#this morning already frustrated me

[lesbiansanemi]

Me: maybe 8 days off will fix me, maybe going back to work won’t be so bad. It’s fine. It’s fine. It’s alright

Also me: *is at work for less than two hours and already Wants to Die* Ah. Great.

#this morning already frustrated me #because so much shit was done wrong or wasn’t done at all while I was gone #because I basically manage the department even though that’s NOT MY JOB #so ofc I come back and everything is on fire and everyone is one omg you HAVE to fix this we just couldn’t do it/figure it out 🥺 #when it’s something that’s so simple they just didn’t wanna do it well or right #but also #the stupid fucking gm was like ‘hey I need to talk to you. it’s about your disability accommodation’ #and I. a fool. got really excited like omg!! are they finally going to approve it!!! #no. no. he basically told me to get fucked and it wasn’t going to happen #he said I could WEAR A FAN????? AROUND MY NECK???? and use that for white noise but that was it???? #what???? the FUCK????? #number one I cannot express how much worse a fucking FAN going in my ears all day long would just make my sensory overload 10 times worse #but also how is that not MORE of a distraction and ‘unprofessional’ than just letting me wear my fucking headphones #I feel like crying. I just want to not leave work with a developing migraine every day because of sensory reasons #and a part of me is like suck it up you’ve been dealing with this for a year it’s not actually a big deal #at least you CAN work and it’s not so bad that you can’t that’s a privilege #and like… yeah…. but I literally feel so drained and miserable every single day #and this stupid job makes me want to kms #but I can’t quit cuz the pay is too good #and it’s just so frustrating because they’re like ‘we’re such a good and diverse company we treat our employees so well’ #and the general public thinks it’s a GREAT company #so I just constantly here about how great and awesome and inclusive they are #but they won’t even let me have the accommodation of wearing fucking headphones #something every other job has let me do…. #and it makes me so mad on behalf of every other person who probably got told no over disability accommodations for even more important and I #intensive things #and I just. yeah. I kinda wanna cry #but as always I cannot cry because I’m so emotionally stunted that all I can ACTUALLY feel are pissed off and frustrated #anyways. I need to break something #kaz rambles

[isfjmel-phleg]

🌋

#random personal stuff #personal whining feel free to ignore #am currently filled with spite and general I'll-Show-YOU-ness regarding a skill I never learned #it was implied recently that I do not know how to do this thing because of lack of interest #like I just woke up one morning and decided to be a burden on society #I KNOW perfectly well that knowing how to do this would give me greater independence #do you think I haven't been bearing the weight of this guilt most of my life #not learning was a situation beyond my control #long story weird upbringing unhelpful people lack of opportunity resultant anxiety etc. #anyway I've had it and I'd love to go out and prove that I'm not really worthless #...unfortunately I live in a small town where there's no place for someone like me to learn #because the system assumes that you are a teenager and your parents or school will teach you #or else (I suppose) that knowledge of this thing is written on every adult's heart already #so yeah...this is also a lot of why I never learned #(excuse me while I get angry for a moment) #I hate this. I hate the system. I hate living in a small town with extremely limited resources. #I hate whatever motivated the people who should have been helping me not to give me the opportunity and resources to learn. #(rant over sorry) #anyway I will eventually figure this out #but in the meantime it is Frustrating

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#love that my body decided to incapacitate me the weekend before i have to read 5 different papers for classes #and it would b one thing to just read them but no for 3 of them i have to give detailed interpretation and 1 i have to present on #ive already failed to read one bc i forgot we had to do 2 papers for monday. oops. not that i could have done it anyway. i barely got 1 done #and im on track to fucking up the one due Tomorrow as well #im just fucking tired of reading fucking chemistry driven papers that i dont understand no matter how many times i read them #and everyones like oh itll get easier but no it fucking wont bc i cant fucking read right #its so fucking frustrating. why do i even bother? im so tried #i don't even have the paper im supposed to present on so ill have to do it all tomorrow. cool. great. not that i could do it today anyway #im just. this is gonna b a difficult week #and i misused my whole day by doing extractions bc i scheduled my training a week ago when i thought i would b fine over the weekend #nope. its fucking bullshit. this is y im like. y do i even want to b in academia? #how could i b a prof if i cant read well? its fine to b dyslexic as a math person but im like i have to read so much and so little gets thru #but then what the fuck else am i supposed to do? idk. im just gonna write down something for all these questions and go tf to sleep #ill get up at some horrible time in the morning to finish this. damn the consequences. ill see my therapist tomorrow anyway #and meet with my advisor like 🤪 yo guess what i made zero progress this week #sorry u got stuck with me while im going thru a year of fucking health problems #but whatever cant get rid of me now im already here. here and tired and i wanna go to bed #unrelated

[swinging-stars-from-satellites]

having a bad day ladies I think I need prayer, coffee, bread, and a good book, in that order

#just feelin Weird #probably bc I have not gotten much sleep this week + screwed something up at church this morning + feeling weird emotionally #ALREADY bc of 1) another church thing and 2) another personal thing that idk how to handle and I just feel Awkward #and play rehearsals every day and having to get a ride next week from one of the costuming department girls #which was an anxiety inducing conversation to have akskdhskfjs #anyway I just need a Break. and to Break Bread. #I'm making cupcakes tonight bc tomorrow is my church/theater friend's birthday and I'm gonna take them to practice for everyone #I have to work around a couple people's dietary restrictions but!! looking forward to it!!! #forcibly being positive even though everything is making me UNREASONABLY frustrated

[suzakus-canon-wife]

Love having my occasional "My husband would never fucking love me or want anything to do with me ever" thoughts

#its late and im tired and ill be fine in the morning #but im just like pissed cause im already fucking struggling cause i have 2-3 seizures everyday right now like #i dont wanna deal with another thing that makes me depressed #like this is one of the few rhings that brings me comfort rn is suzas love #so im just like frustrated like my brain is just mean to me #i just need some sleep haha

[queenerdloser]

lol my landlord just let me know theyre selling my apartment and to plan to move out within the next two months

#liveblogging life #he was like - well you can buy it if you want to! #and i was like well. it sucks to move but i dont actually want to own this apartment lmao #like i like where i live but uh. i was always planning to move out at some point #so now it's apartment hunting in my future #at least this time i have an actual rental history & a solid income lmao #when i tried apt hunting in japan it just leads to tears and frustration - this time i should be fine i think???? #even tho my credit history is still fucking bad lmao #anyway he texted me about it at like 8:15a this morning roughly 10m after i woke up #so it was a fun adrenaline jolt lol #PLUS he's doing pictures on weds so like. i have to finish deep cleaning my apt today and tomorrow now #thankfully i was already doing that so my apt isnt as bad as it has been in the past

[daisywords]

.

#fighting for my life here #I wish my office space was less open so I could put rest my head on the table in despondence and frustration #without being in full view of anyone walking by #it's fine it's fine I'm just being a drama queen #anyway. already went back and forth with the authors about a change and then after the thing was posted online my supervisor read it #for some reason #and came back like this is wrong you need to fix it #girl I made that edit in the first round and they made me change it back #and nothing says anything that definitive on it so I felt like I didn't have a leg to stand on #so I'm like oh ok do you have a reference I can use for that #she gives me the same one I already looked at that IS NOT ACTUALLY DEFINITIVE #anyway back to the poor beleaguered typesetter I have to bug with this AGAIN #and that's just one thing #my team is still behind on everything and I have already witnessed two miscommunications this morning

[neverendingford]

Therapists have two genders:

Professional Asshole and

Well-meaning Incompetent

#color says shit #text post #replying to my therapist is the most frustrating thing in the world. ma'am you think you're building rapport with me? #I hate to tell you but you've been wildly unsuccessful if that's what you think you've been doing here. #stop trying to educate me about my bullshit diagnoses that I already know about from my years on the internet. #like. babygirl I'm over here trying to build up to feeling comfortable enough to talk about the six-layer trauma cake I've got going on #and you're over here showing me a diagram consisting of two concentric circles meant to convey the idea of self versus other #you're very nice and trying to be helpful but I don't want to fucking talk about the girlfriend I want to talk about the issues that matter #girlfriend is an experiment. the other shit is stuff that lives in our fucking soul. shit that made me into the weird person fragment I am #and I had to fight for an hour. therapist kept on scheduling us for half an hour. HALF A FUCKING HOUR HALF AN HOUR ISN'T ENOUGH TIME TO TALK #I had to fight for it and even when she finally scheduled us for an hour she still tried to cut it short #I had to pull up the appointment confirmation to prove I had an hour allotted. like seriously what the fuck. #one of those people who had their own mental struggles and then is like “I want to become a therapist and help other people uwu” #and then is fucking useless and projects their own issues onto someone else and shoves their personal solutions onto you #like someone in r/aita projecting their own shitty relationship onto someone else. some of us are different Daryl #ugh I'm so fucking pissed and I'm not giving up the controller until I get this shit sorted out for now. #r wanted to hop back on this morning in the shower and we had a shouting match but our deal was she takes a week break so I'm keeping it #because too much shit has built up and she's been not doing so hot so I'm gonna get this mess cleaned up before I let her back on. #I bought groceries. I did laundry. I got the car repairs done. I got our bike fixed up. I showered. I did dishes. I'm going to #and I'm going to get even more done tomorrow. maybe then I'll go back to watching over her shoulder and backseat gaming but not for a while. #it feels nice though. like I get to finally stretch my arms and yawn real good. #and btw to answer the question she's always fucking asking. she's not ace in the slightest lmao. I am and the bleed over confuses her. #there. question answered so maybe she can stop asking about it. #I feel like in her push to find herself she kinda pushed me back into the corner. which... ngl that hurts a little. #oh well. you don't need to hear about our lovers' quarrel. I'm going to bed in these cozy fresh bed sheets I just put on the bed.

[terriblelizbians]

whenever im really really stressed and too scared to open my computer bc there’s deadlines in there, and then i finally peek at my email and there’s something saying the deadline has been pushed back. oh it does something bad to my brain. but good to my heart...

#like thank fuck bc i was procrastinating and about to be Fucked #but also this is absolutely enabling my procrastinatory tendencies #but also it would have been. Bad if i didn’t have more time #i think i would have been able to get it done but then i would definitely skip my early morning class tomorrow #which ive already missed too much of because i can’t exist in the morning #not to start crying about a different issue on this post about one issue but. #it sucks in general the whole ‘you only get our minimal meager accommodations if you give us proof from a hundred doctors’ bs #but my sleep-tired-whatever problems is especially frustrating for me personally #like i know it’s not my fault or my choice and i know it’s literally just how my body works #but it feels like. impossible to convey to people who demand that sort of proof #’sorry i keep missing your class. um well it’s because im too tired. yes i know everyone is but it’s different for me. it’s like a Thing.’ #i know technically i can go get like. specific sleep related tests all done or whatever. #i just don’t like talking to doctors about my problems lol

[cinna-bunnie]

bleh

#having a bad morning tbhhhh #i envy the ppl who grew up here :| it's so much easier to make friends when u went to school w ppl and grew up with them #i have been here since 2016 and was just trying to get stability the first 3 years financially/housing-wise. #and when i was Finally ready to start making friends the pandemic happened. #the closest thing I've had to friends were made thru my ex and when we broke up they ghosted me. #to this day i have not made a single genuine friend and i can't articulate how hurtful that is to think about. #and i get excited when i might have a new friend but do the audhd balancing act where i tone myself down so i don't scare them away #but then idk. maybe i just come off as uninteresting or indifferent. idk what the perception of me is bc no one ever tells me anything lol. #i just get ghosted a lot 😭 it's Literally so much easier to find ppl to fuck than it is to find friends. idk why this is so hard but it's #frustrating. everyone has lukewarm interest in me at best and i have so much to offer when I've opened up to someone. #and i can't rly talk w ppl about how I'm feeling. and i can't do anything but keep trying over and over or else i WILL fr have no friends. #it's just. like. I'm not a normal person w normal circumstances and interacting w people who already have a ton of friends and stuff #going on is hard. there's like this burning desire for companionship in u as the person NEEDING it that no one else has #bc they already have it yk? ur just kind of a footnote on everyone's day/week. u don't have that kind of relationship where #u can Just Go Over or just have ppl over. ppl can hang like once a month maybe. i hate it here but also don't want to leave :| #everything is great except trying to make friends. idk i just wanted to vent lol I'm done ranting and might just delete #but this feeling wells up inside me and some days is so hard to ignore 😭 #'i have been here since 2016 and don't have a single genuine Friend' what the fuck 😭😭 #ik that wfh doesn't Help but i wouldn't be able to get anything done in person in my position lol. plus it's less about where ppl are #and more about how relationships (dont) develop past a certain point. #i have someone I've been talking with probs longest out of everyone so far and we're gonna hang this weekend #but I'm also perpetually afraid I'm gonna scare them away or something and be back at square 1 😭 #and idk im afraid that might translate into seeming shy or something and I'd hate for them to lose interest anyways ._. #but idk how much of that is valid vs my brain just being mean to me and paranoid over my other experiences. #anyways... yea thnx for reading if u did. i feel crazy 😮‍💨

[thegoblinwitch]

two hours later, and i've barely reached the halfway mark. 😭 this is gonna take me for ever. and even with the music to distract me, there are works going on outside so it's a constant hammering of pick breaker or whatever they're called, interspaced with the loud clanging of freight or passenger trains passing through the station just in front of where i'm at. and i can't close the window, it's just too warm and they haven't switched off central heating so i really need that fucking window open if i don't wanna get a fucking headache. urgh. not a good mood now.

#this end of semester is killing me #and to think #i was actually looking forward to writing this one #on buddhism in meiji japan #but nope #it's taking me forever #and it's really frustrating #and i just want to be done with it already #urgh #just urgh #and i was in such a good mood this morning #*sigh*

[lorisystem]

The nicest person in the world is the lady who helped me tie my shoes at 5ish years old so i could go play during recess. (I elaborated in the tags but theyre fairly long,,) -???

#ive already told this story to some people but i love to tell it. #ok so when i was young i only wore velcro shoes bc i couldnt tie laces. #even now i havent learned the proper knot that literally everybody has learned. idk why i just cant commit it to memory but to be fair #i havent tried to learn it in years bc now i learned a different way to tie my shoes which takes longer so everybody is always like why do #you take so long tying your shoes. #but anyway this story is when i was around 5 maybe younger or maybe older but max 7 yrs old. #my mom only bought me velcro shoes since i couldnt learn how to tie my shoes normally and at some point trying to learn made me so #frustrated i just refused to try and cried etc. #so anyway in my old school there was this weird rule ive never seen anywhere else that we had to use other shoes in the class #i guess to avoid dirtying the floors or something. #and one time my mom bought me new shoes with laces and threw my old shoes probably thinking id have to learn it. i didnt lol. #so she tied my shoes in the morning and then i went to school changed shoes and like i had to like. put back my lace shoes on to go outside #for recess. now get that the teacher hated me. not sure why you would hate a child this age. but she was usually mean to me. #so when she saw this issue she was rlly annoyed and told me so and like the first few days she tied my shoes so i could go outside. #and idk after 2 or 3 times she got rlly tired of doing it and said i had to do it by myself. and she just like fucking left and went outside #leaving me alone on the staircase. #and now this building had a 2nd story which was like a house or flat where people lived. and they were totally unrelated to the school afaik #but the lady was always rlly nice. so she happened to be going down to go outside and about her day and she saw me crying by myself on the #staircase and said whats wrong and i told her i cant tie my shoes and she just helped me and consoled me and then i could go. #anyway she was an angel to me. #its hitting me now as i tell this that when i was a child many of the adults around me were really mean #so i really imprinted on nice adults like i thought they were really amazing and the best people ever. #anyway thank you for reading my story!! #lorisys

[ann-chovi]

24 for the art meme

24. How do you deal with artblock?

I am a very, VERY stubborn person. Most of the time I try to just push my way through it. Just start doodling faces/expressions/squiggles whatever comes out of my hands. I like to think of it as "getting the bad drawings out". No matter your skill level, you're always going to make art that you don't think looks good some of the time- that's okay! It happens to everyone as far as I've seen! In my experience, the act of just scribbling out nonsense things can get your creative juices going- and if not? If I'm still frustrated after that? Usually that means it's time for either a nap or a video game break. Possibly both.

#i was actually starting to get one yesterday! #it took me a few hours to work out how i wanted the layout of page 8 to look #when it usually takes me 30-45 minutes! #it was very frustrating! #but mercifully it seems to have abated already #just going ham on Ingo's face in the sketch i uploaded earlier today was what did it for me this time #last time i was frustrated with my work i booted up sonic frontiers and beat the snot out of some giant robots and then went to bed #art block had fizzled by morning #anyway Ursula the painter from Kikis Delivery Service was right about creative blocks actually #sometimes you just need a break and that's okay

[silks-up-my-sleeve]

I legit just started at this job yesterday, got thrown to the wolves today bc their problem employee no call no showed, and tomorrow I have to train someone entirely new to food service.....

Did I mention I JUST STARTED THIS JOB??? Like I'm not even entirely familiar with the way this place runs yet and I still barely know the names of my cooks other than that old hag who was a bitch to me yesterday

#like I've done exactly what im doing for the past almost 5 years so i know what's up #but i literslly havent even gotten settled into working somewhere new and im already on my own #and with how plans changed this morning and i was forced to scramble it was just a lot- #like almost had a full blown meltdown at a little after 7 trying to get everything set right while the boys were coming in and #just handing my ass to me- had to choke back tears and slams of frustration while trying to get everything together

[patronsaint-prometheus]

I love having autism until I infodump about something and then I just hear “why do you keep bringing that up when you know none of us give a shit?” on repeat in the back of my head for the rest of time.

#so frustrating that it happened with digimon too. I ALREADY feel dumb about liking it ok I didn’t need the double whammy #like I KNOW the comment was made years ago but it’s soooooo frustrating. I cannot stop fuckin thinking about it ever #I rant abt my interest anyway dont get me wrong. #it doesn’t STOP me from talking. nothing does I’m very loud. but it does suck all the enjoyment out of it very fast #bec now to infodump at all I gotta go into it thinking ‘it doesn’t matter if they don’t care. might as well just get the thought out’ #like. ACK. NO. i WANTED someone to care. yk? I wanted someone to acknowledge that I was running my mouth off in the corner somewhere #but now even when they do it just feels like. idk checking off a box. like ah yes when Marley rants I send a quick response #after sending my response I can check off that I’ve done my task n this is over. like feeding a pet in the morning n then leaving 4 work #I know this is entirely in my head btw. but whatever #I’m gonna go back to looking at digimon images now

[femme-malewife]

Tomorrow marks my 6th day working at my new job and Monday will be my 7th/weekiversary....

#its a tiny bit confusing on some parts but...i really do like this job!!! #everyone is easy to get along with and makes sure to say good morning to me in the morning and :) #i like the type of work @ the beauty store i once worked at a bit more.....but regardless. I do genuinely love this job so far #i dont feel overwhelmed or frustrated #and i havent had one bad customer towards me yet #i did have a bad customer today but it was more her piss poor attitude towards her spoiled brat 4 year old daughter and being unable to pay #and giving in to said brat #god that shitty brat had such an ear grating whine i wanted to stab my own eardrums out #“I have enough cash for her toys bc she will NOT let me go without them” YOURE BUYING CLOTHES FOR SCHOOL FOR HER. SURELY THATS MORE IMPORTA #THAN PRINCESS PIGGLES RAINBOW RAKE?????? #fkdkfoforor i was. Very annoyed. #Their delay made me half an hour late for my lunch break :( #well. Anyway. Everyone else has been very sweet and lots of customers have called me “extremely pleasant” and said they look forward to #seeing me again. And my coworkers said that im a good worker already #aghfifkfkdkdmsksk i may not have as much time for my hobbies but at least im being welcomed so warmly ...