#still struggling with anxiety and loneliness and still entrenched and entangled with the past

[stormofdefiance]

2.2 spoilers //

He finally texted me back and I’m on my knees. Like I might actually cry - he wants to live 😭😭 ffffuck. HAPPY about being alive, FUCK - I can’t believe he just said that with his fingers aaaHHHHH. He’s worrying about being a bother but also actually SHOWING he’s insecure about it oh my god lay me down in the tall grass

#2.2 spoilers #Aventurine #HSR #my witterings #I cant express fully how much this means to me #he mentioned he’s still having nightmares as well so it’s not like his cptsd is just magically cured #but wanting to live #still struggling with anxiety and loneliness and still entrenched and entangled with the past #but still able to experience that fragile sliver of happiness that comes with the simple fact he’s alive 🥹😭 #I’m gonna throw up #I can’t tell you how meaningful it’s been to just appreciate being a living thing #something so fundamental and simple and small #fuck and it’s what rat wanted for him too 😭 #staying alive for his own sake #and only for the sake of living #no value prescribed to it #it’s okay to just be your messy fucked up self auahagghhhhhhhhh #idk so many people with cptsd never get to this point #its a diagnosis with not a super high rate of favourable outcomes #and representation of the suffering that comes with ir means a lot to me but also the hard won difficult joy and appreciation and recovery #is so so so so wonderful to see #I’ll have much more articulate thoughts about it later right now I’m just #so so happy