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basement-office-log · 6 years

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Some Thoughts about BTS...

So... this is basically, the story of how I got in and out of the BTS fandom. (Okay not exactly out because I’m still casually following them nowadays)

How I discovered them is ironically, like many of you, through youtube. It was just before the Run era I guess??? (around the end of 2015). Like somewhen between the Dope and Run era that I got in the fandom.

I guess I can consider myself as one of those depressed fans (lol), I actually remembered there was a option in the BTS fan survey around their BS&T era(???) that said “are you the kind of person that is easily depressed” and I ticked yes.

Almost instantaneously, I fell for the song “Butterfly” it was just the prologue that released back then. The MV was beautifully made, with a sad happy yet depressed undertone, perfectly described how I’m feeling back then.

I first noticed I’m depressed back then in 2015 (let’s be honest, college makes everyone depressed), more like “ahh so this is what being depressed is”.

And what now... I’m writing this after a tiring long day at work so things may jump back and forth...

Both their HYYH albums, I had gone through countless late nights listening the tracks on repeat, those are still my favourite albums up till today. Beapsae, instead of partying, that was the song that kept me awake till 5 a.m. ahh those memories... Same with Dope, I did not read the english lyrics until the hundredth repeat lmao. I was actually expecting the song to be about how cool I am, come to oppa and I’ll make you the princess kind of lyrics but ehh boi you surprised me with those raps hmmm.......

And... Jungkook, I did not like him when I first got into the fandom, to be honest. Because he’s younger than me and also he’s the center, main vocal of the group, despite the youngest. I remembered I was like, wow cocky brat isn’t it. Hehhhhhh but I grew to like him over time anyway, he’s cute, talented, good looking and all but still, it would be hella a headache if I were to have a younger brother like him.

It took me a year to like Jungkook because... The more I look at stuff, he’s just a regular boy, growing up, working hard, trying not to disappoint his parents and people around him. In a sense, aren’t we all just like that? There really is no reason to hate.

Another member is Jimin. He’s another member that I don’t quite like when I just got in the fandom. We all know that he acted a bit flirtatious during his debut days, up to the Danger era, honestly, his eye make-up makes me feeling uncomfortable to look at him. That’s the first thing. The appearance and the way he acts, in no way I’m trying to say he’s ugly, because if I were to compare myself to him, umm I probably looked like a bum lol.

It took me a lot longer to like Jimin, it’s until the Spring Day era that I thought, alright Jimin is charismatic and cute, admit it. Hah yea... Now, this is when the second stage of not liking Jimin comes. I started to fear him. It’s weird I know, why would I scared of “the mochi of BTS” Let me tell you why.

It’s scary to see how hard a person can work, that his goal is probably more important than his life. It makes me think that I am not and will not be a person like this, living is more important than what I am achieving. I wouldn’t want to risk my life doing things, however important that thing might be. Well people said, you will never achieve your goal like this if you don’t put your life on it. But I don’t care about that, but at the same time I’m feeling guilty about that.

It might be a Korean thing, we all know Koreans worked insanely hard because of society standards. Or it also could be a Jimin thing, Nevertheless, this man have my respect. The respect that I keeps me away from accepting him.

I’m kind of in the neutral range with Suga, J-hope and Jin like they are cool, fantastic, great people.

-----

This is almost 24 hours later, since the last paragraph. Again, a long and tiring day, after work, prolly a few minutes away from losing consciousness (a.k.a. falling asleep lol)

This shit is going to be very VERY long, nah it doesn’t matter because no one is going to read this anyway, even if I tagged BTS below, I’m writing this for myself.

I’ll just briefly talk about RM and V before going into my main topic today, (all because I cut myself off yesterday to hit the hay ekkk).

Rapmon bro, the reason why I decided to look into this group is because of his mixtape. I have 2 of his tracks in my old phone back then, everything was gone when my phone literally died a few months back. (The whole album is available for free download anyway so its all good) I have no interest in hip hop or whatsoever back then, but I became interested in hip-hop just a little after listening to his mixtape album. He is really someone I look up to, honestly, it’s no easy job to be a leader, not just in idol groups but just in every field in general. I tried becoming one because my mother always expect me to be one, after a few attempts (it was back in high school by the way) I thought it’s just not my thing, I’m more of a following instruction kind of person, I do my part and make sure everyone is okay. But that doesn’t mean that I don’t want to become a leader like person. In the future, maybe... But my depression went really downhill these days, so I’m not sure if that day will come. But I do aspire to become someone like him.

V or I prefer calling him Tae. He is my first bias. His existence just screams “RELATABLE” to me, (minus his looks) He seemed to be struggling with words whenever he tries to say something. That also is something I had to deal with on a daily basis. It’s like when you have good looks, everything you did is cute, but for me, it’s more like an annoyance. So I tried to keep quiet as much as possible. Nevertheless, I just hope that I will meet someone that will understand the way I talk like the other BTS members did with Tae, have a best friend like Jimin and... yea.

BTS hmm the annual sit and talk for part of their BTS Festa thingy, it’s called the Dinner Party this year hmm cool. I stopped watching after the first 30 minutes, for the exact reason why I also did not watch more than 5 minutes of last year’s sit and talk.

We all know that, they had achieved tremendous success for the past few years. A lot of their songs often circle around their hardships and what fuck the haters?? If that make sense. Whenever they have talks like this, I always bail myself out there, and yea I never install Vlive back after I got this new phone because there really is no reason to catch every live and Run BTS episodes now.

This was not long before the DNA era, I always found myself having thoughts like:

“So you have started to avoid BTS hmm?” Yea right, took me a while to admit. I used to not miss a single notification. There is no more random videos on the BangtanTV channel as they get more and more popular, there is just backstages and really just back stages and behind the scenes of their daily schedules and tours. It shows that they are working hard, really hard. Which leads me to the next question.

“It feels uncomfortable isn’t it, comparing yourself to a worldwide famous group of artist?” Hmph. I worked hard, really hard. I even live by the motto, do or die. But that doesn’t seemed to be enough. People around me, always told me that I should push myself more. I DID, I REALLY DID, BUT WHY CAN’T YOU SEE IT.

“But BTS can, why can’t you?” I’m just going to work harder, I tell myself. I don’t have to face the same pressure as BTS did, I’m having it way more easier. But at the same time, there is seven of them in BTS, but there is only one me.

The voice at the back of my head, you are not helping.

I swiped away all notifications from BangtanTV ever since.

Because seeing them having each other around reminds me how am I not going to have friends like this, how I’m never going to achieve this much. But mostly it reminds me how lonely I am.

By the time the Mic Drop remix released, I started having what I called the depressive episodes. I think I’m going to describe them as a waking nightmare, all the thoughts in my head are killing each other, fighting for the limited space in my head. Which ever thought that dominate my mind is the winner. I stared into blankness, tears and snots all over my face, hyperventilating while finding excuses to tell people what happened to me if anyone ever sees me.

Honestly I don’t think people is going to read this... but the tag is down there just for the slightest hope that people that come across this will know that, ahh there are people like this out there too... Some of you might think, this is pathetic, attention seeking but at the end of the day, I just want some closure for myself. I need to admit that, no matter how much interviews I watch, how much memes I’ve seen everyday, they are not going to be my friends. They will forever be the people in screens, and I belong to the 97% of the population that will lead a normal life.

Here I am, the Fake Love era that comes to a close. I can’t even bring myself to listen to the whole album, because chances are, some of the lyrics are going to trigger the shit out of me. Same goes with Suga’s mixtape, J-hope’s mixtape.

I really miss the days where they made simple love songs like the ones in the Dark and Wild album. Blanket Kick is my personal favourite.

I’m sure there are still a lot more that I had in mind but I just forget what is it about to include in this. I’ll get a part 2 done when there is time.

BTS now just feels like the popular kids I went to school with, now graduated from a school named ARMY, they are like the ex-classmates I bump into once in a while. Thank you, for the best 3 years in my life. I had lots of laughter, times that I forgot about my sadness and your warm words that took me through difficult times. You are the reason that I survived until today and also the trigger of some of my episodes.

SInce it’s already past midnight, I wanted to say Happy 5th debut anniversary, stay healthy (to both BTS and ARMY out there) be happy and may you all be reaching higher and higher till you celebrate your 10th anniversary. (or maybe longer)

*Just a sidenote, as a Malaysian fan, I’m just going to keep calling Rapmon, Rapmon because RM is our effin currency, I don’t want to be reminded of money issues whenever I thought of you. As far as I know, you do have a beautiful name as your mother definitely did not named you Rap Monster. It’s just that stage name exist for a reason. And I think I know at least 5 Jins in real life, so the wide shoulder hyung is just going to be Kim Seok Jin in my head haha yea.

#bts #unpopular opinion

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canadian-riddler · 6 years

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I don’t think I told the story of how I even started listening to EDM so here it is to the best of my recollection (it’s a long post so if you start it make sure you have time lol):

It must’ve been in 2008 or 2009 that I learned it even existed. Around that time was my first Batman obsession and this was a time before the Internet was really a significant part of my life. Because that was the year I saw The Dark Knight and I started listening to Hans Zimmer OSTs, which I had to get on CD from the library and sometimes force my old failing CD player to read because if the disc was damaged it just skipped forever. And this was a time when I had to record CDs down to cassette tapes (all of which I still have) because after two weeks CDs had to be returned to the library.

The first EDM song I probably ever heard - or at least the first one I remember liking - was ‘He’s a Pirate’, the Jack Sparrow remix by Tiesto because it was included as the final track on the Curse of the Black Pearl CD. And this was before the Internet was available to me, remember, so I had no idea what the song was or if it had a genre or any of that. And I didn’t have any way of looking for more of it. I had maybe a couple of cassettes gotten as a book reading prize from a library discard pile, very old MC Mario compilations, but those tapes were more house/underground mixes and the song the cassette was on when I tried to listen to it was, I believe, ‘Higher State of Consciousness‘ by Josh Wink and I was not ready for it yet. So my only option was to try and find a radio station that played this dance music. This was before David Guetta brought it into the mainstream, so it was rare to find one. But I did: Z 103.5 out of Toronto (I lived in Hamilton at the time), which just came in if I positioned the radio dial just so, and on that station I heard Adagio for Strings by Tiesto and Axel F by Street Frog, but that wasn’t even the most important part. The most important part was that this radio station had a professional DJ who did live mixes every day at five pm. This DJ, DJ Danny D, would mix two compilation CDs every year for the radio station. And the library had them. The first one I listened to was Summer Rush 2005, which I borrowed because it had both Adagio for Strings and Axel F on it. After that was MC Mario.com Version 2.0 with Benni Benassi’s Satisfaction and California Dreamin’ by DJ Sammy and MC Mario Mixdown 2005 with Sound of San Francisco by Global Deejays and Call on Me by Eric Prydz, and then just any other mix CD the library had that I could borrow (but those two were my favourite ones).

When I was sent off to high school in about 2011 I discovered the Internet, in the days of BeeMP3 and having to find remixes on forums, but I wasn’t ready for real DJs. No, I was looking for Sonic the Hedgehog remixes. I was obsessed with them. I was burning them on CD to play in my SUV. I am not kidding. YouTube downloading wasn’t a thing yet, or at least I barely knew of YouTube’s existence. There was someone on the Internet called ImmortalImage who had folders of HUNDREDS of dance music songs, which they would post on YouTube in the interest of preservation (though they removed the channel after they posted one thousand songs or something like that) and I downloaded those folders without knowing a single artist in them. They were called ‘Greatest Electronic Music of All Time’ and some of it truly is the greatest music ever made.

Now, Indy, you might be wondering, where does ARMIN come into all this? The answer is: eventually.

I didn’t have a phone that could get on the Internet using wifi, not that it was widely available. I was at Tim Hortons when they first introduced wifi freely available at all their locations, but the only device I had was my PSP and it got stuck on the landing page and never got me through to the Internet. I got a laptop shortly after, but what really took me to the next step was when I bought an iPod Touch after I accidentally left my iPod Nano on a bus somewhere in Kanata. iPods had podcasts, and there was a DJ with a podcast by the name of Hardwell who was becoming very popular. He had a couple friends, Dannic and Dyro, who I liked by association, and I was at work with my laptop when I watched the stream where Hardwell was crowned no.1 DJ in the world during the DJ Mag Top 100. Hardwell did a mix after the show and this led me to the discovery of EDM festivals.

The first year I heard about Escapade here in Ottawa, it was still in a parking lot and Tiesto was playing but he was the only DJ I knew so I didn’t want to go just for one guy. The next year, though, Dannic was playing and I only lasted about three hours before going home very tired and very sunburned. It was an experience I wasn’t sure I wanted to repeat. But then I ended up on YouTube, on ASOT 600 in Miami. It was the BEST thing I had EVER heard in my entire life. Everything else just SUCKED compared to that set. And the festival was magic. You could just see that it was magic by watching it. I didn’t listen to ASOT, not yet; it was only on Spotify and Spotify wasn’t available in Canada, and even when it was I wasn’t inclined to use a website just for one thing. But the sets on YouTube? Magic.

And the next Escapade, in 2015, which I had bought a presale ticket for, sent out an email and IIRC it was right around Christmas. And I was upstairs at work and I was about to go home and when I read it I gasped out loud and sat down on the floor. Because Armin was headlining the festival, and so was Knife Party, and I had never ever in a million years thought Armin would come to Ottawa because the clubs in Toronto and Montreal were so much better.

The weather was lousy, as it tends to be for Escapade, but it was my mission in life to be in the front row for the entire festival, not so I would be in the pictures (which I was) but so I could see the stage. The first day I was off to the left side somewhere, but the SECOND day. The SECOND day I was right in the corner of the L-shaped gate, front and centre and nobody could push me out of the row no matter how hard they tried, and I was there for the entire twelve hours of the festival and it rained half the day and some drunk French guy dumped his beer on my head and tried to blame it on me but when W&W came on it didn’t MATTER. And when they were finished Armin came on, and it was actually a RELIEF because there had been a rumour that he wasn’t going to show up because it was raining and he KNEW about it and he made fun of it, and you know what they had on the second day? They had LASERS! Even though we were near to the airport they had horizontal green lasers and even the security guards were trying to touch them and they looked like they were glittering because of the misty rain.

He played for two of the best hours of my life. He has a song he made with a Canadian singer and when he played that song he held up the Canadian flag for us and that’s how I knew we really MEANT something to him. And this was one of the last festivals he wore the Myo armbands for and he was directing the spotlights during Adagio for Strings and he asked if we wanted to hear the story of how he fell in love with trance and it was like everything I had ever wanted had happened all in one hundred twenty minutes and if I had had to lay down my life afterward as payment I would have done so happily. And when I got home I knew I needed to go to an American festival. Tomorrowland was too far so it had to be American. It was between Ultra Miami and EDC Las Vegas and EDC won out because there was just something about a festival that existed only to light up the night and then fade when the sun rose that was magical. And my first EDC, it was magic. Everything was perfect. I got on the livestream for Gaia during my favourite song, how can I EVER top that? I can’t! It was the most beautiful place on earth and in some ways, it always will be. Even last year, which was by all accounts a horrible disaster, I still came away from it with a kandi bracelet and the memory of a time when people were willing to help me when I was completely unable to help myself.

And this year I have EDC in two months and Armin is returning to Ottawa, and I don’t know what they’ll bring. But it will be something special. It always is. I just have to let it happen.

#I just learned right now MC Mario is Canadian #how about that #Indy and EDM #so says Indy #EDM makes my life worth living

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osetljiv · 4 years

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(via https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2odvuQkrlARSSv6Pvm41GM?si=sjzD66aFTGa5TkMfcIurtQ)

hi i am doing this solely for myself/my own records so please feel free to ignore!!!!!! i wanted to challenge myself by making a top 10 albums list from the last decade - it was rly difficult because my ass truly cannot cut things down and be decisive, but here it is!

i know many ppl r not into this kinda thing, but i really really love symbolic gestures - i love the idea that a new year (or a new decade!) can wipe ur slate clean, can give u a chance to be hopeful and excited and look forward to things - i hate change and i hate endings but the one good thing to come of them are beginnings! i love new starts, i love freshness, i love blank slates. i know that the end of the year/decade is arbitrary and doesn’t rly mean anything in the long run but....... it is important and super special to me!!!

i’m really not good with words/proper descriptions of the music itself, so i mainly just describe memories/associations i make to the albums, so don’t expect a proper music critic’s review or anything LOL… i am also not ranking by objective quality, but influence - these r the albums that personally made the biggest impact on me since 2010. i started off the decade age 13 and finished it in 2019 at age 23..... so clearly that is a very big difference in stages of life!!! i completed my teenage years, graduated from elementary school, high school & university.... i went thru many different friend groups, many different personality changes...... several big life events occurred…. many many hours were spent listening to music. and now i’m here!

my only rules were 1. had to be on repeat for a significant amount of time, 2. preferably only one album per artist (to force me to pick between them), and 3. i had to consistently listen to the album as a whole (as opposed to just a few songs out of it)...... some of my fav songs in the world aren’t on these albums bc they were either released before 2010 or i didn’t listen to the rest of the album except for a handful of songs (as is usually the case for me). so the albums on this list are markers in my life, and i could (and did!) listen to them front and back. and ALSO they are not ranked from 1-10...... it was literally difficult enough choosing just 10 and i truly would not survive having to rank them as well. in release date order, here they are!!!!!

owen pallett - heartland (jan 12th, 2010)

okay i know i just said i wouldn’t rank these but........... well this one is #1 regardless lol!!! the rest are not in any sort of order but this one has to be first (and how lucky that it was released first too!!!) this is the most important/special album to me in the world - it’s the first album released by my favourite musician under his real name, it has some of my most favourite songs of all time on it - it’s probably the first album in my life that i loved and listened to as a whole! when I was younger i never used to have favourite singers or favourite writers or favourite artists - i would have one favourite song/book/painting but never look into the creator’s other work, never had any interest in organizing things that way. but this is the first time i thought - “i adore this song..... and i adore all the other songs this person makes.... so i guess i like this whole album?” not to mention it’s a whole story and world - heartland tells a whole fable and sounds so beautiful doing so. owen was also the first concert i’ve ever been to! he is so beautiful and wonderful and this album is perfect and has my heart and can do no wrong! and as a plus it was released right at the beginning of 2010 so it truly started off the decade and set the pace. i really don’t know what else to say! heartland was a constant throughout the last ten years - i can’t tie it to one specific moment or feeling the way i can with the other albums. this one was really just the background of my whole adolescence, i guess, and i’ll love owen and this album forever!!!! love love love

gorillaz - plastic beach (march 3, 2010)

i honestly didn’t listen to this album as a whole until the summer after grade 11/before grade 12 when i had to take summer school for math bc i failed (first class i had ever failed :’)!!) and needed the credit for my grade 12 courses (many of which i ended up failing anyway lol) BUT i still had hope at this point so this summer wasn’t that bad..... i remember i had to buy my own bus pass for the summer w my own work money for the first time and walk to the mall bus stop every day all summer to take the city bus downtown to the highschool that used to b a prison (RIP, it got torn down this year) to take summer math from 8-3, 5 days a wk. i loved those classes surprisingly? i remember that summer i dressed so cute every day, i would wear my extra ass dresses and knee high socks and do my hair all cute...... i’d steal my mom’s old lady sweaters w mini skirts and make my own coffee to bring w me and felt so adult..... i didn’t make any friends bc i thought they were all too cool but later learned that the girls in class rly liked me and remembered me the next year when i’d see them at their highschool when visiting for a trivia tournament (don’t judge!!!!) also the first time i got hit on bc a 30 yr old man in my class somehow got my email from the teacher and sent me a creepy email asking me out and i was too scared to go to school the next day lol..... truly feels surreal. but yes i would listen to this album (and demon dayz!) on repeat cuz i found the full albums uploaded to youtube so i remember i would just listen to the entire album all the way thru for the duration of the bus ride while looking out the window and daydreaming bc i couldn’t skip any songs and I couldn’t go on my phone bc the music only plays if u keep the youtube app open…. so it’s hard to listen to the songs individually now because i just picture the transitions every time!

caribou - swim (april 20, 2010)

this was my summer between grade 8 - grade 9! up until this point i only had a handful of western artists that i listened to (before highschool i listened almost exclusively to Japanese doujin groups that remixed video game music…. do NOT judge!!!) and i felt soooo cool when i started listening to this album/others like it… had odessa downloaded on my zen creative mp3.... so freaking good!! got so embarrassed of my music taste after this LOL cuz my brother saw the album cover on my phone in highschool and asked what hipster shit i was listening to. little did he know.... its GOOD!!!! such a great album to just listen to all the way through. perfect background music for studying/ /walking/smoking/literally doing anything to! i can still listen to it and pinpoint different/new melodies in the back in certain songs. so good!!!

crystal castles - (II) (april 23, 2010)

so many 2010 albums wow but LISTEN....... i first heard crystal castles in either 2010 or 2011, immediately after i first made a tumblr in grade 9.... this was the era when offensive bloggers and hipster british bloggers were like the only 2 sections of tumblr...... one of the first ppl i followed was this one super popular british blogger, this kid from london who was probs 15 and he had like, a pale grunge aesthetic and rly long bangs that covered his eyes.... i forget his name omg i wish i could see what he was doing now! but ya i loved him i thought he was the coolest thing ever, i went on his blog and he had autoplay and pap smear was the first song that started playing...... i remember being like wtf is this??? first time i heard music like that, with the video game sounds mixed in and the vocals so distorted. i literally was enamoured like i remember thinking i should hate it and wtf r these british freaks listening to but like..... i could NOTTTT STOP and i remember i wouldn’t even bother looking up the song on youtube or anything, when i wanted to listen to the song i would just go to this guy’s tumblr LOOOOOL god!!!! on the outside i was a cutesy girly girl but on the inside i was a pale grunge hipster british tumblr user!

beach house - bloom (may 15, 2012)

this album is just the sweetest, prettiest memory…. it’s so.. crisp? and clear and pure and loving! beach house was (unsurprisingly) my spotify artist of the decade and i don’t care what rep they get or how similar their music may sound i love them with my entire heart! discovered them from tumblr (as i did most of my fav highschool albums) - first beach house song i ever heard was wild - i remember the first time i started being (SLIGHTLY) less mortified of talking about my music taste to other people, it was maybe in first year? i had gotten into my friend’s car, before we got super close, and she was playing a song off of bloom i think! and i remember my heart just stopped!!!! and i was so absolutely terrified of saying anything, but even moreso excited to see someone whose opinion i cared about who was listening to music that i liked, and so i gathered all my strength and tried to be super casual and say something like “oh, you like beach house, too?” (meanwhile i was literally shaking with nerves…..) and she just so easily said “yeah, i love this song!” and it was the most validating, comforting thing! and a while after that, one of my favourite memories: my other friend got hired at a local café/tea shop, the teeniest little place – it was like 3x4 metres, max – and she would close the store alone, and it was always completely dead, so the group of us would go and sit with her for her entire shift in this sweet warm little store – we’d have tea and coffee and scones – and over the store speakers, she would play whatever we wanted – and for a while i didn’t make suggestions, let everyone else choose, but! i worked my way up to suggesting she play bloom – and she would play the album all the way through, and she surprisingly really liked it?? and then it became the default soundtrack to our tiny hangouts in the tiny café :’)

toro y moi - anything in return (jan 16, 2013)

WOWWWW truly such a throwback....... this is the first time i felt cool, TRULY cool listening to music LMAOOOO SO EMBARRASSING!!! i remember the day it came out, grade 11 i guess??? but i swear it must have leaked way earlier cuz i remember listening to this way before.... my fav tumblr user at the time (kiki deerhoof LMFAO now THAT is a throwback!!!!) was always posting abt toro y moi and made a mixtape w his music on it and i fell in love..... and i wanted to be cool too! so i would obsessively listen to this album when it dropped. the album drop also overlapped w the moment my grades/effort in school went on a steep decline (not that it caused it ofc but this was like…. the background music to my demise, in a way!) i’ll never forget listening to so many details on my chilly walk past my old elementary school at 6am to get to my bus stop - way too cool for school

mac demarco - salad days (apr 1, 2014)

how fitting that chamber of reflection is playing in the coffee shop as i type this :’) this album was the soundtrack to my late grade 12/entire grade 13 experience. i was SO thoroughly and unbearably depressed LOOOOL it was really awful… i’m laughing now thinking back at it but honestly the feeling of being left behind by all of your friends and having to come to terms with not meeting ur own expectations of urself… having to repeat a year and being the oldest one in ur classes…… SO AWFUL!!!! really truly idk how i did it! but the whole time, all year, i would listen to this album. i would always play it on my walk to the city bus (in grade 13 i never made the actual school bus and i don’t even know how much money i must have paid taking the city bus every day bc i truly could not get out of bed early enough to take the free school bus but ALAS……) and i swear to you that entire year was grey and foggy and cold and damp… and i would play salad days (the song itself) and my emo ass would associate 100% with mac singing “oh mama, acting like my life’s already over….. oh dear, act your age and try another year,” and i swear he was singing it just for me, trying to slap me out of my stupor by saying “calm down, ur fine, ur life isn’t over, it’s just one year and you’ll be back on track!” and sometimes, SOMETIMES!! it worked!

azealia banks - broke with expensive taste (nov 7, 2014)

i know i know..... i’m aware how we feel about azealia now....... and i know how overstated it is when ppl say “she may be problematic but she was an artistic GENIUS!!!” so i will not add more to the conversation but....... is this album not pristine? like what a masterpiece????? this album straight up defined my highschool experience even tho it was released at the beginning of grade 12..... all of grade 12/13 i was blasting this album while walking down the hallway hating literally everything! i grew up idolizing my bro and all he listened to (techno/house/etc) and loving it but being too embarrassed of copying him to get too into it, but then hearing azealia sound cute and sexy and scary while interpolating all these house beats. LITERALLY chicken soup for the soul… it felt like she made it just for me!! and even before bwet actually dropped, listening to 212 and all of her other singles waiting for her to finally drop the album she was tweeting about for years, like i don’t remember the last time i anticipated an album for soooo long? and she dropped it days after my 17th bday which really was such a perfect gift. listening to this w my friend who also loved azealia, pretending we were cool as SHIT and so grown up...... beyond influential

frank ocean - blonde (aug 20, 2016)

ur lying if this album wasn’t a pivotal moment for u......... blonde is the sole reason summer 16 is viewed as a cultural landmark. i SWEAR!!!! i may have spent 8 hours a day on tumblr in 2016 but my ass was NOT cool enough to have been listening to frank ocean prior to blonde..... no i never listened to channel orange before this, yes i know i was behind the times! 2016 was the summer after my 1st year of uni, august i had just finished my summer school course so my summer was just starting (i was re-taking 1st year math bc i failed..... some things never change huh!!!! lied to my dad and told him i was tryna get ahead by taking bio in summer school... he believed me till he caught me in a lie by chatting w my friend he bumped into at walmart LOL.... and yet he never said a word :’) an angel) this was also the summer my dad left for a few months to go travelling across canada, he was gone all summer and my bro was busy working and so was my mom and i had the car all to myself for the first time. went on SOOO many drives this summer blasting this album. not to mention that since my dad wasn’t home the responsibility to drive my mom to work fell on me and wow i LOVED it? i realized i love having little responsibilities and having ppl rely on me in little ways like this..... i loved going to bed at 3am and having my mom gently wake me up at 5:30am, having a coffee with her before leaving in my ratty pajamas to drive her to work, the sun was just rising but it was already sooo hot, that summer i remember i couldn’t even hold the steering wheel cuz it was burning and my car didn’t (still doesn’t!) have AC, i’d drop her off to work up on the mountain and as i drove down the escarpment i would roll down the windows and blast pink + white right as the sun began to peek over the clouds and i would take a pretty sunrise pic every time before driving around for a bit, listening to this album, going home, and going back to sleep till 2pm

blood orange - negro swan (aug 24, 2018)

i fully expected this list to be mainly albums released earlier in the decade, which makes sense – they would’ve had more time to have an effect on me – but as the final/most recent entry on my list, this album was beautiful enough to be a consistent part of the most recent year-and-a-half of my life!!! it’s also unique in that it’s one of the only albums on this list, i think, where i had already been a big fan of the artist’s previous work and was waiting for the album to drop. not 2 sound like one of THOSE people but i often find myself liking the first albums i heard from an artist/their older music better than newer work they release (not always!!! but often!), not from any kind of elitism or anything but honestly probably just nostalgia fogging my taste? especially for my first listen of a new album – it usually takes some time and a few re-listens before i really enjoy a newer release – BUT! from the moment dev released the album cover (which is so beautiful? one of my fav album covers off the top of my head) and dropped the first 2 singles, ESPECIALLY charcoal baby, i was so so enamoured with the album, right from the start. that whole summer i had it on repeat – early the next year i saw dev play in Toronto, and it was one of the best concerts i’ve ever been to – the lighting and colours and his dancing and demeanour, the other vocalists, plus we were right up at the stage, it was so stunning!!!!! this album has consistently appeared on all of my various spotify playlists, it rly can suit all moods and occasions, i love it very much and it’s the perfect album to round out my past decade in music!

honourable mentions: SPEED ROUND

yes i’m a CHILD that cannot commit to cutting things down...... but tbh i’m surprised enough that i was able to preen my list into a top 10 anyway. so these r the honourable mentions that i couldn’t live with myself if i didn’t mention in some way!!!! all also very good and important and special to me, in no particular order!

mount kimbie - love what survives: i won’t lie this one hurt to not include on my top 10 :( i’m surprised too.... my friend rly fought for this to be included but i had to listen to my heart!!! however ofc i HAD to include it here at the very least. i was so shocked when it dropped, it was nothing like the rest of mount kimbie’s stuff i had previously heard.... i discovered them randomly when i was studying and spotify did that annoying thing where it plays “artist radio” or whatever so one of their older songs came on shuffle and WOW it was so good! and then i properly listened to them after hearing their songs with king krule... anyway this album is stunning and i am SO sad i didn’t get to see them when they came to toronto but i promise myself (and u!) that i will go the next time they come by!!!! u have my word!

foals - holy fire: this one also hurts a lot to not include :((( a LOT a lot! this one i’m really fond of, my fav foals album and one of the main albums i associate with highschool! so pretty, i’ll never forget hearing holy fire (the song itself) for the first time, so angry and satisfying and GOOD!!!

king krule - 6ft beneath the moon/the ooz: love both these albums soooo so much, i think 6fbtm came closer to almost being in the top 10 but others had it beat juuust slightly - these albums defined the beginning/end of my uni career, respectively, and i’ll cherish them forever! love archie’s ugly ginger ass with my whole heart

james blake - the colour in anything: was such a fan of james and was so excited when this album dropped - it was the start of summer i think? and i would always play it when i went for bike rides to the beach with my dad! such pretty music to drive ur bike to beside the water, all the way down the waterfront until we got to the next city over, riding past all the rich ppl’s mansions and trying to sneak a glance into their windows as we rode by

beyonce - self-titled: obviously the day this dropped - w no promo whatsoever - was a critical moment in music history!! we played this obsessively in high school, blasted this album the entire Europe trip in grade 12 and it just reminds me of travelling and planes and France…. so sexy!

solange - a seat at the table: rly truly a gorgeous album!! we played this in the car when my friends and i trekked to Toronto early one fall morning right after it dropped, we skipped school to go to some event at a café, and we had to wake up DUMB early, like 4:30AM, and i went to go pick them up and we were all way too tired to talk to eachother and stressed cuz we absolutely COULDN’T miss the train so i played this album the whole drive there while the sun was rising and it was so calming and pretty and special

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eyez-ff-blog · 7 years

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○○ eyez | twenty-seven

December 8, 2016 – 11:00pm

“Baby, hurry up! It’s downloading!” Beija was sitting in she and Jermaine’s bedroom, dressed comfortably in one of his jerseys. She had her bottle of sparkling cider sitting on the bedside table along with a bowl of grapes sitting on the other side of her. Her laptop was opened and she watched as the album downloaded into her iTunes library. Some candles were lit around the room and the calming incense was wafting through the air. This was their version of an ‘album release party.’

“Comin’!” She looked up to see Jermaine come into the room with another bottle of cider, sitting down next to her just as the completion notification made it known that the album was officially in possession. “You ready?” She asked.

“Yep. Go ahead,” J smiled, and she giggled as she pressed play.

The day had finally come, and the project known as ‘4 Your Eyez Only’ had finally released to the public. Jermaine had been working hard on it for the majority of the year and now the hardest part of the process—the anticipation—had concluded. Beija had watched J work in a way she had never seen anyone work before and even through some of the more tedious days and hardworking all-nighters, she was happy to say that she was a part of the journey. Even as she listened to the finished first track, she could feel the passion and love he put into the work, and was more than excited about hearing the rest of it. She popped a grape into her mouth before leaning back against the pillows on their bed. “Zeus really snapped on this beat. You guys are a formidable team,” She said.

“He did. Can’t wait to hear he and Whit’s new stuff,” J mumbled as he took a swig from his bottle of cider.

Beija nodded slowly as she listened to the second track, licking over her lips before she grinned slightly. “I remember you recording this,” She mumbled to herself as she listened to the intricate flow of the song. She hummed along with the chorus, and she bit her lip as she sat up straight. “Here my part! Nope! All I see is that cream nigga, that green; I'm a black king, black jeans on my black queen,” Beija rapped along as she rhythmically wiggled in bed, running her hands through her hair. “And her ass fat, too fat for a flat screen. I'm the type of nigga make the whole fuckin' trap lean! Kingpin nigga, put wings on a crack fiend. If they want a nigga, they gon' have to send a SWAT team, and I'm goin' out like Scarface in his last scene. A legend, what that mean?”

“Real niggas don’t die! Aye!” J rapped along as the two of them vibed to the music being played. “You tryna steal my spot?” He asked with a laugh.

“You better sign me. You don’t want no problems!” Beija giggled as she sat back, listening to the breakdown instrumental, sighing blissfully at the sound of the violins that went with the background vocals. “So amazing,” She whispered before she continued to listen to the track until it’s conclusion. “Here comes my song!” She grinned.

‘Déjà Vu” began to play, and she slowly swayed to the music as she smiled to herself. She could remember the first time Jermaine played the song for her, and she felt her face grow hot as she thought about the way he tried to flirt with her throughout.

“Some people talk about that love at first sight shit,” She glanced at Jermaine, who was staring right at her as he rapped along. “To keep it real—I gotta tell you I believe it’s true,” He changed up the lyrics as contrary to what he recorded. “Don’t even matter if it was wrong or right but, I fell in love with you before I ever even knew,” He smirked as he gently ran a hand down her face.

“I caught your eyes and looked away as if it never happened,” Beija rapped along with the next part. “It made me feel like I was caught up in a strange dream. If eyes could talk then mines would tell you that I'm feeling you and now, I know your eyes were telling me the same thing,” She remixed the end, chuckling softly before she shook her head. “We’re corny,” She complained.

“As fuck. But we still fly as fuck,” J sat back comfortably before she laid back against his chest, rapping along with the breakdown of the song. She looked up and noticed that Jermaine was on the Snapchat account that she swore didn’t exist anymore. “Go, uh, aye,” He adlibbed as she continued to rap, and he laughed as he sent it off to his public story.

“You want everyone to shit themselves, huh?” She asked, and he laughed lowly before he put some grapes into his mouth.

“I don’t care. We having fun. They’ll be alright,” He smiled before he kissed the side of her head.

‘Ville Mentality’ came next, and the two tried to harmonize with each other as Beija recorded for her Instagram video. They sounded terrible, and couldn’t help but to laugh before Jermaine began to rap along with the song. When it got to the break down, the two of them went back and forth, laughing a bit at their own antics.

Beija grew silent as the next track began to play, and she laid her head against J’s chest as she listened to the somber melody before she heard his voice. “I never felt so alive. I never felt so alive,” Her face reddened slightly as she listened to the beginning lyrics of the song, and her eyebrows raised slowly—this was a poem she wrote in her sketchbook that she had given Jermaine on Valentine’s Day. Her mouth slightly widened as she let out a soft sigh. “Baby...” She whispered.

“Listen,” He hushed her for a moment, and the track began to go further in—the song was heartfelt and completely vulnerable. She had never heard Jermaine like this, even when he was at his most open with her, and she felt her eyes water as she looked up at him. He was looking right back at her, and a smile spread across his face. “It’s nice, right?” He asked.

“Ugh,” She laughed softly as she wiped away her tears quickly, nodding as she cuddled closer to his body. She continued to listen to the track, already feeling such a connection with it. Anyone who wanted to doubt anything about them could do it no longer. J had put it out there for the world to receive and whether they liked it or not, he loved her. Beija couldn’t believe it...Jermaine really loved her.

The vibe seemed to change up, and she grinned as she heard Courtney’s melodic tones layered with J’s vocals. She grabbed her phone and went into the group chat that she, Courtney, J, Bas, Cody, Dame, and Ib were in together. “BITCH! Serve me vocals!” She texted.

Various laughing emojis and ‘lol’ came from the other men. Courtney’s reply came last—a picture of Tiffany ‘New York’ Pollard saying ‘I’m here, bitch.’

“Why you and Court stupid?” Beija laughed when she heard J’s voice, and she nodded her head to the beat of the music.

“Y’all going off! Shit,” Beija giggled as she swayed slowly to the music, snapping along before she listened to the skit at the end of the track, and she licked over her lips as she let the actual vibe of the track sink into her conscience. As great as the music had been, this was still a story—she recognized the different layers of the moods the music brought. From the tears of the mother, to the want of revenge from his homeboys, to the preacher letting it be known that there needed to be a change. It was almost too familiar of a feeling.

“Wait, wait, check this out—...” J pulled up the info for ‘Neighbors,’ and he pointed at the ‘Composer’ area: Jermaine Cole and Beija Demarco, it read.

“Wait—wait a minute! I got album credit?!” Beija shrieked before she laughed, bouncing in the bed as danced along with the music. J let out a laugh before she hugged him tightly. “I’m about to get me some coin!” She joked.

“You a regular ol’ Timbaland now, baby,” J teased before letting out a laugh.

Soon enough, the end of ‘Neighbors’ was followed by natural ambience, but then the familiar bass from the instrumental Beija enjoyed began to play. “Yes,” She snapped as she slowly rolled her body as she danced in the bed.

‘Foldin’ Clothes’ was exactly how she imagined it would be—a feel good song with funk influence and heartfelt lyrics about him trying to relieve the stress of his woman’s everyday life. Beija could remember the numerous times that she woke up from naps in her apartment, and see clothes being wrongly folded by Jermaine. He tried his best but never could get it right; even with that said, she was happy to know that he was thinking of her. He really tried his best to make her happy with the ‘simple things,’ as he had said, and she would never forget that.

As the song reached its end, she listened carefully to the balance between being what society thought a man was and being the best man for his woman. She smiled softly as she kissed his cheek.

The familiar melody from earlier resounded in her ears, and her eyebrows raised as she heard the sounds of a crying child. Instantly her hand pressed to her stomach, and she bit into her lip as J slid a hand over her own. She stared at her stomach as she smiled softly, letting out a soft sigh as her tears came back quickly and with full force. She sniffed as laced her fingers with his, listening to what would literally be their future.

“Fuck this album shit, hey mama look what God made—she’s mine,” J mumbled in her ear, and she looked up at him as he smiled, his eyes shimmering a bit before he blinked rapidly. “She’s ours,” He said, and she sighed as she closed her eyes, feeling his lips press against her forehead.

The final track was enjoyed in silence as they held onto one another, and the album tied together story wise up until the last moment. She listened to his voice, balancing the sound of it with the rhythmic thump of J’s own heartbeat. The title track had to be therapeutic for him—it was actually the first track he recorded once he decided to dedicate the piece to his fallen friend. She remembered back in New York when he recorded it, and she pretended to be asleep as he spent hours putting the lyrics together. And he cried after, then came to lay next to her. She remembered the warmth of his hand as he caressed her face, and she could hear his mumbles—incoherent yet tangible professions of love.

Eventually, the track ended, and the two sat in silence before Beija let out the softest chuckle. “You’re the greatest. I don’t care what anyone says,” She ran her fingers down his arm.

“Thank you,” He said before he kissed her forehead. Eventually, the candles burned down to the end of the wax and fizzled out. Now in the darkness, the two just continued to hold onto one another.

The next morning

“So yeah, you, Yana, and Sara definitely have to come up and see the new house when I send you the baby shower invite,” Beija was slowly moving around the kitchen as she sat on the phone with Lauren. “I can’t wait for you to see it—it’s so amazing,” She said.

“I saw the pictures on Facebook; I’m gonna have to slide on up there so I can see my niece or nephew too,” Lauren laughed a bit. “Girl, I cannot believe I’m talking to you about a baby. You’re pregnant as fuck,” She said, and Beija let out a laugh. “I’m so happy for you and J, though. Congratulations,” She said.

“Thanks, sis. I’m really excited, although I’m still nervous as hell,” She shook her head as she heard loud clapping from the living room—J was in the midst of watching some football. “But I’m slowly getting used to the idea of motherhood. Trying to get the house childproof quickly,” She said.

“Oh yeah, girl. Gotta keep the baby safe. But can I finally just say...I told you so,” Beija groaned loudly before Lauren laughed. “I told you that you and Jermaine were gonna be together, and what did you try to tell me? Hm?” Lauren asked.

“Look, shut up,” Beija laughed softly. “I didn’t think this was going to happen, honestly. Don’t be rubbing it in my face,” She laughed as she sat down at the dining room table, watching as J laid across the couch, his hand aimlessly playing in his own hair.

“I’ll rub it in your face all I want, only because nothing but good as come to you out of being wrong,” Lauren replied. “But for real, when he gonna put a ring on it? Let’s start the countdown,” She chuckled.

“Girl!” Beija laughed softly before she ran her hand over her stomach. “I am not about to deal with you, crazy girl,” She said.

“Look, I predicted y’all being together—I need a two for two, because I’m definitely trying to be the maid of honor,” Lauren boasted.

“You make me sick,” Beija chuckled before she felt a sudden vibration through her phone. It started to vibrate back to back, as if notifications were pouring in. She glanced up and noticed Jermaine’s phone buzzing across the table as well. “The fuck—hey Lauren, I’ll call you back,” She said.

“Yeah, sure. I’ll talk to you then,” Beija hung up before she checked her phone, her eyebrows raising at the article that seemed to be being brought to her attention.

“Ah fuck...again? Jermaine,” She whined, and J glanced up with a questioning look. “Your phone,” She pointed, and he checked his phone.

“Oh...so they know about the baby now,” He mumbled, and scrolled down a bit. “This...this headass nigga here!” He exclaimed at the further details of the story, rolling his eyes slowly.

The article basically consisted of the Snapchat story and Instagram video that the two had recorded the night before, revealing that Beija was pregnant and ‘pretty far along,’ as they spoke. But then what came next was what annoyed the two of them—apparently, someone had gone to the gossip blog with ‘information’ about Beija and how she was hanging out with another guy while trying to date Jermaine.

“I am so tired of them attacking me,” She sighed softly as she stood up and slowly walked over to the couch, sitting down slowly. “I just wanted to celebrate the album, and they’re on some bullshit,” She sucked her teeth.

“Man, just turn your phone off if you need to, but don’t be stressing over that shit,” J said, visibly annoyed by the scenario. “And I’m sure that’s nobody but Omari’s bitch ass. I’m convinced it is—I know how to find out too,” J said before he sat up. “But don’t even worry about it. I know what the real is so it really doesn’t matter,” He said.

“I guess. I’m just going to try to ignore it. I have bigger things to focus on,” Beija rolled her eyes slowly before she silenced her phone and sat it upon its face. She hated the fact that she couldn’t just enjoy her time with her man without controversy and drama, but that was probably why the two stayed away from social media—whenever they did try to share things with the public, it turned into a spectacle. She was actually hoping that Omari wasn’t behind it, because she knew Jermaine didn’t like him and seemed to become highly volatile when it came to him. The last thing she needed was extra drama.

#j. cole fanfic #j. cole fanfiction #j. cole ff #j cole fanfic #j cole fanfiction

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subhadipati · 4 years

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#YouTube Tech realted #tips #tricks

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