#truescholar.txt

[holygroundgone]

Thinking about how Chu Wanning's love for Mo Ran is so fundamental to him that despite never intentionally desiring a relationship with him and purposely distances himself he still honors his love and expresses it constantly in the most subtle and unspoken of ways (snuffing out incense when mo ran is around, keeping the brocade pouch and treasuring the handkerchief and any gifts from mo ran in general in secret, trying to indulge and engage in his interests by infodumping what he knows about the dishes they're eating, intentionally giving him the dumpling with the coin in it)

#truescholar.txt #mo ran is his oshi imo cwn has an internal list of facts and details he knows about mo ran #if mo ran was a celebrity he'd have all the merch watch and tape all the shows know all the facts by heart anonymously discourage rumors #in a very pure way #i think chu wanning would love the distance of fan-celebrity #chu wanning doesn't simp openly but never make the mistake: he IS a simp for mo ran

[holygroundgone]

I'm not super crazy into cumplane or anything but I do genuinely think on a cosmic and thematic level they are soulmates . them and their fictional proxy husbands

#truescholar.txt #I LIKE bingyuan and moshang more on a general level but also those ships are proxy to cumplane so

[holygroundgone]

just absolutely fucking obsessed with the 0.5 evil marriage bad end deep in love deep in suffering of it all, everything that could've possibly went wrong went wrong and they're in it together

#truescholar.txt #the way that from the beginning of the book mo ran absolutely portrays it as him one sidedly tormenting chu wanning out of hate #but slowly it unfolds the realization of the sheer degree of intimacy and 'you would not be fucking doing that if you just hated his ass' #it's strongly been my conviction that once chu fei realized what was going on and 2.0 chu wanning inherited his souls and memory #thus meaningfully continuing his existence on (and i want to think it's a more complete continuation unlike soma level memory self shit) #that his perception of their years together in taxian jun's palace would completely change #and that he would almost treasure the time they had together even if during it was the most painful and agonizing time of his life #toxic trauma bond moments but they were in it together #and mo ran would've never done this to him in this way (ie the illusion of not loving him deeply in body heart and soul) #2ha is definitely not a moral tale nor an 'example of what you should or can do in a relationship' #but instead the story of how two deeply mentally ill and traumatized people fought their hardest to find their way home together #over two lifetimes #over many lives lost and regained #it truly only works because it's them and because they have the exact same kind of madness for each other

[holygroundgone]

I can't really get interested in any ships involving shi mei, xue meng/shi mei in particular feels too shallow, i might not like shi mei as a person but i think the ideal is someone who loves him for what a rotten and twisted cunt he is and xue meng is just not capable of being that person.

any mixture of shi mei with mo ran or chu wanning is no good if it breaks the main couple and frankly i don't think chu wanning would allow shi mei anywhere near mo ran postcanon.

In an alternate setting it still feels too out of character for anything but toxic situationships with mo ran or weird toxic yandere-type situations with chu wanning, but shi mei is the most lukewarm half assed flavor of that compared to mo ran, so what's the point

I guess the closest i can imagine to a compelling dynamic would be shi mei and hua binan, the incredibly toxic almost incestuous evil-mommy evil-older-sibling "you're repulsive to me because i don't want to become you" deep understanding of each other, the terror and revulsion and taking advantage of each other through dual cultivation, one of the most disgusting forms of their marginalization... there is a lot you could explore there, there's definitely no possibility of it being healthy but at least it would be interesting

#truescholar.txt #i just don't think there's any character in canon that has an existing dynamic or interaction with shi mei #that would make a good pair with him

[holygroundgone]

Games like persona 5 or genshin impact are so exciting and fun to play when I'm first completing all the content and going through the story, but I find that later on when the excitement has worn off I'm not left with much of an impression of them, I'm not left thinking about them afterwards... They lack the depth necessary to make me obsessed

#truescholar.txt #i say this though games like dqb2 or chulip might lack depth they have such immense charisma and atmosphere and meaning outside of the text #or maybe they just become more personally meaningful to me.. maybe because they're less popular? #maybe i'm just a contrarian.. but no dqb2 and chulip are soooooooooooooooooo

[holygroundgone]

AND WHEN IT COMES TO CHU WANNING

His mental illness is very much a big part of his character!

His strong moral convictions and stoicism and asceticism are only compounded by his strong belief that he's an inherently insufficient person, that he's too stiff and harsh and ugly to be liked by other people.

You can point at his disciples and Xue Zhengyong and say that belief is misplaced, but is it really? His perception of the world and the way it reacts to him is incurably pessimistic, yes, but it's true that people avoid him. Chu Wanning's disciples might genuinely like him but all three have their reasons for avoiding him or acting aloof with him.

It isn't enough to break past his existing convictions. He is not going to act in a way not backed up by his own perception of how the world is and how it reacts to him.

If he believes he is unlovable and too old and ugly why on earth would he ever open up in the slightest about his feelings for Mo Ran? His sense of propriety as a shizun and in general is very strong. He wants to do things the right way because he feels like because it's himself, if he doesn't do it the right way it will be unforgivable.

His incredibly low self esteem is something he has come to terms with in his life and has accepted as a matter of course.

There's no point in apologizing or making excuses for himself when it'll only make him look like a hypocrite when he continues to act in the only way he has ever learned to be. There's no point in softening himself if it'll only result in him being thrown away. He's lived this way so long, wouldn't he look insane to change now? And if he did, what would it reveal about him to other people?

I also see a lot of people castigating Chu Wanning for his attachment to a young Mo Ran which I feel is unfair given:

1. He actively distances himself from Mo Ran and does his best to avoid showing him favor because of his infatuation (which ironically causes a lot of the mishaps in the book but i would say he tries to act responsibly in regards to this) and successfully shows no signs of this attachment that anyone and especially Mo Ran can recognize

2. He's aware that he's like this because Mo Ran is from his perspective the first person who chose him for him, is unyieldingly kind and affectionate despite Chu Wanning's instinctive hedgehog spikes. He's aware that it's his own pathetic failing for being such a lonely person.

3. It's explicitly stated that he never wanted anything to come of it, he never actually rationally wanted to be with Mo Ran beyond what his heart impulsively yearned for which he constantly got upset with himself for

The way that he punishes Mo Ran and uses physical violence on him especially impulsively when triggered by anger at Mo Ran's indecency or by his own jealousy is awful, a marked character flaw, but I think it's somewhat understandable when you consider the only example he had for a shizun in his life.

Huaizui is shown at the end of the memory scroll (and i would consider Huaizui's memory scroll to be incredibly (likely unconsciously) emotionally manipulative on his part, constructed in a very specific way that reveals Huaizui's flawed perspective) to react with impulsive anger and violence to Chu Wanning's disobedience. I really have to doubt that it was the first time he reacted in such a way.

I think through reverse engineering there have to be some of Chu Wanning's character flaws that must've come from Huaizui's upbringing- impulsive violence, the uselessness of apologies and excuses, hiding himself, an inability to do chores and basic self-care

Huaizui's few pieces of memories of a young Chu Wanning are interesting- in them Chu Wanning acts like a 'completely normal' and sweet child, but the Chu Wanning we know is naturally fussy, extremely stubborn with strong convictions and picky. In other words, he is autistic. But the child Chu Wanning in these memories shows very little sign of these traits. Did he change completely after what Huaizui put him through at the end there? Was every moment they shared exactly like those sweet and easy moments in the memories?

I really doubt it.

I think those memories were Huaizui's favorite moments with his undeserved disciple. His less favorite moments are easy to imagine, and so are his reactions to them. Chu Wanning was someone he always thought of with a dehumanizing and almost possessive sense of mind- "this piece of wood that I carved for the sake of absolving my sins". Any guilt he feels in thinking of a child in this way was clearly deserved and equally clearly not enough to stop him from locking him up in a cave and telling him to carve out his core.

Chu Wanning's self-dehumanization had to have come from somewhere, and I don't think it only started there at the end of their relationship.

Impulsive violence in reaction to disobedience is what Chu Wanning learns from a young age. And even then after whipping Mo Ran for plucking Madam Wang's rare flower he still questions himself and is questioning what he's done.

I do think that it's a flaw Chu Wanning still needs to learn and grow out of given that in postcanon after two years of living together he still whips Taxian-Jun- something the man is clearly terrified of.

In general I think ranwan have a lot to grow and develop from postcanon before they can be a genuinely healthy couple but given that from the bottom of their hearts they want the best for each other and for the other to be happy at any cost to their own person... I think they are going to make it.

#2ha spoilers #uhhh just to be safe #truescholar.txt

[holygroundgone]

i was spiralling the other day thinking about how yoohankim are like an ouroboros of love and harassment and sacrificing everything they have for each other though obviously somewhat centered on kdj the connection between hsy and yjh makes me brainblast. what if part of yjh's love and desire (not to take away his agency) to see kdj living is influenced by hsy's extreme drive to make ways of survival a story that would keep kdj alive the same way the story loves him and exists for him just as much as he loves it and exists for it and part of that love is how much he loves yjh and through loving the story he loves hsy too and 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫

#truescholar.txt

[holygroundgone]

my convictions that mo ran physically needs to have his fingers inside chu wanning's mouth (at least 3 separate scenes written) wins yet again today. 2 for 2

#truescholar.txt #how else do you think his silly ass was mapping out the exact dimensions of that tight little mouth?????? #fingerfucking his mouth friday

[holygroundgone]

On the incredibly heated debate of "who's cock is bigger, luo binghe or mo ran?" I will always rule in favor of luo binghe on the metric of mo ran's dick immensity having never caused him grief

#truescholar.txt #now i won't lie the circumstances were dire however even in his most dire of states chu wanning was able to survive mo ran's cock #at its cruelest and most evil #and i would also consider chu wanning an especially tight person; shen yuan won't win that competition #however it is also necessary to take into account technique and lubrication methods #however taxian jun would've been going at it as raw and rough as possible so in that regard even bingmei's lack of experience wouldn't #be necessary to take into account #IN ADDITION there is of course the 'chu wanning pussy' factor in which i can argue that very little would change if chu wanning had a pussy #the entire time 'see; coquettish smell emanating from his undergarments' and frankly i see shen yuan/shen qingqiu as someone with a dick- #but anyways all of that is a completely moot point given that it wasn't just the dick that killed him in that scene (barely remembering) it #was xin mo's out of control energy he channelled out of luo binghe's body through dual cultivation and- #anyways all of that aside i do truly believe luo binghe has the bigger dick but he is burdened by it whereas #mo ran just has a massive fucking cock that has gotten rave reviews and he is confident in using it #congratulations chu wanning!!!! congratulations shen yuan!!!!

[holygroundgone]

Important to preface this by saying that rosa is indeed a horrible mother and that her circumstances and stress and imposed pride and shame by her family are horrible but she is indeed still performing horribly as a mother within those circumstances...

But I genuinely think she could be a good family figure to maria if she was removed from the situation, like if one of her siblings adopted maria from her (unlikely for her or one of her siblings to go for this due to their family derangement and again sense of pride and need to pinpoint vulnerability and take advantage of it in each other) or in general someone competent was raising and taking care of maria things would be so much better.

I'm constantly impressed by the nuance of ryukishi07's writing ESPECIALLY when it comes to women ESPECIALLY the older women of umineko, there's just so much accuracy and understanding of the pathos and the difficulty and interlocking pieces of gender discrimination and gendered suffering and

the way that he specifically portrays rosa and maria feels so realistic especially reading it in the visual novel properly, the degrees to which a japanese mother of an autistic child is treated and feels and exists in japanese culture especially in the 80s is so nuanced while also fully portraying maria accurately and lovingly as an autistic child and honestly one of the most morally and emotionally "good" characters in the series while not overtly infantilizing her (for her age and not counting the way the characters around her infantilize her)

It's just such hypercompetent writing and the way that r07 writes all of this while mixing in such lighthearted and silly and sometimes ridiculously strangely horny moments is an absolute masterwork. I love you r07

#truescholar.txt #umi liveblog #the depth his characters has fucking blindsides me

[holygroundgone]

I must not buy pins. Pins are the wallet-killer. Pins are the wallet-death that bring total bankruptcy. I will face my desire. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone bought I will click the refresh button to see its path. Where the pins have gone there will be no money. Only my merchbux will remain.

#truescholar.txt #ok but for real pins are the one type of merch that i die for and love but try so hard to keep from buying because what am i going to do #with them!!!! #too valuable to wear but somewhat lackluster in display compared to standees and plushies (my opinion) #PLEASE don't remind me of how uniquely beautiful and shiny and gorgeous and well designed they are i am holding on by a thread #not even just the price the way they have to be one of the most elusive and limited edition-feeling types of merch would drive me into #insanity #i'm already at the end of my rope with my current inability to acquire taxian jun plushie #i can't take much more 🥹

[holygroundgone]

Man if you don't like binghe do you even actually like svsss?

#truescholar.txt #it's just such a lack of understanding of him and his character #i feel like a lack of understanding of mental illness and especially personality disorders really hamper a person's ability to understand #characters like binghe #i feel like this is the case with chu wanning too #if you don't understand that cwn is autistic and mentally ill you're like #why does he act this way why is he so dumb and can't just communicate #😔 he doesn't really have a choice #and binghe also doesn't really have a choice in how he is either #i like bingliushen but something about the way liushen feels like people trying to find a less toxic partner for sqq #it rankles me

[holygroundgone]

This is truly a cunt4cunt homophobe4homophobe relationship. I also love Xie Qingcheng's levelheaded perception of his own age versus 27 year old Chu Wanning's self-castigation as a decrepit and cobwebbed old man

#liveblog #case files compendium #ahhhh since i made nico pass this account over to me truescholar.text no longer fits as a post tag #oh well #truescholar.txt #i'll still be sharing this blog with him #he yu providing driving and atm service is he trying to outdaddy daddy

[holygroundgone]

thinking about modern chu wanning and mo ran playing games together, in general chu wanning is incredibly good at the games he plays and even prides himself on his reflexes and ability whereas mo ran more often than not is focusing entirely on having fun playing with cwn, teasing him, getting him silly little gifts, making them cute houses and decorating the intense minmaxing resource gathering gameplay chu wanning is doing

in minecraft they get into a rhythm of chu wanning mining and exploring while mo ran stays at their base and develops it and makes gardens for his wanning (his favorite biome is the cherry blossoms especially because they remind him of cwn) and cwn will ask mo ran if there are any specific resources he needs (types of wood, biome specific items ect) so he can go out and gather them for him. mo ran will make cute farms that cwn inevitably overbreeds into loud mooing messes because he needs the leather for his enchanting table's bookcases. he personally enchants mo ran an entire set of armor and tools so he'll be safe when he wanders outside their base, and checks up on him when his own armor breaks but it takes a lot longer for mo ran because again he's mostly developing their base

playing stardew valley and chu wanning is hardcore automating their farm, until he gets the sprinklers he's managing crops that take him all day and all his energy to water (mo ran pitches in of course) and scheduling fishing and caving in whereas mo ran is befriending all the townspeople (chu wanning gives him some of his farming and mining yields for this) and making their farm pretty while also serving as the wiki-checker. chu wanning assumes he's going to romance one of the characters only to be shocked stupid and flushing when mo ran ends up giving him a wedding ring

#truescholar.txt #2ha

[holygroundgone]

Strong conviction that modern chu wanning would get sucked so easily into becoming hyperfixated on video games. apex warrior with excellent dexterity power and control in the ancient era only to need prescription glasses from staring at a screen in a dark room for hours and hours and hours at a time because his instincts have been snatched up by cheap skinner box gameplay 😔

#truescholar.txt

[holygroundgone]

dungeon meshi (only ever calling it that) is such a fantastic fucking all rounder, it really feels perfect, in fact it almost feels a little too perfect, it's so good and delicious and frankly uncontroversial and palatable despite the high threshold of tasteful but immense horniness, i truly feel like ryoko kui alchemized pure gold

#i wonder if i would've gotten into it in a fandom way if i'd come to it a long time ago #as of now my threshold for obsession is so much higher and to be honest at least a little bit based in 'if it's too popular/ i can't have a #personal relationship with the media it won't work that way for me' #something like that #i would actually argue that it's TOO uncontroversial which is a strange complaint to have #especially when it's not actually sterile or intentionally uncontroversial at all #but perhaps it just doesn't have that special kind of derangement that appeals to me directly #maybe part of it is how palatable and easy to eat it is... #incredibly good design and incredibly good writing packed up into perfect bite sized portions and morsels #but it's not derangedly dense in a way that begs rereading #honestly though i think dungeon meshi is perfect exactly the way it is; i'm not using the word perfect lightly #but perhaps that's also why; there's not that gap; that slight incompleteness #that begs your mind and drives it to madness... perhaps? #despite all this text about why i'm not obsessed with it i truly do consider it a rare 10/10 #truescholar.txt #speaking as someone who followed the manga from very early on #fantasy monster meals is just so genius #cooking is one of my favorite fucking genres of manga its always so fucking good #kissing the person translating oishinbo on mangadex directly on the mouth