#the fucking anger. the grief. the whole fuckin mess of contradictory emotions that happens as a result of abuse from a family member w vash

[whimsicmimic]

once again thinking about my post-trimax legato somehow miraculously survives despite everything au and vashgato agenda aka The Worlds Most Miserable Roadtrip

#one of these days ill get back to it #its the fucking. anger and hatred and loathing from legato @ vash #because legato and vashs entire dynamic is fucking #legato has lain down on the tracks. and he doesnt want to be saved. he needs vash to be the train that runs him over. #and then he lives. somehow. he missed his chance to die. #he had no reason to live. his one reason to carry on was for a cause he fully intended to die for and then he couldnt even do that #mirrored by vash. who also went into that confrontation with knives fully intending to not make it out #and now the world is saved! knives failed and now hes gone. and thats a whole fucking thing to unpack for everyone #the fucking anger. the grief. the whole fuckin mess of contradictory emotions that happens as a result of abuse from a family member w vash #fucking Everything wrt legato. the devastation of knowing knives is gone + he failed + legato lived + *vash* lived #the slowwwwwww realization over a long long period of time that legato worshipped the ground knives walked on #but knives only ever regarded legato with like. the same way someone might an ant. a bug. maybe a dog. #legato who only ever wanted to be Seen by knives #and knives who never particularly cared for legato beyond his usefulness #legato who begins following vash because its probably what knives would want + there is truly nothing else on this planet for him. #he has no other reason to live #and vash allowing him out of some sense of pity / resignation + being able to see that theres Nothing left for legato #+ probo some sense of obligation too. of heres another person his brother fucked up. which means hes vash’s responsibility to fix #all the while legato resents vash for living when knives isnt here. resents him for failing to kill him. #resents him for being the only other thing that knives actually cared about + who rejected knives when all legato ever wanted #was knives’ attention #and vash who frankly resents legato too. resents the fact that. of all the people who managed to survive. it was legato and not ww #resents all the shit that legato put him through. all the people he killed all the suffering he inflicted #the two of them looking at each other and the fucking. recognition of the self thru the other #and seeing all the shit they hate about themselves in the other #theres also again the shared grief of them both losing someone incredibly important to them both but who was also responsible for some #abuse to Both of them. unpacking it. working through it. moving forward. #learning How to move forward as a Whole when theyre both two deeply traumatized deeply suicidal fucks who no longer have the singular goals #thatve been their sole reason for existing for the past. many. years. and having to find new reasons to keep living #but most of all. i think they should make out sloppy in the desert thank you goodnight