#she was so emotional today i cried

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#so my mom's wake thing was today and that was a lot. not in an emotional sense but in a im standing here talking for 3hrs #to ppl i dont kno or barely kno. ya kno? but it was good bc so many ppl showed up to talk abt her #so many people. my mom made a huge impact on the school system. so many ppl relied on her. she encouraged at least 2 ppl to get their #master. for one person to specilize in helping the dyslexic after her experience advocating for 3 dyslexic daughters. she wrote and was #awarded a 10000 dollar grant for special needs and intervention curriculum. which will affect so many lives. #everyone loved her. she's gonna get a track meet named after her and a scholarship created in her honor. #she was an amazing person and she affected a lot of lives and im glad she was my mom. and she raised at least one jem in my littlest #sister who is so sweet and is a great teacher. god but there was some weird stuff too. were pretty sure her old boss was in love with her. #and there were some weird comments abt her being a strong woman or this woman doing so much and its like hm y do i detect a note of sexism #y not say she was an amazing person? y the surprise? weird comments about how pretty i looked. which yes i looked great lol. my funeral fit #was cute. we did bright colors bc it was a celebration not a dower event. and im sure it was ment well but it was a lil weird. and then #everyone was telling my grandma what a great job she did raising my mom and like god fuck off she didn't do jack. my mom was great despite #her terrible mother. ugh. but altogether it was good that everyone was able to express their love for her. it was def a day that was for #them mostly. i mean partly for us but mostly for them. none of us even cried. ay but we have 2 more parties in her honor #bc everyone loved her so much we have to do one in her hometown too. plus a personal friends get together. ugh. im so tired #i wish i wasnt the most awkward. eye contact avoidant person in the room but like ya kno. what can ya do? #unrelated

[elliebartlets]

my grandfather died and I’m deciding whether to go into work or not

#i don’t think it’s hit me yet #and I already cried over it before he died #part of me wants to go in to give me something to do and so I don’t sit around here all day thinking about it #but the other part of me is afraid it’ll hit me in the office and I’ll start getting emotional and possibly cry #but also I work in an office where I mostly sit and do nothing so it is possible for me to think about it there #plus I know my boss will probably send me home if she finds out #man that hospice nurse was right on the money when she said he’d probably be gone within a week cause it was literally a week exactly #I’m also only one of two people that work there and today is my designated day to work #like the other person would definitely cover for me if I asked her #its just that don’t know what to do #I’m going to try and go back to sleep because I’ve only gotten 3 hrs #personal

[seaweedstarshine]

Eleventh Doctor Chronicles: Sins of the Flesh is really good. Really really good. Experience with certain attitudes can be so isolating, surrounded by people who won’t bother to understand the impact of growing up in that environment (because the world's so progressive now, right), and so — I'm so glad it exists. I also liked the discussion in the interview commentary about how being a monster and doing monstrous things are not mutually exclusive. Like most things, homophobia is pervasive because it is structural. Religious fervor is not inherently bad — “your god is love,” Valarie says to Lily — but as soon as hellfire is brandished around, it's used routinely to empower monstrous things, in a way that becomes unsafe to debate. Especially for young & dependent people who can't escape it.

Conditional love. Moral panics. Purity culture. Self-hate. Mob mentality. This audio. It's timely.

I appreciated what they said in the interviews about not only about the research, but the four rounds of sensitivity readings. I wish the TV show had that level of care sometimes…

#actually the whole Everywhere and Anywhere boxset is excellent #tw homophobia #valarie lockwood #eleventh doctor #so I listened to the second audio in a muggy headspace when it came out and comprenhended none of it and thought what. #then I listened again today and understood it perfectly and cried the whole way thru. I love Valarie's husband ngl #they SHOULD have a poly marriage with Roanna on Medrüth to add to the timey wimeyness. totally normal to the Doctor #the Doctor emotionally saying Rivers death breaks his hearts in the same episode where he says- #'she looks drained. I guess marriage does that to you'. honestly all of the yowzah refs in eleventh doctor chronicles are kind of gold. #and the first story!!!!!! Valerie's dead mother!!!!!! the Clara mention in the summary was fully clickbait tho #oh and the Doctor telling Valerie about the Ponds at the end? SCREAMING- he didnt tell Clara about the Ponds! #in other audio news im slowly gettin thru eighth doctor audios while working. Neverland/Zagreus/Scherzo were as great as ppl say! #the anti time arc made me finally love charley (and find her interesting) #words by seaweed #this post just lowkey a subtweet at rtd. no offense to rtd for always thinking hes right without consulting the groups he talks about #in ADDITION to the story being cathartic. Cybermen running gay conversion therapy is a *chefs kiss* concept. I'm so glad it exists #I might delete this post later its making me feel low key vulnerable *ramble ramble* #by the way I don't think religion is mostly or uniquely responsible for homophobia. #I think it's like any bigotry or hatred. plus religion is an easy way to claim that god is on their side for ANY hatred they have #which means religious homophobia is a form of homophobic abuse that's not only mental and emotional but spiritual as well #it hits different when they invoke god. the entity who made you the way you are #finally watched Barbie and cried because even tho the message was simple my parents will never understand it #my dad who thinks patriarchy is exaggerated and my mom who thinks god made women to serve men #I’m in my mid 20s now it’s fine. I feel so alone its fine #im fine :D or I wouldn't be subtweeting RTD :D :D :D #I should sleep I have work in the morning ~time to listen to some eighth doctor and charley in the divergent universe~ #why is 2024 busier than 2023 #anyway sins of the flesh was kinda surface level ngl but I don't think anything deeper would've worked as well #it got the emotional beats (and it doesn't need to be a complex argument to point out the hypocrisy long as the listener aint brainwashed) #the doctor telling the homophobe his hatred killed his daughter and he'll never be forgiven

[orcelito]

Ok, I'm apparently in such a state that Iroh's story from the Tales of Ba Sing Se episode. Made me cry.

Watched this episode who knows how many times. I know exactly what would happen. But it sure is the first time I've watched this episode since several major deaths in my life.

God. I'm not used to being this emotionally affected by things.

#speculation nation #a part of me feels like im watching this show anew #it's the first time im watching since i started doing some serious writing #so ive been seeing things through a storytelling lens i didnt have before #seeing things with a wisdom and understanding i didnt have before #and experiencing things with a depth of emotion that im not used to having. #i also nearly cried at the end of the desert episode. when aang was so angry and upset about appa that he went into the avatar state #and katara just stayed by him. reached up for him. looking So Tired... #used to calming him down from these states but hating that she is. #then both of them crying in each others' arms. it got to me man. #i wonder if ill be crying any other times from this watch. im clearly much more emotionally affected than i used to be. #man. man. this rewatch is changing smth in me i think. #reaching nearly 20 years into my own past with this. getting in touch with the person i used to be. and still kind of am #what a time! what a time. #this is episode 15 of season 2. ill probably be finishing season 2 today. and im excited to start season 3. #the book of fire is truly my favorite one of the show. so many good episodes in it. im excited.

[good-beans]

Went to a queer wedding today and damn... everything's gonna be okay huh

#both brides are good friends of me and my girlfriend #and theyre literally so perfect for each other #we could tell even before they made it official how deeply they cared about each other #and today they had the most beautiful small ceremony #it was so joyful #one of the brides wasnt sure if her mom would come because shes very traditional and made it seem like she wouldnt #but she did come and was very supportive #i was so happy for them #i cried through all their vows asfvvbn #(to be fair they were gorgeous and everyone was emotional) #and then i cried during the speeches #there was just so much love and support #and sitting there with my gf after months of stressing over little things in the future #i just knew we'd be okay #and though its definitely a ways off (as i have to keep reminding her lmao) i cant wait for us to do that some day #thats all im just sappy 😅 #been a while since ive seen so many queer people in one place and just So Much Joy #rose rambles

[thosetwofirefighters]

WIP Wednesday

tagged by @mooshkat, thank you so much friend!! <3 I've had the first draft of this (which is for @the-likesofus) open for at least a week now, and I just can't bring myself to edit it (mostly because my life has been a ~shit show~ recently) anywaaaaay here's some of what will be a very late 6.14 coda :))

“I’ve got a list, if you’re interested,” she continues. “I know being set up by your old tia might not be the most attractive idea, but you’ve just gotta find the right woman.” She grabs his hand, the one not wrapped tightly around his coffee mug. He lets her keep it, takes comfort in the familiar pressure of her hand in his, and tries not to worry that this might be the last time he’ll be able to. For a moment, he feels guilty about worrying—this is Tia Pepa, his favorite aunt, the one person who has always been on his side—but then he remembers what his parents—his father—had said when he’d tried having this conversation with them at nineteen. He knows Pepa and trusts her so much, but he’d trusted his parents too.

no pressure tagging (and sorry if you've already been tagged lol) @the-likesofus @lilbuddie @shortsighted-owl @jacksadventuresinwriting @mysteriouslyyounggalaxy @wheelsupin-five <3

#idk i feel like pepa is a lil ooc (maybe not in this snippet) but idk what to do about it #but also i havent read this in a week so maybe i should just like. do that first? #it's literally less than 1000 words idk why its so hard #actually i do its because any thinking beyond consuming media and avoiding real life is Too Much Thinking rn #literally went to work yesterday and went home a half hour later because I cried the whole time lolllll #but today is better !!! and also today my boss commended my attitude yesterday so like. i feel so much better about the whole ordeal #the capitalism rlly got to me i was so guilty for leaving work #but my boss was like 'dont worry it was a situation you couldnt control but you can control your attitude and you were great' #she was like 'you tried sticking it out and thats more than enough' and i was like ok let me go cry some more now out of relief #i just. would really like emotions that don't overwhelm my brain because like. i cry at literally every heightened emotion ahaha #anywaaaaaay sorry to anyone reading these tags i'm just a bit unhinged atm #tag game #wip wednesday #mine

[todayisafridaynight]

DID YOU MISS THE EXAM... Either way I can believe in that superstition for a sec I'm so sorry 😭😭😭

NONO I TOOK IT. BARELY. I BARELY TOOK IT. I JUST THOUGHT CLASS WAS GOING TO BE NORMAL BUT NOPE <3<3<3

#snap chats #ngl cried a lil in classs... mightve scribbled a bit on the page.. which has happened before when taking spanish tests LMAO #the rage and anger i felt... oh to punch a wall like i literally just wanted to leave and scream #and i havent felt that kind of anger in a hot minute it was so ugly LMAOOOO so stupid nothing even majorly bad happened #it just the build up ig.... anyways... #I THOUGHT IT WAS WEDNESDAY CAUS EI HAVE AN ASSIGNMENT TOMORROW #AND ASSIGNMENTS ARE USUALLY DUE THE DAY BEFORE THE EXAM BUT. OK. FUCK ME IG #when i finally stopped being a big ol baby i focused on the questions and they weren't actually too hard so im p sure i did fine #it was just... The Emotional Damage of walking in thinking it was gonna be a chill day after Everythin and its like :) No Exams Today :) #the funnier bit is that i literally asked my professor and then she forgot to give me the exam so i had to ask her for it 🧍‍♂️ #right after asking about the exam 🧍‍♂️like i know im unremarkable but you JUST spoke to me.... #my reputation of being the most invisible man continues..... an ironic title to have but ill take it.... #call my ass kellam the way i have to remind people im here <3 fe homies will know what that means and they'll know im right </3 #anyway to end the horrible night. Hopefully. i was gonna get milk from the milk dispenser Because We Have Those #and the milk i usually get was empty so i got the second one and the spout was tilted weirdly so the milk just went backwards #so that was fun. to get. and then a guy tried getting chocolate milk after me and Something happened cause he just yelled the f slur LOL #what a day... it's no one's day today apparently..... #anyway Lesson Learned don't fuck with three's. i don't like the number three it always gives me bad vibes... #did i disclose my Unhealthy relationship with numbres.. i prob did lol.. ima wrap this post up now...

[knifeeater]

feeling priviledged to have friends who just Get It.

#I LOVE MY FRIENDS I LOVE T4T FRIENDSHIPS I LOVE CHOSEN FAMILY #ik i seldom get personal on here but today was so emotional #my mum cried after meeting my friends cause she was so happy to see how we take care of each other augh life is good sometimes reports say #qp

[fandom-fae]

why can’t i just be a normal fucking person

#vent vent vent #rant rant rant #moi #feels #uh yeah #i don’t know how many times i’ve cried today but it was more than it shoudlve been #i know this isn’t a productive or good way of thinking but i wish i was normal #yk cis neurotypical a more standard body type boring interests normal and well regulated emotions yk stuff like that? :’) #i hate that [she] hurt my feelings and barely apologized and i’m here thinking aboit apologizing for my feelings being hurt in the first #place. like fuck. why am i like this? if only i was neurotypical my reaction probably wouldn’t have been so strong and i couldve hid that #i felt hurt at all and she wouldn’t have known and i wouldn’t have spent the entire lesson sitting there and being such a stupid fucking #heulsuse and i wouldve been able to go home and shower without taking 2 hours in the shower bc i was crying too much #and i wouldn’t have a fucking headache right now because i wouldn’t have cried #and it wouldn’t have been an issue anyway because it woudlve never come up in the conversation because if i was cis i wouldn’t even fucking #care (or maybe i would but it wouldn’t hurt like it did) and i hate being in the closet honestly #i hate this cisheteronormative society so much because if it wasn’t like that i wouldn’t have to feel like this right now because the whole #cause would be gone #also fuck the mottokomittee for that stupid motto they came up with #this whole thing is making me want to not exist honestly like fuck all of this #and also. fuck k from that komitee especially i wouldn’t be surprised if she came up with that supid motto. i mean she is the one who used #to be friends with that terf before she left so yk. fuck k. but like actually i don’t know what to do #i wish i wasn’t like this #and im so sorry to anyone reading this #i jeut really needed to let this all go and its kinda painful and idk what #to do anymore #i don’t want to just miss part of the mottowoche later but i also really don’t want to have to misgender myself in front of everyone in a #situation that will literally be filmed and watcged by almost the entire school #i hate this so much #like i dislike it as a motto on its own because its stupid and uncreative but also because its rly cisnormative and i hate it as a nonbinary #person because i’m in the closet and definitely not about to out myself over thsi motto but i also fucking refuse to do this

[hellfireeddiemunson]

good news i did NOT have a breakdown over how we have nothing in my house that i eat and how i don’t have money!!

#there’s pasta but No butter #cereal but no milk #and i eat Nothing else in the house and i have $3 rn #but my sister is an ANGEL and i texted her asking if she could buy me a pack of totinos pizzas from walmart on her way home from work #and she said she absolutely can do that and so i ate some handfuls of cereal to hold me off and now i’ll have pizza soon :) #i was scared i’d have a breakdown bc i’m on my period and i have been extremely emotional this time around and it’s only day 2 🧍🏻 #i’ve cried A Lot today so i was ready for my own reaction to be like me sobbing and hitting my mattress and being mad at myself but i’m okay #so that’s a good thing !! shout out me !!!! #anyways i’m smoking out of my bong rn and it’s hitting while i’m typing this and i feel soooo good i’m gonna eat the FUCK out of that pizza

[orcelito]

I've gone through a character arc today. I'm... better(?) now

#speculation nation #animal death ment/ #turns out shoving all my grief down and refusing to process it in fear of experiencing negative emotions is detrimental to me #i just went through all my pictures of cassy. experienced again what a loverboy he was... #cried again. twice. miserable experience honestly. i dont know how people do this more than a few times a year. #i have a few videos of him. including him watching a bird video on my computer. #unfortunately i never did capture his meow. which breaks my heart but there's nothing i can do about it now. #i'll just have to hold that sound in my memory. his obnoxious 'mraaaa' that could get comically long when he was begging for food #it hurts. but i'm allowed to remember that i loved him. i'm allowed to remember what he was to me. #an obnoxiously bullheaded cat that was strangely skittish at the same time. #it was annoying at the time but i treasure the memory of when he got out of my apartment unit #and i went chasing him up and down the stairs of the central area several times yelling 'cassy get BACK here!' #as he loudly did his 'MRAAAA' the whole time as he ran from me #my baby boy. tally loved him too. it hurts my heart that i cant communicate to her what happened. #no wonder she hates june bug so much. her friend disappeared & then a few weeks later theres This weird new cat #hopefully in time she can be friends with june bug too. there was a solid month or two where she haaaated cassy lmao #before a switch was flipped and she was grooming him every time he sat in front of her. #cassy may have lived for too short of a time. but he was very very loved. and i can see that in the records of him. #he was purring for me in the end. my sweet loverboy... #... i was going to try writing before work today but it seems like it's a grief processing day. #oh well. it's probably better for me overall. #negative/ #sure. i guess.

[hobisexually]

x

#y’all I’m exhausted #my cat keeps going on the litter box but not doing anything #and I think she just doesn’t like the stuff in it and the box is too small so I ordered a new one but it will take two days to get here and #I don’t know what to do!!!!!!! #and I keep waking up when I hear she gets on it in the middle of the night in stress checking whether she’s doing something #and she isn’t #and I keep having nightmares of her dying and having to tell her owner she didn’t last a week with me and she never should’ve brought her #last time she went on it was what? Sunday early morning? #its Tuesday it’ll be fine #but you know????????? #I also had to leave her behind for the first time today because I need to go to work #I stretched it by one day by working from home yesterday but yk #im so FRANTIC and I’m so stressed and my supervisor is leaving on holiday for three weeks so I’m in charge of the big stuff suddenly #which I’m not stable enough for atm at all I shouldn’t be in charge of anything in this state of mind #also apparently my dad is hurting a lot over not speaking to me and yeah my man same but ?????? what am I gonna do huh #it took me a WHOLE month to feel normal again after the disaster that was December we can’t keep doing this #I cried in the middle of a fancy restaurant last night #and then as if that wasn’t bad enough had to have a talk with my mum about racism and body image and religious trauma and how she can’t keep #getting in the middle of my dad and me and then it spiralled into a conversation abojt how my dad impacted HER #and how the divorce was hell for her for a reason because the emotional abuse was. hm. #and hearing that! also how much weight she lost then which I always thought was because she was sick but no it was him #very difficult to hear #fuuuuckkkkk meeeeeee y’all #and I can Feel my brain going around in circles like it’s anxiety central and I can’t stop it atm #shit man. #UGH #I HATE THIS SOMEONE KNOCK ME THE FUCK OUT #@ [redacted] go ahead honestly

[jaetaimjadore]

oh, wonwoo 😞

#tw: some discussion of death in the following tags pls don't read ahead if uncomfortable with such topics❗️❗️ #didnt listen to this until today because the lord only knew i couldnt handle the emotions sitting in the college library #i dont think ive ever cried so hard to any other kpop song #wonwoo's cover of knees is so beautiful #his voice is so soft and quiet but the emotion in it is so overwhelming #and iu's lyrics are just so heartbreaking :( #and the fan art for it is just so gorgeous and soft #wonwoo has been so strong for us all #i felt the all the pain and sincerity and acceptance he's going through #turning a new page from something so tough must be so scary for him #but i just know that mrs jeon is looking down on him from up in the sky with a proud smile #so #everyone #if you can #go and give your mother a hug #or a call #or some reminder of how much she means to you #because we need to cherish our mums for who they are and everything they've sacrificed for us in life #and make sure they know that we love and appreciate them with all ours hearts #sorry this got really emotional but i just felt the need to say this #my heart goes out to wonwoo and anybody else who may be grieving the loss of a loved one #stay strong #because that's what they would have wanted you to do :) #medzmoodz.☁ #svt.💙