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itsmarsss · 2 days

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Scandalous [Blitzø x Fem!Succubus!Reader x Stolas] (Helluva Boss) Bonus - Friendless Horse-Fuckers And Their Sissy Lifestyles

How the mighty do fall. (Getting into a weird three-way situation with an imp and a succubus isn't exactly considered classy, Stolas)

If there's one thing all members of I.M.P. can agree on, it's their distaste for visits to the Greed ring.

pt. 1 | pt. 2 | pt. 3 | pt. 4 | pt. 5

Warnings: this chapter does not interfere with the plot of the series. mentions of sex all around as usual, Chaz deserves a warning of his own cause hes annoyin, Crimson does too cause he's awful. This is basically just the exes and ohhs episode just for funsies. There's a hint somwhere out here of something important that will happen in a future chapter, i doubt yall can figure it out!!

Word count: 5,630

Business was low today.

So much so that you, Moxxie and Loona had been hanging out in the meeting room, just on your phones, for almost an hour now, while Millie had gone out to get everybody lunch, and Blitzø was in his office doing who-the-fuck-knows-what.

Moxxie turned off his phone, staring at Loona for a few seconds before speaking. “You know, I checked the scale today. It says I lost two pounds this week,” he boasted.

Loona looked up from the screen, only long enough to roll her eyes at him, uninterested. Now that had to be a new type of bored, as usually she wouldn’t miss any opportunity to irritate him by pestering about his weight, which you knew she and Blitzø only really did because they new it wasn’t a real issue- it just made him mad, and they found it hilarious to see him so exasperated.

And it worked every time- this time she didn’t even having to say anything. “I. Am not. Fat!”

The door was kicked open with full force, grabbing everyone’s attention, and Millie entered the room, fuming with anger.

She walked back and forth around the room, each heavy step making it tremble, as she mumbled incoherent insults under her breath. She obviously needed to let out some steam, so you pulled up one of the human cardboard cutouts you used as targets for training for her, and, sure enough, she attacked it instantly, tearing it to shreds with her bare teeth and claws as she let out borderline animalistic shrieks.

Moxxie shot you a scared look, to which you shrugged, in a silent message of ‘she’s your wife, you talk to her’. He cleared his throat. “Millie, honey? Everything okay?”

She full-on hissed at him, but he wasn’t really bothered by it. She took a breath, giving herself a second to calm down and talk to him. “Yeah. I just… bumped into an ex.”

You and Loona immediately whipped your heads around to see Moxxie’s reaction. He tried to seem cool. “Oh! Ohh…”

Millie kept on complaining, her accent thicker than ever, like it always got when she got truly mad. “He just kept going on about how he has money now, and… a bright future! And a bigger cock!”

“Wait, what?” Moxxie questioned, clearly taken aback by the last statement. (Which was a pretty fair thing to be taken aback by.)

“Every time I see his stupid face I can’t help it, I just need to…” She let out a yell, angrily punching the closest thing to her. This time’s victim was the file cabinet beside her, which she took down with one punch, sending the contents of it flying out onto the floor.

Blitzø walked into the room, phone in hand. “What the fuck is all this noise? I got a client!”

“Sorry, sir, I’ll get this all cleaned-” Moxxie kneeled on the floor to collect the mess. “What is this?” He wordlessly held out a really disturbing picture of two imps… in horse costumes… kissing each other. In a rather… gross way.

Blitzø was a freak, that you already knew all too well, but that doesn’t mean any of you wanted to see any of whatever this was. You made eye contact with Moxxie and pretended to gag, making him let out a laugh.

Blitzø walked up to him, grabbing the photo and taking a look at it. “Uhhh, it’s research. For science.” He let go of it, making his way back out of the room. “Put it back correctly, okay? I alphabetized ‘em.”

Sometimes you’d find out about weird shit like this and wonder how it was possible you let this man fuck you every single month. Then the full moon would come around again and he’d shut you right up.

You kneeled on the floor next to Moxxie. “I’ll help you out.” Millie was still out of her mind and Loona didn’t really give a shit, so you and Moxxie began putting everything back in place by yourselves.

You barely had any time to do so, though, because in a minute Blitzø was running back into the room and straight towards the big window. “What the fuck is that?” He asked no one in particular, making you, Moxxie and Millie follow him to the window to see what he was talking about. There was a funny-looking helicopter outside, flying dangerously close to the wall-

There was no wall anymore.

Really, this was getting ridiculous. How many more times would you have to pay to get this stupid wall rebuilt?

Blitzø seemed to be thinking of the same thing. “Satan’s ass crack, enough with the walls! We have a door!” The wind sent most of Blitzø’s weird pictures flying outside, which you were kind of thankful for. He, in turn, hated it. “My research!”

“It’s not the end of the world, I’m sure you can get more freaky horse porn later.”

“Hey that’s not what that is!” He tried defending himself, crossing his arms over his chest.

The helicopter flew closer to the newly created enormous hole on the wall, extending out a ramp so you could make your way inside of it. “I.M.P.? Right this way, please,” the pilot called.

You instinctively grabbed your dagger, and saw Millie and Moxxie pull their own weapons out as well.

“Uh, sir… what’s going on?” Moxxie asked Blitzø, who simply dismissed the imp’s preoccupation with a wave of his hand.

“Nah, don’t worry, it’s just some fancy schmuck from Greed wanting to do business with us,” the boss replied, climbing onto the ramp. Well, if he’s sure it’s okay. The three of you followed him, putting your weapons away.

Moxxie still seemed extremely unsure of the situation. “Uh, sir? I don’t think this is a good idea.”

“It’ll be fine. Now get your asses moving.”

All four of you climbed into the tiny space inside the helicopter. You sat next to Millie, who tried putting on the seatbelt, but realized it was broken. “Uuuuh, is this thing safe?” Taking a better look at it, there wasn’t anything in there that didn’t look much too used or somehow broken.

“Don’t worry! We are professionals!” The pilot guaranteed. You shared a look with her- that hadn’t eased your worries at all. Anyhow, they took off, on your way to the Greed ring. Now that’s a ring you didn’t enjoy visiting all that much.

Moxxie voiced similar thoughts, but sounded much more than just irritated over it. “Ugh, I hate this place.”

“Oh, yeah! This is your old stomping ground, isn’t it?” Blitzø remembered.

“Yeah, unfortunately.” Moxxie looked out of the window, pointing somewhere down. “I grew up just over there. Swore I’d never come back, and- uhhhh… uhhh, what- what- where are we going?” Oh shit, you were flying precisely towards the place Moxxie had just pointed out. His expression went dark, almost… scared. “Blitz, who did you say this meeting was with?”

“I’m not sure. Just some rich somebody or other who wanted to discuss biz at his place.”

The helicopter finally landed, making Moxxie more exasperated than you’ve ever seen him. “Oh, no. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!” He was literally trembling in fear. This was where he’d grown up, and he was clearly expecting something terrible. But then who could have been the one to call Blitzø up here?

An imp who look freakishly similar to Moxxie, save a few things here and there and the obvious difference in age, walked out of the front door. “There he is! There’s my boy. Get over here and give ya daddy a hug!”

“Daddy?” you, Millie and Blitzø all asked in unison, shocked.

Oh. OH. This was bad, wasn’t it? Because it seemed really, really bad.

None of you really knew anything about Moxxie’s family, as he never really did want to discuss any aspect of his past. You all respected that, letting him tell you only whatever he felt comfortable to. But you did know he did not like speaking about his father in any circumstance whatsoever, and never, ever visited. It wasn’t that difficult to fill in the gaps and realize the man probably sucked. And if he had to do all of this only to trick Moxxie into meeting with him it was certainly because he knew there was no way in hell Moxxie would have agreed if he was simply asked to.

Looking at Moxxie himself was confirmation enough, too. Eyes wide and mouth agape, hands curled into fists in either side of his body, and the slight tremble that still coursed through him, you’d say he looked equal parts pissed and terrified. That surely couldn’t be good.

“I only let Moxxie call me that. Unless ya pay me!” The man laughed an exaggerated laugh.

“Guys, uhm,” Moxxie cleared his throat, visibly uncomfortable. “This is my father, Crimson. Sir, this is my boss, Blitz, my friend, y/n, and my-”

“Millie! I’m his wife!” Millie offered the man a handshake, eagerly introducing herself.

He took her hand, kissing the back of it instead of shaking it. “And what a beautiful wife you are. Mox, where you been hiding this pretty little thang?”

Millie visibly cringed a bit, embarrassed that Moxxie’s father apparently didn’t even know he was married. “Oh, I’m sure he would have introduced us… eventually.”

“Oh, I’m sure, sweetheart,” he agreed before turning to you. “And you’re a… friend, then?” He checked you out, amused, but didn’t bother taking your hand.

“Yup.”

“Must be a really trusting relationship the two of you have that you can be friends with this one, Mox.”

Millie looked stunned that he’d even say that, and Moxxie fumed at the out-of-line comment. You couldn’t form any words to reply.

He moved on to shake Blitzø’s hand. “And you gotta be Blitz, with the silent ‘o’. Right?” Blitzø looked weirded out, but let the man place an arm around his shoulders. “I’ve heard a lot of good things about you and your work.”

“Really? What kind of shit has Moxxie been spreading about me? I’ll fucking kill you, Moxxie, don’t you fucking test me-”

“No, no! From all over! Looks like you’re building a bit of a name for yourself here, kid.”

“Really? Huh, well I guess it’s about time folks recognized my talent.” This seemed suspicious all-around, but Blitzø was letting himself get wooed by all the compliments. Crimson laughed exaggeratedly at his comment, which only solidified your thoughts of him trying desperately to get on his good side. No one’s that funny.

“I like your attitude. Well, I hope you’re all hungry. We put together a fabulous dinner for ya!” Blitzø followed him inside, and you took a last look at Millie and Moxxie behind you before heading in as well, leaving them to talk among themselves. Crimson didn’t seem to think like you, though, yelling out for them and interrupting whatever moment they could have to talk. “Hey, you two. Move it! Before it gets cold.” They followed suit.

Crimson led the four of you to a small, dark room with a bar, two couches and a couple chairs. It all looked very fancy. Moxxie had never let it slip that he’d come from this much money.

Moxxie and Millie sat down next to each other on one of the couches, and you and Blitzø sat side by side on the other one.

Crimson poured a glass of whiskey for Blitzø, and Blitzø only. Classic. “So, Blitz, were you always a hitman?”

“No, not always. You know, I was in the circus for a long time.”

Crimson sat back on his own chair, right across from you. “Show business! Good money in that.” The room fell into an awkward silence as Blitzø downed his drink and he lit up a cigar.

Moxxie spoke up. “What are we doing here… sir?”

It was weird to watch Moxxie refer to someone other than Blitzø as that. You didn’t even think he should call Blitzø that, honestly, but that was for him to decide. But to call his own father something so impersonal? The man had to be strict motherfucker.

“Moooxxiee, I raised you better than that. Ya know there’s no business before dinner! Besides, we’re still waiting on one more.”

One more?

As if perfectly on cue, the door was kicked open, and in made his way a shark demon with a stupid haircut, his energy not matching the one in the room at all. “Woo-hoo-hoo! What is up, party people?”

“CHAZ?” Both Millie and Moxxie asked, wide-eyed, at the same time. “Wait. What?”

Moxxie pointed between Millie and the Chaz guy. “You know him?”

Millie facepalmed, letting out a groan. “You remember that ex I was talking about?” Oh, so that was the guy with the bigger cock or whatever it was?

He walked up to stand behind the couple, squishing them together in an uncomfortable embrace. “Looks like I have two big sex reunions today! How lucky am I?”

Oh fuck. “Did you date him too?” Millie asked Moxxie, both still trapped in the shark’s embrace.

He was the one to answer, too, letting out a laugh, full of himself. “Yeah. No big deal, but I usually bone half the people in any room I’m in.”

You couldn’t even imagine what could have possessed both Moxxie and Millie to date this asshole. What a big fucking upgrade to date this asshole and then to marry each other. That did not seem to be where Blitzø’s mind had wandered with all this. “Are you fucking kidding me? There’s someone who’s fucked both of you?”

“Blitz. Not the vibe, at all,” you elbowed his side and he rolled his eyes.

“What? It’s true!”

Moxxie pulled himself free of Chaz’z hold. “It was a long time ago,” he mumbled, crossing his arms over his chest.

The demon wouldn’t let it go, though. “But I remember it like it was yesterday. You, a fledgling mafioso, and me, the dashing and extremely sexy muscle. It was like it was written in the stars!”

Wait. Moxxie had been in… the mafia? You took a better look around the room, taking in the two huge demons with angry expressions guarding the door, the exuberant display of wealth through the decorations, the guns all over the place, the- well, everything. In hindsight, how had you not put it together that Crimson was a mobster the moment you stepped into the estate? It put a lot of stuff into perspective, actually. You couldn’t really imagine Moxxie ever choosing to be in the mob, but his father being a big shot in it? That changed things. It made it a non-choice, an obligation to fulfill.

Blitzø seemed to be processing the information as well, but he was never really known for getting hints, so you knew he wasn’t trying to be inconvenient when he let out a purposefully obnoxious laugh. “HA! Moxxie in the mafia, that’s fucking rich.” His mocking grin slowly turned into a look of realization as he took in the place just like you had. “Oh, shit.”

Millie’s eyebrows raised in concern “you’ve never told me this before!”

Moxxie looked a lot like if he’d merge himself into the couch seat if he could. It was clearly a touchy subject he’d purposefully kept everyone unaware of. It did surprise you that he’d kept it from Millie too, though. “I- I don’t really like to talk about this part of my life, but…” oh boy. It was flashback time.

Moxxie was a dramatic at heart, and the moment before he’d start telling a story was always recognizable, as he adopted a very specific way of speaking. “I first saw Chaz at my induction into the family. Our eyes met from across the room, and there was just something about him. Something… that was… magnetic!” He great great at setting the scene too: you could almost see things unfold as he went on about how he and Chaz came to be.

He dwelled on the memories for a moment. “It’s been 84 years…” Was he quoting titanic right now?

You realized that, but you couldn’t wrap your head around Blitzø noticing it too. There’s no way he’s sat through three hours of Titanic, is there? “Ain’t that from that boat movie?”

“Did any of that stuff actually happen?” Millie questioned.

“Ohhh, yeah. But he skipped over the jizz covered parts,” Chaz replied. Satan, was this guy inconvenient.

“Anyway… things changed when we went on a heist together.” Moxxie went on about how it was supposed to be a simple robbery until things went wrong. He got stuck as they tried to escape, and Chaz ran off with the money, leaving him to be caught. It ended up with him getting thrown in jail, and that part of the story you did know, for he and Blitzø had told you all about it before, as it’s how they met. He’d never told anyone what had gotten him there in the first place until now.

“Once I got out, I never looked back.” He seemed proud of that last statement. Millie, on the other hand, was focusing on another part of the story, and it was making her growl.

Chaz seemed uneasy, and it was within reason to feel uneasy: she clearly had intentions to rip him to shreds. “Well…” he pulled on the collar of his shirt, nervous. “It was a long time ago.”

“I’ll fucking kill you!” She yelled out, not a moment of hesitation before attempting to jump on him, who hid behind Crimson’s chair like a coward.

“Crazy bitch!”

Millie pulled out a knife in pire, blind rage. Okay, maybe now was time to do something about this before things got messy. As much as you didn’t really care if the asshole lived or died: he should die for what he did to your friend and also… he was an all around annoying dude. But it probably wouldn’t be any good to have her kill a mob boss’ special guest.

Thinking along the same line as you, Moxxie and Blitzø pulled her back to stop her, and you carefully grabbed the knife from her hand. She breathed heavily, but stopped fighting. The anger wasn’t going anywhere, though. “You should die, bitch.” Again, fair.

A maid calmly walked into the room, completely unfazed by the chaos happening in it, to announce the food had been served.

At the dinner table, Millie’s eyes shot daggers at the shark imp, who ate happily by her side, Moxxie’s expression got more depressing by the second, and Blitzø was visibly antsy. You were unsure what to do as you waited for someone to break the silence.

Unfortunately, the person to do so was Blitzø. You love him (well, maybe not love him, but you get the gist), but man, was he not blessed with the gift of good timing. “So. This is aggressively uncomfortable.”

You twirled a piece of meat around on your plate with a fork, looking at him. “No shit.”

“I’m just saying what everyone’s thinking.”

“I suppose ya wanna know why ya here,” Crimson finally said.

“Yeah, so what gives? I mean, you know we kill people on earth, right? We don’t normally do contracts for locals.”

“Not anymore,” you chimed in.

“Yeah. So if you wanna do business with us, you gotta-“

“I don’t wanna do business with I.M.P.” Crimson stated. “I wanna do business with Moxxie.”

Moxxie all but jumped on his seat, startled. “Me?”

“Yeah. I summoned I.M.P. to be sure you’d show.” Oh, so he was well aware Moxxie wouldn’t have shown up otherwise. He said it with no shame either. “Because, well, we’re bringing Chaz into the family.”

“What? Since when can just anyone join the family?”

“Come on, Mox. You had responsibilities here that I had to pick up once you left. Now Chaz is going to lighten the load.”

“Wait. I thought you always hated his guts.”

“Well, I don’t know if I exactly hated him…”

“You called him a ‘friendless horse-fucker’ and said we lived a ‘sissy lifestyle’,” Moxxie reasoned, an eyebrow raised.

“Yeah, well, I was wrong,” his father shrugged. “You’ve been gone a long time, Mox. A man can change.” From what you’d gathered about him in this short time you could hardly believe that was the case here, and, from the looks of it, Moxxie didn’t, either. He had the nerve to keep going. “And so has Chaz.”

“Yeah, I’ve grown! Matured! And recently came into millions!” He displayed a smile.

Oh, how convenient that Moxxie’s father had changed his mind about him just when he became rich. Chaz leaned back on his chair. “But, you know, mostly the mature thing.”

“Oooh okay. So the horseless friend-fucker over here gets a little moola and suddenly it’s worth wasting our time over?” Blitzø questioned, annoyed.

“Well, I’m the whole package! If you know what I mean,” he winked. What did he mean? He didn’t seem to have any redeeming qualities, let alone ones that could ever make him ‘the whole package’. He rolled his eyes, explaining himself: “I got a big dick.”

Millie looked over at Crimson. “What does any of this have to do with Moxxie?”

He finished his food in no rush. “There’s gonna be a ceremony tomorrow. Moxxie here is going to officially release his holdings in the organization. Then you can get back to ignoring ya family to ya heart’s content.”

Millie stood up to face him. “Maybe he wouldn’t ignore his family if they didn’t force him to rub elbows with a no good shark-toothed fuckface!” In an instant, she had her knife to Chaz’s throat again.

When did she even retrieve it from you?

“Hey, look, everybody! Relax. I know tensions have been high tonight. Say, why don’t ya stay here and get some rest? We’ll have the ceremony tomorrow, and then you will be free to leave. I have your rooms all prepared!” Free to leave? Was he offering for you to stay or demanding it?

There’s no way you’d be staying here with-

“Yes, sir,” Moxxie agreed without questioning, standing up from his seat, defeated.

“Mox?” Millie asked, a silent question of ‘are you sure?’ lingering along with his name.

Moxxie said nothing in return, only turning around to make his way out of the dining room. It was his father. His house. His choice. So you all stood up to follow him to your rooms.

You’d barely made your way out the door before his father called for him.

“Just give me a minute, Millie. I’ll be there,” he reassured her before re-entering the dining room, leaving all of you to be accompanied by one of the mansion’s employees to the bedrooms.

Millie was visibly worried, and it was nothing but understandable. Moxxie was clearly uneasy and extremely uncomfortable with all of this, and there were moments during the night when he’d looked genuinely scared. You intertwined your arm with hers as you walked the long hallway, a silent gesture that told her you shared her worry and were there for her. She half-smiled at tou in return, acknowledging it.

Suddenly, all of you had to stop on your tracks, as it was impossible to ignore the fact that the ceiling and all the decorations decorations in the hallway were now all covered in… dildos. You tried conjuring anything else that those could be, but that’s what they were, which was fucking weird. What the fuck was the purpose of that?

Blitzø found it the funniest thing ever. “HA! There’s dicks in the walls! Now that’s fucking hilarious!” You laughed with him, rolling your eyes before pushing him to keep walking.

After being showed your designated rooms, you mention waiting for Moxxie with Millie in their room so she wouldn’t spiral being on her own, but the imp guiding you insists you stay in your separate rooms, which, again, is fucking weird. He’s so adamant about it, though, that Millie just tells you to let it go.

“You sure you’re fine?”

“Yeah. Mox will be here in a second.”

“‘Kay. I’m right here if you need me. Right?”

“Right.” She nods before disappearing into her room.

You make a face at the imp waiting for you to get inside your room. “I need to go to the bathroom.” He points to the end of the hallway, and you make your way inside.

By the time you get out, he’s not around anymore. You calmly walk towards your bedroom, taking your time checking out the decorations on the walls (the dildos are gone by now) as you go. Before you get to your door, Millie slams hers open, threatening Chaz out of her room, pulling him off the floor by the collar of his shirt and pointing her knife to his throat for what’s… what? the third time that night, alone?

“Damnit! This usually works!” He complains.

She lets go of him and drops him back to the floor before slamming the door closed on his face. He stands back up, eyes scanning the hallway, when he makes eye contact with you, immediately raising his eyebrows in a stupid suggestive way. “Hey there, hotstuff.”

“Nope,” you say, booking to your room. You slam the door closed, not even giving him any chance to try anything funny.

“I could show you a good time, ya know?” He yells from the other side of the door.

“No thank you! Go bother someone else.”

“Your loss, bitch!”

Well, you forgot there actually was still someone he could go bother. You groaned, shoving a pillow over your head when you started hearing the noises. And the noises were loud. You didn’t want to think about it.

After a while, you finally began drifting off to sleep. When sleep came, though, it lasted barely a few minutes before someone started banging on your door. You get up, angry that your sleep was ruined, and walk up to it, ready to tell Chaz off again. When you open it, though, you’re met with a disheveled Blitzø, wearing nothing but his underwear and chaz’s jacket, instead.

“What are you doing?” You asked him, annoyed.

“I got this,” he held up a shark-shaped keychain with a couple of keys attached to it.

“And what is this?”

“Chaz’s car keys.”

You’re definitely awake now. “Why the fuck do you have that?”

“Come ooon,” he grabs you by the hand and drags you around the mansion all the way out to the parking lot.

“What are we even supposed to be doing here?” You whisper as Blitzø clicks a few times, and the two of you followed the car’s noise, finally finding it.

“Look, nobody who’s that bad in bed can score two hotties that easily. He gotta be hiding something,” he explained as he pried the passenger door open and looked inside.

“Really, that’s your conclusion? Maybe he’s just a prick. A prick who’s bad in bed, that’s not unheard of, is it?”

“You don’t understand.”

“That bad?”

“That bad.”

“Okay.” You don’t know why, but you find yourself pleased to hear Chaz wasn’t a good time. One might call it jealousy, but that would be dumb. It’s just nice to know you fuck him better, that’s all. Whatever.

“Ha-ha! Found it.” He held out a piece of paper in triumph.

“What’s it say?”

He handed the paper over to you, and, clear as day, it read the words: ‘eviction notice’.

“So he isn’t actually rich?”

Blitzø made his way around the car, opening up the trunk and trying to find something there, which he did- yet another piece of paper. You walked up to stand beside him, reading the words at the same time as he did.

Chaz’s Mastur Plan

Rent suit

Convince Crim im rich

Marry Moxxie to get into family

???

Profit $$$

Holy shit. He’s here to marry Moxxie?

You have no time to say anything about it, though, as you feel something poke your neck and, in a second, you’re out.

You don’t know how much time has passed since you fell unconscious, but you know it’s been something around ten minutes since you and Blitzø have regained your conscience (mostly, at least, seen as you still felt pretty groggy and Blitzø wasn’t really speaking too coherently), only to find yourselves to be trapped inside the trunk of Chaz’s car. That fucker.

The two of you barely fit together inside the tiny space, so it was a little hard to try to blindly kick your way out. Thankfully, it didn’t take long until Millie came to your rescue, opening the trunk up to let you out.

“Oh, Millie, you found us!”

“Who’s your friend?” You asked her, finding it funny that the two guys behind her had appeared out of thin air with how quiet they’d been.

“Friend?” Millie asked in return, confused. You then clocked that they were, in fact, not friends.

“Ohh.”

Millie turned around, giving the two imps no time to even think of doing anything before slashing one’s throat with her knife and decapitating the other with the trunk door. She looked fucking cool doing it. “What is going on?” She helped the two of you out, and it took you a couple seconds to be able to catch your balance and stand up straight.

Blitzø immediately started going off about everything you’d found out. “That seductive dickhole is trying to marry Moxxie, and he’s not even rich!” He stumbles over, falling face-first to the ground.

“Is that true or is he tripping?” Millie asked you.

“It’s true.”

“Moxxie!” She called out, running back towards the house as you helped Blitzø get up. Suddenly, all the paths that led out of the parking lot and into the mansion were automatically closed, trapping the three of you there. You couldn’t even imagine what Moxxie was going through right now. “Everything’s locked out! How’re we gonna get in?”

“The keys!”

“What?”

“The keys!” You nudged Blitzø’s arm.

“Oh! Fuck! Right!” He fished Chaz’s car keys from his pocket, dragging you and Millie to the car and getting the engine running as soon as he stepped inside. “Buckle up, girls, we’re doing a Shrek.” That always has been his favorite part of the movie.

He stepped on the gas with all he could, driving the car into the wall, obviously smashing it in the process, but successfully getting through it. If you felt dizzy then, you were both so much worse now. He tried stepping out of the car, holding a finger up to finish his dramatic entrance. “I object!” He fell to the ground again.

Thank Satan Millie could handle herself.

It was so cool to watch her kick almost every single one of those guy’s asses that you even didn’t bother doing much more than the necessary (which you were pretty thankful you could do, given the way everything seemed to be spinning), only handing her random stuff she could kill them off with and occasionally stabbing someone.

After every single one of them had been taken care of, Millie wordlessly picked a horrifying-looking tied up Moxxie up from the altar and carried him along. You know she left Crimson and Chaz live only because of Mox.

Still, Chaz had the nerve to speak up and complain. “Hey! What about my weddi-” Millie shoved one of the dildo things down his throat, effectively shutting him up. Fitting.

“This ass is mine!” She yelled at him.

“By the way, y’all should probably know, Chaz isn’t even rich, okay?” Blitzø yelled out.

Crimson’s eyes widened. “What?”

You grinned. “Yup! You should try checking out his car!”

“Ha! He just played you like a fuckin’ rube!” He flipped Crimson off, and you did the same. You smiled when you realized Millie was flipping him off as well as she walked away, not even bothering to face him as she did.

“Later, losers!” Blitzø announced, and you all hopped into the helicopter again, which Millie somehow, for some reason, could operate, finally on your way back home from this wreck.

You and Blitzø helped Moxxie out of the restraints and pulled the tape over his mouth, which still left him in the bizarre wedding dress, but at least he was safe.

Getting there, you could see Loona was somehow in the exact same position she’d been when you’dall left the day before, sitting with her legs propped on the table and her phone in hand.

Moxxie beamed at his wife. “Millie? Thank you for saving me. You’re amazing.”

“Next time just tell me if your daddy’s a psychopath. I can handle it.”

“Well, and I’m glad everything ended up okay! Good to know we both have daddy issues, Mox.” Blitzø slipped in the middle of the couple, and you were sure whatever came out of his mouth next would be inconvenient at best. “Also! I got to plow your ex boyfriend!” See? “Isn’t that great? Now all three of us have fucked the same guy! Does it feel weird that I fucked your ex, Mox?” He nudged him with his elbow, purposefully annoying him.

“Extremely.”

“I’m glad I’m not a part of that club,” you commented.

“Hey now, don’t pretend we don’t fuck the same guy too. Present tense.”

“Oh, come on, that’s totally different. You’re telling me you wouldn’t feel weird if I had fucked one of your exes?”

He takes a moment to ponder it. “Yeah, actually. That would be weird,” he decides. “But ya haven’t, so… I don’t feel ashamed at all,” he shrugged, sporting an annoying little smirk.

You rolled your eyes at him.

A/N: Chaz was fun to write cause he's so utterly stupid lol. But yeah this is just for fun, we'll have a few of these bonus ones throughout the series! Hope y'all like it <3

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thatstonedwriter · 5 months

Text

⋆｡「 Affection Prompt 3 」⋆˚

◉ Sinopsis; Buying them something unrequested because it made you think of them

◉ Feat; poly Stolitz, M&M, Fizzarolli

── ˙•˚∘✮🌙ᯓ🪐˙•˚∘ ──

Busy days for you were always the worst. Work, chores, errands- it all just meant you had to decline the invitation to the mall your partner(s) extended to you. Fortunately, while they're out, they find something that will hopefully cheer you up- and be a nice reward for your hard work.

Of course, it was Stolas' idea to take you and Blitzø to go out shopping. To their dismay, you had housework and errands to catch up on. Stolas insisted you join them and worry about the work later, but you assured him that you had no problem with the two going to the mall without you.

For a couple hours, the two navigated the labyrinth of stores and although Stolas and Blitzø were having fun together, your presence was missed very much. Throughout the day, they would catch sight of little things that reminded them of you. A plush here, some wall art there... and as much as Stolas wants to, he knows buying everything that reminded him of you maybe wasn’t the most viable option. Blitzø, on the other hand, is way more eager to spend. Instead of extravagant gifts, Blitzø settles on little knick-knacks that make him think of you. Maybe a few buttons or keychains, a cheap figurine- something along those lines. Stolas eventually settles on a jumbo-sized version of a plush you’d pointed out to him a while back.

Back at your apartment, you hear the screeching of tires coming into the lot. Ah. Must be Blitzø. Not long after, a loud, rapid succession of knocks paired with an annoyed “let us in” (and a quieter “Patience, darling”) at the other side of your door.

┊┊┊✧ ⁺ ⁺ 　°

As disappointed Moxxie and Millie were that you couldn’t join them in going to the mall, they knew it was important to give you space to finish work and have some quality time for yourself. Of course, if you hadn’t insisted you needed the alone time to focus on your assignments, they wouldve just stayed with you.

While Moxxie and Millie were at the mall, they agreed to find a gift or two- seeing as you were working so hard, it only made sense you deserved a little something. Most of their time was spent at the food court, where they shared milkshakes. As is customary, Moxxie serenades Millie with a love song. Afterwards, as they’re wandering, Millie spots something- a blanket, hanging in one of the store windows. But it wasn’t just any blanket, no. It had a beautiful design with your favorite colors, and, Millie noted, it was quite large… perfect for all three of you to snuggle under.

When they arrived back at your shared space, Millie ran in, jumping onto you, while Moxxie hung back to close the door before joining in on a group hug. Safe to say, y’all made good use of that new blanket.

┊┊┊✧ ⁺ ⁺ 　°

Fizzarolli had meant to surprise you with a fun date… unfortunately, his timing wasn’t the best- he’d unknowingly picked a day where you had to prepare a presentation for work. Because of Fizz’s… talent (of being a major distraction), you’d said you’d prefer if he gave you a few hours to yourself.

While somewhat dejected, Fizz understood- he was just so amazing, how could you not look at him? No big deal, he reasoned. He would take this time to treat you (and himself). While he’s at the mall, Fizz takes advantage of the massage chairs and pop-up boutiques. With freshly manicured nails and rejuvenated muscles, Fizz went off to your pay a visit to your favorite stores. It doesn't take him long to find something- well, multiple things. He decided on a new bag for you, and of course you have to put something in the bag. So he got self care supplies; face masks, nail polish, and a new spa headband.

Knowing you've had a busy day, Fizzarolli was hoping you'd be receptive to a self-care night. The relieved sigh and eager hug from you served as a pretty clear "yes."

After a long day, a surprise gift from your partner(s) was just what you needed.

── ˙•˚∘✮ 🔭๋࣭ᯓ🌙˙•˚∘ ──

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voxsremotec0ck · 2 months

Note

Stoliz x reader be like:

Stolas: I... I can't deny my feelings anymore. I love both Blitz and Reader but I fear that I have over stepped their boundaries, I am willing to step away and let them be together without me if that will truly make them happy.

Blitz: This is ridiculous. Why does Stolas AND Reader have to pretend that they care. Stolas owns was a quick fuck and Readers probably hoping that they can get a raise if they keep climbing into bed with me. Fuck pathetic shit you are Blitz, you've seen the way that they look at eachother, who are you kidding thinking they would look at you that way? Should just leave them with eachother and hopefully you don't fuck over another relationship.

Reader: Why doesn't Blitz and Stolas see how much they care for eachother? They've had same real feelings for eachother before I came along. I love them both but they love eachother more, I'm going to get them together even if it's the last thing I do.

THE AAAAAANGST OMG IT HURTS IT HURTS SO GOOOOOOOD

God if you think Stolitz is messy by themselves just wait until poor reader gets involved😭😭

#stolitz x reader #stolas x reader #blitzø x reader #helluva boss #ᯤ answers

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nifftyisgonnakillu · 10 days

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OMG STOLAS DRAWING BLITZØ AND OCTAVIA 😭

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arcanumofthestars · 4 months

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Hello everyone I was searching info for stolas and I found this amazing pic here 😀⬇️

Isn't ma pookie gorgeous 🥰🥰🥰

That's all for now I just wanted to remind you🥰

#helluva boss #stolas #stolitz #stolas goetia #helluva fanart #helluva stolas #helluva boss fanart #hazbin hotel #stolas x reader

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jazzmasternot · 3 months

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He’s just a lil guy

#the greeks had socrates y’all have me #helluva boss fanfiction #helluva fanart #helluva boss headcanon #helluva boss crossover #helluva boss memes #helluva boss #blitzo #blitzø #helluva boss blitz #stolas x blitz #stolitz #blitzfizz #blitzwing #blitzbee #blitzo x reader

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an-idyllic-novelist · 6 months

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stolas goetia with gender neutral!sinner!reader scenario

warnings: spoilers for s2, angst, slight Stoliz, one-sided love, and possibly OOC for some of the characters.

The Goetian prince met you through Bltizy’s little assassination agency. You were an employee, specializing in reconnaissance within the human world and possessing knowledge of the mortal plane, amongst other jobs that required a more….delicate touch. Is that why you were good with knives and acrobatics? Probably. Either way, you were pleasant enough for a sinner and an easy conversationalist, much more so than his dear little imp.

In all honesty, he did not pay much attention to you until after…the incident with Striker. It had been a close call, and he had almost died if Blitzø nor you hadn’t come to his rescue. He did check his phone for messages, and only got one text from the imp. After that…nothing. He never heard from him for the rest of the day. At least he thought he thought it was for the rest of the day. The drugs that were pumped into his body made Solas drowsy. When he woke up, there was someone in the chair.

But it wasn’t Blitzø. It was you. And still dressed in those dirty, bloodstained clothes you had worn the last time he saw you before he blacked out. As soon he moved in the bed, trying to readjust himself, you immediately bolted up from your seat, bleary-eyed yet you still had the energy to help him get comfortable before setting back down.

“Welcome back.” You said in a monotone voice, releasing a low groan. He winced slightly at hearing the bones in your neck being popped back into place as you moved your head from left to right.

“How do you feel? You need me to get the nurse? Bitch hasn’t been around since the shift change…’bout three hours ago? Christ on a stick it’s hard to keep track of time. Oh yeah, before I forget,” You stood from the chair again, rummaging in your pockets before pulling out a slip of paper, holding it out to him. “Your daughter called my cell. Dunno how she got it, maybe Loona gave it to her, but she sounded pretty damned scared. Can’t blame the poor girl.” You narrowed your eyes, mouth curling into a contemplative frown. “It’s weird that she didn’t call you first. Maybe….she was worried your…spouse would change her mind and have Striker finish the job.”

He stared at you, wide-eyed and very confused at your attentiveness. “Why?” He whispered.

“Hm?”

“Why….are you here?” He asked. “Blitzy couldn’t make time to see me, so he sent you instead.” He felt tears building up in the back of the eyes, much to his embarrassment and frustration. “Why is it that he can send an employee yet he can never face me without making up an excuse that he’s working or it’s too soon to fulfill our arrangement!?” He snapped, feathery chest heaving up and down before he quickly wiped away his face with the back of his hand.

You said nothing. Instead…you took a few steps toward him and sat on the edge of his bed. “No one sent me to check on you, Your Highness. I am here….because I was worried about you. No strings attached, no last minute requests from the boss. And I am honestly glad you are all right. You’re a Goetia, you’re stronger than tens of thousands of sinners like myself combined. But today was a close call. You could have died….and I should’ve been there sooner. No…Blitzø should have been on top of everything. I know he’s a father too, but Christ I don’t know what goes through that guy’s head sometimes.” You sighed, running a hand through your hair. “He’s a hot mess. He’s toxic. He’s got issues….and he’s trying. That means a lot more than you think. But…if you feel like this…arrangement is going nowhere…cut yourself loose before you get too deep that you can’t pull out.”

Stolas narrowed his eyes. “What do you mean?” He asked. You didn’t answer him immediately; instead, you stood up from the bed and fluffed up his pillows, placed the piece of paper in his open palm and strode over to the chair to collected the jacket you used as a blanket, heading towards the door but stopping with your hand hovering over the knob. You looked back at him.

“I’ve said my piece, Your Highness. Visiting hours will be over soon, but I’ll make sure the nurse stops by here before the lights go out. I wish I could help you more, believe me…it’s just….you’ve got to sort out how you feel about my boss on your own. And seriously, give your daughter a call before she starts blowing up my phone in a panic-induced frenzy.”

You then left, closing the door softly behind you, leaving Stolas to ponder on your words and…his current situation. Sighing, he leaned forward, grabbing his Hellphone off the side table and dialing the number.

What he did not realize at the time is that you did care about him, more than an assassin should care about their employer. All you wanted is Stolas to be happy, even if he might never find happiness with you.

Why else would you be leaning against the door outside of his room for almost ten minutes trying to calm your racing heart before going to find someone to check in on him?

Taglist:

@isuckatwritingsobenice

@thatstonedwriter

@myafterlifeisbetterthenyours

@angelltheninth

@vikkirosko

@nixie-writes

@nunezs-stuff

@mitra555

@lbcreations-blog

@chroniccorvus

@food-theorys-blog

@atttwoood

@crystalrose36

@aurora-rose-miller

#an idyllic novelist #helluva boss headcanon #helluva boss x reader #helluva boss blitzo #helluva boss stolas #stolitz #stolas goetia #stolas helluva boss #helluva boss season 2 #helluva boss spoilers #stolas goetia x reader #stolas #stolas x reader

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lbcreations-blog · 7 months

Note

Any chance of an Imp-Reader (Female or Gender-neutral, ur choice) that often hangs out with Blitz and Stolas, they all like eachother but nobody has confessed to one another- and Reader often keeps getting left behind in their 'group' outings

Not on purpose, the other two just get distracted- and don't realize that each time Reader is left behind, they fall further into a depression- one day they get left behind again, and this time they get abducted and hurt.

The boys find out and find them in the hospital and realize they messed up, and apologize and confess their feelings and reassure Reader they won't leave them behind again.

𝐚 𝐡𝐮𝐫𝐭 𝐟𝐨𝐫 l͟o͟v͟e͟

Masterlist

You loved hanging with blitz and stolas, they are amazing friends. Thats what you would say if you didn't have a crush on both of them, so its more like. You loved hanging with blitz and stolas, they are amazing demons to crush on.

But there was only one problem. They keep leaving you out when hanging out.

You weren't sure if they were doing it on purpose but it definitely felt like it.

Anyway present day you were getting ready to go out with the two, to a circus that recently came about in the greed ring.

As you were getting dressed you thought about what would be there and what you would do with the two, but then you stopped mid getting dressed, and realized.

What if they leave you behind again?

......

You decided to cross that bridge when you get to it... if that happens. It wont, they are you're friends... Right?

------------------------------

*A a half an hour later*

------------------------------

"Hhhmmm i wonder where reader is" Stolas said while stading next to blitz at the entrance of the Circus. "All i know is they are late" Blitz commented

"hey guys!" you said loudly to get there attention to say you are here. "gee what took you so long, mmmm?" Blitz said while stading in a pose.

"Traffic was shit"

"Yea traffic is always shity" Blitz said back to you "well, at least, you are here" stolas said

"Yea 6 minutes late" you said back "well lets get going dont wanna stand here all day, now do we?" Blitz said "ofcourse not blitzy"

--------------------------

10 minutes later at one of the activities to do while waiting for the show to start

--------------------------

"Oooo blitzy your so good at this" stolas said in awe at blitzs amazing technique at the game. "yea whatever you say" blitz responded. "hey why not after this we go to the-" "lets go there blitzy" "yea sure that shit looks fun" did they... Just... Ignore you?.. Again?

Mabye they didn't hear you. Yea thats right, they didn't hear you. What are you talking about join your friends.

"Oooo blitzy your so good at this~" sotas said "yea ofcourse i am" blitz responded "so how did you get-" "hey check that shit stolas lets try that one out" blitz said while walking over to it. "oh yes that seems fun" stolas said while following blitz.

Oh no not again they ignored you another time. Mabye they really don't like you, i mean why would you even 'like like' them in the first place? If they dont like you

You know what? your thinking shit, just watch the show and hang out with your friends! Ya be postive! Now where are they again. Yea they should be at that sta- they are not there.

Crap where did they go?

Whatever mabye you should just sit in the show tent and wait for them there they will find you. Yea, you'll do that!

_________

"Man where is this tent?" you said while looking for it in the sea of demons. "i can help hot stuff" you look to the side to see a shark demon said that. 'this guy looks sus' you thought.

"Yea no thanks" you said looking at the shark demon "common it will be great im not bad or anything" he responded back "says the demon" you said while looking for the tent again "thats it" he said with a groan "thats wha-" "come here!"

He shouted while easily kidnapping you.

(Why was it easy? Well you couldn't react in time from shock i guess)

____________

In the show tent

____________

"i wonder where reader is" stolas said to blitz. "they are probably on the toilet, stolas" blitz responded "yea you're right, hope they get here on time" stolas said back "yea, you hope, the lines looked pretty fucking long though"

_____________

'where... am I?' You thought 'wait! Am I tied up?! Yes I am, shit. Shit shit shit' you frantically look around the room to see if there is a way out. No nothing, just a door which is probably locked in case if you get out your restraint.

Now as you realize it, you kinda feel really sore and numb on your left leg. You look down at your leg. Wait is that a... gash! Your clothes right there on your leg is ripped as if a hellhound tried to rip your entire leg off but failed. That's a lot of skin and meet gone.

Just who did this? And why?

______________

A few minutes later

------------------

You decided to try and get out of your restraints. And funny enough, it. Worked! Which was amazing, but there was one problem. Your legs pain fully came through once you got up. And it hurt like shit.Oh well you were just ganna have to deal with it.

You walked up to the door to see if it would open. And it... Opened? Huh odd. This ether is a test or they are just fucking dumb. You walked through the place cautiously, and somehow you got out.

Now all you need is a taxi to get to sloth which is fucking far hopefully you have enough money in your pocket.

_________________

With stolas and blitz at the circus

________________

"the shows over and they aren't here" blitz said "do you think they are alright" stolas asked "yea they are pro-" 𝚙𝚑𝚘𝚗𝚎 𝚛𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚒𝚗𝚐

"who the hell could be calling me now?" blitz said as he answered the phone "what!?" blitz said into the hellphone "is this a blitz-O?" the demon over the phone said

"the O's silent! what the crap do you want?!" blitz responded "a demon by the name of reader L/N has been admitted into the hospital" the demon said "shit!" blitz exclaimed "what is it?" stolas asked "reader is in the hospital" blitz replied "oh my, we should get there quickly, I'll teleport us there, come now"

----------

With you

----------

'maybe they dont care about me, i mean i already been through surgery and have been in this hospital room for 10 minutes' you thought

Suddenly the door barged open "reader are you okay/alright?" stolas and blitz said at the same time "oh i thought you guys forgot me" you said in a tired monotone voice. "what do you mean, how could we forget you?" stolas asked.

"what? You guys literally ignore me on all the outtings we go on, and its been about, i think, two hours since ive been admitted into the hospital" you said

Realisation hits the two like a truck on a highway "oh my, im, im so sorry, i had no idea" stolas said "we, we had no idea reader" blitz said "and to think i have a crush on you guys" you said not realizing what was coming out your mouth

"wait you have a crush... On us?" stolas said slowly while blushing. You blush realising what you said. "well satan i cant believe it" blitz said blushing slightly

"what?" you asked "well we" blitz said "we both have a crush on you aswell" stolas said a bit quickly "wait what?" you asked "we talked about it not too long ago, we just weren't to sure how to tell you" stolas said

"but we promise you we wont leave you behind again" stolas said to you in reinsurance "ya we wont let any asshole hurt you again!" blitz said proudly. You giggled at blitzs loud goofyniss

"thanks guys"

Tᕼᗴ ᗴᑎᗪ

This was a long one but pretty nice to wright i hope you enjoyed it anon

I bid you a good day/night

(i just realized reader has a similar personality to charlie, just... Why!?)

#helluva boss #helluva boss x reader #Stolas #stolas x reader x blitzo #stolas x reader #blitzo #blitzo x reader #helluva boss blitzo #Helluva boss stolas #helluva boss stolitz

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viktheviking1 · 6 months

Text

Confession

“I’ll just get right into it. I am so so sorry. About everything. About trying to steal your book, about pretending I was there to reconnect- ah shit, I haven’t even apologized for tricking you into helping me rob your parents’ castle. I’m sorry for that, and I’m sorry for insulting you. Oh, but I'm going out of order now. Um, I’m also sorry for seducing you so that I could steal your book, and for making you use ‘owl shart’ as a safe word, telling you that your books on plants and frogs were boring . . . aw fuck, I’m out of order again.”

Sighing, he gestured at himself and continued, “Look, I’m a shitty person. I was shitty from the day I was born and I’ve only gotten shittier since. Honestly, it’s a fucking miracle that you managed to put up with me for as long as you did. I . . . I know I can’t take back the past. There are so, so many things I would change if I could. I’ve hurt so many people, and that’s not including the f**ks I kill for a living. Ugh. No, scratch that part.

Placing his elbows on his knees and holding his hands together, Blitz leaned forward, looking down at the groudn, “Point is, I thought that I was, like a curse, or a disease that needed to be cured. So I never let anyone get too close, and for a while, it seemed to work. I got to keep them, and their lives weren’t ruined; I thought it was a win-win, but they moved on, and I . . . I was left behind; the consequence of my own actions biting me in the ass. I was- I've been lonely and it didn't even work. I did hurt them all, in the end, because turns out, they wanted the one thing I refused to give them. The deepest, darkest, dampest, shittiest parts of me. Now, I don’t know why you would want to be exposed to that mess, but I don’t want to run anymore. I think . . . I think I’m finally ready to fight for what I want. And what I want is . . . is you. I don’t know how we’d make it work but . . . I don’t care what we have to face, if you would just let me . . .” He sighed again, closing his eyes, “Let me stay by your side, in whatever way you can allow . . . I will stay because . . . because I love-”

The words stopped suddenly, as Blitz opened his eyes . . .

Read the rest on The Pompous and The Prick!

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cloudzzcore · 2 months

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Stolas x Artist!GN!Reader headcanons

This might short bc I’m kinda tired

When you two meet you were the one painting the Goetias family’s portrait. And you had such amazing talent! Everything was so accurate.

Stella didn’t like how much Stolas would talk to you while he was giving you reference photos, He was infatuated with you.

How you spoke, how organized you were with your paints, how could you stand talking to Stella and not get annoyed by her.

You were just an Enigma to Stolas because of last thing.

When you packing up he definitely pulled you aside to ask for you number.. For you paint the next portrait of just him..

Just him. Definitely not to get to know you more.

Your first date definitely was a painting date, the both of you having drinks while painting.

You taught Stolas different painting styles.

Stolas probably accidentally drank his paint water at some point thinking it was his wine.

Ugh I hate how short this is but I literally have no ideas rn.

#stolas #stolas goetia #stolas x reader #helluva boss #helluva boss stolas #stolas x you #helluva boss stolitz #helluva boss season 2 #helluva #helluva boss x reader

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passionateseadruid · 2 months

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Double feature

please note! Valentino is in here, if he makes you uncomfortable feel free to skip over. If you want to see him being trashed proceed.

Stella: Why does he think that’s okay to wear? Going to the strip club?

Blitzø in drag: That’s a nice mansion you got. Do you have a husband?

Stella: Yes…

Blitzø: What’s his name?

Stella: Stolas.

Blitzø: Okay. *walks away*

Stella: Where are you going?

Blitzø: OH STOLAS! DO YOU WANT A WIFE THATS NOT A RAGING CU-

////////////////////

Valentino: Oh hello there Cariño

Asha: Oh please no…

Valentino: Come on. Don’t be a prude.

Asha: I don’t even know who you are, please don’t hit on me.

Valentino: Really? You must be knew. I’m Valentino. I run the p*rn industry.

Asha: Valen- Do you by any chance have a partner Valentino?

Valentino: Well I do have an on again off again relationship with my dear Voxxy over there. But don’t worry about him. He’s not involved with my projects.

Asha: Oh~ convenient~

Valentino: What do you mean darli-

Asha: OH VOXIE? DO YOU WANT A WIFE THAT’S NOT A R@PIST SKANK

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itsmarsss · 1 month

Text

Scandalous (Blitzø x Fem!Succubus!Reader x Stolas) [Helluva Boss] pt. 1 - The Prince

How the mighty do fall.

(Getting into a weird three-way situation with an imp and a succubus isn’t exactly considered classy, Stolas.)

pt. 2 | pt. 3 | pt. 4 | pt. 5 | 1st bonus

Word count: 1,520

Warnings: I mean. depression. arranged marriage. this part doesn’t contain actual sex only mentions of it but others might idk, me taking myself way too seriously writing this, this has no dialogue but don’t give up on me im actually a pretty dialogue heavy person but this only works if this chapter has no dialogue

If you ever asked Stolas, he’d say he was never one to cause a scene.

If you asked anyone else, they’d say he’s lying.

Stolas had always been fond of a little drama and drawn to a bit of flair, akin to exaggeration and grandeur like no other. Be it in the way he speaks, acts or reacts to hell around him, be it how he expresses his emotions or his thoughts and even his feelings towards others.

Emotions, thoughts, feelings. Stolas was always full of those, ever since he was an ugly, pink, featherless little project of a bird. They have been all-consuming ever since he can remember. And he remembers.

Stolas can recall the confusion in his father’s voice whenever he cried as a kid, as if the action was strange and foreign, unfit for a demon like him.

And perhaps it was.

Stolas remembered many things, and yet he could not recall a single time he had seen his father cry- or show any sort of weakness, for the matter. Paimon was always stern and centered, and Stolas is sure the only thing close to weakness he’s ever expressed was his inability to be more than his status- to be an actual father. He doubted his father would consider that a weakness. What was fatherhood next to being royal, anyways, right?

It was disconcerting to grow up certain that, between his father and all of his brothers, he was, without a doubt, the weakest. After all, how could he not be? He was scared, of a many things, most of the time. He felt things too deeply in his heart and he worried too much and too often about too many things. He was aware of all of that.

But, as he grew up, Stolas decided he was fine with it, if he meant he got to genuinely feel things. Because Octavia had come to exist, and he could never in his heart find the willpower to act as cold to her as his own father did to him.

Yes, he decided he was fine with being weak, if that’s what being able to love unconditionally took. He was fine with being weak, if that’s what being loved took.

He may not have loved his father, or even liked him, for the matter. But he promised to himself he’d do anything it took for Octavia to love him.

And how it filled him with pure and utter joy to feel loved for the first time in his life.

He may not have loved Stella, either, but their union had brought him his daughter, and nothing in the entirety of the universe mattered more to him than her. And so he was grateful for their arrangement, after all, despite the bitterness of it all.

With Octavia’s teenage years came the flood, though. Stolas cried himself to sleep almost every single night for years to come as he was reminded of the fact that being grateful for what his marriage brought him was not enough to make him happy to be in the situation in which he found himself, unable to exist as he was inside of his own home without fearing the judgement of a wife who loved him just as much as he loved her - not even a tiny little bit- and unable to shield his daughter from the unhappy family he’d once feared she would have to endure.

Stella was never someone Stolas particularly liked. In fact, he quite disliked her, from the moment he laid eyes on her as his father told him they were betrothed to one another, at much too young of an age.

At first, it surely was purely the hatred for the fact that his fate was tied to her and there was nothing he could do to escape, and the sense of impending doom that came with every year that passed as he knew he grew closer to approaching the day there would be turning back, and watched the time pass as an expectator of his own life, as there was nothing he could really do but comply.

Royal life had its renounces.

When the day came for their marriage to be sealed, the moment finally materializing itself as real instead of bad news he’d try to push away and avoid dwelling into for too long, Stolas promised himself he’d try to get over those feelings and make an effort to know her better. If they would be tied to one another from this moment on, he could at least try to make it all not so miserable.

It was a task set to fail.

When Octavia was conceived, Stolas felt nothing but relief. After all, this entire situation was based purely on business, all-dependent on the birth of an heir. Which meant, in some way, they were a bit more free than before. However much that can be in the situation they found themselves in.

Relief came first, dread came second. At only 19 years old, what did Stolas know of parenting anyway? Logically, he knew this would be happening. Logically, he’d known that for almost a full decade. Logically, that should have been enough for him to be prepared.

But he felt anything but prepared. How was he, who felt lost at all times, who cried at the slightest things, who didn’t ask for all of this, supposed to be a father? What twisted parameters did he have, considering his own?

He only hoped time would ease those feelings.

Throughout the years, he learned those feelings never do leave you, and that parenthood is forever a state of worry. You never truly feel ready- there’s just not much more that you can do than try your best.

To be loved by Octavia was enough. Or… at least it should be, shouldn’t it? Was it selfish, or perhaps even inconsiderate, unfair to her that at times he found himself longing to be loved by someone who’s existence wasn’t bound to him? Wishing to know if someone would ever care not because they were betrothed to him and not because they were his own blood, but simply because they liked who he was? Enjoyed his company? Felt genuine attraction towards him?

When thoughts of the sorts consumed him it was to not punish himself mentally for thinking such frivolous things, for having such superficial wishes. But it wasn’t hard to figure out where it all stemmed from. After all, when the only partner you ever have ever had in your entire life hadn’t any say in choosing you, it’s only natural to wonder what it would be like to be with someone who did choose him.

When you’ve had no say in choosing the only partner you’ve ever had in your life, in turn, it’s only ever natural, too, to wonder what it would be like with someone you would have chosen to be with. Someone who excited you, who made you feel things. Stolas didn’t even know what exactly those things were supposed to be, but longed to feel them nonetheless.

The day Blitzo, someone he hadn’t heard of in decades, was caught trying to sneak into his palace, during the most depressing party ever thrown in all seven reals, Stolas felt excitement for the first time in a long while. It’s almost like his brain had a reaction before he even processed it. Like it was stuck repeating the same thing over and over and over: Friend. Friend. Friend.

Sure, Blitzo wasn’t his friend. They hadn’t been friends for, once again, literal decades. In fact, they had only ever been friends for about a day.

But Blitzo was his first ever friend. And you don’t just forget that. He never would, at least.

And that night they spent together, something in Stolas changed. That night, he felt wanted. For the first time in his life, he felt desired. For the first time in his life, sex wasn’t just business. It wasn’t just an obligation or a means to an end. For the first time in his life, sex was fun.

He knew it was supposed to be fun. He knew it was fun for most people. He had just stopped hoping it would ever be fun for him.

And, sure, he also knew what they did was wrong. But he couldn’t get himself to care as much as he probably should have, because, truth be told, Stella could pretend to have been hurt by it however much she wanted, but they both knew she never really was.

“That was the sound of a fucking divorce!”

A couple hours later, sitting on his bed in shock, he could still barely believe he had really just done what he did- what they should have done so long ago- and Stolas just started laughing to himself. The more he laughed, the harder it was to stop. He knew he just had to look like a maniac like that, but couldn’t possibly get himself to care, because, for only a split second did the thought of not being supposed to let his servants see him in that state pass through his mind, but it only made him laugh harder.

He’d just announced his divorce to the wife he’d been set to marry since birth, can’t be much more scandalous than that.

A/N: would you believe me if i said this started as an idea for what was supposed to be only a funny silly little oneshot with dick jokes and public embarrassment?

Requests for Blitzø and Blitzø x Stolas are open! I’m also SO hyperfixated on this show rn so if y’all wanna chat abt hcs or this series be my guest I’d be happy to talk and i don’t bite unless asked nicely luv y’all <3

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