#sigh. another vent post....

[lucyvaleheart]

.

#sigh. another vent post.... #almost getting tired of making these but. I'm just.... I just don't really have much else I can do without botherin people #uh pretty big trigger warning for this one BTW #don't read on if you're low on spoons and whatnot. genuinely it's fine and I will be fine I always am #but like. yknow. when shit sucks it fucking sucks #anyway. uh. I just can't stand the idea that I might be bothering someone #so at least this way my stupid cries for help have a possibility of getting me some without making any specific #person feel obligated. yknow? maybe you see the post maybe you don't #Maybe you don't read all the way maybe you do. either way you can choose if you have the spoons to reach out #without feeling guilty either way. I hope. #.......i kind of want to fucking kill myself again #.....it used to be a much rarer thought. and I used to be much less struck by intense loneliness and longing like this #but I just feel so fucking needy. so desperate for attention and love and it hurts so much if I don't get it #and like. it's realistically nobody's fault but my own yknow... i need to ask for it more. i know that. i just suck at it #and then I can't ask. so I don't get attention. and in turn I feel neglected. secondary. like I'm not anyone's primary focus #and it just fucking hurts so much and it's just my own damn fault and I don't know how to fix it. #......i do. I need therapy I need meds or something. that's the answer here really #picked out a psychiatrist. need to call and make an appointment. but adhd and executive function and anxiety (that last one I need meds for) #mean it's very hard to both remember and then actually perform the task of calling the fucjing Dr #......believe me I'm trying.....like fuck I'm trying so hard.... and I started bawling having seen sparkles and ms robot girl reblog that #post from me about letting prev know you're proud of them. bawled when quinn called me cutie last night. bawled when #ginny said they wished they were here.... fuck me I do too I want to be the focus of someone's attention so so so so badly #fuck #...............it's redundant to say at this point a second time but. goddess above its a little scary how much I wanna kill myself #........sigh #....anyway. please do not feel obligated to respond to this in any way. do what you got the spoons for. #thank you for even reading all of this shit if you've gotten this far. i love you deeply and with all my heart. I'll be fine I promise #won't act on it no matter how strong the feeling is. just.....hurts in the meantime. but I'll be ok. I promise #................fuck. im going back to bed

[raspberrysmoon]

holy shit. i thought i was healing

#raspy rambles #vent post #its been three fucking years hello why am i not stable again #if she calls me a dry texter im going to have a fucking panic attack #does that make me unworthy of loving? no. but it sure as shit feels like it #she didnt. btw. she just sent something she thought was funny but. sigh #another thing to add to my list of triggers ig

[chilapis]

Last post before I crash and no-one hears from me until I return from my first final the morrow’s eve (a changed man no doubt) but there’ll never be anything funnier to me than consistently being viewed as a composed and calm saviour by peers while I’m, actively and uncontrollably losing it.

#not said sarcastically or as a vent by the way I genuinely find it so terribly amusing. you think I have it together ? aw <3 you fool. #i’ve been pacing around my room like a starving lion since the past week in whatever free time i’ve had. #and i keep getting people in my messages begging me for last minute help ? which is endearing but. i’m hanging on for dear life myself #helping isn’t foreign to me; i have 4 (?) people in my class who almost exclusively refer to me as ma’am and even refer to me as a teacher. #but helping last minute is so. deeply chaotic. #and I have this issue with me where having others around me makes me immediately drop into a ���role’ of sorts? #i’ll be freaking out but then someone else starts freaking out around me and my immediate response is to just. #hey. we are going to make it out of this. it’s easy as pie. do you see me worried? no right? <- on the verge of hyperventilating #there’s this one guy in particular who got so excited to find out we have the exact same examination set-up tomorrow. #i gave him like basic pointers and i don’t think i’ve ever been thanked so earnestly and desperately in my life. #i remember during mocks my friends would message me what I wrote in questions and then they’d immediately go oh thank Fuck. #they’d literally just act like they’re absolutely going to pass now just because we had points ​in common. #as if i’m some sort of fucked up correct answer sheet incarnate. #it’s genuinely really sweet to me though; like i’m not posting this ranting or such. #having so much faith in another to the point that you can put yourself completely at ease says. alot i think. #and i’m glad i can be that person for so many. #and I feel like it helps me in a way too because i become so concerned with others that I forget to drown myself in my worries. #i forget that I’m worried because there are others to care about and console and help. so i suppose they help me in a way as well. #but also who is going to be that person for ME. who is going to console ME. im going fucking neurotic /jest #<- woman with ego issues & control issues who would rather die than accept help. #sigh. oh well. I’m sure we’ll do just fine. cannot wait #🥀🍷 — colloquy.

[vse-kar-vem]

how to write vent post title that does not come off as self-pitying and or accusatory (because it's NOT !)

#sorry tumblr is like a diary to me idk what i'll do w this blog after i (sigh) inevitably move on #either way #im convinced everyone hates me again :3 but realistically no one cares about me even enough to hate me im just stupid and self centred 💔 #if anything me TYPING these posts is actuvely turning people against me #again with the assumptions that people care enough to read these 😭 fhskfbhsjfkg #i hate that i care so much what people online think of me cuz irl it's like. whatever #but here there are so many cool people who i admire and would love to be friends with im always hyperparanoid of everything i do #and still i manage to overstep and come off as annoying #like obvs you're allowed to hate me even if you're someone i look up to like that's your perogative #but i hate worrying about IF anyone hates me #oughgh this is easier irl because usually people send off pretty clear signals if they dont like you #but online (esp with how prickly this fandom is) i don't know whether im being insecure and reading into things or whether people just don't #like me (which again is fine i would just rather know if anyone gets it) #i figure art is the one way i can get people to like me 💔 which sounds kinda pathetic because irl i KNOW im liked and capable! #fandom has just become such a big part of my personality that i cant detach my self worth from it #and i do love art and drawing and such i hate that even if i know people my stuff EYE dont and it doesnt mean anything or act as a signifier #of my friendships #wow .... i really am my own therapist ..... i should shut up #the industrial revolution and its consequences (jofandom) #i think these posts are half self exploration half ... almost self harm? because sometimes im so derogatory about myself on purpose in a #'you're worthless' way. but at the same time it's cathartic and i always feel better having probed at my feelings and gotten them in order #not to do a complete 180 but it's MY post and JO LONDON IN *12* DAYS!!!!!!!! AHH i'm sooo excited if it doesnt live up to my expectations i #may cry a little. and there will be another vent post from me ! #sometimes i wonder if anyone actually reads these 😭 #vee rambles

[louthingg]

cw vent )

im so upset im gonna cry my mom is pissed at me for so many things right now ( not doing my laundry being unable to clean my room having a bad grade etc )

“we cant keep doing this, [deadname] this has to change” I KNOW IT DOES. im trying i really am i promise. it would help, however, if you were willing to take some action.

medicate me for the shit my therappist repeatedly says i should be medicated for. get me officially diagnosed for the things my therpaist says i should be officialy diagnosed for. let me use the accommodations teachers say i should be using. PUT ME BACK IN THERAPY BECAUSE IM NOT BETTER ?????? but of course fucking not.

because i have to learn to function like a “regular human” and i “cant rely on my support system all the time” i dont even have a support system because youre not willing to set that up.

but im not a “regular human” i need help with a lot of stuff and youre not giving it to me and im suffering because of it and it seems to you that its MY fault.

goddamit im not even allowed to geting a fucking figdet toy so i dont uncontrollably tear my skin off and my hair out because having a fidget is “childish” and “i dont need it” because thats for “other people.”

im going to cry.

#another vent post sigh #sorry guys am having a day #please ignore if you want <3

[seariii]

How lovely

#vent post #they had TWO MONTHS to get that thing THOSE THINGS #and not only did they not get one of them. theyve still NOT GOTTEN THE FIRST ONE #istg.... istg.... 'ill send it to you through the mail if- when it arrives. we have- we are gonna order it from amazon' #YOU HAVEN'T ORDERED IT YET?! #GGGHHHH IM GONNA KILL SOMEONE IVE BEEN ASKING FOR THAT SHIT FOR TWO MONTHS NOW AGH #'yes we will get it' 'we are looking into it' BIIIITCH YOU DIDNT #sigh.... im not annoyed at them making me work tho (unrelated to the thing im angry about)... #i hate what theyre asking me to do but i just need to make a.... guide?write down what i need to say... sigh... #... i need to ask about that too... but thats with another person ill do that today #seari talks

[lovecoreclownz-archive]

Hough... finding out were intersex and that we literally faced intersexism as a kid has been definitely an... experience.

#intersexism #intersexism tw #abuse ment tw #well. implied but yknow #fuck my mom man like. #what was her issue genuinely #i didnt even know i had an intersex condition until like. recently and like. #i was forced onto estrogen pills as a kid under the claim that it was to stablize my periods but it just hurt #which. gave me SO many moodswings as a kid #sigh... fucked. #clown’s honks #vent post #dont reblog this please this is kinda just me journaling #sitting here on my bed like dear diary. i hate my mom even more cuz i found out another form of abuse today! #and its all in like. pink glitter pen

[pip-pippin]

help I've fallen into useless lesbianism AGAIN

#peregrin #tumblr tags stop victimizing me on my homosexual vent post challenge #i kinda saw this coming but the turnaround was MUCH quicker than anticipated! #and like logically... i know there are signs. these HAVE to be signs #classic useless lesbian and very much autistic moment but i am incapable of truly acknowledging the possibility that this woman is flirting #because when i do i am embarrassingly overcome with what the poets often refer to as butterflies #but like. if it were anyone else. i would be clowning them for their ignorance #listen one time im at her house and ask when she wants me to leave and she says I Don't #girl when i tell you my heart STOPPED #or like. Another time. We're chatting and she hits me with '' i cherish you and your words '' BITCH! WHAT IN THE EMILY DICKINSON #and just.. the way she LOOKS at me sometimes with this little smile #anyways as you can see I'm having a lot of big feelings that i have no idea what to do with!!!!!! #and like even if i accept the premise that she's flirting idk if this bitch knows wtf she's getting into!!! #and yes that's the low self esterm talking a bit but also consider the following: i am a fucking weirdo and while I'm okay with it... #i have a lot of idiosyncrasies! and insecurities! that might scare her away and that STRESSES MEEEEEEEE #sigh.........

[donuts4evry1]

My idiot cringe brother wasn’t paying attention to our congee and he BURNED IT.

My mouth tastes like smoke and words cannot describe how disappointed I am.

#mun rambles #sighs #he wasn't paying attention to the stove and didn't even smell the congee burning??? like????? #ugh #vent post kind of #just another reason to put my bro on the idiot cringe list

[lucyvaleheart]

.

#another day another vent post #i really shouldn't keep doing this honestly. it doesn't solve anything i think #but i feel I've been too trauma-dumpy in the places i usually go and my dm restrictions mean my options are limited #so.... tumblr it goes i guess #helps that the problem tonight is feeling completely numb and apathetic. #isolating myself because i don't give a shit whether i live or die #and honestly can't really make myself feel..... like any of it matters #is it my meds doing this? who knows..... #any number of things could have caused this #i just. don't give a fuck enough to think about what #i have therapy on Thursday. I'm hopeful it'll help #well. normally I'm hopeful. I'll pretend i am now too. #start actually doing something about whatever is wrong with me. #sigh... #...i don't know if this is a cry for help or not...? i guess I'll slap in the same 'one-time free pass' to dm me on discord again #i can't really picture myself replying and i have no idea what would help. nothing feels like it would. and i may honesty to god just #fall asleep instead. #sorry to keep doing this shit #one day it'll be better #maybe. #Hopefully.

[bendyy-blog]

Man I don't even know why I hyped up secrets of the machine for myself. Forgot they would Obviously only ever use batdr's ink demon which is a Huge trigger for me still.

#i feel so bad knowing i cant fucking play batdr or this new game and probably the cage now too just because of some guy. man #its not even emotional anymore for the most part. its just a physical reaction that causes a bunch of ick symptoms like dry mouth #and guts churning #im just tired man. the only way i would ever heal from him properly is if i just left the fandom for years #i got over my trigger with another game like that. sigh. #i dont wanna do that though. so im stuck here #and unfortunately due to private personal reasons. i cant evade this guy either #the only time im not even physically triggered is a mutual of mine here hi mutual if youre reading this #but i need to be not triggered in General regarding this guy. this is a very personal series to me first of all. #and second i need to for a mystery person. whos the private personal reason i wont elaborate more on #sigh #i just wanna play stupid games about my stupid source but the world wont let me heal #vent #rant #no kin or other tags on this post

[chloeseyeliner]

and here i thought miscommunication trope was never going to happen irl again and stay in fanfiction forever.

i was so wrong.

#like girl i am twenty by 2.5-3 days. i cannot keep doing this middle school stuff. i am sorry. #vent post #kind of?? #haven't made one of these in a while #oversharing on the internet #once again #anyway #long story short #we were almost great friends exactly a week ago okay? #and then nothing happened #and she just. stopped acknowledging my presence???? #like i am not playing the victim here i have made many mistakes in the past but as i am growing up i realise how wrong i was #and put effort in being better every day #and like everyone who knows me that well irl knows i am a very sincere person so i would never hide it if i actually hurt her here #i just. it's been such a long time since a person won't even talk to me??? while i am standing next to them??? out of freaking nowhere??? #while i am trying to communicate??? #like i won't speak with any details but the only words she has uttered directly at me these past seven days were 'bye' with her back- #-facing me today. #and i tried. i really tried. i am tired. #i'll give it another week because i cannot think clearly with all the anxiety surrounding the situation + sciatica (yes i know how?) #my best friend got really mad ngl lol #so i am just venting here because she is the calmest person i know and she was ready to put troy on fire when i told here everything lol- #i don't even know #i mean. we literally study human psychology inter alia at uni girl. please. #and what makes me the saddest is how our other friend is sad regarding the whole situation and she is trying for them both- #-while not knowing what the fuck is going on- not that i do but you know. #and it's all so sad. #*sighs* #i'd rather have her screaming at me if i did something wrong than completely ignoring me and behaving normally around everyone else... #last week we were literally talking of going to the kyoshi movie together. the 2025 MOVIE. i'm shattered.

[bigender-cowboy]

“Hey, why doesn’t Nico act normal-“

Nico has more problems to worry about than some little mean girls rip off. Nico has grades to worry about. Nico has to tell if one of his friends is lying to him or not, every day, every story. Nico has to worry if he has problems with sadism. Nico has to worry about possible problems with alcoholism in the future. Nico has to worry about his little siblings. Nico has problems like disassociation. Nico had depression. Nico has autism. Nico has friends moving, and after he only has two left near him.

Tell Nico, who has more problems then what’s listed, he has enough time to worry about his reputation. Go on, tell Nico his biggest problem is reputation.

Is that really what you want to tell him?

#not wc #sighs in mean girls rip off #WHAT ARE THESE GIRLS BRO #I DONT GET FEMALES #I WAS ONE ONCE #what are they dude #vent post #school system sucks though #like. I’m suffering. I’m in pain physically and mentally #and then I hear them talk about people with depression #it’s the one stereotype form btw #AND THEN THEY DONT TEACH ABOUT AUTISM RIGHT EITHER #they don’t teach anxiety right #or ptsd (if they even go over it) #I don’t feel supported #and I don’t feel safe #I watched a guy try to stab another kid with a blade the school technically provided #I used to know him #like I don’t feel safe #and the one kid I’m about to give the Nero at Christians treatment #I hate it so much #like. more problems out of school #DO THIS EXAM! DO THIS QUIZ! #I’m trying to see if my little sister is okay every phone call I make #and these girls taunt me for my acne #how I’m slightly more heavy than the average weight (WHICH I WILL ADMIT. ITS NOT THAT BIG OF A DEAL.) #basically this is me rambling about how the school system doesn’t support me or others #sorry for hiding in the tags btw I just didn’t want to write this there #SERIOUSLY THOUGH. I DONT FEEL SAFE. I DONT FEEL HAPPY. I FEEL STRESSED. #Ty is you’ve read all this. sorry if you disagree. if you want add on.

[scratching92]

I can think of few things in this world I despise more than having to do any work related to jobseeking.

#I spent years unemployed scrounging for a job #it's given me a deep loathing of the jobhunting process #from making CVs #to applying for jobs #to interviewing #and yet I must do it again #audible sigh #at least going from one job to another is supposed to be easier #than going from no job to a job #rant/vent post #might delete later

[kleio-scrolls]

Bad day. Literally want to disappear.

#sigh #another one this month ig #vent post #kleio talks

[noxtivagus]

february's been so crazy so far

#🌙.vents #genuinely sorry for the vents i'll fix my tumblr sometime but. yeah #i guess i just can't help it bcs i do want to be seen n known n understood #i'll be my own best friend but.. yeah. i guess this is one way i reach out. bcs it's just here. i write n post n it's out there somewhere #lately i think i've managed to accept like yk what's more important in life. so i've been less shy. still anxious at times but yeah #random but yk at least i look pretty rn w the jeans n the shirt n the cat socks n shoes from my parents n the necklace a friend gifted #n earlier hehe i requested to like yk play existence n shadowbringers n smth from the 1975 for the school fair #rlly made me happy listening to it so loud there #sigh it's just #i crave intimancy n realness n sincerity #hmm. i'm trying to think of yesterday #my friend from another school who went to the fair yk my childhood friend #smth she said made me confused i'm usually affectionate w friends who're also biologically female. yeah. or if they're guys that r gay #n then she mentioned bcs like i had my arm around her shoulder n i cldn't quite catch exactly what she said but she wasn't used to it n then #mentioned she's bi. bi or pan she said. I STILL DONT GET WHY SHE RANDOMLY SAID THAT.. i cldn't hear one thing she said 😭 #yk during my shift last thurs i socialized w my classmates n shiftmates. n i helped kids w directions that came to our booth #n helped a lot of ppl. it was so fucking hot but it was nice #n then during my fair committee shift i helped ppl w remmitting n asked the teacher there for some help #socialized a bit too bcs the second person i helped had problems w their booth so yeah discrepancies #that was last thurs. yesterday i comforted my friends a lot n made a lot of decisions n yeah it was rlly tough ngl #i helped cheer up some of my friends too n.. it felt so fucking unreal rlly just everything then #even the moon. it was so bright. n it was just such a kind moment how i was showing my friend who cried the same constellation we saw the #night before. n. those moments r so fleeting. later i'd be bottling my emotions n crying underneath my mask again #apollo took most of the pics. they deserve more. they shld've been more part. #n i wish i cld've comforted both my other friends more then #one who earlier said that like.. yeah i was chrcking up on them n i think they appreciated it a lot bcs theyve had bad friendships before n #yeah i think she was rather surprised that i found out she's rather closed off? nyways later on she.. yeah i was abt to say some words when #she told me she feels numb when she gets overwhelmed but j got cut off #n to my other friend who cried yeah i comforted her a lot too. later on when i.. was crying a bit n lied it was sweat while smiling #that hurt so much n the look in her eyes when she said 'text me later' i'm sorry. i'm sorry