#this fight is stressin me out but i like the action

[will0waesthetic]

Me, every week sending good vibes to gojo :

#jjk 230 #jjk spoilers #Gege i'm beggin you don't kill gojo please #this fight is stressin me out but i like the action #gojo vs sukuna #gojo satoru #ryomen sukuna #jjk 231 #jjk manga #manga fight #anime fight #jjk 232 #jjk 233

[frenziedslashers]

i mean…. if you wannnna write it… maybe possibly a full fic where vincent’s s/o gives birth to conjoined twins? 👀

i honestly just feel like crying my eyes out, i haven’t had a good cry in awhile

Warnings: AFAB reader, mentions of pregnancy and brithing, child death, emotional damage, not proofread.

Vincent Sinclairs S/O giving birth to conjoined twins:

Vincents heart dropped when he finally held the babies in his hand. Bo and Lester made their fair share of jokes about you carrying twins. Vincent even thinking it himself with how big you had gotten. But none of them ever expected this. Holding the conjoined babies with shaky hands. He felt like he could throw up, how terrifying all of this was for him.

Your voice caught him from his thoughts. Looking up to you from behind the blankets. Eyes full of guilt and worry. What if you yelled at him? What if you hated him for this? He knew he couldn't have stopped this from happening, but it was scary for him nonetheless.

"Vincent, let me see them." He nodded, standing so he could walk over to you with the babies. Your reaction softened his gaze. Though his brow was still knitted together. Still worrying at his bottom lip as well. Watching as you took the babies that he lazily swaddled in their own blanket. It was all soft words and reassurances after that. You and the brothers all sure that they would make it. If Bo and Vincent did these twins would, too.

Though it was a rare condition for the babies to be conjoined by the cranium. It seemed to be a running trait in Vincents family, and it only ate him alive. He prayed, every night, that they would make it out alive. He hoped that they would. He was certain if they didn't he'd hate himself, no matter what you told him. He'd have nothing better to do than hate himself. It was just how the twin grieved.

"Vincent, they'll be fine. I promise." You reassured him. Kissing his temple while you clung onto him in bed. Your twins were three weeks old by now, but you knew anytime the man you grew to love zoned out he was thinking about the inevitable surgery. It seemed to be growing more and more real with each passing day. 'What if I can't save them?' You frowned at his worries. Taking his hands in your own. Bringing them to your lips to kiss over his knuckles. The action making him smile lightly. Though you could still see the worry in his eye.

"Vinny, we can't control what happens. But I'm sure they'll make it out alright." You told him. Reaching out to run your fingers over his cheek. "I'm sure they'll be running around on opposite ends of town, terrorizing both you and me." You told him. smiling at the dreamy smile on his lips. 'Bo too, I'm sure they'll be up his ass. Or trying to run off to Uncle Lesters.' He rambled with his hands. Both of you smiling like fools.

Fools. Fools latching onto each other in the surgery room waiting room. Waiting so eagerly to hear the new from the docotors. Praying and fighting that it's good news.

You holding him and reminding him that everything would turn out alright was the only thing keeping him from losing it in the hospital. The bright lights, the people, the yelling from Bo. It was so overwhelming for the twin. Vincent holding your hand like his life depended on it. Both of your knees bouncing while you stared at the floor. "Bo, stop it," You snapped after Bo had nearly fought a nurse for what seemed like the hundreth time. "You're stressin' us all out with your yellin' and y'ain't speedin' anythin' up!" He wanted to say something. Yell at you for getting on his ass. But the look that Vincent shot him made him back down. Only muttering something under his breath before plopping himself back into his seat next to Lester.

Lester wasn't angry, or quiet. No. He was rambling. Talking about this or that. Reminicing in memories with the new twins. "Hey, 'member when the one spit up on Bo? That was funny, yeah or-" "Lester." Bo warned, nudging him to look over to you and Vincent. Who were hugging one another. Your faces burried in one anothers necks. "Oh shit, sorry." Lester murmured. Shuffling his feet uncomfortable. Hands shoving in and out of his pockets. Then playing with anything and everything on his shirt and jacket.

"Vincent," You hummed, rubbing his back. His grip only tightening around you. "They'll be fine. I'm sure of it. They're Sinclairs, for Gods sake." You told him. Forcing a smile for your lovers sake, but he couldn't bring himself to return it. Even under his mask. He was in so much pain right now. He had never experienced this much fear. It had his head swimming with thoughts that were derranged and morbid for even himself. Things he wished that he could unthink. Things he begged to whoever was running this fucked up world wouldn't happen.

"Y/L/N," The last name had you all perking up. Each and every one of you standing from your seats like a wave. In any other situation you and maybe even Lester would have giggled at the motion. Easily humored. "I'm so sorry..."

Lester had to take Bo outside when your sob processed in everyones ears. A shrill noise that had heads turning in the lobby. Vincents arms catching you before you fell to the ground, though it didn't help any. His own knees giving out. The both of you holding one another on the floor. A couple of fools, believing a surgery would go well with one of the rarest forms of conjoined twins in the world. Vincent almost hated that he let you continue your beliefs that it would go well. Tears rolling down his face while he gripped at your shirt. Looking up to the doctor. A glint in his eye that made the man step away from the both of you. The look of a killer who just lost his babies.

Lester was busy pulling Bo to the truck. His older brother screaming and hollering. This wasn't fair. It wasn't! "Lest, let go of me! I ought to give that damned surgeon a piece of m'mind! If pa was here he could have done it! He could have saved them! Ga'dammit Les' let me go!" He shook out of his brothers grasp. Lester letting out a sharp sigh through his own tears. "Bo! Get in the fuckin' truck! Fighting a doctor ain't gonna get the twins back, it's just gonna end up with you in jail and the town exposed!" Bo knew his baby brother was right. Clenching his jaw, nose flaring. Stomping his foot like an enraged child. A habit he hadn't dropped from his tantrums he would throw when he was younger. "Dammit, fine, fuckin' know it all." He hissed under his breath. Throwing himself in the front of the truck with a mumble.

Lester went back inside to grab the two of you. There was nothing that you could do now. Nothing any of you could do. They told you that you could come into town later that week to see the bodies after the funeral home had their way with them, but Vincent had other plans, and you didn't expect anything less from him.

They were a new part of the town. Dead or not, they would always be with the two of you. Even if the both of you would avoid the new room in the museum for a while at first. It was a nursery that mimicked the one you planned out for them. Every detail perfect. The babies placed in a crib, joined once more. He didn't have the heart to keep them apart. Not after what happened when they were pulled from one another.

It slowly became one of his favorite rooms though. Often being a place you would find him in when he'd go missing for hours on end. He'd be laying on the floor, facing the crib. Or standing in front of it, staring into it with a stoic expression. Your presence often startling. Whether it be your voice or arms wrapping around his waist. Pulling him from his trance. Though, you were never sure what he was thinking. You always got a sort of jist.

"It isn't your fault, y'know?" He wouldn't say anything. Letting out a sharp sigh. Turning his head away from you. To ashamed to even look at you. "Vin, don't do this, please." Your soft words and touch coax him to look at you. Turning his head to look over to you. Forcing a smile, even if you can't see if under your mask. "You couldn't have stopped this from happening. Neither could I. Hell, I know that if any of us could of we would of." You told him, kissing his cheek. "Just.. Come back to bed, okay? I miss you." Vincent nods. Taking your hand in his. Turning to face you. Your free hand reaching up for his mask to push it up a bit. Your lips meeting his own. "I love you."

#vincent x reader #slasher x reader #vincent sinclair #vincent sinclair x reader #house of wax

[jayeray-hq]

hello!! i loved how you wrote osamu and i was wondering if it'd be okay to request atsumu for 'how he shows you affection'? thank you so much <3

Of course you can! Honestly it seems fitting my first two requests were for the Miya twins! I even had it mostly written already because I was half writing this one as I wrote Osamu’s just to ensure they were different! 😊💖

How He Shows You Affection: Miya Atsumu

Timeskip/Manga Spoilers

Warnings: very, very slight implied NSFW (so minor you might not even notice honestly)

How He Shows You Affection Masterlist - Character Masterlist

He Tugs/Ruffles Your Hair

           You jerked in surprise at the sudden tug on a lock of your hair, not hard enough to be painful, but enough to catch your attention, pulling your attention away from your laptop and your current project. You glanced up to see your boyfriend Miya Atsumu peering at you from across the table an amused smile on his face and a playful light in his eyes.

“What’s got ya thinkin’ so hard there?” he asked teasingly, his cheek in his palm and elbow braced on the table as he watched you a fond light in his eyes, “Ya almost look like steam is about ta come outta yer ears.”

             “Just something I need to get done for work,” you admitted with a sigh, unable to help the slight frown on your face as your mind went over everything you’d need to get done, though you were abruptly pulled out of that as he gently tugged your hair again, diverting your attention back to him.

             “Looks like it’s stressin’ ya out,” he pointed out, twirling the strand he still held between his fingers. It was a habit of his to play with whatever he was holding in his hands, and your hair happened to be a frequent victim of this behavior. He didn’t seem to be able to resist, whenever he was in the vicinity he had to be touching your hair.

 Osamu had once sarcastically told you it was because his brother had never quite gotten over pulling the pigtails of the girls he liked. It had made you laugh at the time, even as it provoked another fight between the twins about who was supposedly more mature.

 Still you thought there might’ve actually been some truth in it, because you’d slowly realized he never actually did it to anyone but you. Playfully tugging it or messing with it, and laughing if you pouted or scolded him. Both of you knew you couldn’t stay mad at him for it, especially when he almost always follows it up with a loud smacking kiss to your forehead or cheek.

 Admittedly he pulled Osamu’s hair too, but considering he was trying to yank it out by the roots you didn’t think that counted, though there had been some unfortunate painful incidents on your end as well. Luckily long practice meant he no longer had any accidents involving tugging or tangling it up into knots, and you no longer jolted when he did it and inadvertently yanked it painfully in the process.

 Another gentle tug pulled you out of your thoughts, and refocused your attention on your boyfriend who was pouting slightly at you, though you knew if you pointed it out he’d deny it vehemently. He was a grown man after all and he definitely didn’t pout like a child.

 “Yeah Tsumu?” you asked, unable to help the swell of affection as you looked at him.

 “Ya were spacin’ out on me,” he informed you, clear concern in his eyes, “This thing a yers is really doin’ a number on ya.”

             “Yeah,” you admitted with a wry smile, “just a bit.”

             “Thought so,” he told you with a self-important nod, “Somethin’ had ta be weighin’ on ya fer ya to not notice this handsome face right in front of ya.”

             “Uh-huh sure,” you told him unable to keep the amusement from your voice despite the intended sarcasm of the words, something he clearly noted if the pleased spark in his eyes was any indication.

             “How long have ya been workin’ on it anyway?” he asked deftly changing the subject.

             “A few hours maybe?” you told him glancing hesitantly at your phone trying to remember when you’d started, “a while anyway.”

             “Then why don’t ya take a break fer a bit, come out an’ we can go bug Samu at his restaurant for a bit together huh?” he proposed with a devious grin.

             “You really should leave your brother alone,” you told him unable to help your amusement.

             “Nah, Samu’s used to it, besides as the older brother it’s my job to check in on him regularly,” he assured you faux piously, then wheedled, “Come on princess it’ll be fun.”

             “Fine,” you agreed with a sigh, “You’re right I could use a break.”

             “That’s the spirit!” he encouraged, bounding out of his seat and ruffling his hand through your hair before heading for the door, “Let’s get going then!”

             You heaved a sigh, a helpless smile on your lips as you stood, attempting to straighten your hair as you went. He really was too much sometimes.

  He’s Always Touching You

             “Tsumu you’re making this kind of difficult you know,” you told your boyfriend unable to keep the amusement from your voice as you attempted to stir the vegetables in the frying pan to keep them from burning, a feat made rather difficult by the fact that Atsumu was wrapped around you from behind, his strong arms around your waist, his chest pressed to your back and his chin hooked over your shoulder.

             “It don’t seem to bother ya too much,” he informed you a slightly smug lilt to his tone as he nuzzled his face into the side of your neck affectionately, pressing a chaste kiss to the sensitive skin right behind your ear.

             “That’s because I’ve gotten used to it,” you told him dryly, which was true enough. Throughout your relationship Atsumu had always been pretty physical with you, an arm slung around your shoulders, or secured around your waist, his hand in yours, fingers twined together, a hand on your shoulder or thigh, it didn’t matter when or where he always found some way to be in physical contact with you whenever the two of you were in the same vicinity.

             It honestly was a little embarrassing at times, especially since he had absolutely no qualms about doing it in public. You’d gotten the stink eye more than once from some of the more conservative people around. Osamu and Suna had actually complained fairly frequently that he was being overbearing and annoying about it, but Atsumu had quickly shut them down by claiming they were just jealous anyway, which had earned him a tussle with his twin and a disdainful look from Suna.

             Still, your boyfriend was nothing if not stubborn, and he absolutely refused to stop unless you specifically told him to, and frankly you couldn’t bring yourself to do it, not when he’d looked so hurt the one time you’d shrugged him off after a particularly nasty look from an elderly woman had made you feel incredibly self-conscious. Between his feelings and the rest of the world’s delicate sensibilities, you’d chose to save his feelings every time, and had never shrugged him off again. Besides you liked having him close to you, it was comforting, and it made your heart flutter with happiness.

             “It’s not like yer discouragin’ me here,” he teased as he accepted the small bite of food you offered to him over your shoulder with the chopsticks you’d been using to stir humming in appreciation at the taste.

             You hummed in acknowledgment unable to keep the fond smile from your face. It was true enough. When it came to Atsumu you really couldn’t get enough.

             “Off for a second,” you urged gently, pulling your meal from the stove, and shutting things off, so you could go to the table, which your boyfriend had graciously set for the two of you before he’d come over and attached himself to your back like a limpet.

             He huffed and released you for all of the second it took for you to turn around before attaching to your back again, rubbing his face against yours affectionately in a way that reminded you of a cat, and made you giggle. You should’ve been annoyed that you were forced to waddle all the way to the table, with him clinging to you the whole way, but you honestly found it pretty cute. Despite what others, and especially Osamu, would say your boyfriend really did have his cute moments.

             “You’re going to have to let go if we’re going to sit down and eat,” you pointed out reasonably once you’d reached the table and set your burden down, though the words were contradictory to your actions as you wrapped your own arms over top the ones he had around your waist and leaned back into him, resting against him and enjoying his closeness.

             “What if I don’t wanna?” he asked teasingly, gently squeezing the arms wrapped around your waist, his chin resting on your head as he slowly rocked you back and forth in place.

             “Come on Tsumu we have to eat,” you urged with a laugh, “Especially after I made such a nice dinner for us. Can’t let it go to waste you know?”

             He agreed with a quiet grumble, and the two of you sat down to eat your dinner, though it didn’t stop him from tangling his legs together with yours under the table, making you smile once more about how cute he was.

 He Makes Time for You

             “Are you sure this is okay?” you asked your boyfriend, not for the first time, and definitely not for the last.

             “Course m’sure princess,” Atsumu told you gently tugging on a strand of your hair, his eyes soft and affectionate, surprisingly patient in the face of your concern.

             “But you have that big game coming up,” you worried peering up at him with anxious eyes, “And I know the team’s been having a lot of extra practices. I don’t want to get in the way.”

             “It’s our anniversary,” he pointed out, tucking the strand of hair he’d been pulling at behind your ear affectionately, “The team can manage without me fer just one evenin’ so I can take you out to dinner.”

             “But…!” you tried again.

             “Ah-ah,” he told you placing a firm finger over your lips to silence your protests, “We’re spendin’ the night together and that’s final. Besides we hardly need the practice, we’re gonna kick their asses again this year jus’ like we did last year so ya can stop yer fussin’ about it, otherwise I’m gonna think yer doubtin’ my capabilities.”

             You heaved a sigh in response, but decided to give in to him, just this once. He was right after all, it was just one evening, and if you thought about it, he really could probably use a break for a little bit, especially since you knew how very hard he worked. Still when you’d started dating him you’d vowed not to be like the others that had come before you and get in the way of his job.

 You knew he loved volleyball, more than pretty much anything, and you admired that about him. His passion, his drive, and the way his face lit up whenever he walked out on to the court, they were all things you loved about him and you’d never want to change them about him. You’d long accepted that you’d have to share his heart with the sport he loved at the very least, and were honestly just grateful that he’d decided to give you equal space, especially considering just how very much he loved it.

 “Alright,” you agreed at last. Honestly, you’d been more than willing to put off celebrating your anniversary until after this big game, but you couldn’t deny you found it extremely touching that he was so insistent about celebrating on the day, even more when you realized he’d clearly talked to his team about it in advance to make sure that he could, “If you’re sure.”

 “M’sure,” he told you firmly, cupping your cheek in his palm, “We’re gonna go out tonight, have a nice dinner together at that restaurant you like, maybe have some wine, maybe do some dancin’ come home and do another kind of dancin’ and have a good time together to celebrate proper, because yer worth it alright? You and our relationship are worth the time to celebrate the right way, so wait for me okay? I’ll be home at four, and our reservation is at five, dress nice.”

 “Okay,” you agreed, unable to keep the smile off your face at the way he described, what sounded to you like a rather wonderful evening, practically beaming at him, your smile so wide it was hurting your cheeks a bit.

 “Good,” he told you with a firm nod, “See ya later then princess.”

 He bent down, and you eagerly met him half way planting his ritual goodbye kiss on his lips before letting him walk out the door, his volleyball bag casually slung over his shoulder.

 “I love you,” you told him sincerely leaning against the doorframe as you watched him leave feeling giddy and completely and utterly infatuated.

 “Love ya too princess,” he returned over his shoulder, giving you one last affectionate smile before leaving for the day.

 When the door closed you couldn’t help letting out a slightly love-sick sigh that you knew he would’ve teased you mercilessly for if he’d heard it. Really all this time, and he still somehow managed to do things that made your heart flutter and your knees feel weak. It was honestly a little ridiculous, but you couldn’t help it. There just wasn’t anything better than being in love with Miya Atsumu.

#miya atsumu #miya atsumu x reader #miya atsumu x y/n #miya atsumu x you #haikyuu!! #haikyu imagines #haikyū!! #haikyu fluff #atsumu x you #atsumu x reader #atsumu fluff #atsumu x female reader #atsumu headcanons #atsumu #atsumu imagines #JayeRayWrites

[petersasteria]

Wedding Performance - Haz Osterfield

Pairing: Haz x Holland!Reader

Requested? Yes! By @tommysparker​

NOTE: I don’t know how wedding receptions work, so I’ll just follow the request!

Hamilrequest #1

You and Harrison are such big Hamilton fans and it only made sense that you wanted to involve that on your special day. So a few weeks before your wedding, you met up with a vocal coach for you and Harrison to work and rehearse with for your wedding performance at the reception.

Everyone was having fun at your wedding reception. You couldn’t believe that a few hours ago, you finally signed up for the rest of your life with Harrison and to be honest, you wouldn’t have it any other way.

You and Harrison look at each other and grin, because it’s finally time for your performance. You signal Tom and he nods at the two of you before standing up from his seat. He grabs the mic and gets everyone’s attention.

“Hello everyone! And no, this isn’t another best man speech.” Tom starts and everyone in the room chuckles including you and Harrison. Tom smiles, “I’m just here to introduce the newly weds for their performance tonight. So without further ado, let’s give a round of applause to Haz and Y/N!”

Everyone claps as Tom sits down on his seat. Harrison stands up and helps you as you walk to the empty dance floor. They start playing the music and you start singing, “Oooh I do, I do, I do, I do, hey! Oooh I do, I do, I do, I do. Boy, you got me helpless!”

All of them cheer you on as the back up singers sing the backing vocals. You only look at Harrison as you sing and he smiles at you. Since you and Harrison are extra, you also got back up dancers.

“I have never been the type to try and grab the spotlight. We were at a revel with some rebels on a hot night.” you sing in character. You look at Tom and decided to switch up the lyrics a bit, “Laughin’ at my brother as he’s dazzling the room and you walked in and my heart went-”

“BOOM!” Harry and Sam sing loudly from their seats.

“Tryin’ to catch your eye from the side of the ballroom. Everybody’s dancin’ at the band’s top volume. Grind to the rhythm as we wine and dine. Grab my brother,” you grab Tom by the arm and he plays along,  “and whisper, ‘yo, this one’s mine’.”

Knowing what the next lyrics are, Tom acts on it. 

“My brother makes his way across the room to you. And I got nervous thinking, ‘what’s he gonna do?’. He grabs you by the arm, I’m thinking, ‘I’m through’. Then you look back at me and suddenly I’m helpless!” you smile at Harrison as he winks at you.

It’s now Harrison’s cue as he enters the dance floor with Tom who now has a mic in his hand.

“Where are you taking me?” Harrison looks at Tom, getting into character for the song. Tom grins and dramatically says, “I’m about to change your life!”

Everyone laughs, causing Harrison to chuckle, “Then by all means, lead the way.”

Tom and Harrison are now in front of you and you sing, “Y/N Holland, it’s a pleasure to meet you.”

“Holland?” Harrison turns to Tom with raised eyebrows. Tom smirks, “My sister.”

“Thank you for all your service!”

“If it takes fighting a war for us to meet, it will have been worth it.” Harrison takes your hand and kisses it and you can't help but blush at his action.

“I’ll leave you to it.” Tom says, while making the ‘I’m watching you’ gesture with his fingers.

You continue to sing and you slowly walk to your family’s table where Dom is. Having a feeling of what’s going to happen, Sam already laughs.

“Two weeks later in the living room, stressin’. My father’s stone faced while you’re asking for his blessin’. I’m dying inside as you wine and dine and I’m trying not to cry ‘cause there’s nothing that your mind can’t do.” you sing and Dom just looks at you and Harrison.

“My father makes his way across the room to you.”

Dom stands up and walks to Harrison.

“I panic for a second thinking, ‘we’re through’, but then he shakes your hand and says, ‘be true’.”

Dom shakes Harrison’s hand and pulls him in for a hug as well.

“And you turn back to me, smiling, and I’m”  you and Harrison smile at each other as Dom walks back to his seat with a smile on his face.

“Helpless!”

“Woo!”  Harrison shouts in glee along with Tom, Harry, and Sam, who were filming it from their seats.

You and Harrison dance around with the back up dancers as you sing. 

“Y/N, I don’t have a dollar to my name, an acre of land, a troop to command, a dollop of fame. All I have’s my honor, a tolerance for pain, a couple of college credits and my top-notch brain.” Harrison sings.

“Yeah, right!” Tom calls out with a laugh, earning a playful glare from you. But you quickly turn your attention back to Harrison who was looking at you lovingly.

“Insane, your family brings out a different side of me. Harry confides in me, and Thomas nearly tried to kill me.” Harrison and you looked at Tom and he just shrugs.

“Tom!” Nikki hissed. 

“What? It���s all in the past. I just freaked out a bit.” Tom says.

Harrison makes you look at him, “No stress, my love for you is never in doubt. We'll get a little place in Harlem and we'll figure it out. I've been livin' without a family since I was a child. My father left, my mother died, I grew up buckwild. But I'll never forget my mother's face, that was real and long as I'm alive, Eliza, swear to God, you'll never feel so-”

“I do, I do, I do, I do!”

“Eliza-”

“I do, I do, I do, I do!”

“I’ve never felt so-”

“Helpless!”

“Down for the count and I’m drownin’ in em.”

“My life is gon’ be fine ‘cause Y/N’s in it.” Harrison smiles at you and he nearly tears up doing so, because he meant it.

“I look into your eyes and the sky’s the limit, I’m-” you look into his beautiful eyes with one hand on his cheek, before ‘getting ready’ to ‘get married’ like in the musical itself.

“Down for the count and I’m drownin’ in ‘em”

When the wedding theme comes on, Harrison is standing near the guests as while walk down the ‘aisle’.

“In New York, you can be a new man, in New York, you can be a new man, in New York, you can be a new man” the back up singers sang in harmony.

You finally reach Harrison and sang the last line, “Helpless.”

You and Harrison kiss at the end of the song as everyone claps and cheers. You pull away and smile at each other.

“I love you, Y/N.” Harrison smiles at you with tears of joy streaming down his handsome face.

You wipe away his tears and smile, “I love you too, Haz.”

* * * *

𝐇𝐀𝐙 𝐎𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐅𝐈𝐄𝐋𝐃 𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓: @abrielleholland​​​​ @silencetheslaves​​​ @peachmaybnx​​​

𝐆𝐄𝐍𝐄𝐑𝐀𝐋 𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓: @marvelousell​​​ @justasmisunderstoodasloki​

@rubberducky-jrr​ asked to be tagged in all of the requests x

𝐒𝐞𝐧𝐝 𝐚𝐧 𝐚𝐬𝐤 𝐢𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐞 𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐠𝐞𝐝 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐇𝐚𝐳 𝐎𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐟𝐢𝐞𝐥𝐝 𝐬𝐭𝐮𝐟𝐟

#harrison osterfield #harrison osterfield imagines #harrison osterfield imagine #harrison osterfield one shots #harrison osterfield one shot #harrison osterfield x y/n #harrison osterfield x reader #haz osterfield #haz osterfield imagines #haz osterfield imagine #haz osterfield one shot #haz osterfield one shots #haz osterfield x reader #haz osterfield x y/n #k's hamilton requests #in-a-lot-of-fandoms-tbh

[i-will-be-forever-yours]

Don’t Leave Us

A/N: Another Shawn x reader fic...please give me feedback about it! if you like it...give me your ideas too! I have limited ideas guys! Thanks for reading and I hope you all like it

Warnings: angst, pre-term labor (not detailed) fluff at the end

Summary: Shawn is going on tour, leaving his pregnant wife, and her neediness causes a fight. What happens when he leaves without a goodbye, and ignores her?

Word Count: Like 2.2k ish

posted 12-21-19

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“Hey love, what’s that you’ve got there?” Shawn asks y/n, his thirty-two-week pregnant wife. He peeks over her shoulder to see her thumbing through their wedding album, and it warms his heart while bringing a smile to his face. She is sitting criss-cross in the middle of their bed, facing their floor to ceiling windows that open to the beautiful view of the Toronto skyline.

She looks over her shoulder to see the man she fell in love with, smiling like a child at Christmas. “I was just looking at this for old times sake,” she chuckles. “We’ll have to show this little one when they are older,” she says while rubbing random patterns on her midsection.

He sits behind her, causing the mattress to dip a little more with the added weight and hums into her neck, rubbing his nose in the spot he knew got to her. She giggles at the gesture and playfully shoves him away.

“Shaaaawn!!! Stop that, it tickles!” she laughs. However, he soon pushes her down on the mattress and moves the album out of her hands, only to start tickling her sides viciously. He was still very gentle, aware of the precious being within her, but makes a fierce assault nonetheless. When he could tell she was getting tired, he stills his assault to her sides and flops down on his side while facing her. He reaches his hand and ever so gently caresses the swell of her midsection.

She positions herself onto her side to face him and caresses his cheek. They were there for a couple of minutes before Shawn hears a small sniffle. He immediately looks down and sees tears forming at the edges of y/n’s eyes. Quickly, he brings the hand that was on her bump up to her face, to wipe the tears away.

“What’s wrong, love? Are you hurt...is it the baby?” he questions in a frantic voice, while hurriedly sitting up.

She chuckles before saying in a broken whisper, “no...it’s just that I’m gonna miss you. We’re going to miss you.”

He looks her in the eyes while saying, “I know y/n, and I’m gonna miss you both as well, but it’s only for a couple of weeks. I’ll be back before he decides to join us.”

Smiling, y/n just nods in response before falling asleep. Shawn kisses her on the temple before carefully getting out of bed and wrapping the covers around her. He then heads back into their home office/studio to finish up his last minute things before he has to leave.

It is nearing twelve when he hears the padding of feet. Looking up he sees his wife’s head pop in the cracked door. “What are you doing up honey?” she asks after yawning. He barely shrugs his shoulders before looking back at his laptop to finish up his tour plans.

She feels a little hurt at his action but merely shrugs it off before stating, “well, I’m going to the kitchen to get some strawberries and peanut butter.” Padding off into the kitchen she rummages around before coming up empty. She is able to find the strawberries fairly easily, but there seems to be no more peanut butter.

Finally, she decides to ask Shawn if he knows where any might be. Making her way into the office, she quietly knocks before entering. “Hey, hun...do you know where the peanut butter is?”

She is met with a huff and him pushing his hands against the desk, sending his chair into the wall while he stands. His hands meet his hair, while they start to aggressively run through them. He leans forward, while his hands grip tightly to the desk before he replies “y/n I don’t have time to find the fucking peanut butter. Can’t you just use the Nutella or somethin’?”

In a shocked state, she replies, “We were just, you know, kinda craving some peanut butter.”

“Arghh, will you please stop blaming everything on the fucking baby! The baby is making my back hurt, the baby is craving this, or the baby is doing that! Just stop, you are the problem, not some stupid baby!” he yells in an exasperated voice. As soon as the words come out, he can see the hurt on her face and realization kicks in. He knows what he said and quickly goes to comfort her but she is backing up from him, refusing to let him touch her.

“Baby, I didn’t mean that, ‘m just stressin over leaving…” he tries to explain, but she just shakes her head dejectedly.

With a sad smile, she just turns and lets the tears fall. In a small broken voice, she barely gets out “I think I’m just gonna go to bed now, and if you really feel that way you can go stay with Connor tonight. I know your bag is packed, so you can just go, we’ll be fine. Bye Shawn, I’ll talk to you later.”

He is just left standing there, not knowing if he should go, or leave and let her cool. He decides with the second option and leaves for Connor’s house. The next day he doesn’t even text her to let her know he left. Even after arriving in L.A he refuses to text his wife, not wanting to be rejected once again.

Back home y/n is broken. She thought for sure that Shawn would come home to make up with her before he left. That was not the case, and he just left, without a call or text. She knew from posts online that he made it, but her stubbornness refused to reach out to him. All she had wanted to say to him was ‘Don’t leave us’. It had been three days without contact, and after being overwhelmed with stress, y/n forgot to eat and take care of herself. She was consumed with worry for her relationship, and Shawn. The stress had caused the being inside her stress as well. So much stress that she went into labor, but she was still only thirty-three weeks along. To say she was panicking would be an understatement. Never had she imagined this would happen. She was not prepared for this, she thought she had more time. The nursery wasn’t even finished.

She immediately called Shawn when she felt the spasms in her midsection after calling the emergency services for help. However, her calls when straight to voicemail. Hysterically crying she calls Connor and when she hears his voice she cannot help but let out a relieved sigh. “Connor? Can you tell Shawn that I’m on my way to the hospital and to call me.”

There is a pause on the other end before he asks the inevitable, “why are you going to the hospital y/n?”

“Just tell Shawn for me?” she asks, and Connor can hear the sound of a door opening and the faint sounds of Y/n talking to the paramedics. There’s sounds of movement on the other end before she picks the phone up again and utters a incoherent goodbye. The call is ended and Connor is left standing there in shock and worry for a moment. 

Since he met Y/n, he has had a soft spot for her. He could tell how happy she made Shawn and he’d be damned if anything happened to you. He also knew about her condition and that it was relatively early in the pregnancy and that worried him even more. It left his rushing until he was standing before Shawn’s door knocking wildly.

Shawn is lying on his bed when he sees his wife’s face fills his phone screen. He smiles at the picture but denies the call, not wanting to fix the issues over the phone, but waiting to do it in person. The picture was one when she had just woken up and had a soft, sleepy smile adorning her face. He is broken from his daze when he hears banging on his door and quickly jumps off the bed and strides to the door, only to see the red face of his friend Connor staring at him. “Buddy, I don’t know what the hell is going on between you and y/n but you need to get home to her. She really needs you right now Shawn, and I already texted Andrew and he’s going to send out a notice that you can’t perform the next shows.”

“I cannot go home yet, I still have to perform for a couple of weeks before I go on maternity leave.” he chuckles with a confused stare.

“No! You don’t understand! I spoke to Andrew and you are heading home in…” he looks at his watch, “in...less than two hours!”

“And why the hell would I do that Connor? You have no business coming here and telling me how I should fix my life. I can do that on my own, and I don’t need you in my business,” he replies, getting more annoyed and confused by the second.

“It’s because your wife called me when I’m guessing you didn’t answer and told me she was on her way to the hospital. And then I heard the emergency people talking to her and then she ended the fucking call!” he said without taking breaths.

Shawn just stared for a moment before running back into his room and throwing his suitcase on the bed and shoving everything he could grab into it. “Did she say why she was going to the hospital?” he yelled over his shoulder.

“No, ‘m sorry but when I asked she just told me to let you know.”

Nodding to himself, Shawn packed everything and ran to the lobby. Knowing everything would be taken care of he let his mind wander to why Y/n would be going to the hospital. 

Shawn was a nervous wreck the entire flight, and various ideas flooded his head at the thought of y/n being taken to the hospital. Once he arrived he was like a bat out of hell and rushed through the airport with his security and into his awaiting uber. Finally arriving at the hospital, he ran to the room that he had been told she were in. However, what he saw made him want to cry.

There y/n was, with tubes up her nose and various ones sticking in her arms. What scared him most was that she was still, and there was no longer a swell to her midsection. He moved like a sloth, inching slowly to the side of the bed. Slowly he pulled up and chair and grabbed y/n’s hand in a vice grip, now and then kissing her hand and whispering for her to wake up.

It felt like hours, but in reality, it was only minutes when he saw the flutter of her eyes. She was staring at him, and that’s when he saw it. He saw that she had not been taking care of herself in what looked like days. “Oh baby, what happened?” he asked while leaning up and pressing a kiss to her forehead.

She let out a sob before she moved her hand to his soft curls, running her hands through them to soothe herself. She then moved her hands to her midsection, only to realize the swell that had been there was now gone. Her eyes went wide before a sob was released. “Shawn, the baby! What happened to my baby?”

Shawn could see the panic in her eyes and quickly called for a doctor before she slipped into hysterics. The doctor and nurse came running in and were pleased to see that she was awake, but alarmed when they saw Shawn struggling to hold down her trembling body from getting up. 

“Oh, it’s good to see you awake Mrs. Mendes,” the doctor said. While motioning for the nurse to start the check up.

“Where’s my baby, I need to know where he is.” y/n cried to the doctor while fearing the worst news. She was no longer trying to get up while the nurse went through the list, but her heart still pounded in her chest.

“Well you see, since you were only thirty-three weeks into the pregnancy when you went into labor, there were some...complications. You unfortunatly had passed out on the way here, and when they brought you in, you were barely holding on to consciousness, so we had to do an emergency c-section. You didn’t have the strength to go though a natural labor ma’am.”

“That didn’t answer my damn question! Where. Is. My. Baby!” y/n yelled through gritted teeth, while Shawn sat at the edge of the bed clutching her hand in his trying to soothe her, but in reality he was terrified himself. He feared for his baby boy and also for Y/n and what would happen to his marriage if they had lost their baby boy.

“Yes, as I was saying, there were complications. There was some unexpected bleeding, and we had to fix that, but it’s okay now. But your baby...well all I can say that he is a fighter. He is very, very tiny being born so early, but he will make it. Right now he is in the nique and will have to stay there for a bit, but you can visit him and he will be good to go home very soon. You will also have to stay for a couple of days to make sure you recover properly as well.” the doctor smiles gently at the shaken couple.

Relieved sighs left their mouths as they both embraced each other and cried tears of joy. The doctor quietly stood as they embraced, and was about to leave when Shawn looked up and asked, “What caused her to go into preterm labor?”

“Well, it could be several things, but it seems that high blood pressure and added stress was a major factor. It also seems that Mrs. Mendes was a little malnourished and dehydrated, but that can all be fixed with a couple of days of rest and proper food intake.”

Shawn nodded and the doctor took his cue to leave. It was quiet for a while before Shawn broke the peacefulness by caressing y/n’s face and brushing away the tears with the pad of his thumb. “I’m sorry for neglecting your needs y/n. It’s my fault you went into labor, and we could’ve lost him because I failed to be the father and husband I’m supposed to be.”

“You are not the cause of this, and you are the best husband I could’ve ever wanted. I wouldn’t want to have a baby with anyone else. And he is okay, we didn’t lose him okay? I love you, Shawn.”

He smiled at her, and let the tears flow, before colliding his lips with hers. It was not the hungry kiss, nor was it a simple peck on the lips. It was a kiss that was like their first. It was meaningful.

Later that day they both saw their baby. y/n was pushed in a wheelchair because she was still weak after surgery. They saw their little boy through the glass, and their hearts felt complete. Never had they felt so much love for such a tiny being. They loved him with all they had, and they were a family. They were gonna be just fine.

_______________________________________________________________________

guyyyys......sooooo what did you think? if you liked hit please like it and repost!! give me your beautiful ideas...I think I'll add that requests are open! thank you so much for your time reading this

#shawn x reader #pregnant reader #angst to fluff #kinda bad writing #shawn mendes imagine

[realfuurikuuri]

Chapters: 12/? Fandom: Mao Mao: Heroes of Pure Heart (Cartoon) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Mao Mao/Tanya Keys, Mao mao/badgerclops AN:  We are here again my undoubted friends. You know how these things go, the personal updates are that I finished SMT IV and started SMT IV: Apocalypse which is good 'cause Atlas RPGs are always fun. I've noticed we've gone a bit of time without an action set piece, so I threw one in here for good measure. Also for those that left comments on my NSFW fanfic, it turns out I turned on manually approve comments, so... whoops. As always follow @spookylovesboba on Tumblr and enjoy the chapter.

Direct Link: XXXX

Chapter Below the cut

Mao Mao dug through the closet, looking for the white suit that he was certain he put somewhere. It shouldn’t have been that hard to find. It was pure white, dammit! He tossed capes and sashes to the ground, digging through the endless pile of junk. He tossed Badgerclops’ tools out the way, pushed aside some of Adorabat’s toys, and wondered where the bathrobe that belonged to none of them even came from.

“Badgerclops! Are you sure my suit was in here,” he yelled to the other room.

“Yeah, I’m sure I saw it in there.”

“Well, it's not here.”

“I don’t know why you’re stressin’ about it. The plays’ not ‘till tonight I’m sure you’ll find it.”

“I’m not stressing about it. I want to iron it first.”

“I don’t know how long you think it takes to iron things, but it definitely doesn’t take 7 hours.”

“You don’t know that.”

“I’m pretty sure I do.”

Ding-Dong!

“Mao Mao, someone's at the door.”

“And you’re in the living room. Answer it.”

Mao screamed his frustrations into the bathrobe before throwing it aside. He didn’t understand how Badgerclops could be so lax about this. She’d already been dropped off, and the silence her absence left made Mao Mao feel anxious. Adorabat’s play was in seven hours, and a lot could go wrong in seven hours. The house could burn down, the Sky Pirates could attack or-

“Hey, Mao Mao you’re gonna wanna come here.”

“I’m busy. Who is it?”

“I don’t know. He’s pretty tall, wearing gold… says he’s your dad.”

-his dad could make a surprise visit again. What could he want? He wanted the finger back, obviously, but what else? His next thought was that he wanted to apologize. Mao Mao quickly dismissed that thought, but he slowly brought it back around. Everything he thought he knew about his father had been turned around. Maybe he actually did want to apologize. Mao Mao rose to his feet, huffed, and slammed the closet shut. If papa wanted to apologize then the only question to ask was how would he fuck it up this time?

It was then that a thought struck Mao Mao like a bolt from the blue. Why should I forgive him even if he doesn’t fuck it up? His first instinct was to come up with an argument against it but found nothing of any worth, yet he still pushed the idea aside.

He stepped in the living room, finding his papa standing just outside the door frame, lest he breaks it again. The first thing Mao Mao noticed was his armor. Normally kept pristine and shining had scratches and dents marring its facade. It wasn’t even waxed. Had hadn’t returned home, had he?

Mao Mao fought back the urge to ask what he was doing here. Mao Mao pushed past Badgerclops, stepping onto his porch, and closing the door behind him.

“Son,” Shin Mao said.

Mao Mao ignored the question. He reached into his sash flicking the broken finger towards his father. “This is what you came for, right?”

“Part of it, yes.”

“Of course it was,” Mao Mao spat.

“That’s not-,” papa took a deep breath to get control of his voice,” that’s not what I meant.”

“Then what did you mean? ‘Cause everything you say and does tell me that you don’t!”

“I came here to apologize!”

“Oh my god! We literally had this exact conversation a week ago. I bring up all your problems and you deny and deny and deny!”

“Well, I’m trying to own up to it now!”

“And it still doesn’t mean shit!”

The door was thrown open. “And that is enough of you two,” Badgerclops yelled.

Neither of them heard Badgerclops. They kept arguing.

“I get it,” papa screamed,” I get that I’ve made mistakes! What do you want me to do to make it up to you.”

“I don’t know and I don’t care,” he yelled back.

Their voices rising higher and higher, so high that it wasn’t even words anymore. Just pointless screaming. Again, a thought wiggled its way into his head. Why should I forgive him? It stood above papa’s voice and even his own. It was just an infuriating mess of noise inside and out. At first, he gave in to his rage and grasped for the hilt of Geraldine before thinking better of it. He ignored the shouting, got onto the aerocycle, and left.

* * *

Despite taking his leave Mao Mao felt no calmer. His knuckles ached,

He could hardly drive straight, so he landed at a small clearing in the forest. Everything irritated him. The bird’s singing, the cool breeze, the fragrance of the pine forest. He sat on a large boulder to gather himself. His father would leave sooner or later. Then he would go back home and- Dammit! Adorabat still had her play and he still hadn’t ironed his clothes or even find them. Mao Mao sighed. Whatever. Badgerclops was right, there was still time to waste.

The maddening chain of thoughts kept going. His mind turned from one problem to another, from one mistake to another. The terrible thoughts shared no connecting theme. Sometimes it was how he embarrassed himself as an adult, other times it was the mistakes he made as a child. It made his throat feel rather dry rather quickly. Maybe it was the devil’s luck that he had nothing to drink. However, he did have Geraldine.

Mao Mao took his sword and swung at the nearest tree. The tree crashed down to the floor with a single slice. Mao Mao examined the stump with displeasure. Despite only taking one slash the cut wasn’t very clean. The wood was jagged and frayed at the edges. Not sure what he expected considering he let proper maintenance fall to the wayside.  When was the last time he took his care of his sword? It was nearly two months; around the time Jǐngtì first showed up if he remembered right. That was when his life really turned into an entire pile of shit, wasn’t it?

Mao Mao took to running his sword along the edge of the boulder he once sat on. To his surprise, the rock worked rather well as a sharpening stone. It had a nice grain that matched his sword well. Maybe he should remember this spot, or better yet take a piece of the rock for himself.

Mao Mao held his sword backhanded and swung it through the tip of the boulder, taking a nice chunk of it. That was when the ground began to shake. Mao Mao struggled to gain footing as the dirt cracked and exploded out as the boulder grew larger and larger and larger, towering over him in a wispy mass of shadow.

That was no boulder! It was a monster.

The monster was utterly massive, even by monster standards. Its loose shape only contained in the bony protrusions that he thought were rocks. Mao Mao barely shook off his shock in time to dodge a swipe from its wings. He stared at the terrible gash in the ground where he once stood. How many hits could he take before dying? If he hadn’t just gotten out of the hospital he might actually be able to tank a hit. Like this, a glancing hit might kill him.

A beast with strength like that could only be dodged. And dodge he did. He ducked under swipes and leaped over attacks, holding a half-sharp Geraldine in his only hand. He stepped out the way of another attack and retaliated with a quick slash. It chipped the stone-like edges of its wings.

There was no point in striking its exterior. He’d have to go for the shadowy flesh.  He rolled over one of the slashes, using the momentum to toss himself towards the monster. He left a nasty gash across the beast, but something was wrong. It felt like he was cutting through a thick cloud of smoke. He landed and immediately jumped away from another attack. He clung to a tree watching the gash get filled in by more shadowy mass. Did he do any real damage? How many more hits would it take?

Mao Mao leaped back into action. He slashed and slashed, taking entire chunks of the monster, but it was always right as rain in seconds. He, on the other hand, couldn’t keep this up forever. He was a cat, not a monkey, and he couldn’t keep running around like one forever. His entire body felt weak and it was hard to find balance. The sheer pressure of knowing that a single hit would bring him just shy of death was taxing.

Mao Mao remembered a piece of advice he hated. He who runs away lives to run another day. He was ready to leave when he heard a thunderous crash that seemed to shake the world. He hesitated to look over his shoulder, regretting that hesitation immediately. He should’ve just said fuck it and run away.

Amongst the kicked up dirt and dust, amongst the black shadows fading in the wind, was the glorious glint of gold. Papa had found him. Badgerclops was there, too. He watched them argue from the trees. He considered still listening to the hated advice but ignored better judgment, like always.

He sprang from the tree with a stumbling stop, falling to his knees to catch his breath.

Papa, to his credit, rushed to help him to his feet, but Mao Mao forcefully pushed him off. “I don’t need your help,” he spat at his father.

“What were you doing,” Papa asked. “You’re in no shape to be fighting monsters.”

“And you’re in no shape to be acting like a parent.”

“I think we should get him to a hospital,” Papa Badgerclops.

“Hey, fuck you. Don’t talk like I’m not here.”

“Calm down, son.”

“No. I won’t calm down! Every time you’re around you always make me feel… small . You ignored my existence and when you don’t you ignore my feelings and blow them off like they don’t matter. I don’t love you. I don’t care what happens to you, and I don’t want to see you, Shin , ever again.”

“You need to take a minute. You’re obviously delirious. You probably have a concussion.”

“Who cares! Who cares what you think! I’m done caring about what you think,” Mao Mao poured his entire heart into those words, screaming his throat hoarse and raw. “I think you’re a self-serving asshole too obsessed with your ego to realize your mistakes! I think you're so selfish that you honestly think you can suddenly realize your mistake and suddenly expect forgiveness!”

“I think-,” Mao Mao licked his numb lips, stumbling forward as his vision grew blurry, “ -I’m having a stroke.”

Everything went dark as the ground came rushing towards him.

* * *

Mao Mao woke up in a regrettably familiar setting. It was cold, reeked of sterile antiseptic, and home to the closest thing the valley had to a doctor.

“Hey, why am I at Camille’s Tower this time,” he said to no one.

Badgerclops rushed to his side. “You had a stroke, dude.”

“Right… wasn’t that a side-effect of Camille’s medication.”

“If you didn’t watch your blood pressure.”

“Yeah. Yeah, that sounds familiar… hey, it might be the stroke messin’ with my memory, but wasn’t I doin’ somethin’ before I got here.”

“You were getting ready to attend Adorabat’s play.”

Mao Mao nodded along. “Was that before- no, that’s not important. He’s not important.”

Mao Mao stumbled over his words trying to push off the fatigue. “What I mean to ask is if you can tell me the time.”

Badgerclops placed a hand on his chest to keep him from getting up. “Oh no. I know that wide-eyed look. It means you either got the zoomies or about to do something stupid. Same difference really.”  

“I’m fine.”

“You literally had a stroke.”

“That doesn’t mean I’m not find.”

“Actually, it does mean you aren’t fine,” Camille corrected from the back.

“I don’t remember asking for the peanut-gallerie's opinion.”

“But the peanut gallery has a point. You can stay here and get better, while I can go attend Adorabat’s play.”

Mao Mao searched the room. There was a window on the far side, but he probably wouldn’t be able to reach it, and he certainly didn’t have an idea what to do once he jumped through it. He sighed, realizing how little options he had left. He gestured for Badgerclops to lean in as he whispered into his ear.

“I know I don’t talk about my childhood for obvious reasons, but did you know that I actually was in a school play. I tried out for the leading role, but ended up playing a bush and -don’t laugh- and I actually handed an invitation to my father to make sure he knew it was happening. You can guess what happened on opening night.

“He wasn’t there,” Badgerclops said.

“Don’t say it out loud. Point is: Going to this play is a very important thing to me. I don’t want to be like Papa… Shin, I mean.”

Badgerclops stood up. He drummed his fingers against the patient’s bed while he thought. “We’ll go to the play.”

Mao Mao swung out of bed to have Badgerclops put his hand on his shoulder. “But, you’re coming back here when we’re done, alright?”

Mao Mao nodded along. He would’ve nodded to anything you said at this point. He was just happy to go.

* * *

Were theatres required to markup ticket prices on showing days? Mao Mao and Badgerclops took their seats as the curtain was drawn. Mao Mao kept his eyes on the stage the entire time, but couldn't remember anything about it. He remembered yawning, leaning against Badgerclops, the ruby pure heart was mentioned somewhere. It was a huddled mess, a confusing blur of time that got lost in his endeavor to just stay awake. Suddenly, everyone started clapping and Mao Mao tried clapping too, alas he forgot he only has one. Adorabat found them soon after the play ended.

“Did you see me,” she asked.

“Yeah, I saw you,” he answered.

#MMHOPH #Fanafic #Mao Mao #Badgerclops #Adorabat #Shin Mao #MissingArm!AU

[hvcy]

Undoubtedly Raw: Take on Lover

As I write this, it’s going to be the 3rd time I listen to the full album. To give a hint on how I reacted the first two times, let’s just say I panicked, I screamed, I cheered, just, all sorts of emotions were there.

I Forgot That You Existed: At first, before I hit play, I felt anxious. As the song progresses, I found myself just smiling. I love how she said “indifference”. It is a solid intro for an album; not a shocker but also not borderline forgettable.

It isn't love, it isn't hate, it's just indifference.

Cruel Summer: I fucking love Jack Antonoff’s robotic backtrack vocals during the verses. Before the album was released, I expect the song to be some shady or even a sassy track. I’M NOT DISAPPOINTED; I’M SHOCKED. I love the bridge so much. The bridge snaps. I would repeat the bridge a hundred times. Definitely a level higher than “Blank Space”. I was surprised by the length of the track, but it felt fitting.

And I scream, "For whatever it's worth, I love you, ain't that the worst thing you ever heard?" He looks up, grinning like a devil.

Lover: No words for this track. It took me to another dimension of pink clouds, heart-eyed emojis, slow dancing with my own lover. Funny thing is I am with my own favorite person when I first listened to this, and I was just smiling the whole time to contain all of my emotions.

Can I go where you go? Can we always be this close forever and ever?

The Man: This track receives a massive hype before the album release, and I’m just so glad that I didn’t expect anything from this. The hook surprised me, but the overall feel of the song is not for my personal spectrum. I enjoyed the bridge but the song as a whole is not for me. Lyrically, it’s appealing and controversial to the public. Would I be happy for this to be a single? Probably. But I wouldn’t want to repeat playing the track as much as the other tracks. Just: Holy shit, she went off!

What's it like to brag about raking in dollars and getting bitches and models? And it's all good if you're bad and it's okay if you're mad. If I was out flashing my dollars, I'd be a bitch, not a baller. They'd paint me out to be bad, so it's okay that I'm mad.

The Archer: The whole hype around the production spreading all over the Internet isn’t working for me. Around the time this was released as a promo single, I wasn’t myself, so it probably contributes to what I feel towards this song. As an album track, however, it fell flat. After my first listen on the whole album, this is one of the tracks I wouldn’t go back to listen to on a daily basis.

I've been the archer, I've been the prey. Who could ever leave me, darling, but who could stay?

I Think He Knows: A subtle visual. I love the verses, but the chorus not so much. It felt like a commercial song, but I get how it fits to the album.

"Where we gonna go?" I think he knows.

Miss Americana and the Heartbreak Prince: NOW THIS IS A SOLID ONE. One word: ethereal. At first, I didn’t get the political references on this one. After my first listen, I went straight to the Genius website and my fan account on Twitter to get the whole point of this song. I was amazed by the whole concept of this song; how different styles managed to fit perfectly in this almost-4-minute track. This is my most favorite track on the album. Would I want this to be a single? Probably not. Usually when I listen to tracks that have deep storylines, I would visualize a music video or just portrayals of those excellent lyrics; I’d never want to ruin that concept for this song. One thing’s for sure: I would repeat this for months.

And I'll never let you go 'cause I know this is a fight that someday we're gonna win.

Paper Rings: Production-wise, this is a shocker. But the moment the chorus went in, I immediately loved this. When I feel sappy and shit, I would still listen to this. Whenever I’m home alone, I would listen to this, without a doubt. This is not a childish song at all. I believe the song has this sort of sound is because love will make you feel that being with that person is the most important thing in the world, and no material shiny thing would even compare to that feeling.

I hate accidents except when we went from friends to this. Darling, you're the one I want.

Cornelia Street: The secret sessioners ranked this track as their most favorite on the album prior of its release. I listen to this with my eyes closed, hands on my chest, trying to feel the words that she’s saying. When the post-bridge came in, and she said “I hope I never lose you.” that’s how it hit me. It hit me to the point that I have also a Cornelia Street in my life. I have a past relationship where I was the one who’s more attached than the other. We went to the theatre together, and after our relationship ended, I never wanted to go back to that same theatre again. We usually sit together in class during breaks, and after that I felt awkward just sitting with strangers. It’s just a feeling that you think you would never be prepared of; no matter how scared you are of the outcome, you just don’t want to go there.

I hope I never lose you, hope it never ends. That's the kinda heartbreak time could never mend.

Death By A Thousand Cuts: The introduction snaps! This is not my cup of tea at all, but I enjoyed this track at least. Again, Ms. Swift, with all the bridges of the tracks! Her and Antonoff’s bridges through the years are getting more and more well-thought-out.

My time, my wine, my spirit, my trust: tryna find a part of me you didn't take up. Gave you so much, but it wasn't enough, but I'll be alright, it's just a thousand cuts.

London Boy: A cute track. Similar thoughts with “I Think He Knows”. In the future, I hope I could also make a song about my favorite person telling everyone in the same way of appreciation Taylor exudes on this song.

They say home is where the heart is; But that's not where mine lives.

Soon You’ll Get Better: I know the background of this song prior to initial release, and I already knew this is going to be the hardest to listen to. But the lyrics of this is the most unexpected thing I’ve heard from the whole album. It feels like everyone who has a pain similar to Taylor’s can relate. Mine isn’t about family, or a specific loved one; I thought of myself. I fucking bawled my eyes out the first time I listened to this. I thought of listening to another person in my own point of view. I thought of somebody singing the song to me, telling me that I have to get better. I will be better soon. I will have a hard time repeating this song in the future, for sure. 

And I hate to make this all about me, but who am I supposed to talk to? What am I supposed to do if there's no you?

False God: As I was just preparing myself after the disastrous outcome brought by the previous track to me, this sexy track came in. I wasn’t ready! First song came to mind was “So it Goes” of reputation. “So it Goes” is my most favorite track on rep the first time I listened to the album. I didn’t feel the same way to “False God” because of how it played while I’m still preparing for my emotional mess. Still, it’s a sexy track. A chill and not-so-subtle one.

They all warned us about times like this. They say the road gets hard and you get lost when you're led by blind faith, but we might just get away with it.

You Need to Calm Down: This is THE lead single. Out of the 4 songs that were released before the album release, this is the superior one. Miles far from (let’s talk about it later). Going back, this is a complete serve for all the people of our society, not just the community. Can you believe she took her legacy on a pedestal just to show her support to the LGBTQ+?

And I ain't tryna mess with your self-expression but I've learned a lesson that stressin' and obsessin' 'bout somebody else is no fun.

Afterglow: UGH. Fuck. I don’t know, man. Just listen to this track. I relate to this track so fucking much. I am that person whom I think apologizes too much, even in the small things in life. But to think of it, it’s not wrong to admit you’re wrong on a situation where you’ve both argued or misunderstood each other. Or when that person is upset because of your actions, and you can’t do anything but to suck it up and face your fears; face the reality that even you can do stupid things. This is the song that says “Hey, I know I do stuff sometimes, but I’m willing to work it out: all because of you.” FUCK THIS.

I don't wanna do, I don’t wanna do this to you. I don’t wanna lose, I don't wanna lose this with you.

ME!: I’m a very kind person, hell I love Taylor to death, but I would agree with the general public that this is the worst lead single of her legacy. This deserves to be at least a second or third single of the album, but not the one to jumpstart a highly anticipated successor of a dark era from the once America’s Sweetheart. It didn’t deserve, however, the disrespect it gets just because of its underwhelming performance on the charts.

And when we had that fight out in the rain, you ran after me and called my name. I never wanna see you walk away.

It’s Nice to Have a Friend: I personally believe you need to be in a specific mood to get along with the vibe of this track. On my initial listen, it sparked an interest to me to repeat it again afterwards, but it just stands there. Nothing interesting.

Call my bluff, call you "babe". Have my back every day; feels like home.

Daylight: Let me just say, I don’t wanna listen to other artists now that I got Taylor. Perfect ender. I would even pick this more than “Begin Again”, and *sigh* “Clean”. It’s perfect, need I say more?

I once believed love would be burning red but it's golden like daylight.

#LOVER #Taylor Swift

[bboyplankton]

2018 Playlist

1. A$AP Rocky – OG Beeper

2. Action Bronson – Prince Charming

3. The Alchemist feat. Earl Sweatshirt – E. Coli

4. Alina Baraz – Fallin

5. Anderson .Paak feat. Q-Tip – Cheers

6. Anderson .Paak feat. Kendrick Lamar – Tints

7. Animé – Reel It In

8. Apathy feat. Ryu – The Widow’s Son

9. Ariana Grande – R.E.M.

10. Ariana Grande – sweetener

11. Arin Ray feat. Babyface – Always

12. Arin Ray – Stressin

13. Arin Ray – With Or Without

14. Avery Wilson – Dollar Bill

15. Avery Wilson – Touch Down

16. Big K.R.I.T – Energy

17. Big K.R.I.T – 4 Tha Three

18. BJ the Chicago Kid – Rather Be with You

19. The Black Eyed Peas feat. Nas – Back 2 Hiphop

20. The Black Eyed Peas feat. Nicole Scherzinger – Wings

21. Black Thought & Salaam Remi feat. Reek Ruffin – Conception

22. Black Thought – Long Liveth

23. Blood Orange – Jewelry

24. A Boogie wit da Hoodie feat. Jessie Reyez – Pretending

25. Brent Faiyaz – Target on My Chest

26. Bridget Kelly – Pipe Dreams

27. Brownout – Fight the Power

28. Busta Rhymes – Jumpin’

29. Cardi B feat. Bad Bunny & J Balvin – I Like It

30. The Carters – BOSS

31. Casanova – Catch A Body

32. Chance the Rapper – I Might Need Security

33. Childish Gambino – This Is America

34. Chloe x Halle – Down

35. Chloe x Halle – Everywhere

36. Chloe x Halle feat. Joey Bada$$ - Happy Without Me

37. Christina Aguilera feat. Keida & Shenseea – Right Moves

38. Craig David feat. Ella Mai – Talk to Me, Pt. II

39. Craig David feat. GoldLink – Live in the Moment

40. Curren$y – Never Stop

41. Curren$y – This and That

42. Dave East – Thank You

43. Denzel Curry – Sumo I Zumo

44. Desiigner – Priice Tag

45. The Diplomats – Dipset Forever

46. The Diplomats feat. The Lox – Dipset/Lox

47. Doja Cat – Wild Beach

48. Domo Genesis – Façade Records

49. Drake feat. Static Major & Ty Dolla $ign – After Dark

50. Drake – Jaded

51. Drake – 8 Out Of 10

52. Dizzy Wright feat. Jazz – Hit Em With the Pose

53. Ella Mai feat. John Legend – Everything

54. Ella Mai – Love Me Like That (Champion Love)

55. Ella Mai – Own It

56. Eminem – Normal

57. Emotional Oranges – Personal

58. Eric Bellinger – By Now

59. Eric Bellinger feat. Dom Kennedy – Main Thang

60. Estelle feat. Kranium – Don’t Wanna

61. Estelle – Lights Out

62. Estelle – One More Time

63. Everything Is Recorded feat. Syd & Sampha – Show Love

64. Fall Out Boy – Young and Menace

65. Fall Out Boy – Wilson (Expensive Mistakes)

66. Freeway feat. Lil Wayne – Blood Pressure

67. Freeway – Come Back

68. Heather Victoria – Japan

69. Gucci Mane, Bruno Mars, & Kodak Black – Wake Up in the Sky

70. The Herbaliser – Submarine

71. Ice Cube feat. Too $hort – Ain’t Got No Haters

72. Ice Cube – That New Funkadelic

73. India Shawn feat. Alex Isley & Ré Lxuise – Water Me

74. The Internet – Come Over

75. The Internet – Mood

76. The Internet – Next Time/Humble Pie

77. J. Cole - ATM

78. Jacques – London

79. Jacques feat. Trey Songz – Inside

80. Jacques – 4275

81. Jade Novah – All Blue

82. Jaden Smith – Yeah Yeah

83. Jane Handcock - Heyyy

84. Janelle Monáe – Don’t Judge Me

85. Janelle Monáe feat. Pharrell Williams – I Got The Juice

86. Jay Rock – Knock It Off

87. Jayla Darden – Idea 709

88. Jayla Darden – Reminder

89. Jeremih & Ty Dolla $ign – These Days

90. Jessie Reyez feat. Normani & Kehlani – Body Count (Remix)

91. Jessie Reyez – Imported

92. JID feat. Method Man & Joey Bada$$ - Hot Box

93. JMSN – Explicit

94. JMSN – Real Thing

95. JMSN – Sunshine

96. Jorja Smith – February 3rd

97. Jorja Smith – Teenage Fantasy

98. Jungle – Beat 54 (All Good Now)

99. Jungle – Casio

100. Justin Timberlake – Flannel

101. Justin Timberlake feat. Alicia Keys – Morning Light

102. Justin Timberlake – Wave

103. Kali Uchis – Flight 22

104. Kali Uchis – Your Teeth In My Neck

105. Kaytranada feat. Ty Dolla $ign – Nothin Like U

106. Khalid – Vertigo

107. Kyle – It’s Yours

108. Kyle – ShipTrip

109. Leikeli47 – Roll Call

110. Lenny Kravitz – The Majesty of Love

111. Lenny Kravitz – Johnny Cash

112. Leon Bridges – Bad Bad News

113. Leon Bridges – If It Feels Good (Then It Must Be)

114. Leon Bridges – Shy

115. Lil Wayne – Dedicate

116. Lil Wayne – Open Letter

117. Lloyd feat. Curren$y - Blown

118. Lloyd feat. River – Infinity

119. Logic feat. feat. Ghostface Killah, Raekwon, RZA, Method Man, Inspectah Deck, Cappadonna, Jackpot Scotty Wotty, U-God, Masta Killa & GZA – Wu Tang Forever

120. Logic feat. Wale & John Lindahl – 100 Miles and Running

121. Lupe Fiasco feat. Elena Pinderhughes – Cripple

122. Lupe Fiasco – Happy Timbuktu Day

123. Lupe Fiasco feat. Nikki Jean – Stack That Cheese

124. Mac Miller – Hurt Feelings

125. Mac Miller – Jet Fuel

126. Mac Miller – Small Worlds

127. Mac Miller – What’s the Use?

128. Marc E. Bassy – Main Chick

129. Mario – Drowning

130. Mario – Goes Like That

131. Masego – I Had A Vision

132. Masego & SiR – Old Age

133. Marsha Ambrosius feat. PJ Morton – Hello Goodbye

134. Marsha Ambrosius – I Got It Bad

135. Meek Mill feat. Swizz Beatz - Millidelphia

136. Meek Mill feat. Rick Ross & Jay-Z – What’s Free

137. Meek Mill feat. Ella Mai – 24/7

138. Mick Jenkins feat. Mikhal Anthony – Stress Fracture

139. Mikky Ekko – Cherish You

140. Mila J feat. MIGH-X – Desiigner

141. Mila J – Without You

142. Mya – Ready 4 Whatever 2.0

143. Mya – Simple Things

144. Nao feat. Kwabs – Saturn

145. Nas – Bonjour

146. Nas – White Label

147. Ne-Yo – Breathe

148. Ne-Yo – Good Man

149. Ne-Yo – Over U

150. Ne-Yo – 1 More Shot

151. Niia feat. Gallant – Constantly Dissatisfied

152. Nick Grant feat. Stacy Barthe – Black Woman

153. Nick Grant feat. Sonyae Elise – The Ode

154. Nipsey Hussle – Blue Laces 2

155. Nipsey Hussle – Hussle & Motivate

156. Njomza – Lonely Nights

157. Noname – Don’t Forget About Me

158. Phony Ppl – Before You Get A Boyfriend.

159. Preme feat. PARTYNEXTDOOR – Can’t Hang

160. Preme feat. Ty Dolla $ign – Callin’

161. PRhyme feat. 2 Chainz – Flirt

162. Pusha T – The Games We Play

163. Raheem DeVaughn – Come Together

164. Ré Lxuise – Lynm

165. Ré Lxuise – Show You Off

166. Ré Lxuise feat. Dryod – Tell Me

167. Reason – Better Dayz

168. Reason – Summer Up

169. Reuben Vincent – You Know I Gotta

170. Rico Love – Sexual Professional

171. Rico Love feat. Teedrea Moses & Ball Greezy – Whole Lotta Sex

172. Ro James – Devotion

173. Royce da 5’9” feat. Boogie – Dumb

174. Royce da 5’9” feat. Ashley Sorrell – God Speed

175. Saba – Calligraphy

176. Sabrina Claudio – All to You

177. SiR – D’evils

178. SiR feat. ScHoolboy Q – Something Foreign

179. Slum Village – Hard Core

180. Smino – Hoopti

181. Smino – L.M.F.

182. Smino – Low Down Derrty Blues

183. Snoop Dogg feat. Jacquees & Dreezy – Everything

184. Styles P – Marie Antionette

185. Swizz Beatz feat. Kendrick Lamar, Jadakiss, & Styles P – Something Dirty/Pic Got Us

186. Swizz Beatz feat. 2 Chainz – Stunt

187. Summer Walker – Deep

188. Summer Walker – Girls Need Love

189. T.I. feat Anderson .Paak – At Least I Know

190. T.I. feat. Watch The Duck – Big Ol Drip

191. Teyana Taylor – Gonna Love Me

192. The-Dream – Forever

193. The-Dream – Platter

194. Tiara Thomas – I Can Tell

195. Tinashe – No Contest

196. Tink – Faded

197. Tink – Signs

198. T-Pain – Go Head

199. Tory Lanez – Benevolent

200. Tory Lanez – B.B.W.W. x Fake Show

201. Tory Lanez – Don’t Die

202. Tory Lanez feat. Bryson Tiller – KeeP IN tOUcH

203. Travis Scott – Coffee Bean

204. Travis Scott – No Bystanders

205. Travis Scott feat. Drake, Swae Lee, & Big Hawk – Sicko Mode

206. Trey Songz – Lay Yo Head

207. Txs – Destroyed

208. Tyler, the Creator – Big Bag

209. Tyler, the Creator – 435

210. Vince Staples – FUN!

211. Wale feat. Jacquees – Black Bonnie

212. Wale – It’s Complicated

213. Wiz Khalifa feat. Chevy Woods & Darius Willrich – Karate/Never Hesitate

214. Wiz Khalifa – Rolling Papers 2

215. Ye Ali feat. Tyus – T Shirt (Interlude)

216. Ye Ali feat. Jahkoy – Tell Me

217. YG feat. 2 Chainz, Big Sean, & Nicki Minaj – Big Bank

218. Young Thug feat. 6lack – Climax

219. Young Thug – Gain Clout

220. 6lack feat. Offset – Balenciaga Challenge

221. 21 Savage feat. J. Cole – a lot

222. 21 Savage feat. Yung Miami – a&t

223. 21 Savage feat. Beam, Project Pat, & ScHoolboy Q – good day

224. 21 Savage feat. Childish Gambino – monster

[the-kings-tail-fin]

Hi! May i request a short fic about Strip's death and how Lynda deal with his demise? Your angst story are the best.

WHY

WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO ME

I APPRECIATE THE COMPLIMENT BUT

YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL ABOUT THESE TWO

“Come on, kid. I know you can do better than that. Put some umph into it!”

“I’m trying, Strip. Gimme a break.”

“You can have a break when you get it right.”

Cal sighed and gave it another shot. He’d been practicing all day, and as much as he loved training with his uncle, Strip was relentless at times. The King had his nephew running laps around the empty track, trying to increase his top speed by perfecting his line and timing his throttling right. They’d been out there all day with little progress. Cal managed to hit 205 miles per hour on one lap, and now Strip was trying to get him to average 200 or above.

“Don’t you think you’re bein’ a little hard on him?” Lynda asked. 

Strip looked down at her from his pit stand. She was parked next to the pedestal, watching him coach Cal and taking the opportunity to soak up the sun. He smiled at her. She was always so soft on Cal.

“What, you think he can’t handle it?” he asked.

“No, I know he can.” she explained. “It’s just that Tex gave us access to the track for the day and you’ve had him out there runnin’ in circles for nearly six hours. I feel like you should take a break and maybe try and teach him somethin’ else that don’t require stressin’ him out. You and I both know he reacts better under pressure from the other racers anyway. This solo stuff ain’t gonna cut it.”

She was right. Cal had great racing instincts that often led him to outperform his peers in the heat of the moment. As bad as Strip wanted to see him perform the same way in training conditions, he accepted that it may not be a realistic expectation.

“Hmm, alright.” he gave in. “Cal, bring it in. We’ll try somethin’ else.”

Cal breathed a sigh of relief and drifted down the track, into pit row. His pit crew, the only other inhabitants of the stadium at the time, came over to refill his tank and change out his tires. After the quick change over, they returned to their own business elsewhere and left the Weathers’ to themselves. 

Strip backed off his perch to talk to his family on ground level. Cal waited until he couldn’t see him, and took the opportunity to mouth “thank you” to Lynda. She smiled and winked at him as Strip reappeared on the other side of the pedestal.

“Well?” Cal asked, visibly tired. “What now?”

“You want more?” Strip asked, giving him an inquisitive look. “I thought you wanted a break.”

“I’m not dumb enough to believe you’d actually let me relax.” Cal said pointedly. “I can see you’ve got something else in mind.”

Strip smiled at him. Cal wasn’t the gullible little kid he used to be. There was almost a sentimental sadness to seeing his nephew grow into adulthood and become responsible. Somewhat responsible, anyway.

“I wanna try one more thing, and then you’re free. Until tomorrow.” Strip said.

“Fine.”

Cal drove back out to the track and cruised around, waiting for instructions. Strip let him find his groove before moving forward to take to the track himself.

“Hey, wait a minute.” Lynda caught him before he could leave the pit. “Are you sure you’re up for this? The doctors still haven’t cleared you for race conditions. It’s only been a couple months since they got you back on your wheels.”

“I’ll be fine, Lynda. I feel good as new.” he informed her, knowing she wasn’t overly fond of him pushing himself so soon. “But I’ll take it easy, don’t worry.”

“Okay.” she smiled softly. “But one more thing before you take off - after you’re done here, you wanna go out? We haven’t had a chance to really enjoy your retirement yet. How ‘bout we start with a nice dinner?”

“Of course.” he returned the sentiment. “Anything you want.”

She watched him roar away, all too eager to get back on the track. Some things never change, she laughed to herself. Still, she couldn’t help but feel like something was off. Was it the rhythm of his engine? The sound of his exhaust? Something he said? She couldn’t place it, and simply passed it off as paranoia.

Strip pulled up next to Cal after making a couple laps to get up to speed. 

“Look who finally showed up!” Cal joked. 

“Don’t make me put you in your place, kid.” Strip replied with a light-hearted threat. “You don’t want some ol’ retiree to beat you on an empty track, do you?”

They raced around turns one and two at full speed, Strip easily keeping up with Cal despite taking the outside lane. Cal took notice and suddenly started to feel the pressure. Now he had competition. Now he had inspiration.

This was exactly what Strip wanted. Now it was time to push the kid toward his true potential. Strip strained to pass him on the stretch between turns two and three. Cal reached down, found an untapped reserve of speed, and managed to keep his nose ahead. Still, Strip managed to keep gaining on him. Instead of panicking, Cal automatically found a place in his mind where he could really focus. His world was reduced to nothing but the track in front of him and his engine churning within him. He smiled as he felt himself accelerate to a speed faster than he’d managed all day.

It was the sound of an explosion and the grinding of gears that broke Cal’s perfect concentration. He looked to his right and saw Strip no longer beside him, but instead falling behind, trailing smoke and sparks.

“Strip!” Cal screamed, braking to fall back beside his uncle.

The veteran was slowly drifting towards the inside of the track as he lost momentum. Cal rushed in beside him and caught him, leaning against his side to keep him from spinning out while he slowed down to a stop. Cal immediately assessed what little damage he could see. It wasn’t much. Just a lot of smoke and an ugly dent in his hood where he’d blown a rod.

It was what he couldn’t see that scared him. He watched as his uncle tried to pull himself together, but his eyes kept losing focus. It was clear he couldn’t concentrate on any one thing for any period of time. In an attempt to downshift, he ground gears so badly they both felt something shatter. Cal then felt him go limp as they rolled to a stop on the perfectly manicured infield. Looking behind them, there was a long trail of oil and transmission fluid staining the pavement and grass.

Lynda saw everything. She flew out of pit row like a bat out of hell, slowing down only when she reached them. She made eye contact with Cal and felt a chill run down her frame. She then looked at her husband, his eyes closed and taking deep, ragged breaths in a meditated fashion.

“I - I don’t know - We were just - “ Cal stuttered, backing away as Lynda drove nearer to Strip. The fear in his eyes was lucid.

“Cal. Go get help. Now.” Lynda demanded in a strict tone he’d never heard before. “And quickly.”

Cal hesitated for a moment, looking back and forth between them. Lynda gave him a glare and he snapped into action, racing off toward the exit. She turned back to Strip and found him staring at her weakly, shaking ever so slightly.

“Hey.” she managed half a smile, trying to comfort him. “Just hang in there, okay? Help’s on the way. You’re gonna be okay.”

“Lynda, I - “ he whispered in between breaths, now short, shallow, and rapid.

“Shhh. Save it for later.” she silenced him with a quick kiss. “You need to save your strength.”

He began to panic. He could feel the fuzziness creeping up on him. His vision started to narrow and blur. This wasn’t at all like any wreck he’d ever been in, where he could just pass out, stay unconscious for a while, and wake up in a hospital, mended. This felt different, and it felt like something he’d been avoiding for years.

“Lynda.” he insistently choked out, putting every last bit of energy into keeping his eyes open long enough to get one last look at her. “I love you.”

His voice was so quiet, she could barely hear him. She felt the tears well up in her eyes and she held his gaze.

“Strip, come on. Don’t talk like that.” her voice wavered. “You’ll be okay. You gotta be. I love you, too.”

She thought she saw him smile as his eyes drifted shut. It wasn’t until he became perfectly still that she realized he’d quit breathing.

“No, no, no.” she denied, nudging him in the fender. “Please. Don’t leave me. You can’t leave now.”

Her voice broke and she descended into a shaking, sobbing state of near paralysis. In the distance she heard sirens, but it didn’t matter. Nothing mattered. Everything she ever wanted, everything she’d ever had was gone. He was right in front of her, but he was gone.

The ambulance and medical staff came, but there was nothing they could do except take his body and deliver it to a mortician. She watched them as they took him away, leaving her alone with Cal. She never said a word. She couldn’t.

Cal was never the strong emotional type, but he nearly got into a fight with the lead site doctor, refusing to believe his uncle, his idol, was gone when mere moments ago they were mocking each other on the track. He was crying. He wanted to scream and fight whoever it was that decided to so suddenly take a life that meant so much to him.

But then he saw his aunt, sitting motionless before him, weeping. She seemed so lost and without a sense of direction, and he realized he’d never seen her cry before. Seen her sad and worried? Sure, many times. But never this. He almost felt guilty for feeling so hurt himself. He drove up next to her and let her cry on him. In return he wasn’t shy about letting himself unravel in front of her, right there in the middle of that otherwise deserted track.

Several days passed, the funeral came and went, and nothing got better. Cal had to angrily deal with the media wanting more information on what happened as the racing season started. The team did what they could to help, but Cal was admittedly broken. He’d always wanted to race, but he wanted to do it for Strip, to make him proud. Now that would never happen.

Lynda was stuck sitting alone in a house where they’d built a life together. Everything about it reminded her of the raw void in her soul. They’d been so close and done so many things together for so many years, there was nothing left that didn’t bring back some sort of memory.

Weeks passed and no one heard from her. Cal stopped in once between races to check on her, but couldn’t offer much help. It was all he could do to just be there and keep her company while she relapsed into despair. He worried over her, and wondered if there was some way he could get help for her. But she didn’t want it. She didn’t want anything.

One day, however, she woke up and felt oddly different. An idea had come to her in her sleep. She dug through a closet full of old things and found the old, dusty box she was looking for. It was full of written letters he’d sent to her years and years ago that she’d kept. It was how they’d kept in contact while he was on the road with no phone around, back before they’d gotten married.

She read through each one and relived her youth through the old, faded words on the page. They’d been so childishly in love, it was almost pathetic to read, but she loved every bit of it. Letter after letter brought a smile to her face, and when she had finished the stack, she went through it again, finding her favorite parts.

As the day waxed on, she came to the realization that even though he wasn’t physically present anymore, he still lived in her memory. And she knew him better than she knew herself. He wouldn’t want her to sit around and rust away, mourning over him for an eternity. He’d given her an opportunity to make a real difference, and she was going to take it, for him.

Some days were better, and some worse as she gathered her senses and created a game plan. She had nearly unlimited resources to do whatever she needed. And so, she founded the Dinoco Racing Museum in his name and donated most of his racing memorabilia to it. She made sure it was kept up to date with Cal’s achievements and even stretched back as far as the inception of racing as a sport. It quickly became a popular destination in the Carolinas for race fans and history buffs alike.

She also founded a few charity foundations, one for underprivileged children in rural areas, and another for urban areas. She’d always considered herself lucky to have married someone who got her out of the impoverished situation she’d grown up in, and she wanted to at least provide assistance to others like the young girl she’d been. She made sure that qualified kids got the scholarships and training opportunities they needed to move up in the world and make something of themselves. 

She was proud of her work, and she knew Strip would have supported her every step of the way. Still, she’d think about him at night and miss him until she was sore with grief again. She eventually accepted that the pain would never truly go away, and that was okay. The pain was a reminder of all the good he’d done for her, and how deeply they’d loved. She wouldn’t trade it for anything.

#strip weathers #lynda weathers #cal weathers #there goes my heart

[mystiqmindofmadness]

If I learned anything in this life

Its to be who you want, believe in yourself and everything you do. Fall in love with yourself, be crazy beautiful. Smile when you feel like crying because someone out there is looking up to you and goes thru their everyday unacknowledged but steady having hope and faith that they too will be like you. No matter how bad you think you have it someone around you has it ten times worse. The shy girl you smiled at and told her she was beautiful? Shes got suicidal thoughts and thinks she will never be good enough, congratulations you saved her life today. You dont give respect just to get it, thats just a common sense thing put into action. Sing like no ones watching no matter how you think you sound, its good to express how you feel without having to put it into your own words. Thats where poems and writing come in to play....self expression. Someone that loves you will never put you in a situation that jeopordizes being with you. If someone wants to see you they will make time for you no matter the schedule. Honesty is both looked highly upon and a way to avoid a headache later on in a web of bullshit lies.

I run away from everything. I dont know why I do it, or even how or when it even started. I have my days where i dont wanna be myself, I put my hair extensions in and layer on make up and put on the sexiest most extravagant outfit i can find......and I enjoy my time being beautiful. I dont feel as if im beautiful any other way righht now.

I used to be dating a man who kissed me and stopped me while i was at it and said no no no mama ima give you kissing lessons from here on out.....and made me fall more and more each time he had me do the same thing he did to me while kissing me. He would cuddle with me and snuggle up and ask me how my day went and if i was feeling okay and if i had ate or not. Wed crawl into bed and hed get real close and say come here mama.....and id lay on his chest or hed hold me while on our sides and all the sudden.....hed say......."Hi" .......that alone brings a tear to my eye because hed only do that when he could see im going thru it and needed to refocus on reality and the fact that he was right there and everything would be alright n to stop stressin. Id fall fast asleep hed be right there all thru the night , id wake up hed be all sunshine and daisys. Talkin bout wakey wakey sleepy head youre beautiful i missed you.......

You can imagine how it felt to have him tell me....come here mama.....hi.....i dont like how i feel i dont understand it i probably never will i just want you to know that im sorry for anything i may have said that hurt your feelings . I never meant to make you sad ever and I hope things for you go beyond your wildest dreams i got love for you you my ride or die shawty you was there when i needed someone.....youre a good girl robin elaine and dont let no one tell you different or destroy you.....stay beautiful....please for me. Im not gonna be here much longer i know im not i dont know how or why or when but i cant do this shit no more you hear me......and i held him close relating to how he felt.....every last word every detail is how i been feelin deep down ....we laid there and cried and held one another. I prayed he wasnt being literal or talking seriously. I was hoping no matter what that hed stay up and be strong.....Its not even about staying strong because he was a soldier. I love him still to this day hes gone but never forgotten. He lives on in my heart and I still see glimpses of him in other people and it soothes me brings me back to old times and makes me feel a little bit like i did when I wish we werent living life in the fast lane and I wish I woulda held him tighter, said i love you more often and prove it nonstop no matter what but we ended up fighting.....he ended up getting with someone who decided his fate.....we werent on speaking terms ....i hate the fact that it all played out like it did.....if we wouldnt of got into it.....where would we be? Would he still be here next to me? Would he of even had that chance to get with the chick that let it all happen......i hate that my mind is so crazy at times.....i miss you steven michael. Rest Easy.

Brings into effect dont take people forgranted tomorrow is not promised today.

Music is the simplist form of magic. When youre up you like the beat and when youre down you understand the lyrics. You feel em if they hit home.