#then I spent about 5 hours just setting it up and thennnnnn getting a bad virus bc I’m stupid as hell and don’t want to pay for software

[floral-hex]

It’s hard to make music when you have no instruments or software or skills or talent and also you don’t actually know how to play anything or make music and you’re dumb as hell

#hey it’s about that time of year where I get the urge again to try and make music before getting frustrated and quitting #don’t let your inability to do anything right get in the way of messing everything up forever and ever amen #every time I sit down to try and set up software and whatnot I end up wasting half a dozen hours before giving up #repeat once or twice every year or so for the last decade #how did I used to do this junk??? whaaaaa? I don’t understand computers. #I have an ooooold laptop buried in a box someone with sooo many unfinished songs. albums and albums worth. mostly just missing vocals #I used to sit and work on music for hours and hours #pretty much the only productive thing I did my first year of college was make an album #and now I’m just like… I don’t understand how anything works. I’m so old. #but I guess it’s… ya know… it’s been awhile and you can’t just expect to jump back in with the same skill and comfort #you’ve got get all the tedious beginning stuff out of the way. that’s just how it goes. it builds and builds. #it’s the opposite of eating an elephant. it’s frankensteining and elephant. gotta do it piece by piece. #basically I got another hand me down laptop. clean slate freshly wiped. #then I spent about 5 hours just setting it up and thennnnnn getting a bad virus bc I’m stupid as hell and don’t want to pay for software #I lost my software installer I already had so I rushed to 🏴‍☠️ the first decent one I could find #and then when I got warnings I said ‘meh the antivirus is probably exaggerating’ #ARE YOU KIDDING ME!? ARE YOU STUPID!? you trust the illegal file over your own antivirus!? whatttt!? #i am very stupid #at least the laptop is pretty much empty. just gonna do another clean wipe and start again. hopefully smarter. #I really want this. I hate HATE talking about things I want to do because I invariable always fuck it up #it’s so stupid and sad but if pressed I would easily say my old shitty music are the things I’m most proud of in my life. even if they suck #I stopped making music when I moved to NY to be with my ex and I haven’t been able to get back into it since #I don’t even like music. it’s stupid and I’m half deaf. fuck you I hate you. #okay I love you bye #you can ignore this #text