#they didn’t put lando and luke on screen together for too long because they would’ve been too powerful

[phoenixkaptain]

Random thought time!

Chewbacca hugging Luke is really fun and very sweet and eapecially great because Luke looks so short. They surrounded Mark Hamill, who is pretty tall himself, with a bunch of people taller than he is, and honestly, great choice.

There was a scene where Darth Vader could barely fit through a door. Like, straight up, he fills up the entire doorway. That man was huge, ginormous, gigantic, I looked it up, he was six foot six inches! He was six and a half feet tall! He’s! So! Big!

No wonder people think Luke is short, he is literally only taller than Leia.

Darth Vader was going through it, man. First of all, Palpatine only just barely told him his son was still alive. Second of all, he offered to rule the galaxy with his son, father and son style, after killing Palpatine of course, and he had his son literally cornered, and Luke decided he’d rather fall to his possible death than spend more time with him.

Darth Vader just sort of drops his hand. I think he was thinking “Yo, what the fuck, Luke????” He realized, at that moment, that he must’ve been terrible to raise, because his son is just as dramatic as he is. He probably had a moment where wondered if he could somehow apologize to Obi-Wan…

So Darth Vader spends a while scouring every edge of the galaxy because he is trying to convince his son to join him in evil activities, goddammit. It takes forever to find him, and when he does, it’s because Luke literally turns himself in.

The power of Ewoks is unimaginable. They could’ve hidden Luke forever. I believe in them.

But then Vader’s son keeps going on about how much he still believes there’s good in him, like a total asshole, and refuses to hear reason! So Darth Vader takes him to Palpatine and is like “ha, see, I did take you to the Emperor, just like I said, and I will stand here and watch as Palpatine messes with you, and I’m sure this won’t awaken any feelings of fatherly protectiveness in me.” He’s wrong, but that doesn’t happen very fast because first Luke accidentally drops the bombshell that his daughter is alive too! Vader straight up had a son and a daughter and nobody told him! He had to find out from his son, and then he used her to taunt Luke and Luke goes feral and cuts off his hand! Vader definitely deserved that. You know what they say, eye for an eye, hand for a hand.

I really like that Luke just stares blankly at his father’s missing hand for a bit. Like, he just looks at it. He’s like “Gee, cutting off the hand of the guy who cut off my hand actually made me feel a lot better, I’m cool now, we can talk about things reasonably.” Luke is way too fast to forgive, Darth Vader didn’t even have a flesh hand! It was not the same, Luke! He literally made you dependant on prosthetics, Luke. All you did was cut off a small part of his prosthetic, Luke. These are not the same.

Anyway, Darth Vader is probably thinking “Finally, my son will kill me, or kill Palpatine, please kill Palpatine, actually, and join the Dark Side and we can hang out.” But Luke still refuses! And he calls his dad a jedi! Despite never having a dad before, Luke sure knows what to say to guilt-trip his dad. So Vader kills Palpatine (by lifting him up and throwing him into a hole, how did Vader lift him up with only one hand? Was he using the Force? Did he just go apeshit? Someone probably knows, but don’t tell me, I won’t listen) and himself in the process and dies after looking at his son for the first time. Bummer of a reunion. He had to watch his son be tortured with lightning. 0/10, maybe Obi-Wan was right when he said Anakin was dramatic, at times.

I like Palpatine’s face while he continuously electrocutes Luke. At first, he looks evil and like he’s having a gay old time. But, as it continues, he just looks confused. Like, this desert twink is not dying, I have shocked him five times, how is he still alive, people die the first time, what the fuck? I like that.

If you think about it, the Empire fell because Palpatine underestimated the strength of those baby blues-

I love Ewoks. I love their little faces. I love their little language. I love that they waddle when they walk. I love that they eat trespassers. I love that they later decided those very same trespassers they tried to feast on for their new god buddy are actually apart of their club now. I love that they surround and conquer. I love these tiny little furballs and I want twenty of them, they are so cute and vicious! I just want to help them build a trebuchet and then past their fluffy little heads. One of them dances with C3-PO at the end of the movie, it is so fucking cute.

I’m so proud of Luke. He became a true Jedi. What? By defeating Vader? No, earlier than that. When he was telling Leia that they were siblings. He told her in riddle form, the way a true Jedi Knight would, he finally got a Jedi training riddle book-

I love that Luke is told he has a sister and right away figures out it’s Leia. Obi-Wan described Luke’s sister as vaguely as possible and Luke was like “LeIA??? My sister LEIA?”

Then, Leia figures out that they’re siblings. Which, whoa, now she has to deal with the realization that Darth Vader is her father. But also, she’s like “Luke, I’ve only known you were my brother for thirty seconds, but if anything happened to you, I’d kill everyone in the Empire and then myself.” Same, honestly.

I think it’s super funny that Han thinks Leia wants Luke, romantically. Especially because he’s jealous but understanding. I also like that Han just assumes Luke is interested the same way. Because either Luke and Leia just acted way to familiarly over the past three plus years, or Han just thinks that Leoa can get with any guy she wants. Maybe that’s why he’s not as jealous in Cloud City. He knew that Leia was the only being in the galaxy capable of not falling for Lando’s wit.

I think it’s especially funny when Leia tells Han that Luke is her brother. Because Leia seemed to have found out Luke was her brother and assumed everyone else knew as well. Han is like “You love him, don’t you?” And Leia’s like “Of course I do.” And Han’s like “I get it, I’ll get out of the way.” Leia looks at him like “What the fuck are you talking about?” Then she’s like, “Han, no, not that way! Luke is my brother :)” and kisses him.

I love Han’s face as he realizes that Luke and Leia are twins. He starts by looking tremendously confused. Then, he looks like it’s all dawning on him. Oh my God, he probably is thinking, no wonder they were close literally from the moment they met, they are literally wizard twins. Oh my God, he probably thinks next, I fell for a wizard twin. Jesus Christ on a bicycle, he definitely thinks. I fell for the first pair of hot twins that fell in my lap. It’s a very funny play of emotions, I like it a lot.

I’m going to be honest and admit that I like Luke and Leia being twins. I like that Luke saw her the first time and was immediately drawn to her. I like that Leia saw him the first time and immediately trusted him. I like that they trust each other implicitly from the very get go. Luke trusts Leia to cover his back and Leia trusts Luke to figure out a way to get them out of a bad situation. I like that they don’t know they’re twins. They just know that they’re drawn to each other and want to be close to each other. They just know that they want to look at each other and smile a lot. Leia kisses Luke, but it’s not a very romantic kiss. She does it because Han is pissing her off. Luke is literally recovering from hypothermia and nearly being eaten to death. It’s the least romantic kiss in the history of film kisses, because Leia kisses his mouth the same way she kissed his cheek, just longer. It’s the most platonic mouth to mouth kiss I’ve ever seen in my life.

And it makes sense that they might’ve been confused by their bond. Neither of them had a sibling before! Not to mention the inherent bond between them because they are space wizard twins. I guess what I’m saying is that it didn’t feel like a retcon to me. It didn’t feel like them just going “oh, we don’t want Luke and Leia to get together at the end.” It felt like they were twins from the start. Maybe tha twas just the actors’ chemistry or knowing that they’re twins from the start, but they honestly never came across as romantic. Leia was pitched towards Han from the start. Luke is the gayest person I’ve ever seen in my life (he literally uses a belt to cinch his waist, his tiny little itty bitty waist, he is gay gay homosexual gay.) I feel like them being twins was in the plans from the start.

It made me really uncomfortable when Palpatine told a twink that he would come to call Palpatine “master.”

Overall, I liked the movies.

I mean, I didn’t like Jabba the Hut. I spent every second he was on screen waiting for Leia to strangle him to death. I know Jabba is meant to be unlikable, but the slave costumes just make my skin crawl. I’ve always disliked them. I don’t understand the obsession with slave Leia, and I’m saying this as a person atttracted to not only women, but scantily clad women as well. I hate it, I hate it, I hate all of it, they should’ve dumped Jabba into the Sarlacc pit.

Other than that, I liked the movies. I like the character dynamics. I like that Luke’s best friend is an astromech droid. I like that C3-PO is finally treated kindly, as he deserves. I like the different creatures portrayed throughout the films, my personal favourite are banthas. I like the different cultures and races portrayed in the films. I like the octopus people. The fight scenes very much improved by Return of the Jedi, which I appreciate because I really couldn’ t take two only men smacking each other with laser sticks seriously. The dog fights are great from the start, but they massively improve by the end, and it’s fun to watch them. I like AT-ATs.

#star wars #original trilogy #luke skywalker #leia organa #skywalker twins #han solo #chewbacca #c3po #r2d2 #darth vader #palpatine #i could go on forever #i didn’t even mention how much i like artoo and luke #what an iconic duo #artoo is like please stop bro #luke is like i am going to fight the empire and kill the emperor with a hot stick and kindness #artoo is like oh no this is how i make cspo feel isn’t it #luke makes a lot of people come to a lot of uncomfortable realizations #they didn’t put lando and luke on screen together for too long because they would’ve been too powerful #too charming #darth vader would’ve been defeated by the sheer force of their smiles #it would’ve been a lot less epic no wonder they scrapped that #han looks back on hoth #and is like #god i had two hot twins kissing right in front of me #i popped a b/ner for all the wrong reasons #long post #the inane ramblings of a madman

[notthatjaded]

So I saw The Last Jedi

And I have Feelings on the subject. And they are spoilery so they are below the cut. Fair warning, it’s long.

First, some random thoughts I had in no particular order:

The Reylo shippers are going to have a field day

Especially when someone tells them about Jedi force bonds

The porgs weren’t as awful as I worried they might be

I’m glad Luke got a big badass scene

WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR DAMAGE POE

Is that really how Snoke ends? That’s kinda sad and anticlimactic.

Hux looks like he’s having second thoughts...

Still think Phasma was wasn’t really used to her potential

YODA UNCANNY VALLEY WHY ARE YOU HERE WHERE THE FUCK IS ANAKIN DOESN’T THAT MAKE MORE SENSE YES IT DOES GO THE HELL AWAY YOU’RE CREEPING ME OUT

no, really, I was uncomfortable the whole time he was on screen and it really took away from the gravity of the scene

at least there’s a halfway decent reason for Kylo going Dark Side though it still doesn’t explain how Snoke was influencing him 

now wondering if Snoke was a random Force user that used to work for Palpatine (Emperor’s Hand/Inquisitor?) that convinced Luke for a while that he was actually a good guy now 

Until he couldn’t hide it anymore and they fought and that’s why he’s all disfigured and shit

Anyway, carrying on

That scene with Rey and her reflections was both unnerving and boring all at the same time

IF THERE’S ONE MORE FAKEOUT I’M GOING TO THROW MY SODA AT THE SCREEN

wait, did Rose really just do the love thing? REALLY? Why was that even necessary???

Were the guards in Snoke’s throne room the Knights of Ren?

Poe’s in love with Leia. Like that’s not just hero worship or something. He’s got it bad.

shit, there was something else but now I forgot but oh well let’s get on to the paragraph portion now

oh yeah, pretty sure they had Kylo keep talking about killing the past because that’s really the movie telling us to forget everything that came before, ugh

I’ll start with the things I didn’t like so I can end on a good note:

It felt like two movies crammed into one (actually maybe three: shades of ESB, hints of RotJ, and then the stuff they made that was kinda new) so we ended up with a lot of stuff that just felt pointless unnecessary and made things hard to follow. I mean really, there were four lines happening at once (what was happening with the First Order/Kylo, what was happening with Rey and Luke, what was happening with Poe and the Resistance, and what was happening with Finn and Rose. With a half-line maybe of what was happening between Rey and Kylo).

And at the end of the day, the whole Canto Bight thing really didn’t do a thing for anything except give Finn and Rose some more time together so there’s theoretically a reason for her love declaration on Crait (bleh). Surely there could’ve been something else they could’ve been doing with the Resistance instead of gallivanting in a casino that was basically put there for the parallel to Cloud City and so they could put in their Lando character.

I would’ve rather spent that time seeing more of Rey and Luke interacting. Or Luke and Chewie (who was criminally underserved but at least he got to do some cool piloting).

Another character underserved: Vice Admiral Holdo. She was cool and stuff but if she was so awesome surely she could’ve let the Resistance know there WAS  a plan besides just running away and hoping not to get blown up. What would it have hurt to tell them they were actually running with a purpose? (except that then Poe wouldn’t have led a fucking mutiny and undermined any authority she had) Also: why was she in a dress? Sure, Leia was in a dress but we also saw her in uniform-looking clothes and her clothes in general radiated authority. Holdo? Flowy thing? For someone who gets business done it would’ve been nice of the movie to communicate that in her wardrobe. Another thing that just felt pointless...hated that she died so soon too but a least she went out with a pretty awesome bang.

The little humor bits they shoehorned in at various points in the beginning were just distracting. Poe fucking around with Hux? The first time he said he was ‘on hold’ they should’ve just fired on him. Were they really so dumb as to not realize what he was doing? I know it was to do the ‘snarky pilot humor’ thing but it just came off as making everyone look kinda idiotic, including Poe.

Luke milking the sea cow thing? Kind gross and again...pointless dumb potty humor. They could’ve put any other chore in there but they had to do that.

Oh yeah, the way Luke tossed aside the lightsaber. I get what they were trying to convey but it just felt. A little too flippant. (I see what Mark meant about not agreeing with the things they did with Luke...his characterization just felt really off and uneven to me for most of the movie)

There was other stuff, but those were the things that jumped to mind immediately and left a bad taste in my mouth.

Also kind of hate that they randomly changed Threepio’s arm to red in TFA and randomly changed it back to gold for TLJ. Why bother? I figure there’s some new EU material out there that discusses it but for the average moviegoing audience they’re never going to see that so it just looks like a complete lack of continuity.

YODA. WHAT THE FUCK. Like I said, uncanny valley. I can get having a Force Ghost show up there maybe and I might even get having it be Yoda (because you know, Disney keeps trying to pretend the prequels don’t exist so why have Anakin come have a heart to heart with his son?) but he just looked so...squished. I mean, I guess that’s the puppet but it just looked wrong. Still think it should’ve been Anakin and I’m not just saying that because he’s my favorite character. Considering everything going on with Kylo and Luke’s own conflict...who better to actually have a chat with him about things? But heaven forbid you piss off the fanboys by bringing Hayden back... :|

Semi on that last note: irritated about the whole discussion about Rey coming from nothing. It feels like, again, them trying to cut the ST off from what came before though I’m kinda hoping it actually suggests my “Rey is Anakin reincarnated” theory is actually true. Let me cling to my delusions, people.

Lastly FOR SERIOUS ALL THE FUCKING FAKE-OUTS THE ONLY ONE I COULD GET BEHIND WAS LUKE AT THE END. 

Things I just thought were kind a weird and useless. That I haven’t already talked about above.

The ‘caretakers’ at Ahch-To. They just didn’t make sense and the movie would’ve been just fine without them. You’d hardly even have to change any of the scenes or lines, even.

The ‘bombers’ at the beginning. I mean, i get why they were there and stuff but those are NOT ships  you use to bomb other ships for exactly the reason they almost completely failed (thanks, Rose’s sister, for getting the job done). And the Resistance/Rebellion had ‘bombers’ already. They’re called Y-Wings. They’re slower than X-Wings and A-Wings and used for. You know. Bombing shit. And then we wouldn’t have had to see these clunky, worthless, hunks of junk get blown out of the sky because they didn’t have enough fighter cover. But that part still could’ve ended almost the same (if with different mechanics because different ships) without introducing some really dumb ships. Like they were just asking to get blown to smithereens. What did the Resistance really think was going to happen with them?

Maz shooting on that space-skype call. Sure I get that if they were going to do the codebreaker thing they needed someone who knew people and Maz makes sense because she was in the previous movie and was established as someone who Knew People. But the whole firefight thing was just Extra.

Oh wait, did I mention that Canto Bight was useless yet? Because it was.

Rose doing the ‘saving Finn because love’ thing. I could get behind her saving him at the last minute but the ‘because love’ and then kissing him before she passes out? I can’t buy it. There’s been no hint of that kind of chemistry between them. They’ve barely known each other about 24 hours, if that (we know because we know how much fuel the Resistance had left and it was about 18 hours and Finn and Rose get back  before it completely runs out so give them enough time to get down to Crait and wait for the First Order to show up and I’ll add on a couple to that number just to be generous). I’m kind of hoping in the next movie Finn lets her down easy and says he likes her but not like that. He spends the whole movie focusing entirely on Rey, after all.

Okay, I’ll stop with the ranting and go to stuff I liked.

Some of the discussion of the Force and balance. I can even get behind Luke saying the Jedi need to end for many of the reasons he spoke about. That doesn’t mean I think there should be NO ONE in the galaxy fulfilling a similar role. There always needs to be peacemakers.

The weird Force-bond thing with Rey and Kylo. I liked that it gave them a (even if contrived) reason to talk without being in the middle of trying to kill each other. Besides, Rey needed to get some more exposition from somebody...

I liked seeing both Luke and Kylo’s perspectives on what went down between them. (though I really thought younger!Luke looked strange...) Still don’t understand why it turned into Kylo rampaging on the Temple and killing everybody else there (except those who followed him, I guess). Hoping we’ll see more of it.

I liked seeing Leia actually using the Force (though I thought her using it to float back onto the ship after getting blown out of it was pushing it...). It’s her birthright as much as Luke’s even if she never went the Jedi route.

I liked seeing Rey and Kylo fighting alongside one another, at least briefly. I liked seeing how things swung back and forth between them (trying to find balance....?) Hell, I liked seeing him betray Snoke (he had it coming) and go all Supreme Leader even if I still think Snoke dying like that is pretty damn anticlimactic especially since he’s such a cipher.

The use of the red salt on Crait. I loved the way it made everything look like it was bleeding after all the shooting. (though on that note: I didn’t love so much the number of things that seemed like they got included in the movie because they “looked cool”...back to that whole crammed with too much stuff that didn’t entirely make sense thing...) I also loved that it was the major hint to Luke not actually being there (since he wasn’t leaving footprints). You know, beyond him surviving getting fired upon by AT-ATs or whatever they’re called now without a scratch.

I liked that they let Kylo ‘kill’ him in what was an obvious homage to ANH and Vader vs Obi-Wan.

I liked that the crystal foxes that seemed to just be in there because they ‘looked cool’ actually did have a purpose (and it makes sense to me that they could’ve been living in the base while it was abandoned so them running in when hiding from the First Order’s military makes sense too).

I liked that Finn got to be proactive (even if he ultimately failed at doing...pretty much anything that would’ve actually helped).

I liked that we actually got to see Luke doing some pretty badass stuff. Kind of disappointed he disappeared at the end but that won’t prevent him from showing up again (see: fucking Yoda) and he did tell Kylo as much.

I liked seeing Rey grow into her power (and liked seeing some of her missteps along the way, including slicing through that rock, ahahah).

Annnnnd that’s all I’ve got for now. Despite all the ranting, I did like the movie I just...felt it was kinda long and clunky. I’ll probably still end up seeing it in theaters at least one more time so I can see things again now that I’m not trying to watch everything at once and can figure out if some of the stuff I’m not a fan of actually fits in better when seen as a part of the whole. IDK, we’ll see.

#star wars #the last jedi #spoilers #read at your own risk #do you sense the conflict within me? #because you should