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antepenultimatefantasy · 4 years

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FFX Playthrough Part 3

How to Meet Jocks 1,000 Years in the Future

-Tidus awakens on a sunny beach with a bunch of tan muscly men.

-Finally, some good fucking content.

-Oooh the boys want to see his moves ;)

-I always wondered. What are the “Abes” of the Zanarkand Abes? Like Abe Lincoln?

-Also, how old is Wakka? He looks simultaneously 25 and 55.

-I just love how Wakka tells Tidus that Sin is their punishment for letting things get out of hand just as the camera pans over two Aurochs taking a ball straight to the face.

-Wakka straight up spanks Tidus into the lake.

-Oooh then bear hugs him from behind to get him to join his “team.” Y’all. This subtext.

-Oh, Wakka’s 23.

-It is wild how young FF characters are. These dudes are saving the universe at 16. I was still wearing boot cut jeans at 16!

- Also, the fact Wakka has never thought of winning as a strategy. Sweet summer child.

-You know, people sure are impatient with Tidus for having this (apparently) very common memory affliction.

-This moment of Wakka teaching Tidus the Yevon prayer is very intimate though.

-Honestly, I think I ship Tidus and Wakka?

-We all learn about ourselves in Spira

-Tidus is in a temple for all of two minutes before offending everyone. They all act like Boomers from Indiana who see their first ever drag queen.

-Oof nap dreams are always the trippiest

-Is it just me, or does Tidus’s mom sound like Anna Faris?

-And when Tidus runs into the Cloister of Trials, it’s our first of many examples of the Tidus Savior Complex. Which is usually paired with the Tidus Dumbass Complex.

-I love the various Cloisters of Trials.

-Their music always reminds me of the X-Files theme

-Tidus seems very unfazed by like every magical thing that happens in the temple. Glowing symbols making walls blow up? Whatev.

-Love that epic shade from Lulu

-Who…are you?

-Just as our first cinematic of Tidus is very sweaty, so too is Yuna’s.

-Tidus is surprised that it’s not an old person, but can you imagine FFX but with Yuna as like an 80-year-old? That would kick ass.

-Valefor is yet another unrealistic body image standard for women.

-I think I’m going to name her Shakira

-Really, Tidus? You didn’t know that everything changed before talking to Yuna? Like you get teleported 1,000 years into the future and you don’t think the course of your destiny is maaaaybe a little different?

-The old lady saying “Stay away from the summoner” in that frail little voice is truly iconic. She should be Grand Maester.

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-Oh dang! I get the option of telling Wakka that Yuna’s not my type! Ifyaknowwhatimean….

-Oof, I forgot how many weird daddy issue dreams there are frontloaded at this game

-Lulu’s first cinematic is perfect. She speaks for the people! We’re all tired of Wakka’s shit!

-Dang, Yuna! You’re just gonna leave your luggage at the foot of the temple like that?

-Having played this game multiple times now, the foreshadowing about what it really means to be a summoner is so well done.

-Yass, Daddy Kimahri! Fuck up that dumb twink.

-Yuna is super blasé about Kimahri trying to run Tidus through with a halberd. “Hahaha, what can ya do?”

-Shakira, of course, dominates her first battle.

-OMG Lulu just got a doll that blinds people!

-Her reign of terror begins. Next stop: 255 strength, baby!

#Final Fantasy #ffx #ffx tidus #ffx yuna #ffx wakka #ffx lulu #ffx kimahri #playthrough

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critrateup · 6 years

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Run It Back: Kingdom Hearts 1.5 -- The Introduction and Destiny Islands

The title screen of Kingdom Hearts remains to be my favorite intros in all of games. Dearly Beloved is a theme which by now has been arranged, reprised, and remixed into about a dozen official versions. It’s a theme so iconic that rather than start fresh with an entirely new track for each new series entry, it’s been repurposed as an overture of sorts -- every reimagining of the track can tell you something about tone, beats, and themes present in the game ahead. In this instance, the theme has a somewhat melancholy bass line married to a flittering melody. The rhythm goes in an unhurried circle arriving back unto itself, accompanied by the sounds of waves gently crashing onto the shore. Sora stands in a beautiful watercolor illustration, alone and looking out at the sea. Like most of the other parts of the game that I remember fondly, the elements come together in a way that just feels right. Sora is alone, and though his expression is relaxed you get the feeling that he isn’t quite happy either. There’s a touch of mourning to the scene, which stands as a somewhat abrupt contrast to the expectations one would bring to a licensed Disney game in the early 2000’s -- something was different this time, and it was exciting!

The menu options are unfussy. You can start a new game or load a save (and in the case of the ReMIX versions, back out to the game select screen), and upon starting a new file you’re greeted with an intro cinematic. The cinematic starts with a beautifully rendered cloudscape that flashes the title in an unstylized, spartan, and serif’d font, and fades into a scene with Sora voiced by Haley Joel Osmant narrating his thoughts. It feels a little surreal, with him floating in space eyes half closed, wondering aloud to himself if he can trust his grasp of reality anymore. It sets the tone for the series, and places its production values front and center with a flashy cinematic delivering visuals well beyond what the hardware could deliver and professional Hollywood voice acting on par with what we’d expect from a Disney production yet surpassing performances we’d heard from up to that point. It also captures a certain angst that just resonated really well with 14 year old me. My stresses were piled high though I wouldn’t know to call them that at the time. I was just beginning to process some intense personal trauma that had occured very recently; national tragedy had struck the year before, with 9/11 and the G.W Bush Administration altering the course of American politics; and of course I was just entering high school, and all the baggage that brings along. Something about the way Sora saw himself falling from the sky, eyes closed and unable or unwilling to take control of his descent, resonated close and hard with me.

This is also the first time we hear the iconic Simple and Clean track, here as the -PlanitB Mix- with clubby vibe that marks the dramatic sweeps of the chorus have just a little more flair. The soundtrack to Kingdom Hearts was so good that it led to me hunting down a copy of the soundtrack at Tower Records. The craziest thing to me was that it had a domestic release (!) complete with the english (!!) versions of the Utada tracks and an unabridged, two-disc version of the soundtrack. Yoko Shimomura has since become a favorite composer of mine, to the point where I’d instantly recognized her work when I saw the first Final Fantasy XV trailer.

As a somewhat technical aside, The PS4 remaster runs at 60 frames per second, while the original ran at about 30. While the gameplay with look and act much smoother as a result, it is worth noting that the animation in the cutscenes has been keyed to 30fps resulting in a visual discontinuity when moving to and from cutscenes to live gameplay. It’s understandable, but it also shows the beginnings of what will be a recurring question with the remastered version of the game running on modern hardware: should the game be presented as the original was in 2002, and what should be modernized to make the game more akin to something of a remaster (or ReMIX in KH parlance) in 2013 then again in 2017. Although I recognize the sheer amount of work hours it would have taken to go back and essentially reanimate every cutscene in the game would border on absurd, it does give the impression that there was some work the developers and management at Square Enix were seemingly willing and unwilling to do in a re-presentation of the game -- this is not a no-holds-barred recreation of the original, nor is it quick and dirty supplanting of the original. Rather, it’s something that lands in the world between, and I’ll be noting such seems as they occur to me.

The opening with the stained glass figures is still striking as ever, and the constant moody, cryptic narration sets the mysterious vibe well. There’s a short sequence of actual gameplay that gives a brief tutorial of basic movement and attacking controls, then asks you with somewhat cryptic messages to essentially choose a build for your playthrough. I chose defense as my boosted stat in my original playthrough because of the way it’s worded. “The power of the guardian. Kindness to aid friends. A shield to repel all.” Of course these were values that I was All About™ but to be frank in later years when I discovered speedrunners and disgustingly destructive magic builds I became all about them, and would probably have never chosen Defense as a buffed stat in any of my playthroughs to begin with. It’s telling how effective the copy is when I still feel a pang of shame in sacrificing the shield as my default stat nerf.

The opening moments of gameplay on the Destiny Islands are totally unremarkable, and serve to highlight a coming weakness in the game -- namely, the clunky as hell platforming, with something of an identity crisis to come. It attempts to make stages interesting and fun by including varied elements of traversal and platforming, but the game’s unforgiving movement and jumping mechanics make it a difficult sell. With small ledges, an obtuse camera, finicky movement and facing requirements, a seeming lack of jump buffering and ledge forgiveness (more on that here https://www.patreon.com/posts/gamemaker-tips-14531948), getting precise movement out of Sora takes a whole lot of patience. Some of this will later be alleviated with Metroidvania-esque upgrades like a glide and a high jump, but running through the game’s platforming challenges with a vanilla Sora is tedious. Punishment for missing jumps can be harsh, reminiscent of Ratchet and Clank’s Planet Novalis Waterworks where a single misstep would send you to the back of the line to redo an entire sequence.

There’s something kind of cool and again telling in the way the tides are rendered on the beach. They’re GIF-y, cycling between a few frames of canned sea foam animation. Out of place as they may look running natively on a Playstation 4 in 2018, the way the gentle ebb and flow are rendered serve as a quaint reminder of the hardware that served the original entry -- it’s something of a momento mori for the videogame age.

The cave/secluded room on Destiny Islands has a bunch of really cool chalk drawings that I recommend you check out. Some of them seem to be of elements to come in the series, like the royal castle, starry adventures, and what even appears to be a Donald and Goofy. Weather intentional markers of the series’ now apparent time traveling and mysticism shenanigans or just fun little easter eggs for attentive players using the first person view function, it’s still a nice touch.

After some tedious gathering missions meant to familiarize you with the controls, Sora’s weighty movement, and some minor characters, the meat of the story begins to reveal itself. The introduction of the trio of Kairi, Sora, and Riku is mostly to the point -- Sora is excitable, smiley, and kind of a bag of rocks; Riku is intent on accompishing his goal of leaving the islands, seemingly in spite of the costs; and Kairi is kind if somewhat mischievous. There’s something of a love triangle painted between the three which serves to further drive their division in the coming cataclysm.

This is (to my knowledge) the only time the parents of Sora, Kairi, and Riku are even briefly acknowledged in the series. There’s a quick and disembodied line about dinner being ready at Sora’s house, and Kairi only briefly mentions family as the island is being torn apart from within. It’s kind of weird and maybe telling that Nomura and company weren’t sure how the game was going to do and what kind of future it may or may not have had coming. It’s a weird appendage to the series that seems impossible not to acknowledge.

And with that, the trio are sucked into the abyss, we get a glimpse of King Mickey’s castle, Riku in what we’ll later discover is Hollow Bastion, and Donald and Goofy are introduced. The story is told from and omniscient, cross-cutting point of view and I think it works for the most part. There are a lot of threads to keep track of, with characters we’re given lots of reasons to care about. In a game where the player character is one of a group of protagonists, each thematically and literally lost and in search of something, it creates a bigger payoff in dramatic tension to see them criss cross and near miss in pursuit of one another.

Next time, we’ll visit Traverse Town and discuss it’s soothing, soft-porn sax track at the crossroads of every world.

#CritRateUP++#kingdom hearts #game crit #ReRuns #Runitback #Run It Back

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esthermeronobaro · 7 years

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FYF Fest 2013: My Bloody Valentine Fairy Tale

This review was first published on slugmag.com on Aug. 30, 2013. Read it here. Photos: Tod Seelie

The Choice of a New Generation

Ten years ago I was 17 years old. I "road tripped" 40-minutes south of the small, sinkhole town I lived in to one slightly more populated (with rest homes) for my first concert at a venue imaginatively named the Electric Theater. The headliner didn't make it that night––van troubles or something––but I still have the ticket taped to the brick I claimed as my laptop and covered in Weezer stickers. That year also marked my first mutual boyfriend, and my very first kiss––also mutual.

Around the same time, a kid in Los Angeles named Sean Carlson, just a couple of years older than me in 2004, decided to "boldly go where no man has gone before"––probably to impress some babes––and started Fuck Yeah Fest by booking some shows in a bunch of venues around the city. Honestly, anything I write here about his story is speculation, as the "About" section on the FYF website was blank up until this year, when a lineup history magically appeared along with a link that makes me wish I had requested an interview with the man himself, rather than vying for time with the dazzling lineup of bands at this year's festival.

Regardless, the little information I could piece together about FYF's history, along with this telling Wikipedia page and the clever, generational details observed at FYF Fest 2013––from stages named after Sex and the City characters to the exclusively '90s movie sequel trailers playing after dark between sets on the main stage monitors––give me the confidence to declare that Carlson and I have a common goal, and this past weekend, we sold out together.

Nobody Jaywalks in LA

I have a love-hate relationship with Los Angeles. The reliable weather, the [overcast] beaches, the abundance of vegan food, and its general "vacation" vibe are all reasons why I forget how much I hate all the concrete, the snotty attitudes, the careless drivers and mind-numbing traffic. I know FYF Fest was organized by a like-minded individual because doors aren't until 2 p.m., which means plenty of time to sleep or read a book while shivering on a hotel towel in seagull-infested sand. On our way to one such aquatic adventure, a perfectly manicured 20-something bumps into the back of our rental, causing a few hours delay and ultimately leading to an untimely appearance at the festival, but I am happy to let Dan Deacon introduce me to my FYF 2013 experience. Technical difficulties result in an atypical Dan Deacon set that is more stand-up than music––which works out because I'd missed the comedy during the first part of the day. He makes fun of his balding head, apologizes for all the glitches and the fact this is, indeed, their final song, and manages to still blow me away in his final five minutes on stage with a rainbow light show, two frenetic live drummers, an improvised monologue, and electronic music that sounds like a band made up of Jane and Michael's playroom toys brought to life by Mary Poppins.

Eye Wonder Who Karen O Dates?

When I was a teenager, I used my weekly church attendance as a runway show. At school, I wore the same drab clothes as everyone else, but at church, I was ahead of every revivalist movement: goth, Bohemian, ’60s, ’90s––you name it. I was also a master hair braider, but that’s another story. Now, all I really care about is being comfortable, maximizing my assets and minimizing my … well, other ass-ets. Karen O lives out every minute of her stage life like the rowdiest runway show you’ll ever see––this ain’t no mall walkway with waifs in pastel––and for this reason (OK, and because the Yeah Yeah Yeahs’ music is awesome), I find myself at the Carrie Stage on Saturday night. The YYYs’ latest album, Mosquito, has already become a go-to on my playlists, and as Karen O comes on stage in a dirty-blonde bob, sparkling pantsuit (with shorts), pink knee socks and colorful sneakers and moves right into the title track, she sucks all the energy from the thousands gathered and blasts it back in wild yelps and guttural screams.

The songs move into each other seamlessly, congruent with Karen O’s wardrobe changes. They’re more raw and punk-infused live, and favorites include “Gold Lion,” “Runaway,” “Cheated Hearts” and “Sacrilege”––whose gospel wails follow me out of the festival at the end of the night. A thick, long bright-yellow cord connects to her mic and she moves it around her body like a snake, pulling it over her shoulder, spinning it above her head, and to everyone’s delight, pushing it into her open mouth as a long, throaty moan envelops us like an electric blanket bursting into flame on contact. She dons her famous studded “KO” leather jacket for “Zero,” and at one point, even pushes a headlamp onto her head like a third eye. Speaking of eyes: From the back of the stage, before anyone can look twice, a giant inflatable eyeball is pushed into the crowd midway through––which I guess has been happening at all of their shows, but is a complete surprise to me. As I watch the spectacular performance, all I can think is, “Damn, I wonder who Karen O dates.”

Beach House Lullabies

Sitting on my FYF Fest map, looking at everyone’s dirty faces while I wait for Beach House, I ease into Sunday. In back of the Carrie Stage, there looks to be a wall of vertical wires shimmering as the sun sets, like those fountains at fancy restaurants that look like pouring rain. The dream pop duo are joined by an extra musician so as to maintain the luscious layers of music they’ve created for nearly a decade. I’m far enough from the stage that the people are blurs of slow-moving flesh, but the background shows a starry mess of lights, supplementing the dingy L.A. sky above me, while puffs of smoke from the front of the stage look like bubbles. The coolness of Victoria Legrand’s whispers is complemented by blue lighting, and as the wire wall behind the band starts to move with crimson shapes and the audience sways back and forth, I feel like I’m watching a concert under the sea.

Family Matters

Across the country, Miley Cyrus is pushing her chicken butt into Robin Thicke as Solange drops to her knees with class on the Charlotte Stage in a bright, patterned sweater and Lisa Simpson haircut, gyrating to the funky, retro bass lines thumping behind her. "Let's turn this into a grind fest," she croons into the mic, and immediately, all the white kids around me drop two inches and start shuffling back and forth. Ever since watching 20 Feet From Stardom, I've been keen on any act with back-up singers, and I know that, regardless of Solange's down-to-earth vibe, the sister of Beyonce Knowles will surely boast some classic R&B bells and whistles. As her back-ups ooh and aah, giving the set glimpses of Destiny's Child influence, Solange shows off dance moves that are comparable to her big sis––though they'd feel more at home in an intimate club full of eclectic jazz-hounds than a post-apocalyptic music video set. It must be difficult to have your work constantly thrown up against that of a worldwide pop culture icon's––but really, don't we all live in Beyonce's shadow? As if reading our minds on whether her notable family members might be hiding backstage, Solange happily mentions her mom has come to watch, and lightly asks everyone to say, "Hello Mom." Now that there is no question as to whether or not Beyonce is present, we can enjoy Solange for who she is and what she has to offer: soulful, classic, booty-shakin' music with a '90s twist.

Well, What Other Bands Are There Now?

Sunday is a hazy blur of romantic waves. "We're in this together," is our mantra, and every piece of life and media thrown our way parallels the past year in a microscopic experience. The Breakfast Club plays out in the hotel room as we make our way to the metro, but sit on opposite ends of the aisle, looking past each other to the other side of the weekend in silent repose. As we walk inside, Flume beats like a mad heart in the aptly named Samantha Tent in the center of the grounds, and there we break apart to Melvins and Beach House, respectively, meeting back in the middle for Solange.

Washed Out's "Feel It All Around"permeates the festival grounds as we sit on a curb, sticking morbid PETA stickers on each other's plaid button-ups and thinking about not 10, but 20 years ago, when the '90s meant divorce and new schools and new friends. Washed Out fades away and 2005's summer anthem, "Time to Pretend," sounds out at the south end of the park on the Carrie Stage. Like an oracular beam of light, groups of kids walk past us toward the music, which becomes unfamiliar until the intro of "Kids" marches into our ears, and we know MGMT's set is nearly over, making room for a different tractor beam of noise.

Just about everyone has made jokes about it, but the warnings that pop up between flashes of inculcating "FYF Fest––Best Weekend Ever," trailers for Batman and Robin, and "Next Up … My Bloody Valentine," are very real, along with the bright orange earplugs we pick up at the info booth. This feels new, but in a regurgitated way, mimicking the nervous expectation of that first show I attended 10 years ago. The past six months have culminated into this recursive moment, which I've subconsciously set up as a reset to infinity. Taking a good five minutes to get my earplugs just right so I won't have to mess with them again, I wait in anticipation with everyone around me, but really, just one other person, because this is our moment. The lights drop and the letters "m b v" appear like blood surfacing on a swirling blue pool in the background. The stage looks crowded already with towers of amps, but as the musicians file in, they fit into their respective positions like the last pieces of a puzzle. Kevin Shields leans into the mic, and though I'm too far to make out facial features, and the giant monitors to each side show nothing, his shoulder-length, frizzy white hair is illuminated by the blue light behind him, giving his crisp and single "Hello" an ethereal quality.

I expect a wall of noise to push us all backward from the very first note, but we're eased into the music like a first kiss with one of my favorites, "I Only Said." My Bloody Valentine's most critically acclaimed album may be called "Loveless," but there is a tangible romance inside the static and reverb, which is why we're here together, arms wrapped around each other. I don't have most of the track names memorized, but I know Loveless' melodies and whispers by heart, and though muffled by the foam in my ears (which I end up repositioning so they're not quite so stifling), I smile wider with each song I recognize. We're enjoying the on-and-off violence of "Only Shallow" as the background turns to fiery noise, the amps opening their mouths like dragons and short, shadowed glimpses of Bilinda Butcher's sparkling red guitar––matching her hair and heels––move on the screens––and then silence. I look up from my sway and see the band still playing. More heads in the audience pop up and audible panic swells. The guitars turn back on like a switch, but it happens again, and I fear the magic lost. I feel like Dorothy, peering behind the curtain to see the truth. Just humans with big machines. All seems lost. For some in the audience, this is just another show, another checkmark on their list of bands to see, and these technical glitches are simply minor annoyances. To me, they're stabs in my back. Waves of doubt and despair wash over me as I question the past year-and-a-half, seemingly reflected in the blown speakers and five-minute interruption.

Shields announces the end of their set, apologizing for the difficulties and throwing us a bone by dubbing us their best audience thus far. It feels insincere and only makes it worse. They move into their final song, which I later find out is "You Made Me Realise," from their EP of the same name released in 1988. It's a discordant track, bouncier than anything on Loveless, but I'm frozen in place. The song seems to end, at least the melody, and in its place, the slow climax of thunderous noise rockets from the stage. I'm still frozen, but this time, I can't stop staring at the noise displayed visually on the backdrop. I know it's dumb, it's cliche, but I can't remember how long I stood there. A tractor beam of the loudest music I have ever heard holds onto me, and like a strong dose of radiation, clears away the malignant thoughts that had built up in my brain. I tear myself away and search for recognition in the faces around me. A few creased foreheads express confusion, but for the most part, My Bloody Valentine has managed to baptize an audience of thousands with a single, reverberating chord. I'll learn later that this part of the song is rightfully called "Full Holocaust," and after what seems like a lifetime of eleventh hours (but was only five minutes), they fall back into the melody and finish out the song. We turn around with everyone else to walk out of the festival grounds, but I barely noticed the crowd. "It was like the biggest 'fuck you’ to every band who has ever said they're loud!" I exclaim, thinking it's a witty thing to say. There's more going on in my mind, but for now, I feel relieved and hopeful. It's not until we're back at the hotel, packing silently for the plane ride back home in the morning, that it all comes into perspective. He says, "Well, what other bands are there now?" All the moments––the good, the bad, the hopelessness, the elation––they've culminated here and will repeat into infinity––and you made me realise, it will always be with you.

#words #slugmagazine #fyffest #fuckyeahfest #indierock #electronic #musicfestival #losangeles #california

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tialovestelevision · 7 years

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Offspring

Well, “Billy” certainly never got made, right? Because putting a story into the show where magic turns the main protagonists into woman-beating abuse machines is a terrible idea that nobody - especially a team as good as Joss Whedon and his Mutant Enemy friends - would ever actually act on. Definitely wouldn’t be made in the twenty-first century. Right? Right, folks?

Moving on.

1. We’re in Rome, in 1771. For some reason, that text is in red. There are rats. People in eighteenth-century Rome run through puddles sometimes. Is it Angelus? Yep. There are priests or monks after him in the sewers with torches. There’s a grate in the way of his escape, but he moves it, then he trips and falls. Into a room - a torture chamber. Everyone has crossbows and torches. The doors open, and sunlight pours through and in rides Holtz on his horse. They close the door. There’s a cardinal here too. The cardinal is speaking Italian, and so is Holtz, so we know Holtz speaks Italian. It’s subtitled, so I’d assume Angelus does too? Anyway, the cardinal tells the priests to hold Angelus so Holtz can deal with him. They tie him up with chains. The cardinal - I’m starting to think he’s not supposed to be a cardinal, maybe? - performed the wedding ceremony for Holtz and his wife, Caroline. “You remember Caroline.” Angelus does. He’s awful. The guy I thought was a cardinal is apparently actually an excommunicated inquisitor. They’re traditionalists. Apparently it’s torture time.

2. They’ve been torturing Angelus for a while. Holtz is surprised Angelus came to Rome, but he says Darla loves the Sistine Chapel. Especially Botticelli’s frescos. The Temptation of the Christ is her favorite. Angelus asks what Holtz wants; Holtz wants nothing. He has nothing. He doesn’t trust Angelus to give him Darla. He wants to know if a thing like Angelus can be made to pay for its sins. So more torture? More torture. Holtz wants to know if Angel can be a man if they beat and burn the demon out of his flesh. But Darla just came in with a posse of vampires to rescue him. Her vampires are killing the priests. Some of them are getting killed. Darla just killed the Inquisitor. Here comes another vampire on a wagon. Darls would prefer to torment Holtz over killing him.

3. “LA, present day.” A bus pulls up - a local bus. Downtown-Hollywood. Darla is aboard. She’s eaten all the other passengers. The driver is calling for help on his radio. Opening credits.

4. Angel and Cordy are in the basement of the hotel. Cordy is setting up flowers. Fake flowers. Angel says he’s been around for a long time, and has never met anyone like Cordy. Cordy: “Well, duh.” They’re training. She clobbers him, and he’s happy happy. And his jaw hurts. Gunn and Wes are breaking into somewhere to get missing pieces from a Nyazian scroll to find out if the end is coming. Angel asks if his face is swelling.

5. We’re in the desert. Wes and Gunn are trying to break into a house. They’ve dealt with the guard dogs and disabled the alarms. Wes wants to cut a hole in the glass, but Gunn just opens an unlocked door. They walk through some big double doors. Gunn finds a shrunken cyclops demon head. It watches them as they move. Wes wants to find the scroll. Gunn found a vault. Gunn has a bad feeling about this. Namely, about the man with the large revolver. Wes tells the man with the revolver that if he calls the police, he can explain why he keeps so much rohypnol on hand. His trancing powder looks almost identical to rohypnol under a microscope. The guy says that in that case, he’ll wait until after he kills them to call the police. Gunn has picked up four red crystal spheres. “Hey, these worth a lot?” They’re Cyopian conjuring spheres, and worth a very lot. Gunn starts juggling them and tells the man to put his weapon down and he’ll stop. He drops one on purpose. The man puts the gun down. Gunn sets the spheres down.

6. Hyperion basement. Fred is coming downstairs to visit Cordy and Angel. They’re practicing backspin roundhouse kicks. Fred has the most interesting expression on her face as she watches them. Cordy heads upstairs; Fred wishes her “kye-rumption,” which is the one nice word she remembers from Pylea. It means the moment when two great heroes meet on the field of battle and recognize their mutual fate. When Fred sees them sparring, kye-rumption always comes to mind. Angel is surprised by the idea of him and Cordy. Fred says that since they’re both heroes, it’s only natural that they’d be drawn to one another. Then she’s happy about plastic flowers, because they never fade. Angel says there’s nothing going on between him and Cordy, which is almost as much of a lie as if Kumiko were to say there was nothing going on between her and Reina. Fred: “Nothing but moira.” Angel: “Who’s Moira?” Well, she’s an actress who vanished from The West Wing after the opening story arc. But moira is also the Pylean word for gut physical attraction between two larger-than-life souls. Angel denies physical attraction. He wants Fred to stop saying kye-rumption. Wes comes in and is upset with Angel for shouting at Fred, but Fred is all right. Wes needs Fred to look at the scrolls, because they need someone who can do the math. Does Willow do all the math for Buffy’s team? If so, Angel’s better off, though his mathematician can’t raise the dead.

7. The office at the Hyperion. Gunn comes in to check on Fred and Wes, especially Fred. She’s working on math using the ancient Roman, Etruscan, Sumerian, and Druidic calendars. “Oh, that can’t be right. Unless the world ended last March.” Gunn asks if we’re at Armageddon or a bad house number. Bad event or bad guy. Apparently, the prophecy speaks of the tro-clon’s rise… an event or being that brings about the ruination of mankind. Or purification, in Aramaic. Ruination in Greek. Both in the lost Ga-Shundi language. Cordy brings up the mistake Wes made with the shanshu prophecy. Angel overheard the talking about shanshu. Cordy wants to take human Angel to the beach. Fred reruns her math and thinks for a moment that it came out better, but it didn’t. Fred’s math says that the tro-clon should already be in LA. She’s running the numbers again. Angel sits down to talk to Cordy. He keeps looking at her. She keeps looking at him. She asks why he’s looking at her. He’s looking at her more. She says it’s getting creepy now. He’s thinking about people and relationships and them. She’s a woman, he’s a manpire. Cordy says she loves Angel, and everybody says they love Angel too, because they do all love each other and they also might die to the tro-clon. Angel says that Cordy knows him, the good and the bad. Cordy says he’s seen the same in her, and that she thinks the good in him far outweighs the bad. Then Darla comes in and complains about being pregnant.

8. Angel: “Darla.” Wes: “Darla.” Cordy: “Darla?” Fred: “Who’s Darla?” Gunn starts giving a crash course in Darla. Fred: “Do we have a chart or something?” Gunn: “It’s in the files. I’ll get it for you.” Cordy is feeling betrayed that Angel slept with Darla. Angel is avoiding that question and checking with Wes to make sure vampires can’t have children. Wes confirms that. Fred says this might be the tro-clon. Darla asks what Angel did to her. Darla hits him. Cordy goes to protect Darla. Angel reminds her that Darla is dangerous; Cordy turns her eyes on him. “Did you or did you not look me in the eye and say you would never do a thing like this with her?” Darla: “Oh, he lied? What a surprise.” Fred offers Darla some water. Angel tries apologizing; Cordy is having none of it. She asks Darla if she’s been to a doctor. Darla says no, but she’s been to every shaman and seer in the western hemisphere. None of them know what’s going on. Cordy asks if it kicks a lot; Darla says like crazy. Darla wants to make it stop. Cordy asks if Angel is going to take responsibility; Angel says that of course he is, and suggests Wes use his books. Wes has no idea what’s going on, and that they should talk to the Host.

9. The Furies are reenchanting Caritas, and the Host is redecorating. And renovating. Angel and the others arrive. The Furies go “Mm. Angel.” Cordy pokes Angel about that, too. Fred wants to know if Angel’s going to sing; Wes and the Host shudder at the idea. Cordy says that Darla should sing. The Host throws everyone, including the Furies, out. The spell’s not finished. The Host: “This is way beyond my ken. And my Barbie, and all my action figures.” He says it could be anything. Maybe an uber-vamp, Gunn says. Wes and Fred bring up the tro-clon. “Born out of darkness, to bring darkness.” The Host says Darla can have his bedroom. Cordy throws Angel out.

10. Cordy wants to call a doctor. She offers to stay with Darla. The Host leaves them alone.

11. The others - Angel, Fred, Gunn, Wes, and the Host - are speculating. Pretty wildly. Wes suggests that maybe the child is the subject of shanshu. Fred asks if she can say something about destiny. “Screw destiny. If this evil thing comes, we’ll fight it, and we’ll keep fighting it until we whoop it. Because destiny is just another word for the inevitable, and nothing’s inevitable as long as you stand up, look it in the eye, and say, ‘You’re evitable.’” The Host likes her so much. Fred offers to go back to the hotel and get her calculations and the prophecy. Wes is going with her. The Host says Cordy is very angry with Angel.

12. Now Cordy is talking about that one time she got mystically impregnated. The first time. Not the one with the eyeball. They don’t seem to be counting the one with the eyeball. I think she just reminded Darla about eating. She’s fleeing the room. Darla chases her to the door. She says she’s hungry all the time. Now they’re fighting. Cordy holds her off a few seconds, then Darla covers her mouth and starts to eat. And now Cordy’s having a vision. A fair. Angel comes in and throws Darla across the room. Darla has run away. They’re trying to get Cordy to a safe place while they take care of Darla.

13. Angel has brought Cordy home. He’s staying with her… well, Gunn’s staying with her. Angel apologizes again, and says Darla will never do it again. Cordy says that she forgot what Darla was because of her sympathy. Angel’s going to go now. Gunn promises Angel that he’ll take care of Darla if she shows up. Cordy is telling Angel about her vision. “It isn’t like any vision I’ve had before. She’s so hungry. She doesn’t know how to make the hunger stop. I think I know where she’s headed.”

14. Angel is insisting on going alone after Darla. Wes disapproves. He leaves, and Wes asks why he insists on doing everything alone. Fred: “I think he just couldn’t bear to have us see him do it.” Wes reminds her that Darla tried to kill Cordy and is a vampire; Fred reminds him that Darla is also carrying Angel’s child.

15. The arcade. Not a fair. Lots of kids. One is looking for his mother. Oh, look, it’s Darla. She approaches the boy looking for his mother. Darla tells someone else that she could just eat children up.

16. Cordy wakes up from a dream. She has to talk to Wes. Her dream was like a vision. The tro-clon will be born in Middle English and arise in Gothic. Fred is trying to get Angel on the phone or pager, but Angel’s not answering his phone and left his pager at the hotel. Cordy knows why Darls is craving younger victims.

17. Darla is about to eat the kid, but Angel attacks her. Now they’re fighting. People are running away. She’s absurdly strong. Angel just almost flew into the ball pit. Darla wants him to stake her. He backs off. She goes at him Now she’s sobbing. Apparently, Darla’s sharing the child’s soul.

18. Darla is in bed. Angel is offering her pig blood. She doesn’t want it. She really doesn’t want Angel around. Angel tells Gunn to kill Darla anyway if she goes near Cordy or Fred. Cordy is talking to Angel about fatherhood. And souls. Fred found a good stiff uh-oh. Fred says the tro-clon is arriving right about now.

19. A shrine under the park near Wolfam & Hart. Someone walks over to a demon altar. It’s a demon walking to the altar. He’s talking to the altar about places where dreamers dream and death doesn’t seem to really be a thing. “One shall awaken in the first year of the final century… that one who lived before and joined Cod-She in the great sleep… arise! As was promised and foretold. Arise! Arise!” He looks disappointed and walks away. Lights a cigarette. Waits. Checks his watch. Things start to shake and shudder and lightning flashes and the altar wakes up and cracks open and someone falls out of it. “Welcome to the 21st century. Angelus is here. You’ll see him soon. You haven’t used your muscles in a very long time. It will be a while before you’re strong enough to…” Then he stands up. It’s Holtz. He wants to know where Angelus is.

Overall: Honestly, there’s not an episode here so much as a bunch of plot arcs running into each other at high speed. Quick grades!

1. Darla’s pregnancy. Mehhhhh. The show takes an obvious anti-choice worldview, assigning a soul and mystical protection to a fetus and basically treating Darla herself much more as a vessel for said souled fetus than as a person or monster of her own. This is one of the most problematic arcs we’ve run across in the Buffy franchise, for reasons I expect are obvious.

2. Cordy and Angel. Okay! In this story, Darla and her pregnancy are roadbumps in a budding romantic relationship. Cordy and Angel actually have among the best chemistry in the franchise, and I absolutely buy their interest in each other. More than I do Buffy and Riley or Buffy and Spike, anyway. Getting the fact that Angel slept with Darla into the open is an important moment in that story’s development.

3. Holtz. Awesome! Holtz got a proper build for a villain, and we know just how serious a threat he is already, even though he’s just now entering the main narrative. He’s won fights, he’s lost fights, he’s shown that he’s a distinct threat to Angel by being as dangerous as he was to Angelus. Angelus was willing to throw expendable minions at him and murder bystanders to hold him off; Angel won’t do the same. I absolutely believe that Holtz can win this, and that invests me in the upcoming conflict far more than any mystical vampire pregnancy ever could.

I want to see more of Holtz. I have far, far less desire to deal with more of the Darla pregnancy angle. Sadly, I’m pretty sure I know which will get more play over the next couple of years of TV.

#angel #offspring #angel season 3 #season 3 #season 6

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celticnoise · 7 years

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Well, the fun (if you can call it that) is over, and we’re back in business.

Fresh from defeating Slovenia on Sunday evening and resurrecting Scotland’s World Cup Qualification hopes, Celtic prepare for a return to action this weekend.

And it’s no ordinary weekend ahead.

No, today starts the countdown to the title party and it might even be won tonight.

If not, Celtic will roll into Tynecastle with an opportunity to capture title number 48 and a sixth in a row.

It’s also part 2 of a hoped for treble.

Isn ‘t it funny how this turned out; winning the title either via Dundee or Hearts losing instead.

I don’t think these sides have been so vital to the destiny of the league championship at the same time since that incredible day back in May, 1986 when Albert Kidd wrote his name into Celtic folklore whilst the men in Hoops (or all green that particular day) produced a 5 star display over at Love Street, Paisley.

Anyway, as James has already said, either way will do.

To get here Celtic have rattled off 27 wins in 29 league matches with 2 draws collecting an incredible 83 points from an available 87.

This is part of a 36 game unbeaten domestic run.

76 goals (an average of 2.6 per game) have been rattled in during the league proceedings with only 18 conceded.

Not bad for Brendan Rodgers first season in charge.

Especially considering that virtually the same squad were sitting on 66 points at the 29 game mark last season and it wasn’t until April 30th of that term that the title was wrapped up, again with victory at Tynecastle.

Has it really been 11 months since Efe Ambrose and Login Bailly back flipped whilst Erik Sviatchenko did ‘that dance’ in front of the Roseburn stand?

Unfortunately any title celebrations then were undercut by the bitter taste of an embarrassing Scottish Cup semi-final defeat to a certain club from Govan the previous weekend. Something nonsense about a four year old club ‘going for 55’ was still ringing in most Celtic’s fans ears and at that particular point, I admit, I found it understandable to be more than a tad worried. Because a challenge was coming from somewhere. We were going backwards, or so it seemed.

Any such fears have proven to be unfounded as our Glasgow neighbours sit a mere 33 points below the champions elect; they are already out of the running. Aberdeen will only be staving off the inevitable if they win tonight.

As the now standard off the field governance pantomime rolls on at Ibrox it’s business as usual over at Celtic Park. The business of winning league championships, recording record turnovers and setting a team up for another assault on world club football’s richest competition.

Hopefully the bulk of the first team have recovered from Sunday nights exertions at Hampden.

No doubt the knives were out with 2 mins of regulation time to go amongst both the press and sections of the Tartan Army for Strachan and his decision to logically chose 6 first team players from easily Scotland’s strongest team.

Okay Griffiths has not been a regular this season but show me a striker in the current international squad who has.

He’s still in double figures for the term and has only been kept out by a combination of injury and the incredible form of one of Europe’s most prized young strikers.

That aside Leigh exhibited the complete lack of luck that has plagued his season. A stick on crashed off the bar and a moment of brilliance cannoned off the inside of the post and rolled agonisingly along the goal line. He then fell victim to a completely unnecessary knee to the lower back from Slovenia’s stopper Jan Oblak who I can only imagine has a poster of ex-West Germany keeper Harald Schumacher on his bedroom wall back in Madrid.

Outside of the disappointment for how Griffith’s night went one could only marvel at the displays of Stuart Armstrong making his international debut in the middle and Kieran Tierney playing out of position on the right. Both were superb. Armstrong in particular.

Elsewhere Scott Brown was solid and successfully wound up a Slovenian team who clearly had no intention of playing to win and were time wasting from the moment the first whistle blew. James Forrest was somewhat ineffectual. He often is. Just when you’re about to consign him permanently to the ‘Just doesn’t have it’ file he usually comes up with a moment of magic to make you think twice. Let’s hope he’s saving that for April 23rd.

All in all Strachan was vindicated on Sunday night and his stay of execution will roll onto June 10th when Scotland face England in a do or die qualifier.

If he’s smart and no major injuries have flared up he’ll go with the same team again.

On Sunday the Celtic board will likely be vindicated for pushing the boat out and securing the services of Brendan Rodgers last May.

By June 10th he’ll probably be sunning himself on a beach somewhere whilst the Scotland–England match rages on, on a TV inside a bar in the background. Though no doubt in between bouts of reapplying factor 5 he’ll be plotting another season of invincibility, tumbling records and a fresh glut of trophies.

Along with his pearly whites, deep tan and knowing grin it’s what Scottish football has come to expect after all.

Paul Cassidy is a Celtic fan and blogger, who’s very much looking forward to a title party.

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#CelticNoise #Celtic #CelticFC #TheCelticBlog #News

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