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xelasrecords · 1 year

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The Love We Live For

Kim Jihyun x MC x Han Jumin

Jihyun comes home injured so MC and Jumin fuss over him. MC's love for them is romantic and reciprocated, while Jihyun and Jumin's love is platonic. The idea for this came when I replayed Jihyun's route and realised I couldn't choose between them. I want to feel loved and admire their love. Everything else comes after. I hope this story will make you feel loved too.

Words: 4.3k

Masterlist Read on AO3 Moodboard

The evening saw her and Jumin lounging on Jihyun's couch, her bare feet on Jumin's lap, Jumin's head tipped back against the plush cushion. Her heart was thrumming with anticipation of Jihyun coming home today. It was the kind of yearning that one didn't realise one could have until the object of affection was gone. She welcomed the feeling without objection, for there had always been fondness between the three of them. And if hers developed into something more—equally yet differently—for the two men she always searched for in empty rooms and bustling crowds, it was not something she could control.

"Jumin, this is not the time to be sleeping." She nudged Jumin's side with her toes when his eyelids were drooping.

A few weeks had passed since Jihyun's departure for work, and instead of growing accustomed to his absence, they had grown to miss his presence. So when she asked Jumin to join her in welcoming their beloved friend at his home, Jumin accepted her offer in earnest. No one wanted to miss the opportunity; the right place at the right time couldn't come often enough for three people who lived vastly different lives.

Jumin closed his hand around her ankle, not bothering to open his eyes. It was a wonder that a touch so familiar could still send sparks up her veins. "Allow me to take a quick nap."

She was glad when he didn't move his hand away. "I don't think your best friend would like it when his surprise gift is a sleeping log."

"He doesn't have any expectations from me. He likes me always," Jumin said. "And I would make a sustainable log."

She sunk into the sea of throw pillows and made herself comfortable. "I'd process you into paper immediately."

Jumin peeked at her. "To write a heartfelt love letter proclaiming your feelings for me?"

"To revise your sleeping habits and make a better you." She cracked a grin. She liked how Jumin could flirt with her in a playful manner. He never revealed this side of him when there were others around. Of course, Jihyun was excluded from the grouping. He was not other people to them.

"You only need to turn to Jihyun for that," Jumin said after a moment. "He is the better part of me. His kindness is what makes me who I am. I wouldn't be sitting with you here if he never influenced this acceptance into me."

"Then who are you to him?" The first button of Jumin's white shirt was undone, revealing the slope of his throat that ran down to the base of his collarbones, but she fought to train her eyes on his face.

"His conscience. I think he looks to me as some kind of moral compass. He's always apologetic for the things he hasn't done enough. He doesn't think about what he has done, only what he hasn't. I'd like to believe that I lessen his burden by having faith in him."

"Do you ever wonder if that faith is misplaced?" There was no judgement in her voice, just curiosity. She could never tire of listening to how much Jihyun meant to Jumin. Jumin was at his tenderest when he spoke about his friend, the one soul that he could recognise from afar and would not let go no matter the circumstance.

"It wouldn't be faith if I doubted my belief in him," Jumin stated like it was a fact known to all. "It's how I believe in you too."

"I don't think I look at you like you're my guiding star."

He lifted his head to face her. "Quite the opposite. I believe in you because you possess a good sense independent of anyone's opinion, a sense that sometimes I lose, and you care for Jihyun like no other. That's enough to tell how trustworthy you are."

"I care for Jihyun like I care for you," she said softly. "There's no one I'd rather be here with than you. Your company means more to me than you can imagine."

Jumin smiled at her. "I know."

She was about to reply when they were interrupted by a click at the door. Immediately, she and Jumin rose from the couch, him gently putting her legs away and her shoving the pillows aside to get to her feet.

It was Jihyun. It was Jihyun who trudged in with a camera slung around his neck. It was Jihyun with a face peppered with scratches and bruises and ragged clothes stained with dirt.

She stopped short before him, her initial joy upon seeing him twisted into horror. One glance at Jumin's stricken face confirmed that his feelings mirrored hers, his clamped fists turning white at his sides.

Jihyun was just as astounded to see them. He turned his head away as if to hide the scars on his cheek, but she slowly tilted his jaw back to her, the other hand hovering over a blooming bruise. "What happened?" she breathed out.

Jihyun gave them a rueful smile, eyes darting from her concerned expression to Jumin's terse form. "I didn't know that you two would be here."

"We need to get you to the hospital right away," Jumin said, his tone urgent.

"It's only a light injury, Jumin. No need to call the doctors. I didn't hit my head and there are no open wounds, see?" Jihyun widened his arms. After a quick scan and her experience of tending to his worse wounds, she could tell that he was telling the truth. It relaxed her a bit.

But his comment seemed to shake Jumin out of his shock and shifted his mood into annoyance. "Oh, I have seen light, and this is not light."

"It's deep purple—the bruise, I mean," she commented helpfully.

"Thank you for your observation," Jumin deadpanned. "He should paint his next artwork with that colour."

"Dark violet would be a nice shade to paint with," Jihyun mulled.

Jumin shot him a reprimanding look and helped him shrug off his coat. Slowly, Jumin got Jihyun's arms out of the sleeves, cautious not to let the fabric scrape against the cuts on the skin. No matter how angry Jumin was at him, he would never use aggression to handle him. It was another thing that she liked about Jumin.

Jihyun, however, wasn't exactly likeable at the moment. She was relieved that he didn't need urgent care, but she shared Jumin's displeasure. A nagging suspicion crept up when she noticed the guilt darkening Jihyun's expression.

"Did you do something stupid?" she asked.

"It's in poor fashion to assume he's the perpetrator when he could've been the victim," commented Jumin.

"It wasn't something stupid." Jihyun seemed as innocent as he could be, but she could see through his distractingly angelic face, the battered face that sent a fresh sharp pang to her heart whenever she examined it. "I was trying to take a photograph of a flower growing on a high wall when I slipped."

Jumin dropped the dirty coat that he'd folded and stared at Jihyun. "I take it back. You are an idiot. Did you not check for your safety before you put yourself in a precarious position?"

"He wouldn't be in this state if he did," she muttered.

Jumin bent down to pick up the coat. "You have been very helpful tonight."

"Sarcasm from a handsome brooding man, just how I like it." She winked, trying to make light of the situation. Jihyun had been through worse, so this was fine. This was manageable. There were no serious injuries, so self-treatment would be enough. They could head to the hospital the next day if they really had to. "Now I'm about to be even more helpful. Pretend to be surprised, Jumin."

But it appeared that Jihyun could sense her underlying anxiety. He touched her forearm and offered a reassuring smile while nodding his head once, silently encouraging her to do what she had planned. She pressed her lips into a tight smile and placed a hand on his back, guiding him to the couch. She could feel Jumin's gaze burning the back of her head, but she ignored it. Better for him to be irked than incapacitated with terror.

Jumin sighed and stalked off to another room, presumably in search of the first aid kit. In this house, nothing ever stayed at its original place. Jumin often brought it up as a complaint and had attempted to stage an intervention for it, but she didn't mind if Jihyun did not. She found Jumin fussing about and Jihyun watching him in resignation rather endearing.

Once she cleared the throw pillows from the couch, Jihyun took her hand and brought her down to sit beside him. "I didn't want you and Jumin to know," he said.

"I know."

"I didn't want you to be worried about me."

"I know that too." She took his camera off his neck and placed it on the table. "But we'll worry nonetheless. Partly because you're always up to questionable things but mostly because you're our friend. You can't expect us to be happy all the time when that isn't humanly possible."

Jihyun pushed aside the strands of mint hair that fell over his matching-coloured eyes. "I'm afraid that I'm a burden to you and Jumin."

"Do you think it's a burden to love?" She briefly wondered how it would feel to thread through his hair but quickly banished the thought. This was not the time.

"To love me?"

"For you to love someone," she clarified. "Me. Jumin."

A small, disbelieving laugh slipped past Jihyun. "How could I, when I've known how warm it feels? I feel it when I see you and Jumin, and I feel it from the two of you. It's like the three of us are running on the same wavelength." He met her unwavering gaze. "I would do anything for a chance of your happiness even if it's the most laborious and harmful task, and I wouldn't think of it as a task. It'd be the easiest thing to do in the world because it's not something I'd have to choose. I would just do it."

The edges of her mouth curled into a small smile. "Helping you isn't something we have to choose either. When you love someone, sometimes you've got to let them do a little more work when you can't. Love is not about giving until you break yourself. You need to refill your vessel by receiving love too. We're here with you, so stop driving us away." She arranged a pillow on the couch before sliding to the floor. "Come, lie down. I bet you're tired. You drove on your own, didn't you?"

Jihyun gave her another apologetic smile but obeyed her request without protest. Jumin's footsteps echoed behind her—footsteps that she had become familiar with from the many times they slept over at each other's houses, how he always took long, steady strides like he had a place to be. Jumin swerved his body away from her as he passed by, carrying a large bowl filled with water in one hand and a first aid kit in the other while she shifted to give him space.

He set down the bowl on the table, water swishing inside. "Jihyun, you need to let me call someone to organise your home. Did you know where I found this?" Jumin rattled the first aid kit. "In the cereal cabinet. What on earth was it doing there?"

She craned her neck to look at Jumin. Though his shoulders were slumped from exhaustion, there was still an air of authority about him. "I heard you could use iodine as a replacement for milk. It'd look like blood and tempt the modern vampires from the book you read," she paused, thinking. "But you have to consider its texture. It's not thick enough to be confused with blood."

Jumin looked at her with newfound fascination, his irritation temporarily forgotten. "That's an interesting observation. Iodine smells like iron, so there's a chance that they could be fooled. I must tell Assistant Kang to retrieve some samples and test them out later."

Beside her, Jihyun leaned across to her ear and whispered, "Should we stop him?"

She snorted. "Maybe I could be your test subject, Jumin. Who knows? I might be a vampire, or it might turn me into one."

"Not now, then," Jihyun said under his breath and reclined to his previous position.

Jumin brandished the bottle of iodine from the kit and examined it with utmost curiosity. "According to the book, you'd have to be bitten to be one."

"Please," Jihyun cut in. "I merely wanted to take out the cereal but I forgot and shelved the kit instead."

Jumin deflated with disappointment. "So you were hungry and bleeding?"

"I understand." She raised her hand empathically. "I get that once a month."

"If it helps, I'm still bleeding now," Jihyun offered.

"Right." She arranged herself into a kneel and squeezed out water from the floating cloth in the water bowl.

The water was warm as it dripped down her elbow. She gently rubbed the cloth over Jihyun's face, cleaning it of the dirt that smeared across his jaw. He smelled like it too, she thought as she plucked a twig out of his mint-coloured hair. It might have been a small accident, but how many more small accidents should occur until they amounted to fatal destruction?

When she reached his split lip, she hesitated. Dry blood had crusted around the cut, but fresh blood was pooling again; it must have cracked when he talked. She was regretting how she couldn't be there for him when he lowered her wrist just enough to see her without the cloth obstructing his view. "It's all right, take your time. It doesn't hurt as much as it looks," he encouraged.

It was as if he could read her mind.

She nodded in what she hoped was a reassuring manner. "This may sting a bit," she warned before wiping the blood away. She was conscious of her movement and his breath fanning the back of her hand, the softness of his lips despite the injury. It was the closest she had ever got to it.

She was also aware of Jumin's presence beside her, who had sat on the floor with her to clean the cuts on Jihyun's arms, her shoulder occasionally brushing Jumin's. She could feel his eyes flitting from Jihyun to her when he thought she didn't notice, but was there any chance that she would not? It was almost impossible not to bristle under his intense stare studying her actions and reactions. She bit her lip and tried to concentrate on her duty at hand.

Jihyun cleared his throat. "I know I said that I felt bad for making you two help me earlier, but if I'm being honest, I'm also relieved that I don't have to do this alone." He smiled apologetically at both of them. "Thank you."

Jumin halted his ministration and looked up at Jihyun. "How many times do we have to tell you that you're not alone? Even when we're not here, you can always call us and we'll come in a heartbeat. Or I can call in a house doctor for you if you prefer. You simply need to ask." Jumin stared at the bandage that he just patched on Jihyun's arm. "Or don't ask, but I would do it regardless."

"Asking for help is harder than believing I would receive one," admitted Jihyun. "I know that you would come to my aid. You always have, but letting myself be weak has never been my strong suit."

"If it is reassurance that you need, then I will give it to you: being weak is not wrong," Jumin said, a hard edge in his voice. "What's wrong is putting yourself in dangerous situations for the sake of art. I worry that your pursuit of it is making you self-destructive. Is there no other healthier way to do it?" The gauze in his hand was trembling—from frustration and desperation, she guessed.

Alarmed, Jihyun pushed himself up and leaned towards his friend. "I'm surprised you're in this much distress, Jumin."

She felt compelled to comfort them, but she knew soothing words would not fix anything. The two men, the only men she could love this much, had to come to an agreement themselves. Jihyun always put every other thing before his health and Jumin was always worried about him. No one meant harm, but it did not mean no harm came to them.

Jumin shook his head in disbelief. "How can I not be? She and you are all I have. What if someday you do something so foolishly dangerous that you—"

"No!" Jihyun exclaimed, shocking both of them. "That won't happen." He grasped at Jumin's hand, the gauze falling to the floor. She had never seen such an intense display of emotions between them. "You forget that I love you. You're my best friend and I won't leave you for a temporary thrill. Art may provide me respite, but hurting you would scar me forever. It's not a line that I dare to cross."

"You're famous for blurring the line of death."

"Not this time. I know I'm selfish for this, but when I imagine toeing the line over and over until I've done irreversible damage to you, I shatter inside. I don't think I could live with myself if that happens. It is difficult enough to live with myself as I am."

"Then I would live for you." Jumin's eyes blazed with righteous rage. "What is it that you think I have been doing this whole time? I forgive you so you can find it in you to forgive yourself. I stand by you through everything because I believe you are good when you fail to see why, which is always, but I can't stand it when you promise one thing for my sake and do another behind my back."

"I won't—"

"Don't," Jumin warned, "make another empty promise."

"Jumin, no." Jihyun's tone was pleading. "That was before."

At once, she and Jumin understood what Jihyun meant. For Jumin and Jihyun, there was only before she came into their lives, and after, when everything fell into clear focus. Jihyun turned to her, reaching out to touch her face, and she drew closer instinctively. "The sight of you heartbroken isn't something that I ever want to see." His voice was barely a whisper.

Everyone held still. They never saw her as an intruder to their friendship; she was the missing key that locked their bond together. It felt right to be three, or they would spend their time constantly wondering how the missing one was doing. Jihyun's honesty was a surprise to her though—she didn't think he could have faith in how deep her feelings ran for him, and in turn, did not want to betray her heart because he cared about her just as much. She had thought that treatment was reserved for Jumin.

"It's fine to do the things you're passionate about," she finally said, dimly aware that her fingers had pruned under the wet cloth she was clutching. "You'll fall sometimes. That happens when you hit the ground running. Only don't disregard your safety completely, and rely on us when you need to. That's how you can keep my heart."

A small smile played on Jihyun's lips. "I will try."

She smiled back and turned to Jumin, only to have him already regarding her with such tenderness that made her feel like folding into herself. She knew what he was trying to convey—thank you for looking after my friend, thank you for telling him he's fine the way he is, thank you for loving him. And the most palpable of all, thank you for being here with me.

But she hadn't done anything grand. It was simply a love she couldn't hold back from spilling at the brim. Both Jumin and Jihyun came with their own set of irritabilities, but they were easy to love. Where else could she find a love that stayed up with her because they loved the person she loved, a love that was willing to kneel on the floor with her until their legs went numb because someone she loved was in more pain? It was the kind of love where she didn't have to explain herself because there was nothing to explain, because they would understand her or strive to do so without judgement.

She would not give it up for anything.

Jumin, gentle eyes still on her, switched out the cloth from her hand with an ointment. "How much scrubbing are you trying to do to him? You're flooding the floor." He bent down and used the cloth to wipe the water pooling before her knees, his knuckle skimming her skin, a contact that sent a pleasant shiver through her body.

She gave his hand a gentle squeeze, silent gratitude for what he had said to Jihyun. There was love in Jumin's words. She could hear it as she could read it in her own actions, as Jihyun could feel it through their care. They loved each other so, so much, and she knew that if they were offered a chance to find a better friend, none of them would have taken it. No one was like the two men, and no one was like her.

Jumin tilted his head up to her and nodded with a smile. With Jumin, it was always the words unsaid that spoke the most volume.

"She could polish me until I'm shiny," suggested Jihyun.

Jumin straightened his back. "That's impossible. You're not a statue."

She shrugged. "He looks like one."

"Oh no, that can't be." Jihyun waved it away. "Jumin is more handsome than me."

She took a swab of the ointment and applied it generously to Jihyun's bruising cheek. "All right, if you're going to be humble, then I'll proudly announce myself as the most beautiful one here."

"While that is true, I didn't say I was going to be modest," Jumin jumped in.

She opened the iodine's cap, the strong biting smell stinging her nose, and dabbed it on the cuts on Jihyun's forehead and chin before covering them with bandages. "But you did agree that I'm the best, so no point in making a point of your handsomeness now."

"She's right, you know," Jihyun said.

Jumin grunted and stood up, apparently done with his help. "Why do you always pick her side over mine?"

Jihyun grinned. "Just following my heart."

She patted his shoulder after she finished applying salve to his split lip. "You're all patched up. Just be careful for the next few days."

"Forever," Jumin corrected.

"You two are incorrigible." Jihyun laughed and shook his head. It was a lilting, melodious sound that she never wanted to lose from memory. "I will be more careful in the future. Please believe me this time."

She and Jumin shared a look. His steady belief in Jihyun did seem to strengthen Jihyun's resolve in himself. She knew the change would not be instantaneous, but the fact that he listened already spoke a lot about his usually obstinate character. How could one affect another so greatly? She saw her wonder reflected in Jumin's expression.

"I'll believe you," she said.

"So will I," said Jumin. "Since we have toiled into the night for you, it would be appropriate to commemorate this moment. May I use your camera?"

Jihyun gestured at him good-naturedly while sitting up. "Go ahead. Just turn the setting to automatic."

She and Jihyun shared knowing looks and suppressed their giggles as they waited for Jumin who was busy tackling the buttons and adjusting the lens. Jumin's eyebrows were furrowed in concentration, occasionally looking through the viewfinder only to alter the settings again. Why he didn't ask Jihyun for help she couldn't fathom. Perhaps he wanted the satisfaction of succeeding in figuring it out alone.

Finally, he looked up with a smirk. "I'm all set. Do get into position now."

"You don't want to be in the picture?" she asked.

"I shall try to be Jihyun tonight. I'm eager to find out why he's willing to put his life on the line for this." Jumin gave Jihyun a pointed stare, which Jihyun returned with a wince.

She chuckled to herself, mesmerised by how easily Jumin could get annoyed by Jihyun's antics, and yet it was impossible to find another love as pure as theirs, and how they welcomed her with open arms. Now that she knew with whom she belonged, everywhere else felt foreign. In this friendship they had, she was not a trespasser and did not have to cross any line; there was never a line to begin with. They accepted her and loved her, as simple as that.

She settled into a relaxed pose, folding her legs into a cross while still sitting on the floor. She placed an elbow on top of Jihyun's knees and looked up at him, her chin in her palm. With a smile, he caressed her hair and placed his hand on her shoulder, angling his body close enough that her head could lay against his chest if she dared to.

Jumin watched them with patience and fondness. They were all happy at this moment—yes, yes, they were. It was almost more important that they could capture this present joy than the scene itself; if only feelings could be frozen and preserved. Was this the reason Jihyun took pictures? At the count of three, they both smiled into the camera and the flash went off.

The result?

It was not even a question worth asking.

Of course it was blurred.

Footnotes:

The theme of this story is becoming better because of the people you love. I know Jihyun is the type who can hurt himself even though it hurts his loved ones, but that's when he's at his worst with Rika. I'd like to think that surrounded by the right people, he could be influenced to be better. When I was younger, I thought it was impossible to be deeply changed by anyone and that it'd be a bad thing if we were, but I've learned that it isn't always. We can bring a good impact on others' lives too.

Hardest one to write yet because I'd never written about love this honest and fond before, but I had fun doing it although I wanted to scream whenever I got stuck articulating the feeling. The platonic side was easy, however, since it was my love for my best friend that I poured into Jumin and Jihyun. Sometimes I really do believe that our souls are intertwined—no one can see through me the way she can and vice versa, and I admire her for everything that she is. This is my love letter for her of sorts. I wouldn't be who I am without her.

Now I NEED to talk about the header. I thought it fitting to use paintings that feel intimate and vulnerable, and purposely didn't give MC any physical attributes to be more inclusive (fought the urge to project my characteristics to feel like the main character). MC has a painting of a red rose that stands out among 2 white roses because she brings colour to the twin soul best friends. Jumin has 2 silhouettes watching a lonely shadow go. Jihyun has a close-up of a man with bright brushstrokes looking out forlornly. The background is crimson red to match the intensity of their love. I literally cannot be chill I will think about everything this is how I have fun.

Buy me a glass of something that's definitely not coffee because I can't stand it but it is the website's name if my story touches you in some way? No worries if you don't. I'm still grateful you've read all the way through here.

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