #2.22 #pk rewatches spn number ? #season 3 #parentification #i dont deserve what he put on me

[scoobydoodean]

Blah blah blah blah. Blah blah blah... Blah!

2.15 Tall Tales + 1.02, 1.03, 1.16, & 1.19

#season 1 #season 2 #1.02 #1.16 #1.03 #1.19 #youre such a control freak #good gifs with free tools challenge #bickering squabbling etc #taurus sam in the flesh #high sodium freak #dean minimizations #projecting displaced aggression and scapegoating in spn #controlfreakseries

[scoobydoodean]

Sam in 4.04 to justify working with Ruby:

SAM You were gone. I was here. I had to keep on fighting without you. 

Sam in 5.05:

SAM Dean, one of the reasons I went off with Ruby...was to get away from you.

God forbid Sam so much as pick a consistent lane when claiming his actions are Dean's fault.

#5.05 #season 5 #pk rewatches spn number ? #the flannel business #projecting displaced aggression and scapegoating in spn #youre such a control freak #spn revisionisms

[scoobydoodean]

One important nugget from 1.09 "Home" contrasting with 1.21 "Salvation". When John tries to chide Dean for not calling him to tell him about Sam's visions... he is criticizing Dean over something John... already knew. He already knew that Sam had visions, and I find it very very hard to believe he didn't demand the full lowdown from Missouri on what lead brought Sam and Dean to Lawrence:

But when Sam's visions appear to get stronger and have a deeper meaning, John is panicked and feels guilty, and he can't handle feeling guilty, so he immediately tries to rewrite history so that he didn't know anything and this is all Dean's fault.

He knew. He knew Sam had visions!!! He just doesn't want to take responsibility for that knowledge and that he didn't do anything with it and didn't follow up on it.

#pk rewatches spn number ? #1.09 #1.21 #spn revisionisms #projecting displaced aggression and scapegoating in spn #season 1 #john #parentification #we probably have a lot more in common than just about anyone #i dont deserve what he put on me

[scoobydoodean]

You're too busy sitting around feeling sorry for yourself. Whining about all the souls you tortured in hell. Boo hoo.

Sam's Motivations [ 20 / ? ] | 4.11 Family Remains + 4.04, 4.09, 4.12, 4.15, 4.18, 5.02 + 4.14 (text)

#good gifs with free tools challenge #4.11 #4.12 #4.04 #4.09 #4.15 #4.18 #5.02 #4.14 #the flannel business #parallels #compilation #i carved you into a new animal #i wanted so badly to believe i could be saved #projecting displaced aggression and scapegoating in spn #sams motivations #dean and introspection #samsmotivationsseries

[scoobydoodean]

I'm making a big compilation set and it's extremely frustrating how many times Sam accuses Dean of thought crimes related to his psychic abilities.

First it's demanding Dean "admit" that Sam's premonitions freak Dean out in 1.14, because Sam himself is freaked out. Dean repeatedly treats Sam's visions like they aren't a big deal—and yeah—maybe deep down Dean IS scared, but he knows Sam needs support and he needs someone to tell him it's going to be okay.

Sam is freaked out, but when Mr. "Aren't you afraid I'm going to become a killer?? Admit you're scared!" Is confronted in 2.10 with Dean asking if they can just lay low for a while he absolutely flips his shit at Dean for DARING to possibly indicate that maybe he thinks Sam might hurt someone some day... something Sam himself repeatedly acted like Dean was crazy for NOT saying JUST ONE SEASON AGO.

In 2.10 now all of the sudden Dean's feelings are not only being assumed yet again, but now the idea that Sam could ever hurt someone is suddenly the totally irrational unthinkable option and the fact that Dean would DARE possibly think that is horrible irrational evil and would make him so utterly cruel that Sam implies maybe DEAN might be the person Sam will kill for daring to think it...

...And Sam does, in a moment of pure rage in 4.21, end up nearly strangling Dean to death for pretty much this exact thought crime, actually.

What makes it even more infuriating is that if you actually go back to the beginning of THE PREVIOUS GODDAMN EPISODE, you will find a complete reversal where Sam starts off the episode THINKING DEAN IS GOING TO FUCKING MURDER SOMEONE.

So yeah! It's totally fucking cool if Sam believes Dean's going to murder someone in cold blood randomly, but if Dean DARES even LOOK like he thinks maybe Sam could be coerced into hurting someone, he's the goddamn devil incarnate And look—I have written about this more compassionately before, but good GOD Sam sometimes I wanna fucking throttle you. Need to do another "These are your issues, quit dumping them on me" set I guess. 🙈

#projecting displaced aggression and scapegoating in spn #pk rewatches spn number ? #1.14 #2.10 #2.09

[scoobydoodean]

I don't mean any disrespect but I'm sure this is about Jessica, right? Now I don't know what it's like to lose somebody like that.... but... I would think that she would want you to be happy. God forbid have fun once in a while. Wouldn't she? Yeah I know she would... Yeah you're right. Part of this is about Jessica. But not the main part.

1.19 "Provenance"

#1.06 #1.01 #1.07 #1.16 #1.15 #1.19 #1.03 #1.13 #high sodium freak #pk rewatches spn number ? #good gifs with free tools challenge #compilation #parallels #spn revisionisms #season 1 #the flannel business #projecting displaced aggression and scapegoating in spn #sam and isolation