#she's all that matters right now

[kinglyyato]

"I'll gladly take her place if you let me, make this my last request...God please, don't take the girl"

#oof okay i cut the left side off because i had no idea what to do with it i was very confused #lyrics are to the song dont take the girl by tim mcgraw #he was trying so desperately to save her 🥺 #he's got snow on his head 😭 #he's also fading away?!? but his main focus is hiyori #she's all that matters right now #gah it worked but at what cost #noragami #noragami manga panel color #noragami manga color #noragami yato #yatori #this is from chapter 108.2 #noragami 108 #i dont think i did this panel enough justice but i still like how it came out #kinglyyato

[keepthetension]

this was made especially for those of us who cut ties with our shitty families, huh

i cried so much this whole episode. i know that i can't be in that house and be who i am at the same time, but the guilt and shame never really go away. i love that this episode said, wholeheartedly: fuck what society says, you should be wherever allows you to be happiest

anyway! you always hear that family estrangement is rare in asian communities, but i did it! and you can do it, too! dump your shitty family! i believe in you~

#tsukuritai onna to tabetai onna #it's incredible like i don't think i fully realized how ashamed i feel until this episode had me ugly crying into my blankie #especially because the abuse was invisible and people say: oh everyone's family says harsh things! it's because they care! they love you! #and no matter how hard you try to explain the magnitude of what was done to you people still shrug and say but they're *family* #not that there was ZERO physical abuse but like. that's just How It Is in the community i grew up in so it's not a Reason reason #and that's all aside from all that's expected of me as the child of an asian family (that i am simply doing none of) #FUCK i guess i just compartmentalized all of this so securely i didn't think it could bleed out anymore #thanks tsukutabe. i guess? #this show is RELENTLESSLY coming for me this season too like explicitly stated asexual rep? a treat for me personally! #idk i never expected an asian drama to be so clear about this especially because kasuga's abuse was invisible too #and the idea of not sacrificing yourself for your parents is COUNTER to what you're supposed to do #i am just VERY EMOTIONAL right now #i love kasuga so much and it was rough to see her going through it but i am SO HAPPY that she's accepted and loved

[i-d-e-g-a-f]

i ache for katara so deeply, she deserves so much better than her canon fate. i cannot express in words how much her story and how the fandom views/treats her physically hurts me

#anti kataang #katara deserved better #i know she’s a fictional character so ppl can say think and feel however they want about her and it the end of the day it shouldn’t matter #cus she’s not real but i just feel for her so deeply it hurts #katara my beloved #katara #katara my best friend who i have a DEEP parasocial relationship with i will always be on your side #they can never make me hate you #WE COULDVE HAD IT ALL #yes i’m being dramatic but also 100% serious #truly my favorite character of all time and she has been done wrong not only by the writers but by the fans too lord give her a break #i need her to get justice so bad against bryke and everyone who speaks ill on her #god please take all her suffering and give it to bryke #am i being hyperbolic right now? #your guess is as good as mine #zutara #for exposure ig #anti bryke

[aether-weather]

SAGESUNE MIKU >:DDD

#i rise from the dead once again!! #sorry about the long periods of time in between me posting #school is absolutely kicking my ass right now and i havent had any time to draw the creatures :( #ive also just been feeling unsatisfied with my art as of late #its probably just too much time online looking at other peoples art making me feel bad about myself #even though im improving as fast as i can it doesnt feel like im getting any better #but i know from experience that that feeling doesnt go away with time #so i guess ill always see flaws in my art no matter how hard i try to get better #man. that got really depressing :/ #anyways SAGE!!! i love her she is my favorite of all time and im going to draw her so much yall dont even KNOW :D #ive got tons of other stuff planned too so watch out >:3 #i could hit you guys with 6 paragraphs of au lore any day now #sonic the hedgehog #sage robotnik #AWWWHHHGG SHE HAS HER OWN LITTLE TAG IM SOBBING #anyways #sage sonic #hatsune miku #i guess #whoof im scared to post this #or maybe im just exhausted #probably both :/

[oatbugs]

my research partner and i are huddled in a blanket in paddington waiting for a too-late train i already miss you and you and you

#he keeps falling asleep almost on my shoulder and waking up and readjusting but i want to tell him its ok weve seen a lot #of each other ive seen your brainwaves you called me crying a few nights ago. research partner right now is a potentiality #friend is a certainty. i met a banker passionate about finance. he said his advice made the lives of others better and he likes the numbers #more than he likes anything else. on a high rise near canary wharf the view was wonderful and the people even moreso #he said i loved her but i spent 33 grand on her and i cant do this anymore. his voice cracked talking about her. he did love her. #and she talked softly she grabbed my hand she bought me a pack of Marlborough gold she told me to snap #the russian menthol cigarettes of the tortured polish man near us with my teeth i kept staring at her teeth #bright white and sharp. i couldnt find her heartbeat but i did find warmth and i did find her lips and i did feel #how she felt pressed against a wall. a pretty boy held my hand and i gave him my number. i couldnt stop smiling about her no matter #how many runways youve walked on how many collections youve designed how many students youve taught. senior lecturer teaches me how to do #very unethical things ethically over a double shot of vodka made by the half-persian with broken farsi. she talks softly #and she says her eyes are hazel but they appear a shade of red. pure gold on her hands and leather on her back and her fingers on my lips #(she talks softly sees through me she says something i cant hear but i wont forget the way she flies) she talked to my research partner #about the possibility of moving to sunny dubai with the rest of her family and my heart felt pierced. on her arm i traces a tattoo of a #knife passing through a rose. she told me she thought there was romance in severing so i kissed her some more. #he sat me down and asked me what i loved and i told him and he said no romance no person no tragedy will take that from you. #the room was filled with a collection of people in love with something that wasnt a person and i kept looking at her. #red eyes bitten jawline beautiful hands. it is 3 degrees Celsius my head is on his shoulder i miss my friends #we walked out the lecture hall with arms linked a photo of two years ago and we both said #jesus christ. i miss you all. and i miss logic metatheory lectures. im glad i get to stare at the depth of your eyes #i wish i had met you years ago. #crushposting

[stuckinapril]

Need to stop saying yes to people while I’m running on empty. I rly don’t know why I do this, but between preparing for my neuro hospital internship / studying full time for one of the hardest national exams in the states / volunteering at 3 places / like 8282727 other things I genuinely do not have the energy to be around people and present. Especially bc people are used to a more bubbly version of me and I am just!! Tired!!! And cannot be that right now!! But I also do love my friends and don’t want to self isolate. Life is so hard when you’re a busy girl who gets her energy thru being around people but literally does not have the time

#i was ranting to my mom ab this and she was like. ur social life might suffer for the next few months. ur studying for the mcat. it’s okay. #and she’s right and I honestly just have to accept it #I’m also having fun w all the things i signed myself up for #maybe it rly is a matter of accepting that my goals just have to come first right now and it’s okay if I’m not going out every weekend #or not saying yes to every social event #academia is my no 1 priority rn and that is OKAY. i cannot be everywhere at once I cannot be perfect #a devestasting realization but I rly need to focus on what’s important rn #p

[trainingdummyrabbit]

"not to ocpost-" please oc post (as long as you're ok with it) i would love to learn more about holly and chun-run!! (as long as you're ok with it!!)

! oh its absolutely ok, i love being enabled ^w^ kjfngdkjf um um. this is another Entire Thing(tm) that requires Exposition(tm) so um hope youre ready to read More Paragraphs !

the short answer is

the long answer is: i went 'hey i have two* ruina-era ocs, what if i put them next to each other for fun? haha they'd hate each other ^w^' ... 'Oh God They'd HATE Each Other.' so uh, the exposition.

Holly! You've Never Met Her Before. certainly not. ttttechnically. out of narrative, Holly was originally a branch of what Cocoa's character would have been when I was first developing her. in narrative, Holly is what would have happened if they'd never been picked up by LCorp. she's... an entirely different person, basically.

in essence, if you thought the other one was unstable, Oh Boy(tm). Holly is what happens when the city Actually gets the chance to sink its claws in. it's just this time, she was far, Far less quiet about it. girlies who completely fucking failed their stat check Again. there's only so much 'keep your head down and take it' you can really handle before you're just about ready to tear a bitch apart, and well. Well! anyway.

Holly is another angle of the Human/Monster/Object tangle, in where Cocoa's development hinges on the equivalent of trying to balance several spinning plates and Fucking Up Miserably, Holly has started hurling plates directly into the audience with intent. if you will.

humans are always talking some hot shit about how high and mighty they are, the "value" that comes with just being Human, and yet their entire lives are a horrible, animalistic dance of clawing each other to shreds while hiding behind ideas and roles they themselves put into play, like it's some stupid game. that harm is just an intrinsic part of the human nature. she can't fucking stand it.

essentially, she's an odd argument between the Human and Monster corners of the tangle. not only hates the binds that the city places on them of obligation, but also the ties of human emotion-- namely guilt and connection. that endless dance. she wants nothing more than to shed these ideals completely-- unfortunately, she still intrinsically and unconsciously clings onto them, afraid to let go. a human trying to claw its way out of humanity. it doesn't matter what it takes-- she's not letting this city take her first.

...and then there's Chun-Run.

we just don't know where chun-run came from. but she sure Is, and she's Immediately going to make it a Huge Fucking Problem. being aligned with the musicians of bremen, she has.. very normal views about art, and what it means to be Alive. she's the closest thing to a human time bomb i can think of, probably.

she doesn't have much of a character... honestly kind of intentionally? her entire being is solely rooted in the present, the What Is and the What Will Be. she strives to feel what the pianist's performance invoked that day-- through any means necessary. whatever happens to Her, to anything around her-- none of it matters. first and foremost, she is a conduit. it's all secondary to that singular experience.

horrifying. painful, disgusting. striking, poignant, pungent. it makes her sick to think about, but some part of her wishes she was closer to truly Feel it. its repulsive– but she Needs to hear it again. to witness, to experience. what is it– what was it? to grasp onto an ephemeral feeling she physically cannot understand– frustrating, frustrating. but she Needs to. to make the soul sing, cry out in reverence... to call it a Song is almost insulting.

so you have the worlds most unstable walking contradiction with absolutely no outlet and an unidentified fucking thing intent on wringing some undefineable meaning from the soul through physical violence.

so like, moth meet flame.

chun-run is pretty much Instantly infatuated with holly-- but for the Entire Wrong Reasons. it's pretty much "Yeah I Could Make Her Worse." all the way down, but expressed entirely through Murder. yknow, girl things. and holly, of course, fucking hates this are you for real right now??? shut the fuck up about reaching Art through Violence there is something WRONG WITH YOU. chun is entirely convinced that she's what will harmonize closest to that sound she's chasing-- that dissatisfaction, desire, rage... it's so painfully close. and yet she refuses to acknowledge that spark! refuses to engage entirely! is it not the nature of the soul to sing? so sing girl, sing.

girlies who are trying to claw their way back to stability and girlies who want nothing more than to burn to ashes in a beautiful blaze of Being. in conclusion:

#We Have Managed A Relatively Short Post ! Yippy!!! \o/ #piktalk #pikocs #projmoon #DISCLAIMER this dynamic is very very new comparatively so theres a lot of things they just Arent Telling Me Yet but i do my best o7 #chun's mess was fucking hard bc all of her notes are entirely just her yelling abt the metaphysical Meaning in drive and [waves hand] #not even remotely comprehensible in this format but we make do. or smthn. #hollys mess is a huge fucking jumble of her lying to herself repeatedly and lashing out at anything that gives her reason to-- #and unfortunately she continues to be a fucking Freak Magnet no matter what she does <//3 alas. #who fucking knows what these motherfuckers are doing at this point. unfortunately they are now kind of inherently tied together so #yknow. oops. lol <33 #(id have drawn something more but iam very sleepy right now so mayb later <3 ok 👍)

[ef-1]

girlhood

#i have to fly out to capetown to see mother and im literally debating if i could land in the morning and leave at night on the same day #like. anything longer than that is going to ruin my year. #when she called and did her “katherine. you have to be here on the 10th” i literally sobbed in my bed for the rest of the day 😍😍😍 #not dyeing my hair black for a year and its getting lighter and lighter everyday and i look like her again #and my therapist telling me “you need to do things for yourself.” but like can i? sorry that woman traumatised me and i actually cant :) #like everything i do is informed by her #I'm going to go and just like everytime the only way to keep my sanity is to mirror her. talk and sit and speak and read and eat like her #and its such a terrifying experience bc i remember that im capable of emulating her viciousness and maybe i am my mother's daugher 🤢🤢🤢 #and im going to come back and its going to take fucking months for me to feel like myself again #“oh you look so beautiful just like your mother” i hope you DIE lol !!! the fact that my conception of beauty was shaped by her #growing up with this cruel beautiful detached woman and realising that at the intersection of beauty and wickness is a lifetime of pain #and still being so desperate for her approval- for any metaphysical proximity to her that i felt elated when #people would tell me i look like her. that it meant i was also beautiful like her and maybe she'll love me a little for it #but now i know for a fact that i do look like her and it makes saliva swell under my tongue - that moment right before you throw up- #when people mention it 😍 #last time i was in capetown my optic neuritis flared up (and i know for a fact it was that it was ms-stress related from having to see her) #and i thought i hid it so well even though i had near constant headaches & lethargy until she said “katherine give me the red notebook” #and i knew that she knew all along. it was so acutely humiliating standing there and knowing she knows i cant see which one is the red one #and she tilted her head and said “whats the matter? do you not know what red looks like?” #im never going to have kids. my mother and i read eachother so well it can only mean im never too far removed from becoming her #lol!!!!!!!!!

[pinkhysteria]

i need matt in that jury so bad so i can stop being subjected to these annoying ass, infantilizing takes from both fans and the other players. his refusal to play his own game being twisted into 'poor matty is being taken advantage of by the evil monster jag' is so unserious.

#bb25 #jag is a fucking clown right now but i'm tired of that white freak getting babied in comparison. #ever since felicia nutty ass said she trusts him because he reads the bible i've wanted his ass out. #all these takes acting like matt putting a number for himself on the block on HIS hoh is something matt is the 'victim' of #rather than something completely fucking stupid he literally didn't have to do. #or pretending he wasn't throwing cirie utb to jag for that matter. he ACTIVELY helped jag evict her. #like yeah matt IS jag's puppet lmfao. #but if matt isn't responsible for anything and is just a vessel for the manipulative monster jag - then he doesn't deserve shit! #and this is me TRYING not to write the essay i wanna write fr!

[itspileofgoodthings]

also I had a breakthrough today that I had in fact overthought a Specific Problem to Death and that I had created a monster in my own mind and that’s why it felt like I was being eaten alive every time I tried to solve it.

#not to put too fine a point on it but that’s what happened with the whole is Maria going to become a nun question tbh #and I needed a counselor to say to me objectively and yet also crucially without any knowledge of me or my past: #you have overthought this and now you’re terrified of it #anyway it’s so obvious but it came home to me today. slowly. #like it was just like. Oh. You did it again #you’re terrified of this because you have thought of every possibility and every outcome and every twist and turn and shadow—- #until it has become a bloated demon in your mind that is totally separated from reality #while made up of real facts and details! and tbh I know it’s a common problem #but the anxiety chokehold I can put myself in is something that is so impressive and so disturbing #I can render myself absolutely helpless through the meanderings of my own thoughts #and what makes it worse—immeasurably worse—is that I get OUT of problems through careful thought and analysis #I’m programmed that way #so I can’t escape it by the usual means. I have to back away from the monster and see it and NAME it and then it can die away. #and only THEN can I apply my usual ways of going about things. I don’t know it just all clicked today #these past few days have just been bringing it all to a fever pitch for me #anyway I guess it’s also important to me that I still be allowed to be analytical about it!!! I have to use my brain!!!!!!! #in my desperation I have tried to shut it off to feel only with my heart. To try to catch the whisper of God’s voice in the wind #but tbh I am meant to use the gifts I have! But only in the right context #and that’s only after the demon has been killed or more accurately —deflated #my counselor has been so good about this tbh. she’s so matter of fact and blunt and salt of the earth and also she sees how my mind works #and wants me to be able to use it!! #so I’m just going to tell her that I did the bad thing with this other problem and can she help me find a way forward #ANYWAY THE MONSTERS TURNED OUT TO BE JUST TREES

[cheekblush]

i'd rather be friendless than to constantly have my boundaries disrespected

#i am so frustrated and annoyed rn #at the beginning of this year my ex best friend reached out to me and i cautiously let her back into my life #things were going great but now she turned a harmless topic into a full blown discussion even though i told her multiple times that i no.. #.. longer want to discuss this matter but she kept going & then accusing me of continuing the discussion as well #and tbh i really should've stopped engaging with her messages much sooner but it's so annoying when someone sends you lots of messages with #their opinion although i mentioned several times that i want to drop the topic & then i'm just expected to shut up lol #she didn't respect my wish to move and made a huge fuss about nothing #i stopped replying to her since yesterday bc i really had enough & i should've just left her on read much sooner #but her messages were truly annoying me #her last message now says that we often have different opinions & she thinks she's more optimistic than me & that makes it hard for her to.. #talk to me..... i was so dumbfounded when i read that this morning #our initial conversation was about whether a song is more pop or rnb....... & she twisted that into me being negative lmao #she was so obsessed with being right that she couldn't drop the topic even though i told her how exhausting the convo was for me #and like it's such an irrelevant topic... imagine being that obsessed with always being right 😭 #idc anymore i'd rather be a negative bitch than someone who disrespects others' boundaries <3 #i thought she changed for the better but she's so self-righteous opinionated & stubborn it's awful #i calmly told her that her behavior is bothering me & we easily could've just moved on but she kept going on and on #and she herself admitted that it's one of her flaws that she always has to be right & she's being petty & yet she didn't stop 🤡 #even writing all this down feels so silly to me bc the initial topic was sooooo trivial #am i supposed to feel sorry for thinking a song was rnb rather than pop???? like go touch some grass please #she even sent me a screenshot of the wikipedia page of the song to prove that it's rnb & it literally said synth pop & rnb lol #but i wasn't even mad about that her not respecting my wish to drop the topic & move on even though i said it multiple times really pissed.. #me off though.... like girl just let it go it's not that deep!!! #but apparently i'm negative & pessimistic for having a different opinion than her 🤷🏼‍♀️ #like imagine starting a fight over smth SO IRRELEVANT but i'm the negative one sure lmao #okay i just needed to get this off my chest bc i don't have anyone to talk to about this & it's just ridiculous to me #☁️

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

hmmmm having angsty Lights Out thoughts

#i know when i post about it i usually make it Lighthearted if not outright Memey #but oh boy. this au is dark. like - like beyond the literal meaning #imagine being abandoned by your creators without so much as a warning #one day the lights go out and thats it. no answers. no comfort. no friendly faces or explanation #show's over. curtains closed. doors locked. they're all gone #it's just waiting in a pitch black room because surely the lights will turn back on. the next day will come #but it Won't. the next day won't come. it will never come. your friends won't open their eyes again. it's just you now. #you've always had company - friends and the comfort of feeling Watched Over by something beyond your understanding #but you blinked and its gone now. it's just you. no matter what you try or what you do - its. just. you. #days and weeks and moths and years of silence and a complete lack of color #burning matches down to your fingertips just to remember what shade of yellow your fleece is #its still wrong. firelight stains the color. #slowly forgetting the sound of your friends voices and what their smiles looked like and what the memories you made with them were #what was your best friends favorite joke? what was his hotdog order? how did he laugh? he used to pose for your paintings didnt he? #you can't be sure anymore. maybe the neighborhood was always dead. maybe You're dead. how can you tell? #you don't breathe. they don't either. they used to didn't they? you never did but they used to. ...right? you hope their dreams are sweet #one of your friends starts sleepwalking. you're so happy. she hurts you. you know she didnt mean it. you're scared anyway. #you can only see with one eye now. it feels... Wrong. all of your chalk drawings start coming out wrong too. #you keep missing when you reach for things. just one more thing to adjust to #were the lights ever on? or was that your own dream? you thought that was something you couldnt do. #you also thought the lights always come back. you were wrong about that. what else are you wrong about? #wh lights out au #wailing sobbing screaming etc over lights out wally... this poor little 12 apples dude... #aimlessly wandering through the town... walking through the buildings.... #eventually getting so fucking lonely and desperate that you keep your best friend's severed arm for comfort #all you can do is protect your eternally sleeping friends from the Things crawling out of the shadows #mark another tally on the ground for each full circle the town clock's short hand completes #and wait for the day you fall asleep and join your friends dreams. it will happen someday. #you can feel it in the pitch seeping from your eyes and mouth. more with each decade that passes #just a little while longer. some more waiting. just you. in the dark.

[bumblingbabooshka]

Mpreg Attack

#mpreg #Wacky VOY shenanigans happened & Neelix keeps trying to throw him a baby shower #I just know his maternity robes would be extra #Neelix: Mr. Vulcan you're glowing!!!! / Tuvok: -so sick he can't open his eyes- ............................. #B'Elanna tries to help him and he starts with a 'I've had four kids I think I know better than you what to-' thing so she's like 'Fine.' #<- He has to go back to her for help eventually v_v #unclear if he's trans or not in these images. Is it a Vulcan thing? Is he trans? Was he zapped by a ray? Did an alien do this? Who knows <3 #All we know for sure is that Sek is eating sand. Right now. Sek PLEASE stop eating sand I DON'T understand why you keep doing it. #PLEASE elucidate the matter. 'Want eat sand!!!' No. NO eating sand. Sek. Listen. Sek if you don't stop we're going home RIGHT now. [pause] #Fine. We are going home. 'NOOO!!!!' Yes. #st voyager #st voyager fanart #Tuvok #Tuvok is the only character I'm interested in seeing pregnant #and buddy? You can take that as you will #bea art tag #bc this is a masterpiece

[anxiously-sidequesting]

To me personally malistaire is the funniest and most pathetic villain wizard101 has ever had AND I MEAN THAT SINCERELY!!! Between doomed children who have been manipulated, groomed, and isolated into becoming products of their environments, someone scorned who has been punished unfairly by having your biological heart torn out your chest and turning your children and all of reality against you to satiate their own ego, a nonhuman entity so powerful and so clueless they unintentionally threaten the lives of everyone around them, Malistaire FELL DOWN BRO. Like yeah you're bitchless now. You and me both. Get in line. Everyone in this room is bitchless. We are ALL living that ✨💅🏾💃🕺 Single Life™. You are a middle-aged man. Cope

#this post is lighthearted btw JELAJWODJTU i aint actually mad #but like...... malistaire as a villain is kinda mid though im sorry. IM SORRY ill take the L opinion if i have to #its one thing if he lost his wife to unfair systematic negligence or thru someone else's doings or smth but. no she just got sick bro 😐 #HWMSNFLEKSDIDOA EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE I WILL GIVW A BAD OPINION AND THIS IS ONE OF THEM. i cant be right ALL the time /j #like if i dont focus on malistaire's motives and just his ACTIONS he seems super metal #but then he does ALLLLL of that heinous shit because his wife died. like thats absolutely very sad but damn get a grip #(fandom starts breaking in my windows and drags me out into the street) IM SORRY IM SORRY LOOK ITS JUST NOT MY CUP OF TEA #ive never been invested in those Mr. Freeze types of villains where a person they love dies due to normal circumstances- #and they go fucking BERSERK. they LOSE IT. they go like “well okay fuck the entire world i guess nothing matters” and then kill people #LIKE IF IT'S DONE IN A CERTAIN WAY I CAN BE INVESTED but more often than not to me? its just kind of funny #like “okay damn there was only ONE person keeping you from being a national criminal? okay” #and you know what? thats a mood actually. thats a mood #without my cat i probanly would have become the president by now #for some reason its a little diff for me if its like a child you lost and idk why #like if malistaire lost a kid instead of his wife id probably be more inclined to feel bad and thats terribly fucked up JSLSJSJSJ #you know what its also bias because in some shape or form i relate to all the other villains. morganthe and duncan especially #whereas in malitsaire's case i have never been married. which i mean doesnt stop me from tryna be more synpathetic i guess but im just not #ONCE AGAIN FEEL VERY BAD FOR HIM AND SULVIA. like losing someone to sickness or any reason really is a serious thing #but in terms of a fictional setting with fictional characters where one of them decides to commit genocide over it? 🧍 like okay boo u do u #i will gladly give up my mantle for the “most reasonable opinions” guy in the fandom foe this one. i deserve it #wizard101 #w101 #wiz101 #text posts #malistaire drake

[dyketubbo]

ik normally we talk about situations like what shubble opened up about, we wanted to take time to think through everything especially because of how upsetting the topic is to us personally. as of now, we do agree that signs point to wilbur so we wont support him and we encourage others to not support him during this time and especially not actively defend him.

but we dont want to make a big deal out of not supporting him so focus can be on shubble and people learning how to see signs of abuse. we're already not very active due to our own recent experience with a traumatizing friendship (we hesitate to really call it abuse yet) but regarding that experience and others weve had we can focus on another big part of shubbles stream: educating others about the signs of abuse. so we want to use the rest of this post to talk about that

abusers will be everywhere and anywhere. yes there will be more in this community, but youll find them no matter where you go and there will be abusers in your personal life as well, whether you end up being abused or someone you know does. theres abusers who are "obvious", who scream and yell and hit. and theres abusers who are charismatic, who will be supportive and funny and yet passive aggressive and backstabbing. and theres abusers who will be quiet and cold and manipulative. and theres abusers who fall into multiple "categories" because theyre complex people just like anyone else and thats why abuse can happen to everyone. because abusers can be anyone.

dont get yourself caught up in how "theyre such a good person", dont get yourself caught up in thinking abuse could never happen to you. if you find yourself in a situation where communication doesnt work, where the other person hurts you over and over and doesnt show signs of getting better, where you keep finding ways to blame yourself and defend them (especially if you find yourself thinking that you deserve how they treat you), where youre scared of them and how theyd react if you told them so, where when you tell them you dont like how they treat you they dismiss you and start treating you worse, look into how to get out of there.

and know that it will take a while. that abuse is hard to get away from. that sometimes youll be trapped for a long time and sometimes youll relapse and defend them even after youve realized theyre abusive. and there will be people who support your abuser over you and people who will hate you and believe your abuser over you. and there will be people who support you but will still support your abuser too for whatever reason. and there will be people who support you fullheartedly and care for you and help you even if it takes you a long time to find them.

abuse is complex. "good people" can be abusive. no matter the fandom, no matter the community, no matter the when who where how why there will always be abusers around. no matter where you go or who you talk to there will always be some case of abuse. the important thing is to educate yourself.

learn about tactics like DARVO (deny, attack, reverse [the roles of] victim and offender), keep notes of the hotlines and organizations about abuse. keep the discussion of how to spot abuse and support the victims open. and always, always, keep more affection in your heart for victims than you do hate for abusers. make yourself someone who can be confided in and trusted to not take advantage of that trust.

and remember: if youre a victim yourself, its okay if you didnt do everything "right". its okay if your feelings keep changing, its okay if you were an asshole victim, its okay if you didnt see the signs even when others pointed them out to you, its okay if you did things "wrong". abuse is hard to sort through and what matters is not whether you "provoked" them, its that they had the power to hurt you and get away with it and they used it, over and over. and thats horrible and what you deserve is to get out and to be able to speak about it without getting hurt for it.

if shubble's story and others like hers resonate with you, tell people. it doesnt have to be public. in most cases it shouldnt be. tell people who you can trust in private and get the support you need so that when youre able and ready to you can get out. and know that there are people like you and even if you feel alone right now you wont be forever

#all the peace and care to shubble. we saw the vod seems to be deleted and we hope shes doing okay right now #critter calls #mostly pres but not just me sooo overall system tag #would say sorry for the long post but we arent really sorry. its an important topic #for the record we dont support how far some people have gone with speculation #we saw people on twt making full fucking timelines and sharing screenshots of shubbles deleted reddit post #dont fucking do that. all the information shubble could share on the matter was in the stream #dont pry any more into their life more than they shared #we have the information we need to know that it was likely wilbur but thats all. and if shubble says that she isnt saying names for- #-reasons outside of just not wanting to then.. i dont think its good or safe for her for people to keep prying #we dont even like the speculation that brought us to believing its wilbur #not because we believe wilbur couldnt do something like this (anyone could) but because #we know we would hate people prying into our life to find out the details about our abuse

[kinaesthetiqueer]

nora muse: sooooo when's my next chapter

me: *avoiding eye contact*

#there's a nonzero chance that converting a weiss chapter or inserting a new nora one will fix some issues #but as of right now? we're looking at ch 22 #don't get ne wrong she's around but there's some narrative stretching i cannot do from her pov at this point #im very intent on the in-universe vampire name drop that i originally conceived #and no matter how i swing it. i simply cannot get away with nora NOT saying it if she has a chapter between now and then #im very proud of my stupid little name you'll get all sorts of meta from me when the time comes #snowstorm vampire au #kina rambles #muse chatter