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star-anise · 4 years

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Oh dear, I’m sorry to bother you, but I would like to ask for your advice on something related to several of your top posts- Are there any cues that one would be able to observe within themselves that could help with a diagnosis of, well, being gifted? I’ve been told as such my entire life, but due to the number of students that are superior to me, I’ve come to doubt what was previously thought of me; I fear I might become obsolete.

I feel the need to answer a different question than the one you’ve asked. I think it will still help. I’m going to use IQ here, for all that it’s an intensely flawed measure, because it’s well-researched and we can do math with it.

“Giftedness”, as most school systems define it, is more than two standard deviations (SDs) above the norm. Because of how bell curves work, that’s approximately the top 2% of intelligence. The higher intelligence goes, the rarer. Which is to say if people are randomly distributed, the odds are that every 50 people will produce 1 person 2 SDs above the norm. However, the higher you go up, the rarer it gets. Above 3 SDs is 0.01%, which is 1 in every ten thousand. Above 4 SDs is 1 in every thirty thousand. You would need to comb a randomly-populated city of a million people before you could come up with enough people to fill a classroom of 30 people–and they would be every age, from infancy to centennarian.

Which is to say: The smarter you are, the less likely you are to ever meet anyone else as smart as you when you’re young. This means that you’re very likely to define “being smart” as “always being the smartest person in the room”. And if your peers treat you as weird and your teachers fixate on your intelligence, you may come to associate “being smart” as “my entire reason for having worth in this world.”

So as long as you keep seeking higher education and greater challenge–as long as you keep going towards those magnets that draw other people of high intelligence–the odds slowly increase that someday, you’ll meet people as smart as you, if not smarter.

And for a lot of us there’s a really rude shock where suddenly we’re not the smartest person in the room, and the internal dominos start to fall: If I’m not the smartest, am I even smart? If I’m not smart, do I even have a use anymore? What do I even have to offer the world now that I’m stupid???

I hit that level in high school, when I sought out an IB school and met Matt, who would be my best friend for the next three years. Matt hit that level when he went to university to study physics, and realized he was the least-intelligent person in a professor’s lab. Occasionally I’ll meet people who appear not to have had that experience yet–who are either awkwardly humble about it, or deeply arrogant. For some of them, I am the first person they have ever met who’s smarter than them, and they generally either crumble into self-hatred and self-doubt, or they light up and go, “Oh my god! You’re like me!”

It is very definitely possible to remind yourself that you are still smart, still capable, and still worthwhile. But I would encourage you to use this as an opportunity to also branch out.

Most other kids, when they were very young, hit challenges they couldn’t master–and they learned how to feel good about themselves anyway. They might not have been the smartest, they reasoned, but at least… they made their friends laugh. They coloured pictures in a way that satisfied them. They tried very hard. They loved dancing to music. They liked to feed the family pet. They could define themselves by many different experiences and relationships, and find sources of self-confidence and pleasure that had nothing to do with school or intelligence.

If you’re using words like “obsolete”, it sounds like you didn’t get that. You missed out on the opportunity to get to define yourself as having worth and function in a variety of ways; to be complete and self-justified just for being alive.

This is a really important thing. It’s essential to a world of human rights. We’ve tried worlds where people had to justify their existence–you have to be this hardworking to deserve medical care; you have to be this virtuous to deserve peace and happiness; you have to be this intelligent to be allowed to propagate your genes. And overwhelmingly? They result in human misery. To allow a world where you can be deemed “obsolete” and lose all right to community, happiness, self-worth, or meaningful work, is to allow a world where suffering is the default state. And, well–some people are, but I am not okay with that.

So I am accordingly not okay with the amount of pain, isolation, and self-hatred you’ve lived with. I think that no matter how smart you were or weren’t, you should have been treated as worthwhile and lovable regardless of you performance. I think you should always have had friends who understood you and didn’t think you were weird. I think you should have been given chances to try something you didn’t completely have the abilities to master, and been able to fail at it and learn to be okay with failure, in a way that reinforced that you were fundamentally good, lovable, and capable of doing good and worthwhile things.

It is a lot harder to go back and do that work now that you’re an adult. The same way it’s harder to learn a second language for a first time as an adult than as a six-year-old, it’s a lot harder to learn these emotional skills. Your brain’s emotional systems are hugely dominated by the formative experiences you had as a child. It might take pain, doubt, questioning, outside help, finding a counsellor who works with Gifted adults, or trying medical treatment for depression or anxiety to get there.

Anyway, to answer your original question: It can be really grounding to get out of the rarified air of academia and get in touch with adults who didn’t have to score incredibly well on tests to be there. If you go to something not selected for academic prowess–a general adult exercise class, or knitting group, or community group, or bowling league–you’ll see the incredible diversity of intellects, personalities, and life experiences. You might meet people as smart as you, who have great careers and blow off steam through this recreation; smart people whose life has led them down a non-academic path; people of normal intelligence, who nonetheless have robust lives and interests and concerns and are a lot less excruciating to talk to than carefully age-matched peers of your childhood; and people with cognitive impairments or developmental delays that mean they need special accommodation to be able to happily live, but do nonetheless manage it.

In short: Get out of your own head, because there are very few reference points, and find yourself in a wider social matrix that isn’t rigidly sorted by test score.

I was also immeasurably helped as a teenager by joining a nerdy hobby (medieval re-enactment) full of Gifted adults who would sit around the fire and tell me the unexpected stories of their lives (”I was a smart kid, but then in uni I discovered that being a graduate student in chemistry is awful, so I became a teacher. Then I met my wife and fell in love, so I moved to Canada to be with her, and Canada won’t accept my teaching license and I don’t want to go back to school and be poor. So now I’m the assistant manager of a bookstore”). These served as a powerful antidote to the message that if I wasn’t on a “30 Under 30″ list of blazing comets taking the world by storm, I was a complete failure.

I can’t give you my own experiences, but I can suggest some places to look for those antidotes: Late Bloomers by Rich Karlgaard, What Should I Do With My Life? by Po Bronson, and The Gifts of Imperfection by Brené Brown.

#staranise original #former gifted child anonymous #turntechhgodhead

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jacobtheloofah · 7 years

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turntechhgodhead replied to your post “yells-at-cats replied to your photoset “So as per the last anon,...”

eat your nuts Jacob.

you cant tell me what to do

#turntechhgodhead #jacob replies

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heavymetalstims · 7 years

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a dragon stimboard focused around purple/blue? (no reversed gifs please) (can you @ me in it also please) (love the stimboards btw youre amazing)

posted!

#turntechhgodhead

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valiantpip · 7 years

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aesthetic asks!!

flower crown: when did you last sing to yourself?probably the other night

fairy lights: if a crystal ball could tell you the truth about anything, what would you want to know?no idea tbh

daisies: what is the greatest accomplishment of your life?i’m a pro genji

1975: what is the first happy memory that comes to mind, recent or otherwise?answered

matte: if you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living?i have no idea how i would react

black nail polish: do you have a bucket list? if so, what are the top three things?nah

pantone: describe a person close to your life in detail.dako is super sweet, loving, funny, cute, and [insert every other positive adjective here]

moodboard: do you feel you had a happy childhood?not really

stars: when did you last cry in front of another person?i don’t remember

plants: pick a person to stargaze with you and explain why you picked them.dako, who else would i pick other than my so

converse: would you ever have a deep conversation with a stranger and open up to them?not really

lace: when was your last 3am conversation with someone, and who were they to you?i have conversations with people at 3am every night

handwriting: if you were about to die, and you could only say one more sentence to one person, what would you say and to whom?too deep

cactus: what is your opinion on brown eyes?invariably pretty, especially dako’s

sunrise: pick a quote and describe what it means to you personally.“failure will never overtake me if my determination to succeed is strong enough” i’m powerful and i refuse to give up

oil paints: what would you title the autobiography of your life so far?depression

overalls: what would you do with one billion dollars?buy a house big enough for myself and all my friends to live in, and pay for all of them to be able to go to college (if they want to), then save a bunch so i can buy, flip, and sell houses for profit

combat boots: are you a very forgiving person? do you like being this way?i’m generally forgiving in the case of someone doing small things, but if they do something big i tend to hold a grudge, whether i like it or not

winged eyeliner: write a hundred word letter to your twelve year old self. imagine the words “you’re a fucking idiot” pasted 25 times

pastel: would you describe yourself as more punk or pastel?punk i guess???

tattoos: how do you feel about tattoos and piercings? explain.they work for other people but i don’t personally want any

piercings: do you wear a lot of makeup? why/why not?no because i dont know how to use it and i hate the feeling of it on my face anyway, plus i don’t even own any

bands: talk about a song/band/lyric that has affected your life in some way.“i am not afraid to keep on living” alone strengthened my resolve and basically helped me to convince myself that i would be able to keep on living and someday be happy, even if it would be a fight to get there

messy bun: the world is listening. pick one sentence you would tell them.[pip voice] huh?

cry baby: list the concerts you have been to and talk about how they make you feel.cheetah girls when i was 8 years old was weird but i had fun. video games live when i was 14 was the coolest shit i’ve ever experienced

grunge: who in the world would you most like to receive a letter from and what would you want it to say?letters are for nerds

space: do you have a desk/workspace and how is it organised/not organised?yes, absolutely not organized

white bed sheets: what is your night time routine?stay up until i want to die, go to sleep

old books: what’s one thing you don’t want your parents to know?anything about me? i hate my parents

beaches: if you had to dye your hair how would you dye/style it and why?bright blue, specifically #0066ff, and if i had to style it differently i’d go with an undercut, with the shaved part still black

eyes: pick five people to go on an excursion with you. who would you pick and where would you go/what would you do? dako, geki, elly, j9, lexi, and jet (had to add one more), i would figure out with the rest of the group where we should go because just deciding myself wouldnt be cool

11:11: name three wishes and why you wish for them.i wish for depression to go away because it can eat a fucking dick.i wish for my friends to all live near each other (and me) and be financially stable because who wouldn’t wish for thati wish for new swords because i can’t think of anything else

painting: what is the best halloween costume you have ever put together? if none, make one up.one time my mom made me wear a peter pan costume and told me it was link and it pissed me off. i was 4

lightning: what’s the worst thing you’ve ever done while drunk or high?nothing because alcohol and drugs are stupid

thunder: what’s one thing you would never do for one million dollars?lots of things

storms: you on only listen to one song for the rest of your life, or only see one person for the rest of your life. which and why? only one song because it’s a lot less of an impact on my capability to like actually live a life. i’d probably listen to bittersweet tbh

love: have you ever fallen in love? describe what it feels like to realise you’re in love.yeah, with dako. i don’t remember what it felt like because there wasn’t any particular moment

clouds: if you’re a boy, would you ever rock black nail polish? if you’re a girl, would you ever rock really really short hair?i’m neither because gender is for fools.

coffee: what’s your starbucks order, and who would you trust to order for you, if anyone?starbucks more like starfucks

marble: what is the most important thing to you in your life right now?getting the fuck out of this hellhole of a house and making dako happy

#asks #turntechhgodhead

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valiantpip · 7 years

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ask meme 👀

Vanilla Chai Latte : Are you in love?AbsolutelyFlat White : Coffee or Tea?Neither. BlehCappuccino : What’s your middle name?D’Metri. Mocha : Dream Job?Game designer. Pumpkin Spice : Dream car?Literally the only thing in cars i give a shit about is gas mileage so whatever has high gas mileage.Jasmine Tea : If you could go anywhere in the world, where would it be and why?Probably California? Most of my friends live there.Old English : You’re stranded on an island, who do you bring with you?Dako.Iced Chocolate : Do you have a crush on someone?I guess you could say I doCaramel Frappe : Favorite video game?Oh boy. This one’s a list. Zelda: Wind Waker, Kingdom Hearts 2, Darkest Dungeon, Dragon’s Dogma, Persona 4, Bloodborne, and Nooner(ask me what this is in a pm or off anon)

Iced Lemon Tea : Favorite song/band?Bittersweet and Hallelujah by P!atDIced Cafe Mocha : Favorite thing to do on rainy days?Video games, same as every other dayHot Chocolate : Are you an affectionate person?I’m outrageously affectionateCaramel Macchiato : You’re travelling the entire world but you can only take one person with you. Who do you take?DakoGreen Tea : How tall are you?5′9″ or 5′10″Early Grey Tea : The inevitable Zombie Apocalypse is upon us! What’s your plan of action?I have swords so I could handle the actual fighting aspect but my first thing would be to find a consistent, non-perishable source of food.Mint Tea : How do you relax?I sleep if I just need to relaxVanilla Latte : Board games or drinking games?Board gamesIced Coffee : Do you like reading? If so, what’s your favorite book?Yes, and the entire Inheritance SagaItalian Soda : Describe your dream dateAnything with Dako tbhSparkling Water : Describe what qualities you look for in a personNo ideaOrange Juice : Have you ever had a valentine?Yes, it was Dako. Who would’ve guessed?!Rose Hip Tea : Describe your first kissI kissed Dako on the night we actually met irlHerbal Tea : You’re at a candle shop, what scented candle do you buy? None because candles give me headaches

#turntechhgodhead

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ot3-old · 11 years

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turntechhgodhead replied to your post: ecttobiologist: ecttobiologi...

WE HAVE ONE OF THOSE IN MY CITY. HE HAS THIS INCREDIBLY TALL GREEN BIKE AND JUST. CYCLES AROUND IN SUSPENDERS AND A BOW TIE.

HAHAHA RAD!

i love colorful people there are so many in my town

there's this guy that constantly walks around with a cane in 1930s era attire. one day i was downtown and i bought a toy lightsaber and the challenged me to a swordfight with his cane.

i've never talked to him

#turntechhgodhead #chat

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valiantpip · 8 years

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pippy do the questions!!! ily

1) how would you describe your relationship with your mom/dadBad. Horrible. Hate them both and I can’t wait to never speak to them again.

2) when was the last time you cried and whyI don’t actually remember?

3) whats your favorite/least favorite quality about yourself; whyMy favorite quality is my ability to think logically in most situations and my least favorite is that I occasionally fail to consider others’ emotions when I say or do things because something seems to be the most “efficient” solution to a problem

4) do you smile at strangersSometimes

5) how often do people (not family members) tell you they love youQuite a bit

6) how is your life different now from two years agoI’m not in hell school and i’m with dako and i have a job

7) would you ever cheat on someone Absolutely not

8) are you a jealous personI don’t think so?

9) whats the worst pickup line someone has asked youDako sent me a ton of homestuck pick up lines when we first met. like. fucking 40 of them

10) do you believe in ghostsNot really

11) what are your ambitionsI wanna make a video game!

12) 3 deal breakers in a relationshipWhat the fuck does this mean

13) what is one thing you’ll never do againTry to breathe in through a brass instrument. It’s fucking nasty

14) whats your most bizarre pet peeveI don’t know???

15) what is your favorite memoryTelling dako I liked faer

16) whats your zodiac signLeo

17) what ‘small things’ things terrify youSpiders and scorpions are pretty small

18) do you like your laughNot really

19) have you ever stalked someone/been stalkedNo???

20) do you feel lovedYes, more than I ever have

#turntechhgodhead

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valiantpip · 8 years

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pippy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! do them All.

chocolate: when was your first kiss?6-23-16, the day i met dako irlfrench vanilla: how old are you?231 monthscotton candy: three places you want to travel to?Japan, California, Germanystrawberry: a language you wish you could speak?The only right answer to this question is “every single one”coffee: favorite cosmetic brands?mint chocolate chip: indoors or outdoors?Indoors. Outdoors are for WEENIEScookie dough: do you play any instruments?Trombone, euphonium, and very slight tubarocky road: favorite songs at the moment?SuMo soundtrack, Persona 5 soundtrackbutter pecan: favorite songs for life?Bittersweet by P!atD, Here Comes a Thought from Steven Universe, Alpha Dog by Fall Out (my longest yeah) Boy (ever), Hopes and Dreams from Undertale, Life Will Change from Persona 5cheesecake: what's your zodiac sign?Leotoasted coconut: the beach or the pool?The beachchocolate chip: what's your most popular post?http://valiantpip.tumblr.com/post/150305982322/when-the-persona-5-ost-leaksbubblegum: books or movies?Moviespistachio: manga or anime?Animesalted caramel: favorite movies?The marvel ones tbhbirthday cake: favorite books?Inheritance Cycle, Percy Jackson books, Harry Pottermoose tracks: favorites for manga?I don’t have the focus to read any comic-format stuff so I don’t read mangaorange sherbet: favorites for anime?Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood, Soul Eaterpeanut butter: favorite academic subject?Science (did someone say... peanut butter?*)black raspberry: do you have any pets?Cocoa is a smelly chocolate lab and honey is a lovely little yellow lab (i’ll reblog this with pictures of them in a bit)mango: when and why did you start your blog?Roomie told me to in like. late 2013?mocha: ideal weather conditions?Raining non-dangerous lava from the sky just because it would look coolblack cherry: four words that describe you?Swords, powerful, logical, sweetneapolitan: things that stress you out?Breathingraspberry truffle: favorite kind of music?The kind that’s in video gameschocolate marshmallow: favorite brands of candy?Twix, three musketeers, peanut butter cupstoffee: a card game that you're good at?Summoning my personalemon custard: do you eat breakfast?What the FUCK is breakfastdark chocolate: turn ons?The power buttonfudge: turn offs?Also the power buttonpeach: how do you relax?I’m usually unconscious when i relax because i’m asleeppraline: a popular book you haven't read yet?Like 99% of themsuperman: do you like sweaters?Bruh i fuckin love sweaterscherry: do you drink tea or coffee?No because tea is nasty and i’m allergic to coffeedulce de leche: an instrument you wish you could play?Soprano sax and violablackberry: have you ever laughed so hard you cried?Probablyginger: a new feature you wish tumblr could have?any degree of fucking functionality??????blueberry lemon: favorite blogs?fucalmond: favorite mean girls quote?I hate the movie Mean Girlsbutterscotch: what color are your nails right now?They’re clearcinnamon: have you ever been confessed to?Dako confessed gay to me like at least one timeblue moon: have you ever had a crush on someone?MAYBE. DONT TELL DAKOcappuccino crunch: do you take naps?I don’t remember the last time i wasn’t napping. helpmint: the most embarrassing thing you've ever done?Act like myselfbrownie batter: do you like sushi?That shits nastykey lime: where do you want to be right now?slepred velvet: do you wear prescription glasses?Nogreen tea: favorite flavors of ice cream?Chocolate and vanilla mixed together is the bomb.com

#turntechhgodhead

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valiantpip · 8 years

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do all the pkmn types,,,

Fire: What's something that you're more passionate about than you'd care to admit?My dude, if I don’t wanna admit it why would I admit it? Dragon: Are there any "urban legends" from where you live? What are they?Nah.Dark: Tell us about a time you had to face up to a fear.One time when I was a little kid some cockroach came out of a cabinet and chased me through the house so I jumped on top of a couch. I didn’t stop screaming.Ghost: When is the last time you were so surprised, you gasped?Every time I die in Overwatch whILE I HAVE THE DAMN REFLECT UP.Grass: Where do you feel you belong the most?Probably california.Poison: Name something you enjoy, but that no one else seems to.Fucking swords.Bug: What has changed about you in the past 5 years? What has not?I got a bit taller and I learned how to play video games.Normal: What are three of your favorite things in your everyday life?Always getting to hug and kiss dakoFairy: Tell us a story. Any story.One time I was watching power rangers in the living room of my grandma’s house (i was like 3) and my uncle walked into the house and he’s like “what are you watching dude” and I just triumphantly screamed “POWAH RANGUHS” (couldn’t make r sounds at all, it was adorable). He then told me that “Power rangers SUCK” so I responded by yelling “YOU SUCK” and punching him in the fucking nuts. Water: What do you do when you feel you need to be healed?I yell “I NEED HEALING”Ice: If you were to stop time to enjoy an activity, what would that thing be?SleepingFlying: Tell us about a moment when you gained perspective in life.I have every perspective.Psychic: Who truly understands you?DakodakodakodakoElectric: What do you think gets you out of bed in the morning?A combination of spite towards the world for making me depressed enough that it’s difficult and Dako being helpful and making my life feel fulfillingRock: Name three things your life revolves around most.Dako, video games, and sleepGround: Who helps you stay on the "right path"?A map.Steel: Name an opinion/practice you are adamant about, something you will not change.ALL MY FRIENDS ARE GREAT AND CUTE AND ADORABLE AND FLAWLESS. I LOVE ALL OF THEMFighting: What is something you desperately want to change?Persona 5′s release date probably

#turntechhgodhead

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