#there needs to be affliction to the ego

[callistolivia]

there’s a popular astro account on Instagram claiming that Virgo is one of two of the unhappiest signs. I of course had a knee-jerk reaction to disagree because like honestly how? If we ignore the fact that this is a vague generalization, I don’t know how Virgo is at the top of that list. Can we define ‘unhappy’?? Virgos are maybe anxious or easily uncomfortable I suppose.

The other sign was Cancer, I can’t really argue with that hahaha

#i probably would have picked Taurus or Aquarius before Virgo #but taurus needs affliction to the Sun to make a person generally depressed or grumpy all the time #and same with Aquarius #there needs to be affliction to the ego #astrology

[makingspiritualityreal]

12th House - Saturnian Slowness

Planets in the 12th house will naturally have Saturnian characteristics, as Saturn is the Karaka for the 12th House. As a result, if we have natal planets in the 12th house, these areas of our lives will develop extremely slowly. In these areas, we will feel like we are behind the average of our age group, even if the average doesn't mean anything spectacular. Sometimes it's circumstantial, sometimes, it's our understanding of it, mostly it's a mix of both. Naturally, the planet and the sign involved will determine what takes the most time to grow.

Sun in the 12th House - Will be slow to understand their impact in the world. Will be slow to understand what they are building through their actions. Will be slow to build up integrity and accountability for what their behavior caused and will have many regrets as a result. Will be slow to get their affairs in order. Will be slow to appreciate themselves. Will be slow to understand they have a place in this world, no matter how small.

Moon in the 12th House - Will be slow to simply understand oneself. Will be slow to know how they truly feel in the moment. Will be slow in ability to have spontaneous reactions. Will be slow to develop an ego. Will be slow to connect to a life on this Earth. Will take Earthly experiences for granted, and derive wisdom from them slowly.

Mars in the 12th House - Slow to defend their interest and protect their territory. May let a lot of people step over them in early life. Slow to learn how to say no. Slow to learn their dislikes, even slower to express them. Slow to communicate their opinion, because they don't realise what they stand for. Will miss out on a lot of opportunities to make a stand as a result, because they don't understand their own beliefs, and they're slow in forming opinions.

Mercury in the 12th House - Slow to make friends and connections. Slow to develop their intellect, even slower to appreciate it. Slow learning process, may be behind with their knowledge of basic facts. Slow but persistent skill learning. Slow to learn a variety of objective perspectives, as intellectual narrowness was prominent in household. Slow to learn how to discuss using objectivity. Slow to learn how to enter into profitable exchanges, or even if they are in one, they don't understand what they are gaining and giving. Often only appreciate exchanges once they leave their life.

Venus in the 12th House - A good position, as it takes time in life to develop comfort and build solid relationships. Will be slow to have a good social circle, but it will be a quality one. Will have delayed romantic experiences. Will delay their own pleasure and gratification for the best moment, which is why this is a strong placement. Will delay sexual encounters, and avoid unnecessary ones as a result.

Jupiter in the 12th House - Slow to understand a general perspective of the world due to lack of opportunity, that makes their early experience narrow. Was forced to grow in a small minded environment and not given chances to travel and broaden the mind. They become very wise as they grow up, however, being self taught and having a very broad and diverse perspective. Ultimately, the world opens up to them gradually, at its own pace. Slow to believe in the hand of the divine in their life, because it takes so long for everything to finally pay off and make sense for them. Feelings of genuine inspiration and faith are slow to appear and be proven, but solid once discovered.

Saturn in the 12th House - Its natural position, because it embodies a gradual, patient approach to growing up itself. Simply put, the native understands growing up takes time. That makes for a very smooth transition from childhood into adulthood (if no afflictions) and the person is able to grow up and make their mark on the world very naturally without feeling like they need to rush it. They also have amazing precision with their goals and the tenacity to build them up over time.

Rahu in the 12th House - Will be very slow to break out of their comfort zone. If there is a planet attached, it will be greatly delayed, as the North Node brings anxiety of the unknown. Will have a great delay in being able to follow their desires. Will be timid in having an approach that is unfamiliar to them, but most conducive to their growth. An extremely stubborn an impatient person, a walking contradiction that wants to grow but doesn't. They need to be pushed very far to surrender to change, but they are slow to do that too.

Ketu in the 12th House - Another comfortable positions, as they are able to completely surrender to the flow of time. Slowness of life doesn't phase them at all, as they allow it to proceed at its own time, while they pursue the opposite in Rahu instead. The definition of "let go and let God", subconsciously, as they believe things will take care of themselves while they pursue more practical goals. The flaw here is being extremely slow in developing a deeper philosophy of spirituality and analysis. They miss out on more significant conclusions regarding what happened in their life until a very late age, and may accidentally miss out on something deeply important to them as a result, while they were chasing something completely else.

#12th house #astrology #astro notes #astro observations #astrology notes #astrology observations

[lilithess]

ASTRO OBSERVATIONS I

i’ve seen exact pluto square moon aspect in two male charts and both of them had a twisted connection to their mother, as if they couldn’t get away from her, but desperatelly needed to. also a taste for hardcore music

sagittarius isn’t nearly as lucky as people percieve it to be. their lives tend to be rocky, changeable and unusual. lot of them are wanderers and from what i’ve seen, honestly, they don’t seem that happy

saturnians are the most insecure of the bunch, but they mask it under smirks and “know-it-all” attitude

venus conjunct mars is a guarantee IT girl placement. not only are they seductive, but also know what they’re doing 24/7. sneaky and secretive, nothing they do seems to be left to chance. will draw attention just being there. i’ve seen the same effect with venus square mars; this aspect can be even more intimidating than a conjunction

neptune squares are very prominent amongst addicts, especially to sun/moon. i’ve met them through work environment and each and every one i checked had hard neptunian influence on personal planets or said planets in 12H

8H placements aren’t neccessarily dark. they might be private or at some point you might realize there’s a whole lot of their life you don’t know about. i’ve also noticed these people are in danger of being taken adventage. the older they get, the wiser they are. this can happen with gemini placements as well

fire signs are the most social and life of the party. air signs are stressed, anxious and easily overwhelmed by people. i’ve seen this over and over again

capricorn moon is found in one of the saddest, most miserable people i’ve met. they always have this aura as if the whole world is on their shoulders. beware, they might not even accept your help due to ego problems. if afflicted, very destructive to themselves and those around them

aries placements = what is romance? the least sappy sign of all followed by virgo and sagittarius

#astrology #astro observations #astro notes #astro placements #astrology notes #everything is just my own experience and is not based on books but real life people and events

[lua-magic]

Moon and your pending Karmas.

Moon is the most dengerous planet, as it is fast moving planet and it continuously waxes and wanes, which brings fluctuations in nature of a person and person experiences mood changes.

Now, it is proven even by scientists and by quantum physics, the reality is just our "Experiences" and this experience is shaped by "Moon" that is why everyone is experiencing different realities at the same time.

Whenever Moon is afflicted by Malefics it is most dengerous and troublesome position for moon and person experiences, suicidal thoughts, depression, OCD, financial issues, stability in life, and an

Moon is the planet that gets afflicted very quickly.

Anytime moon is debi or afflicted Jupiter also becomes afflicted because Jupiter is exalted in fourth house which is house of Moon.

Moon is exalted in second, fourth and eleventh house as well .

Moon is debi in sixth, eighth and twelfth house

"So, best remedy of Jupiter is improve your moon"

Fourth house from moon lies your pending karmas and there you will experience most problems in life.

"If your moon is in first house then fourth from moon is your fourth house".

So native experiences mental health issues like mood swings, anxiety, depression, problems with mother, OCD. So, person needs to work continuously on his mental attitude in his life.

Moon in second house

Native experiences issues with making decisions and remain confused in life, as now fifth house is getting afflicted, which house of intelligence. Most of the time, person education will not be useful and native will work in entirely different area of life. Native can get problems with his/ her child as well.

Native should read more books and continuously update his knowledge.

Moon third house.

Person would make many secret eniemies and and might suffer from health issues and debt in his life time. Person sometimes becomes too greedy, lustful and angry which is why keeps getting involved in unnecessary fights.

Person should always work on his/her own triggers and must focus on healing.

Moon in fourth house

Native experiences problems in relationships and with his/her spouse.

If person owns business or are in partnership then it creates problems in partnership as well . Moon in fourth keeps native in his/her comfort zone and makes person extremely Moody.

Native should choose his/her partners wisely.

Moon in fifth house 🏠

Here, native experiences lot of transformations and has to let go lot of emotions from him/her. Native doesn't like to show emotions in front of others but feels everything deeply inside. Person experiences lot of pressure or load in his mind

Person has anger issues , ego problem.

Native needs to do lot of shadow work so that he/she can release their emotions

Moon sixth house

Person Jupiter is getting afflicted here, so native experiences problems in long term goals, visions, problems with his/her luck and also causes problems in education.

Remedy is to follow your ritousnes and morality in your life and always make long term goals

Moon in seventh house

Moon in seventh house native (Male) gets attracted to the wife of other's married men easily it also gives native problems in jobs and profession and native continuously shifts or Changes his/her carrier.

Remedy is to learn to manage your sexual desires and choose your profession wisely.

Moon in eighth house 🏠

Moon in eighth house is not so good position for moon as person has lot of hidden emotions and traumas that he/she needs to work on. Native also faces issues with his/her gains and financial issues.

Person feels isolated and depressed and are unable to make friends in his life time.

Only remedy that can work for native is to learn astrology and occult.

Moon ninth house

Native experiences sleep related issues or bad dreams in certain cases. Native could suffer mental health issues like OCD, insomnia, and problems in bed pleasure.

Native needs to follow spirituality and do meditation.

Moon in tenth house

Person has problems with his/her personality and health issues as well

Native might be introvert, and experiences frequent weight gain and loss issues.

Native should continuosly work on his/her personality.

Moon in eleventh house.

Person experiences problems with his/her family, and problems in gains, if moon is in good position and exalted then person experiences good and sudden gains but if moon is afflicted then person experiences unstable flow of money.

Remedy is to be careful about the words you use, don't hurt anyone by your words and take care of your food habits.

Moon in twelfth house

Person experiences issues with their siblings and problems in starting any work.

Person would be too lost in his/her own thoughts and suffer from depression.

Person lacks courage and can't fight for his/her desires.

Native needs work on his/her subconscious mind .

If you love my work kindly keep supporting me, so that I can make more astrology content and help everyone.

#astro notes #spirituality #astrology #astro observations #astro community #vedic astrology #occult #vedic astro observations #vedic astro notes #vedic chart

[amywritesthings]

the better strategy. / astarion x tav

summary: After successfully saving Druid Grove, Astarion has one goal in mind: secure his safety. His strategy? Seduce Tav. But what if that plan goes horribly wrong and he falls for his own game? pairing: astarion x tav (female, she/her) word count: 3.9k tags: tiefling party reimagined, act one spoilers, non-sexual intimacy, astarion's pov, allusions to astarion's past, selûne!tav // mature for thematic elements

part two. / masterlist.

PART ONE: THE ATTEMPT

.

“I can’t help but notice you’re not indulging.”

The minute the conflict within the goblin camp was over, the second the dust settled in the grove and the victory was imminent, Astarion knew precisely the trajectory he would need to take.

Call it his innate instinct — it wouldn’t take many brain cells to understand just who led this group of afflicted tadpole carriers, for better or worse, after such a battle.

At first he assumed Shadowheart would be the one he’d eventually stalk in the daylight, with her mysterious artifact clutched tightly to her chest. The follower of Shar, however, has about as many problems as her braid has sections.

She would not lead this group to triumph.

Lae’zel? Strong, but lacking in people skills.

Karlach? Strong, relatively agreeable, but suffering greatly from her fiery defect.

Wyll? Too many contracts, so little time to absolve them.

Gale? Not a chance in any of the Hells.

Tav, however…

Calm and collected Tav. Skilled and cunning Tav. Diplomatic and equitable Tav.

Brilliant in all shades of red, peppered across her skin in blood spatter — that Tav.

From the beach where he held a knife to her throat all the way to securing a victory for the refugee tieflings at a grove that never deserved her help, he’s watched this elven woman go from a nobody to a savior overnight.

Everyone vies for her attention. Everyone wants her approval.

Even now he witnesses her flutter through the throngs of beggars invading their sleeping space, trying their hands at flattery and praise. 

(Incredible, that her ego hasn’t shot to the heavens with the gods and goddesses themselves.)

So when she finally — finally — stops in front of his tent after her lap around the camp, he knows he must catch her attention.

Keep it. Suffocate it.

He holds an empty goblet for the sake of saving face amongst the traveling tieflings, not quite willing to divulge his little secret so willingly to strangers.

Tav stops walking to stand before him when she catches that he's talking to her. “Am I not?" she challenges, holding up her goblet. "I’m drinking.”

“Not as heavily as others,” he quips, blinking his attention to the downtrodden no-name tiefling to his left still going through the motions of war and loss.

Tav’s eyes follow Astarion’s, resting there on the tiefling for a moment. Astarion blinks back to watch her expression soften — empathy.

(He hates it when she does that.)

“No, I suppose not,” she begins to reason. “That being said, I must admit I was not born with an iron stomach like Gale — or given a gifted singing voice like Alfira — or find myself in the mood to expose my talent of strength like Lae’zel.”

He can see it in his peripheral — Wyll and Gale sharing a bottle of wine, discussing the parameters of magic while crowding a most-eager Alfira as her slender fingers strum well-loved strings. Shadowheart sits quietly to the side of Halsin, nodding her head to the steady stream of tunes, and Karlach whoops and hollers as Lae’zel takes down yet another tiefling opponent in a series of arm wrestling matches.

Astarion hums indifferently. “But you were the one who secured the demise of those leaders. They all should grovel at your feet.”

“I recall seeing a fire bolt or two ignite from your hand,” Tav teases, returning her attention to his face. The licks of light from the fire compliments her complexion so well. “It wasn’t an effort finished alone.”

“It was an opportunity for violence,” he reasons. “I wasn’t about to squander it.”

“Is that so?” she asks, seemingly unconvinced by his removed reasons.

“Besides, fighting and swordplay is all well and good, but you were the one to spin the spider’s web to convince that rigid drow to believe we were rallying to her cause,” he tut-tuts with his tongue. “I didn’t think you had it in you to lie.”

After a brief huff, Tav shakes her head. “Not my best strategy.”

Astarion’s brows slide high. “No? I beg to differ.”

“I just needed to buy more time so no one would get hurt,” Tav explains, and Astarion wants to outwardly groan at her heroics. He doesn't. “I had no interest in aligning myself with someone who wanted to bring so much pain. Zevlor led his people well — they ought to be the ones you praise.”

Gods, he really likes her best when she’s focused on battle. Feral, merciless, bold — not whatever this at the end of the fight. She’ll list the damned stray dog for valor before herself.

Still, Astarion catches himself before he can ruin his own performance and sharply inhales. He puts a knowing smile back on his face, voice smooth like tainted honey nectar.

“You could still stand to take a little credit, my sweet,” Astarion replies, “but if you’re not willing to take it, then allow me to personally pay it forward.”

The dance is as old as time itself. Astarion steps from the makeshift rug of his tent, finding himself in the plush earth beneath their feet. The party rages on around them with copious laughter and impromptu music and sloshing ale, but the vampire hears nothing, sees nothing, smells nothing — except her.

And, if he’s calculated correctly, she only sees him.

Jogging up to him after missions to check in on his opinion as if she truly gives a damn. Glancing back when she’s talking to all sorts of lowly creatures as if his opinion means anything to alter her otherwise fortified decisions.

He tries to goad her into the worst possible ideas — no, this person doesn’t need help; no, this idiot can rightfully get fucked for creating their own problems; no, we’re not accepting a mere thank you for payment of our services.

(It’s any wonder she has any gold in her pockets at all.)

Sometimes she listens. Sometimes she’ll demand payment — though, if he had it his way, Astarion would turn these godforsaken degenerates upside-down and shake them stupid until Tav drains them of every last coin for acting like she’s anything but a saint.

Sometimes she stands up for herself, and Astarion can’t help but giggle when these little leeches scramble to reroute back to her good graces.

If he was a lesser man, if he didn’t know better, then the vampire would have an insane thought behind these random acts of acknowledgement: that she values him.

Somehow, in some way, even after he’s managed to violate her trust, her body, her blood — all for his gain.

For his survival.

Now he’ll offer something similar as a sort of payback for her kindness. Unfortunately, his talents are something of a one-trick pony: take a ride, any ride, and he’ll provide the best bloody night of your life. Cazador all but forced it to be a guarantee.

In the end, offering his body to Tav will secure his position in this merry band of misfits.

It will keep him safe — even if he feels the bile rising in his throat as he prepares himself to bite his lip and play coy to her every desire and whim.

(He can prove she’s just as vile as the rest.)

“Pay it forward?” Tav asks as if she doesn’t already know.

“Everyone appears occupied,” he begins, each word dripping with intention. “I can’t imagine they’ll miss us for a spell.”

His crimson eyes find hers, searching for the answer he needs: desire – for him, for stress relief, for a chance to use a willing body to let go.

“There’s a clearing not far from camp,” he purrs, taking yet another step as he ducks his chin to meet her gaze. “You can see the moon brilliantly. And the trees will catch your pretty little cries, so I implore you to be as loud as you’d like.”

Yet he’s met with widening eyes without a single thought behind them. Her lips part, close, then part again. Astarion waits for the telltale signs he’s memorized for the last agonizing two centuries — quickening of breath, dilated eyes, shifting in her stance.

“I promise it will be a night you shall never forget.”

He smirks with haughty confidence, his swagger undoubtedly catching her eye. He won’t touch her , not yet — it’s always best to make the anticipation —

Wait.

There: her eyes widen a fraction larger, lips parting with a sharp inhale.

Then her nose scrunches as if… amused, and he’s lost the script.

The hells?

“Astarion,” she starts.

“Yes, my dear,” he coos, keeping that seductive air about him.

“I don’t…” Tav gives a small smile, apologetic in nature. “I appreciate what you’re offering. Flattered, even, but I’m not someone who…”

Astarion stops moving forward, taken aback by the hesitance in her voice. For someone so headstrong in their decisions within this group, this is the first he’s seen her so… girlish? Up until now, he’s never seen Tav react to anything without conviction.

He senses a running theme between such an annoyance and the unwavering faith of a cleric.

“Am I meant to use our wiggling little friend to complete that thought for you?” Astarion presses, fluttering his fingers parallel to his temple for dramatic emphasis.

Tav sighs, and he hates it. “It’s hard to find the right words.”

“Then we needn’t use them,” he persuades airily. “That’s what bodies are for.”

Gods, she gives this look — and by now, he knows it well. The same knowing stare she gave that wretched little gnome who dared speak ill of her even after his rescue. The same knowing stare she gave Wyll when he threatened to attack their fiery friend.

The game is up.

Astarion feels… cold. Rejected?

He didn’t wish to sleep with her in the first place, but he’s never been outright denied.

“Is the gaudy wizard that eats magic trousers more your type, then?” He flippantly twists the problem away, raising a brow of feigned disinterest. “Or perhaps it’s the bloodthirsty Githyanki who gets off on smelling sweat.”

Tav snorts, rolling her eyes in a way that makes his stomach churn.

Does she think him a joke? Not attractive? Not worthy of sleeping upon her bedroll?

He runs through a list of grievances the cleric may have with him when she finally finishes the lingering thought: “I’m not someone who deals in one-night trysts.”

Tav explains slowly, cautiously, as if trying to spare his feelings. Astarion would be offended if he wasn’t so confused.

“I recognize many of us are seeing these hours as our final to live. Yet I find no comfort or pleasure in sleeping with someone I barely know.”

“But you know me better than most,” Astarion argues under his breath, jutting his chin back. That isn’t entirely a lie — Tav’s has taken the inner workings of his past, his plight, and the monster itself in stride.

Tav is the one to take a step forward this time, her cup half-drunk from the wine Halsin poured. Suddenly another feeling twists in the vampire’s sated gut: surely she’s letting him down gently because she’s interested in that beast of a man.

(The druid is certainly less jagged around the edges, teeth and all.)

“Not well enough for something like that, though,” she replies, her smile light.

Astarion’s brows knit as he considers his options. His usual form of seduction hadn’t worked. Should he spin a story, a web of lies, to make her think she truly knows him? Should he push a little harder, make promises of delight and pleasure, to—

“I’d like to see this clearing you speak of, to see the moon. Connecting with Selûne would be wonderful to experience with you near,” Tav adds, interrupting his inner monologue, “if you’re still willing to show me.”

Oh.

That’s so…

Odd.

Why does he suddenly feel so out of place and odd?

“I…” Astarion has half a mind to wave her off, to say it’s a massive waste of his night when he could get his quota filled by someone else in this camp. Yet he’s compelled to stay, to stare, as he takes in her expression. “...if that is what you wish.”

Is this a game? Play ignorant, then arrive at the clearing for sex?

He can’t read her. He can’t place her smile into any sinister category. It only widens, bright like the moon above, and she brings her goblet to her lips.

The vampire finds himself watching as her neck bobs with the gulp she takes.

“Shall I see you once everyone rests?” Tav asks, suddenly having the upper hand in a situation that was supposed to be his and his alone.

All the vampire can do is nod, sensible not to say anything that will jeopardize the private meeting, and smiles with a strain when she walks away to talk to the tiefling moping on the edges of the camp.

Of course she talks the sad sack into joining the party.

Of course she fucking does.

.

.

.

.

There’s still a chance she might want him.

All this talk about not wanting to rush things or explore another person could have been for show. She’s the diplomat of this group of imbeciles, lest he forget. She probably couldn’t afford to look interested in him, much less anyone else, so not to cause tension.

No worry — he’ll come prepared, may the cards fall where they must.

Astarion creeps past his tent, shedding his white tunic to hang on a sturdy branch a mere foot’s step away from the clearing in question. His pale skin practically glitters and glistens in the light poking through the treetops, his complexion a stark contrast to the scars and lines of a body that’s only recently belonged to him.

He leaves his trousers on. He’s not a goddamn animal, after all.

“Astarion?” a rushed whisper sounds to his right, so the vampire turns in all his slender glory.

“You came,” he greets, grinning ear to ear with his entendre.

The wood elf stares back at him from a thick cluster of trees, notably confused by the way her brows knit and her nose scrunches. She assesses his vivid nakedness, but doesn’t make a comment — not yet.

Well, she doesn’t particularly look lustful.

Then her attention disappears entirely when she realizes just how clear said clearing is: a damn near perfect circle, where he’s prepared a small blanket held down by sizable rocks he’d found by the river while everyone started heading into their tents for sleep.

To an innocent eye, it’s nothing more than a midnight picnic.

If he had anything to say about it, then it would certainly become that. The only road block is Tav as she nears the makeshift lovebed in the center of the clearing.

“You didn’t have to use your blanket, you know,” she mentions, and Astarion is yet again left sputtering for a suave answer.

How the hells did she know that was his blanket and not that wretched Gale’s?

“It isn’t mine,” he tries — smooth, very smooth.

Tav makes a noise as she sits down on the blanket, head turning as she studies the lack of patterns or love in its weave. 

“I saw this in your tent,” she argues without conviction. “Lae’zel hates blankets. Mine are all accounted for. And Gale—”

“Alright, yes, it’s mine,” Astarion interrupts, peeved she’s more interested in playing detective than commenting on his broad chest.

The vampire awkwardly meets her on the blanket, sitting down with his heels dug into the dirt.

His legs stay in a raised triangle, knees to the sky, while Tav sits tall and crosses her legs under one another. Her slender fingers sit in her lap, annoyingly so, and Astarion stares at them to calculate a way he can smoothly bring them into his.

All he needs is to wriggle his way into this bizarre outing, to find what makes her tick, and he’ll be safe. It’s the only word running through his head at lightning speed.

Safe, be safe, make yourself safe—

Her gasp is light, possible to miss, but it takes him right out of the mantra to look up at Tav. Her smile is practically glowing as the moonlight bathes over her body, generous and… beautiful.

“You’re right,” she murmurs. “This is… beautiful, at this time of night.” Tav pauses, searching the constellations. “It’s so hard to pray, really, at camp. I don’t wish to offend Shadowheart.”

“What does Shadowheart’s approval have anything to do with your praying?” the vampire asks, feeling surreal that this is what her pillow talk has started with. Prayer. Religion.

(He’d gotten himself at least somewhat hard at the sight of how pretty she looked in the midnight air, ready to try his hand again, but now it’s all but softened with flattened disinterest.)

“Well, she worships Shar — the twin sister of my goddess, and they are not friendly.”

“So?”

“So,” Tav explains slowly, dipping her chin to observe him at her side. “I don’t wish Shadowheart to see me as an enemy just because of our differences in worship. But now you’ve shown me a place I could visit where I can properly speak to her — so thank you."

Astarion must look perplexed as all hell, because Tav studies his face, his naked torso, then back to his face again. He sits up straighter, unable to hide his annoyance in his rigid movements.

Tav shifts in her seat as well, but before she can continue her soft little chat about useless goddesses and Shadowheart’s temperamental feelings, Astarion clears his throat.

“Do you mean to tell me we are really not going to…?”

Tav’s lips purse, and Astarion’s gaze drops to them. They’re plush, soft – they wouldn’t be the worst to kiss. Hells, she looks soft. Her neck was delectable; her blood divine. It wouldn’t be the worst lay of his miserable little life.

“Sex,” he bluntly states, slashing straight through the bush instead of beating around it for the one-hundredth time when Tav doesn’t ask. “Are we not having sex tonight?”

Tav rears her head back, pulling away from him with a lean. “I… thought I already said we weren’t, back at the party—”

“Yes, and playing coy is all well and good, but I know you hold a candle for me, darling.” Astarion gestures around to the nothingness that surrounds the clearing. “No one is here to judge. No one is listening. It’s just us, so if you want—”

“I don’t.”

Talk about a sobering response.

The vampire squints, and finally — finally — Tav raises her chin with what can be considered a glare.

It’s cute, he’ll give her that.

“I already told you that I don’t simply sleep with people to do it.”

“And why not?”

“Because it’s never any good when it’s not with someone you care for, now is it?” Tav replies, exasperated by his poking and prodding. “Is this what all of this is for? The blanket, the… lack of a shirt?”

Astarion leans in. “Was it not obvious to you?”

“I thought you were overheated in the night!” she reasons, the blush on her face creeping up her neck to her cheeks. He sees it. He fixates on it. “I thought you were genuinely being my friend.”

Friend.

Oh, that one stings — he hates that it stings, that somehow he’s disappointed in himself for kicking the hornet’s nest when he had mostly been in her good graces up until now.

“If.. that’s all you wanted from me tonight, Astarion,” the wood elf slowly begins, curbing her temper with each word spoken, “then perhaps it’s best I leave—”

“No.”

Before he realizes it, the vampire grabs ahold of her free hand to stop her from pushing to her feet. His pale hand cages her wrist in, anchoring her to this shared spot, and he feels… well, not great.

But he can’t screw this up.

He cannot, under any circumstances, have her hate him.

“I’m sorry.”

The apology feels disgusting on his tongue, because he doesn’t quite mean it. He means a fraction of it, however, and that’s enough to push a genuine tone in his voice. 

“Please, just… sit with me, then.”

He continues to hold her wrist, taking it as a good sign that Tav hasn’t ripped it from his grasp yet. That, or she’s just giving him the nicety treatment she gives to all of her companions.

Slowly the woman lowers back to the blanket, and he realizes a beat too late that she’s turned her palm to face his.

What?

Tav sighs heavily and turns their hands with a delicacy that feels too sacred for an undead such as himself. Astarion’s palm faces the mercy of the moon when his long fingers, one sinful digit at a time, let go of her wrist.

She doesn’t move away.

“Intimacy is a gift so many people crave,” she begins softly. “I know I do. I know all of us do. It’s why we choose to stay together.”

“The bloody tadpoles in our heads are what keep us together,” Astarion flatly argues, but his voice is tighter as her fingers draw against the life line of his palm.

She huffs with a laugh. “That, too.”

She sits her fingertips atop his palm, hovering. A lump forms in his throat.

“I like when physical intimacy is just that — intimate. That’s not to say Lae’zel’s views or your own are wrong, but… just isn’t how it works for me.”

Astarion is immobile. Lost, quite frankly, in the sensation that’s so little yet feels like it could move mountains.

He’s terrified to breathe, to think, as she continues to press her hand gently to his.

“For me?” she continues. “This — knowing you have my back, and I have yours? That you sit here in front of my goddess and allow me a moment to think — that is intimacy.”

He exhales a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding, before raising a defeated brow. “And this is pleasurable, for you?”

“Is it not for you?” she returns straight back like a rapid-fire arrow to the gut.

The vampire doesn’t know how to answer that. Yes, this feels… nice, but it also feels wrong. Like he’s holding a lamb before the slaughter.

She is too trusting.

This world, as horrific as it is, will swallow her whole. He will swallow her in a singular gulp, right down the gullet, before she can process his inevitable betrayal.

Yet what does that say about him — holding her hand, allowing her to manipulate his palm at will, in front of a goddess he doesn’t believe in? This is her sanctuary yet he does not burn.

When she returns her gaze back to the moon with the wonder of a person who doesn’t believe in eternal damnation for merely existing, Astarion cannot help but stare.

Not at the moon, no.

At her.

Astarion’s fingers experimentally curl around hers, testing the boundary.

He notices the way she smiles not long after.

It takes a second too late to realize that he is smiling, too. 

Well — shit.

#baldurs gate astarion #baldurs gate fanfiction #baldurs gate 3 fanfic #astarion fanfiction #astarion fanfic #astarion fic #astarion x tav #astarion x female tav #baldurs gate 3 fanfiction #bg3 fanfic #bg3 fic #bg3 fanfiction #amywritesthings #the better strategy #baldurs gate 3 fic #baldurs gate fanfic #baldurs gate fic

[lunarlianna]

Asteroid Karma

Karma asteroid ( 3811) it’s a good indicator if you have positive karma or negative one. If is squaring your Mars or Saturn the karma usually has a negative aspects, if is trine or sextile your Jupiter, Venus or the Sun can show a positive karma that you are here to collect. Also, the conjunction can show either a positive or a negative karma, is somehow in-between. I couldn’t take more 1-2 degrees as aspect, since is a smaller asteroid and the influence is weaker if the orbit is higher. A high importance is when this asteroid or any asteroid is at 0 or 29 degrees, since this degree are also called anaretic degrees.

Karma in Aries: with this position, in past life may have been a bit egotistical and pursue you ambitions at all cost. You are here now to learn how to balance your impulsiveness and independence, in a form that you can help the others as well. Sometimes this asteroid if affected can indicate that you may have tricked someone in a business or you may have replaced a romantic partner with work. If in positive aspects you can have a lot of luck in businesses

Karma in Taurus: here this asteroid can symbolise that in a past life you either you’ve been to focus on your sexuality and pleasures, either you have denied them. You need in this lifetime to learn how to accumulate possessions and have patience in the projects. If afflicted you can experience material losses and negative views on your sexuality and spirituality. If it’s in positive aspects you may be lucky in projects that are creative and in establishing a family.

Karma in Gemini: you may have been cheated in a past life due to your own ignorance, otherwise, especially if is afflicted, you may have talked to much and not research the subjects enough also you may have spread rumours or be a false guru like person. In this life time you need to do your research. Learn to listen and be mindful with your siblings and neighbours. If the aspect is positive, you may find support through your close community and learn from your close relatives.

Karma in Cancer: if this asteroid is afflicted in a natal chart, you didn’t give emotional support and empathy to other in a past life, you may have been cold, calculated and had a hard time in obtaining financial security. If it’s in a positive aspect this can mean that your mother in this life time will give you emotional support and financial aids. You need to learn how to balance your emotions and obtain financial security, you may need to treat your mother or mother life figure with compassion and love.

Karma in Leo: If this asteroid it’s afflicted, could mean that in a past life you’ve been a gambler and a person that didn’t took relationship serious also could mean that you abused your knowledge and power. If in positive aspects you can have a lot of luck in romantic pursues and also luck when it comes to money. In this lifetime you need to balance your ego and self-esteem and don’t accept insults or public shaming.

Karma in Virgo: If in negative aspect, this asteroid can indicate that in a past life you have neglected your health and routines. This can also indicate that you’ve been absorbed to much on the spiritual world and leave more in a fantasy. If in positive aspects you can be very luck having an everyday routine and your health can be very strong. You can also have positive benefits from co-workers. You need to balance your obsessions regarding clean eating, health and not fall into an extreme. Once in balance you can have a lot of success in your career.

Karma in Libra: If in negative aspects this placement can mean that you were overly flirtatious and non-commitment in a past life. This can also mean that you had trouble in maintaining the balance in relationships or where pure egotistical If in positive aspects can mean that your relationships will be happy and filed with love but you’ll need to learn how to balance physically and mentally, as well as take breaks whenever is necessary.

Karma in Scorpio: this is a difficult placement to have, as it’s all about releasing obsessions and control. If in negative aspect, this placement can put you in situations that require a lot of trust and embracing the unknown. You may have used your sensuality in a past life in order to gain recognition. If it’s in a positive aspect this placement can bless you with financial gains and power. This is also a placement that you have mastered the kundalini energy.

Karma in Sagittarius: If in positive aspect you can reform higher education and religion, you may be gifted with spiritual knowledge and wisdom. If in negative aspect you may be prone to be unkind with your words and have them backfire at you. You may also have been someone that took advance of others because of their naivety. Be mindful and honest in your communication.

Karma in Capricorn: this is also a difficult placement to have, as you need to let go of fears and control and the obsession you have with your public persona. If in positive aspects this placement can make you a great leader and a good business man. In negative aspect you may struggle with the place that you have in this world and also the relationship you have with your father. You need to learn how to balance career and family.

Karma in Aquarius: if in negative aspects ( especially if it’s squaring your Uranus or Mars) you may be prone to accidents and sudden unfortunate events, you may also have difficulties in self-expression and understanding that moderation is key in your development. If in positive aspects this a good indicator that you can have unique experiences in regards to your friend group and large community. They may also help you follow your path and settling old past life debts.

Karma in Pisces: I would say this is actually a lucky placement so to speak. Since you reached the final karmic wheal. If in positive aspects this a a good placement for an energetic healer or someone that is intone with their higher self. If in negative aspects or rx, you may be prone to mental health issues or substance abuse. You’ll need to master self-awareness and honesty towards yourself in order to heal your karma.

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[zeldasnotes]

SOCIOPATHY & NARCISSISM IN THE CHARTS

READ THIS BEFORE READING THE POST: This post is about how a sociopath or narcisisst would be like based on their placements and NOT about which placements can make someone a sociopath.

This post is also NOT about psychopaths, its about sociopaths. Psychopaths are born, sociopaths are made.

Sun: The Sun shows the ego. The Sun has more to do with Narcissism than Sociopathy. Narcissism is an egobased disorder. A Narcisisst got an ego so sensitive and so damaged they have to make up for it by putting others down and create a false image of themselves. Sun Square Neptune can make a person make up a false image of themselves and it also makes someone unable to face their own faults. Sun Square Pluto can make someone obsessed with being seen a certain way. Sun Square Saturn can make the self esteem really really bad to the point you have to put others down. Sun Aspecting Jupiter is common in people who believe themselves to be morally superior to others. An afflicted Sun is not enough to make someone bad tho, the moon has to be afflicted for that.

Moon: The Moon shows how our emotions work. Someone with Moon Square Saturn can easily turn off their emotions which is why someone with this aspect can become dangerous if they are abused. Moon aspecting a planet like Pluto makes someone very very afraid of losing control. The Moon is where it all starts but most of all its our relationship to our mother. Bad aspects to Moon can show a person whos not been nurtured correctly. It can show someone who didnt bond correctly with their parents and therefore have a hard time bonding with others later in life. When you cant bond and feel for others you base your relationships on what you can get out of them instead, which is a sociopathic trait.

The 4th house/IC: The 4th house shows upbringing and genetic inheritance. Someone with for example an asteroid like Nessus or Dejanira in the 4th house might have been abused as a child. Abuse is usually what makes someone a sociopath. Someone with a Nessus/Sun conjunction in the 4th house will feel a strong need to be the matriarch of their family. This is the kind of sociopath who abuses their children or family members and looks perfect to outsiders. These people might be angels at work with a good reputation and even a fanbase because they take out their evil at home. Narcissists and Sociopaths with this aspect can freeze out family members who threathen their position. They need control over the family.

Asteroid Narcissus(37117): Narcissus is an asteroid that can show huge amounts of self importance. This Asteroid in the 1st house can be someone who becomes very angry when they dont get special treatment. They also place a lot of importance in their appearance and on having the right partner. They like to either surround themselves with people who are considered ”important” or the opposite, people they look good in comparison with.

Asteroid Nessus(7066): Asteroid Nessus is the asteroid of abuse and common in sociopathic peoples chart. Someone with Moon conjunct Nessus is someones whos abuse is very very subtle. This is pure emotional abuse. These are the people who accidentally call their partner the wrong name to make it clear they have other options, the person who ”forgot” to invite only you to their birthday partner to make you feel worthless. Then when you feel worthless they make you do stuff for them. Sun conjunct Nessus is a more straight up abuse were they openly bully you to your face.

Asteroid Dejanira(157): Asteroid Dejanira shows abuse and the kind of abuse depends on the planet it touches. This is why this asteroid is extremely important to look at. Dejanira conjunct Mars shows s*xual or physical abuse, usually by a male. Moon conjunct Dejanira shows emotional abuse most likely done by a woman. And what do abused people do? They become abusers. As a woman with Mars conjunct Dejanira myself I can tell you Ive been in so many s*xually abusive situations with men and I later started being very abusive myself, towards men(not s*xually tho). Ive healed from it now and worked on myself, but what if I hadnt? Scary.

Different placements can also show what kind of sociopath you are more likely to be.

Covetous sociopaths: These are the kind of people we think of when we hear the word sociopath. The ”typical” ones. They grew up thinking they didnt get enough and that everybody else got more and not its their to take. These people would do anything to get what they want. These sociopaths could have aspects like Venus Square Saturn, Moon Square Saturn, Pluto 1st house

Nomadic sociopaths: These sociopaths are dangerous because they are the hardest to spot. They appear innocent and shy. They play on how easy they can make others feel bad for them. They appear lost and have no clear sense of identity which makes it easy for them to mirror others. They are not as competetive as other sociopaths and not as aggressive. These sociopaths are most likely to be diagnosed with borderline. These sociopaths could have aspects like Neptune 1st house, Venus Square Neptune, Mars Square Neptune, Chiron in the 1st house

Malevolent sociopaths: These people have a thing for punishing people. They are the most ruthless and could even want to see blood. They are very very vengeful and easily offended. Just accidentally offending them will be met with cold ruthless revenge. These sociopaths could have aspects like Moon aspecting Pluto, Lilith 8th house, Nessus conjunct Sun, Pluto Square Sun

Risk-taking sociopaths: These are the kind of sociopaths who would do anything for the thrill. They need to feel something and the only way for a sociopath to do that is to do something bad. These people are very likely to be found in jail. They usually start with shoplifting, unprotected sex and petty drama but as they get older it can become worse. These are the ones most likely to have affairs, sleep with their friends partners etc. Women with this kind of Sociopathy are more likely to get involved with men who are gangmembers. These kind of sociopaths could have aspects like Lilith in the 2nd house, Sagittarius Moon, Mars Square Jupiter, Mars in Scorpio

Reputation-defending sociopaths: These people will punish those who dont give them special treatment. These people need to be someone if high status. They will either study and become successful or lie about being successful. They would kill to save their reputation. They are social climbers and only want to be seen with the right people. They want to be seen as a saint and might videotape themselves giving money to homeless people and things like that. Unlike the risk taking sociopaths these people have incredible amounts of self control. These sociopaths could have aspects like Capricorn placements, Pluto 10th house, Mars 10th house, Venus in Capricorn, Nessus conjunct Midheaven.

The placements mentioned in this post does not make someone a sociopath, they only show what a sociopath with these aspects would be like.

© Zeldas Notes 2022 All Rights Reserved

#astronotes #astro notes #astro observations #astrology #ascendant #birth chart readings #asteroids #nessus conjunct ascendant #sun conjunct nessus

[martian-astro]

Atmakaraka series - Part 7

Atmakaraka is the planet with the highest degree in the birth chart.

Short note : atmakaraka can give good or bad results depending on the strength of the atmakaraka planet.

Atmakaraka in 7th house :-

The person will have to listen to or take care of their spouse. Your boss and coworkers can hurt your ego. You can also get a spouse who is very demanding. It is your responsibility to fulfill the demands of the people with whom you work with.

Sun atmakaraka in 7th house - you are someone who has a HUGE ego and you think that you're better than everyone else, and for thinking that, you will be humbled again and again. I know 2-3 people with this placement and they are always the first ones to say something like "I personally don't think I'm arrogant🥺", like OF COURSE YOU DON'T, and it's so funny because people just stare at them after they say that with the, "are you being serious right now 😐" face. There are gonna be times when you feel very helpless, when you realise that respect is earned not given. And its going to HURT SO BAD, but it's important. This placement also indicates that your spouse can be someone who constantly picks fights with you and makes you feel very frustrated, but if your moon is well aspected in your tropical chart then it will be easier for you to deal with those fights. If you have mars in conjunction with sun, then I seriously recommend you to meditate.

Moon atmakaraka in 7th house - if the moon is afflicted, then you are someone who merges into the other person when in a relationship, and you need to create your own identity. You need to learn how to be in a relationship and be your own person at the same time. I knew a girl with this placement and she was insufferable, like the type to CONSTANTLY say "my boyfriend" and cancel plans with you just to meet up with him. They cannot deal with breakups, I have also noticed that a lot of people with this placement choose to stay in a toxic relationship rather than leave, this is because they are very afraid of being alone. You are also someone who is afraid of confrontations. Please know that confrontation does not mean conflict.

Mercury atmakaraka in 7th house - if mercury is well aspected and strong, then you are someone who is very good at communicating with others, especially when negotiating a deal. I know a person with this placement and she is someone who will convince the other person that a deal is good for them, but in reality, the deal is only good for her. Even In her tropical chart, mercury is making a lot of sextiles and they are all applying so that helps as well. Your spouse can be intelligent, youthful, witty, and communicative or someone who lies a lot and is mentally weak, depends on the strength of the planet. Similarly, your bosses can either like you because of your communication skills or think that you are someone who always acts like a know it all.

Venus atmakaraka in 7th house - if you are a girl with this placement I KNOW that you talk in a baby voice in front of guys, don't even try to deny it 😭, I have seen this WAY TOO MANY times, I don't care what anyone says, it's the absolute truth. if venus is not afflicted, then you are an extrovert who loves socializing and forming new connections. They are the type of people that companies send to parties to bring in more clients, if mercury charms clients with their intelligence, then they charm clients with their beauty. Your marriage partner can be beautiful and creative. You can also be attracted to conventionally attractive people, because you want to be known as the "good looking couple."

Mars atmakaraka in 7th house - this placement is not considered to be that good when it comes to marriages or business partnerships, but the position of mars in d9 and d10 can help. You are very competitive and always want to win, you need to understand that not everyone is trying to attack you, so please stop being so defensive all the time. Learn to listen to other people. This is another placement that seriously needs to meditate. You often say offensive things to your partner when angry, and then when they try to talk to you about it, you deny it. This can break your relationships. This placement becomes better if jupiter is in 1st house, because then, even if you fight with your partner, you admit your mistakes and are able to resolve the situation.

Jupiter atmakaraka in 7th house - you can get very good business partners or bosses, they help you in your career and can give you really good advice regarding how to deal with other people. You can get a spouse who is intelligent and spiritual. They can get lucky after marriage. I have also noticed that many people with this placement (men and women) become very calm and gentle after marriage, even if they were previously the type to get angry at little things. I know a woman with this placement and when she was young she used to get into a lot of fights and she just used to be a very angry child (according to my mom) and then she got married and her husband is so soft spoken and so sweet, and one day, she basically calls my mom and says, "I don't even feel like shouting at him, because he's so sweet to me all the time, I try not to get angry because I feel guilty when he has to deal with an angry me", and I was really surprised to hear this because I know the present her and this woman is so kind and sweet.

Saturn atmakaraka in 7th house - you are someone who doesn't like working with other people, the type to intentionally do all the work in a group project just because you don't like how other people work, you hate doing it all by yourself but what you hate even more is to explain other people what to do step-by-step. You can have a late marriage or your partner can be older than you or just more mature. You know that maintaining a marriage requires a lot of hard work and you are willing to do the work. Now, you need to do the same thing in your work life as well, you need to understand that people cannot read your mind and that if you tell them what to do then your work will become a 1000 times easier. I feel like a lot of people with this find it easier to deal with marriage problems than work problems.

© martian-astro All rights reserved, 2024

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[talonabraxas]

The Three Jewels Gnosis of Buddha Dharma

Buddha Nature The main thing that we have to grasp, firstly, is that we have within us the consciousness; we have an Essence, the tathagatha-garbha, which is the Buddha nature. The Buddha nature is that free consciousness, the embryo from which we can elaborate our complete development. This is the most fundamental thing that we have to understand: inside of us is the potential to become a fully awakened Buddha. Fully developed. Completely gone beyond suffering. Without any afflictions. Without any doubts. Without any anxieties. That capacity is within each one of us. This is the most important thing that we need to understand. And this is not simply an intellectual understanding. It is practical. Before we can comprehend anything about the Three Jewels or about Taking Refuge, we have to know how to work with our consciousness. It is through working with and experiencing the nature of our own consciousness that our own comprehension begins to blossom.

This Buddha nature has, as its fundamental essence, luminosity, clarity, perception. Stated in another way, we know that the consciousness in its essence, in its base nature, is radiant and clear, free and happy, at complete peace, with complete serenity. An embodiment of love. Pure. And all of us have that, to some degree or another, within. This is the first fundamental thing that we need to begin to really understand practically: to learn how to work with the consciousness, from moment to moment. Not just in a theoretical way, and not just as an interesting experiment, but as something that we actively work with continually.

The second fundamental thing that we have to understand is that our consciousness is trapped in the ego, and that this ego modifies or conditions the consciousness. We call this ego, aggregates, afflictions, negative emotions, but this is the base of suffering, this is why we have suffering. The main thing to comprehend about this conditioned state is that it is possible to end it. It is possible to free the Buddha nature or the consciousness from affliction. And this is what the Four Noble Truths present, the most basic teaching of Buddhism: there is suffering, but there is also a way to come out of it.

The third point is that we need to understand that science or path, that there is a science to transform the mind, a science that we can use to transform the ego, the afflictions, negative emotions, and transmute them, to change them into something else, to end the affliction. So these three understandings are the most basic fundamentals that we need to understand practically, in our experience, in order to penetrate into the deeper meaning of the Triple Gem. Without this, without the practical experience of our Buddha nature, without the practical experience of seeing how our ego works, and knowing that there is a way to end the affliction is imposes upon us, and without actively working with that science to end that affliction in our own mind, we cannot comprehend the true nature of what a Buddha is, or what the Dharma is, or what the Sangha is.

Dharma These three understandings, in their synthesis, are the Dharma, itself. Dharma comes from the root word in Sanskrit, ‘dhar,' which means "to hold." And that is why when we talk about Dharma, we talk about a law or a truth or something fundamental, something true. Because a truth holds; it has solidity, it has strength, it has reality. Dharma, in itself, is knowledge of truth. To acquire that requires that we make the effort to do so; to acquire that knowledge of truth through our own experience, consciously, not just theoretically.

When we study the Dharma, what we are studying are these three understandings and how to deepen our practical experience of these three understandings. But ultimately our goal in studying Dharma is to acquire our own experience of that truth, to know that Dharma for ourselves. And when we study the Gnostic Dharma - and by Gnostic Dharma I mean: (a) gnostic in terms of personal experience, knowledge that we acquire through our own consciousness and (b) Dharma is truth. So to say "Gnostic Dharma" is to have our own conscious, direct experience of the fundamental law, the fundamental truth. And that Gnostic Dharma can be called many other things. It may be called Buddhism or Christianity, Sufism, Islam; it does not matter about those names. What matters is whether that science, used practically, helps us awaken our own consciousness and begin to overcome suffering in our own mind.

When we get into really acquiring the practical experience of our own consciousness and freeing it from the ego, really awakening the consciousness, we start to understand something about the depth of teaching in the Dharma. So it is good for us to first really see and understand what Dharma means.

Dharma as a word, in itself, has two main aspects. I explained to you that it literally means truth or law, but the ultimate statement of Dharma is that the end of suffering is achievable, that there is a state of being free of suffering. There is a state of existence, a state of consciousness, which is beyond suffering. So we would say this is the fact of or the prospect of what in Buddhism is called "true cessation." Cessation in this case is referring to the end of afflictive emotion, the end of afflictive thought, and the end of afflictive action or sensation. Cessation means "a stopping of activity; serenity, peace, equanimity." So true cessation would be Dharmic Realization. It is another way to say the same thing. This would be a perfect serenity, a perfect mind: a Vajrasattva. A Diamond Soul is an ultimate expression of true cessation. Another word for it is Dharma-kaya. The Dharma-kaya is the "truth body of the Buddha." This is the highest aspect, the highest function, the highest body or vehicle through which a Buddha can express himself.

The second use of the word Dharma refers to the path to achieve this state of cessation. So we need to see these two aspects of the word, because we use them interchangeably, Dharma as a state of being and Dharma as a path. But in reality, when we talk about it, in both cases what we are talking about is that we have to acquire our own conscious experience of that. It is not enough to just believe this or have faith in it, or accept it or reject it in the mind. Dharma in itself has to become Gnostic, to be something experiential, both as a path and as a state of being.

This state of existence, of Dharma, of cessation, can only be acquired through paths that understand it. What I am saying here is explicit: not all religions teach how to reach full cessation or awakening, not all beliefs, not all theories, not all movements, not even all of Buddhism. If a school or a teaching or a teacher or a doctrine does not teach and express an understanding or comprehension of the nature of cessation, they cannot lead you to it. This needs to be explicitly understood. Many people nowadays try to build their own religion, to read different books, different teachers, different ideas, and to put together their own concept of what religion is or what God is, and this is fundamentally mistaken.

What we all have to grasp is that our own mind put us in the situation of suffering and ignorance that we are in, thus we cannot rely on our mind to get us out. We have to rely on something else. This is why the Three Jewels are so important. The Three Jewels provide a refuge within which our consciousness can be protected from our own faulty mind. The enemy that we have is ourselves, our own mistaken perceptions, and our own mistaken view. We suffer because of our own mistakes, because of our own misperceptions, and so long as we persist in refusing to see that, our suffering will only become worse.

Do not make the mistake of thinking that life will just continue the way it is, or fall into this illusion that somehow life is just going to get better. Many believe somehow in the future life will be better than it is now. This is a lie. What will be, will be a result of what is done now. Everything that is, is a result of causes. Causes that we are producing now, produce the effects that we will experience later.

What we have to grasp is that we are in the situation that we are in now because we made it: our suffering, in doubt, in fear, with anxiety, with stress, with illnesses, both physical and emotional, mental; with anger, with lust, with the uncertainty of death hanging over us. We have all of those problems because of our own mind, because of our own actions; we cannot blame someone else. And because of that, if we continue to behave the way we have been, then our problems will only multiply.

The thing we have to grasp is that our suffering originated because of our own activities. This is why we need gnosis, our own conscious experience of truth, our own direct experience, not to just believe someone, not to just accept what they say or reject what they say, but to experience it. This is the only way that we can make a fundamental change. Through our own experience.

A belief does not remove suffering. There are many people who believe in Jesus, or who believe in Buddha, who believe in Mohammed, or Moses, and they still suffer terribly. Mere belief does not conquer suffering.

Another way to look at the word Dharma is by its definition as "action." Dharma is a way of acting, a way of behaving. And that is what we need. We need a type of action that produces new consequences, new results. One way we can see that is, through the course of our lifetime, we may have changed our beliefs many times, learning new things, being exposed to new things, and having different kinds of experiences. We learned different beliefs. If we look at it just from the religious point of view, people now have changed religions a few times in their lives. They may grow up Christian then begin to study Hinduism or Buddhism or even convert to being a part of Judaism or Mormon, and this really, without conscious action to change, is just about the same thing as changing your clothes. People really look to just change the appearances or change their beliefs in order to try to comfort themselves or to avoid seeing their fear. This is common in many religions, religions that really emphasize the need to be afraid. And so people come there hoping that if they believe in the religion, their fears will be absolved; hoping that by having faith in their given religion they will not need to be afraid anymore. This is really misleading. The cause for fear is the nature of the mind that we have. It is the nature of our mind that produces our suffering. As long as that mind has not been changed for the better, suffering will result. It does not matter what you believe. It does not matter what I believe. It matters what we do, how we act, how we change.

[theawesometrinculo]

Significance of The Heart Sutra in Blue Eye Samurai

The Heart of Prajna Paramita Sutra is a very popular sutra in Buddhism. Even today, millions of people recite and copy this sutra. The text might be short, but it's quite dense. While I don't really understand this sutra myself, I'll try my best to get across the main idea of this text.

"The body is emptiness and emptiness body. All things are only empty. Nothing is born. Nothing broken."

While this line is not exactly what the sutra says, it does a good job of getting the episode's message across, in that Mizu realizes that the things she thought held her back were actually what made her whole.

The Heart Sutra is an exhortation towards Bodhi, Enlightenment, Perfection. Mahayana Buddhists believe that everyone has an innate buddha-nature, which points to our potentiality of becoming buddhas. This buddha-nature is said to be be pure, whole, and complete, yet it is also empty, meaning that it doesn't have a substantiated self or ego. To make this easier to understand, this would be opposed to Christianity where everyone is born with sin and guilt and strives to be morally pure. Because the buddha-nature is empty, the dichotomy of good and bad isn't a "thing", so to say. That doesn't mean that they don't exist or that we shouldn't continue helping others, but instead the idea of them are just notions we attach to and what we use to judge ourselves and others.

The Sixth Patriarch of Zen Buddhism said, "Affliction is Bodhi." They are two sides of the same coin. I think this quote encapsulates Mizu in this episode. Mizu might not find peace through revenge, but she definitely found some semblance of it reforging her sword.

When making swords, Eiji emphasized that while you have to hammer out the impurities, the impurities are actually what makes the blade strong. If the metal is too pure, it will become brittle and break. However, just because it broke, doesn't mean it can't be meld again. "Affliction is Bodhi" points to the ability to transform what causes pain into clarity and peace. A common analogy used is ice turning into water. Mizu held tightly to anger and hate, making her cold and distant. But with the help of Eiji and Ringo, she stopped running away from the things she hated about herself.

Finding peace requires courage and vulnerability. It requires us to confront the things that we are ashamed of and the things that we fear. After her talk with Eiji, Mizu starts a new fire, undoes her hair, and sheds her male attire. Throughout her whole life, Mizu felt inadequate and broken for being mixed and being born a girl. Now she sees things as they are, no longer rejecting that side of herself. She becomes more open, and even asks Ringo to help her finish writing the Heart Sutra on her body.

"There are some things I cannot do alone."

"The body is emptiness and emptiness body. All things are only empty. Nothing is born. Nothing broken."

Going back to this line, I need you to repeat after me: Emptiness is not the void! Emptiness holds all things, and all things are within emptiness, and therefore is the source of it all. It speaks to the interconnectedness of all things. Emptiness has always been there, whole and complete. Mizu realizes that she is whole and complete, because she is not alone. And so, nothing is born, nothing dies, nothing is broken.

#blue eye samurai #bes #mizu #heart sutra #eiji #ringo #i hope that made sense #wrote this as soon as i finished watching #if you are confused about anything pls ask #this is based off my knowledge of Chan Buddhism #which is the chinese predecessor of Zen

[carnal-lnstinct]

Change The Fate's Design

Pairing: Goddess!Reader x War God!Goku Content: au: CLAMP’s RG Veda-inspired fic. afab reader. established rivals. love confession. hinted unrequited love. angst. hurt/comfort. possessiveness. A/N: This is just a retelling of one of the plot twists from RG Veda so spoilers but I doubt anyone is going to read that old manga. I recommend it if you like beautiful, dramatic characters and pain of which you can never recover from! But also, it's CLAMP so it has its...problems. For context: There is a prophecy that the unborn heir of the War God will awaken as the God of Destruction destined to destroy all the realms, and the War God knows.

“...Do you think destiny can be changed?” The golden-eyed war god asked suddenly.

A brow arched in response, followed by an unimpressed stare. Odd. 'You are asking me', she thinks to herself. Fate has never bound her to anything to expect anything in return from it. Everything she has, she has earned by the will of her own heart and the strength of her own two hands. Something troubles the War God to ask her of all people such a thing. Moving confidently, her feet shift around as she turns to face him with a soft, yet arrogant grin.

“To get what I want, I would rearrange the stars themselves.” Boldly left her lips without a hitch nor a blink of an eye.

Goku does not flinch at her callous answer, either. The god of war stares back and slowly a smile forms, breaking the melancholy of his expression. However prideful and selfish her intentions come across, she speaks with a sureness that came as a comfort to him, clearing his fears to reveal a path of hope for a future untethered by the stars. A better future for his son. For that wish, he will become just as selfish as the goddess— if not more— for what he is willing to attempt to save the future prince.

It felt like an affliction in his soul, worse than any atrocities the most wicked creatures could conjure. Weighing all of the heavens against the life of his innocent child, desiring the latter at the risk of calamity befalling everyone else. Including himself. But he does not waver, nor stall. Goku steps forward closing their distance to speak in confidence, sharing his forbidden words.

“Then…Would you lend me a hand in changing the path of the stars?” He asks, a gentle cant of his head as he watches her with a solemn gaze. It is just as bold to ask this much of anyone to join him in sin, let alone a court rival. And damn foolish to assume a prophecy can be changed when the stars have never been wrong. But he needs to try.

Does this push them all towards the path of the prophecy or set the stage for a more desirable future for the heir of his kingdom? 

The incredulous look he gets in return for his plea says it all. Even without sharing the context of his wish to change fate, he must know how ridiculous that sounds. For one such as herself who did not believe in fate's direct hand there has been some truth to it, crediting the natural powers of heaven itself. But... she does not need to believe in it, nor does she require the reason. It was enough he groveled to her for his fool’s errand. Desperate.

The Goddess’ arrogant grin grows and she steps closer as well, lending her attention to his cry for help and smug as can be. There’s a wicked glint in her eyes.

“Will I get what I want if I lend you my strength?” She asks, coming in closer still.

“What is it that you want?”

Her touch is soft and it surprises him, suddenly, gently, resting along the curve of his cheek. Golden eyes widened looking down at her and her own eyes were gentle and reverent of the form before her like he had never seen before.

"...You." There’s a longing in her tone, as well as a demand. But not her ego anymore.

Her intentions are clear but Goku is stunned, to say the least. She hid this well behind her arrogance and duty, perhaps biding her time for the right circumstances of just him and her. Yet, it was only for a moment he hesitated as he took in her sincerity. He understands the opportunity it gave him. 'Anything for Gohan.'

“...If fate can be changed…” His voice trailed off, eyes faltering in concede making his head lower away but her hand shifted to cup his jaw, lifting his head to bring his eyes back on hers.

“I will rearrange the stars to get what I want.” She declares. The silence stirred between them now, unwavering eyes watching the other. And then her other hand grasps his face as she lures him down into a kiss, sealing their fate. Permitting his selfishness and his foolishness to disrupt the will of the realm. They could be selfish fools together.

#goku x reader #son goku x reader #goku imagine #dbz fics #dbz imagine #My writing #this was so much longer but then I realized the rest doesn't matter #also it made me cry #not my most creative fic but its the most self-indulgent ♥

[lordorochi]

jealousy, jealousy

(a/n): ahh, it’s been a while

mahito, satoru gojo, suguru getou.

MAHITO

truthfully, mahito does not strike me as the type to be jealous; atleast not in the traditional sense.

the one way mahito does show his jealousy, however, is through possession.

you are his and his alone. you’re his toy and nobody else gets a turn.

any rando on the street talking to you with a hand on the back of his neck and starry eyes is nothing more than a pesky rat to him.

which he will take upon himself to exterminate, of course.

mahito will waste no time in conjuring his technique, horrifically disfiguring the man.

he takes extra pleasure in doing it in front of you, watching every expression on your face as you see the atrocity unfold.

although secretly, he hopes some other bloke comes by to make conversation with you once in a while so he can do it all over again.

SATORU GOJO

gojo is an interesting one.

a raging god complex, a loverboy personality and being brought up as the child of prophecy have created an image of himself that he’d never compromise.

nobody can measure to gojo satoru, holder of the six eyes.

although, the only form of jealousy that he finds himself afflicted with is something he cannot give you - normalcy.

being with satoru is being in a constant battle.

curses, sorcerors and a certain raven haired shaman are always on your tail and so satoru can never quite find peace regarding your safety.

truthfully, satoru has managed to protect you whenever needed. he brought you into his world and that makes you his responsibility.

but late at night with you in his arms, he cannot help but wonder what would happen if he ever fails to.

so when he sees you talking to a boy, the two of you seeming so natural, so normal, so commonplace, he finds insecurity in himself never being able to give you that.

of course he disregards the feeling after he sees your starry eyes after spotting him, but it’s always lingering in the back of his mind somewhere

and so he truly does wonder if you’d be better off with somebody else.

SUGURU GETOU

i have trouble figuring getou.

on one hand i’m inclined to say that his ego is too big to worry about trivial matters as such.

but the other side of me knows this man would NOT appreciate someone flirting or trying to entice you.

in an instant, he swoops into the conversation between you and the perpetrator, making sure to dip his hand ever so slightly lower than your back.

a gentle yet quick touch to assert his position with the added benefit of making you long for him.

he stares at the intruder with the eyes of a hawk, with a condescending yet firm voice ending the conversation then and there.

depending on the reception of the man he may or may not turn him into a curse while your back is turned.

#jujutsu kaisen #jujustsu kaisen x reader #jjk #jujutsu kaisen headcannons #gojo satoru #gojo satoru x reader #getou suguru #getou suguru x reader #getou x reader #gojo x reader #getou headcannons #gojo headcannons #mahito #mahito x reader #mahito headcannons #jjk fanfiction #jjk imagines

[makingspiritualityreal]

Why Sun and Saturn are enemies

Something beneficial to take away from Vedic classics, and one of the reasons why I won't ever accept Vedic being just a different "version" of Astrology is how accurate Vedic descriptions of the Sun being a malefic are.

You can find more information in my podcast on my YouTube channel, but I will give you a brief description here.

The Sun is the king, and our kingdom. The king is the authority. He only has his designated piece of land to govern, but within his piece of land his authority is absolute. The king, just like the Sun burns anyone that contests his authority because he needs to maintain the integrity of his kingdom. Without this fierceness, the kingdom wouldn't survive or exist.

The same applies to our lives. We exist in this human body and we need to have boundaries and have a reasonable amount of authority and governance related to the self, or we wouldn't function and we wouldn't be able to exist in our individuality. That's why Sun is the natural Karaka for the first house of self. We do what we want with our selves and bodies, because ultimately this is our life, and we get to choose how we live it. So we are ready to "burn away" those who contest our individuality.

The problem in society is that when many suns clash together, there will always be some debate to overcome differences so that people could be themselves. That's why the Sun is a malefic. Maintaing one's kingdom is not something that people give to us on a silver platter, it's not about growth or abundance, it's about survival and basic existence and self expression.

The Sun's nature also explains its eternal war with Saturn. While the Sun is a monarch, Saturn is a socialist. Saturn rules justice, fairness to all and equality. When we express ourselves we do what is good for us, not for everyone else. Saturn doesn't allow that, because it always thinks of the world in the context of a bigger picture, leaving no space for individuality.

In reality, both energies are needed in this world. We need social order to avoid total mayhem, but we also need space to be ourselves without limitations so we can feel alive. In a healthy functioning chart, there is space for both. But when Saturn starves the Sun, which is especially bad when they're conjunct, the person feels like they need some sort of objective permission to exist and be themselves. As a result, they fall into depression as natural, spontaneous joy of life eludes them. They can end up frustrated, choosing to express themselves in toxic ways.

A healthy Sun won't let anyone step on their toes, but is unattached and doesn't interfere in anyone's business. Think of a person that has a healthy ego. They are sure of themselves, but they are calm in their confidence. They don't need to shout it from the mountaintops, because they feel secure on the inside and as a result they don't really bother anyone or seek anyone's approval.

A person with an afflicted Sun, especially starved by Saturn will feel like they have something to prove. They feel inferior, internally, and they project it on everybody else even if people don't really care to criticise them. They berate themselves internally, so they end up thinking they're inferior to others and resent others for it. But in fact, it's an internal problem that needs to be healed.

Over time, Saturn becomes our friend, even to our Sun, as these two planets ultimately need each other, something that is reflected in sister signs of Aries - Libra and Leo - Aquarius.

We need healthy egos to build a healthy society. A healthy society is built of healthy individuals. And vice versa, a healthy society fosters healthy egos. A good Saturn only seeks to eradicate what is out of balance.

To a Sun - Saturn person, that is a relief, because as they grow up they realise it is fine for them to be themselves and be confident in their uniqueness, as long as they are aware of the implications of their actions on another. They realise they have a natural born right to grow, be and contribute to society through their natural self expression, and they flourish within the universal limits of just limitations.

A strong Saturn realises, that perspective leads to survival, because it allows us to endure injustice, knowing the scales will eventually become balanced, as it is in everyone's best interest.

#astrology #sun #astrology observations #astrology notes #astro observations

[dgrailwar]

Round 4, Day 1 - Team Avenger

"And so we approach the fourth bout. The tides will surely turn soon, and the other Servants will be sharpening their blades for decisive strikes."

Due to landing in 3rd-5th place, Avenger is afflicted with a -2% demerit this round!

Servant Skills:

Determination of Steel (EX Rank): If Avenger is about to take a fatal wound, if there's at least a 3% difference in their score and the victor above him, he may avoid damage. When facing a single-target (1-on-1), he will gain a +3% boost.

Monte Cristo Mythologie: The King of the Cavern (C Rank): When battling enemies, his flames are like a poison. He reduces demerits against him by 3%, and when he is victorious against another, he inflicts a -2% demerit for their next round. This demerit increases by 2% by every 10% difference in scores.

NOBLE PHANTASM: Enfer Château d'If (A Rank)

A high-speed Noble Phantasm that inflicts 2 ‘wounds’ rather than 1. If this Noble Phantasm is triggered during a one-on-one battle, then he gains a +20% boost. If it is triggered in a Free-for-All, the boost increases to +30%. Demerits lose any and all effectiveness against him for the duration of the round.

-

Class-Traits:

AVENGER-CLASS Servants are vengeful by nature. The first time they are defeated by a Servant, they gain an automatic +2% bonus against that specific Servant, without needing to study them (but can in order to increase the bonus). They gain a permanent +3% bonus per wound they attain that will remain if the wound remains, but will disappear if the wound is healed.

#team avenger #decision phase poll

[trainingdummyrabbit]

okok this took longer than i thought but :] funy fan abno time. LOTS of stuff under the cut, lets go <33

> Whispers of Another Life // O-01-19 // WAW

(I feel it, I feel it-- Can't you hear the horizon calling?)

The ever-present pull of a place you don't know, but desperately need to be. Misplacement and loneliness. The siren's song of a stranger you so badly wish to return to.

Its body is made of a series of collage pieces, each bearing a different artistic style. It has a set of cartoon wings that are naught but a scribbled outline, unsteady but with purpose. In stead of facial features, its face is obscured by what seems to be a messy pencil scratch. It twitches and changes frequently, as if trying to put together the pieces of a puzzle. It can never seem to find the right combination.

(Most to least unstable: hands/wings/mask -> limbs/head -> torso/shape.)

Low Q Counter. Work types Best to Worst:

- Repression ++

(Quelling its desire to search provides a grounding effect, preventing it from growing out of control.)

- Attachment +

(Having something to fill the gaps helps to keep it level, but it can never truly replace what it is looking for.)

- Instinct -

(It tolerates this type of work, but it does nothing to address its nature.)

- Insight --

(Trying to understand or bring out its essence simply destabilizes it further.)

Capable of breaching-- it changes form to become much less humanoid when doing so. While dangerous, it doesn't ever actively attack employees. Rather, it deals passive white damage to anyone in the same corridor as it, as its emotions overflow and tamper with the physicality of its immediate surroundings. It's more of a loss of control than a rampage. It wanders for an exit it can never find, and becomes more and more unstable as it goes. If left unattended, its passive damage steadily increases. It has a high movement speed after breaching, but it proportionally goes down with its damage output.

Agents that panic under the effects of this abnormality are switched to Release behavior, regardless of their typical panic type. Agents afflicted with this state gain a collage-type effect obscuring their eyes, and have a slightly harder time being suppressed due to an increase in movement speed.

Resistances (Highest to Lowest): Red, Black, White, Pale

---

EGO Equipment: Hiraeth

Weapon: A patchwork violin that always sounds nostalgic, a feeling just outside of your periphery. Ranged, white damage. Low damage, but quick output.

Special: A loud screeching note that deals heavy white damage, but has a bit of a recharge period.

Gift: A small, scribbly set of wings by the head. Increases SP, attack speed, and work speed.

[ Snippet of a recording of an Employee account of the subject. ]

Have you ever wondered what it was like to be a shooting star? To travel miles and miles and miles, only to land somewhere unfamiliar, somewhere strange. A place not built for you, unwelcoming to your very essence.

[...]

Hm? The recording? Ah, yes, I'm getting to it. Don't worry, everything I'm saying is very important to the report.

[...]

...Fine, if you insist.

When it arrived, nobody was really sure what to make of it. Many others who had tried to work with it simply did not get any conclusive results. It was "unresponsive," "uncooperative," "difficult." They just didn't know what they were doing. So, they ended up picking me to work on it next; something about being "receptive" and "observant," or something like that. You know, work speak.

It never responded too much, at first. I can't imagine why it would. But I'm nothing if not persistent. I always find a way. Maybe it just needed a little help communicating. So we brought in some basic crafts material. You know; paper, pencils, crayons. I will admit, it may have been at least a little bit for me, too.

I used to draw a lot when I was little, you know. Was a bit of a lonely kid, y'know? I don't do it so much anymore, it just isn't in the cards for me. But back then, at least, it almost felt like--

[...]

...Right. Sorry. The subject.

Surprisingly, it actually moved to join me after some time. Drawing, I mean. I wasn't sure it had the ability, but sure enough, it had picked up the nearest utensil and begun working with purpose. I don't much like prying with this sort of thing, but looking at what it was doing... it was the strangest thing. It was a mess, incomprehensible-- but somehow, it was striking. I knew that place. Or at least, it felt like it. It wasn't clear, but something in it... it felt like home.

But as it went, it got less and less steady, more sporadic-- frustrated, almost-- until eventually, it grew so unstable I was forced to end working with it early. We didn't touch its unit for a while after that, but I couldn't stop thinking about that scene it was drawing. It never spoke, but I could hear it. It whispers, you know? If anyone had taken the time to listen, maybe they'd have noticed.

I know what it's like to be alone first hand, you know. That feeling of listlessness, that incorrectness... I know it all too well. And once, for once in my entire life... it felt like I finally, truly found someone who understood.

[...]

Yes, I know we are not supposed to view the abnormalities as people. Trust me, I remember. You don't have to worry about it. Those rules are just petty precautions anyway.

[...]

Hm? Oh, I don't think you understand. I know exactly what I'm doing. In fact, I think i've done my job quite well.

[ An alarm begins blaring. ]

Ah, there it is. This was nice, but I think that's my cue. Now if you'll excuse me, me and my friend will be going now.

[ A sudden cacophony of noise kicks up, and the recording abruptly ends. ]

#long post #pikocs #projmoon #pikart #um um !!! never written one of these before so dont expect this t be like. balanced or coherent or whatever i just write words here #th snippet at the end i lichrally did just now so um <33 yay (<- girlies who didnt proofread) #ANYWAY. considerin having it interact w fragments. like if it breaches so does whispers. or smthn like that. #ithink theyd interact interestingly. but im not thinking too hard <3 yipy

[toki-is-the-king]

Toki Mental Health Headcanons:

(No hate please, you can disagree with me on this it’s just a headcanon I have + our Toki has autism so it makes sense to us).

-Toki most likely has autism but it’s undiagnosed because he was so neglected as a child; he never went to the Dr for anything, not even when he’d get fevers so bad he hallucinated. His parents didn’t care and also didn’t believe in going to the dr as it went against their religious beliefs; only God could heal. Often times when Toki was displaying signs of autism along with being physically ill all the time from abuse and neglect, his parents just locked him in the punishment hole for even longer, saying he needed to resist the devil or that Toki was disobeying God and was being punished by evil spirits. Toki has a highly stressful response anytime he’s sick now but does nothing much about it. And now he sees no point in going to the Dr, let alone a therapist or psychiatrist. The only times he really goes to the dr for check ups are when Charles forces he and the other guys or if his diabetes gets out of whack. Sometimes he still tells himself he has to ‘pray away’ his mental or physical afflictions due to his parents strict teachings, but it doesn’t work and he sometimes worries he’s actually possessed or evil. It hurts him so badly inside. He still doesn’t understand why they insisted he was evil, he still loved them but was terrified of them.

-That being said because he doesn’t have his ptsd or autism diagnosed or even know he has it, it just lingers for years and Toki doesn’t understand why he always feels so different from everyone else. And why people think his interests are childish and dumb or why he has meltdowns when somethings overstimulates him like the time he ‘accidentally’ might’ve murdered that dude at the Snakes N Barrels concert. He knows he’s fucked up but he lies to himself that he’s okay because that’s what he always had to do. Never having anyone to comfort him expect his straw clown doll and his imagination, he often regresses to a younger age to cope with his trauma and overall stress. He has panic attacks frequently too as well as nightmares and had social anxiety when he was a teenager. He beats himself up a lot, feeling the most fucked up out of everyone and having undiagnosed autism just makes him feel like he can’t even handle life. He talks to Skwisgaar about his internal struggles, knowing that even if all Skwisgaar does is nod and make brief eye contact, seeming half distracted with his guitar practicing, that he does care. Skwisgaar has his own personal issues and an ego, but he really does care about Toki and the two have a very close bond.

“Why’s Toki gotta have so many stupid problems things…”

-Toki doesn’t ever end up getting diagnosed, his distrust of the American medical system is part of it, also he’s just anxious about Dr’s in general, but he’s learned to self soothe and calm himself down over time. He enjoys having quiet time alone, focusing on a project, like building model airplanes or coloring, he likes to keep his hands busy so his mind has something to focus on. sometimes he just sits alone on his bed and hugs himself tightly or rocks himself until he calms down. Deddybear always brings him some relief.

-When nothing else works sometimes Toki gets explosive bursts of anger and destroys things, but he doesn’t have to be angry to break shit, it’s fun to break shit. Like lamps! Sometimes Skwisgaar or Pickles find him sobbing with bloody knuckles outside after fist fighting a tree or breaking random shit in the yard. Pickles always takes a brother like approach and brings Toki inside to bandage his hands, while Skwisgaar just takes Toki by the arm silently and walks him to his bathroom. He awkwardly helps Toki clean himself up and doesn’t say much. He lets Toki cuddle with him afterwards and it always helps Toki calm down.

-While some people with autism dislike being touched as it over stimulates them, Toki is the opposite. He always feels under stimulated. It could be because he was isolated for so long that now he can’t handle being alone for extended periods of time. He always wants physical contact with those he cares about. It’s hard being in Dethklok sometimes because none of the guys are affectionate towards each other and none are very touchy unless it’s with a woman. It makes Toki sad because he wants hugs all the time or to hold hands or play with someone’s fingers while sitting together on the couch. It’s all platonic (except with Skwisgaar, they’re more than friends but it’s complicated). Toki needs constant stimulation or else he’s anxious, bored, or fidgety. Being neglected made him even more clingy and now if anyone shows him an ounce of affection he is overjoyed and doesn’t want it to end. He loves long tight hugs and snuggling close to someone, glued to their side. Over the years Skwisgaar has eased up a bit and lets Toki cuddle him or hug him, they hold hands a lot when the guys aren’t around. Skwisgaar likes to play with Toki’s hair and it makes Toki the happiest guy on earth. He loves the smell of Skwisgaar’s hair and always presses his nose against his head when the cuddle.

Feel free to share any other Toki headcanons!

#metalocalypse #dethklok #toki wartooth #skwisgaar skwigelf #skwistok #we love you Toki #autistic characters #nathan explosion #pickles the drummer #william murderface #writing dump #traumagentic did #did stuff #did system