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chocoholicannanymous · 3 years

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If the Spit Hits the Fan (Glee) Pt XVIII

This is the last part of this. Of a story that I was pretty certain I wouldn’t finish and just posted the bit I had in my scraps and snippets tag for a lark. You read that, and you liked it, and your response made me want to try and finish it. And so here we are, ~29k finished fic.

Thank you for the support.

Follows pt I, pt II, pt III, pt IV, pt V, pt VI, pt VII, pt VIII, pt IX, pt X, pt XI, pt XII, pt XIII, pt XIV, pt XV, pt XVI and pt XVII.

New York is big and loud and filthy and expensive.

Kurt's first apartment had been an absolute rathole. He'd shared it with four others, and his “room” had been a repurposed coatroom. There had been just enough place for a bed and a tiny table instead of a desk. He'd only brought the most necessary in way of clothing, and with the exception of two shirts hanging from a nail in the wall he'd been forced to keep everything in a suitcase under the bed.

He'd moved out after a month, tired of never being able to keep food in the kitchen, weary of the nicks surrounding the lock on his door – he'd replaced the old one day 1, but even the best of locks only went so far – and fed up with having to carry all his valuables with him at all times.

Luckily the Warbler network had activated and Trent's older brother had offered up his guest room (and if that wasn't a sign of wealth, a student in New York with a guest room, then Kurt didn't know what was) for the rest of the year provided Kurt find someplace else to spend the night on those occasions it was needed. During the fall it'd mostly been solved by Sebastian coming to visit and the two sharing a cheap hotel room, and during the fall by Kurt spending the night at Sebastian's apartment. It had been tempting to move in with Sebastian then, but Kurt had resisted and they both agreed they'd become stronger for it.

Living together had been tough, especially since Sebastian had a lot more money available than Kurt. They'd managed to find a balance though and looking back Kurt feels proud of the work they'd put in to make it work. Three years (and counting) together and these days Kurt is willing to proclaim that Sebastian is as much of a perfect boyfriend as it's possible to be.

Yes, New York is still loud and filthy and big, but it's also full of light and laughter and love. Kurt's learned to find his way around both city and school, and he's on track for graduation with excellent prospects. Life is good.

Of course, that kind of means he's overdue for a cold shower and unfortunately it comes as cold and icy as is possible.

“Blaine. I guess I should have known you'd turn up.”

Like a bad penny, Kurt thinks. His ex-boyfriend just smiles wider at the words, clearly not picking up on the undertones.

“Yes! I'll always come back to you, Kurt. We're meant to be – you're my soulmate.”

Kurt shudders. All these years, and he still haven't gotten over his negative reaction to those words.

“Yeah, I'm pretty sure you and I have different interpretations of what those things mean. Personally I can't see how someone who walked out of my life without a word years ago could be considered my 'soulmate', but that's me.”

“That's not fair! I never wanted to leave you, but my parents made me.”

Blaine does this thing with his face that resembles what Kurt remembers of Blaine's “I've apologized, sort of, and you should forgive me now” expression and Kurt thinks that if Blaine could see himself he'd never ever do it again. It's not pretty. It kind of looks like he's about to shit his pants, frankly.

“Right. Your parents. And why, exactly, were they so determined to get you out of Lima without saying goodbye?”

Blaine flinches, and Kurt can see the realization hit him. Strange. It's as if he never even thought about the possibility that Kurt would know about the lies Blaine had told. Emotions run across Blaine's eyes and face, one after the other, and Kurt just waits without even trying to figure out what's going through his ex's mind. He's beyond caring.

“Kurt, I... I, I have a confession to make. When I got home that last night, my parents, they were waiting up for me. They made assumptions, and I, I let them.”

Blaine's face twists, and a couple of tears start falling. Kurt would be touched, really he would, except he happens to know that Blaine can cry on command.

“I know I shouldn't have, I know it was wrong, I was just so afraid! I thought they'd throw me out, and so I kept quiet and did what they wanted. I'm so sorry I did that to you.

“I love you, Kurt!”

The thing is, he can remember when those words from Blaine's lips would make him melt. That's no longer true. Now he listens to them like he would a performance, and he finds them lacking. He should have gone for soft instead of intense, a hint of tears maybe, not volume and anger.

This isn't school though, even though it very much is a performance, nor is it worth critiquing. It's not worth anything, really. Kurt sighs a little, just wanting all of it to be over and Blaine to be gone.

“Here's the thing. I understand, I guess. In your shoes I would have been worried to tell my dad the truth too. I think just about every teenager out there would be at least a little afraid to tell their parents they got drunk and stupid.

“But I also think that just about every teenager out there knows that there's some kind of middle-ground between 'I got drunk and tried to rape my boyfriend' and 'my boyfriend drugged me and tried to rape me'. Except apparently you didn't. You just went with what would get you of the hook the fastest and easiest.”

“Hey! That's not fair!”

“Oh, it isn't? You doing what you did is okay, but me calling it what it was is unfair? Now, why am I not the least bit surprised that that's how you feel?

“You know, at first I didn't understand how you could do it. How you could say you loved me and then not just leave me, but let your parents believe that I would do something like that to you. Well, that you could let anyone think I'd do that to anyone.

“But as I said, I understand why you did it.”

A triumphant look flash up in Blaine's eyes. Oh, he's doing a pretty good job at hiding it – much better than he would have been able to as a teenager – but Kurt knows him, and he's looking for it.

“You threw me under the bus because you knew it'd be an easy out. You could have told your parents something else, anything else, but you chose the worst possible lie – one you had to have known would get me in trouble. You did it because it was easy, and it would get you of the hook – maybe even get you some sympathy instead of the punishment you deserved – and you did it because that was all you cared about. You.

“I always knew you were a bit self-involved, but I told myself it was just part of you being a performer. A healthy ego's pretty much a must, and I used to think that was it. Except it turned out you were so focused on you, and your needs and wants, that nothing else mattered. Certainly not me.

“It took me a while to accept, but I know now that regardless of what you said you didn't love me. Not really. You might have thought you did, but Blaine? Love means that the other person's just as important to you as you yourself are. And I never was that to you.”

He ignores Blaine's protests and just continues, projecting his voice to be heard over the barely restrained excuses and lies.

“The truth is that your lack of empathy and care for other people borders on Narcissistic Personality Disorder, and quite frankly I am better off for not having you remain in my life. Just don't expect me to thank you for it though.

“No one else will either. Do you realize how many people you worried with your little disappearing act? There was quite a few at Dalton who were convinced that your parents had shipped you off to conversion camp. They were counting down until your 18th birthday and from what I heard there was even the beginning of a fund to pay your way at Dalton if you escaped and were disowned.”

There's a triumphant gleam in Blaine's eyes. Clearly he's pleased about his friends being so worried about him and so ready to help him out. Kurt just wants to stomp that light out. Violently.

“Then when you didn't resurface after your birthday a few started worrying that your parents had you in a mental hospital, and there was talk of trying to stage some kind of rescue. That only lasted so long, of course.

“You see, somehow it's hard to convince anyone that their friend is practically jailed and in need of a rescue when they're seen out and about clubbing in L.A.. After all, these days everyone carries a phone, so the idea that you were unable to contact someone – anyone – and ask for help went up in flames pretty quick after that.”

Thad had been so angry that he'd made sure every single Dalton student that had ever know Blaine found out, and even the boy's most die-hard supporters had given up then and there.

They'd all understood not wanting to getting into a conflict with your family, especially when said family usually paid for college and any possible trust funds tended to be under the family's control for a while longer. What they hadn't understood was Blaine's total lack of communication. Email telling them that Blaine was okay but under orders not to contact anyone from Ohio would have gone a long way to ease worries, and was, they felt, the very least he owed them.

“Funny thing about you showing up here now? I can't help but remember that you turned 21 a couple of weeks ago. You didn't happen to get access to a trust fund then did you? Not that I actually care, but there are some old bets to settle.”

There wasn't, not really, but enough Warbler had warned Kurt about this very scenario with an added “I bet he shows up afterwards, thinking you'll take him back” for it to not quite be a lie.

Blaine splutters before launching into a long row of “explanations”, one more shitty than the other. It's obvious that he didn't expect Kurt to be angry with him, but instead to be welcomed with open arms. It's even sounding as if Blaine expected Kurt to take him back and just let him slide back into his life as if nothing had happened. Kurt isn't quite sure if Blaine intended for him to move in with Kurt and start a new life in New York, or if the idea was for Kurt to give up everything and follow Blaine back to L.A., but both options are equally ridiculous.

“Stop. Just, stop. I told you, I don't care. If you want to get in touch with any of your old friends from Dalton and McKinley and explain all of it to them, do so. But you don't need to explain anything to me. I don't want to hear it. Your window for explaining yourself to me closed years ago. It closed after you let your parents walk into a police station ready to have me charged with rape.

“Nothing you can say will ever make that okay. Nothing you say can make me forgive you.”

Kurt stops himself and takes a deep breath. There's so much he could say, so many accusations that could be made, so much hatred to be poured out.

Blaine's actions had gotten Kurt into trouble, and could have landed him in jails. They'd been what had stopped Burt Hummel from running from reelection after being asked – while nothing had come from the Andersons' accusations there had still been enough people who had known about it for it to leak and ruin a political career. After all, who cared if it was true when it made for a good weapon? And “local congressman buries son's rape charge” made for a great weapon.

Kurt had been willing to risk it, but his dad hadn't wanted to. Had it leaked the only way to prove Kurt's innocence would have been to make the video of Blaine trying to assault Kurt public. No good parent does that to their kid had been Burt's position, and Kurt had been grateful.

That didn't mean he wasn't aware of exactly how much that had cost not just his dad but the whole state. The man who'd replaced his dad had been the kind of bigot that wasn't good for anyone, not even his followers.

Kurt still blames Blaine for that, and even if he'd been insane enough to consider forgiving everything else he's never forgiving that. The chance of making Blaine understand any of that is minuscule though. The chance of him caring is even less.

There is, simply put, no point in spending even another second on trying to get through to him.

“You're not welcome here. Please leave. Goodbye Blaine.”

Once the door is closed and locked behind Blaine Kurt finally relaxes. He's closing the door on Blaine in more than one way, finally able to truly do that – because regardless of what he's hoped he's always known that one day his former boyfriend would pop up again.

“If he comes back you're filing for a restraining order.”

“He won't come back, Sebastian.”

“You don't know that. He did today, didn't he?”

It's obvious that Sebastian is coming from a place of care and worry, and Kurt feels himself soften. Blaine hasn't just been the monster under Kurt's bed during all of these years.

“Yes, he did, and no, I guess I can't really know. But honey, I really don't think he will. Blaine was reminded today that actions have consequences, and he found out I have the means to ensure said consequences. Coming after me and trying to change my mind is more work than he's ever shown himself willing to put in.

“After all, he's not the kind to stick around when the spit hits the fan.”

Luckily Sebastian is.

~ The end ~

#chocoholic fics #kurt fic #kurt hummel #sebastian smythe #kurtbastian #itshtf

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unironicduncanstan · 3 years

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Gwanon x Trustin Spa Anon - 700 word oneshot (angst) (plot twist) (cliffhanger)

Pairing: Gwanon x Trustin Spa Anon

Rating: PG-13

Pov: First person (Gwanon)

Plot: gwanon gets a mysterious anon of her own, it sparks her interest but just when it seems all is well, a mysterious third party enters the scene. . .

~~~~~

the keyboard clacks beneath my fingertips as i update my sierra blog. im deep in my research for an overlapping slur that i could conveniently use against both fans of courtney and nicki minaj at the same time. as i find a particularly outdated one, in my intensity i accidentally knock my all lives matter mug off the table. it spills the blue paint i was drinking all over the floor.

“Oh no!” i say, capitalizing the first letter and ending with an exclamation point in real life.

i look down only for a moment to clean up my mess, and by the time i look back at my screen, i see that someone has answered my anon hate. this had better be good. i even made sure to use the word whore, which is #3 on my slur list

to my dismay it looks like they just posted some stupid meme of cody. i sigh. courtneys war crimes go unchecked yet again. i stroke the picture of gwen i have in my locket. it makes me feel better. maybe theres some new content for her in the tag. . .

i open up a tumblr search and scroll around a bit, passing what looks like hieroglyphs and a random picture of fondant, but i’m only ever searching for one thing. the chance to avenge her. i refresh. there at the top, a brand new post reads; ‘hey guys. gwen stinky’. i take a deep breath and try to keep going. i take another large swig of paint to calm my nerves down.

hey, whats this? i have a new ask! but i havent sent any more death wishes today. . .

the message takes me off guard. its short and concise. “draw trent justin spa art please.” i stare at it for a moment, trying to register what it could mean, when i suddenly receive another.

“trustin Spa now. 😡” i wonder quietly to myself if they have the wrong person. before i can think of what to respond with, i see yet another ask. i refresh, assuming its them, but to my disappointment its another anon hate response. this time im met with a poorly edited meme of gwen confessing to war crimes. i had forgotten, id asked someone for a character tier list last sunday. i didnt think theyd catch on so fast. with every passing day, my notoriety grows, and the loyalty to my queen becomes harder to bear. . .

my mind goes back to my previous contact. i decide to go back into the tags and see if there’s anything to make sense of this. there i see it, hate blog after hate blog, anon after anon. i sit back in awe at the craftsmanship and dedication. the crackhead energy actually makes my heart skip a beat. my gwen locket clinks against my chest as i reread their absolutely spot on death threats, sprinkled in emojis.

what is this feeling. . . am i impressed or . . . something else. . . ? i shake my head, going back to my askbox and preparing to finally type a response. i try multiple times, but i cant figure out what to say. just when all hope seems lost, i realize what i have to do. i have to make my own move. i get into typing position.

“Do you think gwen deserves to die? Is she a monster? Is the name Courtney kind of whoreish?” i hit post. my heart races. i wait for a response as patiently as i can, on the edge of my seat until i Finally see my askbox light up.

“all i want is trustin spa”. i settle back into my chair, staring wistfully at the ceiling. finally, ive found someone who can accept the truth without a fight. their passion inspires me. i know in my soul what i have to do. . . i get out my sketchbook and start on a trustin spa piece, working with as much effort and swiftness as i can. ive never been more passionate about a project before. i cannot wait to show them, that is until i get another message. . .

this one is unfamiliar. in fact, it might throw a wrench in my entire plan to woo my anon, as it appears to be a callout. the only problem is, i didnt do the thing im being cancelled for this time! with confusion, my eyes scan it one more time. . .

“i used to really respect and admire you but i have no idea why you would make up a rumor about amegaotaku being a Zionist. it’s not true so leave her the fuck alone.“

#total drama #............. idk i feel like i should say smth here but honestly what could i #besides sorry but what good would that do now #original #long #crack fic

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pixieposts · 3 years

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Febuwhump Day 14

AO3

Today's prompt was technically “I didn’t mean it” but I didn’t have any solid ideas for it, so instead I went with Alt 9: Gunpoint. I know this is after the gunshot part, but I had an idea, and I ran with it😅. This also takes place inside a Modern!AU that I haven’t posted yet... Soooooo if you read it again act surprised I guess? 😂😂

TW’s:

Major Character Injury

Warning: Trent Ikithon

Brief Description of Injury

Fjord looked up in surprise at the quiet knocking, almost uncertain if he had imagined it. Most of his friends didn’t bother to knock... the only one he could think of was Caleb (despite having a key), but he had only left about an hour ago. He stood as the knocking sounded again, setting down his tea and making his way to the door. He smiled when he opened it and saw the familiar ginger man standing on the stoop.

“Hey there Cay, I didn’t expect you back till morning, miss me that much?”

He felt the teasing grin drop off his face when he realized just how pale Caleb looked... taking in his expression Fjord reached out to pull him inside. Caleb winced, but followed him, leaning back against the door when it closed behind him. Fjord felt the panic rising in his chest as he got a good look at Caleb in the light. His breathing was rapid and shallow, his face sickly pale and pained. He was clutching his hip under his coat and let out a gasp when Fjord jostled the fabric. The scent of blood overwhelmed him for a moment, and he thought he might be sick.

“Caleb what- what the fuck?”

“Trent, or one of his guys” Caleb forced another deep breath “shot-shot me, I would have gone home but-” He stopped, panting slightly as he held up his blood coated hand “I- I didn’t know what else to do”

“Fuck, no it’s- You need and ambulance Cay”

Fjord led him to the kitchen, trying to support as much of his weight as possible. The moment Caleb was seated in the large kitchen chair Fjord whipped out his phone and dialed the emergency number.

“What is your emergency?”

“Ambulance, we need an ambulance, my friend he- we need help, he's been shot and we need help”

Fjord could hear the panic in his voice now as Calebs eyelids drooped, the hand on his hip was going lax where it needed to be maintaining pressure.

“Address?”

“Cay you need- yes sorry it’s 23 Spire Square- put pressure darlin’ please”

The woman was talking again, but he barely registered it as he moved to grab a clean kitchen towel and pressed it up against the bullet wound. Caleb’s eyes were completely closed now, and Fjord wasn’t sure if he was awake or had actually passed out.

“Sir? Sir I understand this is difficult, the ambulance is almost there, and I need you to unlock the door”

“It’s unlocked, I never- I didn’t get around to re-locking it”

The paramedics arrived and lifted Caleb from the chair onto a stretcher. Fjord felt the bile rise in his stomach at the way Caleb’s head lolled, he was sweating, he was so pale. The ambulance ride was a blur of tearing clothing and beeping machines. One of the paramedics tried to ask him what had happened, but he had nothing to give them other than Trent’s name. The wound was horrible, once the medics had it cleaned off Fjord could see that there was more than one awful hole in Caleb’s skin.

He had to look away.

He watched Caleb’s face instead, watching the way it twitched, taking some small comfort in the fact that it hadn’t stopped. The fact that he was breathing.

When they arrived at the hospital there was a team waiting, they took Caleb and one woman stopped him at a pair of swinging doors

“You can’t come past here dear, you need to wait in the waiting room”

“Please, please I have to- he needs me, I need to be with him”

He knew he should be embarrassed by the way he pleaded, but at this point he couldn’t make himself care. He needed to be with Caleb, he needed to make sure he was okay.

“I’m sorry, really, but he’s in good hands with the doctors okay? The best thing you can do for him now is wait here. What’s your name honey, is there someone you can call?”

Can I help? Is there someone I can call?

His own voice rang through his head, all those months ago. He nodded at the nurse, still staring over her shoulder as if he could see through the doors through sheer force of will.

“I’m Fjord”

“What’s his name dear, he didn’t have ID”

“Caleb, his names Caleb”

“Okay” she led him to a hard plastic chair from which he could still see the doors “call someone, we’ll take care of him and send someone for you when he’s out of the surgery okay?”

He nodded and watched her walk quickly through the swinging doors, the panic had faded into an uncomfortable numbness. Caleb was back there, he was back there with lead in his body, in pain, and Fjord couldn’t help.

Finally, after what could have been a few minutes, or an hour, he picked up his phone and dialed.

“Fjord? If this is you calling to say Caleb is sleeping over again-”

“Veth”

Something in his tone stopped her immediately, a worried hum was the only response.

“Caleb’s- Caleb was shot”

“He was what? Where are you? Is he okay?”

Veth’s panic broke through the fog in his mind, and he shook his head before remembering that she couldn’t see him.

“He- well he was breathing when I-” he forced himself to take a breath “hospital, we’re at the hospital, the doctors took him, they wouldn’t... I couldn’t go in with him”

“I’m on the way”

The click of her hanging up the phone was too loud, but he nodded and slipped his own phone back into his pocket. All he could do now was wait.

Veth arrived quickly, so quickly that Fjord would realize later that she must have driven like a mad woman, but in the moment, he was just relieved to have someone else there. They didn’t speak, she just sat next to him and joined him in staring at the doors. At some point her small hand landed on his, and he was thankful for the contact, though he didn’t have the words to say it.

Finally, what Fjord would later be told was about two hours after they had arrived, an elvish man in scrubs walked out the doors. He paused for a moment before he found Fjord and Veth and walked over. Fjord's heart was pounding again as he tried to read the mans expression, looking for something to indicate that all was well or... or not.

“Fjord?”

He stood, and the doctor held out his hand. Fjord took it briefly as he nodded, Veth standing and introducing herself as well.

“I’ll start by saying that Caleb is in recovery”

Fjord felt the air go out of his lungs all at once as he dropped back into the seat, relief washing through him. The doctor gave him a moment before continuing.

“The bullet entered his right hip and lodged in his left thigh; he was incredibly lucky that it missed both femoral arteries. It was a narrow miss in the left leg... but a miss still. We managed to get the bullet out, along with some bone shards from where it nicked his hip-bone.”

Fjord nodded along, trying to get his breathing under control again.

“You can come back and see him, but he’s under some fairly heavy anesthetic so he’ll be out for a while”

Fjord stood immediately and squeezed when he felt Veth take his hand. The doctor led them down a series of halls into a much quieter ward of the hospital. It occurred to Fjord as they passed a darkened window just how late it was. He needed to call Caduceus, there was no chance he would make his shift. The doctor opened a door into what would only be considered a typical hospital room. The lights had been lowered to a soft glow, and the blinds on the windows were drawn. The nurse from earlier was blocking Fjords view of the bed as she fiddled with one of the machines before nodding to herself and turning around. She offered him a soft smile, but the best he could manage in response was a grimace.

“The chairs pull out, they’re not the most comfortable but it’s better than sleeping sitting up” she said softly, patting his arm as she left.

“If you have any questions, myself or another doctor will be in to check on him in a few hours. If he wakes before that the blue button behind the bed will call the nurse's station”

“Thank you, doctor,” Veth’s voice was gentle, and a little scratchy.

“Get some rest”

As if.

Fjord pulled the chairs up to the side of the bed, feeling his chest ache at the sight that greeted him. Caleb was sleeping, long lashes fanned across familiar freckled cheekbones. He was still pale, but the sickly sheen was gone, and if Fjord hadn’t known any better, he would have thought nothing was wrong. Someone had changed him into a hospital gown, and a voice in the back of Fjord’s head noted that they would need something to take him home in. The blanket bulged slightly where Fjord assumed the gauze pad sat on his hip, and the bandaging was wrapped around his thigh.

It was a near miss

Gods. If the bullet had hit his artery... Fjord shivered and sat down, sliding his hand under Caleb’s on the sheets to avoid messing with the IV sticking out of the top. His poor hands, both attached to the clear medical tubes leading to the odd bags of... whatever they were. Anti-biotics maybe? Pain medication certainly. He was never letting Caleb out of his sight again.

No, that was crazy.

But... if he had driven him home, if he had insisted on it instead of giving in to Calebs claim that it wasn’t worth wasting gas...

At the very least, he wouldn’t be walking home for a while.

Veth took his free hand, her eyes locked on Caleb’s face, and together they waited.

#febuwhump2021 #febuwhumpday14 #warning: trent ikithon #brief description of injury #major character injury

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chicgeekgirl89 · 4 years

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Begin Again: Chapter 1

Fandom: SEAL Team

Characters: Lisa Davis, Sonny Quinn

Summary: After her brush with death, Lisa is a little less fine than she’d like to be. Takes place during and after “Siege Protocol.”

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Davis was hurt and Sonny could tell from her brusque manner and lack of eye contact that it hadn’t been some minor slip and fall on their way out of dodge. Something bad had happened at that safe house and not knowing was making his gut churn. “Hey, Blackburn.” He caught the commander’s attention. “What happened to Davis back there?”

“Run in with a rifle,” Eric said. “Things got hairy for a second. Coulda been a lot worse.”

Sonny tried not to think about what that might mean, death being one of the kindest options for an American woman captured in this part of the world. He wanted to check on her and make sure she was all right, but they were low on ammo and if he didn’t get together everything they had they were sitting ducks. Conversation was going to have to wait.

He was in the middle of counting mags when Jason bellowed for him, drawing him into the next room. The sight of Lisa being held up by Trent, blood dripping down her face turned his blood cold. “Everything okay?” he asked, trying to keep his voice calm even as panic lanced through his gut.

“Yeah get this thing working,” Jason said gruffly, yanking down a cable from the ceiling as Trent pulled Lisa from the room, still protesting in true Lisa fashion.

Once again what he really wanted was to follow Trent and make sure Lisa was all right. She could have a fractured skull or even a brain bleed if the impact had been hard enough and they were still hours away from help. His hands slipped and the cable dropped to the floor. He dove after it with a scowl and mentally shook himself. The faster they got things up and running, the safer all of them would be. He needed to get it under control.

Clay walked in moments later, looking better now that Trent had stapled him up and gotten a little morphine in him. “Davis all right?” Jason asked immediately.

Apparently Sonny wasn’t the only one who was worried. Davis was a vital member of their team, not to mention a friend. Jason would make Lisa a priority, no matter what else was going on and Sonny felt a rush of gratitude toward his boss.

“She keeps saying she’s fine but she looks a little out of it. Trent thinks it’s a concussion. He’s got her on a drip,” Clay said.

Sonny let himself breathe. It was the best possible scenario given the situation. A concussion they could deal with. It meant she was mobile and not in danger of bleeding out. She would be fine until they could get her home to a real doctor.

It was all too easy for Sonny to find an excuse to stay behind as Jason rounded up the team for Mandy’s goose chase. His reasoning was legitimate, they needed to get their ammo situation under control, but he would have stayed either way; he wasn’t leaving Lisa alone again.

Trent caught his arm before they pulled out. “Keep an eye on Davis. I put her on another drip but she’s probably not going to keep it in.”

Sonny nodded. “You got it.”

Sure enough the next time he saw her she was back to work, still fiddling with their tech, doing who knew what with it. His first attempt at conversation went over poorly. He couldn’t tell if it was because she was annoyed at him for hovering or because she was hurting and trying not to let on. So he decided to go for a more jovial approach.

He knocked before entering, trying not to spook her. “You know uh, typically we push the rifle barrel away with our hands and not our head.”

It got him half a smile. Not what he was looking for. He decided to push his luck a little further. “Huh, you know I uh, I really wish I was there Davis. We had just gotten to the safe house ten minutes sooner…”

She shook her head. “That’s not your job. It’s on me to have my back.”

She was blaming herself, which was completely ridiculous. From what he’d gleaned from Blackburn and Mandy she’d practically dismantled their entire setup single handed. “Everybody’s gotta have their six covered from time to time.”

Her eyes went back to her screen without giving a response. “You gotta ease up on yourself,” he urged, stepping a little closer.

She looked up at him and the pain in her eyes knocked the air right out of his lungs. “You know, I thought I was gonna die Sonny. Right there on the floor.”

He touched her shoulder then cupped her face, thumb stroking gently at her hair. He couldn’t help it. She needed him right now and to be honest he felt a little unsteady himself. Thinking of her, lying on the floor in a pool of her own blood…he swallowed hard. “I swear to you, I woulda burnt this city to the ground.”

Blackburn returned and Sonny dropped his hand. His emotions were all tangled up again in a way he couldn’t quite deal with right now, but if he’d helped her even a little it was worth it. Maybe they could do this friend thing again after all. It clearly didn’t work to pretend they didn’t care. So maybe a little friendship now and again would ease the pain of losing each other.

Her head was throbbing, but it was nothing compared to her wounded ego. She had been the weak link today and she was furious about it. She’d let her guard drop for half a second and then had to be rescued like some helpless damsel in a children’s story. It was an image she’d worked hard to avoid her entire career and she could barely look at anyone for the shame and heat that flooded her at what they must be thinking.

It didn’t help that every, single person who walked by did a double take and immediately started questioning her health and wellbeing. How many times did you have to say you were fine before people left you the hell alone? Apparently the answer was “a lot.” And they’d probably still bother you after that.

Her life hadn’t flashed before her eyes like some cliché movie or television show. There hadn’t been time for that. Instead she’d had exactly one thought, crystal clear and completely agonizing: Sonny. Just his name. And the feeling that she wished it had gone differently. And the desperate, panicked thought that she wished he would come through the door and save her.

Not that she was disappointed it had been Eric instead. She was grateful. But also embarrassed. All she wanted was to go home, take a long shower, and sleep for a week. But they weren’t out of the woods yet, not by a long shot, and god damn it she was going to get them out of this mess if it killed her.

Which it might. She was standing on a desk, reaching to try and get some cables connected when the world went grey and she felt her knees giving out. She was vaguely of aware of Jason catching her and pulling her down, but the only thought she was holding onto was that she had to get the Satcom up. They were blind without it. She wouldn’t be the weak link. Not again. Not ever.

“Breathe,” Jason ordered, and she tried, she really tried, but her heart was beating rapidly inside her chest and she was so incredibly dizzy she thought she might be sick.

She didn’t want to go with Trent, she wanted to stay and help, but apparently she didn’t have a choice in the matter. She stumbled along with him into the next room, his arms the only thing keeping her from pitching to the floor because her legs seemed to have completely turned to jelly. “Easy now,” he said, as she practically collapsed onto a bed.

Sitting helped. “I’m fine,” she told him as Clay got up from his own bed, concern written all over his face. She hated being on the receiving end of that look.

“Davis, what the hell happened?” Clay asked.

“I just—“ She felt bile rising up in her throat and clamped her lips shut, grabbing onto the bed frame to keep herself upright, trying to force the sick feeling away.

Trent checked her eyes, probed at the wound, and then he and Clay decided to tag team their interrogation which made her really snippy. She knew she was being rude and childish, but it was annoying as hell, especially when she was so mad at herself. She would have to apologize when they finally got out of here.

The IV did help some and she managed to get upright in time to help the team prep to head out, but she still felt unsteady on her feet. “How are you?” Trent asked before he headed out.

“I’m good,” she said. Her head was a little light but her vision was fine and who wouldn’t be nauseous in a situation like this?

He didn’t buy it, grabbing her elbow and steering her back into the treatment room. “You need another bag.” He hooked her up and then fixed her with a stern look. “Don’t move until this is empty. I’m going to tell Blackburn I started you on a second drip.”

“Okay, fine,” Lisa said.

“You need to relax.”

“I’ll just pretend I’m at the spa.” She gave him a fake smile and the look he gave back to her said he didn’t believe it for a second.

She ripped out the IV as soon as he was gone. Nobody had told Clay he had to sit around even though the man had a chest full of staples. She felt fine enough and if she had to lie to Blackburn about it…well as long as she kept herself upright he would never know.

She settled in behind the computer, picking up right where she’d left off before Trent had dragged her away. It wasn’t a surprise that Sonny found her there. What was a surprise was how she felt about it. All she’d wanted was to be left alone to wallow and shove her feelings so deep inside there was no chance they’d ever come back out again.

But then he went and made her smile. When she’d been pretty sure nothing would ever make her smile again. That stupid, Sonny Quinn charm cut through the darkness and the eyes he turned on her were so tender, and she was hurting so bad, and she found all of her feelings about the day bubbling back up.

“You know, I thought I was gonna die Sonny. Right there on the floor.” She felt tears building as she said the words, as she admitted to him, and him alone, how truly terrified she’d been. And when he touched her, oh god, all she wanted to was to fall weeping into his arms. She craved his strength, his steadiness, the sense of safety and belonging she felt with him.��

When Eric came back Sonny pulled away and they all went back to work. But a small kernel of hope settled inside her chest. Maybe, just maybe, she and Sonny could be friends again after all.

#SEAL Team #Lisa Davis #Sonny Quinn #Savis #Whump #Head wound #Concussion #Siege Protocol Pt. 1 #Siege Protocol Pt. 2 #Lisa Davis Whump #Begin Again

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lilyvandersteen · 6 years

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Puppy Eyes Chapter 12

Chapter 12: I Must Be Sure

Paula came back in the afternoon, after her Pre-College Academy Class, and wanted to take Blaine home with her.

“You can look after Kurt,” she told Trent, “and I’ll take care of Blaine.”

Blaine shot one look at Kurt, who was tossing and turning in bed, breathing with difficulty, his cheeks unnaturally red and the rest of him pale as death, and nixed that plan with a loud protest.

Trent shushed him and told him to go with Paula, but Blaine, his displeasure rumbling deep in his throat, jumped onto the bed and curled himself around Kurt, trying to warm him up as well as he could.

Trent gasped and tried to get him off the bed, but Blaine didn’t budge. Then Kurt turned around, threw his arm around Blaine, nestled his head against Blaine’s shoulder and started to snore like a freight train.

“Well, that changes things,” Paula said. “If Blaine is staying here, we’re going to have to divide the caretaker duties differently. What’s your work schedule like? I have class on Mondays from 10.30 till 12, on Wednesdays the entire afternoon, on Thursdays from 8.30 till 10, on Fridays from 3.30 till 5, and on Saturdays the entire morning.”

Together, she and Trent worked out a schedule, and then Paula checked the fridge, the pantry and the medicine cabinet and went shopping.

Blaine felt horrible that he wasn’t able to help Kurt in any way, except for keeping him warm. He stuck to Kurt like a barnacle, and every time Trent or Paula wanted to take him out for a walk, he resisted until they’d sworn up and down that they’d bring him straight back to Kurt after.

Kurt’s fever didn’t abate in the following days, and his babbling grew more and more incoherent. Blaine’s name was a constant, though. Kurt was forever calling for Blaine, telling him he needed him, and that he loved him. All Blaine could do in response was cuddle up to him, his front paws wrapped around Kurt protectively. Kurt always seemed to sense him near, and it quieted him and helped him fall asleep.

The doctor came back after three days, and was so worried about Kurt’s worsening condition that she wanted to hospitalise him. Luckily, Trent was able to persuade her to let Kurt stay at home.

“I’m a trained nurse, Doctor,” Trent said. “I’ve worked in an ICU unit for two years. Just tell me what Kurt needs and I’ll take care of it – an IV, a heart monitor, an antibiotic shot for pneumonia?”

The doctor thought it over, and then decided to take Trent up on his offer. “I’ll write you a prescription for the antibiotics. I can’t fault you for wanting to keep him at home. God knows hospitals charge the earth. But I want you to keep me updated. I want his stats twice a day, and if it gets any worse, he’ll go straight to the hospital.”

For the next three days, Kurt was hooked up to an IV, and a heart monitor beeped around the clock to assure everyone he was still alive. Trent administered the pneumonia shots twice a day, and slowly but surely, Kurt’s temperature went down, and he became alert enough to eat and drink again, with assistance.

“He’s past the worst,” Trent said as he took the IV out. “I’m going to take the heart monitor back to the rental place. He’ll be back to normal in a few days. He’ll have to be careful, though. He needs to take it easy for a few more weeks or he’ll relapse. Make sure he rests, okay? As soon as you turn human again, I’m going back to Ashton’s , but I’ll pop in twice a day for the rest of the pneumonia shots.”

Trent was right. The next morning, Kurt woke up lucid, and when the doctor arrived for another check-up, she declared his lungs cleared, but told him to rest for at least one more week.

Blaine asked her to administer the morning pneumonia shot, which Trent had forgotten in his rush to go back to Ashton, and thanked her for the many house calls she’d made to check on Kurt.

Making Kurt rest for a week proved quite a challenge. On Saturday, he was malleable enough, and did nothing more taxing than take a long bath, nap and eat. On Sunday, Kurt was much more his old self, and as Trent, Ashton and Paula were coming over for dinner, Kurt insisted on preparing the food. “I’m the one who invited them! They’ve looked after me all week!”

Blaine raised his eyebrows. “After both of us. You wouldn’t want to repay them by falling ill again, now, would you? Park your cute butt on the sofa and watch some TV.”

“I’ve got no time for that!” Kurt protested. “I missed a week of school. I need to call Neil so he can update me on all that I’ve missed, and the assignments I’m supposed to hand in.”

“I’m sure Paula’s already told all of your teachers that you’re ill, and they’ll grant you an extension,” Blaine reassured him.

“Maybe most of them will, but not Jenkins,” Kurt mumbled under his breath, and a minute later, he was on the phone with Neil. “Oh, great, that’s great, thank you! Aww, yes, I know I did, but hey, that got me a job, didn’t it? Anyway, thanks a lot! But what I really need to know is what assignment we got for ARS Fashion this week, so that I can get cracking. 17th century fashion? Great. I read this interesting book the other day about French aristocrats wearing red high heels. I’ll write about that.”

And sure enough, Kurt settled at the dining room table with his laptop and a big book and set to work. Blaine didn’t hear another peep about making dinner, and at five minutes to seven, he had to tell Kurt to scram so he could set the table for five.

“I’m almost done!” Kurt complained, but Blaine shooed him off.

By the time their dinner guests were sitting down, nibbling on mini pizzas and quiches and sipping a glass of spumante, Kurt still hadn’t arrived. Blaine found him in his bedroom, going over his now fully written assignment and muttering to himself.

“Dinner is served, Milord,” Blaine said, and Kurt jumped a foot in the air.

“Dinner? Okay, I’ll be right there, as soon as I’ve sent…”

But Blaine closed the laptop. “We have guests. That you invited. So come help me entertain them.”

Kurt sighed, but slid off the bed and followed Blaine.

Kurt seemed a bit subdued during dinner. Blaine was pretty sure he was getting tired again, and hurried to offer everyone dessert so that they would leave shortly after.

Before he left, Trent gave Kurt his evening pneumonia shot and then took Blaine aside.

“Quit it with the sleeping in the same bed, okay? I know you don’t mean anything by it, but you’re getting the boy’s hopes up, and it’s cruel. You never did that to me, why would you do that to him?”

Blaine, a bit taken aback, didn’t know how to respond, and Trent rolled his eyes, sighed and reiterated, “Don’t make promises you can’t deliver on. Take it from me, that HURTS. You’re not into Kurt? Fine, but then keep your distance, so that he can get over his crush and fall for someone else, like I did with Ashton. Right now, you have him thinking that it’s somehow his fault. That he’s unlovable or something. I told him it was unlikely you’d ever fall for him, and he said, ‘Who would?’”

Blaine’s mouth fell open, and his heart hurt for Kurt, who was amazing and wonderful and beautiful inside and out, and deserved all the love in the world.

“That’s what you do to him,” Trent said. “So stop it, please.”

Later on, when all the guests were gone, and Blaine was doing the dishes, he mulled it over in his head. Was Trent right? Was it cruel of Blaine to show Kurt affection?

Of one thing, Blaine was sure: this wasn’t the Trent situation all over again. Blaine had never felt for Trent even half of what he felt for Kurt, and he’d never been as close to anyone as he had to Kurt.. Kurt complemented him in ways that Trent never had.

However upset Blaine had felt when Trent moved out, he knew that it would be so much worse if Kurt ever decided to leave him. He’d be absolutely devastated. In just a few months, Kurt had become the most important part of Blaine’s life. And ever since Blaine had overheard the phone conversation between Kurt and his father, he’d been picturing what it would be like to marry Kurt, raise children together and grow old with him. He could see it all so clearly, and he wanted it. But did he want it for the right reason? That was the crux of the matter.

Kurt deserved true love. He deserved someone who chose him because he was the brightest star in their sky and their best part of every day. Because they wanted to wake up with him in the morning and go to sleep at night with him in their arms. Because when he was in the room, everyone else disappeared for them and they only had eyes for him.

Blaine had grown to care for Kurt, more and more every day, but was that a self-fulfilling prophecy, or did he truly love him? He wasn’t sure, and as long as he lacked that certainty, he wouldn’t kiss Kurt. That much he could promise himself.

He hung up the tea towel and went to Kurt’s room to nag him to go to sleep.

Kurt was already in his pyjamas, moisturising his face. He looked up with a glowing smile. “I just sent the essay to Jenkins. At least one thing I can cross off my list.”

“Good,” said Blaine. “But promise me you won’t overdo it. No dog-walking for at least another two weeks, and no late nights working on school stuff. You need to get better first.”

Kurt’s smile fell. “I left them in the lurch for a week, so I doubt the agency’s ever going to want me back anyway.”

“I called them the first day you were ill,” Blaine told him. “So I’m pretty sure they found a replacement for you. I’m sure they’ve had other dog walkers fall ill before.”

And there was that smile again for Blaine to bask in. “Thank you!”

Kurt got into bed, and then beckoned Blaine with his arm. “Come to bed, please. I’m tired.”

Blaine hesitated for a fraction of a second, remembering Trent’s warning, but the tug on his heart was too strong. “I’ll be right there!”

K&B

Now that Blaine and Trent were on speaking terms again, Trent and Ashton became regular dinner guests, and Kurt and Trent got along like a house on fire.

It shouldn’t have surprised Blaine, then, that Kurt knew about the engaged couple’s plans before he did. But it still shook him when Ashton proudly showed him the plans and sketches for the building he and Trent had bought and wanted to turn into an art gallery of their own. Both the interior design and the logo design had Kurt written all over them, so Kurt must have known about this for months, but he’d kept mum about it.

When the invitation arrived for the wedding, Kurt’s name was beautifully calligraphed next to Blaine’s on the envelope, and Blaine caught himself staring at the ‘&’ in between for a little too long.

Blaine was scared about turning into a dog at an inopportune moment during the ceremony, and had asked Kurt to stand in as best man if necessary, but it all passed without a hitch, even the best man speech.

And yet, it had been another close shave. Later that evening, the whole crowd gathered in the garden for a fireworks spectacle Ashton had arranged for Trent as a surprise. Fairy lights had been hung over all the trees, and the effect was charming. The fireworks went up, everyone oohed and aahed, and then filed back into the ballroom to dance and get wasted.

Kurt hung back, though, and told Blaine he’d rather stay outside a while longer. Blaine happily agreed to that, and when the music started up again in the ballroom, he hopped about happily to the sound of his favourite tunes and hummed along.

Kurt giggled at Blaine’s antics, his nose and eyes scrunching up and his teeth showing, and Blaine grinned at him and turned his energy up a notch.

A slower song came on, and Blaine coaxed Kurt into slow-dancing with him. They glided over the grass smoothly, Blaine’s hand on Kurt’s waist, and Kurt’s hand on Blaine’s shoulder, their cheeks so close they were almost touching. When the song ended, Kurt sighed, his warm breath washing over Blaine.

“You okay?” Blaine verified.

“Never better,” said Kurt, leaning in a little and looking at Blaine from under his lashes, and wow, how had Blaine never noticed how long and beautiful they were?

So entranced was Blaine that he didn’t notice he was turning into a dog until he was shrinking again, and then he let out a distressed whine. This was SO not the moment!

#puppy eyes #chapter 12 #my fic #klaine fanfiction

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themoneybuff-blog · 5 years

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Questions About Fuel Efficiency, Savings Bonds, Materialism, and More!

Whats inside? Here are the questions answered in todays reader mailbag, boiled down to summaries of five or fewer words. Click on the number to jump straight down to the question. 1. Trading up for fuel efficiency 2. Average age of credit accounts 3. Switching to one vehicle 4. Found this great stock! 5. Canadian pharmacies 6. The rental lifestyle 7. Investing in treasury notes 8. Toaster oven purchase 9. Series EE savings bonds? 10. Spotify worth it? 11. Library book sale excess 12. Books on curbing materialism I regularly spend a lot of time thinking about ideas that are really useful in shaping my life as a whole, with personal finance as a significant part of that life. The challenge for me is relating those ideas in a context so that their value to my financial life is clear. I basically see life as a series of interconnected areas. Physical health. Mental health. Focus and concentration. Spirituality. Intellectual ideas. Marriage. Parenting. Key social relationships. Community relationships. Hobbies. Finances. All of those things are interconnected. All of those areas have at least one strong connection between each of those other areas. Your finances do not live in a bubble. I could literally write an article on the connection between any two of those things. In fact, I might actually write an article about each of those areas and how they connect to finances. Because of that perspective, when I find an idea thats really useful in one area, it turns out that the idea is often useful in many other areas as well because it tugs on those connections. For The Simple Dollar, Im interested in all of those things, but Im particularly interested in exploring that areas connection to finances and how that improvement lifts up ones financial state. That goes alongside topics that are focused largely on financial benefits, like frugality topics. The truth is that if I didnt see those connections to finances and I didnt realize how much the other areas of my life support good healthy financial habits, financial independence would be a far more difficult journey. While the actual mechanical steps for improving ones finances are easy, maintaining them requires strong connections and support from the other areas in life, which is something Ive really come to appreciate in recent years. Its all connected. On with the questions. Q1: Trading up for fuel efficiency I am trying to make a decision about trading in my vehicle for a more gas efficient one. My daily driver is a Jeep Wrangler and while I enjoy driving it, it isnt so great on gas mileage. I currently relocated to California where gas prices are higher than my previous home in Texas. With my commute to work alone (approx. 40 miles) I spend about $100 a week on gas. My Jeep is paid off, but Im wondering if it makes sense to trade it in for something that does a little better on the gas mileage front. Crunching the numbers, it makes sense to think about trading it in but I really enjoy having the vehicle. Any suggestions on making a decision about getting rid of something you love for the greater good of saving money? Rick Based on my guesstimation as to the age of your Jeep Wrangler, it looks like it gets about 15 miles per gallon on average. That lines up well with your $100 a week in gas costs given your commute and the assumption that you use it for a few other things. If you swapped it for a Toyota Prius, for example, your fuel costs go down to about $30 a week, as a Prius approaches 50 miles per gallon. Over the course of a month, thats about $280 in savings. Its probably going to be cheaper in terms of insurance, too. The thing Id ask myself when comparing the Jeep and the fuel efficient car is what exactly you get out of the Jeep that you wont get out of the fuel efficient car, and is that difference worth $300 a month to you? That is the lens through which I would evaluate that purchase. What I usually find in situations like this is that the lower cost item often has much of what I like in the higher cost item and breaking it down to paying a lot of money for relatively minor features seems silly. Its also worth noting that you actually have more options here than just keep the Jeep or sell it and get a very fuel efficient car like a Prius. You also have the option of moving closer to where you work which saves a lot on fuel regardless of what vehicle you have and cuts down the time invested in your commute. You might also look for work closer to where you live if moving isnt an option for some reason. There are lots of things to consider here. Q2: Average age of credit accounts Instead of opening a new account which would lower the average age of my credit accounts, should I increase my credit limit on a secured card? Currently it is at $800. I could deposit another $200-$300 to raise my limit. Stephen Its not the average age of your credit accounts that really matters in terms of your credit score. Its the age of your oldest active account that matters. There is a minor negative impact on your credit score from opening a new line of credit, but its minor and short lived. Often, that impact is counterbalanced by having a better debt-to-credit ratio (meaning the sum total of your credit card balances divided by the sum total of your credit limits). If you open a new card with no balance, your total credit limit goes up but your debt stays the same, this improving your credit score (this only works to a certain extent, but will definitely work if youve only got one card and are opening a second one). In your shoes, I would definitely open an unsecured card if youve been handling the secured card well for a while. I wouldnt close the secured card for a while, though. Leave them both open, then close the secured one (and get your deposit back) in a few years. Q3: Switching to one vehicle While evaluating my year-end financial moves, I wondered if I could switch down to one vehicle to cut expenses. A Google search led me to an article you wrote on eliminating one car. Id like to give you some information and get your thoughts on it. I live alone and travel regionally for work. I bought my second vehicle in late 2017 to tow a trailer with my sons racing kart. I can probably drop the full coverage insurance on the vehicles to save some money. I have a 2010 Honda Civic with 248,702 miles on it. I get about 32 mpg and drove 34,529 miles last year. I had $1933.36 in necessary repairs last year. The 2018 annual insurance was $467, the 2019 cost is projected to be $594. I also have a 2006 Honda Ridgeline with 147,422 miles on it. I get about 20 mpg when I am not using it to tow and drove 4,851 miles last year. It may be higher but I only used it when needed. I had $572.07 in necessary repairs last year. The 2018 annual insurance was $148, the 2019 cost is projected to be $301. Kevin If you think its possible with your lifestyle to cut down to one vehicle, you probably can do so. Its usually professional constraints or other life constraints that keep people from being able to pull it off, so if you dont see such an issue in your life, you can probably do this. The big issue I see is that the Civic is going to be far better for commuting, but the Civic cant tow. Do you have any other option for towing that cart? Do you have a solution in place for what the Ridgeline does for you if you drop it? If you do (or if you come to the conclusion that you dont need the towing ability), then Id drop that Ridgeline like a hot potato and keep the Civic. As many miles as youre driving, the fuel efficiency of the Civic is going to save you a ton of money on gas versus driving the Ridgeline that much. I think that if you drop the Civic and keep the 2006 Ridgeline and put almost 40,000 miles a year on it, the gas costs are going to be stupendous. My back of the envelope math says youre better off keeping both cars as they are right now rather than switching to an all-Ridgeline solution. Q4: Found this great stock! Heres a brain teaser for Trent: My boyfriend bought shares of MORL about two years ago and put it on automatic DRIP. Now he gets about $600 a month on average gross. I studied this stock and I just dont really understand it, but it seems like its just about like printing money!! But if it is so great why isnt everybody in it? So dont publish this on your Q&A thing, because I want to keep this quiet. Not looking for a pump and dump scenario, just wondered your thoughts on it. Anna MORL is the stock ticker name for UBS ETRACS Monthly Pay 2xLeveraged Mortgage REIT ETN. Basically, its a bundle of mortgages put together by UBS using borrowed money. Imagine that someone borrows $100,000 to buy an investment. They owe interest on that loan, but theyre fine as long as the investment offers a better return on that loan. Now, imagine you used that investment as collateral for an even bigger loan, which you then used to buy control of mortgages, so that people paying their mortgage bills are actually now writing the checks to you. You can often buy mortgages at below face value a $200,000 mortgage might be on sale for $150,000 or whatever if someone needs money fast, so if that mortgage ends up getting paid off, you make $200,000 plus the interest over the course of a few years. This is a great way to multiply your money, but its really risky. If enough people stop paying their mortgages, you are in bad, bad shape because you cant afford to pay the interest on the loans you have. The whole thing falls apart. Thats what MORL is. MORL is an extremely risky investment that only works well while the housing market is stable and interest rates are low. Its double-leveraged and uncollateralized housing debt, which basically means that if people were to suddenly have difficulty paying their mortgages (like what happened in 2007 and 2008) MORL is going to tank hard. Double-leveraged essentially means it rises twice as high when things are going well and falls twice as hard when things are not going well. I would not hold that investment for anything I was relying on for the future. If youre playing around with investments with money you can afford to lose, sure, but thats basically to gambling. Q5: Canadian pharmacies Im curious about your opinion on Canadian (or other foreign) pharmacies. My husband used them back in the day while caring for his mother. I tried one or two and wound up (computer) virus laden. Are there any good sites for Canadian pharmacies? Is it better to go straight to Canada for better prices? Doug So, heres the deal. Bringing prescription drugs into the United States from Canada is illegal under the Prescription Drug Marketing Act of 1987. However, because of the vagaries of having to deal with every special case of people living along the US-Canadian border, the DEA and the border patrol do not really enforce the law provided youre getting 90 days or less of a prescription filled and its not a narcotic. Basically, they just look the other way because its easier than dealing with the specifics of a case and the bad press that would come from taking away an 87 year olds arthritis prescription or a diabetic persons insulin. To exploit this loophole actually, just an unenforced law a lot of online pharmacies have popped up supposedly dealing in Canadian pharmaceuticals, but a lot of them are pretty dodgy. Theyre already doing something illegal but unenforced and its a market that reputable companies will largely stay out of because the whole thing relies on the US government not enforcing its laws. You may be able to luck out and find a reputable seller online, but there are a lot of sharks in the water because its actually illegal. Id avoid it unless youre actually going to Canada and buying the prescription drugs in person there, buying a small amount, and then coming home. Even then, youre breaking the law, but its a law thats not been enforced for a while. Q6: The rental lifestyle We are at retirement age and are thinking about buying a 5th wheel as our home for a number of years, as we are late to the savings game. It seems that used vehicles are the same price as new, and all of them expensive. What do you think about this alternative lifestyle choice that doesnt include real property? Amber It seems reasonable. I have met many people who have retired to a camper or a trailer. Many of those wind up parking semi-permanently at a campground and serve as campground hosts, so it doesnt seem like that unusual of a choice to me. (This shouldnt be surprising our family goes camping somewhere probably half a dozen times a year.) I think the key is to be sure youve priced everything out and be open to part-time work, both as a way to make ends meet and as a way to fill your time. I also know a lot of retirees who find themselves without much to do to fill their hours once theyre retired. If it seems appealing and the math works out, go for it. Thats my advice. Q7: Investing in treasury notes Question for you: I recently recovered some unclaimed property that I had lost to the state 12 years ago that they sold 8 years ago. I lost dividends for 12 years and lost the value the stock rose after it was liquidated. I wish to make up for my mistakes, so I was thinking of investing the money in T bills as I could use more stable investments. Do you have any opinions on T bills? Amy My feelings on US treasuries are that theyre about as stable as can be in terms of an investment but the returns they offer are really low these days, so low that theyre often matched by savings accounts. Theyre rock-solid and they do offer a tiny return thats as guaranteed as can be in this world, but the return is so small that I would not bank on them as a long term investment. You dont want to lock your money up for many years in treasuries that are returning less than 3% unless you truly need something rock solid. At this point, Id probably just put the money in a savings account or a money market account instead and buy them when interest rates rebound. The question of what kind of stability you need in your overall investments is something I cant judge without seeing your full portfolio. Q8: Toaster oven purchase Im hoping youll evaluate a recent purchase using your buy it for life philosophy. This detailed evaluation is overkill for a single, cheap purchase, but it would be valuable to have a good strategy for similar future purchases. I needed a new 4-slice toaster oven and decided to buy one at Walmart during a weekly shopping trip. Given the low price, I couldnt justify spending the time or gas on a trip to another store. I also didnt think Id find many quality online reviews of sub-$30 toaster ovens. The options that satisfied the size and features criteria were a $20 Mainstays brand model or a $25 Black & Decker brand model. I was skeptical that the Black & Decker model would last 25% longer, or be 25% more effective. Second, a toaster oven is relatively simple I doubted there was any game changing technology that B&D incorporated into this model that the cheaper version lacked. My cynical mind also suspected the B&D model was only branded as such after being manufactured in a random factory. I bought the cheaper model. What would you have done differently? Kevin I would have bought the cheaper model, but I would have probably waited a week and scoped out the local Goodwill first and bought whatever I could find there, as you can usually find toaster ovens there. Aside from the Goodwill caveat, I basically agree with your way of thinking. I might have done some homework on toaster ovens beforehand by looking at Consumer Reports or other guides, but honestly, theyre simple devices to perform a simple task and arent overly expensive, so youre probably fine in this case. While I have no evidence for it, youre probably right on the relabeled Black and Decker. Many items like this are functionally identical inside and have just a slightly different case on the outside. There really isnt a whole lot of variance in toaster oven internal parts. Q9: Series EE savings bonds? I have been buying series EE savings bonds for my grandson for years. My son says that theyre not a good investment right now and that a better gift for his future is to contribute to a 529. Thoughts? Amber I agree with your son. Series EE get very low returns right now; theyre best in environments with high inflation and high interest rates, neither of which is true at the moment. With a 529, the money can be invested more aggressively for much better long term returns if the account manager so chooses. My only qualm here is the gift horse in the mouth issue. I hope that this discussion was a tactful one. Its hard to say from the description. I consider complaining about a gift to be a pretty rude move. If you have a relative giving savings bonds and would rather they contribute that money to a 529 for your childs future, thank them for the bond, wait for a while, and then have a conversation with them about how youre saving for your childs college education. Mention that anyone can contribute to the fund, but let the gift-giver decide what to do with their gift. Its their choice, not yours. Q10: Spotify worth it? I used to listen to the radio constantly. There used to be a radio station near here that played great music of a wide variety, from rock to bluegrass. The station was sold and now plays modern bland country music. I have tried listening to other stations but havent found anything I like. Considering trying Spotify or XM but wary of adding a monthly fee. Are they worth it? Ashley We have a Spotify account that we use as a family. It is often being streamed through speakers in our family room or in our daughters bedroom. My feeling is that such an account is worth it if you listen to a lot of music and want it to just stream and mix up song selections on its own without ads. If you dont listen very often, I wouldnt subscribe. My suggestion would be to try Spotify with a 30 day trial offer heres the link. Set a reminder on your phone 27 days from now that reminds you to cancel it if youre not using it. Then, install the app and try using it as you would a radio. My best experience has been with an inexpensive Bluetooth speaker. Q11: Library book sale excess Our local library has a book sale every year where you can go in on the last day and fill up a box for $2 which I have done for years. I finally realized that I had filled up half of our spare bedroom with books Ill never read from those sales. I would end up grabbing 4-5 that Id actually read and 40 that I wont. What do I do with all of these books? I dont want to throw them away. Anna My first suggestion would be to have a super cheap yard sale. If your town has a community wide yard sale, announce that youre selling books, put them all out there for a quarter each on the first day, then knock it down to a dime each the second day, then a nickel each the third day. People will clean them up if you advertise it a little. Another suggestion is to start dropping them in little free libraries around town. Just take some with you and whenever you see a little free library, stick one or two of those books in there. Itll put that book in the hands of someone who will read it. If nothing else, you can always donate used books to Goodwill or the Salvation Army. Theyll almost always accept used book donations. Q12: Books on curbing materialism Something Im struggling with is my relationship with stuff. Ive been thinking about it a lot lately. I think I feel like to some extent that my worth as a person is tied up in the stuff that I have, like I cant really enjoy books without a large personal book collection or I cant really be a good home chef without a lot of kitchen gear. The thought of getting rid of stuff really hurts because I feel like Im agreeing to be worse at something or less at something. I think this is a feeling youre familiar with. Do you have any advice or any books on how to curb this way of thinking? I need to stop accumulating stuff and start downsizing. Jim The easy answer would be the ever-popular Marie Kondo book, but I think youre asking a somewhat different question than what shes answering. I have three suggestions for where I think youre at, ranging from the more practical to the more philosophical. The first is The More of Less by Joshua Becker, which is definitely the most practical of the three books Im suggesting here. Beckers key argument is that owning too much stuff keeps you from the experiences you want to have because youre constrained by space and clutter. Thus, take the approach that even a small fraction of your stuff represents more than a lifetimes worth of experiences and pass on the remainder to those who will value it. It only takes a small fraction of the stuff you have to represent your life. The second is Goodbye, Things by Fumio Sasaki, which is in the middle in that its a mix of philosophical and practical. This book, to me, focused on the connection between your sense of well being and the environment you inhabit and how that interconnection flows both ways. While it dives into practical steps, it focuses on how those steps reveal and promote a symbiosis between your own well being and your immediate environment. The final book is very philosophical Erich Fromms To Have or To Be? Fromm steps back from the practical but rather dives in a very thoughtful way into why we accumulate things. His argument is that we do so because we view them as a shortcut to a particular type of experience we yearn for, but that the item often serves as a substitute for that experience, an empty calorie that leaves us unfulfilled. This book ends up being an argument for experience rather than possession and I found it to be the most convincing but least directly practical of the three. Read this one to feed your thinking and inspiration; read the others for more connections to practical steps. Got any questions? The best way to ask is to follow me on Facebook and ask questions directly there. Ill attempt to answer them in a future mailbag (which, by way of full disclosure, may also get re-posted on other websites that pick up my blog). However, I do receive many, many questions per week, so I may not necessarily be able to answer yours. https://www.thesimpledollar.com/questions-about-fuel-efficiency-savings-bonds-materialism-and-more/

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chocoholicannanymous · 5 years

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If the Spit Hits the Fan pt V (Glee)

This is the scrap fic formerly labelled “Glee 305 scrap”. Title from West Side Story, “Jets”.

Follows pt I, pt II, pt III and pt IV.

The rest of the weekend continues in the same, weird vein. At home Finn is in a funk that quite honestly is worse than Kurt would have expected. Yes, Finn had pinned his hopes on football, and having that crushed must hurt, but it seems to be more than that. Plus, Kurt would have thought that Rachel's Friday night visit should have cheered him up some.

And yet, Finn definitely doesn't act like someone who finally got sexed by his girlfriend. Oh, Kurt doesn't know that that was the plan, but. Rachel's text asking him to stay out for a couple of hours after the show certainly implied it.

Then there's Rachel, who's also acting strange. She's still being professional on stage, but that's it. It's stressful for everyone, of course, but Kurt can't get over the feeling that it's something more.

He does his best to not let any of it touch him though. Right now, all that matters is getting through the weekend, do his best onstage, and not screw up.

And finally there's Sebastian Smythe. Which is a whole new level of weird on its own. Really. Had someone told Kurt a month ago that this was how his life would look like he'd take Sebastian texting him – politely! – as a lie before Rachel's treatment or even Blaine's disappearance.

The first text shows up Saturday morning, just after breakfast closes at Dalton. Another couple drop in during the day, all detailing Sebastian's quest for information about Blaine. Apparently none of the Warblers have heard a thing. Again, not something Kurt would have believed not so long ago.

He wakes up Sunday morning to a text asking to meet. Something about that request makes Kurt uncomfortable, but it's not meeting Sebastian that does it, at least he doesn't think so. It's more that if Sebastian wants to talk eye to eye, and is offering to drive to Lima to do so...well, that doesn't sound good does it?

So, once the last show's over and Kurt's back in his normal clothes, staage makeup gone, he drives to the Lima Bean. There shouldn't be that many people there, not on a Sunday, and he's never met that many McKinley students there. The only reason he himself goes there is because Blaine loved it, and everyone he knows who's been is someone he himself took.

It should be safe.

At first they both just sit there, sipping their coffee, and making polite noises. Kurt finally speaks up after realizing he's turned a third of his scone into so much crumbles.

“So what did you want? It must have been something important for you to push for a meeting.”

Sebastian jumps a little, clearly just as lost in thought as Kurt himself had been, and clears his throat.

“Right. After I got back Friday Jeff and Nick were waiting for me – they're on my floor – wanting to know what you had to say about Blaine not performing. At first I don't think they believed me even. Then, Saturday morning it was all the others – well, the ones staying the weekend anyway. Hell, Wes even called to interrogate me.”

Kurt snorts a little, amused despite himself, because Wes so would.

“In the end it was decided that someone should go over to Blaine's, see what was going on, and then Thad decided that 'someone' meant him. Since apparently he's known Blaine longer than any of the others, or better, or something.

“It...didn't go that well. Blaine's dad answered the door, and while he was polite he wouldn't let Thad in the house. Said Blaine wasn't home, claimed that they as a family had talked about Blaine's schooling and agreed that his needs weren't met at McKinley and so on. And when Thad acted like that was the first he'd heard of it and started talking about how awesome it'd be to have Blaine back at Dalton apparently Mr Anderson got all weird. Something about how Blaine needed to get away from a bad situation, and how Dalton was too close to the issue.”

And that...really doesn't sound good. Kurt doesn't want to start assuming the worst, but he can't help but think that it almost sounds as if the Andersons sent Blaine off to a conversion camp or such and are trying to hide it.

Some of his thoughts must be visible on his face, because Sebastian takes a look at him and nods.

“Yeah, Thad took that about as well as you are. Only he didn't keep his mouth shut – for better or for worse I haven't decided yet. Because when he mentioned you Mr Anderson got angry. Not just a little, but enough that Thad got worried. He started ranting about how you'd ruined things, how he'd known all along you were no good for his son, and how if he ever saw 'that criminal' – which would be you – sniffing around his son again 'he'd take action'. Then he just slammed the door in Thad's face.”

They sit quiet again after that. Kurt's brain can't stop spinning, and the worst thing is that he can't figure out a single thing he can do to help Blaine – provided he does need help. It sounds as if the Andersons know about Blaine being drunk, at the very least, and think that Kurt's to blame. And it also sounds as if Blaine's not been that keen on correcting them.

“Damn.”

He's got nothing else to say, and neither does Sebastian.

Or so he thinks. It doesn't take too long before Sebastian gives him a serious look and asks what he's thinking of.

“Oh, nothing. Just, should I have another cup of coffee or not.”

“Kurt.”

“Fine. I was thinking that everything was so much easier when I thought Blaine had been seduced into returning to Dalton, that he was ghosting me, and that he was with you. There, happy?”

Telling Sebastian that makes Kurt feel uncomfortably vulnerable, but luckily there's no snide reply. Good, because Kurt's not above – as Mercedes would say – cutting a bitch right now.

“Why was that easier?”

“I don't have to tell you all the worst case scenarios for gay teenagers, do I? Because I'm thinking you know them just as well as I do, and I saw your face, I know I wasn't the only one wondering if he got sent to conversion camp.”

And as much as Kurt wants to leave all of this behind him, want to wash his hands of the boy who thought sex in the backseat was good enough – the boy who sang him a hundred songs, who transferred schools for him, who held his hand at Pavarotti's grave – if Blaine's in trouble then Kurt can't just pretend like nothing. He needs to help.

He just doesn't know if there's a way he actually can.

“Is that... Are they likely to have done that?”

Sebastian looks upset, and uncomfortable, and if he's got good parents – like Kurt himself does – then that's completely understandable.

“A week ago? I would have said no. I'd still say Mrs Anderson wouldn't, but I could be wrong. We don't always see the true side of people, after all.” And if he means more than just Mrs Anderson, well. That's for him to know and Sebastian to miss completely. “As for Mr Anderson, I couldn't say. I've never spent much time around him – or really met him properly. Blaine has said a few things that could be worrying, but I honestly don't know.

“I just really wish I didn't have to think about the possibility.”

And speaking of thinking about things...

“By the way, why are you doing this? I know why I am, and I can assume I know for the rest of the Warblers, but you? You only just met Blaine. And don't tell me you're just worried, because there's being worried and checking things out, but this is a level beyond that. I would have expected this from Jeff and Nick, possibly Trent and Thad. Not from someone who's still a newcomer and who quite frankly has been acting like he hates me up until not even 48 hours ago.”

Sebastian is back to looking uncomfortable, and fidgets for a bit before talking.

“I never did say sorry for the way I treated you at first. Which I am, truly. Just... It's going to sound really stupid, but I felt you were taking something from me, something I already though of as being mine.

“See, Blaine didn't tell me he had a boyfriend until like, 15 seconds before you walked up to us. Up until then? All bashful and flirting and acting available. And I'm sorry for telling you this, on top of everything else, but it's the truth. I wanted Blaine, and I thought I would get him, and then when you walked in I was enough of a horse's ass to think of you as the person taking something from me instead of being honest and realizing I was the one trying to take him from you.

“Hindsight. It's not just 20-20, it's a bitch.”

The words ring true, and so Kurt accept them. It's not until he is almost home that he realizes that Sebastian never really answered his question.

#chocoholic fics #scraps and snippets #kurt fic #kurt hummel #anti-lighthousefucker #not edited or beta read #meant for an episode revamp fic #possibly even a season revamp

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chicgeekgirl89 · 5 years

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Arachnophobia: Chapter 3

Read Chapters 1 and 2 here

Sonny felt like he’d been hit by a truck. His throat was raw and his chest ached. The sharp smell of antiseptic in his nose told him he wasn’t at home and the hum of machinery nearby made him think he might want to wake up and figure out what the hell was going on.

He forced his eyes open, squinting against the brightness of his hospital room. Right. Spider bite. As soon as the memory hit him he lifted the neck of his hospital gown in a panic to look inside. He breathed a sigh of relief. Little Sonny was still attached and looked able to report for duty.

A glance further down told him his foot might be in worse shape. It was elevated at the end of the bed, wrapped in layers of white bandages. But that was still attached too so it couldn’t be too bad right?

There was oxygen flowing into his nose and a couple of IV’s stuck in his arm. He squinted up at the bags. Morphine. Saline. Something he didn’t recognize but looked more poisonous than helpful. Although he supposed if that were the case Trent probably would have taken care of it by now.

It was Clay who appeared in the doorway first, smiling at the sight of Sonny’s open eyes. “Hey there Spiderman,” he said. “Feeling the urge to leap some tall buildings in a single bound?”

“Maybe tomorrow,” Sonny said. He swallowed hard and Clay handed him a cup of water. “What the hell happened back there?”

“How much of it do you remember?”

“Puking my guts out. Feeling like my leg was gonna fall off. I remember Trent telling me to breathe. That’s about all I got.”

“Well we hauled your sorry ass out of that jungle. And then you uh, you stopped breathing there for a second Sonny.” Clay’s smile dimmed a bit. “Trent did CPR. Probably lucky he can bench press a horse.”

“Prob’ly,” Sonny said quietly a hand going to rub at his chest. It was tender and bruised and he’d never felt more grateful for his team. That Trent had managed to keep him alive without even cracking any of his ribs was more than impressive. He owed that man several beers.

“Blackburn sent in a few trucks. They got us out of there pretty damn fast. And here we are,” Clay said.

“Yeah for how long?”

“Until your foot stops looking like a bratwurst,” Trent said, stepping into the room followed by the rest of the team. “You are one lucky son of a bitch, you know that? You should be dead right now.” He looked serious. Sonny had clearly given them all a good scare.

“Yeah, well, gotta keep you guys on your toes,” he quipped trying to lighten the mood. He looked down at his foot. “Although guess I won’t be on mine for a bit.”

“Nah, you’ll be out of here in no time,” Ray said. “Take more than one little spider to keep Sonny Quinn down.”

“Damn straight.” Sonny cleared his throat. “You know I’m not one to get all sentimental but, thank you guys for what you all did. I appreciate it.”

“We all come home,” Jason said firmly. “Always.”

Sonny nodded. His brothers had made sure of it once again and for that he was forever grateful. Even if he was going to endure Spiderman jokes for the rest of time.

After they left he dozed, flipped channels, and then laid there completely bored out of his mind. His body hurt, but not nearly as badly as it had twenty-four hours ago. He was seriously contemplating just sneaking out when Lisa appeared, sparing him from his misery. “You’re an idiot,” she said, leaning against the doorframe.

“Well hey there Davis, that’s no way to treat an invalid.”

She smirked and came to sit by his bed, kicking her feet up next to his. “Invalid my ass. You could walk outta here on your own two feet right now and you know it.”

“Ya got me. Just playing it up for some sympathy.” He eyed her mischievously. “Is it working?”

She shook her head. “Nah.”

“Damn it.”

Her face turned a little more sober, her eyes searching his. “That was a little close there for comfort. You really doing all right?”

Sonny shifted so his thigh muscles would stop cramping. “Yeah, I’m good. Been through far worse than one little spider bite. Who needs to breathe anyway?”

“Uh, you do,” she pointed out.

“Nah. I’m a SEAL. I can hold my breath for an hour if I need to.”

“Ha! All right buddy. Clearly the brain damage is severe.”

The doctor entered the room and introduced himself. “I’ll just wait outside,” Lisa said, stepping away to give them privacy.

Sonny almost protested, almost said she didn’t have to go, but that would be ridiculous. He was a big boy, he could handle this conversation by himself.

“You’re looking good there Petty Officer,” the doctor said. “You’re a pretty rare case you know. Not too many people have such a bad reaction to a Brazilian Wandering Spider. We might even put you down in the books.”

“Ya hear that? I’m one for the books,” Sonny said loudly so Lisa could hear out in the hallway. She just smiled and rolled her eyes.

“You’re very fortunate. We don’t anticipate any permanent damage. The swelling should recede within the next twenty-four hours and everything should be back to normal.”

Sonny glanced at Lisa again and lowered his voice a bit. “Doc, by everything you do mean, everything, right? Like…all my bits and pieces? If you know what I’m saying?” He nodded his head down the bed fore emphasis.

The doctor suppressed a smile. “Yes, all your…bits and pieces will be fully functional. There are no records of long term adverse sides effects on male genitalia.”

Sonny let out a relieved breath. “Well that’s a relief. My foot I can live without. The other guy…not so much.”

“No need to worry. I’ll be back to check on you later. If all is going well we should be able to send you home tomorrow.”

“Thanks Doc,” Sonny said as he left the room and Lisa came back in.

“Well?” she asked. “What’s the prognosis? Are you going to be slinging webs and fighting bad guys? Do I need to go find you some spandex?”

“I’ll still be fighting baddies, but doc says I’ll have to do it without the super powers.”

“Damn. Some superpowers would have been pretty sexy.”

He cracked a grin. “Oh yeah?”

“Mmhmm,” she nodded and smiled back.

Sonny’s heart did a weird little flip. “You flirting with me Davis?” he teased.

“With you? Sorry Sonny, not even a near-death experience could make that happen,” she said.

But she’d hesitated just a second too long, did that thing where she swallowed and then her eyes didn’t quite meet his. The things she did when she was nervous. He was making her nervous?

“So,” she changed the subject, “they springing you tomorrow?”

“That’s the word on the street,” Sonny told her. “Unless I decide to make an early exit.”

“You’re going to keep your ass right there in that bed until the doctors say you’re good to go,” she said, her face serious. “Almost lost you once. We’re not doing that again. From now on you wear your boots at all times. Hiking. Running. Showering. Sleeping. All of it.”

“Yes ma’am.” He sent her a mock salute.

“Good.” She patted his shoulder. “I’ll let you get some rest. Don’t you even think about getting out of here without permission. I’ve got my eye on you Quinn.”

“Davis!” he called when she reached the door. “Thanks for coming by.”

She smiled and then gave him the sign for ‘I’m watching you” before she walked out.

Sonny leaned back against the pillows a lazy grin on his face. Davis was the one who’d put it there. That was interesting. Maybe someday soon he’d think about that a little bit more.

He looked down at his hand and curled it into the Spiderman position and then flicked it toward the wall. Nothing happened. He sighed. Oh well. It never hurt to try.

#SEAL Team #Sonny Quinn #Sonny Quinn Fanfiction #Spider Bite #Whump #Recovery #Lisa Davis #SEAL Team Fanfiction #Clay Spenser #Jason Hayes #Ray Perry #Trent Sawyer #Brock Reynolds #Chapter 3 #Arachnophobia #Sonny Quinn Whump

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mavwrekmarketing · 7 years

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WASHINGTON President Donald Trump fired the FBI director in charge of investigating his associates ties to Russia. The next day he gave Russians classified information in the Oval Office. And now its reported that Trump asked then-FBI Director James Comey to let go ofan inquiry on the Russian entanglements of fired national security adviser Michael Flynn.

That leaves out a lot, but just from those facts, some Republicans are starting to use the word Watergate to describe the scope of unfolding revelations about Trump.

Yet few Democrats at this point are using the word that describes what Watergate was leading to: impeachment.

Im not there, Rep. Elijah Cummings (D-Md.) told reporters Wednesday. I just want to get the information.

Im not afraid of the I-word, said Rep. Joe Crowley (D-N.Y.). Independent independent commission.

Yuri Gripas / Reuters

President Donald Trump waves as he walks across the White House South Lawn before departing for Groton, Connecticut, on Wednesday. Democrats don’t appear to be ready for the hard push to impeach.

It might seem like a surprisingly reticent approach for a party that could stand to benefit politically. But Democrats are also looking at history and the damage the last impeachment proceedings, against President Bill Clinton, did to both the country and political parties involved. They find themselves walking a fine line between legitimate freak-out and overreach, and they do not want to blow it.

If lawmakers get ahold of Comeys Trump memo and others he reportedly wrote, and they confirm Trump tried to coerce the former FBI director, it should add pressure against Trump without Democrats having to manufacture it. If the facts lead Congress toward impeachment, Democrats want to make sure all of the evidence is lined up, and, well, unimpeachable.

The strategy to avoid Dump Trump talk is such a deliberate stance that when Rep. Al Green (D-Texas) took to the House floor Wednesday to call for impeachment, he ended by noting his was a voice in the wilderness, at least for now.

And there are certainly Democrats who do not feel constrained. Rep. Maxine Waters (D-Calif.) mentioned, as she has before, the possibility of impeachment Tuesday. We dont have to be afraid to use the word impeachment, she said.

But most Democrats are exercising what appears to be genuine caution around something so momentous. Just to be sure, there have been talking points circulated to the Democratic talking heads who may get questions about impeachment.

The suggested response is: Thats not a question that can be answered until we get more facts. We need Director Comey to testify in a public hearing, all memos and tapes turned over, a special prosecutor to be appointed and an independent commission to take this investigation outside of Congress, according to a memo from a Democratic operative.

It sounds an awful lot like the words that are in fact coming from the mouths of lawmakers.

Aaron Bernstein / Reuters

Democratic House members Adam Schiff of California, second from right, accompanied by Elijah Cummings of Maryland, left, Eric Swalwell of California and Joe Crowley of New York, talks about recent revelations about President Donald Trump on Wednesday. Schiff said that “the country has to believe that the series of conduct is such that this president cannot continue in office” before they seriously consider impeachment proceedings.

But that doesnt necessarily make the tactic cynical. Democratic sources asked about the reluctance to leap to the impeachment argument said that trying to use Trumps current, not-fully-known troubles as fodder to remove him would actually undercut the seriousness of what Democrats fear the country is facing.

The worst thing Democrats could do is to make this move too early. There are many unanswered questions and facts to be learned and revealed, one Senate Democratic aide said, speaking anonymously to discuss the private thinking of lawmakers. Its a serious step and requires a full understanding of the facts before making the leap.

There is a precedent for a take-it-slow approach. Looking back at the impeachment case against Clinton which became almost entirely partisan and ultimately focused on conduct that didnt involve his official duties the then-GOP leaders, Newt Gingrich in the House and Trent Lott in the Senate, went out of their way to urge Republicans not to raise the issue of impeachment. Indeed, the House did not vote to start the process until a month after an independent counsel released the full investigation.

The ongoing case against Clinton also backfired, with Democrats picking up seats in the 1998 midterm election when they had been expected to lose many.

You are empowering Trump surrogates if you first go to impeachment. senior Democratic aide

Democratic strategists see a similar danger in trying to overreach in the case against Trump.

You are empowering Trump surrogates if you first go to impeachment, said a senior Democratic aide who requested anonymity to discuss congressional reasoning. Thats all they have been trying to harp on over and over again Democrats are sore losers, they want to nullify the results of the election, they want to impeach this president. Thats what they are using to motivate their base.

And, theaide said, starting an impeachment drumbeat now undercuts the arguments for getting full, fair investigations from an independent counsel and a 9/11-style commission.

Republicans are not going to support these things if all were talking about is impeachment. It is damaging to the effort to secure these independent investigations, the aide said.

Lawmakers also were adamant that launching premature talk about removing the president does more than muddy the political waters. It also has the potential to drive an even deeper wedge of distrust and anger into the already divided population.

Rep. Adam Schiff (D-Calif.), ranking member on the House Intelligence Committee, said Congress members need to ask themselves if they want to discharge their duties and whether Trumps actions call for removal from office.

In order for that remedy to be appropriate, the country has to believe that the series of conduct is such that this president cannot continue in office, Schiff said. It cannot be perceived as an effort to nullify the election by other means.

Sen. Dianne Feinstein (D-Calif.), ranking member on the Senate Judiciary Committee, wouldnt say if what Trump asked of Comey was an impeachable offense because senators dont know if it actually happened or the depth and breadth of it, she said.

Ive been through an impeachment hearing, and theyre not good for the country let alone the individual. And until we know much more than this, it should remain where it is today off the table, Feinstein said.

Asked why Democrats were comfortable with pursuing an independent commission to investigate the presidents conduct concerning the ongoing FBI probe when such bodies are known to take years to finish their work, Cummings replied: to get it right.

We are at a very significant moment in this countrys history. This is our watch. So if it takes a year, if it takes two years, if it takes three years, we need to get this right. Yeah, it may take a little time, but this is not about us; this is bigger than us; this is bigger than President Trump. This is about the soul of our democracy, Cummings said. Will it lead to impeachment? I dont know. But one thing is for sure … if there was a moment that we needed to leave our party hats outside the door, this is that moment.

Sam Stein contributed to this report.