#see this is why I can never get behind the vitriolic humour some areas of the internet cultivate | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

buddha-in-disguise · 5 years

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Mistakes, rights and wrongs.

Why should we care?

Why does this matter?

In recent months, and on several occasions, I’ve been challenged over some social media posts.

The format has been the same (main examples here but not limited to them).

I have an agenda.

I have twisted words or events to suit my narrative to discredit others.

I am associated with the wrong people who are nothing but nasty bullies (or just nasty). That makes me a bully or nasty if I don't remove myself.

I am less of a fan because I don’t support only one aspect of something an actor or their character might have done, or I still support the show and other actors.

On each occasion where possible, I’ve asked for clarification by these people, preferably via direct message so as not to clog up my timelines.

In every case, more users came in with the same or similar narrative.

In each case, I reiterated I was more than happy to clarify why they felt like they did.

In every case at least one person was behind an anonymous account, as they had no followers and followed no-one, or only followed one user, nor any posts or only one or two posts prior to coming to my SM account. The other type of account used is an account when you look at their tweets and replies, all they do is go in to attack others.

In every case, I cited where I had gained the information from if it was questioning something that could be verified.

In one case, the person who confirmed some words they had, so I could use them to quote got dragged into a disagreement on what words were said, even though it was in answer to their own question and witnessed by other people as what was said.

In every case, I asked repeatedly for the differences on the wording that was causing this disagreement.

In every instance not once were they given, at least not to me, or the other person (that I know of). Nor were they even offered to be given (at least to me). It was just repeated it wasn't what was said.

On one occasion, once the person who gave me the backup and who was there, and the events surrounding when it happened were given, suddenly the complaint changed to; it was inappropriate and shouldn’t have been asked. It was disrespectful by forcing something on the people there.

This sounds similar to when Chyler Leigh stood up at Ultimates and called out against the hate faced by her and her castmates and production team, and people went after the person asking the question.

The outright vitriol might not have been the same here, but to put it on the person asking the question when the argument you'd been using was effectively shut down, does you no favours.

In other words, the reasons to say anything to us had been flipped on its head into something different.

If you don't like an answer to any question, it doesn't automatically make it that the question is wrong.

Just as difference of opinion, no matter how unsavoury to you, doesn't mean it is bullying.

I’ve made mistakes citing something on SM over the years. I always try to get it right the first time, but despite efforts to avoid it, I can get wrong information on a post or link.

Now I can accept if something is wrong. Those who associate with me, whether family or friends (not those who presume to know me), know I have done so and would do so.

I have deleted or amended posts (with explanation as to why) to reflect that.

If people talk to me constructively and politely, show me without doubt where I might make a mistake - I have no qualms on acknowledging the mistake. When though, that first comment thrown my way is an outright demand, or is behind an anonymous account, or rarely used account, or one when they only troll other people's timelines, it's already a poor reflection on those posing the question.

As for having an agenda. My agenda is simple. Trying to promote kindness, empathy and humour. Oh and animal pictures. Especially cats.

Do I always get it right? No. Well, animals can never be wrong in my opinion. But yes, I have been know to err.

Okay you have the right to say I have an agenda, but unless you say what you think that agenda is: I can’t do anything to look at what has been said and if changing it in any way helps avoid that belief.

If you believe I have an agenda, and refuse dialogue with me I can't be held accountable for that.

And honestly, after what has happened in recent months, that last chance on talking to me about it has now gone. Chances were plenty, none have been taken. I am now drawing a line under that. I can’t change what you think of me, and I can’t maintain any further energy trying to open those channels of communication up.

If all you do is demand and hide behind anonymity to try to make your case, with nothing to back it up, but rinse and repeating the same or similar words, it does nothing to help.

If all that happens is people pile in with you, but only churn out the same or similar narratives it does nothing to help your cause.

Straight away things like this diminishes any narrative you might make.

In fact, for some that kind of behaviour towards them can be harmful, as it appears intimidating and for those with anxiety or mental health issues, can really cause genuine harm.

On the other side of this, if those with anxiety or mental health issues come into your timeline, and cannot give good reasoned debating points, or show where you might be wrong; then they turn around and say it’s triggered their health - that cannot and should never be put on you.

They made the decision to come onto your account.

Sure, I would feel empathy that they're struggling, but I also know under those circumstances the blame is not mine, as long as I haven't attacked and remained polite throughout any exchanges.

The same applies even if they don’t say anything, but have watched your account. We all have control on who or what we read or watch on SM. Block if needed. I’ve no problem if anyone blocks me on SM. I don’t take it as a personal affront, but acknowledge for whatever reason they felt they had to do it. It’s your account, your choice.

If you suffer mentally, always ensure you are strong enough to go to tackle an issue somewhere else. Equally be prepared to not get what you might want from it. If you aren’t strong enough, it’s okay to ask someone else to do it for you, but again be prepared if it doesn’t pan out as you’d hoped. Also be open if someone is doing your bidding and why. It goes a long way if you or those in your stead explain who is posting and the circumstances around it.

A small side note to this - A little while ago I was accused of having a secondary account to stalk and hassle other users. I am putting it here that I've never done that.

I have no way to prove it of course, but at the same time, I won't even waste time debating a baseless accusation. Plus when I asked what account I supposedly had as a 2nd account, nothing was ever given to me. Just I had one.

See the problem here?

Have the power of your convictions. Don’t hide. Don’t deflect. Don’t ignore requests as to why you see differences.

Most of all, be polite. Don’t demean anyone, or push your own policing on how someone should phrase a question. Some types of questions do need to be avoided. However, if you can ask a question in a similar vein, or that a certain subject is brought up in the answer without prompting in the question - that means you cannot demand the restriction on others.

Being a fan isn’t a competition either. It doesn’t matter how much time, effort or money we spend on a celebrity. Worth isn’t judged on those values alone. It is a remarkably shallow way of thinking if value is only given on how much better you might be at that. That holds true for life as a whole. We shouldn’t judge on who is a winner or a loser.

People come from a wide variety of backgrounds, which means there are a wide variety of ways fans celebrate or enjoy a celebrity, show, film, band, singer etc.

Equally - there are some areas that should not be crossed, and again I’ve seen it occurring too often of late.

Do not demean a celebrities partner/spouse. Don’t ignore the fact that these are people’s real life relationships you might be dismissing or demeaning. That is outright hurtful behaviour.

Again, you don’t have to like everyone, but that doesn't excuse anyone on how you then are towards them on SM or worse, face to face.

If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all, is an adage that holds true here.

It isn’t your relationship. You don’t know the person in any way, shape or form. You only get a snapshot of their relationships or family and that distorts it, sometimes only a little, sometimes it’s considerably. Whatever level of distortion, you never see the true person or people.

Ultimately, being wrong myself doesn’t bother me one iota as I'm okay if I need to change, if shown without a doubt where I make a mistake.

I want to be the best version of myself I can be.

What does bother me is how some others approach people and simply regurgitate the same words, and can’t or don’t expand on that when asked to. But then I also know it’s usually best at that point to merely walk away. I am now going to do that if the same thing occurs on SM. As I said earlier, I can’t maintain any further energy trying to open those channels of communication up.

As with all things SM, self care is the biggest takeaway here, regardless of which side you are on. As is being kind.

We can disagree.

It doesn't mean we have to be unkind.

Note: I wrote this out a few days ago. Once again there has been an uptick in fans coming in to attack other fans or even people in other areas, with no justification to do so. Please - you can say whatever you like on your account and with friends.

Do not police others. Do not attack. Do not hate.

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