#to keep up this like essays long reply chain about the minutia of our lives that doesn’t change ever

[icterid-rubus]

😕

#scheduled my cat to be put down this Friday #don’t wanna make a post about it but I wanna talk about it #asked my mom to come with to drive me and do the talking. dad asked to come too #except he doesn’t do earnest emotions well and says really stupid and insensitive shit when people are emoting #and I will be sobbing through all this. I already am #on a zoom call with family so they can say goodbye to Chloe and he’s going on about how bad she is sees I’m trying not to cry and says #gee! I don’t think she’ll make it through this! hohoho! #I don’t want anyone to be there with me at all but I know I just won’t be able to talk to the vet and pay #really just a fucked up year. ducked up like 6 years running but whatever #really tired but I can’t sleep. don’t want to talk to people but isolated #I want Chloe’s suffering to be over but I don’t want to let her go. #meanwhile I have bumble person on discord talking to me and it feels like such a slog. I want to ghost. I’m just tired in them and having #to keep up this like essays long reply chain about the minutia of our lives that doesn’t change ever #but that also feels mean because they haven’t been pushy and have been really considerate even when they asked to meet again and I said to #hold off because of my cat and it’s been like two weeks #I haven’t been in instagram because I don’t want fish store person to ask me out #trying to get stuff done for friends baby but realized in all this mess I forgot to block anything. feel like such a failure at everything #making baby presents. keeping my cat alive. making connections #I just don’t want to be perceived at all. I feel like such a non entity #or rather I feel like I should be a non entity. a picture on the wall of a disused room. #I’m so tired.