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seungmoonandstars · 3 days

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𝐼’𝓂 𝓈𝑜𝓇𝓇𝓎 𝐼 𝓌𝒶𝓈𝓃’𝓉 𝒽𝑒𝓇𝑒

Kim Seungmin/female reader → Kim Seungmin/Hwang Hyunjin

wc: 3.9k

synopsis: someone is cheating // pt 3

pt 1 // pt 2

rating: angst/fluff/explicit ಇ ꩜

⤜ · · ♡ · · →

This is not the first time getting into bed with Seungmin before sunset—to sleep, at least. You changed the bedding while he showered, and now he’s wrapped up in the top sheet, shorts on, but chest bare and out for you to see. You turned the air up, and the room is much cooler than it should be, so you can see the little goosebumps pricking up all over his arms...making his hair stand on edge.

“Do you want another blanket?”

He nods slowly, sleepily, and you crawl to the end of the bed and pull one out of the chest. The burn of his eyes on you makes you shiver a little, and you hope the entire time that he’ll get up and reach for you. But he doesn’t. He’s comfortable on his pillow when you return and pull it up to his shoulders. Youou were right about his eyes being on you.

“Thank you.” He whispers it and pouts, and you remember now that you haven’t kissed him on the lips at all.

Not once since he returned last night. You don’t even know if you should, or if you can. What if you do, and he doesn’t want it? Nothing about your conversation today has made kissing him seem out of the question, but still, it’s hard. The chest kiss was you on auto-pilot, and thinking back to it makes your stomach swirl.

“Minnie?”

You are still sharing the same bed, after all. How much could he hate your kiss?

Colors pop up in his vision as he squeezes his eyes, and then he opens them to you. The look you give him isn’t the warm one you usually have one, but it’s not cold. It’s somewhere in the middle; it’s unsure and sad, and he’s given it to you so many times in the past. Seungmin pulls the blanket up even further, and folds his arms around it before speaking…“Lay down, get some sleep”

You do, and you’re relieved that he stays put when you scoot a little closer.

“Seungmin?”

“Yeah, what’s wrong?”

“Uhm…nothing, nothing. Goodnight, love.”

He’s silent. He closes his eyes, and he’s asleep.

· · ♡ · ·

You can almost hear him before you open your eyes. His stare is so intense, and you feel whatever thoughts he has radiating out of him.

“Seungmin? You okay?”

He looks away for a moment, and then back, and he swallows hard before he starts to speak. “You said you didn’t sleep with him…you said that last night.”

The memory of last night makes your head ache; Seungmin’s tone, his face, as he grabbed you so softly, even though you don’t think he wanted to be so gentle. The look in his eyes when he thought about you fucking someone other than him. Lying to him is not an option, but last night was…intense, and a little bit scary. You don’t immediatly answer his non question; instead you sit up and push the covers away from you, because you suddenly feel very warm. You feel like you might throw up.

“Was that the truth?”

Seungmin has been avoiding straight answers all day, answering your questions with his own. Pulling that on him this time won’t work. Too much silence won’t work either, because you can sense his patience dwindling with each quiet moment that passes.

“Once”

That single word is the most difficult one you’ve ever had to say to him, and it doesn’t even come out right. It gets caught in your throat, along with any hope of a deep breath. But Seungmin says nothing, and he doesn’t move, and it scares you even more. You don’t even have the courage to look at him.

“Once.” He repeats it, but he’s not questioning you.

“I was scared last night. I didn’t know what to do, or say in the moment. I don’t want to lie…again.” You stop and wait, and you still don’t look at him, but he says nothing. You can’t even hear him breathing. “Say something…scream at me, I don’t care. Please say something.”

The bed shifts as he gets out from under the covers, walks to the dresser to throw on a clean shirt and sweatpants. You watch him from the corner of your eye, trying to figure out what he’s feeling, and what he’s thinking, but he gives you nothing.

“Are you leaving?”

No answer. He closes the door gently behind him, and you struggle with the urge to run for him. What’s the point? You can’t keep delaying the inevitable, because it’s getting harder and harder with each new word you speak to him. If he’s going to go, he needs to go now. But there’s no sound of him opening and closing the front door

He’s sitting in the dark at the coffee table, head in his arms, phone a few inches from his face. The glow of the screen is the only light you can see, so you click on one of the kitchen lights. Maybe he came out here to get away from you. If that’s the case, you respect his space, and you head to the kitchen to make him something to eat.

Eventually, he looks up, and eventually, you catch him staring as you walk from one end of the kitchen to the other. He doesn’t look angry, and he doesn’t look upset—the empty look on his face is worse.

“Are you hungry?”

He snaps out of it and lifts his head to nod. Seungmin is usually hungry, and he’s always a good eater, so cooking for him, and doting on him became your way of showing affection after the first few months together. It still is, and he knows that’s why you’re in there right now. Sometimes it feels like it replaces everything else, but it's been that way for a while. Seungmin hasn’t been as affectionate as you might need, especially lately, but you never complain. He wishes you would have complained. Even more, he wishes he wouldn't have been so oblivious to everything.

You don’t notice him getting to his feet and walking toward you—not until he’s right next to you, and even then, you stare pointedly at the broth simmering until a soft hey reaches your ears.

“Hi, it’s almost ready”

“I’m sorry”

“You’re sorry…what are you sorry for?”

“I was reading your email again. I read it a few times.”

You jump when he reaches for and touches your cheek.

“You didn’t do—“

He kisses you. Seungmin pulls you closer and places a kiss on your temple.

“You didn’t do anything wrong”

And then he does it again. “I didn’t help. When I come home, I don’t treat you the way that you deserve. I fall asleep and I wake up and I leave again.”

“I’m not gonna pretend you hold any of the blame for this, so stop it”

“Why can’t we both be guilty?”

“Because you didn’t go behind my back and sleep with someone else. You didn’t cheat on me, Seungmin. Physically…emotionally. I did it, and it’s there forever.”

“But do you want to go back and change things?”

“It had barely even happened yet and I wanted to run away. I wanted to run home and call you, tell you everything, beg for your forgiveness. But I didn’t.”

“When was it?”

“A month ago, maybe a little more. I did call you the next morning, because I slept through all your messages. You must have been working, though.”

“You were with him yesterday, before I got here”

“No, I was home all day. I don’t know why he messaged me when he did. I haven’t seen him in weeks, and I only saw him once after, because I told him I was done. I think he messaged the wrong person.”

Seungmin stares at the simmering broth as he thinks, then turns off the burner.

“I can show you the messages when I turn the new phone on. I will. You can read everything.”

“So…bad timing”

“Maybe good timing, if it got us here. I hate not telling you everything that’s going on in my head.”

“Should I be doing that more often?”

You grab his shirt and pull him close again, “yes, all the time,” and bring him back down for a kiss, finally, on his lips. But it’s light, and it’s hesitant, for both of you. It feels like it’s been months, and you don’t know how you could stand to kiss anyone else.

· · ♡ · ·

Seungmin wakes early the next morning. He looks at you, still sound asleep, curled up tight under the blankets, and the familiar ache in his stomach returns—the one he gets every time he has to leave you. The one he’s never actually told you about. But he’s going to get up quietly, and he’s going to pack up his things and leave without making a sound. He’ll text you later, after he leaves you waiting for a few hours, but right now he needs out of here.

The only problem with the dorm is he still won’t be alone. He deals with it, though. Jeongin forces him out to lunch, but he’s unsuccessful at figuring out what specifically is eating away at Seungmin. He has to know it has something to do with you, though, because otherwise, he wouldn't be here. Even after a few early drinks and video games, nothing comes out. He tries his best to seem okay, and the distraction of the dorm helps more than he thought it would.

By the time 8pm rolls around…then 9, then midnight, he’s surprised you haven’t sent him a single message. He worries, because that’s what he does, and then he starts to type out a text.

I think being away for a while will be good for us

The two of you are always apart, though. Why would he say that? Seungmin backspaces and starts again.

If you’re still awake, goodnight, if you’re sleeping…good morning

It’s a little more blunt than he intends, but he sends it anyway, and the read notification appears as soon as it’s delivered. Seungmin waits a few moments for you to start typing…but you don’t.

“You heading to bed?”

He turns and sees Felix peeking around the corner, a little apprehensive. Seungmin hasn’t done well at masking his sadness since he’s been here.

“Yeah, I think so”

And as soon as Felix disappears again, he goes to the kitchen and grabs two bottles of soju, and the last bottle of beer. Still, as he drinks and writes in his journal, he waits for a reply. He could just text you again, and part of him actually wants to, but he’ll force himself to wait until morning, at least.

But a few minutes later, a text does come through. It’s not from you, and it’s not from any of his dorm mates—it’s Hyunjin.

“Seungminnie!! Are you sleeping yet? I miss you! I haven’t seen you since we got back”

Hyunjin doesn’t know about Seungmin’s troubles, but if he did, he’d be very concerned. Maybe he is the one to go to; to talk to, confide in, get some advice. Any of his hyungs would be willing to help, but Hyunjin probably owes Seungmin a few hours worth of listening anyway. And he’s always a comfort.

“I’m still up… a little drunk”

“Come over!”

· · ♡ · ·

Seungmin is a little surprised at himself, getting up and getting back into sweatpants to walk down the long hallway. Hyunjin begged when he initially said no, though, and Seungmin is too nice to just ignore him.

Everyone else must be asleep, because Hyunjin answers after a few soft knocks. First he peeks, just to be sure it’s Seungmin, and then he smiles as he slowly opens the door.

“We have beer, if you’re not still too drunk!” He pulls him in and walks to the kitchen, “oh, that is Chan's…we won’t touch that,” he points to an apple soju tucked away in the back.

“Okay, maybe just one beer”

“You seem tired. Well, drunk I guess. You’ve been quiet, how are things with your girl? I haven’t seen her in some time.”

Because you rarely get out to see any of them. You do go out with friends on occasion, at least that he knows of, but generally, you stay hidden away. The thought makes Seungmin pout, and again he fights the urge to text you.

“What’s that face for? Is something going on…are you two having trouble?”

Seungmin shrugs.

“How can you have trouble when you’re hardly together?”

“That’s the trouble”

Hyunjin ooohs and brings his hands down on Seungmin’s shoulders. And he squeezes. “Yes, it’s hard to maintain and keep balance when you can rarely see each other. Texts and phone calls only do so much.”

“She cheated on me”

His hands drop and his eyes grow, “cheated? Oh Seungie, I’m sorry. You guys broke up?”

“Uh, not officially”

“But you’re going to, I assume. That seems unforgivable.”

It is. It should be. You said yourself that you don’t deserve his forgiveness; that you don’t deserve him. Seungmin doesn’t see it that way, though. At least not completely.

“I feel guilty, too. I haven’t been there for her recently, not in any way.”

Hyunjin reaches again, this time grabbing Seungmin biceps and squeezing, “you do your best, I know you do. Relationships are hard, especially for us. But you’re hurting, and I don’t like that. If she did it once, she—“

“I know, I know”

He can’t imagine you doing it again, though. It could be the email, and the letter. Maybe it’s just how defeated you’ve been, and how willing you are to tell him everything—he never asked to see the messages the two of you shared, but he can read them if he wants, apparently. He doesn’t think he wants to do that, though, because he’s afraid it will just make things hurt even more.

“You deserve better than that, Min.” Hyunjin turns and heads toward his bedroom, and Seungmin follows. “You deserve to be taken care of.”

“She does take care of me, and I know she loves me”

“Seungmin…”

“Yeah?”

“Sit, let me help”

His voice is soft, but a little demanding, and Seungmin listens without protest.

“I don’t want you to forgive so easily and get hurt again”

“I’ll be okay. And I haven’t figured it out yet, anyway. I’m giving it some time.”

“Can I ask a silly question, Minnie?” Hyunjins sits and sets his hand on Seungmin’s shoulder. He squeezes, pushes his thumbs into the tight muscles.

Seungmin groans and takes a long drink of his beer, making sure he doesn’t sober up too much yet. He should’ve grabbed two. “Yeah, you can.”

“Have you…well, I know you haven’t cheated, but have you thought about it? I mean…thought about anyone else in that way? Romantically, sexually.”

If Hyunjin is trying to make it easier for him to break things off with you, that wasn’t the best question to ask. Now he thinks back to a few times he did have more than romantic thoughts about someone other than you. Men and women both. He has never acted on any of them, but he did get hard from his fantasies on several occasions, and he came spectacularly without your face in his mind. One of those times, it was the man almost sitting in his lap right now.

Seungmin feels for his phone in his pocket and pulls it out, but Hyunjin grabs for it, sets it aside, “down,” and he gently coaxes him onto stomach.

“Jin-“

“Hush, Minnie…you’re always around to help me when I need it. You always listen, you’re always so patient.”

“I try”

“I owe you”

“Do you? You’re listening to me right now…”

“Please, just a few minutes. I bet you haven’t done this in a while.”

It’s true. It feels like he hasn’t properly relaxed in a very long time, and he certainly hasn’t had time to get a massage, to sit in the sauna and clear his mind. Work has been constant, and when he isn’t working, he’s trying to sleep, he’s practicing, writing…wondering how you are. Seungmin tenses at the first real touch against his back muscles, then eases up, and sighs. “Careful, I’m ticklish”

“Oh, I know”

His hands move down slowly...roughly. He doesn’t hold back when he feels a knot on one side. Seungmin doesn’t mind the pain, only hisses and breathes through it.

“I wish I could figure this out. I know what I want to do, but at the same time I’m worried I’m going about this all wrong.”

“You’re a smart boy, you’ll probably figure things out just talking about it. This is what you need.” Hyunjin’s touch softens, and he traces back up Seungmin’s spine with his fingers, over his neck and into his hair.

Seungmin sighs again, and the sound that escapes him is a little embarrassing.

“You didn’t answer my question yet”

Hyunjin lightens up when Seungmin starts to turn onto his back, but he lets a hand run across him as he shifts down—lets his finger graze over what little bit of ass he can get to through his sweatpants. Seungmin stares awkwardly for a moment—knees up, legs open—but Hyunjin looks at him like he’s been missing him and waiting for him for weeks. Months. He’s looking at him the way you look at him.

“In my mind, yeah, I guess I’ve cheated. I’ve thought about other people, and…gotten off to them, and the fantasies.”

“Gotten off?” He smirks and licks his lips, “who do you think about, Seungmin?”

His face warms, and probably turns pink. Luckily it’s a little dark in the room. There is no way he’s going to admit to Hyunjin that he once came very, very hard watching a video of the two of them together. But the way he’s being looked at right now—studied, undressed, maybe—it’s overwhelming, thinking of you, and thinking of him. Seungmin doesn’t know whether to get up and stop this, or lean in and move things along. He shakes his head and tries not to pull back when Hyunjin grabs his hand. He doesn’t want to pull back. He keeps still and lets him touch, and massage.

Then he raises Seungmin’s knuckles to his lips, “you can stop me,” kisses across his palm and down his wrist. But he isn’t stopped, even when he pulls closer, and lips meet lips. It’s calm and it’s anxious all at once, just figuring out exactly how the other moves, and it doesn’t take long get the hang of it. They disconnect and Seungmin falls backward, and he feels wet lips press hard against his bare stomach. He decides he’s not going to stop him, but his heart is pounding, and the guilt rises up in him again when he looks down and sees a mess of dark hair spread across his torso. But he won’t stop him.

“Hyunjin?” Seungmin sighs and runs a hand across his shoulder. His cock is throbbing and pulling all the blood from his brain, and he can feel nothing but want right now. “Hyunjin.”

“Hmm…what is it, Min?” He slows down, “should I stop?”

“No, no don’t stop”

He watches as his sweats are pulled down, painfully slow, and just before Seungmin is finally free, Hyunjin peeks up at him and presses a finger to his lips.

He nods in understanding. Of course he’ll be silent, because being found together like this would make things much worse than just awkward. But as soon as the warmth of his mouth hits, Seungmin forgets everything bad that could happen, and everything bad that has happened. He sinks into the bed and feels his body melt away. And he’s drunk; he’s definitely still drunk, and he can’t believe how hard he is, considering the amount he’s had tonight. But his mind wanders—the up and down of Hyunjins mouth, the squeeze of hands on thighs and hips, it’s perfect and he’d be fine with this lasting for hours, but his mind still bounces back and forth between this, and you—your face, your voice, your mouth. And then it’s Hyunjin again, making you feel so good after so much sadness.

“Is it good, Minnie?”

Seungmin moans, and it’s so much louder than he intends, but Hyunjin only giggles as his tongue slides up and over his cock, and he’s swallowed again. Hips buck up, needing more, and Hyunjin takes every inch. Seungmin is still surprised by how hungry Hyunjin has been for this. He knows exactly what he’s doing, because he’s been waiting, and wanting.

“So good…please, I need to come”

“Mm not yet, no”

“Please”

“I need you a little bit longer”

The bed shakes a little as Hyunjin relaxes on his stomach, and Seungmin doesn’t have to look to see what’s going on—he can feel the steady strokes, and the slow, lazy kisses moving up his length, and then back down. The licks, savoring every inch of him. He‘ll have to plead more if he wants to come, and he will. A fistful of hair and a tug makes him giggle again.

“Please, please let me come, I need it so bad”

“I know, sweet Minnie, you’re so cute when you beg”

Another moan as he swallowed again, and this time Hyunjin means it. He’s good at it. The tight squeeze of his throat sets off sparks in his head, and he can’t hold on. It builds in him, and it’s been so long since he’s been here, and came like this, even with you. But he pushes the thought away for now, because his brain feels like it’s shutting down, and all the matters is this, right now; the lips wrapped around his cock, and the heat pulsing through every part of him, making him shake as he empties himself, and it takes so much to not scream, so he bites down hard on his own hand to keep this in the room.

Now it’s so quiet, it’s scary. Hands still caress his thighs, and Hyunjin’s mouth is still there, licking up anything he may have missed. Seungmin feels so sensitive, but it’s good…the soft, careful touch of his tongue. After a few moments, he finally finds the energy to prop himself up and look down.

“Lucky girl,” Hyunjin smiles and gently pulls at his sweatpants until Seungmin is covered again. “I hope she does that for you whenever you want.”

You do, and as the feeling slowly returns to the rest of his body, and his mind catches up, he sees your face as you kneel for him, or as you sneak under the covers to finish waking him up.

“What are you thinking about, puppy?” Hyunjin’s head rests comfortably on Seungmin’s hip, “hmm? I see big thoughts moving around up there.”

He sees right, and he feels guilty needing you after what he just did. But maybe he should feel like this, because that’s what you felt, getting yourself into the mess you made and trying to run away at the last minute. But Seungmin didn’t run, and he’s perfectly comfortable right now, and the strangest part is how easy, and how fast it was.

“Thinking about her?”

Seungmin looks down, “I’m sorry.”

“No, it’s okay”

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