#tanakh sexyman

[tanakhsexyman]

Congratulations to Moshe Rabbeinu, winner of the 2023 Tanakh Sexyman bracket!

#jumblr #tanakh sexyman #moses

[ofpd]

my case for david for the tanakh sexyman poll is not that he's a sexy man (although. he is) but that he's a sexyman. the jews (& christians for that matter) saw the extremely shitty things he did and decided to be so so obsessed with him anyway. like the onceler or smth

#tanakh sexyman #txt #100

[monsterfxkr69420]

DAVID SWEEP

#tanakh sexyman #jumblr #king david

[ladymaplecourt]

I've been following the @tanakhsexyman competition and I feel like everyone is overlooking the angel that wrestled with Jacob. This is objectively the sexiest entity in the tanakh, and because I am who I am I will shout about it into the void in hopes of converting others to my cause (probably incoherently, I wrote this at 1am and am to lazy to edit the draft).

Let's start with the surface level. The word used for "angel" here can also be translated as "messenger", so it's possible that this was not an angel but a human man on a mission from G-d. Either way, we know that this 'angel' appeared to Jacob as a man, strong and graceful and shining with an undeniable aura of the Holy One.

Hot.

But there are a bunch of hot guys in the tanakh. What makes this angel Sexyman Supreme?

Upon fighting the angel, Jacob is cemented as the origin point for the nation that would become the Jewish people. He is given the name Israel, meaning "wrestled with G-d." The angel in this instance is a stand in for G-d. It is the challenge faced by our forefathers, made physical. G-d had contended with others at that point– Adam and Noah and Abraham and Isaac– but in this moment G-d decided to give his follower the chance to fight back, and so every challenge thus far was concentrated down into a beefy man that Jacob could grab and grapple and pin to the earth.

The angel, in turn, has great strength: even a tap to the leg dislocates Jacob's hip. And yet it knows it is not supposed to win, so it restrains itself, allowing Jacob to unleash his fears and frustration until he reaches a point where he can hold G-d (or the closest approximation) in his arms and take the Holy One's blessing from it. And then the angel rights itself, changes the fate of a nation, and walks off into the dawn with Israel calling out after it.

Now tell me that is not the sexiest thing you've ever heard.

#tanakh sexyman #jumblr

[journey-to-judaism]

the reason there’s no tanakh sexyWOMAN competition is bc we all know ruth would win by default

#fight me on this #tanakh sexyman

[alagaisia]

I’m going to say it. I think Moses is going to win the tanakh sexyman bracket.

It’s all fun and games voting for trees and rocks and background characters, but even aside from the picture chosen, I can’t imagine *not* voting for Moses. I don’t care if he’s a sexyman or not. Like. That’s my guy. It’s him! It’s a silly little tumblr poll and I am not very religious at all but he is the main guy. To me. I’m sure all these other stories are just as important rabbinically speaking and in terms of like creating and protecting the Jewish people. But my dad did not read them to me every year at Passover while we all participated in Rituals™️!

And I have to imagine others feel the same way since he’s cleaning up right now with 75% while everyone else’s polls are closer together.

#I also wrote an essay once where I stumbled into realizing a way to relate to Moses as someone raised in an interfaith household #like. he was raised by the Pharaoah! he probably was not brought up perfectly in line with Jewish traditions #and with like a super complete knowledge of his people and culture and religion #like. how often might he have worried about fitting in with other more educated Jews and if he knew enough and did things right and like #then he had to lead everyone??? like! one must imagine a man simply wracked with imposter syndrome #so now I’m like. that’s my buddy Moses. #and exodus and Passover are so foundational to like. my experience of Judaism and my identity. somehow #anyway. Moses sweep. let’s go. #tanakh sexyman #Judaism #mine

[magnetothemagnificent]

The fact that Yosef and Yonatan were voted out of @tanakhsexyman is blatant homophobia and transphobia :(

#yosef was literally so beautiful #jumblr #if jew know jew know #tanakh sexyman

[lavenderdame]

I can't believe Samson lost to a fucking fish, you're all Philistines and I'm kicking in the walls as we speak

#tanakh sexyman

[rel312]

The Tanakh Sexyman bracket could very well end in Moses vs the Rock and I think that would be the most hilarious outcome

#not to be confused with The Rock #I’d love to see who would win #tanakh sexyman

[evilwickedme]

Yonatan won the tanakh sexyman of my heart and that's what really matters

#tanakh sexyman #jumblr #jew tag #gail speaks

[tanakhsexyman]

Tanakh Sexyman Finals

#jumblr #tanakh sexyman #jacob's angel #moses

[ofpd]

told my dad about the tanakh sexyman tournament and he was like "well there's an obvious answer to that" and i was like "yosef?" and he was like "oh yeah that's a good one too. but i was thinking of boaz" so my dad thinks you all don't have taste

#yosef and boaz both really shouldve gotten past round 2 but its ok.... #tanakh sexyman #txt

[monsterfxkr69420]

just know that when you voted against david you really hurt a jewish girl with a david shrine in her room

#tanakh sexyman #jumblr #king david

[treecove]

joseph..... ur at least a second place sexyman in my heart (sorry moses is my number 1. cause i mean. it's moses!)

#tanakh sexyman

[socialist-microwave-laser]

me: why are there no torah commentator memes? like, i can't think of any specific one to make, but i know the vibe would just be impeccable. there needs to be rashi memes and maimonides memes and all that, and there needs to be memes of the talmudic sages yelling at each other. it's a completely untapped market, it would be a fucking hit on jumblr! like, okay. so you know how for supernatural there's like deangirls and samgirls and casgirls, and how popular that is? i think there should be that but for the rabbinical comentators. like are you a rashigirl or an ibn ezragirl or a rambamgirl or whatever

my roommate, both earbuds in, just trying to practice for their piano test tomorrow: yeah

#jumblr #jewish memes #judaism #torah study #tanakh sexyman #bc i think people in that tag would agree #i have a paper due in one hour that i need to finish but i can't stop thinking about this

[bisexualmoses]

The decisions that are being made in the tanakh sexyman poll…

To jumblr:

#tanakh sexyman #okay to reblog