#somebody’s gotta build the gotdamned bridges

[bytebun]

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#having a bit of a ‘your degree is useless and you don’t know how to do anything’ moment tonight which is actually #a crisis I’ve been putting off for two years now so abt time I guess lol #like I know this isn’t true like ok on the scale of very practical immediately applicable degrees engineering is… up there. #somebody’s gotta build the gotdamned bridges #except all my experience is in software and idk what to do with that #like without getting into the working is hell and might make me physically I’ll (won’t know until I try I guessl #(except that the four month internships pretty much put me in a depressive spiral that made me miss /school/ of all things ) #what the hell is software even good for like the forward motion of the tech industry is just. evil #Would rather die than contribute to that no offense to my friends & classmates #Who I really do wish all the best but clearly do not care about like. Well. Stuff. #Like the answer is obviously capitalism but how the hell is it that new grads are getting paid 200k a year #‘How the hell am I an essential worker’ bourgeoisie edition #Research is like. It rlly helps w a lot of my Problems as a job the flexibility + allowance for hyperfixation #But the stuff I’m doing feels so far removed from what ppl urgently need #Also I will start screaming in frustration if I’m stuck doing theory I need to get hands on I don’t want to write grant apps or whatever #I just want to make stuff that helps ppl #and like I KNOW I’m not stupid I’m /good/ at that I could be good at it but Where The Hell Am I Supposed to Go #it feels like the stuff I should be working on is like. policy or infrastructure or you know. other things that require soft skills #What the hell is an app update gonna do. But also I’m bad at/don’t care abt those things I don’t wanna do math I wanna make stuff. #the math is necessary but if my job was mostly that I wouldn’t b able to take it. More built to be a craftsman than an engineer I guess. #I just want to do the equivalent of fixing ppls engines and heaters and coming up w a new sewage system around a small town. I can’t even #do that though :/ I don’t have the knowledge for it #Was leaning towards going back to assistive tech but I really…… I really don’t think throwing more tech at things is the best answer #for any of these problems #bytebun rambles #also like fuck part of me DOES want the stability 2 years at a big company would give #like yeah I DO want money and I know I could have it for an endurable price #This is just normal young adult shit tho whatever<= trying to calm the beast