#sparkinside writes
Text
Shadows Mind: Murder - Prelude part one
Title: Shadows Mind: Murder
Chapter: 1/?
Character/Pairing: Adam Carson/OFC; Hunter Burgan/Jade Puget; Davey Havok
Genre: Angst; AU
Rating: T
Summary: In a time of devestating war and destruction, five young children witnessed their world come crashing down before them. Twenty years later, they have risen above the chaos to lead their once war-torn land, Allyria, into an era of peace. But the serenity they have brought may only be the calm before the storm as a powerful force from beyond their kingdom threatens to tear their world, their kingdom and their lives apart. Can they rise above the wreckage or will Allyria fall into the darkness building steadily on the horizon? Written with FadingStar. In-Complete
Authors Notes/Warnings: Nothing in this piece ever happened. I claim no ownership nor do I make any sort of profit from this, other than pride and a sense of amusement. Graphic depictions of violence. Death.
Prelude 12
“Is it coming along well, love?” a soft voice asked. A boy, slender and young, most likely twelve, at first sight, looked up and around from where he was seated with a book in his lap, back pressed against a rather large oak tree. The boy, named David, but more commonly called Davey, smiled at the approaching figure of a woman. By the small mouth, lean angular features, and river of midnight tresses that they shared, it was easy to see that the two were related, the only real differences being in their builds, sexuality, and eye color. Davey’s eyes were brown, soft and quiet, like that of a doe’s, while the woman’s were a bright, confident, green.
“Very well, mother,” Davey told her. He had a soft voice, again something that seemed to have been given to him by the woman standing above, as quiet as his eyes and just as warm, when he wanted it to be. Right now, as he beamed up at his mother, he did indeed desire that quality, and gave it to her. Those who knew this boy would sometimes say they felt privileged for that warmth, it could be that impassioned, at times. “I’ve gotten nearly a quarter’s way through it since this morning.”
“That’s very good, David,” she said, showing yet another trait her son had received through her, as she gave him back the warmth of his smile with her own. “But do you understand what you have read?” She smoothed back her simple but nicely tailored skirts as she sat down cordially beside her boy in the soft spring grass. Watching her, Davey, even after so many years, could not help but to be awed with almost every move that his mother made. She exuded some sort of unearthly grace, like there were no bones in her body, just some sort of poetry of blood, sinew, and elegance that made even a breath by her seem artistic. Her large, doll-like, yet soul piercing eyes, met his, telling her son she expected a good answer.
“I think what Master Thais is to convey to the reader is that reason alone cannot guide one through life,” Davey said, closing up his book to show he was not drawing any knowledge from it. Or at least he was giving her his own interpretation of what the knowledge within the text. “That you have to also allow your emotions and instincts to lead you. That you should embrace both mortality and divinity to become a person who is complete with the world.”
“And is that a possible?” she asked, a grin lighting her emerald eyes. “Can a human perceive with all of those things? Think for themselves in that way, David?”
Davey regarded her in silence, knowing this was a test. Marcielle Marchand was always giving him these little tests, it was her way of keeping his mind sharp, shaping it to be as wise as her own. And Marcielle, as the headwoman for their little seaport village, was very wise indeed. She had to prove it often enough, and not only just because her position required it, but because her sex coupled with it demanded it. Marcielle had proven that her title was well given many times, gaining respect from even the harshest of her male critics within Mendel Cove.
“Well, I believe that, many people are capable of that, Mother,” he began after thoughtful silence. “Really, no one, who is born with the necessary mental position, is not capable of it. The problem, however, is that many people do not wish to be capable of it and ignore the gift of their conscious.”
Davey resisted a complacent smile as his mother quirked a slender ebony brow at those words. Being self–assured, he reminded, himself, was the first step to self–destruction. Marcielle had ingrained that within his mind from the cradle, and he would not be so foolhardy to forget it now. Still though, he allowed himself to be just the tiniest bit pleased on the inside that he had given her an answer she both liked and had not fully expected him to speak.
“Hmm...explain your thesis, son,” she finally said, Davey could see, with glee, she too was trying to hide a smile, one of pride. Pride was also a brick on the roadway of self–destruction.
“Generally, people don’t want to possess this capability because it’s just easier for them to ignore it,” he said. “Human beings, by nature, find more reason and pleasure by taking the easiest path in life. What path in life is easier than allowing their conscious to be lead? It’s a point proven in the fabric of government, religion, and war. Without willing followers and leaders then not one of those institutions would be possible in the slightest.”
Marcielle gazed at her son for several more long moments, her eyes guarded and secretive as they ever were. Just when Davey had begun to doubt himself though, she was smiling again, gently, just a touch of pride in her verdant irises. She reached up to pass a long fingered hand through his black tresses.
“Your answer is good,” Marcielle said, a smile, as bright and warm as the delicate May sunshine that flooded the little field in which they sat. “I daresay your father would be inclined to agree with you.”
Davey blushed a little from the compliment. His father, a scholar, had died when he was barely two. Lyell had been a man greatly respected in the cove for his intellect, greatly respected along the whole Sapphire Coast, his mother had always loved to tell the story of the day one of great Lords came to Mendel Cove, seeking Lyell’s advice. In all truth, Davey greatly enjoyed that tale as well, it was one of those eternally aching, secret, wishes that many keep to converse with his father, to know the man he had been. But it was one that he could never have, save for his dreams, so he tried his best not to contemplate it very much. He didn’t believe in false hopes.
“You know,” his mother spoke, jerking him from his inner musings. “In all honesty, I didn’t expect you to be here, doing your school work today.”
It was Davey’s turn to raise a single black eyebrow. “And why is that?” he questioned. “Have I ever disobeyed you before, when it came to my studies, Mother?”
“No, you’ve never really disobeyed me yet,” she told him, an amused light in her eyes keeping her plush red lips turned up. “But I simply told you that this book would be your reading for the day, my love. I told you not a word about finishing it. It’s such a lovely day, I did not actually think you would have the restraint to sit here and read it.” His mother’s eyes flicked towards the harbor that the little field which they sat in, overlooked.
Davey smiled as he finally caught the gist of her words. On a day like today a twelve year old such as Davey should very much be sailing down the coast with his friends in his close companion, Adam’s, little boat. The thought had indeed passed his mind, but there were circumstances beyond his control that prevented the plan. Of which he told his mother.
“Hunter’s father needed help down at his workshop,” he explained. “Jade’s little brother ran off and his mother sent him off to fetch him. Kali had a row with her mother this morning, so the priestess ordered her to her rooms all day. Adam said it wouldn’t be any fun with just the two of us, so he went to spend time with his father. There was nothing else for me to do, so...” he raised his book with a chuckle that his mother joined in with.
“Ah, well, perhaps you should go and see if Rissa has let Kali out then?” Marcielle suggested, continuing to preen her boy’s midnight locks. “Or just track her down, because I assure you she is out.” His mother gave a small laugh. “I saw her headed towards the practice yards. I think her intentions were to convince Adam to spar. A pity, her mother had set her hair up in such a lovely little plait.”
Davey laughed outright at the thought of Kali with her hair neatly arranged, it did not suit his friend at all and he decided at once he must see if it were true. It would be a wonderful thing to tease her over if it was.
“Go on,” his mother chuckled, prying the book gingerly from his fingertips. “Go, have fun with your friends, David. Childhood doesn’t last long, my love.” Davey smiled at his mother, adoring her all the more for her generosity and understanding as much for her unthinking grace, and leaned into kiss her on the cheek.
“Thank you, Mother,” he told her sincerely after pulling away and standing.
“You’re welcome, dear,” she told him with equal love in her eyes. Her smile became playful as she took the book and gave him a gentle swat on the rear. “Now off with you! Don’t give me time to rethink my offer, child.”
“Yes, ma’am,” he laughed, and without another thought or word had started running towards the slope of the cliff, the gentle curve that separated away from the rock face on it’s left side.
Marcielle watched her only child go, beaming in a way that only a happy mother could. She was right, she knew, childhood would not last long for her boy.
Across town, the wide blue eyes of another boy stared in wonder at the man seated before him, listening intently to the tale falling from his lips. Behind him the light crackle of the fire filled the room. Each word that filled the air captivated him. It didn’t matter that he had heard them a hundred times over. Every time they seemed to take a on a new life, they changed and for that reason alone, Adam Carson would sit and listen to them a hundred times over again.
At just barely thirteen years old, Adam had spent his entire life in the small seaside village of Mendel Cove, dreaming of the people and lands his father had spoken of in his stories. He wanted nothing more than to make his way into the world, to find the honor and the glory his father spoke of. To become a soldier as his father had been. When he wasn’t helping his father run the small, but successful, shop in the center of the village, he was in the training fields in the soldier’s fort with anyone willing to spar.
More often than not, his sparing partner were his friends Hunter and Kali. He had known both for as long as he could remember. They had spent many a summer’s day sneaking off to the training fields along with their less combative friends, Davey and Jade, often times staying there until the sun began to set over the rolling waves of the sea, sparring and chasing each other around the archery targets. The soldiers still occupying the fort had been long time friends with Adam’s father and simply laughed off the children’s antics.
Truth be told, Adam enjoyed sparring with Kali far better than he did with the rest of their small group. The only girl in their midst, Kali was light and quick on her feet, she made him work twice as hard, never let him off his guard, and he was the better fighter for it. With each practice, it became apparent, within their little group, that Kali and Adam were going to be the ones truly excelling at the combative arts.
Garret Carson knew of his son’s activities, and while he did not approve, he knew there was little he could do to stop him. Adam had inherited his mother’s stubbornness and determination, something Garret both cherished and cursed. Lisette Carson had been a strong-willed and passionate woman., that was one of the many reasons Garret had fallen in love with her. She was full of bright ideas and big dreams, helping her husband build his shop and working there each and everyday, morning til dusk even after she had found out she was with child.
Lisette had passed away shortly after giving birth to their tiny son and Garret had taken it harder than any had expected. For the first few months of his young child’s life, he barely spent a moment’s time with the boy, throwing himself into the shop. Rissa, Kali’s mother had acted both as wet nurse and mother in that time. As priestess and a close friend of both Lisette and Garret, she could see no other path for herself.
As the months slowly passed by, Garret began to warm to his son, his only remaining link to the woman he cherished. He watched his son grow into a bright and active child, questioning and full of life as his mother had been. And Garret supported and encouraged that quality in him. It would serve him well as he grew, though he did his best to instil the importance of family, of loyalty to those you love, in Adam’s mind. He had learned the hard way just how quickly life could be snatched away.
“Adam,” the soft voice of a young boy echoed from beyond the door, accompanied by several steady knocks. Garret paused his tale, looking up thoughtfully at the boy before him. With a nod, Adam pulled himself to his feet, lumbering quickly to the door. With a steady tug, pulled it open to discover his friend, Davey, staring at him with his signature smile.
“You finally pulled your nose out of that book,” Adam teased. It was well known, amongst the group, that the boy standing before him absorbed knowledge like a sponge, reading any and everything his mother placed in front of him. When he was able to pull himself away, even for a moment, his friends were there tease him, lovingly of course, about it.
Davey simply cocked his eyebrow. “At least I can read,” he countered with a knowing smirk.
“Oh hush, you.” It was not to say that Adam did not have the ability to read, he simply saw little value in it. He could read the orders at the shop and the signs along the town, but beyond that he saw no use for reading. He would be a soldier, what did he need books for?
“I think that will conclude our tale for the time being,” Garret called from inside the darkened cottage. Adam turned quickly towards his father, saddened to not hear the conclusion of the story, but hopeful that he would be allowed to head out, even for a few hours. “You boys go and entertain yourselves, but mind my boat, you hear. If she comes back maimed, you will both get a beating neither of you have ever dreamed of.” This was added with a smile, though the boys faces had grown considerably paler. “And mind you to keep Kali out of trouble, I know she’ll be heading out with you. She has that knack of falling into it, though sometimes I wonder if it’s the company she keeps.” Garret raised a knowing eyebrow.
Adam and Davey both chuckled nervously before uttering “Yes sirs” and scrambling out the door into the bright light of the village square. After several rapid blinks, Adam’s eyes adjusted to the severe and sudden change of light. “Do you know if Kali’s made her way out of her mother’s clutches yet?” he questioned, his eyes falling upon his shorter companion. “What exactly happened this time?”
“Most likely. You know Kali, she’s probably heading our way as we speak,” He let loose a chuckle, “I fear Priestess Rissa’s tried to put her in a dress again.”
Adam chuckled at that as well, “I’ve yet to see Kali in a dress and I think I’ll die the day I do.”
“It will certainly be a surprise,” Davey chuckled along with his friend. A comfortable silence fell over the two boys as they made their way into the town.
“Do you think we can wrestle Hunter away from his father for a few hours?”
“We could try,” Davey answered with a shrug, “Maybe we can catch up with Jade as well, help him track down that infernal pain in the side he calls a brother.”
“Lord help Smith when Jade finds him,” Adam added, shaking his head, “He’s probably furious.”
“He certainly seemed that way when earlier. I don’t even think he waved us goodbye.”
“Aye, we’ll find them soon enough,” Adam added as the two boys continued down the dirt and cobblestoned path leading through the heart of their village, both their minds set on the adventures this day would bring.
“Damn, her,” a very agitated young girl swore as she looked at her neatly braided and arranged mass of black hair in the dingy mirror that had been set up in her room. She screwed up her pretty face, violet eyes snapping at the image created with the hairstyle. “Damn her!” Her fists, though small, clenched and unclenched menacingly as she looked from her laughable hair in the mirror, to the corner of the room where very recently a freshly stitched lavender dress had been hung over the back of a chair. Kalika Sirenidae, more commonly called Kali, was not a happy girl that day.
She looked out her window, past the sycamore that had grown close to the cottage, over the town square, and to the peacefully lapping waves of the sea. With a pout, she remembered where she was supposed to be at the moment, sailing close along the shore in her friend’s boat. Supposed to be at least, but Kali’s plans had altered after a fight with her mother in regards to her hoydenish nature. Priestess Rissa had informed her only child that she was to start acting like a proper young woman, and stop running amuck with the group of boys she had known all her life as well as desist with her combat studies down at the soldier’s fort. Kali cared nothing for her mother’s commands and told her so quite emphatically, which, seeing as she had been locked in her bedroom until she agreed to wear the dress, had not been received by the Priestess so warmly.
Kali growled deep in her throat at the lilac monstrosity in the corner of her room, as if it silently mocked her, advocating itself as the source of her plight. The violet eyed girl agreed with it, and, deciding to pay both it and her mother back, ran to pull on her breeches and boots. She knew as soon as she started to pull her clothes on that this probably was not one of her better, more prudent ideas. She would get caught, she always did, but she would do it nonetheless, and probably would many times in the future. Kali wasn’t always careful, no, but she had enough guts to make up for it at times.
Kali had just finished lacing her boots and was about to climb out her window into the sycamore, when a silvery flash on her bedside table caught her eye. The girl almost kicked herself for forgetting the object, a long dagger in a plain sheath, oddly enough given to her by her mother. It was Kali’s most treasured possession and she’d been taught to use it, though the opportunity to do so had yet to arise. Whether or not she ever wanted to have that opportunity, she didn’t know, but she buckled it to her waist nonetheless before climbing out onto her widow ledge and leaping out, grabbing hold of the nearest branch.
This was a practice the Priestess’ daughter was more than accustomed to, and next to her friend, Jade, who was occasionally called Squirrel for his tree climbing savvy, she was the best. In a matter of seconds, Kali had scuttled from limb to limb, until she was within range of the ground. With one last heave of her body, she dropped down to the earth, landing like a cat on her heels and palms. Well, almost, Kali hadn’t been paying attention to where her hands went and felt the skin on the heel of her right palm split as a rather sharp rock she hadn’t noticed buried itself into the flesh there.
Giving a slight hiss, she jumped up, picking the rocks and gravel away from the wound to look it over. It was a nice gash, deep and trickling with crimson to stain down her wrist and shirt sleeve. If she had been a normal twelve year old girl she would have been crying and running to her mother to fix it. Kali, however, was not a very normal girl, proven by her more than strange eyes, hair, and now, by the fact that the skin on her hand was starting to pull itself together.
Kali was not sure how she could do this, how her body would do this to itself, mend on its own so fast, but it very well did. Once when she was five, she had spilled hot oil from the temple alter all over herself, almost everyone was sure she was going to be blind, if not scarred for life, but that hadn’t happened at all. The skin had bubbled and cracked and within an hour’s time, the bloody, raised, flesh had been replaced by scar tissue, by the following morning, the skin was as smooth as nothing had ever happened. It might have very well been dismissed as a dream, if she had not seen her body repair itself on later dates. She had asked her mother about this thing, about many things, thinking perhaps it had to do with her father, no one save for Priestess Rissa knew who he was, but her mother was tight–lipped about it. Kali knew no more about why her eyes were violet, or why purple tendrils grew amidst the black in her hair, or why her body could do what it did, than any one else. Her mother always said it would be something she would hear when she was older. The Priestess had been saying that since Kali was two, and the girl, needless to say, had grown tired of the runabout. Long ago Kali had accepted she was less than normal, her friends accepted it, and so she stopped thinking about it. Or at least she stopped admitting to do so.
When the skin on her hand had scabbed together nicely Kali dusted herself off, and looked about. No one of importance who might alert her mother to her departure seemed to be standing about, so she took off from beneath the sycamore tree at a sprint, a destination already in mind. Adam would be free, he was always free, and when she had gotten hold of him perhaps they could convince Davey to put his book down for awhile. After they got Davey then they could run by Hunter’s and help him finish his many chores, and after that track down Jade, who could be across the countryside, looking for Smith, and help him out. After that Kali estimated they should have close to until sunset to do as they pleased.
Slinking down the streets she, tried to be as inconspicuous as possible, though with her hair and the fact that it was her she was probably a bit down on her luck already. But save for the fact that she thought she saw Marcielle Marchand looking at her as she jogged down the street, away from the temple and it’s adjacent cottage that she shared with her mother, Kali remained virtually unnoticed as any other day. She was quite proud of that fact, and her head became a little bit stuck in the clouds as she ran along, remaining there, unnoticing of the world around her, until she literally turned about a corner and ran into her destination.
Adam gave a deep “oomph!” as Kali’s lithe frame hit his lanky one, stumbling back a few paces at the collision while Kali herself nearly bounced back on her rear. Nearly, she was saved from that humiliation (and soreness) by the quick thinking of the other half of her goal. Quicker than a blink Davey had skittered past the stumbling Adam to grab hold of her wrist, and giving a tug that was surprisingly strong for a boy of his size, pulled her upright. Kali stumbled a bit from the force of that, but was caught again, as Adam reached out to lay a hand on both her and Davey’s shoulders, steadying her and keeping her from knocking into the black haired boy.
The three looked at one another for a few moments as they regained both composure and balance before cracking smiles and beginning to laugh, Adam half keeling over as he held his belly.
“You’re a real wreck, Kal, you know that right?” the tallest of the boys laughed, looking up with mirthful tears in his eyes at his sole female companion.
“You mean she causes them,” Davey chuckled, breathlessly happy himself.
“Oh hush, the both of you!” Kali tried to sound stern, but felt the futility of the attempt due to the smile playing across her lips.
“My gods!” Adam suddenly gasped, making both his friends, jump, the smiles disappearing from their faces.
“What?” Davey and Kali chorused together, slight alarm ringing in their eyes.
“Kal—what in the name of the gods–your hair!” Adam exclaimed, right before holding his stomach as he began to laugh again, Davey took a quick look at Kali before joining him.
Kali’s purple eyes lit up with a spark of that hellfire she’d shown to her mother just that morning, remembering she hadn’t bothered to take her hair out of it’s elaborate plate before sneaking out, and scowled at her friends, Adam in particular. While Davey at least tried to stop, Adam only began to giggle more, breaking the last straw upon the girl’s back. With a rather loud roar, she leapt upon Adam, taking them both to the ground as she began to pummel him. Davey moved out of the way of the ball his two friends became as they tumbled, laughing as they started throwing punches at one another.
“To hell with you, Carson!” she shrieked as she hit. “I didn’t do this to myself you know!”
“Nope, your mummy did!” he cackled, blocking some hits while returning others.
“Bastard!” she growled.
“You would know!” he taunted back.
“Okay enough, you two!” Davey said, reaching down to grab their hands, fingers balled into fists ready to smash into one another. Davey’s touch calmed them both immediately, and they relaxed, Adam allowing his hands to fall to his sides, while Kali jerked hers away. There was tense silence for few seconds as Adam lay on the ground, Kali straddling his waist, glaring down at his chest, Davey watching them both with his arms crossed. Finally Adam gave a sigh and sat up, and in one quick motion passed his hand through Kali’s disheveled hair, his hand returning with the tie that held it up on the end. Laying the tie down he ran the hand back through her violet and jet mange, tousling so that it was wild about her face.
“There,” he said with a half smile, leaning up further to replace the tie in a haphazard fashion, and very Kali way, about her locks. He pulled a few stray tresses down into her eyes, obscuring her piercing violet gaze just a bit. “Much better. Girl hair doesn’t suit you, Kal.”
Kali grinned. “Yeah I know,” she giggled before jumping up. She held out her hands to him, and Adam accepted them, allowing the girl to pull him onto his feet.
Davey smiled, knowing things were, as always, very fine between Kali and Adam, as they turned grins upon him. “Come on,” he said beckoning with his left hand. “We’ve still got Hunter and Jade to collect yet, don’t we?”
“Ugh–huh!” both his friends laughed in unison before all three began a run up the cobblestone street, back the way Kali had come along. The sole girl among the friends smiled as she sprinted between Adam and Davey, she was not going to become a proper young lady today.
The wooden box dug heavily into his tiny shoulder, a grimace of pain flashing through his blue eyes. He was not a slight boy by any means, but at twelve years old, Hunter Burgan was stronger than some of the boys twice his age. This, he did not doubt, came from the hours he spent working along side his father, Samien, in the small carpentry shop he owned on the outskirts of the village.
Work was demanding and often times straining for the young boy, but Hunter knew that by doing this, he was helping to put food on his family’s table. And with the way times were, his family needed all the help they could possibly get.
Hard times had fallen on the Burgan household after Hunter’s mother, Kira, had fallen ill shortly after her son’s first year of life. At the time, none were sure the young wife and mother would survive, but Samien had never given up hope on the woman he loved. He poured nearly all of their savings into finding a cure, a treatment, anything for his wife.
Countless doctors and months later, his prayers were finally answered. Though the illness had left Kira unable to bear more children or even carry on the working life she had once lead, she was alive. But things, life, had forever been altered for the young family. Money was scarce and with the care Kira still required, they barely earned enough to keep food on the table. This burden fell heavily on both Samien and young Hunter’s shoulders.
From the time Hunter was able to walk on his own, he worked to help his father in the shop. Little things at first, greeting customers, holding tools. But as he grew, so did his tasks. Now he worked along side his father on many of his jobs. In what little spare time he could find, Hunter was off sparring and playing with his friends.
The five of them had done so for as long as the young boy could remember. And it was with them that Hunter felt most at ease. He could escape the frustration and tension that settled around the Burgan household like a dense fog. Though he never fully understood it, it was something Hunter could not deny. He could see it in his father’s eyes, feel it in his mother’s silence, in the way they spoke to one another.
With a grimace, he placed the box heavily down on the workbench next to his father. The man sat, his entire attention focused on the small chest before him. It was a wedding gift for the daughter of one of the villages prominent families. The detail requested of the piece had kept Samien locked in his shop for the past several days, only emerging when his body could no longer stand the lack of food or sleep. But the pay was quite well, and for the Samien would suffer through the frustration. That pay was so desperately needed.
“I’ve finished the box,” Hunter whispered softly, knowing that by speaking now he risked breaking his father’s concentration and invoking the short temper he had so acutely developed.
“Leave it be, son,” his father only mumbled in reply. The last thing he wanted to do was drag his only child into this mess. Into something he had little control over.
Hunter merely nodded, turning from the workbench and heading back to the far corner of the shop to return to the few other pieces his father had asked for his help in finishing. As he passed by the window, he watched the sun beam down on the people passing by, wishing, not for the first time, that he could be outside with them, enjoying the day. But he knew that was impossible and though he hated that fact, he understood.
Settling himself at his own small desk, Hunter turned his attention to the shelf sitting before him. He allowed himself to become engrossed with his work, barely pausing when he heard the door from to the shop open softly.
“Samien,” the soft voice of his mother filled the quiet shop. His father merely grunted in return, his attention focused solely on the task before him. But Hunter could sense a change in the room. The all to familiar tension that seemed to radiate around them. “Samien,” she called again.
He turned to face the doorway, eyes falling on his wife’s frail form, questioning why she had come in the first place. She hated that stare. Hunter forced himself to focus more intently on the piece before him, trying with all his might to block out the world around him. Block out the tension surrounding him.
“You’ve been in this room all day....I thought you might want to come back to the house for something to eat. To get a bit of fresh air,” she posed softly. “You’re always cooped up in here.”
“I’m here because I’ve got no other choice, Kira. We need to eat and we can’t very well do that without money.” His voice was soft and even, but there was little mistaking the frustration in it.
Kira physically shrunk backwards at his verbal assault, knowing what role she and her illness played in it. “I was merely suggesting. Plus it would give the boy a chance to run around for a bit. He needs to be a child. He only has so many years of childhood left, you can’t keep him cooped up in here forever.”
Hunter froze at her words, his mind wandering back several hours. Kali, Adam, and Davey had all come by, smiling and ready to bring him along as they took Adam’s father’s small boat out onto the harbor for a few hours, only to be turned away. Samien had done so with a heavy heart, hating the disappointment he saw flashing in his son’s eyes.
“Do you not think I know that, Kira?” Samien’s voice rose with each word that feel from his lips. “Don’t you think I would rather see my son, my only child, outside enjoying life? Enjoying everything while he still has that chance? Do you think I want this for him, Kira? If I had a choice in the matter he wouldn’t be in here! But I don’t have that say. I lost it a long while ago. This is the only choice I have! The only one we have, so do not speak of matters you know so little about!”
“Don’t,” she shot back, her voice raising as well. “This is not solely my fault. I didn’t ask for this to happen, Samien. I didn’t chose it!”
The silence that filled the small shop was deafening. Hunter wanted nothing more than to run, to get as far away from this, from them, as he possibly could. But his limbs, it seemed, were made of lead and refused his mind’s every command. Stop, he pleaded silently. Please stop.
He hated this. Hated how even the smallest of things brought forth such bitterness in the two people he cared for most. He could see the hurt and guilt in his mother’s eyes, the frustration and pain in his father’s face. The way they stared each other down, each waiting for the other to say something more. To challenge the other.
Slowly, he found himself able to stand, though he had no idea where he would go. The only exit to the shop was where Kira currently stood and the last thing Hunter wanted was to place himself in the middle of their argument. As he pushed himself away from his desk, his foot caught on the scraps of wood he’d left carelessly laying about the floor. A sharp howl of pain feel from his lips, causing both Samien and Kira to break from their stare and turn to face him.
“Hunter,” Samien began slowly, seeing the discomfort in his son’s eyes, “Why don’t you go see if you can find Adam, Kali and Davey?” The boy didn’t need to see any more of this. It wasn’t fair to him.
“But what about...” Hunter started, grateful for a chance to leave what he knew would only be another fight. But he still could not help feeling guilty. There was still a great deal of work left and he knew his father could not handle it all on his own.
“It can wait.” Samien’s voice was firm, leaving the boy little room to argue. Silently, Hunter nodded before making his way towards the door and past his stunned mother. As he jogged down the cobblestone street, he could hear the voices of his parents raising once again.
Pushing their voices from his mind, the boy made his way through the now crowding streets in the direction of Adam’s home. It was the most logical of places to start, even his emotionally cluttered mind could make sense of that. Hunter paid little attention to the commotion around him, his eyes focused blankly on the street before him. He refused to let himself think anything beyond finding his friends and putting this morning behind him.
Unshed tears burned in his blue eyes, blurring his vision. But he refused to allow them to fall. No, this didn’t matter. This was life. He could deal with this. He could handle it, he had to. They needed him to be strong. His family needed him. As his thoughts sped, so did his pace, until he was practically sprinting down the street. He didn’t slow until a warm, solid wall halted his progress.
Stumbling backwards, Hunter found himself thrust back into reality, his eyes falling upon the familiar, concerned face of one of his closest friends. “Davey.”
Davey outstretched his hand, offering his friend a soft smile. “Are you alright?”
With a silent nod, Hunter returned his friend’s smile, though both boys knew it didn’t truly reach his eyes. Gathering himself, Hunter turned to face the other two companions standing behind Davey. Both looked uncertainly at Hunter, seeing the redness in his eyes, before exchanging knowing looks. They were looks Hunter had known all too well and he waited for the line of questioning he was certain would follow. But neither said a word, merely offering their friend knowing smiles. A conscious effort to lessen the slowly building tension.
“I see your mother let you out, Kali.” Hunter stated, breaking the silence. Noting the shift in Kali’s gaze, before smirking, “Or did you pull a Jade and put that sycamore tree beneath your window to good use?”
Chuckling, Kali nodded her head. “I’ll die before I’ll let her put me in a dress.” A roar of laughter fell from all of their lips at that. “What? You think I’m kidding?”
“Oh no, Kal. I think the world will come to a fiery end if you were ever to spend more than a few moments in anything other than your tunic and breeches,” Davey voiced, his eyes dancing with mirth.
“That’ll be enough out of you, bookworm.” The four dissolved into a fit of giggles, Davey shooting Kali a knowing glare. “Speaking of fiery ends, why don’t we go see if Jade has gotten his hands on Smith yet? Because lord knows that poor boy is treading on thin ice as it is.”
“Let’s hope we haven’t missed the show yet,” Adam chimed in with a hearty laugh. The four nodded, making their way towards the woods in the distance, each looking forward to the excitement this day would bring.
Jade Puget was normally a very patient boy. On an average day, he did not rush through tasks, he was calm and collected, quite the levelheaded child. Today was not one of those average days though. Today, he was, more or less, pissed off.
The day was bad from the very start, when he had was woken an hour and a half early before his usual time, a little after dawn, by the cries of his month old little sister, Wynne. He’d struggled to try and return to sleep, but it was a useless fight, as his younger brother Smith, whom he shared a bed with, was snoring forcefully. Usually it didn’t bother him, but today the nose simply got under his skin like no other time, so he’d started the day off a bit grumpily. Further aggravation had been piled on as he was kicked in the side by a cow he was trying to milk that morning. Not badly, but enough so that his father, Bryant, had ordered him off chores that morning and his two older, Cullen and Corbin, had found reason to tease him.
Sent off to the house to help his mother with chores there (the twins had very cleverly said he was becoming a woman for the day), he’d spent the morning half being fussed over by his mother, Livia, and elder sister, Myra, and being humiliated by assisting with the cooking. It had only gotten worse when his friends Adam, Davey, and Kali, had come by, to ask him to go sailing, and had seen him churning butter. Nothing was said but he was shamed nonetheless. The worst of it was he might have been allowed to go, in fact his father had seen his friends, knew he wanted to go with them, and had given his permission. And then out came his mother, shouting for Smith, and upon not finding them, had more or less, politely, ordered Jade to find his little brother, seeing as he had nothing else to do.
So here he was, combing the fields near his family’s farm, his ribs still aching from that kick, looking for his miserable puke of a bratty little brother. No, for Jade today was neither average or good, and he was in a rotten mood for it. Rotten enough that he might just beat the snot out of Smith upon finding him.
Jade heaved a sigh, pressing a hand to his still faintly throbbing chest. “Gods damn you, Brownie,” he cursed the cow that had given him this nice gift. The thirteen year old looked about. He was on the outskirts of his father’s lands, another hundred yards and he would simply be in unclaimed fields, but he recognized the place, he was twenty feet from a pond that he and his friends sometimes swam and fished in. By that pond was a rather large rock, and deciding from the pain in his chest, he was deserving of at least a few moments’ repose, trotted his way there to recline against the sun heated stone surface.
Another heavy sigh escaped his lips as he closed his eyes, allowing the light of the sun to warm him. It was early spring in this part of the country, bright with sunshine, though still chilly at times. It was perfect weather to be sailing down the shore, but no, of course he couldn’t have that. The gods had decided today would just be misery for him and nothing more. He groaned, spreading his lanky frame across the rock’s face. He was really going to kick Smith’s behind for this.
“Oh look a rock on a rock, fellas–and fellaette!” a familiar voice taunted from a not too far off. Jade sat up at once as he recognized the voice and the echoes of laughter that followed it, trills of excitement and happiness flooding him as he did, though those trills were a bit dimmed as the pain in his chest flickered and he nearly fell back against the stone, clutching the mark that be–damned milk cow had laid upon his chest.
“Oye, Jade!” a second and equally familiar voice exclaimed, this time slightly worried. Jade looked up to see four figures, through his fringe of auburn hair, running toward him. A blonde head at the front of the pack.
“Jade, you alright?” Hunter asked, as he came up toward his friend, laying a hand on his shoulder.
“Yeah, I’m fine,” he grunted sliding off the rock, though his hand still held his ribs. He did his best to look pleasant. “Never get kicked by a cow, if you can at all help it,” he advised them all with wry smile. “It’s not pleasant.”
“Does it hurt much?” Davey asked, not in a mothering way, just concerned.
“It’ll be fine,” Jade said, grunting as he rubbed the spot. “Or it least it will after I find that foul brother beast of mine and drag him home. I swear, he only ran away to vex me, I just know it!”
“Yeah, well, he’s your little brother, that’s his job,” Kali laughed.
“Yes, and you would know,” Jade retorted a bit scathingly. “You’ve got what? A hundred younger siblings?”
“No, just you all,” she retorted.
“Firstly, that retort was immature,” Jade said, crossing his arms as he gave her a withering look. “Secondly, next to Duck–fluff,” he nodded to Hunter, who’d earned his nickname from his tufty white hair, “you’re the youngest here. It’s illogical.”
Kali only rolled her eyes. “You, Davey, and your logic,” she said, hands on her scrawny hips. “I swear you should marry it, you’re so hung up on it.”
“Jealous?” both the redhead and raven-haired boy said together, a line perfectly rehearsed through the lifetime they had been friends.
Kali, Hunter, and Adam exchanged eye rolls, jealousy was hardly the word to describe the feeling for their friends over this particular subject.
“Okay, okay, come on!” Hunter said, jumping and gesticulating a bit as he spoke. “The sooner we find Smith, the sooner we can do something interesting with ourselves! Let’s move!” And he started running off past the pond, towards the woods, a place Smith would most definitely enjoy hiding in. His friends watched him bound away and laughed before following his example. Every day with one another always proved to be an adventure, today would be no exception to the rule.
The quintet ran through the forest, as they had done many, many times, in their years together, nimbly avoiding branches and roots. Well for the most part, Davey wasn’t as adept at it as his friends were, and Hunter’s was known to fall on his face more than a few times, but it was nothing that either boy did not immediately recover from. Dirt on their faces they were back up, gaining on the others, laughing just as their friends were. Jade and Kali climbed and swung part of the way, playing a brief game of acrobats as they found familiar handling upon the branches of a springy juniper they’d played upon many times before.
“Hey, Jade!” Kali called from her place high in one of the trees. Her four companions looked up, seeing the violet eyed child scanning a bit ahead of them. “I see him! He’s in the clearing up ahead running around after some rabbits!”
“That little brat!” Jade exclaimed as his friends tittered. “Damn him! He did this last week! Ooh after Papa gets done with him I’m taking a turn! Senseless–ooh!” The last was a guttural rumble, barely a cognitive arrangement of syllables, but his friends paid him no mind. They simply hid their smiles from his ire, knowing it would pass. Jade often became irritated with his little brother, and most of the time Smith deserved it, nothing new for them to witness. Jade would yell, cuff his younger brother, Smith would cry, recover, and go back to rile him as he had everyday since near birth, it was a cycle for the two brothers, stability, a way. They all knew, this, and followed him to watch the scolding about to take place, Kali, dropping to the ground to trot shoulder to shoulder with Adam.
“Smith!” Jade hollered at the top of his lungs as they cleared past the last of the trees. “Smith Puget of Mendel Cove, you get your scrawny—”
Smith looked up, but not at the sound of Jade’s voice and not in his direction, and they all knew why. The voice of the elder of the brother’s had been drowned out by a strange rumbling sound. The five older children followed Smith’s gaze, to the opposite site of the clearing, as the ground began to shake beneath them. In a matter of seconds the branches and saplings were pushed out of the way as a fleet of armored horsemen galloped through.
They all saw it in slow motion before it happened, the look on Smith’s face, his small body freeze, the dirt flying from the wickedly giant hooves of the beasts. Time stopped, life stopped, for a few precious brief seconds as Jade realized what was going on, where those animals and their riders were headed with out any regard whatsoever for his baby brother. The moment was frozen, the absolute look of shock on Smith’s face, the squirming little brown rabbit he’d finally managed to catch after so many attempts, clutched in his small hands, the beating of his heart. Most of all Jade remembered all the terrible things that he’d been thinking right before this moment.
The broken scream of, “Smith!” tore raggedly from Jade’s throat right before the first of the riders trampled right over his little brother’s now tiny looking frame, rabbit still in his hands.
#afislash#co-written with FadingStar#Shadows Mind: Murder#Junter#Adam Carson/OFC#sparkinside writes#AU
0 notes
Text
Hanfic Rec by Kudos
I’ve done this every year for a few years now. Here is the Hanfic rec based off the top kudos on ao3.
Fubar by darenotlove(341 kudos)
Snafu by darenotlove(142 kudos)
Snafubar by darenotlove(127 kudos)
Lust by torturingtaylor(108 kudos)
Embers by ahestele(97 kudos)
The Innocents-Book II-Canaan’s Children by malfunkshon(90 kudos)
Going Bush 6: Vendetta by torturingtaylor(75 kudos)
The One That Brings Me Back by HarperJean and InvisiblyShaken_827(75 kudos)
Having My Baby by sparkinside(72 kudos)
Lighthouse by dandelionfairies(68 kudos)
Cherry Lips by themayqueen(64 kudos)
Dream Doctor by torturingtaylor(55 kudos)
Weightless by sparkinside(54 kudos)
Just Your Last Goodnight by sparkinside(52 kudos)
Hearts Will Bind You by sparkinside(50 kudos)
Escape From The New Alcatraz by torturingtaylor(47 kudos)
That Summer by noellehenry(46 kudos)
Nearer To Thee by ahestele(44 kudos)
Write A Song For Us by sparkinside(44 kudos)
Tangled Up In Blue by sparkinside(39 kudos)
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
I’ll Be There For You - Chapter One
Title: I’ll Be There For You
Chapter: 1/?
Character/Pairing: Adam Carson/OFC
Genre: Angst
Rating: T
Summary: There are always lines, always limits, and learning when to cross them, when to risk it all can be the hardest lesson to learn.
Authors Notes/Warnings: Nothing in this piece ever happened. I claim no ownership nor do I make any sort of profit from this, other than pride and a sense of amusement.
ONE: I’ll be chasing you the rest of my life
Slowly, he drummed his fingers across the white tablecloth, every once in awhile his eyes straining up to the clock hanging on the far wall. The soft murmur of the tables surrounding him filled his ears. He should have known this would happen.
He sighed. She was late again. She was always late. Why he kept expecting that to change, he’d never understand. But still he was here. Still he’d given her the benefit of the doubt again. It was stupid of him, he knew that, but it didn’t stop him from agreeing to meet her in the first place. He was a real fucking idiot.
Giving the clock one last glance, he pushed himself from the table. Coming had been a mistake. He had known it would be from the moment he’d gotten her message the day before. Why he refused to listen to his own sense of reason was beyond him as well.
Leaving enough to cover the three cups of coffee he’d consumed while he waited, he pushed open the glass door of the small restaurant and stepped out into the darkened sidewalk. The air outside was slightly chilled, a sure sign that winter was on its way. He paid it little mind, pulling his light jacket tighter around his tall frame as he made his way into farther the night.
He shoved his hands into his pockets, staring ahead at the sidewalk before him. The streets weren’t crowded in any sense nor were they completely empty. He liked it that way – he wasn’t invisible but he didn’t stand out. Hardly anyone he passed paid him any mind, all too tangled in their own happenings.
A half smile formed on his lips. Yes, the night had been as close to a complete disaster as he cared to come, but he would get over it. She didn’t really matter in the scheme of things. And now he had the rest of the evening to do with as he wished. No painful small talk, no awkward silences or clumsy, desperate sex he’d regret soon after waking the next morning. In a way, he was grateful she’d stood him up.
Though his car still sat in the restaurant’s parking lot, he continued down the sidewalk. He didn’t feel like heading home. Not just yet. He took a deep breath, taking in the sights around him. The city was beautiful at night. The soft glow of the street lamps, the shine from the lights of the signs advertising the various stores. He’d never bothered to notice any of that before; he’d been in too much of a hurry for this or that. Everything had just held a higher precedence than the world revolving around him.
He shook his head, laughing softly at himself as he continued down the sidewalk. What was wrong with him lately? Maybe he had been spending too much time in the studio, like Ron had pestered him about for weeks on end. He sighed, it wasn’t his fault they had been on a roll and he’d been hard pressed to break himself from it. The last record had taken them nearly three and a half years to put out and as happy as they all had been with the finished product, spending another three and a half years in the studio would drive all four of them completely mad.
But tonight had been one of the few nights he allowed himself off. True, it had partially been for the sole purpose of the night he’d planned to spend with her, but it was a night off. And now he had been left with the task of finding someway of filling it.
The longer he walked, the thinner crowd on the streets became. He hadn’t bothered to glance at his watch, but he knew almost instinctively that it was growing late. The small voice in the back of his head urged him to give up the ghost and head home. There wasn’t much else he could do tonight, but the prospect of his empty apartment was something he wasn’t quite ready to face.
He allowed himself to loop once more around the block before he began his slow trek back to his car. It wasn’t the most beautiful of vehicles, older than he cared to think about and clinging to its last legs, but he had grown attached to it over the years. As silly as it sounded, the bag of bolts had become a part of him, much to the chagrin of his closest friends.
He chuckled to himself as he climbed inside, being careful to shut the driver’s side door just so. It was a fickle thing but over the years he’d learned all its tricks. He’d grown used to it. Yes, he could afford a new car, he knew that. And he knew probably should, but letting go of something had never been a strong suit of his.
Absent-mindedly, he flipped on the radio. It wasn’t that he much cared what was playing, it was the fact that he needed some sort of background noise when he drove. He hated silence – why he couldn’t explain, but he needed the noise. It drove his bandmates crazy – it seemed to drive everyone crazy, but it was something they eventually had grown used to. Or at least they’d given up complaining about. It was something everyone eventually accepted as purely him.
The roads were relatively empty for this time of night, but then again long stretches of time on the road meant his sense of time wasn’t exactly on par with the general public. It was nice, really, having the road mostly to himself. For a moment he contemplated simply starting off in one direction and never looking back. He knew he never would, but he did have to admit the idea was alluring.
Shaking himself from his thoughts, he pulled onto the main road, being his slow trek back to the small apartment he called his own. It wasn’t much, but it was home and that was enough for him. The restaurant wasn’t a long drive from his place, and in hindsight, he realized she’d picked for that very reason. She never had been much at subtly, and in the past it was one of the many things he’d found attractive about her. That and the fact she was quite inventive between the sheets.
He laughed at this; Ron was always saying he thought with his dick. Maybe there was a fair bit of truth to that one. But that was something he would never admit to Ron. Never. Not when an “I told you so” would follow, and he knew it would.
Ron always had the keen, and often times annoying, ability to say any and everything that needed to be said, especially in regard to Adam’s habits, actions and behaviors. It was something he’d grown used to over the years. It had certainly worked to keep his ego in check and considering how fast paced his life had become, it was something Adam knew he needed.
He’d made it nearly a block from his apartment when he found himself turning the car around. The empty apartment held little appeal at the moment. He quickly glanced at the clock on his dashboard. It was getting late, but he’d shown up at Ron’s far later. And besides, he knew his best friend wouldn’t mind the company.
It was another twenty minutes until he found himself pulling into the dimly lit driveway. He smiled as he noted Ron’s black Honda, still in desperate need of washing. The porch lights had been turned off, but there was still a soft glow emanating from the livingroom window. Putting the car into park, he slowly climbed out and made his way to the door.
He spent the next three minutes knocking on the door before footsteps sounded from within the house. “I’m coming,” he heard the familiar voice call. Warm, soft light poured out onto the porch as the door slowly pulled open, revealing the tall red head whose eyes were still glazed with sleep. “Do you own a watch at all, Carson?”
Adam chuckled and shrugged his shoulders, “You know I live for these moments.”
“Smart ass,” she quipped. “Well since you got me up for no reason, you might as well come in.”
He laughed once more, “And here I thought your mother had taught you manners, Veronica.”
Her eyes narrowed ever so slightly. “Watch it, pal. I’m still half asleep, I can plead temporary insanity if I murder you.” In all the years he’d know her, she’d always hated her first name. It might have had something to do with the fact that the only time she seemed to hear it was after they’d gotten into something they shouldn’t have and her mother gave them hell about it. Considering the frequency of their misadventures, he couldn’t quite blame her.
“You can’t kill me, you love me.” He batted his eyelashes for the effect.
“Leave the dramatics to Dave, you just look ridiculous.” She smirked and headed back into the livingroom, leaving Adam to follow her inside. He shut the door behind him before joining her on the couch.
“Chris working tonight?” She nodded, cuddling back until the blanket that had been tossed to the side of the couch. He still found it odd that she was married, even after nearly five years. That probably had something to do with the fact that he’d been on the road for the better part of that time frame. He’d been there for the wedding. Hell, she’d tried to make him her maid of honor before he threatened to shave her head for the ceremony in retaliation. She’d backed down begrudgingly after that. But he’d been there.
“He gets off around three, should be home around four-thirty,” she paused turning to look at him. “She stand you up again?”
That was the one thing he both loved and hated about Ron – she never beat around the bush. He sighed, leaning his head back against the back rest of the couch. “Yeah. And no ‘I told you so’s. I’ve done that quite enough on my own.”
She smiled softly at him, shifting to settle her head against his shoulder. “I am sorry, you know. I mean, yeah she’s certainly not my favorite person and I can’t say I’m not glad she didn’t show, but I am sorry.” Ron sighed. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but fuck you know how to pick them.”
Adam chuckled, as much as he hated to admit it, she had a pretty good point. He’d never had particularly great taste in women; cute, pretty face, nice body, adventurous. He’d been chasing after the same type since his early highschool days. You think he’d have learned by now. “Remind me to call you the next time I need my ego brutally murdered.”
Ron grinned, looking up at him briefly, “That’s what I’m here for. Someone’s gotta kick you in the ass every once in awhile. Besides I’ve been doing it since the fifth grade, be kind of silly to stop now.”
“Yeah yeah.” Ron smiled, closing her eyes as she settled farther into his side. As he always did, Adam wrapped his free arm around her, resting his head against the top of hers.
He’d always loved being able to just sit with Ron. As much as he enjoyed the banter and verbal ass-kicking, he cherished the fact that they could just sit together without having to really say a word. Their relationship was more than just well timed words and knowing just when to say them, and it was great knowing they had that.
“How’s life treating you?” she chimed in several minutes later.
“Not too badly. We’ve been in and out of the studio, things are coming along...”
“Not the band, Adam,” she interrupted, sitting back far enough so that he could fully see the knowing glare she shot him. “How are YOU doing?”
He stopped, softly chuckling as her words began to sink in. Sometimes it was hard to shut off the almost auto-pilot response he’d fallen into giving whenever anyone asked how he was. Most seemed only to care about when the next record would be hitting stores, not what was going on in his or any of their, everyday lives. “Sorry, forgot where I was for a moment.”
Ron simply frowned. “You do that a lot, you know.”
He sighed, “I know. It’s just – habit really, you know that. I’m fine, its nice to have a little down time. And besides, I have you to keep me in my place, so all’s good.”
“Someone has to because Lord knows you can’t seem to handle it on your own.”
“Hey now, I handle things just fine,” he cut in, cracking a small smile. “I just tend to take the more interesting route.”
A sharp cackle fell from her lips. “You could call it that.”
“I will then.”
Ron merely shook her head. “What am I going to do with you, Carson?”
With a bat of his eyes, he shot back, “Love me forever.” She shook her head, reaching over to gently hit his arm. “Hey now, play nice.”
“Since when do I play nice?” she asked with a cock of her eyebrow.
Shaking his head, Adam let a peel of laughter escape his lips. Ron soon followed suit, both leaning against one another, struggling to catch their breath. “Alright, alright, smart ass.” Ron merely grinned, resting her head on his shoulder once again. Silence fell between them once more. “So you’re holding up alright?”
With a soft nod of her head, she paused before answering his question. “Yeah. Work’s work. The kids can be a nightmare, but I wouldn’t trade them for the world.”
For as long as Adam could remember Ron had loved working with children. And, truth be told, it hadn’t really surprised him at all when she’d chosen to become a teacher, though he never fully understood her reasoning. He’d never been great with kids. True, his experience with them had been limited, few of his friends had kids and he doubted working with Ron’s little brother really counted seeing as he spent most of the time trying to get the little boy to stop being his shadow, but he simply didn’t see himself working well with children, his or otherwise.
“So when are you going to have rug-rats of your own?” he joked, resting his arm on her side. He wasn’t completely sure why he’d asked the question. Hell, he wasn’t sure he wanted to know the answer. The idea of Ron with kids of her own was...unsettling. Why, he wasn’t entirely sure. Adam knew she’d always wanted kids, knew she would probably be a mother someday. Maybe it was just the idea of knowing that when it happened she wouldn’t be the same old Ron anymore. She’d be someone’s mother.
“Okay, now you’re starting to sound like my mother.” The look she shot him forced a smile to his face. That was his Ron. “And wipe that smirk OFF your face, Carson. That wasn’t a compliment.”
But his smile only grew.
“Fine, smart ass,” she grumbled, glaring at him a few moments more before softly smiling. “Actually a bit sooner than I’d planned.”
“A bit sooner than you planned?” Adam echoed dumbly. Something about that statement seemed off to him. Sooner than she planned, that would have to mean that...His eyes widened slowly as the meaning began to sink in. “You mean...”
Ron nodded softly, brushing the hair out of her eyes. “Yeah. We found out this morning. It’s been kind of...surreal.”
Adam could only nod. Something seemed...off. That much Adam was able to register as he struggled to keep his own thoughts from racing. The smile on her face wasn’t reaching her eyes. It seemed, fake almost. Forced. And that honestly disturbed him. This wasn’t his Ron. She was supposed to be giddy, ecstatic almost. This wasn’t right.
He placed his hand gently on her arm, her eyes flashing up to his. For a moment he could clearly see the uncertainty swimming in them before they clouded once more. In a very real way she was hiding from him and Adam didn’t like that at all. She’d never hidden from him before. The cold churning in his stomach only served to perpetuate his unease.
“Congratulations,” he whispered softly, unsure of how to react himself. This was something completely out of his depth. It was entirely foreign and that fact frightened him. Whether it was the mere fact that Ron was hiding from him or something more, Adam honestly wasn’t certain.
“Thanks.”
The silence that fell over the two of them was tense, and he hated that. Hated the awkwardness. They had never been awkward before. Never. Ron could sense it too, that much he knew instinctively. The way she sat; her knees pulled up to her chest, her hands fidgeting with the frayed edges of the blanket wrapped around her, it spoke volumes for what was going on in her mind.
Several more tense minutes passed before he felt her relax somewhat, leaning herself lightly against him once more. He didn’t protest it, simply opened his arms to her. Ron needed him and Adam had never turned her away before, he couldn’t do that to her now.
0 notes
Text
Shards of Us - Chapter Eight
Title: Shards of Us
Chapter: 8/9
Character/Pairing: Davey Havok/Adam Carson
Genre: Angst
Rating: Explicit
Summary: Creating a balance between what was and what is strains the ever twisted relationship between Adam, Aubrey, and Davey. Sequel to The Devil Inside. Written with Havoksangel.
Authors Notes/Warnings: Nothing in this piece ever happened. I claim no ownership nor do I make any sort of profit from this, other than pride and a sense of amusement.
EIGHT
Aubrey had never felt so exhausted in her life, nor more fulfilled. A soft smile played on her lips as she found herself staring down at her tiny daughter sleeping peacefully in her arms. She was amazed at just how much this little girl resembled her father. It was both a blessing and a curse. Sighing, Aubrey closed her eyes and leaned her head back on the pillows behind her. It was a little after four in the afternoon and she felt like it was far later.
Davey came up to the door, knocking softly. He knew Adam had stepped out for a bit to take care of things at Aubrey's, making sure that everything was just right for the baby when she got home. He figured this was the best place and time to discuss where he and Aubrey stood. He knew he couldn’t leave things hanging so uncertainly. Not if this was going to work. He refused to tear this family apart anymore than he had.
Her head raised at the sudden sound, eyes locking on the figure standing in the doorway. A plethora of emotions flitted through her as she stared. "Davey," she started, neutrally, unsure of her own feelings at the moment. The little girl in her arms stirred but did not wake.
"Can I come in?" He whispered so he wouldn’t wake the baby. "I thought we should talk."
Aubrey nodded silently. She was still uneasy around him. Still unsure. But he had been there for her. Helped her. She didn't know what to make of him.
Quietly he walked in and took a seat next to the bed. He peered over at the baby and smiled. "She's beautiful."
"She looks like Adam."
Davey nodded in agreement. "Have you two named her yet?"
Aubrey shook her head, "No. Adam and I haven't really...settled on anything yet. " They would need to soon, though, she noted. This little one could spend the rest of her life as baby girl Carson.
"Aubrey... I can’t not be in her life," he said, his voice soft and almost pleading. "I watched her come into this world. I can’t not see her."
Davey's sudden change in demeanor and attitude startled her for a moment. He wanted to be a part of her daughter's life. She could understand that. But she still felt uneasy about the situation. It was selfish, she knew it, but she couldn't help fear he would replace her in that aspect as well. And that was something she knew she would not be able to handle.
He locked eyes with her. "I know she is your daughter and I know she is Adam's, and I promise not to step over any lines," he began slowly, cautiously, "but please let her be a part of my life. She is a part of Adam and..." he trailed off, tears welling up. "Don’t punish him for what I caused him to do."
Aubrey swallowed thickly, closing her eyes "I'm not trying to punish anyone...I just...This is hard for me. I trusted him...I trusted you and I'm scared to do that again. It's not just my life anymore, it's hers."
Davey nodded. "I know I betrayed you and I know he did, but I have changed. I have. Being with Adam, loving him, has made me a better person. I swear I will never hurt her. Or you."
"I don't know," she answered honestly. "I just...You are asking for something I don't know if I'm fully ready to offer. I know you aren't a horrible person, but I don't know if I trust you enough to be alone with my daughter." Or if I can ever fully trust either of you again.
"You don’t have to trust me alone with her, but let her come to the house with Adam," Davey pleaded.
"Davey..." Aubrey started. It was too soon for her to even consider letting her daughter out of her sight, much less let her spend the night away from her. This was all new for her. She couldn’t contemplate anything beyond this hospital room. Not now.
He looked down. He'd hoped this would help, but he was getting nowhere. She didn’t trust him, maybe she never would. It hurt that she would do this, but as much as he wanted to, he couldn’t blame her for it. Not really. He took a deep breath and looked up. "This was a mistake. I'm sorry."
"Stop," she started softly, unsure of herself, but knowing she couldn’t let things carry on this way, "Baby steps. I need to take all of this in baby steps."
Davey nodded and clasped his hands in his lap. He really shouldn’t have come in here. He was a fool to think that she would change her mind, no matter how much he'd helped her. He wiped away tear a before it had the chance to fall, keeping his eyes down.
"I don't want her alone with anyone right now. She's still brand new, this is all new for me. I just..I need some time to adjust to being a mother. Maybe when she's few months old she can stay with Adam for a bit...But it's just...It's too soon."
Davey again nodded. "I just don’t want him to miss out on her life because of me," he whispered. Slowly, he stood, heading for the door.
"I don't want him to miss it either." Sighing softly, she added, "Thank you. For everything."
He smiled and leaned down, kissing the top of her head. "You're welcome."
Closing her eyes for a moment, Aubrey fought against the small voice in her mind and asked, "Would…would you like to hold her?" As difficult as it was to ask, Aubrey knew it was the least she could do. He could have just left her to get to the hospital herself. To give birth herself. But he hadn't. She still didn't understand why.
He looked at her, mouth parted in shock. Yes, he wanted to hold her. "Are you sure?"
Aubrey nodded. Baby steps, she told herself. She smiled softly at him, waiting for him to take a seat in one of the nearby chairs, before gently placing her slumbering daughter in his arms.
Davey pulled the chair closer and held his arms out for her. He couldn’t believe that Aubrey was actually going to let him hold the baby. He figured he wouldn’t get within ten feet of her.
This was incredibly difficult for Aubrey. It nearly took everything she had to not simply grab the child back. But she did not. Doing so wouldn't solve anything, nor would it be safe for her child. "Support her head and don't rock her too much. She doesn't like that."
Davey nodded, cradling her against his body. He smiled down at her face, her sweet little face, and traced her cheek with his finger tip. "Hi, Sweetheart," he whispered
The baby stirred, slowly blinking her blue eyes. She wiggled a little before her eyes drooped closed once more.
"She's so precious, Aubrey."
"I know she is," Aubrey whispered, smiling softly.
Davey lightly touched her little hand only to have her grab it and give it a tiny squeeze. From that touch, he felt tears welling in his eyes. He was holding a miracle in his arms.
Aubrey laughed slightly at the sight. "She's got quite a grip, doesn't she?"
All he could do was nod. He couldn’t even look up because he wasn’t able to take his eyes off of the baby.
Davey had fallen head over heels in love with the little girl in his arms, that Aubrey could tell easily. And she couldn't blame him, for her little one had stolen her heart as well. Absently she wondered just what she would do once she and her baby had made it back home.
True, her mother had offered to take her in, to help raise the child. Aubrey had refused before, stating that she would have Adam's help raising her daughter though it had only earned her a lecture on morals and what it meant to be a fit parent.
It was the only thing they could never see eye to eye on. Even after all Adam had done, he would be a wonderful father and Aubrey knew that. But at the same time she knew Adam would not be able to be there whenever she needed him. He'd try his best, that she knew, but he had a new life now. New responsibilities. Maybe she should have taken her mother's offer. She just didn't know.
"What do you need for her?" Davey asked.
Confusion spread across Aubrey's face, "What?"
"Is there anything you need for her that you don’t have?"
"Some extra help here and there. I'm going to need to put in a lot more hours at work to make sure she gets everything she needs. More hours in a day?" she joked with a sigh, though wishing there was some way there could be.
Davey looked at her. "You don’t have to hire a sitter. Whenever you feel you trust me, I'll change my shifts at the cafe. I'll work nights and watch her if you need." He knew he sounded hopeful, maybe overly so, but he wanted this. Wanted to be a part of this if she would let him.
Aubrey smiled lightly, "Maybe." She was far from ready for that. But maybe...maybe a bit later down the road. It would be nice not having to worry about finding the money to pay for a sitter. Struggle through finding one that she felt safe leaving her child with. Someone Adam felt safe leaving their child with.
Davey looked up as the door opened, seeing Adam poke his head in. He was sure the man was going to die to see him holding his daughter.
To say he was caught off guard by the sight before him would have been a gross understatement. Davey was holding his daughter. Aubrey was letting him hold their daughter. The very idea of it melted his heart. He could still sense the tension between them, something he knew would always linger, but this was a sight he never expected to see. Maybe things would work themselves out after all. "Hey," he called softly, terrified of disturbing them.
Aubrey smiled at him. "Hey." After a short pause, she added, "She seems to like Davey." She was trying her best to make this work. This little girl didn’t need the stress of angry adults. She needed a happy life and in order for Aubrey to give her that, she was going to have to bend a little. No matter how uncertain she was.
Adam merely nodded, unsure what to say. This was honestly the last thing he had expected. "She does," he murmured, taking a few cautious steps towards the hospital bed. Gently, he rested his hand on Davey's shoulder, conscious of his actions, still unsure how long this peace would last.
Davey looked up at Adam, smiling. "She's gonna look like you, she has your eyes. And Aubrey's hair."
Smiling, Adam gently rubbed Davey's shoulder before reaching down to stroke his daughter's head. His little girl. He was a father. It was something he still was trying to wrap his head around. Her tiny eyes slowly blinked open and a smile spread across her face. She smiled at him and his heart completely melted.
Aubrey watched the two for a moment and couldn’t help but feel sadness that this wasn’t something she was going to be able to share with Adam the way she'd always thought she would. Davey was going to have that, but she couldn’t deny her little girl her father because of circumstances that were not her fault. That she could not control.
"Hey there, little one," Adam whispered, stroking his daughter's cheek. She was perfect. The one thing he had done right.
Slowly he raised his eyes, allowing them to fall on Aubrey's face. The sadness in her eyes shook him. It was something he knew he would never forgive himself for. But she was granting him this, the chance to be a father. To be involved in his daughter's life. Something he knew had to be one of the hardest things she had ever done.
Davey stood up and handed her back to Aubrey. He didn’t want to see clingy, though he loved that little girl already. "I think Mommy and Daddy need alone time. You need a name, Princess."
Aubrey smiled softly at Davey as she took her daughter back into her arms. She was so small. "Thank you," she murmured.
Davey smiled at her and winked before leaving. He knew the three of them needed time as a family.
Adam watched as his lover headed slightly towards the door before turning his attention back to Aubrey and the little girl she held in her arms. "He's right, you need a name, little one." He locked eyes with Aubrey.
Aubrey smiled. "I was thinking after our mothers."
"Natalie I think is lovely, but I would never condemn a child to the name Harriet," he joked, knowing his mother's name was something he refused to name his child. "Rose," he added after a few moments of silence. After his Grandmother. "Natalie Rose."
She grinned and kissed her head. "I think it fits. Natalie Rose."
Adam nodded, "It suits her." Slowly he leaned down, running his finger over the soft tufts of hair on his daughter's head. "My little Natalie." Natalie closed her eyes under his touched and drifted off to sleep in her mother's arms. "She's perfect."
Aubrey grinned at him softly. She was perfect and despite everything, this moment was perfect as well.
0 notes
Text
Shards of Us - Chapter Seven
Title: Shards of Us
Chapter: 7/9
Character/Pairing: Davey Havok/Adam Carson
Genre: Angst
Rating: Explicit
Summary: Creating a balance between what was and what is strains the ever twisted relationship between Adam, Aubrey, and Davey. Sequel to The Devil Inside. Written with Havoksangel.
Authors Notes/Warnings: Nothing in this piece ever happened. I claim no ownership nor do I make any sort of profit from this, other than pride and a sense of amusement.
SEVEN
Davey watched in horror as the contractions grew stronger and closer together. Adam still wasn’t home yet and if he didn’t hurry up, they were going to have to leave. Repeatedly he’d tried to talk Aubrey into letting him take her to the hospital, but she refused. However, his patience was wearing thin and he was beginning to fear for Adam’s child. He worried about all the possible complications. What if something went wrong? He didn’t know what to do and he refused to put her or the baby at risk.
Aubrey bit softly at her lip and closed her eyes. The contractions were growing closer and closer together. Time was starting to run out. Why wasn't Adam there yet? He should have been home by now. She needed him with her. Why wasn’t he there? Taking in a sharp breath, she forced herself to block those thoughts from her mind and focus on the road before her. The only thing keeping her from admitting defeat and just heading to the hospital was the fact that her water hadn't broken yet. She still had time.
"Aubrey, will you please let me take you to the hospital? We can tell Adam to meet us there," Davey reassured, still keeping his hand in hers so she could squeeze when she needed.
She shook her head, "No. We we still have time," she hissed as another contraction peaked, "Ad Adam's not here yet."
Davey sighed and closed his eyes. He knew that she had to want Adam there but he was starting to get really nervous. "Aubrey, he may not get here. Do you really want to risk it?"
In the back of her mind, she knew Davey had a point. "I need him," she whispered, closing her eyes.
"I know you do, but what if something goes wrong? We can at least wait for him at the hospital where they can monitor the baby, make sure she’s okay. I won’t leave you until he gets there, I promise."
Aubrey stared at him, unsure of what to make of his offer. She didn't know if she wanted him there. She wasn't sure if she could allow herself to trust him enough to let him be there for her. With a shuddering sigh, Aubrey closed her eyes. She didn't want him there but she didn't want to be alone. She couldn't be alone.
Davey leaned over her to where she could look into his eyes. "Look at me," he whispered warmly.
Uncertainly, Aubrey opened her eyes.
"Trust me enough to know that I would never do anything to jeopardize you or this baby. It’s a part of Adam and despite the fact that you don’t want me around her, I love her just the same because she is a part of him," he whispered, his voice cracking a bit from the emotion building up. "Let me take you to the hospital before your water breaks. Let me help you."
Closing her eyes once more, Aubrey nodded slowly. As angry as she had been at Davey for what he'd done to her, she couldn't risk her child's life like that. She would never forgive herself if she did. Adam would never forgive her for it.
Davey breathed a sigh of relief and took both of her hands in his, helping her up rise to her feet. He tightly held her to him as they walked to the door, grabbing his cell so he could call Adam once they got into the car. "Are you okay?"
"I don't know if I can do this," she whispered, fear momentarily taking over her. What if she wasn’t strong enough to do this? What if she wasn’t a good mother? She fought to push those thoughts away,
His nurturing nature taking over for a second, he kissed the side of her head softly. "Yes, you can."
"You don't know that," she whispered. With a groan of pain, Aubrey closed her eyes once more, allowing Davey to lead her to the car.
He opened the door and gently placed her inside. Once she was settled he shut the door and made his way to the other side, calling Adam as he did so.
---
Adam jumped, the loud ring of his phone jolting him out of his thoughts. He quickly glanced at the screen. Davey's number. With shaking hands, Adam flipped the phone open, placing it at his ear. "Is she okay?"
"Yes, she's fine. Meet us at the hospital. I needed to get her there before her water broke," he said getting in the car and putting on his seatbelt.
"What hospital?" His heart was racing and his eyes darted around the road before him. Traffic was now inching along. Maybe he would be able to make it in time for the birth...Maybe.
"Saint Mary's," Davey told him, starting the car and pulling out to head towards the hospital. "You want to talk to her?"
"Please."
She took the phone and placed it to her ear, panting a bit. "Adam?"
"Bree," he started, calming slightly at the sound of her voice. She was okay.
"It hurts, Adam. I don’t think I can do this," she told him, clutching Davey's hand.
"Bree, baby, you can do this," he reassured her, "I know you can. You're the strongest person I know. You can do this."
She whimpered and again squeezed Davey's hand, another contraction starting. Soft pants echoed over the phone and she leaned her head back.
Davey turned to her. "You're doing so well. We're almost there."
"I'm coming, Bree," Adam whispered to her. "Just hold on. You can do this. I have all the faith in the world in you."
"Adam?" She panted.
"Yes?"
Desperately she wanted to tell him she loved him, but she held back out of respect for Davey. He was helping her, even though she knew he didn’t want to be there with her. She had to give him credit for that. "Hurry."
"I am, Bree. I am."
She hung up the phone and handed it to Davey. He squeezed her hand and gave her a soft smile as he drove. They were almost there. "You doing okay?" Shaking her head, Aubrey leaned back against the seat, closing her eyes. She didn't want to do this. Not now. She was scared.
Davey rubbed his thumb over the knuckles of her fingers and pulled into the hospital parking lot. Once he found a parking spot, he carefully got her out of the car and inside th building. It took the nurses no time to get her upstairs and into a room. They hooked her up to a fetal heart monitor and checked to see how far she was dilated. Davey leaned down, still not letting go of her hand. "You’re doing so well."
The nurse checking Aubrey's pulse and vital signs smiled at them both. "First time parents?"
Aubrey shook her head. "He's not the father."
Davey looked down for a moment. "The father is stuck in traffic."
Nodding, the nurse took that as her cue to leave the matter be, the tension in the room becoming a tad too uncomfortable for such an event. "You're doing well, Aubrey," she encouraged her. Smiling she turned to Davey. "You need something, sir? Water?" She could sense his nervousness and general unease.
"Water, please," he said pulling up a seat next to Aubrey. He looked at one of the monitors and saw the lines starting to move. "Here comes a contraction."
Aubrey closed her eyes, taking a deep breath. A sharp cry fell from her lips as she felt wetness spilling onto the mattress as the contraction peaked. "Oh God," she whimpered, the contraction slowly easing, her breathing along with it.
"Bad?" He asked, keeping a good hold on her hand.
She nodded, reaching for the call button next to her on the bed. A few moments later, her nurse returned. "Everything okay in here?"
"My water just broke."
Davey's eyes widened. "Wh...You’re what?"
The nurse smiled at Davey, placing her hand gently on his shoulder, "Her water broke. The fluid sack surrounding the baby ruptures when it’s time for the baby to be born. With any luck we'll have this baby in a few hours."
Davey looked at Aubrey, petting her head. "I'm gonna call Adam."
She nodded, leaning her head back against the pillow. For the moment, she didn't hurt and she took this time to breathe.
Davey reached for the hospital phone, dialing Adam's number once again.
The unfamiliar number on his caller ID confused Adam for a moment. Who could be calling him? "Hello?"
"Hey, we're here and her water just broke," Davey told him, petting her head, a nervous gesture, hoping it would comfort her.
"Her water broke?" Adam repeated, panicking slightly. That meant she was close and he still was at least an hour from the hospital if traffic kept at this pace.
"Stop petting me," Aubrey hissed, as she felt the start of another contraction building. She didn’t want anyone touching her, especially him, at the moment.
"Yes, and she is yelling at me," Davey joked lightly. He still held her hand as the contraction started, his fingers feeling slightly numb. Who would have thought she would have such a grip?
Adam chuckled nervously. From what he could hear, the two weren’t at each other’s throats. And at the moment that was more the he’d hoped for. "I'll be there as soon as I can," he reassured Davey, "I promise."
"Okay," Davey answered, wincing as she gripped his hand harder than before, screaming a bit as the contraction built.
Paling Adam reluctantly hung up his phone, praying he would make it in time. That he wouldn’t miss the birth of his little girl.
---
Aubrey hissed as the contraction passed, her breathing relaxing once again.
"Au...Aubrey, can we switch hands?" Davey whimpered, his face contorted in obvious pain
Releasing his hand, Aubrey whimpered slightly. She hadn’t meant to hurt him, she just needed something to help her work through the pain. With each minute that passed, she felt herself growing more and more worried. Where was the doctor? Where was Adam?
Davey gave her his other hand and sat beside her on the bed. "Are you excited?"
Aubrey shook her head, "Scared."
"Of what? You are going to have a beautiful baby girl that is going to love you. You are going to be an amazing mother," he told her, trying to make her feel better.
"Everything. What if I can't do this? What if I'm not cut out for this?"
"You are," he said locking eyes with her. He looked to the side at the monitor. "Another one coming."
Aubrey braced herself, knowing that if she could make it through the initial pain, it would only last a minute at most. Taking a deep breath, she focused on the clock, biting at her lip. Twenty seconds. Thirty. It would ease soon. She knew it.
The sharp peak in the pain caught her off guard, forcing a pained hiss from her lips. Throwing her concentration off. "Oh God."
Davey let her squeeze his hand as the doctor came in. "How are we doing?"
"It hurts. I want to go home? Can I please just go home? I don't want to do this anymore."
The doctor chuckled and settled at the end of the bed, checking to see how much she'd dilated. "I think you should stay. You're at nine centimeters now and it won’t be long till you can start pushing."
"I want Adam. Where's Adam?" she whimpered. She didn’t want to do this without him. She needed him there.
"Still in traffic," Davey told her calmly.
"He better get his ass here soon." Her words fell from her lips with bite. This was half his fault, he better be there to help her finish it.
"He can’t move the cars, Aubrey," he said. He knew how badly she needed him and he felt terrible for Adam, knowing that there was a huge chance he was going to miss this.
"He can't miss this. He promised me he wouldn't miss this." Her voice softened once more, uncertainty taking over.
"I know, and he hates that he is stuck."
Aubrey turned on her side, as best she could, staring at the wall before her. She closed her eyes. "I know."
Davey watched the monitor and saw another come, rather soon after the last one. "Aubrey..."
"I know," she hissed, feeling the pain and pressure building, "I can feel them coming."
"Squeeze." He shook his hand not feeling any pressure. Why wasn’t she squeezing as she’d done in the past?
Aubrey squeezed his hand, clenching her eyes closed as she rolled back over onto her back. It was time. She knew it. She could feel it. Everything within her told her to push. "I..I have to push," she whimpered.
"No, not until the doctor says to," he said to her, wiping her head with a wash cloth the nurse had provided.
The doctor shook her head, "If she feels ready to push, she can. It's her show."
Davey panicked. He didn’t have time to call Adam. He was going to have to be what she depended on. He looked at Aubrey, locking eyes, showing her that he was going to be here for her.
Closing her eyes, Aubrey positioned herself, hearing the commotion of the doctor and nurses doing the same. With a soft grunt, she pushed as her next contraction began.
Davey leaned his head against hers, holding his breath with her. She was squeezing his hand so hard he couldn’t see straight. He listened as the doctor counted to ten.
The nurse counted with the doctor, leaning in to place a warm washcloth on Aubrey's forehead. "Alright, breathe and relax. Wait until the next one then push again."
Davey relaxed with her. "Adam would be proud of you."
Aubrey half nodded, feeling another contraction building. Clenching her eyes shut again, she started to push.
Davey held her back as she sat up and pushed, letting her crush his other hand. This time he counted to, unable to believe he'd gotten himself in a delivery room.
All Aubrey wanted was for this to be over. For her little girl to be in her arms. She needed this to be over. Aubrey hissed out a sharp breath, falling back against her pillow. She barely focused on anything around her, her mind swimming.
The doctor looked up at her. "I can see a head. We are almost there, Aubrey." Raising her head, the doctor looked up at Davey. "You wanna see?"
Davey stared at him. "NO!" He didn’t need to see this. It wasn’t his place. The very thought unnerved him.
Chuckling, the doctor turned her attention back to Aubrey. "Alright, one or two more good pushes and you'll have you baby in your arms."
Davey repositioned his hand in hers and sucked in a deep breath as she started pushing with another contraction.
Aubrey pushed, silently praying that Adam would arrive soon. She needed him here. Needed him to be a part of this. He couldn’t miss this. She needed him.
"Bree," Adam panted as he leaned against the doorway, eyes wide, he’d run all the way from the parking lot and he could feel his legs shaking beneath him. But he refused to miss this. He hadn’t driven 30 over the speed limit, thankfully missing any police, just to collapse in a chair and miss the birth of his daughter.
Adam could see her eyes clenched closed, the pain her her face. And Davey's as well. He was surprised to find his lover where he stood, but the sight warmed him nonetheless. Davey was there. He was a part of this. "I'm here, sweetie. I'm here."
She looked up, relief flooded her face. "Adam," she panted. Shaking, she held her hand out as another contraction started. Once again she started to push, squeezing Adam's hand as he gripped it.
A bemused glance passed from doctor to nurse as they watched both men grimace pain. "Alright, Aubrey. One more big push."
Feeling somewhat out of place now, Davey started to pull away, to let them have this.
A cry fell from Aubrey's lips as she bore down, squeezing both men's hands tightly. Sweat beaded on her forehead as she whimpered softly. She wanted this to end. She needed it to end.
Davey was surprised that she hadn’t let him go, feeling for sure that since Adam had arrived he wasn’t needed. He leaned down. "Almost done," he whispered in her ear. She was doing this, she was making it, and he was incredibly proud of her.
"It's a girl," the doctor proclaimed, smiling. She held the baby up for the three of them too see. She was small, not tiny, but small. Her head had the characteristic cone shape and her eyes were scrunched closed. Her skin was a light purple but quickly began pinking up as she cried, taking in her first breaths of air.
The screams from the baby filled the room and all three looked on in amazement. It was all over, the baby was here. Davey looked at Adam and smiled. If he got to see nothing else, he at least go to share her birth with Adam. He looked down at Aubrey and grinned. "You did it, mama."
Exhausted, Aubrey fell back against the pillows. She'd done it. Her little girl was here. Adam had made it in time. She sighed, a few stray tears falling from her eyes. She’d done it.
Davey slowly let go of her hand and walked away from the bed, over to the window.
Adam couldn't wipe the grin from his face. "You did it, Bree," he whispered, kissing her forehead. Aubrey nodded and smiled. She turned her head and looked at Davey. He'd been there with her through all of it. And she couldn’t understand why, but she was grateful.
0 notes
Text
Shards of Us - Chapter Six
Title: Shards of Us
Chapter: 6/9
Character/Pairing: Davey Havok/Adam Carson
Genre: Angst
Rating: Explicit
Summary: Creating a balance between what was and what is strains the ever twisted relationship between Adam, Aubrey, and Davey. Sequel to The Devil Inside. Written with Havoksangel.
Authors Notes/Warnings: Nothing in this piece ever happened. I claim no ownership nor do I make any sort of profit from this, other than pride and a sense of amusement.
SIX
The week had passed in a blur for Adam. The end of term was quickly approaching and the work seemed to pile higher and higher with each passing day. Thursday morning found him at his desk, pouring over the latest portfolio pieces his students had handed in. Many were stunning, but there were a few that had him near pulling his hair out in frustration.
Sighing, he pushed his chair back, grabbing his bag from beside his desk. He glanced briefly at his watch. 8:40, he would be able to make it to the house just in time to meet Aubrey. With one last glance at the sketches on his desk, Adam stood, making his way to the door of the room.
A girl with short red hair ran in the room. "Mr. Carson?" She said panting, holding her hand over her chest where she'd been running. "I'm glad I caught you."
Adam turned towards the voice, smiling as best he could. "Can I help you, Jenna?"
"Yes... with my nose," she said, still trying to catch her breath.
"Your nose?" Adam repeated, eyebrows furrowing in confusion. He'd heard some rather interesting answers in his day, but this certainly caught him off guard.
She laughed and pulled out her portfolio. She pointed to a picture of a woman with no nose and the picture in which she was drawing from. "I can’t do it. What am I doing wrong?"
Adam chuckled, shaking his head, "Okay. What exactly about the nose are you having trouble with?"
"I just can’t do it. Can you show me?"
Adam turned back, settling himself in his chair once more, "Why don't you show me how you are trying to go about creating the nose and we can take it from there."
She nodded and smiled, sitting down at his desk and explained her problem.
---
Davey walked into the house, stretching his arms over his head. The schedule at work had been wrong and he was actually off today. A yawn fell from his lips, but he knew he was far too awake to consider trying to fall back asleep. He tossed his coat over the couch and walked to the kitchen to grab a bottle of water.
---
Aubrey found herself turning onto the street she'd spent the majority of the past nine months avoiding. Unease grew steadily within her. She didn't want to be here. But, it seemed she had little choice. Adam would be the one accompanying her to the hospital. She couldn’t avoid this street. The house. Him.
---
Davey walked to the living room and sat down on the couch, picking up the book he'd been reading for the past few days. He was going to relax today and not think on Aubrey. Besides, Adam would be home in a few hours and it would be nice to just spend the day lounging in bed, cuddling.
---
The car in the driveway looked nothing like Adam's, which alarmed Aubrey somewhat. Maybe he'd borrowed someone's car for the day. That had to be it. Adam promised her HE wouldn’t be there...Hadn’t he? Uncertainly, she pulled her car into the driveway.
Shutting off the engine, Aubrey struggled to climb from the seat before waddling back to the rear door to pull her baby bag from the backseat.
Belatedly, she realized she'd probably packed too much, but at this point in time, she found she honestly didn't care. With more than a little effort, she hobbled to the front door, ringing the bell.
---
Sighing, Davey got up, placing both the book and water to the side. Who would be here this early on a Thursday? He paused. Fuck. He knew exactly who. Hesitantly, he opened the front door, locking eyes with Aubrey.
Anger and pain flooded through Aubrey as her eyes fell on Davey's form. Why the hell was he here? He wasn't supposed to be here.
"Adam hasn’t gotten home, yet," Davey told her, trying not to sound cold, but knowing he was. He couldn’t help it.
Her eyes narrowed slightly as her eyes roamed over his form. Adam's shirt. He was wearing Adam's shirt. She knew it was irrational, but the very idea made her livid. Yet another slap in the face reminding her that this...man had taken away everything she'd held dear. "Do you know when he'll be here?" she answered, tone just as frosty as the one she'd received.
Davey raised his eyebrow. "Any minute. I can call him if you want, unless you want to. You're good at that."
"I have every right to call him, he is the father of my child, if you haven't forgotten." She didn't want to start a fight, she knew it was wrong and childish, but the very sight of him made her cross beyond words.
"Oh I am very aware, a child that I can’t see. One I am not fit for," he spat. God, he hated the sight of her. She was the reason he and Adam argued all the time and she knew it. She had to. She wanted it that way.
"Forgive me for not wanting another person I love more than life itself to be taken from me," she bit back, anger and raw pain clinging to her words. This child was all she had left of Adam. She refused to let Davey steal that from her as well.
"I wouldn’t steal your daughter," he said softly.
"You stole the man I loved for as long as I can remember. You lied to my face. Forgive me if I don't believe a word you say."
Davey looked down and stepped to the side. He had no argument for her. She had a valid point. "You wanna come in and sit? I know your ankles have to be sore."
Aubrey was fully ready to protest, not wanting to be anywhere near the man that had stolen her fiancé for longer than was absolutely necessary, but her body could not refuse the invitation to sit and allow her ankles to rest. She nodded begrudgingly.
"Can I get you anything?" He asked, standing as far away as possible.
Aubrey shook her head, wobbling into the living room before settling on the couch. She leaned her head back, closing her eyes. Tired. She was simply exhausted. With a sigh, she hoped Adam would arrive soon. The sooner she could leave for her mother's, the better.
Davey walked over to the phone and dialed Adam's number. He wanted her gone. Wanted Adam home so she could leave her bag and leave them be.
"Adam, get your ass home," he whispered sternly, huddled in the corner of the kitchen, as Adam answered his phone.
"Baby? What's wrong? Where are you? Why are you whispering?"
"I am home, Adam, and Aubrey is here," he continued.
Adam's blood ran cold. "Why are you home? I thought you worked today." Oh God.
Davey sighed. "The schedule got screwed up and they didn’t need me," he whispered. He peeked around the corner at her. "When are you going to be here?"
Adam rested his head against the steering wheel, an exasperated sigh falling from his lips. This was exactly the thing he'd feared. "I'm stuck in traffic. Nothing’s moving."
Davey's eyes widened. "Fuck! You mean I'm stuck with her?" He whispered.
"There's nothing I can do, Davey," Adam stressed, leaning back against his seat, his hand falling over his eyes. This wasn't happening. "Maybe," he started, trying to think of a logical solution to the mess, "Maybe she could just leave the bag there."
Davey took a deep breath. "I'll ask her," he said with a sigh. "I'll call you back when she leaves. I love you."
"I love you, too," Adam echoed, "And I'm sorry."
"It’s not your fault," he said hanging up and walking towards the living room. "Bree?" The name slipped out easily.
Aubrey's head shot up, her eyes narrowing, "Don't you EVER call me that," she hissed.
Davey jumped back. "It’s a lot nicer than what I want to call you," he spat back.
Her eyes narrowed further, "So what? You can steal my fiancé from behind my back but you can't say something to my face?" she challenged, angered beyond words that he'd addressed her by the nickname only Adam had ever addressed her by. Another thing he tried to steal from her.
Davey glared at her. He knew and fully understood why she was angry with him, but he couldn’t stand her attitude towards him anymore. "I know I hurt you and I'm sorry. I fell in love with Adam and you of all people should know how easy that is. I am just sick of you using that baby to manipulate him and make him feel as if he has to choose sides."
Aubrey flew to her feet. "So this is my fault? I didn't ask for this! I didn't ask to be a single mother! I didn't ask for all my hopes and my dreams to be ripped out from under me! You've won! Are you happy now?! You've got everything! I just wanted my life back. I wanted my world back," she finished softly, hating herself for being so weak. For letting herself fall apart in front of him. She wrapped her arms around herself as she fell back on the couch.
Davey sighed and walked over to her. He knew what he'd done to her and he would always feel the guilt from it. "Aubrey, you don’t have to do this alone."
She shook her head violently. She did. The fact that Adam wasn’t there only cemented that reality in her mind.
He gently placed his hand on her knee. "Aubrey..."
She pulled her leg back. She couldn't allow herself to trust him. Not after he'd made such a fool of her. She wouldn't let herself. Not again.
Davey looked down. "Adam is stuck in traffic. He said you can leave the bags here if you want," he whispered.
Aubrey nodded. She didn't to be in this house any longer. She didn't know if she could handle it. Pushing herself to her feet, Aubrey hobbled past Davey to the bag she'd left by the door. "I can just take it to my parents. I don't need to be any more of a bother."
He grabbed her hand. "Aubrey, you aren’t..."
"Don't. I've fucked things up enough. I should just learn to keep my nose out of business I haven't the right to know anymore." She just wanted to leave. To forget. Being here. Seeing him. It only made things worse.
"Aubrey, leave the goddamn bag here," he told her, taking it out of her hand.
She stared at him, unsure of what to say or do. She just wanted to leave. Tend to her wounds in private. She'd lost Adam and that reality was quickly becoming too much for her to bear. Closing her eyes, she turned towards the door.
"Drive safe, Aubrey," Davey said softly, opening the door.
Aubrey merely nodded as she made her way to the car. As she walked, she felt a bit of pressure in her lower back, slowly traveling across her abdomen. She grimaced, passing them off as only false contractions, her body's way of preparing itself for the inevitable. It couldn't be anything else she wasn't due for another two weeks.
Davey watched her to the car, making sure she was alright. Despite himself, he actually did care about her still.
With each step she took, the contractions only seemed to worsen. No, she screamed to herself, not now. Please not now.
Davey cocked his head to the side, watching her. Something wasn’t right. "Aubrey?"
"No. Not now, please not now," she murmured, leaning against the side of her car.
He walked out to her and placed his hand on her back. "Aubrey, what is it?"
Aubrey clinched her eyes shut, focusing on trying to breathe properly. "I...I need to sit down," she whispered.
Davey took her hand and led her back to the house. "Lean on me."
She nodded, gripping Davey’s arm tightly as he slowly led her back into the house. She just needed to rest. Maybe if she sat down the contractions would lessen.
He walked her inside and laid her down on the couch, propping a pillow underneath her head. "Is that better?"
She nodded slightly. "A little." The pressure wasn't nearly as bad now.
"Can I get you anything?"
"Water."
Davey walked into the kitchen and got a bottle of water, bringing it to her and then kneeling by the couch. "Here." He watched her, unsure what was wrong or if something even was. Did he need to call Adam?
"Thank you," she murmured, taking the bottle from him and taking a sip. She closed her eyes, knowing that if this was what she feared, she would have a few hours before she needed to get to the hospital, a grimace spreading across her face.
Davey watched her. "What can I do?"
"Nothing." There really wasn't much anyone could do at the moment but sit and wait.
Davey bit his lip. "You want me to call Adam?"
She nodded. Needing him here.
He paused for a moment, blinking. "Are you going into labor?"
Aubrey nodded once again, keeping her eyes closed and trying her best to focus on her breathing, though that task grew more and more difficult as the time wore on.
Panic flooded through him. "Please tell me you're kidding!" He didn’t know what to do and this woman hated him. "Can’t you not do that right now?"
Raising her head and locking her eyes with his, Aubrey glared. "You think that if I had a say in this at all that I would choose here and NOW to go into labor?"
He looked down. "Shouldn’t we be going to the hospital then instead of being on my couch?"
She shook her head, "Not rea ready yet."
"What was that?" He asked her, eyes wide.
"What's what?"
"You hesitated when you spoke."
"Contraction."
Davey scanned her. "Do they hurt?"
"No," she snapped, another contraction, slowly building in strength and duration, erupting through her, "they tickle."
Davey looked at her and slid his hand in hers. "Squeeze when they hurt, okay?" He picked up the phone and started to dial Adam's number.
Hesitantly, she took his hand, squeezing as the contraction she felt reached its peak.
"Ow, ow, ow," he shouted as Adam answered the phone.
"Dave?" Adam started, puzzled at his lover's words. "Davey, are you okay? What's wrong?"
Davey took a couple of deep breaths. "I'm fine, but Aubrey is in labor."
Had traffic not been at a standstill already, Adam would have certainly slammed on his brakes. "She's what?" The color slowly drained from his face. Why was this happening now?
"She went into labor leaving the house."
"God, is she okay? Where are you? How is she? What's going on?"
Davey shook his head. "She's fine. We're home and she is just have some slight contractions."
"Fuck," he hissed, glancing around at the traffic around him. "I'll be there as soon as I can."
"If I have to take her to the hospital I will call you, okay?"
Adam ran his fingers through his hair, “Okay."
"See you soon," he said instead of his normal 'I love you'. He figured he didn’t need to add insult to injury. Aubrey was already having to depend on him, she didn’t need his and Adam's relationship thrown in her face
Adam slammed his head back against the head rest, a frustrated sigh falling from his lips. The traffic around and ahead of him still showed little sign of being cleared. Great, just fucking great. His eyes slipped closed and he found himself praying that the traffic would clear in enough time for him to witness the birth of his daughter.
0 notes
Text
Shards of Us - Chapter Five
Title: Shards of Us
Chapter: 5/9
Character/Pairing: Davey Havok/Adam Carson
Genre: Angst
Rating: Explicit
Summary: Creating a balance between what was and what is strains the ever twisted relationship between Adam, Aubrey, and Davey. Sequel to The Devil Inside. Written with Havoksangel.
Authors Notes/Warnings: Nothing in this piece ever happened. I claim no ownership nor do I make any sort of profit from this, other than pride and a sense of amusement.
FIVE
Adam glared at his reflection in the mirror. The broken man he saw before him served only as a reminder of how truly foolish and stupid he had been. Davey was right, he’d allowed Aubrey to twist him around her finger. Allowed her to bend him whichever way she'd wanted. He was so stupid to think he could please everyone. To fix everything. That he could find a way to be there for both of them the way he knew they deserved. He was a fool.
Sighing, he turned from the mirror, padding back into the silent motel room, pulling his wrinkled t shirt from the bed and over his head. It had been three days since he'd last seen Davey. Three days since he'd made the biggest mistake of his life in walking away. He should have fought harder. Should have let Davey know that he mattered, that he’d become Adam's world. He never should have just left.
For the hundredth time, Adam found himself gazing at his phone laying on the bedside table, willing it to ring. It was a foolish hope. He’d messed things up far too badly for Davey to risk reaching out to him again. If he wanted to fix this. If he had any hope of fixing this, Adam knew he would have to make the first move. Swallowing thickly, Adam grabbed both the phone and keys from the small wooden table, making his way from the room. He needed to fix this. To try.
---
Davey laid on the couch, his face covered in a three day old beard and free of any make up. His eyes were red from crying and his body was tired from wishing, hoping, Adam would just come home. He couldn’t help but wonder if he'd pushed too hard, or maybe if he'd have just been a bit more patient would things have turned out differently. He scolded himself for being a hard ass. For letting it had cost him the only person he'd ever cared about.
---
Adam’s hands shook as he turned onto the familiar street. Countless fears flooded his thoughts. Would Davey forgive him? Talk to him? Or would he simply slam the door in his face, telling him to go to hell and stay there? The nervousness and uncertainty only built as the house slowly came into view.
Davey's car sat in the driveway, which was lined with several days’ worth of papers. Adam thought this odd. Davey hated having the paper strewn across the driveway. Many a morning he'd woken up to the frustrated cursing of the paper boy by his lover. The smile that memory brought to his face quickly vanished as the implications sank in. Davey hadn't bothered to leave the house. That fact was only confirmed by the stack of mail hanging out of the overfilled mailbox. Adam's heart leapt in his throat. What had he done?
---
Davey never heard the car pull in, too lost in his own thoughts to pay much attention to the world around him. He pulled himself up from the couch, heading upstairs, having been alternating between the couch and the bed for three days, only stopping in between for the bathroom.
---
Shoving his shaking hands into his pockets, Adam slowly made his way to the front door. He paused for a moment, wondering if he should just let himself in. How would Davey react to that? Did he even have that right anymore? Adam hesitantly raised his hand and pressed the doorbell.
---
Davey paused at the stairs and took a deep breath. He really didn’t want company, but he didn’t have the energy to yell at them to go away. Slowly he made his way to the door and opened it, locking eyes with Adam.
Adam jumped as the door pulled open slowly. The sight before him broke his heart. "Davey," he whispered. The man standing before him was a shell of the man he'd fallen in love with. His eyes were broken and red from tears. It was nearly enough to bring Adam to tears himself.
Davey looked at him and then down. "Why are you here?" He whispered, hurt.
"I just...I...Can I come in, please?" he finished meekly.
Davey looked up at him and nodded, stepping back to let him in the door. The last person he expected was Adam and he knew he looked like hell, how could he not? "You want some water?"
Adam nodded, "That would be nice, thank you." Awkward. Everything felt so awkward between them now. And it was his fault, he knew it.
Silently, he followed Davey into the kitchen, wanting nothing more than to pull the man into his arms and hold him. But he didn't dare. He wouldn't risk hurting him further. Wouldn't do anything until he knew where he stood with Davey.
Davey reached into the cabinet and grabbed a glass. He paused before turning on the faucet, mustering up the energy to do so. He was just so tired. Taking a deep breath he turned around to hand Adam his water. "Did you come for your other things?" He asked quietly, a broken whisper.
"No...I just...I needed to talk to you," Adam whispered, talking the glass, forcing himself to meet Davey's gaze, though the pain he saw in his lover's Were they even that anymore? eyes tore him apart.
Davey looked at him, tears welling up. "What about?"
Adam fought the urge to pull Davey against him. He swallowed thickly, trying to find the words, as tears threatened to form in his eyes. "How fucking stupid I am."
Davey looked at him, confusion on his face. What was he talking about? Was he actually here to fix this? "What do you want, Adam?"
"You," he finally managed to whisper, breaking the silence that had fallen between them. "Us. To not be so scared. To take back every stupid thing I said and did...To...To..."His voice trailed off, eyes slipping closed as he fought to gather himself. He had no right to fall apart.
"To what?" Davey asked softly, stepping into him.
Adam raised his eyes to Davey's face, swallowing softly, "Have you not hate me for everything I've done." The words came in a low whisper. It was a silly hope. He couldn’t forgive himself for what he’d done, how could he ask Davey to do so?
Davey brought his hand up to Adam's cheek, stroking it gently. "I could never hate you. I wish I could, but I can’t. I love you so much," he whispered, closing his eyes to block tears.
Eyes slipping closed involuntarily at the touch, Adam sighed, a soft sob forcing its way from his throat. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."
"So am I. I should have been more understanding," he said.
"But Aubrey..." Davey protested.
"I shouldn't have let myself get so pulled in. I just...I fucked things up so badly with her...I just...I wanted to make things right...I didn't think..."
"That she would manipulate you?"
"I didn't think she would try anything. She's never been that kind of a person...Never...I just...I did that to her...I just...And then I turn around and fuck things up with you...I just..."
"Adam, say what you want to me. Tell me what you want," Davey told him.
Adam closed his eyes, "I just...I want everything to work. I want to be with you. I want to love you. But I also want to be a father. To share that part of my life with you. To fix things with Aubrey, to have her not hate me for what I've done. I want to fix everything...and I can't...I know I can't and I don't know how to deal with that. I just...I don't know..."
Davey stepped into him and pressed his mouth to Adam's. He whimpered softly and wrapped his arms around Adam’s neck.
Sighing softly, Adam allowed himself to melt into the kiss. The feel of Davey's warm arms around his neck sent shivers down his spine. He'd missed this. Missed his lover's warmth. The feel of Davey's body pressed against his own.
Davey pulled back, placing once last short kiss on his mouth. "Please come home," he whispered over his lips. "I miss you and I need you home."
Adam nodded, nuzzling his face into Davey's neck. Davey wanted him back. Wanted him home. Warmth flooded through Adam, leaving him calmer than he'd felt in longer than he cared to remember.
Davey buried his head in Adam's shoulder. "I look like shit, don’t I?" His voice was muffled by the shirt.
"I'll love you regardless of how you look," Adam assured him, a soft smile spreading across his face at Davey's words.
Davey looked up at him. "I look like a guy." He sniffled and wiped the tears from his eyes.
Adam raised his hand, cupping Davey's jaw lightly, "I love you like this. I love you in make up. I love you in whatever you chose to do, wear, or feel. I love you." His eyes locked on Davey's, his love reflecting in them.
Davey smiled, genuinely. "I never want you to stop saying that. I love you too, so much, and we can and will make this work."
"I love you," he repeated once more, leaning in to kiss Davey softly. Adam closed his eyes, wanting to commit this moment to memory.
Adam's cell phone rang, Aubrey's tone filling the kitchen. Davey sighed and pressed his head against his lover's shoulder. He reached in Adam's pocket and picked it out. "Here," he said, pressing send for him.
Hesitantly, Adam took the phone, placing it up to his ear. "Hello?"
"Adam, I have been trying to reach you for two days?" Aubrey told him.
Davey rolled his eyes, hearing her and then smirked before sinking to his knees. He looked up at Adam and mouthed, "We have to make up."
Adam's eyes widened as he watched Davey sink to his knees before him. His mind raced with the very idea of what that position could entail. What Davey was playing at? The words Davey mouthed barely registered in his mind. "I uh...Things have been hectic Aubrey..." he managed to choke out, distractedly.
Davey hummed softly as he undid Adam's belt and opened his jeans. Leaning in, he unzipped them with his teeth, still able to hear her rattling things off about the baby.
Sweat beaded across Adam's brow. Davey was going to...His eyes slipped closed at the thought. "Aubrey..I...I'm going to have to call you back."
Davey looked up at him and shook his head no. "Keep talking," he whispered, taking Adam out of his jeans and licking the head of his cock.
"Adam, I need you to listen. These are the directions for when my water breaks," Aubrey started, knowing the event would be hectic and wanting things to go as smoothly as possible. There wouldn’t be time to stop and breathe once her water broke, she knew this.
Adam violently shook his head "No" as a shiver ran through him. He couldn't do this. Not with Aubrey on the phone.
"Adam Carson, are you listening to me?" She yelled as Davey slowly took him in his mouth.
"Bree..I...I..um...I'll call you back," he managed to choke out before slamming the phone shut. "Fuck," he breathed, his hands falling to Davey's head. "Are you trying to kill me?"
Davey shook his head with Adam still in his mouth and then cut his eyes up. The phone rang again and Davey pulled back, rasing his eyes to Adam’s. "Answer it or I stop."
"You can't be fucking serious."
Davey sat back on his feet leaving Adam out and very hard. With a raised eyebrow he looked at the phone.
"You can't ask me to talk to her while you're doing this...I...That's just cruel," Adam panted, eyeing Davey. It took everything in him not to beg Davey to finish him right there and then, Aubrey be damned.
Davey started to push himself to his feet. "Well then you don’t get it," he smirked, holding the phone up to him.
"No." The word fell from Adam's lips without his permission. He didn't want Davey to leave him like this. But having Davey take him like that with Aubrey able to hear everything...He couldn't do that. No matter what she'd done, that was simply too cruel. But his baser desires still ravaged in his mind.
"It’s not to get at her," Davey whispered, sincerely, seeing the panic in his lover’s eyes, "It’s to punish you for being so bad, now answer the phone," he said playfully.
"She'll hear..."
"Not if you're quiet and can cover well, besides, I plan on having that baby here at some point and you are gonna have to learn to be quiet," he said hitting the button and handing the phone back to Adam. He positioned himself back and took Adam into his mouth again, smirking as he did so.
"Hey Aubrey," he answered, praying his voice didn't sound as strained as he felt.
"What the hell did you hang up for? Nothing you’re doing can be more important," she said as Davey descended down on his cock completely.
"I was in the middle of something that I needed...to..fo focus on." His eyes slipped closed as his free hand rested lightly on Davey's head. This felt wrong, dirty, cruel even, but he couldn't push Davey away if he tried.
Davey circled his tongue around the head of Adam’s cock as he listened to Aubrey once again rattle off the directions for when she went into labor. He tuned her out and concentrated on tasting his lover, making him come. Something he feared he’d lost for good.
Adam tried desperately to focus on Aubrey's words but they may as well have been ancient Greek. His hand traveled slowly down the back of Davey's head as he bit his lip to keep from moaning. God, he would surely go to Hell for this. But he was hard-pressed to care.
Davey lightly hummed around him, quiet enough so that Aubrey didn’t hear him. He cut his eyes up and locked them with Adam's, winking as he started to circle him again.
"Adam, do you hear me?" She asked. "This is important."
"Mhm," he mumbled in reply. He could feel Davey's eyes on him. Taking in everything. Every expression. Every shudder. Every tremble.
Davey moved back to concentrate on just the head, wrapping his hand around the base. "So, you'll be ready when I call you," she asked.
"Mhm," he mumbled once more, his hips bucking involuntarily. Davey would be the death of him.
Davey unzipped his own pants and started stroking his own length, whimpering around Adam. He was so hard he could barely stand it and he knew Adam wasn’t far off.
Adam's eyes widened as he watched Davey's graceful movements. He was a beautifully sensuous creature by nature, and his actions now served only to prove that. Adam bit his lip harder, feeling his body tense. He was close.
"I guess I can let you go then. Are you doing okay?" She asked him.
Davey panted around Adam's cock, his own orgasm getting closer. He wasn’t going to last very long and he prayed he was quiet. He was never quiet.
"Yeah...I...I'll talk to you later then," he choked out, barely suppressing a moan. God, this was going to kill him.
"That's fine. Bye, Adam," she whispered, hanging up. Davey smirked and took Adam completely in his mouth.
"Fuck," Adam hissed as the dial tone sounded in his ear.
Davey whimpered loudly, stroking himself harder and moving his head faster on Adam. He needed to taste him, to feel him come. It had been too long and he craved it.
Adam inhaled sharply, his body tensing and relaxing rapidly. Davey's name fell from his lips between shuddering breaths as the phone fell with a thud against the counter.
Davey screamed around him, the vibrations of his mouth going straight through him. His hands stroked both himself and Adam, rhythmically and simultaneously. He wanted them to release at the same time.
With a shuddering sigh, Adam whimpered Davey's name, pleasure ripping through him.
Davey whimpered and started to spill over his hand, his body shivering with each movement his hand continued to make. He clenched his eyes shut and took Adam in completely one last time.
A cry fell from Adam's lips as he pulsed helplessly inside Davey's mouth, his lover's name falling from his lips. His hands dug in Davey's hair as his hips bucked shamelessly. Adam's eyes slowly fluttered open as he finished, falling upon Davey's panting form. He smiled softly, falling back against the counter, his breathing slowing considerably.
Davey grinned, wiping his mouth with his finger and reaching for the dish towel to clean up. He stood as he tucked Adam back in his pants and smiled at him. "So did we make up?"
Adam struggled to catch his breath, "I think I should be the one asking that question."
Davey leaned in and kisses him softly, letting his tongue run over Adam's top lip. "Don’t hurt me again," he whispered.
Pressing Davey tighter against him, Adam rested his forehead against Davey's. "I don't want to hurt you."
Davey looked up at him and smiled. "I missed you."
"I missed you too. And I'm so sorry."
Bringing his hands up, he tangled them in the longer strands of Adam's hair. "I don’t like fighting with you. We are a team and we get through these things together."
Adam's eyes slipped slowly closed, taking in the feel of Davey's warmth against him. The comfort and love he felt from the man in his arms. "I just wish I could share my daughter with you," he whispered softly.
Davey sighed and laid his head on Adam's shoulder, lightly rubbing his back. "I know. So do I. I love her already just because she is a part of you, you know?"
"I love you," Adam murmured into Davey's hair.
"I love you, too, and we will figure something out."
Nodding, Adam sighed. He knew things weren't perfectly settled between them, but he was grateful to have this. To have Davey trust him enough to let him back in. It was more than he deserved, and Adam fully knew this.
Davey lightly pressed another kiss. "Maybe its time me and Aubrey had a little talk."
Adam tensed slightly at his words. Things between the three of them were tentative at best and he feared that a confrontation of any kind between Aubrey and Davey would end disastrously.
"Adam, she needs to accept me here, and if she doesn’t want me to see your daughter, fine, but she can’t but into our relationship," he told him.
"I know. I do...It's just...I'm scared I'll lose my daughter," Adam breathed, trying with little success to remain calm and in control of himself.
Davey hung his head. He knew he had no choice but to be the silent lover. He nodded and buried his head in Adam's chest. She was still winning and she probably always would. She had Adam by the heart where his daughter was concerned and there wasn’t a damn thing Davey could do about it.
He could feel the disappointment radiating off of Davey acutely. Adam hated himself for that. For hurting him once again. "I don't want you to have to hide, I just...I don't know what she'll do and I just..I'm scared."
"I know," he said softly. "But I do have to hide. I'm your dirty little secret."
Davey's words stung. Adam swallowed thickly, unsure what to do, what to say to that. The small voice in the back of his head kept screaming Davey deserved more, better than him. Better than this. And that hurt more than he cared to think on.
Turning, he walked towards the bathroom, feeling manlier than he wanted to. He needed to shave and now that Adam was here, he wanted to be pretty again.
Adam watched Davey head slowly to the bathroom. A shuddering breath fell from his lips and he sank down on one of the kitchen chairs. He felt like he was right back where he'd started. He couldn't fix this. Couldn't make things right. Not without hurting someone, risking his heart or his child.
The phone rang again, Aubrey's ringtone echoing through the house. Davey rolled his eyes hearing it from the bathroom. The woman is a fucking leech, Davey thought.
Adam jumped, reaching for his phone. His heart raced and he laughed nervously at himself for reacting that way. "Aubrey."
"Adam, I was thinking. I am going to my mother's on Thursday and I have to go right by your house. I think I will just bring my bags there, that way they are already in the SUV when we go. Davey works mornings, right?"
Adam's brow furrowed, "We're going to your mother's?" he asked, unsure if he'd fully understood what she'd told him.
She sighed. "No. I am going to my mothers. I am bringing my hospital bag to you. Does Davey work in the mornings still?"
"Sorry, okay...Yeah, he does. Wh what time were you planning on stopping by?"
"Is nine okay?"
"I have a free hour then, so I should be able to make it back by nine."
She smiled. "Great. I'll see you then," she said before hanging up.
Davey walked around the corner, hearing everything. "Do I have to spray the house with holy water before she comes over?"
Adam shot Davey a stern look, "That's a bit much."
Davey looked at him and opened his mouth to speak before retreating to the bedroom. He had to keep quiet always and the only way to keep himself from going insane was to let it out in tiny comments. When was Adam going stop defending her and start standing up for him?
A frustrated sigh fell from Adam's lips, "Davey..."
Davey stopped in the hallway and turned slightly to him. "Yea?"
"I didn't mean it like that...I just...I hate having to hear things like that, from both of you. I just...I'm sorry..."
Davey nodded and turned to go back to the bedroom. They were back to neutral corners.
Leaning his head down against the counter, Adam sighed. Part of him wanted to follow Davey to the bedroom and hold the man in his arms. Another simply wished everything would just stop. Just let him breathe and think for a moment. He hated being pulled in two drastically different directions. Hated being forced to choose between them. Hated being stuck.
0 notes
Text
Shards of Us - Chapter Four
Title: Shards of Us
Chapter: 4/9
Character/Pairing: Davey Havok/Adam Carson
Genre: Angst
Rating: Explicit
Summary: Creating a balance between what was and what is strains the ever twisted relationship between Adam, Aubrey, and Davey. Sequel to The Devil Inside. Written with Havoksangel.
Authors Notes/Warnings: Nothing in this piece ever happened. I claim no ownership nor do I make any sort of profit from this, other than pride and a sense of amusement.
FOUR
Davey sat on the bed, Indian style, flipping through a magazine he'd gotten in the mail. He wasn’t really reading it, just scanning the pictures. His mind was too preoccupied to read. Adam was with Aubrey and she had him wrapped around that little finger of hers so tightly he couldn’t breathe. Something was going to give. It was only a matter of time.
Adam leaned his head against the steering wheel of his car, trying desperately to calm his racing thoughts. What had he done? His chest tightened with guilt and fear. How could he have been so stupid? So thoughtless?
Adam wasn't sure what to do. If Davey knew he would never forgive him. Not for this. Not after everything. Adam knew that. He understood it. Feared it. But he couldn't lie, not about this. Not to him. If he kept quiet, if he didn't say a word, he knew this would come back to haunt him. Haunt both of them. He couldn't do that. Not now.
Davey waited impatiently to hear the front door open. The longer Adam was gone, the more his mind raced. What were they doing over there? Had Adam decided he wanted that family? That he didn’t want this? Them? He tried desperately to push those thoughts away. To think on something, anything else. But it was little use. Adam was with Aubrey and all Davey could do was sit back and worry that this may be the time Adam never returned to him.
Gathering himself, Adam pulled the car out of the parking lot he'd stopped in to clear his thoughts. He'd been gone for nearly an hour. Far longer than he should have been. Dread coiled in his stomach. Davey must have been going out of his mind with worry.
The ten minute drive back to the home he and Davey shared was both the longest and shortest drive of Adam’s life. Once their street came into view, he knew this was real. Knew he couldn't shy away. That he would have to tell Davey. He couldn't hide this. Couldn't hurt Davey more than he already had.
Davey heard the car pull up in the driveway and his stomach knotted immediately. He could almost feel that something was wrong and he knew the minute Adam walked in he was going to be able to see it. In the back of his mind he reasoned that this must of been how Aubrey felt and he couldn’t help the surge of guilt that swam through him. He should have known this would happen.
Adam climbed slowly from the car, pushing the door closed behind him. He could feel his heart pounding in his chest. Feel the guilt churning within him. With shaky hands, he turned the knob of the door, pushing it open before him. The silence of the house was deafening.
He turned towards the livingroom, expecting to find Davey on the couch, waiting for him. The pained look shining in his eyes. But as he rounded the corner, he found the couch bare. He wasn’t there. Swallowing thickly, Adam slowly made his way back towards the bedroom. It was the only other place he could think to look.
Davey looked up at the doorway, finding Adam standing there, as he absently flipped through the magazine. There was something different on his face. Guilt. Fear. Shame. Davey closed his eyes and looked down. Nothing that was going to be said would be good.
"Dave," Adam started softly, hating himself for what he had to say. What he'd done.
Davey shook his head, not really ready to hear it. He didn’t know how bad it was going to be, but he was terrified. "I know something happened. I can see it."
Panic flooded through Adam’s eyes. "I'm sorry...She she kissed me and I...I kissed her back...I didn't mean to...I wasn't thinking...It was a stupid mistake. I never wanted to hurt you...I'm so sorry," Adam choked out, his hands trembling at his sides. He wished to God this had never happened.
Davey looked down. His hands were trembling as he closed the magazine. A part of him shouted that he'd gotten what he deserved, but the part of him that was in love with Adam was heartbroken. He clenched his eyes shut to block out tears, but they fell anyway. "You're still in love with her."
Adam inched slowly towards the bed, his own body trembling. He watched silently as Davey withdrew from him, hating himself all the more for causing this. "I love you. What happened with Aubrey...It...It was a mistake...I wasn't thinking and I just...I'm so sorry, baby." It wasn't good enough, Adam knew that, but he didn't know what else to do. To say.
"I can’t do this, Adam," he whispered. "I thought I could, but I can’t." His eyes were still shut and his head was still down, unable to believe he was saying any of this.
Adam shook his head. He knew this would happen. Knew he would deserve it, but he couldn’t seem to accept the words. He didn’t want to accept them. "No, please..."
Davey looked up at him, tears falling. "I know this baby is important to you and I wouldn’t for the life of me take that away, but she shouldn’t be calling the shots with us," he said, sniffling. "She calls, you jump. She manipulated you into coming to the house and she got you strolling down memory lane and you fucking kissed her!"
"She's all alone, Davey. She's scared and she's still hurt. I can't just turn my back on her," Adam pleaded, instinctively defending her. He wasn't thinking clearly. A part of him knew this was only making things worse. Only deepening the rift forming between them. "I fucked up, Davey. I didn't mean to. You have to know I didn’t mean to."
Davey locked eyes with him and tossed the magazine across the room. "Well then go be with her! I'm sick of being the only one fighting for us."
"You're not the only one fighting for us. I want this, I want you," he pleaded, knowing in his heart, Davey was right. He wasn’t fighting for them. Not the way he should have.
"But you kissed her!"
"It was a mistake...I never meant to hurt you," he whispered.
"Just like you never meant to hurt, Aubrey. Though I suppose I'm not pregnant so I don’t have leverage to keep you around."
Adam jumped back as if he'd been struck, disbelief shining in his eyes. Guilt gnawed at him as his body continued to tremble. He was a horrible person.
Davey looked down. He'd promised himself he would never fall in love and he did it anyway and now he was paying for it. "How could you kiss her back?" He asked quietly.
"I don't know," Adam answered, his voice soft and uncertain.
"Do you still love her?" His voice was trembling.
Adam wasn't sure how to answer. He loved Aubrey, he knew a part of him always would. But he was in love with Davey. His eyes fell to the floor, unable to look at him any longer. He'd caused enough pain. He didn't want to cause anymore.
Adam bit his lip. He should have known better. He should have just pulled away when he had the chance. He should have ran. He should have done a thousand other things. He was wrong, stupid. And it had cost him everything.
Davey sighed. "Just go," he whispered, wiping tears. "I can come in second to a child, but not to her."
"Davey..."
Davey looked up at him. "Please."
"I'm sorry," he whispered again, biting his lip to keep himself from crying out. He had no right to cry. He'd brought this on himself. "You You want me to go?" His voice was soft.
"I can’t be second to her, Adam, and I always will be."
"You're not second," he whispered.
Davey nodded in disagreement. "Yea, Adam, I am. She will call you and you will go like always."
"No..."Adam shook his head, denying it.
"Yes!" Davey said sternly. "Its been this way for months."
"I love you," he whispered, pouring everything he had into those three small words.
Davey looked up at him. "I love you, but I don’t know if its going to be enough."
Adam stared blankly at the floor, Davey's words sinking in, mingling with the one's Aubrey had spoken earlier. His heart ached. He loved Davey just as he loved Aubrey and it wasn't enough. It was his fault. "I'm sorry," he whispered, feeling tears stinging in his eyes. "I'm sorry."
Davey turned from him and laid down on the bed. His body trembled from fighting back tears. He was losing Adam as much as he hated it.
This was real. That thought echoed in his mind. He had lost Davey the same way he'd lost Aubrey. His fault.
Adam stood rooted in the doorway for several minutes, unable to move. To think. He didn't know what to do. He wanted to say, to show Davey he loved him. That he needed him. But staying broke Davey's heart. He could see it in the man’s eyes. And Adam couldn't do that. Not again. He'd hurt his lover enough.
Davey curled up even more on the bed, drawing his knees up to his chest. He wanted to scream for Adam to stay, but nothing would change. Adam would never stand up to Aubrey and he would always be made to feel like shit whenever she was around. Davey couldn’t take it anymore and it was breaking his heart.
Adam watched Davey curl into himself, the sight breaking his heart. This was his fault. He only hurt those he loved. Steeling himself, Adam turned from room making his way silently to the door. Maybe if he left, Davey would be alright. He couldn't hurt him if he was gone. The very idea ate at him, but he refused to let his own selfish needs break the man he loved. Davey was right, he was a coward and he didn't deserve him.
Davey heard the door shut and screamed out every bit of frustration he had, crying as he did so. It hurt so much. He never intended to feel anything for anyone like he did for Adam and now he wished he hadn’t
With slow, measured steps, Adam made his way to the car. Tears stung in his eyes and he wanted desperately to turn back and fix this. To hold Davey tightly against him and make things right between them. But the hopelessness and pain that had shone in Davey's eyes stopped him from doing so. He wouldn't hurt him again. It was better this way. Climbing in the car, Adam simply drove, blocking all thought from his mind.
Davey clutched the comforter and turned onto his stomach, crying. He wanted Adam to come back. He would take third over nothing. His ego had gotten him in trouble once again and now he'd lost the man he loved.
0 notes
Text
Shards of Us - Chapter Three
Title: Shards of Us
Chapter: 3/9
Character/Pairing: Davey Havok/Adam Carson
Genre: Angst
Rating: Explicit
Summary: Creating a balance between what was and what is strains the ever twisted relationship between Adam, Aubrey, and Davey. Sequel to The Devil Inside. Written with Havoksangel.
Authors Notes/Warnings: Nothing in this piece ever happened. I claim no ownership nor do I make any sort of profit from this, other than pride and a sense of amusement.
THREE
Davey sat nervously, wanting nothing more than to reach out and touch Adam's hand that was placed on the table. He wasn’t used to not being able to show affection and Adam always made it clear that they were couldn’t touch public. He bounced his leg under the table as he studied the menu to take his mind off of everything
Adam could sense Davey's discomfort and knew its source. Raising his eyes to Davey's down turned face, he wished for the hundredth time he wasn't so afraid. He loved Davey. Davey loved him. It shouldn't be this hard. But he was afraid. He'd heard enough of the whispers to know that his decision was looked down upon, scorned. He could see it in the eyes of the faculty he taught alongside. In the eyes of those he considered friends. And it scared him.
Davey didn’t look up. He couldn’t. All he wanted was a little show of affection, but he could feel the eyes on him and Adam and knew there was no way it would happen. However, the longer time went, the more agitated he was becoming and he knew that if one person made a comment he was going to snap.
He hated seeing Davey like this. Hated himself for his role in it. "Davey," he whispered. Please look at me. I'm sorry. I'm a fucking coward. I'm sorry.
Davey cut his eyes up. "Yea?"
"I just...I'm sorry." He lowered his eyes for a moment before raising them once more. That was all he seemed to say as of late and he knew Davey was growing sick of hearing it.
"For what?" He asked, nonchalantly. He could hear the whispers from the two men at the counter and knew it was about them. He took a deep breath and looked up, mischief in his eyes.
"Being scared."
Davey shrugged. "I'm used to it."
"It doesn't make it right, though."
Davey looked up at the two men staring and raised his eyebrow. He was going to say something. He could feel it.
Adam's eyebrows knitted as he watched the obvious change in Davey’s demeanor, "What's wrong?"
Davey turned his head to the older men and ran his fingers through his hair. He was sick of hearing the word ‘faggot’ or ‘queer’ in with every other breath. He licked his lips and raised his eyebrow.
"What are you looking at, fairy?" the man barked. He sat farther back in his seat, eyeing Davey with a mixture of unease and disgust.
Davey narrowed his eyes and then looked at Adam. He turned his attention back to the man. "You. Trying to figure out whether you are the top or the bottom," he said looking at the other man. "I bet you take it like a pro."
"You implying something, pretty boy?" The man shot back, his fists clenching and unclenching.
"Davey," Adam hissed. The last thing he wanted was a scene to break out.
Davey ignored Adam. "Well you keep eyeing me and I have to wonder if you are just intrigued on what my cock would taste like. I mean, you mention it enough in your little conversations."
The man's eyes darkened considerably. Violently, he pushed himself up from his chair and stomped over to Davey and Adam's table. "You want to say that to my face, faggot?"
Adam tugged at Davey's arm, "Dave, please. Just drop it."
Davey looked at the guy and then at Adam. "Why?"
"It's not worth creating a scene over," Adam pleaded, hoping Davey would back down if only slightly. Even though he knew Davey was far past carrying if he created a scene or not.
Davey stood up and walked closer to the man. "You can call me anything you like, but know that when you die, God will condemn you for condemning me and you will spend an eternity in Hell for hurting people just because we love differently."
"You little piece of shit," the man snarled, "How fucking dare you. You know nothing about God or religion seeing as you spit on it by fucking another man."
Davey looked him over and then leaned in. "Jealous?" He purred.
"Disgusted," he shot back, his eyes narrowing. It was only a matter of time before this confrontation escalated from words to fists, Adam could sense it. But he was afraid to move. To speak up.
Davey grinned devilishly. "Intrigued." He leaned in a little closer. "See, you ask any man and they aren’t going to care how they get off as long as they do. If I were a whore, you would let me suck you off in a minute just to get that feeling. In fact, the thought of a blow job, cause you know your wife won’t give you one, probably has you hard... right... now."
Adam watched in horror as the man drew back his fist and slammed it into Davey's face. Anger shot through him. He'd sat back and let this happen. How could he have done that? "You fucking piece of shit," he hissed, swinging his fist without thinking.
Davey fell back and held his jaw. The pain was excruciating and for a moment he couldn’t see much of anything. The side of his mouth was bleeding a bit and when he was able to taste the blood, he stood back up.
The man hit the ground with a pathetic groan, not having expected the attack. Adam stood above him, glaring down, chest heaving. He'd attacked the man, completely flown off the handle and it scared him.
Davey looked at him. "Come on, Adam."
Blindly, Adam nodded.
He grabbed Adam's arm and led him out, wiping the blood with his free hand.
Adam allowed himself to be lead, the reality and brevity of the situation finally sinking in. "Why did you have to push him?" Adam asked absently.
"I was tired of the talking. I didn’t want them to think they just could," he responded.
"But getting in their face doesn't fix it either. People talk. People are always going to talk. You can't just strong arm every person who says something. You'll get yourself killed. And I just...I can't handle that.."
Davey looked at him. "Fine, then I can be their little bitch just like I am yours," he stated cooly, opening the car door and getting in.
Adam stared at him, dumbfounded, before climbing into the car as well. "Is that what you think I see you as?" he whispered, afraid to hear Davey's answer.
Davey turned to him. "Yes, your bitch and your dirty little secret."
He shook his head, "You're not that...I...I love you." Familiar doubts and fears filled Adam's mind. He let Davey down. Hurt him. He was a coward and a fool.
Davey sighed and leaned his head back. "Can we just go home? I have my boyfriend waiting for me there."
Adam nodded silently, hating himself for making Davey doubt him. For hurting him. He slowly opened his mouth to speak, an apology resting on the tip of his tongue.
"Not one more apology. I don’t want one."
"What do you want, then?" he whispered.
Davey looked at him, opening his mouth to speak, when Adam's cell phone went off, ringing Aubrey's tone. He rolled his eyes and sat back, keeping his mouth shut.
Adam jumped at the sudden noise, a mixture of fear, annoyance and concern flooding through him as he recognized the ring tone. Quickly, he flipped open the phone, "Are you okay, Bree?"
"Um... I'm kinda craving ice cream and my feet are too swollen to drive." Her voice was small, childlike.
He cut his gaze quickly to Davey, sensing his annoyance, anger and fear. Swallowing thickly, Adam waited for a sign from the man beside him. Things were tentative enough between them and he feared doing anything more to strain their already tense relationship.
Davey got out of the car. "Just go to her, Adam," he spat, slamming the door and heading down the street to his house.
Adam watched Davey storm down the street, guilt and shame flooding through him. He was screwing this up. "Aubrey...I..."
"Adam, please. I really, really need this," she pouted. Her feet were sore and her back ached. She just needed something to help her relax. It wasn’t much.
She wasn’t going to back off, Adam realized. He watched after Davey until the man disappeared from his view. Closing his eyes, he sighed. "I'll be right there."
"Thank you," she said sweetly and hung up.
The drive to the grocery store and the house passed him in a blur. Guilt and frustration hummed through him. Davey was angry and disappointed in him. Adam hated that. Hated that he made him feel such things. Hated that he caused Davey to doubt him. To feel like he was ashamed of him. I'm no better than that man in the diner.
Aubrey lay curled on the couch, waiting for Adam as she read her pregnancy book. She heard him pull up and shot up to answer the door. "You are a God."
Adam shook his head, handing her the bag. "I'm not."
She took the bag and hurried inside. "Want some?"
He shook his head. "Not hungry."
She looked at him and tilted her head to the side. Something was wrong. Trouble in Paradise? "You okay?" she asked, feeling slightly guilty for her thoughts.
Adam forced the best smile he could, "Fine."
She brought the ice cream carton in the living room with a spoon and sat down. "Something is wrong."
"I'm fine, Bree," Adam reassured her, "Don't worry about me."
She took a bite of ice cream and studied him. "You can’t let him in can you?" Inside she was smiling a bit, sad that he was hurting but hopeful that maybe they still had a chance, but on the outside she had a pull of concern. "You're ashamed."
Adam stared at her, "I love him, Bree."
She locked eyes with him. "Like you loved me."
Silently, he nodded.
Aubrey looked down at the ice cream, then her stomach. "Sometimes love isn’t enough," she whispered.
Guilt tugged at him. "Please don't say that, Bree." She put the ice cream on the coffee table and walked over to him. She missed him terribly. Adam watched her move towards him, seeing the hurt in her eyes. Hurt that he was the cause of.
Lightly she leaned her head on his chest, her stomach pressing against him. "I miss you."
Tentatively, Adam wrapped his arms around her, rubbing his hands over her back. "I know and I'm sorry."
Aubrey looked up at him, her eyes locking with his. She didn’t know what to do. She wanted him so bad. She wanted him back in her life. Needed him. She wasn’t sure she could do this on her own. Lightly she pressed her mouth to his. It was a risk, she knew, but one she felt she needed to take. The fleeting bit of hope in her needed this. Needed to know.
The touch of her lips to his startled Adam for a moment. Instinctively, he gave into the kiss. Aubrey's lips were cold, the chill of the ice cream still clinging to them, and soft. His hands fell from her back to her waist, gliding along her swollen abdomen. The soft kick against his hand jolted Adam back into reality. "Oh God," he breathed, pulling back. "Oh God."
She looked up at him. "Adam?"
"I...I...” he started, eyes widening with panic, "I have to go." What had he done? Oh God, what had he done?
She looked at him, eyes wide with anger. He was pulling away. Pushing her away and it broke her heart. "You kissed me back!"
"It shouldn't have happened, Bree. It was a mistake." He whispered, guilt churning through him. He loved Davey, what he had with Aubrey was over, he knew that. Davey. Oh God. Davey would hate him for this and Adam couldn't blame him for that. He hated himself for it.
"Go back to your whore," she shouted, fists balled and her body shaking. She was a fool.
"He's not a whore," Adam told her, eyes narrowing.
She glared at him. "You were a taken man and he seduced you."
"It's not all his fault. I made the choice. ME. If you want to hate someone, Bree, hate me! Not him."
"You would have never done it had he not flaunted himself."
"Maybe I wouldn't have...I don't know anymore, Bree. But it happened and I love him...I love him."
She turned away from him and walked to the couch, not wanting to face him anymore. "Thank you for the ice cream."
"Bree, I'm sorry..." he started, reaching out to place his hand on her shoulder.
She felt him and moved forward, grabbing the baby book. "Go." Silently, Adam nodded. He was shaking by the time he reached the car. What had he done?
0 notes
Text
Shards of Us - Chapter Two
Title: Shards of Us
Chapter: 2/9
Character/Pairing: Davey Havok/Adam Carson
Genre: Angst
Rating: Explicit
Summary: Creating a balance between what was and what is strains the ever twisted relationship between Adam, Aubrey, and Davey. Sequel to The Devil Inside. Written with Havoksangel.
Authors Notes/Warnings: Nothing in this piece ever happened. I claim no ownership nor do I make any sort of profit from this, other than pride and a sense of amusement.
TWO
Adam fidgeted in his seat, his fingers drumming on the wooden arm rest of the chair. He’d sat by Aubrey through most of the exam, but had left a few minutes prior, needing to talk to Davey. To hear his voice. He knew things between them weren’t great at the moment, but he needed Davey. He wanted to make this up to him.
Pulling his phone from his pocket, Adam dialed the ten familiar numbers, hoping that Davey would at least pick up the phone. He needed to hear his voice.
Davey reached over the bed and fumbled for the phone for a few moments before getting a grip on it. He pulled it from the receiver and pressed TALK. "Hello?"
He wiped his eyes from where he'd been crying and hoped he was somewhat presentable for whoever was on the other end.
"Davey," Adam whispered. It was more than obvious that Davey had been crying. Because of him, no doubt, Guilt flooded through him. "Baby, I'm so sorry."
Davey closed his eyes. Even hearing Adam's voice after a fight made his heart skip a beat. He loved him so much he could barely breathe. It was why all of this was so hard. He wanted to share everything with him and he wasn’t allowed to. "Don’t worry about it," he said sniffling a bit.
"I can't not worry about it. This is my fault. I wanted to spend this morning with you. I really did. I still do."
Davey sat up and wiped his hands over his face and through his hair. "How's the baby?" He said ignoring Adam's last statement.
"Fine. She's getting big. I can't believe she'll actually be here soon," he whispered, unable to stop the smile spreading across his face. Despite everything, he was still excited about this baby. He knew Davey was avoiding the real issue, but he was talking to him and for the moment Adam would let it slide.
Davey smiled sadly. "That's good." He wanted so badly to do this with him, to share this. However he knew his boundaries and Aubrey reminded him well.
Glancing briefly at his watch, Adam smiled, "It's still relatively early. Do you want to head out for breakfast?" He needed to make this up to Davey. Wanted to spend more time with him. Be with him. "We could go to the small vegan place on Charles."
Davey smiled. "Really?" The excitement in his voice noticeable.
Adam smiled, relieved to hear excitement flowing back into his lover's voice. "Yes, really."
"How long? I can be ready as soon as you can get here."
"No more than twenty minutes to a half hour I think."
Davey bounced off the bed and to the dresser for clothes, almost certain Adam could hear the ruckus on the other end of the phone. "Okay. I love you."
"I love you too. Now don't hurt yourself over there, I want to head to breakfast not the ER. I'll see you in a few."
Davey giggled. "Okay." He clicked the phone shut and got dressed. He was going to do his makeup even, just to look nice.
The excitement and happiness in Davey’s voice warmed Adam's heart. Closing his own phone, Adam leaned his head back against the wall. Aubrey would be out in a few minutes and then they could leave.
He felt somewhat guilty for leaving Aubrey back there the way he had, but it was a brief question and answer session. He hadn't missed anything of dire importance and he had needed to talk to Davey. Adam sighed, he hoped she would understand that.
Aubrey came out of the office and put her purse on her shoulder. She was a little angry that Adam had up and left her but right now she didn’t feel like dealing with it. She locked eyes with him. "Are you ready?"
Adam pushed himself up from his chair, sensing her annoyance. "If you are." He wondered briefly if he should bring his small disappearing act up with her. Just to let her know he hadn't done it to hurt her. He just wasn't sure how to phrase it.
"I assume Davey is fine?" She said as she waddled to the door.
"He's better, yes. We're going out for breakfast." Adam hurried ahead and held the door for her, smiling softly.
She walked out. "How nice."
"Bree, please don't be like this."
"Don’t be like what, Adam?" She shot back.
"This. I made him a promise, Bree. I couldn't go back on my word." He knew this wasn't helping, but he just wished she would understand.
"I'm not asking you to," she said. "Take your..." she bit the word ‘whore’ back and exchanged it for something else. "Take your lover out for breakfast."
"Bree, please..."
She raised her eyebrow. "What, Adam? I am doing the best I can. I am pregnant. I am alone and now you want me to pretend to be happy for you and the person you left me for."
Adam stared at her in stunned silence, guilt washing over him. He shook his head. "I just...I want this to work. I don't want to lose either of you. I'm trying too, Bree. I am."
She nodded. "Just take me home."
Silently, Adam led them both to the car, opening her door and allowing her to climb in. Once she was settled, he made his way to his own door and climbed in the car as well. The silence surrounding them was suffocating and Adam didn't know what he was supposed to do about it.
His brain was on autopilot as he drove. The restaurant was only a few blocks from Aubrey’s and doubling back would be ridiculous. Picking up Davey made logical sense and he needed to see him.
Aubrey watched as he took a different route home. She wasn’t sure where he was taking her until she saw a familiar street name. The one where every bit of her life started to crumble. "Why are you bringing me here?"
"I just...It was easier to come this way then to drop you off and double back," Adam whispered, sensing the unease in her voice. He hadn’t thought of how this might upset her...Or Davey for the matter.
She glared at him as he pulled into the driveway. "Are you kidding me?" She shrieked as she saw Davey coming out of the house. Crossing her arms over her chest, she firmly placed herself in the front seat. Davey was riding in the back. She was determined not to move.
Davey looked in the car and locked eyes with Adam questionably. What the hell was he doing?
"Bree, it's just a few minutes. I just...Please." Adam hated the fact that she was so angry. He knew she didn't like Davey, he couldn't blame her and he had usually gone out of his way to make sure their encounters were limited at best. Taking a breath, he turned to watch Davey approach the car, eyes full of confusion and uncertainty.
Davey walked around the side of the car as if he were going to get in the front, but he saw no point in arguing with her so he just opened the back door and got in, turning his head to look out of the window. Had Adam lost his mind?
The tension in the car was nearing unbearable levels. Adam wasn't quite sure what to say or do. He wanted to greet Davey with a hug and a kiss but feared Aubrey's reaction. He never wanted to rub their relationship in her face. That wouldn't be fair to her. So instead he settled for a more neutral greeting. "Hey."
Davey looked at him, hurt. He was being treated already as if he were just a friend. "Hi," he managed to choke out, already cursing the fact he put eyeliner on. He was going to cry it off. He looked up and saw Aubrey looking back at him from the side view mirror.
"Davey," she spoke, voice unnaturally even. She hated the fact that he was there. She didn't need another reminder that he had what she couldn't have anymore. She didn't need to face that, not now.
He locked eyes with her. "Hi, Aubrey," he said softly. Sitting in the backseat of that car he felt like a small child. Any shred of a friendship between himself and Aubrey was gone and he knew just how much she hated him by looking at her. Ducking his head, he sat back, ashamed.
Adam could feel the dislike and distrust flowing from Aubrey as clearly as he could feel the guilt and shame from Davey. This was a bad idea. He shouldn't have brought her here. Why didn't he think?
Aubrey reached over and grabbed Adam's hand. "Here, feel," she said as the baby moved a bit. It was partly done out of spite, she reasoned. Mostly done out of spite, but it was an incredible feeling. And she did want Adam to experience it. He had missed so many of the little moments.
The movement under his fingers brought an irrepressible smile to Adam's face. He felt his child move. His daughter. "Oh my God."
Davey looked at the two of them and ducked his head further down and looked to the side, a tear falling over his cheek. He was a horrible person.
"I can't believe it, Bree. She's moving. I mean I know she has been...But I just..." Adam's eyes rose to catch Davey's in the rear view mirror, wanting to share his joy. His smile fell as he watched his love sink further into his seat. Guilt flooded through him.
Aubrey looked at Adam. "We did this," she said. "This is our miracle and nothing can touch that," she told him softly, but it was loud enough for Davey to hear and she intended for him to hear it.
Davey looked up at Adam, his eyes full of tears. All he wanted was to get out of the car, to run. He couldn’t stand being there one more second. He blinked allowing the tears to fall.
Her words only increased Adam's guilt. This child was a part of himself he couldn't share with Davey. It didn't seem fair that something so big, so important was the one thing he couldn't share with the person he loved.
Raising his eyes to the mirror once more, Adam caught Davey's gaze, allowing his eyes to convey his guilt and his regret that Davey was being made to sit through this.
She clasped Adam's hand and held it as they pulled into her driveway. Looking in the back, she could tell she'd hurt Davey, but at this point she didn’t really care. Ordinarily she would, but right now... he deserved it in her eyes.
Throwing the car into park, Adam turned to Aubrey, hoping she would release his hand. As much as he still loved her, he didn’t know the woman sitting beside him. Had he made her this bitter, this angry?
She leaned over and kissed his cheek, placing her hand on the side of his face. "Thank you," she said, locking eyes with him.
Davey's breath hitched and he turned away. He didn’t have it in him to watch anymore.
"You're welcome," Adam echoed, smiling softly at her as she climbed from the car. He was afraid to turn back and face Davey. Afraid to see the hurt in his eyes.
Davey steeled himself and got out of the car to get in the front seat, just as she was getting out, coming face to face with her. He knew his eye liner had to be running and the last thing he wanted was for her to know how much she'd hurt him, but he couldn’t help it.
Aubrey's eyes locked with Davey's, noting the thin streaks of black running down his cheeks. He'd been crying. Good, she thought, though a small part of her felt guilty for thinking such things. Tearing her eyes away, she turned towards the house, not wanting to see the interaction between her ex fiance and the man that now shared his bed and his heart.
Davey got in the car, watching her. He wiped the tears and shut the door, not looking at Adam. He couldn’t.
Adam hesitantly reached out and rested his hand on Davey's leg, "Davey..."
Davey sniffled. "Please don’t," he whispered. He didn’t want to be touched right now. He felt horrible. His eyes were still facing his lap, head hung in shame.
"I'm sorry," Adam whispered, pulling his hand away. He swallowed thickly as he slowly backed the car from the driveway.
Davey wrapped his arms around himself and looked out of the window. He'd broken up a family. For what? So he could be happy? He was miserable.
Adam stole several glances at the broken man beside him, unsure of what to do, what to say. How could be possibly hope to fix this?
"Am I worth this?"
"What?" Adam stuttered, dumfounded.
Davey looked up. "All this. Missing time with your child. Am I worth it? You looked so happy when you were touching her stomach, feeling your daughter."
Adam sighed, pausing to chose his words carefully, "I love you, Davey. I wouldn't be here if I didn't. This is going to be hard...On all of us, but if I didn't want this, you, I wouldn't be here."
Davey looked ahead. "Pull over," he requested softly.
Uncertain, Adam signaled and pulled the car over to the side of the street before turning to face Davey.
Davey pushed Adam's seat back as far as it could go and crawled onto his lap, straddling him. His eyes were hurt, but he needed to be close to Adam. Desperately, he pressed his mouths to his lover's not caring that cars were passing by. He needed this.
Adam’s eyes widened in shock as he felt Davey’s lips and body pressing desperately against him. He moaned softly into the kiss, allowing his hands to rest on Davey’s waist. As wonderful and maddening as this was, Adam could not help fearing that someone would see them. He loved Davey, that he didn’t doubt, but being with him like this was still new. He was scared.
He slipped his hands under Adam's shirt, needing him, as he continued to deepen the kiss. Lightly he scratched his nails down his stomach.
Moaning once more, Adam closed his eyes as the sensations flitted through him. "Oh God."
"Here," Davey panted. "Please."
Adam's eyes widened, "Here?"
Davey moved his mouth to Adam's neck and rolled his hips. He needed him. He needed to prove to himself that Adam belonged to him. "Here." He slipped his hands between them and reached for his belt, praying Adam wouldn’t stop him, but fearing he may.
"Anyone can see," he whispered dumbly. Davey's lips on his neck felt divine, but the fear coiling in his stomach refused to dissipate.
"So?" He whispered back, licking over his pulse.
"Davey...I just...I can't. Not here." He softly rested his hands on Davey's shoulders, gently pushing him back. As good as he felt and as badly as he wanted this, Adam couldn't let this happen. Not here.
Davey looked at him and bit his lip, nervously. He reached up and pushed Adam's hands off of him and slid to the passenger seat. All his movements were slow, as if Adam had just pulled the world out from under him. He buckled his seatbelt and faced forward. He was going to always have to hide with Adam.
"I'm sorry," Adam whispered, hating his fear. "I just...it's too soon. I can't."
"And I'm not Aubrey," he whispered, looking away.
"What?"
"Nothing," he said.
"No," Adam insisted, "Tell me."
"If I were Aubrey we would be... you're ashamed to be with me still. After nine months."
"I...I'm not...I'm not ashamed of you. I just...I'm scared. I love you so much but people don't understand. I'm scared that I can't handle this. I'm just scared. People hate me because of what I've chosen. People I thought were friends. People I respected. I just...I..."
"Do you want to just end this and go back to your perfect existence with that bitch four blocks away?!" He regretted the name calling the minute he said it, but today, every move she made was calculated and he knew it.
Adam's eyes widened, feeling the anger boiling within him. He understood that Davey was angry and upset, but he was scared. Why couldn't Davey understand that? "That would be the easy way, wouldn't it? Just forget you and what we have and lie to myself for the rest of my life? Yes, that would be the easy way out. And if you had asked me nine months ago maybe I would have agreed, but I can't do that, David! I can't! I love you. I'm scared to death of what that entails. Of how that changes everything I know. But I do love you and I can't just turn my back on that!"
Davey looked at him and reached for his cheek. "I'm sorry," he said with tear filled eyes.
"This isn't easy for me either, Davey."
"I know," he said, looking down.
After a few moments of silence, Adam whispered, "I'm sorry I yelled. I just...I'm frustrated...I want this to work. I need this to work and I'm so scared that it isn't going to."
Davey reached for his hand and clasped it, bringing it up to his mouth. "It’s going to work."
"I hope so."
Davey kissed his knuckles and sucked on his middle finger playfully. "Its going to."
Adam sighed and allowed his eyes to slip slowly shut. Silently, he prayed that Davey was right. He needed this to work. He refused to lose either of them. Not now.
Davey leaned forward and pressed a soft kiss on his mouth. "Trust me," he whispered, as he hovered over his lips.
"I love you."
"I love you too." He placed his forehead against Adam's and ran his finger through his hair. "Adam?"
Adam opened his eyes, "Yes?"
Davey grinned. "I'm hungry."
Shaking his head, Adam laughed. "Alright then, lover boy. Let's go get some food in you," he teased as he slowly eased the car back onto the road.
0 notes
Text
Shards of Us - Chapter One
Title: Shards of Us
Chapter: 1/9
Character/Pairing: Davey Havok/Adam Carson
Genre: Angst
Rating: Explicit
Summary: Creating a balance between what was and what is strains the ever twisted relationship between Adam, Aubrey, and Davey. Sequel to The Devil Inside. Written with Havoksangel.
Authors Notes/Warnings: Nothing in this piece ever happened. I claim no ownership nor do I make any sort of profit from this, other than pride and a sense of amusement.
ONE
Davey fell forward onto Adam's body. His breathing was hard and skin slicked with a thin sheen of sweat just as Adam's was. Lightly he kissed over his lover's collar, his neck and up to his mouth. Morning sex was something he was getting used to and it was a rather nice habit to have. "I think that you start my mornings better than any cup of latte could," Davey teased.
Adam smiled, his breaths coming in harsh pants. "You're certainly something yourself," he teased back. Resting his arm around his lover's back, Adam allowed his eyes to fall shut. Having this, experiencing this, was something he was still getting used to. But with each day that passed, loving Davey was easier. Being with Davey was easier. Behind this four walls Adam felt as though he could do anything.
Davey lightly ran his tongue over Adam's mouth. "You want breakfast?" He whispered.
Smiling, Adam nodded, "I could stand to eat a bit."
Sliding down his body playfully, Davey licked the head of Adam’s cock. "Well lookie there, I found my breakfast," he said, grinning as he settled under the covers.
A strangled moan fell from Adam's lips. "You are insatiable," he panted, allowing his hands to run over Davey's head.
Davey bit his thigh and slid off the foot of the bed. "Eat first, blowjob later," he told him as he turned on his heel to leave the room.
"Tease," Adam shot, good naturedly.
Davey wiggled his ass as he walked from the room, grabbing his pants by the door on the way out. "Come make me give it up, Sweetheart."
Adam shook his head, tossing the covers off his body. "Don't tempt me."
With a smirk, Davey bent over and bared his ass for Adam as he slid his pants on, teasing him by slowly stepping into the pants.
Groaning, Adam pushed himself up from the bed, making his way towards Davey. With a smirk, he allowed his hand to trace over Davey's smooth, bare stomach before dipping lower and cupping his erection through the thin material of his sleep pants. He leaned down, biting at Davey's neck, pulling a soft moan from the man. With a smirk, he pulled back, mirth twinkling in his eyes. "How about some vegan pancakes?"
Davey shut his eyes and trembled. "And I am the fucking tease?"
"Don't dish out what you can't take, babe," Adam countered as he made his way towards the bedroom door, shaking his head.
Davey rushed up behind him and gripped his ass. "I can take whatever I want," he said playfully through gritted teeth.
"Really now?" Adam mused with a smirk, "Why don't you put your money where your mouth is?"
Davey licked his earlobe. "Why don’t you tell me where you want my mouth?"
"I think you know where I want it," Adam whispered, a shiver running through him.
With a playful smack to his ass, Davey ran past him. "Wrapped around a fork that has a nice, hot piece of pancake on it."
"Bastard!" Adam shouted after him, shaking his head. Rasing his arms above his head, Adam stretched, a yawn falling from his lips.
The telephone rang as Davey made his way to the kitchen. "Hello?" He answered with a laugh, never bothering to check the caller ID.
"Davey?" a painfully familiar voice echoed over the line, "Hi, it's Aubrey, is Adam there?"
Davey stopped, the smiling ceased. Anytime he heard her voice or her name he instantly felt guilt. He nodded as if she could see him, but finally managed to find his voice. "Y...yea, he's right here."
"May I speak with him?"
Davey reached the phone to Adam as he came around the corner of the kitchen. He then turned and braced himself on the counter, taking a deep breath.
Adam eyed Davey carefully, noting the extreme change in his demeanor and behavior. He didn't need to ask who was calling, the way Davey changed told him everything. He hated the fact that Davey reacted this way. Aubrey didn't hate him, this wasn't his fault. Adam was an adult, he had made his decision, though there were times he found himself doubting it. "Hello?"
"Hey. I have a doctors appointment in an hour. Are you still coming with me?" She'd hoped he hadn’t forgotten. It was a nine month check up, she needed him there.
"Of course I am. You know I wouldn't miss it for the world," Adam told her, smiling softly. He couldn’t believe it, his child. Their child would enter this world at anytime now. It seemed all too surreal. "How are you feeling? Everything still going well?"
"Yes. I feel a little top heavy, but other than that, I am good," she told him. "You think you could come get me now. The traffic is going to start getting bad because people are leaving for work and I don’t want to be late for the appointment."
Davey reached under the counter to get the pancake mix as he listened. Though he could only hear Adam’s side of the conversation, he could tell that it was taking the turn he dreaded it would.
Adam looked apologetically at Davey. He had been looking forward to a fun, albeit teasing, breakfast with him, but he couldn't leave Aubrey stranded. He just hoped Davey understood. "I can be there in fifteen minutes."
Davey turned and looked at him, glaring. He should have known she would ruin it. He angrily slammed the box on the counter and pushed passed Adam to go upstairs.
Adam watched Davey storm up the stairs, cringing a few moments later when the door slammed. "I have to go Aubrey. I'll see you in a bit." She said her goodbyes and a dial tone soon followed.
Running his fingers through his hair, Adam lumbered up the stairs, almost dreading facing Davey. He knew the man was upset, he understood that, really he did. But he couldn’t leave Aubrey stranded. He’d made her a promise.
Davey sat on the side of the bed, knees bouncing. When he agreed he could do this, he didn’t know Aubrey would have ESP for every moment they wanted to spend together. Anytime they had a date, she seemed to know. It drove him crazy. Was it too much to ask to have a bit of time for just Adam and himself? Was it selfish of him to want that?
Softly, Adam knocked on the closed door, "Davey?"
"It’s your room. You don’t have to knock," he answered, gruffly.
"I didn't know if you wanted to talk to me."
Davey shrugged, eyes locked on the carpet beneath his feet. "Don’t you have to go?"
"Please don't be mad at me," Adam whispered, pushing open the bedroom door slowly. He hated that Davey was angry with him. Hated the entire situation.
"I'm not mad at you. I am taking my punishment that YOUR God has seen fit for me to have. No private time with my lover because of his ex fiance." The words fell from Davey’s lips without thought. He was angry and frustrated. He knew this wasn’t Adam’s fault, but he just wished the man could tell her no sometimes. He just wanted a little time alone with the man he loved.
The harshness of Davey's words caught Adam off guard for a moment. He knew Davey was upset, knew that he hated this situation, but Adam was stuck. He didn't want to lose his child. His hands were tied. "I'm sorry." He knew those words wouldn’t fix anything, but he knew he needed to say them nonetheless.
Davey waved him off with one hand, refusing to look at him. He wasn’t mad at Adam but he was disappointed that breakfast, their alone time, was abruptly interrupted.
Hurt by the brush off, Adam silently made his way to the dresser pulling out a pair of tattered jeans and a plain white t shirt. Wandering into the bathroom, he changed and made the effort to control the five o'clock shadow that had spread across his face.
Making his way silently from the bathroom, he chanced a quick glance at Davey, who still refused to meet his gaze. Sighing, Adam made his way from the room. He hated this. Hated the fact that he was being forced to choose between Aubrey and Davey. It wasn't fair.
Davey laid back on the bed and never turned once to acknowledge Adam's presence. He let a tear fall over the bridge of his nose. This was so much harder than he thought it would be and it was only going to get worse when the baby arrived. He was still forbidden to see the child. Adam’s child. It didn’t seem fair.
As he drove towards the home he and Aubrey had once shared, Adam found himself wondering once again if this was all worth it. If things between the three of them were this bad now, how much worse would it be once the baby arrived?
He was at his wits end with the situation. It was tearing him in two. Adam wanted nothing more than to be there for the both of them when they needed him, no questioned asked. But that only seemed more and more impossible with each day that passed.
---
Aubrey waited on the porch for Adam, rocking in the swing to keep off her feet. He should be there any moment. She couldn’t deny that she missed him, but he had moved on and was happy. With him.
Smiling at Aubrey, Adam pulled into the driveway, putting the car in park and shutting off the engine before climbing out. "Ready to go?"
"Yes," she replied, pushing out of the swing and waddling to the car. "One word and I deck you."
"I wouldn't dream of it," he answered in all seriousness as he made his way to the passenger side and opened the door. Aubrey truly was stunning like this, that Adam couldn’t deny.
She sat down and laid her head back, waiting for him to turn the air on. "God, it’s so hot."
Adam started the car once again and slowly backed out of the driveway. "You want me to turn on the air?"
"Please." She paused. "How's Davey?"
Closing his eyes for a brief moment, Adam sighed. "He's okay."
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing." But his words were far from convincing.
"I know you, Adam," she said, placing her hand on his leg.
Adam sighed softly, "He's just...We were supposed to have breakfast together..."
"And I ruined it?"
He remained silent, unsure how to respond. He didn't want to upset her.
"I'm sorry. You can drop me off. I will just catch the bus home," she said softly.
"No! Bree, I promised I would take you. I want to be there with you."
"But you don’t want to be there. You want to be with him," she said, getting upset. It was stupid, she knew it, but she couldn’t help the way she felt.
"I do want to be there, Bree."
She looked down. "Has he said anything about me?"
Adam silently shook his head. Davey had never said anything directly to him. But then again what he hadn't said spoke volumes.
"No. But I know he wishes he could at least play some role in this," he whispered, hoping he hadn't over stepped his bounds.
She raised her eyebrow. "Why would I let him near my child after what he did?"
Adam stared at her in disbelief. This wasn't the Aubrey he knew, the Aubrey he loved. "If you think that of him, I'm not sure I want to know what you think of me."
She turned away from him and faced forward. "I think you were tricked."
"Tricked?"
Her hormones kicking in and the heat playing a huge part as well, she spoke up. "I think you went for an easy fuck."
"You really think that of me?" He whispered, shocked and somewhat angered by her words. He'd hurt her, yes. And Lord knows he wasn't sure if he could forgive himself for that, but the way she was acting...This wasn't her. Had he hurt her badly enough to cause this?
She laid her head back. "I'm just hot and cranky and a bit bitter that’s all."
Adam remained silent for the rest of the trip. He hated the way things had turned out. Hated the fact that Davey and Aubrey were angry and that he could do nothing to fix it.
Aubrey folded her hands in her lap, as the pulled into the parking lot of the doctor’s office, and waited for him to park the car as they. "I mean it, Adam. I don’t want him near our daughter. Got it?"
Nodding silently, Adam pulled into an open parking space, unsure of just what he was going to do. He couldn't keep shutting Davey out of this part of his life. Not like this.
0 notes
Text
The Devil Inside - Chapter Seventeen
Title: The Devil Inside
Chapter: 17/18
Character/Pairing: Davey Havok/Adam Carson; Adam Carson/OFC
Genre: Angst
Rating: Explicit
Summary: Faith and fear are two of the strongest forces in our lives. Adam had never questioned himself or his beliefs. But what happens when he stumbles across his greatest temptation in the eyes of another man? Written with Havoksangel.
Authors Notes/Warnings: Nothing in this piece ever happened. I claim no ownership nor do I make any sort of profit from this, other than pride and a sense of amusement.
SEVENTEEN
Aubrey sat on the couch staring dumbly at the wall. Adam had been gone for hours. She wasn’t sure if he'd gone to Davey or just gone to drive around, but he wasn’t back yet and that bothered her. Had she made a mistake in letting him go? Did he go to Davey's and realize that a man was what he wanted and not her? Those thoughts terrified her. Could he really choose Davey? What about them, their family? She shook those thoughts away. It wasn’t in her hands anymore. All she could do was sit and wait.
With shaking hands, Adam pulled the car into the driveway of his house. The home he'd shared with Aubrey for nearly three years. Guilt churned through him. He'd betrayed her yet again. Broken her heart. He hated himself for that. For hurting her. She was the one person who didn't deserve it.
Taking a deep, shuddering breath, Adam turned off the ignition, unbuckled his seatbelt and slowly, hesitantly, opened the car door. Could he really do this to her? Was this tentative relationship he was building with Davey worth losing the woman he'd been in love with for nearly thirteen years?
Aubrey heard the car pull up and barely resisted the urge to go to the door. She wasn’t ready to know yet and the minute she looked at him she was going to become aware of what had happened. What lay in store for her future. Their child’s future. And she wasn’t sure she was ready to know. With her hands on her lap, she sat and waited.
In all the years they'd lived here, Adam had never been so afraid to walk up to that door. He knew Aubrey was inside, waiting for him. Had been for longer than he cared to think on. The moment he opened that door, she would know. She'd see it. She knew him well enough to know. To read him.
Sighing, he raised his hand, leaving it hovering over the door handle. Shaking, he pulled it quickly back. He wanted to run, wanted to hide. He wanted to disappear. Hurting her was the last thing he ever wanted to do. And he'd done it. Several times. God, he couldn't do this. He couldn't face her.
Dammit, Carson, he mentally berated himself, you have to do this. You can’t lie to her. Not anymore. You promised her you wouldn’t and you’ve already betrayed her trust enough. Steeling himself once more, Adam slowly turned the handle, pushing the door open. This was it. There was no turning back now.
Aubrey turned to the door, locking her eyes on his as it slowly opened. She caught the glimpse of fear swimming in them and knew immediately. Her heart sank.
"Aubrey," he whispered, seeing the pain and disbelief swirling in her eyes. Oh God, what had he done?
She looked down. "You were with him," she stated plainly, her voice even though Adam could pick up the barest hint of hurt lacing them.
He nodded silently. "I'm sorry."
She turned on the couch and stared blankly at the wall. What could she say? That she forgave him and was happy he'd found someone? That was bullshit. She was hurt. She was angry. How could he do this? Why wasn’t she enough? What had she done wrong?
Adam stood in the doorway, afraid to enter the room. Afraid to do anything more to upset her. To hurt her. He’d caused enough pain and he’d be damned if he caused her anymore. "I didn't mean for this to happen. I love you, Bree. I love you so much..."
"But you love him too, don’t you?"
"I think so," Adam started. He didn’t know anything for certain. There was still so much left unsaid, untouched "...I could...I don't know. I didn't plan on this."
"Come in," she said calmly, her body language betraying her uncertainty and pain. "We have to talk."
He cautiously entered the room, his eyes falling from hers to the floor. "I never wanted to hurt you."
She nodded in acknowledgment. She knew he didn’t mean it but that didn’t make knowing hurt any less. Swallowing she closed her eyes for a moment before raising them to him once again. "I want you to answer my questions honestly. I need you to do this. To not be afraid of how I’ll react. Can you do this for me, Adam? For us?"
Adam’s eyes darted up to hers, uncertainty shining in them. He wasn’t sure he could do this. That he could tell her the things he feared she’d ask him.
"Did you sleep with him?"
Closing his eyes, Adam nodded, offering a weak, "Yes."
She took a deep breath, knowing the answer from the moment he’d walked through the door. The glow on his face when he walked in. Even though he was terrified, he still had that look in his eyes that she'd seen so many times. That had been only hers. "More than once?"
Again, he nodded.
"How many times?"
"Twice," he murmured, his hands trembling at his sides. He couldn't look her in the eyes. Not now. Not after she knew.
She swallowed hard and looked up at him. Something was different. Something was even more off than when he first told her. There was more guilt. "What changed from the first time to this time?"
"What?" he choked out, missing her question completely.
"You are acting even more guilty than you did before. What did you two do different? What happened?"
"I...He didn't...It was me...I just...I'm so sorry." Adam fumbled over his words. He'd taken Davey. It had been his call. HIS choice. He had wanted it. Initiated it. His choice.
"Stop," she whispered, raising her hand, "Go back. Without stuttering."
Adam took a deep breath, his hands still shaking, "I...I started it. I...took...I took him." He'd said it. She knew. He couldn't take it back now. He'd changed everything. He'd lost her.
Aubrey closed her eyes. "Fucking?"
"The first time," he whispered.
"You made love to him," she said, pain filling her eyes. It wasn’t a question. It was a realization.
Silently, Adam nodded. He'd made love to Davey. He'd WANTED to make love to Davey. It hadn’t only been about sex. About lust. He cared for him. And that thought terrified Adam.
Aubrey looked at him. "Did it feel better with him?"
"Different," he whispered, shaking his head.
She looked down and held her stomach protectively. "Adam, when you think of not having him around, what happens?"
Adam’s eyes slipped closed, tears he’d been fighting off slowly trailing down his cheeks, "It hurts."
She looked at him, seeing the tears trailing down his face and she knew. Whether he wanted to admit it or not, he'd fallen in love with Davey. There was something about him that had made Adam forget all he'd known and to Aubrey that spoke volumes. "If... if I told you that you could still see your child, would that help?"
Sobs shook Adam's trembling form. Fear, relief and guilt flooded through him all at once. Aubrey shouldn't have to do this. Shouldn't have to suffer because of him. Because of what he wanted. It didn't seem fair that he was given this chance and Aubrey was left alone. "You shouldn't have to do this. You shouldn't have to make that kind of a decision. God, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I'm a horrible person. I hurt you. I ruined everything. I'm so sorry."
"Stop." Her voice was stern. "I don’t want apologies. That isn’t going to fix anything." She took a deep breath. "We are both adults and we are having a child together. In my eyes being with a man is a sin, you know that." She turned her attention to him completely. "However, you’ve fallen in love with him. This is something we are going to have to deal with. I have no right to keep you from this baby. Its half yours," she paused. "But I do have the right to forbid Davey from being around this child."
Adam nodded, knowing how hurt she was. How angry. He'd betrayed her. Lied to her. Gone against everything she believed. She should have hated him. He deserved that. "I understand."
"You’ve told him that you wanted to be with him, haven’t you?" she asked, her voice softening. As much as this hurt her, she still loved him and wanted him to be happy. She had just thought that it would be with her.
"Yes," he whispered.
She hung her head, for the first time all of it sinking in. She'd lost him. Lost all they’d built. Tears stung in her eyes. "He makes you happy?" She whispered.
Adam nodded. "It scares me. All of this scares me."
"Because you do love him."
"I wish I didn't. It would be easier if I didn't." He hated himself for muttering those words. He was breaking one heart. How could he even think of breaking another? What kind of bastard was he?
"But you do." She told him. "I want to hear you say it."
Confusion spread across his face, "I...I don't understand."
"If you are leaving me for him, I want to hear you say you love him." She needed this. Needed to know that he wasn’t just lust and temptation that had wretched Adam from her life.
The sharpness of her words stung, but he couldn't blame her. Couldn't deny her anger or her pain. "I...I love him."
"He has no idea that you do, does he? If you could barely say it to me, you haven’t said it to him." She turned her attention down to her hands. She didn’t want to look up anymore. She didn’t want to look at him.
"I'm scared, Aubrey. Th this changes everything. This changes me. I don't know what I'm doing and I'm scared to death." She didn't need to hear this. Didn't need to know. But she had been his best friend for as long as he could remember. He trusted her. Needed her. He loved her.
She looked up at him, her hardened expression softening. He was hurting. She wasn’t blind to that. He needed her. Slowly she got up and walked over to him.
"I don't want to fuck this up anymore. I don't want to hurt you. I don't want to hurt anyone. If if you don't want me to do this...If you don't want me to be with him, I'll leave. I'll just go. I'd rather die than hurt you. I just want to make this right." The words tumbled from his lips in a rush. He just wanted to fix this. To stop the hurt he’d caused.
Aubrey silently wrapped her arms around him. She was hurt and angry but she still loved him. Despite everything, she wanted him happy. She was a Christian woman and she never held grudges. She didn’t hate. "I want you to be where you feel you need to be."
"I don't deserve this. Why are you doing this?" Adam choked out between his tears.
"Because I love you and I want you happy," she whispered. "I love you enough to let you go."
Adam leaned back into her warmth, his body still shaking. "I know it doesn't mean much and I know it doesn't fix this, but I'm so sorry Bree. I never wanted this to happen. I never wanted to become this. To hurt you."
She buried her head in his neck, inhaling him. "I know you didn’t. You've never once hurt me deliberately." Her hold was tight and she knew she was going to eventually have to let him go, but right now this felt nice. Holding him like this felt nice. "I made you happy, right?"
"You're my world," he told her honestly.
She pulled back and looked up at him, locking their eyes. She could feel the tears stinging her own, but she couldn’t bring herself to look away.
"You will always matter to me, Bree. I'll always love you." He wanted her to know this. To understand. She was everything to him and leaving her was killing him. Hurting her killed him.
Aubrey nodded. There was no doubt that he'd loved her. She leaned towards him, hoping he would understand. She needed this. Needed to feel him like this if only for one last time.
Closing his eyes, Adam let his lips press softly against hers. This was their last kiss. A kiss goodbye. The thought sent a flash of pain through his heart.
Tears fell from her eyes as she kissed him. He was so warm and she had wanted to spend her life with him. Holding him. However she knew she wouldn’t and it was unfair to her, him and their baby to hold him to a life he would be miserable in. "I love you," she whispered as she pulled away.
"I love you too," he whispered back, knowing that if she'd asked, he would give up everything for her.
"You will be staying with him, I presume. Or am I moving out?"
"The house, anything you want, is yours. How could you think I would make you leave?" he asked her in disbelief. This was her home, he could never rob her of that. Never.
She shrugged. "I just assumed that because you were the one paying for it I would have to leave." She hated this uncertainty. But there was nothing either of them could do about it. Things were never going to be the same and adjusting to that would take time.
Adam shook his head, "This house is as much yours as it is mine. You shouldn't have to leave it because of me."
She nodded. "Are you going to be staying with him then?"
"I don't know...We hadn't really discussed that. Maybe. That or I'll get a small apartment somewhere...I'll figure something out." His voice was calmer now, his trembling ceased.
"Please let me know where you go. I want you to be a part of this baby's life and that includes everything."
Adam nodded. "I promise." He didn't want to lose this child. It was a part of them. Something they'd made out of love. He couldn't lose that.
"Take care of yourself, Adam."
"Promise me you will too. And call me if you need something. Anything. I'll be there in a heartbeat."
She nodded. "I promise."
"Thank you," he murmured, kissing her forehead softly.
"For what?" she asked softly.
"For everything. For being the woman I feel in love with. For loving me. For not hating me for all I've done, even though I know in my heart you should. Just thank you."
"I could never hate you. As much as I want to, I just can’t. I don’t even hate Davey. He's beautiful. Anyone would have been tempted."
"I'm so sorry."
"Stop. I don’t want you to apologize. If you love him, you shouldn’t have to."
"I'm not apologizing for that...I just. I'm sorry for hurting you. If I could take away the pain I've caused you, I would."
"I know you would," she said, leaning up to kiss him one last time. "I forgive you, Adam."
"Thank you," he whispered again, pressing his lips to hers. He was grateful to have her forgiveness, her love. He needed that.
She pulled back and smiled softly, with tears in her eyes. "Now, go before I change my mind and tie you up in the basement." She was trying her best to be a good person about this, to not hurt him any worse than he already was. God, knows he deserved to be hurt for what he'd done, but she just couldn’t do that to him. She couldn’t be that malicious.
Adam nodded, pulling back from her embrace. He knew the sacrifice she was making. Knew that behind her joking words and cheerful tone, she was breaking apart inside. "I love you," he told her once again, before turning and heading for the door. Taking a deep breath he walked from the house, pulling the door closed behind him.
#afislash#Advey#Adam Carson/OFC#The Devil Inside#co-written with havoksangel#cheating#AU#sparkinside writes
0 notes
Text
The Devil Inside - Chapter Nine
Title: The Devil Inside
Chapter: 9/18
Character/Pairing: Davey Havok/Adam Carson; Adam Carson/OFC
Genre: Angst
Rating: Explicit
Summary: Faith and fear are two of the strongest forces in our lives. Adam had never questioned himself or his beliefs. But what happens when he stumbles across his greatest temptation in the eyes of another man? Written with Havoksangel.
Authors Notes/Warnings: Nothing in this piece ever happened. I claim no ownership nor do I make any sort of profit from this, other than pride and a sense of amusement.
NINE
Adam’s heart raced as he scrambled into the driver's seat, slamming the door closed behind him. He couldn’t think. Couldn't breath. Oh God. What was he going to do? Panic flooded through him. He needed to get out. Needed to clear his head. Needed to get away.
God, he’d fucked everything up. He’d fucked up with Aubrey. And Davey. He couldn’t even think on it. He’d let Davey use him, fuck him. He’d wanted it. Needed it. And now everything had spiraled so far out of his control. Loved him? Davey couldn’t love him...Could he? No, he couldn’t let himself think on it. He couldn’t.
The road twisted before him, but Adam paid it little mind. He didn’t care where he ended up. He just needed to calm himself down. He needed to think. Tears prickled in his eyes, blurring his vision. Hastily, he wiped them away with the back of his hand. He couldn’t break down now. He refused to break down now. Breathing harshly, he pressed harder on the gas.
The sun had dipped behind the hills in the distance, when Adam finally came to his senses, finding himself parked in front of a small house on the far side of town. It only took him a moment to register just who’s house it was. Davey’s. God, how did he end up here?
Davey sat curled up with a book in the black chair in the corner of his modest livingroom. A few candles were lit and soft music played in the background as he tried desperately to calm his nerves. He'd wanted to tell Aubrey the truth, do the right thing. However, a part of him knew that the right thing was to keep her from getting stressed. She was pregnant, he refused to risk it. No matter how badly his conscious pressed him to tell the truth. Damn it, when did I start to care?
Adam found himself staring blankly at the dimly lit house, his hands gripping the wheel before him tightly. How the hell did he get here? He'd never wanted to seek Davey out. He didn't want anything more to do with him. It didn't matter that his body screamed otherwise. He didn't need Davey. Liar, his mind screamed, Traitor.
He wanted to turn the car around, head home. Forget he'd ever come. But he couldn't. He wouldn't. Davey was inside, he could see the soft glow of candles from the livingroom window. He was there and Adam couldn’t force himself to leave.
Davey leaned his head back against the chair, closing the book. He couldn’t focus enough to read. Couldn’t shut off his thoughts. He wanted Adam. He wanted to feel his hands on his body. He wanted to be made love to. That thought scared him. Since when did he ever want things to be gentle and loving?
Leave, Carson. Just fucking leave. Go home. Go back to Aubrey. Confess and beg for her forgiveness. You don't need this. You don't want this. Just leave. But Adam’s body refused to act. He sat there, eyes locked on the house before him, thoughts consumed with the man inside. Why couldn’t he leave?
Davey pushed himself up from the chair, the low hum of a car pulling towards the house catching his attention. Slowly he walked over to the window, pulled open the curtain and peaked out. His breath caught in his throat. Adam.
The subtle movement of the curtains in the livingroom window caught Adam's attention. He'd seen him. Davey knew he was there. Adam knew he should leave. Just turn his car around and go. But he sat there frozen. Davey had seen him.
Slowly, Davey backed away from the curtain and walked do the front door, opening it. He had no idea how Adam had found him. How the fuck did he find him? A million thoughts swam through his mind. The only thing he could think of was the records from the college. They’d taken down his address and such for their records when they’d hired him. Maybe Adam had seen them.
Adam's blood froze as he the front door slowly opened, revealing Davey’s slender form. Oh God. He couldn't move. He couldn't think. Oh God.
Davey stood at the door way, his shoulder leaning against the frame. His hair was down and swept to one side and his arms folded. What was Adam doing here?
Despite his better judgment, Adam turned the ignition of the car off, slowly opening his door. Swallowing thickly, he walked up the sidewalk towards Davey. He shouldn't be here. Why the hell was he here?
The stoic expression on Davey's face struck Adam. He looked so cold. So indifferent. There was no way this man could love him. Not with a heart of stone. It was another one of his games. Adam had been stupid to even consider otherwise.
"Why are you here?" Davey posed, his voice cold and even.
"Why did you lie to her?" Adam countered, shoving his hands in his pockets as he neared Davey, his eyes never leaving the man’s face.
"Excuse me?"
"Is all of this just a game to you? Did you just wake up decide, 'Hey I'm going to ruin some stranger's life today'?" Each word that feel from Adam’s lips was punctuated with a harsh stare. He needed to know why.
Davey looked at him, eyes cold. "I don’t know what you're talking about."
"Aubrey. Me. Are we just some sort of pawn for your twisted little game?"
"No," he said pushing off the door and walking inside, leaving the door open. His voice was cold and he was trying his best not to show any emotion. He couldn’t afford to.
"Don't you walk away from me, dammit!" Adam hissed, hand locking around Davey's arm, halting his movement.
"What the fuck do you want from me?" He shouted, turning back to face Adam.
"I want to know why. Why me? Why the hell did you have to ruin my life?" Adam’s eyes were wide and laced with anger and confusion.
"I wasn’t trying to. I didn’t know it would have this kind of effect on you. I didn’t plan on it having this kind of effect on you. I was attracted to you and I have always gotten what I wanted. I wanted you. I got you. It's done," he yelled, his heart breaking. It wasn’t as simple as that anymore. Everything had changed and his head was reeling from the effort.
"Done? My life is over and all you can say is it's done? I betrayed the one person I promised myself I wouldn't never hurt because of you and all you can say is it's done? No, I don't except that! You can't just go fucking with other people's lives!" Adam's chest heaved, his eyes dark and wide with fury.
Davey stared at him. "You wanted me just as much as I wanted you and we both know it! You need to just leave me the hell alone," he screamed, tears welling in his eyes. No, he was not going to lose it. If he cried it was all over.
"Fine. I wanted you! Is that what you want to hear?! Yes, I wanted you but I never...NEVER would have acted on it if YOU hadn't forced yourself on me. I hate you." Adam hissed, swallowing thickly. He stared blankly at the man before him, "I hate you."
Davey looked down and shut his eyes. "Can you just go?" He was trembling, trying his best to fight off the tears threatening to spill from his eyes. "You hate me, fine. Just leave."
Tense silence passed between the two men. "I can't," Adam whispered, "I can't."
Davey’s eyes widened slowly, confusion shining desperately in them. "Why?"
"You told her you loved me. Why did you tell her that? Why?"
Davey's head shot up, his eyes full of tears. He should have known she would tell him.
"Answer me," Adam pleaded, "Why?"
Davey shook his head. He couldn’t say it. Not to Adam. He turned his head back down and clenched his eyes shut to block the tears threatening to fall. Please leave.
Adam refused to leave. Not without answers. Not without some reason why. "So what...You can tell her all about it, but you can't give me a simple answer?" Adam's tone was indigent. "Look at me dammit. Tell me why!"
Davey looked up at him, glaring. "I told her the fucking truth," he shouted. "Is that what you wanted? I fell in love with you," he choked out as tears fell down his cheeks.
Adam's jaw slackened, his eyes widening. "I don't understand..."
"Me either. Now can you leave?" He hissed coldly as he wiped the tears away. He needed to get his control back. Needed to calm down.
"You love me?" Adam whispered, starting at Davey. He didn't know what to think. Davey loved him. He'd ruined his life, but he loved him. Tears burned in his own eyes. What was he supposed to say to that?
"Yes, now please go," he said, his voice was no better than a whimper.
Lowering his head, Adam nodded. He didn't know what else to do. What else to say. A jumble of emotions flooded through him but he was too conflicted to think of sorting through them. Not now.
"This wasn’t supposed to go this far," Davey said softly.
Adam paused, clenching his fists to his sides. "Well it did." He shouldn't have come here. Davey looked up at him, their eyes locking. He knew he needed to look away, but he couldn’t.
Davey’s eyes burned Adam. Shook him to his very core. But he couldn't tear himself away from his gaze. He hated this. All of it. Swallowing thickly, he forced himself to turn away.
"I'm sorry," he whispered.
"That doesn't fix anything," Adam whispered somberly. Nothing would fix this, he knew it. Everything he'd worked so hard for, everything he loved was gone. And he could only blame himself. He’d let it happen. He was weak, tempted, and it would cost him everything.
"You can go back to your life with her. You never have to see me again," Davey told Adam, studying his face. I need you to see me.
"She'll never forgive me for this. I can't forgive myself for it. It's over, all of it. Done," he hissed, tossing Davey's words back at him.
"She never has to know. I won’t tell her," Davey assured him. "I don’t want to see her hurt."
Adam shook his head. "I won't lie to her. Not again I’ve lied to her enough. I can’t do it anymore. She deserves better than that."
"You can’t tell her now." Davey pleaded, his thoughts immediately went to the baby. If Adam told her, it could be a disaster. He couldn’t ruin this too.
"I can't lie to her," Adam protested again, his voice soft. Aubrey deserved to know the truth. She deserved someone better than him.
"Adam, you can’t tell her!"
"It's none of your business anymore, Davey. You said so yourself." Adam shook his head. "I refuse to lie to her anymore."
"Adam..." Davey looked at him, eyes pleading for him to understand. It wasn’t his place to tell Adam about the baby. He shouldn’t tell him. Aubrey needed to tell him but he needed to know.
"What, Davey?" Adam hissed, "Why do you care? It has nothing to do with you anymore."
Davey’s eyes lowered to the ground briefly before rising to lock on Adam’s once again. "I... she... she's pregnant, Adam,” he whispered, "You can’t fucking tell her."
Adam’s eyes widened as Davey’s words slowly registered in his mind. "She...What?" No, she couldn’t be. He would have known.
"She's pregnant," Davey said again, softly
Adam shook his head in disbelief, "No."
Davey nodded. "Yes, she is. She told me at the book store. You're going to be a father, Adam."
"She she told you?" Adam choked out. Why would she...Why him? Why didn’t she tell me?
Davey looked at him, nodding softly. "She had a baby book in her hand. I asked. She told," he said coldly.
"She would have told me," he whispered, shaking his head, "She would have told me."
"She just found out this morning."
A wave of nausea overtook Adam. If she just found out that meant she was...The implications knocked the wind out of him. "Oh God." Adam felt his knees start to give under him. He could have hurt her, hurt their child. "Oh my God."
"Adam? Are you alright?" Davey asked, his voice full of concern, a fact which surprised even him, as he placed a hand on Adam’s shoulder.
He stiffened under Davey's touch. Oh God. "I could have...Oh God..."
"Adam?" Davey moved closer, looking at Adam. He was pale, shaking. "Adam?"
Tears slowly spilled down Adam's cheeks. He shrugged out of Davey's embrace, his mind reeling. What had he done? Oh God, what had he done?
Davey stepped closer still, despite Adam’s pushing him away, and wrapped his arms around him. He had fucked everything up. He'd never meant for this to happen, none of it. He never meant to hurt this man.
Adam sank slowly to the cold concrete beneath him, drawing his knees up to his chest. He could barely feel Davey's warmth against him. He could barely think straight, his mind racing.
"Hey, it's gonna be okay." Davey knelt down next to him, wrapping his arms lightly around Adam’s shaking form.
Adam shook his head vigorously.
"Would you rather I didn’t tell you?"
"She's pregnant...and I...I could have...I...Oh God...I'm going to be sick," he whispered, hand covering his mouth. Oh God, what kind of a monster was he?
Davey lifted Adam’s chin, locking eyes with the man beside him. "You want to use my bathroom?"
Adam shook his head. "I want to die," he whispered solemnly.
Davey looked down, guilt coursing through him. "You didn’t know. This is my fault. I'm so sorry."
Adam shook his head again.
"Look at me," Davey pleaded.
Silently, Adam raised his eyes to Davey, guilt and uncertainty shining in them.
Gently, Davey wiped the tears from his cheek. "I can disappear," he whispered. "I can pick up and leave if that’s what you need." His face was dangerously close to Adam's as he spoke and he tried desperately to ignore how badly he needed to kiss him. To feel Adam’s lips pressed intimately against his own.
Adam shook his head, "No." Davey's fingers brushing against his cheek sent a shiver through his body that he fought desperately to ignore. "It won't fix what I've done," he whispered.
"But if I'm not here it may help," Davey told him, shifting to make himself more comfortable on his knees in front of Adam "I don’t want you to anymore hurt," he continued as he wiped away the tears that continued to spill from Adam’s eyes.
Again Adam shook his head, "You don't understand..."
"I don’t understand what?" Davey asked, cutting Adam off, his eyes searching the man’s face for an answer.
"What I did...What I could have done," Adam whispered, burying his head in his hands. He was a monster.
Davey pulled him against his chest, not used to having to comfort someone. He was the monster, not Adam. Had it not been for him, none of this would have happened. "Adam, it’s not your fault. I did this. Me. Not you. Please just tell me what’s wrong. What did you do?"
"Aubrey...I didn't mean to...I was so angry and confused...I wanted to forget....and I almost...I could have..." His voice trailed off, broken by his sobs and gasps for air.
"What?" Davey asked, confusion spreading through his voice. "What could you have done?"
"She told me to stop...But I just...I didn't hear her and I just...If I hadn't stopped I would have..."
Davey's eyes widened and he could feel the man trembling in his arms. "Adam, you wouldn’t have," he whispered. "Look at me."
Adam pulled back, refusing to raise his eyes. He was a monster. A wretched excuse for a human being. He didn’t deserve this understanding. He didn’t deserve anything
He raised Adam's face to meet his own. "You wouldn’t have." Their faces were inches apart and that alone was about to drive Davey insane. He needed him so much and he hated that he did. He shouldn’t need this. He shouldn’t need anyone.
Adam's eyes were empty, broken. He wanted to curl into a little ball and simply disappear. "You don't know that," he whispered.
"Yes, I do,” he reassured Adam, "You love her and you would have never hurt her had I not done what I did," Davey continued, softly. "You would have stopped yourself."
"But I could have. I almost..."
"Stop it!" Davey spat, cutting Adam off. "You didn’t. That's what matters." He forced Adam's eyes to lock with his. "Don’t blow it by telling her the truth. She will never know about us."
"I can't lie to her, Davey!" Adam hissed, his eyes wide, "I couldn't live with myself if I did."
"And you'd rather lose her by telling her the truth? That you wanted to be fucked another man? That you were fucked by another man," Davey shouted back. Why couldn’t Adam understand? He still had a chance to take his life back. He didn’t have to lose everything. Why the hell wasn’t Adam taking it?
"I'd rather lose her than spend the rest of my life living a lie!" Adam trembled, "I love her too much to lie to her."
"You already have been. You liked what I did to you and you hate it. Do you really think she will let you see your child if you tell her this? Adam, think about this for a minute. I have nothing to lose, but you do."
Adam chuckled darkly, "I've already lost everything."
"No, you haven’t," Davey protested. "Let me be a secret and go back to your life with her and forget I ...We ever happened," he whispered, tears filling his eyes. God, he wanted to be so much more than a bad memory. But he couldn’t. For Adam’s sake, he couldn’t. What he wanted couldn’t matter now.
"No, Davey. I'll know. It will always be there and sooner or later she'll know too. It's better if she learns the truth from me now instead of me stringing her along. Lying to her. I don't want to trap her. She deserves so much better."
Davey looked down, tears slowly slipping down his cheeks. "Do what you want." The wind blew blending their scents. Davey took a deep breath and trembled. He was addicted to the man in front of him and he had no choice but to let him go. It killed him.
"I have to Davey. I can't do this to her. I can't lie...Believe me the last thing I ever wanted to do was hurt her. She's my world. I just...I can't do this to her. Not anymore." It was over, everything he’d wanted; this marriage, a family, everything, it was all over.
Davey bit his lip. "I'm so sorry," he whispered, hanging his head. He slid his hand on Adam's knee for comfort and just because he needed to touch him.
Adam shivered slightly under his touch, he stopped fighting against this reaction. He’d lied to himself one time too many and he couldn’t do it anymore. "I know. But it doesn't matter now."
Davey looked at Adam, leaning in slightly, his warm breath coming in slow pants. He needed something to take with him. Something to hold onto if he was truly going to back away from Adam completely.
Adam could feel the heat of Davey's body inching towards him, his warm breath against his skin. "Davey, what are you..."
"Please," he whispered, tears in his eyes. He'd never asked anyone for this before and he needed it more than he needed to breathe. "Please." Don’t turn me away.
Adam sighed, knowing what Davey was asking. What he needed. With a shuddering sigh, Adam let himself be led. Davey needed this. Maybe they both did.
Softly, gently, Adam felt Davey's lips press against his own. A shiver of pleasure and contentment flooded through him.
Davey whimpered softly, his demeanor completely different than it had been when they first met. Lightly, he placed his hand on Adam's cheek, his lip trembling from trying to hold back his tears. He failed miserably. They rolled freely down his cheek and there was nothing he could do about it.
Raising his hand, Adam gently brushed away Davey's tears, deepening the kiss. His mind swirled in thought. He'd hated this man. Hated everything he'd done. But now...He couldn't think on it. He refused to think on it. Not now. Thinking would do him little good now. He just needed to feel.
The harsh screech of tires startled them both from the kiss and Davey jerked his head away to turn and look. A light blue car speed off down the road. He didn’t recognize it, but from the look on Adam's face and the way the man stiffened, he did.
The harsh squeal slammed Adam back into the present. Eyes darting around, he finally settled on the car speeding away. The color drained from his face. Oh God. Aubrey. That was Aubrey's car. She'd seen them. The kiss. She knew. Oh God, she knew.
Davey stood quickly. "Adam... that..."
Pushing himself to his feet, Adam sprinted to his car, ignoring Davey's call. Oh God. She knew. Guilt coursed through him. Not like this. It isn't supposed to be like this.
#afislash#Advey#The Devil Inside#co-written with havoksangel#cheating#AU#sparkinside writes#Adam Carson/OFC
0 notes
Text
The Devil Inside - Chapter Eight
Title: The Devil Inside
Chapter: 8/18
Character/Pairing: Davey Havok/Adam Carson; Adam Carson/OFC
Genre: Angst
Rating: Explicit
Summary: Faith and fear are two of the strongest forces in our lives. Adam had never questioned himself or his beliefs. But what happens when he stumbles across his greatest temptation in the eyes of another man? Written with Havoksangel.
Authors Notes/Warnings: Nothing in this piece ever happened. I claim no ownership nor do I make any sort of profit from this, other than pride and a sense of amusement.
EIGHT
Davey rushed into the bookstore, walking as quickly as he could, his heart pounding. He needed to get far away from the alley and what had just happened. He never had to see Adam again and that was fine with him. He couldn’t handle seeing him again. Turning the corner quickly, Davey slammed into the unsuspecting person standing at the end of the aisle, a startled "Oh" falling from his lips.
Mind swimming in thought, Aubrey ran her fingers along the shelf of books in front of her. This wasn't happening. It was too soon. She wasn't ready for this and she knew he wouldn't be either. And after what he'd done last night, the way he'd broken down, she wasn't sure if he could handle this. If they could handle it. She didn’t know what she was going to do.
The warm body that slammed into hers sent her stumbling back a few feet, sending her nearly back into the row of books behind her. Catching her breath and calming herself, Aubrey's eyes fell on Davey’s form. His hair was tousled and his eyes were red and glistening. "Davey," she started softly, sensing something was not quite right with the man before her.
Davey stared at her. He didn’t know what to say. After what had just happened...."I'm... I'm sorry." The apology meant double for him. Looking at her, at the innocence still present on her face, he was sorry for what he'd done. What he’d wanted. It was different when he didn’t know those involved, but he did now and it was killing him.
She smiled softly at him, touching his arm. He was close to shaking, something was very, very wrong. Pushing aside her own fears and worries, she spoke softly, "You look like you could use some coffee and someone to talk to."
Davey blinked a few times. Why did she have to be so nice to him? He didn’t deserve her kindness or her understanding. He turned to the bookshelf and took in what section they stood and quickly looked back at her, mouth open a bit in question. Oh no.
Aubrey noted his confused expression, shaking her head. No, this wasn't about her right now. She would be fine. Davey on the other hand..."Come on. It's my treat."
Davey reluctantly walked with her to the coffee bar and sat down in one of the free booths. "You don’t have to, Aubrey, really."
She smiled softly at him, "Nonsense. You bought me a cup the other day. It's only fair that I repay the favor. Besides you look like you could use someone to talk to." Turning her attention to the woman behind the counter, she placed her order. One regular coffee and one decaf. Once the coffees were made, Aubrey smiled at the woman behind the counter and paid for them. Turning back around, she made her way back to the booth handed Davey the regular coffee, settling herself across from him.
He looked down for a few moments and took a sip from the cup. "Thank you." Taking a deep breath he looked up at her. "Baby section, huh?" If she was buying it for friend, lovely. If she was buying it for herself he was so beyond screwed.
A heavy sigh fell from her lips as she placed her cup down onto the table. "God works in mysterious ways, I guess." She smiled lightly at him. This should be happy news. She was going to be a mother. Why was she so uncertain?
Davey felt as if he were going to be ill. Aubrey was pregnant and her fiancé had just come in his mouth no more than ten minutes prior. His face paled. "Does... does Adam know?"
Aubrey shook her head, "I just found out this morning...And we...Things have been...different lately." Why was she telling him this? Davey certainly didn't need her problems, not when he obviously had more than enough of his own.
"What do you mean different?"
She swallowed thickly, "He's distant...And he...He's not Adam anymore," she finished softly, her mind flashing back to the previous night. She'd never been terrified of Adam before. Nor as scared for him. But he hadn't opened up to her. Once his shaking had ceased, he'd pulled away from her and retreated to the couch downstairs. He'd turned away from her. And as scared as she was of him, his distance wounded her. Crushed her.
Davey looked down and knew he was responsible. There was no other explanation. "I'm sorry, Aubrey." He looked up, concerned. He'd seen Adam's temper last night and today. The next thought terrified him. If he'd caused Adam to lose it so much that he... "Aubrey, did he hurt you?"
Aubrey's eyes locked on Davey's, forcing a soft smile. "He didn't...hurt me...Just...He scared me." There was a fear in Davey's eyes that shook her to her core. "Davey, what happened to you?"
Davey looked at her. "Nothing."
"Bullshit. Talk to me. There's something bothering you, Davey. You need to talk to someone."
He sighed, looking down. "Aubrey, I... what would you have done if Adam had been married when you met him?"
Aubrey knitted her eyebrows at the question, caught somewhat off guard by it. "I....um...I wouldn't have done anything. If he was married, he was off limits. I wouldn't allow myself to be responsible to breaking up a home or a marriage." His question seemed so random, "Davey...Did you....Are you thinking about becoming involved with a married man?"
He looked away and bit his lip. "I kind of already did. Not married... just very involved. It was supposed to be a one-time thing. I never do relationships, but there is something about this man... I can’t shake him."
She closed her eyes, shaking her head, "Oh Davey." Slowly, she reached out her hand, resting it on his shoulder. "This...How did you and he get involved? Did you know he was...in a relationship when you met him?" Aubrey wasn't sure what to say to him. Whoever this man Davey found himself involved with was, it was a bad situation.
"He told me and I pursued him anyway," he whispered. He was a whore. Saying it out loud, all that he'd done, made him realize that Adam was right. He was no more than a whore.
Aubrey sighed, "I...I can't say I approve of what you've done...You shouldn't have gotten yourself involved." She paused, looking him in the eyes, "But you're human. We all make mistakes. And I have no right to judge you for this. Davey, whatever you have with this man, you need to end it before you find yourself too tangled in it to find your way out."
He hung his head, allowing the first tear to fall from his eyes. "I know, but... I think I'm falling in love with him." He’d said it. Confessed it. So why did it feel as though the knowledge were still crushing him.
"Davey..."
He took a deep breath. "I don’t want talk about it anymore," he said quickly.
The harshness in his tone startled her slightly, "O okay. I'm here though...If you need to talk," she whispered, echoing the words he’d given her the other day.
He nodded. "I appreciate it, though I don’t deserve it." He stood up and leaned down to kiss the crown of her head. He lingered for a few moments, fighting breaking down. "Thank you," he whispered before running off.
Aubrey watched Davey sprint from the booth towards the exit. His reaction puzzled her. There was something else, something more he hadn't told her. She could sense it. Staring down at the cup of coffee before her, she sighed. "Oh Davey, what have you done?"
Gathering herself and her bag, Aubrey climbed out of the booth a few minutes later, making her own way to the door. She sighed, her mind reeling. Softly she brushed her free hand over her stomach. A mother. She was going to be someone's mother.
She'd always wanted children, so had Adam. In fact, they'd planned to start a family as soon as they were married and settled enough financially to afford to raise and care for a child. Aubrey sighed, were they really ready for this? And now Davey. She worried for him. Whatever he had gotten himself involved in, it was obviously eating away at him. Shaking her head, she climbed into her car. Life did always seem to catch you by surprise.
The drive home only took ten minutes, a fact Aubrey was grateful for. She was tired, because of the baby she reasoned. Pulling the car into the driveway beside Adam's, she shut off the engine and made her way towards the kitchen door. Aubrey unlocked the door and stepped inside. "Adam, where are you?" She asked, softly.
When he'd arrived home, Adam had scrambled upstairs and into the shower. Scrubbing himself raw once again, he dried himself off and made his way into the bedroom, pulling on a clean pair of pajama bottoms and a t shirt. Composing himself, Adam made his way back downstairs and into his studio, pulling the door to behind him. He wanted to lose himself in his work. He needed to. He'd just settled himself in his chair when Aubrey's soft voice carried from the kitchen. Guilt washed over him once again.
Aubrey called again for him. She needed to talk to him. Needed to tell him about the baby. He needed to know. Aubrey walked over to the studio door and knocked softly. "Baby, are you down there?"
Swallowing thickly, Adam managed to find his voice, "Yes. I I'm in here."
"Can we talk?"
Panic flooded through him. She knows. Oh God, she knows. "I I guess," he called back. She knew and he was going to lose her. He deserved to lose her. Oh God.
She walked over to the couch tucked in the corner of the room and sat down, both hands on her stomach. Nervousness coursed through her. She hoped he would be okay with this. She needed him to be okay with this.
With shaky hands, Adam pushed himself off of his chair to join her on the couch, settling on the far end. He couldn't touch her. He didn't deserve to. Not after what he'd done. Not after all of this. "Wh what did you want to talk about?" he asked, his voice wavering slightly.
"Well..." She looked up with tears forming in her eyes. She was so scared to tell him. What if he didn’t want this? "I... I went to the bookstore today," she began.
Adam's blood turned to ice. The bookstore. She saw them. She knew. He could feel the bile rising in his throat.
"I ran into Davey, by the way," she said, avoiding telling him at all costs.
"Da Davey?" Oh God, he was going to be sick.
She nodded. "He didn’t look well and I bought him a coffee this time and we talked." She was getting rather good at avoiding this issue. It was easier this way. She would tell him. She knew she had to, but she couldn’t. Not right now.
Oh God. They'd talked. Davey told her. She knew. Adam was shaking, nausea and panic coursing through him. "Wh what did you talk about?" I'm sorry. Fuck, I'm so so sorry.
She reached out for him. "Honey, are you okay?" Something wasn’t right. Adam was pale and he was shaking. "Are you sick?"
Adam nodded. It wasn't exactly a lie.
"I'm sorry. Can I get you something?"
He shook his head. There wasn't anything anyone could do to make this better. He'd brought it on himself. Adam had everything he'd ever wanted in life and he'd thrown it all away. Another wave of nausea overtook him and he sprinted to the nearest bathroom, dry heaving into the toilet.
Aubrey shot up and ran after him. So far, morning sickness hadn’t gotten her and maybe he was feeling the sympathy pains that they say most fathers got. Maybe he didn’t have to know to feel it. Maybe he knew. Slowly she knelt down beside him and rubbed his back. "Baby."
For a moment he allowed himself to relax under her touch. Her hands were warm and soft. But reality slowly crept back in. He didn't deserve her touch or her sympathy. He didn't deserve anything other than damnation.
She took a deep breath, beginning her story once again. She needed to share this with someone. Needed another opinion and she trusted Adam and his judgment. She always had. "He's in love with an involved man and I think he's terrified," she said softly, continuing to rub his back.
Adam froze, her words slowly sinking into his mind. In love? No, he couldn't be. This was another one of his games. Another one of his tricks. Davey couldn't love him. He couldn't.
"He was practically crying when he ran into me," Aubrey continued, mind falling back to the fear, guilt and confusion in Davey’s eyes. He’d looked so...broken.
Confusion flooded through Adam. This wasn’t happening. With a heavy sigh, he fell back against the cool wall of the room, his eyes shut tightly. This didn't make sense. None of this made sense.
"I feel bad for him," she said curling up next to him and laying her head on his chest.
"H he's in love?" Adam finally managed to choke out.
"That's what it seemed like. That's what he told me. He said he thought he was falling in love with the man. That he knew he'd been taken, but pursued him anyway. He said he did it to do it, but never wanted to happen more than once."
Adam wasn't sure what to think. What to say. His head pounded and his heart raced. Davey loved him. No, God. This wasn't happening. Please God, say this isn't happening.
"I love you, Adam," she whispered. "Seeing Davey and the trouble he's in just reminds me of how glad I am that things are so simple with us."
He wanted to scream, Aubrey's words cutting him deeply. Oh God, what had he done? He wanted to die. Wanted to disappear. She loved him. Trusted him. And he'd betrayed her. Lied to her. Hurt her. He was a monster.
"I feel sorry for whoever the other person is. I bet they have no clue," she continued, holding him tighter.
Adam swallowed thickly, pulling himself away from Aubrey. "He should have known better. Both of them should have." He didn't deserve her pity or her understanding. He was a fraud, a cheat, the scum of the earth. Another wave of nausea flooded through him. He closed his eyes, praying that it would pass.
She looked down, chickening out on telling him. "Adam?"
"Ye yes?"
"I know you're still upset about last night."
More guilt. "I...God...I didn't...I..." He was despicable.
She silenced him with one finger. "Make love to me," she whispered. She trusted him and she wanted to show him that she did. Wanted to show him she wasn’t afraid. That she loved him. She wanted her Adam back.
Adam's eyes widened at her request. She wanted him. She trusted him. He didn't deserve it. "I...I can't."
She looked away with tears in her eyes. They were going to have a child and he couldn’t even make love to her now. A world of confusion spread throughout her body. "Is there someone else?"
His eyes slipped slowly closed, guilt overtaking him. "Aubrey...I...I just...After what I did...I...I can't...I don't want to hurt you." Tears prickled in his eyes. Why didn't he just tell her? Why didn't he confess and let himself suffer the consequences? He was a coward. A fucking coward.
"I need you," she said weakly, starting to tremble. "I miss you, Adam. I miss you and I love you and I want you inside of me. Close to me. Please."
"I just...I can't...I...I have to go." Pushing himself warily to his feet, Adam fled from the room. Grabbing the car keys and the pair of shoes he'd left by the door, he ran. He needed to clear his head. If he was going to come clean with it all, he needed to get himself together.
Aubrey hugged herself and leaned against the bathroom wall. She let the tears flow freely and loudly, needing to get all of the frustration out. She loved him and she was losing him. She knew that she was. It was only a matter of time.
#afislash#Advey#The Devil Inside#co-written with havoksangel#cheating#AU#sparkinside writes#Adam Carson/OFC
0 notes
Text
The Devil Inside - Chapter Seven
Title: The Devil Inside
Chapter: 7/18
Character/Pairing: Davey Havok/Adam Carson; Adam Carson/OFC
Genre: Angst
Rating: Explicit
Summary: Faith and fear are two of the strongest forces in our lives. Adam had never questioned himself or his beliefs. But what happens when he stumbles across his greatest temptation in the eyes of another man? Written with Havoksangel.
Authors Notes/Warnings: Nothing in this piece ever happened. I claim no ownership nor do I make any sort of profit from this, other than pride and a sense of amusement.
SEVEN
He shouldn't have gone in today, Adam knew that. How he'd managed to make it through his class without completely falling apart, he still didn't quite grasp. A tense sigh fell from his lips as he gripped the wheel in his hands tightly. He hadn't been able to focus on much of anything, his mind a jumbled mess of thought and emotion.
What happened to him? What did he do to deserve to have his life ripped apart before his very eyes? He hated himself. Hated the monster he'd become. He'd hurt Aubrey...He could have...Oh God, he'd hurt her, betrayed her. He'd let Davey use him. Let him touch him, make him feel things he shouldn't feel. And he'd wanted it. Needed it. He still did. God, what was wrong with him?
Davey walked down the sidewalk towards the bookstore. After what had happened between him and Adam the night before, his reaction to being kicked out of the classroom right after sex, he needed something to keep his mind off of things. He never got hurt when he did things like this, but this time, he actual felt something. He couldn’t explain it, nor did he want to. He didn’t know a thing about Adam besides the fact that he looked liked he would be a fun challenge, but the challenge was starting to turn things on him and he seemed powerless to stop it.
The light turned green, the shrill honk behind him pulling him out of his mind for the moment, and Adam eased his car into the intersection. Just a few more lights and he'd be on his street. Then he could lock himself in his studio and forget. He wanted to forget. Wanted to disappear. After all he'd done... A flash of dark hair from the sidewalk caught his eye.
Whipping his head around violently, his eyes fell on Davey's form as he disappeared into the bookstore. Adam's blood boiled, his body reacting just as strongly. Davey. He was the reason everything in Adam’s life was broken. He'd done this to him. "Not anymore," Adam hissed, pulling the car violently against the curb and shutting off the engine.
Briskly, he made his way across the street and into the bookstore, eyes locking on Davey as he disappeared into a row of books.
Davey grabbed a book from the shelf and turned it over to read the back, running his fingers through his hair with his free hand. Taking a deep breath, he put it back and grabbed another. Nothing seemed to grab his interest. A sigh fell from his lips. He needed to pull himself together.
Adam watched Davey thumb through the books on the shelf, his anger growing steadily. How dare he act as though everything was fine? After all that he'd done to him. Silently, Adam made his way behind Davey, his hand falling roughly on his shoulder. "I need to talk to you," he hissed, his voice low and cold.
Davey jumped and turned his head, coming face to face and nearly mouth to mouth with Adam. His eyes scanned his face, from his lips to his eyes and locked on him. He was trying desperately to think of something to say, some smart ass comment, but he had nothing. What was wrong with him?
Eyes darkening, Adam tightened his grip on Davey's shoulder, pulling him behind him as he made his way towards the side entrance. A million thoughts echoed through his mind. He refused to think about just how firm and strong the muscles beneath his fingers felt. Or the way Davey's soft, alluring scent sent his senses reeling. No, he was here to show Davey once and for all that he couldn't fuck with his life. That he didn't control him.
Davey whimpered a bit and dropped the book as he was pulled outside of the door. "Adam, let me go. You're hurting me."
Stoutly ignoring Davey's protests, Adam continued to lead them both towards the side entrance and out into the alley. Once the door shut behind him, he whipped around, standing face to face with Davey once more. His eyes dark and seething. "You fucking arrogant piece of shit," he hissed, pushing Davey back from him.
Davey stared at him, shocked. He knew Adam had a temper, he could sense it in the defiance he’d shown the night before, but he never really expected to see it. Pulling his thoughts together, he pushed Adam back. "What the fuck is your problem? We have nothing to do with each other. Not anymore."
"What the fuck is my problem?!" Adam posed, laughing angrily, "What the fuck is yours?! You whore yourself around, manipulate people and for what? A quick fuck? Are you really that fucking desperate to get laid? Your hand not good enough, pretty boy?" He spat each word out, hands shaking at his sides. "I guess tricking people into fucking you is the only way you can get attention, isn't it? I'm not surprised. Who'd want a filthy whore like you?"
Davey looked at Adam, eyes blazing. Each word Adam hurled at him cut him deeper than he cared to admit, but he didn’t dare let him know this. He swallowed hard and moved until he was chest to chest with Adam. "You wanted this whore and you still do."
"Don't flatter yourself," Adam hissed, "It isn't very becoming. You'd love to think every man in this world wants you, wouldn't you? Does it make you feel special, David? Important? I guess the only thing you're good at is using your dick. and spreading your legs. But a whore has to make a living somehow, am I right?"
Davey pushed him hard against the wall on the opposite of the bookstore and held him there. "Fuck you. If you didn’t want it, you wouldn’t have let me," Davey snapped, glaring. "You're just angry because you enjoyed it and you’re even angrier that you want it again."
Adam swallowed thickly, trying his best to ignore the blistering heat of Davey's body so close to his. Davey's words shook him to his core, spurring on his anger. No. "Think what you want, you disgusting piece of shit." Violently, he shoved Davey off of him, his chest heaving, eyes glowing with anger, "I could do so much better than a lowly whore like you. I have done so much better. Why don't you just run along and find someone else to spread your legs for?"
Davey pushed Adam back against the wall a second time. "Then why the fuck are you here?" His eyes were almost black and staring straight into Adam's. "If I am so filthy and disgusting, why are you here? We're done. Go back to your perfect fucking life with Aubrey and leave this whore alone," he said, his voice cracking a bit. Adam's words stung.
Adam swallowed thickly, faltering for a moment, the mention of Aubrey's name tugging at his heart. "To make sure you know your place. To make sure you don't decide to come crawling back," he hissed, shoving Davey forcefully against the wall. The anger in his eyes shaking Adam to the core, sending a flicker of desire coursing though him. Davey was stunning like this. Hair tousled, eyes black, lips part, his chest heaving.
Davey grabbed Adam by the wrist and jerked him closer. "If you push me one more time..."
"You'll what, David?" Adam hissed, his voice defiant though he could barely think straight with Davey's hard, warm body so close to his. Oh fuck.
Davey's chest heaved and he licked his lips. His eyes were still locked on Adam's. Violently, Davey crushed his lips against his, moaning softly at first contact.
Adam stumbled backwards in shock as Davey's lips slammed against his. Pleasure and desire coursed through him. Roughly, his fingers tangled in Davey's hair, pulling their bodies flush against one another. He couldn't think about what he was doing or he'd crack. No, he just had to feel. And he was certainty feeling quite a bit.
Forcefully, he ground his erection against Davey's thigh, moaning at the contact. Oh fuck. This man would be the death of him.
Feeling Adam so close, knowing that he was the one who'd made them that way, sent a shiver up Davey's spine. Yes, he'd initiated the kiss, but Adam allowed it to continue. That meant something. Davey wanted him so bad he couldn’t stand it, but he was never one to do this with the same person twice. It was safer that way.
He rolled his hips against Adam's to show that he was in a similar state and pushed him against the brick wall again. The thought that they were in broad daylight behind a building didn’t faze him. All he wanted was Adam.
A sharp hiss fell from his lips as Adam felt Davey's cock rubbing roughly against his own thigh. Davey was hard. Davey wanted him. He wanted Davey. He couldn't think past that. He wouldn't let himself. A gasp of surprise erupted from his throat as he felt his back slam against the cold brick of the wall behind him.
Davey tore his mouth from Adam's and moved down to his the hollow of his throat. He jerked the neck of Adam's shirt to the side to kiss and bite his collar bone. He tasted so good, Davey could barely stand it.
Tangling his fingers tighter in Davey's hair, Adam tossed his head back moaning and whimpering as Davey bit and sucked at his throat. God, it felt divine. Pleasure wracked his body. "Fuck," he hissed, his cock throbbing in his jeans. He wasn't going to survive this.
Davey slowly descended down Adam's body, pulling the hem of his shirt up as he hit his knees in front of him. His mouth viciously attacked Adam's stomach as his hands worked open his belt and jeans. He wanted him. Wanted to taste him.
Adam's mind was reeling. Fuck, Davey was going to..."Oh fuck," he hissed, his head falling back against the wall behind him. The feel of Davey's lips on the heated skin of his abdomen and his hands working deftly on his pants was nearly too much for Adam. He needed this. Needed to feel the warm, wet, slick heat of Davey's mouth around him. Taking him in. Driving him wild. His hips bucked violently against Davey. Oh God, he wasn't going to survive this.
Davey looked up at Adam as he pulled his pants over his hips. He didn’t want there to be any objections. Not this time. Adam had to want this.
"Fuck," Adam hissed again, hips bucking against Davey's hands. His eyes were shut tightly, his chest heaving.
Davey reached in and pulled Adam's cock out of his boxers. His breath was hot on it as he leaned forward and took Adam into his mouth. He wasted no time in finding a rhythm that suited him; fast with soft moans every other descent.
A strangled moan fell from Adam's lips as Davey worked him. With every moan Davey released, Adam felt a violent shiver race through his body. God, he was so close and Davey was simply too good at this. Tangling his fingers tighter in Davey's hair, his hips bucked more and more violently against his mouth.
Davey splayed both hands across Adam's hips and pressed him against the wall to keep him from bucking. He pulled back just enough to suck on the throbbing head of Adam's cock before relaxing his throat to take him completely in.
Oh God. This was it, Davey was trying to kill him. Sharp hisses and heady moans fell from Adam's lips as he felt the head of his cock brush the back of Davey's silken throat. "Fuck. Oh fuck," he hissed. He wasn't going to last.
White hot sparks crackled through him and his vision clouded slightly. Whimpering, he pulsed helplessly into Davey's mouth, his back arching violently off the wall.
Davey moaned and swallowed him, taking in every drop he could. Adam tasted better than Davey had anticipated. He slid down his shaft and back until he was sure Adam was done and then pulled off of him, sitting back on his feet to catch his breath. Licking his lips, he looked up.
Adam panted, his chest heaving. Warmth and contentment flooded through him, his body heavy and numb. The cool air against his cock sent a shiver down his spine. Swallowing thickly, Adam slowly opened his eyes.
Davey locked eyes with him, wondering if he was going to be shoved away again. He didn’t know if he could handle that.
Guilt flooded through Adam once more as his eyes fell upon Davey's. No. Oh God. Please no. Panicking, he jerked back, hastily shoving himself back into his boxers and yanking his pants back up his hips. Aubrey's face flashed through his thoughts. Oh God. Oh God. Oh God.
Davey didn’t say a word. He turned his head to the side and pushed up to stand. He couldn’t look at Adam now and he knew it was only a matter of time before he was called a whore for the hundredth time that day. He didn’t need to hear it again.
Without a word, Adam fled from the alley. A million thoughts flooding through his mind. What had he done? Fuck, what had he done?
Davey turned to watch him leave, tears filling his eyes. He was done. He was done being used and not being the one in control. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. The way he was feeling right now was the reason he never let these things get this far and why he never returned for a second rendezvous. He was just done with this whole situation. He couldn’t do this anymore.
Sprinting across the street blindly, Adam tossed himself in his car. His chest heaved and a strangled sob feel from his lips as his head feel against the steering wheel. He was sick. Disgusting. He wanted Davey. Wanted to fuck him. Wanted to be fucked by him. This was wrong. This wasn't how he was supposed to feel. What he was supposed to want. Oh God. His mind flashed once again to Aubrey. He'd betrayed her again. He'd let himself betray her. Oh God. What was he going to do? What the fuck was he going to do?
#afislash#Advey#The Devil Inside#co-written with havoksangel#cheating#AU#sparkinside writes#Adam Carson/OFC
0 notes
Text
The Devil Inside - Chapter Six
Title: The Devil Inside
Chapter: 6/18
Character/Pairing: Davey Havok/Adam Carson; Adam Carson/OFC
Genre: Angst
Rating: Explicit
Summary: Faith and fear are two of the strongest forces in our lives. Adam had never questioned himself or his beliefs. But what happens when he stumbles across his greatest temptation in the eyes of another man? Written with Havoksangel.
Authors Notes/Warnings: Nothing in this piece ever happened. I claim no ownership nor do I make any sort of profit from this, other than pride and a sense of amusement.
SIX
Adam didn't remember the drive home. It passed him in a blur. How he'd gotten from his car, up the stairs and into the shower, he had no idea. All he could focus on now was scrubbing. Scrubbing every last inch of himself. Scrubbing off any trace of Davey. Of the sin they'd committed. The sin he'd let himself commit. He needed to wash away any trace. Wash away the memory. Everything.
His skin was red and raw by the time he stepped from the shower. Securing a towel roughly around his waist, Adam collapsed on the bed, burying his face in his pillow. He wanted to forget. He needed to forget. To disappear. God, what had he done?
Aubrey arrived home, a few hours later, from her church meet. Slowly made her way upstair, needing to make things right with Adam. She hated that things still weren’t settled between them. Hated that they’d fought. They hardly ever fought and now it seemed it was all they ever did.
She opened the bedroom door, seeing him laying on the bed, his back towards her. Aubrey pulled her panty hose off, the material of her skirt now rubbing against her legs, and crawled on the bed, kissing up Adam's chest. "I'm home."
Startled awake by her touch, Adam rolled over, his sleep laden eyes focusing on Aubrey's blurry form. "What time is it?" he murmured, mind still heavy with sleep. The sun had just begun to set, bright oranges and reds bleeding through the small window across from the bed.
"About seven," she answered, kissing over his chest up to his neck.
A soft moan fell from Adam's part lips as he felt Aubrey's warm breath on his skin. The wet heat of her tongue tracing over his Adam's apple. His eyes slowly drifted closed, losing himself in the sensations running rampant through him. He could lay like this for hours.
Shifting slightly to offer Aubrey more room, Adam felt a throbbing pain shot through him. Oh God. Memories of that afternoon flooded his mind once more. The anger and fear making him sick to his stomach. No, his mind hissed.
Hands locking roughly around Aubrey's waist, he violently switched their positions. He didn't want Davey. He didn't want what he'd done to him. He was straight. Straight. Savagely, he slammed his lips against Aubrey's. He was straight. He didn’t want Davey. Didn’t need him. And he would prove it.
Aubrey squealed as her back hit the mattress, Adam's mouth crushing hers. She was stunned to the point that she couldn’t even shut her eyes or kiss back. She moaned softly and pushed on his chest to get him to ease up.
His hips rocked harshly against hers, the friction forcing him to hiss against her lips. His tongue snaked between her parted lips, thrusting violently inside. Her body felt warm, soft, and divine against his. The feel of her hands pressing against his chest pulled another moan from him.
She pulled her mouth from him. "Adam?"
His lips crashed against hers once more, swallowing his name as it fell from her lips. He needed to feel her against him. Needed her. His free hand slid up her body to tangle in her hair, fingers tugging on the dark locks. God, she felt so good beneath him.
She whimpered, her heart racing. He was being so rough with her. He was never like this. It was starting to scare her. Aubrey pushed harder on his chest and turned her head again. As much as she wanted him, he was hurting her. "Adam, slow down a bit. Please."
Adam's lips and teeth attacked her neck, his other hand sliding between them to hike her skirt up. "Want you," he breathed harshly in her ear before pulling the lobe between his lips. This was what he wanted. Aubrey. This was all he'd ever want. This had to be. His hips rolled roughly into hers once again, the towel that was still fastened around his waist loosening with each thrust against her.
Again she whimpered, clawing at him. "Adam..."
The sharp pain of her nails against his skin only seemed to push Adam on. She wanted this. He knew she did. And he needed her. Needed this. Hungrily, he kissed back up her neck, across her jaw, before pressing his lips against hers once again, his tongue darting out to trace along her lips before pleading for re entrance into her mouth.
Aubrey opened her mouth to tell him he was hurting her but his lips covered hers before she even had a chance to protest. She wiggled under him, trying to move away, but his weight was too much. He was too strong.
He moaned against her parted lips, his tongue darting back into her mouth. The feel of her hips, her body writhing against his was exquisite. Wasting no time, the same hand that worked to hike her skirt up, slid beneath it once more to tug her underwear down and off her body.
Kissing her soundly, Adam rolled so he was completely on top of Aubrey, his naked hips rocking against hers, the contact sending ripples of pleasure through him. Yes. this was what he wanted. Not Davey. This. Aubrey.
"Adam, please," she whimpered tearing her mouth away, terrified of him. She kicked her legs a bit to move him away from her. The harder he rolled into her, the more he hurt her.
Something wasn't right. The fuzzy thought echoed in his mind, growing louder by the second. Something wasn't right. Pulling back slightly and panting, Adam's eyes focused on Aubrey's face. Tears streamed down her cheeks, her eyes wide and fearful. Guilt flooded through him once again as he violent pulled himself from her. He could feel the bile rising in his throat. Oh God. Oh God. Oh God. Oh God. What had he done?
She stared at him, her eyes wide and frightful. What was wrong with him? This wasn’t her Adam. Her body shook and she turned her head away. She couldn’t even look at him. Aubrey rolled to her side and closed her legs. She wanted him, yes, but not like this.
"Aubrey, I...Oh God...I..I didn't...I just...Oh God..." A wave of nausea overtook him. Sprinting up from the bed, Adam flew into the bathroom, expelling the contents of his stomach into the toilet. Oh God, what had he done?
She could hear him throwing up and clenched her eyes shut. Her sobs were louder than she intended them to be but she couldn’t shut them off. What was wrong with him? All she wanted was the hurt to go away, for the shock to disappear. This wasn’t her Adam.
Falling back onto the cool tiled floor of the bathroom, Adam cradled his head in his hands. If he hadn't stopped, he would have...raped her. Aubrey. He would have raped Aubrey. Oh God. Another wave of nausea overtook him. Throwing himself back over the toilet, Adam dry heaved. His heart was racing. What kind of a sick monster was he?
Aubrey laid in bed, waiting for him to come out. A part of her wanted to go comfort him. She loved him and comforting him was what it seemed like she should do, but the other half was terrified to move. She didn’t know just who she would find if she went after him. That thought terrified her.
Pulling himself back against the floor once more, Adam's eyes fell shut. He wanted to die. How could he have even touched her the way he had? How could he have been so wrapped up in his own mind to realize what he was doing? He deserved to die. How could he have done this?
Taking a deep breath, Aubrey called out to him. "Adam..."
Her voice echoed in from the bedroom, but he couldn't answer her. He couldn't bring himself to move. Why couldn't the floor just open up and swallow him whole? "I'm sorry," he whispered, wrapping his arms tightly around himself, "I'm so sorry."
Her tears streamed down her face faster when he didn’t answer her. They were happy a week ago. What had happened with in that week to make him change? What happened to him? "Adam?" She called again, her voice tired and frail.
"I'm sorry," he choked out again, between the sobs that wracked his body. He was a monster. A horrid, vile, evil creature. "I'm sorry." Those words could never fix this. He knew that. Nothing could fix this.
She sat up, sliding her legs off the bed, and slowly walked to the bathroom. Adam looked horrible; pale. Broken. Reluctantly, she sat down beside him, wiping the tears from his cheeks. "What’s going on?"
Her fingers were soft against his cheek. He didn't deserve that. Didn't deserve her comfort. He didn't deserve anything. His body trembled. "I didn't mean to...I would never...I just...Oh God...I just..."
"You hurt me," she said softly. It was something she never thought she would say to him.
"I didn't mean...I just...I'm sorry...Oh God, how could I have..." His voice cracked, his body shaking harder still as he pulled his knees tighter against himself.
Biting her lip, she wrapped her arms around him, trying to comfort him. There was something wrong. Something more than what had just happened. She could feel it. "Adam, tell me."
Adam wouldn't let himself relax in her arms. He didn't have the right to. Not now. Not after this. "I'm sorry," he whispered over and over again.
There was nothing Aubrey could do and she knew it. She was hurt, scared and confused. No matter how much she wanted to run, to get away from him, she couldn’t. She loved him and she would sit on this floor all night and hold him if she had to. Something was horribly wrong and she needed to know what.
"Why?" he whispered, breaking the tense silence that had fallen over the room, "Why are you doing this? How can you stand to touch me?" His voice was flat, dull.
She swallowed hard and leaned her head against his, her mouth just at his ear. "Because I love you."
"You shouldn't."
"I always have." She closed her eyes. "Please don’t shut me out. Tell me what’s going on."
His mouth opened but the words refused to come. How could he tell her what he'd done? That's he'd betrayed her in the worst way possible? It would kill her. And he couldn't do that to her. Not now.
Adam wasn’t going to tell her, she knew it, and the fact that he was scared to tell her terrified her. There was something very wrong, something that changed his entire demeanor. Something that had completely changed him.
Things had to get better between the two of them. They had to. If they didn’t, Aubrey didn’t know what she would do. He was her world.
Pushing away every bit of fear, every ounce of uncertainty for the time being, she held Adam tighter against her, closing her eyes, hoping that whatever was plaguing him, plaguing them, would disappear if only for the night. Please, she begged silently. Please.
#afislash#Advey#The Devil Inside#co-written with havoksangel#cheating#AU#sparkinside writes#Adam Carson/OFC
0 notes
Last Seen Blogs
largando
Untitled
excited-on-main
My whole existence is flawed
grushaaaaaa
Grusha
squishyneet
𝖀𝖗𝖚𝖘𝖍𝖎𝖍𝖆𝖗𝖆 𝕳𝖆𝖓𝖟𝖔
largando
Untitled